WWE Elimination Chamber 2/18/23 Live Blog

Do they not do Kickoff Show matches anymore? We really need a full hour of video packages and talking heads with no wrestling? Either way, I'm excited for how excited people are for this show. WWE hasn't felt like any kind of Hot Product in several years now, but people are downright buzzing about this show. That's pretty cool man. I haven't been watching the TV but I watched Rumble, and my boy Martin caught me up on the angles. I'm in, I can't pretend I have better things to do on a winter Saturday. 

1. Women's Chamber: Natalya vs. Liv Morgan vs. Asuka vs. Raquel Rodriguez vs. Carmella vs. Nikki Cross

ER: This is the best haircut Natalya has ever had, but it coincides with her face turning into a face that is more like Dana's Brooke's 2nd to 3rd face and it would have looked better with Natalya's own face. They got Raquel into the match took quick and all it lead to was Too Many Three Way Spots. I wanted Raquel killing individuals down the stretch. I can't be the only one who can't stand Nikki Cross acting like an annoying 7 year old's impression of an annoying 7 year old, right? Raquel's ring post bump looks good, Liv's bump into the pod looks better, but Liv makes a dumber face after the bump. Feels dumb to go to a big Nikki Crossbody spot wiping out everyone so early, because it just leads to everyone lying on the mat exhausted at like 6 minutes in. Carmella gets nearfalls on everyone who took a single crossbody block 4 minutes ago. Raquel is a wrestler who is great at saving matches like this. Maybe it's not that she has a track record of doing so, but she has the ability to force a long gimmick match into being something good in a way that Liv Morgan or Natalya will never have. When Raquel starts breaking out the big shit - running Nikki through a pod, pulling girls off the cage, taking a huge bump on a top rope sunset flip - the match finally comes alive. 

Raquel ramps up the crowd for two minutes, all leading to Asuka's big entrance, the perfect mood setter. Asuka knows how hot to come in, and Liv's missile dropkick to finally stop her looked great. Liv keeps getting bigger and bigger reactions the phonier her character seems. I thought people in Montreal had no time for phonies? I thought the people of Montreal were the kind of people to announce to the room "Are there any Fake People here? Because if you are, I respect your stance, but get the fuck out of my party"? Liv, you're fake. The run to the finish felt real quick, I think too quick. I'm seeing the words I'm typing and I see myself asking for more time from a Brand PPV WWE Gimmick Match, but this really did feel too short. The eliminations piled up too quick and all felt underdone. At the same time, I thought they actually did the complicated multi-man stuff and big bumps really well, and Asuka/Bianca is a match I would want to see much more than Bianca/Liv. Good match, but could have used a couple of better one on one showdowns. 

2. Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley 

Bobby Lashley's King Kong entrance is incredible. Think how much better it would be without a giant stupid PS2 graphic Bobby Lashley making a dead eye posing face. I'm excited for this match. I did a Royal Rumble live blog last month and was actually pissed when Lesnar got eliminated from the match so early. In response, now Brock tries to eliminate Lashley's shoulder socket by bouncing him across the ring with a belly to belly. I wish Lashley threw even more behind his spear, but the full nelson stuff was cool and the F5 power out was cool, but isn't it kind of weird how the F5 isn't a killshot? Like Lesnar is turning the F5 into Suplex City but without replacing it with anything more dangerous? I assume the reason he never brought back the stretch muffler was because he wound up shredding everyone's knee ligaments? Because bring that back. Finish was bunk, match pacing got tanked once they started spamming finishers and then Lashley didn't do enough with the full nelson to make it seem dire. Lesnar needed to be way more purple to seem like a man in real desperate danger, like 5 hours of terrible sex purple. 

Boy that Seth Rollins Joker stuff is just about the dorkiest shit around huh? Cowards couldn't even pay for the pedophile hockey arena song? 

3. Rhea Ripley/Finn Balor vs. Edge/Beth Phoenix 

ER: I should like a couple that looks like absolute shit, but I just cannot get into the couple of Edge and Beth Phoenix. I think they actually finally figured out the Beth Pompadour. They took the bulk out of the sides and slicked them down, makes the angles much better and avoids the Frankenstein wall of hair up top. This version works well. Edge still looks like shit though. I do think everyone's gear looks fantastic. Rhea's whole crew looks great, and the deep maroon/black/gold pattern is a very tasteful choice for Edge and Beth. I hate the moments of Beth Phoenix matches where she has to do acting. I love that Dominik is drawing heat in a real way. Rhea leans into Phoenix's nice running clothesline and takes a hard bump into the steps. Finn leans into Edge's running clothesline the same way as Rhea did, for team solidarity. The timing of everything in this has been great, it's all paced out so well. Dominik's heat keeps growing. The Phoenix superplex looked great, but the build hung Rhea out to dry a bit. Of course the second I type out the words "The timing of everything in this has been great" and then Beth Phoenix comes diving into frame a second too late for a pinfall save and then lies there on her stomach like Willie Mays Hays coming up a foot short on his slide. Rhea's brass knux punch to the side of Edge's head looked perfect. Old Man Edge is much better than Peak Edge in a lot of ways, and it's wild his spear looks this good now. Dominik should have leaned more into Edge's tope, but this was good. Rhea had an excellent performance here. 

4. Men's Chamber: Austin Theory vs. Montez Ford vs. Bronson Reed vs. Johnny Gargano vs. Damien Priest vs. Seth Rollins

ER: Oh damn this is a pretty bad looking match right? I don't think the gimmick much matters, you see these six names and that is going to look like a bad match. I don't get Austin Theory in similar ways that I don't get Ricky Starks. Did Bronson Reed come back in the last two weeks or something? How did he go from not being one of 30 men in the Royal Rumble, to one of 6 men in Elimination Chamber? I was hoping I'd get a callback to the dogshit Gargano/Rollins sequences at the Rumble, so lucky they're the two starting this. It still looks bad a month later. Okay seriously what is the deal with Austin Theory. How does any of this stand? What is that jumping stomp that he does? Vince used to fucking love Dr. Jerry Graham? What the fuck happened? Edge doesn't wrestle as much like Edge anymore, so I'm really happy we have 6'4 guys like Damien Priest to bring some spiritual Edge Offense into 2023. His running slingshot senton looked like it hurt but I think that's because he messed up the landing. Goddamn this sucks. Bronson Reed came back with a cartoon Bluto sneer and it would have been way better if they just brought him back dressed as Bluto. He has the black beard and heard and his torso is comic book large, make him a fucking dock worker. 

To Reed's credit, he has been the most interesting part of this terrible match, as at least he was just smashing people in between his body and surfaces, not doing a series of tumbles and spins. He takes the poison rana really vertical and his selling afterward was an actual good use of WWE dramatic selling. Ford's sheer drop looked great, just belly flopping stomach first over Balor's shoulder from like 20' up. The best part of the match is now gone. The Rollins/Gargano stuff on top of the pod took way too long for what it was, but that huracanrana off the top of the pod was a great spot. Rollins is the worst possible Matthew Justice but he's at least better when he tries to be like Justice. Remember when I said the Women's Chamber match felt like it needed more time? This match feels eternal. Montez Ford does look pretty great. Look at his gear! You look at his gear in Street Profits and then see these tights? Great pair of tights. The repeated flip dives into the cage looked good...but having him get pinned by Theory just tanked this whole thing. What a bad look. Anyone explain Theory to me. I'll listen. They should have had Omos come out dressed like El Gigante to carry Ford out of the cage to the back.  

5. Roman Reigns vs. Sami Zayn 

ER: I used to feel like the biggest Generico critic, a guy I liked so much less than anyone else I knew. But sometime in 2020 I really did a full 180 on Zayn and well, his last few years speak for themselves. The wife and kids at ringside! I always like when they make someone's kid watch their dad take a beating while surrounded by weird strangers with parasocial relationships who think they know them. And this match was good! I don't think it hit the heights everyone wanted it to hit, but I do think it hit several heights. This was going to be a hard match to stick the landing on, and admittedly the long drama segments don't always work for me. Maybe (probably?) they would work better had I actually been watching all of the storyline play out in real time. It felt like the match peaked too soon and then had to be carried by the drama, and I think drama carried by a match would have been a more interesting way to play this. Every week they do the drama, this is when they can do the match. Roman's cut offs were strong, and Sami's cut offs were stronger, as it should be. Roman is much better at dramatic kick outs than Sami, but Sami was great at making it look like he was done. The ref shenanigans weren't necessary and came off weak, Sami and Roman did a good job of recovering the match every time there was a storyline pause. I thought the family would be involved a lot more (Sami's family, which basically wasn't shown after Zayn kissed his wife midway through the match) and I thought the finishing stretch de-escalated the match too much. Working a match with this much downtime scattered throughout isn't easy, and they never lost the crowd for a second, which means a lot. A Sami win would have made the moment better, but I don't think it would have made the match better. 

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WrestleMania 37 Night Two 4/11/21

Pretty hard shoes to fill after last night's show, and this lineup does a lot less for me on paper. Still, I'm excited for Asuka/Ripley and a couple others, but there is always the huge Fiend landmine bobbing around...and these waters also have a Hulk Hogan pirate promo which sounds like him hosting a shitty regional children's show. The Hogan calls the crowd scalawags and they go into this kind of gross routine of Titus playfully scolding Hogan for using bad words and Hogan doing a "Don't make me walk the plank!" bad wittle boy routine. So this is starting terribly. 

Randy Orton vs. The Fiend

ER: Oh man they're leading with Fiend. Has Orton always had full skull sleeves? I think I might have liked that Fiend entrance if I knew it wasn't leading to a Fiend match. It's probably much better for the crowd to get iced out in the first match, because then they can always get their energy back. Putting this on towards the end risks killing everybody's reaction and everyone wrestling in silence. This whole thing was really bad, but it went mercifully quick at least? They walk around slowly for awhile, and Fiend is moving slow enough that I'm not sure if that's part of his character or if Wyatt has two wooden legs. He was walking weird up on his jack in the box and he just moves so damn slow in the ring. The rope hang DDTs don't look great, the crowd chanting Holy Shit at Alexa Bliss's headgear leaking oil made me laugh, and I was happy to have this out of the way. 

Tamina/Natalya vs. Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax

ER: I'm weirdly excited for this one. The Baszler/Jax team was a slow starter but they've finally been jelling as a team the last month or so. Tamina has more momentum than she's ever had with a great short hoss fight with Nia a couple days prior, and Tamina also finally has a proper wrestling look. They had a great interaction in the Royal Rumble too, let's see what they do on the grandest stage! The early Tamina/Nia exchanges were good, thought the headbutt battle looked good and the off balance striking was a nice look. This got really good when Baszler and Nia were cutting Natalya off from Tamina. Baszler looks like she breaks Natalya's jaw with a knee lift, and Natalya's selling was really strong during the control segment, yelling and actually garnering sympathy while Shayna worked over her knee in painful ways. But Tamina is a beat late on a save and then whiffs the hot tag, Natalya makes dumb faces while waiting too long to catch a Tamina crossbody, and the match drifts on a little too long. It built nicely and kind of overshot the mark, but I also like that they were treating the title shot like a big deal. Tamina is still a little rigid in spots, but the energy is there and she actually does feel fresh out of nowhere. It's amazing what a new look will do to someone. Nia did a great job feeding and selling for her, Shayna came off punishing, and the match overall was perfectly fine. 

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

ER: Zayn has been really entertaining in ring the last several months, but this is a pairing we've seen a lot now. Not sure what they're going to have to do to make this iteration of the match interesting. And this match really didn't work for me. It felt like a condensed version of them at PWG, nothing but corner suplexes, apron brainbuster, drivers, more suplexes, moves dropped onto knees, all 2006 indy offense and no heart. This felt so cold and mechanical, just some big spots with no juice. Sami throwing short body blow punches in the corner made me hopeful it was taking a little left turn into something different, but we came back pretty quick. Sami has been working like a deranged Buck Robley the last year, and this was he and Owens going back and sleepwalking their way through one of their old singles. Logan Paul involvement was a total nothing, dude looked bored out their the entire time (although, to be fair to Paul, sure). He takes a great stunner, so I guess that's something. 

Sheamus vs. Matt Riddle

ER: So Matt Riddle has become a pretty unbearable personality huh? Sheamus has been awesome since coming back last summer, and I think he's been the most consisted in ring guy of 2021. Riddle's stock has never been lower. But if they beat the hell out of each other it wouldn't take much for this to be really good. And they DO beat the hell out of each other, but I thought they went too far into Riddle just kicking out of everything. The match had a lot of stiff strikes and big spots, but it felt a little uninspired and perfunctory. I'm always going to flip for spots like Riddle flipping over the ropes into a KO knee lift, but after the close Riddle kickouts down the stretch you could hear the crowd not into it, not buying what they were going for. I appreciate them going for a couple of big top that spots, actually thought Riddle was going to hit some crazy Candido style top rope powerbomb, but it's a shame Sheamus slipped off the ropes for what was surely the match finishing top rope White Noise. If that top rope kneedrop was an improv, it's a cool thing to throw into a match. I'm glad Sheamus got the title off Riddle, the guy deserves to have some belt, and I kind of think Riddle needs a retooling and some time away. 

Apollo Crews vs. Big E

ER: I'm already not into the Saba Simba-ing of Crews, but I cannot believe they actually have an entire Fela Kuti percussion section's instruments at ringside. Like what are we doing here? There are at least 9 conga drums at ringside, and not a single one of them get used in any way during this Nigerian Drum Match. It's just cane shots everyone. The stip really weakened the usual strong Big E singles match layout, and it took Crews taking a couple of Jeff Hardy level bumps to really make this pick up. Crews takes a uranage from the apron to the ring steps and misses a great frog splash through a table. But this all felt more underwhelming than it should have felt, like a Smackdown match with a hastily thought out gimmick that's not as good as the match they had on Smackdown already. Babatunde's debut would have been way better if they leaned further into having him be Giant Idi Amin (since it appears they're just treating African as its one large nebulous country). Babatunde's jacket didn't fit and his gear came off more Marching Band Leader than Ruthless Dictator. Still excited for Big E/Babatunde. 

Rhea Ripley vs. Asuka

ER: This match has an uphill battle trying to find the right tone, as nobody is going to root against Asuka, but Ripley isn't exactly a heel and even gets her full entrance song performed live by a woman who sounded like she couldn't hear where the 1 and 3 were coming in. So the fans don't really know how to react to Ripley while they cheer Asuka. This didn't really feel like the big Rhea match they wanted it to. be, and it wasn't the match I wanted it to be either. It wasn't bad, but Rhea's personality came off a little lethargic, and maybe she was having a tough time being the default heel in a Defining Babyface Moment. Tough spot to make work. Asuka looked great, and I loved that Ripley kick she caught and turned into sick heel hook, but again it came off more like a cool babyface catching a heel, and that's not what the finish wanted. Ripley's bump off the apron the Asuka's DDT was awesome, looked dangerous, but I wasn't into the finish. I don't think the moment was there, and I think Ripley losing wouldn't have been bad. Her challenge build felt rushed anyway and it wouldn't be difficult to build her more effectively into a rematch.  This didn't feel like it built well enough to its result. 

Daniel Bryan vs. Edge vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Edge is a somewhat compelling work around to have in a match in 2021, a real test for Bryan and Reigns, a difficult component of wrestling Dogme 95. "Work Edge into your heated feud as a third" is tougher than an all location shooting obstruction. And sadly, this match ain't it. Last night was a real upbeat, brisk show with a high floor. Night Two has been dragging a lot more and it's not because of "too much wrestling". The match pacing is different on Night Two and really only the women's tag match felt like it was worked with the right vibe. And now, I think we have to start talking about how Maybe There is a Problem With the Main Event Big Dog. Reigns newer Head of the Table work is starting to seem outright boring, and I don't think any of his slow paced show closers have landed with me. He's a guy who has been wrestling mostly on PPV, meaning his wrestling these days can only be judged on these over long slow main events. I actually think Edge was holding up his end of whatever this was, as if I am going to sit through an Edge match in 2021 the least he can do is make the stupidest faces of his stupid faced career, and absolutely stick Bryan with the spear. Check. Daniel Bryan was expectedly the glue to this one, and he did a really good job at it. He was better at integrating Edge and Reigns into things, and his sequences were the matches' high points. But it's a Bryan match wasted on something like this, which wasn't memorable and felt a level below for everyone involved. And that's kind of the story of Night Two, is that almost everything on the show - outside of the women's tag maybe - felt a level below everyone involved. 

This was not an insultingly bad night of wrestling, but this was a kind of boring night of wrestling. I don't think it had to be this boring, and while I was expecting it to be not good, I wasn't expecting boring. This one fell flat with me, and only a good-not-great women's tag saved this from being mostly a snooze. 

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WWE TLC 2020 Late Blog

My sister is moving in a month, so I spent the weekend with her packing boxes and moving things into her garage. A stunt show PPV I can have on in the background and pay partial attention to sounds like it could be fun. Not super familiar with the card so I'm kind of going in blind, which hopefully leads to being pleasantly caught off guard. Am very excited for Sasha/Carmella.

Daniel Bryan/Otis/Chad Gable/Big E vs. King Corbin/Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura/Sami Zayn 

ER: Bryan keeps shaving the sides of his head higher and higher, and he continues his career trend of Always Having the Hair of a 10 Year Old. Otis is wearing a Vader singlet, and this match looks like something that can't miss on paper. These 8 guys in a 2000s NOAH setting would light things on fire, so I'm high hoping this one. And it was actually really good. It had a great Coliseum Video feel to it, the way it was worked, and the way it was 4 babyfaces vs. 4 heels and they're mostly aligned because of being either a face or a heel. Zayn was avoiding Big E and running around the ring and hiding like Jimmy Hart, and it was balanced well with quick tags and a brief cool down to build to the big finish run. Corbin is good at working cool down (that's an actual compliment) and good at inserting himself in the hot finish, Bryan glues all this together to build to the big Otis hot tag, and the finish stretch move chaining all looked good. Cesaro hits this awesome deadlift Dr. Bomb and just lets him go, Corbin hits a great spinebuster on Otis, we get our big showdown between Big E and Zayn and Zayn gets caught. It's all very satisfying pro wrestling. 

AJ Styles vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: I really liked this, but thought the ladder stuff really took away from the match at points. I liked the first 8 minutes when no weapons were used the best, with Styles bumping big around the ring and ringside. He took hard hits into the buckles, got dropped ribs first a couple times on the barricade, got thrown over a table with chairs on it as if he were in a fight in a closed bar, and it was great. Setting up tables and climbing ladders changed the pace of the match, which they made up for by building to hard landings (Styles gets tossed hard on a ladder and thrown over the top through a table at ringside), so everything looks like it really stings. But I think the ladder climbing really took me out of it as the climbing doesn't feel anywhere near as climactic as had they just been wrestling. Miz cashing in his briefcase and then doing the slowest possible climb really made this stip feel stupid, though I think the fight choreography when they got to all three fighting on the ladders was good. Styles working over McIntyre's leg lead to a couple nice moments, like the calf slicer through the ladder. Styles' bump off the ladder to the floor looked sick, and Miz was made to look like an absolutely tremendous fool. Also, I do not need Miz in the title scene and him losing in this kind of fashion is perfectly fine for me. A match that lost me, but one that also had a lot of good (front loaded), but needed an editor. 

Sasha Banks vs. Carmella

ER: I thought this was really good, as good as I was hoping it to be. It had a couple twists and turns, made Carmella look like a worthy challenger, built to a feverish home stretch, one of those matches where a better opponent helps bring out the best parts of Carmella. Sasha is really great at this point, so much that it always bums me out that none of this is playing in front of live crowds. Sasha feels like she'd be the biggest thing in 2020 wrestling if there were live shows. I'm really glad this was a straight match and not worked under the TLC stip, a straight match was the right choice and the drama over nearfalls and submissions is more interesting than climbing and falling. The involvement of Reginald was good, loved him catching Carmella on a dive, ducking Sasha, and tossing her into a headscissors. And the payback was well played late in the match with Sasha hitting a meteora and then getting blasted by a couple superkicks for a genuinely strong nearfall. I thought Carmella could actually win it there. Sasha was great at running into everything Carmella had, and both kept things real close on sunset flips and small packages. It's really nice seeing such fine execution on pinfall attempts. I loved both of Carmella's submissions, both of them look like sick lucha maestro subs and are both somehow locked on just as smoothly. Both of those subs would look awesome applied by Negro Navarro or Blue Panther, but it also looks awesome applied by Carmella. It makes me happy. This whole match was fun throughout, really made me smile and enjoy the wrestling the whole time. A very tight build and explosive finishing stretch, just another great Big Match Sasha performance. 

Shelton Benjamin/Cedric Alexander vs. Xavier Woods/Kofi Kingston

ER: This was good, and kept up the same fun energy the entire rest of the show has had so far. This has been a very fun show, everyone feels like they're trying a couple new things in the ring, it's made things feel special so far. This tag was no different, and it made me realize that I appreciate that The Hurt Business actually seems to be growing as an idea. I like that it wasn't one of those ideas where WWE seems on board with it for two weeks and then loses all interest, instead it seems like they're letting it grow naturally. It's given new life to Shelton Benjamin and made him as relevant as he's been in 15 years. If they want to they could let him ride out a couple more years as an upper card tag worker and he'd be great at it. It's also been good for Cedric Alexander, who instead of being one of several similar 205 Live babyfaces, his style feels more focused for being in a regular tag team. Both teams worked a fun fast big bumps style, and kept the match to a brisk 10 minutes for maximum impact. I love how definitively Hurt Business won the belts. There was no bullshit, just a dominant team catching the champs. Benjamin hit a pop up superplex that should play in Hurt Business highlight videos, and the Alexander backcracker finisher is the premier use of that overused move, and shows that an overplayed move can still be used effectively. I'd love to see the Hurt Business continue to evolve and even add members, and would love to see them have a run with multiple title holders in the stable. This whole match really got me into the potential of them, so I'd call that a huge success. 

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Asuka/Charlotte

ER: I was just thinking the other day that I had not missed Charlotte, and yet I was happy to see her here just because I will take any new face in this match rather than see Lana in the main women's program on Raw. It's poorly executed, it's obvious, the commentary screams all of the bullet points for how we're supposed to feel about it all, but I just don't want Lana in these matches anymore. That said, I wish it didn't feel like Charlotte was immediately Superwoman again. It felt like she just ran through Nia and Shayna, and while I admit the Nia/Shayna hasn't lived up to its potential, they should be a pair who are on Charlotte's level. You can make an argument for the surprise factor, they weren't expecting her, but they just got outmatched and I didn't like that. Asuka automatically feels like the smaller banana with Charlotte around, as she had to spend the match being the one to take a lot of Nia and Shayna's offense. But Asuka is good at that and I liked the way her hip attack took Nia out of things at the finish. Still, this match played into my worse fear, that we're going to go straight back to a Charlotte-dominated scene. 

Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

ER: This didn't feel far off, but this didn't work for me. I didn't like the Uso interference, and Uso made to look as effective as a manager only type. There were a lot of big spills - maybe too many - yet I thought several of the biggest ones were shrugged off in the name of blocking someone's climbing. I was not into the slow climbs no matter how earned they were with big bumps. I thought going to Uso for every big Reigns comeback came off weak, and that it would have been perhaps more played out to have the interference happen in only one big moment instead of all through the match, but it would have made for a better match and made it appear Owens had more of a chance. Roman going through the barricade looked fantastic, and was one of the best looking "leveled barricade" spots they've done. No matter how I felt about the match layout as a whole, I thought that looked the best. Owens took some nasty falls into ladders (Roman too), but these slow paced Roman walking matches have not been my thing. 

So, I had a really fun time watching this show, and the vibe seems to be turning with those last couple matches, turning into something much less good. The tag match and Reigns match were not my thing but I also don't think they were bad. BUT. It feels like I would be tossing a lot of goodwill and pleasant memories right out the window if I put myself through a Randy Orton/Fiend match. I mean what kind of psychopath would I have to be to do that? 2020 has been difficult enough, why would I put myself through all of that? Let's go out on a high note, and be happy for the fun stuff we did get. 

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WWE Survivor Series 2020 Live Blog

This show looks like it has strong on paper potential, as all of these matches could be good. I'm most excited for Sasha/Asuka, but there is a lot that can go right on this card. Let's see!

Pre-Show Battle Royal

ER: I'm always going to be happy about a battle royal getting good time on TV or PPV, even when they don't really deliver what I want. This was a battle royal worked with modern style, which is not nearly as good as any battle royal from 1991. Guys don't know how to occupy battle royal time as well now, and there's a lack of vets from times when battle royals were more commonplace and can show people how to occupy time. Nobody ever took the flag from Lawler, or Funk, or Finlay, who knew ways to work shtick and stories through a battle royal. Here the older guys like Jeff Hardy were among the least visible or noteworthy performers in the match, and the time filling felt more modern and mapped out. There were a lot of apron duels and they all looked good enough while feeling rehearsed and soulless. Ricochet throwing Cedric Alexander onto the apron with a half nelson suplex should be a major thing - and feels bizarre seeing on WWE PPV - but looked safe (good!) but meaningless here. Rey Mysterio has probably the only exchange he's ever had with Kalisto, and we get a quick 2 second cool looking headscissor spot and then they separate for no reason. There felt like too much timing worked around Dominik, Carrillo and Garza looked like they had no clue how to work battle royals, felt like nobody was looking to stand out. Shelton Benjamin probably looked the best and like someone who knew the small increase in stiffness that can make a battle royal performance stand out. Nobody else felt like they were working with his intensity, nobody else felt in the moment, stuck remembering when their sequence came. 

AJ Styles/Matt Riddle/Keith Lee/Braun StrowmanSheamus vs. Jey Uso/Kevin Owens/Otis/Seth Rollins/King Corbin

ER: Pretty early on this does not seem like a good match. The Raw vs. Smackdown shirts are so dorky, and they're even worse with USA and Fox on the back. Fox Corporation vs. NBC Universal! It's like a match they were paid to do at a weekend corporate conference. And Seth Rollins is just the kind of guy that would cause a big dumb scene at that corporate retreat, and I could not care less about his sabotage or whatever weird Jesus stuff it was supposed to be. You can't not have good moments with good wrestlers in the ring, so there were cool things like AJ taking a really high backdrop bump, or Otis working shoulderblock exchanges with Keith Lee. But the Otis/Lee and Otis/Braun stuff should be better. Otis is someone who has been dropping more and more of his actual good in ring work in favor of more and more dumb guy Jake Milliman routine. I've been watching a lot of 1993 WWF lately, and Otis basically comes off like modern Bastion Booger. We could have a fat grappling tank and he keeps working further away from that. Braun's powerslam on Otis looks good, Lee's spirit bomb on Uso looks good, but I did not care about any of the consequences of this match. I don't think there WERE consequences to this match. Does the Raw clean sweep mean something? Is this PPV just Bragging Rights? 

The New Day vs. Street Profits

ER: I love how Big E looks in his Gears of War cotton candy Lisa Frank armor. Kingston/Wood is the least interesting New Day combo, and these teams don't match up in ways I like. The match did snap my attention when Kofi hit one of the heaviest cannonballs I've seen into Montez Ford's stomach, crashing over the top rope and landing powerfully. They even work that into the match and do more body work on Ford, and that's a nice surprise. But I knew it wasn't going to mean much, and it didn't. We build to competent move chaining sequences, a missile dropkick bounces someone across the ring, the person delivering the dropkick stands up to take a big crossbody, it all looks fine. Street Profits are really forgettable to me, and I don't love writing that about a wrestler because that would really hurt to hear. But for guys who can do some impressive things, they are such an out of sight out of mind team for me. 

Sami Zayn vs. Bobby Lashley

ER: This didn't feel like it had the same kind of energy that the best Zayn IC champ stuff has had. And part of that is because most of the time Lashley works matches like he's half asleep. This was half asleep walking Lashley, and Zayn's energy and couple bits of big offense don't come off big or threatening when Lashley barely reacts to them. This did not work for me. 

Asuka vs. Sasha Banks

ER: This is easily the match I am most excited for, even if the face/heel dynamics are screwy. Sasha is the defiant babyface in her Bayley feud, but is default heel against Asuka. It could have been worked compellingly as face/face but Sasha shows that's not the plan with her body language so we'll see. And I'm not sure if it was the cold dynamics or that things took an inorganic turn, but this doesn't come off as well as it should. I liked when each were working arm locks on the mat, but once they got to their feet and Sasha was whiffing with full wind up elbow strikes, everything after felt like a 90% speed rehearsal. A lot of seams showing through signature spots, like Asuka missing a hip attack in the ropes but there being a missed beat before Sasha kicks her, or Sasha missing a shoulderblock through the ropes but there being a missed beat before Asuka kicked her. It's too mechanical for the heat to work. The backslide and roll up sequence to end the match felt like the way you go home when you're given your minute warning on a house show, and even though I liked how the sunset flips and roll throughs looked, liked how natural the lost shoulder leverage looked, it just didn't come tacked to a match that worked. 

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler/Lacey Evans/Peyton Royce/Lana vs. Bayley/Biance Belair/Ruby Riott/Liv Morgan/Natalya 

ER: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this, honestly. We get a highlight package of Nia Jax putting Lana through the announce table in literally the exact same way 9 different times. They are really hammering the Lana as demoralized underdog who doesn't quit, and Byron Saxton is awful and phony trying to broadly hammer home the details. But Lana acts mopey and it comes off too grade school. The match is dry as hell, and feels loose. A lot of quick camera cutaways from moves that look messy or strikes that catch air, people staggering awkwardly around unsure how to sell a strike they know didn't land. The quick eliminations in the middle made it so none of them felt like an accomplishment. You had what could have been a huge moment where Peyton Royce of all people - someone whose specific charisma I really like - hits a huge superplex to the floor (after nearly every person in the match stood assembled for ages) and back in the ring finishes Bayley, only to be eliminated herself by freaking NATALYA of all people less than a minute later. And Natalya, who they still in 2020 pretend is a thing, gets eliminated by Lacey Evans not long after that, confirming that Natalya will never be a thing and they'll not figure out why that is. It's an awful layout that shows bland parity, nobody gaining or losing anything from their eliminations. Lana stands on the ring steps the whole time and it's the most predictable thing ever to have her become the sole survivor. Byron Saxton fake laughs his way through the whole thing, the man whose voice goes up a register when he's laying it on real thick. Baszler and Nia and Belair get eliminated in unconvincing ways that require them to be idiots, Lana stands on the steps with her weird smeared lipstick with a comically large frown on her face, and again I STILL have no idea how they exact people to be reacting to this. This was a bad match. 

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: For a non-crowd modern WWE main event, this is probably as good as you can realistically hope for. This is the kind of match that didn't completely work for me, but likely would have worked incredibly well in front of a live crowd. Daniel Bryan knows how to work big matches with no crowd, but this kind of big build Marvel match needs a live crowd to really thrive, and really connect with me. I think they did all the right things, and I think this would have killed, so that's a shame. As it was, it was a strong way to not kill Drew and keep a couple different stories going into potentially interesting directions. The nearfalls played well the big finisher kickouts played well, the surprise Uso table spot played well. The match was probably the only match on this show that felt like it actually accomplished something when it was over, and as backhanded as that sounds I do mean that in a very good way. 

ER: It was fun to see the Godwinns again, and it's cruel that no handhelds have ever shown up of the 2007 WWE house show matches Henry had with Gordy's son against Regal and Dave Taylor. I really wanted that 2007 comeback for Godwinn, when they were bringing back guys like Animal, Tatanka, and Duggan, HOG would have been a cool mid 40s addition to C shows. 

This show was not very good. Both elimination matches felt consequence free and mechanical, and "mechanical" is the overall best description for this show as a whole. For a show with nothing but the traditional elimination matches and title matches, this was not a show filled with excited/exciting performances. Vince looks like shit, and that rules. Good night. 

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WWE Clash of Champions Disinterested Not Live Blog 9/27/20

I'm running behind. The last 24 hours I have spilled coffee on and fried my work/personal laptop, watched the Giants decide to not make the playoffs this year, then after found out my sister tested positive for COVID (she is a doctor, this was pretty much expected. She is also asymptomatic this time and thinks she caught COVID in January), so forgive me if my heart or brain isn't too focused on this show. I was interested in the women's matches but apparently it's a real hot time for women to give COVID a spin. It's not been a great day, and honestly I kind of just want something in the background that I don't have to focus too hard on. If I get a couple details wrong or opinions seem off, go easy.


Lucha House Party (Kalisto/Lince Dorado) vs. Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura

ER: This was our usual fine kickoff match; these things always deliver in almost the same satisfying way. They feel like a good 8 minute Thunder match. It fills time well and gets the right amount of runtime, not everything is hit clean but they also do some things they wouldn't do on Raw. That's my bar for a kickoff match (and pretty much my bar for any match really) and they clear it. The big fun stuff was big and fun, like Dorado hitting a tope to send Kalisto into a tornado DDT on Cesaro like a lucha Rube Goldberg machine (a tribute no doubt, RIP Notorious Rube Bader Goldberg) and a fun every turnbuckle moonsault spot (Cesaro scooted in on the top rope one and Kalisto overshot him by the amount he scooted in), and we got a bunch of Cesaro showing off his Chikara base skills. Nakamura had a fun performance as the less used heel, but the guy taking cheap shots from the apron. One of my actual favorite parts of the match was Nakamura just kind of rubbing Kalisto's head with his boot from the apron, Kalisto slumped in the corner getting his head lazily shoved around by a Nak boot. I love that kind of stuff. This cleared the kickoff bar.

AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn vs. Jeff Hardy

ER: I cannot stand them, but I also always kind of love when Jeff Hardy brings back the eyeball lids. He's such a perfect little weirdo goofball. I'd be more into this as a singles with any two guys, but eyeball lid Hardy will probably do a couple of stupid things. But you know what? This was awesome! These three took turns trying to find ways to die off a ladder bump, they keep putting title belts on Zayn (love it) and they pull off some clever spots without coming off like they were being too clever. Jeff should not be taking these bumps, but Jeff is taking these bumps and he's nuts. He falls hard on his hip (I hope he wears pads under his Jnco jeans), crushes Styles with a swanton, gets tipped into the ropes, gets a ladder thrown at him, and eventually gets his droopy earlobe handcuffed to a ladder. Jeff Hardy has to drag this ladder along while it's attached to his body and it gives him a Joseph Merrick at Burning Man vibe. Zayn takes a couple a great bumps into the ladder, flying high on a backdrop and then managing to bump on 3 (4?) parts of a ladder, bouncing around like Sonic before hitting the mat. Zayn and Styles both had big welts on their back from hitting ladders so hard, and we got a really engaging Styles/Hardy exchange. Jeff was lobbing hard elbows at Styles' temple and their early fight at the top of a ladder was a real good version of that. The handcuff stuff played much better than it could have, and Zayn being a total brat really helped with that. A merry prankster in a wrestling ring is something that could be unbearable or really fun, and he seems to know the things that could make it work. I love that they put the belts back on him, Styles cuffed helplessly to the ladder, Hardy dragging his ladder coffin around by his ear, and Zayn walking tall. Great presentation.

Zelina Vega vs. Asuka

ER: This was fun, probably the best Vega singles we've had. It's a smart match strategy to just focus on an arm. It's a good way for her to get back into the match at any point, and I like heels making they way back into a match by just grabbing a face by the waistband and pulling them into the ring steps. Asuka knows how to work a match around Vega's limits and they give us decent breadcrumbs throughout. Could have done without some things down the stretch, but I liked Vega attempting to ape Daniel Makabe's bridging pin trick only to get caught for the immediate tap in the Asuka lock. The match had a smart layout and benefitted from it.

Apollo Crews vs. Bobby Lashley

ER: This one didn't grab me. There were some moments I liked, such as Crews' nice running back elbow that sent Lashley to the floor, the nice frog splash nearfall, and Crews getting a quick press slam on the bigger man (press slams are always a good thing). But Lashley matches always leave me dry, MVP needs to be involved for the Hurt Business stuff to hit. This was inoffensive and that's fine.

Andrade/Angel Garza vs. Street Profits

ER: Dug this, thought it built nicely and had a couple surprises, wasn't sure who would come away with the win. Ford looked cool as hell flipping into the ring like Solar and timing a perfect dropkick after doing so, but Andrade pastes him across the face with a dropkick tagging into the match later and that is also cool. I dug the ways Garza mashed Ford's face while cutting him off, really palming his face into the mat like a jerk. We got some nice moments of Ford juuuuuust about tagging in Dawkins, with a great moment of Garza yanking Dawkins off the apron at the last second. The Garza/Ford Spanish Fly looked like a super dangerous early 2000s CZW spot, which is kind of cool and kind of scary. Couple of off moments but an overall super satisfying tag title match.

Bayley vs. Asuka

ER: Oh man I am way more interested in Bayley vs. Asuka, even though Nikki could have been fun in a singles title match. And I WAS getting into this match, until the sudden DQ finish. That's not too satisfying. I would have really been into Asuka Two Belts and then more of a violent Sasha/Bayley feud with no belts at stake. This wasn't given the chance to be much, which is a shame. The energy was good up to the DQ, loved Asuka's fast German suplex and was getting into where it was going. Ah, well, nevertheless.

Randy Orton vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: This is not the night to spend 20 minutes with Randy Orton. Once I saw Orton take 7 minutes to get in the ring during McIntyre's long entrance, my brain screamed out for an audible. I saw Alopecia Big Show came back, and looked small (is Big Show okay?), and that's neat. I also saw Drew hit a Claymore kick through an ambulance door and that looked cool too. This was never going to be as cool as the parking lot brawl from last week, and I guess I'm kind of glad they didn't try to be? I'm sure these guys did great (I will never get excited for drama based around closing a car door).

Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso

ER: This one did not work for me. I thought they at least put a good effort at inserting personality and family drama into a slow paced cousin fight, but it went on too long for me and wound up having the same effect as the Hart/Michaels Iron Man, in that I shortened the match by dozing on and off during the final half. They should have had this match at their auntie's house so that we could have seen them brawling past photographs and getting shoved over the couch with plastic on it and pressing each other under the floor runner. I did think the nearfalls all worked, as there was a point where I actually thought they were going to give Jey the big win. I think the offense should have been laid in a bit more if they wanted the slow drama to really connect, and I never got that. A lot of the talking didn't work for me, but I still really like what they did and what they went for. It is very possible in a different head space I will love this, so I may run this one back in the near future.

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WWE Summerslam 8/23/20 Taking My Sweet Time Blog

I am not expecting a whole lot from this show, and those shows can sneak up and surprise me. It feels like I've been saying that about every show the last year +, and that's probably because I have not been excited by many on paper lineups they've been throwing out there. But good matches are always a possibility. Sadly, this card doesn't feature Pat McAfee, so good matches on this show aren't as likely. Also, sad to see Renee Young leaving, but obviously she is talented enough to just not be in wrestling. Her commentary with Regal during 2014 NXT is some of my favorite WWE commentary of the decade, and she was never properly utilized after that on any important program. Honestly, she stuck it out longer in WWE than made sense, and I'm sure she's going to crush wherever she winds up.


Apollo Crews vs. MVP

ER: Pre show matches deliver more often than not, and this one added to the "delivered" bucket. MVP working as an opportunist is a fun undercard thing to see, loved him shooting for a kneebar to start the match, then just blindsiding Crews while the ref separated them. His superplex was sloppy, but in a way that kind of added to it and made it feel impactful. MVP also throws his strikes with more immediacy, which is one of Crews' shortcomings. In fact the weakest part of this match was Crews seemingly holding way back on a lot of his offense. He was treating MVP like he was mid 90s Giant Baba, barely touching him with his forearm strikes, and hitting these weird weak avalanches. That was mainly a problem earlier in the match, as once he hit his nice flip dive he felt a little more normal in the ring. The match finishing dead lift blue thunder bomb ruled, and Crews needs to do more cool stuff life that.

Asuka vs. Bayley

ER: I really liked this, but felt like it lost a lot of steam in the final minute or two. They kept up a hot pace, with Asuka coming off nicely chaotic and Bayley scrambling on her heels. Asuka hits the flying hip attack to knock Bayley to the floor, and Bayley manages to take Asuka's flatliner type move off the ring steps and distracted from the fact that Asuka was splatting with a hard back bump. Bayley's scream and sell of that move was so effective in making that spot work. I liked Asuka going after Bayley's arm (even though it really didn't lead to much), and liked a couple of the spots where Bayley went after Asuka's leg. Even though Bayley's actual heel hook looked really awful, the moment where she turned an Asuka missile dropkick into the heel hook was awesome. After that there were a couple hinky moments, like Asuka waiting bent at the waist waaaay too long to take a sunset flip bomb in the corner. The finish was good and a nice call back to the beginning, and I thought the execution was great: Asuka hits the hip attack to knock Sasha off the apron, and Bayley grabs her with a small package off the ropes. Looked great. I don't have a strong opinion either way on whether Asuka should have won or lost, as I'm a fan of both acts, dig what Sasha/Bayley have been doing and have no problem with them dominating the belts.

Andrade/Angel Garza vs. Street Profits

ER: I think this might have been helped by a live audience. That sounds like an obvious statement, but I think these kinds of matches are really hurt by no crowd. The kind of match that plays like a cold tag or a fun Smackdown match depending on the crowd sounds, like a AAAA center fielder. It's mostly the Andrade show, with Garza practically playing this like a handicap match past a certain point. They worked over Ford and I love how they cut him off by catching the top con hilo and powerbombing him on the floor. That spot could have looked overly planned, but it came off smooth and then mean. They set up the Dawkins hot tag well, and I like his big man leaping back elbow. That move was used by a lot of mid 80s WWF guys, one that I associate with that era, and even though I'm sure he's not consciously doing it because of that, I still like seeing it. Andrade's fake out pump kick into the back elbow always looks great, and I love how hard Dawkins bit on dodging that kick and eating that elbow. Somebody's wrist tape even flies out when the elbow lands, and gear getting knocked off someone after a big impact move is never not awesome. The Street Profits as an act don't do a lot for me overall, and Vega's team actually needs to win occasionally but instead they always seem to go down clean as a sheet. Ah well.

Sonya Deville vs. Mandy Rose

ER: I wish this was worked under different circumstances, as it really shouldn't have taken this long to give these two some kind of PPV showcase singles match. The incident that happened to Deville is genuinely terrifying and it was pretty incredible she went out there and made the best of it. Oh god she wasn't forced to go out there and do this was she? Anyway, I wish this match was better, because they went out there and tried to do the right match. The stip got changed and the feud got cut short and it sucks that things turned out this way. They went out and had the No DQ fight they should have had, it just didn't look great. Rose is someone who has killed it in every house show match I've seen her in, and for whatever reason it does not come off on TV. Whatever crowd connection that I've witnessed firsthand several times is mostly gone on TV. She comes off flat and kind of dead eyed, and I think people think I'm lying about her house show work. It's No DQ, they try to throw a lot of strikes, and a lot of the strikes don't look good. Mandy does this weird thing where she just doesn't sell a lot of Sonya's elbows, just kind of holds still while Deville is throwing blows. They wanted to have a tough fight, and their heart was in the right place.

Even though a lot of it didn't look great, the bar has been lowered a lot this year and even just a match that at minimum aims to work within the story instead of having a "great match" is going to win me over. I liked Mandy trying to slide chairs off a table into Sonya's face, feels like a reckless spot where a camera guy can take a shot in the balls or something. Sonya is also someone who hasn't translated as well as it feels like she should. It didn't help when WWE brought in a bunch of actual MMA women right after she got on TV, but she's also dropped a lot of the MMA stuff that she actually did quite well. I'm sure she could have been told "hey don't work like all of these actual MMA women we brought in", but I also like the fact that she's someone who throws sidekicks without kickpads. Mandy threw some hard knees to make up for her weird strike selling, and there were a couple of nasty spills on hard surfaces. Again, it was the match they should have had and that counts for a lot, and I'm glad it happened. And it's honestly hard to care as much about a match like this when it's so closely related to an actual Manhunter fucking Tooth Fairy incident (incel-dent?), but there were small amounts of carny "on with the show" joy here.

Seth Rollins vs. Dominic Mysterio

ER: No matter how this match goes, Dominic took one of the best on screen beatdowns of the past 5 years, and that can't be taken away from him. The cane beating would have gotten over with a mid 90s ECW Arena crowd, and that's more cool carny wrestling bullshit to find sicko joy in. We are truly blessed getting a Pat McAfee match one night and Dominik Mysterio's debut a night later. Wrestling debuts (yeah yeah I know Pat worked a match a decade ago, it's fair to call this a debut) are always exciting for me. I love seeing how much someone "gets" and what nuanced (if any) part of wrestling they understand from match one. Now, even with that beatdown angle, I haven't been able to get into this feud at all. Rollins is so dull to me, and Dominik really isn't a great actor, in ring or out. I was more excited for the McAfee debut, and that was in a match with ADAM COLE! McAfee/Cole felt like a perfect amount of time to deliver the story they needed to. Yes, it should have ended after McAfee's punt to the chest, and we didn't need Adam Cole's home stretch acting chops, but it was laid out fantastically. This match went too long, and the smoke and mirrors weren't anywhere near as satisfying. Rey and his wife did what they could, and I dug their Louis Vuitton gear. And Dominik did really well for a first match! He hit some fairly complicated stuff, missed a real nasty splash into Rollins' knees, and looked like he belonged. If you saw him at your local indy and this was his first match in, you'd be leaving the gymnasium and at least bring him up positively on the ride home. There was a good match in here, even if this wasn't it. I'm more interested in what Dominik does next.

Sasha Banks vs. Asuka

ER: This was the match I was most excited for. Sasha is probably the wrestler who I like the most, without ever thinking to answer "Sasha Banks" when thinking about wrestler I like the most. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I *always* get excited for big Sasha singles matches. I think she has easily been the women's MVP over the past 5 years, and I think she's easily the most consistent and delivers more often in big matches than the rest of the 4 horsewomen, and she has by far the most natural charisma of the 4. This was the match I was most excited for, and it delivered. These two both took some shots, it felt like it peaked perfectly and ended right where it should have, and the way they laid into each other made it feel important. Sasha went after Asuka's leg and it backfired, as Asuka just started throwing kicks, and I love Sasha when she realize a plan isn't working. The match is tough right from go, loved Asuka yanking Sasha off the apron into a kneebar, felt like a cool dickhead babyface thing to do. Asuka hits ringpost on a kick and winds up eating a nasty powerbomb off the apron to the floor, big THUD sound. Both flew gleefully into moves that targeted their heads, Asuka taking that powerbomb and then immediately eating a head kick, Asuka later landing a DDT off the middle rope that Sasha takes on her face. Sasha is great at taking Asuka's offense, they're an awesome super complementary pairing. Sasha takes the missile dropkick better than any other heel, her bumps less athletic but more ragdoll and interesting. I love their dueling arm and leg work, the battle over the Asuka Lock and Banks Statement is a strong finishing stretch. The double callback hip attack finish was handled well, and the tap for the Asuka Lock felt nicely triumphant. Sasha Banks really deserves a lot of praise for the character work and personality she's brought to the empty arena era. And this was her strongest match of the year.

Randy Orton vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: Very low expectations for this one, which may be to the benefit of the match. Orton starts with a lot of smug stalling, which is the closest we get to Jacques Rougeau style buffoonish smug stalling. It's not anywhere near as good, but I like the tradition. This is a slow paced match, but it felt more natural in its pace than the other purposely slow "dramatic" matches from this weekend. This felt hard fought in its slow pace, and that makes this kind of thing work. Orton is someone I have to be in the right mindset for these days, but he can still work within that window of interest. I liked him spamming RKO attempts early after weaseling out of contact, then ramping things up to meaner stuff like two back suplexes on the unbreaking announce table. McIntyre's spinebuster to comeback looked good and the overhead belly to belly landed heavy. I liked it a bit less once we went into the longish feeling second half, where it felt like it was based entirely on attempts at Signature Offense. The stuff where Orton was just stomping on him and dropping him from a high place where stronger. Still, for a modern WWE title match epic, this felt above average. I wish we could have just had Drew pin Orton with the Claymore kick. Randy Orton is fucking 40, guys. Let a dude in his mid 30s win with his finisher. Let a 6'5 265 lb. guy win a match differently than a Terry Taylor finish.

Braun Strowman vs. Bray Wyatt

ER: It's sad when a match between two heavy dudes doesn't inspire me. They keep it short and to the point, and for that I am thankful. But this should be more exciting. The chokeslam into the announce table looked hard and the spear through the barricade was a nice crash. But this felt kind of stale on arrival. This should feel bigger and be cooler, and it shouldn't be that hard. It wasn't terrible by any means. The Braun powerslams where impressive and Wyatt's tool box attack had a stupid 1999 quality to them. Both a pretty uninteresting to me at this point (think of the sadness in that. Braun is 375 and he's not an automatic What Worked for me), so who won or lost didn't interest me. Therefore, the uranage and double Sister Abigail on the exposed ring boards was a cool enough finish to make me come around a bit on it.

BUT of course this match was just a mere slow set up for the real main event, which was Roman Reigns returning after 6 months to kick the shit out of both of them. Reigns looked like an absolute superstar destroying both men, and it's cool as hell seeing him in pure destruction mode. His spears on Wyatt were among the best of his career, and the visual of him wrecking Braun with chairshots was strong. This was the best way to bring Roman back, having him Walking Tall as we fade out. Roman really saved this segment and made it immediately feel more electric. Roman had Braun's best matches and some of Bray's best as well, and it immediately felt like that.

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The Horror Show at WWE Extreme Rules 7/19/20

ER: I am very interested in both women's title matches, and probably not anything else! I do have a perverse interest in how they're going to pull off the eyeball gimmick without making kids hate wrestling.


Kevin Owens vs. Murphy

ER: This was given more time than a typical pre-show match, but I liked the first half of the match a lot more than the second half. The first half was based around Owens throwing stiff strikes, hard shoulderblocks, big clotheslines, and I'd much rather see that. I get less interested by the time we have a too long fight on the top rope and the big nearfalls feel too performative. The best parts were always Owens shaking Murphy with elbows and crushing him with a cannonball, but I was less interested in seeing them have a Murphy match. It played better than a lot of that stuff, so Owens kept the floor high. A spirited and plenty hot opener, just not my preferred heat.

Tables Match: New Day (Big E/Kofi Kingston) vs. Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura

ER: This was a big moments match with plenty of cool big moments. Even on moments where the set up was longer than needed, the spot wound up paying off. I liked Nakamura's logical work around the tables, saw him smartly position them a couple of times, liked how he shoved one out of the way when rolling to the floor. I loved the spot where Kingston flew to the ground and smacked face first into a table, held there like a wall by Cesaro and Nakamura. Big E's spear through the ropes to Cesaro looked as spectacular as ever, and we should celebrate that he is still doing that spot. The final table spot looked crazy, Kofi getting drilled through those tables by Cesaro is something that would have played for two years in an ECW intro. Nobody will think about this spot after a couple weeks, but it looked crazy in the moment. The spots with the tables, in the tables match, were good! So this was fine.

Nikki Cross vs. Bayley

ER: I was excited for this one and really liked the how they started it. I bought into the idea that Nikki could pull off a flash upset. Nikki was getting smart quick roll-ups and landing heavy on several straight crossbodies for nearfalls was really engaging. I like Nikki's way of not rolling through crossbodies, but actually treating it like a potential finisher by landing hard. Her crossbody off the apron to the floor was really great, and I liked Bayley being kept on the ropes. They had a couple of fun fights in the ring skirt, and I'll always react to those. But the problem is that Nikki Cross is not good in a lot of ways. It can take her forever to get into position to deliver something, which makes disbelief suspension a lot more difficult, especially since we were supposed to believe that she had the capability of surprising Bayley. She doesn't get the reactions she could on offense because she doesn't seem to know how to peak things. She has been working a vest unzip/vest removal spot for over a year now, and it's like she never quite knows how to use a proper strap removal spot within a match. She makes it look like she's just removing a piece of clothing that got in the way. This match was one I was excited for on paper, but it kind of just wound up exposing Nikki's singles match weaknesses. I'm still into the Sasha/Bayley act, and that kept the bulk of this strong.

Seth Rollins vs. Rey Mysterio

ER: I'm...not really sure how I feel about this one? It's a weird gross idea that feels hard to pull off, while also feeling like something that nobody ever asked for. Trying to stab someone in the eye is a great way to end an I Quit match, but a match where the sole focus will be on pulling out an eye? I don't know who was asking for that. I'd also be willing to bet that someone on the writing team got the idea from watching Fulci's Zombie rather than from watching Magnum/Tully. The thing is, for a match with an insane advertised conclusion, Rey busts his ass to make this work, and Rollins comes along with him. Rey was really great at inserting Rey spots in the middle of eye spots, and he takes some wild bumps to make this match feel even more dangerous. The apron falcon arrow was sick, and he was so good at working spots around turnbuckles and ring steps. Rollins was no slouch, and I liked his ringpost shoulder bump among other things, but Rey is just too good. Trying to gouge someone's eye out on the corner of a ring step is gross stuff, and Rey plays the fear of it really well. He does great with a kendo stick jammed into the corner, really going after that Fulci eye gouge where the gap between eyeball and wood slowly closes (needed more sharp jagged splintery bits). This finish is what the finish was advertised as being. Part of me thinks "Hey that owns!" It looked disgusting and Rollins throwing up after is the kind of apex to the Grand Guignol shit they have been trying to pull off in little ways. But another part of me still just finds the stip odd and unnecessary. Plus, this is a fed that chose to only use Pirata Morgan twice and was uninterested in bringing back old and crazy PCO. I'm not sure I can trust them to know how to properly book pirate Rey.

Asuka vs. Sasha Banks

ER: This was a really great match with a monumentally stupid finish. It's pretty deflating to work through such appealing match with fine drama and an exciting build, and then completely undercut every part of it with a finish that hasn't flown in 25 years. Having a ref get taken out of commission, to be replaced by a heel wearing a ref shirt, is an idea that Vince Russo buried and resuscitated hundreds of times, a man who never learned the lessons of Pet Sematary. Just a weak an unexplainable finish to be doing in 2020. But the rest was great! Sasha has been my favorite to watch weekly these past several months, and I think her and Bayley are doing a great job essentially running television. I'd much rather see them doing what they're doing, than seeing Charlotte clogging up main events. Sasha bumped huge here and really made this feel special. She flew to the floor on a charge and flew again after getting knocked off the apron by a hip attack. She kept building her bumps to mean more the deeper we got, and the way she flew into Asuka's Germans took this to another level. Sasha can come off clumsy on big bumps, but I think she's gotten so much better at body control over the years. These suplexes looked like they really folded her in half, but going back and watching them you can see her land on her back and shoulders and fold in a way that looks like she just got dumped directly on her neck. A safer bump that looks career shortening is a smart move, and it looked killer. Sasha's comebacks were good, and the Banks Statements was used really effectively. It's a great finisher that plays even better with a flexible opponent, and Asuka was really good at making it matter as she scrambled to the ropes. Both of their kicks looked good, I loved Asuka turning a Banks top rope arm drag into a nasty knee lift to the chin, I was really loving all of this. But that finish is a real deflator.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: I thought this was really good. There isn't much in WWE I am less interested in than 2020 Dolph Ziggler matches, and yet this was a great title match that made great use of an intentionally lopsided stipulation. The stip (No DQ for Ziggler) made him more interesting. Ziggler throwing chairs at someone's knee in between taking painful throws over the announce table and into hard ringside objects he set up is just going to be way better than a typical Ziggler match. Ziggler was great at turning his normally athletic bumps into actually painful bumps, and Drew was wrecking him with glee. Ziggler took a great bump into the ringpost on the floor, ate several sick belly to belly suplexes in and out of ring (a cool fast on in the ring and a wild one into/over the announce table), and my favorite was probably McIntyre's awesome vertical suplex on the floor that really splatted Ziggler. Ziggler's cut off spots were strong, and I really got into the stip of him being able to cheat to stifle any momentum. The table spot was big, and they parsed out the nearfalls to keep the excitement strong. The finish was good too, and I'm unsure if that's because it's an actual good finish or that many of the other finishes have been bad enough that a competent finish feels like visionary genius. I wouldn't have guessed this would be the strongest match of the show, but it was and that's part of the fun.

Swamp Fight

ER: WWE is aiming, or more likely only capable of reaching, for deep cut straight to Netflix horror and those movies that used to be on the bottom row of Redbox kiosks. They need to surprise us by giving us a cinematic match that is based on Portrait of a Lady on Fire. We all saw the Matt Hardy stuff several years ago and I can't get too excited these days about a weekend Friday the 13th project.


ER: The show underwhelmed and underdelivered, but Asuka/Banks gave us a really good 15 minutes and McIntyre/Ziggler was an unexpectedly strong showing. Rey had a great performance in a weird situation, and other than the Swamp Fight the floor was high. But the show also felt a lot longer than it actually was. And that kind of speaks to the weirdness of this show. A show with a strong men's title match, a strong women's match, and a great Rey performance feels like a show I'd leave behind fondly. And yet we're here.

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WWE Backlash Blog 6/14/20

ER: Getting a late start on this show because I visited my sister this weekend, the first time I have driven more than 5 miles in the last 3 months. When I returned I had a cat who had missed me terribly and dishes that hadn't washed themselves since I saw them on Friday. Asuka/Nia is probably the only match I'm really interested in, but there are several matches that could be good.


Andrade vs. Apollo Crews

ER: Fine pre-show opener, though it felt a little more hollow than I was hoping. Both of these guys do cool moves, and both hit those cool moves here, but it never felt like anything bigger than that. But seeing cool guys hit nice exchanges for 7 minutes is nice on the lead in show, and I liked how they jumped things up with Andrade taking a big backdrop bump on the entrance ramp. Crews and Andrade are both good at quick rope running sequences, and I dug how the ran through those at the same fast pace as Andrade slamming his knees into Crews in the corner. Crews' standing flying offense looked really good, landing flush on Andrade, and the finish was a slick sitout powerbomb reversal of Andrade's trap arm DDT. I know these two have a better match in them, but this was good eye candy to start a show.


Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. The Iiconics vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

ER: This was kind of a mess, and these 3 way tag matches just seem too tough to work without some hitches or weird bits of laying about. I think Sasha was the big standout, with everyone else blending in a bit too much. Sasha was the one making all of her individual spots look good, like flying into the corner hard or throwing a knee into the side of Kay's head (while Bayley held her), or how perfectly Sasha handled the finish and how awesome her winning pin on Bliss looked. The match structure made everyone else feel pretty faceless, with the Iiconics far more muted than normal, while Bliss and Cross showed good enthusiasm throughout but felt out of the gate that they were losing. I don't think this was bad, but having three people in the ring at all times just leads to awkwardness.


Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus

ER: I thought this was really good, a match worked straight with some nasty spills and great collisions, no shenanigans, no stupid finish. Sheamus is in the discussion of best 10 minute TV match worker of the decade, and he brings that to a nice clean PPV match like this one. He provides a big solid base for Hardy to slam into, he's never gonna be the guy who bails early on a rough collision, and I dig Hardy vaulting off stairs into him, flying into him in the corner, using his body as a projectile no matter how Sheamus was positioned, and then flying even harder into awful landings. Sheamus has real brick wall offense, the kind that makes the stuff of Sheamus vs. Scott Norton the stuff dreams are made from. He kept finding cruel ways to cut Hardy off, with the worst being him hitting a front suplex and catching a knee on the ringpost, or Sheamus reaching up to knock Hardy off the turnbuckles and Hardy just pitching forward into the ropes. I love seeing Hardy fold on Sheamus clotheslines, or the way his body crumples when he flies to the floor directly into a Brogue kick. This hit hard, landed hard, built nicely, a super professional match that still felt like it was worked aggressively. I never get excited for Hardy matches anymore, but he has seemed really focused since coming back, and Sheamus looks a good as ever. Strong match.


Nia Jax vs. Asuka

ER: Outside of the unnecessary 80s TV match non-finish, this was really good. I've always liked how these two match up, how Asuka knows how to ramp up the stiffness to counter some of Nia's bull in a China shop movement. Nia always looks really strong against Asuka, so I love moments like Nia simply shoving Asuka off into the ropes, because it looks like Asuka is really being flung whether she wants to or not. Nia really crushed Asuka with lariats and avalanches, and I love the way Nia tumbles when Asuka is able to side step and throw in strikes. Asuka swinging into a crucifix, leaping around Nia's body to get a great octopus, or flinging herself at Nia for a guillotine attempt all look really great, because they always look like Nia is actively struggling to prevent them from happening. Jax is really great at being broken down by submissions, really plays a great giant being brought to their knees. She shows off these cool moments every time Asuka snares her with something, and I think it's the perfect kind of spot to show of the dynamics of both. Asuka really hurls herself hips and butt first into Nia, kicks away at her legs, and Nia pays her back whenever she catches her in a big slam, reverses a sub attempt with a Boss Man slam or slapping her into the mat with a sitout powerbomb. Really, I loved all of this outside of the double count out finish. Even the post match hip attack off the apron looked great, and the facials from both ruled. There was no reason to do a double count out finish. Nia wouldn't lose any "mystique" from winning to Asuka, because Asuka rules. They give Asuka the belt without her beating the champ, then you have Charlotte beat her the night after Charlotte lost her belt, then you can't let Asuka win her first PPV title defense. She has done nothing but lose or not win ever since getting the belt, and it's totally unnecessary. As a match, though, this was really good.


Miz/John Morrison vs. Braun Strowman

ER: Modern WWE handicap matches just aren't good, because WWE doesn't want them to be good. The best handicap matches are deeply imbued with southern wrestling. WWF used to run handicap matches like this, understood that you need an element of stooging and the rhythm needed to be different than typical singles matches. Modern WWE handicap matches are worked like a singles match, only the two guys just may as well be masked twins. Something like Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett/Roadie works great, because Jarrett and Roadie know exactly how to fill time in between taking beatings and know how to gloat when they get an advantage, knowing how to perfectly act like the guys celebrating their advantage as if they don't already have the built in advantage. Braun makes for some good moments, as his misses can still miss dangerously, and I'm not sure there are many big guys who do a ringpost bump as nicely as he does. Morrison's knee strikes looked real junky here, and I couldn't get into a lot of this. Handicap matches can be more interesting than this. Modern WWE handicap layout does nothing for me.


Bobby Lashley vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: This had the feeling of two semi-trained Power Plant guys doing all of the big slams they learned and watched others do, and that is a much better vibe for this match than Main Event Heavyweight WWE Match. McIntyre tosses Lashley into the barricade with a belly to belly, Lashley runs McIntyre horizontally into the ringpost and nearly murders him with a crazy death valley bomb on the floor, the whole thing is just a big Power Plant power move spotfest and that kicks ass. This really felt like the best possible Sean O'Haire vs. Chase Tatum match, with McIntyre going on to hit a wild superplex, plus awesome stuff like grabbing a kimura off a Lashley spear. I like that we didn't get prolonged strike exchanges or tons of dramatic kickouts, but instead the focus was on two big guys slamming each other in cool big guy ways. WWE needs more Power Plant influence, as that sense of danger due to guys not knowing their limits was important.


Viking Raiders vs. Street Profits

ER: I hope that this satisfied the fans who were exited to see it, and the women who find Ivar cute.


THE GREATEST MATCH EVER

ER: The crowd was electric for this. There was this great sense that - even though I had no history with these two - that they had a great history with each other, and knew what to expect from the other. There were no cutesy I reverse U spots, more like physical chess with both of them knowing what to expect two moves ahead. There were elements to the work that I had never really seen before, simple things that I loved, like putting your forearms up to block an elbow strike, or dropping down to a knee to sandbag a powerbomb. Every guy I saw attempt a powerbomb before this had either hit that powerbomb right away, or got backdropped over. An actual struggle over a big move was a bit of a revelation to me. Seeing Orton drop to a knee, widen his base, grab onto Edge's leg - anything to keep himself from being powerbombed - and that was eye opening. The strikes landed harder than anything else I had seen, and well, I had never seen a man bleed from his ear before. I don't think anything good ever came to anyone after bleeding out of their ear.

And all of that stuff still holds up as special. It's a great match. The level of improv based around things you can't plan (where a guy falls after taking a move, the position he winds up in), all of the ring positioning, it's all impressive stuff. You can see gears working when a strike was supposed to land harder and it didn't, and you can watch some sequences get kind of reworked and changed and added to without ever altering the course of the match. Edge's kicks all land sharp, with that early thrust spin kick especially looking like it decapitated Orton. I actually remember seeing people use "restholds" as a complaint about this match, but I'm sorry, to watch each man's respective hold and to be so disbelieving seems a bit cynical to me. Orton's face lock looked like he was clearly trying to block Edge's breathing with his arm, and Edge's stretch plum looked as if he was trying to separate Orton's neck from his shoulders. There was nothing restful about either of those holds. We get some crazy moments like Edge punching Orton out of the air off an apron drive. Orton actually changes trajectory in mid air from being punched! Edge finally hitting that folding powerbomb was a huge moment and a great nearfall (of several), and while I didn't find the head drops excessive, that Tiger Driver 91 is still shocking. It really is quite the door slam to the match. I hadn't watched this match in probably 8+ years, and at this point I'm not seeing a reason it won't keep holding up.


ER: Strong deliveries from Nia/Asuka, Sheamus/Hardy, and McIntyre/Lashley, plus an arguably perfect main event that will henceforth be known as "6/7/20-6/14/20", means this was perfectly fine show to poke around on a Sunday evening.

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WWE Money in the Bank Mother's Day Live Blog

I visited my mother yesterday (my parents are hell on a 6' space, my calves are burning from all the backpedaling I kept having to do) and gave her a cool gift, so that excuses me to watch wrestling of potentially questionable quality on her special day. Let's hope for something good out of this show so that I can at least justify my not calling her to hear repeated stories about dumb things my father has done during quarantine.


Jeff Hardy vs. Cesaro

ER: So Hardy misses an entire year with an injury, they bring him back to Smackdown two months ago, spent the interim showing weekly documentaries about his rehabilitation (which hardly anyone gets, let alone several weeks of them), and then put him on the pre-show? I know that card placement matters less in no crowd era, but it's still really odd. It doesn't really matter to me, as the pre-show are almost always good, and they're worked in a way that makes them feel like good Velocity or 09-10 Superstars matches. They almost always hit the match length sweet spot and the layouts always feel so much less produced than main show matches. That feels like it shouldn't be the case, but there's too much of a sample size at this point. And this was really good! This was a much better singles match than I expected Hardy to physically be able of delivering at this point, but the longest straight time off of his career seems to have really done him good. He's moving quicker and more fluidly than he has in the past many years, but he's still taking the same level of awkward painful bumps so I'll just enjoy this while it lasts. He works quick enough here to convincingly fluster Cesaro, but you knew the best moments of this would revolve around what Cesaro does once he catches him. Cesaro catches him leaping off the ring steps and splats him ribs first over the barricade, later shoves him hard hip first into the ring apron. Hardy always seems to take damage on the least padded parts of the human body. Hardy's hard landings here were really entertaining, loved how Cesaro played off him (his big Fuerza bump over Hardy on the ropes was awesome), really liked all of this.

Big E/Kofi Kingston vs. Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. The Miz/John Morrison vs. Wesley Blake/Steve Cutler

ER: This was good, but it feels like I've been seeing this exact match every week for the past several weeks. When they were running this on TV I just assumed the PPV version would have some extra gimmick or stipulation, but it was just longer. Still it was good overall, not always the tightest multiman, not always the pairings I wanted to see, but good. I really like Forgotten Sons, and I realize I'm in the minority on that. Gimmicks aren't the thing that sells me on a worker, ring work is the main thing I care about, and their ring work is more interesting than most teams in WWE. Their double teams are rock solid, neither skimp on small things (Cutler has far better stomps and kicks to the stomach than anyone else in the match), but also add in big bumps (Blake is always good for at least one big bump to the floor per match). Also, big fan of their double team hiptoss to an opponent draped over the ropes, and they're good at coming up with logical spots like that. I'm completely tired by the Miz/Morrison team at this point, and New Day isn't far behind them on people I wish were featured less. But it's cool seeing them work with the Sons and LHP. Dorado and Morrison pulled off a cool dragon rana, Metalik looked awesome with his while hair flowing around his mask (while working too fast for Kofi who looked like a stumblebum side by side), we got a big Morrison Spanish fly to the floor (while far more people than necessary awkardly stood around like goobs), and this was plenty good.

R-Truth vs. Bobby Lashley

ER: This match was nothing anyway, throwaway match as part of a feud I could not care about, so it's not much of a crime that I was distracted throughout this. Because once I noticed that the announcers ONLY refer to Bobby Lashley as "Bobby Lashley", it was all I could concentrate on. This is a promotion that has been weirdly obsessed with changing someone's name to a single word name, and yet we can't go through ANY part of the match with hearing "Lashley with the slam" or "Lashley with the pin", it ALWAYS has to be "Bobby Lashley with the pin!" Bobby Lashley, Bobby Lashley, Bobby Lashley. They could not stop saying this man's full fucking Christian name for 5 seconds. Nobody else gets this treatment. They either lose one of their names entirely, getting called - very normally - by ONLY their last name in a match because we know who this person is at this point, or have some kind of nickname that you can alternate with (Roman with the slam! The Big Dog with the spear!). But they can only and ever call this one person by their full name. Whose direction is this, any why? This can not be an accident and now we all have ONE MORE reason to hate Bobby Lashley segments.

Bayley vs. Tamina

ER: You have seen me write about this before, and as long as they keep doing it every year I will continue writing about it, but I cannot stand the 2-4 month period of every one of the last 10 years that WWE insists on telling us that Tamina matters and we need to be serious about Tamina and here's your yearly Tamina PPV match challenging for a title before we realize "well she's still Tamina so we didn't learn". There were people like Ruby Riott, Liv Morgan, and Sarah Logan, the former who was returning from a long injury, the latter two who have been quietly overdelivering on syndicated TV matches and house shows for years...but we're going for our 10th go round on Tamina, so you gals will have to back up a bit. You can tell she's really trying, but every year it's the same bad gear and the same way of cumbersomely getting into position for opponent offense. However, this was a real class Bayley performance, as her working aggressively and outpacing the larger Tamina made the match much more interesting than it should have been, and made Tamina's monster moments feel bigger because it's not just her badly dominating a match, it's her using a couple things in spurts. Bayley outsmarts her and it makes Bayley getting the tables turned into some interesting stuff. Bayley bumps big for her when she does eventually go on the rampage, including a big flying bump over the announce table. Tamina still comes off klutzy throughout, but the layout is really smart and she at least does her best within the layout. She does a clumsy missed superkick, but the spot is Bayley catching it and turning it into a kneebar, so her clumsy kick wasn't the important thing in the spot. The match felt carefully constructed to be about spots where her clumsiness was out of the way quickly because it set up something better from Bayley. Bayley's high cradle finish looked great, a legit pin that looked like anyone on the roster would have had a hard time kicking out of, and it went just the right amount of time. Post match is even good, with Tamina immediately picking up Bayley for a samoan drop after losing, but Sasha drops her with a great chop block and then throws a stiff kick to her chest in high heel boots. I'm calling this an easy best case scenario for a Tamina singles match, could not imagine a better version of this particular match.

Braun Strowman vs. Bray Wyatt

ER: I'm happy this was kept short, I just can't get into Bray Wyatt. I actually liked the Fire Fly match, but it's not enough to buy him any kind of goodwill. Still, this was kept short and that's good. Strowman took a few really cool big man bumps (great missed charge into and over the announce table, real sturdy shoulderblock getting thrown into the ring steps), and then got in the ring and got hugged for a long time so I could look at Twitter for a bit. Then Strowman finished him, and I like that.  But honestly this had the same amount of time to do something as Bayley/Tamina had, and this came nowhere close to accomplishing what they did.

Drew McIntyre vs. Seth Rollins

ER: Didn't feel like this one, but I'm sure Rollins talked about his destiny several times and had a Seth Rollins match, which I'm sure are for somebody. I feel bad for McIntyre that this is how his title reign is going, but I wish him the best. I saw the finish of Seth Rolling hitting a superkick by being bounced into the ropes by a nice headbutt, and the superkick causing McIntyre to bounce into the ropes and hit the Claymore kick. Claymore kick looked good, but guys hitting moves because they got hit by moves is the dumbest most played out shit at this point.

Money in the Bank

ER: Oh my god they're doing the Money in the Bank matches CONCURRENTLY!? This has potential to be a tremendous trainwreck, one of those ideas like World War 3 that you can't focus on anything. But World War 3 could have had great potential as a recorded match, as the worst thing about it was knowing there was probably something cool happening somewhere in those 3 rings, and you were likely missing it. Filming one of those and showing the finished product with the best moments chosen from the camera angles would have been a way more successful version of that match. The whole thing has this fake Michael Kamen score that makes it feel like a bunch of backyarders made a movie combining Die Hard and Rat Race. The comedy doesn't work anywhere near as consistently as in Rat Race, but there were tons of great moments and a fantastic lead performance from Otis. The cameo jokes were almost all poorly written (Stephanie plays comedy too smarmy and broad, Brother Love stuff felt forced and pointless, Johnny Ace at least at a pie to the face well), but I smiled a lot and laughed a few times. Otis is the guy who really went for it, and really it shouldn't be much of a surprise that he thrived here. He's someone who can do Looney Tunes spot well, and was constantly saying funny stuff like in the weight room before the match started where he was just saying "sets and reps, sets and reps". It was funny hearing Carmella's sneakers breaking silence with different sounds, milking a squeaky waxed lobby floor for laughs and then doing the same by doing an overly long moonwalk on office carpet. Otis absolutely plastered Heyman with a dish in catering, and Heyman mugged while covered in sticky rice. Otis and Nia smash Rey between their bodies, Dana Brooke slips on a wet floor and is never seen again, Shayna weirdly feels like the least featured person in the match, and things get decidedly less fun once they get out on the roof. The roof stuff was fairly uninspired, other than two casual murders that never get mentioned again. I'm happy with the two winners, as I wouldn't have had money on Asuka or Otis, but think that those two have been two of the best performers of the silent era. I like when matches seem to reward performance.


This show went by quickly (though there was some small help from the fast forward during the Rollins match) and had no high end matches, but had some nice performances, some over-deliveries, slightly better than expected overall.

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WrestleMania 36 Night 1 Live Blog

ER: So I admittedly haven't been very engaged by the empty arena era. Wrestling is obviously better with a crowd (duh), and I wasn't actually expecting most of the WWE roster to be so bad at working in this new environment. This was a unique forced opportunity to do something weird with your style and change up your act in different ways, show your personality when your voice can be heard louder than ever, and instead most of them have responded by just pretending there is a crowd. Bryan, Asuka, maybe a couple of others have adapted well to the empty arena, but that's it. BUT, there are a lot of intriguing matches on the card, so let's see how it goes.


Cesaro vs. Drew Gulak

ER: I loved this, the absolute coolest way to do a short match. Gulak had the brilliant Bryan match (what feels like a lifetime ago now) and this had some of his strongest ringwork that I have ever seen. I have watched a LOT of Drew Gulak matches and not only was he breaking out tricks I've never seen from him before, every single thing he did was extremely tight. This was work that would make Finlay jealous. He had several awesome counters and reversals, including a gorgeous crossface reversal out of a Gotch piledriver. Gulak really showed off his underrated clothesline, sending Cesaro over the top to the floor and hitting a great flying clothesline off the apron (the diving clothesline is one of the hardest clotheslines to make look great, and this felt on the level of Daisuke Ikeda's diving lariat). He even does a trippy armdrag reversal on the floor off a Cesaro tombstone attempt, reminding me he was co-trained by Skayde. I love how heavily Gulak flew into everything, getting shaken by a Cesaro uppercut, and the way Gulak flew into it from the top rope make it look like he didn't know he was about to eat an uppercut. It's that extra level of committing to a move, to get thudded with a harder shot to commit to the realism. Cesaro also rewards him with the best elbow strike of the match (and surely the show), really putting over who has the power here.  I liked how on top of Cesaro he was, in the way he was constantly working for something in any second of potential downtime. Seeing a match like this and you become aware of how much some guys lie around nearly every time they hit the mat. Here Gulak takes any pin for or against him to take advantage of the prone Cesaro. Cesaro getting pinned and using the kickout to float over into a Fujiwara was logic that exposes the rest of the brand as resting on their laurels, and I loved how effectively he worked that crossface. Cesaro deserves a ton of credit for how well he played into Gulak's work, selling perfectly for all the holds and reversals but also expertly staying in position for all of it, occupying himself so realistically. The sudden explosive Cesaro finish worked for me, him realizing he won't shake the tenacious Gulak so just using his one real advantage - his crazy power - to muscle him up, disorient him, show off his traps and his balance, and then drive him hard to the mat. I loved every second of this.

PAS: This was really great stuff, it feels like given 14 minutes or so and an actual audience, these guys could have a match as good as Bryan vs. Gulak. Really makes me want to find whatever Ant Gulak was vs. Claudio from Chikara. Man Gulak was killer on the mat here, just constantly looking for an approach to grab and twist an arm, such a cool way to have a mat based match with very little time to do it in. Very weird that a guy is coming into his mat wrestling prime during his WWE stint. Cesaro was awesome as a guy whose power cannot be contained even with a bad wing. Empty arena wrestling is still weird and unsatisfying for me, but this is how you work around constraints.


ER: Until that video package I had no idea how - except for Willie Nelson - WWE has exclusively used black performers for America the Beautiful at WrestleMania. And I was weirdly into the overly long and bizarre show intro, which felt like Asylum making their version of Aquaman.


Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. Asuka/Kairi Sane

ER: This was one of the matches I was excited for, partly because Asuka has been one of the only people who has taken advantage of the empty arena to do different things. She seems to genuinely enjoy the chance to be a goofball in this environment, and I love the way Sane plays her runty second. And this was good! I loved Kabuki Warriors all throughout, with Sane mocking Cross and Bliss when she shouldn't and always paying for it, while Asuka talked trash and danced and then would land a nice forearm or knee (her hiptoss into a knee strike on Bliss was so great, and made even better by her knowing look into the camera after). Bliss and Cross had good energy to counter, especially Bliss who really felt like she was flying into everything at top speed. Her Twisted Bliss moonsault to break up Asuka's rear naked choke was awesome, really crashing hard on Asuka (and, well, Nikki), and the one that pinned Sane was accidentally nasty as she landed right across Sane's legs. I think this would have played really well in front of a crowd, and it felt like Cross wasn't really as animated here as she's been the past few months. I'm sure a crowd would have helped with that as well. I didn't want Kabuki Warriors to win and would have rather had them cheat to retain, to keep the program going a bit and test the Cross/Bliss partnership.


Baron Corbin vs. Elias

ER: Elias just shows up after taking a "flat back bump" off the top of a cherry picker and Cole just going "well we weren't sure he would show up but he's here!" is so silly. And this is a match everyone is going to dump on, but I thought Corbin was good all things considered. He works better in a crowd setting, as you can real feel the disgust and apathy and it can kind of lend itself to a better match. But his work looked strong, loved the way he pinballed hard for a big Elias mule kick, hit a couple hard lariats. He's still been the only person who can credibly pull off the Boss Man type slide before, and there have been several people who have been trying that one since the internet all apparently watched that match. I didn't care about any part of the story personally, as it all seemed very out of sync with itself. Elias gets shoved off a landing to potential serious injury, comes out (still booked even though they said they didn't know he would show), blasts Corbin with a guitar...but then basically gets his ass kicked for a big portion of the match. Still, Corbin is going to get crap for his performance, and he shouldn't.


Shayna Baszler vs. Becky Lynch

ER: Baszler is someone who seems to benefit from the empty arena, as you can really hear how hard she's smacking Lynch. Best case scenario from Baszler with no crowd is that you might hear some mean shots land with that same echo you'd hear on a sub-100 attendance Futen show. And this is really great. I would have liked it to go several more minutes and for Lynch to actually build a bigger comeback. I suppose it depends on if they get another match, but having a heel like Shayna toss around and wreck the champ all match while the champ escapes with a leveraged pin still feels like something that should continue the program. It doesn't make Lynch feel like a strong champ or babyface if she just wants to move onto someone new without actually definitively beating Baszler, so we'll see. Shayna did get that great Futen echo on her strikes, and I loved the way she treated Lynch like a kid sister she was roughhousing with. I loved that thump of her strikes, and things like manhandling Lynch up and slamming her into an armbar or swinging her into the announce table played great. I loved how dominant she worked and how Lynch was barely scraping out of match ending moments. We've seen Baszler get beat several times by this same kind of pin, flipped over from her choke, and on a show like this you'd think it would have been cool to show that she's finally learned to counter that counter after it causing her so many losses. That's a really weird mental gap that should have been solved by now. I wasn't expecting the Shayna win, and I like this finish if it furthers the program. But I'm really not sure why it would.


Daniel Bryan vs. Sami Zayn

ER: Okay, people on this show are working stiff to take advantage of the arena acoustics and I am 100% okay with that. Bryan looked like he was trying to murder Zayn, all of his regular offense looked like it was landing 20% harder than normal. This Gulak/Bryan partnership is really pushing both of these guys to new heights. How special is that? I was into all of the early Zayn stalling and running because not only does Bryan play well off of that kind of thing, but I was also confident it would lead to Bryan unleashing hell on Zayn. Bryan is so believably irked by Zayn that it really adds to the match, and the stiffness puts it over the top. Bryan's kicks and grounded strikes were so good, but by the time he built up to stomping repeatedly through Zayn's face while holding his arms, he was just over the top insanely stiff. Zayn wasn't going to just take it, and he came back with a great follow through lariat (with Bryan trying to one up him not long after with one of his best flying elbow smashes). You knew there would be Cesaro and Nakamura interference, and I loved Bryan wiping both of them out with a big tope down the stretch. We did get another sudden finish, and really every singles match on this entire show has had a finish that has come without a ton of build or kickouts. Bryan of course flew hard into the helluva kick, but I wanted a little more time.

PAS: I haven't been watching much Zayn, but kind of weird he is working as Bobby Heenan now. Still Ultimate Warrior never beat Heenan this badly, Bryan was in full Finlay mode. I don't remember him ever throwing his kicks this hard, and that was the best ever head stomp spot I have seen him do, and he has been doing it forever. I agree that empty arena suits the guys who are best at just unleashing stiffness, and don't need a bunch of dramatics and chants. Bryan is straight up channeling FUTEN now (those crowds were pretty quiet too) which I am into. I would love to see what he would do with a guy who matches him in violence.


Kofi Kingston vs. Jimmy Uso vs. John Morrison

ER: It doesn't get much dumber than defending the tag titles in a 3 way singles match, but these are isolated times. Plus, it's probably not as dumb as these guys all taking ladder bumps with nobody live to react. But doing a bunch of dumb ladder spots to silence is kind of fun in a backyarder kind of way. It's not too hard to picture three teens falling off a picnic table in the public park closest to their home. Needs more of "friend filming everything reacting and distorting the mic audio. This had some genuinely great spots, and also a lot of messiness. Morrison especially looked klutzy early on, but seemed to get better as the match went on. He had a couple tough crashes into ladders, and I liked little moments like him getting a ladder pushed onto him but it landing so he came out unscathed in the middle (before eyepoking Uso). Aspiring to be ladder match Buster Keaton is more interesting than aspiring to be ladder match Shawn Michaels. I came away super impressed by Kofi. Kofi clearly got the picture from all the prior matches that stiffness was the flavor of the day, and I don't know if I've ever seen Kofi lay in shots the way he was here. His clubbing forearms were so great, you could see Morrison's back get redder as Kofi was beating him. Kofi also made his shots into the ladder look better than the others. Morrison was doing stunt falls that had little meaning behind them, and here's Kofi ramming himself at high speed into ladders and crashing hard, a simpler bump than the big spills from ring to floor but so much more effective. Uso even took what looked like an insane bump off a ladder to the floor, and it was barely focused on for two seconds. Uso himself basically shrugged it off to get in place for the finish. This felt too long (really feels like we haven't nailed the right time on any match so far, as everything has either felt too long or that it ended too suddenly), but I liked it more than I expected to like it. Finish was


Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Steen

ER: The Seth Rollins match is almost always the match I least look forward to on a PPV. I never care about his feuds, I never care about his matches, but I would rather see him in something like this than a title match epic. But even Rollins is working more stiff, and a Seth Rollins match focusing on some nice kicks (he had a couple soccer kicks to Owens shoulder that felt far stiffer than anything in a typical Rollins match) is going to be better than the modern Edge matches he usually works. His tope hit unusually hard, really crashing Owens back into the barricade, far different than his usual topes where he extends his arms to far ahead of him that it looks like he's trying to avoid contact of any kind. Owens bumps really rang out in the silence, and he had a major hand in making me more interested in Rollins, and still got to fire back with stuff, like his nice cannonball. I really liked the false finish, with Rollins braining Owens with the ringbell for the DQ. The silent building really does wonders for ringbell shots as the TANG of the bell resonates while you get a big THUNK from the wood that makes it sounds sturdy as hell. The change to a No DQ was a fun surprise, and the work after the change was even better. Rollins was really lacing into Owens with soccer kicks, and they came off painful in a way his stuff almost never comes off (except against Lesnar, who is someone who forces you into working stiff or else get run over), and we also get a couple more ringbell shots. Owens' revenge shot is great, and I really wish they had ended things with Owens just pulverizing Rollins. Instead, they lost me a bit with that big stunt fall off the sign. I didn't like the "How's this for a WrestleMania moment" call, felt really forced, and it took the shine off a big leaping elbow that actually looked great. The replay angles made it look less impressive, but the first shot was far back enough at an angle that it made it look like he was leaping really far. But they weirdly didn't cut to a replay in the aftermath, and instead held firm on both of them. Part of me was thinking "well I guess it's just part of their now played out direction style to just cut to a replay several times" but this time it felt like it needed that. Because instead, we just heard Seth Rollins making risible old man orgasm sounds for an exceedingly long time. Those sounds started making me snort laugh and then I was out of what had been a surprisingly nice ass kicking. Still, even with those old man pleasure sounds, this shot way past my expectations.


Braun Strowman vs. Goldberg

ER: I was actually excited for Reigns/Goldberg. I was fairly optimistic that both are smart enough workers that they would have put together something smart and really fun. Seeing Reigns eat a spear while up for a Superman punch would have ruled, and I hope we get to see it at some point (though there is less reason to do so now). Braun is a fine replacement but the match needed an extra twist to make it work. This was 2 minutes and okay, and I think with 1 more minute it could have been memorable. It needed at least one more miss from either guy, a 1-2-1 or a 1-2-1-2, and instead we just got a 1-2. Goldberg hit some great spears, Braun hit some nice powerslams. We needed one little surprise, and it was explosive enough even with the short runtime, that a couple of extra beats would have made it much more memorable.


AJ Styles vs. Undertaker

ER: So, I loved this. This was SO MUCH BETTER than a brutal 20 minute empty arena "regular" wrestling match. That would have been abysmal. Over the last decade the only way to get something interesting out of Undertaker has been by having him take a beating against a larger than life figure. You had him getting dumped on his head by Goldberg last year in an extremely fun old man scrap, and several years ago we got the all time great Hell in a Cell match against Brock (which is our #3 match of 2015, and was #1 for a bit). Those matches saw Taker against two larger than life men and felt like genuine dream matches with high ceilings. A 55 year old Taker against Styles didn't feel like a match with a similar high ceiling for me, and since nobody was telling us what a Boneyard Match was I was left to my nightmare visions of the Sting/Vampiro Graveyard Match.

But this felt better than the TNA Broken Hardys stuff, and it felt better than the similar stuff that Lucha Underground did. This was much more like a late VHS era straight to video release, like you went to the video store and found a 1999 Lance Henriksen supernatural biker action movie that you didn't know existed. Or like when you found out that there was a third Prophecy movie in 2000 and not only still had Christopher Walken but also Brad Dourif. The match could have benefitted from a character actor cameo (Mark Boone Junior feels like a guy who could have been affordable, just have him ride in with Taker and then toss him a pistol or something later). It used sound FX far better than Lucha Underground (which seemingly only had one SLAP effect and one bone crunching effect. It also looked like, even with the added FX, that Taker wasn't risking it and laying in big right hands to AJ. Taker kept relying on that right hand and I loved when eventually he was surrounded by druid goons, he just kept turning and punching guys with that hand. No blade attacks, no weapons, just a right hand. This had the cool outdoor bumps that other similarly filmed spectacles have had, and the actual brawling between Taker and AJ had more in common with the Regal/Finlay Parking Lot Brawl than with the awful Graveyard Match or even the Hardy Boys stuff. The twists were all fun, the spills into open graves looked good, and you KNEW there was going to be a tombstone with AJ Styles' name on it. AJ fell all over this graveyard and haunted barn, tossed onto old wood and crashing through fences. I thought all of those effects looked good, like the druids breaking through the barn (which had the proper horror lighting) or the two of them breaking through a fence. I mentioned Lance Henriksen earlier and some of these overhead shots looked like the land where Pumpkinhead was filmed, and it was lit the same way as the final showdown with Pumpkinhead. And yet this did not set unreasonable Pumpkinhead hopes, because everything they had done had been cool in its own way. Within their own canon I think this came off even better than something like the crazy street fight violence of the Hollywood Backlot Brawl, and instead of Piper breaking his hand on Goldust's face we got Taker cutting his arm on a window and AJ yelling about a broken finger. This whole thing was a ton of fun and again, SO MUCH BETTER than any "normal" match we could have had between them.


So I thought this show was great. The matches I absolutely did not care about (Rollins/Owens and Styles/Taker) WAY overdelivered, and you also had Gulak/Cesaro and Bryan/Zayn (added to our 2020 Ongoing MOTY List) that came off impressively violent and cool. This whole thing was more than enjoyable, it kept me entertained the whole way through, and these days it doesn't always take much to make me lose my concentration. I'll come back tomorrow to do the 2nd half, although it has some BIG damn shoes to fill.

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