WWF 305 Live: Moondog Rex! Andre! Earthquake! Braun! Booger!

Andre the Giant vs. Moondog Rex WWF 8/1/81 - VERY GOOD

ER: The match opening graphic says "Rex Moondog" and it made me laugh so hard that it made an incredible on paper match up even better. They would have given me a heart attack if the graphic had then said  "Andre Giant", and now I only want to think of these two as Rex Moondog and Andre Giant. And THEN Dick Graham and Kal Rudman just keep on calling him Rex Moondog for the duration of the (far too short) match and it's perfect. Sadly, this is yet another big man WWF match that goes under 2 minutes, and at this point especially seems to be something that plagues Moondog and Samoan singles matches. When allowed to stretch out I think Rex P. Moondog has had some great singles matches, but WWF seemed more intently focused on letting him get run over by bigger singles stars. 

It makes no sense to me, as he's someone who actually looked credible fighting back against Hogan and Andre, but I guess they only wanted him looking credible for 90-120 seconds. I like how he takes Andre's offense but I like the way he hits Andre even more. It's futile of course, and it's a shame that Andre treats him like he would treat any of the jobbers in a 3 on 1 handicap match. Rex has these great comical bumps, like his back bump after being thrown into the buckles, or a great moment where Andre deadlifts Rex off the mat by his waistband (with Rex later getting some shots in on Andre while holding HIS trunks). Andre pays him back with a cool standing splash. 1980s WWF never seemed to grasp the value of an 8 minute match. They were either having Tony Garea go out there working a 20 minute draw or they were having a Moondog lose in under 2 minutes. As always, what we get is fun, but even ONE more minute would have made this so much more worthwhile. 

Earthquake vs. Bastion Booger WWF Superstars 3/12/94 - FUN

ER: Not a ton to this one, sadly, other than the probable combined weight of these two. And yet, just seeing the bulging bellies on them is more than enough for me. We need more bulging bellies held in by shaping singlets, and more bulging bellies tucked deeply into hiked up trunks. Earthquake hits his big dropkick, but a lot of this was Booger hitting so-so clubbing forearm shots until Earthquake stops messing around. That moment comes after Booger hits an avalanche and then does his little dance - while Johnny Polo plays the theme to the Odd Couple over it, perfectly in time, for reasons I couldn't possibly know. And yes, I mean that Polo actually played the theme, he had it cued up and ready. It was not him singing it. Earthquake hits a powerslam followed by an excellent big man elbowdrop, before dropping his big ass  on him. A good enough example of the high floor a fat guy match has. 

Braun Strowman vs. Keith Lee WWE Raw 10/19/20 - FUN

ER: This was three cool minutes of a match that should have been at least nine. Strowman punches Lee in the stomach and headbutts him, then runs into him with an avalanche, clotheslines him to the floor, and gets a head of steam before shoulderblocking him into the apron. They add a cool wrinkle when Braun pulls a muscle in his ribs while trying to powerslam the massive Lee, and Lee immediately goes after the ribs. He punches Braun in the ribs and kidneys, hits a big splash, and we have what's shaping up to be a great big man war. 

The problem is, is that it ends right after it establishes itself. This felt like 3 cool minutes of a full main event. But instead, Braun lifts the back of his head into Lee's balls when Lee goes for a powerbomb, then Braun just kicks him to the mat for the win. In a vacuum this was all great, hard hitting big man stuff. But there's no reason to be tossing this match out there in the main event slot and then cutting the legs off it. This would play better if these were two mid-carders having it out an hour into Smackdown, but in a main event slot from two guys who have been occupying main event roles, they should really be aspiring to something higher than a cool Albert/Rhyno match. What we got was great, but it easily could have and should have been much more.  

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