On Brand Segunda Caida: The Goon

The Goon vs. Dan Jesser WWF Superstars 7/20/96

ER: Honestly, anybody who hates this gimmick is an actual fucking idiot. This whole performance was awesome and would absolutely slay on the indies (or in major feds) today with zero changes. We get a short, hilarious highlight package of Goon slashing and high sticking people on a hockey rink, and once the bell rings he literally throws his gloves off and starts hockey fighting Jesser. It's brilliant. And it's brilliant because Bill Irwin is a mean son of a bitch. He lights up and overwhelms Jesser with right hands, then throws him into the ropes and lariats him right in the back of the head. Jesser isn't a total zilch in this, working in a fun spot where he has Goon by the arm and keeps ducking right hands before flipping Goon onto his butt. The Goon's offense is simple but really tough, loved his flying knee into the corner and all of his strikes looked really good. His finisher is awesome, just flying as hard as possible into Jesser with a body check, sending Jesser bumping in awesome fashion through the ropes to the floor. For good measure, Goon runs out to the floor and checks Jesser again, from behind, right into the apron. For guys whose finishers involve sending a guy to the floor to get counted out, I'm gonna say that The Goon's body check is as good as Berzerker launching people past the ringside mats. Anybody who has ever told you that this gimmick wasn't good was not being honest with you, and you shouldn't trust them.

The Goon vs. Marc Mero WWF Raw 7/22/96

ER: This match ruled so hard. I cannot believe how wrong everyone was about The Goon! I knew I liked Bill Irwin, but The Goon is brilliant. This is also by far one of my favorite WWF Mero matches, both guys working stiff and Mero breaking out some cool highspots. The Goon throws down the gloves at the bell and throws hard hockey punches at Mero, big elbow, and sets up the body check in the corner. His hockey offense was so awesome and it will never ever get old to me. He throws rabbit punches, throws Mero into the ropes only to skate in with a low shoulderblock to the gut, steps on Mero's neck with his ice skate boots, the whole thing is amazing. Mero is a former Golden Gloves boxer who has no problem throwing blows with The Goon, and a dirty hockey fighter vs. a cultured boxer is a cool match-up that people would probably be more excited for today than in 1996. We get a couple nice nearfalls, with Mero hitting a roll-up that I thought was the for sure finish. But the match goes to even more interesting, deeper levels, really an awesomely laid out spectacle. To open the show they did a segment where Sunny brought out a big cake for Shawn Michaels' birthday, which of course babyfaces Michaels and Ahmed Johnson shoved into Sunny's face. So the ringside area was covered in cake, and here comes The Goon aiming to check Mero into the ring steps, and Goon slips on icing and flies into the steps himself! Goon was slipping around on the icing, then Mero hit his big tope con giro which Goon caught perfectly. Back in and a slingshot legdrop gives The Goon a loss two matches into the gimmick. But no matter, this was a match with tons of asskicking, and The Goon's brand of slugfest came across really cool in the middle of 1996 WWF. I wish 1996 Irwin was around to be doing this gimmick in current wrestling.

The Goon vs. The Stalker WWF Superstars 9/22/96

ER: I just might be crazy, and maybe it's because those ice skate boots were really tough to move in, but Irwin is so damn good in this gimmick that he actually MOVES like a guy starting a fight on the ice. His whole body movement is slightly off balance, but he hits with great explosive force and makes all of his shots look like big impact. Irwin vs. Windham surprisingly wasn't a match that ever really happened, which is a shame as this whipped in 1996 so imagine what it would have been like in 1989? The Goon throws his short right hand hockey punches, and they look so great! Stalker fires back with really nice, but more traditional punches, including his nice hooking uppercut. The Goon runs hard into Stalker, throws cheap shot back elbows (the gimmick is perfect!! Everything he does feels like a hockey cheap shot!!), and for the first time breaks out his full extension pump kick. Now, that's a classic nice Irwin spot, and I suppose it doesn't make as much sense to do it while wearing ice skates, as he would have just sliced Stalker's carotid, which is a bit much. Nice vertical suplex from Stalker here, and an even nicer superplex (obviously), and this was just a real nice workmanlike short match. He was clearly treated as a peer of Mero's a couple months before, but this whole match had much more of a "Stalker showcase" even though it was competitive. The Goon is still awesome.

The Goon vs. Flash Funk WWF Raw 12/2/96

ER: I *LOVE* that although The Goon's run was short, they kept matching him up with tough guys who didn't mind working stiff. Goon threw more stiff hockey punches, hard kneelifts, and sharp back elbows, but Funk is obviously a guy who isn't going to get eaten alive out there. Funk hits his slick sunset flip rollup out of the corner for a nice nearfall, then builds to a big lariat from the middle rope to the floor, and follows that with a moonsault from the top to the floor (and damn does his knee connect right with The Goon's face). The Goon is such a big bumper, taking a dropkick from Funk and doing a cool backwards butt first, through the ropes to the floor bump, and misses a leaping charge into the ringpost as nastily as I've seen anyone ever do it. He even brings some flying to counter Funk, hitting a cool elbowdrop off the middle rope and a couple variations on his pump kick. Both of them came off like tough guys in the one, and both took risks that were bigger than the reactions they were getting. But still, this was a cool match up from two awesome workers in weird gimmicks. Vince grunting and dancing to Flash Funk's theme music while imploring Funk to "get his booty up off the mat" is one of the worst things I've ever seen.

The Goon vs. The Undertaker WWF Superstars 1/5/97

ER: This match is exciting for many reasons. It's The Goon going out on top, going head to head with one of the top 3 guys in WWF in his final match. It's the end of the season, and The Goon just got told he's not going to be brought back next year. He still valiantly throws down those gloves to get into one last fight, and in a fantastic moment Undertaker becomes the first guy to successfully dodge The Goon's opening match cheap shot. Every other match saw The Goon jump his opponent at the bell and bully them into the corner with bitchin' rights to the eye sockets. Undertaker sidesteps The Goon and starts winging body shots in the corner, Goon bumping around like a doofus losing a hockey fight but who is going to keep swinging until he can't see. It's a fun match up and the cruel runtime tease was deceptive (the YouTube file of the match is 9 minutes, making me excited for a potential syndicated classic, but the match ends in 4 minutes and we get a Jim Cornette angle for as much time as the match got). Undertaker took most of the match, but The Goon didn't come off like a joke. He's a guy who looked tough even though Undertaker took 75% of this. He felt like a guy on Taker's level, and it would be a program I actually would fucking love. The Goon was a really impressive big guy bumper, and he really ran into guys, hard. I like how he took the chokeslam and the Tombstone, but man I wish this was a little more competitive and got at least a couple more minutes. What a weird little gem of a run.


ER: What do we actually know about Bill Irwin's run as The Goon? From the evidence here I thought it was a genuinely great, funny character that had potential as a popular midcard act. I don't know why WWF was bringing in 42 year old Bill Irwin, and then not rewarding him when he did the best anyone possibly could have done with a hockey gimmick. I'm not sure what more could have been expected. Whose idea was the gimmick? Why did they lose faith so quickly in the gimmick? What fault could they have found in Irwin's execution? I'm SO interested to know their expectations and reasons, so hopefully the reasons are common knowledge and someone can help me. I am a big Irwin fan, and think he's a guy more people should spend some time on. And I thought this gimmick was incredibly fun and incredibly well done. The fact we got so short of a run and so few matches from The Goon is a 100% honest to god unobjectionable shame. Take a 1/2 hour of your day to watch these matches and see why.