WWF 305 LIVE: KAMALA! BOOGER! HEAVY MACHINERY! AUTHORS OF PAIN!

Kamala vs. Bastion Booger WWF Mania 6/27/93 - EPIC

ER: When you see on paper what match you're getting, and you're the kind of person who would be excited by this match on paper, I cannot imagine you leaving this one disappointed. I didn't even realize they were in WWF at the same time (there was about a month of overlap) and had no idea this match existed. Even in match lists it doesn't turn up on most searches (if you go to cagematch they only list a couple of house show matches and no TV match) but it doesn't appear to have aired on Europe-only TV so who knows why the Deep State has been hiding this match from people. On Superstars the day before, Vince referred to Booger as "a disgusting endomorph" which sounds like a hilarious bodybuilder bubble HHH insult (like when he called Punk "skinny fat"), and so we have a disgusting endomorph vs. a Ugandan Giant, obviously that is going to be epic. Booger bumps around in real fun "can he get up!?" ways for Kamala, with the best parts being these sick cross chops Kamala threw right to the Adam's apple and lead to fast back bumps from Booger (and I love Booger's back bumps because he is so round - one could call him an endomorph, in fact - that he bumps like someone threw a jello sculpture to the mat). I am filled with glee as Kamala chokes Booger over the middle rope, as I picture the white rope as a sentient rope who just has a big frown on his face as the two fattest dudes lean their weight on him. They brawl to a double count out and Booger takes a nice ring posting, and obviously there wasn't going to be a clean finish when you're dealing with specimens like these. It was either going time limit draw or double KO baby. 

Heavy Machinery vs. Authors of Pain NXT 7/12/17 - VERY GOOD

ER: We have a major dearth of fat guys in pro wrestling these days, so I imagine this will be one of our later 305 entries. These guys are four of the biggest guys that have ever appeared on NXT, so thankfully they gave us at least one TV match together. What's cruel is that they know exactly what they are giving us, because every time they show a graphic for this match throughout the episode they talk about how much damn beef is going to be in the ring at once. There are so many small people in NXT, they obviously knew what a treat a match like this was going to be. Confusingly, it was taped before 4th of July and easily could have aired around the holiday. That would have been a good reason to turn the match into a hot dog eating contest or something cool and patriotic like that, but instead they just had them wrestle a normal match with no competitive eating. 

Akam and Rezar don't do a ton for me, but I really like their knees to the face and it's cool that they go to that a lot. There was a long heat segment on Tucker and a lot of it was him trying to get to his feet while getting clubbed and taking short knees right to the face. I could probably be won over by a team that did nothing but big clubs, decent clotheslines, quick tags, cranking cravats, and knees to the face. The hot tag to Otis is the real highlight, with him coming in throwing hard shoulderblocks and lariats, with my favorite lariats being the ones he throws just to block AoP lariats. It's a cool visual when two huge guys are throwing arms as hard as they can while trying to block, and I wonder if either wound up with some big bruises on their inner biceps. Tucker really muscles one of AoP over the top to the floor with an even better lariat, and Otis chucks one of them with a big boy belly to belly (and you know his belly is REALLY up against that belly). Wish a little bit of an extended stretch this could have been a real standout tag, but just went things are really looking to get on fire they go home quick. I liked AoP's DDT and their lariat/legsweep finisher works well with their size, but it's disappointing when you know something was close to being awesome and only didn't get there due to not having an extra 75 seconds.

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