WWE Hell in a Cell 6/20/21
Mandy Rose vs. Natalya
Labels: Cesaro, Kevin Owens, Mandy Rose, Natalya, Sami Zayn, Seth Rollins, WWE Hell in a Cell
Read more!
Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D, Sebastian, and other friends write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida
Mandy Rose vs. Natalya
Labels: Cesaro, Kevin Owens, Mandy Rose, Natalya, Sami Zayn, Seth Rollins, WWE Hell in a Cell
Lacey Evans vs. Natalya
ER: Lacey's yellow outfit is fantastic, easily the best gear she's had. And this has become a feud that I have enjoyed far more than I ever thought I would. Tamina is probably the only woman on the roster I would want to see Natalya over, and Evans felt like someone who was a slightly better Eva Marie, but not only has Evans improved seemingly quite quickly, but their ring chemistry is genuinely really good. They have worked several matches this year, but I wasn't paying attention to them until one caught my eye on Raw a month ago. And this was definitely the best of their recent series, and what felt like a career making performance from Evans. Evans comes off really nasty, and has a ton of different attacks to the body and face. I'm not sure what it says about the state of WWE that Lacey Evans' strikes are top 5 in the company right now. She dropped some indy aspects of her offense and instead has focused on stomping limbs and throwing elbows to throats. I love how she stomps Natalya's arm just to get it out of the way, and when the action rolls to the apron she starts slamming her leg into the apron, kicking her in the knee, slamming her into the ring steps, and strangling her with the ring skirt. The moment Natalya rolled to the floor, Lacey met her on the floor with a straight kick right to the chest, and was still dropping those kicks later. Natalya seems to tighten things up opposite Lacey, her elbows hit more snug and she puts actual personality behind slaps, a bad actress that is suddenly able to look like she cannot stand Evans and wants to hit her hard. The finish is quick and satisfying, with Evans missing her really nice double jump moonsault and tapping quick to the Sharpshooter, then getting waylaid by one last Natalya elbow post match. I love the way they played up the personal elements of their ring feud, and wouldn't have guessed these two would have matched up so well. The best pre-show match this year. It's extra impressive to come out and have a nasty little match the crowd gets behind, on a card filled with gimmick matches.
Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch
ER: Ever since Becky Lynch reached main event feud status, the singles matches that feel like they should be great with the build, haven't been great. Most have fallen short. I don't think I've actually been that into a Becky Lynch match all year, until this one. And even this one was mostly for the big time Sasha Banks performance, easily Sasha's best performance since the Ronda match earlier this year. Sasha had an awesome violent cage match performance, getting thrown painfully into the cage several times, flinging herself back on hard dropkicks and flying into it with big splatting bumps. Sasha built to her big garbage moments well, with the Meteora off the apron into Lynch/a ladder looking great (and impressive how she aimed her knees safely between ladder steps and also not into Lynch's face), and the one into the ring was a nice mid-match nearfall. Lynch doesn't always throw weapon shots with enough force, and some of her loaded chain punches and chairshots looked a little light. Luckily Sasha was there to violently throw herself into everything, with Lynch taking plenty of mean shots as well, including a big bump through a table. Sasha set up a chair, wedged into the cell, fairly early in the match, and I love how they paid that off late in the match with Sasha reversing an Irish whip to send Lynch face first into it. The violent escalation was handled really well, the spills looked good, and they actually opened the show with a superplex into a messy pile of chairs. Awesome.
Roman Reigns/Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper/Erick Rowan
ER: This took a bit to get going, and it was weird how much they were overshadowed by the 4 ladies who wrestled before them. Reigns and Bryan in the same match should always be a big deal, but they found themselves with some surprisingly big shoes to fill. And this turned into a real good, exciting tag match, that was still somehow the weakest match on the card. Somehow, indeed. Things seemed a little jumbled at first but when they moved into the Bryan heat segment I was into it. Bryan is good at eating a beating, Rowan and Harper are fun to watch deliver one. They had some big spots to compete with in just the prior match, and I think they did a good job getting to them. The big ones, Bryan getting powerbombed through a table and Roman spearing Rowan through the other announce table, looked great and got their own reactions. But there were other big spots like Harper hitting Roman with a tope and nearly smashing his face in the edge of a table. The second half of this really brought the heat, and it would be a shame if they matched these teams up a couple more times to see if they have a full classic in them. This could have possibly stood out more on a weaker show, but this match overall delivered.
Randy Orton vs. Ali
ER: See, this is turning out to be another no buzz underbooked WWE PPV that ends up delivering big fun. This is a match I would probably fast forward through on Raw, but I gave it a shot and liked what they did with the time. It played as a nice gimmick free palate cleanser after the two openers, just solid simple ring work with a no fuss finish. I'm sure people could be upset that Ali didn't go over, as Orton isn't a guy who needs wins and Ali sure could use one. But as a match in a vacuum (which is all I really care about if it's guys I'm not super interested in) it was good. Ali took big bumps and Orton came off like a dick. I like when Orton uses unnecessary stuff like eyepokes, things he clearly doesn't need to do to win. Ali took big bumps, Orton knocked him off of high places, this was fun.
Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. Asuka/Kairi Sane
ER: Asuka has been majorly lost in the shuffle ever since the winning streak stopped, but the crowd is still clearly into her and I'm glad. And this match continues the good vibes of this show. I LOVE when they go out and actually work to exceed expectations. The whole roster has felt really energized tonight and maybe that's even a happy byproduct of the new competition. Asuka came off as fresh as she's looked all year, totally dominant in all her moments and instantly tapping back into her unique charisma that has just been absent from TV. Bliss was great on the apron, really one of the best apron workers in WWE (which is a cool, undertalked about skill), and Cross was really good at running headlong into the Warriors offense. Sane throwing a full body weight elbow drop right into the feet of Cross was an awesome moment, and I was way into Asuka cutting everyone off with kicks throughout. This was real fun, and I hope it leads to more Kabuki Warriors on TV, freshen up some match-ups.
AJ Styles/Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows vs. Viking Raiders/Braun Strowman
ER: I thought this continued the streak of really great to really fun matches on this card, even with an impossibly uninspired finish. A match that just ends because another team got disqualified for unfairly kicking ass is never going to be an interesting finish. Unless you go so extreme with the one sided beatdown that it builds to a blood feud. But this just ends because of stomping, and that's pretty lame. But the rest was good! Vikings are both going to bring fun hoss moments, Styles took a bigass backdrop bump and then got leveled some more during Braun's great hot tag, Gallows brought nice uppercuts, this was a perfectly fun six man. It felt a little more TV match than PPV match, but the action was good nonetheless.
Baron Corbin vs. Chad Gable
ER: I love how the consensus opinions are turning on Corbin. He's still divisive but you can see more and more people getting into his specific brand of annoyance, because his brand is pretty undeniable at this point. He's the only guy on the roster really allowed to work this slow methodical actively trying to piss off the crowd style, and it's fun. And I really liked this one, thought they effectively laid this out for Gable to take a big bumping beating and still able to come back in the second half and start plausibly hitting some big things. Corbin was slow but explosive on control, and Gable would fly hard into his stuff. The slide in running clothesline hit big (and nicely set up an important moment in the closing stretch), and Gable was taking hard bumps for everything including a nasty rolling tumble into the ringpost. But Gable's comeback was fun as hell, and he really seems like someone who the crowd has been wanting to get behind. The "Shortly Gable" stuff on commentary comes off pretty lame, but if they actually let him go in there and kick ass like this then it won't matter. I dug him flying into Corbin, countering the sliding lariat, nailing the cannonball, hitting a big crossbody, and nailing the Chaos Theory. There was nothing screwy at all about the finish, and it made Gable come off like a cool threat. Corbin is deceptively large (he looked like he towered over the Rock on Smackdown) but he's good with working smaller guys and making them seem credible. Both guys could come out of this feud looking great.
Bayley vs. Charlotte
ER: Gotta say the first thing that impressed me with this match was how vocal the crowd still was. They were loudly Wooing along with all of Charlotte's chops, and that's a testament to this being a hot show. It's impressive that we're 7 or 8 matches in and the crowd hasn't burnt out. The good stuff has been constant, the Great stuff has been peppered in, and it's had a great vibe that's held interest the whole night. Even as the match was feeling a little slow or a little too dry, the crowd was right there breaking out the loudest chant of the night, people loudly split between Charlotte and Bayley. This was the weakest match of the night, but the crowd was still hot for it, and that's cool. It felt a little too basic, felt too anticlimactic, and felt like a match that Charlotte definitely should not have won. Sasha lost in nasty fashion earlier, and then Bayley kind of just goes down easy like this was Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke in the last hour of Raw. That seems kind of dumb. Charlotte worked a basic attack the knee story, and that looked good, and it logically lead to her winning with the figure 8. But I wanted a more interesting journey on the way to the destination.
Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt
ER: So, I don't care enough about either guy to waste much energy going off on how bad this was and how stupid the booking was. I was at least curious to see where the whole Fiend thing was going to go, but goddamn am I just tired of seeing Seth Rollins matches. The dude stinks. I have skipped several of his main events on nights I wasn't digging the PPV, but I was so into the rest of this show that my mood was strong and I wanted to see if we could implausibly knock it out of the park. Obviously, they didn't fully, because this match blew. Bray losing dumb, Rollins matches bad, the end.
ER: The last match sucked in ways that people are loudly and justifiably complaining about. It is fair. But since I really don't care in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't affect how much I enjoyed this show. This was one of the most fun overall shows of the year for WWE, and if only 85% of it is good then I don't honestly care that the lame 15% came in the last 15%. The rest of the card kicked ass, with Evans/Natalya being my favorite pre-show match of the year, Sasha delivering her best performance of the year, and Gable/Corbin being a great non-gimmick match. This was a blast of a show, even if I do wish Seth Rollins was not a thing.
Labels: AJ Styles, Asuka, Baron Corbin, Becky Lynch, Braun Strowman, Chad Gable, Daniel Bryan, Erick Rowan, Lacey Evans, Luke Harper, Natalya, Nikki Cross, Roman Reigns, Sasha Banks, WWE Hell in a Cell
64. Alexa Bliss vs. Ronda Rousey WWE Hell in a Cell 9/16
ER: I like how Ronda has that "I learned something new since my last match" thing going for her, gives her matches a bit of a vibe where you're not sure what might happen. You don't get people as freshly trained as her in major WWE matches, so she's in a pretty unique spot this year. We get some fun smoke and mirrors stuff with Aleza's crew of Mickie James and Alicia Fox, with them saving her from a beating one moment and getting Bliss thrown at them the next. Their presence is a good equalizer that allows us a believably longer Bliss match against Ronda. Bliss is good in control, I like her putting the MMA queen in a classic arm trapped chinlock and then hitting flashy handstand kneedrops. Ronda had a real nice sell of a rib injury when she tried to throw Bliss, and Bliss is great pushing into Ronda's ribs with her boot. I liked the stuff they worked in the corner, Ronda going for a suplex and Bliss giving body shots, dropping down and eating a shot to the eye from Ronda, but winning the battle by yanking her down from the buckles. Bliss working Ronda's ribs around the ringpost was one of the better spots of the night. Rousey's selling was really good, totally bought in. With Mickie in there you KNOW she's going to take a shot or two from Ronda, it is after all what Mickie was put on Earth to do. Mickie takes a great ringpost bump, getting run down the apron into it by Ronda, so thank you. Bliss is great at exploiting Rousey's rib injury, picking her shots, kicking at her, then taking it too far by smashing Ronda's face with her hand while taunting her. Rousey knew how to play the babyface to the back row by slowly standing up while Bliss feebly holds her by the throat. Bliss's facials throughout this sequence were great. I thought Ronda would steamroll from there, but there was a great final Bliss moment where she caught Rousey with a mule kick on a charge. Ronda came back, but I like that they kept Alexa in it until the very immediate tap. Ronda played her comeback perfectly, hitting this vicious gutwrench powerbomb and milking the final submission to great reaction. I loved this.
PAS: Rousey is pretty unassailable at this point. She is one of the most interesting wrestlers in the world to watch. The idea of 5 foot nothing Alexa Bliss being credible against a Judo medalist and MMA champ, who outweighs her by 65 pounds is silly, but I liked how they used the rib injury and Bliss's entourage to equalize it a little bit. Bliss is truly world class at bitchy shit talking, and I really dug how her trash talk led to the Ronda hulk up comeback. The mule kick to the ribs cut off ruled too, my favorite Hogan matches were always when he would get the Hulk Up disrupted, and I loved Dundee dropping Lawler during the strap drop in the 1985 match that just showed up, and Bliss's mule kick did a similar thing. I really want them to build up a more credible threat to Ronda, but they have made the best of this feud.
2018 MOTY MASTER LIST
Labels: 2018 MOTY, Alexa Bliss, Ronda Rousey, WWE Hell in a Cell
78. Shane McMahon v. Kevin Owens WWE Hell in a Cell 10/8
ER: I am unashamed to admit that I completely loved this match. Shane jumps Owens and starts throwing those McMahon brand potato punches (I could totally see a poorly designed WWE shirt with cartoon potatoes that says McMahon Brand Potatoes and then the back says something stupid like "Want Fries With That!?") where 60% of them miss completely and the other 40% all land on the most annoying places possible. Shane is the blind squirrel accidentally finding Owens' ear and nose bridge. I am now over the moon as Shane sweeps the leg and then does a cartwheel kick!! Holy lord this rules. Shane dropkicks the cage door into Owens and Owens boots him off the apron, with Shane taking a big no look bump backwards into the cage. Match still rules. Shane eats a senton and cannonball, then Owens swantons right into Shane's knees. Shane sells the knee convincingly afterwards, then punches Owens in the ear a few times. Shane's face keeps getting redder, and then he misses a shooting star press! And then Owens hits a full force frog splash! OMG Shame MMAcMahon grabs a triangle off a pop up powerbomb, then grabs it again from the apron leading to him getting powerbombed onto the steps. People are shitting on this match but it feels like a total miracle match to me. Owens misses a cannonball off the apron through a table with aplomb. This still rules. Shane gets DDT'd hard on the entrance ramp, and it was the least flashy spot so far but looked great. You knew they were going up to the top of the cage, because McMahon wants to make his father proud or something? And the Russian leg sweep on top probably won't get talked about after the show, but you know they both smacked the back of their heads on the support beam part of the cage. They're doing a lot of stuff up on the cage, and I keep waiting for a giant hole to get torn through as they both die on their way down. I likely would have rolled an ankle taking my first step onto the top of the cage. I dug all the teasing around getting thrown off the cage, and Shane's kicks to the ribs while climbing down were sharp. Owens takes a big bump off the cage and yeah, you know Shane's gonna do something stupid now. And my god that was crazy. And Zayn saved Owens!! Holy cow the timing of that was amazing, with Zayn grabbing Owens' hand as Shane came violently crashing - HARD - through that table. That did not look like a classic Shane crash pad landing. That looked like a Parkour Fail video. And weirdly this doesn't totally feel like Zayn turning heel, it feels like Zayn pushing slightly towards heel and Owens getting pulled slightly towards face. This match FAR exceeded any kind of expectation I had for it. I'm kind of stunned how much I loved it. Really.
PAS: I didn't like this as much as Eric obviously, although I will admit it had it's moments. I always hated the McMahon nonsense in the WWE, and now that the country is basically ruled by the McMahon family it is even harder to watch. Shane as large adult son desperate to prove his manhood to his abusive lunatic of a father isn't funny anymore. Shane falls off a cage, Don Jr. retweets Nazi's, it's all the same toxic soup. The spots in this were undoubtedly nuts and I can imagine watching it live would be even better, because there was no guarantee that someone wouldn't die. Not only did it look like the roof of the cage might fall in, or one of the stunts might go wrong, but Shane looked like he might stroke out at any point. Owens was pretty good as a psychopath, he has been mired in crap for so long I had forgotten he could be semi effective. Shane's kids smirking through the match kind of hurt the whole "die for his family" shtick. Finish was great, the dive was truly lunatic, and I liked how they filmed the save.
2017 MOTY MASTER LIST
Labels: 2017 MOTY, Best Wrestling of 2017, Kevin Owens, Shane McMahon, WWE Hell in a Cell
30. The New Day vs. The Usos WWE Hell in a Cell 10/8
ER: These guys start with absolute lunatic bumps and crazy bumps are gonna make me get into a violent cagematch. Big E is a nutso bumper for a guy his size, and in one minute we get to see him splat onto the floor at high speed, then hit his spear to the floor (that I can't believe he still does!), an Uso takes a running leap into the cage, and things are crazy. Woods gets a chair thrown at his head and bumps to the floor and we get a good nearfall off a superkick. I get less interested in kendo stick use, but full credit to Usos for clever usage when they trap Woods in the corner to set up the hip attack. E gets caught on a spear and Jimmy punches him right in the freaking ear, then E runs him into the ringpost. They set up some crazy spot where E gives Jimmy a uranage off the apron to the floor, onto the sliding knees of Woods. It doesn't go flawless, but it's something that looks more violent the more messy it was. You basically had Uso getting thrown violently off the floor and landing off kilter on a pointed knee. It could have injured several men at once. Now Jey gets locked into a cell corner by 4 strategically placed kendo sticks, with Woods throwing shots to the ribs while Jey can't move (So.....New Day are the babyfaces...right?). They keep coming up with more dangerous spots, now with the Usos setting up a doomsday device on the floor with Big E up on the shoulders, and an Uso flying through the ropes with a crossbody. Knees and elbows and bodies are flying everywhere. Usos do a couple great big splashes, and then the handcuffs come out. Usos hang Woods over the ringpost by his cuffed wrists and beat his prone body with kendo sticks. Good lord. But they spend so much time on Woods that by the time they get to E he is ready to do damage (did he break the cuffs and I missed it? Or the cameras missed it?), and proceeds to do some spectacular damage, throwing them with suplexes and running them violently into the cell. But the Usos keep going back to Woods' ribs, more kendo attacks, huge double splash, this whole thing was nuts. New Day had a great comeback and Woods valiantly tried to keep going despite the beatdown. These guys went all out, came up with some clever uses of tired gimmicks, really amped up the violence.
PAS: I enjoyed this a lot, the Uso's have been building up a hell of a resume as tag wrestlers over the last decade, I probably would have enjoyed a more standard tag between these teams, then a stunt show, but this was a great stunt show. I liked how the brutality built with the New Day using comedy weapons like trombones and cymbals (although those trombone shots looked nasty) till then end where Xavier was getting beaten like something out of Passion of the Christ. This was a tremendous Xavier babyface performance, took a huge beating and I loved his die on his sword spirit. I do wish we had gotten to see Jey break out of the kendo stick jail and Big E break out of the handcuffs, those were two big escape spots the cameras missed. I also thought this went a bit long, you could have sliced it a bit and not lost any of the impact. Still this was full of crazy violence and great performances by all four guys.
2017 MOTY MASTER LIST
Labels: 2017 MOTY, Best Wrestling of 2017, New Day, Usos, WWE Hell in a Cell
1. Hype Bros vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin
ER: I almost always end up enjoying these pre-show matches, they're usually structured more satisfying that the actual PPV matches. I have no clue why. And the pre-shows continue to deliver as this tag was awesome. Gable was a real beast, and the trap arm belly to belly on Mojo alone would have probably made this work, and I dug the sequence that set it up (Gable lands on his feet missing a moonsault, catches Mojo in the suplex, then hits the moonsault). Mojo played a good FIP, had some well-mapped kickouts off some big Gable spots, but was also there to make some nice saves for Ryder. Gable eats a big shoulderblock from Mojo, hits Ryder with a killer spear in the corner to knock him to the floor. We had a lot of constant movement, which made the nearfalls more exciting. Wasn't sure which team was gonna get the win, which also helped add to the excitement. I could watch a match like this every day. Classic formula, good personality.
2. The New Day vs. The Usos
ER: These guys start with absolute lunatic bumps and crazy bumps are gonna make me get into a violent cagematch. Big E is a nutso bumper for a guy his size, and in one minute we get to see him splat onto the floor at high speed, then hit his spear to the floor (that I can't believe he still does!), an Uso takes a running leap into the cage, and things are crazy. Woods gets a chair thrown at his head and bumps to the floor and we get a good nearfall off a superkick. I get less interested in kendo stick use, but full credit to Usos for clever usage when they trap Woods in the corner to set up the hip attack. E gets caught on a spear and Jimmy punches him right in the freaking ear, then E runs him into the ringpost. They set up some crazy spot where E gives Jimmy a uranage off the apron to the floor, onto the sliding knees of Woods. It doesn't go flawless, but it's something that looks more violent the more messy it was. You basically had Uso getting thrown violently off the floor and landing off kilter on a pointed knee. It could have injured several men at once. Now Jey gets locked into a cell corner by 4 strategically placed kendo sticks, with Woods throwing shots to the ribs while Jey can't move (So.....New Day are the babyfaces...right?). They keep coming up with more dangerous spots, now with the Usos setting up a doomsday device on the floor with Big E up on the shoulders, and an Usos flying through the ropes with a crossbody. Knees and elbows and bodies are flying everywhere. Usos do a couple great big splashes, and then the handcuffs come out. Usos hang Woods over the ringpost by his cuffed wrists and beat his prone body with kendo sticks. Good lord. But they spend so much time on Woods that by the time they get to E he is ready to do damage, and proceeds to do some spectacular damage, throwing them with suplexes and running them violently into the cell. But the Usos keep going back to Woods' ribs, more kendo attacks, huge double splash, this whole thing was nuts. New Day had a great comeback and Woods valiantly tried to keep going despite the beatdown. These guys went all out, came up with some clever uses of tired gimmicks, really amped up the violence. I don't anticipate anything else on the card approaching this level of violence.
3. Rusev vs. Randy Orton
ER: After a match like that, you know Orton is the guy to go out and try hard! He does momentarily shut my mouth by taking a nice bump to the barricade and a fallaway slam on the floor. I miss Rusev as a top heel, and I miss Lana being on TV. Rusev is better than most at setting up Orton offense. I really liked the strikes he was throwing that were meant to be caught by Orton, and liked him holding the ropes to make Orton miss an armdrag. But things get fairly uninteresting once Orton went into his finishing run of offense. They made it pretty clear that Rusev had no chance. Fans were into it, but Orton is super stale to me (unique hot take!). I guess just gimme a Rusev/English tag team so I can see them work the other fun teams every week. I'd rather see that at this point since I doubt Rusev will make it back to the main events.
4. Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles
ER: Tye Dillinger's entrance cape looks like something Meng the Merciless might wear to a long weekend at Fire Island. I haven't really been following this story so I'm not sure why Dillinger is added, but Styles makes it known pretty early that he'll be trying his damndest to have a killer match. Corbin hits him with some hard elbows and Styles gets launched off a hip toss. It looked fantastic. We get some fun misdirections with Dillinger splashing Styles in the corner, then Corbin missing an attack on Tye but hitting AJ, then Styles gets pinballed ribs first off the ringpost and skids to the floor. Styles is a loon in this, flying full force into every possible surface. He seriously looked like he was trying to break down the ringside barrier with his body. Corbin locks on a super nasty cravate on Dillinger and Styles continues stealing the show, getting punched out of the air on a springboard by Corbin and ragdolling to the mat. Corbin takes a nice bump to the floor and eats a cool sliding knee from Styles, then Styles takes a big backdrop from Dillinger. Dillinger has some shockingly nice corner 10 count punches (I say shocking because his other strikes don't leave much of an impression on me), and if you're going to have one good set of punches with his 10 gimmick, those are the ones to have. I also really liked Dillinger kicking his way out of the Clash, which is weirdly something they don't do that often. Styles is turning in maybe his greatest performance since the Elimination Chamber earlier this year, and as I type that he takes a bananas choke slam from Corbin, insane height. And the finish was real fun with Styles levelling Dillinger with the forearm, then getting booted violently to the floor by Corbin (and you know Styles splats onto the floor, Corbin punts him right in the chest and Styes flies down practically head first) as Corbin steals the win. This match...was really damn good, and I went into it not caring at all. People are really busting ass on this show.
5. Charlotte vs. Natalya
ER: I tend to really like "big match" Natalya, while almost completely disliking Natalya. Charlotte is good at selling a knee injury and Natalya is good at doing perfunctory legwork. This took me a while to get involved but I got there once Charlotte's knee buckled doing a kick to Nattie's jaw. The moonsault to the floor was crazy, and chair to the leg finish was fine. I liked the touch of the ref removing Charlotte's boot, and Natalya had a great grin while posing with the belt. It seems like people really hate Natalya and think she's a bad heel, but I get annoyed just by looking at her, sooo...
6. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal
ER: "What Nakamura needs to do is grind this match to a jinder maHALT." Me, making grade F puns off of things Corey Graves says. Nakamura was like Rachel's favorite wrestler before he got called up to the main card, now she hardly reacts to him. One year ago she was flipping out live for him at the NXT show, scrambling to get out her camera. Now she just left the room to change the laundry. Admittedly she has zero interest in Mahal, so that could play into it. "Slow, Methodical, Effective" should be the slogan on the next Jinder Mahal shirt. Nak maybe didn't get the memo that you're supposed to be recklessly violent with the Singhs. He gives a couple knees, but very safe. They're only out there to take super dangerous bumps or get kicked in the ear. One of them takes an okay bump off the apron, but Styles took like 5 crazier bumps to the floor earlier. The nearfall off the kinshasa was decent, and I wish we could have gotten more brawl through the crowd so I could see more bald event security guys joylessly pretending men aren't fake fighting inches from their face. They're like the Queen's Guard, but with bald heads and tucked in blue polo shirts. And my god they are going to have Jinder break Backlund's title reign record, aren't they?
7. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler
ER: You hear those stories about prospective employees who don't get a job because the employer finds a bunch of embarrassing drunk or stoned photos on their public Facebook page? Some day an employer is going to find a bunch of 2009 posts where I constantly praise Ziggler and realize I am clearly the least qualified person for any job. Ziggler locks on an early sleeper and Graves says "Ziggler might put Roode to sleep!" If Heenan were still with us he then would have said "He's already put the viewing audience to sleep, why not Roode!?" Rest in peace, Bobby. Though I don't really hate the minimalism of this match. It feels like a house show match, out of place on a PPV. Ziggler hitting the famouser out of a sleeper looked good. But whatever the reason this isn't grabbing me. I did really dig the finishing stretch, so that's something. Ziggler misses a superkick, gets hit with a boss spinebuster; Dolph hits a slick roll up to reverse the glorious DDT, Roode misses a corner charge and they do a just-the-right-amount-of-silly rolling prawn holds, each one showing more and more butt. Dolph hitting the Zig Zag immediately after the match while Roode's music starts playing. That's the kind of teeth the rest of the match needed.
8. Shane MacMahon vs. Kevin Owens
ER: I am unashamed to admit that I am completely loving this match. Shane jumps Owens and starts throwing those MacMahon brand potato punches (I could totally see a poorly designed WWE shirt with cartoon potatoes that says MacMahon Brand Potatoes and then the back says something stupid like "Want Fries With That!?") where 60% of them miss completely and the other 40% all land on the most annoying places possible. Shane is the blind squirrel accidentally finding Owens' ear and nose bridge. I am now over the moon as Shane sweeps the leg and then does a cartwheel kick!! Holy lord this rules. Shane dropkicks the cage door into Owens and Owens boots him off the apron, with Shane taking a big no look bump backwards into the cage. Match still rules. Shane eats a senton and cannoball, then Owens swantons right into Shane's knees. Shane sells the knee convincingly afterwards, then punches Owens in the ear a few times. Shane's face keeps getting redder, and then he misses a shooting star press! And then Owens hits a full force frog splash! OMG Shame MMAcMahon grabs a triangle off a pop up powerbomb, then grabs it again from the apron leading to him getting powerbombed onto the steps. People are shitting on this match but it feels like a total miracle match to me. Owens misses a cannonball off the apron through a table with aplomb. This still rules. Shane gets DDT'd hard on the entrance ramp, and it was the least flashy spot so far but looked great. You knew they were going up to the top of the cage, because MacMahon wants to make his father proud or something? And the Russian leg sweep on top probably won't get talked about after the show, but you know they both smacked the back of their heads on the support beam part of the cage. They're doing a lot of stuff up on the cage, and I keep waiting for a giant hole to get torn through as they both die on their way down. I likely would have rolled an ankle taking my first step onto the top of the cage. I dug all the teasing around getting thrown off the cage, and Shane's kicks to the ribs while climbing down were sharp. Owens takes a big bump off the cage and yeah, you know Shane's gonna do something stupid now. And my god that was crazy. And Zayn saved Owens!! Holy cow the timing of that was amazing, with Zayn grabbing Owens' hand as Shane came violently crashing - HARD - through that table. That did not look like a classic Shane crash pad landing. That looked like a Parkour Fail video. And weirdly this doesn't totally feel like Zayn turning heel, it feels like Zayn pushing slightly towards heel and Owens getting pulled slightly towards face. This match FAR exceeded any kind of expectation I had for it. I'm kind of stunned how much I loved it. Really.
ER: Was this the WWE PPV of the year? There's so damn many that I honestly can't remember what has happened this year. But the low points were kept brief, the two Cell matches overly delivered, and that triple threat over-delivered. These WWE shows that look bleh on paper seem to always crush it. This was a quality PPV man, these folks busted butt.
Labels: AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, Chad Gable, Charlotte, Jinder Mahal, Kevin Owens, Natalya, New Day, Randy Orton, Rusev, Shane McMahon, Shelton Benjamin, Shinsuke Nakamura, Tye Dillinger, Usos, WWE Hell in a Cell
48. Charlotte v. Sasha Banks WWE Hell in a Cell 10/30
ER: Well hot damn I loved this. This felt epic, this had some gravitas. Charlotte jumping her before the bell was awesome, and both of them beat the hell out of each other around ringside. Sasha showed real fire when prepping the table, and you knew something bad was happening. But I somehow didn't guess powerbomb. Sasha got planted with that powerbomb, sprawled across the collapsing table fantastically. I loved the lonnnnnnng stretcher set up. It was taking forever, but I loved it. Every minute that went by made it look like Sasha had more and more of a chance to recover. That powerbomb was nasty but juuuuuust maybe...so when she gets off the stretcher and slaps the hell out of an EMT, I was way into it. And they had a real assbeating fight. Sasha flew into her with knees, Charlotte landed kicks, they laced right into each other. There was a certain sloppiness that actually added to the gritty fight feel, totally made the match. I had no idea who would win, no clue where it would go, was constantly waiting for a swerve of some kind. But the table coming in, Sasha getting tossed all over it, ragdolling into and off of it, felt like a really violent human breaking move. The whole match felt like a big deal (which is annoying to type after how much I know they're going to pat themselves on the back because HISTORY), and they shocked the hell out of me. I thought they would work stupid to justify their spot in the main event, but I thought they were smart in this - even with a couple crazy spots. Awesome match.
PAS: I didn't like this as much as Eric. I thought they were pretty ambitious which I appreciate, and I did like the violence, but it is pretty hard to work a 25 minute match that starts with a stretcher spot. I really liked everything leading up to the stretcher spot, the cheap shot, the brawling into the crowd, the powerbomb and the selling, but WWE match psychology demands a long near fall section and Sasha is throwing suplexes 15 minutes after having her spine destroyed. After the first five minutes, this was pretty much worked 50/50. But I did like the violence, and individually there were a lot of cool things. If this had an editor it could be a real classic match, unedited this match fell short of that level.
2016 ONGOING MOTY LIST
Labels: 2016 MOTY, Best Wrestling of 2016, Charlotte, Sasha Banks, WWE Hell in a Cell
1. Undertaker v. Brock Lesnar WWE Hell in a Cell 10/25
PAS: I was pretty shocked at how much I loved this match. Lesnar is pretty incredible, but I haven't been a huge fan of Taker, not even his big epic matches, but this might be one of his career best matches, and it was after everyone figured he was completely shot. Real example of how much having rules to break matters, WWE has blood so rarely that the fact that both guys were gushing really added to the spectacle, as did the nasty chairshot to the head. I don't know if this match is as great in an atmosphere where that kind of stuff is common.
I love big spectacle main event wrestling, and this was a spectacle, it really reminded me of a high end Onita match, both guys have such huge charisma and this felt like a big deal, and simultaneously something teetering out of control. Brock tearing up the ring to expose the boards was just nuts, as was all the bumps on the exposed boards. I loved Brock hulking out of the gogoplata and pounding Taker with the kind of ground and pound which won Brock the UFC title. I can't believe that old dude took this kind of ass whooping. Finish was pretty great, that nutshot was a fist based vasectomy, and should finish a match.
ER: I had no idea what to expect from this. Undertaker kind of shares the same space in my brain as late career (non comedy match) Baba. You know he's super broken, yet he goes in a takes nasty punishment from the guy most capable of giving out the nastiest punishment in the fed. On paper the two don't seem like they should match up well, just because you wouldn't think Undertaker could take the kind of beating that Lesnar would no doubt be able to dish out. And then we start and Taker is flying into the cage, stumbling knees first into the floor and getting punched in the face and body by a guy whose fists look like the size of both my fists put together and some brutal knees to the stomach and ribs. Lesnar starts beating him with a chair and Lawler is really great at putting over the chairshots - when they miss and when they connect. One angle shows Taker clearly getting hit in the hands held way in front of his face, and Lawler puts over that it didn't connect with his head but made him unprepared for the next shot, which did. The chairshots all sounded completely disgusting, just a deep THUD. Lesnar bleeds great and I desperately wanted him to mangle the medic that came in to check his cut (this does get paid off a little later). Lesnar brings in the stairs which lead to more inhuman thuds, and a great thing about Lesnar is that his misses look as great as his hits: Taker rolls out of the way of an overhead stair smash, which Lesnar plants into the mat corner first, something that would have legit murdered Taker if he hadn't moved. Lesnar's GnP looked vicious and led to the beautiful moment where Lesnar, catching his breath after tiring himself beating down an old man, sees a rip in the ring mat. He tears at the mat and rips out the padding, exposing the boards under the ring. The board exposure was done so well, so organically, I'm not sure how they effortlessly positioned themselves next to the tear. It seems really easy to end up with Taker covering up the tear, or Lesnar getting knocked loopy early in the match and not being able to find where it's at, but it couldn't have worked better. There he was, sitting, and happened to look down to notice the tear. Lesnar ends up taking a couple bumps on the wood, and kudos to the director for the moment, filmed in profile, of Lesnar on his knees looking up at Taker, Taker slowly approaching him, before Lesnar attempts to uppercut his whole arm through Taker's intestine. Good god. It somehow made the same sound as Lesnar's earlier chairshots. Undertaker is a total lunatic for taking this kind of a beating. These two shouldn't have matched up well on paper, but damn did this work.
2015 MOTY MASTER LIST
Labels: 2015 MOTY, Brock Lesnar, Undertaker, WWE Hell in a Cell