Found Footage Friday: CENA~! REIGNS~! TAMBA~! TINIEBLAS~! MAGNUM HALL~! MALUMBA~!

Tinieblas Sr. vs. Tamba [Mask vs Hair] WWA 9/19/87

MD: LA was a dead territory. Obviously WWF had success there in the 80s, but in the midst of that, these Olympic Auditorium shows were happening and they're very much a missing piece of wrestling history. There's a lot of talk about what was happening in the 90s, but these were just there underneath the surface the whole time. And while I wish we could hear the crowd a little bit better, you can't deny the trash being thrown in at the end here, and this was overall a wild scene.

Tamba is a pudgy babyfaced guy with no shirt and no mask and he was putting his hair up against Tinieblas' hallowed mask. The commentary indicates that maybe he was being nudged into this by his partner, Super Halcon, and there was a build here where they had gotten some cheating tag wins apparently. There was also an indication that the promoter too had been goaded in and that other promoters wouldn't have put up Tinieblas' mask like this. 

Halcon hangs out on the apron at the start of the match. Tinieblas nails him and Tamba gets Tinieblas from behind and we're off to the races. Tamba's stuff is, shall we say, rough around the edges. He had size and he had size and he had size and that was pretty much what he had. His forearms did not look great, but you sort of bought them given that size and Tinieblas made sure to spin and backpedal on each one on the floor. He used a chair as well. Back in the ring he hit maybe the worst top rope splash I've ever seen, just sort of falling down on Tinieblas' legs but that scored in the primera. The segunda had a couple of Tinieblas comebacks where he beat Tamba around the ring, but that size kept coming into play. Here though he missed a second rope splash after laboriously getting up the ropes, and that allowed Tinieblas to slap on La de a Caballo.

The tercera, then, was all over the place. The video cuts in and out a bit but by the end of it, Tinieblas had hit Tamba with a chair and opened him up (though maybe not a gusher). Tamba manages to come back with not just one low blow, but two, and he pulls at the mask and goozles Tinieblas. When the ref tries to get involved, Tamba tosses him off repeatedly, until he climbs on both Tamba and Tinieblas in the ropes and Tinieblas hefts both Tamba and the ref over. That allows Halcon to come in and interfere and Tamba to steal a three fall. The trash came flying, and they were very, very quick to get on the house mic (lowered from the ceiling) and let everyone know that they were reviewing the tape because of the fouls. I thought they were going to maybe restart the match, but no, they just gave it to Tinieblas and probably avoided a riot in the process, and we were left with the image of Tamba and his giant with a wound right in the middle, getting sheered with expert speed. It was more of an experience than a match but you really get a sense of the time and place.

ER: Oh, Tamba, where have you been all my life? Tamba, with his post-peak fat guy body and jack o lantern smile, 38 but moving like a 55 year old luchador, every fall the fall of a formerly great and still unique wrestler. He has among the worst fat guy splashes you've seen, falling in a controlled way on Tinieblas with no jump at all, like Cathy flopping onto her bed after a long Monday at the office. He wins the primera with a top rope splash that was an insult to the name. He landed somewhere near Tinieblas's legs with the form of a man who fell into a swimming pool while trying to fish something out. He looks like he's never climbed the ropes before and yet he's got this unique aura the entire time. He has great heavyweight punches, heavy blows that came from the side, thrown to the face, head, and chest. His punches are great enough that I know 1982 Tamba was an incredible menace. You can see him as a Super Porky who immediately fell off once the athleticism aged out to size. He got great fat guy color and did a tremendous job of almost starting a riot by taking one of the legendary lucha masks in a 100:1 upset. I don't think the lacking or loose execution held this back because the aura was there. It still felt like a big match even if the outcome was so unlikely and the opponent so washed. Underdogs got nothing to lose and it felt like there was more raw emotion in Tamba's toothless face than I expected. This felt like the right match for the occasion and felt like a look inside a scene. 

Scott Hall vs. Atkie Malumba [Cage] WWC 8/4/90 

MD: One great thing about having covered 1990 Puerto Rico so thoroughly is that we can fit this right in. This was after Hall's face turn and after the Aniversario match and they were using gimmicks to keep the feud going. You can see from the finish here that they left more meat on the bone. To me, this was right around the point where everything clicked for Hall. He could have had a serious babyface run in the back half of 1990 somewhere, but I guess he was in Germany as a heel (I saw some of that recently, a Tony St. Clair/Owen Hart handicap match).

This was from an episode a couple of years later so Profe kept joking how there was resemblance to Razor Ramon. I thought it was laid out well though. They went back and forth early, Hall's punches vs Malumba's heft, but it opened up when Malumba was able to toss Hall into the cage a couple of times. From there he leaned on him with a couple of hope spots when he tried to escape the cage through the door and Hall stopped him. There was a long nervehold (maybe too long) but it let Hall power up, the fans behind him, and start firing back. Hall finally got to toss Malumba into the cage (they had protected that), and there was a good nearfall for a cage when he dropkicked Malumba and Malumba almost went out the door from it, a finish we'd seen all too often but that I haven't seen teased like that much. Hall finally got the slam (also protected) to a big pop. He sold it well too stumbling backwards after the fact. And the finish had him go up and over but Malumba make it through the door a second before he landed. Maybe they could have shrunk that nerve hold just a little but overall this was a good piece of business and gave them room to go back for one more. 

ER: I've written a lot about Scott Hall, but almost exclusively 1992-1997 Scott Hall, which is when he became a really great worker. I've written a lot about Kimala II as well. He's probably the worst wrestler who Matt and I frequently write about, and I love him. I love both guys, but it never crossed my mind that they had ever wrestled each other. In another country. I didn't even know Scott Hall worked Puerto Rico or how big the cultural impact of Magnum PI on 1990 Puerto Rico was. I've never seen a Razor Ramon vs. Kamala match but now we have a version of that from an alternate dimension where Scott Hall wrestled like green Lex Luger and worked Gallagher Too in Puerto Rico. 

Scott Hall is an okay Lex Luger, and it's fun to see him sell like 96/97 Lex and use the same kind of punch comebacks. It's weird seeing Hall throwing lesser versions of his punch, before he perfected it, but I like how he sells for Kimala. Kimala's strikes never look great but they look correct for a Kimala. I love his shape and his big smooth back makes me think of him as a Punch-Out!! character. More wrestlers should remind me of a different ethnicity King Hippo. Kimala was a completely different opponent than we ever got to see Hall work, and it's good fun seeing Hall selling his back on lifts and throwing heavyweight dropkicks because he's a hunky babyface and not a greasy foreigner. Kimala's splashes always look good and I think he was able to have a 20 year career because he was a fat guy who worked without kneepads who stayed healthy. His deadweight landings look like they would never hold up over a decade long All Japan run, but these two were just built different. 

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns WWE 12/26/17 

MD: I'm not touching the Cena retirement tour but in watching this, I was stricken by how great a Cena retirement match this would have been, albeit 8 years too early. I don't remember the first thing about 2017 WWE. If I looked things up, I could probably piece it all together. Reigns was the Intercontinental champ apparently. This was at MSG, the big holiday show that kids get tickets for over XMas.

And I really liked it. It was Ace vs. Ace and felt like a passing of the guard moment. It has the room to stretch and breathe that you'd want in a house show. Cena leaned into it right in the beginning, going for a long lock up that let the fans chant at him (Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks). He pushed Reigns into the corner for a clean break and basked in it. There was such a sense of mastery here, of really knowing the value of a moment.  Reigns came back and controlled on a test of strength and then won on a shoulder block.

The match opened up when Cena went for a punch exchange, a traditional strength for him and Reigns clocked him. From there, it became about Reigns having a soft, punch-based advantage on these exchanges, and both men trying to unlock their moves. Instead of hitting things three times, they made getting through each part of the sequence an effort that needed to be built to. The crowd then went nuts when Cena finally hit his dropping belly to back or the five knuckle shuffle or Reigns finally got the Superman punch. There was one finisher kick out. Cena got the AA first and Reigns kicked out. Just that one and Cena wouldn't get it again, though he would cannily come close, hitting the mat as Reigns beat him again on a punch exchange only to lure him in on the pin and roll into a fireman's carry. This time Reigns escaped and hit the spear for the three, though. Just a very clever, very self-aware, very trusting match. Very little excess and because of that, what did happen mattered all the more and felt iconic. 

ER: 2017 was not my favorite John Cena year. It felt fully post-peak Cena at the time and scanning his television and PPV year now doesn't make me want to rewatch any of it. My favorite Cena match of the year had been a TV match against Jason Jordan, which feels like such a 2017 thing to say while also not sounding like it ever happened. I think I'd believe anything you told me about 2017 because none of it feels real, the timeline fake. It feels forever ago, not 8 years ago. Eight years ago, Jason Jordan was a Rising Star that I liked and wrote about, and Roman Reigns was a guy I thought might have been the best wrestler in the world. I went out of my way to watch and write about as many Roman Reigns/Braun Strowman TV, PPV, and house show matches existed - and there were a lot - and loved them all. In 2026, the idea of watching one Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman match would never cross my mind, and if suggested to me it would make me wrinkle up my nose in decline. 2017 feels like an implanted memory I only learn about from my own supposed writings and observations that I find in various notebooks that the RPG slowly reveals to me. 2017 was when you could go to a house show and see Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto but nobody saw it because it wasn't real. 

Roman Reigns was one of the best in the world in 2017 and was the best wrestler in WWE, and now they are a promotion I do not watch in part because I got tired of the new main event talk and walk style popularized by Roman Reigns. Eight years doesn't feel long, but it was a long time ago. This style isn't the main style in the fed that these two were the aces for, so this match - a great version of that style - feels like something much further back in time. It also greatly benefits from its handheld feel, shot on pro cam in the middle of the real crowd noise, like a concert recording from the taper's pit, but a taper who had a four man team and had been traveling to shows for several years. On TV everything is mic'd different, but in the middle of MSG you got to hear how much people hated Cena and wanted to cheer Roman...which made it so much better that we got to hear Cena winning them over the entire match. By the end of this, Roman's offense is being met with silence, like they didn't want to see Cena lose, and every time Cena made a comeback the crowd got louder with their support. 

Cena had one of his typical sloppy execution matches and some stuff looked hokier when played to the back rows of MSG. That big long lean over the apron while waiting for Roman's dropkick, the way his punches look so much worse than Roman's (until they start getting better when MSG is moved to cheer for him!?) are things that Cena is able to overcome stylistically, because the sloppy execution is baked into his style, and because the most important thing is his timing. Knowing when to bump, knowing when to take a beat, knowing which punch to get knocked down by. His timing was on the top of his game this whole match and it's knowing and perfecting that rhythm that had the entire building on his side within 15 minutes. 

It doesn't not matter in the grand scheme of things that his punches look loopy and cartoon-y, because he is so much better at taking Roman's punches and knowing how to bump and sell for each individual punch. I loved an early spot where he missed a turnbuckle charge and turned around into a nice Roman uppercut that sent Cena pirouetting into the mat, and there was this ongoing story where the punch exchanges never felt like they ended where Cena/Roman planned on ending them, but they ended where the punch quality and crowd reaction dictated they would end. This never felt like a match that they laid out and then worked exactly how they laid it out, it felt like something worked with room to grow into whatever the crowd wanted it to be. When Cena's tornado DDT maybe 7 minutes in got a big nearfall reaction, it's like that moment gave people a reason to believe in Cena, thus ROOT for Cena, and the dynamic change was huge. That's when this became something that felt a bit bigger and different than your usual send 'em home happy house show main. 

This was technically for the Intercontinental Title, but that seems laughably quaint. IF someone cared about that title before the match started, the title became an unimportant part of the match midway, if not sooner. This never felt like an IC Title match and by the end it only felt like a main event epic, a crowd worked to perfection, and moments timed for maximum impact. Neither man was able to hit their spots clean. Within a couple years, the WWE main event style was just finisher kickout spam, and this match got by with only one big surprise kickout (Roman kickout out of the AA, and to a lesser extent Cena kicking out of the Superman punch) because they wisely kept being unable to hit their various finishes. Finisher kickout is a lazy kind of surprise, but crafting a big main event build around stopped attempts and alternate means of attaining victory before looping back to one big finisher changed everything. Neither could put the other away because neither could connect with the big one. 

The reaction for Cena ducking a Superman punch, sloppily drop toe holding Roman into the STFU, was huge, a crowd chanting CENA SUCKS minutes before suddenly fighting with him, so much so that the pop when Roman lands his first Superman punch actually sounded more like shock than excitement. It got so Roman's offense was being met with silence. He wasn't being booed, but suddenly people were icing him out like they didn't want to actually see Cena lose. When Cena actually hits the AA (or moments where the 5 knuckle is stopped and then hit again later as more of a sudden surprise) the camera can no longer handle the decibels of the crowd and starts to distort. The finish was fantastic, with Cena leaping off the middle buckle for a legdrop but being hit with a sitout powerbomb for a good nearfall, leaping into a great punch exchange. This was the best punch exchange of the match, the one that felt like a gift to the crowd rather than one planned to go a specific length. It was a Boo/Yay exchange with people now booing Roman and cheering every punch a staggering Cena would throw, like they were the ones actually willing the men on instead of having a lengthy punch exchange foisted upon them. Cena deftly went down like a shot for Roman's best punch of the match, and it felt like it wasn't where Cena was "supposed" to go down, it just felt like he went down for the punch that felt (and looked) right. When Cena rolled through the pin and fought to deadlift Roman to his feet, clean and jerking him to his shoulders, it looked like the most triumphant Cena win and that's what everyone wanted to see. It was also the perfect way to set up Roman's win, Cena burning through all his reserves just to give everyone a look at Vintage Cena, doing it for the fans and forgetting he was in there with the new ace. 

I don't think the match happens like this if it was on TV or PPV, and I don't think it feels this good without the camera capturing the real crowd sound. This was a match that became more powerful because of its status as a house show main event (a house show in their main venue, but a house show nonetheless) and they seem to have completely forgotten that aspect of the show. Picturing this match done with their classically bad scripted commentary and all of the zoomed in reaction shaky cam and ugly LED displays just makes me nauseous. This was the right match for the right time presented in the best way. 

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Found Footage Friday: VALENTINE~! GARVIN~! CENA~! JOE~! BOTSWANA~! DOUG~!

Greg Valentine vs. Ronnie Garvin WWF 1/14/89

MD: Another new Richard Land find (go seek him out on twitter if you want to see this). Apparently this show did exist but with terrible VQ to the point where it hasn't been looked at. From entrances to leaving this goes ~15 and it's probably even better than you'd expect coming in, which is saying a lot. They're able to balance the best strike exchanges in the history of the company with just enough variety, stooging, stalling, and other little tricks to tie it all together.

The exchanges are amazing, but varied as well. Valentine might go high and low with punches or throw chops. Garvin will fire back out of the corner, in the center, will pick him up to knock him down again. And they do such a great job not just registering each blow by throwing their head back (whether in the corner or not) or Valentine spacing out, but by setting up the anticipation of it all with Valentine dancing back or stalling in the ropes or both of them throwing hands. It's the ultimate combination of anticipation, execution, and reaction that makes this amazing, strike exchange after strike exchange, with Garvin throwing in enough other things (a jackknife pin, slamming Valentine's head into the corner) and Valentine doing his big stooging sells to make it more than just a slugfest but a complete living, breathing tapestry of violence.

ER: We all keep writing in various ways "Greg Valentine's case as an All Time Great only rises with every new match we find" because it just keeps happening. Since we started Found Footage Fridays 5-15 years ago Valentine has been one of our frequent topics, appearing in the feature 10+ times, and each one of those times only raised his stock as a worker. He's incredible. 15 years ago, I had no idea what a huge Greg Valentine fan I would become. It really started with the DVDVR 80s WWF Project, the first set in the project that would make for the best years of my wrestling fandom. Valentine/Garvin was the kind of WWF match I had never seen before and didn't realize was ever happening there. Years later Valentine would be the reason I'd start my favorite wrestling project ever - Complete Berzerker - after seeing his brilliant match against Berzerker. Every piece of footage I've seen since - new, old, seen, unseen - just confirmed how great Valentine was. 

Now here's another new piece of the Valentine lore and it takes me back to 2006 (that can't be right) and the first time I saw the Valentine/Garvin '89 MSG match. It finished very high on my DVDVR 80s ballot, and I got to talk to Valentine at a convention about their matches. He said that nobody liked working Garvin because he worked stiff, and so they paired Valentine with him a lot because Valentine didn't mind working stiff with Garvin. That's the simplest explanation, those were Valentine's words, and then I proceeded to talk to him about BattlArts without ever buying an 8x10. I didn't know the rules, sorry. 

Now we get another take on them beating the hell out of each other and crowds slowly catching on to just how hard these men are hitting each other. Dick Graham catches on pretty quick just how hard the men are hitting each other. My favorite realization from Graham is when Valentine kicked Garvin in the face like Tenryu right in front of the ringside camera, and Graham just shouted out "SHOOT!" You have no idea, Dick. You watch this, and realize this whole thing cannot happen with Valentine. I love Garvin, but Valentine could have worked this match with anybody. Valentine is the one falling all over the place for him and leaning in to his toughest shots. Valentine is the one permitting every piece of nasty action to proceed. When Garvin starts teeing off on Hammer in the ropes, throwing hard overhand chops, mixing up punches to the forehead and body, finishing him with a shot to the forehead in the corner that sent Valentine skidding down each turnbuckle to the mat, I can see why not many others were willing to work Garvin. But Valentine makes it all into more than just stiff shots. Valentine showcases the willingness to throw hands and the over-willingness to stooge (the man must have timberrrrrrr fell to the mat a dozen times for payoff blows), but most importantly Valentine knew how to put over every single thing Garvin did. 

My favorite part of the match might have been Garvin's crucifix pin, because I don't know if I've ever seen a more ligament stretching crucifix. Garvin tied up Hammer's arms and slowly started pulling him back, and if you'd never seen a crucifix pin before you'd think Hammer was getting his arms slowly broken behind him. Valentine made his taking the move look more like a shoot pin than I'd ever seen, like his necktie was caught in a shredder and the more time he spent struggling the closer he was brought to his death. This match could have been All Hands and still been one of the best WWF matches of the decade, but Valentine knew how to take things higher. 

Doug Gilbert vs. Botswana Beast (Kimala II) Barbed Wire MECW 1999

MD: This was supposed to be One Man Gang vs. Doug and you can't just make a substitution late on a match like this and just expect it to work, but they made a pretty good effort overall. Gilbert went into the wire real early which was sort of the only logical way to do this (he took it right to Beast but couldn't actually whip him) unless you were going to take out a knee and keep it on the mat or something. So there wasn't exactly build and payoff. Instead, they actually went to the floor which I'm not sure I've ever actually seen in a barbed wire match. More than that, you had to rationalize Beast even being able to get out under the bottom rope without killing himself. That did allow Gilbert to get some reasonable offense with the chair and then, back in the ring toss Beast in at least once. He came back and had a fun marathon whipping of Gilbert into the wire again and again before dropping the splash. When he went for a second one PG-13 came out to break things up and smash Beast with the hubcap. Reno Riggins hilariously made the save with a chair, which he immediately put down before hitting anyone with it, thus allowing for himself to get swept under so Beast could make the save. Doug Gilbert's Bobcat Goldthwait faces made this work despite the substitution.

ER: Ever since I was the high voter on the Botswana Beast vs. Terry Gordy match from the World Class set, I feel a strong connection to Beast that might not actually be present in his ring work. I've always been fascinated by Beast/Kimala II/Uganda in a similar but different way than I'm fascinated by Gallagher II. Kimala II might have been the worst All Japan worker of the 90s, yet there he was wrestling 800 matches in the greatest workrate fed of the decade, dressed up as the shorter, fatter version of a guy whom everyone in attendance knew. I love that Kimala II existed, I sincerely love that Gordy match, and if he's the worst All Japan worker of the 90s then I love that he got to exist there during that whole magic era. This was from '99, when he was working ECW shows in the states between All Japan tours and is a fun spectacle without being much of a match. My favorite bits were all centered on Beast's low center of gravity, showing how impossible it would be for Doug to shove him into the ropes against his will. I loved that Irish whip spot where Doug pulled with all his might only for Beast's feet to slide a bit forward on the mat, before Beast whipped Doug into the barbed wire with the strength of Andre. 

John Cena vs. Samoa Joe WWE 8/26/17

MD: This was absolutely delightful. It checks so many boxes just from the start. A match we never thought we'd get. Unproduced house show footage, clear as day, from 2010s WWE. A hot crowd. Two larger than life wrestlers who knew exactly what they were doing working a house show style. It feels like a million years ago and I'd say it overdelivered my expectations. You listen to the crowd build and build and build as they take them up and down (but each high getting a little bit higher) and that's just what I want out of pro wrestling more often than not. 

I can't even tell you the last time I saw a Cena match. It was probably for FFF. We watched one in 2022. That was probably it. I think that was a house show too. I can't get over how simplistic, minimalist, straightforward this was. Joe won an early exchange and celebrated, the shine was basically just a build to Cena winning a shoulderblock and it feeling like a huge deal. Joe took over with one (and only one) punch in the corner. Cena went down like a ton of bricks.

He never really looked back. Cena would get hope spots because he was Cena and basically anything he did was a hope spot. He'd dash into the ring before Joe expected. He'd block a punch. He'd heft him up into a fireman's carry out of nowhere, but Joe dropped him each time. The fans got louder each time though. Until it was just Cena standing up in the corner that did it. Amazing stuff. Joe ran right through him then, but then, when it was repeated, Cena moved and that's when he got in his signature comeback stuff. Talk about rewarding the crowd for caring. They went into a ref bump and a phantom win before the actual one, adding in a bit of doubt to the proceedings. I'm not entirely sure that was necessary given the match they were wrestling, but it was no real harm overall. Just an amazing reminder how special these guys are.

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Found Footage Friday: SMOTHERS~! CENA~! MYSTERIOS~! REIGNS~! USOS~! PANAMANIAN APUESTAS~! MICHAELS~! WELL DUNN~!

Cirujano de la Muerte vs. Emperador Panamanian Lucha 1988

MD: I'm not sure if anyone else is keeping up with the vein of Panamanian lucha we've gotten over the last year but we'll be sure to revisit it now and again. This was a mask match that dropped recently and it was bloody, heated, minimalist, and at times a little odd in ways that's right down our alley. Cirujano de la Muerte, being the Surgeon of Death, had the traditional medicinal wrestler white mask look. He reminded me of the Assassin or Dream Machine in some ways. He had pretty solid strikes that came from interesting angles and once he ripped the mask and really got going on Emperador, used an object to high effect. He also had a way of stooging on his bumps and strutting around the ring like a chicken to get maximum heat. I'm a fan. Emperador, in his eventual comeback after getting bloodied up, had a novel sort of running, jumping hammer shot, but otherwise, his strikes weren't as good. Still, he ripped at the mask and worked a wound and the crowd went nuts when he got the objects and started to get revenge and made the surgeon's white gear red. It was short lived though, as Cirujano smashed a bottle over his head and went back on him as they moved towards a finish, an out of nowhere 'rana.  There were a copy of spots in this, coming occasionally at slightly odd angles like Cirujano's strikes did, but for the most part this was straightforward woundwork the whole way through. Post-match continued the antics as Cirujano got what was coming to him. A match like this isn't for everyone, but to us, it's timeless and effective and beautiful. Now if Emperador just had slightly better punches.

ER: It's always a joy to find stuff like this. We have some full territory documentation of several 1988 territories, and then you get something from Panama that looks comparable to other stuff from that era while also looking somehow influenced by nothing. You can't really tell who they learned on, and it reveals a lot about how a lot of this is just knowing when to hit your beats and pace the momentum. Both throw their signature strike in a way you haven't seen anyone quite replicate, Cirujano throwing a hooking jumping right hand, and Emperador throwing a variation on the Baba chop. Nobody else throws a Baba chop, nobody else has quite the same hopping headbutt delivery as Carlos Colon, nobody throws a punch like the Crusher; these two have their own strikes, that might not be as good as those others', but they are different and I always like that. Cirujano had an all time great dance taunt. It was part chicken dance, part merengue, just a flawless combination. It's like Paul Lynde doing Jagger. If Jeff Jarrett had learned this dance taunt instead of just aping the Fargo strut, he would have been the biggest heel in Memphis. Emperador has some fantastic stumble selling, rolling and bouncing into and off of the ropes, like a standing Red Bastien gag, theatrical but really great body movement. There's mask ripping, a fucking bottle of chianti used as a weapon, a real good crowd brawl that sends people running (including a great dad running off with a little boy under each arm), and a mirthful unmasking. Love it.  

Tracy Smothers/Chris Michaels vs. Well Dunn Brandenburg, KY 2000s

MD: Some of my favorite wrestlers are the ones that are always on, always in the moment, always engaged. Terry Funk, Negro Casas, Nick Bockwinkel, Eddy Guerrero 97-on, Eddie Kingston. There are those guys and then there's 2000s Tracy Smothers, the guy who breaks the meter. There's not a moment of this match, including the period before and after it starts, that he's not engaging, engaging with his partner, with his opponents, with the ref, with the crowd, with the ring announcer, with his valet, with the laws of physics. He engages so thoroughly, so constantly, so dynamically, that he invokes wrestling to one of its highest possible degree, he engages with a reality of his own making and forces us to watch. That's a bit different than drawing us all into a shared reality where we toss away, for a time our suspension of disbelief, but it's certainly fun to watch nonetheless. 

I'm not sure if the crowd believed any more than usual on this night, but they certainly felt something, and he didn't give them a second to catch their breath long enough to think about any of it. He was constantly and consistently jawing with the fans (almost causing one guy to charge the ring simply because Smothers called him old repeatedly), trying to trick the ref with phantom clap tags, frustrating the crowd by trying to start a babyface clap when he was clearly a heel, bumping off of his opponent's offense and taking an extra bump just for the hell of it, hugging Michaels when something went his way, taking a powder after feeding like a champ when they didn't, from the first moment he walked out, to the finish where he got his comeuppance after using an object, to the post match promo putting over their next appearance at the next show and getting his heat back almost instantaneously by teasing the crowd that there was more to come. Michaels and Well Dunn played their parts, but you could have sent him out alone with a mic or with a broomstick to wrestle and he would have move hearts and fried brains just as soundly.

ER: This was pure heaven. Tracy Smothers has an act that makes me laugh at things I've seen him do a couple dozen times, playing some of the oldest hits in wrestling and always playing them with passion. Tracy is the angry southern Iron Mike Sharpe, and I'd hope you know that is a high compliment of an excellent character. Mike Sharpe did some of these routines in opening matches in the Northeast for a good decade, and Tracy takes it and ups the anger and violence and death threats. It's beautiful. This is Tracy stooging, stalling, and aggressively pointing fingers at every person in attendance. He gets into it with an old man, threatens to punch an "old hag" in the face, threatens kids, anything but actually lock up. This is a match where Tracy does more fake tag hand claps than I think I've ever seen in a match. Tracy Smothers holds a good crowd in a small rundown Kentucky building in the palm of his hand for 15 minutes, and I don't think he did any offense other than a handful of well timed (and loaded) punches. 

I like Well Dunn a lot, and I like Chris Michaels, but this could have been Tracy with literally any three wrestlers on the planet and been the exact same show. A team like Well Dunn is almost wasted in a role like this, because this was a role any green babyface team could have pulled off. Tracy was the ultimate in-ring safety net in a match like this. There is a lot of Not Wrestling and it is all Very Entertaining Wrestling. Tracy takes a couple of big bumps, one on a noggin knocker on the apron, others just bumping for punches, one just because he didn't realize Steve Doll was behind him. The match built to a great Rex King hot tag where he lays out Smothers and Michaels with consecutive hard clotheslines, and does his awesome hooking heel kick in the corner. Tracy's valet distracts King and Smothers blasts him with a loaded fist, then does the most hilarious and ridiculous pin, sitting down on King's chest and flexing his biceps, leaving himself wide open for King to steal the win. The post-match is great, with Smothers and Michaels blindsiding Well Dunn with a great loaded fist (Smothers) and an excellent superkick (Michaels, far and away the biggest piece of offense in the match), then some classic Smothers mic work. When Smothers ends the night saying "I got a major surprise for you on the 8th. Somebody's gonna DIE!" you know that's the good stuff. 

John Cena/Rey & Dominik Mysterio vs. Roman Reigns/Usos WWE 8/1/21

MD: This was just last year, but it's found footage to us. It's a little amazing how conservative this was structurally, very Tito Santana, more so than you'd expect out of a Strike Force tag even. Rey started, teased Cena coming in but ate a cheapshot. That meant he had to handle things himself and when it came time to tag, he tagged Dominik. They hit a double team, but Dom got stuffed by the Usos pretty quickly and then played face-in-peril for most of the rest of the match.

Reigns came in sparingly, but I really liked how the first hope spot, where Dominik tried to fire back on him, was less about him potentially getting the tag and more about him daring to show defiance. There was a real sense of hierarchy there that almost never plays so well in WWE. As the beating continued, he got his reps in against the Usos, with some subsequent hope spots better than others (the one where he kicked them both over the top from a prone position was pretty dubious). Meanwhile, Cena and Rey worked the corner as well as you'd expect. Cena wasn't going to be in for more than a couple of minutes, but he was still having a blast out there. After the hot tag, Cena played the hits, though there was a pretty inexplicable ref bump that didn't feed into anything. I wouldn't call the structure of the match lazy so much as it was distilled and set up to hype the crowd as much as possible to see the attraction. It was still a little weird when you think about it, because in a babyface Andre trios, for instance, he'd do more in the first third and wouldn't be saved all for the end.

ER: I really liked this, and I think it's another piece of evidence that Dominik is an underrated worker. He's not ever going to be his father, but that's a dumb statement because no other wrestler is his father. This whole match settled down pretty quickly into a 12 minute Dominik vs. The Usos match, and I thought Dominik was just as good as the face in peril as the Usos were at bumping for him and preventing his tags. I liked how Dominik stood up to Roman on the apron, and how that got him an immediate headbutt that lead to his next 12 minutes of trouble. Everyone in the match had main event house show timing down perfectly, with Dominik really good at getting *this* close to Cena's reaching hand before an Uso would get him back to the corner, or a great moment late in the match where both Usos gets bumped to the floor and Dominik begins his slow crawl to his corner. Roman was great on the apron as his cockiness turned to frustration and his frustration turned to panic, yelling at both Usos to get up off the floor to stop the tag. Jey eventually ran in and dropkicked Cena and dragged Dominik by the leg back to their corner. 

It's all house show timing, but the timing needs to be there or it just feels rote. I don't think this ever felt rote, I think they teased it along really well and the crowd just wanted to see Cena the longer Dominik took a beating. When Dominik did finally make the tag it was explosive, making me feel a nostalgia for Cena that I didn't realize I had. I didn't actually know Cena worked any house shows last year, just thought he worked Roman at Summerslam. Seeing he worked 15 matches - all house shows and dark matches save Summerslam - was a surprise, and after years of hearing every male in the building loudly boo him, I loved hearing everyone cheering for him like they were little kids. 

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Found Footage Friday: WWE in Melbourne, Australia 8/29/04

8/29/04 Full Show


Funaki vs. Rene Dupree

MD: Fun opener that outside for one big German cut off to set up the finish, could have happened almost spot for spot fifteen years before. This followed Teddy Long opening the show by flubbing a half dozen lines, but the fans were happy to see him and to be getting a show in general. Funaki came out with a valet who immediately went to the back and I can't place what was going on there and the internet is no help. Early chain wrestling worked. Lots of little tricks like Dupree pointing to his hair to draw the ref off so he could do a hairpull himself, only to have Funaki hold on to the wristlock. Things like that. Dupree got a knee in off the ropes and took over with things very first match and simple, but the crowd was eager to cheer and especially eager to see Dupree hop around with his trademark comedy bit of the month. That let him get rolled up for a banana peel Funaki win. Simple, straightforward, effective. I think the blog's covered maybe two Rene Dupree matches ever so I have no idea what his 2010s in Japan are like but I'm sort of curious. Regardless, it's hard to tell with a crowd this eager to see wrestling, but he seemed to be over, down to kissing the hand of a woman on the way out and getting a big pop. 

ER: "Tajiri!!" some little kid near the camera yells excitedly. Sorry, that's the other guy. Hopefully the kid doesn't get the exact same letdown during the Kenzo Suzuki match later on. This match is clipped up a bit, but what we got was really good. Rene Dupree was an majorly under-appreciated act in WWE, and would make an interesting project for me to go back through searching for gems. He was a fully formed act in 2004 and you could see that better on house shows than on TV. He knew how to get heat from this crowd, who granted, were excited to give that heat. They're like the perfect crowd for everything Dupree does, and they seem in on the joke without being annoying about it. I am not familiar with Australian sports, so I am also not familiar with the rhythm of Australian wrestling chants, which do not follow the NEMA standard four syllable/five clap timing. 

Dupree has very funny body language and is good at getting reactions with just his movement, or just his posture. When he's flopping in funny ways to sell Funaki's wristlock, falling over himself when Funaki just won't let go, it's like classic Regal. It builds really nicely from wrist control into some tough Dupree offense. He hit a hard shoulderblock, backbreaker, and a knee lift, and he flat out levels Funaki with a hard clothesline after punching mat on a Funaki sunset flip. They took it further than I was expecting, because I was not expecting Dupree to bounce Funaki off his face with a huge release German suplex. And the finish is great, as Dupree saves the French Tickler dance for the very end, giving the crowd exactly what they wanted (somehow the section with our cameraman were the biggest French Tickler fans in Melbourne), and as Dupree is bouncing his bulge for each side of the ring, he falls victim to a Funaki schoolboy. The crowd loved seeing Rene Dupree lose, but most importantly: They loved seeing Rene Dupree. I think Australia might have been right. 

Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio

MD: A lot to like here too. Smart stuff right from the get go where Spike let Rey chase him around the ring so that he could ambush him on the inside, only to get a quick comeuppance and feed for a steady shine. That built to him taking a powder and threatening to leave only to really eat Rey's baseball slide on the way out and catch his flip dive over Charles Robinson, who had tried to stop him from diving a moment before. Real crowd-pleasing stuff. Nice transition where Spike jammed Rey off the ropes causing him to bump stomach first out of the ring. The heat was them working in and out of bodyscissors with the comeback just a foot up by Rey on a leap from the top by Spike. In the stretch it was all about wondering how Rey was going to position him for the 619, and he did manage it after kicking out of an Acid Drop, but by then the Dudleys had come out and one foot grab and roll up later (second roll up in two matches, so that's some iffy agenting), Spike's retained. They did a good job of making it seem like the fans might see a title change for a while there though.

ER: Heel era Spike was really great, and I was so excited to get another singles match from that run, let alone another Rey singles match. The only singles matches they had on TV was Spike's title win and Spike's title loss, so it's cool seeing the literal first singles match after the title win. Spike always had good offense but wasn't always in the role to show that offense. His heel run was his chance to show his bruiser side, the side he probably hadn't played since his Incredibly Strange Wrestling. This was the match I was most excited to see on this handheld, and while it probably wasn't as good as Rene Dupree vs. Funaki, it was still so good. The crowd was into heel Spike, and Spike is a great base for Rey's best. Spike takes a sick bump into the ringpost and later threatens to walk out, then walks back the hard way directly into a Rey baseball slide, then adeptly catches his slingshot senton. Spike is real precise worker on offense and defense, good at catching crossbodies and nailing his flying forearm and torpedo headbutt. His set ups are really strong, and Rey has precision as good or greater than Spike's so it's a super pairing of the two smallest guys on the roster. 

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

MD: I went and watched this. Might as well write it up. They had probably wrestled each other fifty times by this point, right? They had the act down. The fans clapped Torrie up while in the chinlocks but barely reacted at all to her spear and her actual comeback, which is always a sign that something isn't quite right. Korderas brought out a hankerchief for after he got rolled upon during the catfight bit and that was kind of funny, I guess. Prop comedy. They came back and did this exact same match up the following April and I'm vaguely curious to see what that would have looked like. I don't know. This was fine for what it was and Dawn Marie gets a few extra points for her post match selling, even if she lost a few for never leaving her feet on the catapult into the corner. I'd never seen someone take a catapult as an Irish Whip before. Torrie won with a DDT. Something on this card needed a clean finish so I guess this was as good as any.

ER: Maaaaan I think Matt is being a bit of a curmudgeon here. I was actually excited for this one, because Dawn Marie is a really great thing. I became a big fan of Dawn Marie since seeing her at the 1/3/03 WWF Cow Palace card, where she had a standout match on an absolutely stacked show. It was a Bra & Panties match against Gail Kim, where she worked arm based offense to weaken Kim's clothes-ripping abilities. Both women played into the story and it was definitely the most technical match I've seen worked around a Bra & Panties gimmick. Dawn Marie bringing arm work into a match for the sole purpose of delaying the panty payoff is the mark of a brilliant heel worker who knew exactly what she was doing, impossible for me to not be a fan for life. And I think this match a year and a half later was really good, painting the picture of a real strong house show worker. 

Dawn Marie's selling is strong, she throws hard forearms, and works really tight headlocks. She's honest on offense, making good contact and selling that impact. Look at the way she runs into and staggers out of Torrie Wilson's boot in the corner. I don't think she ever got enough credit for how well she took offense and excelled at the basics. I thought the Jimmy Korderas comedy spot worked really well toward the end of the match. It's not the kind of spot they were doing on television, and based on all of the people audible around our cameraman, this section was clearly familiar with all of the TV. You could tell by the big reaction and genuine laughs that the crowd hadn't seen two women steamrolling a bald ref with their cat fight, and it felt like a moment unique to a house show. Also, I loved how they set up the spot right after, where Torrie cut LOW on a clothesline that almost hit Korderas! Torrie threw that with more violent form than I would have expected, and I love a miss thrown like a HR swing. Dawn took the DDT right on her head, in the way that looked like a finish. I don't know man. I hate to say Matt is wrong but House Show Dawn Marie speaks for herself. 

Billy Gunn vs. Heidenreich

MD: So far, past a little blip here or there, this was a wrestling show in front of a crowd that wanted to see a wrestling show. Here, that meant Heyman came out and got some real cheap heat on the mic and Gunn came out and got just as cheap a pop. I spend a bunch of time watching 2022 Billy and he stands out in a way now that he didn't back then, but we probably didn't give him enough credit as a community for what he did do well. Not just the punches either. Here, he bumped like crazy to get over the transition (wiping out on the post on the outside) and then to put over the cutoffs. Heidenreich could lean on some simple armwork and wasn't asked to do too much. The finish was, again, straight out of 1989 with Heyman (who had just sold a crotch chop like death on the outside) up on the apron as Billy was going for his finish and he walked right into Heidenreich's kind of weak Boss Man Slam. Again, everything so far has just been hitting the right buttons for the crowd, just like a house show should. 

ER: I thought this was really good too. I must be in some kind of mood. Some of these house shows just really hum. The pacing on this show has been really good, and perhaps it's been helped out a bit by our cameraman's selective in-match editing. Everything has been 5-10 minutes and it's a reallll comfortable window for this roster to hit. I've had a lot of fun going through Big Boss Man's 2002 run, and I bet there are some unheralded gems in Billy Gunn's 2003-2004. Those Gunn/Holly vs. The Bashams matches probably look a lot better in 2022 than they felt in 2004. Shit I should probably do a Bashams C&A too. That one's been overdue.  

This match was a great Gunn showcase, but Heidenreich had a couple real high notes. He took a crazy fast bump over the top to the floor on a missed charge, then a big tumbling bump off the apron after getting up into a hard Gunn forearm smash. Their floor work was really inspired, with Heidenreich taking a big spill into the guardrail (in the days when there was still a big metal guardrail for a 270 lb. guy to sprint into) and Billy Gunn wrapping himself around the ringpost like 1983 Lawler in the Mid-South Coliseum. Heidenreich throws a nice running clothesline, and Gunn takes a real nice flipping bump from it, flipping from the contact and not before it. All of Gunn's punches looked great, from his early match jabs in the corner to his woozy stumbling rights to build to the finish. Heyman's theatrics are incredible house show bullshit, reacting to a Gunn crotch chop by getting literally hopping mad. If he had a hat he would have slammed it to the ground like Boss Hogg. He takes a really big bump off the apron when Gunn punches him off, and I actually thought Heidenreich's high side slam looked pretty good. It didn't have the impact of the Boss Man Slam, but it's not really controversial to say Heidenreich wasn't as good as the Big Boss Man. But the height was actually high, and his control through the move was really good. 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

MD: It's been a long time since I've revisited any of the Angle vs. Guerrero feud from earlier in 2004, but this was really good. I think it benefited from being a house show, from having lower stakes, from having more time to breathe, from being in the middle of the card. They started with more time on the mat than I remember Angle usually taking at this point in his career, competitive and scrappy. They moved into a headlock sequence with a big payoff then a top wristlock back and forth with all sorts of comedy that was actually funny, all capped off by Eddy pantsing Angle (which the crowd loved but it followed Gunn doing it to himself because it was his gimmick so again, agenting). When Angle finally got to throw a suplex, it meant something, because there was a place for the match to build to. He wasn't working like Mark Rocco but instead let things breathe and build. It all led up to a pretty exciting finishing stretch with one really great nearfall. These two might have had bigger matches earlier or later in the year, but I doubt they had a better one. It was one of the best, most balanced, most measured and meaningful WWE Angle matches I've seen.

Dudley Boyz vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman

MD: Another attempt at cheap heat to start with the crowd getting behind Kidman's Ralph Macchio delivery and overall solid sense of comedic timing. They got on Bubba and seemed to really enjoy chanting at D-Von later so who knows. They were just happy to be there. London worked the brunt of this until the hot tag and the finishing stretch, even most of the shine. D'Von fed for them but Bubba made them work for everything early. It made for a good combination since there was some gravitas due to the size differential while still letting them hit some of their flashier stuff. Heat was well set up with London getting a shot in on Bubba on the apron and then immediately paying for it. Finishing stretch called back to the Cruiserweight match earlier with Spike and then Rey coming out and it all ending with heel miscommunication, another DDT pin, and Spike taking the 619. Good piece of house show business overall.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kenzo Sukuzi

MD: You can't say that these two didn't match up well. They both had stupid, stylized offense, but in some ways that was better than only one of them having stupid, stylized offense. Both took one big bump too, Suzuki taking one from the top rope to the floor off a kick to the rear and RVD going hard into the steps to start the heat. Cutoffs were ok but the actual comeback move was just a kick out of nowhere and felt anti-climactic. As did the finishing stretch. Suzuki probably would have done better to stall more at the start. It was getting a reaction and he had Hiroko at ringside to help get heat. 

John Cena/Charlie Haas vs. Booker T/Luther Reigns

MD: Cena felt like the biggest, most electric star on the show so far, and that's saying something when Angle vs. Eddy was earlier in the night. When I'm watching a random house show tag like this, what I'm really looking for, as much as anything else, are the wrestlers interacting with one another. Cena brought that in a big way, pulling Jackie Gayda in to pose and clapping up Haas after the initial stalling. Delaying of gratification meant that the match started with Haas vs. Reigns instead of Booker vs. Cena, playing around with them post-match. You got the sense that Cena was trying to elevate them for the crowd. There was a bit of Booker hyping Reigns to start the match that was good too. We lose a chunk of this, most of the heat but Haas looked pretty good in there with Reigns for the minute or so we got. Booker exuded this oozing sliminess when he came in to work Haas over. Past that, it was a little paint by numbers in giving the fans what they wanted, but Cena made sure all the numbers were at least high and vibrant and it ended up feeling like a big celebration. 

JBL vs. Undertaker

MD: Really strong house show main event here. JBL cut a good, deluded promo trashing Australia and asking the fans to support him like he was 1983 Tommy Rich. I liked the early loop a lot where they bypassed the initial stalling, teased Old School, had JBL hit a great neckbreaker and Russian leg sweep, had Taker sit up, then did the stalling/leaving, and finished it with Taker dragging him back and actually hitting Old School. The match hinged upon JBL taking out Taker's leg and he really worked to get it early, first capitalizing on a missed knee in the corner by punching it out, then turning a Taker move on the stairs around, and finally tossing a chair into the ring to distract the ref so he could whack it with another chair. He had a nice (in theory though maybe not execution) Gagne-style deathlock on for a while and then they were able to use it to justify all of Taker's comebacks getting cut off. The finish was full of ref bumps and Dupree coming back to cause trouble before the groggy ref saw JBL use the belt for the DQ. Post match, Taker destroyed half the roster as the crowd chanted for Cena to come out to save him, but ultimately they were probably more than ok with what they got.

ER: I thought this was an excellent JBL outing and a kind of lacking Undertaker outing until all of the push to his big comeback, balancing out to a very good house show main. For the first 10 minutes of this long match, I swear Undertaker was throwing every single strike 3" short of his intended target. You could clearly see every JBL shot (and I do mean every kick, punch, chop, and elbow) land, and here's Undertaker throwing punches at a fly a few inches in front of JBL's forehead. JBL and Undertaker's star do the work of two men here, but JBL is the guy taking big bumps and attempting to lean into Taker's strikes, and it's just a great JBL match. I loved early when he wasn't budging Taker with shoulderblocks, then rushes in with even more steam only to get sidestepped, crashing over the top to the floor in a really big bump. JBL is good at bumping into the ring steps, but leg control JBL was a different kind of fun than I was expecting this match to be. When JBL dodges a Taker running boot in the corner and Taker's balls hit the buckles, that's JBL's time to work over that leg.

I love his kneebreaker, a really vicious move for a guy his size to do, trapping Taker's shin in his legs and jumping down to his knees. Taker has an amusingly loose set up for his own rolling kneebar, but JBL is good at dropping tons of elbows on Taker's knee, trapping it in his own legs, applying pressure to the actual knee, and recoiling from all of Taker's strikes to break that hold. Taker is very good at limping around and paying lip service to that knee, though seemed to be selling it better when his leather pant leg was hiked up his leg. JBL set up all of Taker's comeback offense really well, and leaned right into that Snake Eyes/Big Boot combo that a lot of fans bought as the finish. The crowd seemed genuinely surprised when Taker kicked out of the Clothesline from Hell, and I loved Rene Dupree's big bump off the apron when Taker kicked away his distraction. You can't have JBL - even as champ - pinning Taker on the main event of Melbourne's only show of the year, and I thought all the bullshit at the finish was more than enough to send a crowd home happy. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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WrestleMania 36 Night 2 Live Blog

Big shoes to fill on Night 2, and if tonight is anywhere near as entertaining as Night 1 then I will be a happy camper. This does not have Gulak or Bryan on it, and it does have The Fiend, so the odds are stacked against Night 2. Still, I'm excited for the Brock match and weirdly excited for Otis/Dolph (because Otis is my boy).


Natalya vs. Liv Morgan

ER: This was good, but felt like it really needed Liv Morgan to make all of Natalya's stuff work. Natalya got to drive a lot of this with her offense, but I don't think her offense would have come off as well without Liv's selling. Liv's screaming and grunt selling was much better than Seth Rollins' weird pleasure moans, and I thought Liv worked sequences much tighter than some other Natalya opponents. Natalya has been working the exact same sequences for years now, so it's really easy to see what different opponents bring to a "Natalya match". Earlier this year when it was Asuka's turn, she chose to just beat the hell out of Natalya. Liv plays underdog and her roll ups all looked really tight and well placed throughout. She let Natalya work through her few pieces of offense (and I do like when it looks like Natalya really stomps vertebrae when she does her stepover to seated dropkick combo). I thought Liv's quick pins were peppered nicely throughout and I like the way she built to her finish. Nice opener, but after their high end performance in last month's Chamber match it's pretty messed up that Ruby Riott and Sarah Logan aren't on the show, but fucking TAMINA is.


Charlotte Flair vs. Rhea Ripley

ER: This is the brightest color I have ever seen on Ripley, but she pulls it off. And I thought the bulk of this match was great. I don't always love big match Charlotte, and just as I didn't like Kevin Owens' overproduced "How this for a WrestleMania moment?!" I didn't not like some of Charlotte's bad trash talk. But the work itself was super strong, especially every single attack Charlotte threw at Ripley's leg. Every pump kick, every awesome chop block, that nasty leg snap over the top rope, they all landed hard and the way Ripley sold them really made them even better. Ripley's leg buckling totally made this, as several of them looked like she was coming out of this with a torn ACL. I loved it. They held up extremely well on slo mo replays too, so maybe Charlotte was just trying to take out Ripley's knee. Ripley sold really well throughout, though she didn't seem to be laying into Charlotte to the same degree. Still, the stuff like her big dropkick to Charlotte's face worked well, and her short arm clotheslines looked and sounded great with the arena acoustics. And just like I thought Ripley's selling was good, Charlotte's selling off strikes was great. Early on Ripley kicked her while in a tree of woe and Charlotte was convincing enough to make me think she took an errant shot to the throat; later she got dropped in a pancake and Charlotte sold it like she chipped her veneers. The only thing that really hurt this for me was that Charlotte always wins, and from a storyline perspective it probably would have been better if Ripley had looked a little more dominant. Charlotte trashing her throughout for being a lesser champ and then just beating her fair and square doesn't leave a whole lot left to explore. Still, the work here was strong (even if it probably went a little long) and I probably nitpicked a bit much considering how much I loved all he stuff with Rhea's leg.


Aleister Black vs. Bobby Lashley

ER: Has Lana even been on TV since that abortion of an angle that everyone knew would be awful from miles away? Is there a reason these two are fighting or is this just one of those "getting people on the show" matches. Is Lashley a secret member of The Skulk and is trying to pay Black back for the Black Mass he laid on Leon Ruff a couple weeks ago? I could not get into this one, no matter how cool I thought Lashley looked in black and gold tights. This is a 2nd hour Raw match that showed up on WrestleMania for some reason. Lashley looked good, Black looked good, but it's weird something like this is on the show getting more time than something brilliant like Gulak/Cesaro.


Dolph Ziggler vs. Otis

ER: I've actually been into the Otis/Mandy stuff so this was one of the Night 2 matches I've been looking for. But I'm not sure how good of a friend Sonya is if she was trying to trick her friend into a relationship with Dolph Ziggler of all people. Sonya is the friend who would convince her Ted Bundy's car is a way quicker way home than the subway. One real annoying thing about Ziggler is that he wrestles every match the same, no matter the circumstances. He went for the same kind of layout here as he has in any other match this month, a guy who will go out and work the same match regardless of stakes. I liked all of the work from both, but outside of the actual involvement of Mandy and Sonya this didn't feel like they had been through any kind of personal drama. Dolph flew around nicely once Otis made his comeback, smashing his face into the middle buckle off a catapult, running hard into the buckles on Irish whips, and I loved Otis throwing him to the floor with a fallaway slam and smashing him with a great lariat. The finish was the easiest way to wrap this, and I had been wondering why Mandy wasn't out there from the beginning anyway. It was all pretty basic but the match itself just didn't feel like anything that was built to, and it should have. And if Otis has any doubts whether Mandy likes him or not, the fact she kissed him on the mouth during a pandemic should be a real confidence booster.


Edge vs. Randy Orton

ER: I had forgotten this was Last Man Standing and that makes me even less interested. It feels like the counts have gotten slower and slower on those, and it always takes me WAY out of a match when every time someone takes a back bump we get 15 seconds of paused action. Also, lol at Edge working a match with like three people at ringside, and not doing a quick check to make sure the guy who frequently hides to sneak attack people is not one of them. And just like the Boneyard Match was so insanely good and infinitely better than an actual in-ring Taker/Styles match would have been, THIS match would have benefitted from ANY other format. A 10 minute in ring match between them, with each doing the same spots they did in any of their matches 15 years ago, would have been so much better. Because folks, this was bad. And I thought it actually had some promise early on, because Randy was throwing hard right hands and Edge had a bunch of actually painful looking clubbing offense. But this whole thing weirdly played out like they were doing it all live, because you assume had it been taped in advance that this would have been edited down to at LEAST half the runtime. And the crazy thing is that you know this actually WAS edited. A group of people watched THIS and thought they had kept it tight enough. Which means that the original match was probably somehow EVEN LONGER. This came off like a joke brawl that they forgot to write jokes into, and the longer it went on the longer it felt like they were just playing a prank on anybody who actually works in the Performance Center. How many disinfectant wipes are going to be needed to clean off all the surfaces these sweaty germ machines are carrying? Also, the announcers have been yelling over everything on both nights and suddenly they decide this match to speak in hushed whispers, probably because drama and acting like this shouldn't be distracted from.

I actually like a LOT of the landings in this match, and thought Edge was throwing some of his best actual strikes. He was always a lousy striker, and here it looked like he was really battering Orton's chest and ribs. The problem is the stipulation lead to an abundance of moments that relied on the acting of both men, and Edge is one of the worst actors in wrestling history. The drama required to make a 30+ minute match work was not going to be found in Orlando this evening. And I typed all of this before the referee tried to reason with Orton. THAT right there might be the dumbest thing I've seen in wrestling. "Randy come on, he has a family!" Hey dummy, if either of them actually cared about their families they wouldn't have subjected them to any part of this match. This was abysmal, they didn't have nearly enough decent ideas to justify a match even half as long as this, and as predicted the Last Man Standing stip made a long match into Shoah. Every single person involved in the making and execution of this match made exclusively wrong choices.


Angel Garza/Austin Theory vs. Street Profits

ER: Another match that felt like a 2nd hour Raw match, nothing at stake, nothing that made this felt like it was a "big show" match. Garza hits a nice moonsault to the floor, Ford does a nice tope on hilo that was caught almost entirely by Dawkins, and I guess I'm wondering what Austin Theory was supposed to bring to this? If this past week has taught me one thing, it's that Austin Theory not only cannot catch a dive, but there's a chance he might not actually know what a dive is. I guess he can jump high? This would have been more interesting as a 6 man with Vega and Bianca added to the match itself.


Sasha Banks vs. Lacey Evans vs. Tamina vs. Naomi vs. Bayley

ER: Again, I must point out that Ruby Riott and Sarah Logan both actually looked great at Elimination Chamber and somehow they're not on the show but TAMINA is in the title picture. Matches with odd number participants always have an uphill battle, they easily could have just had Riott and Logan in this one and Tamina could have watched at home. Tamina is always put into these situations where she gets all her offense in one clump right up front, before everybody teams up to get rid of her, and they always do that because Tamina has somehow been on the roster for a DECADE and still gets crossed up doing one minute of offense. So this marks yet another time where they bring back Tamina, immediately insert her into a big match, but seemingly realize that she is still actually bad and get her out of there right away. It's easy a "what does she have on Vince?" joke, but it has to be something. It can't just be weird family murder cover-up loyalty, because we never got a decade of Deuce getting put into title matches. And Tamina was just one part of what made this not work. Nearly everyone in it was made to look like a chump: Naomi's great comeback reactions from earlier this year seem like a distant memory, Bayley retaining after she's already shown to be a completely uninteresting champ, Sasha loses at Mania again, etc. The only interesting thing was the interaction between Sasha and Bayley, I actually loved their moments of working together. Sasha coming back at the end to help Bayley in spite of getting eliminated by a nice Evans' Woman's Right. Also I watched this match after watching a feature length Edge movie, so now I'm just grumpy.


Firefly FunHouse

ER: This show has been terrible, I mean the attitude I had when watching Charlotte shoulder tackle feels like hours ago. This show desperately needed HUGE performances from this match and Brock/McIntyre, and seeing Bray Wyatt come up when your team is one out from elimination is the last thing you wanted to see. But then this match goes out and has their Travis Ishikawa in the 9th moment, and has the first actual creative and fun segment of The Fiend gimmick's lifespan. Cena being Luke Skywalker battling his demons on Dagobah was highly entertaining, and wonderfully different from the Boneyard Match. John Cena reliving his greatest failures and greatest successes was tremendous, and the editing of all the old footage integrated it was fantastic. John Cena whiffing on Ruthless Aggression punches, getting cricket sound effect reactions opposite his best rhymes, and him acting like a malfunctioning Ultimate Warrior robot on Saturday Night's Main Event were just some of the great moments, WWE improbably coming up with two outrageously entertaining cinematic matches on back to back nights. Seriously, John Cena doing lightning fast curls had me in stitches, and if they had smoke come out of his ears I probably would have howled. Just like the Boneyard Match, just think how lame this would have been as a straight match. Instead, this was awesome, and hey, it was a third the length of one of the worst segments in Mania history. I can't believe they did it, but they did it.


Drew McIntyre vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: This was a good moment for Drew, and it's cool that they're going through with it for him. He's been a good soldier and them getting behind him would be cool. And I love Brock, but I think he really needs a crowd to mock and feed off of. Brock crowds always react, even on the coldest shows. Brock gets noise, and Brock reacts great to noise. He's great at reading a room, and he's incredibly fun to watch which he reads a room, and this had no room. Brock has crafted several excellent and unique matches built around finisher spamming, but two guys trading finishers in an empty room just kind of feels like move practice after awhile. You need that reaction of shock, you need that excitement. When the whole story of the match is "It is shocking that this guy kicked out of this" over and over, you need to hear shock. I don't think this kind of match was going to work here, in this situation. I think this match probably would have worked really well with a stadium of people living and dying with it, and I wish I could have seen that version. This was just a longer Goldberg/Braun, and Brock can have a much better match than that.


Well this show was nowhere close to Night 1, and without THE FIEND match - of all things - it would have been one of the weakest cards of the past couples years. But the stupid Firefly FunHouse put a big smile on my face, and left me on the other side feeling positive about all of it. We endured whatever that Edge/Randy Orton match was, we slayed that dragon together. We experienced that shit together, and it was maybe the most united I've ever seen wrestling fans. And in 10 years, if one person tries to nostalgia gif us with "You know what match never got respect but was actually great" posts, that person will get collectively shouted down and humiliated by every person who lived through that in real time.

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WWE Survivor Series 2017 Live Blog

"We were all picked essentially at random to be on the brand that we're on, and nobody talks about brand loyalty except for one month out of the year...but tonight, that brand loyalty MEANS SOMETHING for reasons."

1. Elias vs. Matt Hardy

ER: It's so strange to be running a match when the arena is maybe 20% full, feels like those opening card UFC fights where you're hearing individual voices from the crowd and everything is echoing. I think Matt Hardy matches that leave him to sell a specific limb almost always deliver, so I like Elias going after the arm, running the shoulder into the buckle, and breaking out an awesome leaping kneedrop to the arm. The crowd is sparse, but quietly getting into a Hardy comeback, and Elias' double underhook shoulderbreaker is pretty cool, but probably should have been treated as a bigger deal. This never really hits a new level, though. Hardy gets a comeback with the side effect on the apron, but Hardy is moving really slowly these days so even his comeback doesn't feel very exciting. I still like his injury selling, and he takes the post shot great, snaps over on Elias' fishermans suplex neckbrearker, but this was mostly an extended Elias squash.

2. Kalisto vs. Enzo Amore

ER: Crowd is still slowly filling in but my are they silent for this one. Enzo is at least good for a couple dumb bumps a match, and he really whips the back of his head into the mat on that code red, and Kalisto hits a cool rolling death valley driver that I don't think I've seen. Enzo's offense looks pretty bad, that falling boot offense almost always looks dumb. Kalisto gets yanked into the buckle really nicely, but this was nothing to blog home about.

3. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Breezango

ER: I don't follow the backstage news as much anymore, but I heard something about Owens and Zayn getting sent home from a tour, and here they are opposite Breezango on a pre-show. And the two of them really lock in those chinlocks. Breeze this rows a nice back elbow but he's mostly in there building to Fandango's hot tag, and his hot tag is good! I liked Fandango's hot jabs and his run up the buckles tornado DDT was nice. Owens finishes with a real nasty pop up powerbomb. He really planted Fandango with it. But this match also wasn't much.

4. The New Day vs. The Shield

ER: This is nuts to see the reunited Shield opening up the PPV, but it's cool to officially open things up with something big. Hey those halfsie Raw/Shield shirts look bad. And I'm into this, as I should be, because these teams should match up well. Kingston's offense looks all flimsy, but we build to Big E's big spear to the floor which always looks the greatest. Ambrose tags in Rollins with the most hilarious fake Ricky Morton hot tag ever, because he "leaps" to tag him, but he's literally standing right next to him. It had to be done to be silly. I think. Thankfully the rebound lariat gets reversed by a huge Big E tilt-a-whirl slam. The New Day stacked splash in the corner is a little silly, but then they shut my mouth by doing a truly silly leaping double DDT with Rollins and Ambrose stacked onto E's shoulders. This whole thing was pretty underwhelming. Roman's spear to Kingston looked nice, but the triple powerbomb somehow looked weaker than Owens' bomb on Fandango.

5. Becky Lynch/Carmella/Natalya/Tamina/Naomi vs. Alicia Fox/Bayley/Sasha Banks/Nia Jax/Asuka

ER: Not enough attention was paid to Lana's awesome Smackdown cocktail dress. Raw team really should run the boards, meaning instead they will just have Tamina eliminate everybody. Tamina has been on the roster for EIGHT YEARS!! She is still really really terrible at pro wrestling. The internet will be furious at the early Lynch elimination. And man they are really actually spending way too much time on Tamina. She is the clear #10 on the totem pole in that ring, and somehow she is being treated as the big star here. It's terrible. I don't so much care about her eliminating Bayley, they've already done the damage to Bayley. But having her treated as as big or bigger star than Nia, and man does Tamina throw some of the absolute worst headbutts I've seen. Tamina has a terrible look, and is really bad at wrestling, and you no longer owe anything to her father. Let the Tamina push DIE. Crowd gets lit up every time Asuka tags in, and her stuff against Carmella looks awesome. That flying hip attack looked near decapitation level. We really have Tamina sitting in the final 4. What have you done. Who wanted this. Sasha is really great at putting over Natalya's stuff, leaning into the 360 lariat and snapping her neck back getting run into the buckles. Boy we are really getting some Tamina Time. Asuka gets the final two eliminations, but man I am confused by sudden big deal in 2017 Tamina. A lot of this was handled pretty poorly. Even the final 2 on 1 was silly, because there wasn't any kind of attempt at a save. They just kind of let Asuka get the pins. This was bad.

6. The Miz vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Miz goes after Corbin's knee and I like how they handle it. Though I was really surprised that they basically had Miz wrecking Corbin the whole match, and had Dallas and Axel at ringside...but Corbin basically took a bunch of damage and then hit his loopy finisher on him to get the win. I have friends over so maybe I missed some of the nuances of this match, but it really felt like Miz worked really hard in this one to wind up with that finish.

7. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. The Usos

ER: The brand vs. brand has been kind of weird as we have a lot of heel champs right now, so we're getting a lot of heel on heel action, so the crowd is just picking guys as default faces. Which I guess is fine. The work in this is both really good, and also not really captivating. They're all doing good looking moves, they just aren't building in a very interesting way. The end run is really fun, but even then it felt like a sudden call to go home. But these guys are all total pros and hit their stuff really well, and they all have cool stuff to hit. The final Uso hot tag is great, with one of them tagging his brother while doing a running no hands dive over the top and into Cesaro. That's awesome.

8. Charlotte vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Really liked when this broke open with Alexa whipping Charlotte's shoulder into the floor off the apron. Her abdominal stretch was really great too, digging in her elbow into Charlotte's exposed sides, scratching at her. I love how tenacious Bliss is, loved that guillotine choke build. And both of them going after the other's lower jaw was awesome, just grabbing at jawbone to get to a standing position. Bliss eats knees spectacularly on her twisting moonsault, but leans way out of Charlotte's follow up yakuza kick. This was a fun one, probably the best match on the show so far.

9. AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: I'm not sure how well this will go for Styles fans, but I'm curious how they'll work this one. And as many of us assumed, this is an absolute mauling. Brock tosses AJ around like a total dead body, and AJ has some of the more spectacular German suplex bumps. AJ is flying around spectacularly, including a wild bump over the top to the floor. All of Lesnar's knees to the ribs look absolutely devastating. AJ comes back nicely and I always love Lesnar's missed knee bump in the corner. And then AJ gets probably the longest actual run of offense we've seen against Brock in probably 3 years. They flub that corner tornado DDT, but then Brock bumps around big for him, including an awesome moment where he gets run through the ring steps. AJ hits a bunch of big flying moves, and the big moment of AJ locking in the calf crusher was awesome. Lesnar was selling it great, and the size difference was completely erased in that moment. And then Lesnar just smashes AJ's head into the back of the mat a bunch, and it looks horror movie violent. Every time AJ went up for a flying move I got nervous that Brock would catch him, and sure enough, we got there. AJ takes the F5 super great, and this was really fun. I'm happy AJ did as well as he did.

10. Kurt Angle/Finn Balor/Samoa Joe/Braun Strowman/HHH vs. Shane McMahon/Randy Orton/Bobby Roode/Shinsuke Nakamura/John Cena

ER: I know we all want this to come down to HHH and Shane. I kind of want that. HHH looks really stiff...not in his strikes, but in his mobility. But I think overall this is handled pretty well, with everybody getting time to do their stuff.  But we knew where this was going, and it was awful. There were individual moments I liked, but as a whole none of it worked. When one of the things I wrote down as enjoying is "Angle grabbing an ankle lock when Cena was going to do a fistdrop", or "Shane really flew hard into the ring barrier on that dropkick"...that cool stuff is really minor compared to the blatantly awful longform storytelling once we got to Shane being the lone survivor. There was approximately 12 minutes of guys standing around silently making eye contact while breathing heavily. And thank goodness Raw has HHH on their team, so that he can outsmart venerable warrior Shane McMahon. He sacrificed Angle so he can claim the victory for RAW BRAND! Which comes with no actual reward whatsoever, other than bragging rights that not one single person actually cares about in any way. Braun barely gets any sort of comeuppance, gets to choke him down briefly, which will no doubt lead to a 25 minute WM match with a 10 minute HHH cosplay ring entrance. You knew where all of this was going, and knew it was going to be awful. It was. You could see the crowd actively not enjoying much of the last half. It never got to them chanting or singing or something stupid like that, but people just looked tired and bored and defeated. I can't really blame them.

ER: Underwhelming card. The bad stuff was bad, the elimination matches were the worst, and the good stuff was merely good. Nothing stood out as particularly great. These longer cards are almost always the pits, even the ones that look interesting on paper. The upside is that Brock/Styles exceeded expectations. That was a real high point.

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WWE No Mercy 2017 "Live" Blog

1. Elias vs. Apollo Crews

ER: I really like the early headlock work in this, like Elias walking up the buckles and floating over in a headlock, Crews holding a tight headlock on the mat. Crews pops up with a handspring and hits a huge dropkick and grounds again with the headlock. Cole relays a story about Elias walking 45 miles just to see Neil Young in Austin, which if true is a better Neil Young story than me telling him I loved "On the Beach" while standing in line next to him at Great American Music Hall's bathroom. Elias sweeps the leg and Crews takes a big bump on the apron. I also liked Elias's mule kick, thought Crews went to comeback too quick but I liked his comeback. Elias has no problem leaning into a yakuza kick, Crews has maybe the nicest kip up in wrestling, and this was another in a long line of perfectly fine pre-show matches. I need to start watching Main Event to see what gems might be on there.

2. The Miz vs. Jason Jordan

ER: I really loved Jordan's recent TV matches with Cena and Reigns, hoping he can continue being a nice 10 minute match superstar. And this starts off good, especially liked Jordan getting dropkicked off the apron and then slammed into the barricade. Rachel is always excellent at spotting Mamrie Hart/Grace Helbig at ringside and also points out Hannah Hart. Women are funny, get over it. Miz has a nice cravate and Jordan bounces on his dome off a DDT. Jordan throws a real nice top rope clothesline, which is not an easy clothesline to do. Most people have a terrible top rope clothesline. Miz gets launched by a belly to belly, the rolling northern lights are still cool, and on the floor he tosses Dallas into the rest of the Miztourage with a belly to belly. Crowd is super hot for Miz and clearly want him to retain, and sure enough when Axel interferes on his behalf the crowd literally leaps to their feet knowing he was winning. These Hollywood Elites just looooooove the A-Lister. Jordan complains ineffectively after the match. He's clearly going heel, soon.

3. Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor

ER: Bray jumps Finn and we get minutes of anguished faced Finn selling his tummy down the ramp whle referees who all look bigger than him offer their support. It's cruel that they're making me watch this match, but also delaying the start of the match. Rip that bandaid off, jerks! But, Finn has a decent baseball slide dropkick, Bray does a tough superplex and Bray headbutting him off the ropes looked cool. Bray weenies out of the follow through on the apron DDT, but Finn gets credit for still winging himself head and shoulder first into the apron. Balor traps Wyatt in the apron and kicks him, and really there aren't many guys less cool than Balor to be allowed to do the Finlay apron skirt spot. But really this whole thing didn't do much for me. Their whole "feud" has been completely missable and pointless.

4. Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

ER: This feud also hasn't been doing it for me, but I like Cesaro going after Ambrose, swinging him into the ring steps and booting him in the face. But I lose interest when Rollins tags in, throwing top rope clothesline over Cesaro's head and hitting a light plancha. Cesaro has a bloody nose or mouth (maybe from hitting the ring post?), and he's really been a nut this match. He even takes a huge backdrop to the floor and yeah he's making this match. Cesaro is also awesome while trying to tap Ambrose, working to keep him away from the ropes, rolling into a crossface. Jeez it looks like Cesaro got his front teeth knocked out. Cesaro powerbombs Rollins off the middle rope ONTO Ambrose which looked killer and really could/should be a finisher. I dug the spot where Sheamus set up the brogue kick but Ambrose fell over before he could hit it. But I didn't really buy the finish of Sheamus being put down by a knee and an okay DDT. Cole/Booker/Graves seem to think this was the tag match of the decade, it felt more like an inspired Cesaro performance and a typical solid Sheamus performance. I still thought Ambrose and Rollins had weak offense and in Ambrose's case it's always set up the exact same way. I thought Cesaro/Sheamus really admirably carried this.

5. Bayley vs. Emma vs. Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: The rule of matches with odd numbered participants still applies here for sure, but I like the people involved so we'll see if they can have a good match. I love Bliss/Nia interactions, Bliss always cops the best faces during them. Nia being the awesome boss with huge running avalanches corner to corner. The double samoan drop spot is never really believably set up, but the results are satisfying. I love Nia blocking Alexa's DDT and not going down for Bayley's guillotine. Nia takes a bonkers powerbomb bump off the apron and she is officially the boss. How can people still hate Nia? Finishing stretch starts getting hot when Bliss goes for the double knee moonsault and Bayley catches her with a suplex, and we get some good saves. I wish we had gotten a bigger Nia comeback as I was hoping she'd factor into the finish, but I like Bayley being the one making a ton of the saves and then ultimately being the one not saved.

6. John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

ER: The fans are really cool and I believe they start off with a "You Both Suck" chant. It sets up a nice start to the match as Cena plays along and threatens to leave, which allows Roman to jump him on the rampway. Cena is always great at taking bumps around and into the ring steps, so we get some of those to start which allows Roman to start with the advantage. But by the time they go to strike exchanging I realize that I have really gotten into this. It's been fine, but it's been under expectations. It felt like we got to the big kickouts a little early, although the AA off the middle rope looked pretty spectacular. JEEZ Roman reverses the AA on the announce table and spears Cena, but Roman looks like he took the WORST DDT possible. I mean he folded in a totally gross way on that landing. I admit some of the AA finisher spamming has sucked me in, mainly because of how the crowd is reacting to it. I love Cena rolling through the 3rd AA to deliver the 4th, and the crowd reactions are really good. Camera finds a great shot of a kid cheering Cena's inevitable win and then being stunned when Roman kicks out. I thought this was fine, but delivered under my expectations. The finisher spamming was really only satisfying because of the hot crowd.

7. Enzo Amore vs. Neville

ER: I still don't understand why Enzo is on TV as much as he is, but here we go. I have really liked wrestlers with no offense before (like Stevie Richards, or Virgil) but Enzo does very little for me. I enjoyed him a few times as a FIP during tags, but he doesn't bring enough to singles matches for me. I mean, the Beetlejuice suit is cool and all, and he doesn't shy out of taking a beating, but I can't buy him as a threat to anybody. Still, he brings the bumps, leaning into a shotgun kick, flying into the timekeeper's area and upside down into the barricade. His DDT of the top rope was great as Neville returned the bump favor and planted himself. The finish took a long time to set up, but was pulled off effectively. The punt to the balls looked like something that would keep a man down, I just have zero interest in seeing Enzo in more singles matches.

8. Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Braun is an incredibly credible challenger to Brock, and him tossing around Brock is great. That powerslam always seems to completely rattle the ring. Lesnar uses that kimura on Braun so effectively, really feels like a great way to attack him. Braun gets suplexed a bunch and I think both men are great at selling both power and fading stamina. Lesnar is good at selling fatigue from the suplexes, Braun is good at selling the suplexes. Graves is good at keeping attention on Braun's arm during Braun's powerslam, and (this sounds like a cop out) but the crowd genuinely seems to be in awe. And then an F5 finishes it WAY earlier than I expected. I was still getting into the match, excited for where it was going...and then it stopped, just like that, and it felt really flat. I assumed there would be shenanigans of some kind, and instead Braun just kind of lost.

ER: The show moved quick, and it managed to be a breezy viewing without me really loving the show. I was banking pretty heavily on the two big matches delivering, and they did not. So the show seems far more disappointing to me than it might have actually been. I had just watched the Braun/Brock/Joe/Reigns match again a couple days ago and was too stoked for that main. And it felt like we got just half a match. It's crazy to me that they've ended SO MANY PPVs this past year on crap non-finishes to main events...but this one ends clean as a sheet. And RIP Cesaro's beautiful smile.

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Wait, Summerslam is Today!? WWE Summerslam 2017 Not Live Blog

I forgot this was on today! Whoops!

1. Hardy Boys/Jason Jordan vs. Miz/Bo Dallas/Curtis Axel

ER: Wow they really started this one early. This is essentially an empty arena match, wouldn't be shocked if there were thousands of people still trying to filter in. It sounds like there is nobody there, real quiet crowd. We do eventually get a Brother Nero chant so it's something. Corey Graves wonders if Jordan's career is going to stall similar to Curtis Axel's career, as Jordan is wrestling in a pre-show match taking place in front of a fraction of the crowd. Jordan has some really bad hot tag offense. His back elbows were an embarrassment. But his spine shortening corner spear looks good. He hits a few of them here. This wasn't much. It had a nice stupid Jeff Hardy bump on the turnbuckle, but I have no clue why they held this match so damn early in the night. It seriously looked like they were just trying out their match in the ring before fans got there. Weird choice.

2. Adrian Neville vs. Akira Tozawa

ER: They work this one at a pretty decent slow pace, with Neville grinding in stomps and reclined headlocks, looking miserable and grumpy. Crowd wakes up with a killer Tozawa dive, cracking Neville with a forearm on the dive. Loved the spot where Neville catches a springboarding Tozawa on his shoulders, and Tozawa maneuvers into a nasty octopus hold. Neville whips Tozawa's arm violently into the mat and Tozawa's anguished scream makes me believe in the violence. It doesn't seem to go anywhere interesting, as moments later Tozawa is climbing up for a top rope senton and Neville is a guy who can take a front suplex off the top in ugly fashion. Finish came off kinda weak, as Tozawa hits knees on a senton (but not really) and Neville hits the red arrow to Tozawa's back (even though it landed lighter than any other red arrow I've seen from him). Flat finish, mostly flat match. Real shame as I think this might have been the weakest of their matches. Neville does wear & carry that belt nicely, so I think the result makes sense.

ER: I'm not a guy with a lot of sneaker style, but Otunga's purple and gold Ait Otungas are perfect flash. And I FF through the Elias Sampson Son House cosplay. I was the music director at a college radio station in the 2000s, I heard enough beardy white guys playing folk/blues. There's a new Iron & Wine album in my inbox if I'm that interested in listening to beard folk with my pro wrestling.

3. Usos vs. The New Day (Big E/Xavier Woods)

ER: Weird to see these teams shunted to the pre-show as well. Usos have been doing their career best work as heels, but it's weirdly been their least profile work. They're real mean with Woods and Woods is a guy who can build some sympathy to a hot tag. I love the heel Usos now-staple move of building their opponent for a hot tag, only for one of them to yank down the guy from the apron right when the tag is getting made. They did it to perfection in the American Alpha series, andI liked it here too: Woods finally getting there one Uso running himself into the post but still hitting his mark yanking Big E down. New Day's run of offense is real fun when it happens, Woods hits a weird flipping wheelbarrow that slam's Jey's face into the mat, then gets E on his shoulders to whip E into a splash. Usos hit a double back suplex on E and he eats a huge hip attack in the corner. The uranage/back stabber timing was off, so it wasn't pretty, but it was still a guy getting slammed into another guy's knees, so the pain is there. The rope running forearms is a silly spot, but at least the guys were landing. I like Woods breaking out headbutts and Jimmy takes a big bump over the floor off a lariat. Big E eats a nutso top rope apron splash as he's draped over the bottom rope, and Woods kicking out of a top rope splash is a nice nearfall. Woods hits a nasty tornado DDT on the floor and New Day hits a combo big ending/leaping DDT, but Jimmy makes the surprise save. They keep upping the crazy, as they toss Woods from the ring to the floor for an alley oop Samoa drop, and then Big E hits the "can't believe they still let him do that" spear to the floor. I really disliked the rest of it though, as Jimmy is back on the apron 10 seconds after taking that spear, which feels like way too little time. That move is so risky and spectacular looking, but it was sold far less than many moves in this match. The double big splash finisher always looks epic, but my interest dropped out when that spear was treated as a transition move. Still, overall killer match, hated the layout of the finish.

4. John Cena vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Usos/New Day delivered them a nice molten crowd for this match. The "where's your briefcase?" is a fun chant to get under Corbin's skin, and he has no problem showing ass by letting it get to him. I really liked Cena hitting his sloppy dropkick, only for Corbin to get bounced in the ropes  and come off with a right hand. Cena sells that right hand better than anybody will sell most things tonight. Match starts getting great when Cena actually misses the five knuckle shuffle, and then Corbin does an insanely high chokeslam right onto his own knee, with Cena dropping onto the back of his head. Cena's new thing is apparently taking a rough drop on the back of his head every match. Between this and the Nakamura suplex drop, this is a bad trend. Cena sidesteps Corbin and sends him sliding to the floor, then blasts him with a lariat and AA for the win. Cena should just use that lariat as his new secondary finisher. It looks great, but he criminally only uses it in quick thrown off comebacks. It has the thump to mean more. Fun match.

5. Natalya vs. Naomi

ER: Natalya exists in a weird place in my brain, as I can't stand her personality but I realize I enjoy her wrestling more than most, especially when she works heel. She should always work heel. I don't think the green/orange cyber rave look is working for Naomi. She looks like someone passed out in the grass at the Electric Daisy Carnival, or a cut extra from Strange Days, or someone about to be slaughtered in the Daft Punk "One More Time" video. Natalya hits a mean snap suplex and throws nice short elbows to Naomi's temple, and seems to take Naomi's complicated headscissor moves better than most. Natalya doesn't take short cuts on things like stomach kicks (though she doesn't know how to occupy herself in the ropes very well while Naomi does the slingshot legdrop). Cool spot where Natalya catches a kick and slams Naomi's leg straight into the mat, forcing her to do the splits. Natalya also locks on one of the better sharpshooters, and there have been some people with genuinely terrible sharpshooters over the years. Natalya always gets a great low base which sets her's apart. I still didn't expect her to get the belt, but I think it's for the best. Naomi works better as someone chasing a title, I didn't really find her reign itself that memorable.

6. Big Cass vs. Big Show

ER: I...don't know why I'm actually excited for this match, but I am. Enzo in the shark cage is so stupid, Show is working on a busted right hand...and I think that's it. I love giants working a vulnerability. It's why I loved Andre in the last few years, he was this mammoth man who was in crippling pain, so it gave him this who air of vulnerability. So Show with a bad hand is money. Cass is dry as desert for me, but I liked him weaselly going after Show's bad hand, hammering it with fists, kicking it, and Show's devotion to throwing lefty lariats. Cass goes back to the hand, slams it into the ringpost, and I like how Cass always reverts to working like such a little guy. He's billed as 7' yet he always instinctively starts working like he's trying to make up 100 pounds on a guy. It's like when Edge working HHH, you'd see people saying "this was a good big guy/little guy match" even though Edge was as big as HHH. Match finish is a total fart noise as Enzo amusingly greases himself up to escape from the cage...but then just hops to the mat and eats an immediate big boot, followed by Show going down just as easy. Super anticlimactic. I don't mind Enzo immediately getting toasted, but he could have done any other thing other then just hop down. You have him missing a crossbody, or him getting caught on a crossbody and used on Big Show, those seems like better avenues to a Cass win. I just don't see Cass ever amounting to anything, even if he does eventually get a title because of his size.

7. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

ER: I really dislike how much of a joke Rusev looks like. I loved his first Gable match, loved him wrecking Gable in the rematch, and am just totally sick of Orton. So we get Rusev jumping him in a sneak attack, and Orton still catching him with an RKO. Rusev to his credit took the RKO in a nasty snap, but man who cares about this.

8. Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Banks comes out with an awesome boss cloak that the announce team totally ignores it. And the crowd is noticeably quiet after that Cass match and the Orton non-match. But these two start to get them back. Bliss hits a middle rope version of the double knees and then the double knee moonsault, and that really feels like something that should be more than an early match spot. They try some new things that work, like Bliss getting the back of her head whipped into the buckles, and I especially like Bliss yanking the ring skirt and causing Sasha to slip off the apron. Very cool, subtle spot, timed right when Sasha's foot hit the skirt. I thought the ending was a bit abrupt since they took their time getting there. Sasha has built much better finishes with Nia and Charlotte, but the match itself was fine. It seems a little flat to do a title change here, just an hour after Naomi lost the title. But this show has been all about surprising or weird finishes so far.

9. Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor

ER: Finn is a demon, but a demon with really lousy strikes and a running forearm that misses Bray Wyatt's face by a foot. He would have mostly whiffed a flip dive but Wyatt leapt in and to his left. Wyatt makes me interested in the match by suplexing Finn on the floor, but Finn as a demon is so hokey to me that I can't stay in for long. Finn does some more light running forearms, not even leaving his feet, and at least his double stomp from the apron to the floor on Bray's neck looked good. Finn hits the lightest slingblade I've ever seen and man does this demon stink. Wyatt generously sells Finn's light dropkick on the floor by flying into the barricade, and Wyatt hits a nice clothesline back in the ring. This was not much of a match, I just cannot take Balor seriously when everything he does looks so bad.

10. Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins

ER: Okay, Cesaro and Sheamus look awesome in their entrance gear. Those army jackets with matching kilts, and the back to back pose making them look like they were fusing was pretty neat. Ambrose and Rollins as a team mean that I don't have to watch an Ambrose or Rollins singles match on this show, so that feels like a win. Cesaro and Sheamus should be doing more crazy power spots against these two, but I liked them catching Rollins' always-slow tope. Cesaro rips up a beach ball from the crowd, making him a hero to non-asshole live sports fans everywhere. That's too much of a face move right there. I hate when some doofus brings a beach ball to a baseball game, always cheer security when they catch and deflate. Just once I'd like to pop one. Cesaro grabs a nice front choke to prevent a tag out and I dig all the ring cut offs. The hot tag doesn't do much for me, Ambrose run looked pretty soft. I did like the jumping elbow to the floor though. The babyface double teams don't do a lot for me, but Cesaro making the save after the frog splash on Sheamus ramped things up a little. Sheamus warms my heart by kicking Ambrose in the back to stop the rebound lariat, and the double crucifix bomb was a nice visual. Match went on too long, but I liked Rollins' full extension superkicks during the finish, and like that this keeps Ambrose/Rollins tied together instead of taking up two matches on a card. Apparently all of the titles are getting changed on this show as well, though something tells me Jinder will still have his belt at the end of the night.

11. Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

ER: I'm...beyond ready to see these two fight other people at this point. It feels like Styles has been married to Owens for months. A quick count shows that 10 of Styles' last 14 TV/PPV matches have been opposite Owens, dating back 4 months. Please, make it stop. The Shane involvement doesn't interest me as it just seems like it's going to lead to somehow another match. All the big spots in the match are built around Shane getting in the way, eating part of a 450, getting knocked through the ropes to the floor after Styles gets kicked into him, getting the big moment of shoving Styles into a nearfall schoolboy. At least they throw some nice bombs during the standing exchange, and mix up the strikes so it's not just forearms back and forth. Shane gets to repeat his shove into nearfall spot with Owens. I'm ready for the feud to end, AND the match stopped the streak of title changes. Shane's tan is ridiculous by the way. He should work a masked gimmick as Burnt Sienna.

12. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal

ER: I don't think Jinder is really built to take Nakamura's offense, so it makes sense that Nak worked early parts of the match like Bugs Bunny, just getting Jinder to run into things and fall to the floor. Jinder doesn't sell kicks in interesting ways, but he takes a nice bump into the ringpost and that's a plus. Singh brothers are probably happy that they just have to take a couple knee strikes tonight instead of letting Orton dump them on their necks. They're digging their heels in on Jinder, which, whatever. It would be easier if the matches were better.

13. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Well this was pretty much exactly what I wanted. This is the match I was excited about a couple months ago, this was the match I wanted to see tonight, and it delivered. This was total chaos with bigger men making for bigger landings, some inventive sequences, and some great saves. Braun and Brock finally get an actual showdown. It's crazy how these two have been kept apart, as usually WWE doesn't have that kind of patience, but I don't think these two have ever crossed paths outside of a Royal Rumble. I don't think they crossed paths for more than a moment in the Rumble, either. Which was probably for the best, as it would have created a nuclear shockwave that would have likely snapped all the ring ropes and taken out the first couple rows of fans. I loved that Brock tried to suplex Braun and couldn't budge him. Braun is a real beast, starting by taking a mean shot into the post, and before long just murdering everybody. I always love the ways Brock gets taken out in multimans, and him getting flattened through two tables is a pretty great way to take him out. Braun flips a third table onto him and all the agents and medics run out to help. Finlay's presence makes me sad we never got Finlay/Brock (or Finlay vs. the others). But Lesnar is gone for now and Reigns starts unloading all of the superman punches, Joe starts trying to lock in a choke on everyone, and Braun starts Brauning all over everyone. Braun Brauns through stairs and chairs and tables and bodies...but then Brock comes back and things get even better. Vulnerable Brock is the best as I think bumping and selling is far and away his best feature. His stumbling and selling is the best in wrestling, and desperate Brock is far and away the most interesting Brock. I love him yanking the ref out of the ring, knowing it was his only chance at retaining. We get awesome moments like Brock getting bulldozed into a corner by Braun, Brock locking in a kimura, then Roman hitting a superman punch on Braun. There were a couple of moments where Roman inadvertantly saved Brock's bacon, another when Braun had Brock up but Roman hits Braun with a spear. Joe was somewhat of an afterthought, but whenever he would appear he would lock in his choke and seem just as credible as the others. These heavyweight multimans are just incredibly satisfying pro wrestling, everybody remaining protected through complicated saves, everybody looking strong by taking turns demolishing everything, playing out like a real life version of the arcade game Rampage.

PAS: This landed like a bunker bomb on the arena, and was exactly the type of Godzilla v. Mothra v. King Ghidora v. Mecha Godzilla battle you wanted it to be. What an awesome performance by Braun, it has to rank up with the greatest monster wrestling performances I can remember ever seeing. He looked so scary and destructive, while still having moments of vulnerability, when you think about all of the giants who have proceeded him and failed, it is quite the credit to his talent and the WWE booking that he has gotten to this point. He has Sid's aura and prime Giant talent, and he was incredible here. Braun destroying Brock, was as shocking as Brock destroying Cena in 8 minutes, but it allowed Brock to play roided Ricky Morton, which he is great at. Loved Roman in this too, as a guy who just looked for opening to throw shots, he found all of these cool moments to throw in superman punches and spears, and I love how they have been having him get so close to putting down Brock but failing, when he finally gets over the hump it will be a great moment. Joe was sort of marginalized, but had some cool moments (loved his Misawa elbow tope), and was certainly not hurt, glad he wasn't pinned again by the same counter.

ER: Crap show due to length. If this had happened over a normal 4 hour PPV then it would have been fine. I liked both women's matches, the Usos tag and that main event was blowaway. The lows were REALLY low, but we ended on a real special high, so...Phil and I had a long back and forth about where to put the monster main event on our 2017 MOTY MASTER LIST, and it came down to putting it at #1 or #2. It was a tough call. This match had the better finish, but Ki/Callihan somehow had even more violence. We eventually decided the next day to make it our #2 match. But it was close.

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