TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #43

So I came into this show with kind of really positive feelings toward TNA. The previous episode delivered two fun matches and a fun Nash/Alex Shelley segment. Plus I went to the Edison, NJ ROH show this weekend. Looking around that show I noticed that about 2% of the audience was kids 10 and under lots of them wearing TNA Samoa Joe shirts. For whatever else is wrong with ROH fans, they aren’t WWE fans. WWE fans are angered by enthusiastic little kids ruining the “wrestling experience” for them. ROH fans understand that they’re a cult and recruiting youth is something that they want to encourage. Watching little kids respond to Dragon v. Joe made me really hope that TNA has further success. So I came into this episode of Impact with good, positive feelings and I get this:

WHAT WORKED:

Monte Brown had a nice shirt. I don’t know what the fabric was but it was a nice shirt.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

Wow this was shitty episode. So they run an angle where they split up team Canada. Result of the split is that there is at least one Team Canada member in every TV segment? This show sucked!!

I'm not sure which was worse the shitty sports entertainment/mic segments or the shitty matches.

Just one bad match after another:

-X-Division three ways are pretty much always bad…but 4 ways are normally at minimum watchable. Normally when TNA runs an X division 4 way, people are smart enough to work it like a face/heel tag. Give the thing some structure. This had none of that and was a complete mess that just went on forever. Neither Williams or Devine really worked heel. Was Williams making a face turn? I mean this may have been the worst of the Impact X division multi-person matches. It appeared like Shark Boy was the smartest worker in the ring as there was some sense and build to what he was trying to do. Everyone else was just doing random shit. The other thing was it wasn’t that they where doing fast random shit. I mean spotty fast exchanges are one thing but they were working medium speed. I really can’t do justice to how bad this was. This was worse than some of the Lance Hoyt singles matches.

-Who was the jokester that laid out the James Gang and Eric Young vs. A1 and AMW match. A1 and Kip James work wrestling exchanges, Eric Young does shtick, AMW do miscommunication spots and BG James throws a dropkick. Now there is nothing wrong with building a 6 man match around two guys pairing off to do exchanges, face shtick, heel miscommunication spots and a dropkick. You can build a 6 man around having only two guys pair off and do wrestling exchanges while everyone else essentially does characterization. But who decided that two guys to pair off would be A1 and Kip James??

-So when they were building Samoa Joe v. Rhino as BATTLE OF MACHINES…I was fully aware that it wasn’t going to be as good as Junji Hirata v. Yoji Anjo. Aware that I’d rather see Joe vs. Hirata. Aware that I’d rather see Joe vs. Anjo. I was shocked when it wasn’t as good as Bill Eadie v. Black Jack Mulligan. This was mess. Samoa Joe does nice job bumping around and selling. But that was his role here. Samoa Joe is at his best when in role of playing “THE MAN”. Even when he was in the ring with the likes of Sting, Jarrett, and Steiner..Joe played role of “the man”. Here he played role of “afterthought”. The big table bump in end looked as convoluted as you can get. And really three way dance between three face/tweener guys who crowd like really feels like a burial of everyone. I don’t really give a rat’s ass about Rhino or Brown, so them being stuck against each other doesn’t bother me. Joe on the other hand. I think Joe vs. 2006 Blackjack Mulligan would have been better match. I am sure that Joe vs. 2006 Bill Eadie would have smoked this.


And then there were the endless awful sports entertainment/mic segments:

-Borash is saddened by the idea that he might be loosing young Eric Young to the James Boys. “This wasn’t part of our plan”. JEREMY BORASH TANNING WATCH: Last time we did one of these Borash had turned golden, this week he was more of a honey color.

-Christian does a long endless in ring mic segment with a strobe light going on behind him. Sting says some stuff. Then they do a backstage interview with Jarret. Christian and Sting segment really got nothing across. Normally Jarrett is good at hitting all the points and getting the storylines accross but I don’t have any idea of what they’re trying to push here. I’m guessing this was twenty minutes of an hour show that just did nothing to heat up their main. Two long mic segments and a video package and all that I got out of them was the realization that Jarrett and Sting have two of the worst looking goatee’s I’ve ever seen. They should bring in David Faustino as celebrity ref.

- Who thought the way to give Chris Sabin personality was to give him a backstage segment with Jerry Lynn. I’d love to see the booking meeting “Hey maybe some of that Jerry Lynn charisma will rub off” .

- TNA is filled with a million unexplained angles/mysteries that I really don’t care about. Of the million unexplained mysteries in TNA…”what is the definition of ‘hippophit’?” ranks just above “what’s Jackie Gayda’s secret”and just below “what was in Ryan Shamrock’s envelope?”. So not like I’m excited that we get the reveal. But figure should acknowledge it. A “hipophit” turns out to be a creature that is half elephant and half hippopotamus. You’d think that would be called a hippophant or a elapotamus. But you’d be wrong. Monte Brown adds more layers to his character as he is no longer working self hating black man as face, but rather self hating black as tweener. He has internalized racism so much that while he feels that he belongs in the jungle, he wants to rebuild the jungle as a restricted community. “Hippophits don’t deserve to live in Monte Brown’s Serengeti”. Like Steiner, Brown doesn’t want to interact with half-breeds and there will be no products of miscegenation in his dream village. “Rhinoceroses don’t deserve to live in the Serengeti either”.. I’m guessing that’s due to their hook nose. I guess this is an interesting bit of characterization but still just a painfully awful mic segment that does nothing to heat up the match. It was a really nice shirt.

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FAR FROM CLASSIC TOMK- throwaway comments written about a bunch of matches in 2004

Ahh 2004 and I was full of optimism about the future of the heavyweight Pro-Wrestling. Its almost sad looking back on my optimism.

"Between this [ Ogawa v. Goldberg] and Takayama vs. Nakamura 2004 really started out on a good foot in terms of heavyweight wrestling."

Goldberg burnt out on wrestling and now does MMA commentary. Ogawa really doesn't do "wrestling" anymore.JBL retired. Takayama went down for a couple years and who knows to what degree he'll recover.

And the two people who's work most excited me in 2004 are dead.

some stuff here I still stand by, other stuff not so much...

Takeshi Morishima vs. Jun Izumida (NOAH 3/13/04)

Man Izumida is on this ridiculous hot streak. Normally when guys who stunk get good after ten years it's cause they simplify, drop silly stuff, work tighter. Izumida has taken the opposite tack and just gone on an offensive tear. Ridiculous. Plus all of Izumida's old Tenzan'ish (headbutts, mongolian chops) offense is also looking really crisp lately. And yeah I'll say it best diving headbutt in the business today.

Chris Benoit vs. Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels - WWE World Heavyweight Title (WWE 3/14/04)

Cooey seems to like the early exchanges in this. I have no idea what he sees in those. The rest of match is all about the Benoit crowd heat. The crowd heat was awesome, but what made it so awesome is it was all about the crowd turning on the story of the match. Shawn Michaels goes for the WWE I hit opponent’s offense and hits a laughable German suplex in what was laid out as a "we are equal" faces spot. Crowd boos. Crowd boos any time anyone but Benoit is on offense. Crowd doesn't want to see the match that's been laid out for them. Crowd heat cool, actual match not much.


Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield - WWE Heavyweight Title (WWE 5/16/04)

This is your WWE match of the year.

How does one work as a World Title Holder?

Ric Flair gets a lot of crit on the net for the way he worked as champ. It's asked "Why is he begging off from Ricky Morton?"

Hogan doesn't get the same criticism. As he either gets criticized because his formula was stale, or praised for work as "strong champion". I've never understood the second as one of goofiest things in any Hogan match is the "I have to lose the beginning of test of strength segment". You have the biggest guns in wrestling, why is Bob Orton, Lanny Poffo or the Bossman powering you down? Why do you have to dig deep to win test of strength with Adrian Adonis? Stupid.

Kobashi gets some crit for his championship work against guys who aren't on his level. He can't find way to make lesser opponents credible unless they work same work the leg formula. Why does everyone have to work Kobashi same way? Rikio spends entire match working the leg until he starts throwing bombs. It's Rikio why not throw bombs from start. Sano beats Akiyama by just destroying his ribs. That’s what gets him to the title challenge. But he never does that in the title challenge itself.

Helmsley doesn't know how to sell for opponents.

Eddy Guerrero has figured out how to work a match against lesser opponent. Whole match is based on Eddie being the better wrestler and Bradshaw just not being at his level. All of the offense, all of the selling is built around that. Just a fucking great Championship match.

When I watched Eddy vs. Lesnar I remember thinking that I liked the way two worked together and would have liked to have seen them work a series.

Eddy vs. Bradshaw was better than that although I have really no interest in seeing the series. Unfortunately that’s what I'm stuck with. Still 5/16/04 is your WWE match that should make this or any list.

KENTA vs. Jun Izumida (NOAH 6/11/04)

Izumida works as poor mans short Hashimoto, Kenta works as Kenta. They do a spot where Kenta hurts his shins doing Kawada kicks to Izu’s head. I hope Kawada and Jamal work that same spot. I like old school AJ, love count out post dive lucha falls....I'm big fan of count out finishes. Liked the Hash v Vader count out finish which the crowd turned on. Izu vs. Kenta, best worked count out finish this year.

Kaz Hayashi vs. TAKA Michinoku - AJPW World Jr. Heavyweight Title (AJPW 2/22/04)

Who would have thunk. Two guys who I think of as being natural heels. Two guys who started out in lucha inspired juniors promotions. Working AJ-they work what felt like really good AJ juniors style match. This wasn't no NJ goofball juniors. This wasn't Toryumon meta-lucha. This was AJ juniors match, with AJ juniors style selling trace-ing line back to Fuchi vs. Kikuchi. Who would have thunk it.

Kawada vs. Hashimoto (AJPW 2/22/04)

The new thing that Hashimoto has brought to Japanese heavyweight wrestling is Ole Anderson, Ricky Steamboat bodypart selling.

Yeah there used to be you worked on body part for submission or the old school AJ body part work was lead in to throwing bombs (i.e. you weren't going to be able to throw opponent until you had weakened through body part work).

Hashimoto says we do bodypart work like Steamboat. Hash and Kawada are both broken down guys coming into this match and that adds to the epic feel of it. One of the things you realize by watching Kawada out of AJ, is that Kawada is short. Kawada is shorter than Ohtani, shorter than Kohei Sato. Dwarfed by the likes of Noaya Ogawa. He's short guy coming into ring with Hashimoto. But hell, Hashimoto worked credible singles match against Liger he can do it with Kawada. Whole match is built around Hashimoto's arm vs. Kawada's leg. If the two worked a match pre injuries it would have had a ton of suplexes. It doesn't need them anymore as its all about the bodyparts.

Hashimoto is alot better at the bodypart selling and work here but Kawada really steps up to the plate figuring out how to work this style. And besides which when Kawada no sells, the audience has to recognize "his leg is sleight screwed up" ...thus his fighting spirit no sells seem well like either legit fighting spirit or more often a game face to show no intimidation from opponent. Kawada does that alot here grimacing followed by putting on a game face, there are these great moments where he moves like an old man struggling to get out of bed and then just fights to try to hide that on his face.

Epic match. Everything I wanted out of meeting of these two.

Naoya Ogawa vs. Bill Goldberg (Hustle 1 1/4/04)

Speaking of selling, the weird thing about Ogawa in Zero-One is that he's become all about the selling. In all the endless mediocre Ogawa/Hashimoto vs. shitty guys tag matches. It's Ogawa who always plays face in peril while Hashimoto works hot tag. It's Ogawa working Kikuchi to Hashimoto as Kobashi. Not a role that anyone would've picked Ogawa for five years back. Somehow through this Ogawa has gotten actually good. He's limited in that he has a WWE superstar’s offensive depth. He has about three really over offense moves. And he’s able to sell between that. Goldberg also not a guy with a lot of depth of offense. Both have really over offense spots but not a lot of them. The two come together in ring and just feel like they were made for each other. Between this and Takayama vs. Nakamura 2004 really started out on a good foot in terms of heavyweight wrestling.

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CLASSIC TOMK-from TOA post on Shawn Michaels vs. Carlito Colon on RAW 10/17/05

Originally you described match as sloppy. Match dragging and being sloppy are two different things.

Only sloppyness I saw was last run of Michaels offense and Michaels really annoying constant need to adjust his hair plugs during sections where he is selling. But neither of those things hurt this match that much.

As that last bit of face comeback offense was really one run. And the hair stuff you just got to take for granted at this point.

This was the first Michaels TV match that made a permanent tape since the nineties. I mean maybe he's got on for a six man or such. But this was a long singles match with Michaels and it made tape.

I don't think Carlito is that great. He works a pretty basic punch, chop and schtick style. He takes a high backdrop and knows how to work heel. I don't think he even has a finisher other than roll up at this point.

But sometimes styles make matches.

Michaels at this point in his career is a guy who is pretty over with the crowd has nice long flowing hair and has a good thrust kick. Great Kabuki had a pretty succesfull career working with just those thre things. But Michaels instead of accepting his limitations, normally when in the ring with far more athletic workers tries to work like Psichosis in WAR. And it tends to be every bit as ugly as you would imagine Great Kabuki trying to work like Psychosis in WAR would be. HBK doing I have a counter for every counter type wrestling is pretty awfull stuff.

But put in the ring with the more basic type worker that Carlito is and Michaels works well within himself. This really felt like Carlito as heel trying to take down Great Kabuki in Kabuki's home town.

Carlito did a nice job of hiding Michael's weaknesses. Carlito's punches and chops looked good. He cut off Michaels face stuff well. The big double bump to floor was a big bump in the match context and was timed well. Michaels looked like he had some fire and had a nice thrust kick.

Best TV Michaels match I've seen this decade. I'm struggling to come up with a better PPV singles match of his.

Carlito's limited and I could see finding his stuff to drag but he's been able to carry Michaels, Cena and Flair to their best matches this year. Something has to be said for that.

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SMACKDOWN 8/4 REFLECTIONS

William Regal v. Finlay

PAS: Neither of these two singles matches were classics, but both were Regal v. Finlaytatic. Regal looked awesome here, as he was the stiffer of the two guys. Including some really nasty elbows to the ear and head. This kind of felt like it was working towards a run-in but everything they did was great.

TKG: I don’t know about working toward a run in. Felt like it was the first part of a match as Regal was just going after Finlay. Really almost felt like concentrated body part work as he was just taking apart the shoulder area. Like a really high end version of a Tom Pritchard match. Last weeks match was full match. This felt like only part of a match. But a spectacular part. Lashley’s run in kind of denies the chance to get the rubber match.

Elijah Burke v. Scott Wright

PAS: I liked Elijah Burke’s bodyshots a bunch, and he had a nice dropkick. He looked a lot better then Turkey did last week.

TKG: Turkey looked pretty shitty as poor man’s Yasuda last week. Burke is really going to disappoint in the Murakami role. As you can’t do that role and do chickenshit heel complaining that jobber is pulling your braids shtick at same time. But yeah I really dug the bodyshots and liked the stroke into submission finisher.

Sylvan v. Tatanka

PAS: This was a really fun Velocity main event. Tatanka has really nice impact on everything he does, and I really loved the stiff top rope chop. Sylvan bumps really well and I kind of hope he doesn’t get fired if Patterson dies.

TKG: Smackdown is the craziest thing in the world as no matter how depleted their roster gets they can still deliver the matches. Disappointed that Tatanka didn’t do his old role up finish. Sylvan moves around a bunch while applying the neck vice into chinlock—like he’d been studying his Randy Orton tapes. Sylvan also hits a really great spinebuster/uranagi.

Mr. Kennedy v. Batista

PAS: This was worked exactly like the Samoa Joe v. American Dragon match from ROH Saturday. Kennedy is the worlds shittiest American Dragon and Batista is a pretty shitty Samoa Joe, but it is a good match structure and this was shockingly good. Kennedy’s execution is crap, but Batista is really good at selling, and his selling makes this match.

TKG: Kennedy was working more like poor man’s Corino than poor man’s Danielson. But yeah this was surprisingly good. Kennedy’s execution is crap and he looked like he might fall on his face rolling from putting the headlock into putting on the hammerlock. But his ability to play the role he was playing was really important to making that match work. This is the best match I’ve ever seen with Ken Kennedy and I used to watch Midwest indy tapes.

Vito v. Brooklyn Brawler

PAS: Feels like an inside joke with legit gay guy against a hetrosexual transvestite, called by a gay guy and a shower molester. Surprisingly progressive for a normally homophobic show.

Scotty 2 Hotty/Funaki v. K.C. James/Idol Stevens

PAS: K.C James is really fun, nice punches and elbows. Idol Stevens is early Heartbreakers level bad. You kind of only need one good wrestler for a tag team so I could be into a James/Stevens v. London/Kendrick.

TKG: Idol Stevens looked really awkward and nowhere near being ready for TV. Not really ready for ECWA summit, either. James is a guy whose career I’ve followed for awhile with some admiration…but had never seen him work. Years ago I remember when James was running an indy and brought in Corino…James ran a wrestling school scam that week where he claimed that Corino would hand deliver all the students audition tapes to Hashimoto. Kind of scam that made me know that this is a guy who understands the business. And then there was his run in Puerto Rico. Anyways I was happy that he didn’t disappoint. Phil mentioned his punches but I was really impressed with his interactions with the crowd and the way he leaned into and ate both Fuanki and Scotty-2-Hotty’s offense. Did an impressive job making Hotty’s offense look good.

Diva Search

PAS: The pie test is actually useful. These girls need to be able to keep their composure when white cream flies unexpectedly into their face. Randy Orton is back from suspension.

Chavo Interview

PAS: This angle hasn’t gotten disgusting yet, although you know it is coming. Chavo can’t really carry a long mike segment like that. Although the turn made sense

Undertaker v. Booker T

PAS: Booker T v. Undertaker was the start of a really great match. I especially loved the top rope armdrag counter to the old school. The constant pimping of Undertaker as Chuck Liddel is hysterical. I would like to see this Khaliless and given more time. It makes me want to watch all of their Booker as Voodoo priest match.

TKG: This without Khali would be Undertaker winning cleanly. Worked similarly to last weeks match as it’s Booker bumping around for face opponent until opponent makes mistake and Booker takes over for a couple minutes. Booker just really solid in this as he eats the stuff well and his strikes are solid. JBL does nice job putting over the different sections of an Undertaker match.

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