WWECW Workrate Report, 8/4/09

Show starts with a 13 minute (!) Abraham Washington show where we get to hear a whole bunch of the comedic chops of Shelton Benjamin. He calls Wash a low rent Byron Allen which works, and Zach Ryder is also here because they're in Long Island or somewhere close and boy Ryder is boring. They eventually do ECW Idol and Shelton does a fairly accurate Darius Rucker which - as far as celebrity impressions go - has to have one of the lowest pussy attainability ratios possible. It would be like a girl at a party trying to thrill you with her really good Bonnie Hunt impression.

1. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Dangerous Danny Danger

Pretty sure I've seen Danger on some Beyond Wrestling shows so this already gets a win. Zeke does two of the nastiest backbreakers you've ever seen and hits the nastiest urunage you've ever seen and this is 30 seconds but he doesn't care about his opponent's safety or well-being at all and good lord now Kozlov is coming out and I LOOOOOVE their jobber squash-offs. Koz hits his rad spinebuster urunage and then Zeke gets pissed and hits his urunage AGAIN. Backstage Danny Danger receives a handshake and the new superpower of "peeing blood".

2. Sheamus vs. Goldust

God Stryker is garbage. "Last week Goldust was able to counter Sheamus using fundamental offense tactics." Whatever. Sheamus works over Goldust's arm in all sorts of cool ways, with single arm DDTs and a weirdo bulldog to his arm. GREAT spot early where Goldust pushes Sheamus into the turnbuckles to reverse a powerslam, gets a schoolboy with the good arm, and when Sheamus kicks out it leaves Goldust prone which leads to Sheamus locking on the old Rings of Saturn, which is just a fucking KILLER chain of moves. Goldust gets to the ropes and goes on a freaking great tear, hitting all sorts of great punches, his great bulldog, great clotheslines, THAT powerslam, and you love all of it. Finish is quick and clever, with Goldust going to the 2nd rope to hit a bulldog, but Sheamus sweeps his leg and gets the flash pin. Logical and totally acceptable. Afterwards Sheamus starts to cut a promo on the floor and 'Dust levels him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Pretty much a flawless 5 minutes of pro wrestling. I am LOVING this feud.

3. Extreme Rules Match: Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian

This starts out as one of those late 90s plunder matches, but works pretty well because Christian has much more creativity in setting up garbage spots than all those guys. It's not just dudes brainlessly hitting each other with cookie sheets, Christian finds some interesting ways to fly into garbage. They had rolled out a hot dog cart and I had no idea how they'd use it, as it was far too small to do moves on, but too heavy to be picked up. Well Christian runs at Dreamer at one point and takes a drop toe hold into the cart, sending buns and condiments flying. Another great spot had Dreamer whip Christian into the ring steps, but Christian baseball slid to stop his momentum and then charged at Dreamer, only to take a nasty backdrop on the floor. Christian also sets up a bunch of cool counter/reversal spots to put neat twists on getting hit in the face with a trash can. At one point Christian gets clotheslined over the barrier into the crowd, and while Dreamer finds a trash can Christian recovers, Dreamer misses the can shot, Christian punches him, then does a massive missile dropkick off the ring barrier. Finish is really cool as Christian had come out with a car door which I had totally forgot about. He brings it into the ring, Dreamer bashes him with a can hilariously through the window (Christian clearly forgot he had the windows down). Then they work some fun reversal spots around Dreamer trying to hit a piledriver on the car door until Christian nailed the Killswitch on the door, and then pinned Dreamer underneath said door. Really good match. Christian brought a bunch of cool elements to a garbage match and it felt like Dreamer had a real chance at winning. Even though I wouldn't care about Dreamer being champ again, I was getting real excited at the prospect of a piledriver on a car door. So now I want somebody to make that happen.


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