Found Footage Friday: ABBY~! KIMALA II~! RUSHER~! INOUE~! ORTON~! TAKER~! OMNI~!

Abdullah the Butcher/Giant Kimala II vs. Rusher Kimura/Mighty Inoue AJPW 12/1/90

MD: Big IWE stars vs. monsters energy here, even if Rusher and Inoue were up in the years. This overachieved from my expectations, which were set in part for seeing Abby in so many short, abruptly ending tags from this era and from seeing Rusher in so many comedy matches. I love those matches by the way, but that wasn't going to work here.

What we got instead was pretty gruesome actually. Rusher bled early and they worked over the wound with headbutts, chops, and Abby just sticking his finger in the wound awesome. When Inoue got in, he turned the tables, sitting up on Abby's shoulders and poking him repeatedly with the fork until he dropped back. Then he kept it going with a bunch of awesome headlock punches until Kimala broke it up. The kept things rolling with a couple of chairshots from the outside in. Pretty valiant stuff.

Even the finish had one or two more rotations than I was expecting as Abby hit his cool Angle Slam type suplex but Inoue survived it only to get crushed with the throat shot/elbow drop combo. Post-match, Abby and Kimala bowed to all four sides. Not a lost classic but I'd say still well worth your time.

ER: This was disgusting, extremely violent, not far off from Great. Matt said gruesome and that's a good word for it. This wasn't a Fork Stabbing Abby match, this was built around punching and bleeding and digging into cuts. The match is helped by the HD of these new episodes of AJ Classics, as the second Abby is stabbing his fingers into Rusher's head I knew they weren't going to hold back. Abdullah's stiff fingered thrusts and jabs looked so painful, and it is 50-50 whether or not he had some kind of blade in his finger tape, because Rusher's head bled quick and Abby's fingertips were soon soaked red. Kimura's blood ran in rivulets down his chest and Abby dug his fingers into Rusher's cuts and the rest of his face. It was disgusting and the cameras zoomed in close on it to show the savagery. 

But these IWE guys are tough, so when Rusher finally tags in Might Inoue, Inoue shoot punches Abby in the head a couple dozen times and it's incredible. Inoue enters the ring climbing onto Abby's shoulders and just punches and stabs away at his head. Did we know Inoue was hiding a sharp object that he was going to use to scrape and stab at Abby's head while throwing shoot hammerfists? Abdullah the Butcher doesn't stab a single soul in this match with a fork, but Mighty Inoue introduces a weapon with no warning? Maybe this match is actually greater than great. When they both go down, Inoue grabs him in a headlock and throws sick blood wet splat punches repeatedly as the camera is again right on top of these slasher movie visuals. Every time Inoue ran and flew at Abby with a headbutt, you could hear his head actually smacking into Butcher's chin! He hits one in the ropes to knock Abby to the floor, and more in the ring. Great spot. Inoue's flipping senton is always so cool. It hits with impact but has the flourish and showmanship of French Catch. Abby rolling just out of the way of a senton and leading to him massacring Inoue's throat was a great late match sudden turn. Abby's Angle Slam is a really great spot and I love when he breaks it out. Using his bulk to perform weight physics is an Abby we don't get to see as often as Stabbing Abby. 

Kimala II was the odd man out in this, and he usually is, which is why I always look forward to Kimala II matches. He is the weirdest All Japan regular during their extended run of high expectancy ring work. He is clumsy, he doesn't work anywhere near as stiff as the style demands, he falls weird on offense, and despite being in his mid 20s he moves about as well as Abdullah the Butcher. But he torpedoes into the action at fun times, including a big bump thrown through the ropes to the floor. He's probably the thing holding this match from being legitimately great, but you can't deny the crowd excitement when he started slapping his belly. 

Dustin Rhodes/Ricky Steamboat/Shane Douglas vs. Steve Austin/Brian Pillman/Barry Windham WCW 2/7/93

MD: We get the last eight minutes of this and then a big post-match brawl. On the one hand, it's a shame we lose out on the elimination match because it sounds amazing on paper, but we're better off for what we do get here than nothing at all. Part of that is because Steamboat looks like the best babyface in the world here. Some of it is the way this is shot with no commentary. It just feels closer up, right in the midst of the action, and Steamboat working from underneath here is just transcendent. The way he moves his body, expanding and contracting, hanging on to the ropes, finding strength within, expressing pain and writhing emotion, is just over the top great. 

And Austin, in his own way, is almost as good. He's put upon, frustrated, aggravated that Steamboat refuses to quite, that he paints himself as so sympathetic a figure, that he dares to appeal to his humanity. At one point, Steamboat ... it's not begging off, I wouldn't say he's begging off, but he does seem to call for some level of mercy, maybe just to get things back on a more even playing field, but Austin, framing it perfectly, timing it as dramatically as possible, cinematically in a way that would only work in footage like this, that would be overwrought or overproduced on TV, literally spits on the effort. That makes it all the more poignant when Steamboat, in the midst of his big comeback, blows a mist of spit himself later on. Just really primal stuff.

That stays through into the chaotic post-match, bodies flying and violence ebbing and flowing and ebbing again. Weirdly enough, Shane Douglas might have stood out the most here, as he came off as a real powerhouse. Still, this post match, as good as it was and with a real sense of consequence for matches to come, comes off a little like a consolation prize for the elimination match we didn't get. Still, what a look at Steamboat and Austin.

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker vs. Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry WWE 3/3/06

MD: House show match from the vault from Australia. I was expecting to see Henry assert himself. That was the draw, but really this was all about Randy Orton, especially but not only him reacting to Undertaker. It's a bit clipped and we come in after entrances with him preening in the corner only to turn around and find Taker there, going for a handshake before he gets rocked with punches. It's easy to joke about the Kyle Fletcher parallels but he was around 26 here and they're clearer here than at almost any other point of his career as best as I can remember.

This is not a version of Orton I remember well, but he was pretty effective even if I did see the strings at times. Plus it was a house show so they really played into it. There was a bit where he teased getting knocked into the crowd three or four times before finally landing on a fan's lap and thanking her after the fact. It was all pretty funny stuff. Plus he was flying around as a menace throughout, including dashing from one opportunistic pin to the next.

Angle was a bit of a non-factor overall, in part due to his current persona, I think, but just because Undertaker and Orton were taking up so much air. And then Henry just seemed there to cut people off at times. He did it effectively but his role could have been much more interesting. Still, this was fun for what it was, but it would have probably worked just as well as two singles matches. 

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ECW Fancam: Revere, MA 3/22/97

ECW 3/22/97 Full Show

 

1. Tracy Smothers/Little Guido vs. Spike Dudley/Chris Chetti 

There isn't enough match here to talk about. Joined in progress and the camera glitches throughout the two existing minutes. Spike's huracanrana looks good and reminds me of Kidman's. Did we ever get a Spike vs. Kidman singles? I associate their run with the era of endless WWF Cruiserweight 3 Ways. I looked it up. They had several dozen multimans and one singles match the literal first time they wrestled. I'm watching that Heat match later. The screen goes black when Chetti tags in and almost immediately everyone is chanting YOU FUCKED UP. That sounds about right. When the picture comes back Chetti hits the worst spinning heel kick I've ever seen. Tracy tries to get several people to swing on him after the win. 

2. Axl Rotten vs. Corporal Punishment (6:33)

They take the camera around a tour of the ring before this match. Not a lot of women out at the greyhound track pro wrestling show tonight. I love a low ceiling dog track as a pro wrestling venue but I imagine it would be hard to coax a woman there on a Saturday night. I wanted this to be a violent teacher vs. student match and the crowd wants the same, and instead it's kind of worked as 2000s Dusty Rhodes vs. Black Reign Dustin Rhodes, if they were teacher-student instead of father-son. Corporal can take chair shots, and his elbowdrop and kick to the ear are as good as the best eras of Dustin. His punches looked good too, he took a nice bump from the top buckle onto the ropes, and if he had a better clothesline I'd start seeking out more Maryland indies. 

3. Stevie Richards vs. Louie Spicolli (10:44)

I can't tell if Stevie's offense hits poorly or if Spicolli keeps bumping too early but it's much better when they're trading strikes. Spicolli has more than one kind of nice punch and good kicks to the stomach, and while I think he took Nova and Meanie's punches really well on the floor it also looked like Nova and Meanie somehow had great babyface punches!? Spicolli has a great gutbuster and works a rope assisted abdominal stretch spot and a killer bearhug for an ECW dog track crowd and I love that. His bearhug was shockingly great. He caught Stevie in what could have been turned into a spinebuster or atomic drop and instead dropped to his knees while squeezing the bearhug, then dragged him to the ground and held it there, even bridging into it. Goddamn that's cool. Match starts to go too long and Spicolli is working dominant heel with a knee injury. Stevie has no good way to take over a match, just no credible offense. He does a rocker dropper that looks much worse than the one Spike Dudley did to Tracy Smothers in the opener. Guy who already has problems with credible offense now doing worse looking versions of offense done by someone who is expressly working a Most Undersized of All Undersized Wrestlers gimmick. Spicolli keeps using that spinebuster to set up bearhug attempts so that when he finally uses it for a spinebuster it plays as an excellent spinebuster. The Stevie Kick actually looks like a finisher but Stevie did not wrestle like a guy who should be winning matches. 

4. The Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney (7:19)

I don't know if even Andre the Giant had the kind of aura Sandman has on shows like this. I hate that pro wrestling isn't a place where I can go and see anyone like The Sandman anymore, but I can go to an arena to see Adam Cole. We fucked up bad. Sandman has one of the most threatening glares but also looks like a guy who could not give a shit about a single thing you say so long as you don't interrupt his beer drinking. Downing beers while your lit cig is still in your mouth is something Andre probably could have done but I sure haven't seen him do it. Facially he looks like the most fucked up Gary Sinise character. Sandman was bleeding from breaking cans over his head and Balls bleeds from four hard canings. Sandman takes two full unprotected shots to the head and then sells the rest of the match exactly like a guy who shotgunned several beers and took chair shots should be selling. He takes two different perfect guardrail bumps and lets Balls legdrop a chair on his face. Balls misses a guillotine legdrop and Sandman wins with a schoolboy that looked like a drunk losing a fight, dragging the man down who was only trying to help him out. This ugly guy was trying to get him to walk away from a fight and got swarmed by drunk instinct zombie weight. As it should be.   

5. Dudley Boyz vs. The Eliminators (9:36)

This had a real good backyarder feel to it. Eliminators are a real pair of yarders and they're out here doing a bunch of mostly missed moonsault variations and flying kick combos that it looks like a bunch of high school friends wrestling in a swimming pool. Kronus is just throwing endless spinning heel kicks into the deep end. None of Saturn's moonsaults come anywhere close to his target, he's just a guy doing flips off his buddy's diving board and everyone screams every time his head comes close to grazing part of Bubba Ray's body. The Eliminators are not nearly as polished as 1997 High Voltage, but that's who they are. When Saturn hits a springboard missile dropkick right after losing his place (worse than Kenny Kaos ever did), I knew who they were. It's three minutes of the Dudleys being walked into position for moves that sometimes hit, and when the Dudleys took over their control was a lot more intelligible, but it was more fun when everyone was taking backdrop bumps and yarding. Saturn and both Dudleys take really great backdrop bumps. D-Von is tasked with the most difficult bumps, as he's the one taking most of the Eliminators' tandem kicks where they're out of sync but you still have to know how to bump for two kicks hitting you at different times. Dudleys do a powder in the eyes finish which I think is a great bit to run on an ECW show. These people hated that shit! 

After the match Joel Gertner gets in the ring to celebrate the win and of course take a Total Elimination, but Sign Guy hilariously saves him and screams NO NO NO NO when he realizes he now has to take it instead. Sign Guy sells that shit like the biggest martinete in Mexico too. The fancam camera runs out of battery because Sign Guy takes so long being helped from the ring by two referees and a woman EMT who got catcalled during the entire affair. What did I say earlier about how tough it would be to coax a woman into being in this building? 

6. Rob Van Dam vs. Taz 

I have no idea how much of this we missed. After running out of battery while Sign Guy was slowly helped to the back, our tape went dead. When it came back there was some incredible fancam tape dubbing interference that felt like something made for a modern movie about a haunted VHS tape. There's a split second of Kenta Kobashi footage in between blue screens and tracking lines, our camera returning for a very long shot of a man's sneakers as he stands behind a curtain, next to a trash can. A haunting film about a man hiding in his own skin, afraid to face the people who he's surrounded by, the people he's pretending to be like. Anyway, there's only a couple minutes of this. RVD takes a German that lands him on his stomach, and an exploder through a table after that. I was surprised at how much better RVD's punches were in '97. The matwork that was ending when the match was JIP looked really interesting, but this match ended when Sabu slid in the ring to attack Taz, Candido followed to attack Sabu, and RVD/Taz just disappeared to the back. 

7. Sabu vs. Chris Candido (14:10)

It's crazy how much damage these two took. I kept waiting for the match to gel into something bigger, beyond the surface your move-my move stuff, to move past this feeling of them constantly just getting to the next thing, and while it never did that - nothing really soaked in, nothing felt more impactful than any other thing - the longer they did it the more insane the match felt. The punishment they racked up was impressive, especially for a show that was only being taped by fancam cameras that had already missed two of the six matches. For all Sabu and Candido knew, this was only going to be seen by the trash populating this dog track, and man they went hard. Candido did his best to facilitate and set up spots for Sabu's craziness, and Sabu kept pushing through to do crazier things. All match long Sabu kept going for springboard offense, and regardless of it hitting or missing the landings had to have added up. Sabu took over a dozen falls to the mat springing off the ropes or leaping off the top, and that was just from his own offense, not even counting offense he was taking from Candido. 

The whole story of the match seemed to be Sabu just crashing over and over, sometimes onto a man, sometimes onto his tailbone, and Candido getting more and more flustered by this man who cannot be stopped from self destruction. There was a fun thread running through where Sabu would hit all of his springboard offense but kept missing everything where he vaulted off a chair. Something bad would happen every time he introduced one of those ass killing hotel conference room chairs. He gets spinebustered by Brian Lee, flies into a guardrail as hard as Sabu flies into guardrails, and the biggest was a triple jump plancha to the floor that ended with him taking a thrown conference ballroom chair to the face as he was landing. The thread changed when Candido introduced a chair for the first time and it went terribly for him, and then Sabu started hitting all of his chair jump insanity. 

A man with the most nauseating Boston accent starts really lacing into Chris out of nowhere. Real dirty, mean stuff. "Hey Chris! Ya wife sucks dick! Sunny's a whore! Your wife's blowing Sid right now! She's in Chicago, WITHOUT YOU. Chris! You know where Sunny is?" Good lord. Candido was good at tying all of Sabu's insanity together, punching him into position, knowing when Sabu's offense should hit and when it should miss, giving the man a PILEDRIVER off the middle buckle (that barely slowed Sabu down). There were no real sections of Candido control, they more just seemed like Candido trying desperately to slow things down while getting vile things screamed at him about his wife. But he was there to glue this broken vase together over and over again while Sabu took an absurd amount of bad landings for a house show.  

After he wins, Sabu acts like he's going to dive through a table for the fans and the crowd goes nuts thinking they're seeing something he hasn't done in several years. They actually crowd surf a table over their heads from the back up to ringside while Sabu calls for it, and the second it gets to ringside he jumps out of the ring, tears some teen's nicely drawn orange Taz poster in half and tells everyone to Fuck Off, swinging on a guy on his way to the back. The teen, no doubt a few years away from a date rape accusation that he weathered with no penalization of any kind, is furious. It was a really nicely drawn poster and Sabu managed to rip it right through Taz's neck, decapitating him. As the camera films the teen, he goes off, his voice breaking: "Motherfucker ripped it. That fucking piece of shit! I hope Taz eats that motherfucker alive! He's gonna fucking kill him! Katahajime!!" 

8. Terry Funk/Pitbull #2 vs. Raven/Shane Douglas (7:20)

This is a mess that doesn't stay in the ring long, and is clipped somewhere in the middle. Raven and Funk punch each other around ringside and I would have been fine if that was just the match. But Pitbull #2 is better than you remember and takes a couple of big bumps to the floor and is forced to take offense from Shane Douglas and make it look good. That's not always easy, unless The Franchise is just accidentally hurting him. Raven puts Funk through a ringside table with a pescado and we never see Funk again, and then Raven and Douglas powerbomb Pitbull on the floor and it goes terribly. Douglas couldn't get him up so it turned into a tandem Dominator (which I guess is better than a broken neck) and then Douglas punishes him further by actually powerbombing him through two chairs. Francine had set the chairs up. So...Francine was actually pretty great, huh? I don't think any of us can properly understand the amount of verbal abuse she received while drawing heat from so many mongrels. I didn't see any explicit directions for her to set up two unfolded chairs against each other either, but she's running around ringside the whole match setting things up and looking incredible while doing so. In the discussion for best ECW manager.  

The whole thing ends with everyone flooding the ring. Tommy Dreamer runs in and throws a dozen of the worst punches you've ever seen, then Brian Lee and Candido run to attack Dreamer, then Louie Spicolli runs in, Mikey Whipwreck in jeans and a normal man's t-shirt that doesn't have all over print dragons or some shit gets chokeslammed by Lee, Beulah is out to attack Francine and hike her cocktail dress up over her ass, Rick Rude under a mask is out to protect Francine, and Pitbull schoolboys Douglas for the win.

Best Matches

1. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

2. Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney

3. Dudley Boyz vs. the Eliminators

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Found Footage Friday: LOST 1990 WWF HOUSE SHOW~!

WWF House Show Wisconsin Fieldhouse 10/28/90

ER: I love these "undocumented" WWF house shows so much. It's like they never existed, WWF out here running secret shows in podunk towns. Matt and I wrote about a WWF Boy Scout Fundraiser show from '92, which is one of my favorite show reviews we've ever done for Segunda Caida. These shows are special. The WWF showing up in some nothing central Wisconsin town with $9 tickets sold at the local hardware store, like when some mudshow Harlem Clowns barnstormers played members my small childhood town's fire and police departments in our high school gymnasium. I was $9, my dad took me and a couple friends, and we laughed when this one Healdsburg, CA cop kept getting Clowned. I had no idea who the Harlem Clowns were before but saw the ads in our local paper, the Healdsburg Tribune, and Healdsburg wasn't a place that got "events". We were going to a town event, like when the fair would come to town. That's the best part about a show like this: It's not filmed as a wrestling show. It's filmed as a Town Event. WWF sold cheap tickets to a show at Marshfield, Wisconsin's high school gym and we get to watch the home video. My dad didn't bring the camcorder to that Harlem Clowns game, the way he would to my baseball games or recitals, but somebody's dad did. If there are a few guys out there who run a Barnstorming Basketball blog, I hope they find it. 

1. Shane Douglas vs. Black Bart

MD: This is amazing footage to have in the first place as we'd never even had the card for this, just the date. This is clipped, but you still get probably half the match. Tail end of 1990 is when I first got into wrestling as a kid (a little bit of a late arriver) so seeing Black Bart and Shane Douglas in a WWF ring is just natural for me. As an opening match on a B or C show, things could have been a lot worse. Bart was a well-oiled machine by 91; he knew what to do. He knew what not to do. He knew when to do it. He could still execute it well enough. He was never going to be the star that he claims he was going to be if you listen to him do interviews now but he could be just as valuable on an undercard as he was in 85 when he was feuding with Ron Bass in JCP. He was solid enough here that it makes me want to go back and look at his WCW and GWF stuff the following year. It's funny to think that your real bottom of the card heels in 90 WWF were Buddy Rose and Black Bart. Your bottom of the card faces were Powers and Brunzell with Douglas just a bit above them maybe as a real up and comer. Bart worked Dustin a lot around this time as well.

From what we see here, it's paint by numbers, but the numbers add up and the paint is vibrant and the kids in the crowd are into it. Douglas is snappy in his shine, including a nice headscissors takeover and Bart sailing across the ring on an armdrag. We don't see the actual transition but we come in with Bart dropping Shane over the top rope. They then work a chinlock up and down but Shane gets the crowd behind him and he's dynamic enough in the rope running out of it. The finish is a sunset flip back out of the corner and it gets a big pop. Douglas had some legs as a babyface here and they could have done something with him. There are probably dozens of shoot interviews I'm not going to listen to for why they didn't. 90-91 Bart is the one that might get another look from us though.

ER: I thought this was a great opener, and I don't think I realized how good Black Bart would be for Shane Douglas. I have seen more than enough early 90s Douglas and I don't think he typically looks as good as he did here. Bart is a big guy, the kind of big guy that dads in the crowd look at and think "yeah now that's a big guy" and the perfect kind of big guy to take Douglas's babyface fire. There were hundreds of guys working matches just like this and Bart and Douglas were doing it better than most of them. Bart really was a (for me at least) much better Ron Bass, but I don't think I ever thought of Shane Douglas as being a potentially great Ricky Morton. He looked like a great Ricky here. His two headscissors were incredible. Everything Douglas did, Bart made look better, but those headscissors would have looked great against anyone. They were the classic Robert Gibson/Marty Jannetty style and Bart is a big sold guy who is able to "stand" with them longer. Those style headscissors are always more satisfying to me when you can see the babyface actually working to take their opponent over, so Bart being able to hold Douglas up for that pause before getting slid across the ring just makes them pop. The crowd is wild for everything they do (a beautiful running theme on the afternoon) and it made the simplest things sing. 

2. Warlord vs. Tom Stone

MD: This is more like it. Tom Stone has a windbreaker that fits 1990 perfectly. Warlord is lacking Slick but has the full half helmet and armor and staff. I watched some 87 Warlord in New Japan recently where he was the Dangerous Violence Warlord and very green. That Warlord would have given Stone half of the match. This one did not. It was worked like an enhancement match. Real Immovable Object vs. Stoppable Force stuff. Stone tried some clotheslines and punches and staggered Warlord a little but he did a good job portraying how shocked he was that things weren't working instead of doing what Duggan or Bossman would do and build up momentum. That meant he ran into a clothesline eventually. Warlord was really good at setting his stuff up, a bit lift of the arm before coming down with it, that sort of thing, but the impact never lived up to the preamble. Stone's big comeback was two eye rakes and the biting of the eye which seemed to confuse the crowd more than anything else. Then he ran into a lovely big boot and ate the running power slam. This didn't try to be more than what it should have been because of the setting. That meant no lengthy nerve hold. Unless Stone's family was in the crowd, I don't think anyone was disappointed at its absence.

ER: I'm a big Tom Rocky Stone guy, even though he's someone we barely write about. He's a guy I kept trying to get on the DVDVR 80s AWA set, just because I wanted him represented somehow. What's the best Tom Stone match? I have no idea. He didn't get anywhere near the same match length opportunities as the similar-but-different Iron Mike Sharpe, was never used by WWF as a job guy who would put up a fight or could occasionally win. Stone had to do things to stand out while rarely getting out of 2 minute losses. Here, we get 5 minutes of Stone and while none of his offense is really sold, it's a much broader picture of the kind of personality Stone could bring to a loss (that looked like it was headed towards a loss every second of the match). I love his windbreaker, love his dedication to the job guy singlet (the one with the horizontal strap joining the shoulder straps), and love how he still knew how to land offense that looked good while knowing it wouldn't be acknowledged. His clotheslines looked great, his punches looked even better - grabbing Warlord's head with his left and throwing heavy shots with his right - but his perplexed looks in the corner took the cake. He had no entry point into Warlord, he knew he had no entry point, and knew he had no shot. 

Everybody in Marshfield knew that Tom Stone had no shot. He was Mr. Belding in a way that is necessary but now completely unrepresented in wrestling. I don't think any wrestler projected School Principal than Tom Stone. If you didn't know better, you'd think he actually was a teacher at Marshfield High. We have all watched and attended wrestling shows where a teacher from that gymnasium's high school got into the ring. I went to a show at Antioch High School to see Greg Valentine and Sabu and Antioch High School's football coach wrestle. Tom Stone is the most subtly, skillfully acted goofball science teacher wrestling at his school's fundraiser. He's made for this show. He's the fucking Bruno Sammartino of this specific kind of show. His frustration at his own ineffectiveness, a great "here it goes" shake of the head, and a total surprise when he raked at Warlord's eyes and actually bit his eye! A reminder that Tom Stone is a bad guy who actually wants to win. A great pro wrestler. 

Warlord looked like trash. I've watched a lot of Maxx Muscle matches and Warlord was not as good as Maxx Muscle. He has no weight of any kind behind anything he did. His big boot was light, his clothesline soft. That's not really important. If Warlord had walked by me in my town's high school gym when I was 9 years old, my jaw would have been dropped. Gassed out guy in a helmet and Conan weapon would impress the hell out of 9 year old me. Warlord looks huge in a high school gym. You've never seen a bigger person in that building. His match ending powerslam was a real powerslam, an important lesson for wrestlers in "ending the match on a high note". Save your best thing for your last thing. Marshfield will remember Warlord's size and powerslam and nothing else he did. That means it worked. 

 

3. Sgt. Slaughter vs. Nikolai Volkoff

MD: Legitimately shocking. Slaughter came out to huge, huge heat with Adnan and the flag and singing the Iraqi anthem and calling people maggots. Volkoff had a huge pop and the US flag. I do like how this is an inversion. By that I mean, if you ever see a parody of pro wrestling, you'll never see the foreign guy as the face and the American as the turncoat, and Volkoff was super super over during the summer of 90. The whole bit he did with the scouts made him something like the third or fourth top babyface in WWF, at least for a few months. It really did set up the heel Slaughter character well and this was a mauling. Slaughter ambushed Volkoff from behind as Adnan was waving the flag at him and he never let up. His stuff was pointed and credible, mean, just rubbing Volkoff's face in the ground, plastering him with shots from every angle, just being relentless. Warlord is supposed to be slow and methodological, but the difference in the actual perceived impact was telling. You keep looking for Volkoff's comeback and it never gets there. He just eats a bunch of elbow drops and the camel clutch, followed by a post match beating.

ER: When Matt sent me the card for this show it hadn't crossed my mind that Sgt. Slaughter would be bringing his Iraqi Sympathizer routine to this high school. It would have been so fucking wild if someone came flying an Iraqi flag into my school when I was a kid. How could people in central Wisconsin process a guy coming into their town and rooting for Iraq? Do they know the formula? Could they understand it was all part of the show? What's the percentage of Believers? The Gulf War was fresh in 1990. I, a child, would not have been permitted to show any kind of allegiance with Iraq on school grounds and I wish I could have seen the reactions from my town's adults. Sgt. Slaughter praising Iraq and shouting a G rated Tracy Smothers promo at the unexpecting crowd is an incredible sight on its own, but, even as a child, I would have expected Sgt. Slaughter's comeuppance to be arriving any minute. 

Matt's not wrong about how loved Volkoff was that summer, but even if he hadn't been, it was a man waving a large American flag in the face of a man waving an Iraqi flag at what was basically the onset of the Gulf War. Everybody in that building knew that America would come out of this looking good. 

And then Sgt. Slaughter just fucked Volkoff up for several minutes and got him to tap without ever absorbing a single shot, then continued fucking Volkoff up after winning. I and everyone in Marshfield knew that it was only a matter of time before one of Slaughter's constant barrage of kicks to the ribs and big man shots to the body got turned back against him, and instead American got run the fuck over and buried like if the first 15 minutes of Red Dawn had been the whole movie. I don't know if I have ever seen America fare worse in a high school gymnasium. This might be our greatest document of America in the role of Yoji Anjo flying to America fight Rickson Gracie. 

4. Rockers vs. Power and Glory

MD: Really good tag. Great Michaels performance too but everyone was on here. It started with Jannetty hitting a top rope fist on Hercules who was swinging his chain in the middle of the ring for an awesome visual to start and never really let up. Rockers kept outquicking Power and Glory's attempt to cheat to take over to keep the shine but it was overall pretty brisk. Nothing wore out its welcome. When Jannetty was in there (and getting a chant), Shawn was engaged on the apron. It took a fairly complex series of three or four cheating attempts to finally take over on Michaels. They mostly worked over his leg. There was a great hope spot where Roma was stepping on the ankle to prevent him from tag and so he could taunt Jannetty and Michaels worked himself halfway up and did a sort of falling punch which looked perfect given the HH quality. They were drawing a bunch of heat by attacking Jannetty on the apron and focusing on the leg, building to Michaels kicking Herc into the corner on a spinning toe hold. Jannetty came in hot setting up the finish where Michaels, having been tossed outside, pulled Hercules away allowing Jannetty to duck the double clothesline and hit a cross body on Roma. Fans were into this and if anything, I could have used an extra minute or two.

ER: Great tag match from two of the great WWF tag teams. Power and Glory were so good. Of course the Rockers were good but Power and Glory were so good. Hercules and Paul Roma are each guys who don't give enough credit. Hercules' as a worker keeps looking better and better the more I revisit that era. He's another act that plays huge in a high school gym. Look how he swings the chains, knowing exactly how close he can stand to Marty Jannetty to not actually chain whip the man while still swinging the chains at full extension. Paul Roma, meanwhile, holds up tremendously, as he's the greasiest slimeball around and looks and acts like someone who should be the greasiest slimeball around. He was born into being an asshole. You cannot look like Paul Roma and not be a jackoff. This building understood that on sight, and they also understood that the Rockers were the coolest boys in town. Marty Jannetty especially got a huge reaction, and the opening of this match should have been the way a classic PPV match happened. Hercules swinging chains in Marty's face, Marty climbing to the top rope and leaping off with a fist to the face. 

I love watching southern tag formula in American gyms. Bad versions of it usually work, great versions of it lead to ear splitting joyous reactions. When Marty tags in after Michaels has been getting his leg kicked and stomped over? It's impossible to picture anything or anyone getting a louder reaction. Power and Glory did nothing over the top to work over Michaels' knee, other than look exactly the way Power and Glory look and simply kicking and stomping at his leg. They didn't need to do anything else, the energy was perfect. It could have gone on another 10 minutes and it only would have gotten better with each minute. This crowd would have been along for every stomp and every close tag. I do wish Michaels had been cut off from a tag one or two or three more times, but this deserved every scream of that hot tag. The Marty chants are calorific icing. 

5. Koko B. Ware vs. Boris Zhukov

MD: Koko looks like a million bucks here. Most entertaining, compelling, engaging babyface in the world. Zhukov does his part to start, stalling early while Koko keeps the USA chants going and holds court in the ring, and then walking right into a whole lot of stooing shtick. The best bit was when Koko would headbutt him and Zhukov would stagger and then Koko would mock the stagger. Legitimately funny stuff. Eventually Zhukov dragged him down into that nerve hold I was worried about in the Warlord match, but it worked here far better. Some good hope spots and cutoffs before Koko came back and eventually won it with a missile dropkick so high that he basically bounced off the top of Zhukov's head. I'm not doing this one justice but it was very good for what it was.

ER: Was every person on this roster just the perfect High School Gym Attraction? Any child who sees Koko B. Ware dance into their gym, literal parrot on his shoulder, bronze suit glittering, looking like the coolest confident most fun person in the world. A Megastar cartoon of a man. I dated a girl my age whose connection to wrestling was watching Sunday morning WWF with her brother, and Koko B. Ware was her favorite. How couldn't he be the favorite? Do you know how wide I smiled and how my voice went up when a hot girl told me she loved Koko B. Ware at some point in her life. That's special. We'll have that. I smile when I pass my Koko Hasbro. If, instead of Koko B. Ware - a name every American should be allowed to hear once in their life, because it's a fake name that has a real chance to stick with someone after hearing it just one time. What's a better pro wrestler name than Koko B. Ware? Gorilla Monsoon? Probably. But not many. We should have been given Attitude era Koko. Lives would have changed. The charm of children asking questions on pro wrestling handhelds is one of the truly innocent and charming experiences in our scumbag obsession of choice. Suddenly every child in every part of this building had questions when Koko B. Ware appeared in their lives. 

6. Texas Tornado vs. Mr. Perfect

MD: I don't know about this one. It had some weird, weird structural things that would have made more sense if Perfect had the belt and wasn't the challenger. He attacked Kerry on the way in, but Kerry came back, hit the tornado punch on the floor, and then started play King of the Mountain, keeping Perfect out of the ring. It was pretty back and forth after that with Perfect able to chip away but never hold control for long. Kerry was going to Kerry. They definitely felt more room to breathe given that this was a house show that no one was ever going to see. Perfect BLOCKED the discus punch on the inside. Kerry hit it another time or two in the match incidentally, just twirling around after his punches. Kerry kicked out of the PerfectPlex. At some point, you got the sense that maybe they were just having fun with it because they were on a B show in Wisconsin? 

The finish was fun with Perfect undoing the turnbuckles but Kerry cutting him off and running him across the ring to faceplant him into the metal. Perfect did a triple gainer in the air exactly as you'd want him to in that situation but he still managed to kick out at too. It didn't matter much though as Kerry just spun around the ring at full speed to hit the tornado punch one last time for the win. Post-match, Hennig just decided to lay there for a bit. It was an entertaining house show performance (and has value along those lines certainly) but I don't it necessarily had the substance to go along with the sizzle.

ER: I wish we had sound during Kerry's entrance because that crowd looked loud and Kerry took a long time with it, slow walked it in his perfect jacket. But we have all of this full match, and I loved it a lot more than Matt. I thought this was a great match, a stiff dominating heel Perfect performance against a tough fight back aw shucks babyface Kerry performance. Kerry spammed variations on the discus punch in between a consistently dominant Perfect attack. This was really physical. When Perfect bumped for Kerry, he bumped for Kerry, but when he hit Kerry he hit Kerry. Every punch and every chop Perfect threw played directly into this camcorder lens 12 riser seats up. Perfect was an unrelenting attacker, smothering our sculpted god. Two different times in this match, Perfect flung himself over the top rope to the floor to continue an attack as quickly as possible. Our cameraman misses a huge Perfect bump to the floor that gets the gym jumping to their feet, but you can see his feet go over the top, and it looked no different than him flying out to the floor just to punch Kerry in the face. Blocking the discus punch was a legit surprise, and a heel out punching the babyface champion famous for his punches. That's a hero facing a real threat, and Perfect looked like a real threat, easily the most violent worker on the show. Kerry kicking out of the Perfect Plex would have shocked me live; Perfect flipping for a discus punch would have delighted me.  

7. Earthquake vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

MD: Earthquake had Hart with him and Jimmy even did the introduction for him. There was some fun house show goofing here too with Duggan catching Earthquake trying to cheapshot him a number of times. Quake was one of the best ever at knowing just how much to give and exactly when to give it. He was doing all of the Hogan poses too and it got big heat. He knew how to be a monster. He knew how to accentuate the things that made him larger than life. It's not quite the same as how Andre did it, because Andre had such a unique presence that he was accentuating being Andre. With Quake it was more about running a scientific experiment to prove beyond any matter of doubt that physics actually matter. Duggan got in a lot of shots and even got close once or twice (close being making him wobble or teasing a slam). Jimmy helped him take over eventually and he had some bear hugs that didn't look like the most amazing things in the world from the HH vantage but were naturally believable enough. Duggan was able to get hope spots through dodging and firing back but he was cut off. His comeback was pro wrestling perfection as Quake wobbled more and more, including this bit of remarkable fancy footwork to really get it across and build up the drama, before Duggan finally hit the three point stance. Hart intervened but eventually got squashed in the corner as Duggan moved and they sent the fans home happy with a quick roll up pin. We have the Summerslam Fever match between these two and some tags, but I think this was a pretty rare matchup overall and unsurprisingly, they matched up well together.

ER: Earthquake looks so massive here, in ways that we will never see in pro wrestling again. I don't think people realize just how much a big fat bearded guy fearlessly running ropes as fearlessly as God himself meant to our fandom. I don't know if I've committed to anything in my life as fearlessly as Earthquake commits to running ropes, and honestly it inspires me. I've been going on and on about how every wrestler on this roster is made to shine in a high school gymnasium but will you look at how perfect Earthquake and Jim Duggan look in high school gym of a town that had a Carl's Jr. but didn't get a McDonalds until 1991. Duggan's punches all looked like shit, and it didn't matter, because when it came time for Earthquake to tease out a Berzerkeresque spot where he legs keep splitting farther and farther apart with each subsequent Hacksaw clothesline, we were somehow witnessing Earthquake putting more faith into his adductor muscles than he puts into the ropes. I was so certain he was hitting the mat on that third clothesline, plopped down on his butt, and when he went full leg spread hunch forward it was like the greatest Andre spot that Andre never did. These men knew. Some kid went into their town's new-ish McDonalds that day and told them "Nick sent me," and later that night saw Earthquake vanquished by America. What a day. 

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ECW Crossing the Line Again 2/1/97

I've spent the last year (and will continue to spend this coming year) watching all of the 1997 WCW for my book. I've been spending other time in 1997, listening to music and watching movies released in the year, as well as watching other pro wrestling from the same period. If it happened in the year I learned to drive, then I am spending some time every day consuming it. I thought this 1997 ECW show was really choice, with an absolute classic first time ever meeting between Terry Funk and Tommy Rich, a killer Dr. Death/Raven match, heel Ricky Morton, a terrible Eliminators match that goes 20, etc. 

1. Lance Storm vs. Balls Mahoney

ER: Balls Mahoney would have made a really great Bluto, and he throws two nice punches (an overhand right and a long uppercut right) and also wastes Storm with a short arm clothesline. His Foley-esque bump over the ropes (where his head almost got wrapped in them but instead he tumbled hard to the floor) looked really great, and he leans into every piece of soft offense that Lance Storm threw at him. Storm never hits hard, ever, but he makes up for it a bit by throwing his whole body into attacks. His spinning heel kick and tope and top rope clothesline at least ended with his whole body crashing into Balls. His leaping back elbow and flying shoulderblock actually hit really well, and it felt like he was making harder contact with those moves the longer it went on, like he was learning to throw harder to knock this guy down. Was Balls Mahoney actually this good in 1997? It feels like he might be. Am I going to go on a Balls Mahoney rewatch? I already am. I wish Storm had sold Mahoney's piledriver longer, but Storm's top rope spinning heel kick helicoptered right into Mahoney's head so whatever. I liked this. 

2. Ricky Morton vs. Big Stevie Cool

ER: Ricky is wearing his red tasseled confederate flag tights with glittered flares and folks he looks incredible. The red tights are the brightest, perfect color of red, the stars and stripes cross perfectly diagonally past his knees. It's so pro wrestling and so trash 

Morton hits a low knee and a snappy headlock punch, and throws a missed clothesline with the best form. I love when Ricky fights like an asshole. Morton punches more when he's an asshole and Morton always uses his punches in cool ways. Here he broke a wristlock with a straight right and then missed a fast follow-up fistdrop. Morton is so much of an asshole here that he soccer dives knee up into Stevie's nuts, and then drives his knee into them on a snug inverted atomic drop. Stevie looked good taking Ricky's offense, and the Stevie Kick is a good finish, but I wish this got a chance to keep going where it was going. Instead it was Ricky looking like a switchblade asshole for 5 minutes and then Stevie quickly going home with a Jackknife and kick. Great look at how good 1997 Ricky Morton was. Who has the Ricky Morton FMW footage? 

3. Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Axl Rotten

ER: This is a 2 minute match, and when you hear that you probably assume it's going to be Dr. Death killing Rotten with a couple big slams and a neck breaking suplex or two. It got to that, but before that we got to see Dr. Death take a nice bump into the turnbuckles and sells Rotten's decent strikes, and then we get to see Doc punch Rotten right in the face and throw him with a backdrop driver. 

4. Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Raven

ER: Man they go right at it and it is great. Doc continues throwing stiff jabs and then takes a sicko bump running full speed face first into the top turnbuckle on a missed charge. This man has a well paying All Japan gig and he's in Philadelphia taking unprotected chairshots and hitting a gusher. Dr. Death's sweat soaked shag is one of the great haircuts in wrestling history, and it swings over his face as he rolls off a table, just before Raven crashes through it off the top. Doc cashes in the receipt on those chairshots and Raven hits a far great gusher. Raven was an incredible bleeder and needs to be talked about more as such. He's one of our great bleeders. Dr. Death does get to throw Raven around, hitting a high powerslam and German suplex, and there's a great fight over a top rope suplex that ends in a sick snap Raven superplex. The bWo involvement is used well, as most of them are just crash pads for Doc to press slam Raven through. While Raven writhes around with Hollywood Nova, there's a perfectly done showdown between Dr. Death and Stevie. Dr. Death keeps taking Stevie Kicks and getting up for more, and you kept waiting for it to lead to Stevie getting snapped in two with a backdrop driver. When Doc caught a kick, you knew you were about to see a man die, so I dug that Stevie instead spun out of it and busted him in the chops with a great Stevie Kick. It was a really great sequence and both played up their characters perfectly, Stevie tuning up that band like a maniac and Doc knowing exactly what to sell and not sell. Williams was a really good bumper and good at taking offense, and Raven's DDT looked like it would finish a guy like Dr. Death after those three kicks. 

5. The Sandman vs. D-Von Dudley 

ER: There are too many great shots of Sandman's entrance here to count. His forehead his bleeding when he comes through the curtains, hair slicked back, dangerous eyes. You'd avoid this man in literally any public space you saw him in. And yet, carrying a beer with a cigarette hanging from his lip, he looks like undoubtedly one of the coolest dirtbags in history. D-Von Dudley had great punches in this match, because he just threw several potatoes at Sandman's pre-existing cut, giving every side of the ring a close up look at his knuckles hitting Sandman's crown. Sandman's offense has this artless Drunken Master flow to it. All of it looks like it would hurt, and a lot of it is among the ugliest version of that move you've ever seen. It's beautiful. The whole match jumps up a level when Sandman suplexes a table edge first into D-Von's leg and fucking ends him with the most drunk dead accurate Philadelphia Jam with a chair on D-Von's face. It's 5 minutes and goes out on a high pitch, segueing into a strong post-match. D-Von joins up with Bubba and they mess up Spike with what I assume is the first ever 3D, but New Jack comes out and wreaks havoc. Bubba smooshes him with a perfect blindside avalanche, Bubba takes a Flair Flop face first on an open chair, New Jack drops D-Von mouth first on an open chair and then makes the most charming little smile to the camera. Simple, hot segment that made a ton out of like 8 total minutes. 

6. The Eliminators vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu 

I'm just going to assume that everybody had the exact same Eliminators experience that I did: we were all in our late teens when we traded for a 4 hour Eliminators comp, and then after watching about an hour of the Eliminators comp we all pretty much realized exactly what the Eliminators were and had no desire to watch any more. This match was 20 minutes long, and felt longer. The Eliminators can do cool things but they are cold in there, and the crowd reacts coldly to them. Nobody makes a real effort to connect with the crowd, but running through flipping moves used to be enough to get some clapping at the Arena. They just do not care, and it takes RVD's energy to finally snap people awake. This was icy cold and disjointed with that silent crowd, but Van Dam came in with the energy of a guy whose party tricks always connect with any room. There's a confidence they respond to when he comes in, a response he gets by getting obliterated by a double spinning heel kick or folded in half when Saturn suddenly knows how to throw a slicing clothesline. Sabu hurls his body at men more and more as we creep to 20, landing that triple jump plancha three rows deep, falling on the back of his head when Saturn sweeps his legs off the top rope, missile dropkicking Saturn off a damn ladder, and it all peaks with some horridly constructed mess with a ladder set up on a table and Sabu whipping his shins into everything/everyone in sight. 

My favorite part was when Kronus sold a big Sabu top rope splash/RVD top rope Jam, by just standing up to his feet at the same time they did and throwing a stomach kick. Kronus has the mental energy of someone wandering their way through a battle royal who doesn't actually know he's in a battle royal. It's like he had no clue that he had just taken any kind of offense, and it's kind of amazing? He'll take a wild backdrop bump to the floor and almost land on his head doing a corkscrew senton, but there's no chance this man every thought for one second about what a quality match layout would look like. I did love them doing Total Elimination to a ladder that was holding both RVD and Sabu, with them hanging in the air before dropping straight to the mat when the ladder is swept away. It's a perfect overly complicated dumb ECW spot. 

7. Terry Funk vs. Tommy Rich

ER:  Tommy Rich everyone. While Terry Funk is being clapped on the back, as Joey Styles was going on and on about Funk's singles run to the World title as if he was a kid with progeria who was graciously going to be allowed to score a soccer goal, here's Tommy Rich looking like such a fat asshole in the ring. The fans call him a fat fuck, he looks like a goon asshole, the perfect heat magnet. Rich starts the match by storming clumsily into the crowd to get RIGHT into some dude's face, letting Terry Funk sneak up on him and start the fight. Getting distracted by some guy in a hockey jersey and letting your opponent find and fight you is so much interesting than two guys meeting in the ring and then walking each other into the crowd, and Funk just started throwing left hands that made Rich bleed more with each shot. Rich is a full on menace in this, just a disgusting looking stuck pig of a man stumbling through the ugliest people you've ever seen. He hits such a perfect messy bladejob, sending streams of red everywhere down his face while the parts of his face that are untouched by blood have a sick purple hue. 

Rich wrecks his body in a few ways that would have looked cool from any man, but look incredible from a big fat slob. A sweaty guy spilling over his tights running knee first into a guardrail just looks better, and it lead to Funk taking apart his knee in ways that would cripple younger, fitter men. It's one thing for Funk to not work his left hands at this point, but there has to be a way to work hitting a guy's knee with a chair. If there is, Terry pretends to not know about it, and just bashes the shit out of Tommy's knee, then kicks his hamstring all around ringside. It's fucking great. The whole time - and the whole match really - Rich is reveling in the You Fat Fuck chants, spitting blood out through a cartoon grin. He shoves some dude off him in the crowd and almost accidentally hits his small girlfriend, presumably the only woman in the entire arena. Rich grins the entire time, except for those times when he would get suddenly unstoppably angry, the way a real asshole would behave. 

The man is thirsty for DDTs and hungry for hate. DDTs for Funk, DDTs for Jim Molyneux; he slowly hitches up the front of his tights while making full eye contact with some creeps. Tommy Rich looks like absolute shit while he spits blood up into the air and bashes at Funk's knee, still grinning and acting like an asshole. They're two of the only guys who have ever made kneeling and fighting ever look good. Nobody makes the sitting-in-chairs-throwing-punches look good, it's tough as hell to make kneeling and punching look good, but this is great. The spinning toehold finish would have worked in most settings, but it felt beneath the rest of the match because everything else was so legitimately violent. But this is one of the greatest ECW matches of all time, hands down.  

8. Shane Douglas/Chris Candido/Brian Lee vs. Tommy Dreamer/The Pitbulls

ER: This starts really great and then eventually goes on too long. Probably didn't need nearly 20 minutes from these guys, turns out. But when Candido starts things by baseball sliding THROUGH Brian Lee's legs just to kick Dreamer in the nuts, that is a fucking hilarious way to start things. The crowd brawl and bullshit in this was really good. The match settling into an actual match was fine, but the bullshit kept it high. Pitbull 2 took a lot of gnarly shots to the head while standing right next to the smelliest fans, then came roaring back into the ring throwing just as hard punches at Douglas. They bring a guardrail into the ring and do a bunch of great stuff with it. Candido gets thrown into it and springs off it straight a back elbow that bounces him over the top rope like a volleyball. Douglas gets tossed through the guardrail and then press slammed onto the busted railing. Holy shit. These guys taking some dumb bumps out here and it rules. 

As his contract states, Dreamer is dropped crotch first on a guardrail, just railing his balls the exact way he demands in every single match. Dreamer takes a lot of abuse in this. Douglas really drops him with vertical suplexes, with a big one through two chairs. Candido gets rocket launched onto Dreamer and does that thing where he bounces right up to his feet on the recoil. Pitbull 2 is bleeding real good and getting hanged with his own chain, and really this whole thing just gets derailed by the Rick Rude involvement. The one good thing - and it is an admittedly pretty big great thing - is that Rude comes out in a mask wearing a patchwork denim on denim pantsuit like something Richard Pryor would have owned. I'm stunned that he didn't also have a big floppy hat adorned with beer cap toppers. Rude looks walks out wearing a ensemble too garish for a Vince McMahon 1991 Prime Time Wrestling segment, and a man wearing this outfit in 1997 is far more shocking than any of the ways ECW tried to be shocking on any given show. I remember what people wore in 1997, and nobody was dressing like a pimp from a Fred Williamson movie. I don't know what Rude's involvement was supposed to be in ECW, but everyone in the ring hitting shitty Rude Awakenings seems like a lame way to peak this. 

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On Brand Segunda Caida: Stan Hansen in ECW

How awesome would it have been to see Stan Hansen wrestling in a small building with only 500 or so other lunatics cheering him on? Stan Hansen was not a guy you could just go out and see on the indies working old man faded glory matches. He was a guy who started making a name for himself immediately and then just stayed in major feds right up until his early 50s retirement. The only opportunity anyone had to see Hansen work a small indie was a few dates in 1993, when he worked a handful of ECW shows. Seeing Stan Hansen at the ECW Arena would be like getting a straight injection of pure uncut joy, so I figured I would take a quick look at Hansen's quick look at the east coast independent wrestling scene.


Stan Hansen vs. Jimmy Snuka ECW 8/7/93 (Hardcore TV #19)

ER: This was only about 4 minutes, but really great. How cool must it have been to see *this* era Stan Hansen at Viking Hall? I would have been losing my mind. He's a big loud bully and I could have watched him shove Snuka around the ring for another 10 minutes. Snuka was 50 at this point but still unexpectedly a bump freak, as right out of the gate Hansen hits a hard shoulderblock, and then without any running momentum just hits a standing shoulderblock that sends Snuka backwards over the top to the floor, a cool way to integrate the Harley bump. Snuka obviously realizes who he's working - not that he had a choice - and throws punches at Hansen as hard as he's getting them. He is someone with enough guts and career clout that he can walk right through a nasty chair shot and keep fighting, and not get punished for not selling it. The chair shot was great, Hansen hitting him with an already unfolded chair and wrapping it perfectly around his head. Hansen drops perfect elbows and even wrecks Snuka with the western lariat! I wasn't really expecting that. Some of these older guys were getting good paychecks once Eddie Gilbert got the purse strings, I didn't actually expect Snuka to work so hard. Eddie runs in to break up the surefire finish, and then Hansen ragdolls "Freddie" Gilbert (which was Jerry Lawler's son Kevin playing Eddie's kid brother), and there's not much in wrestling I love more than Stan Hansen disposing of a dweeb.

Stan Hansen/Tito Santana vs. Don Muraco/Shane Douglas ECW 8/8/93 (Hardcore TV #21)

ER: Short but fun tag that may have actually been much longer than we actually saw. The match - as several of these Hardcore TV matches are - is interrupted with an "emergency announcement", which is a nice excuse to show Abdullah the Butcher highlights leading up to his tag match opposite Hansen. But they weirdly opt to just clip the match right in the middle, and I have no idea how much we missed. What we got, was good. Muraco is a fun stooge for Hansen (and it's amusing to see such a big guy beg off, but I get it), and I was really looking forward to Hansen just mauling Douglas, but we don't really get that at all. It's possible we got it during the break, but alas. What we do get is a fine FIP Tito performance, with Hansen doing a great job coming up with a couple ways to miss a potential hot tag. Hansen somehow always finds a way to surprise me, and he breaks out a really cool tragic timing spot: He comes in to rescue Tito, but Tito manages to surprisingly break free on his own, except now Hansen is getting admonished by the ref for getting in the ring just as Tito is actually getting to his corner. Hansen rushes back to the apron and swipes for the tag just as Muraco grabs Tito and tosses him back across the ring. Muraco throws an awesome headlock punch in this, but Tito's fired up comeback punches are really great. Sadly the whole damn locker room interferes at the exact moment of Hansen's hot tag, starting with that damned Eddie Gilbert. This match clearly had the bones of a really good match, and what we got was good, but it really feels like we missed out on a large chunk of the middle.

Stan Hansen vs. Don E. Allen/Herve Renesto ECW 8/8/93 (Hardcore TV #22)

ER: Tough draw for Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal. Hansen is an all time great squash match or handicap match worker, as he works fast enough to bounce back between two different guys, and he hits hard enough that whichever guy isn't eating a beating is still convincingly selling his prior beating. This is all a tornado of hard kicks, nasty stomps to the head, big beals, lethal back elbows, none of them by Twisted Steel OR Sex Appeal. Renesto threw a dropkick at one point, but it didn't slow down Hansen one bit and only made Renesto more of a target. The whole arena was flipping out for this massacre, and I love how Hansen throws his back elbow as a charging move, running at his opponent like he's hitting the lariat but instead decapitating him with a back elbow. Neither feels like a good option to take. Allen eats a nasty elbow shot while standing on the apron, and Hansen graciously brings him into the ring with a damn quick snap suplex. Allen came into the ring so fast it looked like he was thrown from a car. Allen almost wimps out of the lariat, flinching hard as Hansen grabs him by the ponytail and starts swinging the arm, but it landed. From the ring, Hansen grabs for Renesto on the floor after the match, but Renesto dodges, which just enrages Hansen who rushes to the floor and strangles Renesto with his bullrope, tying him to the ringpost by his neck.

Stan Hansen/Terry Funk vs. Abdullah the Butcher/Kevin Sullivan Ultra Clash 9/18/93

ER: Now this ruled. This was part of one of ECW's first supercards, and this is some legitimately big talent in one match. The whole thing is worked as a chaotic brawl, no tags and no attempt at order. Funk obviously thrives in this kind of environment and drags everybody else with him. Hansen mostly pairs off with Abby, and I like them as a pair because Abby doesn't budge on strikes, and Hansen doesn't hold back on strikes, so the whole time he's just throwing knuckle punches and clubbing arms and the hardest stomps possible to the back of Abby's head and Abby just takes the stiffest shots and occasionally stabs at him. Sullivan climbs up the scaffold to escape Funk(there was a Doug Gilbert/JT Smith scaffold match right before this match) and Funk naturally follows, and Sullivan starts punching him right in the head the second Funk climbs up close enough to get his head punched. Terry is the king, so of course he finds a few ways to fall down each level of the scaffolding, holding on and hanging, limbs dangling, dropping down bit by bit as he's getting attacked, before eventually dropping into the ring and onto his head. Funk wraps a chair around Abby's head and holds it there while burying his boot in Abby's back, while Hansen punches away at Abby, there's a fork stabbing that misses it's mark and becomes friendly fire, Funk panics and takes down the ref and starts beating the shit out of him, Abby slams Funk's face into the mat a bunch, the ROPES BREAK because they can't handle big as hell Hansen and Sullivan running hard into them, Eddie and Doug Gilbert run out for the DQ, and this was literally just 8 minutes of cool old dudes punching each other really hard in the head. That's never not going to be a win, people.

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Don't Cross Lawler, Babe

Jerry Lawler v. Shane Douglas v. Dan Maff, JAPW 12/13/03 - GREAT

ER: Wow, did not expect to like this one as much as I did. First you have the annoying concept of the 3 Way Dance, which always ends up proving that you'd rather see almost any combo of the participants in a singles match instead. Then you get the focus of a 3 Way Dance, which always means a lot of time spent by announcers talking about "alliances", and alliance scheming is always the most boring part of any reality programming, and even more boring in a solitary pro wrestling match. 3 Way Dances also give a bunch of focus to "pulling guys out of pinfalls by grabbing their leg" which takes away from ass beating. So less ass beating, more leg tugging, alliances with zero drama, guys disappearing from the match for minutes at a time, over and under-selling (depending on when you gotta come in to hit your shit).....they're basically almost always a mess.

And yeah this was kind of a mess, but a really really fun mess. First few minutes are Lawler fighting off both Maff and Douglas, and it's seriously some of Lawler's best work ever. Evading both guys, ducking in and out of failed double team attempts, and just blasting both with incredible punches. He mixes in a bunch of body shots here which is something he doesn't really do often, and it looks really cool. KC Blade and EC Negro bump huge off the apron for Lawler haymakers, and Lawler gets to hit piledrivers on both Douglas and Maff. Match gets a little clunky for a bit as due to the structure of the match both guys really don't sell the piledrivers as long as they should have, and Lawler's Austin-aping double middle finger Stunners are about as cheap as a heel saying "Don't you boo me!" But Lawler flies around for the double team spots really nicely and it all builds to Lawler backed into a corner and removing the strap, with Douglas and Maff both cowering away in fear. Maff and Douglas held their own here and ramped up their own shots . Lawler really looked like he took some hard knuckles to the brow at some points. I was expecting this to be a complete cluster and it ended up being a total blast. I may be deep in the bubble at this point.

PAS: I liked this a bunch too, so Eric isn't completely crazy. Always been a Maff fan, and this kind of thing works better for him then the Super Indy finisher exchange stuff that he can fall into sometimes. You know he totally got a kick out of cowering and stooging for Lawler. I was also surprised how much I liked Douglas, I wouldn't expect 2003 Shane Douglas to look even mildly competent, but he was fine in a super poor man's Wayne Ferris kind of way. This actually felt like a fun Memphis studio match, where Jimmy Hart somehow gets Don Bass and Ferris in a handicap match because Bill Dundee's car broke down. I do hate the Stunner though, really the only truly garbage in ring thing I can ever remember Lawler doing, comes off so bush league and unnecessary.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE KING

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