WWE TLC Gently Behind Live Blog 12/15/19

Andrade vs. Humberto Carrillo

ER: These are two guys who are perfect pre-show participants. And yes obviously Andrade should be past pre-show status, I'm just saying he's a guy who can be trusted to reliably put something hot on the pre-show. The pre-show on these cards deliver more often than not, settling firmly into the level of "Cool 8 minute Velocity match you watch at 1 AM while eating Taco Bell on a Saturday" and that's a great level to be at. Carrillo is a guy who will take death bumps on PPV, and you can tell these two really want to ignite this crowd. They did some dance sequences I actually liked, dug the way these two bounce off each other. Carrillo does indeed take a big bump, getting shoved off the top to the floor into an ad break. A big bump leading to an ad break did affect me as a child, always made that bump seem bigger, like they had to cut away from it as if something was wrong, not yet registering as just a good time for an ad. And pretty early we get a big cool spot where Andrade gets his knee hung up in the ropes, and Carrillo does his best Fenix attempt, climbs the ropes and dropkicks Andrade right in the eye. And Andrade's shutting bleeding eye shaped the rest of this match as something awesome. At first I thought Andrade was doing cool little selling touches, occasionally going to his eye as a guy who thought he might be cut, but then he was hitting back at Carrillo as a guy who WAS cut. Once I saw Andrade belt him on the turnbuckles, saw that closed eye, I was hooked. Everything had a little extra meaning to it, made Andrade look like a spaghetti western villain, firing off two knees into the corner. I thought they killed it down the stretch, not sure how many other matches will get this same kind of building crowd interest that this one grabbed. Carrillo's moonsault was the most flush I've ever seen him hit it, thought Andrade came off like a total badass even with the clean loss, and Andrade coming off like such a badass only made Carrillo's win look stronger. If anything else on this show is as cool as this match, then this will be a good show regardless.

Ladder Match: New Day vs. The Revival

ER: Well I thought this was fantastic. This felt like the best parts of grimy 2000s indy ladder matches, and the best parts of a hot southern tag brawl. Revival came off like real assholes and we get a great stretch of them using all of New Day's Looney Tunes tricks against them in violent fashion. All the brawling was looking snug anyway, but things kept getting better when they were catching New Day in their own game. Kofi tries some quick work around a ladder, New Day ends up just bashing the hell out of that ladder he tried to Bugs Bunny under; same happens when they sucker Big E into hitting a sick splash onto the apron. I liked seeing Revival one step ahead of the New Day, and it went on long enough that the crowd reaction to New Day kept swelling. When Kofi finally broke away and turned the tables by teeter tottering a ladder into Revival's faces, the fans chanting "Kofi! Kofi!" felt more like a great 80s territory babyface reaction than a modern one. They were so excited just to see Kofi finally get his chance to climb a ladder for those belts. It was great once Revival was finally not a step ahead, and Kofi's tricks started working, like his wild tornado DDT off a couple of weird rope leaps. The only minor drag of the match was a slowdown for a major ladder set up, but the big moments that resulted more than overcame that, I think. Big E hit his frankly incredible spear tope, falls off the top of a ladder with a Big Ending on Wilder, eats a suplex on a set up ladder, eats a splash through that same ladder, all sick stuff. Everybody takes stupid bumps, and tried dangerous things, but there was always a sense of build and I never got the sense anyone was getting back involved too quickly. This was a lot of dynamite, great old school hate but entertain vibe to the whole thing.

Buddy Murphy vs. Aleister Black

ER: Murphy sitting Indian style in front of Black made it look like he was looking at a mirror image of his own CAW, asking "hey what would I look like with Tattoo E setting?" And I keep wondering why things are looking better tonight, why guys look like they're really leaning into strikes and flying face first into ladders and going mouth first into ring steps, and then I notice guys keep getting busted open. And I will take it! Everybody on this card is working like they want to be noticed and a busted nose is something that can actually make me interested in a Buddy Murphy match! I still don't love all the dancey parts of this match - and there are going to be dancey moments in a Buddy Murphy match - but there are enough hard shots that added to the frenetic pace that most of this came off well. Murphy doing his silly DDR strikes before hitting a nasty brainbuster, is exponentially cooler when Aleister Black's nose leaves a blood smear on the mat. And I liked Murphy mixing up some of his regulars, like kicking Black quickly three times after trapping him in the buckles. And I love the gravity that Black Mass carries, really treated as the very end, and the dance fight that built to the Black Mass was fun (and I also like Murphy going for footstomps). Match was a real crowd pleaser, and while it's not my favorite style, I thought it delivered.

WWE having a KFC table at ringside is super 1995, really capturing a Coliseum Video kind of special feature. That's a level of desperation advertising WWE hasn't hit in awhile, and I appreciate that willingness to hustle. But dammmmmn was that a missed opportunity to have a couple of big ass vikings absolutely massacre that table, just pillage through those sides and wolf down every chicken leg there. Otis would have fucked that spread up.

Viking Raiders vs. The OC

ER: This was definitely the comedown match, but it wasn't a bad one. This played more like a Raw match that surprisingly delivered, but felt like a step down on this show. The OC are pretty dead as a tag team, and there were plenty of more interesting teams we could have seen out there even in a losing showcase. Because OC got to showcase some stuff here, it wasn't a beatdown by any means. And OC are a perfectly fine team, and so I guess it's fine to have the Raiders win a decisively in a mach like this. It was the cooldown, it didn't need to be as hot, it just needed to end with a big Hanson hot tag and that KFC family losing their table. I love how they instructed the actors to never stop eating, and act like the people aren't literally directly in front of you. These big dudes were fighting right in front of them and that one guy never stopped eating his chicken while not blinking. The double teams from both teams looked good, Hanson got the big reaction, and Anderson wound up with potatoes and gravy on his butt after a powerbomb. That's what people wanted.

TLC Match: King Corbin vs. Roman Reigns

ER: I'm...not so sure how I feel about this one. I liked the slow burn of Corbin laying in a beating, knowing it would lead to a hot Roman comeback. And I liked how long the Corbin beating took, because it really did make Roman's comeback sting harder. Roman was going through paid off security, eating hard shots into the ringpost, getting leveled by Corbin's nice lariat, Corbin's big backbreaker looked, well, backbreaking, everything was lining up nicely. And sure enough, the Reigns comeback was great, and this was feeling great. But it's always weird to me when you have a ton of heels kicking the shit out of a big babyface, and the announcers are talking about how the locker room is falling in line behind Corbin, and there is just nobody in sight who is interested in saving Reigns. Are the Usos around? Ali? Gable? Nobody is around to run out and get a huge babyface reaction to save Roman from injustice? So even while the big heel beatdown was done well, it just feels like not using that chance to elevate someone knew not only makes no sense, but it makes Reigns come off like a bigger dummy too. So I just couldn't vibe with that finish, couldn't get behind it, and I really liked where the start of this was going.

The Miz vs. Bray Wyatt

ER: I'll level with you, none of this is doing it for me. I don't care about Wyatt, I don't care about the Miz, and this is something I'm not interested in. I regret sitting through this, but I'm also kind of fascinated by it. Are people into this? Some people seem into this, for reasons I might not understand. And that interests me. But I don't think I'm into whatever graphic novel juggalo detective comic this is turning into.

Tables Match: Bobby Lashley vs. Rusev

ER: I couldn't get into this one either, even though I really wanted to root for Rusev. I haven't been paying close enough attention to the details of the storyline to care either way about that, but it also doesn't feel like a story that I want to learn more about. I think this just went a little long, and should have had far more aggressive hate and bad decision making by Rusev, and some cocky underestimating that bites his ass from Lashley. And it was instead worked like a sensible yet escalating brawl with some big bumps and a fairly defeated man. That's not the correct tone, and this whole thing felt odd for it. Rusev was trying his damndest, really carrying the bumping and rough spills, actively appealing to the crowd for some support - and getting it, for awhile - but I wanted some enraged Rusev, some dangerous Rusev. I'm not sure where this is all going, but I wanted something different here.

TLC Match: Kabuki Warriors vs. Becky Lynch/Charlotte

ER: What a bizarrely messy but kind of hypnotic fight that main event was! This felt like Charlotte working as blowoff match Ian Rotten, being super unprofessional in a protected bully kind of way, and I thought Asuka (and a likely concussed Kairi Sane) turned in a couple of insane performances, the kind that should cement them even further as stars. They came off like a great stooge heel team and a never say die babyface team during appropriate parts of the same match, really connecting with every moment. Charlotte is reckless and bullet proof, and Kairi is someone who recklessly flies into everything, and that's a dangerous combo. Kairi flies into a big boot, gets tossed hard into the barricade, eats a fallaway slam that whips her head around the corner of the barricade, and just keeps sprawling out onto the back of her head. Charlotte is pretty relentlessly after her, and it peaks with a crazy deadlift powerbomb through a table, Sane looking half knocked out but still throwing stiff punches to get out of it, and getting dropped viciously through it anyway. Asuka was such a megastar here, really elevated the messy chaos of it all. She has been crushing the heel turn, adding more personality than anyone, and here she just Dikembe Mutombo bossed her way through this damn thing; having Kairi out there as your concussion zombie chair throwing maniac only makes you look more cool by association. Becky Lynch's run as The Man has been so undeniably disappointing, and that's only magnified   when Asuka is so fully in charge in there. But this whole thing had a real shoot dangerous indy match feel to it that I really loved, helped the rough edges stand out as cool features instead of awkward blemishes. They really went full out on dangerous and stiff looking spots and that made this thing come off the right amount of vicious. The only tragedy about the match, is how they IMMEDIATELY cut away from Asuka's triumphant moment. That was a genuine main event delivery on a show that was trying to be noticed, and they made it possible to miss that moment so that the viewer could instead see Roman doing an almost comical endzone celebration spot. That's a stupid note to finish the show on, totally undercutting the cool moment that had just happened in the ring the past 20 minutes.


ER: Overall I call this show a win. The first two matches of the evening were total knockouts, and the main event sent things out on a high note. The misses involved angles I don't care about anyway, so wasn't as invested in them being good or bad, so that lessened the blows. Feels like these undertalked about shows always have a high delivery %, and this was no different.

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WWE Survivor Series 2017 Live Blog

"We were all picked essentially at random to be on the brand that we're on, and nobody talks about brand loyalty except for one month out of the year...but tonight, that brand loyalty MEANS SOMETHING for reasons."

1. Elias vs. Matt Hardy

ER: It's so strange to be running a match when the arena is maybe 20% full, feels like those opening card UFC fights where you're hearing individual voices from the crowd and everything is echoing. I think Matt Hardy matches that leave him to sell a specific limb almost always deliver, so I like Elias going after the arm, running the shoulder into the buckle, and breaking out an awesome leaping kneedrop to the arm. The crowd is sparse, but quietly getting into a Hardy comeback, and Elias' double underhook shoulderbreaker is pretty cool, but probably should have been treated as a bigger deal. This never really hits a new level, though. Hardy gets a comeback with the side effect on the apron, but Hardy is moving really slowly these days so even his comeback doesn't feel very exciting. I still like his injury selling, and he takes the post shot great, snaps over on Elias' fishermans suplex neckbrearker, but this was mostly an extended Elias squash.

2. Kalisto vs. Enzo Amore

ER: Crowd is still slowly filling in but my are they silent for this one. Enzo is at least good for a couple dumb bumps a match, and he really whips the back of his head into the mat on that code red, and Kalisto hits a cool rolling death valley driver that I don't think I've seen. Enzo's offense looks pretty bad, that falling boot offense almost always looks dumb. Kalisto gets yanked into the buckle really nicely, but this was nothing to blog home about.

3. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Breezango

ER: I don't follow the backstage news as much anymore, but I heard something about Owens and Zayn getting sent home from a tour, and here they are opposite Breezango on a pre-show. And the two of them really lock in those chinlocks. Breeze this rows a nice back elbow but he's mostly in there building to Fandango's hot tag, and his hot tag is good! I liked Fandango's hot jabs and his run up the buckles tornado DDT was nice. Owens finishes with a real nasty pop up powerbomb. He really planted Fandango with it. But this match also wasn't much.

4. The New Day vs. The Shield

ER: This is nuts to see the reunited Shield opening up the PPV, but it's cool to officially open things up with something big. Hey those halfsie Raw/Shield shirts look bad. And I'm into this, as I should be, because these teams should match up well. Kingston's offense looks all flimsy, but we build to Big E's big spear to the floor which always looks the greatest. Ambrose tags in Rollins with the most hilarious fake Ricky Morton hot tag ever, because he "leaps" to tag him, but he's literally standing right next to him. It had to be done to be silly. I think. Thankfully the rebound lariat gets reversed by a huge Big E tilt-a-whirl slam. The New Day stacked splash in the corner is a little silly, but then they shut my mouth by doing a truly silly leaping double DDT with Rollins and Ambrose stacked onto E's shoulders. This whole thing was pretty underwhelming. Roman's spear to Kingston looked nice, but the triple powerbomb somehow looked weaker than Owens' bomb on Fandango.

5. Becky Lynch/Carmella/Natalya/Tamina/Naomi vs. Alicia Fox/Bayley/Sasha Banks/Nia Jax/Asuka

ER: Not enough attention was paid to Lana's awesome Smackdown cocktail dress. Raw team really should run the boards, meaning instead they will just have Tamina eliminate everybody. Tamina has been on the roster for EIGHT YEARS!! She is still really really terrible at pro wrestling. The internet will be furious at the early Lynch elimination. And man they are really actually spending way too much time on Tamina. She is the clear #10 on the totem pole in that ring, and somehow she is being treated as the big star here. It's terrible. I don't so much care about her eliminating Bayley, they've already done the damage to Bayley. But having her treated as as big or bigger star than Nia, and man does Tamina throw some of the absolute worst headbutts I've seen. Tamina has a terrible look, and is really bad at wrestling, and you no longer owe anything to her father. Let the Tamina push DIE. Crowd gets lit up every time Asuka tags in, and her stuff against Carmella looks awesome. That flying hip attack looked near decapitation level. We really have Tamina sitting in the final 4. What have you done. Who wanted this. Sasha is really great at putting over Natalya's stuff, leaning into the 360 lariat and snapping her neck back getting run into the buckles. Boy we are really getting some Tamina Time. Asuka gets the final two eliminations, but man I am confused by sudden big deal in 2017 Tamina. A lot of this was handled pretty poorly. Even the final 2 on 1 was silly, because there wasn't any kind of attempt at a save. They just kind of let Asuka get the pins. This was bad.

6. The Miz vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Miz goes after Corbin's knee and I like how they handle it. Though I was really surprised that they basically had Miz wrecking Corbin the whole match, and had Dallas and Axel at ringside...but Corbin basically took a bunch of damage and then hit his loopy finisher on him to get the win. I have friends over so maybe I missed some of the nuances of this match, but it really felt like Miz worked really hard in this one to wind up with that finish.

7. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. The Usos

ER: The brand vs. brand has been kind of weird as we have a lot of heel champs right now, so we're getting a lot of heel on heel action, so the crowd is just picking guys as default faces. Which I guess is fine. The work in this is both really good, and also not really captivating. They're all doing good looking moves, they just aren't building in a very interesting way. The end run is really fun, but even then it felt like a sudden call to go home. But these guys are all total pros and hit their stuff really well, and they all have cool stuff to hit. The final Uso hot tag is great, with one of them tagging his brother while doing a running no hands dive over the top and into Cesaro. That's awesome.

8. Charlotte vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Really liked when this broke open with Alexa whipping Charlotte's shoulder into the floor off the apron. Her abdominal stretch was really great too, digging in her elbow into Charlotte's exposed sides, scratching at her. I love how tenacious Bliss is, loved that guillotine choke build. And both of them going after the other's lower jaw was awesome, just grabbing at jawbone to get to a standing position. Bliss eats knees spectacularly on her twisting moonsault, but leans way out of Charlotte's follow up yakuza kick. This was a fun one, probably the best match on the show so far.

9. AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: I'm not sure how well this will go for Styles fans, but I'm curious how they'll work this one. And as many of us assumed, this is an absolute mauling. Brock tosses AJ around like a total dead body, and AJ has some of the more spectacular German suplex bumps. AJ is flying around spectacularly, including a wild bump over the top to the floor. All of Lesnar's knees to the ribs look absolutely devastating. AJ comes back nicely and I always love Lesnar's missed knee bump in the corner. And then AJ gets probably the longest actual run of offense we've seen against Brock in probably 3 years. They flub that corner tornado DDT, but then Brock bumps around big for him, including an awesome moment where he gets run through the ring steps. AJ hits a bunch of big flying moves, and the big moment of AJ locking in the calf crusher was awesome. Lesnar was selling it great, and the size difference was completely erased in that moment. And then Lesnar just smashes AJ's head into the back of the mat a bunch, and it looks horror movie violent. Every time AJ went up for a flying move I got nervous that Brock would catch him, and sure enough, we got there. AJ takes the F5 super great, and this was really fun. I'm happy AJ did as well as he did.

10. Kurt Angle/Finn Balor/Samoa Joe/Braun Strowman/HHH vs. Shane McMahon/Randy Orton/Bobby Roode/Shinsuke Nakamura/John Cena

ER: I know we all want this to come down to HHH and Shane. I kind of want that. HHH looks really stiff...not in his strikes, but in his mobility. But I think overall this is handled pretty well, with everybody getting time to do their stuff.  But we knew where this was going, and it was awful. There were individual moments I liked, but as a whole none of it worked. When one of the things I wrote down as enjoying is "Angle grabbing an ankle lock when Cena was going to do a fistdrop", or "Shane really flew hard into the ring barrier on that dropkick"...that cool stuff is really minor compared to the blatantly awful longform storytelling once we got to Shane being the lone survivor. There was approximately 12 minutes of guys standing around silently making eye contact while breathing heavily. And thank goodness Raw has HHH on their team, so that he can outsmart venerable warrior Shane McMahon. He sacrificed Angle so he can claim the victory for RAW BRAND! Which comes with no actual reward whatsoever, other than bragging rights that not one single person actually cares about in any way. Braun barely gets any sort of comeuppance, gets to choke him down briefly, which will no doubt lead to a 25 minute WM match with a 10 minute HHH cosplay ring entrance. You knew where all of this was going, and knew it was going to be awful. It was. You could see the crowd actively not enjoying much of the last half. It never got to them chanting or singing or something stupid like that, but people just looked tired and bored and defeated. I can't really blame them.

ER: Underwhelming card. The bad stuff was bad, the elimination matches were the worst, and the good stuff was merely good. Nothing stood out as particularly great. These longer cards are almost always the pits, even the ones that look interesting on paper. The upside is that Brock/Styles exceeded expectations. That was a real high point.

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2017 Ongoing MOTY List: New Day v. Usos in a CELL

30. The New Day vs. The Usos WWE Hell in a Cell 10/8

ER: These guys start with absolute lunatic bumps and crazy bumps are gonna make me get into a violent cagematch. Big E is a nutso bumper for a guy his size, and in one minute we get to see him splat onto the floor at high speed, then hit his spear to the floor (that I can't believe he still does!), an Uso takes a running leap into the cage, and things are crazy. Woods gets a chair thrown at his head and bumps to the floor and we get a good nearfall off a superkick. I get less interested in kendo stick use, but full credit to Usos for clever usage when they trap Woods in the corner to set up the hip attack. E gets caught on a spear and Jimmy punches him right in the freaking ear, then E runs him into the ringpost. They set up some crazy spot where E gives Jimmy a uranage off the apron to the floor, onto the sliding knees of Woods. It doesn't go flawless, but it's something that looks more violent the more messy it was. You basically had Uso getting thrown violently off the floor and landing off kilter on a pointed knee. It could have injured several men at once. Now Jey gets locked into a cell corner by 4 strategically placed kendo sticks, with Woods throwing shots to the ribs while Jey can't move (So.....New Day are the babyfaces...right?). They keep coming up with more dangerous spots, now with the Usos setting up a doomsday device on the floor with Big E up on the shoulders, and an Uso flying through the ropes with a crossbody. Knees and elbows and bodies are flying everywhere. Usos do a couple great big splashes, and then the handcuffs come out. Usos hang Woods over the ringpost by his cuffed wrists and beat his prone body with kendo sticks. Good lord. But they spend so much time on Woods that by the time they get to E he is ready to do damage (did he break the cuffs and I missed it? Or the cameras missed it?), and proceeds to do some spectacular damage, throwing them with suplexes and running them violently into the cell. But the Usos keep going back to Woods' ribs, more kendo attacks, huge double splash, this whole thing was nuts. New Day had a great comeback and Woods valiantly tried to keep going despite the beatdown. These guys went all out, came up with some clever uses of tired gimmicks, really amped up the violence.

PAS: I enjoyed this a lot, the Uso's have been building up a hell of a resume as tag wrestlers over the last decade, I probably would have enjoyed a more standard tag between these teams, then a stunt show, but this was a great stunt show. I liked how the brutality built with the New Day using comedy weapons like trombones and cymbals (although those trombone shots looked nasty) till then end where Xavier was getting beaten like something out of Passion of the Christ. This was a tremendous Xavier babyface performance, took a huge beating and I loved his die on his sword spirit. I do wish we had gotten to see Jey break out of the kendo stick jail and Big E break out of the handcuffs, those were two big escape spots the cameras missed. I also thought this went a bit long, you could have sliced it a bit and not lost any of the impact. Still this was full of crazy violence and great performances by all four guys.


2017 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WWE Hell in a Cell 2017 Late Blog

1. Hype Bros vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

ER: I almost always end up enjoying these pre-show matches, they're usually structured more satisfying that the actual PPV matches. I have no clue why. And the pre-shows continue to deliver as this tag was awesome. Gable was a real beast, and the trap arm belly to belly on Mojo alone would have probably made this work, and I dug the sequence that set it up (Gable lands on his feet missing a moonsault, catches Mojo in the suplex, then hits the moonsault). Mojo played a good FIP, had some well-mapped kickouts off some big Gable spots, but was also there to make some nice saves for Ryder. Gable eats a big shoulderblock from Mojo, hits Ryder with a killer spear in the corner to knock him to the floor. We had a lot of constant movement, which made the nearfalls more exciting. Wasn't sure which team was gonna get the win, which also helped add to the excitement. I could watch a match like this every day. Classic formula, good personality.

2. The New Day vs. The Usos

ER: These guys start with absolute lunatic bumps and crazy bumps are gonna make me get into a violent cagematch. Big E is a nutso bumper for a guy his size, and in one minute we get to see him splat onto the floor at high speed, then hit his spear to the floor (that I can't believe he still does!), an Uso takes a running leap into the cage, and things are crazy. Woods gets a chair thrown at his head and bumps to the floor and we get a good nearfall off a superkick. I get less interested in kendo stick use, but full credit to Usos for clever usage when they trap Woods in the corner to set up the hip attack. E gets caught on a spear and Jimmy punches him right in the freaking ear, then E runs him into the ringpost. They set up some crazy spot where E gives Jimmy a uranage off the apron to the floor, onto the sliding knees of Woods. It doesn't go flawless, but it's something that looks more violent the more messy it was. You basically had Uso getting thrown violently off the floor and landing off kilter on a pointed knee. It could have injured several men at once. Now Jey gets locked into a cell corner by 4 strategically placed kendo sticks, with Woods throwing shots to the ribs while Jey can't move (So.....New Day are the babyfaces...right?). They keep coming up with more dangerous spots, now with the Usos setting up a doomsday device on the floor with Big E up on the shoulders, and an Usos flying through the ropes with a crossbody. Knees and elbows and bodies are flying everywhere. Usos do a couple great big splashes, and then the handcuffs come out. Usos hang Woods over the ringpost by his cuffed wrists and beat his prone body with kendo sticks. Good lord. But they spend so much time on Woods that by the time they get to E he is ready to do damage, and proceeds to do some spectacular damage, throwing them with suplexes and running them violently into the cell. But the Usos keep going back to Woods' ribs, more kendo attacks, huge double splash, this whole thing was nuts. New Day had a great comeback and Woods valiantly tried to keep going despite the beatdown. These guys went all out, came up with some clever uses of tired gimmicks, really amped up the violence. I don't anticipate anything else on the card approaching this level of violence.

3. Rusev vs. Randy Orton

ER: After a match like that, you know Orton is the guy to go out and try hard! He does momentarily shut my mouth by taking a nice bump to the barricade and a fallaway slam on the floor. I miss Rusev as a top heel, and I miss Lana being on TV. Rusev is better than most at setting up Orton offense. I really liked the strikes he was throwing that were meant to be caught by Orton, and liked him holding the ropes to make Orton miss an armdrag. But things get fairly uninteresting once Orton went into his finishing run of offense. They made it pretty clear that Rusev had no chance. Fans were into it, but Orton is super stale to me (unique hot take!). I guess just gimme a Rusev/English tag team so I can see them work the other fun teams every week. I'd rather see that at this point since I doubt Rusev will make it back to the main events.

4. Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles

ER: Tye Dillinger's entrance cape looks like something Meng the Merciless might wear to a long weekend at Fire Island. I haven't really been following this story so I'm not sure why Dillinger is added, but Styles makes it known pretty early that he'll be trying his damndest to have a killer match. Corbin hits him with some hard elbows and Styles gets launched off a hip toss. It looked fantastic. We get some fun misdirections with Dillinger splashing Styles in the corner, then Corbin missing an attack on Tye but hitting AJ, then Styles gets pinballed ribs first off the ringpost and skids to the floor. Styles is a loon in this, flying full force into every possible surface. He seriously looked like he was trying to break down the ringside barrier with his body. Corbin locks on a super nasty cravate on Dillinger and Styles continues stealing the show, getting punched out of the air on a springboard by Corbin and ragdolling to the mat. Corbin takes a nice bump to the floor and eats a cool sliding knee from Styles, then Styles takes a big backdrop from Dillinger. Dillinger has some shockingly nice corner 10 count punches (I say shocking because his other strikes don't leave much of an impression on me), and if you're going to have one good set of punches with his 10 gimmick, those are the ones to have. I also really liked Dillinger kicking his way out of the Clash, which is weirdly something they don't do that often. Styles is turning in maybe his greatest performance since the Elimination Chamber earlier this year, and as I type that he takes a bananas choke slam from Corbin, insane height. And the finish was real fun with Styles levelling Dillinger with the forearm, then getting booted violently to the floor by Corbin (and you know Styles splats onto the floor, Corbin punts him right in the chest and Styes flies down practically head first) as Corbin steals the win. This match...was really damn good, and I went into it not caring at all. People are really busting ass on this show.

5. Charlotte vs. Natalya

ER: I tend to really like "big match" Natalya, while almost completely disliking Natalya. Charlotte is good at selling a knee injury and Natalya is good at doing perfunctory legwork. This took me a while to get involved but I got there once Charlotte's knee buckled doing a kick to Nattie's jaw. The moonsault to the floor was crazy, and chair to the leg finish was fine. I liked the touch of the ref removing Charlotte's boot, and Natalya had a great grin while posing with the belt. It seems like people really hate Natalya and think she's a bad heel, but I get annoyed just by looking at her, sooo...

6. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal

ER: "What Nakamura needs to do is grind this match to a jinder maHALT." Me, making grade F puns off of things Corey Graves says. Nakamura was like Rachel's favorite wrestler before he got called up to the main card, now she hardly reacts to him. One year ago she was flipping out live for him at the NXT show, scrambling to get out her camera. Now she just left the room to change the laundry. Admittedly she has zero interest in Mahal, so that could play into it. "Slow, Methodical, Effective" should be the slogan on the next Jinder Mahal shirt. Nak maybe didn't get the memo that you're supposed to be recklessly violent with the Singhs. He gives a couple knees, but very safe. They're only out there to take super dangerous bumps or get kicked in the ear. One of them takes an okay bump off the apron, but Styles took like 5 crazier bumps to the floor earlier. The nearfall off the kinshasa was decent, and I wish we could have gotten more brawl through the crowd so I could see more bald event security guys joylessly pretending men aren't fake fighting inches from their face. They're like the Queen's Guard, but with bald heads and tucked in blue polo shirts. And my god they are going to have Jinder break Backlund's title reign record, aren't they?

7. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: You hear those stories about prospective employees who don't get a job because the employer finds a bunch of embarrassing drunk or stoned photos on their public Facebook page? Some day an employer is going to find a bunch of 2009 posts where I constantly praise Ziggler and realize I am clearly the least qualified person for any job. Ziggler locks on an early sleeper and Graves says "Ziggler might put Roode to sleep!" If Heenan were still with us he then would have said "He's already put the viewing audience to sleep, why not Roode!?" Rest in peace, Bobby. Though I don't really hate the minimalism of this match. It feels like a house show match, out of place on a PPV. Ziggler hitting the famouser out of a sleeper looked good. But whatever the reason this isn't grabbing me. I did really dig the finishing stretch, so that's something. Ziggler misses a superkick, gets hit with a boss spinebuster; Dolph hits a slick roll up to reverse the glorious DDT, Roode misses a corner charge and they do a just-the-right-amount-of-silly rolling prawn holds, each one showing more and more butt. Dolph hitting the Zig Zag immediately after the match while Roode's music starts playing. That's the kind of teeth the rest of the match needed.

8. Shane MacMahon vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I am unashamed to admit that I am completely loving this match. Shane jumps Owens and starts throwing those MacMahon brand potato punches (I could totally see a poorly designed WWE shirt with cartoon potatoes that says MacMahon Brand Potatoes and then the back says something stupid like "Want Fries With That!?") where 60% of them miss completely and the other 40% all land on the most annoying places possible. Shane is the blind squirrel accidentally finding Owens' ear and nose bridge. I am now over the moon as Shane sweeps the leg and then does a cartwheel kick!! Holy lord this rules. Shane dropkicks the cage door into Owens and Owens boots him off the apron, with Shane taking a big no look bump backwards into the cage. Match still rules. Shane eats a senton and cannoball, then Owens swantons right into Shane's knees. Shane sells the knee convincingly afterwards, then punches Owens in the ear a few times. Shane's face keeps getting redder, and then he misses a shooting star press! And then Owens hits a full force frog splash! OMG Shame MMAcMahon grabs a triangle off a pop up powerbomb, then grabs it again from the apron leading to him getting powerbombed onto the steps. People are shitting on this match but it feels like a total miracle match to me. Owens misses a cannonball off the apron through a table with aplomb. This still rules. Shane gets DDT'd hard on the entrance ramp, and it was the least flashy spot so far but looked great. You knew they were going up to the top of the cage, because MacMahon wants to make his father proud or something? And the Russian leg sweep on top probably won't get talked about after the show, but you know they both smacked the back of their heads on the support beam part of the cage. They're doing a lot of stuff up on the cage, and I keep waiting for a giant hole to get torn through as they both die on their way down. I likely would have rolled an ankle taking my first step onto the top of the cage. I dug all the teasing around getting thrown off the cage, and Shane's kicks to the ribs while climbing down were sharp. Owens takes a big bump off the cage and yeah, you know Shane's gonna do something stupid now. And my god that was crazy. And Zayn saved Owens!! Holy cow the timing of that was amazing, with Zayn grabbing Owens' hand as Shane came violently crashing - HARD - through that table. That did not look like a classic Shane crash pad landing. That looked like a Parkour Fail video. And weirdly this doesn't totally feel like Zayn turning heel, it feels like Zayn pushing slightly towards heel and Owens getting pulled slightly towards face. This match FAR exceeded any kind of expectation I had for it. I'm kind of stunned how much I loved it. Really.

ER: Was this the WWE PPV of the year? There's so damn many that I honestly can't remember what has happened this year. But the low points were kept brief, the two Cell matches overly delivered, and that triple threat over-delivered. These WWE shows that look bleh on paper seem to always crush it. This was a quality PPV man, these folks busted butt.

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WWE Battleground 2017 Live Blog

1. Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger

ER: I really really like English, so I'm just happy he has a job and is showing up on a PPV in any way at all. I assume he's been showing up on some secondary Network only shows, I really should go through and just quickly write up any 2017 English matches. He's a great hand to have around as he knows how to stooge with early frustration, and the moment where he turns the tables always looks great. He gets cheap shots, because he makes his cheap shots look nasty. Most guys wouldn't use a stiff knee as a cheap shot. He also knows how to talk smack during a resthold. Dillinger's comeback is a little silly, he has one of those sets of moves that he has to hit in a specific order, but he throws a fine spinebuster and English knows how to whip into the mat on a spinebuster. And English somehow WINS!? That is wonderful. He does have a few stupid finishers that look like 2001 Edge offense, but that's okay because we usually go months without seeing his finisher.

2. Kofi Kingston/Xavier Woods vs. The Usos

ER: I don't recall seeing a version of New Day where Big E was on the floor and not in the match. Big E is like 85% of the reason to watch New Day matches. Not gonna lie though, I like New Day's American flag tights. They seem like an acid version of something that babyface Virgil would wear. There's a Network Error (first in a year plus) right when the Usos hit a double team backbreaker/axe handle on Woods, with Woods getting dumped on his head afterwards. I can only imagine they did a preemptive "Technical Issues - Please Stand By". Woods hits a nice missile dropkick and Jey bumps it great all the way across the ring. Kofi gets the hot tag and I have no clue what any of his moves are actually supposed to be. His delay clothesline looks even worse than normal, he does a leaping stomp that I only knew was a leaping stomp because an announcer called it that, he hits a punt from the apron with the biggest thigh slap you've seen. Kofi bums me out sometimes. We get some pretty great blocks on the floor from Usos, back in the ring and Woods is nuts enough to get slammed neck first into the buckles and take the alley oop Samoan drop. And then THAT superkick. Woods commits fully to a huge elbow drop and gets NAILED with a superkick on the way down. I cannot believe that was a 2 count. And then we get some more quite surprising 2 counts. This match is crazy as it was worked as a super traditional tag through the Kofi hot tag, and in traditional WWE tag structure which dictates the Usos would have won just a couple minutes after that Kofi hot tag. But then instead of the finish - the spot where the finish would have been in 95% of WWE tags - both teams just started breaking out their nastiest moves. Pretty awesome stretch run, and Xavier's elbow across the whole ring was highlight reel worthy. Both teams had some great misses to set up big moves by the opponents, and the switch getting flipped in the match was welcome.

3. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

ER: This is a little slow to start, but willing to see where things go. The standing hammerlock spot didn't totally work, but I liked Nak flopping around for a big boot after. I like bearhug spots but for a match already being worked this slow, this probably wasn't the spot to do it. I do love that the crowd was chanting that Corbin sucks, so then he locked on the bearhug. Nak whiffs on a kick that gets sold, but some of his strikes in the corner look nice. Things snap awake when Corbin runs in with a huge lariat, Nak bumps it in appropriate ragdoll style. I always like Nak's grounded knee strikes, Nak hits a nasty axe kick to the back of Corbin's neck...and then Corbin goes low for the DQ. Well most of this was disappointing.

4. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Charlotte

ER: Ahhhhh a match with 5 people in it, this should be terrible. Within 30 seconds of the match two of them have already disappeared despite taking next to no offense. Lana is great in one of those "not quite trained" kind of ways, so she's stomping uncomfortably on Charlotte's hamstrings and then drops an elbow that sees her hip land on Charlotte's face. And wow it took Lynch so long to get back into the match. These odd-person multimans are almost always so bad. Now everybody else completely disappears so Lynch and Charlotte can do things. Seriously where do they go? Do they lie on the floor and hug the apron so they don't show up on camera? Nattie and Charlotte always match up well, and I like the way Charlotte flies into her 360 clothesline. Lana has a proper flip out after only getting a 2 count, and Lana acting as a female John Tatum is the best. I also like how Tamina keeps saving Lana's butt (well, arm) from Lynch, but then Tamina gets eliminated first because Lana stays the hell out of it. BUT, then Lana gets eliminated right after, meaning the two of them have a long awkward walk to the back. I do hate the stupid traditional elimination match rules of all the eliminations bunching up within one minute of each other. It always happens, and it's always dumb. Natalya wins, because okay? "Incredible match" says the WWE announcer who may be Tom Phillips.  "Incredible movie, with an incredible woman," Tom Phillips says while walking out of Transformers: The Last Knight, accompanied by a woman who was set up with Tom through a mutual friend, moments before she tells him that she doesn't think a second date would be a good idea.

5. Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

ER: Owens and Styles proceed to have a very Owens and Styles match, though the part in the first few minutes I actually like the most is Owens laying in a headlock. His smack talk during the headlock is great ("I can do this all day!") and a chubby guy lying down with a headlock always makes it look like the opponent is being smothered. So I don't know if I'm easily impressed, or what. AJ's post-headlock strikes looked good and the DDT on him looks good. Back to the headlock and I'm kinda sold. Styles does a great springboard 450 right into knees. Tom Phillips (?) almost completes bad announcer bingo when he states that Owens has bad intentions. JBL tries to save him by making an awesome historical leap, saying that AJ Styles attempted a torture rack and that Lex Luger was a long time US Champ. I absolutely love his attempt, as if these two were working a match as a historical road trip through the US title heritage. "Owens' misses a splash, much like former US Champ One Man Gang, following in the lineage of famous Canadian US Champ Roddy Piper!" Styles getting tossed into the ref looked great, and the ref does a great "struggle to pull myself up the ropes". Nobody could possibly be excited about that finish. Styles sells his loss like someone who is forced to wait slightly longer than normal for the valet to get his car.

6. Flag Match: Rusev vs. John Cena

ER: Big fan of the country-specific flag stands in the entrance way. I love how these two match up, so regardless of the stip I'm interested in what they can do. And I already like Rusev clonking Cena with fists to head, and Rusev taking a bulldog off the top. Crowd is already really quiet for a Cena match. Rusev looks to be in really great shape, maybe #bestshapeofhislife!? To build off a reference from last match, this match feels like a Hogan vs. One Man Gang house show match so far, but probably not as good. We just hit the Hulk up lariat comeback, only it's shoulderblocks and the blue thunder bomb. I want some flag-related violence, guys!! Both guys are working really slow. Either the show was going short and they got told to stretch it out, or....Okay I have no "or". They're still doing the big spots (Cena getting caught in a powerbomb while trying the legdrop off the top was pretty dangerously messy), just a lot more time in between those spots. It's oddly jarring after Cena spent last year working PWG homage matches. This is really being stretched. I like Rusev attempting to AA Cena off his American Flag platform. That's the most insulting way to pull off the "use opponent's finisher" trope. Rusev beats Cena with the flag holder, and somehow knowing the flag holders aren't bolted down CHANGES EVERYTHING. Seriously, this match would have been 100% 6 1/2 star glorious bullshit if the whole match had been based around Rusev just destroying Cena's flag stand/holder, eliminating the only way that Cena could win the match. Start the match with one chairshot to give Rusev a headstart on destroying the stand, then base the whole thing on Rusev just trying to dispatch Cena so he can wreck a flag holder. If you want to work comedy into it, you can even have Rusev try hiding the flag holder a couple times. Have him through it into the WWE UNIVERSE behind his back, oooooooo or have him lock it in a box!!!

7. Mike Kanellis vs. Sami Zayn

ER: Oh my god if Rusev had locked that flag holder in a giant, comical crate, I would have lost my shit. Match starts, Rusev immediately jumps out of the ring and begins rummaging around under the ring. Camera cuts to Cena doing his typically great incredulous face, hands on hips, motioning to some random guy in the crowd who he didn't actually make eye contact with but 35 people in that section will later claim that Cena was "looking right at them!" "What is Rusev looking for!?" and then Rusev pulls out a Masterlock, pauses, looks up at a quizzical Cena across the ring...and sprints down the aisle to the flag holder. He grabs that flag holder, keeps running to the back, a camera is already there waiting, anticipating Rusev running around back there because this shit is fake and was scripted out way in advance, and Rusev pulls out this GIANT crate, covered in chains, and maybe even a comically stenciled "This End Up" painted on the side, and you KNOW that shit is painted on upside down. Rusev tosses that holder in the crate, locks up up tight, and then shoves that crate back in the middle of 20 other crates that look EXACTLY like that crate, pulling a full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark on Cena. NOT ONE PERSON EVER MENTIONS "Um, why didn't Cena just grab his own flag and steal Rusev's flag holder while Rusev was taking 15 minutes to hide a crate within a bunch of other crates?" Nobody ever says that. Because people aren't total shitheads who just exist to ruin somebody else's good time. Everybody just lets people enjoy the things however they like. I like Mike Kannelis's tights. They're like beta cuck Rick Rude tights. The "M+M Forever" is totally in the H&M font. But they're great fucking tights. Helluva kick to finish looks like something that should finish this match.

8. Punjabi Prison Match: Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: Okay, so no matter how we feel about this match, everybody knows that the name Punjabi Prison is an all time great jingoistic fear mongering pro wrestling match title. I remember - because of pro wrestling - asking my dad what was so bad about a Mexican Prison. Somebody must have made a reference to it as an "ultimate threat" and my dad actually answered it!! My dad totally worked me and immediately said that they fed you rotten food, and when you refuse to eat it, they bring back the exact same food the next day, and now it's a day older! Punjabi Prison would have probably blown my mind if I had heard that term at age 7. And the set looks spectacular, like a gorgeous Apocalypse Now prop. I should have listened to the stipulations of this fucking match instead of typing all of that. Escape rules? We'll go with escape rules. I wonder how many households have someone, watching this PPV tonight, who made some sort of joke like "I wish they would throw Barry Hussein and Killary into a Punjabi Prison. They'd probably like that." I'm setting the line at 170 households have "that guy" tonight. You take the over or under? Jinder throws a nice back elbow. A guy can go pretty far in my book if they throw a nice back elbow.

"Hey John, you've been in all kinds of structural matches..." is such a great start to a sentence. You know he liked it, because he stopped it once and started it again. I can't blame him, it's a great line. You picture Lance Russell saying that line, and it all clicks, so give credit to whoever said that (it wasn't JBL, it was one of the other 7 white guys they have sitting out there with him). This stipulation match is silly but I'm kinda loving it. Orton struggling to slowly get to one of the doors, as the timer is counting down, and once the timer hits 0 the ref drops the rope holding the door open, and it slides shut? That's awesome. I did pick up that there were 4 doors, and they close as the match goes on, making for less escape options. God I would love to see Low-Ki climb out of this nasty looking thing. You know he could do it. that guy would scramble out of the first one and then leap to the outer one, and it would look amazing. Randy disappoints me by not letting one of the doors drop guillotine style on his arm or neck. That would be a great KO blow visual, a door dropping on a guy's head like Luke dropping a spiked gate on the Rancor in Return of the Jedi. Jinder continues showing off those back elbows, nailing Orton in the gut while they both climb the outer prison wall. We get a lot of climbing related spots, and with the Singhs around they find a couple interesting things to do. Man that Singh bump is brutal, especially when you see the angle with his legs facing the camera. You really get a sense for how fast the human head whips back when you see that angle of the table bump.  And GREAT KHALI comes back!!! AND THEY MAKE HIM CLIMB PART OF THE CAGE!! Orton does a lot of great falling off the cage teases, and Khali grabs him by the throat and Orton dangles in a great theatrical way. Jinder wins, Tom Phillips COMPLETES HIS BAD ANNOUNCER BINGO CARD by dropping several "Not like this! Not like this!" on us. You did it buddy. JBL gets amusingly crossed up and calls Khali "a true giant". "THAT, son, is a true giant. Not like those two children wearing a giant trenchcoat that you previously thought was a giant." I don't actually know if this match is 1 star or 6 stars.

ER: This was a PPV with almost no good matches, yet I had kind of a blast watching this show. Maybe the heat has made me delusional, but the bad was always amusing. I thought the tag match was really good, liked the Aiden English pre-show match, and disliked the rest. But somehow had fun watching all of it. Best Bad PPV?

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WWE Money in the Bank 2017 Not Live Blog

I was up at my folks' place swimming all day today (it's 108 degrees here right now) so got home as the PPV was finishing, still thought I would do a write up.

1. The Colons vs. Hype Bros.

ER: PPV Pre show delivers again, these guys all have that 8 minute pre show timing down. Colons are a really good team and I'm glad they stick around. Epico has chubbed up a bit and that just makes me love him more. They craft some nice stuff around taking apart Ryder's leg, I always like the ankle DDT spot. Mojo has a decent hot tag and things peak right at the finish, with Mojo hitting lariats and shoulderblocks and absolutely splatting one of the Colons, which lead to a nice last split second save. Ryder comes in limping and hits a nasty broski boot and gets crazy height on the rough ryder leg drop lariat. This was a fine opener.

2. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Carmella vs. Natalya

ER: Tamina has the least flattering ring gear possible. It looks like they took Viscera's old gear and hemmed it. Rachel thinks Charlotte needs to wear some sort of short skirt with her gear, as she finds Charlotte's lack of hips distracting. I'm digging the early parts of this, nice basic ladder stuff. Charlotte nastily bulldogs Tamina into a ladder, Becky and Natalya ram a ladder into her stomach, nice ladder as weapon stuff. Loved Carmella trapping Charlotte's leg in the ladder and lobbing back elbows. Becky climbs a ladder seemingly just to get rana'd off by Carmella. Carmella leans out of a Charlotte yakuza kick. Charlotte takes a sick bump off the ladder from a nice Tamina headbutt. That spear spot right after could not have been uglier. They don't go through, then take forever to continue unnaturally falling to the floor. Tamina takes a nice backwards bump over some ring steps. And my oh my that match finish is incredibly uninspired. "Women can do anything!" Except that one woman needs to help of the literal lowest man on the WWE totem pole to win. And the crowd was clearly expecting things to get reversed or the result thrown out, and it drug on for awhile, and it never got thrown out. This was not very good, that ending felt like it came way early. Even if they wanted this specific finish, they could have done it while making Carmella look better, have her ordering Ellsworth to run distraction for her while she climbs for the case. Something.

3. New Day vs. Usos

ER: Heel Usos are awesome, love Big E, and Kofi bumps his way crazily into my heart by going high and fast to the floor off an Uso low bridge, then gets leveled by an Uso lariat. Usos really ragdoll Kofi around and I have high hopes for this Big E hot tag (earlier he hit his awesome apron splash), and the Usos keep cutting that damn ring off. The hot tag itself was fun, E hits three big belly to bellys, and the spear to the floor is still nutso. Kofi and an Uso both go for kicks and get tangled up in kind of a fun way. The end run has a scary moment where E is supposed to catch Jey out of the air to do a powerslam but Jey falls past him and easily could have gone face first into the mat. They awkwardly do the spot as planned, which involves Jey climbing up onto E. But the pinfall save after they finally do the spot is excellent. Things heat up nicely after that, Usos with another big save, Kofi hits a sweet trust fall dive to the floor...and then Usos just leave with the belts and get counted out. Dude. These finishes are making me salty.

4. Naomi vs. Lana

ER: OOF Lana has some all time bad entrance music. It sounds like a song someone took minutes to make in Mario Paint, just a looped drum beat and sax riff. Lana's movements in the ring are somewhat clunky, but I think she's a total win as a sexy crowbar. Her snap suplexes into the ring ropes were killer, and her little crescent kick through the ropes as Naomi was pulling herself up was nice, and I think she's pretty good at occupying herself and selling during Naomi's wrist-held high kicks. I think the Carmella mid match entrance worked, as she's now just looming with the threat of the stupid briefcase, though I think they went to the finish too quick after that, no momentum was built back up. The finishing submission looked good, but the heat went down with the Carmella entrance. I liked Lana in this, think she looked better than Tamina has ever looked.

And Mike Bennett/Maria are now in WWE and get a debut on a PPV? Have they been in NXT or something? Maria as a character has never done a thing for me, but I'm mildly amused at Mike taking her last name. I'll give both of them credit for however they keep getting paid TV gigs, but I'm not too excited to see them work.

5. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: This all starts off good, both guys are working to not show light on strikes, Orton's stomps looked good, Jinder working as a great overpowering juiced up bully, taunting Orton Sr., throwing on a figure 4 in front of Flair; now I want him to do the Baron's claw and some high Gagne dropkicks. This whole thing progressed nicely and then hit a way-too-long Singh Bros. removal...but then we get Orton recklessly throwing them around again (slightly less reckless than last month), and in keeping with the bad finish theme of this show, that insanely long Singh Bros. interlude then leads to Orton losing the match the exact same way he lost the last match. I mean everything played out almost exactly the same. This match started quite good and then went the way of the others. This isn't that good of a show.

6. Breezango vs. Ascension

ER: Dude the Ascension are guys getting in on main show PPV matches!! What a truly unexpected match on this show. I watch Smackdown, have they even been on in the last month? Well, no matter, I actually like Vikto and he confirms my like by hitting a cool jumping knee to Breeze. Breeze takes offense really great, he'll lean up into an elbowdrop and take fast bumps to the floor, sell your resthold for you. Connor also wins me over by having huge muttonchops and hitting a fucking boss spinebuster. Weird match to show up on a PPV, but both teams looked good.

7. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs.  Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Big spots to start, Corbin working stiff, and I finally got invested when Dolph ran up a ladder to the ring apron to swipe AJ's legs in the middle of a springboard, like his own stupid ladder Hamburger Hill. I'm so sick of Zayn and Owens matching up, but Zayn at least will take a couple stupid bumps in a big (or small) match. Styles is out of this for too long as when he comes back in you suddenly realize that the energy of that match had been missing. Styles immediately makes the match more interesting, and Dolph awesomely climbs OVER Corbin on the ladder. And Dolph kind of continues worming his way back into my good graces by punching Zayn a bunch right in the fucking ear, while on the top of a ladder. And huge props to him for somehow taking the safest possible bump off a sunset flip powerbomb off said ladder. I mean that as a genuine compliment, the bump looked nasty but you could tell he took it right. It's a good skill. We somehow get a fucking nalf nelson suplex head drop ON THE RING APRON on a WWE PPV. WWE is now a 2001 Dateline NBC Backyard Wrestling highlight package. I now want them to do a tailbone shattering guillotine legdrop off Zayn's stepmom's house. I want Owens to give Zayn a burning hammer on a public park picnic table. Styles is really good at leaping off of ropes and crashing into people. He has precision "crash into stuff" skills. Styles leaping into that chokeslam was great, and Corbin plants him with one. Owens takes a Styles death valley driver off the apron through a set up ladder and holy shit all these guys are insane. This is a fucking amazing IWA Mid-South match right here. Dolph pulls the ladder out from AJ and AJ does all these great "hanging from the case" spots, trying to climb to his safety, trying to get over it for leverage to unhook the case, hanging from the case itself and scrambling to yank it down instead of unhook it; it felt like a bunch of cool tricks that Bill Dundee would work into a gimmick match. Nakamura finally comes back after being jumped pre-bell, and in a cool moment the fans continue singing his entrance music when it gets cut off, and he runs wild with a fresh man hot tag. He throws knees, boots Dolph in the face on a corner charge, kicks more face, knees Owens in the face, does enough in 1 minute to make me blow up. AJ and Nak get a cool little action movie stand off that made both seem like major guys, peering through the ladder at each other like Travolta and Cage in FaceOff. Great fistfight at the top of the ladder with those two...and then Baron Corbin wins it. Wow. Did not expect that...but I like it! Corbin coming out and taunting the champ with the case, playing mind games, would actually give him something to do instead of "This guy is in a bad mood!"

Overall the PPV wasn't a great one. It wasn't really even a good one. But that MITB match was really damn fun to me and felt like something I would see on a 2002 Jersey indy comp tape. And that makes me happy as hell. I wanted the buffering on my Network feed to fuck up so it would look like I was watching the match on a scratched 12th gen VHS dupe. And that ended things on an impossibly joy-filled mood, so thumbs up!

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WWE Roadblock Not at All Live Blog

So it looks like we got Jeremy Jamm filling in on the pre-show. Though I know I'm getting my hopes up unnecessarily for Roadblock himself to show up on the show. He has to own the copyright, right? Send WWE a cease and desist and then turn it into a final payday. Okay I just looked and apparently Roadblock is somehow in his early 60s. I don't want to see AARP Roadblock. I'll just live off my memories of Roadblock vs. Rick Fuller. These PPV blogs are a regular battle of seeing if Phil is right or not, as he always calls me a masochist (or worse, usually) for doing them. He's usually right, except for maybe last time.

1. Rusev vs. Big Cass

ER: Kinda surprised this one ended up on the kickoff show as it got a lot of TV build. But WWE seems to both love and hate Lana, even though she's the best. Cass is getting a nice soft belly, must be eating a lot of Christmas time work treats like me. I don't think about Godiva chocolates 11 1/2 months out of the year, then suddenly they show up at work littering the Tax Collectors offices and suddenly I want dark chocolate salted caramels. And oh shit that match just ended really quick. That stunk. Rusev threw a great back elbow and I was getting into them starting to brawl into the crowd...and then we get a count out! Still not getting why Enzo is the good guy for trying to plow a married woman.

2. New Day vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

ER: I am so tried of Michael Cole shouting the exact number of New Day's title reign, every time. It makes me want to see them lose so badly. New Day's gear makes them look like extremely loud Mountain Dew adverts. Cesaro is working at a crazy pace, really flying into people super quick. His Irish whip reversal uppercut in the corner was great, but then he follows it up with his boss flapjack uppercut. Sheamus/Big E is such a fun match up as they both do cool power reversals off moves. The caught brogue kick into a delayed powerbomb was wild. Big nearfall after Cesaro planted the neutralizer (getting there in a tremendous strength showoff) and then Cesaro hits a tornillo and holy shit this man is working like a man who is showing he's worth owning a few title belts. This whole match was really worked as a finishing stretch, resulting in a hot opener.

3. 10 Minute Challenge: Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman

ER: I love these kind of challenge matches, really feels like old Memphis TV. The build up on TV was good too and probably the only Foley thing I've been interested in over the last decade. I wanted to like this more than I ended up liking it though. As much as I enjoyed the Foley/Zayn segment on Raw, I thought Foley completely ruined things in this one. His part in this went on far too long and the melodrama was just way too much. He comes limping down the ramp in his shitty gigantic leather sports coat, and I really just wanted Zayn to run towards him and give him the helluva kick before going back inside the ring to get his ass handed to him. The begging just dragged on too long. Braun's crossface shots looked great, and Sami sold it really well by rubbing at his ear, in that way you do when you get hit in the ear and it starts to feel hot. Also dug Braun's big missed charge through the barrier, and him staggering around after getting hit with the helluva kick. The match was fine but the 10 minute challenge portion ended up feeling limp as hell. Considering 3 minutes were wrapped up with Foley's shitty acting, and capped off by Byron Saxton's pathetic, wimpy "Sami Zayn did it!" It really came off like Luger getting the count out victory. It will build to another match, yippee yippee, and maybe it will be better as just a straight match. But for something I feel like I should have been into, it mostly fell flat.

4. Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

ER: This is an example of a match I ended up enjoying, despite hating the movesets of both men. There was clumsiness and I hate how Rollins bunny hops into everything, especially his missed bunny hops into the corner. But it was paced nicely so I had that odd feeling of watching something with a decent build, while disliking the moves that were building things. Jericho takes the pedigree really well, and I also liked how he blocked a pedigree earlier. Rollins hopping knees look a little silly, and the run in leading to finish is blah. This was whatever.

5. Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins vs. Rich Swann

ER: This starts a little nuts with Kendrick catching an errant knee to the eye socket when he didn't duck low enough under Swann. Three ways are usually pretty bunk, but Kendrick is ace enough to know how to plausibly get out of the way. His big swan dive fall to the floor was great and really looked like he just dropped into nothingness when he fell out of sight. Kendrick's falls and getting dumped to the floor have been a real highlight of his matches. That and the struggle around the bully choke. Rolling through the bully choke actually worked decently in a three way, Kendrick was able to add some neat dodges leading into a TJP save. When Kendrick came back only to eat two superkicks it was a logical progression. But the match felt super rushed, which is a little silly since we have now seen them match up so many times. This felt like a rushed greatest hits version of their other stuff. "Gotta do the caught in a kneebar spot, gotta do the surprise superkick spot." The ringwork was good, but I was hoping for more, and Swann just doesn't interest me much as champ.

6. 30 Minute Iron Man Match: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks

ER: Really liked the standing exchanges they opened with, and Sasha leaping onto Charlotte's back with a sleeper. The way they crumbled to the mat is one of those moments in their matches where something seems very much clunky, but in a way that ends up making the move look more nasty. And the straitjacket choke always looks gross thanks to Charlotte's flexibility. Sasha takes a mean bump off the apron onto the ring steps after getting her leg swept. But it does seem like we get one of these "stop the damn match!" moments in every big Sasha match. It's weird that a wrestler is prevented from pinning another wrestler when one of them maybe can't continue. If a ref has to hold up the match to make sure you're okay, that should count as a pinfall in this type of match, right? Maybe I've just been watching more UWF than usual lately. Charlotte locks on an awesome rolling headscissors and let's loose an appropriate "Four time champ, BABY!" to the quiet crowd. The rolling headscissors is maybe the best "rolling" move, rivaling even the rolling Olympic Hell. Sasha's first comeback felt a little unwarranted, but I loved the missed crossbody that lead to Charlotte taking back over. I do appreciate that we didn't get any falls in the first 20 or so, as that at least plays off the fact that these two go long against each other. I hate elimination matches where people start getting eliminated after taking 12 seconds of offense. Holy lord Charlotte's springboard stomp to spike Sasha's leg was the most vicious thing on the card. All the bending and stretching of Sasha's knee and ankle is sick, though it's kind of a storyline blunder to have Sasha tap with just a few seconds left in the match. But Sasha getting busted open is a great unexpected moment, and made the Banks statement look killer with blood striping her face. But I really wanted her to retain.

7. Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

ER: Eh, this was what it was. I liked Owens sentons, the one off the ring steps, the somersault one that hit knees in the ring, really all the ways he uses his fat. This whole thing was decent without ever feeling like more than a Raw main event. Maybe the table spot? Table spot is an accepted "PPV moment", and the table spot was pretty great. So we got a table spot. Reigns has had plenty of great PPV singles main events, and this wasn't one of them. Owens is going to get the blame for that but I don't think that's fair. I think both men looked fine and it was more a case of things just not adding up to much. The ending with a semi-reunited Shield attacking and destroying JeriKO was satisfying even if it felt more like a crowd pleasing moment given minimal thought. But that's fine. This whole match just didn't have a whole lot to keep me.

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2016 Ongoing MOTY List: New Day's Last Obstacle

31. Big E/Xavier Woods v. Seth Rollins/Roman Reigns v. Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens WWE Raw 12/12/16

ER: For the last several months Michael Cole has been ham fistedly yelling at me about just how close New Day were to making tag team history, always yelling out the exact length of their title run, and talking about Demolition's old record (for a team talked about on TV for months, it is ridiculous how they never showed one clip of Demolition, so people could glimpse the previous record holders). Cole tried so desperately to make it seem like this was IMPORTANT HISTORY that I turned long ago on their record chase. And then somehow all the annoying things about how they've pushed the chase, came together and made me really enjoy their final obstacle in setting the record. They won a match earlier in the night and Cole kept weirdly saying that "at midnight tonight" they'll set the record, which really made it obvious they would have to defend one. more. time. And suddenly I found myself unexpectedly excited by the chase. And then they went out and worked a sometimes surreal 2002 Divine Storm match, except with a bunch of guys who have been WWE World Champ.

The match had several sloppy moments and I thought the big tower of doom spot was embarrassing. But I loved everything after that spot. This was Rollins' best showing in who knows how long, and I really loved him bringing back the babyface triple dive spot, with him making saves and keeping guys at bay just by doing unexpected topes. Reigns and Big E always feel like a big deal when they lock up, and I loved how fluid him going for his apron spear lead to Reigns kneeing him right in the face to block it. E seemed like he was fully committed to that spear so the knee looked devastating. Once we go full on into WWEDG style I really started flipping for all the nearfalls. I thought Owens effectively used his Barry Darsow trash talking (extra important since it felt like Demolition Smash defending his record), loved the flipping legdrop and the big senton attempts. Jericho put in one of his better in ring efforts lately as well. He's a step slower but there were logic moments, like him just stopping Roman's spear by kicking him as he charged in. Felt like Little Mac timing the Bald Bull charge perfectly. All the nearfalls were legit, that big Reigns powerbomb, Woods almost tapping to the walls, the Rollins pedigree, all good. Then things really peaked with that wild JeriKO alley oop codebreaker. I thought that was it for sure, and then Rollins had a great logic moment while Owens tried to prevent him from breaking up the pin: knowing he couldn't break up the pin himself in time, he shoved KO backwards and into the pin. Awesome spot. Fans were really going nuts for the whole last 10 minutes, and I was right there with them.

PAS: For a match of guys I really don't care about I got pretty into this. Rollins as PWG Epic style main event worker is the pits, but as a guy in a tag match throwing topes out of nowhere he was pretty great, this kind of workrate match works ways better in a tag or three way tag because we don't have to see either a bunch of no-selling or a bunch of lying around, instead we just go on to the next guy. Really dug Xavier in this, you bought the record being a big deal, and he was great as the tough little guy surviving against all odds. Owens is also way better at these kind of matches too, he hits his big moves in weird places and is great at arriving at the last minute. Clearly the solution to lame WWE matches is turning it back into a trios territory.

2016 MOTY Master List

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WWE Battleground 2016 Live Blog

1. Usos vs. Breezango

ER: Mauro forces in an overly long House of Cards reference and Byron Saxton's big contribution seems to be "_____ seem to be working well together!" We hit the hot tag 150 seconds in. Tyler Breeze is still awesome and takes three bumps from the apron to the floor in one minute. And for a 6 minute match this got really good. Everybody was hitting enziguiris to people on the top rope, an Uso hit an awesome tope past the turnbuckles, Breeze got knees up on a splash and then locked in a tight roll up. Crowd was really really hot for this. People wanting to see some wrestling! This must be the reason why that Nationals game I watched some of earlier was so sparsely attended on a Sunday.

2. Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks & Bayley

ER: They pumped too much air into those inflatable tree things! They were just standing all rigid. Except for that yellow one going into business for himself, which was awesome as it flopped over like it was giving Bayley a high five. And this match was a real blast. Great debut from Bayley who worked like someone wanting to make an impression, Brooke was a big ol bumper taking these bouncy flip bumps all over the ring and floor. Loved all of Bayley's back elbows, loved the way her and Brooke flew into each other on a double clothesline, loved Bayley's sliding corner kick. Sasha drops the knees on Charlotte and Cole shits out "Vintage Sasha Banks". Yeah man, that's like...2014 Sasha Banks right there. Luckily Cole and Saxton exist in that level of terrible that mostly makes them easy to tune right out. Really fun match.

3. The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

ER: Yeah this was awesome. This felt like a 2014 WWE trios with everybody utilized properly and all the cool shit stacked up in the best way possible. Bray looked and vicious and motivated as I've seen him in over a year, Rowan targeted Kofi and stomped the hell out of him (even walking over his chest post match), Kofi bumped all over including running ear first into a Bray lariat that knocked him ass over elbow, Big E has a major death wish and mah god does he take a vicious spill on his neck and shoulders doing his nutso spear to the floor. Even Bram gets some nice moments, specifically with a massive boot to Woods that, due to his clumsiness, sees him following through until he's just standing on Woods' face. Woods gets his biggest star moment yet (well, biggest star moment not involving a trombone) by getting to snap on Bray like he was Ralphie going after Scut Farkus. On first watch this felt like a total badass Rowan/Bray show, but I bet on rewatch a couple other guys will stand out as even more awesome. That's when you know you watched a killer little trios.

4. Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

ER: Lana is gorgeous but still hasn't figured out how to properly say "hand" or "true" in that pesky accent. And man this match was awesome too. Look at me, ol "Everybody Gets a Trophy" Ritz. This is about as excellently laid out as you can lay out a Rusev/Ryder match. Ryder worked up to Rusev and had some great snap on stuff, blasted Rusev with his corner kick, loved that crazy dropkick off the ring barrier, really planted that flying leg lariat. And then I found myself getting excited for Zack Ryder of all people when he started fighting out of the accolade. Rusev worked around Ryder perfectly, setting up some nice comebacks by missing stuff, hitting some nasty kicks to the back of Ryder's head, and yeah this was all real good. PPV of the year so far (he didn't expect to type when this show started).

5. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I am tired of these two fighting, but WWE promises me that this is the blow off! It is amusing that WWE isn't doing some sort of stip match for it, since they rarely advertise a match as the blow off. Usually they don't mention it's a blowoff, they just let the severity of the stipulation be the barometer for the feud. I like the beginning of this with the Owens cannonball and surprise pop up Sami lariat. But my lord Sami might need to retire that rope flip moonsault. At its best, it doesn't look very good. At it's worst, the ropes are too bouncy and you blow up your own shoulder. And damn they're certainly ramping things up to kill mode here, but if it is indeed the blowoff then more power to them, drop each other on all of your heads. Zayn just flat out snaps and breaks out all the exploders, all the corner kicks, fans go wild, and if this IS indeed the blowoff then it was the right match for them to have. Man this show has been really good. I have not liked the other WWE Owens/Zayn matches, but this one won me over.

6. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

ER: Natalya working as cocky zillionth generation Stu Hart "stretcher" is far and away the most interesting use of her. Crowd is silent throughout this but I'm into it and Natalya as bully is the best. It lights a fire under Becky's ass too as she works as stiff as I've seen her, really surprising the tired crowd with a shot in the corner and a big kick on the apron. Nattie was great always trying to grab at Becky's legs, Becky was great firing back in the corner. Match was the perfect length, really well paced (though Lynch couldn't be bothered to even act like Nattie had been yanking on her leg), and man I must be in the best of moods tonight. Eric likes everything!! I'm just waving my pennant that says "Pro Wrestling" over here.

7. Darren Young vs. The Miz

ER: Jeezus how many matches are on this PPV? This is what I get for not knowing what the card is ahead of time.


*****I gotta go to a Gun Outfit concert right now, so will not be able to finish the PPV report until some time later. Sorry for the inconvenience (?)*****

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WWE Roadblock Live Blog

Roadblock was an abolute top 5 favorite WCW syndicated guy for me, and it's cruel they're taunting me like this, and even more cruel that they never gave him a fair shake after WCW folded. Roadblock looked like my childhood-through-high school friend Ben, and I loved them both, though for different reasons. How dare you play with my emotions on a Saturday night WWE.

1. The New Day vs. League of Nations

ER: It's funny how quick the expiration on some WWE stuff is. A few months ago I found myself chuckling at a few New Day segments. Now I find myself fast forwarding their segments about 30 seconds in. According to Byron Saxton, Sheamus and Barrett competed against each other for "about 10 years" before they got to WWE. I'm gonna call bullshit on that one. Unless Barrett is a 20 year vet. I suppose it's possible. Regal and tons of other awesome vets started in their teens. But holy shit if Barrett has been doing this for 20 years and presently wrestles like Wade Barrett?? Sheamus and Barrett are a nice little team though. I'm really loving each guy suplexing Kofi around. Wade busts out a cool tornado snap suplex, starting like a tornado DDT but planting his feet and snapping off the suplex. Really dug Sheamus' twisting vertical suplex into a low Barrett superkick. Big E has the greatest standing splash of all time. I don't think it's even arguable. How many big fat guys have had disappointing standing splashes? Many. Big E not only gets the most height, but lands with the most weight. It's the best. I loved Kofi catching Sheamus on the floor with a leaping bulldog off the steps. I didn't see it coming, Sheamus took it like a guy who also did not see it coming. Nice opener.

ER: I'm not sure who the guy is holding the mic for Heyman, but damn that is some grade A asshole hair right there. Is he being ribbed? Look at the side angle, as his forehead forms a perfect straight line up to his fade. Kudos for the camera crew zooming to a tighter shot of just Heyman, as that goon standing in frame would have been far too distracting.

2. Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger

ER: Jericho makes some pretty terrific smug unamused faces on his way to the ring and while soaking up boos during his promo. I loved him running down his people, but disappointed that he twice stated they were always playing catch-up, yet somehow didn't make a ketchup chips joke. Sohrry. They "asshole" chants sound incredibly Canadian. It's glorious. I get less and less excited with every Jericho return, but if he has to wrestle on TV a lot then clearly heel Jericho is a much better option. If only because then we get the return of the mocking kicks!! Those were my favorite part of his offense when I was in high school. I still wish late career Shawn Michaels had done a heel turn. He could have been such an incredible John Tatum. His outfits work so much better as a heel, and by that point he could have had so many fun comedy reactions based around his hair tuft. It's pretty easy to forget Swagger exists on the roster. I need to start watching Main Event and Superstars to see if there are any gems popping up there. Boy, Jericho sure looks off a couple steps in every one of his return matches. Although it kinda works for his heel persona, there's still no denying he's kind of on par with an average divas match at this point. Match itself was nothing to write home about. Swagger still doesn't know how to make an ankle lock look effective. But hey, mocking kicks!!

3. Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. The Revival (Dawson & Dash)

ER: I am a literal 24 months behind on my NXT, so it will be weird to see how some of these guys look in this flash forward. Colin Cassady is a constant source of giggles for me in 2014 NXT, so we'll see if he's figured out how to work big and not work like a super tall Steve Simpson. I have never seen The Revival before. You will be with me as I learn which one is Dawson and which one is Dash. Dash is the one with hair. I figured it out super quick. Dash throws a stiff elbow and takes a nice back drop. Enzo's low crossbody is cool. Enzo seems like a real good FIP, and Revival are good ring cutter offers. Loved Dawson's hard stomps on Enzo's arms. And HOLY SHIT Enzo running for the tag only to get POUNCED by Dawson was one of my favorite spots I've ever seen related to a tag. We've fallen into such a pattern of hot tags turning into double tag outs, with both guys sneaking peaks at the other making sure they time it right, then something like this comes out of nowhere and knocks my socks on my ass. Then they did the double tag afterwards. But Dash did it nicely. Dawson's missed punch segment against Enzo was pretty terrible. Those things were missing by 4 feet. Overall this was a nicely done tag. Enzo fed The Revival really well, and that made the match. I will see more of these guys when I'm all caught up to 2016 NXT in three years.

4. Natalya vs. Charlotte

ER: What does Ric Flair have against button up shirts? T-shirts and suit jackets is a pretty tragic look. If you're smart enough to wear a pocket square, just buy a couple button ups. And you know Flair's t-shirts probably cost some stupid amount. Like they're some kind of "dress" t-shirt. Ugh. Natalya dedicating the match to Bret Hart comes off like such a desperate move. "How about those 2015 NLDS Champion Blue Jays, right? RIGHT??" So do they have Flair constantly with Charlotte just because they're afraid what Ric might do to himself if he wasn't on the road around people? Horrible thought, but it didn't sound unbelievable as I typed it. Her aping Flair spots and leaving the talking to her dad certainly isn't helping her grow as a performer. Man, Bret Hart gets prostate cancer and then his niece loses on a WWE Network special in a match dedicated to him. Tough month. For all of Cole's idiot talk of Natalya needing to "get some blood flowing back to that knee" (huh?) I wasn't ever feeling the knee injury much. The powerbomb hope spot was nice, but I just can't get into Charlotte matches. I strongly dislike her "I'm disgruntled" face, and Flair getting involved in every single one of her match finishes is so beyond tired at this point.

5. Brock Lesnar vs. Luke Harper

ER: Lesnar/Harper is a modern dream match for me, so I'm loving this. Hopefully we get Lesnar clotheslining Brown Snowman in the jaw again. And damn poor Harper. He laces into Lesnar with great punches, a big boot, big man tope, but then has to suffer through so many damn Germans. And sadly for Harper, he takes Germans realllllly well. He folds up so perfectly. It's like gorgeous poetry. I was obviously hoping for a much longer match, at least 8 minutes. The action was solid gold but just left me wanting mooooooore. Brock needs to come back out and demolish HHH in the main.

6. Sami Zayn vs. Stardust

ER: Does Sami always have the ska intro? Or is that his new WWE theme? It's a little high school, but amusing. I wonder if he also sent away for dozens of different ska zines from across the country? And if all of them featured interviews with Mustard Plug. I wanted to start my own ska zine just so my one and only issue could proclaim "We will NEVER interview Mustard Plug". The whole zine would likely just be about Bad Manners. I would call it Chex. And boy for a guy who just made a big "debut" this week, it's weird seeing him just get dominated by Stardust. I mean 5 minutes in and Zayn has just been taking it and taking it. 8 minutes in and Zayn finally finds a way to crack the Stardust code that's been dominating the fed for years. Zayn gets to kick out of the Disaster Kick and wins shortly after, but no matter how much Cole thinks getting a win over Stardust is a way to really make an impact, this was a disaster. Whose idea was it to give freaking Stardust 95% of this match??

7. Dean Ambrose vs. HHH

ER: During the Shield/Evolution matches Ambrose still wrestled like Ambrose, but here he is wrestling almost, really slotting into the HHH cookie cutter match structure. Things get momentarily good when Ambrose dropkicks the his knee while HHH is in the ropes, but moments later HHH is suplexing him on the floor and walking around just fine. HHH is still trying to #TaketheCripplerCrossfaceBack. Man this is methodical. Realllll businesslike. The man really knows how to silence a crowd. Although watching Stardust dominate a match for 10 straight minutes probably didn't do HHH's established formula any favors. God this is dull. We get some perfunctory submissions in the middle of the ring, Cole screaming about how HHH is just about to tap AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FINISH!?!?!? Apparently Ambrose's legs were UNDER the rope when he pinned HHH? Oh, brother. It somehow worked on the crowd, though. I expected them to turn hard but it actually made them interested in the match for the first time. Ambrose misses the elbow through the table and valiantly fights his way into a Pedigree. Man what a dogshit match. That false finish was maybe the dumbest fucking false finish I have ever seen. Whoever laid out that spot done fucked up. I can't believe that HHH would be shown getting pinned anyway, but man bringing up a fake rule after Ambrose beats him with a leg possibly sort of maybe under the plane of the ropes looked waayyyyyyy worse than the Starrcade "slow" count. I guess it was supposed to make Ambrose look strong? Man the visual of that just looked so fucking stupid.

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WWE TLC 2015 Live Blog

1. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

ER: They start with this ugly, endless sketch where Team BAD sing a terrible, cringeworthy 12 Days of Christmas rendition that....I'm not sure what was supposed to be accomplished. Was it to get Banks booed in her hometown? Who is the heel in this though? You have a hometown heel who the crowd wants to cheer, who then is forced to do an unfunny and unprepared segment to start the match, and the crowd is then just left quiet. I love the early armwork and loved Becky's ankle pick on a Banks leap frog. We hit the Banks transition and Lawler says that Banks has controlled the whole match, even though literally the exact opposite thing has happened the whole match. The facials Banks makes in between moves is great. She knows how to shit talk and make great cocky faces. I love when she shit talks mid-move and it blows up on her, like slapping Lynch and talking shit leading to her getting blasted with an elbow. Her crossface submission looks good and I liked Lynch fighting up out of it, with Banks trying to stomp the backs of her knees. Match as a whole didn't do a whole lot for me as I didn't care much about Lynch's comebacks.

2. Tag Title Ladder Match: The New Day vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Usos

ER: This starts off immediately fun with guys taking bumps to the floor, and Kofi and Kalisto doing stereo springboards onto either side of a set-up ladder. Dragons hit sloppyish moonsaults to the floor, and Usos do a stereo dive into all guys, while the guys on the floor shield themselves with a ladder. Somehow diving into a ladder doesn't hurt the Usos, it only hurts the guys taking the dive. Big E and Kofi trap an Uso in a ladder in the corner, and do all sorts of violent chokes and strikes to him, capped with a Kofi running dropkick. The other Uso gets suplexed onto the same ladder. Kalisto hits a nice bombs away over a ladder, and Sin Cara does a nice cattle branding with a ladder, then does a balls out nuts swanton to the floor onto a ladder with both Usos underneath. Daaaaamn. Oh shit, Kalisto climbs the ladder with Big E under it, and E starts fucking BENCH PRESSING the ladder while Kalisto climbs, so the ladder is tilting and at a 45 degree angle while Kalisto bails and flies into the Usos. Crazy visual when they cut to the wide shot to see E lifting that ladder. Kalisto does a 450 onto the Usos under a ladder, after being vaulted into it by a Sin Cara monkey flip. Jeez. And then he tops is all by hitting his sliced bread finisher off the top of one ladder, through another ladder set up horizontally. And then Sin Cara hits a springboard swanton. Lucha Dragons could get over huge after this match. An Uso hits a frog splash from the top through a ladder with E underneath. Aww shit Xavier throws his trombone at Kalisto!! Damn he really tossed that thing at him hard. Fun crazy match. Could be a star making performance from Kalisto if they choose to follow up on it (har har har). Not only were his spots crazy, but he did a good job of making his set up strikes and everything looked good. His punches while balancing on a ladder were especially impressive, and when those look good then doing your crazy finisher off the top of the ladder is just going to mean more.

3. Rusev vs. Ryback

ER: I love a big hoss match, but for much of this it felt like they were trying to do spots where two big lugs crash into each other, but they weren't making those spots look very impressive. I get how to huge dudes trying and blocking each other's suplexes could look cool, but it just looked like two guys taking turns hopping into place. The stuff that looked best (Rusev's chokes) got deemphasized quick, in favor of "Ryback agility spots" like his middle buckle dropkick and his crossbody. The Ryback agility spots seemed way too out of place in this, and Rusev came out of this looking bad. We had a match where Ryback took 80% of the action, then Rusev only permanently goes ahead by Ryback getting stalled by Lana AGAIN, and then Rusev hitting his nice superkick. Lana is fucking great at her part, but man they did Rusev no favors here. But really they've been doing Rusev no favors for almost a year now.

4. Chair Match: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

ER: Boy a chair match seems impossible to pull off under their PG rules. Feels like a match that has a chance to be violent, but is hard to make look violent to the fans unless the guys just actually get hurt. I can appreciate how nice Del Rio does worked shots to the stomach and throat, but fans like hearing and seeing big meaty thwacks. Swagger taking a chair to the throat off a Vader Bomb attempt looked great and was almost missed by the cameras. Del Rio throws about a dozen chairs on Swagger's body, and Swagger terribly sells this by acting as if he were unconscious. He doesn't even flinch for ANY of the chair throws. Just lies there, breathing heavily, getting chairs thrown at his body. Give me a little writhing, a little AGGGGGGHHH, I don't care if it's cartoonish, make me actually think you're getting hit with fucking chairs, because DUDE, you're getting hit with fucking chairs. It doesn't matter as a minute later Swagger is back in the ring hitting Del Rio with chairs. Del Rio returns the favor by being in the Patriot Lock for an eternity and immediately not giving a shit about it once he's out of it. Man this blows. Swagger has taken nothing but chairs to the body, so naturally keeps trying to do his Swagger Bomb with his battered body. ADR at least set up the corner stomp spot nicely by trapping Swagger in the corner and beating the shit out of him. The visual of Swagger getting stomped into chairs looked good. ADR immediately sells his ankle for the first time right when the match ends. Little of this meant anything to me.

5. Elimination Tables Match: Wyatt Family

ER: So they're doing individual eliminations, which means we should be getting a bunch of bodies through tables here. I thought Rhyno looked really good in the Raw multiman, and he and Strowman looked like they were lacing into each other. Harper and Bubba were throwing big blows too. Once things spill to the floor and table spots start getting set up, the match gets pretty boring. There were a couple decent individual moments, like Dreamer and Bubba going nuts on Strowman with kendo sticks, and then burying him under tables. Harper looks really good throughout, and his big man tope putting Dreamer through a table looked good. Bubba setting up the lighter fluid spot gets the crowd to actually make noise, and then in a hilarious fuck you Harper hits a nasty superkick to Bubba's throat and Strowman puts him through the table before it's lit. So the Wyatts ran through Team ECW, which is what should have happened, but the match wasn't very good.

6. Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Owens controls a lot of the start, but he's good at it, good at standing on Dean's throat and tossing on a snug side headlock, nice back elbow, then also flies into Dean's back elbow and gets rocked over the top with a lariat. I loved Owens scouting the Ambrose 360 lariat and catching him, then tossing him into the barricade with a fallaway slam. These two seem like they match up well on paper, but none of their matches have worked for me. You think Owens is a nasty asskicker, and Ambrose is a scrambly babyface with great comebacks, but nothing ever gels to make their matches against each other memorable. Both guys can have better matches against inferior opponents, than against each other. I like the rana out of the powerbomb finish, but the build within their matches just does nothing for me. Both men do spots, but none of the moves each guy takes ever causes either man trouble when trying to hit offense, it just feels like filling time.

7. Paige vs. Charlotte

ER: So I also don't get who is the heel here. Charlotte is a face acting like a heel who will do anything to win, and Paige is acting like a heel who should be a face. Sounds like another combination that will equal a quiet crowd. And jesus do they still think toting her father around with her is hoping Charlotte get over? They've been doing it for fucking months now. Flair gets a reaction, but it just acts as a constant visual reminder that Charlotte needs a LOT of help getting over, like they're afraid of her reaction if not with her father. But the reaction WITH her father is hardly there. They are still desperately constantly saying Flair is her father, she learned from the best, because her father is Flair, she's just like her father, who's 16 time world champion Ric Flair, blah blah blah. It's not making a difference. Charlotte aping Flair spots is just brutal. Charlotte seems like a natural heel, but the Flair spots are just so bad.

8. TLC World Title Match: Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Boston crowd immediately distracted with Cena chants. Reigns' mounted elbows looked really good. Sheamus gently tosses a ladder into Reigns. Reigns feebly bumps into the barricade. Both guys are moving startingly slow for the first minute of the match. Sheamus takes a nice backdrop bump over the barrier because Sheamus always takes big bumps. And match starts to get good when it's based around Sheamus taking wild bumps. He sprawls through tables and set-up chairs and tables set up on chairs. He gets a big scrape on his arm and the deep red looks cool against his pale skin. Sheamus always bruises up well. Chair shots start looking more nasty, Reigns throws some nice rights, Sheamus hits an awesome lariat after luring Reigns in to do the apron dropkick. Sheamus does a huge White Noise through a table and Roman ends up grabbing Sheamus' foot getting back in the ring. Sheamus does this great look of disgust at Reigns. All of Reigns' punches and strikes look good in this. His superman punches have been on point. Sheamus takes a couple crazy moves onto and through ladders. One to the floor was sick. Reigns takes a super ill-advised bump off the ladder into the ropes, reaching his leg out for the ropes for some reason, like he was actively trying to tear an ACL. But then Reigns runs up the ladder with a superman punch that sends Sheamus flying off the ladder into a table. That looked great. ADR and Rusev run in. Rusev sells the superman punch really great, dropping to his knees and face planting. Match itself was really good and violent. Reigns flops again when faced with obstacles, but both men matched up really nicely. It's the kind of thing that works better in a vacuum, as the crazy violent spots come at the end of a night filled with crazy violent spots. Everybody wanted their spots to look violent, and while I think the ones in this match were more violent than most of the others on the show, it still feels silly to have to think "was that the best or the 6th best table spot we've seen tonight?" HHH comes out and leans about as far out of the superman punch as possible. Reigns threw like 6 superman punches in the match itself, and they all looked great and everybody went face first into them. So leave it to HHH to bump 3 feet early when it's his turn. Stephanie always seems to be making the wrong faces, like she doesn't understand actual human emotion. Roman throws some more nice rights and HHH takes a powerbomb into an announce table. The long build up of HHH being helped up by tons of officials while Reigns walks away, into Reigns sprinting back to spear him was awesome. Sheamus has been selling for like 8 minutes.

So, I liked the tag team ladder match and the main event. That's two more matches than I liked on the last PPV so there's an easy step-up. Still didn't feel like a great show, possibly didn't feel like a good show. I'm almost always left feeling like a specific match should have been better. That's a feeling that's been with me for months now concerning WWE, seems like every match should just be better. Sometimes it feels like the fed is actively working to have the matches not be better. Is this just me?

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