APW TV Workrate Report: 4/16/11

Looks like we finally get the big Derek Sanders vs. Poor Little Will Rood match tonight. I have been waiting AGES to see that little mooch Rood finally get what's coming to him. You talk about ingrates, then Rood's name will come up. "Boohoo. My boss got upset when I failed at my job over and over again." Puhhhh-lease. I recommended somebody for a job once, and they didn't show up on the 2ND DAY. They came in 5 hours late and said they had fallen off a ladder. They then forgot which knee they were supposed to be selling as the day went on, alternating between their left and right, or forgetting altogether. I felt like a fool for ever recommending that guy. How do you think the person that recommended Will Rood feels? What a disappointment this guy is.

Great Russia has welded FOREVER to STAND! Alexis Derevko is up first!

1. Alexis Derevko vs. Daniel Torch. Matthew Theall tries feebly to put over Derevko's "50 lb." chain that he carries to the ring. That chain, which is about 3' long and has about 20 links. 50 pounds it is then. Torch is officially the tiniest and scrawniest and greasiest of all indy kickers. Dude should use some conditioner, and not some of that cheap 2-in-1 bullshit. Long hair is a commitment, like pet ownership. If you're not going to take care of your long hair, and you're gonna let it get stringy and greasy, then why bother? Go to a nice salon (doesn't even have to be the classiest salon in town, just a nice one), and ask their advice. I know people think it's a sucker move to buy the products at a salon, but this isn't like buying the fucking extended warranty on your car, asshole. Ask their opinions. They're professionals. Tell them your issues (oily scalp? Split ends?) and ask their recommendations on a treatment for it. You should legitimately see results in 3-4 weeks.

He starts with a plancha and Derevko catches him and slams him on the apron. His chest gets nice and rosy after a few chops, and there's a great spot where he misses the corner Miz/Bourne clothesline, and while he's hung up Derevko clotheslines him to the back of the head. Yes!

And holy fuck, Jon Roberts. Derevko goes for a delayed vertical suplex, and Roberts calls it a "Stalling...Stalling...Stalling vertical soo-play!" STALLING. STALLING. Reallllly emphasized that "G", over and over again. Alexis Derevko is a fucking RUSSIAN! How could you blow a fucking Joseph Stalin joke!?!? That would have literally been a) the least offensive way to make a Stalin joke, and b) the ONLY way you could have smoothly insert anybody's name from Communist Russia into a wrestling pun. I guess you could have said "You know, Alexis Derevko was trained by Malenko. GEORGY Malenko!!" But that isn't fucking funny at all. Maybe after Derevko hits a senton you could call it "The Great Purge". I don't know. But Jesus, Jon Roberts is terrible. How could you fucking blow the Stalin joke?

They do kind of a crummy slap exchange (it always looks silly when two guys go blow to blow, shot for shot, and one of them is twice the size of the other), but Derevko hits a huge flying clothesline and Torch bumps it all ragdolly and cool. They do some more blow for blow chops tradeoffs, and Derevko finishes with a move Jon Roberts calls the "Lenin Bomb". Oh, brother. You blew it, Roberts. Let it go.

Will Rood interview, and he is soooooo excited to finally get his shot at his former boss, Derek Sanders. He put up with Sanders for TEN months!! He had to cheat, and lie! Gimme a break, Rood. Nobody was forcing you to work for Sanders. He hired you to do a job. You knew you would have to cheat, you knew you would have to lie. It was laid out in the job description! "I'm going to give you 10 months of my fist, down your throat!" You could have quit at any time! You were just lazy and didn't want to look for another job, admit it! Sanders does an interview and says how he chose Rood and was going to show him how things work, lead him to a title. Man, Rood is asshole! I want to see this guy get his ass handed to him so badly! You SO owe it to yourself to check out the embedded video up above and see Rood's "showdown" photo. He looks like one of those abused kittens they show in slow motion in those commercials, with the Sarah MacLachlan song playing, that always makes me want to buy 30 cats. But in the context of wrestling it looks wimpy as all get out. So basically Rood is playing the role of abused pussy.

2. Will Rood vs. Derek Sanders. I don't think I've seen Rood really wrestle before. I've just seen him be ineffective. Wait...I think he was actually in the January battle royal. I don't remember much about him. Rood started all feisty, taking Sanders down with a double leg and throwing some decent elbows. He sure does tug at his shorts a whole bunch. They do that spot that's pretty dumb with Rood standing on the apron, holding the top rope, and Rood slingshots him in by tugging on the ropes. Rood also falls on his butt while doing it. The only time that spot has been done well was by Mike Modest, who would always just let go of the ropes to avoid getting slingshotted in, and then just punch the guy. Rood tries winning me over by doing a fistdrop. It missed, but his form was good. I will give him credit for at least trying a fistdrop. At least he's attempting cool offense.

Sanders takes over with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker that really looked like he was doing most of the work. His stomps and clubbing blows to Rood's back look real nice. Sanders throws on a half nelson camel clutch cravate that is pretty bad ass. A bunch of headlocks and cravates happen, and then some guy dressed in black wearing a black mask runs in for the DQ.

All cards on the table, this match was real bad. I give Rood a hard time, but he deserved it all here. This match was supposed to be a grudge that he'd been waiting "10 months to pay back". And outside of the fire he showed in the first 30 seconds, he looked completely lost the whole match. There were numerous stretches where it looked like Sanders was just waiting around for Rood to go on offense, and Rood looked completely horrified and clueless. He's new, and I get that. They probably waited this long to have them split because he was still getting trained. But good lord did this whole long angle fail in every conceivable way. Rood cannot hold up his end of this. He did some stuff that looked alright. Some of his elbows looked good. He did a crazy out of control dive from the top to the floor that just smashed Sanders. But I think it looked good in that same way that Vince MacMahon's punches look good: They're being done by someone who has no idea what they're doing, so they have a dangerous feel to it. Sanders spent the bulk of this 15 minute match working over Rood with headlocks and cravates and other holds, and Rood really just did not have what it takes to work any kind of match yet, let alone a "grudge match that is 10 MONTHS IN THE MAKING".

This was just a real basic, bland, boring young wrestler vs. veteran match, but if I hadn't been drug through this completely awful and backwards storyline over the last 6+ months then I would have no idea these two even had previous history or that Rood had a bone to pick with Sanders. This was just a total bomb of an angle, and judging from the DQ finish I have to assume that this thing is actually going to continue, which sounds like a HORRIBLE idea. I don't think Rood could even be hidden that well in a 6 man tag. I don't even know if APW realizes how backwards and awful this looooong angle came off. The only thing that makes Rood look like a face in all this is the fact that Sanders is more of a heel. They tried to do Dibiase/Virgil and they failed big time, but it was how the wrote it! They never gave Rood a reason to be stuck working for Sanders, just that he needed the money and Sanders gave him a job. Then 10 months later he complains that he had to cheat for Sanders. So? That's literally what he was HIRED TO DO. There was no confusion about that. He didn't HAVE to keep doing it. He could've easily quit at any point. But he didn't. He kept taking the money, and Sanders never even treated him horribly. He never humiliated him, he just was upset that Rood wasn't doing his job well. Why would I want to cheer for Rood in this situation?

They have booked themselves way into a corner here, by backing a horse that can't run. This was a bad episode and the longer this angle goes on, the worse it is gonna get. But...he did try a fistdrop, so I can't hate Rood TOO much.