WWE TLC 2017 Live Blog

ER: So I'm going to at least start this one, but may not be able to finish it tonight. We're going to see Zombi and Author & Punisher in Oakland, and likely have to leave before the show has ended. BUT, I'm interested in seeing this thing live, curious if there are any other things they'll have to scramble around due to the meningitis outbreak.

1. Alicia Fox vs. Sasha Banks

ER: This starts pretty slow but I got into it once Fox started a John Tatum routine. Once she begs off, cries because of a fake hair pull, grabs her lip and screams after taking a dropkick to the face, I was in. The Network annoyingly cuts to commercial in the middle of all dark matches, so we miss more of her antics. I always like rudo Alicia, but her chinlocks could really use some work. She was really loosely holding Sasha two different times. Sasha is outbumping Alicia here, which I wasn't expecting, taking a nice spill off the top to the apron to the floor, and getting dumped by a powerslam to the floor. Fox takes headscissors better than most, long limbs flying everywhere, and I like each of their face kicks. Match fell short of what I think they are capable of. I think Sasha as a babyface works a little too similarly to Alicia Fox, so they might not be the best opponent for each other.

2. Emma vs. Asuka

ER: This starts right, with Emma mocking Asuka's entrance and Asuka violently taking her down and grabbing an arm and a leg at the same time. Emma does a good job vocally working heel and throwing out things that can be reversed by Asuka, though she does lean out of the first hip attack. Asuka is making all of Emma's stuff look good, bumping big to the floor and really face smashing the mat on a curb stomp. But really Emma hasn't been a threat to many people on the roster, she shouldn't be getting offense. The tree of woe work is nasty, and the low crossbody in the corner looked great, but at this point Emma has taken more of the match and it's just a weird WWE thing. Why bring in these dominant people with huge buzz and make them work like mid 80s Brad Armstrong. "Asuka may barely make it to a time limit draw with Jimmy Garvin!" But Asuka's comeback is awesome as she just starts stomping and kicking at assorted Emma limbs and hitting a big missile dropkick. Emma lands a sick elbow to the cerebellum and this match is good in a vacuum, but I don't know if it's the match they should be having. Asuka's ankle lock looks better than the ankle lock of anybody else on this card, and the trap leg German looked boss. As Asuka goes to bring Emma back in the ring, Emma throws her to the floor by her hair and Asuka takes a nice thudding bump. This is literally the biggest showcase match Emma has ever had on the main brand. I can't think of another match where she got this much control. But back in a head kick leads to the choke and win. Asuka looked really great, obviously has a killer look, and I think she'll be fine. They had a competitive match, but it would have been far worse if they just had a bad match. But this was good.

ER: Jason Jordan robs us of an Elias concert, wasting a bunch of fine looking farm fresh produce on him. Wasting fresh produce isn't going to get you over in my book, bub. Corey Graves actually says "We're in Minneapolis, couldn't we have gotten a Semisonic reunion concert instead of Elias?" Is that the Minneapolis band you miss the most? Drop a Lifter Puller or Babes in Toyland reference why don't you. Graves should at minimum like the Replacements, right? Shoot, Bob Mould actually wrote pro wrestling TV. But Semisonic is what we go with?

3. Brian Kendrick/Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander/Rich Swann

ER: Love the Gallagher/Kendrick team. They both lean into dropkicks and bump big, really the perfect opponents for these two. As I type that Kendrick leans chin first into a Cedric dropkick and flies to the floor. Kendrick is a guy who can really put over things we take for granted, like nice chops. Gallagher gets popped by a (nice) Swann punch from the apron, allowing Kendrick to yank Swann off the ropes and onto his face. Gallagher locks on a snug cravate, grabbing onto Swann's braids, and Nigel talks about his fine Burberry duds. Our heels do a fine job of cheating to cut off the ring, which ends when Kendrick charges Swann and takes a huge backdrop bump over the top to the floor. Kendrick not only yanks Cedric out of the ring to save Jack from a pin, but then catches a leaping Swann into a northern lights on the floor. Back in and Kendrick blasts Kendrick with a couple of great looking kicks and locks in the captains hook, which Swann breaks up with a freaking phoenix splash. Kendrick gets caught with a lumbar check and makes it look better than anybody but maybe Gallagher. I would've liked to see the heels get the win here, but we still got a quality tag, and probably Kendrick's best performance of the year.

4. Mickie James vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Alexa starts taking apart the arm in cool ways, and that makes this pretty interesting from the bell. She drops a knee on the arm, stands on it while attacking her other arm, whips her arm into the mat from standing position, just being a real jerk. Slap fights are pretty played out in modern wrestling, but I really liked theirs. Even the quick jump direction finally told the cameras to stop cutting on impact once they saw the gals were really slapping. The double KO doesn't totally work as Mickie's kick looked great but Alexa's tornado elbow clearly fell short. But they get up and commence the fight, and this is starting to feel like a street fight (which is a good thing). I'm not sure why the fans are chanting for tables, but I liked how gritty it started to feel. It really felt like James wanted to win that title to set the title reigns record, and Bliss was game to take it to her. Finish looked really good with Bliss faking injury, yanking James by the worked over arm into the buckles, and hitting a sharp DDT. Nothing blowaway on the show so far, but everything has been quality.

ER: Elias sings again and Jordan throws more expensive produce at him wastefully. Quality chard or kale isn't cheap man. Kids are hungry out there. Graves saves himself by making a decent joke about "couldn't we have found a Replacements cover band or something?"

5. Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

ER: I still don't totally get Enzo, and the match is weird as his mic work is always babyface (one of those grating awful promos that some people somehow like) but he clearly works the match heel which seems to have confused the crowd (which has been really active up until this match). Kalisto takes a nice face first bump into the buckles and Enzo locks on a resthold that is not the worst we've seen on the card. I liked Enzo grabbing the ring skirt to slow down Kalisto dragging him back into the ring, and Enzo's cheap shot and pin were good. Enzo - for all his faults - always is really good on pinfalls. This pin looked like it would have been genuinely difficult for anyone to kick out of, really pinning Kalisto's knee to his own shoulder.

6. AJ Styles vs. Finn Balor

ER: Boy, things don't get a lot dumber than the black face demon. Few things in wrestling have confused me more in their popularity than this persona. Styles is two weeks removed from basically a miracle match, so we'll see how this goes. Styles lays it in nicely on kicks to the chest, hard elbows to the chin and shoulderblocks, really plants him with a backbreaker, really makes his moves count. Finn throws punches past his head, weak kicks to the stomach, you'd think a demon would be a little more ferocious. His flip dive is fine, but even then AJ set it up by bumping big to the floor and then fully catching the dive. Back in he hits a slingblade that barely grazes Styles, and I'm just overall confused by his character. Styles locks on the always cool calf crusher, and I liked Balor slamming AJ's head into the mat a bunch to break it. Styles bumps as if he were taking offense from Samoa Joe, flying off the apron after a blocked springboard, flinging himself wildly into the barrier after a so-so running dropkick. Styles picks him up in a double leg and takes a suicide mission sending both of them sprawling over the announce table in rough fashion. Balor hits a kind of flimsy lifting DDT, and I only know it's supposed to be a big deal because Cole acts like it's something that could end the match. Most of Balor's offense looks so piddly, with Styles have to way overcompensate by dumping himself on his head for a weak as hell falling lariat and then flying into the buckles off another so-so dropkick. At least Balor completely STICKS the double stomp finish. I mean he stuck that landing in a gross way. Styles should have went full on Invader III on that double stomp. Balor would have been made into a megastar and Styles would have looked determined as hell when he came back.

7. Elias vs. Jason Jordan

ER: This "Kurt Angle's son" thing really feels like one of those angles that should be dropped and never spoken about again. But as weak as that angle is, and as stupid as throwing chard at someone is, these two have a weirdly compelling match and unexpectedly good chemistry. Elias throws nice chops across the collarbones, locks in a nice side headlock and works some nice neck cranks and crucifix subs, with Jordan breaking free and dumping him with a cool amateur takedown. Jordan will also fling himself wildly into the turnbuckles (on his own shoulderblocks and to put over offense) and yeah this match totally works. Elias cuts low on missed strikes which will always win me over, and Jordan running around the ring slamming Elias into corners looks great, obviously his belly to belly suplexes look great, and I will always love his running shoulderblock to the gut until he has to get neck fusion surgery. Elias makes his thigh slap a bit too obvi, but the kneelift catching Jordan's jaw otherwise looked killer. Elias gets a nasty bodyslam into the bottom rope (a great spot that has mostly vanished) and the weight shift small package off a suplex left enough controversy for the return match. I had no hopes for the match and it was maybe my favorite of the night so far.

8. TLC Match: The Mz/Sheamus/Cesaro/Kane/Braun Strowman vs. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins/Kurt Angle

ER: I'll give them credit for using the PPV gimmick for only the main event. My memory tells me they've loaded up other cards with various chair or table matches. I don't remember the last Angle match I liked, but I do like him coming out as a fully dressed member of the Shield. I like the Shield overpowering Team Miz to start, and the attack on Braun was especially nasty. Everybody wailing on him with chairs, including a brutal Rollins shot to Braun's freaking chest (seriously, chairshot to the chest? Ouch). I thought the ladder spot would surely backfire, but they both crash through Kane/Braun, with Dean really smooshing Kane. I like how that sets up everybody else against Angle, as I'd rather see Angle actually selling damage for most of a match than doing offense. Sympathetic hobbled old guy is one of my favorite characters in wrestling, much more compelling than "old guys slowly doing their old spots". Angle taking a bunch of chair and ladder shots and THEN throwing Germans the moment their backs are turned, that's more interesting than Angle being treated as a returning guy who is still on par with the current roster. And it's smart to not have him get a whole lot of offense on Braun, rather have Braun crush him and powerslam him through a table. I think him suplexing Braun would have been incredibly dumb (but I guess the match isn't over yet...). The 5 on 2 heel beatdown is a nice one, and the crowd stays nice and hot throughout. Dean gets powerbombed on a table that doesn't break, so it leads to an amusing spot where Braun throws him through it and makes damn sure that it breaks.

OKAY! Zombi were great, but Author & Punisher totally slayed. I'd seen him once before in a tiny venue and it was awesome, but tonight was other level. He's replaced that Wolf Eyes throb in my ear canals. Wolf Eyes' last couple years has been more ambient less noise. I got into them because of that rhythmic throb, and A&P gives that same throb. That dude feels like he'd be playing the night shift at a seedy bar in a modern Eraserhead reboot. It's a pulse raising blend of industrial noise with metal screech and electronic throb.

So now I can go back to watching this 5 on 3 TLC trainwreck. A garbage truck gets involved, Kane turns on Braun (without siding with Shield, which is a nice touch they could have missed) and chokeslams him off the stage and then yanks a cord and drops part of the Chair display onto Braun's (never shown) body. But soon Braun RISES from that rubble (which is a moment I usually like) and he shoves everybody out of the way to go after Kane! And this match is off the rails but in a pretty fun way. Rollins takes an awesome DDT from Miz and the double team emerald flowsion and the both look match finishing but he gets saved! Angle makes his big return after getting mauled earlier by Braun, and it's gleefully stupid as he gets his entrance music! He tosses some guys with Angle Slams. Miz hits the skull crushing finale on Angle, and it's a real stupid looking finisher but they both played it up so damn well that it made for a great nearfall. Angle gets Miz in the ankle lock and Miz eventually kicks him off, with Angle taking a nasty bump onto his head to the apron and then the floor. This match is officially kicking ass. But Ambrose and Rollins corner Miz, and then Angle gets back in and Miz realizes it's 3 on 1. We get some finishers, and then they do the Shield triple powerbomb with Angle as Roman, and it's the first huge nostalgia finishing move moment in ages. This match felt like the best possible result for the competitors involved. I really didn't care when Angle was announced for the match, and thought he could ruin it more than help it, but he was used perfectly. His usage was minimal, but present in all the right spots, and he executed the role perfectly. The match felt like (what we thought was) high functioning, multiple story ECW main event, and made it work in 2017. Those match totally, unexpectedly delivered for me.

ER: So this was one of those super fun WWE PPVs that don't really seem too exciting on paper, kind of sneak up on you two weeks after another PPV, and then totally overdelivers. Enzo/Kalisto was the only poor match of the night, and even that had a real good - and correct - finish. This was a good PPV.