Matches from WWE Worlds Collide 4/14/19 & 4/17/19

ER: I didn't even notice these shows when they happened. I was in NY for Mania weekend indy events, and didn't notice WWE was just running weird little shows around the city. This was out at the Brooklyn pier, and had several on paper matches that caught my eye. Now, zero things whatsoever caught my eye on the Worlds Collide event from a few weeks ago, so I'd much rather write about these matches from a year ago. Consider these much more palatable matches, and also consider how you can watch ALL of them in the time it would take you to watch the Gargano tag and the Adam Cole main event from the most recent Worlds Collide show. It's a no brainer decision.

4/14/19

Kassius Ohno vs. Aiden English

ER: It's a shame it came to this, but this was likely Aiden English's WWE in-ring career swansong. English was a favorite of mine in 2014 NXT and beyond, but pale skin and thinning hair likely wasn't going to play on the roster, although I would have been a big fan of them making him pull double duty as the nemesis of Sami Zayn and Cesaro. The ripped, bald, evil Sami Zayn! The pale Cesaro! Two built in feuds, gone. Before this match he hadn't wrestled on TV in almost 6 months, and hadn't worked a house in almost 3 (and I wouldn't hold my breath on ever getting to see one of his house show singles matches opposite Mysterio). If this match is English heading into retirement, so be it, and I'm glad we at least got to see him go up against Ohno. I would have liked something a little more substantial, something without such a go home finish, but I liked what we got. Ohno and English slug it out, and if you hadn't known English wasn't an active wrestler at this point, you wouldn't know it. He looks in incredible cosmetic shape, and as he was always a big bumper in NXT I was very happy when Ohno shoved him off the top and English crashed rough to the floor. English has a super lean, cut physique, and I think that made Ohno's submission work look even nastier. Ohno drove a knee into English's back and bent his arms behind, English's distended ribcage playing as a character in the match. As often happens, Ohno gets cocky and gets his leg caught, gets knocked to the floor, and laid out with a English tope con giro, then English nails a swanton back in the ring. This is where I wished the match had more to it, as a couple more twists, a couple more nearfalls, would have gone a long way towards landing this match on a list. But Ohno catches him napping with a (great) front kick, then unspools English into an elbow to the back of the head, banishing Aiden to 205 Live and PPV kickoff commentary.


Luke Harper vs. Dominik Dijakovic

ER: This wasn't far off from landing on the 2019 MOTY List, with really only several stupid as hell Dijakovic pinched faces and sneers keeping it away. I probably could have lobbied to have it on the list, but there's no way I could convince Phil that a Dijakovic match is worth watching, so it would have no chance making it out of Drafts. And how odd of WWE to bring Aiden English out of mothballs to work this show, and the very next match dust off Harper as well. Before this match he had been off TV for 8 months, came back and worked this singles and the pre-show WrestleMania battle royal, and then was off TV another 6 months. It's not too shocking he asked for his release a couple months back. But this was a pretty awesome big boy battle. It did veer too far into unnecessary cruiser action for my liking, but most of the big spots they integrated added to things. Yes, it is impressive when you guys move fast and fly, but all the parts before that when you were just hitting hard clubbing forearms shoulderblocks and big boots was already awesome. I usually think Dijakovic's strikes look lousy, but here he has no problem dropping the full weight of his arm across Harper's back, and dropping big elbows to the back of Harper's neck. Dijakovic throws a couple of really great suplexes, actually throwing Harper with vertical suplexes, literally throwing him instead of holding on. But Harper makes him pay dearly by spiking him with an awesome DDT, hits a big tope, hits some kind of powerslam/driver OFF the apron to the floor (really looked like he could have dumped Dijakovic on his head, camera didn't get all of it and that's probably best for the mystique), even dumps him with a half nelson suplex. By this point they'd already done more than enough for a full match, and I didn't love that Dijakovic's comeback came after some pretty gruesome offense. No doubt a space flying tiger drop is pretty grand for a guy his size, and his moonsault lands really well (considering wrestling is filled with actual juniors who can never land their moonsault well). Finish felt a little abrupt considering the crazy degrees we had ramped up to, but Harper finishing things with a huge discus lariat at least felt like a big man heavyweight way to end it. This felt like a big match, and I like the absurdity of guys killing themselves on a small show taped during Mania festivities. I could have done without a couple things here, but also got a ton of two big guys throwing boots at each other's faces, and that's plenty cool.


Roderick Strong vs. Tyler Breeze

ER: Cool match between two guys who are good 10 minute TV match workers. Tyler Breeze feels like he makes more sense in 1995 WWF. His gimmick, look, and wrestling style would all fit in there, and make him stand out more. But until time travel is both invented and made affordable to the masses, I will be fine with Breeze working fine modern TV matches. This was almost amusingly worked as young upstart Strong really dominating the "veteran" Breeze, obviously amusing because Strong is both several years older than Breeze AND I've been watching Strong for nearly 20 years. But Strong is a good guy to control a match, and I love the mix of over shoulder backbreakers and gourdbusters he used to slow Breeze, as well as his nice knees. Breeze works matches like these as a kind of Christian-cum-Waltman, getting most of his offense by using Strong's aggression against him: catching him under the chin with an upward angle dropkick off the ropes, hitting a slick armdrag off an Argentine stretch sub, or shifting momentum on a suplex to get a close nearfall small package. Breeze stands out with strong execution on small things, things that don't really get lauded and wouldn't have stood out on a go go go show like the new HBK NXT. But I appreciate someone who can actually mix up a stand and trade section by throwing in nice kicks to the stomach, someone with nice forearms, and a nice shoulder thrust to the stomach. Breeze is really good at fighting for nearfalls, not just making them seem like a small part of a larger/sillier reversal sequence. There was a really great crucifix pin that Strong fought against, and later a big suplex that Breeze reversed by kneeing Strong in the head, then got a schoolboy when Strong attempted it again. The finish was a little dry and felt like a "well it's over now, hit your finisher" kind of finish, and didn't really fit with the match they had crafted. But overall this was really good and a pairing I'm glad we got to see.


4/17/19

Brian Kendrick vs. Tyler Bate

ER: Kendrick worked less than 20 matches last year, and I believe this was the only one I hadn't seen. And I love these unsupervised Kendrick matches, where he works shtick and stalling and little moments that won't turn up on real WWE programming. Before the match they even showed a selfie Bate took with Kendrick 6 years prior while Kendrick was there on a European tour, and while I was hoping that would lead to Kendrick absolutely punishing him in a supreme show of "never meet your heroes", I very much liked what we got instead. Kendrick would stall on lock-ups, grab a headlock (one of the few guys on the roster who really knows how to work a headlock), roll to the floor to avoid contact, and then when finally caught and backed in a corner, he eyepoked his way right out of that jam. They do some cute bullshit around eyepokes, with Bate getting him back, Bate reversing one using Three Stooges tactics, etc. Goof around Kendrick is fun as he does that stuff with hints of violence, but I would have been a bigger fan of him continuing to utilize them without the comedy, leading to a bigger moment. But Kendrick works this like a small close indy show match, playing to kids in the crowd, and multiple times trying to get a USA chant to purposely muddy the waters and make people cheer his heeling. He was really great at getting up for all of Bate's offense, even when the "big strong boy" seemed light on the lift (the tiger driver finish looked entirely Kendrick). And damn if the Captains Hook isn't one of the sickest submissions in wrestling. I didn't love how Bate broke the hold just by being in the hold for awhile and then standing up out of it, but the application and the different ways Kendrick traps guys in it is always great, and here we got the added bonus of Kendrick calling him Boy (after the Big Strong Boy chanting).

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WWE Clash of the Champions 2017 Live Blog

1. Mojo Rawley vs. Zack Ryder

ER: I liked these two together, more than I'll ever like Ryder on his own, and I guess I'll never really understand their need to break teams up before they really do much with them. If we strung together all the PPV pre-show matches from 2017, you'd wind up with a pretty great 2 hour special. This is another nice showing, with Ryder taking a couple big bumps, getting a nice comeback, and then getting obliterated on the finish. Ryder gets shoved from the top rope to the apron to the floor, taking a mean tumble, then Mojo runs around the ring to awesomely check him into the barricade. Back in and the camera nicely picks up a Mojo big boot with his boot staying on Ryder's face all the way down to the mat. Ryder's comeback is at minimum explosive, even if the cameras zoomed in too hard on his thigh slaps, the impression of impact was at least there. But Mojo's 1-2 finish was really cool, taking out Ryder's knee with a diving block, and then blasting him with that running forearm in the corner. Fun opener, hopefully Mojo doesn't get totally lost.

2. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Just FYI, it still sounds incredibly stupid when someone bumps over the barricade and someone shouts that they just got knocked "into the WWE Universe!" They got clotheslined over a short wall. Does the WWE Universe only start once we've passed the plane of the barricade? Does nothing happening inside a WWE ring count as part of the WWE Universe? Are the concession stands part of the WWE Universe, since they're beyond the barricade? Is someone urinating in the arena bathroom urinating into the WWE Universe? Does it apply to both people AND places? Is someone buying a WWE t-shirt an example of "The WWE Universe purchasing the WWE Universe within the WWE Universe'? It's beyond the worst. Roode and Ziggler don't match up well, Ziggler leans out of simple things like stomach kicks and then just doesn't connect on his own. But someone (Graves?) just said Ziggler may be the greatest performer in WWE history, so what do I know? I have no clue what actual performance metrics you would have to fudge to even squint and believe that statement. Roode has taken big moves nicely in this, splatting face first on the famouser and getting big height on a spinning slam from Corbin, takes Ziggler's big DDT really nicely. I really liked Corbin trying to vulture Roode's win, only for Roode to throw him to the floor and Corbin breaking up the pin anyway. If I didn't care for him the rest of the match, Ziggler at least made the finish work: Corbin was about to hit End of Days on Roode and Ziggler jumped in at the perfect moment with the Zig Zag, the momentum also slamming Roode tailbone first into the mat to presumably keep him from breaking up the pin. This was fine, crowd was really into it though and that counts for something.

3. Aiden English/Rusev vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable vs. Big E/Kofi Kingston vs. The Usos

ER: Fans are really stoked for Rusev Day, so we got a nice hot crowd tonight, good to hear, and it warms my heart to hear English getting a great reaction. This starts with a pretty great car crash as Kofi gets tossed into a plancha, an Uso hits his big no hands plancha to the other half of the match, and Benjamin launches an Uso with a belly to belly off the top. Kofi eats a great boot and ring post shot courtesy of Rusev after goofing around. Rusev doesn't have time for that nonsense on Rusev Day. I like how English is doing a bunch of solid little things in what most want to be a spotfest: doing nice grounded punches off in the corner of the camera, locking in and wrenching a nice headlock. Don't let the match style conform you. The Texas Tornado style of the match feels a bit to crowded, and it's making half the guys wait to do their spots while the other half does their spots. It's messing up flow. Why is this the match without extra refs? This is kind of a mess even though everyone is working hard. I think Big E might have arguably the best standing splash in wrestling history. It's got the incontestable best height and the impact is great. Kofi springboards into the ring and gets stuck with a great Benjmain powerbomb, and they are freaking killing me with these Rusev/English nearfalls. There were three pins all in a row that looked like they could plausibly win the belts. Come onnnnn. The finishing stretch is flat out GREAT. Rusev and Big E have a great battle over the Accolade, with E almost powering out before Rusev bends him back violently. Gable comes in and hits a tremendous deadlift German on Rusev, just dumping him on his shoulders, then hits a rolling chaos theory on English that dumps him even more violently. We get a sneaky Uso tag as Gable tries for another chaos theory, couple superkicks and a big splash finishes him, straight up fire finish. Awesome stuff.

4. Natalya vs. Charlotte

ER: Alright, and now for nobody's favorite gimmick match! Natalya is a far better heel when she doesn't actually realize she's being a heel. Her acting like a heel is just hammy. She's a much better A-Rod style "heel who doesn't know that she's disliked" heel. Who in wardrobe allowed Carmella and Lana to both wear red swimsuits? Also, Carmella's suit looks like a placeholder for her actual, real gear...except she's been wearing it for months. Tamina continues having the worst gear, it's like they tailored Viscera's old gear and gave it some darting. Charlotte takes a nice awkward bump to the floor, and I liked the bridge up to dodge a baseball slide. Charlotte is good at coming up with cool ways to engage the lumberjacks, really liked Natalya pushing off the figure 4, sending Charlotte flying into a dive on Ruby Riott. Tamina runs point on catching a Charlotte moonsault to the floor, which predictably means that she bumps out of the way before the moonsault hits and 6 women take bumps anyway. Tamina is so bad you guys. She did absorb all of the Naomi springboard, so I guess I shouldn't be so harsh. Thankfully we don't have to endure a Natalya win, and Charlotte worked hard in a difficult gimmick match.

Natalya threatening to leave WWE is like a parent threatening to take their kids broccoli away. "That's it, you keep mouthing off, now I'm giving you another spoonful of mac and cheese and YOU don't get any more broccoli! Actually, why don't you go to your room and play video games and then see how you feel!"

5. Breezango vs. Bludgeon Brothers

ER: I know I just said a few minutes ago that Tamina has the worst gear possible...but my god the Bludgeon Brothers. They look like a Hot Topic was destroyed in a hurricane, and a seamstress assembled their outfits out of found scraps. I have no idea what vibe they're going for. So many studs and zippers and hanging bits and that riveted cummerbund corset awkard tight bits side by side awkward loose bits. And the match is over. A straight match between these two would have been really fun. But, I guess we were running long (no we weren't)?

6. Shinsuke Nakamura/Randy Orton vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

ER: I'm not totally sure who this match concept is supposed to appeal to. This tag match with a normal referee already had a chance to be pretty uninteresting, but jamming two authority figures into it as mildly disagreeing distractions should practically guarantee it's no good. The fans, to their ever loving credit tonight, are into it. Still! They're still excitedly chanting for this show. The great finish to that tag match feels like an hour ago and we haven't accomplished much since then, and they're still chanting for their guys. I like it. Props to Orton for hitting a chinlock literally 10 seconds into the match. Zayn and Owens are also working their share, but they at least are making them look good, with Zayn going after the eyes and nose bridge and Owens making his snug. I'm kind of okay with them cutting the ring off with chinlocks for as long as the crowd can take it. All of Nakamura's kicks to Owens look really good, loved the falling enziguiri as Owens caught a kick to the chest. Bryan and Shane haven't even been very involved in the match itself but man they are so distracting, with the camera purposely keeping them both in frame most of the time. "Triangle!" "Shoulders were down!" means that someone decided to get a Dental Plan/Lisa Needs Braces joke into things, which we were probably all hoping for. My god Shane's facials and movements might officially make him a worst guest ref than Shawn Michaels. I think he's been worse than current Red Shoes in this...but may even be Michaels bad. That's really bad. Boy that finish was really bad. Who could have wanted any of this? I know Orton has been snail slow in his PPV matches the last two years, and this whole match he seemed even slower as everyone had to let this guest ref angle breathe a bit. Woof.

7. Jinder Mahal vs. AJ Styles

ER: I really liked this, and while a lot of it was because of another excellent Styles performance, I thought Mahal worked smart and didn't overreach, thought both worked together to craft an interesting match around each man's strengths. There was also that real fear from a lot of people that Mahal was going to win the title again (while I don't hate Jinder, I also wanted to see AJ hold the belt longer), so the fear and tension on some of the nearfalls was there. Jinder worked over AJ's ribs in simple and effective ways, and AJ made a point of landing in all sorts of nasty ways on his ribs. Styles bumped huge into the timekeeper's area, just about the most painful way you can get into that area. Jinder just worked simple knees and kicks and holds targeting AJ's ribs. The springboard block was great, with Jinder hitting the ropes to knock AJ off, and AJ naturally landing ribs first again. Mahal keeps up the targeted attacks with a big gutbuster and awesome flapjack (Styles takes a flapjack better than maybe anyone), and I liked Styles' comeback Pele kick (with Mahal going for the kill with his cobra clutch slam only off the middle rope). I didn't love the finish with Styles just kicking out of the slam to eventually roll Mahal into the Calf Crusher, but the whole thing built really solidly and I love how serious they're treating the Calf Crusher. I loved when the top guys all had submission finishers in 2003, so I would not mind going back to that. Styles can basically do no wrong at this point.

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WWE Battleground 2017 Live Blog

1. Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger

ER: I really really like English, so I'm just happy he has a job and is showing up on a PPV in any way at all. I assume he's been showing up on some secondary Network only shows, I really should go through and just quickly write up any 2017 English matches. He's a great hand to have around as he knows how to stooge with early frustration, and the moment where he turns the tables always looks great. He gets cheap shots, because he makes his cheap shots look nasty. Most guys wouldn't use a stiff knee as a cheap shot. He also knows how to talk smack during a resthold. Dillinger's comeback is a little silly, he has one of those sets of moves that he has to hit in a specific order, but he throws a fine spinebuster and English knows how to whip into the mat on a spinebuster. And English somehow WINS!? That is wonderful. He does have a few stupid finishers that look like 2001 Edge offense, but that's okay because we usually go months without seeing his finisher.

2. Kofi Kingston/Xavier Woods vs. The Usos

ER: I don't recall seeing a version of New Day where Big E was on the floor and not in the match. Big E is like 85% of the reason to watch New Day matches. Not gonna lie though, I like New Day's American flag tights. They seem like an acid version of something that babyface Virgil would wear. There's a Network Error (first in a year plus) right when the Usos hit a double team backbreaker/axe handle on Woods, with Woods getting dumped on his head afterwards. I can only imagine they did a preemptive "Technical Issues - Please Stand By". Woods hits a nice missile dropkick and Jey bumps it great all the way across the ring. Kofi gets the hot tag and I have no clue what any of his moves are actually supposed to be. His delay clothesline looks even worse than normal, he does a leaping stomp that I only knew was a leaping stomp because an announcer called it that, he hits a punt from the apron with the biggest thigh slap you've seen. Kofi bums me out sometimes. We get some pretty great blocks on the floor from Usos, back in the ring and Woods is nuts enough to get slammed neck first into the buckles and take the alley oop Samoan drop. And then THAT superkick. Woods commits fully to a huge elbow drop and gets NAILED with a superkick on the way down. I cannot believe that was a 2 count. And then we get some more quite surprising 2 counts. This match is crazy as it was worked as a super traditional tag through the Kofi hot tag, and in traditional WWE tag structure which dictates the Usos would have won just a couple minutes after that Kofi hot tag. But then instead of the finish - the spot where the finish would have been in 95% of WWE tags - both teams just started breaking out their nastiest moves. Pretty awesome stretch run, and Xavier's elbow across the whole ring was highlight reel worthy. Both teams had some great misses to set up big moves by the opponents, and the switch getting flipped in the match was welcome.

3. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

ER: This is a little slow to start, but willing to see where things go. The standing hammerlock spot didn't totally work, but I liked Nak flopping around for a big boot after. I like bearhug spots but for a match already being worked this slow, this probably wasn't the spot to do it. I do love that the crowd was chanting that Corbin sucks, so then he locked on the bearhug. Nak whiffs on a kick that gets sold, but some of his strikes in the corner look nice. Things snap awake when Corbin runs in with a huge lariat, Nak bumps it in appropriate ragdoll style. I always like Nak's grounded knee strikes, Nak hits a nasty axe kick to the back of Corbin's neck...and then Corbin goes low for the DQ. Well most of this was disappointing.

4. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Charlotte

ER: Ahhhhh a match with 5 people in it, this should be terrible. Within 30 seconds of the match two of them have already disappeared despite taking next to no offense. Lana is great in one of those "not quite trained" kind of ways, so she's stomping uncomfortably on Charlotte's hamstrings and then drops an elbow that sees her hip land on Charlotte's face. And wow it took Lynch so long to get back into the match. These odd-person multimans are almost always so bad. Now everybody else completely disappears so Lynch and Charlotte can do things. Seriously where do they go? Do they lie on the floor and hug the apron so they don't show up on camera? Nattie and Charlotte always match up well, and I like the way Charlotte flies into her 360 clothesline. Lana has a proper flip out after only getting a 2 count, and Lana acting as a female John Tatum is the best. I also like how Tamina keeps saving Lana's butt (well, arm) from Lynch, but then Tamina gets eliminated first because Lana stays the hell out of it. BUT, then Lana gets eliminated right after, meaning the two of them have a long awkward walk to the back. I do hate the stupid traditional elimination match rules of all the eliminations bunching up within one minute of each other. It always happens, and it's always dumb. Natalya wins, because okay? "Incredible match" says the WWE announcer who may be Tom Phillips.  "Incredible movie, with an incredible woman," Tom Phillips says while walking out of Transformers: The Last Knight, accompanied by a woman who was set up with Tom through a mutual friend, moments before she tells him that she doesn't think a second date would be a good idea.

5. Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

ER: Owens and Styles proceed to have a very Owens and Styles match, though the part in the first few minutes I actually like the most is Owens laying in a headlock. His smack talk during the headlock is great ("I can do this all day!") and a chubby guy lying down with a headlock always makes it look like the opponent is being smothered. So I don't know if I'm easily impressed, or what. AJ's post-headlock strikes looked good and the DDT on him looks good. Back to the headlock and I'm kinda sold. Styles does a great springboard 450 right into knees. Tom Phillips (?) almost completes bad announcer bingo when he states that Owens has bad intentions. JBL tries to save him by making an awesome historical leap, saying that AJ Styles attempted a torture rack and that Lex Luger was a long time US Champ. I absolutely love his attempt, as if these two were working a match as a historical road trip through the US title heritage. "Owens' misses a splash, much like former US Champ One Man Gang, following in the lineage of famous Canadian US Champ Roddy Piper!" Styles getting tossed into the ref looked great, and the ref does a great "struggle to pull myself up the ropes". Nobody could possibly be excited about that finish. Styles sells his loss like someone who is forced to wait slightly longer than normal for the valet to get his car.

6. Flag Match: Rusev vs. John Cena

ER: Big fan of the country-specific flag stands in the entrance way. I love how these two match up, so regardless of the stip I'm interested in what they can do. And I already like Rusev clonking Cena with fists to head, and Rusev taking a bulldog off the top. Crowd is already really quiet for a Cena match. Rusev looks to be in really great shape, maybe #bestshapeofhislife!? To build off a reference from last match, this match feels like a Hogan vs. One Man Gang house show match so far, but probably not as good. We just hit the Hulk up lariat comeback, only it's shoulderblocks and the blue thunder bomb. I want some flag-related violence, guys!! Both guys are working really slow. Either the show was going short and they got told to stretch it out, or....Okay I have no "or". They're still doing the big spots (Cena getting caught in a powerbomb while trying the legdrop off the top was pretty dangerously messy), just a lot more time in between those spots. It's oddly jarring after Cena spent last year working PWG homage matches. This is really being stretched. I like Rusev attempting to AA Cena off his American Flag platform. That's the most insulting way to pull off the "use opponent's finisher" trope. Rusev beats Cena with the flag holder, and somehow knowing the flag holders aren't bolted down CHANGES EVERYTHING. Seriously, this match would have been 100% 6 1/2 star glorious bullshit if the whole match had been based around Rusev just destroying Cena's flag stand/holder, eliminating the only way that Cena could win the match. Start the match with one chairshot to give Rusev a headstart on destroying the stand, then base the whole thing on Rusev just trying to dispatch Cena so he can wreck a flag holder. If you want to work comedy into it, you can even have Rusev try hiding the flag holder a couple times. Have him through it into the WWE UNIVERSE behind his back, oooooooo or have him lock it in a box!!!

7. Mike Kanellis vs. Sami Zayn

ER: Oh my god if Rusev had locked that flag holder in a giant, comical crate, I would have lost my shit. Match starts, Rusev immediately jumps out of the ring and begins rummaging around under the ring. Camera cuts to Cena doing his typically great incredulous face, hands on hips, motioning to some random guy in the crowd who he didn't actually make eye contact with but 35 people in that section will later claim that Cena was "looking right at them!" "What is Rusev looking for!?" and then Rusev pulls out a Masterlock, pauses, looks up at a quizzical Cena across the ring...and sprints down the aisle to the flag holder. He grabs that flag holder, keeps running to the back, a camera is already there waiting, anticipating Rusev running around back there because this shit is fake and was scripted out way in advance, and Rusev pulls out this GIANT crate, covered in chains, and maybe even a comically stenciled "This End Up" painted on the side, and you KNOW that shit is painted on upside down. Rusev tosses that holder in the crate, locks up up tight, and then shoves that crate back in the middle of 20 other crates that look EXACTLY like that crate, pulling a full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark on Cena. NOT ONE PERSON EVER MENTIONS "Um, why didn't Cena just grab his own flag and steal Rusev's flag holder while Rusev was taking 15 minutes to hide a crate within a bunch of other crates?" Nobody ever says that. Because people aren't total shitheads who just exist to ruin somebody else's good time. Everybody just lets people enjoy the things however they like. I like Mike Kannelis's tights. They're like beta cuck Rick Rude tights. The "M+M Forever" is totally in the H&M font. But they're great fucking tights. Helluva kick to finish looks like something that should finish this match.

8. Punjabi Prison Match: Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: Okay, so no matter how we feel about this match, everybody knows that the name Punjabi Prison is an all time great jingoistic fear mongering pro wrestling match title. I remember - because of pro wrestling - asking my dad what was so bad about a Mexican Prison. Somebody must have made a reference to it as an "ultimate threat" and my dad actually answered it!! My dad totally worked me and immediately said that they fed you rotten food, and when you refuse to eat it, they bring back the exact same food the next day, and now it's a day older! Punjabi Prison would have probably blown my mind if I had heard that term at age 7. And the set looks spectacular, like a gorgeous Apocalypse Now prop. I should have listened to the stipulations of this fucking match instead of typing all of that. Escape rules? We'll go with escape rules. I wonder how many households have someone, watching this PPV tonight, who made some sort of joke like "I wish they would throw Barry Hussein and Killary into a Punjabi Prison. They'd probably like that." I'm setting the line at 170 households have "that guy" tonight. You take the over or under? Jinder throws a nice back elbow. A guy can go pretty far in my book if they throw a nice back elbow.

"Hey John, you've been in all kinds of structural matches..." is such a great start to a sentence. You know he liked it, because he stopped it once and started it again. I can't blame him, it's a great line. You picture Lance Russell saying that line, and it all clicks, so give credit to whoever said that (it wasn't JBL, it was one of the other 7 white guys they have sitting out there with him). This stipulation match is silly but I'm kinda loving it. Orton struggling to slowly get to one of the doors, as the timer is counting down, and once the timer hits 0 the ref drops the rope holding the door open, and it slides shut? That's awesome. I did pick up that there were 4 doors, and they close as the match goes on, making for less escape options. God I would love to see Low-Ki climb out of this nasty looking thing. You know he could do it. that guy would scramble out of the first one and then leap to the outer one, and it would look amazing. Randy disappoints me by not letting one of the doors drop guillotine style on his arm or neck. That would be a great KO blow visual, a door dropping on a guy's head like Luke dropping a spiked gate on the Rancor in Return of the Jedi. Jinder continues showing off those back elbows, nailing Orton in the gut while they both climb the outer prison wall. We get a lot of climbing related spots, and with the Singhs around they find a couple interesting things to do. Man that Singh bump is brutal, especially when you see the angle with his legs facing the camera. You really get a sense for how fast the human head whips back when you see that angle of the table bump.  And GREAT KHALI comes back!!! AND THEY MAKE HIM CLIMB PART OF THE CAGE!! Orton does a lot of great falling off the cage teases, and Khali grabs him by the throat and Orton dangles in a great theatrical way. Jinder wins, Tom Phillips COMPLETES HIS BAD ANNOUNCER BINGO CARD by dropping several "Not like this! Not like this!" on us. You did it buddy. JBL gets amusingly crossed up and calls Khali "a true giant". "THAT, son, is a true giant. Not like those two children wearing a giant trenchcoat that you previously thought was a giant." I don't actually know if this match is 1 star or 6 stars.

ER: This was a PPV with almost no good matches, yet I had kind of a blast watching this show. Maybe the heat has made me delusional, but the bad was always amusing. I thought the tag match was really good, liked the Aiden English pre-show match, and disliked the rest. But somehow had fun watching all of it. Best Bad PPV?

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WWE Backlash 2017, One Day Removed from Live Blog

1. Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger

ER: I'm happy to see English doing his theatrical singing again, his whole act and in-ring was one of my favorite things about 2014 NXT. Dillinger's giant collared vest looks like something one of the women might wear for a PPV title match, cosplaying the Evil Queen. Whereas English has some amazing Van Gogh Starry Night tights, which is probably just the second instance of fine art being used on tights, after Rick Rude used Renoir's A Portrait of Cheryl Roberts. And I really dug this match until the exchange of bad looking finishers. The opening go behind stuff was really good, loved English yanking Dillinger's arm and shoulder into the top rope. After spending his whole intro song running down Chicago, I appreciate English yelling "This is my town!!" before whiffing a punch. Dillinger has a bad flying forearm but some shockingly nice corner 10 punches. If your gimmick is the whole "10" thing, you may as well perfect the move most associated with a 10 count. English hits a silly flipping neckbreaker and then starts breaking down afterwards, with JBL saying English is a true method actor, who can turn the tears on and off on command. Obviously JBL has no clue what method acting is. If English was a method actor they would have needed 27 takes on him crying, broken up by a 45 minute call to his Stella Adler-trained acting coach (or, someone who talked to someone at a party once, who they thought was Stella Adler). Dillinger's finisher is terrible.

2. Dolph Ziggler vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

ER: This wasn't really the match I was expecting them to work, but it was probably better than the match I was expecting. Ziggler actually works like a heel and it's not just a Nakamura showcase. He does get to through a bunch of knees, and instead of working a counter-heavy style they work a lot of spots where Ziggler is almost as quick to the shot, Nakamura's shot was just stronger. I never once put it past WWE to have Nak lose his debut main brand match, so the Ziggler near falls resonated huge with me. Did I really think a Zig Zag would end the match? Not totally, but again, it didn't seem unbelievable. I liked Ziggler using actual amateur things here and there, like his desperation single leg that saw Nak sprawl. I don't think people know quite what to make of Nakamura's facial selling, but I imagine it catching on big. When someone takes a superkick to the back of the head, I just don't think most are expecting someone's eyes to cross and body to curl up like they just got pogo'd by Scrooge McDuck. But this was good, thought the nearfalls worked, all the big knee strikes looked good, nice match.

3. Breezango vs. Usos

ER: Anybody griping about the brand extension can just stop. I get to see Tyler Breeze in an actual PPV title match, and no way was that ever happening pre-extension. Here he's undercover bossing as a janitor, and I for one hope he mops the floor with the Usos (*soundbite*)! And if the Nak/Ziggler match was not what I expected, then this match really was not what I expected. WWE likes to keep their bad comedy to the backstage skits, rarely working actual outright comedy matches. Indy wrestling is lousy with comedy matches, WWE pretty much just had Santino and Michael Cole overlaughing at jokes (although Santino was still getting fairly regular laughs out of me through his tenure). Not all of this comedy works, but getting over with comedy is pretty much the only chance Breezango has, and it certainly seemed like it was working. Breeze still brings painful looking bumps, and the fans seemed to buy his nearfall. His turnbuckle head tuck/superkick spot on the Usos is one of the only times I've seen that spot almost work, as he held onto the tucked head until the other one threw the kick, and the kick looked like it was aimed at Breeze. The spot with the Usos catching a Breeze dive and tossing him into the barrier was killer, with Breeze almost crushing a couple kids. Fun match.

4. Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin

ER: This match should have worked better for me, but there was something that didn't click. I think it might have been because Sami was the underdog babyface working an injury, but the match was worked with Corbin almost always fighting to come back. The announcers acted like Sami was the one fighting back, and Sami's body language acted that way, but it felt like Sami controlled 70% of this match. If he wasn't actively doing a move, he was reversing a move. So it took a genuinely impressive selling performance from Zayn, never overdone in an ohhhhhhh my baaaaaaaack kind of way, but more in the way I get up in the morning and carefully pick up a pair of socks from the floor. For all his well played back clutching, Zayn somehow just never seemed that much in danger. He would pull off a move with a bad back, but then when Corbin would counter with a slam it would get rolled up. I dunno. I thought it made Zayn look strong, but the layout didn't work for me.

5. Carmella, Tamina & Natalya vs. Becky Lynch, Charlotte & Naomi

ER: Tamina has been on the main roster for SEVEN YEARS. I'm sure I'm missing some people, but is there anybody else you can think of who's been around for 7 years and still gets a "new phone who dis?" reaction every time she comes out? Now with her new gear she just looks like a less stacked Nia Jax, like when a curvy girl loses weight but it all gets lost from weird areas. Tamina is actually wearing a more slim fit version of Viscera's old gear. That's what it is. Tamina - after seven years - still doesn't seem like she totally knows how to walk through ring ropes. Carmella yanking Lynch off the apron was a great spot, Natalya doing a stomach kick 2' away from Naomi, less so (Natalya has looked really, really awful in-ring the last couple months). My my what a poor match. It wasted so much time getting to the finish, only for the finish to feel incredibly rushed. Lynch was hardly in the match but was apparently completely worn down in seconds by Natalya's sub. Carmella was the only one who came out of this looking any better, and they've already established that Carmella has no chance of going anywhere (which is a shame, as I think they rushed her debut so badly that it ruined what could have been with her).

6. AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens

ER: Really, really good match with a couple of incredibly satisfying spots based around an injury. Styles' knee buckling on the springboard and the finish where his leg gets dropped through a vacant announce table monitor hole while setting up a Clash, were awesome, well played moments. Normally a count out finish would be a major let down, but I thought the set up throughout the match for something like this was so good that it totally worked for me. Owens smothered him nice to start, locking on snug headlocks and trying to ground Styles, and once Styles started to break out I like Owens immediately going for the fat attacks (the big senton, the bigger cannonball, and then the awesome cannonball with AJ's leg prone). The knee gets played up nicely the whole match, the announcers say really bizarre things during AJ's comebacks ("Pele kick to the face of America!" What the fuck!?), they do a couple pretty lunatic spots (that driver off the top and that apron suplex), but all that knee stuff kept this nicely grounded in meaningful reality. Clever finishes sometimes get way too clever for anybody's good, but this finish worked. Awesome stuff.

7. Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan

ER: I should have been flipping out for this one, but maybe this whole feud just feels way too late. Harper felt like he could have broken out over a year ago, and here he is. Both guys do stuff I like, and Harper is still my boy, that back elbow out on the floor was sick...but this just felt so low stakes. This felt like a Smackdown match that gets cut away from.

8. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: Well I ended up loving this one more than I thought was possible. Fewer things move my needle less than "Randy Orton main event title match", but I was sold on this match from before the bell. Orton jumps Jinder and knocks him to the floor, and Jinder takes a couple nasty bumps over the table and into the announcer chairs, and the match hasn't even officially started. And once it does it becomes somewhat clear that Jinder doesn't have great offense, but that's okay! We can work around those things. I'll give more credit for trying a nice kneedrop to the chest and not really succeeding, than trying some kind of convoluted offense. Jinder works over Orton's shoulder in engaging-enough ways, and Orton mostly commits to selling it. Things naturally pick up once the Bollywood Boys start running interference, and both of them take insanely stupid bumps on the announcers table, especially Gurv. Orton makes a long and unmistakable "ohhhhhhh shittttttt" face after he watches himself dump Gurv on his head, but he's over it by the time he's DDTing both of them. And then, Jinder improbably gets the win! I have no takes on Jinder, don't care about any of the outrages surrounding him. It's a bold move to immediately push a guy so brazenly on the gas, yes. Wrestlers are on gear. It's a thing. We know that. And Mahal doesn't seem like a great wrestler, but it's a new face in the mix, AND he at minimum knew how to work as an intense heel. That can go a long way. Orton was weirdly motivated here (which he has not been in a year), and I say they just go all the way and work a juice angle. Because right now Jinder has one of those gross 1999 WCW power plant juice bods (though truthfully needs more bloat and HGH belly), like someone who just found a stash of 20 year old anabolics and is now a title winning superstar. Make that his gimmick. Instead of Homer finding a can of Billy Beer in his fringe jacket, Jinder finds a bunch of expired juice in some BodyPUMP gear he picks up at Salvation Army. I hate giving away money like this.

Good show, wasn't expecting much of anything from the listed card. Women's tag was the only outright bad thing on the card, and that match was pretty meaningless in the grand scheme. The card was worth watching a day later, pleased with my decision.

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NXT 228 6/26/14 Review

1. The Vaudevillains vs. Matt Sugarman & T-Perkins

Fun but very brief Vaudevillains showcase. This was the best I've seen Gotch look, not only with his forearms and a great knee he dropped to Perkins' (not TJ Perkins) temple, but he broke out such a wonderful spot that I really didn't care what happened the rest of the match: While grounding Perkins with a headscissors, he then rolled through and started doing clapping pushups while still holding the headscissors around Perkins' neck. Stupendous. No idea who Sugarman/Perkins were, but I liked how Perkins faceplanted a drop toehold.

2. Xavier Woods vs. Bull Dempsey

This is Dempsey's "debut" (he worked a Mojo squash a few months back) and I liked him. They push the "fat old timey strength" thing way too hard on commentary, acting like he's Da Crusher running with beer kegs instead of just a fat guy who is fat. But he has a great side headlock and was doing some interesting little things with it, and then I was sad when they stood up and rope ran because I was still interested in the headlock. But then Woods threw an armdrag and Bull awesomely grabbed a side headlock mid armdrag so that when they landed he was back to holding the headlock. Sold. I am sold. He threw a nice elbowdrop, ran face first right into a Woods kick (Woods really scrambled him right across the eyeballs with that one), and yeah, I'm a fan. Nice debut, and a nice job by Woods setting him up.

3. Summer Rae vs. Becky Lynch

This is Lynch's debut and my oh my was there some Irish flavored cringing to be had. She doesn't much resemble the orange haired steam punk you're used to seeing; instead she's got subtle reddish brown hair, and garish irish green flared chrome pants with matching bralette. But she does this ghastly Irish riverdance jig all through her entrance, all through the match, just all over the place. And it's not just the goofy as all hell jig, but she actually sings along to it. She doesn't sing words, but she approximates the sounds of an Irish fiddle jig, so she does this embarrassing jig while awkwardly blurting out "dee-da-dee da-diddly diddly-dee", over and over again, like she was verbalizing Finlay's theme song. I felt so bad for her. Match itself was short, but fine. Summer is a great heel, and Lynch looked good whenever she wasn't doing her jig. She ran into a spinning Summer kick and rolled around holding her jaw, dropped a nice leg, big exploder. I'm actually surprised she got the win as there was a great nearfall (Summer kicked out as late as possible) and I thought that signaled that Summer was definitely going over. But, no. NXT is full of surprises. Now no more dancing. Or sing-dancing.

4. Colin Cassady vs. Sawyer Fulton

Fulton is back with his ridiculous dance pants and Capezios, but I liked his brief little run here. He threw a great front kick and awesome shoulders to Cassady's stomach in the corner. Not a lot of guys really jam their shoulder into the ribs in the corner. Fulton runs nicely into Cassady's big boot. Cass has good intentions with his leaping elbow, but lands a little sawftly on it.

Enzo Amore comes out post-match, returning from his broken leg, and proceeds to do the same routine that he is currently doing 2 years later on TV. This....has already gotten old. Sylvester Lefort and Marcus Louis looked awesome in their shitty ultra tight white lifting shirts though (with embroidered French flags!).

5. Adrian Neville vs. Rob Van Dam

So, I actually liked this. This was not something I was expecting to like. But I liked this. That sounds really undercutting, "hey! I thought this would be totally terrible and it wasn't!" but I'm not intending it that way. I just don't tend to get excited for 2014 Rob Van Dam matches, for SOME reason. That's a bold limb to stand on. This match is smack dab in the middle of his 2013/2014 WWE comeback that you don't remember a single thing about. And the match totally works, with RVD working subtle heel with dated offense against the new him. The match still had typical RVD faults, but there was something almost captivating watching an older, slower but still athletic RVD work old indy spots that were novel 15 years before but slow and clunky now. They do an early mirror exchange straight out of his Jerry Lynn matches and it seems so out of place in a modern setting that it's like a switch flips during the post flippy standoff and he just pops Neville in the mouth. Neville did a great job selling RVD's stuff, taking a mean spill on the preposterous "balance on these ropes while I dropkick you" and getting laid out by a stiff rolling thunder. 

When it's RVD's turn to sell he does a surprisingly adequate and at moments genuinely impressive job. At one point Neville hit a mule kick that staggered RVD, and it was meant to get him in position for a sliding dropkick. RVD staggered back from the kick, dropped to a knee, shifted his gaze down as he held his stomach and then made it appear as if he got naturally blindsided by the kick. It couldn't have been timed better and he couldn't have occupied himself better waiting for the kick. This was a far cry from an opponent bending over at the waist while waiting to take a Booker T axe kick. RVD keeps things interesting from a vet vs. upstart standpoint, and vet vs. upstart is an all time favorite story of mine. The little cheap shot punches, the abandoning of his traditional cocky finger pointing when he realized he might be in over his head, it was somehow a generous performance, while also one where he took 70% of the match. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this, but it was really good and easily my favorite match involving RVD in at least the last decade. What a pleasant find.


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NXT 227 6/19/14 Review

1. Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss

Another match furthering the BFF angle, with Charlotte and Summer bickering at ringside leading to a distracted Sasha getting rolled up. Bliss is very much not good but she's clearly trying, she's just super klutzy and not ready for TV. She seems like she almost falls over on every move she attempts, just constantly off balance. Sasha looked good when the match allowed her to, loved her surfboard as she set it up by yanking on Bliss' hair and smacking her to get ahold of her arms. Other little "not actually offense" furthered her likeness to Stevie Richards, like her just grabbing a grounded Bliss by the back of the head and smacking her forehead into the mat. But yeah, there's trouble in the BFFs.

2. Mojo Rawley vs. Garrett Dylan

I was wondering when Jody Kristofferson was going to pop up, after they showed his dad in the crowd a show or two ago. This is not the first time I've seen a fed act like Kris Kristofferson just happened to show up at their event, without mentioning his son was wrestling. And Regal was amusingly harsh on Kristofferson, saying "Mojo Rawley versus...well, essentially a nobody" and pointing out that anybody who wears brown trunks surely doesn't care about their appearance. And this was your typical Mojo match, which is frustrating as it really doesn't do him favors to just work the same formula every match. His matches are always 2-3 minutes of opponent control, then him running through his moves to the end. If we mixed up the order a little bit we could have a more interesting ebb and flow, instead of just waiting until the point where he starts hitting moves. He is not good a taking a beating, although he at least attempted to sell body work that Kristofferson did, so that was welcome. Kristofferson threw really great body blows and had some nice old Arn Anderson type moves, like short knee lifts or stomping the mat while pressing Mojo's face to his knee. He was also real good about absorbing Mojo's stuff, and Mojo hit a killer flying shoulder tackle, really smacked into him. This was fine.

3. The Vaudevillains vs. Angelo Dawkins & Travis Tyler

This is the debut of the Vaudevillains and I love how absolutely giddy Regal is about guys essentially working carny strongmen gimmicks. Fans are flipping out too, and really it is a wonderful gimmick for these two. English is super talented so it will be great to see him actually winning matches. Gotch is a guy who I've actually seen from the very beginning, as I was there live over a decade ago for his very first pro wrestling matches as Psycho Seth in APW. He was terrible. He clearly didn't get it. Outside of a bad "psycho" gimmick (which only involved wearing Hot Topic jeans with an anarchy symbol on the leg while grinning "evilly"), there was an impression that he just didn't get pro wrestling on a deeper level. In maybe his first match he busted his lip open, and there was a little blood, and a couple people were showing some concern. And then he went on the APW message board and let everybody know he was okay, he had just bit his lip. Before that people had been wondering if he had taken a couple of stiff shots, gotten busted open hardway, but no. No he had to let people know it was just an accident. The only other post in the thread was somebody saying "Dude. Kayfabe." He jumped to Modest and Morgan's promotion PWI a year or two later as Ryan Drago, and still seemed like a guy who just didn't get it. Once PWI shuttered I completely lost track of him, and was absolutely shocked when I looked up who Simon Gotch was. I cannot believe he kept working for the next decade, plugging away, getting seen, and ended up in WWE. No matter what I thought/think of him as a wrestler, that's dedication and I have nothing but huge respect for that. This match is clearly a showcase for the Villains, I'm not even sure Dawkins gets tagged in. English looked really great, got crazy height on a legdrop, finished with a nice senton, and I love some of their double teams like the uppercut to back of the head into a quick snap Aiden neckbreaker. Excited to see them develop, although I wish we got more Aiden singles stuff, hopefully the team still allows for that.

4. Kalisto vs. Tyler Breeze

Wonderful little match that felt like a tight short match, and then you realize it got 11 minutes. Both men were so good at their roles and it was paced so well that an 11 minute match turned into a 5 minute WorldWide classic. Kalisto gets matched up a lot with big guys, but Breeze grounded him better than any of them, and most importantly knew how to take Kalisto's offense the best I've seen. Breeze does some fantastic detail work, and there are two specific spots I want to highlight: Kalisto's kip up rana and Kalisto's handstand headscissors. Breeze made these spots look unexpected, stealth and effective, when especially in the case of a man standing on his hands before clamping a headscissors, is an impressive accomplishment. A handstand headscissors is something that requires boatloads of cooperation, and often looks very cooperative. Breeze was able to distract himself, look off balance enough, that the look of surprise when he walked into the headscissors was perfect. Later as Kalisto is on the mat, about to do the kip up rana, Breeze makes his way towards him and makes sure to throw a darting glance over at the crowd, so that his head is turning back towards Kalisto as he's throwing the rana. It made Breeze look totally unprepared and surprised by the move, even though it was clearly the spot, and those kind of details make a match click on such a higher level. And the rest of this is really good too, as Breeze grounds Kalisto with headlocks, and Breeze is a guy I've noted as being good at headlock work in a match. He was good at trying to smother Kalisto and Regal was good at noting that, even pointing out different names for the different kinds of headlock leverage he was locking in. Kalisto had some cool locking stuff, loved his fast tornillo quebrada. And some of his feints when evading Breeze were cool, like a silly little quick handstand vault off the top rope to sidestep him. Ending is killer as Breeze whips Kalisto into the ropes, Kalisto holds on, Breeze stutter steps as he notices Kalisto held on, and when Kalisto tries a quick springboard move Breeze blasts him with the beauty shot. I was way into this match, Breeze is really busting butt these last couple months.

5. Tyson Kidd & Sami Zayn vs. The Ascension

It's a shame this match was actually just an angle/Tyson Kidd heel turn because the match we got was really damn good, maybe Zayn's best performance in a match this year (which covers some nice ground) and definitely the best overall Ascension performance. And no, that's not meant in a backhanded way, I really liked both Ascension in this and Viktor especially looked great. The story goes, that Kidd and Zayn are teaming up because they've both had rough luck lately, so they got their little slumpbuster team, recognizing that the singles belts aren't working for them so maybe combine forces! It makes sense and it's a fine kayfabe reason for two guys to team up for the first time. But the way they have Kidd turn is stupid, as Zayn is taking quite a beating from Ascension, and Kidd gets jealous of Zayn's ring time, actually saying something dumb like "oh, so you want to take all of the match?" and then walking away when Zayn would have been able to tag. Before the angle kicked in we had a nasty fight between Zayn and Viktor, with Zayn hitting his stuff better than ever (his crossbody off the top was perfect) and Viktor working fast and vicious, throwing great strikes, planting Zayn with a back suplex when Zayn tries to tag. Konnor would come in with nice stomps and man now I'm really upset that it wasn't built up as a proper tag match. The first 5 minutes of this are so good! They easily could have had a full match, had Kidd and Zayn lose, and then Kidd flip out afterwards. Instead Kidd comes off lame, jealous of Zayn for taking too long of a beating. Have him turn on Zayn as he blames him for the loss, not because he was jealous that he wasn't in there hitting flippy moves. Zayn is distracted, Konnor hits an avalanche, Fall of Man is delivered and taken brutally, but man now I just wanted the actual match. What could have been.


Good show this week, and next week we get RVD!! Nobody wanted that. I had completely blocked his 2014 return from memory.


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WWE Money in the Bank 2016 Live Blog

So to start the live blog, I'd like to address an extremely embarrassing and unfortunate coincidence. A few days ago I needed something to post for that day (still somehow keeping up with our post-per-day minimum almost two and a half years later) but I was at work that day and leaving directly from work to go to a concert in Oakland (John Carpenter LIVE!!! My god), so wasn't going to be able to write anything new. So I scoured my drafts for something and found several Jerry Lawler reviews that I had written 3+ years ago. I read them through, they seemed quality, so I posted a couple. The next day - to my horror - I went on PWO for the first time in a couple days and immediately saw a thread about Jerry Lawler being suspended indefinitely under accusations of domestic violence, news that would have been broken BEFORE I posted those reviews. Yeesh. So I just want to make it clear that I WAS NOT taking any sort of stance, no silent support for Lawler, nothing weird. I was just "lucky" enough to post something about him the same day as the news came out. I could have posted those damn reviews any day over the last three years, but I just happened to need content on the day THAT news breaks. Good grief. So, if for some reason anybody out there was icked out by my poorly timed Lawler post - and to be clear not one person to my knowledge has accused me of doing anything untoward - but if for some reason there is a reader out there who thought I was being gross, please know that it was just an unfortunate coincidence.

ER: I just received a text alert from WWE stating "The greatest Money in the Bank event in history starts NOW!" WOW!! The greatest PPV on the greatest night in the history of our great sport!?!? How can I afford to NOT watch and write about this!?

1. The Golden Truth vs. Breezango

ER: Breezango are working an extreme sunburning gimmick, playing up that they got roasted earlier while tanning their bods. This leads to Goldust amusingly working a chop heavy style while Breeze and Fandango scream. Goldust throws some amazing chops all throughout so it works, and for speaking for all the people who have ever lobstered themselves, you get it. The match wasn't much beyond that sadly. Goldust got to be the hot tag, which is nice since he's easily the best hot tag in the fed, but I wish I could just see an actual 8+ minute match between these teams.

2. Lucha Dragons vs. Dudley Boyz

ER: "Game of Thrones isn't the only show with flying dragons!" Ugh, Mauro's had that line in the can for weeks I assume. There are also ads on the bottom of the screen FOR the Money in the Bank PPV. How many people who subscribe to the Network, who happen to be watching the network LIVE at 4:47 PM on a Sunday, wouldn't know they are about to see Money in the Bank? There was a production person in the back who was paid to put these graphics up on the bottom of the screen. The only way they could be watching this match was if they clicked the large "Watch WWE Money in the Bank LIVE NOW" button on the homepage. These teams don't seem to gel very well, and the Dragons seem to be holding back on their flying offense. Everything is landing super soft. Bubba is still good but has lost a step, but he's doing a good job of trying to make up for any ability loss with an increase in shit talking. It works. But yeah the match as a whole really doesn't. The heat segments aren't compelling, the comebacks are light. There were a couple decent individual moments, but this was a throwaway pre-show match for certain.

3. Enzo & Cass vs. The Vaudevillains vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. The New Day

ER: Love the new waistcoat/vest/pocket watch entrance gear on the Villains. Entrances take a full 9 minutes for everybody so I magically leap forward in time. Anderson and Gallows have to wait almost that long as Enzo and Kofi set up dual crossbodies off the top. There's an annoying segment where Kofi and Enzo do a tug of war, each trying to tag out to their partners. So just a long segment of two guys just not fighting each other, while holding hands. Neat. Things "break down" just 4 minutes in, despite next to nothing happening. Kofi is really sandbagging the Villains. Anderson seems to be the only one who understands that it's a one pinfall finish, as he tries to tag guys whenever they get close. Kofi and English were fighting right next to Enzo and Cass and they just stood there thumbing their butts. Can't win the match from the apron, doodz. Cass and Enzo go on a run and Gallows looks late on a save, plus the ref did a bad double clutch count. Looked bad. They wisely have English take most of the finishers, as that guy is really good at taking offense. The last two minutes of this got good as WWE multiman structure is usually good at handling those big finisher trading runs, but this really wasn't that good for the time allotted.

ER: I really liked Owens during the MITB promo, even though they were just going for yuks instead of actually building to much of a match. "Perro means dog? You know Spanish now?" "No, I just learned that word because [Alberto Del Rio] always calls people that."

4. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: When did the "super wet hair" scourge start sweeping through WWE? When did that start being a thing? Was it HHH? Is he the Wet Hair Mary? Did he start demanding everybody with hair just dunk their heads under a sink pre-match? Even Flair has been horribly sporting this look for years now, which only adds to his incredible melting man look. Let's all get together and try to pinpoint this wet hair outbreak. Corbin's work looks really good in this. I like his measured straight rights, even if the crowd is chanting boring at him. Did I miss something with Ziggler? Why is he wearing what appears to be an actual HBK outfit from 1996? That's weird, right? I get guys wearing their influences on their sleeves, but just dressing exactly the same? How is that even allowed? Ziggler takes a hot shot really great, really looked like his neck snapped across that rope. Also really like Corbin being a step ahead and countering all of Ziggler's offense, tossing him off from the famouser, blocking the follow up superkick. Oh god Ziggler is even stomping to set up sweet chin music? What the fuck did I miss? What a fucking dork. Corbin plants him with a nasty spinning back suplex, really twisting him right into the ground. I'm really starting to love all of Corbin's running punches, and I liked the superkick reversal off Corbin's finisher. I think Corbin might be quite good, but it's tough to tell since I've only ever seen him against Ziggler and even though I ended up liking this match, it's a match-up I'm already tired of.

5. Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch & Natalya

ER: I really liked Charlotte's knees/cravate combo on Natalya, but there is really not much to care about in this match. Becky's hot tag offense doesn't look that good. After seeing her a few times I still can't get any sort of read on Brooke. She seems good at doing lackey type stuff, bitchily making saves for Charlotte, but nothing has stood out about her wrestling ability. Lynch doesn't do a lot for me either. Brooke does make me laugh postmatch by yelling "I'm the greatest protege ever!!" That's awesome. Oh and hey Nattie turned on Lynch, meaning there are......is Lynch the only babyface in the division? Paige is a face, right? I think? Nattie's forearm to the back of Lynch's head was probably the best looking thing in the match. This was a bunch of nothing.

6. Sheamus vs. Apollo Crews

ER: Crews doesn't do a lot for me but Sheamus is good enough to get something out of him, and they oddly seem like a good match for each other. I really really dug all the violent opening headlock takeovers, they all looked so good. Crews throws a nice tight elbow that knocks Sheamus to the floor and Sheamus snags him off the apron and hits a backbreaker. And I am into this. Sheamus knows how to work a compelling headlock as he keeps shifting his weight and position to build for Crews' comeback. Sheamus is really good bumping all around for Crews' lariats, and then takes a wild bump to the floor off a belly to belly. Holy cow then Crews hits an awesome moonsault off the apron to the floor, that really couldn't have hit any better than it did. Man I am into this match. Crowd appears to not give any one of their fucks about it, but they're busting ass in there. It's really quiet though. Can't blame them though as Sheamus really has been an afterthought for some time. Which is too bad, as Sheamus is awesome. OOF, lame as hell finish with Crews just getting a roll up while Sheamus argued pinfalls. Man that is a lame finish. Shame as I was into the whole thing, up until that.

7. AJ Styles vs. John Cena

ER: Cole on commentary also calls this "The greatest Money in the Bank event in history!" What is the actual justification for using this exact phrasing. It's a weird thing to say about a show before it happens, and then again before it's over. Is there a kayfabe reason? Like are they acting like the matches on this card are the biggest ever when compared to past MITB? Or is it just hyperbolic horseshit? Cena looks smaller, which is good. He was looking freakish for awhile there. And this is really good so far. I loved Styles punching him when Cena waved his palm, and Cena selling that punch was great. On the floor AJ gets tossed into the steps but ably leaps over them and then casually rolls back into the ring and man Styles is playing this up so great. Styles pacing in this match is perfect, and then AJ gets launched by a backdrop. But the structure kinda falls apart after that backdrop. And then Styles hits a plancha where...I didn't really know what was supposed to hit whom. It looked like AJ changed his momentum to purposely not hit Cena, but then Cena sold it. Styles does crash and burn spectacularly on a missed dive afterwards though. Boy the pace I enjoyed so much at the start of the match sure has turned quite methodical. Cena is working like he's hurt, not in selling injuries, but just in a way that feels like he's not fully healthy. We have hit the part of the match where finishers are hit followed by lots of lying around. Styles catches knees on a 450, which is probably because he waited 90 seconds to hit it after Cena kicked out of the Styles Clash. And more lying around. I'm all for selling, but they're not laying this thing out in a very interesting way.  A ref bump was not something I was personally hoping for, either. Club interferes, puts AJ on top for the win. At least AJ won? I'm sure they will have several matches so I understand not doing a good finish in the first match, but the final 5-7 minutes of this were just really boring to me. It felt like they were going for drama that they hadn't earned. The long lying around selling followed by getting up and running around felt like the worst terceras of the worst CMLL main events. Both of these guys are good, and I'm sure they have a real good match in them. This started out like that match, but it wasn't that match by the end.

8. Money in the Bank Match: Chris Jericho vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Jericho is doing some of the more interesting character stuff than at any time over the last several years, but his ringwork has gotten so lousy, and he hasn't adapted his style in the least, that it makes me just hope he decides to stop wrestling. He just looks so slow and bad in there. There are some big moves to start, but also notice that everybody taking the big moves is REALLY bad at occupying themselves while waiting to take a move. Jericho just stands there holding a ladder forever while waiting for Cesaro to hit his senton off the apron, 4 guys just stand at ringside patiently waiting for Zayn to hit a flip dive, they just aren't even pretending they're doing anything other than waiting to get hit. Cesaro hits running uppercuts on everybody and Sami Zayn has been gone for like 5 minutes. Owens too. Ah, now Owens comes in a hits cannonballs on everybody, and then Cesaro takes a nasty running face first bump into a ladder set up in the corner.  I'm not sure what possibly kept Zayn hurt for so many minutes, because when he reappears he is a house of fire. But pretty soon we're back to 4 guys disappeared and selling injuries off camera. Man you expect that kind of stuff in these but it seems really bad here. But holy cow Cesaro jumping from the ladder into a springboard uppercut looked amazing. We do get plenty of big moves into ladders, but the layout with guys just waiting around doing nothing until it's their turn to do a stunt is just out of control. I get it, shit hurts. But the way they're playing it you can literally predict who's turn it is to come in and take their turn to do something painful.  I've only missed one of my guesses so far. We take a preposterously long time to set up all 6 guys fighting while standing on ladders. ADR takes a flat out lunatic bump off a falling ladder, trying to land feet first on the top and basically doing a split legged moonsault to himself. We get many minutes of guys failing to climb well, until Ambrose climbs better than them to win! Well, this stunk.

9. Rusev vs. Titus O'neil

ER: Lana's faces while standing behind Rusev are the best. And Rusev and Titus smack into each other really hard to start, and Rusev gets tossed into the barricade. Before long Rusev is smothering him in the ring while trash talking Titus's kids. Rusev throws a lot of really good knees. Rusev's high kick and superkick both look great, Titus looks like he's scared of tearing a lat most times he does a move. And WOW Rusev won clean in the middle on Father's Day in front of Titus's kids!! Holy cow, they brought in his kids to watch their dad lose!! That's vicious shit right there. Happy Fathers Day!!! Rusev couldn't have looked much stronger in victory. He mostly steamrolled Titus here. Back down the card you go, O'Neill. Shouldn't have touched Vince that one time.

10. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns

ER: According to chants, Roman apparently can't wrestle. Which not coincidentally sounds like the feeble screams of hundreds of micropenises. This was worked a little slower than I was hoping for, and I'm still confused who is supposed to be booed and who isn't. Rollins has some pretty light offense here, but there are some nice sequences. Loved Reigns backdropping Rollins, Rollins landing on his feet, but then getting blasted by a Superman punch. Rollins countering a spear with a kneelift was nice too. Rollins is really working as gutsy babyface returning from a knee injury, and the whole announce crew is selling it as such. Except for Byron Saxton, who I swear is just most useless fucking body. The whole PPV all he did was occasionally loudly say somebody's name when it was quiet. It would go quiet and then in an over-annunciated speech you would just hear. "ROMAN...REIGNS." Saxton is such a fucking zero. Those spots where they fight endlessly on the turnbuckles really don't look good. I'm honestly pretty bored during this one. It just feels way too long. Certain sequences feel repeated. Some stuff is looking really impressive, like Reigns brutal missed spear into the rail. The brawling has looked pretty sloppy. The fighting on the knees spot was pretty flimsy, especially after watching Black Terry do an expert version of the same moment earlier in the day. They went out and tried to have an epic war, and there was a lot that worked. I think they should have consolidated things a bit, maybe trimmed like 25% of the match, got to some things quicker. But I do actually like how they handled the ending, as I definitely didn't expect Roman to lose. It seems like such an anti-WWE move to give a guy like Rollins the title after being laid up for 7 months. The Money in the Bank stip does nothing at all for me, but I like that Ambrose immediately cashed it in, as then I won't have to see any stupid months and months of suitcase teases, and a guy dorkily carrying around said suitcase. And it makes the main event scene more interesting than it otherwise would have been with a Reigns win. Maybe I'll have second thoughts after thinking about it for a bit, but this seems like a neat way to freshen things up a bit. And maybe Ambrose will start looking better now that he's away from Jericho, and into actual important programs.

ER: So, I didn't like the PPV. A lot of it was boring. The two big singles matches fell flat with me, and the ladder match was a bunch of guys killing themselves in a stupidly laid out bad spotfest. And the undercard matches weren't really put in a position to succeed. There were individuals I liked, but nothing at all that I really liked. BUT, I'm oddly optimistic about things going forward, as even though I didn't care for the overall matches I'm excited for a Styles/Cena rematch, excited for the various Shield clashes, excited to see different stuff from Corbin and Rusev, so it's an odd feeling to not really enjoy much of what I just watched, while being interested in what's to come. So I guess I couldn't call it a failure.

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NXT 225 6/5/14 Review

1. Mojo Rawley vs. Aiden English

Annoying that we had to see English fed to Mojo just a few weeks ago, and here it happens again. There are literally DOZENS of guys hanging around backstage at NXT. Dozens. Feed all of the members of Adam Rose's circle jerk to him. English is one of the best workers on the roster. Why is he the one who has to make this goof look good? At least English looks good during the match, I really love his body shots, yakuza kicks and other strikes, and he has a really great headlock. If you're in a fed that requires heels to lock on a chinlock before the babyface makes a comeback, you might as well have a real nice headlock. English really bumps around big for Mojo's so-so offense. So clearly he's paired with Mojo because he bumps like a freak, but also has size, so you avoid the visual of Mojo tossing around a cruiserweight. But shoot man I just want to see normal, awesome English matches.

2. Bayley vs. Charlotte

ER: Well, this certainly wasn't that good! Is Natalya really the glue, or is Bayley just not very good? Both things certainly seemed true here. Charlotte looked so much better against Natalya the week before, and Bayley looked sloppy through most of this. Whereas I liked all the Charlotte/Nattie mat stuff last week, the matwork here was painful. At one point Charlotte kind of flopped and spun on Bayley's back, and I have no clue what was actually supposed to have happened. Was that the plan? Bayley's strikes looked weak and they both looked lost at times. The only moment that looked really good was when Bayley got yanked to the floor by Sasha and then Sasha went down like a shot from an elbow. Summer Rae comes out for distraction, Charlotte hits a super ugly dropkick where it looks like one foot kinda touched Bayley's leg, but Bayley sells her lip, and this stunk.

3. Jason Jordan & Tye Dillinger vs. Stuart Cumberland & Philip Gouljar

I have no clue who is in charge of jobber naming, but it looks like they just went through a directory of junior college lit professors and went "those are names". Cumberland is former Bay Area worker Aaron Solo, not sure who Gouljar really is. But Regal totally picks up on the name Gouljar and just starts repeating it, all through the match. Match itself was plenty enjoyable and very basic. JJ and Dillinger work like young lions, nothing too flashy, but JJ has a nice front headlock and big lariat, Dillinger hit a decent kneedrop. Gouljar was my favorite in the match, though. He threw a couple nice punch variations (his body shots to Dillinger were particularly great), and really moved AND looked like a taller Todd Morton. I mean it was realll similar. His movements and mannerisms, and the way he delivered some of the basics just screamed Morton. I eagerly awaited him taking a backdrop bump to see if the Morton effect was real, and then holy lord did he ever, getting big height and then under rotating so he came down practically face force. Good god man. Regal was on fire throughout the match, even going so far as putting over a chop as not merely a slap, but a man's palm hitting you in the sternum, halting the breathing. Awesome stuff. So yeah, this was all very basic, simple stuff, but really enjoyable. It didn't seem like Gouljar was an actual NXT guy, so likely won't be seeing more of him, sadly.

Tyler Breeze had a fun segment introducing his music video (which, really wasn't that good), saying he already dispatched Seth Rogen's uglier brother last week, and showing some great hubris. The gimmick doesn't totally work for me, but I like what he does with it.

4. Justin Gabriel vs. Adrian Neville

Fun match that was a nice Neville showcase - which is what should be happening with him as champ - with Gabriel appropriately hanging back and not trying to outshine. Gabriel got to do some fun stuff, but a lot of it was in the name of allowing Neville to look good. And Neville did. He hit a huge dive, a rolling senton off the apron, big dropkicks, worked some cool fast sequences with Gabriel that he can't really do with just anybody in NXT. Gabriel is much better when he's holding back and not trying to be the flashy one in the match. That meant he got to throw his energy into big bumps and missed offense that allowed Neville to transition back to his big stuff. Gabriel had a huge bump to the floor and was wise to slyly smack his palm against the metal entrance grating on his way down, so his bump made a huge bang sound. This was a real nice victory lap for Neville after his Takeover title defense.

After the match Tyson Kidd comes out to beg for one more shot at the belt, which Neville agrees to. They're really portraying Kidd as a heel here, even though he hasn't done anything untoward. He's acted frustrated, but he hasn't cheated, hasn't insulted Neville (unlike Neville doing so in the build up to Takeover), and uses logic to explain why he's deserving of a shot and why he wants the belt. Plus they keep repeating this weird line saying that by losing at Takeover, Kidd has become known as "Natalya's husband". That's weird. From a kayfabe standpoint that's implying that Kidd has done nothing but fail and Natalya is an untouchable legend, with Kidd residing in her shadow. But from a kayfabe standpoint, I can't see how Natalya has really done that much. She held the Divas title once, for a couple months, 5 years before this episode. Kidd is at least a 3 time tag champ, and has held gold more recently than Natalya. Plus, she also lost her match at the same event that apparently gave him his humiliating loss. It's a weird angle. Even without it making sense, I don't see what's bad about being called Natalya's husband. I mean, he is.



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NXT Episode 221 5/15/14 Review

1. The Ascension vs. Buddy Murphy & Elias Sampson

Quick squash with Sampson not getting in the ring, and Murphy getting steamrolled. Konnor throws several really great stomps to Murphy's chest, and then leveled him with the Fall of Man, which Murphy takes great, really folds himself up.

2. Alexa Bliss vs. Charlotte

Oh yay back to back weeks of Bliss. And it was mostly an extended Charlotte squash, which is for the best as Bliss looks better sitting in a submission than trying to struggle through offense. She still did her overly complicated and clunky roll up (which beat Fox last week) and almost drops herself on her head while bumping a knee to the stomach. Charlotte has a really great abdominal stretch, where she wrenches it in and violently cranks the person's neck. So that was nice. But this wasn't much.

3. Mojo Rawley vs. Aiden English

Bummed that English had to get fed to Rawley, but English made him look good and actually had a real (albeit only 3-4 minute) match with him. Mojo can't do much so the whole match was English doing his thing until we get the go home sign and Mojo does his shoulderblocks, rear view and bombs away, in order, as always. Really wish they were giving Mojo his ring time off TV, as I'd much rather see English in a real match.

4. Angelo Dawkins vs. Colin Cassady

Man now we get a Big Cass extended squash. What the hell is with this episode? Cass is a guy with some cool short strikes: I really like his body shots and knees. But all of his impact offense looks bad. He's like a guy who grew up idolizing Test. And SAWFT was amusing for like two matches, but I have a feeling I'm going to be seeing him use it for a couple years.

5. Tyson Kidd vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Sami Zayn

This is for the opportunity to face Adrian Neville at the upcoming TakeOver show, but damn I just wish they had done a singles. Any three of these guys would match up nicely in a singles. But I suppose it's not crazy for the winner to face Neville for the title, and the two losers of this match fight at TakeOver, with the winner of that maybe getting a shot down the line. If that's what they plan to do. And this match just never clicked. We had some classic triple threat disappearances, and couple silly trainwreck spots, and guys selling like they had been through the war of their lives after 7 minutes. This whole thing is mostly flat, but it didn't get truly bad until the premature WARTIME selling. The type of shit where a guy breaks up a pinfall and all three lie on the mat selling and breathing heavy, like they just got done with a Godspell performance. All three men, lying there selling as if they've never been more tired, even though all one man did was pull another man off of another man.

This was a bad show right here, filled with squash matches of a couple of my least favorite guys, and topped with a lousy main event.


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NXT Episode 217 4/17/14 Review

1. Colin Cassady vs. Aiden English

The world's largest Bobby Fulton! Colin Cassady was so ridiculous in that Bo Dallas match, and it's really incredible how tiny he made himself seem. So I'll give credit here since he managed to do much less of that, and really both guys worked a really fun match. Cassady actually spends most of the match in control, you know, as a giant should, and English hits real hard in his comebacks. English throws a couple nice thrust kicks to Cassady's cheek, Cassady throws nice clubbing blows and a nice big boot, English took a nice high backdrop too. When English came back Cassady DID immediately shrink down, but at least he worked this more even. English isn't much smaller than him, so it didn't look as weird as him working Spike Dudley to Bo Dallas' Mike Awesome. I liked English finding ways out of Cassady's silly spinning slam, and Regal was killer putting over English's strikes. English had these sharp knuckle point strikes to the ribs, and Regal was right there talking about the edge and extra pain that the point of the knuckles can bring when thrust in between someone's ribs. I think English's offense looks good anyway, but Regal analyzing it and driving the point home just enhances everything. I really liked this and with another minute or two could easily have added this to my NXT recommended matches list.

2. Camacho vs. Oliver Grey

Not how I was expecting this to go, with Camacho winning a 2 minute squash over the returning Grey. It makes sense that it would happen, Camacho is established despite being kind of an NXT jobber, and Grey is coming back from his ACL injury. But it's such a different approach to the norm, having a returning wrestler get dominated in his return match, that it was surprising and kind of refreshing. It fully makes sense for a guy to get dominated in his return, showing he's dealing with ring rust, showing that while his body has recovered, his ring instincts need to get back to speed. It's like when Kendrys Morales opted not to sign with a team until the 2014 season had already started, and then he spent the whole year two steps behind players who had gone through spring training. It's an approach you never see in pro wrestling, but makes so much logical sense from a presentation standpoint that I really liked it. Plus Camacho is a good hand and deserves a nice win now and then.

3. The Ascension vs. Wesley Blake & Cal Bishop

This is worked like a lot of Ascension squashes. Bishop plays the role of man standing on apron who gets knocked off by Viktor before hitting the Fall of Man, and Blake takes all of the offense. This was less violent than other Ascension squashes, and they're sort of running out of tricks.

4. CJ Parker vs. Great Khali

I had no clue Khali was still employed by WWE in 2014. And Parker goes above and beyond to make him look good, especially taking a huge clothesline over the top and then taking a big back bump on the floor. Khali was surprisingly effective here as well, and while this was kept short it actually could have been something if given more time and a couple more twists. As it was the ending was never in doubt, but it was nice seeing Parker bump around for chops, and Regal was great talking about all of the physical problems that can happen when you get clomped real hard on the head.

5. Jason Jordan & Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin & Sawyer Fulton

What the fuck is a Sawyer Fulton!? I don't think I've seen any of these guys before, but Fulton instantly stands out just by looking like a complete goof. He's a taller guy with some size, but he's dressed like an anonymous backup dancer at the Tony awards. He wears flare leg dance pants with a shiny stripe down the side, little shiny Capezios, a single strap tank, horrendous bleach blonde crew cut, an anachronous barbed wire bicep tat....He just looks like an awkward man in conflict with himself. Like you'd be watching a Kristin Chenoweth number and he would stand out a bit too much from the other dancers, and in a bad way. Jordan and Dillinger are working that lazy and annoying "smiling, athletic guys" gimmick, where they do dropkicks and fist pumps and in the gym they probably push each other to do one more set of burpies bro. They are positively forgettable in their positivity. Corbin is also a big guy and I'd at least like to see more of him. The other guys? Ehhhhhh.

6. Brodus Clay vs. Adrian Neville

Not much of a match. Crowd was back in "get over" mode with silly chants the whole time, Brodus didn't look great on all his missed stuff. The match ended with Neville laid out on the floor and Brodus missing a splash off the ring steps, but he landed on his feet first on the splash and that was supposed to be what kept him down long enough for Neville's count out win. Neville was fine enough keeping Clay away with leg kicks and flippity dippity stuff but yeah this disappointed.

Man what a dud of an episode this week. They're getting into a real bad habit of cramming in more and more matches each week, which means with six matches on a one hour show you're getting a bunch of 2-4 minute matches. When I started watching the show they were doing 3-4 matches, with one match always getting a nice main event time, but all these short matches with bland workers are just dullsville. I liked English/Cassady and gladly would have done without that tag match if the English match could have gotten more time. This was just a poorly laid out show, and show layout and pacing was one of their strengths when I started watching. Six matches in 50 minutes is just too much when you have to account for entrances, backstage interviews, Network ads, etc. Horrible layout.


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NXT Episode 213 3/20/14 Review

1. Mojo Rawley vs. Bull Dempsey

One of those matches worked 75 up front for one guy, then the guy who's somehow supposed to look good just takes the last 25. This was a real common match format in '95 syndicated WCW. Heel bullies for first 3/4, then the babyface just comes back without trouble. This was my first time seeing Dempsey and I dug him in a generic syndicated fat guy kind of way. He wears a cool generic black fat guy singlet, and he has nice simple knees and elbows and fat guy clubs. Rawley still hasn't shown me a whole lot and that doesn't change here. He doesn't take a super interesting beating, and when his "wild" comeback starts it's meant to look like an ultra hyper wild man slamming into people, but his shoulderblocks and elbows and bombs away all land just a bit too light.

Backstage promo with CJ Parker wearing a dress shirt, necktie and vest. Man that is....so fucking stupid. Not everybody needs to dress like 1984 Ric Flair when cutting title match promos.

Zayn vs. Breeze doesn't happen as Corey Graves jumps Zayn and posts him.

2. Adam Rose vs. Camacho

Camacho is on an awesome run of "already waiting in ring" TV appearances. And boy Adam Rose is not very good. He throws an okay spinebuster, all of his other stuff had too much hesitation or pulling back. Camacho worked as a good faceless heel, stomping and elbowing and acting flummoxed by Rose's jackassery, but he was no matched for Rose's slow paced offense. Nothing about Rose screams "ready for the big time".

3. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley

Not much of a match as both Sasha and Bayley work like they have no offense, with Bayley being 1995 Mikey Whipwreck and Banks being Stevie Richards. Banks even has Richards' old 1995 mullet. So we get headlocks, roll-ups, people getting tossed to the floor, stomps, back rakes, and eventually a roll up gets reversed for the win. Both have charisma to pull off their characters, although Bayley relies way too much on acting like some sort of 12 year old, because I guess guys like that? She acts a couple steps ahead of Eugene, and I suppose that's what makes her "a role model to girls around the world", as they keep saying. I think they're trying to make her into Zooey Deschanel or...more like whatever WWE thinks Zooey Deschanel might be from the episode of New Girl they watched that one time.

4. Aiden English vs. Sheamus

This wasn't bad either but again a theme of NXT heels not actually having offense. English takes a nice back bump to the floor, and sets up stuff for Sheamus really nicely. I especially liked him setting up Sheamus' ring apron forearms, as English scrambles trying to escape to the floor, and Sheamus catches him before he can get there, leaving English prone for the forearms. The match gets time, they just don't do a whole lot with it. There's only so much time you can spend running from Sheamus, followed by holding Sheamus in a chinlock.


Not much of an episode this week. I liked the guys who weren't supposed to be getting the rub, liked Dempsey while not thinking much of Rawley, liked Camacho while thinking Rose looked bad. This doesn't seem like a good sign.


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NXT Cocoa Beach Road Report 6/26

My wife and I were down in Orlando for a week for our anniversary and some how I convinced Chelsea to tag along with me to an NXT house show. This is the first wrestling show I have been to in years (outside of a lucha show in DC which was more of an art instillation), last time was Sami Callihan v. Fit Finlay in EVOLVE, and in my return I got to see Sami versus a much lesser Irishman.

The show was in a tiny National Guard armory and as a whole it really felt like the old ECWA shows we went to en masse back in the early 2000s, some pretty good matches, some really green wrestlers trying some things and some shocking bush league gimmicks. No great matches, but most were at least entertaining, and everything moved pretty quickly.

Uhaa Nation v. Axel Dieter

Solidly worked opener, with Dieter working over Nations arm with some fun Euro holds, and Nation doing a fine job of timing some exciting comebacks. Dieter is a weird guy to get signed, kind of tubby, not very big or dynamic. He is a guy I have seen a handful of times before and never really stood out, not one of the WXW guys I would have guessed would move on. Nation was fine here, but he did really stand out. He is a guy who has main evented in front of some pretty big crowds in Japan, but he wasn't commanding the room like I expected him too. He felt like someone who is still aways away.

Devin Taylor/Charlotte v. Lina Fenene/Cassidy

Lina is the Rock's cousin and is really huge. She is clearly pretty green still, but did a nice job working a big brick wall which the faces were trying to knock dow. She looks like a taller Patty LaBelle and I imagine that Patty wouldn't sell very much either. Charlotte has really improved her chops, which is very important for a Flair scion.

Bull Dempsey v. Mike Rawlis

Bull Dempsey is basically working as 2009 Super Porky. Lots of comedy spots about being too fat to hit his moves. He had a really amusing spot where Rollins does a kip-up and Dempsey tries a bunch of times and fails, he also has a rope running spot where he loses his wind. Dempsey is a fine fake Super Porky, kind of like Brazo De Platino, and this seems like a gimmick with some actually legs. He was over, and amused Chelsea. I don't see why they just don't rehire Super Porky, but I enjoyed this. Rollins was terrible though, kind of reminded me of 1998 Tom Brandi. Nice hair, good body, sub Jim Powers in the ring.

Sasha Banks v. Blue Pants

Blue Pants is clearly an NXT inside joke I don't get. This was Banks working as arrogant heel champ who ends up wrestling someone they believe is beneath them. It is a classic wrestling match trope, and Banks is really good as Flair getting frustrated as Rocky King rolls him up. She totally gets her character, interacts with the audience well, and comes off vulnerable without hurting her character or looking weak. Banks felt big league in a way that most people on this show did not. Blue Pants isn't much and a better George South student would have made this a better match.

Hype Bros v. The Mechanics

Shocked at how much I enjoyed this, really thought Mojo Rawley felt like one of the most ready to go guys on this show. His execution wasn't perfect, but he brought a bunch of energy to the match and worked perfectly as a meathead tag partner to Zach Ryder. Great working the apron, great as a hot tag and the doomsday device leg lariat thing they did was pretty cool. The Mechanics were baffling to me, they were basically a short B- version of a southern heel tag team, a homeless Death and Destruction, a sawed off Bad Attitude. I have no idea how they ended up in a WWE feeder system. One guy had Captain Roughneck on his trunks, and fuck that noise. Match would have way better if Hype Bros had Damien Wayne and Preston Quinn to work against, instead of their scab replacements.

Marcus Louis v. Angelo Dawkins

This was the only absolute stinker match of the show. Dawkins is a black dude who kind of has the body of a pretty good high school football linebacker three years after graduation who eats like he still is doing 2 a days. He does the James Harden cooking pot motion, and I think Lil B cursed this match. Louis is a French guy who spends the whole match doing nerve holds and making crazy guy faces. Long, dull, poorly executed, boring, a failure in every way a match can fail.

They have a segment where Louis Valentine comes out and wants to dance with the ring announcer (who was getting sexually harassed by the scumbag fans all night). He get interrupted by Preston Cunningham Jr. who does the worst most implausible spoiled rich kid promo I have ever seen in wrestling (think about how much ground that covers). This would get laughed out of an ECWA Super 8 battle royal, I have no idea how something this yarder got past the curtain, just awful.

Finn Balor v. Solomon Crowe

It has been so long since I have seen Crowe actually get a chance to spread out and work a match. When Callihan was in the indies he was one of the best wrestlers in the world. Really happy I got to watch him actually do his thing a little bit. Balor isn't my cup of tea, but he can execute his moves, and did a pretty good job selling his knee, which Crowe worked over really viciously. This felt like a second round US Indy tourney match, worked pretty simple, nice execution, nothing anyone will remember in six months, but very exciting in the moment. Crowe is still really good, I hope he gets a shot to do something.

Vaudevillains vs. Blake and Murphy vs. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan

Last time I saw Blake and Murphy they were dull faces, but I really liked them here as a sleaze bag pretty boy heel tag team. They do Heavenly Bodies way better than the Mechanics do Anderson Brothers. Vaudevillains have some fun shtick, and worked your car crash workrate spots really well. Gable is still a little raw, but is clearly going to be great. It will be interesting to see an Olympic wrestler working as a junior (he wrestled at the Olympics at 185). Jordan is much bigger and already has a fun suplex based offense, he seems crazy strong as he was just deadlifting pretty big guys. Match had the most action of the night, and I enjoyed the pace after some slowly worked openers.

Fun overall show, missed going to live wrestling although I didn't miss wrestling crowds. Might actually be able to convince my wife to come to another show with me sometime.

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