WRESTLEMANIA 34 REPORT!!
Andre the Giant Battle Royal
ER: Love me a battle royal, hopefully that is not a secret at this point. Dolph Ziggler is being so obnoxious, spamming like 7 skin the cat spots in the first few minutes, really terrible battle royal schtick. BUT aside from Dolph we get a really full pool of a battle royal and a bunch of guys taking great elimination bumps. English flops big, Hawkins flops big, Sin Cara gets tossed onto a bunch of guys, Goldust is tearing it up - really the perfect battle royal worker that's not Finlay. His snap powerslam on Ziggler was flawless. Mojo has been great in this as well, pouncing Ryder out of the ring in a spectacular spot. Good on Ryder for taking that. Fandango takes a great bump to the floor. But MOJO takes the best elimination bump, getting launched into a flat back bump on the floor. Mojo is really fun and I was rooting for him to win again (once Goldust was eliminated). As battle royals go, this was cluttered as hell, but the eliminations made it a good one. A worthwhile battle royal.
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali
ER: This starts out okay, but they are moving weirdly slow through spots. That might read like a weird criticism. I guess I'm saying that they are getting to that point of "big move - both guys down selling" weirdly quick in the match. And there's some goofy "I'm gonna somersault towards you and then jump up and pull your face into the mat" Edge kind of offense. Then they take a long time setting up some top rope spot. BUT It picks up nicely with a big splat bump chest first to the floor from Ali (guy can bump, you heard it hear first) and a bunch of great kicks to the chest (during a commerical break for Ronda Rousey), and I was really rooting for Ali. His inverted 450 was great but Cedric gets his boot on the ropes. Didn't love the finish, really dislike when a guy takes the big finisher, and then basically both slowly stand up and the guy who just took a finisher does his own. It's lazy. Overall the match was fine.
Women's Battle Royal
ER: I'm really excited for this one. Team Rose all the way. Or Bianca. Bayley comes out dressed like 1996 Rocky Maivia. I kind of like them starting with a bunch of spots where a girl gets surrounded and jumped. I didn't want the whole thing to go that way, but it was a unique way to start. The NXT girls all had a nice showings, Peyton Royce got her head kicked in and dropped headfirst on the apron, it goes a little bit too briskly as everyone is gone all at once. Bianca hits the greatest hair whip, right to the stomach, loudest sound of the night so far. Love it. I like this finish with Naomi getting the surprise win, because Naomi is awesome.
Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor
ER: I can't stand Balor so then he rubs it in my face by being super accepting and pro equality and supportive of LGBT and I'm the guy going "This guy is the worst!" So I have to root for intolerance, or Balor. Really annoying. This has a lot of common 3 way problems like Rollins disappearing for awhile and guys waiting around, but they worked the right match for this crowd. The crowd kept getting hotter the longer it went, so they clearly did something right. We hit peak stupid with Balor taking a superplex and immediately getting a small package roll up, and then just up and fine 30 seconds later. That's really dumb. But the end run is hot as hell, with some great saves, Balor hitting a huge double stomp on Miz while Miz is covering Rollins (just before the 3 count), some big curb stomps, really made me interested in a match that I was really not interested in. Crowd wanted it, and they delivered.
Charlotte vs. Asuka
ER: This starts out hot and stays good. Damn good. they do a bunch of cool rope running and dropdowns, with Charlotte snagging her with a slick ankle pick using her own leg, all really fast work, really stiff. Charlotte hits a moonsault into a waiting triangle in a great moment, felt like Asuka could put it away early. But Charlotte slickly reverses to a Boston Crab. These two are really jelling. Asuka hits a vertical suplex off the apron to the floor, both taking the tumble, totally nuts. Charlotte is doing this great cry sell. Charlotte yells that she's the queen and Asuka cuts her off with a bunch of slaps. Charlotte returns the favor with some nasty chops to a seated on the top rope Asuka. Asuka kicks out of a wild Spanish Fly that went up vertically and landed hard, and later rolls Charlotte into a BRUTAL grounded octopus hold. Charlotte's neck was bent at a vicious angle, it looked so painful. The finish run is hot and I can't believe they gave Charlotte the tap. The figure 8 looked really great, Charlotte bridged up super high, leveraging it up with one arm, and Asuka taps clean. I don't think Charlotte winning was the right move at all, but the match was awesome.
PAS: This was really fun, Charlotte is a little awkward, but I really enjoy how she uses her height and length, that ankle pick was awesome. I loved how Asuka pointed out the bad shoulder and how she worked on it, that grounded octopus was a nasty bit of violence, as was that crazy verticle suplex. I could have done with out the Spanish Fly it looked like she almost lost Asuka on the way down and I am always worried that Charlotte is going to either kill herself or someone else on that. I did like that they ended with mat rolling, and the one arm figure 8 was a nice touch. Reminded me a lot of the finish to the NXT women's match the show before. Both ladies really delivered. I did think they would save Asuka streak for Ronda, but there is plenty of juice still in a Ronda vs. Asuka match up.
Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton
ER: Jinder Mahal has a spectacular formal jacket. This match should be fun because it at least has an even number of participants, and my goodness the shape Rusev has gotten himself into. He hits a big cannonball off the apron onto everyone and announces THAT'S how you do Rusev Day. Fans are over the moon for him. Rusev gets dropped hard on barricade, really deserves more. We go on a fun trainwreck moment with Orton hitting RKOs on everyone, Mahal somehow getting the pin over Rusev which is BS. I like Mahal and think the guy has worked harder than some give him credit for, but Rusev has been busting butt and getting big reactions for so damn long now. This was at least worked at a quick pace and had a bunch of nice moments, Mahal leapt into a super snappy Roode spindebuster, huge slam from Mahal, nice selling from Orton, Rusev taking an RKO on his forehead, but man did I want a Rusev win.
HHH/Stephanie vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey
ER: This also starts really great. Stephanie rarely gets her comeuppance, but she really is a wonderful heel, knowing just how to play all of this off. Angle has that classic old man amateur wrestling hunch, and Stephanie is fantastic at getting in cheap shots, choking Angle in the ropes, shoving him into the ring steps, all so great. The old man Angle/HHH exchanges are way more interesting than the younger athletic show off exchanges in 2000s Angle/HHH matches. HHH hits a big spinebuster and we get a nice moment of HHH almost punching Steph when Angle moved. Stephanie is fan-fucking-tastic in this match, like performance of the night levels. Steph breaks up an Angle tag by yanking Ronda down and prancing back to her corner. HHH takes his perfect Race bump over the corner to the floor, and we get a lonnnnnng and PERFECT slow Angle crawl to tag in Ronda. Steph is freaking out on the apron and can't do a thing about it, HHH is knocked out on the floor, and Rousey just SPRINTS at Steph and drags her into the ring. Rousey hits tons of cool stuff, a flipping lariat and a couple neat takedowns, rolls Steph into mount and it's all so great. Steph begs off and Ronda is just this looming presence over her, Steph rakes eyes and Rousey's eyes turn all pink from it. Holy shit.
PAS: I was expecting this to be bad, and thought it might get to passable, and totally did not expect it to be great. Loved Stephanie as Memphis Jimmy Hart, and this might have been the best heel manager in a match performance in wrestling history. Is there a Cornette match as good as this? Heenan? She is so detestable and smirking and you are just begging for her to get her arm broken. Her actual offense looked pretty good too, which isn’t something I remember from her last run as a wrestler. Angle and Helmsley’s stuff was fine as needed time filler between the Rhonda parts, man the definition on Helmsley was nuts, it is good to have the corporate exception from wellness testing. I was really worried that Angle would stroke out though, he was turning purple during the german suplexes. Eric was right about the timing I loved every nearfall and save, and the finish was perfect. Stephanie smirking turning into fear was great emoting, and I loved the begging before getting her arm broken. I have been fast forwarding through her promos for 20 years now, so I can’t say if it was worth all of that to get to this point, but this was the ultimate comeuppance for her Ivanka Trump character, honestly we should never see her again and she would be going out like Jordan beating Utah. I do have a feeling we are going to be getting some Jordan Wizards years after this.
New Day vs. Usos vs. Bludgeon Brothers
ER: Fun match with a great Rowan performance, but this was shockingly short. Everybody looked good, but it was really short. Rowan and Harper look like beasts, Rowan takes a big double suplex on the floor, Usos bump big and toss in some well timed superkicks, but this probably underperformed what most people were expecting. I was certainly underwhelmed, but really it had no chance of coming anywhere close to the mixed tag, so who really cares. Bludgeon Brothers have been getting slow played so if this means they tag the ball and run then I'm cool.
John Cena vs. Undertaker
ER: I loved the stuff with Elias, the blackout lights with an Elias guitar strum breaking the silence was exactly how the play that. And we do get Undertaker, and we do get a 15 minute Taker entrance, and Taker really works hard in the 4 minutes that it lasted. Cena leans impossibly far out of a big boot, but he also does a wonderful pants shitting reaction when Taker sits up from the dead. Taker did his big spots and was moving quickly in short bursts. Cena put the man over and I'm SUPER happy that it was only a 4 minute match. We all know they should have run this match 5 years ago, and it would have ruled, but I'm so thankful this didn't go 26 minutes.
Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan vs. Kevin Steen/Sami Zayn
ER: The opening YES! video package is really cool, making it seem like an actual cool movement. Bryan is stupid and gets taken out of the match early with a freaking apron power bomb, and we get SO MANY Shane MMAcMahon and it's silly and hilarious and kind of adorable. We saw a Rousey match earlier and Shane is doing all these flowery punch combos, and even takes out Zayn with a Glacier-esque flying spinkick. Shane is FIP through most of this and it's not bad at all. Zayn is a great dickhead and heel Zayn throwing nice punches to taunt Shane is the best stuff in the match. Bryan IS knocked out cold for like 8 minutes, which seems like a pretty serious thing. Bryan gets back into the match with a great save. The do some cool things to build to the Bryan hot tag, really kicking things up and making this immediately work. Shane pulls himself to Bryan using the ring ropes, something he learned while on a WWE Corporate Retreat and thought "oooooooo I'm gonna fit that into a match!" Bryan goes on a killer hot tag tear and Zayn flies into EVERYTHING. Zayn flips inside out on a flying elbow, takes a missile dropkick right to the neck, eats unhinged corner dropkicks, and Bryan paid him back by eating a huge yakuza kick. Shane takes a superkick on the apron and takes a big backwards bump into the barricade. Shane is a good guy to be the guy not working a tag match. Zayn is having one of his best WWE performances in this match. His spit sell on the penultimate YES! kick was timed immaculately. All of Bryan's greatest hits are really great to see, and Zayn couldn't have been a better dance partner. No screwy stuff with Shane looking like cool red-faced gassed heel, just a nice simple comeback match. Good stuff.
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss
ER: I am so excited for this match. This is one of my favorite women's angles they've ever done. I really loved the moment where Nia and Alexa said I Love You. The Bliss insults came a bit too suddenly, but I am really excited for this. Nia crushes Mickie James before the bell and bounces her around ringside. Nia is throwing Mickie into the barricade by her hair, and her glare at Alexa is sooo good throughout. Nia gives a pick Samoan Drop on the floor and James does this awesome ragdoll sell of it. "Somebody get a shovel to scrape Mickie James off the floor."~Corey Graves. The Bliss/Jax faceoff was great with Nia screaming in anger and Bliss screaming in fear, loved that. Bliss takes a zillion hiptosses in a row and Bliss starts cheapshotting Nia after getting tossed to the floor. Once Bliss starts going after Nia's knee this gets great. Bliss jumps off the middle rope on Nia's knee in one of the more brutal moments of the night, and starts jumping on Nia and stepping on her back. The size difference is so vast, that Bliss standing on his next to the ropes looked like a guy posing on the dock after catching Jaws. But Nia is a great seller and is making all of Bliss' offense super credible, and Bliss is doing all her best material. Nia's comeback is fantastic with her just overwhelming Bliss with fast heavy offense. Bliss got bodyslammed, tossed multiple times, took a great avalanche, all of it came boom boom boom back to back and they ran through it all great. Bliss has these nasty comeback eye rakes and Nia just starts slamming her around the ring anyway. The ending is what it should have been, Nia crushes Bliss and makes sure she won't get up, hitting the (first time ever used by Nia?) Samoan Drop off the middle rope.
PAS: This was really good. I loved Jax just slaughtering Mickie James, the face beating up the heel manager to even the playing field is a great wrestling trope, but you rarely see it this big, that spot where she was ragdolling James into the barricade was nasty stuff. I also liked the eye poke as a turning point, especially how Nia sold it like she lost a contact. Tiny heel versus giant face is an odd match layout, but they do a nice job with it. Bliss is just hateful, her mock apologizing was just nasty, she really feels like a 17 year old who cyberbullied a girl into a suicide attempt. Nia has gotten really good at using her size to maul and much like the Ronda, you really want to see the mauling.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles
ER: Nakamura is starting this by making so many funny dumb faces, and Styles is really great at playing into Nakamura's shit. He knows the timing of his goofy kicks, and Nak is throwing a lot of them. They're landing well, and pretty effective, especially a wild one legged missile dropkick that AJ took on the chin. Nak is generous back, taking an inverted driver on his forehead, and we go through a cool Nak legwork section. AJ is good at working a leg and Nak is selling nicely. I think the Calf Slicer is finisher worthy, so I love AJ locking it in, but we get some fun Nak reversals into a nice triangle. AJ is tough as hell and standing up out of the triangle with Nak and hits a nasty neck first death valley driver. Nak sells a missed knee by amusingly bunny hopping on one leg. Crowd is pretty damn quiet for this match, considering this would be the internet dream match main event. But this might be a problem with the build up to the match. This match was basically promoted as "This will be a good wrestling match" whereas something like Nia/Bliss was getting great reactions the whole way through because it had this throwback friend betrayal angle. This match is technically good, and they worked a quality match, but it didn't really connect like it could have and maybe should have. It was mechanically sound, but oddly vacant. Nak hits a crazy knee to the back of Styles' head which probably should have finished the match. But Styles gets the win in a perfectly fine match, that played to a tired crowd. Nak does a heel turn after the match with a sore loser beatdown that goes on a LONG time. They really let it play out. Nak doing his dances as a heel will actually be pretty great. Those will be so annoying.
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Braun Strowman/Nicholas
ER: This is actually really great. Braun does this HUGE search for his mystery partner, and lands on a FUCKING PETRIFIED 10 year old child named Nicholas. THIS POOR CHILD. Nicholas is absolutely terrified standing on the apron the entire time. Nicholas stands on the apron shacking in TERROR the whole match. He never lets go of the ropes and looks like he's going to pass out the entire time, and he's already the most sympathetic worker in the Network era. Braun works the whole match and regularly dispatches The Bar. It gets infinitely more intriguing when Cesaro dropkicks Braun in the leg, and we suddenly realize that Nicholas MIGHT HAVE TO TAG IN. We get a great slow tag to Nicholas, and he REACHES FOR THE TAG! Good for fucking Nicholas. I really wanted Nicholas to put his shoe up on the top rope for Braun to throw Cesaro into, like he was in the Skyscrapers or something. Cesaro makes these great Snively Whiplash facials as he stands up to face Nicholas, and Nicholas tags immediately out (for awhile I was wondering if they were going to gimmick Nicholas and have him be a child gymnast who does moonsaults or something) and braun wrecks Cesaro. The Bar don't totally connect with me, seems lesser than I think they should be, so I didn't mind them dropping the straps to a child with progeria.
Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar
ER: The Roman hate really gets pulled form the exact same sources, and everyone thinks they're the brave soul who is standing up against Roman. It's so unlike any other wrestling fan thing in history. This unsurprisingly goes big immediately, with Lesnar throwing bombs, Reigns throwing superman punches, and soon Brock is throwing suplexes on the floor. Roman eats two big overhead belly to bellys, one of them bouncing him off his head and shoulders. Reigns eats Suplex City in the ring, but we get a good moment of Roman shoving Brock into the ringpost. We've had a couple good ringpost spots tonight, and the LED screen shots make for a good spot. Reigns hits a couple big spears to target Lesnar's diverticulitis stricken intestines. Roman eats a couple F5s and starts cursing when Reigns kicks out of them. Lesnar is all purple and red and it really makes it look the babyface puts him through a real bitch of a time. So Brock casually destroys Roman, F5 through a table, F5 back in the ring, and the tiny wang fans all get so upset that Roman keeps kicking out. Brock punches Roman right in the head a whole bunch of punches to Roman's hairline, just mammoth meaty fists getting bounced off Roman's head. This is some damn color, really dripping out of Roman's head. Roman really gets no comeback at a certain point, he just takes punishment and drips blood. Pretty shocking to see Roman decimated like that to end a show, was not expecting that.
PAS: I really liked how this started out, Brock still has incredible explosion, there is nothing in wrestling like his first burst out of the block. Reigns really isn't afraid to take a huge beating to put over Brock too, he was eating belly to bellys like Necro Butcher right on his forehead. The long F5 section really killed the match though, it just was interminable and the same thing over and over again. I would have been fine with a long beatdown if there had been some variety, or a quicker beatdown, or even if the blood had come before the kickouts, but the layout of this killed the crowd, most of my interest in the match and probably Roman's career.
ER: This is easily the best Mania in years, nothing else close to it. This was front to back a seriously fun show with some great moments, and really felt like a classic spectacle show. All the big matches delivered or overdelivered, with both women's title matches being strong and the mixed tag defying anyone's expectations. Nobody should be dissatisfied with this show.
2018 MOTY MASTER LIST
Labels: 2018 MOTY, AJ Styles, Alexa Bliss, Asuka, Brock Lesnar, Charlotte, Daniel Bryan, HHH, Kurt Angle, Nia Jax, Roman Reigns, Ronda Rousey, Shinsuke Nakamura, Stephanie McMahon, Wrestlemania 34
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posted by EricR @ 12:00 AM
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