Phil's Ongoing 2007 MOTY LIST

Here is the current list

1.John Cena v. Umaga 1/28

I have read a lot of people really putting over Umaga after this match, and he was spectacular, but this was a Cena show. Cena has always been really great at selling a beating, and with Helmsley hurt and Micheals in a Royal Rumble your top face actually gets to use all the shortcuts and gimmicks that WWE main event matches kind of need. For Cena's run the top face has had to work all these bloodless main events, while your undercard faces do all the bleeding. It would be like Mike Graham hitting an Orange Bowl gusher while Dusty goes dry. They have done a really nice job establishing all of this over Umaga offense, and unlike a Micheals match Cena wasn't eating all of it and kicking out at two, he was avoiding all of the big shots. Really got over the story of Cena surviving rather then winning. Cena was really spectacular here. His selling was as good as anyone in wrestling, the early ribs selling, the constant fatigue selling, his Backlund style strength selling. You actually buy that those aluminum steps weigh as much as they say they do. The final shot of Cena screaming at Umaga to die as blood was streaming down his face was a great wrestling visual.


2. Briscoes v. Ricky Marvin/Kotaro Suzuki 1/21

Not a great total match, but had enough completely crazy fun stuff to make up for the awkward parts. Suzuki has improved from awful to tolerable, but isn't very good as Ricky Morton getting beaten on and kicking out at two, his dyed blond eyebrows really creeped me out too, doesn't really feel like a face look. The Briscoes had an awkward moment or two, but were mostly total asskickers. Super height on the dropkicks, really great stomps and fistdrops, and some crazy sequences. Mark's stage dive senton over the ringpost was one of the swanker dives I have seen in a long time, nothing fancy, but it looked crazy and landed hard. Ricky Marvin was the king here though, taking everything high in the air and hard on his head, setting up some intricate crazy sequences, and looking like one of the best wrestlers in the world. Last ten minutes were as good a ten minute Briscoe spotfest finish as you are going to see, and at no point did it feel like it went to long. Fun, fun stuff.

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100TH POST!!! 5 HIDDEN GEMS

This is the Segunda Caida 100th post, over the course of the Segunda Caidia era we have watched a lot of wrestling, and have discovered some spectacular matches that we have never heard talked about before. So here are our five hidden gems.


Riki Choshu v. Yoshiaki Fujiwara New Japan 6/9/87

PAS: Pretty much a textbook example of a simple match performed by ridiculously charismatic performers, and how great something like that can be. Very few wrestling moves performed by either guy. Fujiwara does basically headbutts, punches and a Fujiwara arm bar. Choshu does kicks, one back suplex, a scorpion deathlock and Choshu lariats. It isn't about what they do, it is how and when they do it. Fujiwara jumps Choshu in the aisle and just destroys him for the opening five minutes. Choshu is bleeding and Fujiwara is smirking and strutting, Choshu gets control with a back suplex, and Fujiwara has an awesome "Oh Fuck" look on his face as he goes up. It gets a little more back and forth after that, but Fujiwara still controls most of it, until he makes the mistake of getting cocky and removing the ringpad. Choshu reverses the whip, Fujiwara takes a bump, they spill to the outside, and Choshu just smashes Fujiwara's head into the ringpost. Fujiwara has a traditional comedy spot, where he no-sells getting his head smashed into the ringpost, so Choshu really has to crack open his skull to make it work. Then it is all about a repulsively bloody Fujiwara trying to survive incredible looking Choshu lariats. Both guys come off as such superstars, it was like watching Hogan v. Rock with actually contact being made on the moves.

TKG: So Fujiwara attacks Choshu in the aisle busts him open and beats on him, and beats on him, and beats on him...and there is no comeback and it almost had a lucha fall feel as just completely one sided but you can tell everything by reading both guys eyes. Phil mentions Fujiwara's facial expressions and I don't care how long one studies mime with Decroux...Fujiwara can communicate more with a wrinkle of his nose. There is this point where Choshu is punching Fujiwara in the corner and Fujiwara goes from anger at being in the corner, to defiance , to struggling to maintain the defiance, to just a fuck you face that would make Murakami cower. The first lariat that Choshu hits Fujiwara with is just an absolute blast..like getting run over by a truck. the second and third ones are less impressive lariats but Fujiwara has these really awesome ways of selling/taking them. I mean they are still impressive lariats but its more about Fujiwara going into a flamingo stance and the flipping downward in what really looks like a boxer getting KOed and moving legs involuntarily on fall kind of deal. The lariat take that ends the match, I can't even come up with a way to describe it.


Original Midnight Express v. Jerry Lawler + Bill Dundee AWA 10/30/87

PAS: This is for the AWA tag belts and is a match which on paper looks really awesome, but especially in the 80’s on paper matches were often pretty disappointing. This however was even better then it looked on paper. Lawler and Dundee are a great tag team, we all know what great individual wrestlers they are, and how well they match up against each other, but they also have great face tag team shtick. Their opening babyface in control section was just full of great stuff. I especially loved the variations on the partner blocks the Irish whip into the corner, also this was a punch marks dream match with both Lawler and Dundee breaking out tons of different combos. I especially loved the running left hook by Dundee. OMX were a lot fun in this too, especially Randy Rose who looked Eaton great in this, he takes a huge high backdrop, and has a bunch of fun offense. Slim Paul E. with his sport coat with rolled up sleeves throws in the phone and the OMX win the belts. I liked this more then any of the Rose/Somers v. Midnight Rockers matches and this was fucking with the high end Rock and Rolls v. Midnights matches.

TKG: Man this was fun. A lot of faces do stuff effectively, heels try same spots only to have the backfire. If you’ve seen the Memphis doc on youtube, you may remember the Hector Guerrero vs. Lawler spot where Hector puts Lawler across top rope and then kicks at him…Lawler tries same spot and Hector gets out of way. Lawler does same spot with Rose but with Lawler working face this time out. Lawler is caught with knee in corner and ends up face in peril eating a punch with a big bump to floor and then taking body slam on the floor running powerslam from Rose, etc. Dundee is all over the place as guy on apron…running after Heyman on the floor. Holding back heel from making tag while waiting for Lawler’s attempt to make hot tag etc. But really this match is about the early face in control section with the two faces just laying in punches and clotheslines..with Randy Rose just running head first into the fists and lariats. Dundee does a top rope knee drop with refs back turned. I don’t know what the top rope rule was at the time but ref turns around and really can’t figure out what’s going on as Lawler and Dundee switch off going for two counts on Rose before ref can figure out who is the legal man. I don’t know if it was a stunt granny but there is also a nun in the front row who punches at the air with every face punch and gets absolutely irate at all the heel cheating.

El Hijo Del Santo v. Brazo De Oro UWA 1/13/91

PAS: This is a mask v. hair match, and is two guys working an amazing match in their secondary specialties. Santo is primarily known for classic lucha, either technical singles matches or formula trios match, the Brazos are primarily known as comedy wrestlers. However both guys are amazing brawlers, and this is a bloody violent amazing brawl. Oro has such force on everything he does, headbutts, kicks, stomps, he comes off as a total asskicker. He dominates the first round, busting open Santo so you can see a pulsating blood stain on the Silver mask. Santo comes back and hits his brawling flying moves, he is the best at making topes look like vicious attacks. Oro isn't about to be out bled and by the end of the match has a sickening amount of blood squirting out of his head.

TKG: Santo is a guy who works really great singles matches. I've written a bunch of times about the difference between how luchadors work a title match and how they work a hair/mask match. Both very different styles/genres of matches and both genres that Santo really is master of. And on some level here you have a formula Santo hair/mask match where they meet all the genre conventions/requirements that you need to get that off. This is of course not jut any Hair/Mask match its a Hijo del Santo hair/mask match which means really the finish is never in any doubt...nonetheless the two guys need to work up to a level where you loose track of that. There is normally an inherent drama in a hair/mask match that is going to be missing when you have a Santo hair/mask match. Instead the drama is about the guy who you know is going to loose having to make an actual fight out of it, so not just a hair/mask match its kind of hair/mask match with undercurrent of lower ranked guy challenging Jumbo or somesuch. And motherfuck does Brazo del Oro just step up to the plate. Oro isn't just an absolute bad ass in the opening fall which he dominates but he really comes off as guy fighting for the fall in the second Santo fall too.

Wayne Shamrock v. Naoki Sano PWFG 5/19/91

PAS: I was pretty much in shock during this match, I couldn't believe what I was watching. I have never particularly cared for a thing Ken Shamrock has ever done, so I expected nothing out of this match, and it turned out to be as good as anything on the 80's Other Japan set. So much to love about this match, as they pretty much went back and forth from spectacular mat exchanges into awesome slugfest strike exchanges, great takedowns, into more spectacular mat exchanges.

The pacing of this was great, I especially loved how they paced their mat highspots. One guy would get in position and struggle a bit, and their would be a lull, and then super fast move into a choke or a kneebar. The crowd would pop huge for all of the mat spots, and it was the pacing of them which would really do it. Then after the mat near falls they would stand and just lay into each other with big shots, Shamrock's strikes looked way better here then in the previous match, and Sano was drilling him too. This was before Sano went to UWFI so I would guess this was his first shootstyle match ever, and he was a master of it. This was Sano's match, and while Shamrock was game, you could tell Sano was leading him. I also loved how Sano mixed in pro moves, as I actually bought an STF as a shoot submission, and a DDT as a shoot throw.

TKG: Shamrock comes into this with preposterous Saturday Night Fever hair. He's one headband away from being the Dingo Warrior. This had a ton of crowd heat and first half is really made by that crowd heat. Phil covers really the early pacing of this as its two guys jockeying for position, conservatively moving toward a big move...moving moving...then they hit it and crowd pops. Both guys are conservative. They don't want to leave anything open for opponent. So its all about fight for position.

As the match goes on you get the sense that both guys get more desperate. Shamrock throws his hands more often and all the big moves go from being hit cleanly to being almost video game style "make or miss" moves. So first half of the match is all about guys getting into position for throws or submissions and then hitting them cleanly, second half is about their health power bars wearing down and so they struggle to get into position for stuff and then can't hit it cleanly. Shamrock moves into position to hook Sano's legs with leg scissors and can't do it...opening himself up for Sano. Sano moves into position for throws but can no longer deal with Shamrocks weight advantage and so can't hit the throws cleanly...leaving himself open for Shamrock.

It's not the traditional body of match/finish of match split. Its two conservative fighters sticking to their gameplan with the fight taking its tole. It's that layout that really made this for me. Well that and the shoot DDT


Genericho Tenryu v.Yoshiaki Yatsu SWS 10/29/91

TKG: So Phil gets this SWS card with a disappointing Orient Express vs. Sano/Orihara match, disappointing Haku/Nakano vs. somebody and Fuyuki, disappointing Takano v. Barbarian, Bestia carrying Asai to a nice juniors match , and I guess a the Hara vs. Warlord match which exceeded expectations. And then there was the main event. And Fuck I need to see every time these two guys match up. What did Tenryu do to Yatsu to deserve this? What did Yatsu do to Tenryu? What in hell are these two guys doing to each other. This starts with Yatsu slapping the dogshit out of Tenryu's ear, and then Yatsu just looks to be going after the ear, forearm right to the ear, stiff enziguri right to ear, etc. Its like he wants to bust his eardrum. Yatsu is sick of the women being drawn to Tenryu on the dance floor and has decided to fuck Tenryu's balance up permanently. Tenryu crawls around the ring and sells. Damnit bitch its my jherri curl that draws the women not my dance steps you ugly fuck. Tenryu chops the fuck out of Yatsu chops him right on the throat, enziguri's him in the back of the head, etc. But this is really the Yatsu show as he goes on these huge runs of offense were you legit believe that Tenryu is concussed or at least been rendered near imobile. I think my favorite spot is the first rope flying battering ram headbutt that Yatsu throws. He follows this up with just a really nasty Terry Taylor type chinbreaker except he executes it with this kind of complete disregard. Like Steve Williams throwing a dangerous suplex, except its a chinbreaker. Chinbreaker 91~!

PAS: Yatsu had all the really great offense in this match, Tom didn't even mention the bulldog on the floor or the running shoulder block off the apron, but Tenryu was bringing some sick violence to the show. Laying in the Kawada kicks right to Yatsu's eye and face, there was a section where Tenryu kicks him directly in the kidney and Yatsu kinds of rolls on the mat clutching it in pain. Then Tenryu just starts kneeing and punching him right on the kidney, and you get the sense if Tenryu lost his equilibrium after this match, Yatsu wasn't able to drink coffee or liquor ever again. I think there were multiple parts in this match where you figured they would have to stop the match and get a doctor. I thought Tenryu was concussed by an early Yatsu lariat, thought Yatsu had lacerated his spleen. Just an epic amazing shockingly violent train wreck of a classic match.

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TNA iMPACT wORKRATE rEPORT 1/24/07

WHAT WORKED:

-I actually kind of like Raven’s new Clockwork Orange look. Raven has been looking more ridiculous than Rad Radford sporting his grunge look 10 years past its due date and so the change in style is smart move… Raven’s been spouting nonsense about the Clockwork Orange House of Fun for several years now and you get the impression that he was just saying it because he thought it sounded cool and never actually saw the movie. So he finally saw the movie and went with the Clockwork Orange look with the white suit, mask and the kendo stick as sophisticated walking cane. I’m assuming he caught a whole Kubrick marathon as the rest of his stable are stuck dressed like extras in Eyes Wide Shut. Still the look is kind of neat and it’s a shame its being wasted on someone as washed up and useless as Raven. It would be really cool look on someone slightly more talented than Raven, maybe Supreme. I don’t really understand why all of Serotonin attacking Rhino doesn’t cause DQ but AJ Styles attacking him does. They ran a last man standing match on the Last PPV…and it wasn’t the blowoff? What’s the follow up stip after Last Man Standing? It’s Russo so I’m guessing its something on a pole. Did Russo watch the Kubrick festival too? Will they need to climb the Monolith to get the tools to win?

-FIREBALL!!!! James Mitchell throwing a fireball only helps to remind you how mediocre his mic work is. As really he can’t come close to pulling off sick and twisted evilness as well as Dougie Gilbert. And the fireball wasn't enough to save the Sting v Abyss arena tour brawl. The non-fireball section of the Sting v Abyss arena tour was completely underwhelming. The whole current Christian Sting angle completely contradicts the one from three weeks before and well is a less interesting aspect of Christianity. This weeks Christian Sting booking felt like it was not just on a different page theologically and characterization wise than the Christian Sting booking from three weeks ago but it also felt like it was on a different page then the Christian Sting booking from last episode. I did kind of like the idea that Sting was turning the other cheek, refusing to fight back…he will sacrifice himself so that Abyss can see through his demons. Of course the announcers have no idea that’s what he’s doing and go on and on about how this is beating that Sting wasn’t ready for and most one sided beating he’s ever faced. Idiots “It’s one sided because he won’t fight”. The whole thing also is hurt by Abyss really having pussy offense. If your going to do guy sacrificing himself to free others from sin, you really need to have guy get whipped, speared and nailed to a cross. Meekly put through table and aggressively hugged though walls won't cut it. Really it needs more than a fireball. But still it was a FIREBALL! And the combo of fireball and Sting’s melting make-up is a cool visual. And c’mon you think FIREBALL isn’t going to make the top side???

-JEREMY BORASH~!!! Two weeks in a row where Jeremy Borash’s mugging positively contributes to a TV segment. Here Borash made what would have otherwise been an unwatchably stupid Paparazzi pictures video of Eric Young buying condoms. Um who is embarrassed about buying condoms? I mean I could see if Traci Brooks asked Young to buy her Tampax, but who over 9 years old is embarrassed to buy condoms? When did purchasing condoms become shameful thing for a man to do? Borash saved this segment as he seemed to be selling less embarrassment and more irritation at folks cock blocking him.

James Storm “Hey you find another kid you promised to teach how to be a man? Tell him you’re the love doctor? Eric, ol’ JB tell you hew was going to teach you how to please a woman? Nice of him to have you buy condoms. He’s mentored quite a few lil Haitian raft riding kids on the “art of love”…Knows what he’s doing”
Borash face seemed to glare “shut up shut up, you’re ruining it.”
And then Slick Johnson in a tank top winked at Young.
And Borash’s eyes bugged out: Eric don’t be distracted by Slick, I can’t loose you to Slick.
Borash looks at Eric protectively.
And that just put the whole thing over the top.
First time ever where the combination of Slick Johnson and Jeremy Borash equaled the “what worked” side.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

-Holy fuck this show is amateurish and embarrassing. I don’t even know where to begin.
I mean I guess I could critique the whole show without mentioning the wrestling at all, but I may as well mention the wrestling.

There was more sustained selling in the Wrestling Society X premier. Main event of Wrestling Society X had Chris Hamerick and Waltman but everyone else was just a glorified backyarder and still able to put on a more compelling match than either of the ones on this show. Hey Chris Sabin whipped out a really loose Garvin Stomp. What’s the point of doing a loose Garvin stomp? There were moments in that 4 way were I thought the match was a rib…hey these guys are just taking a piss and its funny and then there were moments where I realized "no" this is just a shitty match. I’ve kind of enjoyed recent chickenshit heel Christian as that’s where Christian really shines but here he was back to doing move for move exchange match and it was not pretty. Daniels can’t even take the unprettier well. Tenay and West keep on talking about how Christian is promising someone who works exactly like Kurt Angle. Watched this match and I think the consultant is Chris Daniels.

Speaking of Tenay and West this may have been one of the worst displays of Tenay doing play by play on mic work ever.
Samoa Joe: Fans have one burning question for me: Why would I help Kurt Angle?
Tenay: What’s the story? There has to be a reason Samoa Joe would help Kurt Angle.
Samoa Joe: I’m proving a point
Tenay: I heard Samoa Joe say he wants to prove a point.

You heard him say that? Guess what so did the audience. We are watching the same show.

Even if this was a radio drama the audience would still here the mic work, you don’t have to repeat it. Speaking of radio dramas: HURRY MAN HURRY!!! I was disappointed that we didn’t get to see Borash clapping coconuts to capture the sound of Sting riding in on his white horse. This is a prerecorded show!!! A Prerecorded show! And they let that go on the air!!

So last week I just quoted the part of the Observer where Meltz outed Nash. May as well quote the full thing. “Kevin Nash is claiming he's the reason Jeremy Borash is back handling the bulk of the interviews. Nash and Borash have been friends dating back to WCW. Apparently they were having to redo segments over-and-over because Leticia Crane is so green at what she was doing. Nash made a remark along the lines of asking if her face is so pretty and her hair or boobs were so great as to justify them having to work until 1 a.m. because they had to do so many takes with her”… So wait they do multiple takes? They redo segments? I mean the show is pre-taped but I just assumed no one was editing. Someone watches this show? And does editing? And let Tenay and West reading radio scripts slide? Someone watches the backstage segments and goes “yeah perfect”? Someone watches Borash going apoplectic when Cornette mentions an S&M parlor and doesn’t think that they need to do a retake? They do editing and retakes and still this is what they get??? I guess lately they have been doing these weird video packages where the packages air before the actual angles take place. They do video packages/angle recaps before they actually do the angles. Traditionally you’d have James Gang do a confrontation and then a series of interviews and then do the video recap. Traditionally you’d have Dudleys attack Konan on screen, and then you’d have Konan send in a promo and then have team 3D respond and then do a summary video recap. But in TNA …they just do the video recap montage at the beginning. Show is so hurried they can’t even let an angle play out before they do the angle package montage. Who was supposed to be face or heel in the Konan video package? TNA wants to expand/dilute the LAX group by adding Apollo and Machete which is absolutely stupid unless they plan on bringing in Brother Snot, Dances with Brother and Brother Brother too. Anyway, Konan gives a face promo and Team 3D have a bunch of quotes worked into a montage in response and what the fuck? Instead of playing this storyline out over a couple weeks it’s just compressed into one video package. It’s weird and well I’m not a big fan of Sahadi’s video packages to begin with, but I guess you need to say that they demonstrate that the promotion actually does editing. Someone watches James Mitchell ramble on doing a “Satanist tweener” promo where he ends with the “catchy” line “forewarned is forewarned”? Someone watched that and didn’t say “we need another take”. Why not splice and edit that? Damn that’s was unfocused and shitty. I mean for a threatening prison yard promo someone needs to watch some Shank. I imagine Izzy Slapowitz is living in a Florida retirement home ( I mean Devil Duo member Doug Vines smokes Abyss too but whatever…ooh Jeff Sword in Clockwork Orange outfit would rule). It really is either one way or the other with TNA. So its either editing segments into video montages or no editing at all…TNA can find no middle ground.

And then there was the Paparazzi pictures video of Eric Young buying condoms. Um who is embarrassed about buying condoms? I mean I could see if Traci Brooks asked Young to buy her Tampax, but who over 9 years old is embarrassed to buy condoms? When did purchasing condoms become shameful thing for a man to do? I enjoyed Borash as annoyed Quintin Crisp, helpless realizing that even his most biting bon mots would go over James Storm’s drunken head. But I don’t think that was the intent of the segment. Segment ends with Traci Brooks watching the Paparazzi video and telling Robert Roode “Now I can seal the deal”. She needed to WAIT for Eric Young to buy condoms before she could fuck him?? She couldn’t buy condoms herself. She’s being portrayed as something of a whore, but doesn’t have condoms available? Apparently in TNA world, men can get prescription birth control pills over the counter but a drug store won’t allow women to purchase condoms. The writing on this show is more embarrassing than capturing your announcers reading from a script.
And it’s the poorly written Russo mystery tour. Who is Christian’s mystery consultant? Why is Samoa Joe out here to help Angle? Is consultant here? Who is it? What does Ryan Shamrock have in her envelope? Detective Angle struggling to put together the clues really makes him look dumber than Shaggy. Dumber than Scooby Do, without really the charm of Scooby Dum. And then we semi solve another mystery. Right before Sting reveals the big mystery of Abyss’ past, they decide to do a close up of the audience sign that reads “TNA is Professional Wrestling, not Soap Opera Wrestling”….Not editing that out may have been more embarrassing than Tenay and West reading Green Hornet scripts too.

So months ago Christian promised that he would reveal a secret from Abyss past. He said this secret was so horrible and sickening that Cornette wouldn’t be able to use Abyss anymore, and so horrible that when people found out it would in essence end his career.

Really, so Abyss shot his dad three times in the back. That’s the big shocking reveal. ? He didn’t even kill him; just put him in a coma. This is supposed to be the thing that would disgust Cornette? Cornette? Cornette hears this and goes “Fucking pussy, let me tell you about Bruiser Bedlam. “ No one pushed Johnny K-9 harder than Cornette. Well that’s not true, as I have tapes of 90s Midwest indy that Damore booked where Bedlam was the champ. Russo brought Snuka into WCW. Brought New Jack into TNA. Repeatedly brings Luger into TNA. Mantell co-booked WWC and IWA with Invader 1. Abyss didn’t even succeed in killing his dad. Why is attempted murder supposed to be so shocking?

Abyss had shots of prison in his entrance video…where we supposed to believe he was in prison for drug dealing? Extortion? Graffiti?

I guess the shock is supposed to be that he shot his dad? But it’s wrestling. Didn’t Vince try to kill Linda, Shane try to kill Vince, Vince try to get Undertaker to rape Stephanie? Why would attempted patricide be a big shock?

So it’s Russo and I was expecting incest and so I guess should be shocked that he didn’t go back to his old formula. I assume Russo read the Bible and went "incest isn’t that shocking, it's normal...I knew it all along". Russo found the gun in his daughters draw one night and decided to read her some Biblical passages. While fingering her he explains “See incest happened all the time in the Bible, but what God really frowned on was patricide. PATRICIDE is TERRIBLE! MOST TERRIBLE OF CRIMES! No crime more horrible in God’s UHHUHHH eyes. Damnit!! How many times do I need to tell you? You need to swallow. He frowns on spilled seed too”.

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