WWECW Workrate Report 8/11/09

1. Zack Ryder vs. Shelton Benjamin

This feud was set up last week when Ryder jumped Shelton while Shelton was singing a Hootie & the Blowfish song. Although Matt Stryker explains that it's all about the traditionalist throwback wrestler in Shelton Benjamin taking on the modern style of Ryder. Yep, the first thing I think about when I watch Shelton Benjamin matches is how much of a throwback he is, just he and Ole Anderson bitching about when guys REALLY knew how to cut off a ring. I do think Ryder works better as a heel, but we have problems as Benjamin doesn't really know how to work as a face. Ryder hits a nice dropkick off the 2nd rope and we hit a weird moment in the match where both guys start selling like they've been in a war 90 seconds in, even though only 3 moves have been done. Then a neckbreaker happens and I genuinely can't tell who was giving the neckbreaker and who was taking it, and I don't know if they know either as they sell it exactly the same. This seems to be something that happens in Shelton Benjamin matches, where I rewind moves and I can't tell who is supposed to be taking what, and who is doing what to whom. Ryder did a vertical suplex, Shelton flipped over and landed on his feet...and then they both fell to their backs and sold. I have zero fucking idea who did what to whom. Match only goes like 3 minutes so it's not like that was the one thing holding this back from being good.

2. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Kevin Brooks

Fans chant "You Can't Wrestle" at Kozlov and boy is that still really annoying. Kozlov and Zeke continue to try and shatter jobber vertebrae and slam the poor little guy around a bunch, whipping the back of his head off the mat in the process. These really need some Chris Nowinski "The More You Know" type stats comparing back bumps to car accidents.

3. Paul Burchill vs. Yoshi Tatsu

This was really fun but then ended 2 minutes in when Katie Lea interfered. It was a really fun 2 minutes and they squeezed a whole lot of damn moves into 2 minutes, but a 2 minute match ending in interference is what it is. Burchill had an awesome double knee drop, Tatsu threw some nice kicks and a cool elbow drop, and then it all stopped. Hurricane returned and attacked Burchill post-match. I totally forgot he came back and was still in WWE this late.

4. Tyler Reks vs. Tom James

This match gets 75 seconds, so we've had 4 matches that have been given a total of 7 minutes on this episode. Fuck that noise.

5. William Regal vs. Tommy Dreamer

Once I saw the match announced I immediately assumed it was the infamous elbow match, but this was actually a different yet also completely awesome match. I'll level with you, this may have been the single greatest individual Tommy Dreamer performance I've ever seen. The whole match I was waiting for and expecting the moment where his elbow starts to swell to alarming levels, cringing every time Regal would slam Dreamer's arm into the post or stomp on it or whip it into the mat, knowing that Dreamer's selling wasn't *really* as good as it looked since his arm was going to blow up at any moment. But when it never did I was faced with the realization that Tommy Dreamer just sold his arm better than most human beings have ever sold an arm. The match really is incredible. Dreamer comes in with a taped up arm and Regal just goes off on that fucking thing. He yanks it and twists it in all sorts of gross ways, stomps on it, works a bunch of cool holds on it (some of Regal's best matwork in his WWE career). Things roll to the floor and Regal kicks it against the ring post and good lord did that look painful. Dreamer fights back in really nice, convincing ways, as Regal is fixated on putting him away with the Knee Trembler but Dreamer keeps ducking out of the way of it. Every time Regal misses it allows Dreamer to control for a bit, until Regal invariably grabs him by that arm and tries to dislocate it from Dreamer's body. There was a great punch exchange towards the end that was real quick with really nice shots from both guys, with Dreamer even mixing it up with right hands and body shots!! This match was just incredible. Really a career performance from Dreamer, and one of Regal's absolute best career performances. Something you could show anybody with a passing interest in either guy, and they'd then be convinced each was an awesome worker.


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WWECW Workrate Report, 7/28/09

1. Tyler Reks vs. Paul Birchill

The rematch!! Were they really trying to get Reks over as "guy who likes extreme sports"? I'm shocked they didn't call him something like Tyler Cortese. And while I'm making shitty MTV Sports jokes, Burchill hits an absolutely SICK knee drop from the top that really is more vicious than any other WWE finisher. Holy shit that looked like it should have caved Reks' chest in. It sucks that it was literally Burchill's first move of the match as nothing will look more spectacular than that. Burchill continues to work over Reks' chest/abdomen with a nice body vice, some kicks, a nasty Saito suplex and his awesome running double knees in the corner. But then once Reks starts making his comebacks I realize that almost all of Reks' big moves (plancha, crossbodies) involve hitting his chest and abdomen really hard against his opponent, and since there was no chance he WASN'T going to hit those moves, it really makes all the cool Burchill body part offense a waste. Reks wins with his nice springboard dropkick, but this was really a 50/50 match where Burchill took his 50 to start and Reks finished with his 50. That's like the worst kind of 50/50 match. After seeing two matches between these guys I know there is a really good match somewhere in there. Last week's was almost it. Paul Burchill at this point is looking like the lost great worker of the last few years. The guy has been working like Regal but with twice as much offense. I doubt the feud will continue after this, though, which is probably for the best as I'd rather see Burchill against other guys.

2. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Bill Baine

Baine was nice enough to already be waiting in the ring for Kozlov. Between Kozlov, Big Zeke and Viscera, WWECW had some of the greatest squash match workers in all of wrestling. The matches are 90 seconds, the jobbers get crushed in fantastic ways, and the moves are cool. It's that easy. Kozlov looks just vicious here, bursting out of the gates with a running boot to Baine's chest, then blasting him with stiff headbutts to the chest and tossing him around with cool dead lifts into fireman's carry slams. Fuck Kozlov looks awesome in these short matches.


It has to be said, but Tommy Dreamer actually knows how to work a suit really well. For a guy with arguably the worst ring gear in WWE (or possibly even of anybody who's ever worked a semi-major program in a semi-major wrestling fed ever), he's backstage talking with Tiffany, and he's rocking the black blazer with conservative but properly fitted button up white shirt, and actual non-douchebag jeans. Blue jeans, white button up, nice blazer. And it's not one of those shitty Affliction-type white shirts and blazer (like the date rape asshole white button up Shelton Benjamin was sporting earlier), but just a nice simple white longsleeve button-up. A classic American look pulled off to perfection by Tommy Dreamer of all people. And the best part was when I was talking on the phone with Phil about it, and he was busy getting ready for a party, and I told him I wouldn't take up much of his time, and then I talked about Tommy Dreamer wearing suits for 7 minutes.


3. Sheamus vs. Goldust

Crowd is absolutely on fire for Goldust right from his entrance here, cheering loudly for him and starting up "Goldust" chants the whole match. And rightfully so as he looks killer here. Every single thing he does looks good, including things that you long accepted would just never look good, like his rope running. When Sheamus tosses 'Dust into the ropes he careens out of control into them and actually somehow makes it look like the ropes are making him bounce back into Sheamus. Rope running is just one of those things we all have to look the other way when it happens as it's almost always going to be goofy and illogical but it's just kind of a thing that exists within this dorky ass form of entertainment we've all become so obsessed with over the years. Goldust pumps his boot right into Sheamus' face as he charges into the corner, and follows it with an epic uppercut. Sheamus catches the next boot and dishes a great body blow and then locks on a cravate as the fans chant for Goldust and well you know this shit is awesome. Goldust makes people care during another resthold and they are jacked during his comeback punches. He also throws a cool yakuza kick that I've not seem him use often. Sheamus gets a little crossed up at the end but we forgive him because he's fairly green at this point (wocka wocka wocka!) but who cares, this is what every 5 minute match wants to be.

4. Christian vs. Zack Ryder

Christian dominates the first few minutes of this and Ryder does a nice enough job just taking offense. He takes offense like kind of a douche, but that really fits with his character I guess. He can't just land like a normal human being, he has to REALLY slap both hands against the mat. Can't just bump off the apron to the floor, has to take an overly dramatic fall and whip his palms into the floor. So of course you know he'll eventually bump the Killswitch like Rock taking a Stunner. He does something I really liked here when Christian went to the top rope, Ryder just ran away across to the opposite corner. It didn't work as Christian immediately jumped down and clotheslined him in the corner, but it's better than guys just aimlessly wandering into a dropkick. This was one of those matches that made people really get into WWECW while it was around. It was 12 solid minutes of nicely executed moves that had good nearfalls and nice believable back and forth. It also featured horrendous Matt Striker commentary, as he would drop gems like "Christian, finding success by employing his trademark offense" which sounds like either a generic sound bite you'd hear Cole repeat 3 times a match on a PS2 wrestling game, or like something an alien would say when he's trying to fit in with humans at a wrestling show. "That one human man certainly damaged the other human's torso yes?" But who cares about how shitty Matt Striker is, when Christian can make it seem like Ryder has a chance of upsetting the champion then you have something that works. And ECW really was delivering something like this almost every week.


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WWECW Workrate Report, 7/21/09

1. Yoshi Tatsu vs. William Regal

This starts out being all about Tatsu eating a beating, with Regal dishing elbows all over, kicks to the chest, uppercuts, big suplexes (standing exploder and delayed butterfly), straightjacket choke...and also all about Striker being an annoying prick on commentary ("the modified Kanemoto strong style of Tatsu" "this is just the opportunity Piston Honda needs" seriously fuuuuuuuck you). This is basically 4 straight minutes of Regal stiffing Tatsu until Tatsu hits a nice Pele kick, and then a whole barrage of other kicks that were too fast for Regal. Regal catches Tatsu up top, and I *LOVE* Regal pulling his kneepad down before he goes for his running knee finish. I thought Greg Valentine moving his shin guard before he used the figure 4 was cool when I was a kid, and that kinda shit is still awesome. But Regal gets caught with a high kick running in and Tatsu gets the surprise win. Real fun match.

2. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mike Williams

45 seconds, 3 moves, but they were all pretty great. Williams runs into a big boot, Zeke runs him over with a giant clothesline, and then spikes him with his brutal standing urunage. Kozlov comes in afterwards to hit his chokeslam/spinebuster on poor, poor Mike Williams.

3. Goldust vs. Shelton Benjamin

Man Goldust has a beautiful right hand. I think I like the uppercut more than the overhand but I can't decide. Shelton pusses out of taking the butt butt and we'll see if I enjoy 3 straight Benjamin matches in 3 straight weeks of TV. Shelton does do a cool neckbreaker cravate so I can get behind that. Goldust has such a cool run of offense with his snap powerslam, nasty kick to a prone Shelton, hard atomic drop and an honest to god proper bulldog. All of his classic offense sure makes a lot of Benjamin's indied up offense look ridiculous. Who started the idiotic trend where moves involve pulling or dropping a guy onto your own knee? All that shit looks stupid. Benjamin does some sort of springboard...something...into a Goldust uppercut, but it looked really bad. Shelton did his springboard and just landed on his feet in front of Dustin, as if he were supposed to miss a move, but he just jumped in and landed flat on his feet. He then does one of those horrible bits of Marufuji offense where he flings himself over the top to the floor while at the same time kinda sorta vaguely pulling Goldust neck first into the top rope. It just looked like Goldust's face bounced off the ropes while Benjamin went flying out of control and spilled nastily onto the floor. I'm not sure what viewer would get the impression that Goldust got the worst of that move. And then Benjamin wins with his "grab guy and pull them down to the mat, landing much harder than my opponent". Boy this was really bad. Really awesome Dustin offense interspersed with him having to get into position for Benjamin's weird masochistic offense. The whole thing just looked like Benjamin taking moves, and then doing moves to himself. Crowd was dead and confused. So Benjamin had two glorious weeks, and EVERY SINGLE THING that made him cool those last couple weeks was completely absent here. It's really hard to put into words how detrimental he was to this match.

4. Tyler Reks vs. Paul Burchill

I gotta root for my boy Reks here, now that he is a resident of my little 7,000 population town of Cotati, CA. If you see a tall jacked dude with dreadlocks down at Oliver's Market, the odds are favorable that it's Tyler Reks. This was apparently Reks' TV debut. And as much as I want to root for Reks here, this match is a pretty incredible match to showcase how great Burchill had gotten before being released. He has these cool punches to Reks' chest, really made Reks duck on some missed clotheslines that would have just leveled Reks, awesome running double knee spot in the corner, super high bump on a backdrop, etc. He even made the chinlock sequence look good as he lied down with it and really made it look like he was choking the life out of Reks. Reks' offense at least tries to be clever, but it all lands pretty soft. Nothing he did was bad in context, it just really didn't have much oomph. Any time a guy his size does springboard dropkicks and springboard crossbodies it can't help but look impressive, but I found myself being more impressed by his ability than the actual moves. Still the match was the proper length and peaked at the right spots, so all in all this was good.


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