WWE TLC 2017 Live Blog

ER: So I'm going to at least start this one, but may not be able to finish it tonight. We're going to see Zombi and Author & Punisher in Oakland, and likely have to leave before the show has ended. BUT, I'm interested in seeing this thing live, curious if there are any other things they'll have to scramble around due to the meningitis outbreak.

1. Alicia Fox vs. Sasha Banks

ER: This starts pretty slow but I got into it once Fox started a John Tatum routine. Once she begs off, cries because of a fake hair pull, grabs her lip and screams after taking a dropkick to the face, I was in. The Network annoyingly cuts to commercial in the middle of all dark matches, so we miss more of her antics. I always like rudo Alicia, but her chinlocks could really use some work. She was really loosely holding Sasha two different times. Sasha is outbumping Alicia here, which I wasn't expecting, taking a nice spill off the top to the apron to the floor, and getting dumped by a powerslam to the floor. Fox takes headscissors better than most, long limbs flying everywhere, and I like each of their face kicks. Match fell short of what I think they are capable of. I think Sasha as a babyface works a little too similarly to Alicia Fox, so they might not be the best opponent for each other.

2. Emma vs. Asuka

ER: This starts right, with Emma mocking Asuka's entrance and Asuka violently taking her down and grabbing an arm and a leg at the same time. Emma does a good job vocally working heel and throwing out things that can be reversed by Asuka, though she does lean out of the first hip attack. Asuka is making all of Emma's stuff look good, bumping big to the floor and really face smashing the mat on a curb stomp. But really Emma hasn't been a threat to many people on the roster, she shouldn't be getting offense. The tree of woe work is nasty, and the low crossbody in the corner looked great, but at this point Emma has taken more of the match and it's just a weird WWE thing. Why bring in these dominant people with huge buzz and make them work like mid 80s Brad Armstrong. "Asuka may barely make it to a time limit draw with Jimmy Garvin!" But Asuka's comeback is awesome as she just starts stomping and kicking at assorted Emma limbs and hitting a big missile dropkick. Emma lands a sick elbow to the cerebellum and this match is good in a vacuum, but I don't know if it's the match they should be having. Asuka's ankle lock looks better than the ankle lock of anybody else on this card, and the trap leg German looked boss. As Asuka goes to bring Emma back in the ring, Emma throws her to the floor by her hair and Asuka takes a nice thudding bump. This is literally the biggest showcase match Emma has ever had on the main brand. I can't think of another match where she got this much control. But back in a head kick leads to the choke and win. Asuka looked really great, obviously has a killer look, and I think she'll be fine. They had a competitive match, but it would have been far worse if they just had a bad match. But this was good.

ER: Jason Jordan robs us of an Elias concert, wasting a bunch of fine looking farm fresh produce on him. Wasting fresh produce isn't going to get you over in my book, bub. Corey Graves actually says "We're in Minneapolis, couldn't we have gotten a Semisonic reunion concert instead of Elias?" Is that the Minneapolis band you miss the most? Drop a Lifter Puller or Babes in Toyland reference why don't you. Graves should at minimum like the Replacements, right? Shoot, Bob Mould actually wrote pro wrestling TV. But Semisonic is what we go with?

3. Brian Kendrick/Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander/Rich Swann

ER: Love the Gallagher/Kendrick team. They both lean into dropkicks and bump big, really the perfect opponents for these two. As I type that Kendrick leans chin first into a Cedric dropkick and flies to the floor. Kendrick is a guy who can really put over things we take for granted, like nice chops. Gallagher gets popped by a (nice) Swann punch from the apron, allowing Kendrick to yank Swann off the ropes and onto his face. Gallagher locks on a snug cravate, grabbing onto Swann's braids, and Nigel talks about his fine Burberry duds. Our heels do a fine job of cheating to cut off the ring, which ends when Kendrick charges Swann and takes a huge backdrop bump over the top to the floor. Kendrick not only yanks Cedric out of the ring to save Jack from a pin, but then catches a leaping Swann into a northern lights on the floor. Back in and Kendrick blasts Kendrick with a couple of great looking kicks and locks in the captains hook, which Swann breaks up with a freaking phoenix splash. Kendrick gets caught with a lumbar check and makes it look better than anybody but maybe Gallagher. I would've liked to see the heels get the win here, but we still got a quality tag, and probably Kendrick's best performance of the year.

4. Mickie James vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Alexa starts taking apart the arm in cool ways, and that makes this pretty interesting from the bell. She drops a knee on the arm, stands on it while attacking her other arm, whips her arm into the mat from standing position, just being a real jerk. Slap fights are pretty played out in modern wrestling, but I really liked theirs. Even the quick jump direction finally told the cameras to stop cutting on impact once they saw the gals were really slapping. The double KO doesn't totally work as Mickie's kick looked great but Alexa's tornado elbow clearly fell short. But they get up and commence the fight, and this is starting to feel like a street fight (which is a good thing). I'm not sure why the fans are chanting for tables, but I liked how gritty it started to feel. It really felt like James wanted to win that title to set the title reigns record, and Bliss was game to take it to her. Finish looked really good with Bliss faking injury, yanking James by the worked over arm into the buckles, and hitting a sharp DDT. Nothing blowaway on the show so far, but everything has been quality.

ER: Elias sings again and Jordan throws more expensive produce at him wastefully. Quality chard or kale isn't cheap man. Kids are hungry out there. Graves saves himself by making a decent joke about "couldn't we have found a Replacements cover band or something?"

5. Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

ER: I still don't totally get Enzo, and the match is weird as his mic work is always babyface (one of those grating awful promos that some people somehow like) but he clearly works the match heel which seems to have confused the crowd (which has been really active up until this match). Kalisto takes a nice face first bump into the buckles and Enzo locks on a resthold that is not the worst we've seen on the card. I liked Enzo grabbing the ring skirt to slow down Kalisto dragging him back into the ring, and Enzo's cheap shot and pin were good. Enzo - for all his faults - always is really good on pinfalls. This pin looked like it would have been genuinely difficult for anyone to kick out of, really pinning Kalisto's knee to his own shoulder.

6. AJ Styles vs. Finn Balor

ER: Boy, things don't get a lot dumber than the black face demon. Few things in wrestling have confused me more in their popularity than this persona. Styles is two weeks removed from basically a miracle match, so we'll see how this goes. Styles lays it in nicely on kicks to the chest, hard elbows to the chin and shoulderblocks, really plants him with a backbreaker, really makes his moves count. Finn throws punches past his head, weak kicks to the stomach, you'd think a demon would be a little more ferocious. His flip dive is fine, but even then AJ set it up by bumping big to the floor and then fully catching the dive. Back in he hits a slingblade that barely grazes Styles, and I'm just overall confused by his character. Styles locks on the always cool calf crusher, and I liked Balor slamming AJ's head into the mat a bunch to break it. Styles bumps as if he were taking offense from Samoa Joe, flying off the apron after a blocked springboard, flinging himself wildly into the barrier after a so-so running dropkick. Styles picks him up in a double leg and takes a suicide mission sending both of them sprawling over the announce table in rough fashion. Balor hits a kind of flimsy lifting DDT, and I only know it's supposed to be a big deal because Cole acts like it's something that could end the match. Most of Balor's offense looks so piddly, with Styles have to way overcompensate by dumping himself on his head for a weak as hell falling lariat and then flying into the buckles off another so-so dropkick. At least Balor completely STICKS the double stomp finish. I mean he stuck that landing in a gross way. Styles should have went full on Invader III on that double stomp. Balor would have been made into a megastar and Styles would have looked determined as hell when he came back.

7. Elias vs. Jason Jordan

ER: This "Kurt Angle's son" thing really feels like one of those angles that should be dropped and never spoken about again. But as weak as that angle is, and as stupid as throwing chard at someone is, these two have a weirdly compelling match and unexpectedly good chemistry. Elias throws nice chops across the collarbones, locks in a nice side headlock and works some nice neck cranks and crucifix subs, with Jordan breaking free and dumping him with a cool amateur takedown. Jordan will also fling himself wildly into the turnbuckles (on his own shoulderblocks and to put over offense) and yeah this match totally works. Elias cuts low on missed strikes which will always win me over, and Jordan running around the ring slamming Elias into corners looks great, obviously his belly to belly suplexes look great, and I will always love his running shoulderblock to the gut until he has to get neck fusion surgery. Elias makes his thigh slap a bit too obvi, but the kneelift catching Jordan's jaw otherwise looked killer. Elias gets a nasty bodyslam into the bottom rope (a great spot that has mostly vanished) and the weight shift small package off a suplex left enough controversy for the return match. I had no hopes for the match and it was maybe my favorite of the night so far.

8. TLC Match: The Mz/Sheamus/Cesaro/Kane/Braun Strowman vs. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins/Kurt Angle

ER: I'll give them credit for using the PPV gimmick for only the main event. My memory tells me they've loaded up other cards with various chair or table matches. I don't remember the last Angle match I liked, but I do like him coming out as a fully dressed member of the Shield. I like the Shield overpowering Team Miz to start, and the attack on Braun was especially nasty. Everybody wailing on him with chairs, including a brutal Rollins shot to Braun's freaking chest (seriously, chairshot to the chest? Ouch). I thought the ladder spot would surely backfire, but they both crash through Kane/Braun, with Dean really smooshing Kane. I like how that sets up everybody else against Angle, as I'd rather see Angle actually selling damage for most of a match than doing offense. Sympathetic hobbled old guy is one of my favorite characters in wrestling, much more compelling than "old guys slowly doing their old spots". Angle taking a bunch of chair and ladder shots and THEN throwing Germans the moment their backs are turned, that's more interesting than Angle being treated as a returning guy who is still on par with the current roster. And it's smart to not have him get a whole lot of offense on Braun, rather have Braun crush him and powerslam him through a table. I think him suplexing Braun would have been incredibly dumb (but I guess the match isn't over yet...). The 5 on 2 heel beatdown is a nice one, and the crowd stays nice and hot throughout. Dean gets powerbombed on a table that doesn't break, so it leads to an amusing spot where Braun throws him through it and makes damn sure that it breaks.

OKAY! Zombi were great, but Author & Punisher totally slayed. I'd seen him once before in a tiny venue and it was awesome, but tonight was other level. He's replaced that Wolf Eyes throb in my ear canals. Wolf Eyes' last couple years has been more ambient less noise. I got into them because of that rhythmic throb, and A&P gives that same throb. That dude feels like he'd be playing the night shift at a seedy bar in a modern Eraserhead reboot. It's a pulse raising blend of industrial noise with metal screech and electronic throb.

So now I can go back to watching this 5 on 3 TLC trainwreck. A garbage truck gets involved, Kane turns on Braun (without siding with Shield, which is a nice touch they could have missed) and chokeslams him off the stage and then yanks a cord and drops part of the Chair display onto Braun's (never shown) body. But soon Braun RISES from that rubble (which is a moment I usually like) and he shoves everybody out of the way to go after Kane! And this match is off the rails but in a pretty fun way. Rollins takes an awesome DDT from Miz and the double team emerald flowsion and the both look match finishing but he gets saved! Angle makes his big return after getting mauled earlier by Braun, and it's gleefully stupid as he gets his entrance music! He tosses some guys with Angle Slams. Miz hits the skull crushing finale on Angle, and it's a real stupid looking finisher but they both played it up so damn well that it made for a great nearfall. Angle gets Miz in the ankle lock and Miz eventually kicks him off, with Angle taking a nasty bump onto his head to the apron and then the floor. This match is officially kicking ass. But Ambrose and Rollins corner Miz, and then Angle gets back in and Miz realizes it's 3 on 1. We get some finishers, and then they do the Shield triple powerbomb with Angle as Roman, and it's the first huge nostalgia finishing move moment in ages. This match felt like the best possible result for the competitors involved. I really didn't care when Angle was announced for the match, and thought he could ruin it more than help it, but he was used perfectly. His usage was minimal, but present in all the right spots, and he executed the role perfectly. The match felt like (what we thought was) high functioning, multiple story ECW main event, and made it work in 2017. Those match totally, unexpectedly delivered for me.

ER: So this was one of those super fun WWE PPVs that don't really seem too exciting on paper, kind of sneak up on you two weeks after another PPV, and then totally overdelivers. Enzo/Kalisto was the only poor match of the night, and even that had a real good - and correct - finish. This was a good PPV.

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2017 Ongoing MOTY List: Raw Gauntlet

8. Nia Jax v. Bayley v. Mickie James v. Dana Brooke v. Emma v. Sasha Banks WWE RAW 6/26

ER: What a cool breakout performance from Nia Jax, her finally coming into her own as a WWE Bull Nakano, smashing skinny bitches and just plowing into them with her body. She's portrayed as a monster, but hasn't really worked monster until now. There have been flashes, but this was a burst of light. People will complain about how their personal favorites were treated (Bayley lost first, Emma only lasted as long as Dana Brooke, Dana Brooke got...okay, nobody will complain about Dana Brooke's treatment) but this was Nia's show. I really liked her segment with Bayley and Bayley worked smart around her, loved her going after Nia's leg, loved the way Nia established herself as the bully, she even used a bearhug which is just the ultimate irony, the one time Bayley might be opposed to hugs (well, that, and the myriad weird dudes that have now been asking her for hugs for a couple years now). The next few women are non-factors, Nia awesomely shoves Brooke mid-handspring, drops big legdrops, and just literally crashes into them. She has to have been watching Vader or Aja Kong tapes, just running full body into these wimpy women and smashing them to the mat. And it all builds to a showdown with Sasha, and it's freaking awesome. Sasha keeps getting bulldozed, thrown to the floor, chucked recklessly, caught on dives, just wrecked. But Sasha kept chipping and was a flat out awesome underdog, while Nia was a flat out awesome vulnerable monster. Sasha's sly comebacks were great, and those two Banks Statement variations had me flipping out: The standing one off a headscissors and the eventual match finishing one were brutal. That last 30 seconds were great, Nia sold the weight of the entire half hour getting choked out of her, and Sasha's grit was great. Tremendous performance from both, possibly my favorite 10 minutes from any WWE women's match.

PAS: I thought all of the early rounds of this gauntlet were perfectly acceptable televised wrestling business, Nia Jax looked great, beasting her way through Bayley and some other women I had barley  heard of (Mickie James is back? I like her new look, she looks like Weeds era Elizabeth Perkins), still no way this makes a list except for the excellent final fall. Sasha v. Nia was sort of a distaff Morishima v. Danielson. Sasha gets totally tossed around, including taking a fucking nutso bump to the floor, Nia keeps catching her dives, blasting her with big shots. Finish was epic, loved Sasha throwing the Bank statements out of nowhere, the headscissors Bank statement looked like something 90s Rey Jr. would throw out, and the standing one felt like a Negro Navarro hold. Cool stuff closing out a pretty great episode of RAW.


2017 MOTY MASTER LIST

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NXT 226 6/12/14 Review

1. The BFFs vs. Bayley, Emma & Paige

I liked the BFFs here, but this got a lot of time relative to what got accomplished. Sasha and Charlotte worked over Emma for most of the 9 minutes, Summer mugged with fans, there was dissension, etc. Sasha is good at this type of stuff, letting Charlotte do the grunt work for the team while she sneaks in to choke Emma with her boot and land other cheap shots, as well as show off her strong apron shit talk game. Emma was a decent FIP, but there really wasn't enough of a comeback or any real hot tag teases, just an eventual tag in to Bayley. It's weird to do a 9 minute match with six people, and have two people never get in the match, so really this was just a longish match to further a Summer Rae angle.

2. Colin Cassady vs. Sylvester Lefort

I have a bad habit of liking a lot of the NXT guys who are clearly being positioned as cannon fodder. It always leaves me in the position of griping about my favorite guys not getting enough match time. The announce crew drops the "deceptively big" line about Cass. "You just don't realize how big he is." That kind of thing never in history had to be said about a large person who actually understands wrestling. You're really big. Act big. If announcers have to remind people that you're physically large, it means you are royally fucking up. Holy shit as I was typing that they said it again. He is 7 feet tall! Lefort is maaaaaybe 5'8". If people are not realizing that Cassady is THAT much fucking bigger than his opponent, it means he is really really bad. "He's the same size as Patrick Ewing!" THEY ACTUALLY SAID THAT! Holy shit I am dying. Did you ever see Patrick Ewing play and somehow not realize that he was a really large, sweaty dude? Cassady is literally on his knees fighting back against Lefort, desperately swinging away while Lefort clubs him, punching at Lefort's stomach and fighting back as if he was modeling himself after Kalisto comebacks. I die laughing during Cass matches. I cannot stop. He's so bad! Oh my god right after he won one of the announcers literally just said "7 feet tall!" I can't fucking even. It's amazing.

3. Sami Zayn vs. Mr. NXT

The video of Bo Dallas leaving after his Loser Leaves NXT match is one of my absolute favorite NXT moments. "I'm calling the cops, for reals...........okay the cops aren't actually coming. But I'm going to call campus security." Match was short and obviously built to Bo getting unmasked and then yakuza kicked while covering up his face. He was really funny playing up his new identity, joyfully yelling "I'm not Bo Dallas!!" throughout the match, not as a response to an accusation, but as a triumphant declaration. He then hilariously evades 4 security guards postmatch, running around and juking them. It's amazing how much I love NXT Bo. The way WWE threw him onto TV gave him zero chance. They took away 80% of his character and all nuance, and left him with a catchphrase which only worked because of the 80% they took away. But man he's good on NXT. "Okay. Just let me go quietly." as he then breaks free from the guards and starts running again. So good.

4. Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd

"A marquee match anywhere in the world!" I mean, it's a match that should be good, and I've really enjoyed Kidd's NXT run so far, but that may be one of the most hilariously overused phrases in pro wrestling. It's arguably not even a marquee match within the context that it's happening. But it's also not even close to silliest match that statement has been made about. And this was a well executed, technically good match, that got completely bogged down by the story they were jamming down our throats. Kidd is frustrated, this is the biggest match of his career (for reasons) and he needs this win or else he'll be the biggest loser in the history of competitive sports. Got it. Except the announcers wanted to make sure we got it, so it's all they talked about all match, and the Kidd loss seemed inevitable from before the bell even rang. What's surprising is that Kidd controlled the entire match, and looked good doing so. This made the finish come off even more lame as Kidd dominated the match but at some point got frustrated that Neville still hadn't given up, so Kidd grabbed a chair and Nattie was like "TJ ermigersh NO! Not like this!!" And TJ was like "But I've tried like THREE OTHER THINGS and he kicked out!!!!" and then Neville hits a superkick which is now apparently tantamount to death, and then hit a (really great) Red Arrow and we are done. Kidd looked good all throughout this, working real stiff, controlling Neville nicely, and Neville was a good FIP, but the whole story was so heavy handed and obvious, and the inevitability of the ending made it tough to give a damn about the match proper.


COLLECTED NXT REVIEWS

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NXT Episode 220 5/8/14 Review

1. Emma vs. Charlotte

Man Jason Albert tries way too damn hard on commentary. He comes off so phony and forced. And it needs to be pointed out again just how tragic Sasha Banks' hair was during this period of NXT. It's like she had shorter hair, but got extensions, but only in the back, so she had a weird mullet that was made to look even weirder by her always parting it down the middle. It's a terrible terrible choice that has somehow lasted for a couple months. And this wasn't much of a match. Charlotte had a couple of really nice bridging pins, including the one for the win, but not enough happened in this one to make it worthwhile.

2. The Legionnaires (Sylvester Lefort & Marcus Louis) vs. El Local & Kalisto

This is the Kalisto TV debut, and El Local is Del Rio's former ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez. I've never seen Louis before. Lefort is a guy I really like who never gets a ton of offense. But he takes offense really nicely, and here he really leaps into all of Kalisto's flip offense. Leaps into his high crossbody and springboard tornillo, leans temple first into a couple really nice Kalisto rolling kicks. Local is a little slow but did a fun sliding stop when thrown into the buckles, and turned that into a nice Pele kick. I couldn't get any sort of read on Louis. But a nice debut for Kalisto.

3. Camacho vs. Captain Comic

Comic is Jody Kristofferson, who I forgot was in WWE developmental at one point and has since come back to the Bay Area indie scene and is the present APW Champ so they can hilariously brag on Facebook that "If Kris Kristofferson shows up to your show, you've done something right". Yeah. You booked his son in the main event and gave him the title. It's not like he just showed up at a wrestling show to check out the talent. I dig Camacho so it's nice to see him get a squash win. He throws a cool pump dropkick to Comic's stomach dishes a nice over the shoulder powerslam, and admittedly wears one of the worst Converse Chuck Taylor designs: camouflage. Yuck. Just go with a plain canvas color dude. The camouflage Chucks are like barely a step above the Flame print ones.

4. Alicia Fox vs. Alexa Bliss

Another debut with Bliss likely being some sort of fitness model. She certainly doesn't know how to do wrestling offense, wherever she came from. She throws a real ugly mistimed dropkick and then hits a bad handspring standing moonsault that sees her accidentally land in an awkward kneeling position. Her elbows to get out of a headlock land nowhere near Fox. Man this girl does not look ready for TV in any way. Fox, however, looked awesome. Fox hits a real mean northern lights suplex, big tilt a whirl backbreaker, and really cranks in a side headlock. Bliss was lost as hell so Fox had to lock on a few chinlocks and headlocks to save things, but Fox made every single one of them actually look painful. Of course Bliss gets the upset, but man did she look bad.

5. #1 Contender Battle Royal

Not too many ways to determine a #1 contender for your main belt are more dumb than a battle royal, but I'm a weird sucker for royals so whatever. Tons of guys are waiting in the ring, but Mojo Rawley, Sami Zayn and Bo Dallas get entrances. We have a Curt Hawkins sighting! I mean, the sighting came when he got immediately eliminated, but Hawkins is still a guy who is around and doing things! I do like Albert putting over Yoshi Tatsu, saying he has legitimate Royal Rumble experience so he should be a favorite in this. But damn this really isn't much of a battle royal. It felt more like just filling time. Bo Dallas got a couple nice shine moments, getting to eliminate Mason Ryan and Big Cass, the two big guys in the match. But the whole match is used to set up a Breeze/Zayn/Tyson Kidd triple threat with HHH coming out to announce it and acting like a triple threat is the best possible match we can get. I would rather see a singles match between any two wrestlers in the battle royal, than the triple threat match we're going to get next week. So is HHH or JBL the Commissioner? Can anybody from WWE come in and make matches? Even Brodus Clay was able to come in and put himself immediately into a title match.

Weird episode this week as I do like seeing debuting wrestlers, but the two tournament matches fell flat, and the battle royal was uneventful and poorly filmed, and sets up an undesirable match.


NXT EPISODE GUIDE

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NXT Episode 218 4/24/14 Review

JBL (who apparently is going to be all over this show now, and just wasn't mentioned as being affiliated with NXT at all for many months) tells Paige she's going to need to vacate the NXT Women's Title, since she's now Divas Champion. There's going to be a women's tournament which could at least serve as a way to introduce a couple of lesser seen faces, or debut someone. We'll see. Tournaments can be pretty lazy, and Paige herself is still there so why not just put her in regular title matches until she loses the belt? It's not as satisfying as building to an actual title match, but I think it would be far more interesting than a tournament. Have JBL say that Paige will be too busy defending the Divas title, and we need to keep the NXT title in NXT, have her face a series of challengers, and if she loses then you get your new champ, and if she keeps winning then maybe the women of NXT need to work harder before they get their title back full time in the fed.

1. Alexander Rusev vs. Travis Tyler

Pretty mechanical squash, with Tyler at least rushing him at the bell with a dropkick. Rusev's knees to the body looked good, his 12-6 elbows down into Tyler's traps looked mean, he had a couple nice slams and a great rushing Vader bear attack, really wrenched in the Accolade. Crowd chanting is getting more and more annoying each show, here they tried sloppily to sing Adam Rose's song. Too cool to watch a 90 second long squash and react to actual violence.

2. Charlotte & Sasha Banks vs. Emma & Paige

Nothing offensive, but nothing that stood out about this match either. In a short match they "built" to two different moments where the legal team members were slowwwwly crawling to make the hot tag, each looking over their shoulders to make sure they time it right. Ugh. I liked Paige's rolling short arm clotheslines, with her not letting go of Sasha's arm. Sasha had a couple nice moments as well, like stomping on Emma's fingers and selling her neck nicely on a tag. Emma looked lost a few times, and again her gimmick may be a smart way to cover up these kind of moments. Paige also sold Charlotte's neck snap finish nicely, holding her jaw as her lights went out. Eh.

3. Tyson Kidd vs. Mason Ryan

Fun little match with a dumb little finish. I thought they were going for the same thing they did last week with the returning Oliver Grey getting run over by Camacho. Here Tyson Kidd returned and Mason Ryan steamrolled him for much of the match, which makes sense with the size difference. Kidd was good making openings for himself, trying leg kicks, trying to scramble, but I really liked Ryan's power offense here. He caught a leg and did a cool double leg rushing slam into the corner, dropped a nice leg, grabbed Kidd on a springboard and dropped him with a press slam dropped into a pancake. I was into Ryan beating him down and Kidd fighting back. And then Ryan missed a charge and Kidd hit a so-so Blockbuster and that ended it. Woof. What a flat finish, with no build, and won by a move that looked like one of the weaker things hit in the whole match.

4. Angelo Dawkins vs. Tyler Breeze

Man Breeze needs a better finisher than the Beauty Shot. His squash matches always see him wrenching on necks and doing other nice ground stuff, but then end with him doing a standing floaty spinning heel kick. It usually looks like one of the weakest moves of the match. His side headlock looks way nastier than that kick. I'd never seen Dawkins before, but this didn't really have anything to judge him by.

5. Corey Graves & The Ascension vs. Sami Zayn & The Usos

Give a trios with capable workers some time and it's tough to have a bad match. It's pretty easy to have a solid trios with only 3/6 of the workers being capable. And this is a fine, workmanlike six man tag that gets 13 minutes and has plenty of fun moments. It felt like it could have gone much higher, as oddly enough I got a real house show match vibe out of the Usos. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE house shows. I'd go to a house show 10 times out of 10 over a TV taping. You get three types of matches on house shows: Guys getting the opportunity to work longer matches than they normally get, veterans working matches playing to the crowd instead of playing to the hard camera, and guys going through the motions and saving themselves for the cameras. The first two types are great. The third type is what the Usos were doing here. Except it was on camera. I get it, you gotta know when to dial it back. It was just disappointing as nobody else in the match was dialing it back. SO I LEAD WITH THE NEGATIVE...but I liked the match quite a bit. Corey Graves has probably been the most pleasant NXT surprise so far. The guy is good and knows how to carry himself. Too bad about them injuries. Early on he does a fist drop off the ropes and I'm like I FUCKING GET IT YOU'RE AWESOME. Viktor was also a stand out and did some cool things you don't see, like kicking Zayn's planted leg while Graves was holding his other one. It should also be mentioned that Albert was terrible on commentary. This guy is the worst. Not only does he do that super phony fake overly excited "Look how much fun this is!!" thing that most WWE commentators are taught to do, but he does countless annoying things during matches. Here he loudly chanted along with the U-SOS chants, says lame ass stuff like "Daddy would be proud" after the Usos do a running hip attack (even though that was Umaga who did that, not Rikishi), and built up narratives within the match that had zero chance of going anywhere ("Who is Jey going to tag, his brother or Zayn!?" Who fucking cares? Certainly not the wrestlers in the actual match.). But no matter. Graves was a slimy shithead, Ascension are better in NXT than you'd think, Zayn is a really good babyface, Usos dogged it but slotted into the formula just fine, and this was a perfectly fine 6 man. Shame Graves had to lose clean, but I get it.


NXT EPISODE GUIDE

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NXT Episode 215 4/3/14 Review

1. Emma vs. Sasha Banks

Good match but I don't like their trend of squeezing 5 matches into a show, as they would be much better off doing 4 matches and allotting more time. Sasha was really good here, kind of a one woman show. I liked all of the little things she did like sell her butt cheek and shake out her leg after a missed leg drop, and especially loved when she actually tried to trip Emma on a drop down. YES! More tripping on drop downs please. She really flew right at Emma's ankles. Her smack talking is always great as well, and she really flew into Charlotte on a (purposely) miscommunicated drop toehold. It was set up the way Rey sets up a 619, and Sasha really committed right into the ropes/Charlotte. Emma didn't really have much of a hand in the good parts of this, but they keep telling me that everybody likes her, so....

They make Mojo Rawley look really good in an exciting 30 second video. Now I'm curious to see what other wrestlers they can work 30 second highlight video magic with. What can they do with the Godfather? Or Scott Putski?

2. The Ascension vs. Jack Hurley & John Vandal

It's surprising to me just how much I like the Ascension as a squash tag team. My introduction to them was their WWE debut and I don't think many people would disagree when I say their WWE run has been extremely underwhelming. And seeing as how they're so good at working squashes - and keep in mind I don't think that's a backhanded compliment. It takes certain skill to do cool stuff in a concise way. There's a little art to it. But seeing how good they are at working squashes, it's like they got brought up to WWE and were told "So all of that cool stuff you did in NXT? Don't do any of that." One of those classic things where they took away the one thing that might have set them apart. So seeing them in NXT is surprising. They still look like cosplay goofs going to a Venture Bros. Con as part of the Guild of Calamitous Intent, but they know how to beat up jobbers. And in this case, jobbers who seemingly got their names chosen out of 1994 Thrasher magazines. Kelly Ripper! Street Slasher Tracy Slater! Hurley and Vandal (their buddies Burton and Quicksilver were waiting in the car outside) take a nice beating, but Ascension are like Faces of Fear nasty, peaking with Hurley getting bodyslammed twice into the ropes. The first time he gets body slammed into the top and middle rope, so he ends up bouncing to the mat on the back of his head, and it's like Konnor heard that old jazz adage of "If you hit a bad note, hit it again so the crowd thinks it was on purpose", so he picks up Hurley and dangerously does the same thing. Their legsweep/flying back elbow finish looks really great, and yeah, I look forward to Ascension squash matches. This is a development I was not expecting.

3. Xavier Woods vs. Brodus Clay

This is odd as Woods comes out using Brodus Clay's Funkasaurus music, and Clay just comes out to some drum beats and shouting sounds while wearing jogging pants. There haven't really been many guys who've fallen off the WWE map faster than Clay. This is not even two years ago, and he was being advertised as being part of the WWE Scooby Doo movie, which means as that movie was made he seemed like a guy who should be in it, and the ad for the movie runs right before a match where he's been demoted to NXT. The match is plenty fun as Woods jumps him with a bunch of nice kicks and keeps outrunning him, and once Clay catches him the match never turns back. Clay does a couple nice bombs away variations, hits a nice shoulder tackle, big powerbomb, nasty little scoop brainbuster; It was constructed nicely, with Woods not getting any comebacks, but there being moments where you *thought* he might get one, like Clay going up for a splash and taking a bit too long, making you think Woods will move. But it would have been silly for him to do so after what he had taken. Brodus cuts a nice short promo after about how WWE took his dignity, took his girls, took his music, took his pride, so now he's just left with Brodus, and he wants the NXT belt.

And I really liked Neville's promo about how guys from Raw and Smackdown couldn't just come down and be big fish anymore, saying Brodus must have been living in a cave the last couple years, how NXT guys are as good as any of the Raw/Smackdown guys, and he'd need to do more to prove himself worthy of a shot. Nice stuff.

4. Yoshi Tatsu vs. Tyler Breeze

Poor little Yoshi. He's so good at making offense look nice, which can be a kiss of death. He doesn't get one move in during this short not-even-two-minute match. Breeze is a guy I like though, I notice him doing new things I like in almost every match. Here I noticed his great side headlock, just a perfect grounded headlock, with Tatsu on his side and Breeze on his back, pushing up with his legs for leverage while squeezing hard on Tatsu's neck. Tatsu sold it great but it also looked like he was being choked out. Breeze has a nice enough side headlock that it looked better than his spin kick finisher.

Paige cuts an unfortunate promo saying she "expected people to want her title, expected people to come in her face." I would say that's worse than getting your leg kicked out of your leg.

5. Corey Graves vs. Sami Zayn

Not quite the match I was expecting, but interesting for what they tried to do and overall well executed by Zayn. Graves ended up controlling most of this match, and the match got about 13 minutes. I like Graves a lot but his stuff wasn't looking as violent here as it was supposed to look, part of that being that it's hard to make mounted punches look good while still making it look realistic that Zayn wouldn't be unconscious. But anyway, Graves controls for a long time, and amusingly does that same nice side headlock that I praised Breeze for. Like the same exact one. Somebody at NXT is teaching everybody a real nice headlock. Graves also does another nice one where he lies on his stomach and wrenches it in. Regal on commentary is just about the best at putting over why a headlock like this is so damaging. Zayn's comeback is nice with some flash roll ups, but then they end up bumping heads and Zayn starts selling concussion symptoms. It was weird as the back of Graves' head bumped Zayn's forehead, but Graves didn't sell a bunch and the announce crew immediately acted like something was seriously wrong with Zayn. Zayn manages to fight off Graves a bit, hits a nice back elbow, a good punch, but then tries to go up top for something and starts wobbling on the ropes, losing his balance, trying again. His acting is really good throughout, but once you start doing the concussion stuff you're walking kind of a fine line of taste within a worked wrestling context. So the announcers are going into Owen voice and asking for the match to be stopped, then Graves locks on his submission for the win. So yeah, I get what they were going for, and Zayn honestly could not have done a better job, but portraying concussions in a match is a real slippery slope and it would have definitely been better if they had just worked an actual match with a finish.


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NXT Episode 211 3/6/14 Review

1. Adrian Neville vs. Camacho

Oh yeahhhhh I forgot about the Camacho/Hunico tag team. And this whole thing was more of a victory lap for Neville after winning the title. Camacho gets a couple forearms to start, but the rest is Neville throwing some nice dropkicks and easily setting up the Red Arrow. Camacho doesn't get talked about during the match, but amusingly right after losing Regal says "and this was a good win for Neville, as Camacho is no joke". Seems like something you'd say before a guy gets steamrolled. Rachel comments that Neville looks like a hobbit without any SFX makeup, and moments later he says in a promo that he looks like "a crazy elf man".

Bo Dallas cuts a nice heel promo on Neville postmatch, congratulating him, but saying he didn't actually pin him, he just climbed a ladder "like a dad cleaning out the gutters" (awesome line), and cashed in his rematch clause.

We also get a couple backstage segments with Flair and Charlotte confronting Emma and Paige. Flair comes off like a leery creep and Charlotte can't really talk well. She talks like Lenny James doing his awful American accent. But one thing is obvious is that people handle their NXT promos very calm, as opposed to in big booming "promo voice" and it works so much better. Bo Dallas was nice and calm in his segment, and it got over his intentions much better. Just a few short sentences. You don't really need much more. So even though Charlotte doesn't talk well, she easily got over that she was gunning for the belt, and really that's all that's needed.

2. Emma vs. Charlotte

Short match but decent. Emma hits a nice thrust kick to Charlotte's throat on a corner charge. Charlotte goes down with a convincing ankle injury after a landing, Banks distracts Emma from the apron, and then Charlotte does a nice cocky kip up behind Emma's back before hitting a nasty flipping DDT/Blockbuster.

3. Yoshi Tatsu vs. Corey Graves

Match doesn't happen as Graves gets on the mic, runs down Sami Zayn for having a lot of heart, but never actually winning matches. Graves walks out on the match, Tatsu follows and gets leveled with a clothesline, then feebly counted out. Graves rolls him back in and locks on his really nasty looking inverted figure 4/heel hook that's apparently called Lucky 13.

In a backstage promo Xavier Woods calls himself Creed and calls Rusev an Ivan Drago looking mother. I assume Woods has never in his life seen a Rocky film, as nothing about Rusev looks like Ivan Drago. There are about 20 guys in NXT who are closer matches to Drago.

4. Adam Rose vs. Wesley Blake

Blake is working a cowboy gimmick but just has shiny black boots, not even the sweet Windham cowboy wrestling boots. This is Rose's debut (as Rose) and Byron Saxton and Tensai are unbearable at putting over just how much of a fun guy Rose is. This gimmick had small time written all over it. Saxton honestly says the phrase "This guy's fun!" six different times in this match. It's so desperate. Rose has a nice stiff shoulderblock, bad mounted MMA downward elbows, and a decent falling clothesline.

5. Corey Graves vs. Sami Zayn

Good match. These NXT main events have been delivering. Graves works a good ground game and really any time these two are in close it's good. There's a lot of detail to their headlocks, scraping ears, clawing at mouths, grabbing at jaws, wrenching necks; all of it felt like actual nastiness and not just grabbing a perfunctory headlock to start. Graves is really good at smothering Zayn, locking in a snug quarter nelson. It's fun listening to Regal on commentary as he's practically giddy with Graves' submissions. Graves doesn't even work over Zayn's surgically repaired knee, and Regal puts over how Graves already knows the knee is bugging him, so he's using that to his advantage to work over the rest of Zayn's body. Once they get up things stay good as Zayn fights back and eventually goes for his nice running boot in the corner, but Graves cuts him off with an exclamation point elbow, then hits an awesome backbreaker from a samoan drop, kinda rolling Zayn off his shoulders and onto his knee. Graves goes to lock on Lucky 13 and Zayn gets a quick, smart roll-up that I thought was the end but was pleased when Graves kicked out. The end sequence is nice with Zayn going for his tornado DDT, Graves catching him and going for that awesome backbreaker, but Zayn reversing that with another really great roll up. Match was probably only 6 minutes but I really loved it.


Nice show that set up some things for the future, had a nice main, and a dorky Sami Callihan as Adam Rose's DJ. Adam Rose has always come off really cringeworthy to me, so I'm not looking forward to his NXT run. I'm avoiding looking timelines up so I'm more surprised by things, but I'm REALLY hoping Rose got a main roster call up quick into the gimmick.  They were already desperately putting over just how much fun he is in his debut, instead of just letting it happen. When Michael Cole was doing that stuff during Rose's WWE run I assumed that was classic WWE micromanaging, but they were doing it right from the first second of the gimmick.


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NXT Arrival 2/27/14 Review

1. Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro

Awesome, awesome match. This is not news to most of you. These two match up so well, and this was just a wonderful match to start the big "introduction" event for NXT. There are great matches, and then there are matches that are not only great, but perfectly slot into their time and atmosphere. There were several nice callbacks to their 2/3 falls match from August, starting with Zayn going for his turnbuckle dive DDT and Cesaro lying in wait with a beastly uppercut. Cesaro just manhandles Zayn the entire time using his freak strength. We didn't get anything quite as freakish as the 2/3 falls finish, with Cesaro literally running around the ring holding Zayn above his head and then tossing him even higher, but there were still plenty of awesome freak moments. Everytime Zayn would leave his feet I'd wonder if it would end with Cesaro catching him in mid air and then tossing him painfully, and it often would. Cesaro leveled him a couple of times with uppercuts, the best being a brutal running corner charge. We also get Cesaro working all over Zayn's knee, wrenching it in some cool ways, doing his nasty double stomp to it (later we even get a double stomp literally to Zayn's face), and Zayn gamely plays up the knee injury throughout, showing that some moves take longer to set up because of the knee, and when he follows through with the move anyway it almost always backfires (like Cesaro catching his split legged moonsault and splatting him on the rampway). Zayn's flash roll-ups and pins are all convincing, and Cesaro is great at getting into position and launching himself into Zayn's hope spots (Cesaro taking the sunset flip powerbomb is a thing of perfection). The fans rightly flip out for this one and I was hanging on all of the nearfalls with them. I love that Cesaro never actually went full heel in the match. Crowd was into him and more into Zayn's comebacks, but Cesaro didn't outright cheat or work in an underhanded way, and he didn't need to. This was just a classic match with flawless execution and an awesome, unexpected build. I couldn't see wanting anything more.

2. CJ Parker vs. Mojo Rawley

Parker is clearly the creep that you do NOT buy molly from on the moe. Cruise. Never seen Rawley before and I like the energy, but he doesn't do tons with it. Parker confuses my brain as I hate looking at him, but at the same time that makes his character so much more effective. Sinister hippie patchouli scum is something I simultaneously hate...yet I also just strangely really like Parker. This is a problem. Short match, Rawley uses a kinda weak bombs away as his finish.

3. The Ascension vs. Too Cool

This is probably the most I've enjoyed an Ascension tag. This was a perfect WorldWide match. Ascension got to work over Sexay with some nice running charges, Scotty looked good on the hot tag and threw some nice rights, Viktor did a nice reversal to avoid taking the Worm, Konnor's falling lariat looked great, and none of this overstayed its welcome. Pretty much a best case scenario Ascension tag.

4. Emma vs. Paige

So here I am one episode after babbling how much I don't "get" Emma, and then NXT does an Emma highlight package that totally makes me like Emma in about 60 seconds. I'm an awful, difficult person. I think what makes her character worse is hearing guys like Byron Saxton explain WHY she's quirky or weird makes it terrible, like Michael Cole trying to put over Adam Rose as cool and fun loving. Just seeing one minute of Emma interviews is so much better than Saxton reading a script. Her ringwork, however, still leaves me wanting flat. The match got a lot of time, and Byron Saxton kept telling me it was unbelievable and incredible, but they just had a hard time finding the narrative. All of the Emma promos with her acting aloof went out the window here as she's stomping on Paige's throat and controlling the first half of the match. Paige's promos all came off as someone with a chip on her shoulder, but then she's immediately thrust into a babyface role, which kinda goes out the window once SHE goes to control, as she also works as a heel. It's all strange and kinda flops, no matter the This is Awesome chants. Neither really has the moveset to fill this much time. I liked the "scorpion crosslock" (Regal's term) finish that Paige used, but I was still left confused by who they wanted me to cheer for.

5. Xavier Woods vs. Tyler Breeze

Match doesn't happen as Rusev comes out and does a couple of nice power throws. In hindsight kind of surprising how they had him wreck two guys who eventually got called up to the roster, since NXT has no problem using jobbers. But maybe that made the segment stand out a bit more to have him wreck a couple "name" guys.

6. Ladder Match: Adrian Neville vs. Bo Dallas

Good match, avoided a lot of ladder match tropes like slow climbing, and focuses more on actually two guys having a match that has to end with climbing, rather than two guys building a match around climbing. I have only seen WWE Bo Dallas where his work has been...less than stellar. He was so much better here, more focused in his role, and it's one of many examples of how terrible WWE is about just bringing some of these guys up with minimal explanations about who they are. But Dallas looks good here, he had these cool short arm back elbows where he'd just reel Neville into them, keep a hold onto Neville's arm, and then pull him back for another one, ending with a short arm lariat. He does a nice job of putting over little ladder match details, such as pinching his fingers (seems like something I do every third time I use a ladder). Neville works his insane agility and balance into some nice spots, such as springboarding onto the set-up ladder, and taking massive bumps off of it into the ropes. The also do a good job of setting up ladder spots early in the match that come into play later, like a ladder wedged into the corner that Neville eventually gets run into. Finish is good, simple and smart, with Dallas getting slammed on a ladder and Neville hitting the Red Arrow roughly across Dallas' legs. Dallas rolls to the floor while Neville sets up the ladder, and Dallas sloppily scrambles back in too late to make the save. We didn't get goofy dual slow climbs, we got a guy who sold too long who then realized it and tried to correct it, but couldn't. Good end to a good show.


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NXT Episode 209 2/20/14 Review

So last year I started and quickly stopped reviewing NXT, and I stopped for no real reason. I mean I stopped after literally two episodes, and they were two episodes that I really liked, so it made no sense. I just started watching other things, and now I'm a year further behind. But I loved the episodic nature of the television so much that I didn't want to do a massive time jump to catch up. Truthfully I don't really care much about catching up. I'd rather just watch the product. If I ever get close to present day, then that's terrific, it means I'm obviously enjoying it and also being ridiculously fruitful writing about it. So let's hop right back in where I left off, and see how far we get!!

1. The Ascension vs. Casey Marion & Mike Leboska (??)

Okay NXT, you're really making me look like an asshole jumping back in from the beginning, gifting me with an Ascension match to start things off. Naturally it was just a short squash, and it was perfectly fine for that. I'm going to weirdly try and look at things without the benefit of hindsight. Leboska never made it in the ring, Marion got torpedoed into him, and then Marion gamely took a couple double teams. The hip toss double powerbomb looked good and they timed the leg sweep/flying back elbow nicely.

2. Summer Rae vs. Emma

This wasn't bad, but Summer Rae doesn't have very great heel control offense, and this match needed a lot of that. With her bird bones body and natural bitch face Summer should only be a heel, but she needs to learn more condescending control offense, like cocky kicks to the back of the head or dickish stomps. She has nice roll-ups and gets real good bridging leverage with them, but that's more of a babyface thing so there's some conflict. I fully don't "get" Emma. I presume she's supposed to be quirky and awkward, and she's certainly awkward. It could just be a real smart booking strategy to book someone who's awkward in the ring as a "look how quirky and awkward she is!" type, but it doesn't always lead to satisfying action. It often leads to her just taking longer than normal to lock in moves or set up offense. Summer was working with Fandango on the main roster, so she does some fun cocky dancing to set up moves, and it satisfyingly leads to her taking a kick to the face when she gloats for too long. Summer tries some new things and not all of them work, but I felt she looked much better than Emma here. Sasha Banks was money at ringside, talking constant trash, slapping Emma to set up a nearfall, and then getting bumped off the apron when Summer accidentally gets run into her (which then sees her take a mean spill to the floor when Charlotte blows catching her). They got a bunch of time, but didn't totally justify it. Tensai was wayyyyyy to desperate to show how over Emma was.

I liked the Renee Young sitdown interview with Cesaro and Zayn. Cesaro was really good at getting under Zayn's skin and Zayn handled himself well by snapping but maintaining babyface sportsmanship. Should be a good match. Renee also had a super cool dress, so bonus.

3. Adrian Neville vs. Tyler Breeze

Really fun match, both guys looked really good. Neville looks far better here than I've seen him look on the main roster, and Breeze was already super polished two years ago. Breeze gamely took all of Neville's flying stuff, but also cuts him off really nicely when he gets showy. I though Breeze's opening overhand rights looked real good, and when Neville does a couple of fast handsprings to set up a corner charge I loved Breeze staying on him and surprising him with a nice running dropkick. Neville looked real smooth (which is kind of his thing), but Breeze kept impressing me at every turn. Breeze takes a MAMMOTH flapjack where it looked like he dangerously considered turning it into a backdrop bump but instead just does a brutal bellyflop. Neville also does a sick sitout powerbomb and Breeze just crashes hard into the mat off of it. Breeze bumps big all through this, also really taking Neville's dropkicks like cannonballs to the chest, leans face first into his flippy kicks. There was an awesome sucker spot where Neville was going for a springboard move, and Breeze horribly mistimed a dropkick and whiffed by going for it far too early. Neville bails on the move and gives a weird look at Breeze flopping so early, but then gets blasted with a Breeze superkick. Real fun sucker move. Neville's finished gets hit flawlessly, and yeh this was good.

Show ending promo with Bo Dallas calmly getting in Neville's face, with Neville daring him/desperate for him to punch him. Tons of close-ups on Dallas' face, which is one of the last faces I want to see in close-up, just an epically punchable face. Dallas does a great job acting like he's going to sock Neville, slowwwwwly taking off his sports coat, draping it over his arm, and then just walking out of the ring. Good stuff.

Fun episode. Emma does nothing for me, but there was more than enough good stuff here.


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NXT Episode 209 Workrate Report 2/18/14

1. The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) vs. Casey Marion & Mike Laboska

Apparently the Ascension are the longest reigning tag team champs in NXT history. They also have matching soul patches, but I'm unsure if their title reign also synced up to their twin soul patch reign. Laboska takes a big bump off the apron from a shoulder to the stomach. The announcers inform me that Ckonar and Vyktur refer to their style as "telepathic carnage" which is not quite as dumb as "controlled frenzy". They do a couple moves to Marion and call it a day with a Total Elimination type leg sweep/flying back elbow combo. Hard to judge any of these guys in a one minute match. I like squash matches, but NXT isn't really impressing me with their 60 second squashes. I'd like to see a little more. Give me 6 moves instead of three. If a match takes less time than the ring entrances, you've almost always wasted my time.

2. Summer Rae vs. Emma

Boy this was not very good. I appreciate that they gave them time (7 minutes) to have a good match, but these two do not have 7 minutes worth of material. They've done a strange job with Emma as all her wins have happened after being dominated for the large part of her matches, then winning on almost flukes. Her Rae controlled the first 6 minutes, then botched interference from the BFFs led to Emma getting the Emma Lock. Summer Rae has some decent offense as her pointy features make her knees, elbows and hip bumps a lot more credible. I can imagine her boniness cutting somebody open. But she doesn't have 6 minutes of offense, and Emma isn't very good at taking or selling offense. After 6 minutes of control Emma just kinda starts acting like nothing has been done to her, takes over after a missed charge and starts dancing. I'm pretty shocked she got called up to the main card already as she has not shown me a whole lot. It should also be noted how completely horrible and lost Charlotte is at ringside. She is a complete wasteland of personality. She has no idea what she's feeling out there, no idea what her motivation is. She kept peeking over at Sasha Banks during the match and copying her reactions. It's one of the more painful things I've seen in wrestling. If she was working a "girl trying to fit into the In Crowd" gimmick it would be one of the finest examples of a subtly brilliant wrestling character, but she's clearly just completely clueless as to what the hell she's supposed to be doing out there. What's funny, is that her clueless positioning and complete lack of body chemistry immediately reminded me of David Flair, who I still think is the worst wrestler to be in a major fed for 2+ years. Even if I had no clue they were related, her vacant eyes, phony movements and complete lack of stage presence just immediately reminded me of David Flair.

Tyler Breeze does a quick interview running down Adrian Neville's looks, saying that an uggo shouldn't be the face of WWE. Neville seems to be playing some sort of model but I don't think he's really done much research into how male models usually act. They're usually vacant and aloof. He's going for more of a preening intellectual thing. Plus his jaw is too strong for modeling, his cheekbones are too weak, nose isn't good enough, and he needs to trim the sides of his hair. Get your act together Breeze.

Then we get a backstage sit down interview with Zayn and Cesaro building to their big match. Cesaro is incredible in this, spending most of the time texting on his phone. Great moment when Cesaro asked Zayn about his knee and Zayn said his need was cleared for competition. Cesaro says that being cleared and being 100% are two very different things. Zayn is wearing an Operation Ivy shirt this week, so with his Me First shirt last week I assume he hasn't actively tried to discover new bands since high school. I'm going to predict Less Than Jake or a Mad Caddies shirt for next week.

3. Adrian Neville vs. Tyler Breeze

This was a real fun match. It was mostly a Neville squash, but with a great almost turning point thrown in towards the end. Neville has a bunch of cool offense with his spinkicks and flying and nice elbows and nice hanging powerbomb. Breeze was good at bumping and posturing, like a not-as-good John Tatum. Wrestling doesn't really have a John Tatum right now so it's a welcome thing. The turning point was really weird and I'm not sure if it was just a cool blown spot recovery or a unique plan. Neville was on the apron waiting for Breeze to get up so he could hit a springboard move. Well Breeze gets up and throws a random dropkick before Neville is even doing anything. Just gets up and dropkicks nothing whatsoever. So Neville just walks back into the ring and then Breeze levels him with a superkick. So either within the match Breeze purposely tried to confuse Neville and suckered him into a last-chance move, or Breeze completely messed up his timing of what was supposed to be catching Neville with a dropkick, and on the fly the came up with the superkick instead. And the cool thing is, I like *both* possibilities. Either it was a really smart way to set up a possible comeback, or it was one of the smoothest blown spot recoveries I've seen. So, awesome either way. Neville ends up winning anyway with the Red Arrow which is one of the most spectacular spots in wrestling history. Most people can't pull off a normal shooting star press, let alone one with a twist that almost always hits completely flush.


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NXT Episode 208 Workrate Report 2/11/14

1. Natalya, Bayley & Emma vs. Alicia Fox, Sasha Banks & Summer Rae

Oh weird. I saw Bayley wrestle a few times in Bay Area wrestling promotions as Davina Rose and dug her then. She was always a heel there, though. This was a really fun trios. All of the stuff between Banks and Natalya was really good. Banks bumps around for her in that fun Diva way where they don't look totally trained and it makes the bumps look nastier. She and Summer Rae play chicken nicely, both sprinting away from Natalya while Natalya gets to throw in her comparative power offense. Most of this is Bayley getting worked over by Fox and Rae, with Fox's work being much better. Rae threw a nice butt bump after choking Bayley over the ropes (and then had a really embarrassing slow crawl to the hot tag), but Fox is really great at building to a babyface comeback, as she really yanks in chin locks and actively taunts faces (also threw a mean Northern Lights with a crazy high bridge). Emma is kept out of this until the finish which is probably best. Emma did a nice sunset flip and I do dig the Emma Lock. She just doesn't do much for me yet.

2. Aiden English vs. Colin Cassady

Cassady looks a lot like Edge and wears a gigantic goofy gold chain. He's billed as being almost 7 feet tall but I don't know how accurate that is. I'm not sure how big English is so I don't really have any context for that height. Cassady seems alright but didn't get to do much. English looked really good here, with a nasty spinning neckbreaker, nicely elbowing his way out of a fallaway slam, and running hard into Cassady's (nice looking) punches and big boot. This was a short match and I assumed the guy being billed as 7' would go over, but was pleasantly surprised to see English get the win.

Big promo setting up Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro for the NXT live show a couple weeks after this. I have not seen any of their NXT matches, but I've seen Claudio vs. Generico live and was a huge fan of that, so I'm excited to see them again. Cesaro has obviously been one of the best in the world for some time, and while I was never as high on Generico as most, it's clear that these two match up nicely. I dig how they're setting up that big live show. Although seeing Zayn wearing a t-shirt under a baggy blazer made me want to see Cesaro dismantle him. Regal on commentary puts over how incredible their last match was and how excited he was to see the rematch. Regal is so fucking stellar on commentary, and a big key is because he doesn't force talking points, doesn't sound like he's shilling anything, everything about him sounds like he's just giving his genuine thoughts. Michael Cole is the shits as he just spews constant buzzwords and shouts in soundbites. It gets fucking unbearable. Regal is calm, doesn't shout out his phony sounding cliches, and just seems like he enjoys what he enjoys. Renee Young is really great too and sounds like she knows her stuff. Her interactions with Regal are gold. Although god is the Simpsons "Choo-Choo-Choose Me" line the only one anybody in WWE knows? Feels like I've heard it three times on TV this year.

3. Tye Dillinger vs. "Moonchild" CJ Parker

1 minute match which is a real bummer. There's no real reason to do 1 minute matches these days. Especially disappointing as both guys looked good. Well, Moonchild doesn't look good, he's horrible to look at. He looks like a man who refuses to leave an Umphrey's McGee show because they may come out for another set. "I'm not leaving until I get a Trenchtown Rock cover!" Dillinger hits the mat and looks great on it, and if Regal is putting over your matwork on commentary then you're doing something well. Things pretty much end here with Parker hitting a nice senton, airplane spin and then the most awesomely ridiculous palm strike called the Third Eye, which is basically a Shoryuken.

After the match Parker gets on the stick and breaks out some insanely great hippie heel work. "You people boo me? I should be booing you for what you're doing to the polar ice caps!" Talks about how his modified Ford Fiesta gets 40 mpg and how he always practices recycle/reduce/reuse. Yes! This motherfucker joins the loop and I want more heel hippie dirtfuck. "I was the guy picking up garbage at Reggae on the River, and now I'm the ones picking up wins in NXT!"

4. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan vs. two guys

Surprised to see the Wyatts here but their appearance is just a brief kiss, as Harper blasts one guy off the apron with a beastly running elbow and this doesn't really go 30 seconds. Just a mauling.


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NXT Episode 207 Workrate Report 2/5/14

So I am almost 100% unfamiliar with the NXT goings on. 207 episodes!? How the hell is that even possible?? Have I literally missed 4 years of NXT? Or does it work like weird TV season numbers and this is just the 7th episode of season 2. But yeah, I have haven't seen much of NXT, is what I'm getting at. I've seen the occasional Hero or Ambrose match and that's about it. Never watched a full episode, but I like the fact that exists in its own little bubble, in the same way that Saturday Night or WorldWide used to exist. So in a way this is like WWE B-Sides. I still wish there was a show like Velocity, but this is probably the next best version of that. So, what the hell, let's start reviewing NXT weekly shows!

1. Sin Cara vs. Alexander Rusev

First time seeing Rusev here. I dig the guy's old school powerlifter build. He....doesn't seem that good. But I'm not shocked that he's getting brought up to the main roster. He's not very good at hitting his marks. Cara had to shove him into position at one point when he was taking too long, and he backed too far away from a Cara moonsault press so it ended up hitting him like a backflip dropkick instead. His offense is pretty dry, with mostly power stuff and some random kicks peppered in. He did do a running dropkick at one point that looked really great, really felt like a John Tenta style dropkick. He works this match too evenly, and at one point holds Cara in an armlock for far too long. I get that most short WWE matches need to have that pointless moment where the heel holds a face in some sort of a rest hold to build for the comeback, but it felt more pointless than usual here. Needs more impressive power spots. Plus his average height will be exposed when on the main roster.

2. Alicia Fox vs. Emma

Fox has been the best Diva for some time now, does all "between moves" stuff a lot better than most Divas (and plenty of male workers). Nice stomach kicks, actually makes restholds look like she's working a hold, really nasty wristlocks that looks like she's manipulating joints, cool reckless forearms from the mount. Emma does not seem very good, and I'm already starting to turn on her as she's getting mostly tepid responses but announcers on the main brand and now NXT are putting her over as somebody the crowd just goes batty for and pretending more than 30 people in the crowd are doing her dance. Here she takes a year to do a reverse rolling cradle and just as long to try and set up the Tarantula. I do like her doing the Emma dance into her finisher submission, but most everything else she does doesn't look good.

3. Sylvester Lefort vs. Mason Ryan

Oh hey it's Mason Ryan. Forgot about him. This goes about 45 seconds but is done the way a squash match should be done. Dug Ryan's hotshot into a running big boot. Good follow through on the boot. Would have liked to see some more from Lefort as I dug his hiked-high tights and beard. His strikes didn't look very good though.

4. Aiden English vs. Tyson Kidd

English looks like tall muscular Screech, and when he's wearing that beret he looks like Screech from that Saved By the Bell episode where Screech was in a chess tournament, and Zack and Slater make a bunch of money by running a gambling ring to capitalize on Bayside's sudden and never-again-mentioned chess fever!! Kidd looks really good in this, missing a crossbody in the ropes, throwing nice kicks and doing a cool rana that sends English face first into the turnbuckles. Kidd gets the Blockbuster for the win after English is distracted by some guy named Big Cass who threatens to steal Screech's lucky beret. Couldn't get a great read on English but he threw some great Bret Hart style falling elbows.

5. Adrian Neville vs. Corey Graves

Neville used to be PAC (they still use his moniker The Man Gravity That Gravity Forgot) and Graves is the former Sterling James Keenan. Boy WWE developmental names leave a lot to be desired. Graves has a real good look, like an indie rock Chris Isaak. PAC's flying is always impressively effortless.  I cannot imagine having that much knowing control of my body. I mean I have alright balance and don't trip over my own legs when I go running, but seeing PAC hitting a running tope/moonsault press (picture what starts as a dive over the ropes but adds a twist in the middle to land like a moonsault press) is pretty stunning Most of this match is Graves working over Neville's leg, which he does well. I always like the DDT done to the leg, and he gets a real high cradle on roll ups. The guy looks like he has to actually kick out of pins, not just get let out. Neville is really great at selling the leg, too, which makes the leg work better. Crowd doesn't seem to give much of a shit though. Neville is still good at selling while doing his moves, which is not something you see often. He eventually makes his comeback and hits his killer twisting shooting star off the rope. I liked what happened in the match fine, everything looked solid. It wasn't terribly compelling, and it should have been. The story of "guy gets weapon taken away by wily opponent" usually gets people into it, but they certainly were not here. Now I know nothing of the history, or how the crowd normally responds to these two, but I would have expected them to be a little more receptive to this.


COLLECTED NXT REVIEWS

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