ECW Cyberslam 2/22/97

I've been casually watching 1997 ECW as a tonal break while writing and reviewing every 1997 WCW match for my book, so you may start seeing more reviews of 1997 ECW.  

1. The Eliminators vs. RVD/Sabu 

ER: This match happened a lot over 96/97 because, as two teams with too much offense but relatively fast pacing, they felt like a natural pairing. In reality, they had no chemistry, and the matches were a night more of odd selling and clunky set up times. Their matches were long, emotionless, clumsy, and athletically stupid, but fun in in the way that some walked through but slightly ambitious too long local indy matches can be. "Hey you remember that match we saw at the Vet's Building, where they thought they could do a grueling spotfest but just fell and hurt themselves?" The Eliminators have no actual idea how to put together a match, and I can't think of another team who looked anywhere near as facially stupid as Saturn and Kronus. They walk around with the cadence and expressions of mental patients. Mental patients who can do flips. They're fucking awful and every single last one of us had a dogshit 4 hours Eliminators comp that we thought was great. That was then and this is now and these matches are just bad. They're all 20 minutes, they have as many minutes as a Ric Blade match, and they never have good vibe that Ric Blade matches had. They don't capture that same He's Trying, Alright energy. 

This is billed as a Tables & Ladders match and it winds up using tables, ladders, and chairs less often than in their awful match three weeks earlier at Crossing the Line Again. This long match even starts with matwork, and I'm good on seeing more RVD/Saturn matwork. Everybody just walks around getting into place for everything, they kick ladders into each other and always half miss the ladder, and there is never any kind of flow. There is some of that yard tard Jeff Hardy charm when they run through overly complicated spots that always seem to come off somewhat wrong but hurt in the way that Jeff Hardy's falls would hurt. You'd expect better from two 16 year olds using a park picnic table as an offensive jumping off point, and if you're going to work an inspired backyard match then you need to make sure your work is ready for the backyard. RVD takes two Total Eliminations at the finish. John Kronus performs that move every time like it's the first time he's ever done it, and it always leads to three guys all trying to get on the same page in real time. 

2. Little Guido vs. Chris Chetti

Tommy Rich in a

Hard Rock Cafe jean jacket

Where did he get it

It's the same color

As his non-boot cut blue jeans

light wash all day long

ponytail pulled tight

face bloated red and purple

We need more Wildfire

Wait you're telling me

Hard Rock Cafe Tokyo shirt? 

Under a fringe vest? 

Who took this man out? 

Who gave him money for this? 

Not to be trusted

I don't remember Guido having such a nice kneedrop. Everything Guido did here looked tight. Chetti was really new, 20 matches in, and had this weird mix of early David Flair lurching stiffness with a rookie willingness to try offense he would cut later. Five-months-in Chetti has a much better standing rana than you would have guessed. You know what's better? Guido's gutbuster. Guido misses a top rope kneedrop, landing on his shins. They try to do a Mikey Whipwreck moment for Chetti, which feels like a waste this early. They shoulda had this boy out there teaming with Rich and Guido, eating pasta fazool, and his whole thing coulda been that he's the good boy from Long Island who always ate too much Sunday sauce with his family.  

3. Stevie Richards vs. Balls Mahoney 

I never think about these two ever wrestling. This wasn't a match ECW would run. This is the only time they wrestled in ECW, then one more match a decade later in WWEC, which is weird. Two Men in Cut-Up Jeans. You can't put your Jeans Guys in the same ring too often. Balls had at least two different good punches in 1997. Stevie does a lot of long really boring arm work that I don't think is going anywhere interesting. Yet? No, this match is at its best when Stevie lets go of the arm and Mahoney unloads fists. Every slightly different punch Balls throws is better than I expect. I always think of Balls as getting really good in 2000s Jersey All Pro but he's been a great Stupid Bluto in 1997. Stevie Richards has some real dogshit offense and has nothing anywhere near as great as Balls' short arm clothesline, which he lays out flat for. His elbowdrop off the middle turnbuckle is closer to Macho Man than CM Punk, his spinning heel kick that sends himself to the floor feels like a more agile Mick Foley spot, and all of his strikes are good.  When he commits all the way to a missed guillotine legdrop, he also sells his balls. I think Balls, selling his balls, and the potential danger of a legdrop - even properly executed - potentially landing you on your balls, is a Rick Rude-level dedication to both nuance and character that I don't think any of us were giving him credit for in 1997. On the other hand, Stevie Richards works like an uninspired Rhett Titus. Hail Balls.  

4. Axl Rotten vs. Spike Dudley 

Spike Dudley takes a full speed head and body first bump into a guardrail and leans into every boot and left hand that Axl Rotten throws at the center of his face. Axl Rotten's left hand is approaching 0.8 Terry Funk and he looks like he has fun throwing it, and those kind of emotions are an important part of great punches. Spike takes such admirable beatings which both makes sense because of his small size, but also must be sheer hell because of his small size. His large bumps have no body to absorb them. He is landing on hip bone points on all of his big, heavy landing crossbodies. Spike Dudley probably had the hardest landing offense of any 150 pounder in wrestling history. His flying forearm hits, his crossbodies land like a full bodybag, and his cannonball off the apron hits Rotten like a bowling ball whipped at a nihilist. His body is heavy because his skeleton is calcified. This had the stiffness and fast pace of a Wildside TV match with the energy of a 1997 ECW match. Bubba and D-Von mess up Spike after the match including a huge thrown into the air powerbomb and Joey Styles is too busy calling the long names of moves to place the beating within context. 

5. Dudley Boyz vs. The Gangstas 

Gangstas matches are known for their weapons shots but New Jack would have clearly been better if he had just dropped all the weapons and shoot punched people in the head and face like this. I'm not sure which New Jack punch is my favorite, but it might be his 1-to-7 punch, where he slowly raises his hand to one before bringing it roughly down across his opponent's head toward 7. Every punch he throws looks really good though. He throws a great elbowdrop too. Also, maybe let him keep the guitar as a weapon because doing his little dance while strumming the guitar before using it is essential. Bubba takes a really high backdrop, and it is possible that Mustafa does not know how to bump. The Dudleys in control isn't anywhere near as interesting as Gangstas in control. Dudleys aren't as lively with their punch and kick, although I do like D-Von's reared back punches. Luckily, New Jack is really great at selling punches and he will also let D-Von hit him in the forehead with a VCR. 

This match has one of the truly crazy New Jack spots - yes, I understand what I'm saying - when he lays D-Von on a table that is very far away from the eagle's nest. He has to take a running, arm swimming, Superman leap that lands him short of the table, meaning he does a running flying headbutt into D-Von's stomach from a 10' drop with 12-15' of distance. I have no idea how he didn't break his neck or wrists or knees or anything upon landing, I have no idea why he set D-Von up so far away, but I love that he got up in that eagle's nest and actually shoved a child in sweatpants aside and knew he couldn't back out of the spot. On the Hardcore TV version of this match they show a different camera angle, not showing any part of the landing but instead showing a shot from across the arena that captured how far out he jumped, like a Gangsta swimming through air. Bubba pins New Jack when New Jack climbs to the top rope, bashes Axl Rotten in the head and throws that chair edge-first down onto him, then leaps off the top into a cutter. It's weird that every single wrestling show in 2023 has a Guy Leaps Into A Cutter spot and I now can't picture anybody doing that spot earlier than fucking New Jack. Was New Jack the best wrestler in 1997 ECW? 

6. Taz vs. Tracy Smothers

This is Smothers' first ECW match, still under contract to WWF for another two months, and in the middle of a Northeast February winter, this legend worked a WWF house show in New Haven, CT and then drove at least three hours over to Philadelphia just to get fucked up by Taz. I know there are better examples of making towns in wrestling history, but what was Tracy even thinking about during that three hour commute? Just listening to area radio on his way to getting shoot slapped a couple times and German suplexed by a man he towers over. Smothers' timing looked a little off here, but that could be because it's not easy to work timing spots with a junior. His standing back elbows looked hard and Taz nicely sold his mouth while Tracy went up top for his flying back elbow, which also looked good. Smothers lost a match to the bad Head Banger and then drove 175 miles to work a match that could have accomplished the same goal had Taz just suplexed Chris Chetti. 

7. Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Brian Lee

Straw Hat Guy keeps yelling "Bullshitter" at Bulldozer Brian Lee, but he is a man who has given more money to Paul Heyman that several actual ECW employees so I'm not sure I would trust his bullshitter radar. It's kind of shocking how low quality this tag match is. It's more of a 20 minute angle than an actual match, except it's supposed to be a match, and the match isn't good. It's extremely lethargic, a walk and brawl in slow motion. Dreamer throws punches with his entire hand open, things only get briefly interesting when Raven and Funk start fighting on the floor, but it's crazy how much worse this was than the Gangstas/Dudley Boyz match on the same card. This is the kind of brawl where people weren't really throwing punches, but more grabbing the back of someone's head and then walking and or throwing them forward into something. Dreamer and Lee spent several minutes on the floor walking each other back and forth at ringside and pushing each other by the head into objects. Raven grabbed Funk by the back of the head and threw him down into the mat a half dozen or more times. Everybody wrestles tired. Funk kicks at Raven's leg and locks in the spinning toehold and things probably peak with Lee stopping the spinning toehold with a trash can shot to Funk's head and knocking Dreamer off the apron with a swing to the side of his head. Then he hits about a dozen trash can swings on Funk that look like the softest weapon shots on this show until the match is stopped and Funk is forced to leave on a stretcher while swearing. This was supposed to be all about furthering the Raven/Dreamer/Funk storyline and distancing Funk from ever getting an ECW title shot but they managed to get there in the least interesting way possible. This was so low energy and I do not know why. 

8. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

Candido is sort of growing out his hair and he has it slicked back, but it's not long enough up top to stay slicked so it just sticks up like a toddler after a bath. Under the white hot lights of the Arena, his white blond hair looks like the hair of Mom's dunderhead sons on Futurama. This match never totally feels like it gels into an actual match, but it does have Sabu jumping off a chair at least a dozen times into a series of leg lariats, huracanranas, legdrops, moonsaults and both are game to bump painfully, but the primary thing that hurts it is the crowd never being that into it in any way. I don't know why, as these people like moves, and this match was mostly move after move after move. Even the punch exchanges all looked good. Shit I wish we had more of them punching each other as every punch exchange here looked good, but without counting I think Sabu jumped off a chair or sprang off the ropes more times than he threw a punch, and that's pretty cool too. A lot of this was just throwing shit at the wall so 25% of it wasn't going to work. Sometimes a piledriver off the middle buckle is just going to look like a guy pulling someone on top of himself. I guess the craziest thing about Sabu going so all out with Air Sabu attacks is that he works in even more spots in this 20 minute match than he did earlier in the night in his 20 minute tag match. How the fuck did this guy take this many ugly landings for 20 straight minutes, two times in one night? 

I mean Candido takes a vertical suplex over the top to the floor that that must have been hell on the ankles and a sheer drop bump to the floor when Sabu tosses him on a charge, and also does an incredible crossbody plancha into the crowd that catches Sabu across the face and shoulders. He also grabs a very long chickenwing that makes the crowd Actually Upset, but more in an Impotently Frustrated way instead of a Drawing Heat way. And so, he spittily yells "It's called wrestling you fucking assholes"and then grabs a ringside mic to yell "Are you people bored? Should I put him in another wrestling hold?" It could have drawn real heat if he kept it up maybe, but instead it wound up looking like he got mad at his own joke. Sabu hit so much stuff and I guess at the end of the day I just love that Sabu had the energy to seemingly make up a bunch of shit on the fly. He does a full triple jump bombs away through a table on the floor when Candido sits up, lands chest first on the guardrail doing a tope, crashes on his butt several times...but also vaults off a chair and hits a flat out gorgeous huracanrana. I love this man and his messiness that can surprise with elegance. Sabu keeps falling off ropes and chairs onto Candido, and eventually one of those times pins him, and Candido cuts this weird promo after about how much of a draw Sabu is and how he doesn't care if Sabu or Taz wins at Barely Legal because "the Triple Threat gets paid either way". His crippling credit card debt and 2nd mortgage were not present in the arena for this promo. 

Best Matches: 

1. Spike Dudley vs. Axl Rotten

2. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

3. Gangstas vs. Dudley Boyz

Read more!

ECW Crossing the Line Again 2/1/97

I've spent the last year (and will continue to spend this coming year) watching all of the 1997 WCW for my book. I've been spending other time in 1997, listening to music and watching movies released in the year, as well as watching other pro wrestling from the same period. If it happened in the year I learned to drive, then I am spending some time every day consuming it. I thought this 1997 ECW show was really choice, with an absolute classic first time ever meeting between Terry Funk and Tommy Rich, a killer Dr. Death/Raven match, heel Ricky Morton, a terrible Eliminators match that goes 20, etc. 

1. Lance Storm vs. Balls Mahoney

ER: Balls Mahoney would have made a really great Bluto, and he throws two nice punches (an overhand right and a long uppercut right) and also wastes Storm with a short arm clothesline. His Foley-esque bump over the ropes (where his head almost got wrapped in them but instead he tumbled hard to the floor) looked really great, and he leans into every piece of soft offense that Lance Storm threw at him. Storm never hits hard, ever, but he makes up for it a bit by throwing his whole body into attacks. His spinning heel kick and tope and top rope clothesline at least ended with his whole body crashing into Balls. His leaping back elbow and flying shoulderblock actually hit really well, and it felt like he was making harder contact with those moves the longer it went on, like he was learning to throw harder to knock this guy down. Was Balls Mahoney actually this good in 1997? It feels like he might be. Am I going to go on a Balls Mahoney rewatch? I already am. I wish Storm had sold Mahoney's piledriver longer, but Storm's top rope spinning heel kick helicoptered right into Mahoney's head so whatever. I liked this. 

2. Ricky Morton vs. Big Stevie Cool

ER: Ricky is wearing his red tasseled confederate flag tights with glittered flares and folks he looks incredible. The red tights are the brightest, perfect color of red, the stars and stripes cross perfectly diagonally past his knees. It's so pro wrestling and so trash 

Morton hits a low knee and a snappy headlock punch, and throws a missed clothesline with the best form. I love when Ricky fights like an asshole. Morton punches more when he's an asshole and Morton always uses his punches in cool ways. Here he broke a wristlock with a straight right and then missed a fast follow-up fistdrop. Morton is so much of an asshole here that he soccer dives knee up into Stevie's nuts, and then drives his knee into them on a snug inverted atomic drop. Stevie looked good taking Ricky's offense, and the Stevie Kick is a good finish, but I wish this got a chance to keep going where it was going. Instead it was Ricky looking like a switchblade asshole for 5 minutes and then Stevie quickly going home with a Jackknife and kick. Great look at how good 1997 Ricky Morton was. Who has the Ricky Morton FMW footage? 

3. Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Axl Rotten

ER: This is a 2 minute match, and when you hear that you probably assume it's going to be Dr. Death killing Rotten with a couple big slams and a neck breaking suplex or two. It got to that, but before that we got to see Dr. Death take a nice bump into the turnbuckles and sells Rotten's decent strikes, and then we get to see Doc punch Rotten right in the face and throw him with a backdrop driver. 

4. Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Raven

ER: Man they go right at it and it is great. Doc continues throwing stiff jabs and then takes a sicko bump running full speed face first into the top turnbuckle on a missed charge. This man has a well paying All Japan gig and he's in Philadelphia taking unprotected chairshots and hitting a gusher. Dr. Death's sweat soaked shag is one of the great haircuts in wrestling history, and it swings over his face as he rolls off a table, just before Raven crashes through it off the top. Doc cashes in the receipt on those chairshots and Raven hits a far great gusher. Raven was an incredible bleeder and needs to be talked about more as such. He's one of our great bleeders. Dr. Death does get to throw Raven around, hitting a high powerslam and German suplex, and there's a great fight over a top rope suplex that ends in a sick snap Raven superplex. The bWo involvement is used well, as most of them are just crash pads for Doc to press slam Raven through. While Raven writhes around with Hollywood Nova, there's a perfectly done showdown between Dr. Death and Stevie. Dr. Death keeps taking Stevie Kicks and getting up for more, and you kept waiting for it to lead to Stevie getting snapped in two with a backdrop driver. When Doc caught a kick, you knew you were about to see a man die, so I dug that Stevie instead spun out of it and busted him in the chops with a great Stevie Kick. It was a really great sequence and both played up their characters perfectly, Stevie tuning up that band like a maniac and Doc knowing exactly what to sell and not sell. Williams was a really good bumper and good at taking offense, and Raven's DDT looked like it would finish a guy like Dr. Death after those three kicks. 

5. The Sandman vs. D-Von Dudley 

ER: There are too many great shots of Sandman's entrance here to count. His forehead his bleeding when he comes through the curtains, hair slicked back, dangerous eyes. You'd avoid this man in literally any public space you saw him in. And yet, carrying a beer with a cigarette hanging from his lip, he looks like undoubtedly one of the coolest dirtbags in history. D-Von Dudley had great punches in this match, because he just threw several potatoes at Sandman's pre-existing cut, giving every side of the ring a close up look at his knuckles hitting Sandman's crown. Sandman's offense has this artless Drunken Master flow to it. All of it looks like it would hurt, and a lot of it is among the ugliest version of that move you've ever seen. It's beautiful. The whole match jumps up a level when Sandman suplexes a table edge first into D-Von's leg and fucking ends him with the most drunk dead accurate Philadelphia Jam with a chair on D-Von's face. It's 5 minutes and goes out on a high pitch, segueing into a strong post-match. D-Von joins up with Bubba and they mess up Spike with what I assume is the first ever 3D, but New Jack comes out and wreaks havoc. Bubba smooshes him with a perfect blindside avalanche, Bubba takes a Flair Flop face first on an open chair, New Jack drops D-Von mouth first on an open chair and then makes the most charming little smile to the camera. Simple, hot segment that made a ton out of like 8 total minutes. 

6. The Eliminators vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu 

I'm just going to assume that everybody had the exact same Eliminators experience that I did: we were all in our late teens when we traded for a 4 hour Eliminators comp, and then after watching about an hour of the Eliminators comp we all pretty much realized exactly what the Eliminators were and had no desire to watch any more. This match was 20 minutes long, and felt longer. The Eliminators can do cool things but they are cold in there, and the crowd reacts coldly to them. Nobody makes a real effort to connect with the crowd, but running through flipping moves used to be enough to get some clapping at the Arena. They just do not care, and it takes RVD's energy to finally snap people awake. This was icy cold and disjointed with that silent crowd, but Van Dam came in with the energy of a guy whose party tricks always connect with any room. There's a confidence they respond to when he comes in, a response he gets by getting obliterated by a double spinning heel kick or folded in half when Saturn suddenly knows how to throw a slicing clothesline. Sabu hurls his body at men more and more as we creep to 20, landing that triple jump plancha three rows deep, falling on the back of his head when Saturn sweeps his legs off the top rope, missile dropkicking Saturn off a damn ladder, and it all peaks with some horridly constructed mess with a ladder set up on a table and Sabu whipping his shins into everything/everyone in sight. 

My favorite part was when Kronus sold a big Sabu top rope splash/RVD top rope Jam, by just standing up to his feet at the same time they did and throwing a stomach kick. Kronus has the mental energy of someone wandering their way through a battle royal who doesn't actually know he's in a battle royal. It's like he had no clue that he had just taken any kind of offense, and it's kind of amazing? He'll take a wild backdrop bump to the floor and almost land on his head doing a corkscrew senton, but there's no chance this man every thought for one second about what a quality match layout would look like. I did love them doing Total Elimination to a ladder that was holding both RVD and Sabu, with them hanging in the air before dropping straight to the mat when the ladder is swept away. It's a perfect overly complicated dumb ECW spot. 

7. Terry Funk vs. Tommy Rich

ER:  Tommy Rich everyone. While Terry Funk is being clapped on the back, as Joey Styles was going on and on about Funk's singles run to the World title as if he was a kid with progeria who was graciously going to be allowed to score a soccer goal, here's Tommy Rich looking like such a fat asshole in the ring. The fans call him a fat fuck, he looks like a goon asshole, the perfect heat magnet. Rich starts the match by storming clumsily into the crowd to get RIGHT into some dude's face, letting Terry Funk sneak up on him and start the fight. Getting distracted by some guy in a hockey jersey and letting your opponent find and fight you is so much interesting than two guys meeting in the ring and then walking each other into the crowd, and Funk just started throwing left hands that made Rich bleed more with each shot. Rich is a full on menace in this, just a disgusting looking stuck pig of a man stumbling through the ugliest people you've ever seen. He hits such a perfect messy bladejob, sending streams of red everywhere down his face while the parts of his face that are untouched by blood have a sick purple hue. 

Rich wrecks his body in a few ways that would have looked cool from any man, but look incredible from a big fat slob. A sweaty guy spilling over his tights running knee first into a guardrail just looks better, and it lead to Funk taking apart his knee in ways that would cripple younger, fitter men. It's one thing for Funk to not work his left hands at this point, but there has to be a way to work hitting a guy's knee with a chair. If there is, Terry pretends to not know about it, and just bashes the shit out of Tommy's knee, then kicks his hamstring all around ringside. It's fucking great. The whole time - and the whole match really - Rich is reveling in the You Fat Fuck chants, spitting blood out through a cartoon grin. He shoves some dude off him in the crowd and almost accidentally hits his small girlfriend, presumably the only woman in the entire arena. Rich grins the entire time, except for those times when he would get suddenly unstoppably angry, the way a real asshole would behave. 

The man is thirsty for DDTs and hungry for hate. DDTs for Funk, DDTs for Jim Molyneux; he slowly hitches up the front of his tights while making full eye contact with some creeps. Tommy Rich looks like absolute shit while he spits blood up into the air and bashes at Funk's knee, still grinning and acting like an asshole. They're two of the only guys who have ever made kneeling and fighting ever look good. Nobody makes the sitting-in-chairs-throwing-punches look good, it's tough as hell to make kneeling and punching look good, but this is great. The spinning toehold finish would have worked in most settings, but it felt beneath the rest of the match because everything else was so legitimately violent. But this is one of the greatest ECW matches of all time, hands down.  

8. Shane Douglas/Chris Candido/Brian Lee vs. Tommy Dreamer/The Pitbulls

ER: This starts really great and then eventually goes on too long. Probably didn't need nearly 20 minutes from these guys, turns out. But when Candido starts things by baseball sliding THROUGH Brian Lee's legs just to kick Dreamer in the nuts, that is a fucking hilarious way to start things. The crowd brawl and bullshit in this was really good. The match settling into an actual match was fine, but the bullshit kept it high. Pitbull 2 took a lot of gnarly shots to the head while standing right next to the smelliest fans, then came roaring back into the ring throwing just as hard punches at Douglas. They bring a guardrail into the ring and do a bunch of great stuff with it. Candido gets thrown into it and springs off it straight a back elbow that bounces him over the top rope like a volleyball. Douglas gets tossed through the guardrail and then press slammed onto the busted railing. Holy shit. These guys taking some dumb bumps out here and it rules. 

As his contract states, Dreamer is dropped crotch first on a guardrail, just railing his balls the exact way he demands in every single match. Dreamer takes a lot of abuse in this. Douglas really drops him with vertical suplexes, with a big one through two chairs. Candido gets rocket launched onto Dreamer and does that thing where he bounces right up to his feet on the recoil. Pitbull 2 is bleeding real good and getting hanged with his own chain, and really this whole thing just gets derailed by the Rick Rude involvement. The one good thing - and it is an admittedly pretty big great thing - is that Rude comes out in a mask wearing a patchwork denim on denim pantsuit like something Richard Pryor would have owned. I'm stunned that he didn't also have a big floppy hat adorned with beer cap toppers. Rude looks walks out wearing a ensemble too garish for a Vince McMahon 1991 Prime Time Wrestling segment, and a man wearing this outfit in 1997 is far more shocking than any of the ways ECW tried to be shocking on any given show. I remember what people wore in 1997, and nobody was dressing like a pimp from a Fred Williamson movie. I don't know what Rude's involvement was supposed to be in ECW, but everyone in the ring hitting shitty Rude Awakenings seems like a lame way to peak this. 

Read more!

RIP Bobby Eaton Pt. 4

Bobby Eaton vs. Bill Dundee CWA 7/24/82

ER: Exciting under 10 minute studio match for Eaton's Mid-America Heavyweight title, with Dutch Mantel as Enforcer sitting in a chair at ringside right next to Jimmy Hart. This is a hot 15 minute segment, with Hart running down Dundee as undeserving of a title shot (even laughing him off as a "midget"), leading to Dutch Mantel causing a huge scene in the studio trying to get his hands on Eaton (who had just taken the title from Dutch a couple weeks prior). Dutch and Hart sitting next to each other at ringside gives us some great atmosphere for the match, the first half of which is filled with Dundee beating Eaton to the punch on everything. Eaton misses offense and Bill is there to land a moonshot punch, throw a hiptoss, and otherwise knock Eaton onto his butt. Eaton sells majestically for Dundee, with the best bit a headlock punch that sends Eaton duck walking backwards into the corner holding his nose. Dundee misses a big splash allowing Eaton to take over, and we get some mighty fine punches, a high elbowdrop, and a great kneedrop. Dutch yanks Bobby's leg from the floor (with Eaton face planting  like the rug got yanked out from under him), then Dutch pummels Hart as Dundee steals the title from a distracted Bobby. King Cobra and others cause a big melee after Dundee's title win, leaving Superstar busted open but good. Memphis was so great at jamming a ton of memorable moments into 15 minutes while also furthering several different feuds, and you aren't going to find many better segment anchors than Eaton/Dundee. 

Bobby Eaton/Sabu vs. Jerry Lawler/Sweet Brown Sugar CWA 2/6/83

ER: This is the last 6 minutes of a 16 minute match, but another example of a tremendous No Offense Lawler performance, and Eaton shows that he can use weapons with the best of them. We get one punch early as Eaton and Lawler spill to the floor, and from there it's nothing but Eaton throwing beautiful worked shots with weapons and Lawler showing that he's the best ever at bumping into inanimate objects. Lawler takes bumps into the ringpost better than any wrestler in history, and here he gets to show how devastating he can make a rope stanchion look. Eaton drags one into the ring and plants it in the middle, grabbing Lawler by the back of the neck and throwing him down throat first onto the stanchion. I remember seeing Finlay do that in his WCW match against Hak, and thinking that there aren't many guys who would be able to make that read as painfully as it would feel, but obviously Lawler is one of those guys. Eaton is a master at worked chairshots, and he has this incredible diving shot to Lawler's throat, like a big running fistdrop or elbowdrop except driving a chair into Lawler's throat. Eaton also drops Lawler with a piledriver onto that chair, with Lawler doing his perfect piledriver stomach bump. Sabu (Cocoa Samoa, not actually Sabu obviously) and Sweet Brown Sugar are mostly non-factors in the part of the match we get, as this is all about the two greatest worked strikers in wrestling history painting a little masterpiece. Eaton finishes with a wrapped chain punch to Sugar, a cool snapshot of Eaton adjusting all of his offense to include weapons, and Lawler showing how compelling he can be without throwing a single fist. 

Bobby Eaton/Sabu vs. Arn Anderson/Terry Funk ECW When Worlds Collide 5/14/94

ER: I had never actually watched this match before, it just existed as one of those legendary on-paper matches I figured I would watch eventually. This was an ECW tag that would have greatly benefitted from being worked as a traditional tag. But they didn't really go full-on ECW either, the ref didn't seem to know what kind of match to call (with lots of scattered rule enforcement), and Terry's lack of selling and pacing really hurt the match overall. It's not too often where I can say that Terry Funk's participation in a match hampered a match, but even with the good he brought to this match I think the bad outweighed it. The match totally works just on the weirdness of Beautiful Bobby and Arn Anderson confidently strutting into the ECW arena and getting huge reactions from the crowd. Even those mutants are going to be excited to see Bobby in his watermelon Bubblicious colored tights. All I really wanted to see from this match was 1. Eaton in the ECW Arena, 2. Arn vs. Sabu, 3. Eaton vs. Funk (a pairing that is much more rare than it should have been). We got all of those and a ton of good interactions, it just didn't really build to anything. So, it's 20 minutes of four of your favorite wrestlers doing things that make you like them as wrestlers, and that's at minimum going to be very entertaining. 

Eaton's punches were the best thing about the match. He tagged in and immediately started throwing gorgeous right hooks to Terry's jaw. Eaton throws plenty of his perfect short punches in this match but I adore those big looping rights, with Terry recoiling in the ropes with every one. Terry takes a big bump to the floor when Sabu just literally bodyslams him from the ring through a ringside table, and later Arn takes his own big ass bump to the floor after getting dropkicked off the top by Sabu. Sabu uses a lot of soft chair attacks throughout the match, crazy to think how hard wrestlers were braining each other with chairs just a couple years later when you see Sabu and Funk throwing 1997 Lance Storm chairshots in this match. Arn felt like the only person in the ring who knew how to throw an effective chairshot, which I was not expecting. There's some great stuff too, like Funk sticking Eaton with a piledriver through a piece of broken table he had laid over the bottom rope. It had all the makings of one of those Funk spots that don't get pulled off properly, but it looked vicious and Eaton really looked like a guy who had been crippled. 

Things kind of fell apart after that when Funk missed a moonsault, Sabu nailed Funk with a moonsault, and then Funk sold it by just standing up and immediately going back on offense. Funk did a lot of that. He'd crash and burn on his own move, get nailed by Sabu or Eaton, then just stand up and go on offense. He was also moving around with very little energy, nowhere near as much as his typical level of flopping around. I mean I get it, he's 50, but I don't think I'd show anyone this match as proof that the 50 year old could still go. It's great hearing the Arena get hyped for Eaton's Alabama Jam, then see Sabu pull out his moonsault variations on Arn and really crush him with a slingshot senton. The whole finishing stretch is a mess, with Eaton and Funk brawling into the crowd (most of which we can't see) leading to Funk hitting Eaton with a piledriver in the eagle's nest (which we can't really see). Public Enemy gets involved and easily run off by Arn, there's a really tepid spinning toehold exchange between Funk and Sabu, Arn ends up turning on Funk due to an errant chairshot, and Arn batters Funk's knee with a chair (again best chairshots of the match) and Sabu wins with a half crab. Throughout the match the ref had been keeping track of the legal men and doing his best to get chairs out of there, and then did none of that during the finishing stretch, which just added to the mess. This is the kind of match ECW could have turned into a killer 3 minute music video that would have made you feel like you missed the match of the year. It's not, but you'll be smiling a lot for 20 minutes. 

Read more!

On Brand Segunda Caida: The Johnny Smith/Taz Feud

I was always fascinated by ECW's usage of Johnny Smith, basically the only US promotion to actually use him. He had a small TV feud with Taz that resulted in two fun matches, with the latter a feud ending submission match: 

Johnny Smith vs. Taz ECW Hardcore TV 10/1/96

ER: This was a good match that didn't have much crowd reaction, Taz really wasn't getting the heel reaction I would have expected, and possibly it was because the casual fan wouldn't know much about who Johnny Smith was. Most of the heat of the match came from Bill Alfonso. But again, it was a good match. Booking Taz really was some smoke and mirrors, as it's wild how much Smith hulks over Taz. Smith is a rock solid guy and I liked the way they worked a couple headlock exchanges, thought Smith had a tight drop toehold, both threw themselves into shoulderblocks, nice high floor basics throughout. It wasn't what the crowd wanted to see necessarily, but it was professional and hard hitting so they never actually turned on it. I thought they did a good job working from holds to strikes to throws, ramping up the action steadily over 9 minutes. Smith threw two nice dropkicks, his standing dropkick going high and making nice contact, and his back bump missile dropkick hitting Taz right in the chest. Loved the spot where Taz caught him after a leapfrog, the two struggled over a waistlock, and Taz eventually dumped Smith with a nasty German suplex. They set up the finish really well as Taz sunk in the Tazmission, and I liked how they called the match instead of letting Smith tap. They set up a submission match, even though Taz does a bunch of heel backhand burials after the match (he let the submission go so Smith wouldn't puke, but also told him he was tough), and then Styles weirdly talks about how Taz outshone Smith on the mat and standing, which is a weird way to put over the heel.

Submission Match: Johnny Smith vs. Taz ECW Ultimate Jeopardy 10/5/96 (Hardcore TV 10/15/96)

ER: This submissions rematch was not nearly as cohesive as their first match. The first encounter had a real satisfying build, ramping up steadily over the run time. The build throughout isn't nearly as strong in this one, though it does bring a few cool different things. I wish they would have done more with the opening matwork, with both guys taking turns cockily getting into par terre to challenge the other to do something about it. I have no idea what Taz's actual mat skills were, but I know Smith can go and it would have been really cool to see some mat scrambles. Both are built solid as hell, and that's where a lot of cool parts come from: thick arms working chokes and throwing heavy clotheslines. Smith has a real underrated clothesline, throwing it right to the chest but keeping his arm stiff, so that it really looks like a guy taking a bat to the chest. The problem was that neither guy (Taz especially) wanted to show much vulnerability, so it's tough to build to any interesting submissions. Smith works the arm a bit but selling wasn't really a Taz strong suit, so while a nice Fujiwara could have lead to a nice false finish it just leads to Taz standing back up. The finish looks good, as Smith had been getting to the ropes and countering out of suplexes throughout the match, and the final near escape is cool: Smith breaks a waistlock and starts to get away, but Taz grabs him by the legs and lifts him over with a wheelbarrow suplex before getting the Tazmission. If you combine the best elements of their two matches you could get a great match, but instead we are left with a really good match and a fun match, which is fine.

Read more!

On Brand Segunda Caida: Stan Hansen in ECW

How awesome would it have been to see Stan Hansen wrestling in a small building with only 500 or so other lunatics cheering him on? Stan Hansen was not a guy you could just go out and see on the indies working old man faded glory matches. He was a guy who started making a name for himself immediately and then just stayed in major feds right up until his early 50s retirement. The only opportunity anyone had to see Hansen work a small indie was a few dates in 1993, when he worked a handful of ECW shows. Seeing Stan Hansen at the ECW Arena would be like getting a straight injection of pure uncut joy, so I figured I would take a quick look at Hansen's quick look at the east coast independent wrestling scene.


Stan Hansen vs. Jimmy Snuka ECW 8/7/93 (Hardcore TV #19)

ER: This was only about 4 minutes, but really great. How cool must it have been to see *this* era Stan Hansen at Viking Hall? I would have been losing my mind. He's a big loud bully and I could have watched him shove Snuka around the ring for another 10 minutes. Snuka was 50 at this point but still unexpectedly a bump freak, as right out of the gate Hansen hits a hard shoulderblock, and then without any running momentum just hits a standing shoulderblock that sends Snuka backwards over the top to the floor, a cool way to integrate the Harley bump. Snuka obviously realizes who he's working - not that he had a choice - and throws punches at Hansen as hard as he's getting them. He is someone with enough guts and career clout that he can walk right through a nasty chair shot and keep fighting, and not get punished for not selling it. The chair shot was great, Hansen hitting him with an already unfolded chair and wrapping it perfectly around his head. Hansen drops perfect elbows and even wrecks Snuka with the western lariat! I wasn't really expecting that. Some of these older guys were getting good paychecks once Eddie Gilbert got the purse strings, I didn't actually expect Snuka to work so hard. Eddie runs in to break up the surefire finish, and then Hansen ragdolls "Freddie" Gilbert (which was Jerry Lawler's son Kevin playing Eddie's kid brother), and there's not much in wrestling I love more than Stan Hansen disposing of a dweeb.

Stan Hansen/Tito Santana vs. Don Muraco/Shane Douglas ECW 8/8/93 (Hardcore TV #21)

ER: Short but fun tag that may have actually been much longer than we actually saw. The match - as several of these Hardcore TV matches are - is interrupted with an "emergency announcement", which is a nice excuse to show Abdullah the Butcher highlights leading up to his tag match opposite Hansen. But they weirdly opt to just clip the match right in the middle, and I have no idea how much we missed. What we got, was good. Muraco is a fun stooge for Hansen (and it's amusing to see such a big guy beg off, but I get it), and I was really looking forward to Hansen just mauling Douglas, but we don't really get that at all. It's possible we got it during the break, but alas. What we do get is a fine FIP Tito performance, with Hansen doing a great job coming up with a couple ways to miss a potential hot tag. Hansen somehow always finds a way to surprise me, and he breaks out a really cool tragic timing spot: He comes in to rescue Tito, but Tito manages to surprisingly break free on his own, except now Hansen is getting admonished by the ref for getting in the ring just as Tito is actually getting to his corner. Hansen rushes back to the apron and swipes for the tag just as Muraco grabs Tito and tosses him back across the ring. Muraco throws an awesome headlock punch in this, but Tito's fired up comeback punches are really great. Sadly the whole damn locker room interferes at the exact moment of Hansen's hot tag, starting with that damned Eddie Gilbert. This match clearly had the bones of a really good match, and what we got was good, but it really feels like we missed out on a large chunk of the middle.

Stan Hansen vs. Don E. Allen/Herve Renesto ECW 8/8/93 (Hardcore TV #22)

ER: Tough draw for Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal. Hansen is an all time great squash match or handicap match worker, as he works fast enough to bounce back between two different guys, and he hits hard enough that whichever guy isn't eating a beating is still convincingly selling his prior beating. This is all a tornado of hard kicks, nasty stomps to the head, big beals, lethal back elbows, none of them by Twisted Steel OR Sex Appeal. Renesto threw a dropkick at one point, but it didn't slow down Hansen one bit and only made Renesto more of a target. The whole arena was flipping out for this massacre, and I love how Hansen throws his back elbow as a charging move, running at his opponent like he's hitting the lariat but instead decapitating him with a back elbow. Neither feels like a good option to take. Allen eats a nasty elbow shot while standing on the apron, and Hansen graciously brings him into the ring with a damn quick snap suplex. Allen came into the ring so fast it looked like he was thrown from a car. Allen almost wimps out of the lariat, flinching hard as Hansen grabs him by the ponytail and starts swinging the arm, but it landed. From the ring, Hansen grabs for Renesto on the floor after the match, but Renesto dodges, which just enrages Hansen who rushes to the floor and strangles Renesto with his bullrope, tying him to the ringpost by his neck.

Stan Hansen/Terry Funk vs. Abdullah the Butcher/Kevin Sullivan Ultra Clash 9/18/93

ER: Now this ruled. This was part of one of ECW's first supercards, and this is some legitimately big talent in one match. The whole thing is worked as a chaotic brawl, no tags and no attempt at order. Funk obviously thrives in this kind of environment and drags everybody else with him. Hansen mostly pairs off with Abby, and I like them as a pair because Abby doesn't budge on strikes, and Hansen doesn't hold back on strikes, so the whole time he's just throwing knuckle punches and clubbing arms and the hardest stomps possible to the back of Abby's head and Abby just takes the stiffest shots and occasionally stabs at him. Sullivan climbs up the scaffold to escape Funk(there was a Doug Gilbert/JT Smith scaffold match right before this match) and Funk naturally follows, and Sullivan starts punching him right in the head the second Funk climbs up close enough to get his head punched. Terry is the king, so of course he finds a few ways to fall down each level of the scaffolding, holding on and hanging, limbs dangling, dropping down bit by bit as he's getting attacked, before eventually dropping into the ring and onto his head. Funk wraps a chair around Abby's head and holds it there while burying his boot in Abby's back, while Hansen punches away at Abby, there's a fork stabbing that misses it's mark and becomes friendly fire, Funk panics and takes down the ref and starts beating the shit out of him, Abby slams Funk's face into the mat a bunch, the ROPES BREAK because they can't handle big as hell Hansen and Sullivan running hard into them, Eddie and Doug Gilbert run out for the DQ, and this was literally just 8 minutes of cool old dudes punching each other really hard in the head. That's never not going to be a win, people.

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 5/22/07

1. Snitsky vs. Tommy Dreamer

The dream match everybody was waiting for! Snitsky posts Dreamer and works over his shoulder to start, until Snitsky misses a big boot and crotches himself over the top rope. He did the exact same missed spot last week against RVD, so it appears this is going to be his "Andre stuck in the ropes" spot. He doesn't make it look very good, though. Dreamer's comeback was really cool but then he went up top for no reason other than getting caught by Snitsky. Man that's dumb. Tazz also overdoes the "Snitsky had BAD intentions behind that shot!" as he also drove it into the ground last week. I fucking hate that phrase when MMA announcers use it, and it's no less stupid here. What other intentions would ANYbody have when he is fighting someone? You have two guys trying to win a fight. OF COURSE a punch will have bad intentions. I guess that are rare instances like "Man, I had to hit you with that chair to save you from yourself! I was trying to help you! My intentions were good."

Elsewhere in 2007, Timbaland did a music video with the Hives, and it featured Layla and Torrie Wilson. That's weird.

2. Kevin Thorn vs. Wyatt Laro?

90 second squash, but a good one. Wyatt...something (Styles and Tazz kept pronouncing his last name slightly different. Laird, Lara, Lahro, Layro. I have no idea what it was supposed to be as he didn't get an onscreen graphic) bumped nicely for Thorn and Thorn didn't dawdle and busted out a nice clothesline and a fine yakuza kick. Fans actually get amped for Wyatt's comeback but it's shortlived and Thorn hits his finisher, which Styles now calls Original Sin. Also, no Ariel with him this week, so I assume she got canned out of nowhere and never mentioned again (because they sure weren't talking about why she wasn't there this week).

3. Matt Striker vs. Brett Major

So, this wasn't very good at all. Ryder is so-so now, so imagine how polished he was 6 years ago. He had some big bumps, and then some of the worst punches you've ever seen which I suppose means he's   supposed to be the new ECW Chris Chetti. It was weird seeing him break out offense that I don't associate with him, like a rolling senton (once he started getting somewhat over his offense became more locked in). I still like Striker and he looked good here. They spent so much time putting over how he's the weak link of the New Breed that I was positive he'd lose here, which really made me buy into Major reversing a vertical suplex into a small package. So that was a good pinfall fakeout, but Major just wasn't that good overall.

4. RVD & CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Von

Wow, what a dud. This was one of the more boring matches I've seen in some time. They get plenty of time to do something, and this couldn't even hold my attention for 14 minutes. I had to break it up into two parts. A couple minutes in we get Burke and Marcus isolating RVD and working over his legs for what seems like an eternity. The leg work looks good (especially liked Burke knee dropping RVD's legs and slamming his knees into the canvas over and over) but my god they work his legs over for 8 minutes. There are never any teases to tag in Punk during this whole time, just the two guys working over RVD. No missed hot tags, not even any attempts. Just RVD having to sell leg work for a long time. RVD as a salesman always brings plenty of unintentionally funny facials. Eventually after the longest 8 minutes of my month, Punk tags in and the crowd is going crazy. And then Cor Von hits another awesome Pounce (I don't think I'll ever tire of this move) and Punk goes flying into the ropes and...the ref calls for the bell. You see, Cor Von was not the legal man. Oh, my god. Was this during that period when the refs were supposed to call things "as if they were a shoot"? Because a couple weeks back when Vince pinned RVD Scott Armstrong waited way long to count because one of RVD's shoulders were up, and now this match ends out of nowhere in the flattest way possible, over something that rarely ends a match in WWE. This was a horrible waste of 15 minutes right here.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 5/15/07

Vince starts us with a sit down interview wearing a white doo rag (to match his suit) and doing a kinda bonkers promo about how much he likes his "skull caps", and thinks they look cool, but what he likes more is not wearing anything on his head at all and how Bobby Lashley took that privilege away from him. For anybody that was sick of MacMahons on TV, I think Vince is so incredibly awesome once you're removed from the situation.

1. RVD vs. Snitsky

On paper this does not look great, but RVD's best opponents are usually immobile roid guys. He bumps around big for their moves and makes them look better than they really are (and bumping has always been his strongest suit). When he's against another "athletic" guy they just become mindless jerkoff sessions. RVD still has plenty of problem spots in this match (his forearms have always been a train wreck) but this match is definitely greater than the sum of its parts. They've both been in with "better" workers, but this is a good match up. It's not a good match, mind you, but a good match up. All of RVD's spin kicks land nice and snug and he peppers them in at the right times. Snitsky doesn't blow anything and controls with acceptable power offense. Match ends when Snitsky hits RVD with a chair, so apparently that is not a thing you can do in the new ECW.

2. CM Punk vs. Steven Richards

They do a Punk video before the match highlighting all of Punk's martial arts expertise, and it shows footage of him just hitting his awkward spinning mule kick and slapping somebody. He also calls jiu jitsu "jits" which is just about the most annoying 'breve you can use. I did not realize Richards was still a WWE employee at this point but I'm stoked as I always liked his WWE work. The Bob Holly matches from Heat were two of my favorites from that time period. This match was really great and about as awesome a match as you could do in 4 1/2 minutes. Punk has his ribs taped up from getting hit with the Pounce last week, and Richards immediately eye rakes Punk and starts ripping at the tape. He starts working the body with punches and stomps, snapmaring Punk and just booting the shit out of his back. Nice, satisfying THUD there. Richards works him over with a cool bow and arrow and keeps to those ribs. Richards always had really great body part specific match layouts, depending on what the match called for. Punk's comeback was nice and quick, with Richards getting into place for everything really well and flying face first into the GTS. God I wanted like 2 more minutes at least, but they filled the time they had really well.

3. Kevin Thorn vs. Nunzio

Thorn seems pretty boring, just making a bunch of scowly faces and plodding around. Nunzio looks GREAT here. His bumping was always pretty spectacular, but his evasive offense here was really satisfying and his stick and move style worked nicely. He had a really great dropkick to Thorn's ankle and then hit a sweet dropkick off the top. Then Thorn just kinda brushed it off and hit his admittedly cool finisher (like a Stunner but with the guy draped over the top rope, called the Dark Kiss). I imagine most guys don't take it as well as Nunzio, though.

Extreme Expose is up now, and okay Kelly does legitimately seem out of place during a bunch of this, and even takes a kick to the head from Layla at one point (Layla does a lot of high kicks and was lying on the apron doing them, when Kelly tried to walk through the ropes mid-Layla kick. Whoops.) which they admirably move on from somewhat smoothly. Layla looked so damn tiny and skinny during this, much less curvy than present.

4. The New Breed (Matt Striker, Marcus Cor Von, Elijah Burke) vs. Bobby Lashley

Boy, sure are a lot of 3 on 1 handicap matches on the new ECW. They're even building one up throughout the show for the upcoming Judgment Day PPV. This match is pretty much nothing until Cor Von hits the Pounce a few minutes in and Lashley spills spectacularly over the top rope to the floor. For a move that seems really hard to make look good, a lot of guys seem to make the Pounce look really good. Burke looks really good working over Lashley. He had a bunch of nice body blows, a cool Kabuki right uppercut, and a great fistdrop off the top to Lashley's ribs (was Burke a guy getting pimped in 2007? He looks really good here). Lashley's come back kind of comes out of nowhere, like they just got the call to go home. They go from Lashley selling a beating to just immediately going back on offense, dispatching Burke and Cor Von, and then hitting his finisher on Striker. Striker gets more height on a chokeslam/power bomb type move than anybody I've ever seen. Holy lord. This match could have been really good if Lashley's transition to comeback was worked in sensibly. Instead they just flipped a switch and it was "Okay, my turn to do stuff" and the whole thing ended up rushed.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 5/8/07

So I did not have SyFy when ECW originally started. I didn't get it until a like mid 2009 so really didn't start watching it until it was towards the end. So realistically I've probably only seen 20% of the actual WWECW run, all of it from the end when guys like Christian and Finlay were working it. I'm not familiar with any of the stuff from the first year (or second or third year), don't know if there are any hidden gems or recommended matches, don't know any story lines, nothing. All this stuff is new to me so I'm hoping something fun jumps out. And again, all this stuff is new to me so if I say anything that sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, it's because I don't know what I'm talking about.

1. CM Punk vs. Marcus Cor Von

This is all so bizarro universe to me, as I was obviously watching WWE during this same time period, but here's Monty Brown coming out to theme music I've never heard while Joey Styles talks about him.   Cor Von seemed massive in TNA and here seems about 15 pounds larger than Punk, maybe. Still Cor Von (gosh this is a stupid name) works over Punk's back nicely by posting him  and tossing him with a sweet overhead belly-to-belly. Punk transitions to control by dodging a Cor Von charge, and instantly Cor Von is selling as much damage as Punk so that's odd. Punk is still selling his ribs in between doing offense, which includes an awful springboard clothesline. I don't remember digging early WWE babyface punk at all, and this is reminding me why. Styles is selling Punk's "broken" ribs in that really fucking obnoxious way that Styles sells things. But holy shit Cor Von hits the Pounce and THAT move still looks great as Punk flings himself into the ropes neck first (with his neck hitting the bottom rope in a nasty way). For a 10 minute match this wasn't very good.

We get Raw highlights all dealing with the Edge/Mr. Kennedy feud which is about as much eyeball poison as a person should be able to handle. If I asked you to name a shittier sounding match off the top of your head, I don't know if you'd be able to.

2. The Sandman vs. Snitsky

Gene Snitsky was a guy who was bad at pro wrestling, but some people enjoyed him because he was "so bad he was good", even though "so bad it's good" isn't actually a thing. What was really annoying about all that, is a few of us who enjoyed Mark Henry around this time got lumped into the same crowd of people ironically liking Snitsky, as if we were only liking him to be kewl or something. At least 95% of those assholes know how awesome Mark Henry is now. For all I know Snitsky may have died a couple years ago. I do remember that when he moved to ECW he changed his look, which meant shaving his thinning/receding roidz 'do (and his eyebrows) and purposely making his teeth yellow and jagged. I may only remember one Snitsky match I thought was good (I think I liked a TV match against Matt Hardy) but I gotta give him credit for fully committing to a look. The dude looks gross. Oh, and this match goes 1 minute as Snitsky hits a couple clubbing blows and then whiffs on a big boot and Sandman gets zero offense. So I assume a few original ECW guys were signed to 1 year deals and this was like the end of that 1 year and they just gave not one shit about them anymore?

Extreme Expose are dancing in the ring. I have never witnessed EE but it seems to be perfectly fine in a Nitro Girls type of way. The only thing I remember about them was Meltzer always harping on how bad Kelly Kelly looked compared to the other two (I assume Layla and the other one have more dance training). The crowd - to my surprise - doesn't completely shit on this, which is probably due more to them not overstaying their welcome. I'll take 2 minutes of foxy ladies dancing to "Toxic" over 15 minutes of Abraham Washington.

3. Brian Major vs. Elijah Burke

Well, I have zero memory of Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins wrestling as "Brett and Brian Major", even though they apparently had a bunch of matches on Smackdown. How is it that I can remember all the Manu matches but not these guys? The first time I remember seeing them was when they were Edge lackeys. I assumed they had never appeared on TV before that. Huh. This was a good short match as Burke stiffed Major up and Major flopped well and leaned into things. I really liked Burke's knees and he had some great kicks to the stomach. Major misses big on a crossbody and then the match ends on a weak note because instead of using his awesome Elijah Express running double knees, he ends it with what is apparently called the Elijah Experience, which is basically The Stroke. So he just grabs the back of Major's head, and throws him to the mat, but it really looks like Major flinging himself face first into the mat. Wah wah.

4. Vince MacMahon, Shane MacMahon and Umaga vs. Rob Van Dam

That is great. So apparently Vince put the title on himself and proclaims himself Mr. Extreme. His strut coming out for this match is epic as he has full on Vince legs, and big swinging arms, occasionally throwing in a pimp limp. He's also wearing his all black gear and doo rag. Shane really is just the best pudgy backyarder. It seems like a miracle he doesn't blow any sequences. When you think back to how horrific David Flair was then Shane practically comes off like prime Misawa. He and RVD actually work really well together and it's satisfying seeing reckless RVD kicks catch Shane in the chin and forehead. Shane throws a couple nice elbow drops, RVD takes a big bump to the floor when Umaga pulls the rope down, and I'm digging this way more than I should be. Vince is great as a Jimmy Hart/Bobby Heenan "forced to compete" guy, except he chose to compete so has an extra layer of hubris running parallel to his chickenshit routine. He's fun running in and trying to pin RVD after Umaga beats him up, scrambling back to the apron while making Vince faces and Don Knotts mannerisms. We get a hot fake finishing sequence with Shane doing a big bump over the top to the floor, and RVD countering Umaga offense in cool ways. The MacMahons cheat to transition back to offense, and Shane actually hits a superplex! Once Umaga hits the big splash off the top and Samoan Spike, Vince freaks out wanting the "hot" tag and then struts around with the belt after the match. I couldn't really say it was a good match, but it was plenty fun for 10 minutes and peaked nicely.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 8/11/09

1. Zack Ryder vs. Shelton Benjamin

This feud was set up last week when Ryder jumped Shelton while Shelton was singing a Hootie & the Blowfish song. Although Matt Stryker explains that it's all about the traditionalist throwback wrestler in Shelton Benjamin taking on the modern style of Ryder. Yep, the first thing I think about when I watch Shelton Benjamin matches is how much of a throwback he is, just he and Ole Anderson bitching about when guys REALLY knew how to cut off a ring. I do think Ryder works better as a heel, but we have problems as Benjamin doesn't really know how to work as a face. Ryder hits a nice dropkick off the 2nd rope and we hit a weird moment in the match where both guys start selling like they've been in a war 90 seconds in, even though only 3 moves have been done. Then a neckbreaker happens and I genuinely can't tell who was giving the neckbreaker and who was taking it, and I don't know if they know either as they sell it exactly the same. This seems to be something that happens in Shelton Benjamin matches, where I rewind moves and I can't tell who is supposed to be taking what, and who is doing what to whom. Ryder did a vertical suplex, Shelton flipped over and landed on his feet...and then they both fell to their backs and sold. I have zero fucking idea who did what to whom. Match only goes like 3 minutes so it's not like that was the one thing holding this back from being good.

2. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Kevin Brooks

Fans chant "You Can't Wrestle" at Kozlov and boy is that still really annoying. Kozlov and Zeke continue to try and shatter jobber vertebrae and slam the poor little guy around a bunch, whipping the back of his head off the mat in the process. These really need some Chris Nowinski "The More You Know" type stats comparing back bumps to car accidents.

3. Paul Burchill vs. Yoshi Tatsu

This was really fun but then ended 2 minutes in when Katie Lea interfered. It was a really fun 2 minutes and they squeezed a whole lot of damn moves into 2 minutes, but a 2 minute match ending in interference is what it is. Burchill had an awesome double knee drop, Tatsu threw some nice kicks and a cool elbow drop, and then it all stopped. Hurricane returned and attacked Burchill post-match. I totally forgot he came back and was still in WWE this late.

4. Tyler Reks vs. Tom James

This match gets 75 seconds, so we've had 4 matches that have been given a total of 7 minutes on this episode. Fuck that noise.

5. William Regal vs. Tommy Dreamer

Once I saw the match announced I immediately assumed it was the infamous elbow match, but this was actually a different yet also completely awesome match. I'll level with you, this may have been the single greatest individual Tommy Dreamer performance I've ever seen. The whole match I was waiting for and expecting the moment where his elbow starts to swell to alarming levels, cringing every time Regal would slam Dreamer's arm into the post or stomp on it or whip it into the mat, knowing that Dreamer's selling wasn't *really* as good as it looked since his arm was going to blow up at any moment. But when it never did I was faced with the realization that Tommy Dreamer just sold his arm better than most human beings have ever sold an arm. The match really is incredible. Dreamer comes in with a taped up arm and Regal just goes off on that fucking thing. He yanks it and twists it in all sorts of gross ways, stomps on it, works a bunch of cool holds on it (some of Regal's best matwork in his WWE career). Things roll to the floor and Regal kicks it against the ring post and good lord did that look painful. Dreamer fights back in really nice, convincing ways, as Regal is fixated on putting him away with the Knee Trembler but Dreamer keeps ducking out of the way of it. Every time Regal misses it allows Dreamer to control for a bit, until Regal invariably grabs him by that arm and tries to dislocate it from Dreamer's body. There was a great punch exchange towards the end that was real quick with really nice shots from both guys, with Dreamer even mixing it up with right hands and body shots!! This match was just incredible. Really a career performance from Dreamer, and one of Regal's absolute best career performances. Something you could show anybody with a passing interest in either guy, and they'd then be convinced each was an awesome worker.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report, 8/4/09

Show starts with a 13 minute (!) Abraham Washington show where we get to hear a whole bunch of the comedic chops of Shelton Benjamin. He calls Wash a low rent Byron Allen which works, and Zach Ryder is also here because they're in Long Island or somewhere close and boy Ryder is boring. They eventually do ECW Idol and Shelton does a fairly accurate Darius Rucker which - as far as celebrity impressions go - has to have one of the lowest pussy attainability ratios possible. It would be like a girl at a party trying to thrill you with her really good Bonnie Hunt impression.

1. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Dangerous Danny Danger

Pretty sure I've seen Danger on some Beyond Wrestling shows so this already gets a win. Zeke does two of the nastiest backbreakers you've ever seen and hits the nastiest urunage you've ever seen and this is 30 seconds but he doesn't care about his opponent's safety or well-being at all and good lord now Kozlov is coming out and I LOOOOOVE their jobber squash-offs. Koz hits his rad spinebuster urunage and then Zeke gets pissed and hits his urunage AGAIN. Backstage Danny Danger receives a handshake and the new superpower of "peeing blood".

2. Sheamus vs. Goldust

God Stryker is garbage. "Last week Goldust was able to counter Sheamus using fundamental offense tactics." Whatever. Sheamus works over Goldust's arm in all sorts of cool ways, with single arm DDTs and a weirdo bulldog to his arm. GREAT spot early where Goldust pushes Sheamus into the turnbuckles to reverse a powerslam, gets a schoolboy with the good arm, and when Sheamus kicks out it leaves Goldust prone which leads to Sheamus locking on the old Rings of Saturn, which is just a fucking KILLER chain of moves. Goldust gets to the ropes and goes on a freaking great tear, hitting all sorts of great punches, his great bulldog, great clotheslines, THAT powerslam, and you love all of it. Finish is quick and clever, with Goldust going to the 2nd rope to hit a bulldog, but Sheamus sweeps his leg and gets the flash pin. Logical and totally acceptable. Afterwards Sheamus starts to cut a promo on the floor and 'Dust levels him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Pretty much a flawless 5 minutes of pro wrestling. I am LOVING this feud.

3. Extreme Rules Match: Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian

This starts out as one of those late 90s plunder matches, but works pretty well because Christian has much more creativity in setting up garbage spots than all those guys. It's not just dudes brainlessly hitting each other with cookie sheets, Christian finds some interesting ways to fly into garbage. They had rolled out a hot dog cart and I had no idea how they'd use it, as it was far too small to do moves on, but too heavy to be picked up. Well Christian runs at Dreamer at one point and takes a drop toe hold into the cart, sending buns and condiments flying. Another great spot had Dreamer whip Christian into the ring steps, but Christian baseball slid to stop his momentum and then charged at Dreamer, only to take a nasty backdrop on the floor. Christian also sets up a bunch of cool counter/reversal spots to put neat twists on getting hit in the face with a trash can. At one point Christian gets clotheslined over the barrier into the crowd, and while Dreamer finds a trash can Christian recovers, Dreamer misses the can shot, Christian punches him, then does a massive missile dropkick off the ring barrier. Finish is really cool as Christian had come out with a car door which I had totally forgot about. He brings it into the ring, Dreamer bashes him with a can hilariously through the window (Christian clearly forgot he had the windows down). Then they work some fun reversal spots around Dreamer trying to hit a piledriver on the car door until Christian nailed the Killswitch on the door, and then pinned Dreamer underneath said door. Really good match. Christian brought a bunch of cool elements to a garbage match and it felt like Dreamer had a real chance at winning. Even though I wouldn't care about Dreamer being champ again, I was getting real excited at the prospect of a piledriver on a car door. So now I want somebody to make that happen.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report, 7/28/09

1. Tyler Reks vs. Paul Birchill

The rematch!! Were they really trying to get Reks over as "guy who likes extreme sports"? I'm shocked they didn't call him something like Tyler Cortese. And while I'm making shitty MTV Sports jokes, Burchill hits an absolutely SICK knee drop from the top that really is more vicious than any other WWE finisher. Holy shit that looked like it should have caved Reks' chest in. It sucks that it was literally Burchill's first move of the match as nothing will look more spectacular than that. Burchill continues to work over Reks' chest/abdomen with a nice body vice, some kicks, a nasty Saito suplex and his awesome running double knees in the corner. But then once Reks starts making his comebacks I realize that almost all of Reks' big moves (plancha, crossbodies) involve hitting his chest and abdomen really hard against his opponent, and since there was no chance he WASN'T going to hit those moves, it really makes all the cool Burchill body part offense a waste. Reks wins with his nice springboard dropkick, but this was really a 50/50 match where Burchill took his 50 to start and Reks finished with his 50. That's like the worst kind of 50/50 match. After seeing two matches between these guys I know there is a really good match somewhere in there. Last week's was almost it. Paul Burchill at this point is looking like the lost great worker of the last few years. The guy has been working like Regal but with twice as much offense. I doubt the feud will continue after this, though, which is probably for the best as I'd rather see Burchill against other guys.

2. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Bill Baine

Baine was nice enough to already be waiting in the ring for Kozlov. Between Kozlov, Big Zeke and Viscera, WWECW had some of the greatest squash match workers in all of wrestling. The matches are 90 seconds, the jobbers get crushed in fantastic ways, and the moves are cool. It's that easy. Kozlov looks just vicious here, bursting out of the gates with a running boot to Baine's chest, then blasting him with stiff headbutts to the chest and tossing him around with cool dead lifts into fireman's carry slams. Fuck Kozlov looks awesome in these short matches.


It has to be said, but Tommy Dreamer actually knows how to work a suit really well. For a guy with arguably the worst ring gear in WWE (or possibly even of anybody who's ever worked a semi-major program in a semi-major wrestling fed ever), he's backstage talking with Tiffany, and he's rocking the black blazer with conservative but properly fitted button up white shirt, and actual non-douchebag jeans. Blue jeans, white button up, nice blazer. And it's not one of those shitty Affliction-type white shirts and blazer (like the date rape asshole white button up Shelton Benjamin was sporting earlier), but just a nice simple white longsleeve button-up. A classic American look pulled off to perfection by Tommy Dreamer of all people. And the best part was when I was talking on the phone with Phil about it, and he was busy getting ready for a party, and I told him I wouldn't take up much of his time, and then I talked about Tommy Dreamer wearing suits for 7 minutes.


3. Sheamus vs. Goldust

Crowd is absolutely on fire for Goldust right from his entrance here, cheering loudly for him and starting up "Goldust" chants the whole match. And rightfully so as he looks killer here. Every single thing he does looks good, including things that you long accepted would just never look good, like his rope running. When Sheamus tosses 'Dust into the ropes he careens out of control into them and actually somehow makes it look like the ropes are making him bounce back into Sheamus. Rope running is just one of those things we all have to look the other way when it happens as it's almost always going to be goofy and illogical but it's just kind of a thing that exists within this dorky ass form of entertainment we've all become so obsessed with over the years. Goldust pumps his boot right into Sheamus' face as he charges into the corner, and follows it with an epic uppercut. Sheamus catches the next boot and dishes a great body blow and then locks on a cravate as the fans chant for Goldust and well you know this shit is awesome. Goldust makes people care during another resthold and they are jacked during his comeback punches. He also throws a cool yakuza kick that I've not seem him use often. Sheamus gets a little crossed up at the end but we forgive him because he's fairly green at this point (wocka wocka wocka!) but who cares, this is what every 5 minute match wants to be.

4. Christian vs. Zack Ryder

Christian dominates the first few minutes of this and Ryder does a nice enough job just taking offense. He takes offense like kind of a douche, but that really fits with his character I guess. He can't just land like a normal human being, he has to REALLY slap both hands against the mat. Can't just bump off the apron to the floor, has to take an overly dramatic fall and whip his palms into the floor. So of course you know he'll eventually bump the Killswitch like Rock taking a Stunner. He does something I really liked here when Christian went to the top rope, Ryder just ran away across to the opposite corner. It didn't work as Christian immediately jumped down and clotheslined him in the corner, but it's better than guys just aimlessly wandering into a dropkick. This was one of those matches that made people really get into WWECW while it was around. It was 12 solid minutes of nicely executed moves that had good nearfalls and nice believable back and forth. It also featured horrendous Matt Striker commentary, as he would drop gems like "Christian, finding success by employing his trademark offense" which sounds like either a generic sound bite you'd hear Cole repeat 3 times a match on a PS2 wrestling game, or like something an alien would say when he's trying to fit in with humans at a wrestling show. "That one human man certainly damaged the other human's torso yes?" But who cares about how shitty Matt Striker is, when Christian can make it seem like Ryder has a chance of upsetting the champion then you have something that works. And ECW really was delivering something like this almost every week.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report, 7/21/09

1. Yoshi Tatsu vs. William Regal

This starts out being all about Tatsu eating a beating, with Regal dishing elbows all over, kicks to the chest, uppercuts, big suplexes (standing exploder and delayed butterfly), straightjacket choke...and also all about Striker being an annoying prick on commentary ("the modified Kanemoto strong style of Tatsu" "this is just the opportunity Piston Honda needs" seriously fuuuuuuuck you). This is basically 4 straight minutes of Regal stiffing Tatsu until Tatsu hits a nice Pele kick, and then a whole barrage of other kicks that were too fast for Regal. Regal catches Tatsu up top, and I *LOVE* Regal pulling his kneepad down before he goes for his running knee finish. I thought Greg Valentine moving his shin guard before he used the figure 4 was cool when I was a kid, and that kinda shit is still awesome. But Regal gets caught with a high kick running in and Tatsu gets the surprise win. Real fun match.

2. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mike Williams

45 seconds, 3 moves, but they were all pretty great. Williams runs into a big boot, Zeke runs him over with a giant clothesline, and then spikes him with his brutal standing urunage. Kozlov comes in afterwards to hit his chokeslam/spinebuster on poor, poor Mike Williams.

3. Goldust vs. Shelton Benjamin

Man Goldust has a beautiful right hand. I think I like the uppercut more than the overhand but I can't decide. Shelton pusses out of taking the butt butt and we'll see if I enjoy 3 straight Benjamin matches in 3 straight weeks of TV. Shelton does do a cool neckbreaker cravate so I can get behind that. Goldust has such a cool run of offense with his snap powerslam, nasty kick to a prone Shelton, hard atomic drop and an honest to god proper bulldog. All of his classic offense sure makes a lot of Benjamin's indied up offense look ridiculous. Who started the idiotic trend where moves involve pulling or dropping a guy onto your own knee? All that shit looks stupid. Benjamin does some sort of springboard...something...into a Goldust uppercut, but it looked really bad. Shelton did his springboard and just landed on his feet in front of Dustin, as if he were supposed to miss a move, but he just jumped in and landed flat on his feet. He then does one of those horrible bits of Marufuji offense where he flings himself over the top to the floor while at the same time kinda sorta vaguely pulling Goldust neck first into the top rope. It just looked like Goldust's face bounced off the ropes while Benjamin went flying out of control and spilled nastily onto the floor. I'm not sure what viewer would get the impression that Goldust got the worst of that move. And then Benjamin wins with his "grab guy and pull them down to the mat, landing much harder than my opponent". Boy this was really bad. Really awesome Dustin offense interspersed with him having to get into position for Benjamin's weird masochistic offense. The whole thing just looked like Benjamin taking moves, and then doing moves to himself. Crowd was dead and confused. So Benjamin had two glorious weeks, and EVERY SINGLE THING that made him cool those last couple weeks was completely absent here. It's really hard to put into words how detrimental he was to this match.

4. Tyler Reks vs. Paul Burchill

I gotta root for my boy Reks here, now that he is a resident of my little 7,000 population town of Cotati, CA. If you see a tall jacked dude with dreadlocks down at Oliver's Market, the odds are favorable that it's Tyler Reks. This was apparently Reks' TV debut. And as much as I want to root for Reks here, this match is a pretty incredible match to showcase how great Burchill had gotten before being released. He has these cool punches to Reks' chest, really made Reks duck on some missed clotheslines that would have just leveled Reks, awesome running double knee spot in the corner, super high bump on a backdrop, etc. He even made the chinlock sequence look good as he lied down with it and really made it look like he was choking the life out of Reks. Reks' offense at least tries to be clever, but it all lands pretty soft. Nothing he did was bad in context, it just really didn't have much oomph. Any time a guy his size does springboard dropkicks and springboard crossbodies it can't help but look impressive, but I found myself being more impressed by his ability than the actual moves. Still the match was the proper length and peaked at the right spots, so all in all this was good.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report: 7/14/09

1. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin

Well this makes two straight shows and two straight Shelton Benjamin performances I really liked. I watched very little ECW at the time (didn't have SyFy) so most of this I'm seeing years removed, but I still watched PPVs and Superstars and all that stuff and I didn't ever remember thinking "Hey Shelton is looking GOOD lately!" But damn if he hasn't been looking awesome in July '09 ECW. This was another trademark good Christian TV match with Shelton working over Christian's left arm in all sorts of cool ways, like hyperextending it over his knee and dropping knees on it while prone. Christian is a champ and sells it great throughout the whole match. Shelton is a real stand out here with his offense and overall viciousness that I've never seen him display at all. He hits a running knee lift here that looks just painful, and also finally utilizes his amateur wrestling that always gets talked about but never actually gets used in his matches. He had a couple cool takedowns and a rad Oklahoma roll that really felt like he could have shoot pinned Christian if he wanted to. His big leap to the buckles spot actually gets built to perfectly, with the first attempt failing and allowing Christian to transition back to offense, and the 2nd seeing him hit a great single arm DDT off the top on Christian's bum wing. Christian also is the only guy who knows how to take Shelton's goofy finisher, as Christian is always great at spiking himself on DDT-type moves. Color me a Shelton Benjamin fan. Who woulda thunk.

2. Paul Burchill vs. Yoshi Tatsu

I remember Burchill when he started as a pirate, when he wasn't very good and the only thing that people online hyped him for was his indyrageous Spanish Fly finisher. But somewhere along the way he apparently got really good and started wrestling like a Regal/Finlay hybrid. He drops a GREAT elbow, hits a mean senton and then starts choking and fish hooking Tatsu. Good lord. Yoshi blows a springboard spot and Burchill doesn't miss a beat by picking him up and planting him with a nasty Saito suplex. Ending is both disappointing and satisfying, with Yoshi reeling and hitting a flash head kick. The kick looked good and I like them pushing his kicks as lethal, but I wanted more than the 3.5 minutes they gave me. Bittersweet.

3. Goldust vs. Zack Ryder

Yessss. I'm been jonesin for some Dustin lately (one of the reasons I popped in some ECW discs) and he looks every bit as great as you would expect. The surprise is that Ryder looks pretty good, too. His stuff works much better as a heel than as a goofball face. He went over super clean and that's pretty lame, as if you thought Benjamin's finisher was silly then Ryder's is just ridiculous. It takes forever for him to set it up, holding his shin to the back of a guy's neck and then taking a back bump. It's like he saw an old Murdoch match and dug the Cattle Branding, and then thought "How can I take that concept, but make it look like absolute dogshit?" And man did he succeed. Rest of the match was cool with tons of great Dustin punches and a tremendous butt-butt. Way too short (barely over 4 minutes) but any Dustin on my TV is a very good thing.

4. Sheamus vs. Roman Cornell

This has to be pretty soon after Sheamus' debut as nobody seems to know who he is. Whoever Roman Cornell is/was, he looks better than Sheamus in this match. He threw some pretty nice punches and leaned way into the (not yet named) Brogue Kick. This was short and inoffensive.

5. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Tommy Dreamer

This will be a good test to see how good Kozlov got at this point. And you know? The match kinda works. Dreamer obviously tries and sometimes his stuff doesn't look good but he throws a bunch of shit at the wall. It's actually kind of funny how much different moves he busts out here, like a super chubby Rocky Romero. I like a lot of individual spots in this one though they don't totally add up to much. Great spot on the floor with Koslov dishing kicks at Dreamer, and then missing a high kick and nailing a ringpost. It made a real satisfying clang and Kozlov didn't hold back on it. It didn't really lead to anything, but in a vacuum it looked cool. Kozlov goes over nice and clean which was a shock as Dreamer was still champ and Christian won the #1 contender last week. Sets up a decent feud I suppose.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report: 7/9/09

So there seems to be some nostalgia lately for WWECW and I totally get it. Any fed that throws out weekly Finlay, Goldust, Mark Henry, Regal, Christian, and Matt Hardy matches and gives them plenty of time to work is something that I definitely miss. I liked that WWECW was booked in a vacuum as it gave it more of a WCW Sat. Night feel. I like Main Event, and I enjoy Saturday Morning Slam, but ECW had a real awesome feel and really did feel like it was booked separately from the other shows. That is pretty important because the matches have a little more weight than other syndie matches. You get the feel that weird things can happen like Yoshi Tatsu getting a push without Vince noticing. It brings me back to odd things like Stevie Night Heat with Stevie Richards coming up with a gimmick without office approval because nobody watched his show. In a day of micro-managed wrestling this is an important thing.

1.  Nikki Bella vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Seems like kind of a horrible show to start off on when this is the match that leads things off, but then Nikki takes a giant bump to the floor to start and I shut my mouth. Nikki doesn't seem to be very good but it works for her as it makes her bumps way more dangerous (one spot sees her supposed to land on the apron but she ends up tumbling all the way to the floor), making Katie's backbreaker seem more brutal and taking a neckbreaker more painfully than most girls would take it. The match was only 3 minutes long but you've seen way worse Diva's matches than this.

2. Yoshi Tatsu vs. Shelton Benjamin

So...when did Shelton Benjamin get good? I don't remember liking his stuff around this time, and I know I didn't like his ROH stuff, but he was pretty great here as a smug methodical heel (as opposed to his usual role of black guy who jumps high, which has since been filled by Kofi Kingston). I mean there are not many 8 minute Shelton singles matches that I enjoy, but this was really good. Tatsu's comebacks were peppered in nicely and Shelton had a cool fighter's way of trying to block Yoshi's kicks. And when Shelton would cut Yoshi's offense off it was always followed by him actually selling prior damage! The fans were getting way behind Tatsu here and that's just further evidence that Shelton was working as an effective heel. Match was also worked in a way that whenever Shelton tried any of his high jumping antics, they would always backfire and would lead to Tatsu getting the advantage, but when he stuck to clubbing and throwing Tatsu around he stayed in control (he hit a vicious standing overhead belly to belly which is like something Dave Taylor would pull out). Only complaint was with his finisher, which was that awful jumping leaping DDT-ish faceplant-y sort of thing that always looks like he's taking the move and the other guy is not sure how to land. That needs to go.

3. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Jack Meridol

AWESOME squash match. Jackson just beat the snot out of this kid. All his clubbing shots sounded like Meridol was getting hit with a 2x4 and Zeke was tossing this guy around recklesssly and it looked awesome. He just plants Meridol with a urunage and my spine ached. Is Zeke even still employed by WWE? I haven't heard his name in over a year.

4. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Christian

Boy not quite 4 years later and this show is just a total graveyard of past WWE talent. Is Christian still with WWE? I don't remember the last time I saw him. This is a number one contenders match for Tommy Dreamer's title (boy the ECW title looks awful), and boy this match was awesome. I know Kozlov has been involved in matches I liked, but it seems like he had become a genuine good worker at this point (although Christian was really great at working TV matches during this period). The opening mat exchanges are all really good, and then Kozlov takes a great bump over the top to the floor after missing a charge. Christian was never one to allow somebody to top him with stupid over the top bumping, so a minute later Kozlov knocks him off the apron and Christian lands on his side in a nasty way. All Kozlov's offense looks cool and painful, especially his sit out torture rack that ragdolled Christian. Kozlov also leans into a missile dropkick head first and that's awesome. Match was really good.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

The Quest for the Whitest Match in History: Day 5

Sandman vs. Raven (Barbed Wire)
Uploaded by wwemanic6000

The Sandman vs. Raven
ECW - 12/7/1996
Barbed Wire Match for the ECW Title

ECW was an odd mish-mash of archetypical white guys and white guy motivations. Indy promotion rallied around because they stuck it to the man, even as the man paid them to stay in business, and the boss stiffed the workers on their payments while aiming at urban, east coast, working class whites. The Sandman was the perfect embodiment of that audience, really the kind of guy you could imagine Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi romanticizing in song. Raven represented another classic white guy archetype, the guy who reads a few things about Friedrich Nietzsche and suddenly thinks they know shit about shit. It's played totally straight, and as a result, Raven's stuff probably ages the worst of all ECW stuff. Think of the ground that covers. I saw Raven in TNA and found myself wondering when he forgot how to cut a promo, and then I watched something he did with Richards and Meanie where he rambled on about "the forgotten playground of my tortured youth" or whatever, and I realized that he could never cut a promo that didn't devolve into "Eye of Argon"-esque bullshit. But as a worker, he could deliver every now and then. This is one such time.

As of late, I've been of the belief that the only ECW match that holds up today as a real, honest-to-God classic is the barbed wire match between Sabu and Terry Funk. This isn't quite as good as that, but it may only be a step below. On a certain level, it seems odd to me that the two ECW matches that hold up really well are barbed wire matches. I have a love/hate relationship with barbed wire matches. When you have a barbed wire match where dudes are unafraid to throw themselves full speed into the stuff, I'm down with that. When you have barbed wire matches where guys who are other unable to resist the force of an Irish whip into the ropes, turnbuckles, steel barricades, steel steps, other painful things to run into can now stop short before running into barbed wire, you violate wrestling physics on a level that just bugs the hell out of me. This happens once and only once near the top of the match, and afterwards, both men prove unafraid to eat hot, barbed wirey death. The Sandman was one of the hidden great workers of the 90's, and while his offense is limited (he's got an elbowdrop that he's not afraid to bust out A LOT in this match), he brings the crazy in spades. Not afraid to drop a table on Raven's head, or do a plancha through a table while wrapped in barbed wire. Raven hits a few nice fistdrops to Sandman's balls, but really, this is the Sandman show, and what a show it is.

Read more!