WWF 305 LIVE: KAMALA! BOOGER! HEAVY MACHINERY! AUTHORS OF PAIN!

Kamala vs. Bastion Booger WWF Mania 6/27/93 - EPIC

ER: When you see on paper what match you're getting, and you're the kind of person who would be excited by this match on paper, I cannot imagine you leaving this one disappointed. I didn't even realize they were in WWF at the same time (there was about a month of overlap) and had no idea this match existed. Even in match lists it doesn't turn up on most searches (if you go to cagematch they only list a couple of house show matches and no TV match) but it doesn't appear to have aired on Europe-only TV so who knows why the Deep State has been hiding this match from people. On Superstars the day before, Vince referred to Booger as "a disgusting endomorph" which sounds like a hilarious bodybuilder bubble HHH insult (like when he called Punk "skinny fat"), and so we have a disgusting endomorph vs. a Ugandan Giant, obviously that is going to be epic. Booger bumps around in real fun "can he get up!?" ways for Kamala, with the best parts being these sick cross chops Kamala threw right to the Adam's apple and lead to fast back bumps from Booger (and I love Booger's back bumps because he is so round - one could call him an endomorph, in fact - that he bumps like someone threw a jello sculpture to the mat). I am filled with glee as Kamala chokes Booger over the middle rope, as I picture the white rope as a sentient rope who just has a big frown on his face as the two fattest dudes lean their weight on him. They brawl to a double count out and Booger takes a nice ring posting, and obviously there wasn't going to be a clean finish when you're dealing with specimens like these. It was either going time limit draw or double KO baby. 

Heavy Machinery vs. Authors of Pain NXT 7/12/17 - VERY GOOD

ER: We have a major dearth of fat guys in pro wrestling these days, so I imagine this will be one of our later 305 entries. These guys are four of the biggest guys that have ever appeared on NXT, so thankfully they gave us at least one TV match together. What's cruel is that they know exactly what they are giving us, because every time they show a graphic for this match throughout the episode they talk about how much damn beef is going to be in the ring at once. There are so many small people in NXT, they obviously knew what a treat a match like this was going to be. Confusingly, it was taped before 4th of July and easily could have aired around the holiday. That would have been a good reason to turn the match into a hot dog eating contest or something cool and patriotic like that, but instead they just had them wrestle a normal match with no competitive eating. 

Akam and Rezar don't do a ton for me, but I really like their knees to the face and it's cool that they go to that a lot. There was a long heat segment on Tucker and a lot of it was him trying to get to his feet while getting clubbed and taking short knees right to the face. I could probably be won over by a team that did nothing but big clubs, decent clotheslines, quick tags, cranking cravats, and knees to the face. The hot tag to Otis is the real highlight, with him coming in throwing hard shoulderblocks and lariats, with my favorite lariats being the ones he throws just to block AoP lariats. It's a cool visual when two huge guys are throwing arms as hard as they can while trying to block, and I wonder if either wound up with some big bruises on their inner biceps. Tucker really muscles one of AoP over the top to the floor with an even better lariat, and Otis chucks one of them with a big boy belly to belly (and you know his belly is REALLY up against that belly). Wish a little bit of an extended stretch this could have been a real standout tag, but just went things are really looking to get on fire they go home quick. I liked AoP's DDT and their lariat/legsweep finisher works well with their size, but it's disappointing when you know something was close to being awesome and only didn't get there due to not having an extra 75 seconds.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

Read more!

WWE Elimination Chamber Close to Live Blog 3/8/20

ER: Chamber shows seem to deliver a higher rate of success than other yearly WWE PPVs, and this card looks especially strong on paper. I'm so used to not being very excited by cards (and then being pleasantly surprised) that it feels weird going into a show actually excited for most of the matches.


Viking Raiders vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

ER: I'm used to seeing Hawkins and Ryder work even matches with guys who most people don't even realize are on the roster, like Eric Young or Shelton Benjamin. But every year or so they show up on a PPV pre-show and suddenly they're the ones cutting of the Viking Raiders. I expected this to be the Vikings absolutely wasting these two, but instead we get a cool section of Hawkins and Ryder cutting off Erik from Ivar. Hawkins even dropped Erik with a vertical suplex on the floor. That ended once Erik tagged in Ivar, and Ivar had the kind of hot tag that really snaps a pre-show crowd to life. Ivar's timing looked really good, hitting a huge lariat on Hawkins after cartwheeling past him, flattening Ryder with a crossbody, drops down with a great butt splash, and their finish looks like a damn finish, a big flapjack into an over the shoulder powerslam. The finishing stretch of this really made them look like the kind of wrecking ball tag team that WWE hasn't been featuring as much, but I also like how we got a fun stretch of them selling. Typical good pre-show match.


Daniel Bryan vs. Drew Gulak

PAS: I am used to seeing these kind of non-WWE style matches hidden on 205 Live or NXT UK, but this is the most un-WWE match I can ever remember seeing on an actually big card. It is crazy that Bryan has the juice to work a 15+ minute match with Drew Gulak, have it go almost entirely on the mat and get in on PPV.  So much to love here, total star making performance for Gulak, who got to dominate most of the match, with the story that he knows Bryan better than he knows himself. He is like the Survivor super fan who knows all of Tyson or Boston Rob's strategies.

Bryan took a hellacious beating to put over Gulak, that Saito suplex was awesome looking with Bryan selling a stinger, the released suplex looked a horrific as one of those has ever looked, and I actually thought Bryan might have Misawa'd his neck. All of the little things were cool too, with Gulak able to either win the mat exchanges or fight Bryan to a draw. Nasty grinding mat wrestling too, after the leglock exchange, Gulak had a mouse over his eye, and Bryan had multiple welts and bruises.  Finish run was so class, the Ultimo Guerrero reverse suplex into the Gulock was perfect, and I really thought Gulak might go over. But the desperation reversal into the super violent Yes lock for the pass out, was really great grappling. I had super high expectations for this match, and it exceeded them. Gulak's career match and honestly really high on Bryan's career list too.

ER: Wow. The other night I watched a real dream match for me, Eddie Kingston vs. LA Park, and it landed at #1 on our MOTY List. And now the very next night I get ANOTHER genuine dream match of mine, and it immediately, easily becomes my favorite match of 2020. This is a real teacher vs. student match, trailblazer vs. acolyte, two guys having a match that looks like no WWE PPV match has looked before. Gulak wouldn't be in WWE if it weren't for what Bryan did in wrestling in the 2000s. There's a chance Gulak wouldn't be in wrestling at all if it weren't for what Bryan did in wrestling in the 2000s. This match is Gulak's return to TV wrestling, a guy who has seemed rudderless since they took him off 205 Live with no warning almost a half year ago, and here he is in his first WWE PPV match. Nobody rightly expects dream matches to fulfill their potential to this degree.

These two take it to the mat and work it so intensely that you really see how easily a WWE audience could get trained to get fully behind that style. They built the matwork in a way that kept the crowd engaged, even thought they weren't working strikes or highspots for the first half of the match. This kind of extended matwork is rare on any TV (even lucha TV format has phased out a lot of extended primera matwork), and here is an all time legend making another star on a big PPV working a rugged mat style. They cranked headlocks, twisted ankles, bent knees, fought with intent over kneebars and each wrangled over Boston crabs. Gulak booted Bryan right in the chest to break a hold, and it wasn't long into the match before both bodies were showing bruising. The fans got into a surfboard as if it were a move they'd never seen before, and by the time Gulak dished out chops and elbows in the corner they were even more into it.

Gulak and Bryan kept that matwork looking like a fight at all times, so that by the time the two were actually fighting, the building had been ramping up for 7 minutes. We got some of the nastiest throws and suplexes seen in WWE history, like the two were fighting to be included in highlight packages featuring Brock and the Steiners. Gulak throws Bryan with a Saito suplex like a Russian Olympian, and his release German is one of the most holy shit spots I've seen in WWE (which is saying something since the match also had a vertical suplex from inside the ring to the floor). Bryan got launched halfway across the ring and lands squarely on his left shoulder, and as the cameras linger on his body slumping and folding into the mat you get to visually see how much punishment his body has been through. The expertly teased count out finish really felt like it could have been the actual finish. Bryan took a complete beating here, and his known history of neck problems made every fall feel even worse. Sure, he had his own shots, Gulak had his own bruises and got dumped with a nasty dragon suplex, but Bryan looked like a guy really getting put through the shredder. Bryan takes a hard fall onto the top buckle, and as Gulak is locking in the incredible reverse superplex, I think Gulak really has a chance to win this. This really was built to make Gulak look like a star, and he looked all of it. This match hit a point where it ceased mattering who won or lost, just because of how unforgettable they had made it. That superplex and Gulak bending Bryan's body backwards into the Gu-lock would have been violent enough to successfully run a fake Bryan injury retirement angle. But Bryan's victory seemingly opens the door for them to do more. This was really the first time in WWE that Gulak hasn't been featured as a comedy figure on the main stage, and I have to think this match really opened some eyes.


Andrade vs. Humberto Carrillo

ER: I thought this ruled too. Andrade went out there clearly realized he had to follow what Gulak and Bryan just did, and so he beats the hell out of Carrillo. These two have had a lot of matches already, several on TV and one great one a couple months ago at TLC. All of their matches have gotten a lot of time to do their thing, so they've really been able to grow their style a bit. Phil and I were chatting about the match, and he thought they should have worked more of a Rey/Juvy match than working a similarly stiff match to the already legendary match that preceeded them. But I've seen them work their Rey/Juvy match, and I liked it, but now I'm glad I got something different. I actually thought they were going to have a 4 second match, and honestly thought that would have been cool. Andrade's whipping back elbow looked like it decapitated Carrillo, who took it like he ran headlong into a doorframe he didn't see. Carrillo kept pasting him with shots, and I liked the way Carrillo worked into slick flying spots around the violence. Carrillo benefits from being in there with someone like Andrade, and Andrade takes his payment in bruises. All of his shots landed hard, from his elbows looking like Carrillo was getting knocked back to his heels, to his running knees threatening to break Carrillo's collarbones. But then he made Carrillo's biggest moments look even bigger. That super rana showed they had retained the crowd after a real tough match to top, and he put that kind of bumping energy into everything Carrillo did. The finishing roll up sequence was inventive and I thought the narrow win off a quick leveraged pin was a great way to have him escape. This PPV has started great.


The Miz/John Morrison vs. Robert Roode/Dolph Ziggler vs. Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. Heavy Machinery vs. Big E/Kofi Kingston vs. The Usos

ER: New Day are wearing all white Paint By Numbers gear, with a key for the colors on the back, and it's some absolutely all time gear. Is Paint By Numbers style a trend that I haven't heard? I love it. The crowd is noticeably quiet during the Usos/New Day opening, and those are teams that usually get reactions. It's possible they got burned out from the previous two matches, but I think the ring entrances for this match alos dragged on too long. Too many long, separate entrances felt like too much of a cooldown. But they didn't let it discourage them, which can happen. The match gets fun when Lucha House Party gets in. Just as Drew Gulak had his first PPV match, this was somehow the first PPV appearance for either Metalik or Dorado. That's really cool, and they both come into the match hot (a little too hot, as Metalik ends up taking a powerbomb on a failed rana attempt on Big E, but they treat it as if the rana connected) and once they settle down we get a great run from them. Metalik does his gorgeous ropework that always gets a reaction, and he and Dorado work some fun misdirection chained spots, ending with two nice moonsaults. Metalik was also getting reactions from big bumps (always gotta have a lunatic taking the hiptoss bumps on the edge portions of the Chamber), and Dorado gets to be the guy flying off a Chamber pod onto guys, and then gets to hitting a Spider-man shooting star press onto everyone from the top of the Chamber. Dorado's spot off the center of the Chamber is probably the most successful version of that kind of spot. Shame they got eliminated by a Heavy Machinery compactor literally right after, but I like the attention to detail in having Otis be the only one to be left standing after Dorado's big moment. Tucker tossing Ziggler off a pod and Otis catching him was a super impressive spot, and the hotshot Otis gave Ziggler right after looked great, but catching Ziggler felt like such a big deal that it felt like it needed a bigger exclamation point than the hotshot. Felt like it needed a big slam. But then Tucker flies off the top of the pod with a cannonball into the remaining bodies and goes tumbling away from the group. Tough to top that right?

Well Otis immediately tops it by crashing through two walls of the pod to fly completely out of the Chamber to the floor. He crashed through those pods like Pee Wee riding a motorcycle through a billboard. It was a total Wile E. Coyote spot, and one of the all time greatest spots in a gimmick match that has created a ton of all time great spots. Otis slander can stop now, this guy is a tank. I wish they would have gone all the way through with Heavy Machinery, would have been nice to see them have a run, even keep the Mandy story going with a Roode/Ziggler feud. Usos vs. Miz/Morrison doesn't excite me much, feels like I've been watching Miz fight the Usos frequently for the past 5 years. Morrison brings something different to the equation in theory, but it still feels like a thing I've seen too much. Ending a Chamber match with a feet on the ropes roll up is a pretty amusing way to do it, but I'm not sure it was the right move. I like the dichotomy of the match having some really crazy moments, then ending with the oldest trick in the book, but the purist in me feels like you need something stronger there. Good match overall though, plenty of memorable big moments.


AJ Stlyes vs. Aleister Black

ER: This had a lot of strong work, but was much slower paced than not only other No DQ matches, but slower than the two very similar matches we've had on this card. This was focused on some stiff striking and wrenched in submissions in the same way Gulak/Bryan was, with Black hitting several kicks to the chest that Styles made look like he was getting hit with a full baseball swing, and Styles throwing several kicks and stomps to work over Black's leg. Styles would kick his leg at a buckling angle, and had a couple real sick calf crushers. But the downtime in between the cool stuff left a lot of the crowd cold, in a way they perhaps wouldn't be had they been attending a lesser show. This was a show that already had a lot of stiff strikes and big highpots, so this was a tough position for these two. Plus, the Singapore cane stuff felt far less interesting than any of Black's kicks. I also didn't care a ton for Black's knee selling, getting a little too performative at times. It's kind of neat seeing a guy hopping around on a leg selling a limp, but after seeing him go for another quebrada you start to think he's maybe asking for a sore knee. This match loses me once the OC get involved, but at least the finishing Black Mass looked good (it always does, but still). The No DQ stip didn't lead to anything interesting, a regular match between them would have been fine. This might have stood out more on a weak show, but this has not been a weak show. The Undertaker stuff does not move me in either direction.


Street Profits vs.  Seth Rollins/Murphy

ER: Hey here's a match I didn't want. How to lose my interest in a great show, check out these past two matches. This match is really shoveling on the dirt, and the quiet crowd appears to be with me. Street Profits keep some fans interested, but Rollins is so cold for me. What's funny is that Rollins and Murphy each had a headlock that I really liked, it was all their athletic spots that I thought looked light. Murphy can make a scary bump off the apron look like a routine tumbling exercise, and he has a tendency to bump everything with the same level of impact, actually doing his opponent's offense a disservice. Dawkins' hot tag was good, big man lariats and his 360 spin avalanche is a great signature hot tag spot. Ford takes some big bumps (really liked him eating knees on a high frog splash, and liked Rollins turning it into a small package), but can also come off a step slow in ring. Rollins/Owens isn't a match that I am interested in seeing, don't care about the match involvement, but this match made the show feel an hour longer. But I will watch Viking Raiders vs. AOP.


Braun Strowman vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Cesaro/Sami Zayn

ER: This is another match that I don't really care about, so the unfortunate Styles/Black match followed by the dull tag, capping it off with a kind of silly handicap match, isn't going to help the show. BUT giving Sami Zayn an IC Title run is an actual great move. His kind of opportunistic undersized weasel works great as a mid level title holder, always making a babyface look good in the chase, and he's a good guy at getting clowned for 75% of a match and still somehow win. So this was a kind of nothing match that had a fun end result that should make for some entertaining programs, so it was an overall win.


Asuka vs. Sarah Logan vs. Liv Morgan vs. Shayna Baszler vs. Ruby Riott vs. Natalya

PAS: This was clearly designed to get Baszler over, and pretty much everything after she came in was an angle, but man what a delivery. I want to give real props to Logan, Natalya, and Riot who all absolutely killed each other in their section before Baszler came in. The Riott senton off the side of the Chamber was nastier and cooler then any of the crazy highspots in the tag chamber, and Logan's running knees to Natalya and the plexiglas were super nasty. Once Baszler came in she rampaged. I think they should have worked the times a bit, I think Baszler had to dance around a minute or two too long before the pods opened. I also would have liked to see her tap the women with different submissions instead of always the RNC, although I get how you want to establish that as deadly to people who don't watch NXT. I am a Baszler fan, so I enjoyed the monster push, and hope they have her beat Becky too. You need to set up Baszler vs. Ronda when she comes back.

ER: I really liked the looks of this match on paper, almost all of my favorite women on the roster in my favorite gimmick match. And I thought this match absolutely ruled...whenever there was actually a match happening. There has been a killer violent streak happening in the women's division this year, with some nasty under the radar TV bouts (Asuka vs. Natalya, Carmella vs. Bayley, and a host of other individual performances) and this continues that trend. Riott, Natalya, and Logan really killed each other. All of the stuff pre-Shayla was hitting hard on every level for me. Riott had a great return to prominence. Her trash talking was great as she smashed Natalya with shots, but then took a hard beating of her own with a couple nasty bumps on the Chamber edge (including a great powerbomb). Logan looked like she broke Natalya's face when her pod opened, flying into her knees to chin. When Baszler came in I felt bad that those three got completely steamrolled by Brock Baszler, after all they had just all clearly worked their ass off in the main event of a big show, but the killing was handled so well that I loved it. Baszler murdered Logan and Riott with knees, and her rear nakeds on both looked braincell reducing. Logan especially sold it incredibly, and Riott had a great sell from the kneelift.

But the match made a major faceplant by hanging Baszler and Asuka out to dry by stubbornly sticking to actual real time. This desperately needed a worked clock, as Baszler did not have enough material to fill in the incredibly, fast forward worthy downtime. How did nobody call an audible? The downtime was so long, and the crowd got deservedly restless. Who in the back is so dedicated to the art of taking proper time, that they didn't realize the MAIN EVENT was in danger of dying? Baszler/Morgan and Baszler/Asuka delivered, even though I wish Liv got a longer go. She's been a strong house show performer that for some reason hasn't been given much of a chance on TV the last year, and she died a valiant death here but deserved a run in charge. Asuka vs. Baszler felt like a big deal main event (one that fans had to wait a deathly long amount of time to see), and Baszler was killing her with knees. Asuka has so much charisma and has been absolutely unleashed the past several months, and I thought she was actually going to conquer Shayna with her chickenwing choke. But the final showdown came off great, they just bizarrely blew out two of their tires on the easy trip to the finish line.


2020 MOTY MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWE Extreme Rules 7/14/19 Blog

Jeeeez these things start earlier and earlier. Are 4 PM starts the norm now? They always catch me off guard. I dig Beth Phoenix's new haircut, though it feels like they're doing that thing where they make her look like Renee Young, as they made Michael Cole look like Todd Pettengill.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Finn Balor

ER: Feels like there will be people upset that these two are on the pre-show, in a title match no less, but these are not concerns that I share. I prefer when the pre-show matches are guys who typically wind up on 205 Live or Main Event, as it plays like a fun 8 minute try out match at that point and they usually deliver. This just feels like a couple of established guys slumming it. I'm pretty certain that every single strike Balor threw landed about 6" to the side of Nakamura. Pele kick? Somewhere over Shinsuke's shoulder. Kick from the apron? somewhere past Shinsuke's head. Balor's cut off double stomp looked good, and Nakamura's two finishing shots looked good (knee to the back of the head looked great and then kinshasa was a good follow up), but I didn't really expect them to change the title in such a vanilla match. This felt like the touring 6 minute match these two would have around the circuit, felt very going through the motions.

Tony Nese vs. Drew Gulak

ER: Early on we get a "Let's Go Gulak" chant which is an awesome surprise. If Gulak actually starts to get over the same way Bryan got over earlier in the decade, how great will that be?? This is kind of what anybody could have expected going in: Gulak looked great, Nese did not, but Nese tried some things that worked in a stupid risk taking way. Nese has that "hey Evan Karagias is getting better" vibe to him, but he doesn't actually have babyface charisma. He does things that some fans should find cool, but Gulak is the one getting the reactions here. YES, obviously this is being held right in Gulak's stomping grounds, but that isn't a guarantee to get a great reaction and he got them throughout. Nese did a wild moonsault to the floor, hitting Gulak who was tied up in the ropes over the apron; it didn't really work, but I like him going for stupid stuff. He also overshoots a 450 and slams those knees right into Gulak's ribs, throws him messily into the corner with a german suplex, basically the nastiest parts of Nese's attack were kind of accidents. Gulak threw great kicks, and I think his reactions are going to keep getting louder, and they'll eventually babyface him. Early in the match Gulak hit an awesome diving clothesline off the apron (hard to make diving clotheslines look good) and his folding powerbomb looked great and would make a fine finisher, but I love the old school style of his spinning back suplex. Gulak is here baby!

No Holds Barred: Shane McMahon/Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns/Undertaker

ER: Starting off the show with this one! And you know what? I thought it was awesome. I was hooked in throughout, feeling it the whole time. The NHB stip is mostly wasted as this was worked about as straight as you can work a tag match (until 12+ minutes in), but they worked a damn successful tag formula. The key was Shane actually treated the way Shane *should* be treated in the ring. Shane is never portrayed as an equal, he comes in with his stupid little punches, and then gets absolutely manhandled. That's what should be happening. Undertaker never once treated him seriously, which thank fucking god. Reigns was throwing big uppercuts to Shane, and Undertaker is full crazy old man. I gotta respect the guy. He got dropped his head by Goldberg not even a couple months ago and here he is, breaking out the greatest hits, dropping a big leg on the apron, throwing big boots, looking like The Undertaker. McIntyre hits a huge overhead belly to belly on Roman and he gets a cool showdown with Taker (McIntyre appeared to be taller than Taker at this point), but a lot of this was Roman and Taker working over Shane, and it was great. The turning point of the match was really well done, with Shane making a low bridge to send Roman bumping big over the top. Elias comes out to officially make use of the NHB and interfere, and we get two big Shane spots, putting Taker through an announce table with an elbow, then hitting the coast to coast in the ring. But I think those are the way Shane should be getting offense in, doing your long set up car crashes when you have two actual guys holding down your opponent. This was a smart way to set up Shane moments. The finish stretch is really well laid out, with Taker making his sit up comeback on Shane, but then DREW getting to pop up behind Taker. The camera clearly set up the shot, but it played as a great wrestling visual, something they should get video package use out of. I didn't see Roman's cut off spear coming (and the cameras didn't show it well at all), but I thought this wrapped up really cool. I wasn't expecting to be into this one going in, but I loved the formula and layout worked to perfection, thought it was fun bell to bell. And my god they said "Big Dog" literally a dozen times. Absurd.

The Revival vs. The Usos

ER: This was the match on the card I was most excited about, and they obviously had a good one. What was odd is that the crowd did not care at ALL. I wouldn't think the Taker appearance and match would kill them dead that easily, but it was eerily silent through most of this match. And this match should have gotten a great reaction! This was an exciting tag match! The Revival are a finely tuned machine, love how the set up their double teams, love their shtick, love their pace. They are good foils for Uso offense, scramble out of the way on superkicks and lean in when they need to, always good at stooging into place. We got a couple tandem Usos dives that sprawled out impressively, leading to a cool long section of Revival cutting off the ring. Dawson looked like he was having a ball the whole match, guy is so good. I kept waiting for people to get into it, but they couldn't care less. There weren't a ton of twists, but these teams match up so well you don't really need them, and I thought the finish was satisfying. This was classic tag wrestling, which has been getting great reactions for decades. No idea why the crowd would be so bored so soon. Watch this on mute and it would probably come off like a classic.

Cesaro vs. Aleister Black

ER: This was really damn cool and played like a really fun Big Mouth Loud undercard match. It got time but not too much, and saw Black slowly breaking down Cesaro with kicks to all parts of the body, throwing combos early in the match that set up other combos later in the match. The finish played directly into that with Black throwing a sharp kick to the inner thigh and then going for a high right kick, Cesaro leans in to block the high right and then gets his right temple dented in by Black Mass. Black kicked at shins and inner thighs throughout, and Cesaro was really good at selling cumulative damage in his legs, falling on a lift late in the match in a not overdone way. Cesaro still did plenty of cool Cesaro stuff, dug that big springing uppercut and snug cravate, loved the way he would try to counter Black's kicks, just a cool pairing. Black feels like a guy who could really get over if given the kind of exposure Cesaro got.

Nikki Cross/Alexa Bliss vs. Bayley

ER: I really don't get this kind of handicap match. Bayley doesn't have the kind of offense that can control two people, and nobody wants to see two people just cut off a ring by themselves. Of anything on the card, I am least excited for this. I can't imagine the crowd being won back with a handicap match, either. And this was about as lame as I was expecting. It wasn't long, but it felt too long. None of the spots where Bayley did tandem offense to Bliss/Cross looked good (at one point Bliss basically had to put herself in a headlock), and I couldn't get too into Bliss/Cross teeing off on Bayley because I still don't really understand the Bliss/Cross relationship. There were nice moments: Cross does the Finlay ring skirt trap well, and Bliss threw a nasty dropkick to Bayley while she was trapped in the skirt; Bliss's double knees to the stomach both landed hard (really stuck those moonsault knees), and Bliss hit hard on Bayley's knees doing the twisting moonsault. I just couldn't get into the result of this match. It wasn't going somewhere I was interested in seeing. My overall interested in the women's division has sunk like a rock in a lake these past few months.

Last Man Standing: Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman

ER: We're in Philadelphia, and these guys set out to have a big ECW crowd brawl match, and it was better than a lot of ECW crowd brawling. Fans gave it some obligatory ECW chant (which certainly wasn't a guarantee given how quiet they've been) but two big dudes crashing through walls and taking prop bumps was enough to rouse them. They avoided the "walking and holding heads" kind of ECW brawl, and kept this more about big spills. Braun suplexed Lashley into a merch set up but not through a table, he just vertical suplexed him into a wall and let Lashley fall. Lashley speared him through the ring barricade, both fell over announce tables, they fell into concrete steps, a real nice brawl that could have been next level if they were allowed to bleed. We built to a huge moment where Lashley sprang up to beat a 10 count, leaped up and over the barricade to chase Braun, but then got tossed into the alt. language commentary pit. Lashley's bump into the pit was great, could have been a great capper to a cool match really. They wind up finish with some climbing up to a big mysterious crash pad location, with big comical black plastic gates and a big black box on the lower level that nobody noticed before. The Braun powerslam through it looks cool, and Braun crashes through the front of the box to emerge standing, but I thought it all felt too set up and phony to be effective. Braun sidestepping Lashley into the pit came off more organic.

Big E/Xavier Woods vs. Heavy Machinery vs. Daniel Bryan/Erick Rowan

ER: This was really fun, as you'd expect a match with these guys to be. Otis vs. Bryan is a pairing I really like, and I love how Otis and Tucker work together. The match is filled with cool spots: Rowan's big crossbody on the floor into Bryan's knee off the apron, Otis tossing Bryan into a Tucker belly to belly, Bryan sinking in the LeBell Lock and subsequently tying off all of E's limbs as he would reach for the ropes, E hits his best-in-wrestling standing splash and kills Bryan with the spear to the floor, Otis makes me laugh the whole time with his apron work, Tucker hits a wild plancha to the floor, Otis corgi leaps off the apron, tons of really great stuff. I didn't want to see New Day win the belts. I'm kind of sick of New Day constantly being in the title scene, really felt like this should have been Heavy Machinery's first title win. New Day don't need the belts, they'll be as over as they can possibly be just doing whatever they do. Of the three options, I would have much rather seen Bryan/Rowan retain, or HM win.

AJ Styles vs. Ricochet

ER: This did very little for me. Both guys do cool things, but it all felt pretty empty. Ricochet is obviously a freak athlete but doing silly things like a shooting star clothesline don't really help him. He's more interesting when he's throwing his whole body into attacks (and his springboard to the floor onto Gallows looked good), his big springboard shooting star looked good, but this whole thing was so dry. The middle rope Styles Clash was cool, and the interference while lame was actually well done (Anderson getting kicked from the apron into the ring was a cool moment), but this did next to nothing for me.

Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: God bless these men.

Samoa Joe vs. Kofi Kingston

ER: I thought Joe was really awesome here, bullying Kingston around the ring and throwing hard kicks to bully him into corners to attack with fists, then trip him to the ground with kicks. He had a legsweep to Kofi's shins that was so killer. Joe looked like enough of a killer that I immediately wanted this to be a dominant Joe victory. Kofi's reign just means I have to see more Kofi Kingston matches, and the prospect of more Joe matches is way more interesting. I thought Joe crushed Kofi here and this was my favorite Joe performance in some time. Kofi tries to get cute with him at one point and Joe hits a mean uranage. I wanted this to be one of those shocking beatings of a champ, for Joe to walk in and just steamroll Kofi and win the title. Something like that would make a rematch more interesting for me, Kofi going in completely unprepared for Joe, something like that. I thought Joe's beating was strong enough that it was going to make Kofi's inevitable comeback look a little silly, as I've never liked Kofi's offense and don't think it's something that looks great against a guy like Joe. Still, I thought this match delivered overall, just not quite what I wanted it to.

Baron Corbin/Lacey Evans vs. Seth Rollins/Becky Lynch

ER: This was mostly pretty dull, and filled with people I don't really care about. Lynch hasn't been interesting at all, really making her brief period as THE most interesting thing seem like a distant or false memory. First thing I notice her do here is miss a stomach kick by a foot, so she's not exactly inspiring me. It's just a bad sign when there are 4 people in the match and Baron Corbin is the one I like best. Lacey was probably the most interesting during the dull parts of the match, she had the most interesting personality at least. I didn't care about much of this, but the big table spot was genuinely spectacular. Becky just crushes Lacey with a senton/legdrop, Rollins blows up Corbin and a table with a long distance splash. But the finish was legitimately great, a super great finish to something I didn't care about: Baron Corbin absolutely kills Lynch with the end of days. It was really great within the context of the match, as they'd made a big deal the whole damn time about the women staying separate from the men. Corbin annihilates Lynch and it's the first interaction of the match, played so well. And with that, Rollins actually has the most interesting moment of the past calendar year. I thought him snapping and just wasting Corbin with kendo stick shots, chairshots, and three curb stomps was the most actual interesting character he's shown in god knows how long. A heel going too far and immediately being on the business end of a babyface's justified sadistic revenge. It's a great kind of 80s babyface comeback, with the dickhead heel suddenly backpedaling because the babyface was pushed too far. I wouldn't think Rollins could pull that off, but he did, and he did it well. Corbin gets good marks for making the curb stomps look good.

And then BROCK comes out and destroys Rollins! Brock as champ is SO MUCH MORE interesting to me so thank god. I'd much rather see people coming at Brock, Brock defending is something I like (I think more than most people), so hell yeah bring on the challengers to BROCK! I liked how the cash in was handled and do not care how it made Rollins look.

I thought this was a good show that went too damn long. 3 hours is fine for most PPV. 4 hours + a couple matches before that 4 hours is too much. Even if the wrestling is mostly good. But the show had good performances top to bottom. The Graveyard Dogs overdelivered, Revival had their good match, Cesaro/Black stood out as a cool style on this card, tag trios delivered, Braun and Lashley had a good brawl, and the final match ended strong. That's a good show! I just wished it were shorter.

Read more!

2019 Ongoing MOTY List: Bryan/Rowan vs Heavy Machinery

40. Heavy Machinery vs. Daniel Bryan/Erick Rowan

ER: Fans going nuts for home state boy Bryan is fun to see, and continues the trend of the crowd starting loud for this show and getting louder. I am far more excited for this match than I should be, as Bryan vs. Otis is a match-up I can't help but get excited for. Otis is someone I'm really happy is on the roster, the type of shape that just hasn't been around enough lately (I mean his shape is plenty around, but you know what I mean). Otis' arms are shaped exactly like his legs, he has cool strength, and he seems like a great unique partner for Bryan. And I'm not wrong, as the Otis/Bryan moments are incredibly fun. The whole match is incredibly fun! This is another fresh match and it leads to a ton of new cool stuff. I could watch Bryan kick away at Otis's pork barrel chest all damn day, and Bryan throws more kicks on Otis in this match than any match this year, and Otis hits a big damn press slam, big powerslam on Rowan, big capture suplex on Bryan, the big high angle sitout powerbomb on Bryan was awesome, he passes off a vertical suplex to Tucker, and - even though the fans are booing Heavy Machinery the whole match (and I loved that Otis was somehow getting the most heat of the night so far) - he still did that damn worm. Tucker showed a ton of agility I didn't realize he had, there was this killer early moment where he somersaulted over Bryan to get into position to lariat him out of his boots, and later he missed a big moonsault, took a big bump over the top to the floor, and was a part of a neat double team powerslam on Bryan. I do wish they would have made slight alterations to the match structure once it was so obvious that the crowd was going to treat Bryan like the face and HM like the heels, it made things a little silly when Tucker was fighting to the Otis hot tag while the crowd booed. Still Otis clearly knew what was going on and made a bunch of faces to show that he was just rubbing it in to the fans. His dorky chunkster hype movements while Bryan was lacing kicks into his chest made me laugh, and I just thought the pairing was insanely entertaining the whole match.

PAS: I am not an NXT guy, so I hadn't seen Heavy Machinery before, and they were a bunch of fun. I love that WWE has a guy who looks like Earthquake Ferris, and the fact that Otis was a All-American Greco guy is even better, I hope he ends up having a grappling battle with Riddle or Gulak on some C-Show. He had some great looking throws, and his block of granite stuff with Bryan was a blast. Tucker was fun too, his somersault into a lariat was awesome and I liked his dive. Bryan was of course a king, and I like they way he still worked heel, but relished the crowd affection, reminded me of Bret Hart working in Canada. Finish was a blast with Bryan breaking out his old king of the small package gimmick from ROH. Really enjoyable tag, and I would love to see it run back.


2019 MOTY MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWE Stomping Grounds Live Blog 6/23/19

ER: I don't know a ton about this card, only know the early online "WWE is dying and putting on terrible cards!" vulture chat. I write up all these damn things, and usually it's these kind of under the radar cards that end up delivering, whether its because of the low expectations of me the viewer or the wrestlers themselves knowing there are low expectations. Either way, let's hope for some good wrestling to kill time with until I gotta watch Meryl Streep's weird ass fake teeth.

Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak vs. Tony Nese

ER: This definitely starts out as Gulak and Tozawa working a Tony Nese match, which I understand that's how this was likely to go. Nese is the champ, you work the champ's stupid match. I'd much rather see them just running a Tozawa/Gulak match, or Nese vs. Gulak, or Nese vs. Tozawa, but we get the worst option and it's fine. Gulak and Tozawa are GOOD at working a Tony Nese match, so it works. Nese even wears 205 Live colored gear which...feels like I hate Tony Nese. But after they got the early dance party out of their system, this settled into a really exciting 3 way. Pretty much from the moment Tozawa hit his great high impact cannonball off the apron into Gulak, I was on board. It was very "I hit this guy into that guy and that guy winds up suplexing me into the first guy" but I thought they were mostly good at avoiding dumb waiting around set-ups. This got into some pure fire territory when Gulak sunk in a nasty dragon sleeper on Nese, with his ankles locked tight in a rough body vice. Nese kept breaking out in various ways forcing Gulak to adjust the hold as his own limbs would break free, totally great way to advance drama throughout one submission. And then, with the absolutely best exclamation point, Tozawa flew from out of nowhere with a heavy ass hell senton off the top, right into Nese, with Gulak underneath. Great involvement of all three guys. Tozawa was really fun here, and really he always is. He's a guy I hope lingers under the radar on the roster for a decade, like Funaki. He's already almost 3 years in! His solo stuff with Gulak is fun, loved his exchange with Nese that ended with him popping Nese in the jaw with a right, he took a cool backwards bump falling off the apron, just a great guy to put in matches like this. I wish they let Gulak tee off on Nese a little more, but I'm too genuinely excited for Drew Gulak: Cruiserweight Champion to much care. Gulak has been nothing but great during his WWE run, and I'm so happy that it will presumably start paying off with more feature matches. This match got better the longer it went, I thought, as we started feeling like a 6 minute rush job and we instead got a fun 12 minute fireworks show.

Becky Lynch vs. Lacey Evans

ER: This was messy, but in a way that I think benefitted the match. Lacey doesn't have great application on everything, but the story of her just attacking Lynch's stomach was more than enough, as Lacey was really good on every single shot she threw to the stomach. When a match has a ton of someone punching and kicking at someone's stomach, that's a cool thing I'm going to enjoy. I think it was also a really smart way to get around having Lacey do more complicated offense, just have her able to cut off Lynch with a low punch to the gut or wrapping her around a ringpost or jamming her boot in Lynch's ribs. I liked Lacey fighting to get out of the Disarm-her, and like how Lynch would throw her around (although Lynch did a few of her really dumb extended Woody Allen reactions after an Evans kickout, sitting there and doing this stupid stammering "Um well, yes, I guess, um, well, you see, I thought that would, gulp, thought that would get the, heh, you see, the pin" face. It's awful). They really push the pace in this too, and so the kind of messy moments combined with the fast pace gave this a cool runaway train vibe. I wish Lynch would have paid more lip service to her worked over stomach, but I liked this.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Big E/Xavier Woods

ER: They're keeping everything on this show at 10-12 minutes so far, and I think that benefits everyone. No guarantee we keep it that way, but three matches in and it's turned this into a fun, quick moving card. We get a long FIP segment from Woods, with both Zayn and Owens being really fun in their roles of taunting Big E on the apron. Owens especially would stomp on Woods' face, then look over at E holding his face and mocking him. But I also like how Owens and Zayn went for quick pinfalls right out of the gate, throwing out superkicks and sentons and cannonballs and a big Owens top rope splash. Obviously the Big E hot tag was going to be great, he's always been awesome and running through people in quick order, with Zayn right in the line of belly to belly suplex fire. Nothing on this show has hit next level, but it has made the show highly watchable, and that's really all I care about in the end.

Ricochet vs. Samoa Joe

ER: We've hardly seen any Joe vs. Ricochet, almost all of their matches have been on house shows, so this has a cool fresh feeling to it. This match really felt like they gave people the match they would want to see. It got tons of time, and both guys did their cool stuff against a new opponent, and Ricochet got a big ol' clean win! This is all crowd pleasing stuff! And, perhaps not surprisingly, the crowd has been making genuine noise all damn night. That's a good sign! They also threw in a bunch of slo mo replays, so it gave parts of the match a "AJPW 1995 Comm Tape" feel to it that I will always love. Ricochet taking a uranage on his shoulders? Great. Seeing an All Japan sweat flying off bodies slo mo replay? Impossibly better. Joe hitting a hard elbow? Awesome. All Japan slo mo of floppy haired Joe channeling floppy haired Misawa and crushing Ricochet with an elbow while sweat flies off? Impossibly better. This was what I assume everyone wanted. Joe hitting all of his classic Joe offense in classic fashion (really loved him hitting a big German suplex and turning around and laying him out with a lariat), Ricochet landing his flying moves where they were supposed to land (though he kind of whiffed on a springboard elbow). I do think they really front-loaded the Joe offense as Ricochet felt a little bit too Superman coming back after all of this beating. I wish they could have kept him a little more in this over the length of the match.

Heavy Machinery vs. Daniel Bryan/Erick Rowan

ER: Fans going nuts for home state boy Bryan is fun to see, and continues the trend of the crowd starting loud for this show and getting louder. I am far more excited for this match than I should be, as Bryan vs. Otis is a match-up I can't help but get excited for. Otis is someone I'm really happy is on the roster, the type of shape that just hasn't been around enough lately (I mean his shape is plenty around, but you know what I mean). Otis' arms are shaped exactly like his legs, he has cool strength, and he seems like a great unique partner for Bryan. And I'm not wrong, as the Otis/Bryan moments are incredibly fun. The whole match is incredibly fun! This is another fresh match and it leads to a ton of new cool stuff. I could watch Bryan kick away at Otis's pork barrel chest all damn day, and Bryan throws more kicks on Otis in this match than any match this year, and Otis hits a big damn press slam, big powerslam on Rowan, big capture suplex on Bryan, the big high angle sitout powerbomb on Bryan was awesome, he passes off a vertical suplex to Tucker, and  - even though the fans are booing Heavy Machinery the whole match (and I loved that Otis was somehow getting the most heat of the night so far) - he still did that damn worm. Tucker showed a ton of agility I didn't realize he had, there was this killer early moment where he somersaulted over Bryan to get into position to lariat him out of his boots, and later he missed a big moonsault, took a big bump over the top to the floor, and was a part of a neat double team powerslam on Bryan. I do wish they would have made slight alterations to the match structure once it was so obvious that the crowd was going to treat Bryan like the face and HM like the heels, it made things a little silly when Tucker was fighting to the Otis hot tag while the crowd booed. Still Otis clearly knew what was going on and made a bunch of faces to show that he was just rubbing it in to the fans. His dorky chunkster hype movements while Bryan was lacing kicks into his chest made me laugh, and I just thought the pairing was insanely entertaining the whole match.

Alexa Bliss vs. Bayley

ER: This one didn't do much for me. Bliss worked too long and too dry a control segment, and Bayley's comebacks often leave me flat as they can look clumsy and revolve way too much around her opponent getting into an unnatural series of positions to take her specifically ordered offense. There were good moments, dug Bayley taking out Cross with a dive, dug Bliss hitting knees on the rotating splash, but this was pretty dry overall. This was the first match on the card I couldn't get into.

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

ER: This show appears to be dying fast after a legitimately fun and exciting first couple hours, as this is filled to the brim with Shane interference, none of which is interesting. It really chumps McIntyre when he not only can't put Roman away, but has to also get out of the way while Shane does his thing, and still can't beat Roman. It's not a very satisfying match structure. Just like the prior match, there were some exciting moments: Roman hit one of those big Undertaker no hands dive (and he gets nutso height), but this all felt too predictable, and it spent too much time propping up a feud I have no interest in.


ER: And with that, I'm sad to say that I have already filled my life's quota of Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston matches. We've been seeing 10 minute + singles matches from these two for literally a decade, sometimes enduring stretches of TV where they were happening every other week, and they do not have anything new to add to their match story. And there is no chance I'm going to sit through a Seth Rollins main event when I can be watching a bananas new season of Luther. I had a great time with the stuff I liked, and I pulled the plug by using common wrestling sense. Bless.

Read more!