WWF 305 Live: Boss Man! Akeem! Earthquake! Hillbilly Jim!

Earthquake vs. Hillbilly Jim WWF SNME 4/28/90 - FUN

ER: This was the last "major" Hillbilly Jim TV appearance, and it's a pretty cool sendoff. It's not talked about as a sendoff, other than Jesse frequently referring to Jim as an idiot (a thing he did a lot during Jim matches). This is a 2 minute match so there's not going to be a lot of development, but it wasn't worked as a straight squash. It's better that way because it meant we got to see Hillbilly back up Quake a few times. WWE has been so overproduced for the last 15 years that it's wild they were just throwing big Hogan-feuding heels out there with only a big blue singlet and matching boots and letting him just stomp out to the ring with a sloppy fucking beard. They assemble stars so differently now, and whenever I watch Tenta I just wonder where all the big fat Canadian 42 year old 27 year olds have gone? 

Hillbilly Jim is really really big but never treated as if he was the same size as Big John Studd for some reason. Seeing how big he looks opposite Quake is so cool, and he had nice body shots and a great fired up babyface cartwheel. Hillbilly Jim: He had a really good cartwheel. Earthquake didn't quite have his WWF formula and pacing down here but you know he's cool because of how hard he still committed to hitting those ropes. His big leaping elbowdrop is even more impressive than the Earthquake Splash, but Earthquake jumping before the splash is iconic and really adds to the effect. Four jumping stomps is right. Three would be too few. 

Big Boss Man vs. Akeem WWF SNME 4/28/90 - VERY GOOD

ER: We didn't get any kind of full satisfying blowoff to the Twin Towers, only smoke blowing off the Chelsea Piers. We got about 5 total minutes of Boss Man/Akeem between this match and the WrestleMania match earlier in the month, and maybe that's fine. We were never going to get any kind of Boss Man/Akeem match to rival the 1987 UWF Big Bubba/One Man Gang match, but surely there's some middle ground we could have landed on. Nevertheless, this is a fun 3 minutes and a great Akeem show. Either he's bumping around for Boss Man - including a major spill when he's backdropped over the top and then flipped into the ring the hard way - or he's throwing some awe-inspiring overhand rights. The best part of the match is Akeem throwing single punches at Boss Man's head, sending Boss Man reeling into the ropes each time. 

Boss Man is huge guy who can work rope rebounds as smoothly as Bobby Eaton. Now when you hear somebody has great rope work, it typically means they're good at finding new ways to spring off them. Not enough guys use them to slump into, to catch their fall, to send them back into the scrum like someone hitting the edge of a mosh pit. Akeem keeps rocking Boss Man, and Boss Man gets sent leaning wayyy back into the ropes, thrown back into another of Akeem's fists whether he was ready or not. 

Maybe the best part of this was Akeem's completely rhythmless jive dancing to the unquestionable greatest WWF entrance theme of all time. Or, maybe it was Akeem's standing splash that doesn't get a single fucking inch of air. Worry not, Akeem is such a mountain that he can squish a guy just fine even if he only goes up on his tiptoes for a splash. Dibiase interrupts before we can get a finish (bookending the way he ambushed Boss Man before the WM6 match), but not before Akeem can take the lowest hang time Boss Man Slam you have ever seen. It looked like a Rock Bottom that Boss Man had delivered it from his knees.  

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WWF 305 Live: Andre!! Studd! Bundy! Atlas! Hillbilly Jim!

King Kong Bundy/Big John Studd vs. Andre the Giant/Tony Atlas WWF SNME 10/5/85 - VERY GOOD

ER: The angle to set this one up was good, with Studd holding Andre's legs while Bundy kept hitting splash after splash on him. All of Bundy's splashes looked good, and this match kicked ass. Atlas looked downright tiny compared to all these oafs in the ring, and when Atlas is the smallest guy in a match you know it's gonna rule. This is all about Andre's revenge, going after Bundy and taking shots at Studd, with the kind of pace that said "we ain't going long". Andre chokes Bundy with his singlet straps, and in a moment of inspired genius, Andre does his double headlock noggin knocker spot....except he does it to Bundy and Atlas! Andre headlocks his own partner because his medically proven concrete head is a more violent weapon than clonking Bundy's head against Studd's! I don't think I've seen that before, and I am in love. 

Atlas hits his big jumping headbutts after tagging in, Bundy misses an awesome fat guy elbowdrop (I'm not sure what I love more: fat guys hitting elbowdrops, or fat guys missing elbowdrops), Atlas misses a dropkick and Bundy hits a splash. Studd gets in and goes right after Andre, which backfires spectacularly. Andre headbutts him from the apron and gets in and starts beating Studd, the pairing the crowd was dying for, and I loved Andre's big boot that sent Studd to the floor. Studd runs Atlas into the ringpost in a cool way, and the visual of Andre being attacked by Studd and Bundy while fighting back before the DQ was killer. Hogan runs out to save and his wedding attire is class (this was the Uncle Elmer wedding episode): leather pants, snakeskin cowboy boots, weight belt cummerbund, tuxedo shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and bowtie. This almost feels like a woman wearing a white gown to someone else's wedding. You can't upstage the groom like this, my man.

Andre the Giant/Hillbilly Jim vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy WWF 11/10/85 - GREAT

ER: This was a main event attraction on an otherwise dull Maple Leaf Gardens show. Dino Bravo vs. Nikolai Volkoff was the big Canadian attraction, and the undercard was filled with Tony Parisi and Terry Gibbs and Ron Shaw. But then you get THIS match between maybe the four biggest guys on the roster and it's not some quickie affair. There are some really big moments and the structure was not what I expected. It's starts with Andre/Studd, and Andre backs him into the corner to flatten him. But pretty quickly, Studd gets a knee up right into Andre's back, and we get a long very fun stretch of Andre in peril. I hadn't crossed my mind that we'd get Andre in peril as the bulk of the match, as my first guess had been WWF's typical heel in peril formula that they used a lot in this era, and after that would have guessed a Hillbilly in peril. 

So Andre takes some nice clubbing shots from Studd, hitting Andre's chest with his left arm and Andre's back with his right arm. Studd and Bundy are good at clubbing on Andre while avoiding anything bigger, and Andre is great at selling like he's in actual danger without any of the dangerous things hitting. For example, Bundy tags in and smacks Andre around in the corner, but when he runs back in to try and avalanche Andre gets a boot up, sending Bundy bumping back towards Studd in a fun way. Bundy also misses a big elbow drop, so Andre has been established as taking a bunch of damage but hasn't been hit with anything big. He tries to tie Studd up with a bearhug and eventually we get our Hillbilly hot tag, which isn't as good as it should be. 

But it all builds to a truly great finish, as we get an Andre tied in the ropes spot done in a way I've never seen done before: Bundy and Studd tie Andre up on the apron, with Andre facing toward the crowd, sitting on the apron. That's a cool unique visual to the classic Andre trapped spot, and then Studd just brains Andre with the ringside timekeeper's table. It was a sturdy wooden table and made a big PLONK sound on Andre's head, and they do an all time great stretcher job for Andre. Andre is lying motionless at ringside for over 5 minutes, and it was convincing enough that it was clearly fooling more than just children. If I had seen this in my teens I would have bought it entirely. It takes forever to get Andre out of there, and that helps with the realism. Total big time angle that somehow was ONLY used to set up a return house show, even though I don't think I've ever seen someone lay out Andre to this degree. 

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