ECW Fancam: Revere, MA 3/22/97

ECW 3/22/97 Full Show

 

1. Tracy Smothers/Little Guido vs. Spike Dudley/Chris Chetti 

There isn't enough match here to talk about. Joined in progress and the camera glitches throughout the two existing minutes. Spike's huracanrana looks good and reminds me of Kidman's. Did we ever get a Spike vs. Kidman singles? I associate their run with the era of endless WWF Cruiserweight 3 Ways. I looked it up. They had several dozen multimans and one singles match the literal first time they wrestled. I'm watching that Heat match later. The screen goes black when Chetti tags in and almost immediately everyone is chanting YOU FUCKED UP. That sounds about right. When the picture comes back Chetti hits the worst spinning heel kick I've ever seen. Tracy tries to get several people to swing on him after the win. 

2. Axl Rotten vs. Corporal Punishment (6:33)

They take the camera around a tour of the ring before this match. Not a lot of women out at the greyhound track pro wrestling show tonight. I love a low ceiling dog track as a pro wrestling venue but I imagine it would be hard to coax a woman there on a Saturday night. I wanted this to be a violent teacher vs. student match and the crowd wants the same, and instead it's kind of worked as 2000s Dusty Rhodes vs. Black Reign Dustin Rhodes, if they were teacher-student instead of father-son. Corporal can take chair shots, and his elbowdrop and kick to the ear are as good as the best eras of Dustin. His punches looked good too, he took a nice bump from the top buckle onto the ropes, and if he had a better clothesline I'd start seeking out more Maryland indies. 

3. Stevie Richards vs. Louie Spicolli (10:44)

I can't tell if Stevie's offense hits poorly or if Spicolli keeps bumping too early but it's much better when they're trading strikes. Spicolli has more than one kind of nice punch and good kicks to the stomach, and while I think he took Nova and Meanie's punches really well on the floor it also looked like Nova and Meanie somehow had great babyface punches!? Spicolli has a great gutbuster and works a rope assisted abdominal stretch spot and a killer bearhug for an ECW dog track crowd and I love that. His bearhug was shockingly great. He caught Stevie in what could have been turned into a spinebuster or atomic drop and instead dropped to his knees while squeezing the bearhug, then dragged him to the ground and held it there, even bridging into it. Goddamn that's cool. Match starts to go too long and Spicolli is working dominant heel with a knee injury. Stevie has no good way to take over a match, just no credible offense. He does a rocker dropper that looks much worse than the one Spike Dudley did to Tracy Smothers in the opener. Guy who already has problems with credible offense now doing worse looking versions of offense done by someone who is expressly working a Most Undersized of All Undersized Wrestlers gimmick. Spicolli keeps using that spinebuster to set up bearhug attempts so that when he finally uses it for a spinebuster it plays as an excellent spinebuster. The Stevie Kick actually looks like a finisher but Stevie did not wrestle like a guy who should be winning matches. 

4. The Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney (7:19)

I don't know if even Andre the Giant had the kind of aura Sandman has on shows like this. I hate that pro wrestling isn't a place where I can go and see anyone like The Sandman anymore, but I can go to an arena to see Adam Cole. We fucked up bad. Sandman has one of the most threatening glares but also looks like a guy who could not give a shit about a single thing you say so long as you don't interrupt his beer drinking. Downing beers while your lit cig is still in your mouth is something Andre probably could have done but I sure haven't seen him do it. Facially he looks like the most fucked up Gary Sinise character. Sandman was bleeding from breaking cans over his head and Balls bleeds from four hard canings. Sandman takes two full unprotected shots to the head and then sells the rest of the match exactly like a guy who shotgunned several beers and took chair shots should be selling. He takes two different perfect guardrail bumps and lets Balls legdrop a chair on his face. Balls misses a guillotine legdrop and Sandman wins with a schoolboy that looked like a drunk losing a fight, dragging the man down who was only trying to help him out. This ugly guy was trying to get him to walk away from a fight and got swarmed by drunk instinct zombie weight. As it should be.   

5. Dudley Boyz vs. The Eliminators (9:36)

This had a real good backyarder feel to it. Eliminators are a real pair of yarders and they're out here doing a bunch of mostly missed moonsault variations and flying kick combos that it looks like a bunch of high school friends wrestling in a swimming pool. Kronus is just throwing endless spinning heel kicks into the deep end. None of Saturn's moonsaults come anywhere close to his target, he's just a guy doing flips off his buddy's diving board and everyone screams every time his head comes close to grazing part of Bubba Ray's body. The Eliminators are not nearly as polished as 1997 High Voltage, but that's who they are. When Saturn hits a springboard missile dropkick right after losing his place (worse than Kenny Kaos ever did), I knew who they were. It's three minutes of the Dudleys being walked into position for moves that sometimes hit, and when the Dudleys took over their control was a lot more intelligible, but it was more fun when everyone was taking backdrop bumps and yarding. Saturn and both Dudleys take really great backdrop bumps. D-Von is tasked with the most difficult bumps, as he's the one taking most of the Eliminators' tandem kicks where they're out of sync but you still have to know how to bump for two kicks hitting you at different times. Dudleys do a powder in the eyes finish which I think is a great bit to run on an ECW show. These people hated that shit! 

After the match Joel Gertner gets in the ring to celebrate the win and of course take a Total Elimination, but Sign Guy hilariously saves him and screams NO NO NO NO when he realizes he now has to take it instead. Sign Guy sells that shit like the biggest martinete in Mexico too. The fancam camera runs out of battery because Sign Guy takes so long being helped from the ring by two referees and a woman EMT who got catcalled during the entire affair. What did I say earlier about how tough it would be to coax a woman into being in this building? 

6. Rob Van Dam vs. Taz 

I have no idea how much of this we missed. After running out of battery while Sign Guy was slowly helped to the back, our tape went dead. When it came back there was some incredible fancam tape dubbing interference that felt like something made for a modern movie about a haunted VHS tape. There's a split second of Kenta Kobashi footage in between blue screens and tracking lines, our camera returning for a very long shot of a man's sneakers as he stands behind a curtain, next to a trash can. A haunting film about a man hiding in his own skin, afraid to face the people who he's surrounded by, the people he's pretending to be like. Anyway, there's only a couple minutes of this. RVD takes a German that lands him on his stomach, and an exploder through a table after that. I was surprised at how much better RVD's punches were in '97. The matwork that was ending when the match was JIP looked really interesting, but this match ended when Sabu slid in the ring to attack Taz, Candido followed to attack Sabu, and RVD/Taz just disappeared to the back. 

7. Sabu vs. Chris Candido (14:10)

It's crazy how much damage these two took. I kept waiting for the match to gel into something bigger, beyond the surface your move-my move stuff, to move past this feeling of them constantly just getting to the next thing, and while it never did that - nothing really soaked in, nothing felt more impactful than any other thing - the longer they did it the more insane the match felt. The punishment they racked up was impressive, especially for a show that was only being taped by fancam cameras that had already missed two of the six matches. For all Sabu and Candido knew, this was only going to be seen by the trash populating this dog track, and man they went hard. Candido did his best to facilitate and set up spots for Sabu's craziness, and Sabu kept pushing through to do crazier things. All match long Sabu kept going for springboard offense, and regardless of it hitting or missing the landings had to have added up. Sabu took over a dozen falls to the mat springing off the ropes or leaping off the top, and that was just from his own offense, not even counting offense he was taking from Candido. 

The whole story of the match seemed to be Sabu just crashing over and over, sometimes onto a man, sometimes onto his tailbone, and Candido getting more and more flustered by this man who cannot be stopped from self destruction. There was a fun thread running through where Sabu would hit all of his springboard offense but kept missing everything where he vaulted off a chair. Something bad would happen every time he introduced one of those ass killing hotel conference room chairs. He gets spinebustered by Brian Lee, flies into a guardrail as hard as Sabu flies into guardrails, and the biggest was a triple jump plancha to the floor that ended with him taking a thrown conference ballroom chair to the face as he was landing. The thread changed when Candido introduced a chair for the first time and it went terribly for him, and then Sabu started hitting all of his chair jump insanity. 

A man with the most nauseating Boston accent starts really lacing into Chris out of nowhere. Real dirty, mean stuff. "Hey Chris! Ya wife sucks dick! Sunny's a whore! Your wife's blowing Sid right now! She's in Chicago, WITHOUT YOU. Chris! You know where Sunny is?" Good lord. Candido was good at tying all of Sabu's insanity together, punching him into position, knowing when Sabu's offense should hit and when it should miss, giving the man a PILEDRIVER off the middle buckle (that barely slowed Sabu down). There were no real sections of Candido control, they more just seemed like Candido trying desperately to slow things down while getting vile things screamed at him about his wife. But he was there to glue this broken vase together over and over again while Sabu took an absurd amount of bad landings for a house show.  

After he wins, Sabu acts like he's going to dive through a table for the fans and the crowd goes nuts thinking they're seeing something he hasn't done in several years. They actually crowd surf a table over their heads from the back up to ringside while Sabu calls for it, and the second it gets to ringside he jumps out of the ring, tears some teen's nicely drawn orange Taz poster in half and tells everyone to Fuck Off, swinging on a guy on his way to the back. The teen, no doubt a few years away from a date rape accusation that he weathered with no penalization of any kind, is furious. It was a really nicely drawn poster and Sabu managed to rip it right through Taz's neck, decapitating him. As the camera films the teen, he goes off, his voice breaking: "Motherfucker ripped it. That fucking piece of shit! I hope Taz eats that motherfucker alive! He's gonna fucking kill him! Katahajime!!" 

8. Terry Funk/Pitbull #2 vs. Raven/Shane Douglas (7:20)

This is a mess that doesn't stay in the ring long, and is clipped somewhere in the middle. Raven and Funk punch each other around ringside and I would have been fine if that was just the match. But Pitbull #2 is better than you remember and takes a couple of big bumps to the floor and is forced to take offense from Shane Douglas and make it look good. That's not always easy, unless The Franchise is just accidentally hurting him. Raven puts Funk through a ringside table with a pescado and we never see Funk again, and then Raven and Douglas powerbomb Pitbull on the floor and it goes terribly. Douglas couldn't get him up so it turned into a tandem Dominator (which I guess is better than a broken neck) and then Douglas punishes him further by actually powerbombing him through two chairs. Francine had set the chairs up. So...Francine was actually pretty great, huh? I don't think any of us can properly understand the amount of verbal abuse she received while drawing heat from so many mongrels. I didn't see any explicit directions for her to set up two unfolded chairs against each other either, but she's running around ringside the whole match setting things up and looking incredible while doing so. In the discussion for best ECW manager.  

The whole thing ends with everyone flooding the ring. Tommy Dreamer runs in and throws a dozen of the worst punches you've ever seen, then Brian Lee and Candido run to attack Dreamer, then Louie Spicolli runs in, Mikey Whipwreck in jeans and a normal man's t-shirt that doesn't have all over print dragons or some shit gets chokeslammed by Lee, Beulah is out to attack Francine and hike her cocktail dress up over her ass, Rick Rude under a mask is out to protect Francine, and Pitbull schoolboys Douglas for the win.

Best Matches

1. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

2. Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney

3. Dudley Boyz vs. the Eliminators

Read more!

ECW Cyberslam 2/22/97

I've been casually watching 1997 ECW as a tonal break while writing and reviewing every 1997 WCW match for my book, so you may start seeing more reviews of 1997 ECW.  

1. The Eliminators vs. RVD/Sabu 

ER: This match happened a lot over 96/97 because, as two teams with too much offense but relatively fast pacing, they felt like a natural pairing. In reality, they had no chemistry, and the matches were a night more of odd selling and clunky set up times. Their matches were long, emotionless, clumsy, and athletically stupid, but fun in in the way that some walked through but slightly ambitious too long local indy matches can be. "Hey you remember that match we saw at the Vet's Building, where they thought they could do a grueling spotfest but just fell and hurt themselves?" The Eliminators have no actual idea how to put together a match, and I can't think of another team who looked anywhere near as facially stupid as Saturn and Kronus. They walk around with the cadence and expressions of mental patients. Mental patients who can do flips. They're fucking awful and every single last one of us had a dogshit 4 hours Eliminators comp that we thought was great. That was then and this is now and these matches are just bad. They're all 20 minutes, they have as many minutes as a Ric Blade match, and they never have good vibe that Ric Blade matches had. They don't capture that same He's Trying, Alright energy. 

This is billed as a Tables & Ladders match and it winds up using tables, ladders, and chairs less often than in their awful match three weeks earlier at Crossing the Line Again. This long match even starts with matwork, and I'm good on seeing more RVD/Saturn matwork. Everybody just walks around getting into place for everything, they kick ladders into each other and always half miss the ladder, and there is never any kind of flow. There is some of that yard tard Jeff Hardy charm when they run through overly complicated spots that always seem to come off somewhat wrong but hurt in the way that Jeff Hardy's falls would hurt. You'd expect better from two 16 year olds using a park picnic table as an offensive jumping off point, and if you're going to work an inspired backyard match then you need to make sure your work is ready for the backyard. RVD takes two Total Eliminations at the finish. John Kronus performs that move every time like it's the first time he's ever done it, and it always leads to three guys all trying to get on the same page in real time. 

2. Little Guido vs. Chris Chetti

Tommy Rich in a

Hard Rock Cafe jean jacket

Where did he get it

It's the same color

As his non-boot cut blue jeans

light wash all day long

ponytail pulled tight

face bloated red and purple

We need more Wildfire

Wait you're telling me

Hard Rock Cafe Tokyo shirt? 

Under a fringe vest? 

Who took this man out? 

Who gave him money for this? 

Not to be trusted

I don't remember Guido having such a nice kneedrop. Everything Guido did here looked tight. Chetti was really new, 20 matches in, and had this weird mix of early David Flair lurching stiffness with a rookie willingness to try offense he would cut later. Five-months-in Chetti has a much better standing rana than you would have guessed. You know what's better? Guido's gutbuster. Guido misses a top rope kneedrop, landing on his shins. They try to do a Mikey Whipwreck moment for Chetti, which feels like a waste this early. They shoulda had this boy out there teaming with Rich and Guido, eating pasta fazool, and his whole thing coulda been that he's the good boy from Long Island who always ate too much Sunday sauce with his family.  

3. Stevie Richards vs. Balls Mahoney 

I never think about these two ever wrestling. This wasn't a match ECW would run. This is the only time they wrestled in ECW, then one more match a decade later in WWEC, which is weird. Two Men in Cut-Up Jeans. You can't put your Jeans Guys in the same ring too often. Balls had at least two different good punches in 1997. Stevie does a lot of long really boring arm work that I don't think is going anywhere interesting. Yet? No, this match is at its best when Stevie lets go of the arm and Mahoney unloads fists. Every slightly different punch Balls throws is better than I expect. I always think of Balls as getting really good in 2000s Jersey All Pro but he's been a great Stupid Bluto in 1997. Stevie Richards has some real dogshit offense and has nothing anywhere near as great as Balls' short arm clothesline, which he lays out flat for. His elbowdrop off the middle turnbuckle is closer to Macho Man than CM Punk, his spinning heel kick that sends himself to the floor feels like a more agile Mick Foley spot, and all of his strikes are good.  When he commits all the way to a missed guillotine legdrop, he also sells his balls. I think Balls, selling his balls, and the potential danger of a legdrop - even properly executed - potentially landing you on your balls, is a Rick Rude-level dedication to both nuance and character that I don't think any of us were giving him credit for in 1997. On the other hand, Stevie Richards works like an uninspired Rhett Titus. Hail Balls.  

4. Axl Rotten vs. Spike Dudley 

Spike Dudley takes a full speed head and body first bump into a guardrail and leans into every boot and left hand that Axl Rotten throws at the center of his face. Axl Rotten's left hand is approaching 0.8 Terry Funk and he looks like he has fun throwing it, and those kind of emotions are an important part of great punches. Spike takes such admirable beatings which both makes sense because of his small size, but also must be sheer hell because of his small size. His large bumps have no body to absorb them. He is landing on hip bone points on all of his big, heavy landing crossbodies. Spike Dudley probably had the hardest landing offense of any 150 pounder in wrestling history. His flying forearm hits, his crossbodies land like a full bodybag, and his cannonball off the apron hits Rotten like a bowling ball whipped at a nihilist. His body is heavy because his skeleton is calcified. This had the stiffness and fast pace of a Wildside TV match with the energy of a 1997 ECW match. Bubba and D-Von mess up Spike after the match including a huge thrown into the air powerbomb and Joey Styles is too busy calling the long names of moves to place the beating within context. 

5. Dudley Boyz vs. The Gangstas 

Gangstas matches are known for their weapons shots but New Jack would have clearly been better if he had just dropped all the weapons and shoot punched people in the head and face like this. I'm not sure which New Jack punch is my favorite, but it might be his 1-to-7 punch, where he slowly raises his hand to one before bringing it roughly down across his opponent's head toward 7. Every punch he throws looks really good though. He throws a great elbowdrop too. Also, maybe let him keep the guitar as a weapon because doing his little dance while strumming the guitar before using it is essential. Bubba takes a really high backdrop, and it is possible that Mustafa does not know how to bump. The Dudleys in control isn't anywhere near as interesting as Gangstas in control. Dudleys aren't as lively with their punch and kick, although I do like D-Von's reared back punches. Luckily, New Jack is really great at selling punches and he will also let D-Von hit him in the forehead with a VCR. 

This match has one of the truly crazy New Jack spots - yes, I understand what I'm saying - when he lays D-Von on a table that is very far away from the eagle's nest. He has to take a running, arm swimming, Superman leap that lands him short of the table, meaning he does a running flying headbutt into D-Von's stomach from a 10' drop with 12-15' of distance. I have no idea how he didn't break his neck or wrists or knees or anything upon landing, I have no idea why he set D-Von up so far away, but I love that he got up in that eagle's nest and actually shoved a child in sweatpants aside and knew he couldn't back out of the spot. On the Hardcore TV version of this match they show a different camera angle, not showing any part of the landing but instead showing a shot from across the arena that captured how far out he jumped, like a Gangsta swimming through air. Bubba pins New Jack when New Jack climbs to the top rope, bashes Axl Rotten in the head and throws that chair edge-first down onto him, then leaps off the top into a cutter. It's weird that every single wrestling show in 2023 has a Guy Leaps Into A Cutter spot and I now can't picture anybody doing that spot earlier than fucking New Jack. Was New Jack the best wrestler in 1997 ECW? 

6. Taz vs. Tracy Smothers

This is Smothers' first ECW match, still under contract to WWF for another two months, and in the middle of a Northeast February winter, this legend worked a WWF house show in New Haven, CT and then drove at least three hours over to Philadelphia just to get fucked up by Taz. I know there are better examples of making towns in wrestling history, but what was Tracy even thinking about during that three hour commute? Just listening to area radio on his way to getting shoot slapped a couple times and German suplexed by a man he towers over. Smothers' timing looked a little off here, but that could be because it's not easy to work timing spots with a junior. His standing back elbows looked hard and Taz nicely sold his mouth while Tracy went up top for his flying back elbow, which also looked good. Smothers lost a match to the bad Head Banger and then drove 175 miles to work a match that could have accomplished the same goal had Taz just suplexed Chris Chetti. 

7. Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Brian Lee

Straw Hat Guy keeps yelling "Bullshitter" at Bulldozer Brian Lee, but he is a man who has given more money to Paul Heyman that several actual ECW employees so I'm not sure I would trust his bullshitter radar. It's kind of shocking how low quality this tag match is. It's more of a 20 minute angle than an actual match, except it's supposed to be a match, and the match isn't good. It's extremely lethargic, a walk and brawl in slow motion. Dreamer throws punches with his entire hand open, things only get briefly interesting when Raven and Funk start fighting on the floor, but it's crazy how much worse this was than the Gangstas/Dudley Boyz match on the same card. This is the kind of brawl where people weren't really throwing punches, but more grabbing the back of someone's head and then walking and or throwing them forward into something. Dreamer and Lee spent several minutes on the floor walking each other back and forth at ringside and pushing each other by the head into objects. Raven grabbed Funk by the back of the head and threw him down into the mat a half dozen or more times. Everybody wrestles tired. Funk kicks at Raven's leg and locks in the spinning toehold and things probably peak with Lee stopping the spinning toehold with a trash can shot to Funk's head and knocking Dreamer off the apron with a swing to the side of his head. Then he hits about a dozen trash can swings on Funk that look like the softest weapon shots on this show until the match is stopped and Funk is forced to leave on a stretcher while swearing. This was supposed to be all about furthering the Raven/Dreamer/Funk storyline and distancing Funk from ever getting an ECW title shot but they managed to get there in the least interesting way possible. This was so low energy and I do not know why. 

8. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

Candido is sort of growing out his hair and he has it slicked back, but it's not long enough up top to stay slicked so it just sticks up like a toddler after a bath. Under the white hot lights of the Arena, his white blond hair looks like the hair of Mom's dunderhead sons on Futurama. This match never totally feels like it gels into an actual match, but it does have Sabu jumping off a chair at least a dozen times into a series of leg lariats, huracanranas, legdrops, moonsaults and both are game to bump painfully, but the primary thing that hurts it is the crowd never being that into it in any way. I don't know why, as these people like moves, and this match was mostly move after move after move. Even the punch exchanges all looked good. Shit I wish we had more of them punching each other as every punch exchange here looked good, but without counting I think Sabu jumped off a chair or sprang off the ropes more times than he threw a punch, and that's pretty cool too. A lot of this was just throwing shit at the wall so 25% of it wasn't going to work. Sometimes a piledriver off the middle buckle is just going to look like a guy pulling someone on top of himself. I guess the craziest thing about Sabu going so all out with Air Sabu attacks is that he works in even more spots in this 20 minute match than he did earlier in the night in his 20 minute tag match. How the fuck did this guy take this many ugly landings for 20 straight minutes, two times in one night? 

I mean Candido takes a vertical suplex over the top to the floor that that must have been hell on the ankles and a sheer drop bump to the floor when Sabu tosses him on a charge, and also does an incredible crossbody plancha into the crowd that catches Sabu across the face and shoulders. He also grabs a very long chickenwing that makes the crowd Actually Upset, but more in an Impotently Frustrated way instead of a Drawing Heat way. And so, he spittily yells "It's called wrestling you fucking assholes"and then grabs a ringside mic to yell "Are you people bored? Should I put him in another wrestling hold?" It could have drawn real heat if he kept it up maybe, but instead it wound up looking like he got mad at his own joke. Sabu hit so much stuff and I guess at the end of the day I just love that Sabu had the energy to seemingly make up a bunch of shit on the fly. He does a full triple jump bombs away through a table on the floor when Candido sits up, lands chest first on the guardrail doing a tope, crashes on his butt several times...but also vaults off a chair and hits a flat out gorgeous huracanrana. I love this man and his messiness that can surprise with elegance. Sabu keeps falling off ropes and chairs onto Candido, and eventually one of those times pins him, and Candido cuts this weird promo after about how much of a draw Sabu is and how he doesn't care if Sabu or Taz wins at Barely Legal because "the Triple Threat gets paid either way". His crippling credit card debt and 2nd mortgage were not present in the arena for this promo. 

Best Matches: 

1. Spike Dudley vs. Axl Rotten

2. Sabu vs. Chris Candido

3. Gangstas vs. Dudley Boyz

Read more!

Found Footage Friday: WWE in Melbourne, Australia 8/29/04

8/29/04 Full Show


Funaki vs. Rene Dupree

MD: Fun opener that outside for one big German cut off to set up the finish, could have happened almost spot for spot fifteen years before. This followed Teddy Long opening the show by flubbing a half dozen lines, but the fans were happy to see him and to be getting a show in general. Funaki came out with a valet who immediately went to the back and I can't place what was going on there and the internet is no help. Early chain wrestling worked. Lots of little tricks like Dupree pointing to his hair to draw the ref off so he could do a hairpull himself, only to have Funaki hold on to the wristlock. Things like that. Dupree got a knee in off the ropes and took over with things very first match and simple, but the crowd was eager to cheer and especially eager to see Dupree hop around with his trademark comedy bit of the month. That let him get rolled up for a banana peel Funaki win. Simple, straightforward, effective. I think the blog's covered maybe two Rene Dupree matches ever so I have no idea what his 2010s in Japan are like but I'm sort of curious. Regardless, it's hard to tell with a crowd this eager to see wrestling, but he seemed to be over, down to kissing the hand of a woman on the way out and getting a big pop. 

ER: "Tajiri!!" some little kid near the camera yells excitedly. Sorry, that's the other guy. Hopefully the kid doesn't get the exact same letdown during the Kenzo Suzuki match later on. This match is clipped up a bit, but what we got was really good. Rene Dupree was an majorly under-appreciated act in WWE, and would make an interesting project for me to go back through searching for gems. He was a fully formed act in 2004 and you could see that better on house shows than on TV. He knew how to get heat from this crowd, who granted, were excited to give that heat. They're like the perfect crowd for everything Dupree does, and they seem in on the joke without being annoying about it. I am not familiar with Australian sports, so I am also not familiar with the rhythm of Australian wrestling chants, which do not follow the NEMA standard four syllable/five clap timing. 

Dupree has very funny body language and is good at getting reactions with just his movement, or just his posture. When he's flopping in funny ways to sell Funaki's wristlock, falling over himself when Funaki just won't let go, it's like classic Regal. It builds really nicely from wrist control into some tough Dupree offense. He hit a hard shoulderblock, backbreaker, and a knee lift, and he flat out levels Funaki with a hard clothesline after punching mat on a Funaki sunset flip. They took it further than I was expecting, because I was not expecting Dupree to bounce Funaki off his face with a huge release German suplex. And the finish is great, as Dupree saves the French Tickler dance for the very end, giving the crowd exactly what they wanted (somehow the section with our cameraman were the biggest French Tickler fans in Melbourne), and as Dupree is bouncing his bulge for each side of the ring, he falls victim to a Funaki schoolboy. The crowd loved seeing Rene Dupree lose, but most importantly: They loved seeing Rene Dupree. I think Australia might have been right. 

Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio

MD: A lot to like here too. Smart stuff right from the get go where Spike let Rey chase him around the ring so that he could ambush him on the inside, only to get a quick comeuppance and feed for a steady shine. That built to him taking a powder and threatening to leave only to really eat Rey's baseball slide on the way out and catch his flip dive over Charles Robinson, who had tried to stop him from diving a moment before. Real crowd-pleasing stuff. Nice transition where Spike jammed Rey off the ropes causing him to bump stomach first out of the ring. The heat was them working in and out of bodyscissors with the comeback just a foot up by Rey on a leap from the top by Spike. In the stretch it was all about wondering how Rey was going to position him for the 619, and he did manage it after kicking out of an Acid Drop, but by then the Dudleys had come out and one foot grab and roll up later (second roll up in two matches, so that's some iffy agenting), Spike's retained. They did a good job of making it seem like the fans might see a title change for a while there though.

ER: Heel era Spike was really great, and I was so excited to get another singles match from that run, let alone another Rey singles match. The only singles matches they had on TV was Spike's title win and Spike's title loss, so it's cool seeing the literal first singles match after the title win. Spike always had good offense but wasn't always in the role to show that offense. His heel run was his chance to show his bruiser side, the side he probably hadn't played since his Incredibly Strange Wrestling. This was the match I was most excited to see on this handheld, and while it probably wasn't as good as Rene Dupree vs. Funaki, it was still so good. The crowd was into heel Spike, and Spike is a great base for Rey's best. Spike takes a sick bump into the ringpost and later threatens to walk out, then walks back the hard way directly into a Rey baseball slide, then adeptly catches his slingshot senton. Spike is real precise worker on offense and defense, good at catching crossbodies and nailing his flying forearm and torpedo headbutt. His set ups are really strong, and Rey has precision as good or greater than Spike's so it's a super pairing of the two smallest guys on the roster. 

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

MD: I went and watched this. Might as well write it up. They had probably wrestled each other fifty times by this point, right? They had the act down. The fans clapped Torrie up while in the chinlocks but barely reacted at all to her spear and her actual comeback, which is always a sign that something isn't quite right. Korderas brought out a hankerchief for after he got rolled upon during the catfight bit and that was kind of funny, I guess. Prop comedy. They came back and did this exact same match up the following April and I'm vaguely curious to see what that would have looked like. I don't know. This was fine for what it was and Dawn Marie gets a few extra points for her post match selling, even if she lost a few for never leaving her feet on the catapult into the corner. I'd never seen someone take a catapult as an Irish Whip before. Torrie won with a DDT. Something on this card needed a clean finish so I guess this was as good as any.

ER: Maaaaan I think Matt is being a bit of a curmudgeon here. I was actually excited for this one, because Dawn Marie is a really great thing. I became a big fan of Dawn Marie since seeing her at the 1/3/03 WWF Cow Palace card, where she had a standout match on an absolutely stacked show. It was a Bra & Panties match against Gail Kim, where she worked arm based offense to weaken Kim's clothes-ripping abilities. Both women played into the story and it was definitely the most technical match I've seen worked around a Bra & Panties gimmick. Dawn Marie bringing arm work into a match for the sole purpose of delaying the panty payoff is the mark of a brilliant heel worker who knew exactly what she was doing, impossible for me to not be a fan for life. And I think this match a year and a half later was really good, painting the picture of a real strong house show worker. 

Dawn Marie's selling is strong, she throws hard forearms, and works really tight headlocks. She's honest on offense, making good contact and selling that impact. Look at the way she runs into and staggers out of Torrie Wilson's boot in the corner. I don't think she ever got enough credit for how well she took offense and excelled at the basics. I thought the Jimmy Korderas comedy spot worked really well toward the end of the match. It's not the kind of spot they were doing on television, and based on all of the people audible around our cameraman, this section was clearly familiar with all of the TV. You could tell by the big reaction and genuine laughs that the crowd hadn't seen two women steamrolling a bald ref with their cat fight, and it felt like a moment unique to a house show. Also, I loved how they set up the spot right after, where Torrie cut LOW on a clothesline that almost hit Korderas! Torrie threw that with more violent form than I would have expected, and I love a miss thrown like a HR swing. Dawn took the DDT right on her head, in the way that looked like a finish. I don't know man. I hate to say Matt is wrong but House Show Dawn Marie speaks for herself. 

Billy Gunn vs. Heidenreich

MD: So far, past a little blip here or there, this was a wrestling show in front of a crowd that wanted to see a wrestling show. Here, that meant Heyman came out and got some real cheap heat on the mic and Gunn came out and got just as cheap a pop. I spend a bunch of time watching 2022 Billy and he stands out in a way now that he didn't back then, but we probably didn't give him enough credit as a community for what he did do well. Not just the punches either. Here, he bumped like crazy to get over the transition (wiping out on the post on the outside) and then to put over the cutoffs. Heidenreich could lean on some simple armwork and wasn't asked to do too much. The finish was, again, straight out of 1989 with Heyman (who had just sold a crotch chop like death on the outside) up on the apron as Billy was going for his finish and he walked right into Heidenreich's kind of weak Boss Man Slam. Again, everything so far has just been hitting the right buttons for the crowd, just like a house show should. 

ER: I thought this was really good too. I must be in some kind of mood. Some of these house shows just really hum. The pacing on this show has been really good, and perhaps it's been helped out a bit by our cameraman's selective in-match editing. Everything has been 5-10 minutes and it's a reallll comfortable window for this roster to hit. I've had a lot of fun going through Big Boss Man's 2002 run, and I bet there are some unheralded gems in Billy Gunn's 2003-2004. Those Gunn/Holly vs. The Bashams matches probably look a lot better in 2022 than they felt in 2004. Shit I should probably do a Bashams C&A too. That one's been overdue.  

This match was a great Gunn showcase, but Heidenreich had a couple real high notes. He took a crazy fast bump over the top to the floor on a missed charge, then a big tumbling bump off the apron after getting up into a hard Gunn forearm smash. Their floor work was really inspired, with Heidenreich taking a big spill into the guardrail (in the days when there was still a big metal guardrail for a 270 lb. guy to sprint into) and Billy Gunn wrapping himself around the ringpost like 1983 Lawler in the Mid-South Coliseum. Heidenreich throws a nice running clothesline, and Gunn takes a real nice flipping bump from it, flipping from the contact and not before it. All of Gunn's punches looked great, from his early match jabs in the corner to his woozy stumbling rights to build to the finish. Heyman's theatrics are incredible house show bullshit, reacting to a Gunn crotch chop by getting literally hopping mad. If he had a hat he would have slammed it to the ground like Boss Hogg. He takes a really big bump off the apron when Gunn punches him off, and I actually thought Heidenreich's high side slam looked pretty good. It didn't have the impact of the Boss Man Slam, but it's not really controversial to say Heidenreich wasn't as good as the Big Boss Man. But the height was actually high, and his control through the move was really good. 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

MD: It's been a long time since I've revisited any of the Angle vs. Guerrero feud from earlier in 2004, but this was really good. I think it benefited from being a house show, from having lower stakes, from having more time to breathe, from being in the middle of the card. They started with more time on the mat than I remember Angle usually taking at this point in his career, competitive and scrappy. They moved into a headlock sequence with a big payoff then a top wristlock back and forth with all sorts of comedy that was actually funny, all capped off by Eddy pantsing Angle (which the crowd loved but it followed Gunn doing it to himself because it was his gimmick so again, agenting). When Angle finally got to throw a suplex, it meant something, because there was a place for the match to build to. He wasn't working like Mark Rocco but instead let things breathe and build. It all led up to a pretty exciting finishing stretch with one really great nearfall. These two might have had bigger matches earlier or later in the year, but I doubt they had a better one. It was one of the best, most balanced, most measured and meaningful WWE Angle matches I've seen.

Dudley Boyz vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman

MD: Another attempt at cheap heat to start with the crowd getting behind Kidman's Ralph Macchio delivery and overall solid sense of comedic timing. They got on Bubba and seemed to really enjoy chanting at D-Von later so who knows. They were just happy to be there. London worked the brunt of this until the hot tag and the finishing stretch, even most of the shine. D'Von fed for them but Bubba made them work for everything early. It made for a good combination since there was some gravitas due to the size differential while still letting them hit some of their flashier stuff. Heat was well set up with London getting a shot in on Bubba on the apron and then immediately paying for it. Finishing stretch called back to the Cruiserweight match earlier with Spike and then Rey coming out and it all ending with heel miscommunication, another DDT pin, and Spike taking the 619. Good piece of house show business overall.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kenzo Sukuzi

MD: You can't say that these two didn't match up well. They both had stupid, stylized offense, but in some ways that was better than only one of them having stupid, stylized offense. Both took one big bump too, Suzuki taking one from the top rope to the floor off a kick to the rear and RVD going hard into the steps to start the heat. Cutoffs were ok but the actual comeback move was just a kick out of nowhere and felt anti-climactic. As did the finishing stretch. Suzuki probably would have done better to stall more at the start. It was getting a reaction and he had Hiroko at ringside to help get heat. 

John Cena/Charlie Haas vs. Booker T/Luther Reigns

MD: Cena felt like the biggest, most electric star on the show so far, and that's saying something when Angle vs. Eddy was earlier in the night. When I'm watching a random house show tag like this, what I'm really looking for, as much as anything else, are the wrestlers interacting with one another. Cena brought that in a big way, pulling Jackie Gayda in to pose and clapping up Haas after the initial stalling. Delaying of gratification meant that the match started with Haas vs. Reigns instead of Booker vs. Cena, playing around with them post-match. You got the sense that Cena was trying to elevate them for the crowd. There was a bit of Booker hyping Reigns to start the match that was good too. We lose a chunk of this, most of the heat but Haas looked pretty good in there with Reigns for the minute or so we got. Booker exuded this oozing sliminess when he came in to work Haas over. Past that, it was a little paint by numbers in giving the fans what they wanted, but Cena made sure all the numbers were at least high and vibrant and it ended up feeling like a big celebration. 

JBL vs. Undertaker

MD: Really strong house show main event here. JBL cut a good, deluded promo trashing Australia and asking the fans to support him like he was 1983 Tommy Rich. I liked the early loop a lot where they bypassed the initial stalling, teased Old School, had JBL hit a great neckbreaker and Russian leg sweep, had Taker sit up, then did the stalling/leaving, and finished it with Taker dragging him back and actually hitting Old School. The match hinged upon JBL taking out Taker's leg and he really worked to get it early, first capitalizing on a missed knee in the corner by punching it out, then turning a Taker move on the stairs around, and finally tossing a chair into the ring to distract the ref so he could whack it with another chair. He had a nice (in theory though maybe not execution) Gagne-style deathlock on for a while and then they were able to use it to justify all of Taker's comebacks getting cut off. The finish was full of ref bumps and Dupree coming back to cause trouble before the groggy ref saw JBL use the belt for the DQ. Post match, Taker destroyed half the roster as the crowd chanted for Cena to come out to save him, but ultimately they were probably more than ok with what they got.

ER: I thought this was an excellent JBL outing and a kind of lacking Undertaker outing until all of the push to his big comeback, balancing out to a very good house show main. For the first 10 minutes of this long match, I swear Undertaker was throwing every single strike 3" short of his intended target. You could clearly see every JBL shot (and I do mean every kick, punch, chop, and elbow) land, and here's Undertaker throwing punches at a fly a few inches in front of JBL's forehead. JBL and Undertaker's star do the work of two men here, but JBL is the guy taking big bumps and attempting to lean into Taker's strikes, and it's just a great JBL match. I loved early when he wasn't budging Taker with shoulderblocks, then rushes in with even more steam only to get sidestepped, crashing over the top to the floor in a really big bump. JBL is good at bumping into the ring steps, but leg control JBL was a different kind of fun than I was expecting this match to be. When JBL dodges a Taker running boot in the corner and Taker's balls hit the buckles, that's JBL's time to work over that leg.

I love his kneebreaker, a really vicious move for a guy his size to do, trapping Taker's shin in his legs and jumping down to his knees. Taker has an amusingly loose set up for his own rolling kneebar, but JBL is good at dropping tons of elbows on Taker's knee, trapping it in his own legs, applying pressure to the actual knee, and recoiling from all of Taker's strikes to break that hold. Taker is very good at limping around and paying lip service to that knee, though seemed to be selling it better when his leather pant leg was hiked up his leg. JBL set up all of Taker's comeback offense really well, and leaned right into that Snake Eyes/Big Boot combo that a lot of fans bought as the finish. The crowd seemed genuinely surprised when Taker kicked out of the Clothesline from Hell, and I loved Rene Dupree's big bump off the apron when Taker kicked away his distraction. You can't have JBL - even as champ - pinning Taker on the main event of Melbourne's only show of the year, and I thought all the bullshit at the finish was more than enough to send a crowd home happy. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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On Brand Segunda Caida: PG-13 Hit the Big Leagues

PG-13 vs. Legion of Doom WWF Raw 5/12/97

ER: Here is the lone 1997 WWF in-ring appearance of PG-13, a team that would have been a fantastic addition to the 1995 roster but weren't going to have much place in 1997. This whole thing is fun, two goofballs who are the last ones to find out that they would be wrestling LOD. Of course it's only going to go 2 minutes, but what else was supposed to happen? I am not sure the people of Delaware knew what to make of JC Ice, and it wouldn't surprise me if this was the only time Jamie Dundee ever wrestled in Delaware. PG-13 rush the ring and throw punches that LOD do not acknowledge, and then do a great job of flying around painfully for LOD. Wolfie D gets bieled through the ropes to the floor, slides back in to tag in Ice and Jamie Dundee gets a great laugh from the crowd by avoiding the tag while sucking his teeth. He gets brought in anyway and desperately uses some of his Dundee flailing karate to keep Hawk at bay before being nailed with a clothesline. 

I liked our tiny bit of PG-13 offense, with Ice raking Hawk's eyes and trying to hit a piledriver, only to have it blocked. Wolfie D comes in and they hit a stuff piledriver on Hawk, who completely ignores it, and PG-13 both eat clotheslines. The finish is the kind of dangerous finish that nobody on the regular roster would agree to, as Ice gets lifted up for the Doomsday Device (with Dundee begging and praying for mercy the whole time he's on the shoulders). Once Ice takes the Device, they position him in the middle and then lift Wolfie for more of the same, with the idea that Wolfie would get knocked off and flip directly onto JC Ice. And that's kind of what happens - and it probably should have gone even worse - as Wolfie tries to soften his fall without sending a knee into Dundee's face, and then they get pinned while draped across each other. I don't know if this was their last TV appearance (they might have taped something that aired after this), but this sure felt like a match that only happens when an act won't be returning. 

PG-13 vs. The Dudley Boyz ECW Hardcore Heaven 8/17/97

ER: Dundee's big padded Uncle Sam top hat is incredible, he's got his gorgeous rainbow sherbet Mickey Mouse Ice jean jacket, Mickey boxer shorts hiked over his Ice jorts, really every single thing about PG-13 was hateable. God knows I would spend money on that jacket if it got put up on eBay. For this match, I didn't think it would work to have PG-13 invading from USWA...while also working babyface opposite the Dudleys. When a rudo luchador goes up against a rudo gringo, the luchador is always going to be the tecnico. It is a dicey move to expect any crowd anywhere to cheer for PG-13, but somehow Dundee kind of does the impossible. He cuts a promo on the Dudleys, running down Mama Dudley and doing a Butthead impression, all before this "rasslin' match" and it actually seems to get the crowd behind PG-13? The early goings are slow, but there's an amusing moment where Dundee slides out of the ring and sneaks a kiss on Jenna Jameson (who was out there with the Dudleys) who acts completely disgusted at having Jamie Dundee near her, and it's shocking that there were no Styles comments about that being the worst thing she's ever had in her mouth. The match gets good when the crowd weirdly gets behind Dundee standing up to Bubba. Dundee starts firing punches and Bubba asks for another, no selling the prior ones, so Dundee kicks him in the balls to a huge reaction. It should also be noted that Dundee's reaction time seems somewhat slow this entire match, so there is a chance that Jamie Dundee decided to get loaded for his ECW PPV appearance. 

The hot tag to Wolfie D gets a genuine hot tag reaction - which I was not expecting- and Wolfie D looked really great here. There's a cool spot where he hits a double dropkick on both Dudleys and gets insane height off it, the guy must have been a champion high jumper. He hits a nice tiger driver on D-Von and a great bulldog off the top rope on Bubba (with Bubba seated on the top and Wolfie leaping off with him). D-Von catches Dundee on an attempted pescado, and then Wolfie flies onto both of them with one of his own. This couple minute stretch was easily the best part of the match, and really showed how Wolfie D could have been a popular ECW act, as he was doing ECW-style highspot chaining way better than a lot of their in house guys. But the 3D comes almost immediately after all this without much build. I think the match may have been more effective had PG-13 worked as invading heels and overtly cheated throughout, threatening to take the ECW belts back to USWA. What we got wasn't bad, but it felt like they picked the most difficult layout for success. Still, they worked hard to make a tough layout work, and that feels like a success. 

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The Comeback People Waited 4 Years For: The Return of Nick Patrick

Nick Patrick/Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/The Rock/Mike Chioda WWF Smackdown 10/4/01

ER: We're all familiar with Nick Patrick's legendary WCW match against Chris Jericho, so I was dying to revisit how Patrick handled his first match with actual wrestlers (and not just another referee) since that Jericho match. That Jericho singles has a very special place in my heart, and this was special in a different way. This was Patrick's swan song, his final match, and it's cool that it came during maybe the hottest business period in wrestling history (just a few months after the Invasion angle that was the beginning of the end for the boom period). It's smart to structure the match as mostly a straight Dudleys vs. Rock/Jericho tag while leaving some big moments for Patrick and the actual non-wrestler Chioda. Rock and Jericho were sky high babyfaces, and it's great seeing Patrick feed off that. Chioda stays completely out of this until his big moment at the end, whereas Patrick is actively interfering and working from the apron. Bubba Ray was really entering his working peak at this point, and here he handles the bulk of the bumping, going up for a big back suplex from Jericho, two bumps off the turnbuckles (including his big missed senton) and a huge bump over the top to the floor that sets up our fantastic finishing sequence. Bubba also drops two gorgeous elbows and follows them up with a cool falling axe handle. But before that Patrick gets in a couple of really good moments, stooging from the apron and acting like he doesn't want to get involved, but then being the first in the ring to break up a pinfall! That's a fun twist on the "non-wrestler" forced into a match, as you don't typically see Jimmy Hart or Cornette running in just to break up pins.

So Patrick puts the boots to Rock and then takes off running around ringside, filled with regret. He's got his ref slacks with the unflattering ankle break, his little league coach WCW shirsey, and he has no interest in tangling with The Rock. But Chioda chases him back into the ring and Patrick dives right into a Jericho double leg before Bubba Ray makes a great save, keeping Jericho from locking in the Walls. The finish involving the refs was the best part of the match. The match match really had the feel of a classic Smoky Mountain main event trios, and the finish felt like something ripped straight from a Cornette agented OVW match. Bubba gets tossed to the floor in a great bump, and then Jericho follows it up by hitting his Silver King shoulderblock to knock D-von off the apron, leaving Patrick alone on the apron as the only guy to get in the ring and face The Rock. This show was in front of at least 10,000 people in Mobile, AL, and this felt like something that was specifically designed to be expertly played out in front of 70 people in Mobile, AL. Chioda gets tagged in and spears Patrick, throwing awful punches and worse stomps, ripping off Patrick's WCW shirt. Patrick eats a Rock Bottom and a picture perfect Lionsault, and then Rock actually stops Chioda from pinning Patrick and motions for Chioda to do the People's Elbow. The crowd is legitimately going nuts for referee Mike Chioda - in the only wrestling match of his career - to do the elbow, and he somehow pulls it off. It's weird when WWF accidentally lets super southern territory tropes into their main events. Very little of this felt like a WWF main event. This felt much more like a main event of a show in a high school gym, and I wish that was a vibe that WWF aimed for more often.

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Reigns vs. Braun: A Match History, Part II

5. Braun Strowman/Bray Wyatt/Erick Rowan vs. Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins (Raw 10/19/15)

ER: If I had to choose one word to describe this match, I would choose "sluggish". It was 10 minutes, but really draggggged. This continues the trend of Braun hardly getting involved in matches, as he did nothing in the match for the first 8 minutes, and by the end did no actual moves. He pulled Roman down off the apron, threw Ambrose to the floor, then got Roman into a choke. I really liked how he looked before this, so I'm unsure why they suddenly had him stop working. This was mostly Ambrose working Bray, playing FIP, leading to Rollins leaving with a fake knee injury. Dean was on fire the first minute of this, but just a few minutes in was already airmailing punches a foot past Rowan's head. When Bray locking on a grounded side headlock is the most interesting part of the match, you just move on with your life, admitting to yourself and your family that you chose the dumbest fucking hobby.

6. Braun Strowman/Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose (WWE House Show 10/31/15)

ER: Really fun No DQ house show match. There's tons of loud kids in attendance which makes house shows the best (really the only life situation that loud excitable kids add to my enjoyment of something), just tons of kids screaming for Reigns and yelling at Wyatt. At one point Ambrose gets put through a table and then gets caught with sister Abigail off the rebound lariat. Reigns leaps in from the floor to save him at the last second, and one kid - not trying to start any kind of chant - just screams out "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" And it was pretty awesome. Braun worked slow methodical monster in this one, with some nice moments like standing on Ambrose's knee and ankle while soaking in the boos, then stomping on it. Bray introduced chairs and a kendo stick, all of which got used by everyone. Roman had a bunch of fun superman punches including a great one saving Dean from another sister Abigail. The whole match built to Braun getting speared through a table, which feels like a big spot on a house show. But this whole thing was fun, definitely sent people home happy.

7. 16 Man Elimination Tag: Braun/Wyatt/Harper/Rowan vs. Reigns/Ambrose/Usos vs. Rhyno/Dudleys/Dreamer vs. Sheamus/Rusev/Barrett/Del Rio (Raw 12/7/15)

ER: What kind of a weird mess of a match is this!? Tommy Dreamer was in WWE a year ago? They were actually collectively called Team ECW?! This is such a weird match. It was the opening segment on Raw, and starting Raw with a match is weird enough, but starting it with some sort of 1997 Gang Warz elimination match is even weirder. And then The Wyatts are the first team eliminated when Dreamer pins Rowan with a DDT. But this thing is a total cluster, a kind of fun cluster, but a total cluster. A member for each team is in the ring at all times, so there's bodies just constantly getting in the way of each other. Del Rio is oddly spirited in this, stiffing up Team ECW with these cool low yakuza kicks (like a yakuza kick, but thrown to a seated opponent) and taking a couple big bumps. Rusev sells way too much for everybody, the Dudleys do a bunch of old bad spots (I like when Bubba is unprofessionally stiffing people, not so much his "working a minor league baseball stadium" style), Usos work stiff as well with some nasty uppercuts, Reigns has a fun/silly segment where he does a superman punch to three different guys on the apron. Not all at once, but Wade Barrett would get on the apron, and get punched, then ADR would climb up on a different side of the ring, and get punched, and so on and so on. This match had over half a Royal Rumble worth of dudes, and it happened, because.

8. Braun/Wyatt/Harper/Rowan/Sheamus/Rusev/Barrett/Del Rio vs. Reigns/Ambrose/Ryback/Usos/Dudleys/Kane (Tribute to the Troops 12/8/15)

ER: A much, much, much better version of the 16 man match from the day before. We drop the elimination stip, make it 8 on 8, Kane and Ryback replace Dreamer and Rhyno, and everybody works pointlessly stiff for the least watched WWE TV special of the year. This isn't really a Roman/Braun show, as they only have one moment together (Roman superman punching him while he gets Kane in his standing side triangle) but it's a hot 10 minutes. Harper was a standout here, throwing beastly palm strikes and ambushing Ambrose with a great superkick, Kane throws his nice uppercuts and gets out of the way, Ryback is dressed like the most gassed Bushwhacker, I don't remember any moment where any League of Nation member is in the ring, and out of everybody that could have taken the pin, Luke Harper takes it. Also, the Dudleys are still around, and take up time in 2015 doing the Wazzup drop, and it occurs to me that at this point there are thousands of fans who have never see any of the Wazzup commercials, and only know this as a thing that the Dudleys do. The reference is so old, it has now become their own. It would be like a team in 2000 doing a Where's the Beef double team flapjack, with a crowd of children screaming Whhhheeerrrrreee's (as the guy went up for the flapjack) THE BEEF (when he hit the mat). It would be like someone considering retiring their Austin Powers catchphrase-based offense in 2012, but then taking it out for another spin. Though I do look forward to someone doing a Borat "My wiiiiiife" bronco buster in 2022.

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WWE TLC 2015 Live Blog

1. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

ER: They start with this ugly, endless sketch where Team BAD sing a terrible, cringeworthy 12 Days of Christmas rendition that....I'm not sure what was supposed to be accomplished. Was it to get Banks booed in her hometown? Who is the heel in this though? You have a hometown heel who the crowd wants to cheer, who then is forced to do an unfunny and unprepared segment to start the match, and the crowd is then just left quiet. I love the early armwork and loved Becky's ankle pick on a Banks leap frog. We hit the Banks transition and Lawler says that Banks has controlled the whole match, even though literally the exact opposite thing has happened the whole match. The facials Banks makes in between moves is great. She knows how to shit talk and make great cocky faces. I love when she shit talks mid-move and it blows up on her, like slapping Lynch and talking shit leading to her getting blasted with an elbow. Her crossface submission looks good and I liked Lynch fighting up out of it, with Banks trying to stomp the backs of her knees. Match as a whole didn't do a whole lot for me as I didn't care much about Lynch's comebacks.

2. Tag Title Ladder Match: The New Day vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Usos

ER: This starts off immediately fun with guys taking bumps to the floor, and Kofi and Kalisto doing stereo springboards onto either side of a set-up ladder. Dragons hit sloppyish moonsaults to the floor, and Usos do a stereo dive into all guys, while the guys on the floor shield themselves with a ladder. Somehow diving into a ladder doesn't hurt the Usos, it only hurts the guys taking the dive. Big E and Kofi trap an Uso in a ladder in the corner, and do all sorts of violent chokes and strikes to him, capped with a Kofi running dropkick. The other Uso gets suplexed onto the same ladder. Kalisto hits a nice bombs away over a ladder, and Sin Cara does a nice cattle branding with a ladder, then does a balls out nuts swanton to the floor onto a ladder with both Usos underneath. Daaaaamn. Oh shit, Kalisto climbs the ladder with Big E under it, and E starts fucking BENCH PRESSING the ladder while Kalisto climbs, so the ladder is tilting and at a 45 degree angle while Kalisto bails and flies into the Usos. Crazy visual when they cut to the wide shot to see E lifting that ladder. Kalisto does a 450 onto the Usos under a ladder, after being vaulted into it by a Sin Cara monkey flip. Jeez. And then he tops is all by hitting his sliced bread finisher off the top of one ladder, through another ladder set up horizontally. And then Sin Cara hits a springboard swanton. Lucha Dragons could get over huge after this match. An Uso hits a frog splash from the top through a ladder with E underneath. Aww shit Xavier throws his trombone at Kalisto!! Damn he really tossed that thing at him hard. Fun crazy match. Could be a star making performance from Kalisto if they choose to follow up on it (har har har). Not only were his spots crazy, but he did a good job of making his set up strikes and everything looked good. His punches while balancing on a ladder were especially impressive, and when those look good then doing your crazy finisher off the top of the ladder is just going to mean more.

3. Rusev vs. Ryback

ER: I love a big hoss match, but for much of this it felt like they were trying to do spots where two big lugs crash into each other, but they weren't making those spots look very impressive. I get how to huge dudes trying and blocking each other's suplexes could look cool, but it just looked like two guys taking turns hopping into place. The stuff that looked best (Rusev's chokes) got deemphasized quick, in favor of "Ryback agility spots" like his middle buckle dropkick and his crossbody. The Ryback agility spots seemed way too out of place in this, and Rusev came out of this looking bad. We had a match where Ryback took 80% of the action, then Rusev only permanently goes ahead by Ryback getting stalled by Lana AGAIN, and then Rusev hitting his nice superkick. Lana is fucking great at her part, but man they did Rusev no favors here. But really they've been doing Rusev no favors for almost a year now.

4. Chair Match: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

ER: Boy a chair match seems impossible to pull off under their PG rules. Feels like a match that has a chance to be violent, but is hard to make look violent to the fans unless the guys just actually get hurt. I can appreciate how nice Del Rio does worked shots to the stomach and throat, but fans like hearing and seeing big meaty thwacks. Swagger taking a chair to the throat off a Vader Bomb attempt looked great and was almost missed by the cameras. Del Rio throws about a dozen chairs on Swagger's body, and Swagger terribly sells this by acting as if he were unconscious. He doesn't even flinch for ANY of the chair throws. Just lies there, breathing heavily, getting chairs thrown at his body. Give me a little writhing, a little AGGGGGGHHH, I don't care if it's cartoonish, make me actually think you're getting hit with fucking chairs, because DUDE, you're getting hit with fucking chairs. It doesn't matter as a minute later Swagger is back in the ring hitting Del Rio with chairs. Del Rio returns the favor by being in the Patriot Lock for an eternity and immediately not giving a shit about it once he's out of it. Man this blows. Swagger has taken nothing but chairs to the body, so naturally keeps trying to do his Swagger Bomb with his battered body. ADR at least set up the corner stomp spot nicely by trapping Swagger in the corner and beating the shit out of him. The visual of Swagger getting stomped into chairs looked good. ADR immediately sells his ankle for the first time right when the match ends. Little of this meant anything to me.

5. Elimination Tables Match: Wyatt Family

ER: So they're doing individual eliminations, which means we should be getting a bunch of bodies through tables here. I thought Rhyno looked really good in the Raw multiman, and he and Strowman looked like they were lacing into each other. Harper and Bubba were throwing big blows too. Once things spill to the floor and table spots start getting set up, the match gets pretty boring. There were a couple decent individual moments, like Dreamer and Bubba going nuts on Strowman with kendo sticks, and then burying him under tables. Harper looks really good throughout, and his big man tope putting Dreamer through a table looked good. Bubba setting up the lighter fluid spot gets the crowd to actually make noise, and then in a hilarious fuck you Harper hits a nasty superkick to Bubba's throat and Strowman puts him through the table before it's lit. So the Wyatts ran through Team ECW, which is what should have happened, but the match wasn't very good.

6. Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Owens controls a lot of the start, but he's good at it, good at standing on Dean's throat and tossing on a snug side headlock, nice back elbow, then also flies into Dean's back elbow and gets rocked over the top with a lariat. I loved Owens scouting the Ambrose 360 lariat and catching him, then tossing him into the barricade with a fallaway slam. These two seem like they match up well on paper, but none of their matches have worked for me. You think Owens is a nasty asskicker, and Ambrose is a scrambly babyface with great comebacks, but nothing ever gels to make their matches against each other memorable. Both guys can have better matches against inferior opponents, than against each other. I like the rana out of the powerbomb finish, but the build within their matches just does nothing for me. Both men do spots, but none of the moves each guy takes ever causes either man trouble when trying to hit offense, it just feels like filling time.

7. Paige vs. Charlotte

ER: So I also don't get who is the heel here. Charlotte is a face acting like a heel who will do anything to win, and Paige is acting like a heel who should be a face. Sounds like another combination that will equal a quiet crowd. And jesus do they still think toting her father around with her is hoping Charlotte get over? They've been doing it for fucking months now. Flair gets a reaction, but it just acts as a constant visual reminder that Charlotte needs a LOT of help getting over, like they're afraid of her reaction if not with her father. But the reaction WITH her father is hardly there. They are still desperately constantly saying Flair is her father, she learned from the best, because her father is Flair, she's just like her father, who's 16 time world champion Ric Flair, blah blah blah. It's not making a difference. Charlotte aping Flair spots is just brutal. Charlotte seems like a natural heel, but the Flair spots are just so bad.

8. TLC World Title Match: Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Boston crowd immediately distracted with Cena chants. Reigns' mounted elbows looked really good. Sheamus gently tosses a ladder into Reigns. Reigns feebly bumps into the barricade. Both guys are moving startingly slow for the first minute of the match. Sheamus takes a nice backdrop bump over the barrier because Sheamus always takes big bumps. And match starts to get good when it's based around Sheamus taking wild bumps. He sprawls through tables and set-up chairs and tables set up on chairs. He gets a big scrape on his arm and the deep red looks cool against his pale skin. Sheamus always bruises up well. Chair shots start looking more nasty, Reigns throws some nice rights, Sheamus hits an awesome lariat after luring Reigns in to do the apron dropkick. Sheamus does a huge White Noise through a table and Roman ends up grabbing Sheamus' foot getting back in the ring. Sheamus does this great look of disgust at Reigns. All of Reigns' punches and strikes look good in this. His superman punches have been on point. Sheamus takes a couple crazy moves onto and through ladders. One to the floor was sick. Reigns takes a super ill-advised bump off the ladder into the ropes, reaching his leg out for the ropes for some reason, like he was actively trying to tear an ACL. But then Reigns runs up the ladder with a superman punch that sends Sheamus flying off the ladder into a table. That looked great. ADR and Rusev run in. Rusev sells the superman punch really great, dropping to his knees and face planting. Match itself was really good and violent. Reigns flops again when faced with obstacles, but both men matched up really nicely. It's the kind of thing that works better in a vacuum, as the crazy violent spots come at the end of a night filled with crazy violent spots. Everybody wanted their spots to look violent, and while I think the ones in this match were more violent than most of the others on the show, it still feels silly to have to think "was that the best or the 6th best table spot we've seen tonight?" HHH comes out and leans about as far out of the superman punch as possible. Reigns threw like 6 superman punches in the match itself, and they all looked great and everybody went face first into them. So leave it to HHH to bump 3 feet early when it's his turn. Stephanie always seems to be making the wrong faces, like she doesn't understand actual human emotion. Roman throws some more nice rights and HHH takes a powerbomb into an announce table. The long build up of HHH being helped up by tons of officials while Reigns walks away, into Reigns sprinting back to spear him was awesome. Sheamus has been selling for like 8 minutes.

So, I liked the tag team ladder match and the main event. That's two more matches than I liked on the last PPV so there's an easy step-up. Still didn't feel like a great show, possibly didn't feel like a good show. I'm almost always left feeling like a specific match should have been better. That's a feeling that's been with me for months now concerning WWE, seems like every match should just be better. Sometimes it feels like the fed is actively working to have the matches not be better. Is this just me?

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WWE Night of Champions 2015 Live Blog

ER: So I have watched maybe an hour total of WWE TV in the last couple months? I'm pretty uninterested in the product right now, which I don't think makes me very unique right now. As I understand it that's how many people feel right now. I mean as recently as last year I was DVRing Raw and Smackdown and watching all the PPVs, now I can't even remember the last time I watched Raw or Smackdown. Rachel watches Total Divas, but that is probably months behind actual current TV. So I don't know any of the current stories, don't know who current champions are, don't even really know the card. I'm basically going in blind. We'll see how that goes.

1. Cody Rodes/The Ascension vs. Neville/Lucha Dragons

ER: "You call them henchmen, I call them two dangerous cosmic dark horses", gawd fuck off Michael Cole. Boy, commercials during the pre-show match seem pretty pointless. And this match was nothing to blog about, that's for sure. The Ascension are still somehow a thing, Cody isn't very good without his brother, Dragons are really fun but seeing Ascension take their offense looks pretty ludicrous. Neville (arguably the worst ever "one word" WWE name ever) tags in towards the end and he and Cody don't seem to click very well. This was one forgettable TV match right here. Cole was abysmal throughout.

2. Ryback vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I thought this was really good. Steen goes after Ryback's arm and Ryback does an admirable job selling it throughout (loved little moments where he had it clutched tight to his body). Early we get a cool press slam spot with Owens taking a big drop to the floor. Steen trapping Ryback's arm and ramming it into the ringpost looked sick, Ryback really flew into it. Steen wrenched that left arm in a few painful looking ways, really bending it around. Ryback had some cool spots powering out of the arm work, and it didn't overstay its welcome. Finish was sort of cheap, but also really smartly set-up. Ryback had Steen up, Steen raked his eyes leading to a roll-up title win, but Steen smartly raked the eyes while the ref was behind him so it looked good. And I imagine it will lead to an immediate rematch (probably on Raw since they love doing that).

3. Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev

ER: Oooooo we get some earring drama. God what has happened to this storyline? Match itself was really good with both guys bumping around for each other, Ziggler more obviously, a lot of big moves that hit, and then an amusing finish. Ziggler really flew into stuff, which is not very surprising if you've seen a Ziggler PPV match before. I was more surprised he leaned out of a Rusev boot before bumping off the apron into the railing. Rusev has a great looking spin kick. I dug how quick all of this was worked, and I actually dug Summer Rae's involvement. She throws her high heel and banks it right off Rusev's face (announcers speculated she was trying to hit the ref, but I have no idea what this storyline is so who knows what she was doing), but Rusev really got a shoe banked off his head which lead to Ziggler hitting the Zig Zag. Disappointed nobody said "Summer turned heel".

Between them using replay to show how Steen raked the eyes away from the ref, and how Dolph had his head smack off the mat, I have to give huge credit to whomever is directing this PPV. I've seen so many replays just expose something that looked good at normal speed, but tonight they're all specifically helping further get over the participants. There was a moment where Ziggler spikes him with a DDT and Rusev's head is clearly several inches off the mat, and I fully expected to see a replay of it, but they just moved on. Good work boys.

Between HD Terry Bradshaw and HD Ric Flair, I'm not sure which towheaded blonde good ol' boy is aging worse on my TV screen today.

4. New Day vs. Dudley Boyz (still going with that "z" spelling)

ER: As a jazz minor trombonist, I am 100% fully behind Xavier Woods using a trombone for ringside heat. Except it's clearly just getting them over as not heels. I had no idea the Dudleys were even back.  Quite the coup for WWE to nab the TNA hall of famers. Woods is kind of dangerously TOO "on" on the floor. He's got funny material ("they don't even have the same color camouflage, and I STILL can't see their legs), but he's kind of a constantly running faucet down there. He needs some more contained bursts. Here he's yelling during down time, but also yelling during the big moments of the match. It came off simultaneously entertaining, and more grating than Chris Tucker screaming his way through every second of Fifth Element. Director deserves more props for replaying Big E's nasty apron splash on Bubba Ray. That looked tough. Match itself was good. Dudleys still have gas in the tank, even D-von threw out some nice clotheslines (including a great flying one on Kofi), Kofi took a nice high backdrop, and (except for the limp finish) this was all super solid tag work.

5. Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella

ER: Charlotte has an impossibly non-existent butt. She's like Masa Chono. It's just lower back right down to legs. Charlotte apparently reminds JBL of Mildred Burke. Really? I guess he's seen tons of film footage from the 40s. Because obviously she's more of an Ed Strangler Lewis. I really liked this match, up until the finish. Nikki looked awesome here. Her leg work was really smart and well done, and she had a surprising amount of leg based offense. There was a great moment where Nikki kicked Charlotte's leg before suplexing her into the corner, then we had other cool stuff like a dragon screw from the apron to the floor. Nikki was relentless in this and was just all over Charlotte. But the finish kinda blew and really felt tacked on and totally independent of anything that had happened in the match. Nikki hardly took anything from Charlotte, but then Charlotte was able to effortlessly lock on her finisher, bridging up on her bum wheel for extra leverage. Felt like they suddenly had to go home and couldn't properly build to a real finish. Charlotte really doesn't do tons for me. Nikki however looked really really good. The strut postmatch was amusing but at this point I would be 100% fine with never seeing Flair on TV again. He just bums me out at this point.

6. Wyatt Family vs. Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, annnnnnnnnnnnnd Jericho

ER: Some guy in a flak jacket jumps into the ring when they're about to announce the mystery opponent, Bray was really great with a "Is that your guy!?" reaction. Dean was trying to hold back laughter and that's probably not what they wanted, but I'm amused. Michael Cole is in full desperation "What a moment!" selling Jericho's participation. JBL mentions Jericho working for "Riki Tenryu" as a junior heavyweight. Match itself was plenty of fun. I had never seen Strowman before and he was a kick. I'm kind of a sucker for big lugs and this guy is pretty mammoth. Really impressed me standing next to Harper. That is a team I wouldn't mind seeing more of. I loved Strowman's finisher as it really looked like he was squeezing the life out of Jericho. Jericho's legs dangling was a great visual, like fucking Darth Vader choking out a dude. Luke Harper is so damn good, he really should have been given the ball. These teams work together nicely and it always just serves to piss me off that they broke up both teams as we could still be in the middle of awesome trios, with some new members being added or cycled out.

No matches have blown me away this show,  but everything has been good (outside of the meh pre-show match, but technically that shouldn't count against a PPV).

7. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

ER: Surprised they're running each Seth match back to back, but we'll see where it leads. His white get-up is both cool, but also like one chest piece away from him being the White Ranger. I wish white tights in WWE meant the same thing as white tights in lucha. I think Rollins hits a demonstrably worse Slingblade than Tanahashi. This match was fine. They did some stuff I really liked, some stuff I disliked. I liked Cena's rana off a running powerbomb, with Rollins taking a nasty bump into the buckles. The big move overkill Cena certainly had a short shelf life of enjoyability. I'd be more interested in these guys toning things down instead of this PWG stuff. Although one point in their favor is that the matches only go half the length of PWG matches. So yeah, this was overall fun and didn't overstay.

8. Seth Rollins vs. Sting

ER: So I have no interest in Sting, he's never been a guy I liked, rarely saw WCW growing up so don't have any sort of nostalgia for him. But I really loved this. This is probably more entertained than I've ever been by a Sting singles match. Once he took that wild bump into the announce table I was fully on board. Then Rollins takes that lunatic bump off the top into the barrier. Sting flies into the buckles on a powerbomb, then must be insane as he does a really great crossbody off the top to the floor. I mean that was a great crossbody right there. Just splatted right into Rollins. At this point the match was beyond just "worth watching", it was actively really good. But then I'm not sure what happened with the medic coming in. Maybe I missed something. They were speculating on him maybe getting hurt on that corner powerbomb. But we just sort of had a major stop to the match, which had to have been due to actual injury, which kind of blows a hole into every single match where a guy has a hurt limb and makes Sting look wimpy for the entire match needing to be stopped. Everybody else has to "survive on their injury". Took a lot of steam out of the thing. I still got sucked back in as Rollins put over the Deathlock nicely but this was a weird way to end things.

And then Kane. Because of fucking course Kane. Kane is that fucking herpes sore you're constantly dreading flaring up. You know it's gonna flare up and you keep hoping it won't but you have fucking herpes and you're always going to have herpes.

(I don't have herpes)

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Matt D: Obstinate? Resistant? Awful Human Being?

So the other day we began to analyze Matt's credibility, through the eyes of his complete and total disinterest in The Young Bucks. Now so far for Segunda Caida Matt has exclusively reviewed lucha libre, so his desire to never see a Young Bucks match shouldn't totally conflict with his credibility as it relates to him discussing Marco Corleone, and using his abs to pretend you're dialing a touchtone telephone. But Matt *did* use their name and *did* express his thoughts on them within wrestling, so it is only fair that his opinions be called into question, as he was the one who offered them.


T

This match happened very recently, as in the last couple weeks. I really loved the beginning as the Dudleys circle the ring so the Bucks decide to do dives to start things off. We get some ringside brawling before rolling back in, and then the Bucks decide to have a competition to see who could throw the worst corner clothesline. They each do several, and every one of them looks atrocious. Nick's were worst, so he wins the competition. Congrats? Match itself was very disappointing. Nick Jackson especially looked bad (although I loved his full impact swanton at one point). I loved their superkick use in the Hardys rematch, always using it to immediately cut off momentum. Here it's used as almost a comedy spot (which I get the impression it normally is), as a prop for the Dudleys to no sell, and it's bizarre to me why a worker would go out of his way to make himself seem ineffective. Perhaps it's a huge testament to the Hardy Boys making the Bucks look so effective. It's not like they necessarily looked INeffective here, but it looked like they had no idea how to integrate their offense into a match, whereas in the Hardys match they clearly knew how to. Was this due to the Hardys expert match layout skills? Here again they do their great double team stuff tombstone, but again it's treated as a move to be kicked out of. It's the nastiest thing they do, but here's two matches where the person who took it is up and doing offense immediately after. If the move was played as a killshot I'm sure nobody would complain as it looks great. For whatever reason they seem to use it as a transition to opponent comeback. I did really love the finish, as 3D went into full "get the tables" mode, got tunnel vision and had to put the Bucks through a table, and when Bubba brought in a table the Bucks double super kicked it, pinning him underneath. Smart, logical finish that worked with the 3D match structure that's been established for years. Now, almost everything I liked about the Bucks in that Hardys match was gone here. There they were like a dickhead Rock n Roll Express, here they were too concerned with taking flip bumps on clotheslines and tossing out superkicks for yuks.

TWO SAMPLE MATT D CREDIBILITY:

After a sample size of TWO recent Young Bucks match, Matt still seems rather obstinate, but it also appears that his intuition may have given him good cause to be obstinate. We're going to need further research.

MATT: 1
BUCKS: 1

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ECW One Night Stand 2005

Wow. This was 9 years ago. I guess without counting some of those weird 1997 Raws (also from Hammerstein) or that weird business where Tazz as ECW champion lost to HHH on Smackdown (which prompted some guy from back east to call into my college radio show at the time and rant about it for what felt like a very long 15 minutes), I think that most would agree that this is the first WWECW show. It's weird to think that this started a long, sad parade of ECW reunion nostalgia that is impossibly still being milked today on actual real television by a somewhat real wrestling company. I remember watching this show years ago when it came out on DVD, using the JBL commentary track which featured a drunk JBL throwing every ECW worker under the bus in hilarious fashion (and if you didn't think it was hilarious, maybe you would by the 8th time you heard one of his repeated jokes).

1. Lance Storm vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is nerdily announced as "Lionheart" Chris Jericho, and is wearing his old tights and vest. Crowd is crazy hot for this, flipping out after an opening arm drag sequence. They also are so desperate to shit all over women that they immediately chant "She's a Crack Whore" at Dawn Marie, who decidedly looks nothing like a crack whore. Jericho levels Storm with a face high dropkick and this is starting really good actually. They're pretty good at working Storm ECW nostalgia spots (high dropkick, springboard back elbow from the turnbuckles) into the match with a more modern indy style worked in. Old ECW had a lot of exhibition style work, with guys doing their familiar spots without so much regard to segueing smoothly into those spots. One moment a guy would be taking offense, the next he'd be on his run of signature offense. Here Storm hits his long vertical suplex, but Jericho kicks his legs a bunch to try to reverse it, and when Storm runs up for his back elbow, Jericho dropkicks him on the way down. We do eventually merge back into classic exhibition style, and Storm's comebacks leave a lot to be desired here. His comebacks mainly just involve him standing up after taking moves, and then doing moves. Jericho plants him with a mean Tiger suplex and some nasty knees in the clinch, Storm just shrugs it off with a spinning heel kick. Jericho reverses a piledriver with a backdrop, Storm just pops up and hits a superkick. Jericho tries to glue this together, but Storm just wanted to hit all of his moves. He hit them all nicely, but his insistence on hitting all of his moves made the match mean less. Storm wins when Jason and Justin Credible interfere and Joey Styles hilariously starts using JR's Owen voice, talking about what a horrible shame it was that Storm had to win things that way, in what could possibly be his last match ever. Styles goes on for well over a minute. "Shame. Just a shame. Why did it have to be this way, Lance? You're better than this."

Pitbull Gary Wolfe gets a weird payday for showing up in full Pitbulls garb to introduce a tribute to the fallen stars of ECW, and shockingly there aren't too many at the time this show happened. I wish I knew what song originally played behind this package (since I assume most music has been changed for the Network airings) as I really want to hear some Sarah McLachlan playing while they show slow motion clips of Big Dick Dudley flexing through clenched teeth.

2. Tajiri vs. Little Guido vs. Super Crazy

FBI comes out to an instrumental loop of No Sleep Til Brooklyn, and Smothers is awesome waving the flag and doing all his weird Smothers mannerisms. This show needs more Smothers in the ring, but I'll settle for Smothers at ringside. Full props to Tommy Dreamer for managing to get JT Smith a WWE payday in 2005. Mick Foley is absolutely horrible on commentary here, playing up a folksy late career James Stewart persona. "Aw shucks Joey, they're going to be doing a lot of moves I've never seen here, but I-I-I I'll just try to keep up, best I can." Actually, now that I think about it, he may be just mimicking Terry Funk. Re-read that sentence in Funk voice. That adds up. That awful commentary is a running theme throughout the match (and the show) "you know I've known Tajiri for 11 years and he's just the nicest guy you could imagine". Kewl insight. This match is really fun for the first few minutes, as every single person at ringside (Sinister Minister, Mikey Whipwreck, Smothers, Smith, Tony Mamaluke, Big Guido) all interfere at some point in the match, but it's actually done in a way that's integrated perfectly into the match. Big Guido goes to powerbomb Tajiri, gets low blowed by Minister, Tajiri sprays mist at Little Guido, Smothers runs in with karate and gets leveled with a superkick, Mikey hits the big top rope Whipper Snapper on the misted Guido, all the while Mamaluke and Smith keep Crazy busy by sweeping his legs on a rope run and crotching him around the ring post. Interference doesn't usually add to the match but I can't think of a way to better integrate 9 people in one match within 1 minute. Match as a whole is fairly short, at barely 6 minutes, which had to disappoint most. Tajiri looked somewhat lost at points and was kinda awkward getting into position for his offense, but Crazy and Guido were on point. Guido did some of his big silly bumps, and Crazy's stuff looked good, hitting some big moonsaults with heft (including a wild one off the balcony) and nasty seated dropkicks. Still, too short to mean much. Also, I couldn't tell if it was two unfortunate tongue slips, or if Styles was throwing out hack racial humor, but two different times in the match he distinctly said "soo-prex" after Tajiri threw a suplex. The first one could have been an accident…but twice in the same match?

3. Rey Mysterio vs. Psicosis

I remember a lot of people being disappointed in this match at the time, but the match was perfectly fine. If this was on WorldWide it would definitely make a WCW B-Sides comp. Psicosis takes some nutty bumps as you hoped he would, doing an insane guillotine legdrop off the top to Mysterio (who was draped over the guardrail), doing his trademark missed corner attack that ends with him dumped on his head, and taking a nice Cassandro bump, wrapping himself around the post and flying into some ladies in the front row, which Mysterio follows up with an awesome Thesz press from the top into the crowd. Psicosis also draws boos by locking on a headlock. I didn't put on my good hockey jersey to go out and see Mexicans do rest holds!

Then we get JBL and Angle coming out to plenty of boos and chants, JBL stiffing Gertner with a mean shove and kick to the ass, and RVD coming out and cutting the best promo of his life. He had a knee injury and couldn't compete which was tearing him up inside since this show was something he worked years to make happen. I mean, I fast forwarded through some of his promo, but it was about the most life-affirming promo you can get if you were ever an ECW fan. RVD showed actual real passion and it was nice to see. Joey Styles threatens to ruin everything with his awfulness: "Gotta love a shoot promo on live TV!!" Ugh. And then Rhyno came in and absolutely folds RVD in half with a Gore. The lights go out and while everybody hopes for a return of Midnight, Joey dorkily starts going "we blew a generator! We lost power!" Which naturally leads us into...

4. Sabu vs. Rhyno

…which starts out awesomely, with Rhyno hitting a big belly to belly and going to the top rope (for reasons?) so that Sabu can just brain him with a chair. Rhyno takes a massive bump off the top and Sabu hits a sweet chair assisted springboard dive. The whole match was pretty crazy, and both guys complemented each other nicely. Sabu threw a bunch of great right hands, tossed chairs at Rhyno's face and hit all the spots you'd want to see Sabu hit. Rhyno was a monster, not only taking all of Sabu's stupidity, but dishing out a bunch of cool stuff you don't remember Rhyno doing. I remember he had a nice piledriver and he really spikes Sabu with it here, but he also does a cool running yakuza kick on Sabu, and leans way into all of Sabu's stuff (including a bunch of neat Sabu legdrops and springboard stuff). Sabu throws Pee Wee into the way of a Gore and he takes it like a man, almost bouncing his neck off the bottom rope. At this point RVD gets in the ring in real awkward length jorts (not baggy, but not ironically short, just that horrible relaxed fit/above the knee jort style), white socks and cross trainers, limping horribly on his bad knee. I have to assume his knee is absolutely wrecked, or else it's the only time he's ever consistently sold a body part in his career. He comes in and actually works spots with Rhyno, including nuttily skateboarding a chair right into Rhyno's face and setting up a table spot for Sabu. Sabu drops a chair through Rhyno and the table just explodes, and this whole thing was a great spectacle. Awesome stuff that I have to believe is the best possible match that could have happened .

Eric Bischoff and the Raw crew arrive, including future ECW superstar Gene Snitsky. Joey does uncomfortable and sad and just plain poorly delivered play by play as they walk to their seats. "There's Raw superstar Edge. I'm glad I didn't bring my wife tonight [long pause]. Because Edge is a wife stealer."

5. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Well speaking of uncomfortable. Mick Foley immediately completely misreads the room "This is the match that never got to happen in ECW. The dream match that never happened because Bischoff lured both of them away. And now finally the fans get it and want to see nothing more" as the fans proceed to direct all of their attention to Edge in the balcony while chanting things about Lita being a whore for over half of the match. Seriously at any given screen shot about 2/3 of the crowd is turned totally away from the ring. Eddie is pro enough to get at least some of the fans to actually watch the match, and damn does he look great here. His mat exchanges are quick and powerful and he really snaps the fans into it by outstiffing Benoit on chops and grinding his boot over Benoit's face. Benoit bumps maniacally through the ropes to the floor on a missed charge and Eddie really seems pissed at the crowd. Mick and Joey really put over just how suicidal Benoit is after he does the diving headbutt, talking about his neck surgery and really putting over how he has a real death wish. Good grief. Thankfully they didn't point out the hanging vertical suplex he did earlier. Match ends fairly abruptly with Eddie tapping to the Crossface. Match was really weird. Eddie seemed genuinely pissed the whole match (and understandably so, if it was directed at the crowd), and purposely ground the match to a halt on a few occasions with chinlocks until the fans stopped chanting at Edge in the balcony. Things were short and didn't really flow, although Eddie looked really good and to a lesser extent so did Benoit. This is probably the most recent Eddie stuff I've seen since it originally aired (by recent I mean within 6 months of his passing) and his body is just shockingly freakish. He was freaking huge here and just looked like he had no flexibility whatsoever. Watching him take suplexes and bump was painful as it looked like he physically couldn't bend his spine or bend at the waist. I remember at the timing reading how riddled with injuries he was and how he needed time off, but damn 9 years of not rewatching him during that period really opened my eyes to just how bad off he looked.

6. Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

So this is a pretty famous match - I think - within the WWECW canon. People were pretty split down the middle on this one when it happened. Some thought it was incredible and that both men would be hired immediately by WWE, others thought it was a laughable collection of dangerous spots thrown together with no build-up that ensured neither man would *ever* be hired by WWE since they wouldn't want reckless workers like that on the roster. Both sides make sense. I certainly sided much closer to the latter at the time. The match has major flaws, and neither guy would have made sense in WWE as anything crazy they did in this match they would not be allowed to do in a WWE ring. JBL infamously mocked the match the whole time on commentary, repeatedly stating that Tanaka looked like his doorman, and after Tanaka had kicked out of several finishers started shouting at other people about what a badass doorman he had. But watching the match within the context of the show, within the context of the crowd, and keeping in mind who both men are in regards to their feud (which I'm sure many ECW fans would rank as a favorite from the fed) then I think the match totally and completely works. It's probably very hypocritical of me, as I've seen plenty of matches like this on the indies where guys kill themselves with no rhyme or reason, no selling, no build to anything, and then at some point the match ends because of a move that for whatever reason made a guy keep his shoulders down for one extra second. And I've hated all of them. Even while watching this match and enjoying two men try to cripple each other in the name of fond memories, I pictured some clown like Davey Richards doing a match like this, and I would certainly hate that match. But in the moment it came off more like a violent and entirely stupid (but awesome) IWA-MS match. If this match happened in front of 60 people in the back patio area of a rural bar, between two guys named Dick Nasty and Tony Sack, I'd be yelling at Phil to go out of his way to watch the Tony Sack match.

I've criticized plenty of matches that I thought were garbage, but worked for the crowd they were presenting to. This match could easily fit into that category. "Bad match, awful structure, crowd loved it." But I'm with the crowd on this one. Despite being unreasonable and selfish, I remember the complaints at the time about Rey, Benoit, Eddie, etc. not working "like they were in ECW". Rey was booed for doing his 619, Eddie didn't...I don't know, do any Malenko/Guerrero roll-up sequences? Whatever it was, fans were agitated that some guys looked like they were working the show like any old TV taping and not the GREATEST EVENT OF THEIR LIVES. Again, it's wildly unreasonable, and illogical. They had real wrestling jobs and would go on to those jobs after this show. So within context of this show, Tanaka and Awesome going out there and just completely destroying themselves for the crowd, for ECW, to try and get a job, to stick it to JBL in the balcony, whatever they had to prove I don't know, but they clearly pulled out everything within their abilities and threw it out there. And I thought it worked for that reason. Again, stuff that's context-dependent doesn't always hold up, but I can say I enjoyed this match more now than I did at the time. Granted, there were still moments I laughed out loud during the match, and I fully get why JBL was laughing about it in the balcony (his fake cheerleading and shock when they keep kicking out of stuff is still funny to me), but on this show, at that moment, with these guys, this was the best they could have possibly done, and they did more than they probably should have, more than anybody else on the card, and more than anybody probably needed. Within a minute or two of the bell Tanaka gets powerbombed from the apron through a table, head and shoulders first. Things get more ridiculous from there. Both guys get brained with chairshots, more tables explode in insane fashion, Awesome hits one of the nastiest gores I've seen, and then more tables explode. Awesome's knees had to be pencil shavings at this point, and he's still doing his big splash off the top and dives into the crowd. Tanaka's brains had to be mashed potatoes at this point (still unclear how he's managed to work more than most Japanese workers for the last decade) and he willingly takes every stupid powerbomb and finisher Awesome pulls out of the hat. Match ends spectacularly with another powerbomb from the ring through a table on the floor, and then Awesome ridiculously following up with a straight up nosedive of a plancha, just dive bombing Tanaka and coming in vertical. Ridiculous structure, none of the moves meant anything, both guys needlessly killed themselvs, but it was the perfect match for this show.

We get a long, fairly lame Heyman promo (with SHOOTS!) filled with a bunch of flat disses (yelling "Matt Freaking Hardy" at Edge, which Joey Styles points out is a SHOOT because Matt isn't even employed by WWE!!!!!!!!).

7. Dudley Boyz vs. Tommy Dreamer & Sandman

This was a chance to get more guys a payday, and it was fine for that reason. Sandman takes years to come out, which is certainly an accurate ECW throwback. The bWo comes out and Styles over laughs the whole time, worse than the absolute worst possible Jimmy Fallon bit. While the bWo are just walking to the ring, just normally walking to the ring, Styles literally says "This is the funniest thing I've seen in my life". This guy is terrible. We get Balls & Axl, The Impact Players (with Francine looking better than at any point during the original ECW), Spike Dudley comes out, Kid Kash hits a wild and awesome flip dive on about 10 people, Beulah makes her wrestling return, and people got hit with trash cans. At one point Bubba raked Dreamer's forehead with a cheese grater which is just the grossest. I don't know if it was worked or not, but Dreamer had tons of color and Bubba made it look great. God thinking about a cheese grater on flesh is just disgusting. Beulah and Dreamer have the most revolting hug I've seen, with Dreamer covered in blood and Beulah pulling away when it's over with blood caked in her hair. Yuck. Match ends with a flaming table spot, and then all the Raw and Smackdown crews get called out and there's a big schmozz. This is where JBL infamously roughed up Blue Meanie (even though it wasn't really caught on camera). Tracy Smothers stood out to me during the brawl as really looking like he was having a ball out there, jumping in and punching people at will. The crews get run off and Bischoff ends up alone in the ring with the ECW guys, but it's pretty anticlimactic as he takes a couple finishers but still gets to yell "Fuck ECW!" Really should have had him take more finishers, or not allowed him to look so fearless and never say die.


WWECW MASTER LIST

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