You're His For The Taking, Pirata Morgan Is Making A Career Of Evil

Pirata Morgan, Babe Face, & Cien Caras vs. Rayo de Jalisco Jr., La Fiera, & Lizmark EMLL 1986 - EPIC

Hey, you know who's an all-time great worker who you almost never see get talked up as one? La Fiera. And even if this match had nothing else going for it, this would still be an EPIC performance for him. Fortunately, this does have other stuff going for it, mostly in the form of Babe Face, whom Fiera would have a hair vs. hair match with the following week, and man, do they ever psyche you up for it here. Match opens with Babe Face posting Fiera and Fiera doing a disgusting bladejob off of it, and Babe Face starts punching and headbutting the open wound. The rest of the match is spent on Babe Face beating the shit out of Fiera, and Fiera doing a truly sublime job of selling it before finally getting his opening and turning the tables, busting Babe Face open in the process. The one downside to the awesomeness of all of this, though, is that Pirata and the rest of the gang are mostly thrown into the background here. He does still get to do some cool stuff, including the first appearance of the Muta-style blood spit (Fiera's, natch) in this project, and a moment where he knocked Lizmark through the ropes so he was hanging upside-down by his feet outside the ring, followed by him kicking out his legs so Lizmark fell head-first onto the floor. They were in the middle ropes, so it wasn't that big of a drop, but still, ouch. There was also some great brawling outside of the ring from all six guys in the finall fall, which included Pirata taking a flip bump into the ring apron, and an awesome exchange between him and Rayo at the end of the match where Rayo picked him up and chucked him over the top rope to floor, and followed up with a huge crossbody suicida from the top rope. Still this is less of an EPIC Pirata match than an EPIC match that happened to have Pirata in it as a positive contributor.

Pirata Morgan, Satanico, & MS-1 vs. Dos Caras, Canek, & Voodoo Mulumba UWA 9/18/1987 - SKIPPABLE

There were moments where this threatened to creep into FUN territory. The second fall, taken on it's own, was kinda entertaining, with a good Canek/Satanico exchange, a solid Pirata/Dos exchange, and MS-1 bumping big for Mulumba. But this one was never gonna go far, because Voodoo Mulumba is one of the shittiest wrestlers I have ever seen in my life. Mulumba, for those who don't know, is the infamous Big Red Reese, the guy they brought into Memphis to feud with Bill Dundee after he beat Lawler in the '85 loser leaves town match, and he absolutely bombed on top. Here, he's in with five other guys, all of whom I like to some degree or another, so the suck is diluted a little. But he's still the center of the match, and that's not good, because he is to fat guy wrestlers what Giant Gonzalez was to tall guy wrestlers. He is the fat guy wrestler who can't even be called upon to do basic fat guy wrestling stuff effectively. He almost falls over doing the "sit-down splash out of a sunset flip attempt" spot. His teammates Irish whip MS-1 into him so that he'll get knocked down by Mulumba's girth...and it's Mulumba who's driven back. The only other worthwhile thing about the match - which is also Pirata's one notable contribution to it - is the post-match, where the defeated Infernales dare Mulumba to come back and face them again, including Pirata climbing on MS-1's shoulders to overcome his size advantage. Otherwise, this is the first actively terrible match I've watched for this thing.

Pirata Morgan, Electroshock, & Bestia Salvaje vs. Negro Casas, Felino, & Heavy Metal AAA/CMLL 6/17/2000 - GREAT

This was from the big interpromotional "Padrisimo" show at Plaza de Toros, and Los Hermanos Casas get to reunite nine years before they could do it full-time in CMLL. Pepe Tropicasas is also one of the refs in this alongside El Tirantes, and we get a sweet moment in the beginning where he hugs all of his sons. But Pirata isn't much for sentimentality, and this breaks down pretty quickly into an out of control brawl. Everyone is working double time in this, but unsurprisingly, it's Pirata and Casas who are the stars here. Both guys are fucking bulldozers, knocking down everything that gets in their paths with fists, feet, and lariats. And their exchanges with each other are what you would hope they would be, particularly the one at the top of the match where Pirata drops Casas with a nasty powerbomb, and their wild brawling exchange leading to a false finish spot near the end. Said false finish is one of the better uses of referees as active participants in a match that I've seen, with Casas procuring La Casita and Tropi going to make the count, but Tirantes shoves him over and breaks up the pin. Pepe's not having any of that shit, though, so he gets back up and socks Tirantes in the jaw, and starts wailing on him in a manner befitting his family. The refs are pulled apart by the wrestlers, both get ejected in favor of Roberto Rangel, and the match ends shortly thereafter with all three Casas brothers grabbing La Casita on their opponents simultaneously for the win. They celebrate with their dad while Pirata is held back by AAA compatriot Elctroshock from attacking Bestia, whose CMLLness clearly is what cost them the match. This is only a single fall match, and there is one egregious Heavy Metal highspot flub (he tries to leap onto the top rope to do a flip onto Bestia on the outside, but he doesn't land the jump to the top right, and Bestia has to stand there like a dope while Heavy Metal tries to get his balance), but otherwise, this all action with everyone delivering the goods, and a fun finish where Tropicasas gets to channel his inner raging dad at his sons' Little League game. Pirata vs. Casas is a match-up that I need to see more of.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE PIRATA MORGAN

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APW TV Workrate Report: 4/16/11

Looks like we finally get the big Derek Sanders vs. Poor Little Will Rood match tonight. I have been waiting AGES to see that little mooch Rood finally get what's coming to him. You talk about ingrates, then Rood's name will come up. "Boohoo. My boss got upset when I failed at my job over and over again." Puhhhh-lease. I recommended somebody for a job once, and they didn't show up on the 2ND DAY. They came in 5 hours late and said they had fallen off a ladder. They then forgot which knee they were supposed to be selling as the day went on, alternating between their left and right, or forgetting altogether. I felt like a fool for ever recommending that guy. How do you think the person that recommended Will Rood feels? What a disappointment this guy is.

Great Russia has welded FOREVER to STAND! Alexis Derevko is up first!

1. Alexis Derevko vs. Daniel Torch. Matthew Theall tries feebly to put over Derevko's "50 lb." chain that he carries to the ring. That chain, which is about 3' long and has about 20 links. 50 pounds it is then. Torch is officially the tiniest and scrawniest and greasiest of all indy kickers. Dude should use some conditioner, and not some of that cheap 2-in-1 bullshit. Long hair is a commitment, like pet ownership. If you're not going to take care of your long hair, and you're gonna let it get stringy and greasy, then why bother? Go to a nice salon (doesn't even have to be the classiest salon in town, just a nice one), and ask their advice. I know people think it's a sucker move to buy the products at a salon, but this isn't like buying the fucking extended warranty on your car, asshole. Ask their opinions. They're professionals. Tell them your issues (oily scalp? Split ends?) and ask their recommendations on a treatment for it. You should legitimately see results in 3-4 weeks.

He starts with a plancha and Derevko catches him and slams him on the apron. His chest gets nice and rosy after a few chops, and there's a great spot where he misses the corner Miz/Bourne clothesline, and while he's hung up Derevko clotheslines him to the back of the head. Yes!

And holy fuck, Jon Roberts. Derevko goes for a delayed vertical suplex, and Roberts calls it a "Stalling...Stalling...Stalling vertical soo-play!" STALLING. STALLING. Reallllly emphasized that "G", over and over again. Alexis Derevko is a fucking RUSSIAN! How could you blow a fucking Joseph Stalin joke!?!? That would have literally been a) the least offensive way to make a Stalin joke, and b) the ONLY way you could have smoothly insert anybody's name from Communist Russia into a wrestling pun. I guess you could have said "You know, Alexis Derevko was trained by Malenko. GEORGY Malenko!!" But that isn't fucking funny at all. Maybe after Derevko hits a senton you could call it "The Great Purge". I don't know. But Jesus, Jon Roberts is terrible. How could you fucking blow the Stalin joke?

They do kind of a crummy slap exchange (it always looks silly when two guys go blow to blow, shot for shot, and one of them is twice the size of the other), but Derevko hits a huge flying clothesline and Torch bumps it all ragdolly and cool. They do some more blow for blow chops tradeoffs, and Derevko finishes with a move Jon Roberts calls the "Lenin Bomb". Oh, brother. You blew it, Roberts. Let it go.

Will Rood interview, and he is soooooo excited to finally get his shot at his former boss, Derek Sanders. He put up with Sanders for TEN months!! He had to cheat, and lie! Gimme a break, Rood. Nobody was forcing you to work for Sanders. He hired you to do a job. You knew you would have to cheat, you knew you would have to lie. It was laid out in the job description! "I'm going to give you 10 months of my fist, down your throat!" You could have quit at any time! You were just lazy and didn't want to look for another job, admit it! Sanders does an interview and says how he chose Rood and was going to show him how things work, lead him to a title. Man, Rood is asshole! I want to see this guy get his ass handed to him so badly! You SO owe it to yourself to check out the embedded video up above and see Rood's "showdown" photo. He looks like one of those abused kittens they show in slow motion in those commercials, with the Sarah MacLachlan song playing, that always makes me want to buy 30 cats. But in the context of wrestling it looks wimpy as all get out. So basically Rood is playing the role of abused pussy.

2. Will Rood vs. Derek Sanders. I don't think I've seen Rood really wrestle before. I've just seen him be ineffective. Wait...I think he was actually in the January battle royal. I don't remember much about him. Rood started all feisty, taking Sanders down with a double leg and throwing some decent elbows. He sure does tug at his shorts a whole bunch. They do that spot that's pretty dumb with Rood standing on the apron, holding the top rope, and Rood slingshots him in by tugging on the ropes. Rood also falls on his butt while doing it. The only time that spot has been done well was by Mike Modest, who would always just let go of the ropes to avoid getting slingshotted in, and then just punch the guy. Rood tries winning me over by doing a fistdrop. It missed, but his form was good. I will give him credit for at least trying a fistdrop. At least he's attempting cool offense.

Sanders takes over with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker that really looked like he was doing most of the work. His stomps and clubbing blows to Rood's back look real nice. Sanders throws on a half nelson camel clutch cravate that is pretty bad ass. A bunch of headlocks and cravates happen, and then some guy dressed in black wearing a black mask runs in for the DQ.

All cards on the table, this match was real bad. I give Rood a hard time, but he deserved it all here. This match was supposed to be a grudge that he'd been waiting "10 months to pay back". And outside of the fire he showed in the first 30 seconds, he looked completely lost the whole match. There were numerous stretches where it looked like Sanders was just waiting around for Rood to go on offense, and Rood looked completely horrified and clueless. He's new, and I get that. They probably waited this long to have them split because he was still getting trained. But good lord did this whole long angle fail in every conceivable way. Rood cannot hold up his end of this. He did some stuff that looked alright. Some of his elbows looked good. He did a crazy out of control dive from the top to the floor that just smashed Sanders. But I think it looked good in that same way that Vince MacMahon's punches look good: They're being done by someone who has no idea what they're doing, so they have a dangerous feel to it. Sanders spent the bulk of this 15 minute match working over Rood with headlocks and cravates and other holds, and Rood really just did not have what it takes to work any kind of match yet, let alone a "grudge match that is 10 MONTHS IN THE MAKING".

This was just a real basic, bland, boring young wrestler vs. veteran match, but if I hadn't been drug through this completely awful and backwards storyline over the last 6+ months then I would have no idea these two even had previous history or that Rood had a bone to pick with Sanders. This was just a total bomb of an angle, and judging from the DQ finish I have to assume that this thing is actually going to continue, which sounds like a HORRIBLE idea. I don't think Rood could even be hidden that well in a 6 man tag. I don't even know if APW realizes how backwards and awful this looooong angle came off. The only thing that makes Rood look like a face in all this is the fact that Sanders is more of a heel. They tried to do Dibiase/Virgil and they failed big time, but it was how the wrote it! They never gave Rood a reason to be stuck working for Sanders, just that he needed the money and Sanders gave him a job. Then 10 months later he complains that he had to cheat for Sanders. So? That's literally what he was HIRED TO DO. There was no confusion about that. He didn't HAVE to keep doing it. He could've easily quit at any point. But he didn't. He kept taking the money, and Sanders never even treated him horribly. He never humiliated him, he just was upset that Rood wasn't doing his job well. Why would I want to cheer for Rood in this situation?

They have booked themselves way into a corner here, by backing a horse that can't run. This was a bad episode and the longer this angle goes on, the worse it is gonna get. But...he did try a fistdrop, so I can't hate Rood TOO much.

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