Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/31/15 Review

1. Espiritu vs. Crash Test Cody

"You talk about integrity, Crash Test Cody has a LOT of integrity. He's a guy who is very respected in the locker room." Why does everybody have to have a thing? He's a wild guy working a crash test dummy gimmick, why are we talking about locker room respect? It's like when Jim Ross would talk about how Rico Constantino used to be a cop. Who could possibly care, and how is it helping his character? Cody has had better showings before, he's usually one of the guys I look forward to seeing. But this was designed to showcase Espiritu for some reason. And that doesn't start as a terrible thing. Cody guides him through some decent mat stuff, Espiritu hits a real nice dive, and things are going great! But then Espiritu goes on a run of offense and it's just kinda sloppy, falling a little short on a senton, setting things up awkwardly. Cody got dragged down a bit too and both guys did those kind of moves where both men fall and you're not totally sure who was supposed to be taking the worse end of the bump.

2. The Bonus Boys (Sugar Brown & Clutch) vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen

This is the first match here for Clutch, but I'm stoked to see Sugar Brown back on my TV! Both are billed from The U, wearing gold and black U letterman jackets. And this match is good. This may have actually been the best tag that PPW has shown. Bonus Boys are clearly the best team in the fed, but neither guy makes TV much and usually only as enhancement. But their control segments over WG were good, and each guy's offense complements the others. Clutch worked an old linebacker gimmick, so had some nice shoulderblocks and a big cool standing Thesz press, looked like Vader's old bear attack. Manley is a good FIP and pinballed around for the Boys, and WG's little comebacks were all good (they sent Brown flying with a really great tandem dropkick). Every time I see it I like Manley's top rope clothesline more, and I bought it as a nice way to get a flash pin here. Fun match.

3. Darin Corbin & Huggy Cub vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

Huggy Cub is a little person, whom they refer to as a "micro" which seems infinitely more insulting than calling someone a midget. This was supposed to be a mixed tag but the cowboy "micro" was medically unavailable. And this whole thing was pretty short. I did not intend that as a pun but recognized it as soon as I wrote it. Right goes for the tonic just a minute in, not much happens until Right locks on the sleeper. This was really thee definition of time filler.

4. Mikey O'Shea vs. Tyshaun Prince

Pre-match we get a long, awkward, uncomfortable sit down interview with O'Shea where he stumbles over all his words, talks about how his father ruined their family with his addictions and when he gets in the ring he takes out that aggression (but also said his father "wasn't a bad guy"). I'm not sure who this Pat Kelley interviewer is but he's a weird creep sometimes.

Also, I kept track throughout the show, and the announcers stated that this match was going to be "absolutely incredible" five different times. One of them also said it was going to be unbelievable. They also said the previous match, the two minute handicap match, was going to be "incredible". These guys are a restaurant owner's Yelp review dream team right here. There is nothing that does not impress them.

Tyshaun Prince has his standard slow, plodding brawl. O'Shea tries some new offense that doesn't look great (sliding clothesline to a seated Prince, low dropkick to the knee), but I'll give him credit for trying out something new. Prince's manager Christian Cole interferes at one point and jabs O'Shea in the head with his vape pen, which I have to say is a pretty great modern update of the spike to the head. O'Shea hits a pretty awesome crossbody off the top and something gets messed up and it looks like a 3 count, the fans chant that it was a three count, the announcers try to ignore it. Finish looks good though, as O'Shea goes up to hit the crossbody again, but Prince grabs him by the throat with both hands and turns it into a giant sitout powerbomb. So that looked cool.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/24/15 Review

1. Espiritu vs. Remy Marcel

This worked as a fun 5 minute Marcel showcase, who normally just gets a scant amount of time as the Whirlwind Gentlemen hot tag. Espiritu doesn't really do tons here, locking on two separate chinlocks. For a guy who hasn't been on TV for 2 months you'd think he'd try to go out of his way to impress. I liked his missed senton? Anyway, the beginning was real cool with all their standing wristlock exchanges. I especially liked Espiritu rolling through the wristlock, but Marcel rolling with him at the same time so both ended up back on their feet where they started. Looked cool. Espiritu hits an okay vertical suplex, Marcel hits an okay crossbody, really liked Marcel's out of control frog splash. Marcel looked good in this, and that was the point.

2. Greg Romero vs. Jack Manley

Now Manley gets his 5 minute showcase, and it's also fine. Other WG showcase match was better, but this was good enough. The important thing is the fed is actually establishing hierarchy, showing two members of one of their top tag teams easily beating two guys who aren't on TV that much. That seems like a super obvious thing, but this fed is obsessed with presenting every worker as a very accomplished mat grappler who is one step away from the title! Romero works a Danny Zuko gimmick in 2015 which is...pretty annoying and very pointless. He's also not that good, throwing slo mo punches, attempting complicated roll-ups he saw on TV once, taking slow back bumps, just a pretty big bleh. Manley works better as a FIP and here he was more aggressor, but I like his back elbow so that's something. This was what it was.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Mikey O'Shea

It's weird that the fed pushes every single match as if it's going to be an incredible match. Seriously, before every match starts they'll say something like "this is going to be an incredible match", or one minute into a match they'll talk about what an amazing match we're experiencing. But they never ever put guys into position to actually have an "amazing match". Matches usually run 4-7 minutes, most of them are worked in a vacuum, and things usually just don't stand out. But they keep talking about how incredible the matches are, and they say it during almost every match. Here they talk about what an amazing match this 3 minute match was, and then talk about the main event which is "sure to be an incredible high stakes match". Everything is super important, everything is super incredible, it's just misguided and tiresome. O'Shea is morphing into a Bigelow rip-off, and Santiago tries bumping around for him but O'Shea just isn't that interesting. Incredible match though.

4. Tyshaun Prince & Caleb Konley vs. Gangrel & Exile

Hey, I liked this! It was probably the best I've seen Prince look. Gangrel matched up nicely with Konley, Prince was a good bully and did a good job trapping and punching Gangrel in the corner, the announcers kept referring to Exile as "mysterious" but really how mysterious can a guy wearing pleather pants be? Konley adds speed to the match that would have otherwise been completely absent. I kinda like Gangrel's short straight right hands, and Exile/Gangrel make a good team. This whole thing didn't really have the "high stakes" the announcers promised, and I am beyond tired of Prince matching up with Gangrel, but this worked.

And after the match we get a huge pull apart brawl with the boys from the back all separating Hammerston, Chamberlain and the Whirlwind Gentlemen. WG each do big running dives off the entranceway ramp into the big schmoz of people, and the far away shot of it looked really cool.

Also, Joey Ryan - new champion - is missing.

And I found out this show is getting bumped off Pop! in favor of TNA (blecch) so we'll just ride the rest of these shows out (4 more?) and then sit in satisfaction that I wrote up every PPW broadcast. Maybe we'll do some kind of rundown of the best matches or something? I don't know.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/10/15 Review

1. The Amerikan Gunz (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago), Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen, Gangrel & Mikey O'Shea

Well this is strange and/or pointless. This was set up as Amerikan Gunz (ugh. spelling.) vs. Whirlwind Gentlemen for the #1 sontendership to the tag titles, and then Hammerstone & Chamberlain run in, and then Gangrel and O'Shea, and the commissioner makes it an 8 man, still for the #1 contender spot on the line....but....the tag champs are now IN the match. Gangrel and O'Shea have teamed up one time, so I'm not really sure what place they have in a #1 contender match. Ethan HD has teamed with O'Shea as many times as Gangrel has. So right out of the gate this is a pretty terribly conceived idea for a match. You would think Ethan HD or Santiago would never tag out, as it wouldn't benefit them if H&C get the pin for their team. The only way to get the #1 contender is to get the pinfall so why would you tag someone who wasn't your partner? Match itself is basically good until it wasn't. It's hard for a match to be good when the general psychology of the whole thing makes no sense. Manley was a fine FIP, liked his comeback top rope clothesline and he hit a whip fast fivearm. Of course the announcers put over every Manley comeback as a "desperation move". I'd love an explanation on how a guy going to the top rope to do a clothesline is desperate in any way. Anyway, I was enjoying this with the heels cutting off the ring, but then they did that lame telegraphed ending where 6 guys all fall to the floor at the same time, guaranteeing the match will end moments later. So now we're going Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. H&C round 4. I really hope H&C continue to retain by cheating against stupid, stupid babyfaces.

2. Caleb Konley vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

I like how these two match up, and here we get an actual match where both guys aren't equally talented, we have Right fighting admirably until just plain getting beat. It's important to actually establish a hierarchy in this kind of weekly episodic TV. This was one of the more satisfying PPW matches they've aired, with some nice engaging mat stuff to start before Konley starts dishing some nice short elbows, and Right is a guy who's now shown he has no problems leaning into a beating. Right's comebacks are always good and I like his strikes too, and then lo and behold, Konley wins because he's better (and yeah there might have been a weapon involved, but thems the breaks). It's weird that such a result is shocking, but I'm so used to everybody in this fed treading water around each other that this felt like an important step (so I fully expect Right to just get a random unannounced title shot in like two weeks).

3. Kevin Kross vs. Mercurio Jr.

I really liked this too. Kross looked like a beast throughout, tossing Mercurio with a couple deadlift suplexes, doing nasty things like stomping Mercurio's calf and ankle, kicking him in the back of the neck while lying prone on the apron. Mercurio goes for an ill-advised Asai moonsault and Kross posts him for his troubles. Mercurio hits a tornado DDT on the floor that Kross doesn't really do justice to, taking it really gingerly. But he does threaten an old man by staring him down for way too long. The old man played along, but also deserved to be smacked. Back in and Kross catches a rana attempt and dishes more beating. I like Kross not caring about getting the pin over some scrub like Mercurio and instead locking a nasty can opener on him in the ropes until he gets DQ'd. This show hasn't been too shabby.

4. Joey Ryan vs. Jessy Sorensen

You'd be shocked to know, that both men are "excellent mat grapplers". Jessy holds a loose north-south choke and does some gator rolls, and that looks pretty silly. Joey takes it to the mat and that looks better. And this really doesn't go long, but that's for the best . Sorensen is just the blandest, while also not being good. A real double threat! Brisco is bad but at least he has the whole rapist without remorse vibe to set him apart. Ryan hits a great close fist hidden weapon punch on Sorensen and gets the pin as the announcers moan "Noooooo not like thisssssss". And we get an excited unexpected title change.....until the we get a second ref down to explain what happened so Jessy could retain his title. Maaaaan I hate second referees. It's such a lazy crutch.

But I still can't complain much as I liked Kross in his match, and liked Konley/Right. That's a decent episode of TV.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/3/15 Review

Okay so I fell a bit behind on this once I lost my man Dean's support, and also because of all the Wes Brisco eyeball assault that was happening weekly.

1. Mikey O'Shea vs. Kevin Kross

"O'Shea could be the Harvestor of Sorrows for Kross" and "It's all about for Whom the Bell Tolls for Kross".....okay? Apparently the two announcers just got their first taste of speed metal and gotta shoehorn it into conversations? Neither man has any sort of connection to Metallica that I can see. I mean shit I love Ride the Lightning as much as the next guy but this just came off like Awful Announcing and two guys pulling each other's puds. O'Shea is finally starting to work MORE FAT with senton attempts and corner avalanches and belly to belly slams. Also dug O'Shea's corner body blows and big chops. Kross usually comes off better and he seemed to be holding back a bit on O'Shea. Wasn't expecting O'Shea to come away with the clean pin here, but this fed has also backed themselves into an annoying little win trade/parity corner.

2. Ethan HD vs. Mercurio Jr.

The announcers have a real annoying habit of pushing every single wrestler in the fed as a "real student of the game" and saying things like "Mercurio has a proclivity to start fast". They use just so many unnecessary words, really filling every single bit of empty space with just WORDS. Every single guy is a "student of the game" or a "ring general" or a "technician" with no regard to what those words mean. Mercurio can just be the resident luchador, he doesn't need to also be a student of the game who is a technician who is in the middle of having a phenomenal see-saw match up. Every goddamn match is a "incredible match up" or a "phenomenal match up". This got called both of those things within the first three minutes. They are just so terrible. HD is a guy I like, always leans into offense, and Mercurio doesn't have great offense so he really works hard to make Mercurio look somewhat competitive. YES that's problematic because not every worker deserves to look competitive, but again this fed is obsessed with every worker splitting every match 50-50, every win getting paid back, every guy looking like he has a shot in every match, so HD fits the fed's needs. He also takes a real nice delayed bump over the top to the floor. Mercurio has lousy faux lucha (faucha?) offense, dropkicks that don't land flush, slow arm drags. They do a silly rolling cradle section with a bunch of nearfalls counted despite nobody's shoulders ever being down, and then the match terribly ends in a double KO, despite neither taking anything that should keep either down for a dual ten count. This was just all around poorly conceived. But sometimes that's what happens with real students of the game.

3. Gangrel vs. Darin Corbin

We get an amusing pre-match vignette of Darin Corbin celebrating out on the town with his American Title, eating dinner with it and dancing down the streets with it. Tim Sylvia would wear his UFC belt to the grocery store, so this seems more believable by comparison. This match furthered Corbin as a guy who keeps his title by either fluke or nefarious means, as Gangrel controlled the whole match until Corbin bailed, looked at his shiny belt with adoration, and clocked Gangrel with it for the DQ. Corbin looked good bumping around for Gangrel, and Gangrel threw some nice punches and was able to do non-stop offense for a few minutes without gassing out or taking a chinlock break. That sounds backhanded, but it's important. Gangrel has been a guy with decent offense but no perfect way to tie it together, so really this was a fine use of his structure. And I am starting to dig Corbin as goofus who knows how to keep a belt.

4. Jessy Sorensen & Wes Brisco vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

I keep getting scared they're gonna load Sorensen and Brisco up with title belts, and yet H&C keep awesomely retaining the belts by cheating! I love it. It provides actual drama for me, since I don't want Brisco walking around as a champ, and they regularly have authority call out H&C for cheating (actually had a funny pre-match promo where the Paragon president or CEO or GM or booker or whomever calls them out on how they win matches, and they sheepishly say they do it through hard work, watching tape, etc.). A key to why their cheating works so well for me, is that they aren't really portrayed as guys who cheat because it's their only way to win, they clearly cheat because they just like to cheat. The other week there was a No DQ match where they tried to cheat, and then it threw them when cheating wasn't called out by the refs. It seemed stupid at the time, but seeing how much they love to win by cheating, it kind of works within their characters. Nobody in the match is necessarily GOOD, though Hammerstone has potential. I liked his low clothesline on Brisco and an even cooler deadlift pumphandle fallaway slam. Brisco has a lousy crossbody block. But I just kinda love H&C controlling a lot of the match, and the first moment things start going wrong they just hit a guy with a belt or - in this case - hold down Brisco's legs so he can't kick out of a pin. What will the federation do to stop it?? It's weird and good that I actually care about the answer to that.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/29/15 Review

1. Tyshaun Prince vs. "The Gentleman Brawler" Eric Right

So Tyshaun Prince got a pretty long TV match, and it wasn't actually that bad! This felt like the best possible singles match to have against Prince. Right outruns him for a bit, and it actually gets good when Prince gets ahold of him. Prince threw some cool body shots in the corner, loved him holding up Right's arm before dealing a shot to the ribs. Then Prince does some elbow drops and while he doesn't drop the best elbow, he lands close to the body and that's at least half the look. He loses the point of the elbow as maybe he's scared of the landing or something, but it's a big body smashing into another body so it looks fine. Right fought out of a backbreaker with some knees to the side of the heard, and this was fine! It was fine. It was a long Tyshaun Prince match and it was fine.

2. Fruit Loops vs. Hammerstone

Ohhhhhhh boy we got Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops is a chubby masked guy in pajama pants and tie dye shirt, billed from the Haight Ashbury district. Ugh. But we can't just have a character named after a cereal, because REAL sports has to be integrated. Marvel as the announcers put over Fruit Loops' STRONG amateur wrestling background, and really Fruit Loops does not come off as somebody who has done anything athletic in his life. It's like when Jim Ross would talk about Rico Constantino being a cop. Who could possibly care? Are we trying to get a guy named Fruit Loops over as a game competitor? I'm not the one who decided to throw a chubster in tie dye. Your company is the ones who chose to use this character. It's like they did this and went "You know I'm getting worried people aren't going to take the guy with a handmade necklace made out of the cereal he's named after seriously enough...adding in some amateur credentials will surely make people realize that Hammerstone has his hands full." Hammerstone proceeded to have plenty of room on his hands. Match is notable for seeing Fruit Loops take a clothesline bump for the first time in his career (presumably. I hope that wasn't something he had actually practiced).

3. Mike Santiago vs. Gangrel

Surprisingly competitive match for (Portland area worker) Santiago's debut. The announcers talk about how Gangrel is "fangin' and bangin'" and how fangin' and bangin' is apparently a 24/7 lifestyle. Yeesh. Santiago doesn't bring anything noteworthy to the proceedings, but he has polish and knows where he needs to be in the ring and that goes a long way in this fed. Gangrel does his cool corkscrew elbow (including an even nicer bump for a missed one), and there's some satisfying little things in this like a nice back elbow from Santiago, and Santiago going up a bit early on the Impaler but Gangrel recognizing that and delaying a bit, making it looked like Santiago was really fighting it. The whole match they keep building to a casket match between Gangrel and Tyshaun, but WWE must own the rights to "casket match" as they have to call it a "Pine Box" match here. They said the words "Pine Box" so many damn times during this match.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Mikey O'Shea

O'Shea needs some fat guy offense. He's tall and fat (or "stacked" as the announcers refer to him. Yuck.) but always ends up working FIP during his matches, no matter the size of his opponent. I liked all of Konley's knees to work over O'Shea's back, liked O'Shea's missed somersault senton, but I just need more fat guy. I mean O'Shea won with a fucking schoolboy. A guy billed as 350 lb winning with a roll up? This is a problem. O'Shea needs to start working fat and stop working like babyface Torie Wilson.

5. Jessy Sorensen vs. Joey Ryan

I literally remember nothing about this. Watched it, remembered nothing writer afterwards. It was short. Jessy Sorensen was most likely one of the guys in it...that's the most information I can comfortably recollect.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/5/15 Review

We start with a...not good...Hammerstone LIVE interview, who suggests Wes Brisco is only getting his opportunities because of that last name of his. That Gerald Brisco name carries some mean heft at Sam's Town Casino, I suppose. Was Hammerstone making a vague dig at Native Americans and casinos? I'll keep you posted.

1. Hammerstone vs. Wes Brisco

Good ol' clean cut babyface Wes Brisco. This man seems like somebody who - after sexually assaulting somebody - starts red face screaming about how his victim just main evented Weslemania. He also throws the worst body blows you've seen, and that's before you get a chance to see his awful stomach kicks! The announcers inform me that "Wes Brisco is working on a whole 'nother level" and I assume that means he has already conquered Sexual Assault Level 1 and is looking to graduate to Level 2 or maybe even Level 3 (Level 4 is presumably maiming your victim while also having full leg tattoos). This stunk.

2. Ethan HD vs. Darin Corbin

This probably should have been a bit better. It went on longer than it needed. Corbin knows how to jaw with Vegas tourist crowds. But he also has lousy clubbing forearms. But he also knows how to bump for Ethan HD's offense. HD comes out to arguably the greatest Prince song, Controversy. That shows some good taste. Working in Vegas he should know that the only Prince song that every girl digs is Raspberry Beret, but he cuts a little deeper and delves into the early funk side of Prince, the panties and high heels Prince, and it guarantees that nothing else in his matches will be as good as his entrance music.

3. Mikey O'Shea vs. Kevin Kross

Easily the best O'Shea match, even though he still showed he has no idea how to work fat, trying to end the match with a freaking sunset flip. What 300+ pounder is going to use a sunset flip?? You can just FALL on your opponent. USE YOUR FAT. But the rest of this was good, sometimes really good. O'Shea starts with nice body shots and chops in the corner, and then Kross shows off his own nice body shots (including shaking out his fist after, which is a quick way to my heart) and does neat little things like hold on to neckbreakers until impact. The back and forth in this was good, O'Shea hits an awesome fat guy spinebuster (that I don't remember him using before) with a nice sloppy roll through that kinda steamrolls Kross. Kross works over the body mostly with nice knees and slams. Kross is good, probably the best regular in the fed. But man that finish was stupid. O'Shea, large fat guy, tries a sunset flip from the apron, Kross blocks by holding the ropes and gets the pin. Last week O'Shea won with a roll up, now he's building to sunset flips? This is a misguided fat wrestler right here.

4. PINE BOX MATCH: Tyshaun Prince vs. Gangrel

Fidel Sierra comes out and says this won't be a pine box match, but then Interim Commissioner Matt Striker comes out in his wide leg jeans and says it WILL be. Well. That was easy. The rules are weird, as you have to pin or submit your opponent, and that gives you the right to place your opponent into the pine box. Tyshaun acts very scared of that box, regularly running away from it when he happens to wander close. And I mean...it's a box. I wasn't aware that being afraid of boxes was a black person stereotype. We can't just go inventing new stereotypes for black people. This is not a very intimidating box. It would make just as much sense for Tyshaun to be afraid of desks or clawfoot bathtubs. The whole match the announcers talk about Prince needing to face his fears. I'm just having a hard time getting too scared about a generously sized wooden box inside of a very well lit and well attended room. Outside of the silliness I actually enjoyed the match. Prince worked over Gangrel's body (lot of decent body work in this match) including bending him around the ringpost in a nasty way and dishing out a rough uranage on the metal entrance ramp while a guy in a wheelchair right next to the ramp tried to stay out of the way. For his part Gangrel took a nice bump on the wood floor.  Fidel Sierra gets tossed in the box, Prince cannot save him due to his fear of wood.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/22/15 Review

1. Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. Mercurio Jr. & Ethan HD

H&C are now being called Murder By Muscle which I don't think they've been called before. The announcers are smartly and casually acting like that's always been their name. Man is this fed generous with title shots. Not really sure what Mercurio/HD did to earn a title shot, other than be a part of a fed who needs to have three title matches every episode. HD hits the cool old Erin O'Grady apron flip rana into the ring, and Chamberlain does a nice little SUWA bump off a Mercurio rana. Buuuuut this overall wasn't very good. It doesn't help the ending has some time standing still moments thanks to Mercurio. Hammerstone tries to save it the moment by just kneeing Mercurio in the balls. And I can't unsee H&C's weird matching/not matching trunks ever since Dean pointed them out.

2. Espiritu vs. Suede Thompson

This is Suede's debut and I dug him. He had a couple nice go behinds, some weird southpaw jabs, high cradles. He keeps things moving too and doesn't seem to get lost like some of these guys. Espiritu kinda stinks and is officially the worst and least subtle guy in the fed when it comes to getting into position for moves, but Suede drug this one out and made it work. I wouldn't mind seeing more of him.

3. Crash Test Cody vs. The Challenger

So, I'm not sure how good Cody is, but he's a guy I want to like. He's got a weird milky eye, looks like an old young guy, and his name is Cody. You'd think with the Crash Test moniker he would be a reckless bumper or something but you'd be a disappointed human if you thought that. Watch as he grabs a chinlock on the tubby masked Challenger. But CTC has nice running forearms and you just can't underestimate the character depth that one, weird, pigment-free milky eye brings to things. Challenger wins and will certainly challenge other challengers in the coming weeks. It's a shame his backdrop finisher is not called The Challenger Disaster*.

4. Tyshaun Prince, Caleb Konley, Kevin Kross vs. Gangrel, Gentleman Brawler Eric Right & Mikey O'Shea

This coulda been so much more, but I guess it didn't overstay its welcome. Kross is the guy I wanted to see most in the match, so naturally he didn't get any time in the ring. We're building more Tyshaun/Gangrel long term PLANS which does not excite me. Konley is a perfectly fine chest out/butt out modern indie worker and I like Right more every match I see him. He leans into things and bumps big and throws a couple nice punches. That'll get you far with me. O'Shea finally does one cool thing with his fat by doing a pensive-but-still-fat cannonball off the apron into everybody. Fat being fat is always a win.


*Feels like a joke I've used before. If so, apologies, and feel free to tinker around with some joke-in-progress where Challenger ducks a clothesline, and how together we can call it a Dodge Challenger.

Warmest Regards, Eric.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/8/15 Review

1. Joey Ryan vs. Jessy Sorensen

Leading off the show with a title match! This fed is kind of weird with title matches as guys defend the belts CONSTANTLY but they never really announce them the week before and sometimes there really isn't a reason for a guy to be getting a title shot. We just get title matches. I swear the might make up a new belt every single week to just give us more title matches. This one starts off good with the ref repeatedly tapping his earpiece and then wiggling it around and then giving a "it's not working!" hand signal to the back, which also happens to be stationed right behind the camera. This match got surprisingly good for awhile there, but in the end Sorensen really isn't good. I really liked Ryan in this though, thought he drug Sorensen nicely into position for things, he took a real fast bump to the unpadded floor, threw a variety of nice punches, looked real good. I really liked Ryan's scrambling around before locking up a pumphandle throw. It looked all quirky and Johnny Saint-ish, and was executed shockingly well. Sorensen threw some punches that tried really hard and aren't THAT far away from being decent, but they leave a bit too much light. His form is nice though, so they seem like they can be teachable. Ryan occasionally hilariously no sells them, as if he's never taken one of HHH's "Whip Your Hair and Say OOF" correspondence courses on how to take bad punches. Sorensen does throw a real great swinging neckbreaker so that counts for something. But he just looks bland and sorta lost in there.

2. "Big Money" Tyshaun Prince vs. Mikey O'Shea

Well, this was dull as dirt. Two big guys who don't know how to use their size, just gently clubbing each other for 6-7 minutes. O'Shea is so disappointing. He's a big fat guy with the softest fat guy offense you've seen. Baby soft shoulderblocks, sad corner clotheslines, confusing punches that constantly morph from left hooks to weird little forearms to the chest. Tyshaun is disappointing in a different way as he just slowwwwly stalks his opponents, has really bad missed offense (his missed elbow drops and clotheslines will never threaten to come near an opponent) and is just boring. O'Shea is probably more disappointing overall though. He throws southpaw punches which for whatever reason just ALWAYS look cool from a fat guy. Makes me think of a fat Memphis jobber with a bleached blonde bowl cut and pink tights. But his punches are just bleh. Again, though, oddly good form. Feels like a couple people in this fed are just a weekend lesson with Preston Quinn away from having great punches.

3. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

"A rematch we have waited one week for!" the announcer seriously states. A father lets Wes Brisco touch his young daughter's hands on his way to ring, showing the future custody courts recorded evidence of just how awful his parental instincts are.

But hey, I actually dug this match. They do some shockingly good stuff on the mat with both guys wrestling over a single leg in cool ways, and Brisco having a cool floatover from a pin at another point. Konley attempts to match Brisco's ick factor by slyly touching Brisco's buns a couple times while working the mat. Brisco also puts over Konley's leg work nicely, and I especially liked one moment where Brisco was on the mat and kept lunging forward on his belly trying to strike Konley in the stomach. Brisco is really bad at calling spots, you can constantly see him leaning in and whispering into Konley's ear. I have to assume this is just a bad habit carrying over from his home life, as he leans in to whisper in his victim's ear the next deviant sex act she's going to be subjected to.  Brisco manages to not break Konley's neck this week, the leg work was nice, I enjoyed myself. Then the awful figurehead of the promotion ruins my morning by setting up a triple threat next week with Brisco/Konley/Sorensen. That...will not be good.

Side note: This may have been the fattest wrestling audience I have ever seen. And this being pro wrestling, you know that covers some ground. Everybody in the crowd looked like a former Poison Idea bassist.

4. Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

Okay, so I'm kinda loving Hammerstone & Chamberlain immediately beating up the ref at the first sign of trouble. I was positive WG were going to win the titles here but I was realllllly hoping H&C would do the exact same thing they did in their first match against WG. I just want WG to keep getting title shots, H&C to keep cheating, and the fed to keep just shrugging. It's a problem in that there's not really any large babyface they can insert as the special guest ref to prevent them from attacking the ref, H&C are larger than every face in the fed. I kept expecting the figurehead to come out and announce some sort of stip match to give WG a fair shake, but he didn't. So I kinda just want this to keep happening every single H&C title match. This was probably WG's best showing so far, as they worked even but competently. Manley threw a nice low dropkick and Marcel has nice short rights. H&C can be a little too tentative and I really want them to play up their dickhead side more. I love the idea of them being among the biggest guys in the fed, who also cheat and bail at the first side of trouble, like meatheads who sign out of XBox Live when they start losing. More dickhead, less grunting-through-teeth.

This was probably the best show the fed has put on. Good work, gang!

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 7/25/15 Review

1. Joey Ryan vs. Ethan HD

One of the commentary guys refers to Ethan HD as "perhaps a quintuple threat" and does not explain what any of the actual 5 threats are. Singing, dancing...maybe an acquaintance taught him how to do some entry level welding? Match goes barely over two minutes and ends with a Ryan feet on ropes cradle. He at least hooked a nice high cradle. HD bumps a couple punches really nicely, buckling his legs and kinda going down forehead first. Looked nice. Ryan bumps a springboard roundhouse from HD nicely as well. Ryan seems to be maybe the only guy in the fed who knows how to bump to the hard camera. HD starts to get crossed up on a couple spots so it might have been for the best that the match ended when it did.

2. Tyshaun Prince & Graves vs. Gangrel & Mikey O'Shea

Another disappointingly short match ending with Caleb Konley running in for the DQ. O'Shea is a disappointing big fat guy, as none of his stuff has much impact. Tyshaun is a disappointing large black guy as he has these light little stomps but scowls like he'll be a monster. Graves is a really cool worker who was pretty wasted here, used as cannon fodder mostly. This seems to be setting up a 6 man adding Eric Right to one side and Konley to the other, so hopefully that gets some time as I could see that being good.

3. Espiritu vs. Mercurio Jr.

These two have already matched up on this show and I have no clue who they are, whether they are actually Mexican or not, or if they wrestle under other names. Espiritu bumps around in front of dozens of tourists, old white men sitting with legs crossed and packs fannied, one of them pumping a solitary fist as Mercurio Jr. hits a big splash.

4. Sugar Brown vs. Caleb Konley

Sugar Brown is officially my favorite jobber, and I'm glad Paragon is bringing back the jobber (even if it's only Sugar Brown). He's got nice little worked boxing punches, nice snap to his bumps, and easily the best 360 clothesline into the corner that I've seen. This doesn't get much time but Konley hits a big shoulderblock, puts Sugar's punches over, and shows nice professionalism. I wanna see more Sugar. He deserves better than this, with some of the chumps getting pushed in this fed.

5. La Rosa Negra vs. Riea Von Slasher

This was supposed to be Negra vs. Lisa Marie, but Marie came out and taunted her a bunch by calling her Mami in an exaggerated Rosie Perez voice, leading to Negra getting jumped by Slasher. Slasher and Negra clicked nicely here as Slasher's power offense worked much better here with Negra bumping for it. Negra can ragdoll really nicely, especially as she bumps a clothesline off the back of her head. I don't totally buy her comeback offense against Slasher, some combo of Slasher not taking offense very well, and Negra's impact not having enough oomph.

6. Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen (Jack Manley & Remy Marcel)

Well I would have bet on the WG winning the tag titles here, so I will applaud the promotion for showing a little restraint. For the first few weeks WG are the only team to get regular hype videos, promo time, clearly treated like the kingpins of the fed. And I'm not totally sure why as other than their appropriate Peter Gabriel entrance they don't bring a whole lot to the table. They work long extended FIP segments and work as undersized RnR types, even though they haven't appeared to be smaller than any of their opponents. So their matches come off like them getting dominated and then just winning in the end anyway. So for the bulk of this match we get Chamberlain taking apart Manley, keeping him confined to their corner (the commentary made me smile with a line at one point, where they go "now the rings is actually twice the size of what we're seeing right now, you'll have to take our word for it as we've only seen half of it."), adding a few mocking touches like holding Manley in a pumphandle slam, walking him over to Marcel and letting him allllmost tag out but throwing him overhead. After this long FIP we get Marcel's hot tag, they do a nice double team where Marcel goes for the Code Red and Manley boots Hammerstone in the face to send him over. Hammerstone takes an awkward bulldog by taking it with a somersault bump. That's dangerous. I thought the title switch was projected with how how much they've been hyping WG, so I was fully expecting the win after Marcel's nice frog splash...and didn't actually see Chamberlain pulling the ref out of the ring and decking him. So I could see people not liking that finish but I really think it was for the best. WG got to power back against a tough team, get a visual win, Hammerstone/Chamberlain get to establish that they'll stop at nothing to keep their titles, and we eventually get to build to some sort of blowoff match. So this really felt like the best finish they could have done.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 7/18/15 Review

We start with a real clunky backstage segment with a guy who is the owner? Management? Authority? Chubby guy in a suit? talking with his hands a LOT about how he needed to be here because with a main event like Gangrel vs. Tyshaun Prince, "a LOT of people are here". He then cuts to a video of Hammerstone & Chamberlain winning the tag titles, and then comes back and talks with his hands a lot while missing his cues and trying not to look at the camera.

1. Mikey O'Shea & Ethan HD vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

I had never seen any of these guys before. O'Shea is a large bald Irish fat guy, like Will Sasso with Smashmouth facial hair. I wish his fat guy offense had more heft. For some reason fat guys throwing chops looks weird. Like...just club them with your giant fat body. He also worked from under too much. I wanted to see him steamroll. Ethan HD is your indy workrate guy, doing flipping slingshot ranas and kickpad offense. As most of these modern workrate guys he bumps a clothesline well and occasionally has decent strikes. The flipping rana did look nice, and keenly set up Hammerstone catching him with a powerbomb from it later. Hammerstone mostly looked bad. He's a Thor looking guy who has the lamest missed strikes you've seen. He worked HD a lot (who is smaller) so it was a lot of cat mouse with Hammerstone having to miss a lot of strikes, and all of them would have missed by a mile even if HD hadn't been dodging. They all looked horrible. Chamberlain really didn't get in much but ironically was my favorite in the match. Threw a nice falling clothesline and did some real nice apron work. At one point he choked out HD behind the refs back and it was a glorious cheat to win from the apron choke. It was pro wrestling. Match was fine, meant to put over tag champs Hammerstone and Chamberlain.

2. Joey Ryan vs. "The Gentleman Brawler" Eric Right

Right gives out a fake handlebar mustache to a child at ringside. That's actually a nice little touch. This match was a nice little TV match. Right is a little schticky but makes it work better than I would have guessed. He throws nice uppercut punches, works in moves I miss like atomic drops and a good aggressive headlock (say 0.5 on the Dundee scale). Joey Ryan is a good guy for this fed, comes off so much better on TV than a lot of the waxed/oiled short brown hair WWE types. This was simply worked with Ryan controlling with stomps and decent punches, feeding into Right's comebacks. Ryan won with a spear, which was odd. I'm not a big fan of that as a finish, let alone with two guys the same size.

3. Nick Price & Kevin Kross vs. The Whirlwind Gentleman (Remy Marcel & Jack Manley)

A lot of gentlemen in this fed, apparently. Whirlwind Gentlemen are basically your Vegas LMFAO types with bad suits and bad big hair and colorful sunglasses, coming out to Peter Gabriel's "Steam" (which admittedly fits great with douchebag babyface charisma, almost like the FBI coming out to that BeeGees remix). They aren't very good, and it's a bummer they're being pushed as a big deal when a guy like Kevin Kross is cooler in every way. This was really strange as they've been hyping the Gentlemen with 3 weeks of video packages, and then the match was worked with Price and Kross dominating the whole match, and WG only winning by banana peel roll up after Lisa Marie's botched interference. I mean, if you want to push a team, actually DO IT. Don't make them look like total weenies in their first televised match. All the match made me want was more Kross throwing dudes at awkward angles.

4. Gangrel vs. Tyshaun Prince

Disappointing match that ends in a DQ. Instead of doing a heavyweight brawl they worked it cat and mouse with Gangrel dodging the larger Tyshaun's attacks. Except Gangrel is not very fast, so it was a very lethargic cat and very tired chubby mouse, with a hands on the ref finish. Bleh.

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