WWE TLC Gently Behind Live Blog 12/15/19

Andrade vs. Humberto Carrillo

ER: These are two guys who are perfect pre-show participants. And yes obviously Andrade should be past pre-show status, I'm just saying he's a guy who can be trusted to reliably put something hot on the pre-show. The pre-show on these cards deliver more often than not, settling firmly into the level of "Cool 8 minute Velocity match you watch at 1 AM while eating Taco Bell on a Saturday" and that's a great level to be at. Carrillo is a guy who will take death bumps on PPV, and you can tell these two really want to ignite this crowd. They did some dance sequences I actually liked, dug the way these two bounce off each other. Carrillo does indeed take a big bump, getting shoved off the top to the floor into an ad break. A big bump leading to an ad break did affect me as a child, always made that bump seem bigger, like they had to cut away from it as if something was wrong, not yet registering as just a good time for an ad. And pretty early we get a big cool spot where Andrade gets his knee hung up in the ropes, and Carrillo does his best Fenix attempt, climbs the ropes and dropkicks Andrade right in the eye. And Andrade's shutting bleeding eye shaped the rest of this match as something awesome. At first I thought Andrade was doing cool little selling touches, occasionally going to his eye as a guy who thought he might be cut, but then he was hitting back at Carrillo as a guy who WAS cut. Once I saw Andrade belt him on the turnbuckles, saw that closed eye, I was hooked. Everything had a little extra meaning to it, made Andrade look like a spaghetti western villain, firing off two knees into the corner. I thought they killed it down the stretch, not sure how many other matches will get this same kind of building crowd interest that this one grabbed. Carrillo's moonsault was the most flush I've ever seen him hit it, thought Andrade came off like a total badass even with the clean loss, and Andrade coming off like such a badass only made Carrillo's win look stronger. If anything else on this show is as cool as this match, then this will be a good show regardless.

Ladder Match: New Day vs. The Revival

ER: Well I thought this was fantastic. This felt like the best parts of grimy 2000s indy ladder matches, and the best parts of a hot southern tag brawl. Revival came off like real assholes and we get a great stretch of them using all of New Day's Looney Tunes tricks against them in violent fashion. All the brawling was looking snug anyway, but things kept getting better when they were catching New Day in their own game. Kofi tries some quick work around a ladder, New Day ends up just bashing the hell out of that ladder he tried to Bugs Bunny under; same happens when they sucker Big E into hitting a sick splash onto the apron. I liked seeing Revival one step ahead of the New Day, and it went on long enough that the crowd reaction to New Day kept swelling. When Kofi finally broke away and turned the tables by teeter tottering a ladder into Revival's faces, the fans chanting "Kofi! Kofi!" felt more like a great 80s territory babyface reaction than a modern one. They were so excited just to see Kofi finally get his chance to climb a ladder for those belts. It was great once Revival was finally not a step ahead, and Kofi's tricks started working, like his wild tornado DDT off a couple of weird rope leaps. The only minor drag of the match was a slowdown for a major ladder set up, but the big moments that resulted more than overcame that, I think. Big E hit his frankly incredible spear tope, falls off the top of a ladder with a Big Ending on Wilder, eats a suplex on a set up ladder, eats a splash through that same ladder, all sick stuff. Everybody takes stupid bumps, and tried dangerous things, but there was always a sense of build and I never got the sense anyone was getting back involved too quickly. This was a lot of dynamite, great old school hate but entertain vibe to the whole thing.

Buddy Murphy vs. Aleister Black

ER: Murphy sitting Indian style in front of Black made it look like he was looking at a mirror image of his own CAW, asking "hey what would I look like with Tattoo E setting?" And I keep wondering why things are looking better tonight, why guys look like they're really leaning into strikes and flying face first into ladders and going mouth first into ring steps, and then I notice guys keep getting busted open. And I will take it! Everybody on this card is working like they want to be noticed and a busted nose is something that can actually make me interested in a Buddy Murphy match! I still don't love all the dancey parts of this match - and there are going to be dancey moments in a Buddy Murphy match - but there are enough hard shots that added to the frenetic pace that most of this came off well. Murphy doing his silly DDR strikes before hitting a nasty brainbuster, is exponentially cooler when Aleister Black's nose leaves a blood smear on the mat. And I liked Murphy mixing up some of his regulars, like kicking Black quickly three times after trapping him in the buckles. And I love the gravity that Black Mass carries, really treated as the very end, and the dance fight that built to the Black Mass was fun (and I also like Murphy going for footstomps). Match was a real crowd pleaser, and while it's not my favorite style, I thought it delivered.

WWE having a KFC table at ringside is super 1995, really capturing a Coliseum Video kind of special feature. That's a level of desperation advertising WWE hasn't hit in awhile, and I appreciate that willingness to hustle. But dammmmmn was that a missed opportunity to have a couple of big ass vikings absolutely massacre that table, just pillage through those sides and wolf down every chicken leg there. Otis would have fucked that spread up.

Viking Raiders vs. The OC

ER: This was definitely the comedown match, but it wasn't a bad one. This played more like a Raw match that surprisingly delivered, but felt like a step down on this show. The OC are pretty dead as a tag team, and there were plenty of more interesting teams we could have seen out there even in a losing showcase. Because OC got to showcase some stuff here, it wasn't a beatdown by any means. And OC are a perfectly fine team, and so I guess it's fine to have the Raiders win a decisively in a mach like this. It was the cooldown, it didn't need to be as hot, it just needed to end with a big Hanson hot tag and that KFC family losing their table. I love how they instructed the actors to never stop eating, and act like the people aren't literally directly in front of you. These big dudes were fighting right in front of them and that one guy never stopped eating his chicken while not blinking. The double teams from both teams looked good, Hanson got the big reaction, and Anderson wound up with potatoes and gravy on his butt after a powerbomb. That's what people wanted.

TLC Match: King Corbin vs. Roman Reigns

ER: I'm...not so sure how I feel about this one. I liked the slow burn of Corbin laying in a beating, knowing it would lead to a hot Roman comeback. And I liked how long the Corbin beating took, because it really did make Roman's comeback sting harder. Roman was going through paid off security, eating hard shots into the ringpost, getting leveled by Corbin's nice lariat, Corbin's big backbreaker looked, well, backbreaking, everything was lining up nicely. And sure enough, the Reigns comeback was great, and this was feeling great. But it's always weird to me when you have a ton of heels kicking the shit out of a big babyface, and the announcers are talking about how the locker room is falling in line behind Corbin, and there is just nobody in sight who is interested in saving Reigns. Are the Usos around? Ali? Gable? Nobody is around to run out and get a huge babyface reaction to save Roman from injustice? So even while the big heel beatdown was done well, it just feels like not using that chance to elevate someone knew not only makes no sense, but it makes Reigns come off like a bigger dummy too. So I just couldn't vibe with that finish, couldn't get behind it, and I really liked where the start of this was going.

The Miz vs. Bray Wyatt

ER: I'll level with you, none of this is doing it for me. I don't care about Wyatt, I don't care about the Miz, and this is something I'm not interested in. I regret sitting through this, but I'm also kind of fascinated by it. Are people into this? Some people seem into this, for reasons I might not understand. And that interests me. But I don't think I'm into whatever graphic novel juggalo detective comic this is turning into.

Tables Match: Bobby Lashley vs. Rusev

ER: I couldn't get into this one either, even though I really wanted to root for Rusev. I haven't been paying close enough attention to the details of the storyline to care either way about that, but it also doesn't feel like a story that I want to learn more about. I think this just went a little long, and should have had far more aggressive hate and bad decision making by Rusev, and some cocky underestimating that bites his ass from Lashley. And it was instead worked like a sensible yet escalating brawl with some big bumps and a fairly defeated man. That's not the correct tone, and this whole thing felt odd for it. Rusev was trying his damndest, really carrying the bumping and rough spills, actively appealing to the crowd for some support - and getting it, for awhile - but I wanted some enraged Rusev, some dangerous Rusev. I'm not sure where this is all going, but I wanted something different here.

TLC Match: Kabuki Warriors vs. Becky Lynch/Charlotte

ER: What a bizarrely messy but kind of hypnotic fight that main event was! This felt like Charlotte working as blowoff match Ian Rotten, being super unprofessional in a protected bully kind of way, and I thought Asuka (and a likely concussed Kairi Sane) turned in a couple of insane performances, the kind that should cement them even further as stars. They came off like a great stooge heel team and a never say die babyface team during appropriate parts of the same match, really connecting with every moment. Charlotte is reckless and bullet proof, and Kairi is someone who recklessly flies into everything, and that's a dangerous combo. Kairi flies into a big boot, gets tossed hard into the barricade, eats a fallaway slam that whips her head around the corner of the barricade, and just keeps sprawling out onto the back of her head. Charlotte is pretty relentlessly after her, and it peaks with a crazy deadlift powerbomb through a table, Sane looking half knocked out but still throwing stiff punches to get out of it, and getting dropped viciously through it anyway. Asuka was such a megastar here, really elevated the messy chaos of it all. She has been crushing the heel turn, adding more personality than anyone, and here she just Dikembe Mutombo bossed her way through this damn thing; having Kairi out there as your concussion zombie chair throwing maniac only makes you look more cool by association. Becky Lynch's run as The Man has been so undeniably disappointing, and that's only magnified   when Asuka is so fully in charge in there. But this whole thing had a real shoot dangerous indy match feel to it that I really loved, helped the rough edges stand out as cool features instead of awkward blemishes. They really went full out on dangerous and stiff looking spots and that made this thing come off the right amount of vicious. The only tragedy about the match, is how they IMMEDIATELY cut away from Asuka's triumphant moment. That was a genuine main event delivery on a show that was trying to be noticed, and they made it possible to miss that moment so that the viewer could instead see Roman doing an almost comical endzone celebration spot. That's a stupid note to finish the show on, totally undercutting the cool moment that had just happened in the ring the past 20 minutes.


ER: Overall I call this show a win. The first two matches of the evening were total knockouts, and the main event sent things out on a high note. The misses involved angles I don't care about anyway, so wasn't as invested in them being good or bad, so that lessened the blows. Feels like these undertalked about shows always have a high delivery %, and this was no different.

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Matches from WWE Crown Jewel 10/31/19

What an uncomfortable Halloween treat we were gifted by WWE! I'm going to go through and try to cherry pick a few matches before Monday's inevitable RAW Tribute to Mohammad bin Salman episode, featuring between match pre-tapes of guys like AJ Styles saying "You can tell how much the people over there really love him, and respect how much he does for them."

Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velasquez

ER: This was like 2 minutes of a great Bloodsport match when it should have pretty easily been at least 8 minutes of a great Bloodsport match. There was a lot of crowd anticipation during all of the early grappling, Brock backing Cain into the corner and Cain trying to sneak in shots, people excited for the first blow that would actually cause one of them to pause. And when Cain landed a hard knee to the body and followed up with a perfect head kick, Brock sold it perfectly (as Brock almost always does, even in his frustrating matches) and the fans sounded like they were about to see Brock lose in a punishing upset. But, a quick kimura happens and that's that. Obviously this was a disappointment, as this was a singles I was excited for the moment it was announced, and I'm not sure what it would have taken for me to be satisfied with a 2 minute match. Is this it for Cain in WWE?

Cesaro vs. Mansoor

ER: This was my first time seeing Mansoor. He was a Bay Area indy guy who worked mostly for a fed that I don't attend, but I am a total sucker for a big regional babyface. This is WWE forcing a connection the same way they've always done, except the fans in Saudi Arabia are not as jaded towards pro wrestling and they respond to the whole thing as if Mansoor really is the superhero representing them all. Mansoor was the local being propped up for cheap pops, again, but the fans treated him like the Riyadh God and it ruled. Cesaro threw and bashed Mansoor in pretty spectacular fashion, and Mansoor takes some pretty gross bumps. This match might have the best possible version of someone getting their dive interrupted with a strike, as Cesaro completely shifts Mansoor's momentum with an uppercut during his tope, but Mansoor legit just toped into Cesaro's uppercut and dropped, looked insane. Later Cesaro swept Mansoor's legs while Mansoor was up top, and he took a tough back bump on the buckle before whipping face first down to the mat. It looked fantastic. Cesaro got to show off a bit, basing for Mansoor's headscissors and tornado DDTs, but best of all was him hopping to the middle buckle and deadlifting Mansoor from the apron, launching him with a tremendous Karelin throw. And it lead to a huge moment at the finish where Cesaro went to do a similar throw and Mansoor reversed it to an impactful sunset flip bomb. This whole thing was really good anyway, two complementary dance partners - Cesaro is clearly the perfect type of opponent for a wrestler like Mansoor - but seeing all of the kids in the building absolutely living and dying with Mansoor put this way over the top for me.

Braun Strowman vs. Tyson Fury

ER: So let me say that before he got brought in to feud with Braun, I had no idea who Tyson Fury was. I still don't. I don't follow boxing, I'm unsure what his significance is to Saudi Arabia (wouldn't it have made more sense to use him on a big UK show?), BUT - and this is a big but - I LOVE when non-wrestlers do wrestling. It's always interesting to me seeing their athletic skills kick in within a pro wrestling structure, and I think it provides a helpful barometer on the actual wrestler doing the heavy lifting. I think it's cool when wrestlers get to show what they can do opposite a limited opponent, see how good they are at highlighting any ability. But Tyson Fury did not do a whole lot for me. He seemed scared to bump, and scared to get backed too hard into anything. Braun seems to work a little more snug in the opening parts of this, and by the end he was backing way off shoulderblocks, so we would up with light shoulderblocks followed by Fury bumps that looked like me getting on the floor to do sit ups. Crowd was into Fury, and Braun did a nice job running around and making his offense look like more of a spectacle, building to a big moment where he ran all the way around the ring into a Fury drive-by kick (and Braun threw a great worked punch on the floor that Fury sold like he had an itchy beard), but Fury projected as very uninteresting for a larger guy. I would take any guy with the last name McCully over Fury.

Lacey Evans vs. Natalya

ER: This is pretty exciting, more so than other "first ever" occurrences, although Natalya's overdone "this is a big moment and I'm almost overwhelmed by it" facials almost ruined it. They're wearing full body suits, yoga pants, boots, and big baggy t-shirts, essentially dressed as "girl looking through Trader Joe's tea selection". The crowd responds well throughout, even though this ended up being pretty easily the weakest of their several match series. It didn't have the snap or violence that their best matches have had, the matwork didn't have the same uncooperative feel, but it did have a couple nice moments. Lacey had a nice slingshot dropkick that look like it took Natalya's head off, but there may have been some nerves at play from both, which is understandable. Things felt kind of trepidatious, different tone than their other matches.

Chad Gable/Ali/Roman Reigns/Rusev/Ricochet vs. Baron Corbin/Drew McIntyre/Randy Orton/Bobby Lashley/Shinsuke Nakamura

ER: This wasn't much by WWE multi man match standards, though it played well as a big house show main event. I think this could have been special but they played it too down the middle: Not letting it unspool as a big chained spotfest until the end, but also not really isolating anyone to build to anything big. It just kind of kept churning until it stopped, though we got some pretty nice build toward the finish itself. The presence of Hogan and Flair was awkward and pointless. Hogan looked like he could barely walk as he shuffled to the ring, and the two of them just stood around at ringside barely even showing emotion. I also have zero clue what the Saudi Arabia fans think of the Rusev/Lashley angle, but the moments where Rusev was going after Lashley at least felt big, felt like a babyface really gunning for a heel (even though his big moment was basically interrupted by a Reigns superman punch). Fans were way into Reigns, and his big dive onto everyone was cool. I can't decide if I like or dislike Ali's RKO "block", because he blocks the move exactly like he takes the move. Yes, I saw that his head missed the mat and so I saw that it didn't connect, but his head never connects with the mat even when it lands. So visually it came off like him eating the RKO and then springing back to his feet. The "everybody chains together finishers" part of the match felt too rushed and came kind of suddenly, the layout on all WWE multi mans used to be much better and more satisfying. Also, and this is VERY important, Hogan looked like he was wearing his sunglasses as if he didn't have ears; his bandana appeared to be holding his sunglasses in place. And it annoyed me.

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WWE Clash of the Champions 2017 Live Blog

1. Mojo Rawley vs. Zack Ryder

ER: I liked these two together, more than I'll ever like Ryder on his own, and I guess I'll never really understand their need to break teams up before they really do much with them. If we strung together all the PPV pre-show matches from 2017, you'd wind up with a pretty great 2 hour special. This is another nice showing, with Ryder taking a couple big bumps, getting a nice comeback, and then getting obliterated on the finish. Ryder gets shoved from the top rope to the apron to the floor, taking a mean tumble, then Mojo runs around the ring to awesomely check him into the barricade. Back in and the camera nicely picks up a Mojo big boot with his boot staying on Ryder's face all the way down to the mat. Ryder's comeback is at minimum explosive, even if the cameras zoomed in too hard on his thigh slaps, the impression of impact was at least there. But Mojo's 1-2 finish was really cool, taking out Ryder's knee with a diving block, and then blasting him with that running forearm in the corner. Fun opener, hopefully Mojo doesn't get totally lost.

2. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Just FYI, it still sounds incredibly stupid when someone bumps over the barricade and someone shouts that they just got knocked "into the WWE Universe!" They got clotheslined over a short wall. Does the WWE Universe only start once we've passed the plane of the barricade? Does nothing happening inside a WWE ring count as part of the WWE Universe? Are the concession stands part of the WWE Universe, since they're beyond the barricade? Is someone urinating in the arena bathroom urinating into the WWE Universe? Does it apply to both people AND places? Is someone buying a WWE t-shirt an example of "The WWE Universe purchasing the WWE Universe within the WWE Universe'? It's beyond the worst. Roode and Ziggler don't match up well, Ziggler leans out of simple things like stomach kicks and then just doesn't connect on his own. But someone (Graves?) just said Ziggler may be the greatest performer in WWE history, so what do I know? I have no clue what actual performance metrics you would have to fudge to even squint and believe that statement. Roode has taken big moves nicely in this, splatting face first on the famouser and getting big height on a spinning slam from Corbin, takes Ziggler's big DDT really nicely. I really liked Corbin trying to vulture Roode's win, only for Roode to throw him to the floor and Corbin breaking up the pin anyway. If I didn't care for him the rest of the match, Ziggler at least made the finish work: Corbin was about to hit End of Days on Roode and Ziggler jumped in at the perfect moment with the Zig Zag, the momentum also slamming Roode tailbone first into the mat to presumably keep him from breaking up the pin. This was fine, crowd was really into it though and that counts for something.

3. Aiden English/Rusev vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable vs. Big E/Kofi Kingston vs. The Usos

ER: Fans are really stoked for Rusev Day, so we got a nice hot crowd tonight, good to hear, and it warms my heart to hear English getting a great reaction. This starts with a pretty great car crash as Kofi gets tossed into a plancha, an Uso hits his big no hands plancha to the other half of the match, and Benjamin launches an Uso with a belly to belly off the top. Kofi eats a great boot and ring post shot courtesy of Rusev after goofing around. Rusev doesn't have time for that nonsense on Rusev Day. I like how English is doing a bunch of solid little things in what most want to be a spotfest: doing nice grounded punches off in the corner of the camera, locking in and wrenching a nice headlock. Don't let the match style conform you. The Texas Tornado style of the match feels a bit to crowded, and it's making half the guys wait to do their spots while the other half does their spots. It's messing up flow. Why is this the match without extra refs? This is kind of a mess even though everyone is working hard. I think Big E might have arguably the best standing splash in wrestling history. It's got the incontestable best height and the impact is great. Kofi springboards into the ring and gets stuck with a great Benjmain powerbomb, and they are freaking killing me with these Rusev/English nearfalls. There were three pins all in a row that looked like they could plausibly win the belts. Come onnnnn. The finishing stretch is flat out GREAT. Rusev and Big E have a great battle over the Accolade, with E almost powering out before Rusev bends him back violently. Gable comes in and hits a tremendous deadlift German on Rusev, just dumping him on his shoulders, then hits a rolling chaos theory on English that dumps him even more violently. We get a sneaky Uso tag as Gable tries for another chaos theory, couple superkicks and a big splash finishes him, straight up fire finish. Awesome stuff.

4. Natalya vs. Charlotte

ER: Alright, and now for nobody's favorite gimmick match! Natalya is a far better heel when she doesn't actually realize she's being a heel. Her acting like a heel is just hammy. She's a much better A-Rod style "heel who doesn't know that she's disliked" heel. Who in wardrobe allowed Carmella and Lana to both wear red swimsuits? Also, Carmella's suit looks like a placeholder for her actual, real gear...except she's been wearing it for months. Tamina continues having the worst gear, it's like they tailored Viscera's old gear and gave it some darting. Charlotte takes a nice awkward bump to the floor, and I liked the bridge up to dodge a baseball slide. Charlotte is good at coming up with cool ways to engage the lumberjacks, really liked Natalya pushing off the figure 4, sending Charlotte flying into a dive on Ruby Riott. Tamina runs point on catching a Charlotte moonsault to the floor, which predictably means that she bumps out of the way before the moonsault hits and 6 women take bumps anyway. Tamina is so bad you guys. She did absorb all of the Naomi springboard, so I guess I shouldn't be so harsh. Thankfully we don't have to endure a Natalya win, and Charlotte worked hard in a difficult gimmick match.

Natalya threatening to leave WWE is like a parent threatening to take their kids broccoli away. "That's it, you keep mouthing off, now I'm giving you another spoonful of mac and cheese and YOU don't get any more broccoli! Actually, why don't you go to your room and play video games and then see how you feel!"

5. Breezango vs. Bludgeon Brothers

ER: I know I just said a few minutes ago that Tamina has the worst gear possible...but my god the Bludgeon Brothers. They look like a Hot Topic was destroyed in a hurricane, and a seamstress assembled their outfits out of found scraps. I have no idea what vibe they're going for. So many studs and zippers and hanging bits and that riveted cummerbund corset awkard tight bits side by side awkward loose bits. And the match is over. A straight match between these two would have been really fun. But, I guess we were running long (no we weren't)?

6. Shinsuke Nakamura/Randy Orton vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

ER: I'm not totally sure who this match concept is supposed to appeal to. This tag match with a normal referee already had a chance to be pretty uninteresting, but jamming two authority figures into it as mildly disagreeing distractions should practically guarantee it's no good. The fans, to their ever loving credit tonight, are into it. Still! They're still excitedly chanting for this show. The great finish to that tag match feels like an hour ago and we haven't accomplished much since then, and they're still chanting for their guys. I like it. Props to Orton for hitting a chinlock literally 10 seconds into the match. Zayn and Owens are also working their share, but they at least are making them look good, with Zayn going after the eyes and nose bridge and Owens making his snug. I'm kind of okay with them cutting the ring off with chinlocks for as long as the crowd can take it. All of Nakamura's kicks to Owens look really good, loved the falling enziguiri as Owens caught a kick to the chest. Bryan and Shane haven't even been very involved in the match itself but man they are so distracting, with the camera purposely keeping them both in frame most of the time. "Triangle!" "Shoulders were down!" means that someone decided to get a Dental Plan/Lisa Needs Braces joke into things, which we were probably all hoping for. My god Shane's facials and movements might officially make him a worst guest ref than Shawn Michaels. I think he's been worse than current Red Shoes in this...but may even be Michaels bad. That's really bad. Boy that finish was really bad. Who could have wanted any of this? I know Orton has been snail slow in his PPV matches the last two years, and this whole match he seemed even slower as everyone had to let this guest ref angle breathe a bit. Woof.

7. Jinder Mahal vs. AJ Styles

ER: I really liked this, and while a lot of it was because of another excellent Styles performance, I thought Mahal worked smart and didn't overreach, thought both worked together to craft an interesting match around each man's strengths. There was also that real fear from a lot of people that Mahal was going to win the title again (while I don't hate Jinder, I also wanted to see AJ hold the belt longer), so the fear and tension on some of the nearfalls was there. Jinder worked over AJ's ribs in simple and effective ways, and AJ made a point of landing in all sorts of nasty ways on his ribs. Styles bumped huge into the timekeeper's area, just about the most painful way you can get into that area. Jinder just worked simple knees and kicks and holds targeting AJ's ribs. The springboard block was great, with Jinder hitting the ropes to knock AJ off, and AJ naturally landing ribs first again. Mahal keeps up the targeted attacks with a big gutbuster and awesome flapjack (Styles takes a flapjack better than maybe anyone), and I liked Styles' comeback Pele kick (with Mahal going for the kill with his cobra clutch slam only off the middle rope). I didn't love the finish with Styles just kicking out of the slam to eventually roll Mahal into the Calf Crusher, but the whole thing built really solidly and I love how serious they're treating the Calf Crusher. I loved when the top guys all had submission finishers in 2003, so I would not mind going back to that. Styles can basically do no wrong at this point.

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WWE Hell in a Cell 2017 Late Blog

1. Hype Bros vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

ER: I almost always end up enjoying these pre-show matches, they're usually structured more satisfying that the actual PPV matches. I have no clue why. And the pre-shows continue to deliver as this tag was awesome. Gable was a real beast, and the trap arm belly to belly on Mojo alone would have probably made this work, and I dug the sequence that set it up (Gable lands on his feet missing a moonsault, catches Mojo in the suplex, then hits the moonsault). Mojo played a good FIP, had some well-mapped kickouts off some big Gable spots, but was also there to make some nice saves for Ryder. Gable eats a big shoulderblock from Mojo, hits Ryder with a killer spear in the corner to knock him to the floor. We had a lot of constant movement, which made the nearfalls more exciting. Wasn't sure which team was gonna get the win, which also helped add to the excitement. I could watch a match like this every day. Classic formula, good personality.

2. The New Day vs. The Usos

ER: These guys start with absolute lunatic bumps and crazy bumps are gonna make me get into a violent cagematch. Big E is a nutso bumper for a guy his size, and in one minute we get to see him splat onto the floor at high speed, then hit his spear to the floor (that I can't believe he still does!), an Uso takes a running leap into the cage, and things are crazy. Woods gets a chair thrown at his head and bumps to the floor and we get a good nearfall off a superkick. I get less interested in kendo stick use, but full credit to Usos for clever usage when they trap Woods in the corner to set up the hip attack. E gets caught on a spear and Jimmy punches him right in the freaking ear, then E runs him into the ringpost. They set up some crazy spot where E gives Jimmy a uranage off the apron to the floor, onto the sliding knees of Woods. It doesn't go flawless, but it's something that looks more violent the more messy it was. You basically had Uso getting thrown violently off the floor and landing off kilter on a pointed knee. It could have injured several men at once. Now Jey gets locked into a cell corner by 4 strategically placed kendo sticks, with Woods throwing shots to the ribs while Jey can't move (So.....New Day are the babyfaces...right?). They keep coming up with more dangerous spots, now with the Usos setting up a doomsday device on the floor with Big E up on the shoulders, and an Usos flying through the ropes with a crossbody. Knees and elbows and bodies are flying everywhere. Usos do a couple great big splashes, and then the handcuffs come out. Usos hang Woods over the ringpost by his cuffed wrists and beat his prone body with kendo sticks. Good lord. But they spend so much time on Woods that by the time they get to E he is ready to do damage, and proceeds to do some spectacular damage, throwing them with suplexes and running them violently into the cell. But the Usos keep going back to Woods' ribs, more kendo attacks, huge double splash, this whole thing was nuts. New Day had a great comeback and Woods valiantly tried to keep going despite the beatdown. These guys went all out, came up with some clever uses of tired gimmicks, really amped up the violence. I don't anticipate anything else on the card approaching this level of violence.

3. Rusev vs. Randy Orton

ER: After a match like that, you know Orton is the guy to go out and try hard! He does momentarily shut my mouth by taking a nice bump to the barricade and a fallaway slam on the floor. I miss Rusev as a top heel, and I miss Lana being on TV. Rusev is better than most at setting up Orton offense. I really liked the strikes he was throwing that were meant to be caught by Orton, and liked him holding the ropes to make Orton miss an armdrag. But things get fairly uninteresting once Orton went into his finishing run of offense. They made it pretty clear that Rusev had no chance. Fans were into it, but Orton is super stale to me (unique hot take!). I guess just gimme a Rusev/English tag team so I can see them work the other fun teams every week. I'd rather see that at this point since I doubt Rusev will make it back to the main events.

4. Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles

ER: Tye Dillinger's entrance cape looks like something Meng the Merciless might wear to a long weekend at Fire Island. I haven't really been following this story so I'm not sure why Dillinger is added, but Styles makes it known pretty early that he'll be trying his damndest to have a killer match. Corbin hits him with some hard elbows and Styles gets launched off a hip toss. It looked fantastic. We get some fun misdirections with Dillinger splashing Styles in the corner, then Corbin missing an attack on Tye but hitting AJ, then Styles gets pinballed ribs first off the ringpost and skids to the floor. Styles is a loon in this, flying full force into every possible surface. He seriously looked like he was trying to break down the ringside barrier with his body. Corbin locks on a super nasty cravate on Dillinger and Styles continues stealing the show, getting punched out of the air on a springboard by Corbin and ragdolling to the mat. Corbin takes a nice bump to the floor and eats a cool sliding knee from Styles, then Styles takes a big backdrop from Dillinger. Dillinger has some shockingly nice corner 10 count punches (I say shocking because his other strikes don't leave much of an impression on me), and if you're going to have one good set of punches with his 10 gimmick, those are the ones to have. I also really liked Dillinger kicking his way out of the Clash, which is weirdly something they don't do that often. Styles is turning in maybe his greatest performance since the Elimination Chamber earlier this year, and as I type that he takes a bananas choke slam from Corbin, insane height. And the finish was real fun with Styles levelling Dillinger with the forearm, then getting booted violently to the floor by Corbin (and you know Styles splats onto the floor, Corbin punts him right in the chest and Styes flies down practically head first) as Corbin steals the win. This match...was really damn good, and I went into it not caring at all. People are really busting ass on this show.

5. Charlotte vs. Natalya

ER: I tend to really like "big match" Natalya, while almost completely disliking Natalya. Charlotte is good at selling a knee injury and Natalya is good at doing perfunctory legwork. This took me a while to get involved but I got there once Charlotte's knee buckled doing a kick to Nattie's jaw. The moonsault to the floor was crazy, and chair to the leg finish was fine. I liked the touch of the ref removing Charlotte's boot, and Natalya had a great grin while posing with the belt. It seems like people really hate Natalya and think she's a bad heel, but I get annoyed just by looking at her, sooo...

6. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal

ER: "What Nakamura needs to do is grind this match to a jinder maHALT." Me, making grade F puns off of things Corey Graves says. Nakamura was like Rachel's favorite wrestler before he got called up to the main card, now she hardly reacts to him. One year ago she was flipping out live for him at the NXT show, scrambling to get out her camera. Now she just left the room to change the laundry. Admittedly she has zero interest in Mahal, so that could play into it. "Slow, Methodical, Effective" should be the slogan on the next Jinder Mahal shirt. Nak maybe didn't get the memo that you're supposed to be recklessly violent with the Singhs. He gives a couple knees, but very safe. They're only out there to take super dangerous bumps or get kicked in the ear. One of them takes an okay bump off the apron, but Styles took like 5 crazier bumps to the floor earlier. The nearfall off the kinshasa was decent, and I wish we could have gotten more brawl through the crowd so I could see more bald event security guys joylessly pretending men aren't fake fighting inches from their face. They're like the Queen's Guard, but with bald heads and tucked in blue polo shirts. And my god they are going to have Jinder break Backlund's title reign record, aren't they?

7. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: You hear those stories about prospective employees who don't get a job because the employer finds a bunch of embarrassing drunk or stoned photos on their public Facebook page? Some day an employer is going to find a bunch of 2009 posts where I constantly praise Ziggler and realize I am clearly the least qualified person for any job. Ziggler locks on an early sleeper and Graves says "Ziggler might put Roode to sleep!" If Heenan were still with us he then would have said "He's already put the viewing audience to sleep, why not Roode!?" Rest in peace, Bobby. Though I don't really hate the minimalism of this match. It feels like a house show match, out of place on a PPV. Ziggler hitting the famouser out of a sleeper looked good. But whatever the reason this isn't grabbing me. I did really dig the finishing stretch, so that's something. Ziggler misses a superkick, gets hit with a boss spinebuster; Dolph hits a slick roll up to reverse the glorious DDT, Roode misses a corner charge and they do a just-the-right-amount-of-silly rolling prawn holds, each one showing more and more butt. Dolph hitting the Zig Zag immediately after the match while Roode's music starts playing. That's the kind of teeth the rest of the match needed.

8. Shane MacMahon vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I am unashamed to admit that I am completely loving this match. Shane jumps Owens and starts throwing those MacMahon brand potato punches (I could totally see a poorly designed WWE shirt with cartoon potatoes that says MacMahon Brand Potatoes and then the back says something stupid like "Want Fries With That!?") where 60% of them miss completely and the other 40% all land on the most annoying places possible. Shane is the blind squirrel accidentally finding Owens' ear and nose bridge. I am now over the moon as Shane sweeps the leg and then does a cartwheel kick!! Holy lord this rules. Shane dropkicks the cage door into Owens and Owens boots him off the apron, with Shane taking a big no look bump backwards into the cage. Match still rules. Shane eats a senton and cannoball, then Owens swantons right into Shane's knees. Shane sells the knee convincingly afterwards, then punches Owens in the ear a few times. Shane's face keeps getting redder, and then he misses a shooting star press! And then Owens hits a full force frog splash! OMG Shame MMAcMahon grabs a triangle off a pop up powerbomb, then grabs it again from the apron leading to him getting powerbombed onto the steps. People are shitting on this match but it feels like a total miracle match to me. Owens misses a cannonball off the apron through a table with aplomb. This still rules. Shane gets DDT'd hard on the entrance ramp, and it was the least flashy spot so far but looked great. You knew they were going up to the top of the cage, because MacMahon wants to make his father proud or something? And the Russian leg sweep on top probably won't get talked about after the show, but you know they both smacked the back of their heads on the support beam part of the cage. They're doing a lot of stuff up on the cage, and I keep waiting for a giant hole to get torn through as they both die on their way down. I likely would have rolled an ankle taking my first step onto the top of the cage. I dug all the teasing around getting thrown off the cage, and Shane's kicks to the ribs while climbing down were sharp. Owens takes a big bump off the cage and yeah, you know Shane's gonna do something stupid now. And my god that was crazy. And Zayn saved Owens!! Holy cow the timing of that was amazing, with Zayn grabbing Owens' hand as Shane came violently crashing - HARD - through that table. That did not look like a classic Shane crash pad landing. That looked like a Parkour Fail video. And weirdly this doesn't totally feel like Zayn turning heel, it feels like Zayn pushing slightly towards heel and Owens getting pulled slightly towards face. This match FAR exceeded any kind of expectation I had for it. I'm kind of stunned how much I loved it. Really.

ER: Was this the WWE PPV of the year? There's so damn many that I honestly can't remember what has happened this year. But the low points were kept brief, the two Cell matches overly delivered, and that triple threat over-delivered. These WWE shows that look bleh on paper seem to always crush it. This was a quality PPV man, these folks busted butt.

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2017 Ongoing MOTY List: Gable v. Rusev

36. Chad Gable v. Rusev WWE Smackdown 8/1

ER: Two weeks after I openly wondered how far Gable's stock will drop post American Alpha, WWE tells me how much of an idiot I am by giving these two plenty of time to craft a neat little match. Gable is still being plagued by these damn mid match commercial breaks (it's almost more cruel to be forced to watch matwork on 1/16 of your TV while an irritating anti-smoking PSA covers up 3/4 than just seeing none of it), but man this was a blast. I love how Gable is always the aggressor no matter the size difference, and no matter who has the advantage. He keeps coming at Rusev the whole match, which gives him some openings he wouldn't have otherwise gotten, but also leads to his demise. The rolling belly to belly suplexes was a total holy shit spot, Rusev sold everything great throughout, and I liked all the subsequent suplex blocks. The moonsault was a great nearfall and the way Rusev sold the ankle lock made it look like a credible finisher. I loved the aggression leading to the finish, with Gable getting shaken off, charging back in and getting folded by a big kick. Gable gleams on!

PAS: Gable has really great single leg shoots, he attacks the legs like he is an a gold medal olympic match, and that aggressiveness adds a lot to to his matches. I did like how that aggressiveness led to the finish, he came forward and got counter punched by a thrust kick. I do wish that he would dump the ankle lock and moonsault, he doesn't need either and they make him look too much like an Angle cover band. Jordan is doing son of Angle over on RAW, gift him those moves and figure out a different submission and dive.


2017 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WWE Battleground 2017 Live Blog

1. Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger

ER: I really really like English, so I'm just happy he has a job and is showing up on a PPV in any way at all. I assume he's been showing up on some secondary Network only shows, I really should go through and just quickly write up any 2017 English matches. He's a great hand to have around as he knows how to stooge with early frustration, and the moment where he turns the tables always looks great. He gets cheap shots, because he makes his cheap shots look nasty. Most guys wouldn't use a stiff knee as a cheap shot. He also knows how to talk smack during a resthold. Dillinger's comeback is a little silly, he has one of those sets of moves that he has to hit in a specific order, but he throws a fine spinebuster and English knows how to whip into the mat on a spinebuster. And English somehow WINS!? That is wonderful. He does have a few stupid finishers that look like 2001 Edge offense, but that's okay because we usually go months without seeing his finisher.

2. Kofi Kingston/Xavier Woods vs. The Usos

ER: I don't recall seeing a version of New Day where Big E was on the floor and not in the match. Big E is like 85% of the reason to watch New Day matches. Not gonna lie though, I like New Day's American flag tights. They seem like an acid version of something that babyface Virgil would wear. There's a Network Error (first in a year plus) right when the Usos hit a double team backbreaker/axe handle on Woods, with Woods getting dumped on his head afterwards. I can only imagine they did a preemptive "Technical Issues - Please Stand By". Woods hits a nice missile dropkick and Jey bumps it great all the way across the ring. Kofi gets the hot tag and I have no clue what any of his moves are actually supposed to be. His delay clothesline looks even worse than normal, he does a leaping stomp that I only knew was a leaping stomp because an announcer called it that, he hits a punt from the apron with the biggest thigh slap you've seen. Kofi bums me out sometimes. We get some pretty great blocks on the floor from Usos, back in the ring and Woods is nuts enough to get slammed neck first into the buckles and take the alley oop Samoan drop. And then THAT superkick. Woods commits fully to a huge elbow drop and gets NAILED with a superkick on the way down. I cannot believe that was a 2 count. And then we get some more quite surprising 2 counts. This match is crazy as it was worked as a super traditional tag through the Kofi hot tag, and in traditional WWE tag structure which dictates the Usos would have won just a couple minutes after that Kofi hot tag. But then instead of the finish - the spot where the finish would have been in 95% of WWE tags - both teams just started breaking out their nastiest moves. Pretty awesome stretch run, and Xavier's elbow across the whole ring was highlight reel worthy. Both teams had some great misses to set up big moves by the opponents, and the switch getting flipped in the match was welcome.

3. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

ER: This is a little slow to start, but willing to see where things go. The standing hammerlock spot didn't totally work, but I liked Nak flopping around for a big boot after. I like bearhug spots but for a match already being worked this slow, this probably wasn't the spot to do it. I do love that the crowd was chanting that Corbin sucks, so then he locked on the bearhug. Nak whiffs on a kick that gets sold, but some of his strikes in the corner look nice. Things snap awake when Corbin runs in with a huge lariat, Nak bumps it in appropriate ragdoll style. I always like Nak's grounded knee strikes, Nak hits a nasty axe kick to the back of Corbin's neck...and then Corbin goes low for the DQ. Well most of this was disappointing.

4. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Charlotte

ER: Ahhhhh a match with 5 people in it, this should be terrible. Within 30 seconds of the match two of them have already disappeared despite taking next to no offense. Lana is great in one of those "not quite trained" kind of ways, so she's stomping uncomfortably on Charlotte's hamstrings and then drops an elbow that sees her hip land on Charlotte's face. And wow it took Lynch so long to get back into the match. These odd-person multimans are almost always so bad. Now everybody else completely disappears so Lynch and Charlotte can do things. Seriously where do they go? Do they lie on the floor and hug the apron so they don't show up on camera? Nattie and Charlotte always match up well, and I like the way Charlotte flies into her 360 clothesline. Lana has a proper flip out after only getting a 2 count, and Lana acting as a female John Tatum is the best. I also like how Tamina keeps saving Lana's butt (well, arm) from Lynch, but then Tamina gets eliminated first because Lana stays the hell out of it. BUT, then Lana gets eliminated right after, meaning the two of them have a long awkward walk to the back. I do hate the stupid traditional elimination match rules of all the eliminations bunching up within one minute of each other. It always happens, and it's always dumb. Natalya wins, because okay? "Incredible match" says the WWE announcer who may be Tom Phillips.  "Incredible movie, with an incredible woman," Tom Phillips says while walking out of Transformers: The Last Knight, accompanied by a woman who was set up with Tom through a mutual friend, moments before she tells him that she doesn't think a second date would be a good idea.

5. Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

ER: Owens and Styles proceed to have a very Owens and Styles match, though the part in the first few minutes I actually like the most is Owens laying in a headlock. His smack talk during the headlock is great ("I can do this all day!") and a chubby guy lying down with a headlock always makes it look like the opponent is being smothered. So I don't know if I'm easily impressed, or what. AJ's post-headlock strikes looked good and the DDT on him looks good. Back to the headlock and I'm kinda sold. Styles does a great springboard 450 right into knees. Tom Phillips (?) almost completes bad announcer bingo when he states that Owens has bad intentions. JBL tries to save him by making an awesome historical leap, saying that AJ Styles attempted a torture rack and that Lex Luger was a long time US Champ. I absolutely love his attempt, as if these two were working a match as a historical road trip through the US title heritage. "Owens' misses a splash, much like former US Champ One Man Gang, following in the lineage of famous Canadian US Champ Roddy Piper!" Styles getting tossed into the ref looked great, and the ref does a great "struggle to pull myself up the ropes". Nobody could possibly be excited about that finish. Styles sells his loss like someone who is forced to wait slightly longer than normal for the valet to get his car.

6. Flag Match: Rusev vs. John Cena

ER: Big fan of the country-specific flag stands in the entrance way. I love how these two match up, so regardless of the stip I'm interested in what they can do. And I already like Rusev clonking Cena with fists to head, and Rusev taking a bulldog off the top. Crowd is already really quiet for a Cena match. Rusev looks to be in really great shape, maybe #bestshapeofhislife!? To build off a reference from last match, this match feels like a Hogan vs. One Man Gang house show match so far, but probably not as good. We just hit the Hulk up lariat comeback, only it's shoulderblocks and the blue thunder bomb. I want some flag-related violence, guys!! Both guys are working really slow. Either the show was going short and they got told to stretch it out, or....Okay I have no "or". They're still doing the big spots (Cena getting caught in a powerbomb while trying the legdrop off the top was pretty dangerously messy), just a lot more time in between those spots. It's oddly jarring after Cena spent last year working PWG homage matches. This is really being stretched. I like Rusev attempting to AA Cena off his American Flag platform. That's the most insulting way to pull off the "use opponent's finisher" trope. Rusev beats Cena with the flag holder, and somehow knowing the flag holders aren't bolted down CHANGES EVERYTHING. Seriously, this match would have been 100% 6 1/2 star glorious bullshit if the whole match had been based around Rusev just destroying Cena's flag stand/holder, eliminating the only way that Cena could win the match. Start the match with one chairshot to give Rusev a headstart on destroying the stand, then base the whole thing on Rusev just trying to dispatch Cena so he can wreck a flag holder. If you want to work comedy into it, you can even have Rusev try hiding the flag holder a couple times. Have him through it into the WWE UNIVERSE behind his back, oooooooo or have him lock it in a box!!!

7. Mike Kanellis vs. Sami Zayn

ER: Oh my god if Rusev had locked that flag holder in a giant, comical crate, I would have lost my shit. Match starts, Rusev immediately jumps out of the ring and begins rummaging around under the ring. Camera cuts to Cena doing his typically great incredulous face, hands on hips, motioning to some random guy in the crowd who he didn't actually make eye contact with but 35 people in that section will later claim that Cena was "looking right at them!" "What is Rusev looking for!?" and then Rusev pulls out a Masterlock, pauses, looks up at a quizzical Cena across the ring...and sprints down the aisle to the flag holder. He grabs that flag holder, keeps running to the back, a camera is already there waiting, anticipating Rusev running around back there because this shit is fake and was scripted out way in advance, and Rusev pulls out this GIANT crate, covered in chains, and maybe even a comically stenciled "This End Up" painted on the side, and you KNOW that shit is painted on upside down. Rusev tosses that holder in the crate, locks up up tight, and then shoves that crate back in the middle of 20 other crates that look EXACTLY like that crate, pulling a full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark on Cena. NOT ONE PERSON EVER MENTIONS "Um, why didn't Cena just grab his own flag and steal Rusev's flag holder while Rusev was taking 15 minutes to hide a crate within a bunch of other crates?" Nobody ever says that. Because people aren't total shitheads who just exist to ruin somebody else's good time. Everybody just lets people enjoy the things however they like. I like Mike Kannelis's tights. They're like beta cuck Rick Rude tights. The "M+M Forever" is totally in the H&M font. But they're great fucking tights. Helluva kick to finish looks like something that should finish this match.

8. Punjabi Prison Match: Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: Okay, so no matter how we feel about this match, everybody knows that the name Punjabi Prison is an all time great jingoistic fear mongering pro wrestling match title. I remember - because of pro wrestling - asking my dad what was so bad about a Mexican Prison. Somebody must have made a reference to it as an "ultimate threat" and my dad actually answered it!! My dad totally worked me and immediately said that they fed you rotten food, and when you refuse to eat it, they bring back the exact same food the next day, and now it's a day older! Punjabi Prison would have probably blown my mind if I had heard that term at age 7. And the set looks spectacular, like a gorgeous Apocalypse Now prop. I should have listened to the stipulations of this fucking match instead of typing all of that. Escape rules? We'll go with escape rules. I wonder how many households have someone, watching this PPV tonight, who made some sort of joke like "I wish they would throw Barry Hussein and Killary into a Punjabi Prison. They'd probably like that." I'm setting the line at 170 households have "that guy" tonight. You take the over or under? Jinder throws a nice back elbow. A guy can go pretty far in my book if they throw a nice back elbow.

"Hey John, you've been in all kinds of structural matches..." is such a great start to a sentence. You know he liked it, because he stopped it once and started it again. I can't blame him, it's a great line. You picture Lance Russell saying that line, and it all clicks, so give credit to whoever said that (it wasn't JBL, it was one of the other 7 white guys they have sitting out there with him). This stipulation match is silly but I'm kinda loving it. Orton struggling to slowly get to one of the doors, as the timer is counting down, and once the timer hits 0 the ref drops the rope holding the door open, and it slides shut? That's awesome. I did pick up that there were 4 doors, and they close as the match goes on, making for less escape options. God I would love to see Low-Ki climb out of this nasty looking thing. You know he could do it. that guy would scramble out of the first one and then leap to the outer one, and it would look amazing. Randy disappoints me by not letting one of the doors drop guillotine style on his arm or neck. That would be a great KO blow visual, a door dropping on a guy's head like Luke dropping a spiked gate on the Rancor in Return of the Jedi. Jinder continues showing off those back elbows, nailing Orton in the gut while they both climb the outer prison wall. We get a lot of climbing related spots, and with the Singhs around they find a couple interesting things to do. Man that Singh bump is brutal, especially when you see the angle with his legs facing the camera. You really get a sense for how fast the human head whips back when you see that angle of the table bump.  And GREAT KHALI comes back!!! AND THEY MAKE HIM CLIMB PART OF THE CAGE!! Orton does a lot of great falling off the cage teases, and Khali grabs him by the throat and Orton dangles in a great theatrical way. Jinder wins, Tom Phillips COMPLETES HIS BAD ANNOUNCER BINGO CARD by dropping several "Not like this! Not like this!" on us. You did it buddy. JBL gets amusingly crossed up and calls Khali "a true giant". "THAT, son, is a true giant. Not like those two children wearing a giant trenchcoat that you previously thought was a giant." I don't actually know if this match is 1 star or 6 stars.

ER: This was a PPV with almost no good matches, yet I had kind of a blast watching this show. Maybe the heat has made me delusional, but the bad was always amusing. I thought the tag match was really good, liked the Aiden English pre-show match, and disliked the rest. But somehow had fun watching all of it. Best Bad PPV?

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Reigns vs. Braun: A Match History, Part II

5. Braun Strowman/Bray Wyatt/Erick Rowan vs. Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins (Raw 10/19/15)

ER: If I had to choose one word to describe this match, I would choose "sluggish". It was 10 minutes, but really draggggged. This continues the trend of Braun hardly getting involved in matches, as he did nothing in the match for the first 8 minutes, and by the end did no actual moves. He pulled Roman down off the apron, threw Ambrose to the floor, then got Roman into a choke. I really liked how he looked before this, so I'm unsure why they suddenly had him stop working. This was mostly Ambrose working Bray, playing FIP, leading to Rollins leaving with a fake knee injury. Dean was on fire the first minute of this, but just a few minutes in was already airmailing punches a foot past Rowan's head. When Bray locking on a grounded side headlock is the most interesting part of the match, you just move on with your life, admitting to yourself and your family that you chose the dumbest fucking hobby.

6. Braun Strowman/Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose (WWE House Show 10/31/15)

ER: Really fun No DQ house show match. There's tons of loud kids in attendance which makes house shows the best (really the only life situation that loud excitable kids add to my enjoyment of something), just tons of kids screaming for Reigns and yelling at Wyatt. At one point Ambrose gets put through a table and then gets caught with sister Abigail off the rebound lariat. Reigns leaps in from the floor to save him at the last second, and one kid - not trying to start any kind of chant - just screams out "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" And it was pretty awesome. Braun worked slow methodical monster in this one, with some nice moments like standing on Ambrose's knee and ankle while soaking in the boos, then stomping on it. Bray introduced chairs and a kendo stick, all of which got used by everyone. Roman had a bunch of fun superman punches including a great one saving Dean from another sister Abigail. The whole match built to Braun getting speared through a table, which feels like a big spot on a house show. But this whole thing was fun, definitely sent people home happy.

7. 16 Man Elimination Tag: Braun/Wyatt/Harper/Rowan vs. Reigns/Ambrose/Usos vs. Rhyno/Dudleys/Dreamer vs. Sheamus/Rusev/Barrett/Del Rio (Raw 12/7/15)

ER: What kind of a weird mess of a match is this!? Tommy Dreamer was in WWE a year ago? They were actually collectively called Team ECW?! This is such a weird match. It was the opening segment on Raw, and starting Raw with a match is weird enough, but starting it with some sort of 1997 Gang Warz elimination match is even weirder. And then The Wyatts are the first team eliminated when Dreamer pins Rowan with a DDT. But this thing is a total cluster, a kind of fun cluster, but a total cluster. A member for each team is in the ring at all times, so there's bodies just constantly getting in the way of each other. Del Rio is oddly spirited in this, stiffing up Team ECW with these cool low yakuza kicks (like a yakuza kick, but thrown to a seated opponent) and taking a couple big bumps. Rusev sells way too much for everybody, the Dudleys do a bunch of old bad spots (I like when Bubba is unprofessionally stiffing people, not so much his "working a minor league baseball stadium" style), Usos work stiff as well with some nasty uppercuts, Reigns has a fun/silly segment where he does a superman punch to three different guys on the apron. Not all at once, but Wade Barrett would get on the apron, and get punched, then ADR would climb up on a different side of the ring, and get punched, and so on and so on. This match had over half a Royal Rumble worth of dudes, and it happened, because.

8. Braun/Wyatt/Harper/Rowan/Sheamus/Rusev/Barrett/Del Rio vs. Reigns/Ambrose/Ryback/Usos/Dudleys/Kane (Tribute to the Troops 12/8/15)

ER: A much, much, much better version of the 16 man match from the day before. We drop the elimination stip, make it 8 on 8, Kane and Ryback replace Dreamer and Rhyno, and everybody works pointlessly stiff for the least watched WWE TV special of the year. This isn't really a Roman/Braun show, as they only have one moment together (Roman superman punching him while he gets Kane in his standing side triangle) but it's a hot 10 minutes. Harper was a standout here, throwing beastly palm strikes and ambushing Ambrose with a great superkick, Kane throws his nice uppercuts and gets out of the way, Ryback is dressed like the most gassed Bushwhacker, I don't remember any moment where any League of Nation member is in the ring, and out of everybody that could have taken the pin, Luke Harper takes it. Also, the Dudleys are still around, and take up time in 2015 doing the Wazzup drop, and it occurs to me that at this point there are thousands of fans who have never see any of the Wazzup commercials, and only know this as a thing that the Dudleys do. The reference is so old, it has now become their own. It would be like a team in 2000 doing a Where's the Beef double team flapjack, with a crowd of children screaming Whhhheeerrrrreee's (as the guy went up for the flapjack) THE BEEF (when he hit the mat). It would be like someone considering retiring their Austin Powers catchphrase-based offense in 2012, but then taking it out for another spin. Though I do look forward to someone doing a Borat "My wiiiiiife" bronco buster in 2022.

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WWE Fastlane 2017 Live Enough Blog

1. Rich Swann/Akira Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick/Noam Dar

ER: I'm a couple months behind on 205 Live but I do plan to skim through it to catch up. Crowd does not care about this, though over the course of the match the crowd gets into Swann as FIP. Kendrick is great throughout at trying to only be in the match when he's got the advantage. It doesn't always work, which leads to him eating a high backdrop while Swann is about to powerbomb Dar, and then another to the floor before eating a dive. Dar is kind of disjointed the whole match, though I like the way he takes Swann's kicks. This match just didn't have enough going for it. Kendrick was fun but the whole thing was rushed. Tozawa didn't get to do much as the whole match was built around Swann. Swann had nice kicks but his flip dive looked soft, and he came up short on his phoenix splash. Everybody seemed like they were trying, but there's this inescapable desperation that comes through during these cruiser matches. It's like the all know the whole thing is going to die soon. Also, I hate Michael Cole saying "Vintage Rich Swann!" Vintage compared to what?

2. Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe

ER: I'm into Joe punching Zayn around the ring, with Zayn picking his moments. Zayn does a great Kawada-like crumble sell after eating a right jab. The bow and arrow took too long to set up, but the legsweep to Zayn's shins was sick as hell. Sami aims to dislocate his shoulder by throwing a mean falling clothesline, and I smile huge when he hits the blue thunder bomb. You can see Zayn's power meter falling but he still tries and still looks for openings, and Zayn is good about setting up trademark Joe offense. Joe just keeps coming forward and it's all about survival for Zayn. I liked the drama around the top rope sunset flip, and Zayn's selling during the kokina clutch. The match was basically an extended Joe beating, which is a good way to debut him on PPV. Zayn was in there to sell and put over Joe's kicks and slams, and mission accomplished. They have a better match in them, but they needed Joe to look strong.

3. Enzo & Cass vs. The Club

ER: Enzo & Cass: The reason why I start these blogs late. I can't risk getting to their segment and having to sit through it in real time. I do have a weird soft spot for wrestlers with no offense, so sometimes I want to like Enzo. And playing FIP in tags is by far his best use. He takes stupid, untrained looking bumps, but it somehow works to make him more sympathetic. I like how Enzo flops while in a side headlock, and like all of Anderson's kneedrops to Enzo's throat. Enzo and Anderson work a really fun grounded side headlock sequence, with Enzo trying to roll to Cass and Anderson rolling through to get him back to the center of the ring. Gallows takes a mean post shot and they do one of those fun spots where Enzo gets knocked out of the sky while attempting a tag. They work kind of an absurd number of fun spots around guys leaping at Enzo and missing. He's essentially Pacman Jones, TNA tag team champ. Cass does a nice hot tag, and they do a great false finish with Gallows yanking Enzo out of the ring just in time. Really fun tag that totally overdelivered.

4. Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

ER: First few minutes of this are just Nia tossing Sasha around the ring, nasty backbreaker, huge hiptoss, even a kind of curbstomp. Ladies make certain moves look better with their flexibility, and I really dug Nia's torture rack. Sasha maneuvers into a guillotine and then we get some cool moments of Nia trying to shake her, and Sasha hanging on: gets shaken out of a guillotine, grabs a backpack sleeper, gets ditched on the turnbuckles, leaps back into that sleeper. I thought the Banks statement looked great, and Nia just plants her with a chokeslam. Also liked the bridge at the finish, looked genuinely tough to kick out of. Still I'm not really sure what they're doing with Nia, as she seems to lose an awful lot for a monster. But, I like Sasha a lot so I'm cool.

5. Jinder Mahal vs. Cesaro

ER: What the hell has happened to Jinder Mahal and why has the wellness exam not figured it out? I saw this guy several months ago in Liga Elite and he looked softer than ever, now he's getting all lean and veiny. Maybe the dude just knows this is his last shot and is busting ass. But the match is good and both guys work it with immediacy, especially Mahal. Mahal looks and works like a heel, throwing clubbing shots and back elbows, choking Cesaro in the ropes, raking at his face, and looking good doing it. I'm surprised this is so Mahal-heavy, with Cesaro making a couple brief comebacks with his impressive throws, but most of the early match is Mahal. But, once Cesaro DOES go on offense, the match doesn't really work as well. Cesaro's 619 is ugly and doesn't fit with his moveset, and there's just no denying the match was better with Mahal controlling things. That's something I wasn't expecting to type. Ending couldn't have been flatter. This had potential, and was fulfilling it, and they lost it.

6. Rusev vs. Big Show

ER: Wasn't really expecting this one, just Big Show kicking Rusev around the ring and Rusev suddenly a babyface. How do they somehow always make Rusev look like a babyface? Big Show's dominance didn't interest me too much, but I loved Rusev clipping the knee and Show's bump for it. But Rusev's comeback is short lived as I guess we need to keep Big Show super strong? He pretty much steamrolls Rusev and it takes way too long. I love Show's leaner physique and big beard look, but man he did not need this dominant of a win.

7. Gentleman Jack Gallagher vs. Neville

ER: Awesome stuff, which felt like the match the Cruiserweight division needed. Gallagher is just a total nutter, and these two really delivered on PPV. They both do great at fast exchanges, and Gallagher takes some brutal bumps, starting with him getting his head whipped into the mat off a double leg. We build to an awesome Gallagher dive, with him just flinging his body sideways and hitting Neville flush, and back in the ring Gallagher goes for a prawn hold and Neville reverses into an INSANE german suplex. Gallagher's landing was like an accidental Great Sasuke bump, just landing right on the side of his head and shoulder. Good lord. Neville's flying is tight and his big moves land with actual force, Gallagher still gets some hope with his glorious headbutt, and this just felt like the match that needed to happen. Both came off looking good.

8. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

ER: Well Roman looks like a doof in white soled basketball shoes. Now we know. I'm sure one person, somewhere, was wondering, and now that person knows. And it doesn't matter because this was awesome. Braun throws himself into everything, so the hits and misses are huge. He breaks out a big splash, but misses a charge into the ring post, nails a crazy powerslam through an announce table, takes a huge bump to the floor off a missed big boot. Braun came off like a shark, always moving forward, and Reigns was scrambling from go. Roman is really good at surviving damage and making space for comeback shots, dodging Braun and sending him into the steps, hitting a Samoan drop after Braun hits the post, and these two are really going at it. I'm sure plenty of people will be pissed that Roman went over, but he stood up to a couple superman punches, a spear, and then did an insane big splash off the top before taking a final spear. I'm sure when people think about this match the visual of Braun standing tall on the top rope will seem like a bigger deal than the fact that he got pinned. He'll get his.

9. Charlotte vs. Bayley

ER: I wasn't really feeling the first few minutes of this. I know Bayley is a strong FIP, but I thought Charlotte was hitting the "you're just a fan" stuff a little too hard and the pace was too slow. I did appreciate how after overshooting a moonsault, she followed up with a somersault senton. I'm not sure if that senton was planned, but it felt like she called an audible before going for the pin. But this whole match feels longer than I think it actually is. A lot of this felt pretty sloppy, and I thought the finish run was a mess. Not the match that I wanted. And what's worse is right after Bayley wins, Cole just casually brings up "Hey you know, this is the first time Charlotte has been pinned on PPV!" It's like feast or famine with these assholes. You have the feeling JBL would have been bringing that up every 30 seconds during the match, and here it's just "oh hey btw". Why did they bother having her go undefeated on so many PPVs, even when her winning sometimes didn't make the most sense for the storyline at the time. They had to do so many damn title changes to keep that streak going, and now it's just "oh, hey, that's over!"

10. Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens

ER: This went as expected, but I'm reallllllly wondering when they're actually going to have Goldberg work a full match. They can't have him squash Brock again, and they're running out of time to figure out what they want out of him. Truthfully, *I* don't know what I want from Goldberg at this point, yet I weirdly enjoy seeing him.

ER: Not really much of a PPV. Roman/Braun was top notch, and Gallagher is a loon, and I liked the Club/Enzo/Cass tag WAY more than I expected, but then there was a lotttttt of shrug.

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WWE Roadblock Not at All Live Blog

So it looks like we got Jeremy Jamm filling in on the pre-show. Though I know I'm getting my hopes up unnecessarily for Roadblock himself to show up on the show. He has to own the copyright, right? Send WWE a cease and desist and then turn it into a final payday. Okay I just looked and apparently Roadblock is somehow in his early 60s. I don't want to see AARP Roadblock. I'll just live off my memories of Roadblock vs. Rick Fuller. These PPV blogs are a regular battle of seeing if Phil is right or not, as he always calls me a masochist (or worse, usually) for doing them. He's usually right, except for maybe last time.

1. Rusev vs. Big Cass

ER: Kinda surprised this one ended up on the kickoff show as it got a lot of TV build. But WWE seems to both love and hate Lana, even though she's the best. Cass is getting a nice soft belly, must be eating a lot of Christmas time work treats like me. I don't think about Godiva chocolates 11 1/2 months out of the year, then suddenly they show up at work littering the Tax Collectors offices and suddenly I want dark chocolate salted caramels. And oh shit that match just ended really quick. That stunk. Rusev threw a great back elbow and I was getting into them starting to brawl into the crowd...and then we get a count out! Still not getting why Enzo is the good guy for trying to plow a married woman.

2. New Day vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

ER: I am so tried of Michael Cole shouting the exact number of New Day's title reign, every time. It makes me want to see them lose so badly. New Day's gear makes them look like extremely loud Mountain Dew adverts. Cesaro is working at a crazy pace, really flying into people super quick. His Irish whip reversal uppercut in the corner was great, but then he follows it up with his boss flapjack uppercut. Sheamus/Big E is such a fun match up as they both do cool power reversals off moves. The caught brogue kick into a delayed powerbomb was wild. Big nearfall after Cesaro planted the neutralizer (getting there in a tremendous strength showoff) and then Cesaro hits a tornillo and holy shit this man is working like a man who is showing he's worth owning a few title belts. This whole match was really worked as a finishing stretch, resulting in a hot opener.

3. 10 Minute Challenge: Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman

ER: I love these kind of challenge matches, really feels like old Memphis TV. The build up on TV was good too and probably the only Foley thing I've been interested in over the last decade. I wanted to like this more than I ended up liking it though. As much as I enjoyed the Foley/Zayn segment on Raw, I thought Foley completely ruined things in this one. His part in this went on far too long and the melodrama was just way too much. He comes limping down the ramp in his shitty gigantic leather sports coat, and I really just wanted Zayn to run towards him and give him the helluva kick before going back inside the ring to get his ass handed to him. The begging just dragged on too long. Braun's crossface shots looked great, and Sami sold it really well by rubbing at his ear, in that way you do when you get hit in the ear and it starts to feel hot. Also dug Braun's big missed charge through the barrier, and him staggering around after getting hit with the helluva kick. The match was fine but the 10 minute challenge portion ended up feeling limp as hell. Considering 3 minutes were wrapped up with Foley's shitty acting, and capped off by Byron Saxton's pathetic, wimpy "Sami Zayn did it!" It really came off like Luger getting the count out victory. It will build to another match, yippee yippee, and maybe it will be better as just a straight match. But for something I feel like I should have been into, it mostly fell flat.

4. Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

ER: This is an example of a match I ended up enjoying, despite hating the movesets of both men. There was clumsiness and I hate how Rollins bunny hops into everything, especially his missed bunny hops into the corner. But it was paced nicely so I had that odd feeling of watching something with a decent build, while disliking the moves that were building things. Jericho takes the pedigree really well, and I also liked how he blocked a pedigree earlier. Rollins hopping knees look a little silly, and the run in leading to finish is blah. This was whatever.

5. Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins vs. Rich Swann

ER: This starts a little nuts with Kendrick catching an errant knee to the eye socket when he didn't duck low enough under Swann. Three ways are usually pretty bunk, but Kendrick is ace enough to know how to plausibly get out of the way. His big swan dive fall to the floor was great and really looked like he just dropped into nothingness when he fell out of sight. Kendrick's falls and getting dumped to the floor have been a real highlight of his matches. That and the struggle around the bully choke. Rolling through the bully choke actually worked decently in a three way, Kendrick was able to add some neat dodges leading into a TJP save. When Kendrick came back only to eat two superkicks it was a logical progression. But the match felt super rushed, which is a little silly since we have now seen them match up so many times. This felt like a rushed greatest hits version of their other stuff. "Gotta do the caught in a kneebar spot, gotta do the surprise superkick spot." The ringwork was good, but I was hoping for more, and Swann just doesn't interest me much as champ.

6. 30 Minute Iron Man Match: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks

ER: Really liked the standing exchanges they opened with, and Sasha leaping onto Charlotte's back with a sleeper. The way they crumbled to the mat is one of those moments in their matches where something seems very much clunky, but in a way that ends up making the move look more nasty. And the straitjacket choke always looks gross thanks to Charlotte's flexibility. Sasha takes a mean bump off the apron onto the ring steps after getting her leg swept. But it does seem like we get one of these "stop the damn match!" moments in every big Sasha match. It's weird that a wrestler is prevented from pinning another wrestler when one of them maybe can't continue. If a ref has to hold up the match to make sure you're okay, that should count as a pinfall in this type of match, right? Maybe I've just been watching more UWF than usual lately. Charlotte locks on an awesome rolling headscissors and let's loose an appropriate "Four time champ, BABY!" to the quiet crowd. The rolling headscissors is maybe the best "rolling" move, rivaling even the rolling Olympic Hell. Sasha's first comeback felt a little unwarranted, but I loved the missed crossbody that lead to Charlotte taking back over. I do appreciate that we didn't get any falls in the first 20 or so, as that at least plays off the fact that these two go long against each other. I hate elimination matches where people start getting eliminated after taking 12 seconds of offense. Holy lord Charlotte's springboard stomp to spike Sasha's leg was the most vicious thing on the card. All the bending and stretching of Sasha's knee and ankle is sick, though it's kind of a storyline blunder to have Sasha tap with just a few seconds left in the match. But Sasha getting busted open is a great unexpected moment, and made the Banks statement look killer with blood striping her face. But I really wanted her to retain.

7. Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

ER: Eh, this was what it was. I liked Owens sentons, the one off the ring steps, the somersault one that hit knees in the ring, really all the ways he uses his fat. This whole thing was decent without ever feeling like more than a Raw main event. Maybe the table spot? Table spot is an accepted "PPV moment", and the table spot was pretty great. So we got a table spot. Reigns has had plenty of great PPV singles main events, and this wasn't one of them. Owens is going to get the blame for that but I don't think that's fair. I think both men looked fine and it was more a case of things just not adding up to much. The ending with a semi-reunited Shield attacking and destroying JeriKO was satisfying even if it felt more like a crowd pleasing moment given minimal thought. But that's fine. This whole match just didn't have a whole lot to keep me.

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WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 Not Live Blog

1. Sin Cara, Lince Dorado & Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak & Ariya Daivari

ER: This match left me pretty hollow, really didn't think a lot of the guys in this looked good. Gulak looked the best, loved his subs working over Lince. Him locking the deathlock, fighting with him over his arms, all that looked great. The match started getting good right after the big dive train. The dives happened and back in the ring Gulak grabbed a dragon sleeper real smooth on Cedric. There was a great fight spot over it, with Nese holding Cara's foot on the floor, and Lince coming out of nowhere with the save. We get some fun moves trading, Nese looked stumbly, and the lumbar check somehow always ends up looking good. It seems preposterous, but man does it look painful.

I had that New Day Q&A segment on in the background while I typed up that Cruiser match, and my goodness that was bad. They just yelled the whole time.

2. Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

ER: So they went really long with this one. Probably too long. And it really could have used blood. But overall it was good. It started to get real good when Reigns missed his sliding kick on the apron and Rusev hit a lariat. Once weapons got in their I really suckered in. Rusev bashing Reigns in the ropes with the kendo stick was great, although after he broke it over his knee I started rooting for him to stab him with the stick, Abby style. Things would have gotten so damn real with a kendo stick stabbing. I thought Rusev was on point the entire match. His punches looked way better than Roman's (except for the first time Roman caught him with the chain, then Roman was throwing bombs), and all of his kicks looked great. Roman ran forehead and nose first into one of those, and I thought for sure he was gonna get up with a black eye. The chain spots looked good and that sub with the chain through Roman's mouth was great. So yeah, plenty of great stuff in this one, but they were also given an insane amount of time to do the great stuff. Overall win.

3. Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

ER: Eh this was okay. I actually liked Brooke more than Bayley in this one, which was not something I expected. Dana's the one that got me into it, the moment she kick Bayley's arm in the ropes. All the arm work was really good, her lariat looked really good, and suddenly I liked small powerhouse Dana Brooke. Bayley firing back with her one good arm was nice, but the end felt too sudden and convenient.

4. Enzo & Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson

ER: Surprising result, but this was pretty bleh. One of Anderson's better WWE performances, though, so that leaves me mixed. Enzo and Cass just are not good. Cass' big boot usually looks good. But even Test had a bit more going for him than his good big boot. Gallows superkicking Enzo was satisfying, and I did like Enzo's crossbody earlier, but this was flat for me.

5. Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins

ER: This was actually my favorite match with these guys. It also got tons of time, but I think that actually made it feel more epic in scope. I think this was the tightest that Rollins has looked in WWE. The strike segments weren't "hold my hair and swing in a phone booth" things that Owens has been spamming, it was just an old fashioned punch exchange. And Rollins looked good in it, really throwing them at all angles. Owens worked in some cool stuff like flying hard into cannonballs (including a brutal one into the cell) and then later splatting Rollins with a couple nasty sentons. One of them hit while Rollins was on all fours, and damn that just hurts my wrists and elbows thinking about it. Rollins muscling up Owens with a powerbomb was nuts, and even though the tables were set up for it, I still didn't think anybody was going through that table structure. But hot damn did Owens get powerbombed through it. Nuts. Owens' chairshots were among the most violent I've ever seen, he really looked like he was laying Rollins out. They weren't landing flush, Rollins was catching some edge, they were thrown to his ribs and arm and stomach, really nasty shots. So yeah, this match felt appropriately violent to justify the time given. Much better than I hoped.

6. TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick

ER: A good match but I think they have better in them. I do love that they're working long real time injury spots into matches thanks to Kendrick. It feels like if Chris Hamrick were suddenly a guy they cared about. But Kendrick does a great long convincing knee injury, always knowing it would end with him jumping TJ. I still wasn't actually expecting the Kendrick win, even though I love it. They've kinda treated TJ like a wet noodle since this whole cruisers on Raw thing happened. Some fan in the front row manages to insult both men in one breath with a "Get a fucking haircut hippie. Nike sucks!" One man, raging against the system. I love how dangerous they have made the captains hook look, almost always a guaranteed win. But this felt like it needed a bit more build.

7. New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus

ER: This felt long and I actually think the match benefitted from the slow spots. I liked Big E and Cesaro selling how damn tired they were. I really liked Cesaro and Sheamus cutting off Woods. They were pretty vicious to him in the corner, with both seeing who could throw a harder uppercut. The rolling senton into Cesaro's double stomp. That's finisher level nasty. Cesaro catching Woods' running leg and turning it into a sharpshooter was slick and vicious as all hell. I really wanted it to be the finish. In a way it was, but they get cute and DQ Kofi for interference. But this was a real good Sheamus/Cesaro performance, and a nice New Day showing. The ending was kinda annoying, but match was solid.

8. Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks

ER: Well hot damn I loved this. This felt epic, this had some gravitas. Charlotte jumping her before the bell was awesome, and both of them beat the hell out of each other around ringside. Sasha showed real fire when prepping the table, and you knew something bad was happening. But I somehow didn't guess powerbomb. Sasha got planted with that powerbomb, sprawled across the collapsing table fantastically. I loved the lonnnnnnng stretcher set up. It was taking forever, but I loved it. Every minute that went by made it look like Sasha had more and more of a chance to recover. That powerbomb was nasty but juuuuuust maybe...so when she gets off the stretcher and slaps the hell out of an EMT, I was way into it. And they had a real assbeating fight. Sasha flew into her with knees, Charlotte landed kicks, they laced right into each other. There was a certain sloppiness that actually added to the gritty fight feel, totally made the match. I had no idea who would win, no clue where it would go, was constantly waiting for a swerve of some kind. But the table coming in, Sasha getting tossed all over it, ragdolling into and off of it, felt like a really violent human breaking move. The whole match felt like a big deal (which is annoying to type after how much I know they're going to pat themselves on the back because HISTORY), and they shocked the hell out of me. I thought they would work stupid to justify their spot in the main event, but I thought they were smart in this - even with a couple crazy spots. Awesome match.

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WWE Clash of the Champions 2016 Live-ish Blog

1. Alicia Fox vs. Nia Jax

I liked the little build we got to this one, as Alicia flipping out on Jax in the hallway seemed like it had an unexpected moment in it, with Fox seemingly accidentally smacking Jax in the face with a box. You look at the reactions of both when it happened, and I genuinely think it was an accident. But it lead to that super violent shove and I was interested in seeing a match. I really liked Fox not long ago when she was a big bumping heel, but almost right after I wrote something praising her work she got buried in 6 mans and wasn't really face or heel. She was just around. And this match went just about as it should. I love monster heels and Fox was given just enough, and I really liked how they transitioned to Jax finishing her off. Fox was smart and jumped her with kicks, but I loved when they went into Jax hitting her with bigger, more damaging kicks. Jax tossing Fox around was great, as Fox has these long limbs that make her ragdolling look even better. She's also just a good ragdoll bumper in general, so it's almost disappointing that this basically ends their feud. I could watch her get tossed around at least a couple more times. But Fox's comeback crossbody was great, loved how Jax leapt into it. Also love how they set up Jax's butt splash in the corner, with Fox slipping out of the Samoan drop and falling back into the corner, only for Jax to be on it. Fun opener.

2. New Day vs. Gallows & Anderson

Damn this was really good! It's one of those wonderfully constructed hot 8 minute tags. It's short enough that nothing stupid needs to happen, but long enough that it feels like it has some substance. Nobody has time to deal with their shortcomings, it's just a hot match that keeps the crowd up. This may have been Anderson's best performance in WWE so far. He really came off like a badass whose moves all ended with an exclamation point. That spinebuster was sick. And the match was obviously tightly constructed, but had a nice chaos to it, with interference and brawling on the floor not being the moment the match breaks down, but being integrated nicely into the match. Big E looked good as usual, both teams clicked, this was a real nice "opener".

3. Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins

Well TJP clearly has a barely rejiggered version of the best parts of Mega Man 2 theme, and I can't help but flip out for that. And WWE putting up the purple ropes for this match is an awesome attention to detail. Phil and I each compared Kendrick in the CWC to Finlay, so it's appropriate he's the one who gets to bring Finlay's great apron skirt trap back into play. I'm picturing Finlay blessing him with the spot backstage in a gruff but touching moment. Perkins is kind of awkward in this one. His double chickenwing just looked like Kendrick fell on top of him with all of his weight. And then he whiffed on that neckbreaker (but Graves had a nice cover for it saying him drug Kendrick down by his hair). TJP hits a wild rana off the apron that sends both men splatting. I think Kendrick's scrappiness is kind of a good way to cover up for any accidental sloppiness. He does some stuff that's unpolished, throws some timing off, it adds an element of uncooperation without ever coming off unprofessional. There was an moment where they abort an Irish whip and it landed in a neat moment of "guy changing his mind on a spot vs. guy just shifting his timing to keep opponent on his toes". The match overall was a step below the CWC stuff, but still plenty fun.

4. Sheamus vs. Cesaro

Cesaro comes out dressed like a badass maitre'd who is actually just a hitman disguised as a maitre'd. I will never have a moment in my life where I look that cool. I love both of these two but weirdly liked the very first match in this series more than the others, and that was buried on a pre-show. Cesaro seems weirdly light in the first half of this. His uppercuts had a little less mustard, that crossbody landed like a Petey Williams crossbody, and that 619 should never see the light of day again. AND THEN THAT HAPPENED. THAT happened. Cesaro takes one of the most grizzly bumps in wrestling history, and the look of fear on his face after his spikes himself on a dive was horrifying. And WWE make sure to show 5 angles of it and it keeps looking uglier, keeps looking more like something a man shouldn't live through. I assumed immediately they would call an audible and just end on a count out. And somehow they didn't. Somehow it kept going. I wake up some days with a kink in my neck just because I slept wrong, and here Cesaro just basically leapt into the air and  landed on his head. We had a swimming pool growing up, and a diving board. And there was a sticker on the side of our diving board with a cartoon man diving into an empty pool, with a red circle and line through it. And when they showed Cesaro's dive in slow motion, he was in the exact same position as the man jumping into the empty pool. But somehow things continue and the crowd's disbelief leads to the crowd getting way into this match, and the drama seems huge afterwards because it doesn't even seem like Cesaro should be walking anymore. I had no problem with the double count out, because after that dive it's like the rule book went right out the fucking window. This wasn't either man not wanting to get pinned, this was two dudes fighting and not caring about a count. Great stuff that all built from a very, very scary moment.

5. Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho

Somehow the slight facial hair has massively improved Jericho's look. He went from looking like old lesbian Denis Leary to more of a Timothy Olyphant type. A massive improvement. And his walk to the ring is very much perfect. The ring work and execution isn't the great in this, but it feels nicely laid out. Jericho is just really bad at taking offense at this point. He essentially bails on Sami's flip dive and baaaaarely catches that through the ropes DDT. Sami wins me over by appropriately selling his genitals and groin after missing the yakuza kick in the corner. The blue thunder bomb was a big moment and Sami added an extra spin, but I thought the finish was extremely lazy with Jericho just standing up and hitting the codebreaker. We can do better than that, right?

6. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte

Not a big fan of three ways but I dug the way the early part of this was worked. I must have missed why this is No DQ though. Sasha and Charlotte match up really well, loved how Sasha bumped face first into the bottom buckle off a Charlotte kick. Bayley seems like she's been disappeared for 6 minutes. Sometimes Charlotte has a really goofy way of getting into position for the next spot. Like she's just doing a zombie sleepwalk. It's weird that it's No DQ but Dana Brooke has only interfered one time. Shouldn't she just be working this like a tornado tag if it's No DQ? Charlotte is just being booked like a beast throughout this whole thing. No move can hurt her, she's hardly needed Dana's interference despite being 2 on 1, and she gets big spots like that moonsault onto both women. You would never know the Bayley to Belly was used as a finisher, because Charlotte didn't even take a moment to act like a move had been done to her. Bayley was just a total afterthought in this whole match. Gone for much of the middle, never made to look important at any point other than the first 10 seconds. This got an insane amount of time and was just a total mess.

7. Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

This was a little deflating, as I really like Roman, but the whole thing was handled so poorly and obviously by the announcers that I just couldn't get into the match. The end felt inevitable. No matter how good Rusev looked, all you would hear about was just how brave Roman was for surviving, or how "Roman just needs to...." or "Is this Roman's moment..." It just sucked all of the drama out of everything for me. Though I was genuinely surprised by the big reaction to Roman's match winning spear. Crowd really exploded for it. I liked the Lana yanking the ref false finish, but I just didn't think this was one of Reigns' better performances. He seemed sluggish throughout, seemed tentative on offense.

8. Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens

I'm really liking Owens in this, liked his shit talk as he caught Rollins' leg and kicked him, liked him dropping the elbow out of the apron and working a snug horizontal chinlock. I get a little burnt out by PPVs though. I don't think I have proper stamina for them. I don't know if it's how WWE paces their shows, or if I can only just watch 2 hours of wrestling at a time, but matches just take more to get me involved in them the longer a PPV goes. The crowd seems with me. They all seem super quiet. Owens is trying. That missed cannonball looked great, and the gutbuster off the top was wild, and Owens is so wanting to get ANY kind of reaction from the crowd that he even does crotch chops before missing his announce table senton. That feels barely one step removed from people using a stunner on 1999-2003 indy wrestling shows. And I'm so sick of that moment every PPV where one or all of the announce team goes "Not like this!" This match felt an hour long.

It seems like all of these PPVs start out exciting and just get more and more arduous the longer they go.

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