Our Greatest Giant Gonzalez Match

Giant Gonzalez vs. Virgil WWF Superstars 4/3

ER: Nobody ever talks about Giant Gonzalez as a great worker, and well, that's because he wasn't. But he also never got the chance to be a good worker. He wasn't getting pro wrestling work because of his in-ring potential, but he also never got the opportunity to actually improve his in-ring work. People wrongly say that Gonzalez/Undertaker is one of the worst matches in WrestleMania history, but who else was pulling good matches out of 1993 Undertaker? What are the good Undertaker singles matches from 91-93? He wasn't having them, because he was a character, not a Great Match Worker. Giant Gonzalez was not brought into WWF to have Great Matches. He was a humongous yeti with the biggest taint anyone had ever seen, whose job was to be a slow lumbering menace to occupy the Undertaker. There were no attempts to make him into anything other than that, and after a half a year of that he was gone. During his WWF stint he worked almost exclusively with Undertaker and Randy Savage, with a few jobber matches and two grail Gonzalez/Adam Bomb vs. Undertaker/Savage house show tags that I want to see really damn bad. Gonzalez wasn't brought in to be a worker, and he was never given the opportunity to work different opponents to see what kind of worker he could be. Imagine what Bret could have done with him! We never got Hart/Gonzalez and I hate that we never got Hart/Gonzalez. 

But he did work a few matches against Virgil at the very beginning of his tenure, and that gave us a glimpse of the kind of worker he might have been with a bit more variety of opponent, against guys who could actually let him show off his legitimate athleticism. Sure, he never actually played in an NBA game, but this man was still an athlete. His TV match with Virgil shows more of his athleticism than he got to show in any other match, and I think this match - all 3 minutes of it - is the best version of Giant Gonzalez. 

Virgil avoids him to start, and flashes a bit of footwork when Gonzalez can't catch him. Gonzalez, hilariously, shows off his own footwork. I still see people talking about how immobile Gonzalez was in the ring, but...he wasn't immobile, at all. They did not want him to be an agile giant, but you can see in this match how quick he could move. He moves faster against Virgil than he ever moved against Undertaker and Savage, and when he finally backs Virgil into a corner, there's an awesome visual where he backs Virgil up the turnbuckles with a knucklelock. Virgil is standing on the top rope leaning all of his weight forward to try to get any leverage on the giant, and you just watch, waiting for Gonzalez to shove him backwards over the ringpost to a certain death. 

They worked this match on three house shows before taping this match, and I wonder if there was ever any variation on that spot, if he DID shove Virgil off. But mainly I just think how in awe I would have been had I seen a furry Sasquatch threatening to throw a man off the top rope. I like the way Virgil falls for Gonzalez, and love the way they move around each other. I don't think Gonzalez's offense ever looked better than in this match. His clubbing arms looked heavy as hell, and he threw a kick to Virgil's ribs that looked just as heavy. I love how he ignored a dropkick and then swatted the next one to the side like Kong swatting a biplane. After he swatted that dropkick away, he leveled Virgil with a clothesline that had honest to god great form. We should have been allowed to see him clotheslining Mr. Perfect or Marty Jannetty or any of the other dozen guys on the roster who knew how to take great clothesline bumps. Gonzalez hits a deadlift chokeslam for the win, and kept his hand wrapped around Virgil's throat for a minute after the win, hunched over him and choking him into unconsciousness. 

This is the only real glimpse of what Gonzalez could have been in WWF. It's not entirely different from the Gonzalez we got, but this is clearly our Greatest Gonzalez. 

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WWF Superstars 2/27/93: Three Maulings and an Under 5 Minute Classic

1. Yokozuna vs. Brian West

ER: This started with Brian West getting run right fucking over with one of Yokozuna's greatest clotheslines, and things didn't get any better for him. Yokozuna had two minutes to look like an unstoppable physical force, and he did it without breaking a sweat. He looked amazing in his white tights and black mawashi, and Brian West looked disgusting in his inverted singlet. West gets his ass kicked pillar to post while wearing a singlet where the straps go on the inside of the nipples. You never want to be out there in a dickey singlet top while a 500 pound man is throwing punches and headbutts at you. When the coroner is having your family identify the body, you don't want to be wearing something as stupid as Brian West. Yokozuna's legdrop is a thing of all time wrestling beauty: the form, the impact, the way he rolls off, the impressive safety of it all. He throws West with his belly to belly and sets up the banzai splash perfectly, running into West with another clothesline that drops him on his back, right into position. This was Yokozuna working with Terminator efficiency. Imagine a 500 pound Terminator chasing a kid through an arcade. Different ballgame. 

2. Nasty Boys vs. Mark Ming/Jim Gorman

ER: You always see people talk about the bad luck of showing up to your job duty and finding out you were opposite the Steiners, and that's valid. But the Nasty Boys are right there with them for most unfortunate gig worker opponent. Sometimes Knobbs and Sags show up with a literal lip licking intensity and desire to beat a couple guys up. It usually isn't unprofessional, and this match wasn't either. But there are levels of "professional" and a lot of them don't include elbowing a guy in the eye socket to start a Saturday morning. Maybe Mark Ming is a master salesman. There are several examples of Mark Ming doing weekend job work and maybe it would be worthwhile to examine his selling in those matches. So maybe Knobbs pulled his shot and Ming's selling is just so good that he slumped into the middle rope looking like a man who suddenly feared for his safety and was not expecting to be hit in the eyeball on this day. 

Knobbs looks so excited to beat Mark Ming's ass that he really had one of his best back alley ass kicking performances here, just a couple months before the Nasties' WWF exit. There are a lot of guys on this 1993 roster who are really busting their asses and wreaking hell on jobbers before the major spring roster transition. I love when the Nasty Boys throw out all civility and just fall on guys. Knobbs and Sags each do elbowdrops in this match that are real asshole older brother elbowdrops. They are big guys who just flop full weight onto other guys, leaping off one bed and onto the other with no regard for their younger brother or their bed frames. Sags hits an elbowdrop off the top so crushing that I would have rather had a couch thrown onto me. There's a shot of Knobbs standing on the apron at one point, leaning forward on his tippy toes over the top rope, wide eyed in almost childlike glee, licking his lips while Sags beat some dude's ass, and that shot kind of sums up the Nasty Boys. What's the proper term for an occasionally annoying asshole? Ask Rob Dibble or Norm Charlton. 

3. Doink vs. Big Boss Man

ER: This match is insane. It's Boss Man's last taped match of this WWF run, and it's a generous performance that helped Doink look like a very real threat. There's an alternate timeline 1993 where Vince doesn't panic after Hogan's long-forecast exit, and held steady through the year with Bret/Crush/Tatanka/Perfect/Duggan as the top babyfaces, and Yokozuna/Luger/Doink/Bigelow/Razor as the top heels, and every single person would have been better for it. Crush's feud with Doink killed his potential big run, but that's on WWF for unnecessarily keeping both men mired in it for half the year. If Luger stays heel, Crush slams Yokozuna, and Doink continues working amateur shootstyle matwork against guys 100 pounds heavier than he, THEN you have a promotion with a thriving summer. Heel Doink was an incredible role that Matt Borne played to perfection. People fondly remember the series with Mr. Perfect, the PPV gem against Bret, and weekend gems like his technical sprint with Bob Backlund, but I think this match against Boss Man was Borne at his aggressive bulldog matwork best. It being Boss Man's last WWF TV match for 5 years, and how dominant Doink was at the front end, looked like they were destroying Boss Man at his going away party. But the comeback came and showcased how at his best Boss Man was always just Dustin Rhodes, if Dustin was carrying an extra 100 pounds. I mean I don't remember Black Reign being anywhere near as good as Boss Man, but in theory.

Doink hits Boss Man upside the head with a cardboard box, which we are lead to believe was loaded, but either way Boss Man sells a box across the head as if someone cheap-shotted him with a pipe. It was almost shocking how dominant Doink was, but after a win over Tugboat and his mauling of Boss Man, this was the time to show how Doink could dismantle an opponent of any size. As I said up top, this match is insane. You don't often get to see a guy dressed up like a Spirit Store policeman working shootstyle amateur matwork with a clown, so this match had a deranged "technical street fight breaks out at a southern states Halloween party" feel to it. Doink twisted Boss Man's neck into a neckbreaker and dragged him to the mat with a drop toehold, then worked his legs into a fought for STF. It's so surreal watching a man in slightly rubbed off clown makeup work snug hammerlocks and half nelson grapevines against a man as large as Boss Man, and there's a moment where Doink traps Boss Man's arm and shoot turns him into a pin like he was Jack Brisco. Doink even plants him with a high back suplex and a tremendous fireman's carry takedown into an armbar! Doink completely eliminated the size difference while in control, making it look like Boss Man couldn't break these holds or stop these takedowns even if he knew they were coming. 

But Boss Man's comeback is believable and loudly received, as he press slams Doink off the top and goes on a real tear. I love when Boss builds speed and hits the ropes harder and harder, pushing the pace and throwing punches the entire time. He thunders into Doink with a corner clothesline and throws heavy corner punches, short uppercuts under the chin, a big boot, and slides to the floor with an uppercut after using his weight to see if he could break the ropes with Doink draped over them. Does the Georgia lawman get green spray paint sprayed into his eyes at the finish? Yes, but this was a fucking fight and it deserved to end dirty. 1993 Boss Man still had so much left in the tank. In his last couple weeks under contract he worked house show singles matches against Flair and Lawler, which I wish we had. We left a lot of fun potential Boss Man matches on the table that year, but in exchange we got the All Japan run that was probably the biggest gift his career gave us. Watch this match immediately.

4. The Narcissist Lex Luger vs. Jim Powers

ER: Luger and Powers matched up several times in short WCW singles matches a few years after this, Luger a major babyface and Powers with 40 extra pounds of muscle. Their March 1997 WCW match was their best competitive match, an entertaining babyface vs. babyface match. This one is a totally different dynamic obviously, with Luger as a freshly debuted top heel and Powers a babyface who was mostly working house shows. Powers looked like early career Rick Martel here, and four years later he looked like an American Gladiator.  Luger's work as the Narcissist was far and away the best work he ever did in WWF. His offense never looked better, his timing was better utilized, and it was a much more natural fit. He looked more at home taking apart Jimmy Powers in 90 seconds than he did in any 90 seconds of his All American Lex run. Powers was given some good offense in their 1997 encounters, but in 1993 it was all Luger, and he had a tight 90 seconds of material. 

I loved how they started this with Luger flipping out over Powers stealing a pose in his trifold mirror, blindsiding him with an awesome lariat and never letting up. He beats Powers up, and Luger is cool when he's smugly beating people up. He throws Powers chest first into the turnbuckles and lifts him high up for a back suplex, and the bionic forearm he hits would look like one of the sickest match finishers of 2022. Whoever was in production realized this, and we got to see that elbow from several different angles. Luger got up a real head of steam to hit the killshot, and it's a moved that looks as good in real time as it does in slo motion. The best slo mo replay showed Luger holding that elbow in tight to his body, fist to ear, Powers bumping it at the last possible split second. We got robbed of a two year Narcissist run, for nothing. Doctors get in the ring to attend to Powers after the match, Powers selling like he was knocked cold. They could have had Luger murdering men like this all year and built to a huge Bret/Luger title match at Summerslam. What might have been. 

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WWF 305 Live: Earthquake vs. Bam Bam

Earthquake vs. Bam Bam Bigelow WWF Superstars 2/20/93 - VERY GOOD

ER: I love when we'd get a surprise high profile match on Superstars, and this one is exciting. I don't think they even announced this match on that week's Raw, they just went straight into the Superstars intro with a Sears photo shoot of Bam Bam and Earthquake yelling at each other. It was always exciting to turn on Superstars and see a match between two "actual guys". This is a big one. I mean, I was a dumb enough kid that I was also excited for the Virgil/Bastion Booger rematch, but this match actually feels big. Bam Bam is wearing his yellow-dominant flame gear, which always makes him look like a gigantic 9 year old wearing his fire jammies. He also gets in the ring and yells along to his theme song, timing out the Bams, and it's just one of those things that makes Bigelow so perfect. He looks like only he looks, he wears his all-over yellow flame jammers, and he goes around yelling his own name. He's a gigantic toddler and he has my favorite face. The camera does small shaking movements as Earthquake comes out, camera manipulation done right, and it's wild to see how much larger Earthquake is than Bam Bam. Bigelow is huge, but there are a couple of camera angles that reveal just how much taller, wider, and bigger Earthquake was, and the crowd is hyped for it. Lawler even points out how he can't believe Earthquake is bigger than Bigelow. I've been to an NXT house show/TV taping in this building (more modernized than it was in 1993, but the angles and lines were the same) and this is a great match for that room. It's a more vertically built room with no second level, so you get a good view down on the ring, and brother these two filled that ring. 

I really liked how they bounced into each other. The played to the top of the room, Bigelow hitting fun hopping shoulderblocks that don't move Earthquake, then Earthquake charging at Bam Bam with a belly bounce. You get some great Earthquake deep leans into the ropes and his huge missed elbowdrop. Bigelow is a lot of fun in control, hitting two slow lift back suplexes that draw a lot of oooooos and ahhhhhhs from the crowd when they both land (and both of them do land hard). In between the two big suplexes that sent two big boys crashing to the mat, Bigelow stomped and clubbed at Quake, yelling at fans while doing so. They went immediately into Earthquake's comeback, which was the match's only real flaw. The two back suplexes were such cool spots, but once Bigelow missed a falling headbutt after the second suplex they just went into the big finishing sprint. The finish was cool, with Earthquake coming back and hitting a pair of high leap avalanches, but Bam Bam slips out underneath a third, and Earthquake takes a cool topple over the top, to the apron, to the floor, to the count out. I don't think they would have had to put too much else before Earthquake's comeback to make it all feel a bit more complete, but what we got was good. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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Another Iron Mike Sharpe Gem

Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Marty Jannetty WWF Superstars 11/14/92

ER: I was not anticipating my becoming such a big fan of Iron Mike, but when you get familiar enough with various WWE tropes and house styles throughout the years, it's easy to argue that Sharpe understood what to do and where to do it and how loud to be while doing it better than most. You can learn a lot by watching two minute long Mike Sharpe matches, seeing so many things he does that are almost completely absent from modern wrestling. Now, part of it is he had a loud personality and it really felt like him; there are plenty of people working gimmicks that seem dishonest to who they really are, but Iron Mike Sharpe knew the importance of being an oafish blowhard who takes bumps differently than anyone else. I love his bits, like how Jannetty ducks out of the way of Sharpe's match opening lock-up and Sharpe flips out, slaps the top rope in anger and tells the ref to take care of this issue. I love how much Sharpe griped to referees about problems that didn't exist, or just made those problems exist. 

There's another great bit where Sharpe uses his size to break out of a Jannetty full nelson, flexes his Canadian muscles to the surely appreciative fans in Saskatoon, then takes a fantastic bump over the top to the floor as Jannetty dropkicks him between the shoulder blades. Sharpe is the king of weirdo bumps, but they're all so good! After he gets back in he takes a monkey flip out of the corner and then takes an armdrag by...rolling halfway across the ring, into the ringpost, then oozes down to the floor like toothpaste running down the drain. Sure, sure, his big clubbing arms are nice and all but we're here for bumps like that. Jannetty's greatest contribution came at the finish, as he hits one of the sweetest, most goddamn GIF worthy fistdrops off the top rope. Is there such thing as the perfect fistdrop? Trick question, as every single attempt at a fistdrop lies somewhere in the Perfection Blast Radius. Jannetty's fistdrop here would be in that tiny circle at the center of the blast zone. 

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WWF 305 Live: Earthquake! Adonis! Tugboat! Atlas!

Adrian Adonis vs. Tony Atlas WWF 1/11/86 - VERY GOOD

ER: You might be shocked to know that fans in Philadelphia didn't react warmly to Adonis as The Adorable One. But Dick Graham and Lord Alfred really could not get over what this was supposed to be, and the commentary over half this match is them literally chuckling over the phrase "out of the closet" and then referring more to Adonis being out of the closet. They couldn't get enough of it. They were fascinated by it. They didn't know what to make of it, but they knew that they explicitly wanted to laugh about it. Except Adonis leans into every part of it and relishes the heat, and it's great. And he uses that heat and runs with it and doesn't lock up with Atlas for the first several minutes. He walks out, he gets slurs yelled at him from every side of the ring, and he looks like he's loving every bit of it. This man knew how to lean on the ropes and get a reaction from the littlest gestures. When the blows start coming, Adonis sells for Atlas's big headbutts, always spinning into the mat or bumping it like a brutal clothesline, once even flying into and getting tangled in the ropes. When he wasn't selling for big Atlas headbutts, he was hitting Tony with avalanches and the nastiest diving elbows. Both guys took hard bumps into the turnbuckles, with the Adonis bump especially memorable. Adonis gets crotched on the top rope and it gets treated as a huge crowd reaction moment, and I think I'm just going to have a soft spot for these matches that include a couple big bumps with some good crowd heat. High floor. 

Earthquake vs. Tugboat WWF Superstars 2/8/91 - EPIC

ER: This was short - just over 3 minutes long - but it was a fantastic big man sprint that felt, ahem, bigger than its length. There was belly bouncing, big collisions, and the most incredibly brave trust in ring ropes you've ever seen. Nobody runs the ropes like John Tenta. He's the greatest rope runner in wrestling history, throwing his full ass and hip down into the middle rope with 100% pure faith, the faith of a man being wheelbarrowed on a tightrope across Niagara Falls. Whenever I see a wrestler of a certain size hit the ropes at full speed, the ONLY thing that I thing about is one of those ropes snapping and sending a beautiful giant to an even shorter life. It's the only thing that crosses my mind when Andre throws his whole body backward at the ropes, and John Tenta hits those ropes every single time like a man who has never once considered the possibility of those ropes snapping like power lines in a storm. 

It's a beautiful thing to witness another human as they're showing 100% trust, in anything. Trust is a funny thing. We aren't always consistent in who or how we trust. We all consciously choose what things in life we trust. I don't 100% know what kind of meat was in any of the hundreds of fast food cheeseburgers I've eaten over my lifetime, but it's a risk I've taken with no second thought those hundreds of times. It's not heroic, we just all get to draw our own Trust Map whether we want to or not, and John Tenta has no time to let one single ring rope live rent-free in his head. There is nothing that will keep Tenta from hitting the ropes so hard that his perfect frame goes completely over the ring apron, bicep draped over the top rope as if he's leaning out the passenger window of his friend's pick-up, the happiest eyes you've seen telling you just how much he loves running those ropes. 

He hits two incredibly satisfying clotheslines that send Tugboat flying down in two great ring shaking back splashes. Earthquake runs through Tugboat with full confidence, clubs at his back, and hits a fun jumping kick to the stomach. Tugboat gets to hit a big avalanche and gets to show off his underrated talent as a babyface who can fire up a crowd. The match breaks down when Jimmy Hart interferes, in his resplendent airbrushed Earthquake blazer, gets lifted to the top rope by Tugboat and held there by the lapels, standing in the middle of the top rope. Earthquake nails Tugboat with the megaphone in full uncaring view of the ref. Earthquake is DQ'd and refuses to let that DQ get in the way of his good time, hitting a full thigh legdrop and Earthquake splash. Earthquake is a man who gets value out of his DQ. This is the kind of quick starburst spectacle you want to see from two clashing Kodiaks, a type of wrestling we won't ever see again. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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Borga Stepped Into My Life from a Magazine

Ludvig Borga vs. Tatanka  WWF Superstars 10/30/93 - EPIC

ER: It's crazy that this match was on Superstars, because this match felt like something that easily should have taken place on the upcoming Survivor Series PPV. Borga was positioned as the #2 heel at this point and Tatanka was at worst the #4 babyface (behind Bret, Luger, and Razor). Both had undefeated streaks, with Tatanka's now at 20 months, and it would have made way more sense to give this match a PPV platform. I love the Rock n Roll Express but there's no reason they needed a match at Survivor Series when this could have been positioned 2nd from the top. This was really Borga's first big singles match (outside of house shows, he dominated Marty Jannetty at Summerslam, so really the only opponent TV viewers would have seen give him even minor trouble would have been Virgil), so the first real opportunity to see a star get actual offense against him. 

Tatanka was a popular attraction at this point, a popular babyface who did nothing but win matches. But this match is probably the first time I ever heard him get a USA chant, and this match was really the first time the WWF heavily billed him as "An American, Defending America". Despite calling him a Native American often, I am sure many fans viewed him as a foreigner, because wrestling fans don't always have a firm understanding of race and cultural heritage. But here Tatanka was An American, Defending America, after having only previously served as The 4th Most Patriotic American At Best. Now a Proud Native American, Tatanka was never before treated as American as Hogan, Duggan, or Randy Savage - specifically during the 11 summer weeks of 1993 when Savage presumably lived in and slept in his stars & stripes sequined tuxedo and matching cowboy hat. 

Ludvig Borga's hands down best quality is that the second he comes through the curtain until the moment he's out of sight (and assuredly beyond), he looks like he is absolutely disgusted by every person he sees. Borga is filled with revulsion at this life that chose him, and loathes the sticky handed children and mustachioed north easterners who surround him. His scowl is iconic. The match plays out as a satisfying house show main event, with Borga goading the fans the entire time and getting loud heat and playing to all sides of the ring. Watching Borga with a full push behind him really highlights the things he was great at, and by now he was second in WWF only to Lawler at working the crowd. Heels played to crowds more at house shows, but Borga and Lawler were the only ones doing it in all of their recorded matches. Borga works over Tatanka's midsection with punches (finding specific people in the crowd to threaten before and after every one), and they milk a lot out of Tatanka knocking Borga off his feet. Borga misses a big avalanche and Tatanka goes wild with multiple clotheslines to finally knock Borga down, and the man challenges Tatanka to do it again! Borga works this match as if he's 7' tall and 400 lb., dropping down to one knee after a dropkick and getting knocked off balance but not down by chops and clotheslines and eventually gets knocked down by a nice crossbody. 

The USA chants are coming in steady when Borga hits one of the greatest body shots my eyes have seen, when Tatanka ducks a Borga lariat but Borga catches him with a whipcrack full arm shot to the belly that I guarantee was the loudest strike on this show. It's a loud enough sound to stop the USA chants cold and Borga gloats about that, rubbing that punch into the collective faces of Worcester. Borga hits a big vertical suplex and works a long but effective side headlock. This was not an IRS chinlock in the middle of a squash match for reasons nobody could ever know, but instead an actual worked headlock with both making it build to something. There's a surprisingly dominant Borga spot where Tatanka powers up out of a headlock and plants Borga with a hard back suplex, and Borga ROARS to his feet and plasters Tatanka with a lariat right under the chin. You didn't get a lot of no selling in late 1993 WWF so this stood out as some Zeus level shit. When Tatanka starts his war dance, Borga tries cutting him off with punches to the kidneys (which Tatanka has been selling the entire match) but Tatanka powers through, and we get into our finish - my only real fault with the match. Mr. Fuji had come to ringside to act as foreign distraction, and Fuji's distraction allows Borga to waste Tatanka with a folding chair. WWF wasn't using a lot of chairshots in this era, and while it wasn't to the head it was still a loud shot. Borga lunges at and scares a kid in the front row on his way back into the ring, and then pins Tatanka in the middle with only one finger. 

And with that, Ludvig Borga has once again pantsed America in front of the girl he has had a crush on for 3 years, pointing and yelling to all of the other countries about America's baby dick as America scrambled to pull their pants up. We get a post match finish that is greater than any angle that has finished an episode of Raw to this point, with Borga and Yokozuna manhandling and flattening Tatanka while the Quebecers keep Luger tied up. Luger gets to run off the heels, but the Steiners were supposedly locked in the dressing room and Luger was - AGAIN - too late. I think for the angle to have really worked they needed to really wreck Tatanka. Borga needed to do way more cheating to win, and Yokozuna needed more than one banzai splash. But the fans HATE Borga and Yokozuna and the heel side feels incredibly strong right now. This could have given us an excellent Borga/Yokozuna vs. Tatanka/Luger TV tag, but they only used that match a handful of times on house shows...two months later. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LUDVIG BORGA

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No Expectations, Borga Just Drifts and Drifts

Ludvig Borga vs. Gary Jackson  WWF Wrestling Challenge 10/10/93 - FUN

ER: Effective squash with a cool opponent. Gary Jackson worked USWA for a bit as Night Train Jackson, and does great wobbly legs selling for all of Borga's awesome body blows. Borga throws several punches under the ribs and into the kidneys, and Jackson buckles his knees for every one of them. You don't really get to see a ton of personality from 2/3 of the guys doing job work, so a guy who wobbles will stand out every time over the jobbers who just lie there. There are a shocking amount of jobbers who just lie there. Take a move, lie motionless on the mat, and occasionally do one of those full body heave sells. And here's Night Train out there going spaghetti legged on vicious punches. Sometimes Borga works with it, like when he grabs a tight side headlock after a dropped-to-his-knees Jackson is still selling and at perfect head squeezing height. Borga hits a big spinebuster, drops the point of his elbow into Jackson's chest, and finishes with the torture rack after punishing this poor man's midsection. 

Ludvig Borga vs. Tony Roy WWF Superstars 10/16/93 - FUN

ER: Tony Roy never had a chance. Borga shoves him hard into the corner during the introductions and begins a punishing series of body shots (lefts and rights, but mostly rights) and a healthy number of excellent kneelifts. Borga has gotten really good at yelling at fans while dishing out a painful beating. The fans respond to him in ways they don't respond to other heels, because he's good at keeping them engaged and - while he doesn't have a deep moveset - he mixes up his offense between matches enough that he's not just going out there working the same thing in the same order (and this sets him apart from guys like Mr. Perfect or IRS). He throws Roy up with a flapjack and then uppercuts him in the stomach on his way down, and while it doesn't really read as cool as sounds, it's still a cool ass thing to put in a match. His elbowdrop looks great, and I really love how he uses the hard shots to the body to directly set up the torture rack. The fact Borga looks so unpleasant and angry through all of his squashes only makes them better. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LUDVIG BORGA

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No Destination in This Life Borga Lives

Ludvig Borga vs. Phil Apollo WWF Raw 9/27/93 - FUN

ER: Borga is one of the few squash match workers during this era of WWF TV to work different style squash matches. Not Different Style, but he doesn't work every one of his squashes the same, and there's some offense that he doesn't use every match. Here he hits a great spinebuster and hard side slam, which he didn't use at all in his match on Challenge the day before, and here he doesn't use his diving clothesline finisher that he typically uses. He storms his way to the ring, shoves Finkel out of the way during the ring intros and just bullies Apollo into the corner with knees to the ribs. He throws body shots, hits a 12 second vertical suplex (that would have gone longer had Apollo not started to tilt), and throws Apollo hard to the floor. Apollo takes a fast bump through the ropes and Borga makes sure to point out a Finland flag sign that someone has in the crowd. Borga's squashes at this point are cool and violent enough that he's getting heat from most of the crowd, while clearly drawing supporters who just like to see ass kickings. That's like the perfect wrestler storm right there. 

Ludvig Borga vs. Sonny Rogers  WWF Superstars 10/2/93 - VERY GOOD

ER: This was going pretty normally for a Ludvig Borga squash. He entered the ring, walked directly over to Rogers and shoved him with both palms into the corner, then spent the next couple minutes working over Rogers' midsection with punches. Borga's body work is a really cool feature for a WWF heel to have, and since arriving here he's only been getting better at making them look more punishing. Rogers is a fun floppy bumper, going legs in the air on clothesline bumps. Borga hits his longest vertical suplex to date (16 seconds)...and comes up bleeding from the hairline. I have no idea how he got busted open, but it's weird to see someone bleeding out of their head on a 1993 episode of Superstars! Borga wipes it off and flings some at the camera, then goes back to work hard on Rogers with more body shots and a big elbowdrop. In addition to the very surprising color, there's another little wrinkle as Borga misses a corner charge, takes a dropkick from Rogers (but doesn't go down), takes a lariat from Rogers (but doesn't budge an inch and flexes and yells his way through it). Rogers actually goes up for a crossbody but Borga catches him and plants him with a powerslam. Borga is really standing out as a presence at this point, and they're doing a good job of making him feel more special by keeping him mostly separate from any big names. He feels more like a rogue free agent and I'm excited to see him run everything Luger stands for into the ground. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LUDVIG BORGA

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What's the Best Lex Luger WWF Match? Is it with Owen? Or This Squash Match?

Lex Luger vs. Owen Hart WWF Mania 6/26/93

ER: What a production! The Narcissist poses in his mirror, as Gorilla Monsoon turns Luger putting on his company-mandated protective arm sleeve into the biggest social justice cause of our time. I'm not sure I've ever heard Gorilla so frequently and incessantly demand that a wrong be righted. Luger is great during the whole intro, laughing off fans' demands but then losing it once told over the house mic that he must put on the protective sleeve or forfeit the match. Owen gets a big reaction coming out, and this is a crowd mildly intrigued about the chances of a win streak being broken by a man who lost to Bastion Booger the previous weekend. And, that was the weekend where Booger lost IN HIS DEBUT to Virgil. And yet, plenty are here to see Owen, the man slotted below Virgil on the depth chart, and that rules. Luger must sense this, as much of the match is Luger bumping and stooging for Owen. Luger misses a corner charge and eats a bulldog, runs right into a spinning heel kick, goes over fast for armdrags, and then takes the most glorious close call on a crossbody. Luger cuts nearfall kickouts so damn close and it is a great skill that few have. He gets such great reaction from his kickout timing, and this was a rare instance of him getting his shoulder up SO CLOSE to a 3 count that the crowd actually gets audibly upset, thinking they had been lawyer balled out of seeing an Owen win. But Owen doesn't show frustration and keeps the pressure on Luger, getting loud reactions from corner punches. Sadly, as the ref tries to separate them, Luger blasts Owen with the forearm (Luger is so good at removing the elbow sleeve while tied up in the turnbuckles) and Owen goes out like a light. 

Lex Luger vs. Rich Myers WWF Superstars 7/3/93

ER: This is Luger's finest and most effective squash match under The Narcissist run, giving Myers a couple of actual hot nearfalls and looking flustered until he delivered two killshots. Myers is one of our bigger bumping jobbers, and he looks like an American take on Bruce McCulloch's mulleted disaffected youth. McCulloch's youths rebelled by putting their teenage love poetry to guitar riffs, while Myers rebelled by becoming a wrestler. He slips out of a backdrop and gets some arm drags on Luger, runs him into the ropes with a nice O'Connor roll, and Luger was great at showing such fun panic in his eyes. But Luger kicks Myers to block a backdrop, knocks him sideways with a lariat, then throws Myers into the ropes only to run at him perpendicularly (like he's doing a Pounce) and times it *perfectly*. He runs elbow first right into Myers' jaw, then just kneels on him for the pin. How sad that Luger's best squash performance as the far too short-lived Narcissist came the literal day before the USS Intrepid. 

Neither of these were Lex Luger's Best WWF Match, but they are among his best performances as The Narcissist and that counts for a lot. 

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Borga Wakes Up in the Morning and He Feels, the Pain in His Head

Ludvig Borga vs. Virgil  WWF Superstars 8/28/93 - GREAT

ER: This is Borga's first match against someone who occasionally records wins, and it plays perfectly as a Borga showcase while also giving Virgil a nice little walking tall babyface performance. It's a 3 minute match so it's not a full valiant Tito Santana performance, but he makes a little dent in Borga and the fans are into him. This was a great coming out performance for Borga, his first match against someone the crowd responds to, and he really ups the personality and stiffness. Borga is great at selling contempt for Americans, a raised eyebrow every bit as expressive as The Rock's. Virgil gets a little too hyped up by the crowd's enthusiasm, and decides to shadow box with Borga. Borga is a huge man who boxed professionally, so I got very excited by Virgil's decision to throw hands. And, it's great. Borga has no problem absolutely slugging Virgil several times, the closest he has come by far to giving us Different Fight Halme in WWF. He lands organ punishing body shots in the corner and boxes Virgil's ear, but Virgil is a guy who works stiff and Borga leaves openings for return fire. 

Virgil boxes back and it made me want a 2 Cold Scorpio/Virgil match real bad. Virgil hits hard enough that it looks cool when Borga shoulderblocks him to the mat, like even the larger Borga had to earn it. Virgil lands a clothesline full force to Borga's chest, and throws a couple of sick shots to Borga's throat (Borga sells them like a man who just got punched in the throat), and Virgil's standing dropkick has real impact. Both guys hit smashmouth back elbows and Borga ramps up his impact when moving to finish. I haven't seen his flying lariat look better than it looked here, including his matches against Norton and Vader. This was far more effective than having him murder Ricky Ataki before Summerslam. Virgil was a popular guy who looked tough and credible against Borga, while getting murdered by Borga. This really made Borga look like a killer who could withstand 1993 babyface offense to land his own big shots. They had Jannetty take down Bastion Booger in a few credible ways, really gave a nice lowkey build to what is probably the least important match at Summerslam. But damn if I'm not more excited to see Borga/Jannetty. 

Ludvig Borga vs. PJ Walker WWF Superstars 9/18/93 - VERY GOOD

ER: Total asskicking, great squash, a perfect highlight reel of Borga's best offense, and a great reason why PJ Walker was a full time employee a year later. Walker takes two minutes of hard punishment, and Borga gets to sneer and show off. He starts by lifting Walker into the air with a choke, hits a sick headbutt upon releasing the choke, then starts the body shots. Borga has awesome body shots and here he got to throw off some footwork, give Walker an unexpected left to the body after faking right, then whip him hard into the turnbuckles after softening up his insides. He hits a great vertical suplex after holding Walker up for 10 seconds, then leaps as high as possible on his standing elbowdrop. His elbowdrop is so it it even makes Macho Man exclaim that it's higher than he lands on HIS elbowdrop, and Macho Man was never in the business of praising heels. Walker leans into Borga's big flying clothesline and turns on the landing, making it look like a nice rag doll layout. Borga's specific kind of heel offense is ahead of its time and behind the times, but I don't think it was appreciated enough in 1993. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LUDVIG BORGA

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WWF 305 Live: Moondog Rex! Andre! Earthquake! Braun! Booger!

Andre the Giant vs. Moondog Rex WWF 8/1/81 - VERY GOOD

ER: The match opening graphic says "Rex Moondog" and it made me laugh so hard that it made an incredible on paper match up even better. They would have given me a heart attack if the graphic had then said  "Andre Giant", and now I only want to think of these two as Rex Moondog and Andre Giant. And THEN Dick Graham and Kal Rudman just keep on calling him Rex Moondog for the duration of the (far too short) match and it's perfect. Sadly, this is yet another big man WWF match that goes under 2 minutes, and at this point especially seems to be something that plagues Moondog and Samoan singles matches. When allowed to stretch out I think Rex P. Moondog has had some great singles matches, but WWF seemed more intently focused on letting him get run over by bigger singles stars. 

It makes no sense to me, as he's someone who actually looked credible fighting back against Hogan and Andre, but I guess they only wanted him looking credible for 90-120 seconds. I like how he takes Andre's offense but I like the way he hits Andre even more. It's futile of course, and it's a shame that Andre treats him like he would treat any of the jobbers in a 3 on 1 handicap match. Rex has these great comical bumps, like his back bump after being thrown into the buckles, or a great moment where Andre deadlifts Rex off the mat by his waistband (with Rex later getting some shots in on Andre while holding HIS trunks). Andre pays him back with a cool standing splash. 1980s WWF never seemed to grasp the value of an 8 minute match. They were either having Tony Garea go out there working a 20 minute draw or they were having a Moondog lose in under 2 minutes. As always, what we get is fun, but even ONE more minute would have made this so much more worthwhile. 

Earthquake vs. Bastion Booger WWF Superstars 3/12/94 - FUN

ER: Not a ton to this one, sadly, other than the probable combined weight of these two. And yet, just seeing the bulging bellies on them is more than enough for me. We need more bulging bellies held in by shaping singlets, and more bulging bellies tucked deeply into hiked up trunks. Earthquake hits his big dropkick, but a lot of this was Booger hitting so-so clubbing forearm shots until Earthquake stops messing around. That moment comes after Booger hits an avalanche and then does his little dance - while Johnny Polo plays the theme to the Odd Couple over it, perfectly in time, for reasons I couldn't possibly know. And yes, I mean that Polo actually played the theme, he had it cued up and ready. It was not him singing it. Earthquake hits a powerslam followed by an excellent big man elbowdrop, before dropping his big ass  on him. A good enough example of the high floor a fat guy match has. 

Braun Strowman vs. Keith Lee WWE Raw 10/19/20 - FUN

ER: This was three cool minutes of a match that should have been at least nine. Strowman punches Lee in the stomach and headbutts him, then runs into him with an avalanche, clotheslines him to the floor, and gets a head of steam before shoulderblocking him into the apron. They add a cool wrinkle when Braun pulls a muscle in his ribs while trying to powerslam the massive Lee, and Lee immediately goes after the ribs. He punches Braun in the ribs and kidneys, hits a big splash, and we have what's shaping up to be a great big man war. 

The problem is, is that it ends right after it establishes itself. This felt like 3 cool minutes of a full main event. But instead, Braun lifts the back of his head into Lee's balls when Lee goes for a powerbomb, then Braun just kicks him to the mat for the win. In a vacuum this was all great, hard hitting big man stuff. But there's no reason to be tossing this match out there in the main event slot and then cutting the legs off it. This would play better if these were two mid-carders having it out an hour into Smackdown, but in a main event slot from two guys who have been occupying main event roles, they should really be aspiring to something higher than a cool Albert/Rhyno match. What we got was great, but it easily could have and should have been much more.  

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It's Maybe Cold Outside, But in Ludvig Borga the Fire is Burning

Ludvig Borga vs. Tony DiMauro WWF Superstars 7/24/93 - VERY GOOD

ER: This was Borga's WWF debut, and he shows up with no hype whatsoever. There's mention of his debut at the beginning of the show, and when it's time for his match he's just described as a new wrestler from Helsinki. There was no inset interview, no coming soon videos, not even his name on the entrance screen; just Borga coming out and Vince telling the TV audience that he's from Helsinki. They do the exact same thing to the Quebecers on this same episode, debuting them with no features or word that The Mountie was coming back with a chubby friend. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have told you too much about Finland when I was 12, and I'm not sure how it related to pro wrestling or why it was important. But this was a great debut, and it's kind of cool how it came with no warning. DiMauro doesn't get an introduction, because Borga fast walks to the ring and without slowing down storms up behind DiMauro and deadlifts him into a hard back suplex. DiMauro is a big guy with a good build, and it's smart to debut Borga against a big guy, as it just made him look more badass quickly demolishing this guy. He is efficient and violent, hits a hard back elbow and a truly great headbutt (one of the finest I've seen hit in WWF), swings hard for DiMauro's head on a missed clothesline, really comes off like a monster. He also misses a fast avalanche and takes a fast bump on a DiMauro clothesline, which felt like a generous thing to do in his debut. But, then he absolutely wastes DiMauro with a diving clothesline, capping off a super explosive debut. 

Ludvig Borga vs. Jason Headings WWF Wrestling Challenge 7/25/93 - FUN

ER: I don't know who Jason Headings is, but he certainly earned his keep here. Borga would have been a total stranger to this crowd, but it's kind of cool to give a guy two weekend showcase squashes with no prior TV build, kids at home watching a giant angry faced Finnish man on Saturday, then seeing the same guy wreck someone else on Sunday. Borga does this great thing where he storms out and immediately goes after his opponent, not waiting for the bell. He lifts Headings up by the throat and drops him flat, clubs him, then picks him up in a vertical suplex and holds it for at least 15 seconds. Headings lands a stiff lariat that doesn't budge Borga, and when Headings gives it another shot he gets folded in half by a Borga clothesline. The bump looked like it surprised Headings more than anyone else, as he was clearly going to do a folding bump off the clothesline, but I don't think he was expecting Borga to hit him so hard, so his momentum got carried in an unexpected way. It's not like Borga swung for the fences, but he really hooked him and the fold looked awesome. Borga DOES swing for the fences on his next clothesline, but it is meant to miss (luckily Headings ducked), but Borga turns around and hits his flying clothesline for the quick win. If I was a kid and saw these two Borga squashes on back to back days, I would have immediately thought this guy was a main event threat. Curious to see how they handle him on Raw.  

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LUDVIG BORGA

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WWF 305 Live: Hogan! King Mabel!! Bam Bam! Volkoff!

Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff WWF SNME 10/5/85 - GREAT

ER: This was a flag match, so you get Volkoff out singing the Russian anthem, Hogan comes out waving a gigantic American flag and wearing his resplendent whites. This is unquestionably the greatest gear of Hogan's career. The white boots, kneepads, and trunks, but with a proper sheen so it doesn't look like he's wearing a diaper (see Akiyama, Jun). The match is good, good enough that I wish we had more Hogan/Volkoff showdowns. This gets the added Red Menace heat, and it's worked at a quicker pace than a lot of era Hogan matches, and benefits from more back and forth (less Volkoff taking his share up front so Hogan can come back). It's more of a slugfest brawl with Hogan fired up (because of America), hitting an early axe bomber and awesome elbowdrop. Hogan had a really great elbowdrop in 84/85, something he dropped almost entirely not long after. It was a fistdrop like elbow, dropping down like Dibiase but placing the elbow perfectly across the throat. It's honestly one of the finest elbowdrops in wrestling, which is funny as I don't think of an elbowdrop as a Hogan move. He knocks Volkoff through the ropes, onto the time keeper's table, and Volkoff only takes over by running Hogan into a ringpost. His control is good, slamming Hogan and bullying him around, lifting him up with a super impressive overhead press, holding Hogan over his head by the trunks before crashing him down with a backbreaker. The finish is tight and sudden, with Hogan dodging a charging Volkoff, sending him high up on the turnbuckles into the post, leading to a quick Hogan legdrop. After the match Hogan actually spit shines his boots with the Russian flag!

King Mabel vs. Bam Bam Bigelow WWF Superstars 8/19/95 - VERY GOOD

ER: This is a literally and figuratively BIG match to show up on Superstars, maybe the two heaviest guys on the roster at this point. My only complaint is that Bigelow really needed to lay in shots, just to put over this ring-stressing clash of colossus. Bigelow is someone who always pulled his shots, never worked stiff, and used his agility to bump around generously for opponents. I appreciate a nice worked shot, but Mabel is such a tower of mass that you need to really run into him to back him up. That said, obviously this was a (ahem) ton of fun. Mabel is a real beast and really aims to smoosh Bigelow. The best parts were obviously when they would just run and leap into each other. A match like this basically needs to be nothing but avalanches, over and over, until one of the big fat guys falls on the other big fat guy. Mabel is good at selling for Bigelow, and my favorite thing might be Mabel selling the pyro during Bigelow's intro. Now there *was* a lot of fire in that ring, but Mabel sold it like he got maced. Bigelow runs the ropes really cool, always leaning deep into them to show how much is size can bend them, and it really puts across any extra spring he might be getting before hurling himself into the King. Bigelow runs into a big Boss Man Slam and Mabel chokes him in the ropes a bunch, whips him hard in the buckles, drops axe handles, Bam Bam bumping around for all of it. We get a fantastic spot, where Bigelow tries to surprise Mabel with his enziguiri, but Mabel ducks it and when Bigelow gets back to his feet MABEL hits an enziguiri! I'm not sure I've seen Bam Bam's enziguiri countered and used against him before, and it rules. Mabel hits an avalanche but crashes hard into the buckles on another one, and then Bigelow nails the enziguiri. Mo gets involved and takes a huge bump off the apron when Bigelow immediately shuts that interference down. Missed headbutt off the top and Mabel puts him away (a little easily) with a nice belly to belly. I would have liked to see one more Bigelow kickout before Mabel crushed him for good, but this had the kind of squishing you'd want from two behemoths.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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On Brand Segunda Caida: The Goon

The Goon vs. Dan Jesser WWF Superstars 7/20/96

ER: Honestly, anybody who hates this gimmick is an actual fucking idiot. This whole performance was awesome and would absolutely slay on the indies (or in major feds) today with zero changes. We get a short, hilarious highlight package of Goon slashing and high sticking people on a hockey rink, and once the bell rings he literally throws his gloves off and starts hockey fighting Jesser. It's brilliant. And it's brilliant because Bill Irwin is a mean son of a bitch. He lights up and overwhelms Jesser with right hands, then throws him into the ropes and lariats him right in the back of the head. Jesser isn't a total zilch in this, working in a fun spot where he has Goon by the arm and keeps ducking right hands before flipping Goon onto his butt. The Goon's offense is simple but really tough, loved his flying knee into the corner and all of his strikes looked really good. His finisher is awesome, just flying as hard as possible into Jesser with a body check, sending Jesser bumping in awesome fashion through the ropes to the floor. For good measure, Goon runs out to the floor and checks Jesser again, from behind, right into the apron. For guys whose finishers involve sending a guy to the floor to get counted out, I'm gonna say that The Goon's body check is as good as Berzerker launching people past the ringside mats. Anybody who has ever told you that this gimmick wasn't good was not being honest with you, and you shouldn't trust them.

The Goon vs. Marc Mero WWF Raw 7/22/96

ER: This match ruled so hard. I cannot believe how wrong everyone was about The Goon! I knew I liked Bill Irwin, but The Goon is brilliant. This is also by far one of my favorite WWF Mero matches, both guys working stiff and Mero breaking out some cool highspots. The Goon throws down the gloves at the bell and throws hard hockey punches at Mero, big elbow, and sets up the body check in the corner. His hockey offense was so awesome and it will never ever get old to me. He throws rabbit punches, throws Mero into the ropes only to skate in with a low shoulderblock to the gut, steps on Mero's neck with his ice skate boots, the whole thing is amazing. Mero is a former Golden Gloves boxer who has no problem throwing blows with The Goon, and a dirty hockey fighter vs. a cultured boxer is a cool match-up that people would probably be more excited for today than in 1996. We get a couple nice nearfalls, with Mero hitting a roll-up that I thought was the for sure finish. But the match goes to even more interesting, deeper levels, really an awesomely laid out spectacle. To open the show they did a segment where Sunny brought out a big cake for Shawn Michaels' birthday, which of course babyfaces Michaels and Ahmed Johnson shoved into Sunny's face. So the ringside area was covered in cake, and here comes The Goon aiming to check Mero into the ring steps, and Goon slips on icing and flies into the steps himself! Goon was slipping around on the icing, then Mero hit his big tope con giro which Goon caught perfectly. Back in and a slingshot legdrop gives The Goon a loss two matches into the gimmick. But no matter, this was a match with tons of asskicking, and The Goon's brand of slugfest came across really cool in the middle of 1996 WWF. I wish 1996 Irwin was around to be doing this gimmick in current wrestling.

The Goon vs. The Stalker WWF Superstars 9/22/96

ER: I just might be crazy, and maybe it's because those ice skate boots were really tough to move in, but Irwin is so damn good in this gimmick that he actually MOVES like a guy starting a fight on the ice. His whole body movement is slightly off balance, but he hits with great explosive force and makes all of his shots look like big impact. Irwin vs. Windham surprisingly wasn't a match that ever really happened, which is a shame as this whipped in 1996 so imagine what it would have been like in 1989? The Goon throws his short right hand hockey punches, and they look so great! Stalker fires back with really nice, but more traditional punches, including his nice hooking uppercut. The Goon runs hard into Stalker, throws cheap shot back elbows (the gimmick is perfect!! Everything he does feels like a hockey cheap shot!!), and for the first time breaks out his full extension pump kick. Now, that's a classic nice Irwin spot, and I suppose it doesn't make as much sense to do it while wearing ice skates, as he would have just sliced Stalker's carotid, which is a bit much. Nice vertical suplex from Stalker here, and an even nicer superplex (obviously), and this was just a real nice workmanlike short match. He was clearly treated as a peer of Mero's a couple months before, but this whole match had much more of a "Stalker showcase" even though it was competitive. The Goon is still awesome.

The Goon vs. Flash Funk WWF Raw 12/2/96

ER: I *LOVE* that although The Goon's run was short, they kept matching him up with tough guys who didn't mind working stiff. Goon threw more stiff hockey punches, hard kneelifts, and sharp back elbows, but Funk is obviously a guy who isn't going to get eaten alive out there. Funk hits his slick sunset flip rollup out of the corner for a nice nearfall, then builds to a big lariat from the middle rope to the floor, and follows that with a moonsault from the top to the floor (and damn does his knee connect right with The Goon's face). The Goon is such a big bumper, taking a dropkick from Funk and doing a cool backwards butt first, through the ropes to the floor bump, and misses a leaping charge into the ringpost as nastily as I've seen anyone ever do it. He even brings some flying to counter Funk, hitting a cool elbowdrop off the middle rope and a couple variations on his pump kick. Both of them came off like tough guys in the one, and both took risks that were bigger than the reactions they were getting. But still, this was a cool match up from two awesome workers in weird gimmicks. Vince grunting and dancing to Flash Funk's theme music while imploring Funk to "get his booty up off the mat" is one of the worst things I've ever seen.

The Goon vs. The Undertaker WWF Superstars 1/5/97

ER: This match is exciting for many reasons. It's The Goon going out on top, going head to head with one of the top 3 guys in WWF in his final match. It's the end of the season, and The Goon just got told he's not going to be brought back next year. He still valiantly throws down those gloves to get into one last fight, and in a fantastic moment Undertaker becomes the first guy to successfully dodge The Goon's opening match cheap shot. Every other match saw The Goon jump his opponent at the bell and bully them into the corner with bitchin' rights to the eye sockets. Undertaker sidesteps The Goon and starts winging body shots in the corner, Goon bumping around like a doofus losing a hockey fight but who is going to keep swinging until he can't see. It's a fun match up and the cruel runtime tease was deceptive (the YouTube file of the match is 9 minutes, making me excited for a potential syndicated classic, but the match ends in 4 minutes and we get a Jim Cornette angle for as much time as the match got). Undertaker took most of the match, but The Goon didn't come off like a joke. He's a guy who looked tough even though Undertaker took 75% of this. He felt like a guy on Taker's level, and it would be a program I actually would fucking love. The Goon was a really impressive big guy bumper, and he really ran into guys, hard. I like how he took the chokeslam and the Tombstone, but man I wish this was a little more competitive and got at least a couple more minutes. What a weird little gem of a run.


ER: What do we actually know about Bill Irwin's run as The Goon? From the evidence here I thought it was a genuinely great, funny character that had potential as a popular midcard act. I don't know why WWF was bringing in 42 year old Bill Irwin, and then not rewarding him when he did the best anyone possibly could have done with a hockey gimmick. I'm not sure what more could have been expected. Whose idea was the gimmick? Why did they lose faith so quickly in the gimmick? What fault could they have found in Irwin's execution? I'm SO interested to know their expectations and reasons, so hopefully the reasons are common knowledge and someone can help me. I am a big Irwin fan, and think he's a guy more people should spend some time on. And I thought this gimmick was incredibly fun and incredibly well done. The fact we got so short of a run and so few matches from The Goon is a 100% honest to god unobjectionable shame. Take a 1/2 hour of your day to watch these matches and see why.

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WWF 305 Live: Dumpster! Bigelow! Sid! Vader!

Duke Droese vs. Bam Bam Bigelow WWF Superstars 10/8/94 - VERY GOOD

ER: Duke Droese may have had the most consistently great punch of any non-Lawler guy in WWF during this era, and that's a crazy thought that nobody talks about. His straight right hand looks like it should bust an eye socket, and totally works as his equalizer. Duke is really good at bumping around, and he takes a hard bump to the floor when Bigelow tosses him, then gets knocked off the apron again right after. Bigelow is quick but Duke can match his speed, and it's fun seeing guys this size working quick exchanges. Bigelow attacks with elbows, a big vertical suplex, shoulderblocks, and a couple nice headbutts, but Droese throws a mean clothesline, decent legdrop, and a huge powerslam on the larger Bigelow. That clothesline of his is a real treat, the way his arm cuts straight and quick, much more of a tight impact than a long outstretched arm. Bigelow has a real nice roll up to win, really lying with his full weight buried in Droese's knee pits. I really liked this whole thing. Two big guys working quick, working snug, working big. Working.

Vader/Mankind vs. Sycho Sid/Undertaker WWF Raw 3/10/97 - FUN

ER: This was worked just a little too carefully to actually get really good. We get a long section of Vader holding Sid down with a headlock, which isn't bad but I was hoping for something more explosive here. Undertaker and Sid each appeared to be working gingerly for at least the first half of this. Vader was taking bumps throughout, taking a lariat over the top to the floor and a Taker uppercut the same, taking a flat bump off the floor on a punch, got up high for a Taker chokeslam, big splash on Sid; but even Vader felt like he was holding back on punches. This actually did get explosive when Taker leaped onto Vader and Sid off the apron but mostly got Sid, so Sid took that as an invite to start throwing hands with his upcoming Mania opponent. Taker hit his huge no hands plancha on Vader and Mankind, Sid hit an awesome powerbomb on Taker, so this had some merit. But 8 minutes with these guys could have been way bigger.


WWF COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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Hey, This Happened: Smothers/Savio vs. JBL/Dutch

Freddie Joe Floyd & Savio Vega  vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw & Zebekiah (WWF Superstars 7/23/96, Aired 8/17/96)

ER: You look at that lineup, and there's no way you think "Of course that happened on WWF TV at some point". No, you think "That looks really terrific". And you'd be right. Smothers had just debuted in WWF a couple weeks before and was treated as a somewhat fresh faced babyface upstart, Dutch had barely been used as a worker, Bradshaw wasn't an unprofessional company man yet, it was a weird time. Smothers works this as a great fired up babyface, throwing wild fists to the back of Bradshaw's head, hitting high dropkicks and his cool whipping heel kick, taking a huge bump off the apron into the guardrail on a Hawk big boot (that the cameras almost miss) and eventually making a MASSIVE hot tag to Savio, literally leaping most of the way across the ring to make the tag. 

The real revelation was Dutch, already nearing 50, looking like the best guy in the match. Vince and Hennig dump all over him on commentary, with Hennig talking about how he's not a wrestler and Vince talking about how his best days are long behind him. Then Dutch tags in and clearly looks like the best guy in the match, tearing into Smothers with nasty punches, big lariat and an incredibly cool stomp/boot scrape on Smothers' face. Before that he was great at running distraction from the apron and floor, total killer hidden gem performance. I love that things like this match are still out there, ripe for rediscovery. Bless those two weeks where Tracy Smothers was treated by WWF as someone to watch, and bless Dutch for making the most of his infrequent WWF ring time, and bless Bradshaw for letting Smothers take a ton of their sequences, and bless Savio for his stretchy tough skins jeans. 

PAS: This was really fun, kind of makes me want to see what other weirdo matches were floating around WWF Superstars from that period. Bradshaw was great in this, just laying into Floyd and Savio with big boots, slams and an awesome senton. I loved Smothers as a hot tag, his crazy dive for the tag was great, but I also loved him crawling across the bottom rope like he was on a corporate team building ropes course. Dutch is one of the all time greats, and his short clotheslines, punches and boot rakes show what a waste he was as a manager. Zeb should have been feuding with Austin.

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