WWE Battleground 2016 Live Blog

1. Usos vs. Breezango

ER: Mauro forces in an overly long House of Cards reference and Byron Saxton's big contribution seems to be "_____ seem to be working well together!" We hit the hot tag 150 seconds in. Tyler Breeze is still awesome and takes three bumps from the apron to the floor in one minute. And for a 6 minute match this got really good. Everybody was hitting enziguiris to people on the top rope, an Uso hit an awesome tope past the turnbuckles, Breeze got knees up on a splash and then locked in a tight roll up. Crowd was really really hot for this. People wanting to see some wrestling! This must be the reason why that Nationals game I watched some of earlier was so sparsely attended on a Sunday.

2. Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks & Bayley

ER: They pumped too much air into those inflatable tree things! They were just standing all rigid. Except for that yellow one going into business for himself, which was awesome as it flopped over like it was giving Bayley a high five. And this match was a real blast. Great debut from Bayley who worked like someone wanting to make an impression, Brooke was a big ol bumper taking these bouncy flip bumps all over the ring and floor. Loved all of Bayley's back elbows, loved the way her and Brooke flew into each other on a double clothesline, loved Bayley's sliding corner kick. Sasha drops the knees on Charlotte and Cole shits out "Vintage Sasha Banks". Yeah man, that's like...2014 Sasha Banks right there. Luckily Cole and Saxton exist in that level of terrible that mostly makes them easy to tune right out. Really fun match.

3. The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

ER: Yeah this was awesome. This felt like a 2014 WWE trios with everybody utilized properly and all the cool shit stacked up in the best way possible. Bray looked and vicious and motivated as I've seen him in over a year, Rowan targeted Kofi and stomped the hell out of him (even walking over his chest post match), Kofi bumped all over including running ear first into a Bray lariat that knocked him ass over elbow, Big E has a major death wish and mah god does he take a vicious spill on his neck and shoulders doing his nutso spear to the floor. Even Bram gets some nice moments, specifically with a massive boot to Woods that, due to his clumsiness, sees him following through until he's just standing on Woods' face. Woods gets his biggest star moment yet (well, biggest star moment not involving a trombone) by getting to snap on Bray like he was Ralphie going after Scut Farkus. On first watch this felt like a total badass Rowan/Bray show, but I bet on rewatch a couple other guys will stand out as even more awesome. That's when you know you watched a killer little trios.

4. Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

ER: Lana is gorgeous but still hasn't figured out how to properly say "hand" or "true" in that pesky accent. And man this match was awesome too. Look at me, ol "Everybody Gets a Trophy" Ritz. This is about as excellently laid out as you can lay out a Rusev/Ryder match. Ryder worked up to Rusev and had some great snap on stuff, blasted Rusev with his corner kick, loved that crazy dropkick off the ring barrier, really planted that flying leg lariat. And then I found myself getting excited for Zack Ryder of all people when he started fighting out of the accolade. Rusev worked around Ryder perfectly, setting up some nice comebacks by missing stuff, hitting some nasty kicks to the back of Ryder's head, and yeah this was all real good. PPV of the year so far (he didn't expect to type when this show started).

5. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I am tired of these two fighting, but WWE promises me that this is the blow off! It is amusing that WWE isn't doing some sort of stip match for it, since they rarely advertise a match as the blow off. Usually they don't mention it's a blowoff, they just let the severity of the stipulation be the barometer for the feud. I like the beginning of this with the Owens cannonball and surprise pop up Sami lariat. But my lord Sami might need to retire that rope flip moonsault. At its best, it doesn't look very good. At it's worst, the ropes are too bouncy and you blow up your own shoulder. And damn they're certainly ramping things up to kill mode here, but if it is indeed the blowoff then more power to them, drop each other on all of your heads. Zayn just flat out snaps and breaks out all the exploders, all the corner kicks, fans go wild, and if this IS indeed the blowoff then it was the right match for them to have. Man this show has been really good. I have not liked the other WWE Owens/Zayn matches, but this one won me over.

6. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

ER: Natalya working as cocky zillionth generation Stu Hart "stretcher" is far and away the most interesting use of her. Crowd is silent throughout this but I'm into it and Natalya as bully is the best. It lights a fire under Becky's ass too as she works as stiff as I've seen her, really surprising the tired crowd with a shot in the corner and a big kick on the apron. Nattie was great always trying to grab at Becky's legs, Becky was great firing back in the corner. Match was the perfect length, really well paced (though Lynch couldn't be bothered to even act like Nattie had been yanking on her leg), and man I must be in the best of moods tonight. Eric likes everything!! I'm just waving my pennant that says "Pro Wrestling" over here.

7. Darren Young vs. The Miz

ER: Jeezus how many matches are on this PPV? This is what I get for not knowing what the card is ahead of time.


*****I gotta go to a Gun Outfit concert right now, so will not be able to finish the PPV report until some time later. Sorry for the inconvenience (?)*****

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WWE Fastlane 2016 Live-ish Blog

1. 2/3 Falls: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

ER: Wow, the U.S. Title match is on the pre-show?? The main card is filled with such important stuff that the 2/3 falls match just can't squeeze in. That must mean the main card is stacked, right? I really haven't loved how these two have matched up in their previous 19 matches over the last month, but it's possible they'll turn it on when the lights are at their brightest (which is the pre-show of the PPV wedged in between their two important PPVs). But guess what, this completely rules. ADR went after the arm at the bell, Kalisto countered with leg kicks and tried to game him with fast roll-ups, and then ADR awesomely ended the 1st fall by braining Kalisto with a chair after taking a rana into the timekeeper's stall. I loved the psych, like Rude/Steamboat iron man of taking a step back to take a few forward. Right after getting DQ'd ADR just pounced on him and starting tossing him into every barrier, really punishing him before getting the inevitable 2nd fall. ADR hits his double stomp off the barrier into the ground and it looked really good, just stomping right through Kalisto. But Kalisto's little hope spots and headscissors were nice, loved ADR flinging himself into the mat on the short rana, loved him getting spiked on a tornado DDT, loved the snap on ADR's spinning backbreaker, loved little things like Kalisto able to roll to the floor to avoid potential pinfalls, just really thought they clicked in a way that I think has been missing from all of their many prior matches. Finish was cool with ADR setting up Kalisto for the stomp and Kalisto fighting back while on the buckles. It would have looked too ADR just lifting himself into the move) so I loved the direction they took, with him doing a lucha head drag to toss ADR into the buckles and then getting that flash pin he had been trying for early. Really fun stuff here.

2. Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch vs. Naomi & Tamina

ER: Wow Tamina is still really bad. How long has she been on the roster? 5 years? Stunned her last name has allowed her to last this long while still looking this terrible. Watch her whiff on a lariat, then admire her limp chinlock, then admire her awkwardly dragging Lynch away from the ropes to pin her even though Lynch wasn't near the ropes. You also are not shocked that she punches worse than Michael Shane. Everybody else looked really good though, but damn Tamina was in so much of this. Lynch takes a wild bump to the floor, really launching herself off a Tamina throw. I loved how they filmed Lynch trying to tag in Sasha, as at first it looked like Sasha jumped out of the way of the tag, before they revealed that Naomi had yanked her down. Loved the Sasha/Naomi segment as Naomi was great feeding Sasha, and they set up the Rear View perfectly with Sasha chasing Tamina around and back into the ring while Naomi laid in wait. Tamina for her part even hit a nice superkick down the stretch, so even she wasn't an entire waste. I really liked this, thought the ladies who normally looked good, looked good.

3. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: Ziggler's hair immediately makes me want to watch him take a stomping. Man what an asshole. Half-mast cornrows. Wow. Either go all the way and have tons of beads, or just turn heel already. This haircut would be majestic on a heel. Imagine Rush showing up at Arena Mexico with this haircut. It would be amazing. But a guy I'm supposed to be backing? Ehhhhhh. Owens does politely grant me my wish right out of the gate, by ambushing Ziggler with a thrust headbutt and commencing the beating. I dig all of Owens' sentons, with that one to a on-all-fours Ziggler being especially mean. Both guys see who can take a bump into the buckles better, and it's a tough call between Ziggler violently running shoulder first into it (looked so painful in slo-mo) or Owens flying into the post and crashing to the floor. Ziggler's comeback is hot and his jumping elbows looked so good. We eventually break down into big moves nearfall territory, but I actually kept digging it the whole way through. Ziggler's HBK tribute act is confusing and strange. But all their shit looked good, and even though Owens seems to have taken some shit online lately I thought he was good here. Crazy that his twisting superplex is not a finisher, but I loved him scrambling behind the ref to dodge the superkick,  dug the rana into the ring steps, loved Owens mocking a fan's "Ohio Hearts Ziggler" sign and ripping it out of his hands postmatch. Yeah this mostly devolved into overkill, but it never really bugged me. Sometimes overkill immediately makes me zone out, and other times it doesn't. I am an inconsistent, infuriating human being. But I liked this. 

4. The Wyatt Family vs. Big Show, Ryback & Kane

ER: If Kane has to be around, I'd rather have him lumped in a 6 man. And Ryback with a nice missile dropkick. That looked really cool. I liked Harper/Ryback (those Harper palm strikes!!!), actually liked Ryback/Braun as Braun looks dangerous in a slightly untrained way, but still threw some really nice kicks to the stomach....but then Kane/Rowan look several miles off during their exchanges. And I just noticed Saxton is just standing there behind the announce desk. What a shithead. There are no other chairs we can get this guy? Is this one of those jackoff punishments because Saxton took the large piece of chicken breast from catering? Ryback's "Big Guy" tights are really embarrassing. That's like something you'd see on a dog sweater, or a newborn baby onesie, or something you'd wear to leather night at the White Swallow. Rowan has the pinfall break-up of the night with a massive splash out of nowhere to crush Ryback, and Big Show does a killer press slam on Harper to the floor. Love press slams and that one was huge. Love Show's running shoulder tackle on Braun too. Even Kane looked good booting Bray, who went down like a shot. Holy shit this got good right before it ended. This is a really fun night of wrestling so far.

ER: What in the hell is this Vince MacMahon Legacy Award for Ultimate Big Dick Excellence nonsense? This can't be legit, right? Is it just something for HHH and Steph to trade wins on every year? I can picture JBL now "Mahgul you're looking at the 7 time Vince MacMahon Excellence of the Universe Award winner, the Game!!"

ER: Wow the WWE Photoshop department deserves HUGE credit for making Ric Flair look like a human being in the Charlotte/Brie pre-match graphic. I mean holy shit they made him look like a god! This is beyond blending in Shawn Michaels' hair tuft, they straight gave Flair an actual person face. You see him in the hype video and his face is a bloated, stretched, toothy plastic surgery mess. But in that graphic he's got warm steely eyes, a strong jaw, actual facial definition, lush and short fashionable haircut instead of that patchy constantly wet and slick mess he's been working with for many years. Good work team, all around.

5. Brie Bella vs. Charlotte

ER: Really getting sick of Ric at ringside for every Charlotte match. It's not doing her any favors at this point. Match was better than I expected it to be. Slow pace is probably the best to avoid anything blown, though even then both of them had some sketchy moments. I liked the Alabama Slam spot with Brie hanging on through a couple attempts, and the end run got good with that nice Brie dropkick to Charlotte on the apron. Dug the Yes Lock rolled into a really sick single leg crab. Submissions in Divas matches always look so killer because they're so bendy, but I thought they made it look good. I have a feeling Charlotte will be champion for fucking ever and I'm in for a lifetime of "RESPECT HER CHAMPION BLOOD" JBL horseshit.

6. Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles

ER: Man Byron Saxton is the worst, and that's with Michael Cole and JBL plopped around you. Oh yeah, Styles grew up admiring Jericho's Japan work? What Japan stuff is that Byron? I do like that they're pushing Styles as a teenager who tape traded for WAR tapes. If at any point your booking of any wrestler is to make them sound like teenage me, it means you fucked up. "Styles used to love tape trading and practicing the trombone and going over baseball stats on his bedroom floor!" And I'm not really sure how I feel about this match. Half of it felt like AJ slowing down his shit so Jericho could keep up. But sometimes Jericho's rustiness clicked with what Styles was doing. I loved Jericho's super quick bump over the turnbuckles to the floor, and then him catching Styles with a dropkick off a plancha right after was good enough to hold up in slo-mo. But then there was flat out painful stuff like Styles setting up the springboard spot for endless seconds as Jericho got in position, or Jericho kinda just falling off the ropes to do the Walls counter. We hilariously have the Styles Clash kicked out of, in what is like Styles third match in the company. If he kicked out of it, at least the match ended right after with the calf crusher, as I can buy using the last of your strength to kick out and having nothing left to defend the sub. Jericho on TV just doesn't work for me though. I really like old man workers, as there's this extra level of sympathy with them just being older and slower and more frail, and extra excitement when they make their comebacks. They're just easier to get behind. But Jericho doesn't work as sympathetic old man, he still works like move for move workrate star, except he's slow and sloppy. His whole thing just doesn't work for me.

ER: I saw an ad for the Edge/Christian show earlier in the program and in 20 seconds they managed to make me cringe twice with Edge comedy, so this New Day/E&C segment gets a no brainer fast forward from me. I think Christian has some comedy chops, but Edge is about as broad of a hack as you can get.

7. R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel

ER: Wow. This is on a PPV. 2/3 Falls match for the US Title? Oh that's on the pre-show. I mean, there's no real difference anymore between pre-show and PPV, except I'm still far more people still watch the PPV's and skip over the pre-shows. Maybe they're trying to get people to watch pre-shows, so they're putting title matches on there now? I don't know. Gotta advance those dead hour Raw angles I guess.

8. Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Well hot damn this was all hot damn. Wow. No bullshit, all mammoth spots and ass beating, really well laid out, just a great match. Brock is just the best. I could watch him murder dudes all damn day. Like just start up a Suplex City channel on the Network and post everything Brock has ever done, and I'm there. But the crazy thing about Brock just throwing dudes, is that Brock TAKING moves is maybe even better! I love how naturally he takes offense, how it's not just rapid fire flat back bumps, it's like a level of Kawada selling. When he gets blasted with the superman punch he just staggers back fast, drops quick spaghetti legged to a knee, rolls down to the floor. It's so much more layered than most selling, really shows how he fully understands who he is relative to his opponents. Watch him get speared by Reigns whole holding Ambrose and be impressed by him having the presence of mind to get speared, while tossing Ambrose's body PAST Reigns, instead of dangerous dropping him on Reigns' back and legs. Looked great AND was deceptively safe. The "Brock gets taken out" moments of his big matches are always big time, and I loved him getting plastered through a table and covered in the wreckage. It's a shame we usually don't get the visual of the monster emerging and roaring out of the collapsed building, but I like the surprise emergence of Brock no matter how it's shown. I liked the immediacy of Ambrose and Reigns once they had the monster buried, and I love how into Ambrose the crowd was. Ambrose going big time on everybody with a chair was great, and some of those chairshots looked gnarly. I was really hoping that Ambrose was just going to continue crushing everybody with chairshots until nobody had a chance of kicking out, but the finish still worked even if it created a match I have zero interest in seeing. But damn was this match every single thing I was hoping it would be. So damn good.


ER: Really fun show overall. I don't think I've enjoyed a WWE PPV more than this since we started doing live blogs for them. They always seem to end with BS finishes or just be plagued with bad matches, but I enjoyed almost all of the matches on this one, and fast forwarded through what I'm sure was a terrible comedy segment, and I was left overall feeling super glad I watched it. Really good show.

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WWE TLC 2015 Live Blog

1. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

ER: They start with this ugly, endless sketch where Team BAD sing a terrible, cringeworthy 12 Days of Christmas rendition that....I'm not sure what was supposed to be accomplished. Was it to get Banks booed in her hometown? Who is the heel in this though? You have a hometown heel who the crowd wants to cheer, who then is forced to do an unfunny and unprepared segment to start the match, and the crowd is then just left quiet. I love the early armwork and loved Becky's ankle pick on a Banks leap frog. We hit the Banks transition and Lawler says that Banks has controlled the whole match, even though literally the exact opposite thing has happened the whole match. The facials Banks makes in between moves is great. She knows how to shit talk and make great cocky faces. I love when she shit talks mid-move and it blows up on her, like slapping Lynch and talking shit leading to her getting blasted with an elbow. Her crossface submission looks good and I liked Lynch fighting up out of it, with Banks trying to stomp the backs of her knees. Match as a whole didn't do a whole lot for me as I didn't care much about Lynch's comebacks.

2. Tag Title Ladder Match: The New Day vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Usos

ER: This starts off immediately fun with guys taking bumps to the floor, and Kofi and Kalisto doing stereo springboards onto either side of a set-up ladder. Dragons hit sloppyish moonsaults to the floor, and Usos do a stereo dive into all guys, while the guys on the floor shield themselves with a ladder. Somehow diving into a ladder doesn't hurt the Usos, it only hurts the guys taking the dive. Big E and Kofi trap an Uso in a ladder in the corner, and do all sorts of violent chokes and strikes to him, capped with a Kofi running dropkick. The other Uso gets suplexed onto the same ladder. Kalisto hits a nice bombs away over a ladder, and Sin Cara does a nice cattle branding with a ladder, then does a balls out nuts swanton to the floor onto a ladder with both Usos underneath. Daaaaamn. Oh shit, Kalisto climbs the ladder with Big E under it, and E starts fucking BENCH PRESSING the ladder while Kalisto climbs, so the ladder is tilting and at a 45 degree angle while Kalisto bails and flies into the Usos. Crazy visual when they cut to the wide shot to see E lifting that ladder. Kalisto does a 450 onto the Usos under a ladder, after being vaulted into it by a Sin Cara monkey flip. Jeez. And then he tops is all by hitting his sliced bread finisher off the top of one ladder, through another ladder set up horizontally. And then Sin Cara hits a springboard swanton. Lucha Dragons could get over huge after this match. An Uso hits a frog splash from the top through a ladder with E underneath. Aww shit Xavier throws his trombone at Kalisto!! Damn he really tossed that thing at him hard. Fun crazy match. Could be a star making performance from Kalisto if they choose to follow up on it (har har har). Not only were his spots crazy, but he did a good job of making his set up strikes and everything looked good. His punches while balancing on a ladder were especially impressive, and when those look good then doing your crazy finisher off the top of the ladder is just going to mean more.

3. Rusev vs. Ryback

ER: I love a big hoss match, but for much of this it felt like they were trying to do spots where two big lugs crash into each other, but they weren't making those spots look very impressive. I get how to huge dudes trying and blocking each other's suplexes could look cool, but it just looked like two guys taking turns hopping into place. The stuff that looked best (Rusev's chokes) got deemphasized quick, in favor of "Ryback agility spots" like his middle buckle dropkick and his crossbody. The Ryback agility spots seemed way too out of place in this, and Rusev came out of this looking bad. We had a match where Ryback took 80% of the action, then Rusev only permanently goes ahead by Ryback getting stalled by Lana AGAIN, and then Rusev hitting his nice superkick. Lana is fucking great at her part, but man they did Rusev no favors here. But really they've been doing Rusev no favors for almost a year now.

4. Chair Match: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

ER: Boy a chair match seems impossible to pull off under their PG rules. Feels like a match that has a chance to be violent, but is hard to make look violent to the fans unless the guys just actually get hurt. I can appreciate how nice Del Rio does worked shots to the stomach and throat, but fans like hearing and seeing big meaty thwacks. Swagger taking a chair to the throat off a Vader Bomb attempt looked great and was almost missed by the cameras. Del Rio throws about a dozen chairs on Swagger's body, and Swagger terribly sells this by acting as if he were unconscious. He doesn't even flinch for ANY of the chair throws. Just lies there, breathing heavily, getting chairs thrown at his body. Give me a little writhing, a little AGGGGGGHHH, I don't care if it's cartoonish, make me actually think you're getting hit with fucking chairs, because DUDE, you're getting hit with fucking chairs. It doesn't matter as a minute later Swagger is back in the ring hitting Del Rio with chairs. Del Rio returns the favor by being in the Patriot Lock for an eternity and immediately not giving a shit about it once he's out of it. Man this blows. Swagger has taken nothing but chairs to the body, so naturally keeps trying to do his Swagger Bomb with his battered body. ADR at least set up the corner stomp spot nicely by trapping Swagger in the corner and beating the shit out of him. The visual of Swagger getting stomped into chairs looked good. ADR immediately sells his ankle for the first time right when the match ends. Little of this meant anything to me.

5. Elimination Tables Match: Wyatt Family

ER: So they're doing individual eliminations, which means we should be getting a bunch of bodies through tables here. I thought Rhyno looked really good in the Raw multiman, and he and Strowman looked like they were lacing into each other. Harper and Bubba were throwing big blows too. Once things spill to the floor and table spots start getting set up, the match gets pretty boring. There were a couple decent individual moments, like Dreamer and Bubba going nuts on Strowman with kendo sticks, and then burying him under tables. Harper looks really good throughout, and his big man tope putting Dreamer through a table looked good. Bubba setting up the lighter fluid spot gets the crowd to actually make noise, and then in a hilarious fuck you Harper hits a nasty superkick to Bubba's throat and Strowman puts him through the table before it's lit. So the Wyatts ran through Team ECW, which is what should have happened, but the match wasn't very good.

6. Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Owens controls a lot of the start, but he's good at it, good at standing on Dean's throat and tossing on a snug side headlock, nice back elbow, then also flies into Dean's back elbow and gets rocked over the top with a lariat. I loved Owens scouting the Ambrose 360 lariat and catching him, then tossing him into the barricade with a fallaway slam. These two seem like they match up well on paper, but none of their matches have worked for me. You think Owens is a nasty asskicker, and Ambrose is a scrambly babyface with great comebacks, but nothing ever gels to make their matches against each other memorable. Both guys can have better matches against inferior opponents, than against each other. I like the rana out of the powerbomb finish, but the build within their matches just does nothing for me. Both men do spots, but none of the moves each guy takes ever causes either man trouble when trying to hit offense, it just feels like filling time.

7. Paige vs. Charlotte

ER: So I also don't get who is the heel here. Charlotte is a face acting like a heel who will do anything to win, and Paige is acting like a heel who should be a face. Sounds like another combination that will equal a quiet crowd. And jesus do they still think toting her father around with her is hoping Charlotte get over? They've been doing it for fucking months now. Flair gets a reaction, but it just acts as a constant visual reminder that Charlotte needs a LOT of help getting over, like they're afraid of her reaction if not with her father. But the reaction WITH her father is hardly there. They are still desperately constantly saying Flair is her father, she learned from the best, because her father is Flair, she's just like her father, who's 16 time world champion Ric Flair, blah blah blah. It's not making a difference. Charlotte aping Flair spots is just brutal. Charlotte seems like a natural heel, but the Flair spots are just so bad.

8. TLC World Title Match: Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Boston crowd immediately distracted with Cena chants. Reigns' mounted elbows looked really good. Sheamus gently tosses a ladder into Reigns. Reigns feebly bumps into the barricade. Both guys are moving startingly slow for the first minute of the match. Sheamus takes a nice backdrop bump over the barrier because Sheamus always takes big bumps. And match starts to get good when it's based around Sheamus taking wild bumps. He sprawls through tables and set-up chairs and tables set up on chairs. He gets a big scrape on his arm and the deep red looks cool against his pale skin. Sheamus always bruises up well. Chair shots start looking more nasty, Reigns throws some nice rights, Sheamus hits an awesome lariat after luring Reigns in to do the apron dropkick. Sheamus does a huge White Noise through a table and Roman ends up grabbing Sheamus' foot getting back in the ring. Sheamus does this great look of disgust at Reigns. All of Reigns' punches and strikes look good in this. His superman punches have been on point. Sheamus takes a couple crazy moves onto and through ladders. One to the floor was sick. Reigns takes a super ill-advised bump off the ladder into the ropes, reaching his leg out for the ropes for some reason, like he was actively trying to tear an ACL. But then Reigns runs up the ladder with a superman punch that sends Sheamus flying off the ladder into a table. That looked great. ADR and Rusev run in. Rusev sells the superman punch really great, dropping to his knees and face planting. Match itself was really good and violent. Reigns flops again when faced with obstacles, but both men matched up really nicely. It's the kind of thing that works better in a vacuum, as the crazy violent spots come at the end of a night filled with crazy violent spots. Everybody wanted their spots to look violent, and while I think the ones in this match were more violent than most of the others on the show, it still feels silly to have to think "was that the best or the 6th best table spot we've seen tonight?" HHH comes out and leans about as far out of the superman punch as possible. Reigns threw like 6 superman punches in the match itself, and they all looked great and everybody went face first into them. So leave it to HHH to bump 3 feet early when it's his turn. Stephanie always seems to be making the wrong faces, like she doesn't understand actual human emotion. Roman throws some more nice rights and HHH takes a powerbomb into an announce table. The long build up of HHH being helped up by tons of officials while Reigns walks away, into Reigns sprinting back to spear him was awesome. Sheamus has been selling for like 8 minutes.

So, I liked the tag team ladder match and the main event. That's two more matches than I liked on the last PPV so there's an easy step-up. Still didn't feel like a great show, possibly didn't feel like a good show. I'm almost always left feeling like a specific match should have been better. That's a feeling that's been with me for months now concerning WWE, seems like every match should just be better. Sometimes it feels like the fed is actively working to have the matches not be better. Is this just me?

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

37. Usos v. Brotherhood v. Wyatt Family WWE House Show 6/13

PAS: One pretty cool thing about the 2014 wrestling landscape is since everyone has cell phone cameras it is becoming easier to get your hands on WWE house show matches (although for some reason lots of people just record entrances.)  This is a very fun 3-way tag between three great teams who have really good chemistry with each other. We get a long Goldust face in peril section, where he gets beaten on by the Wyatts. Goldust is one of the greatest Face in Peril's ever, and the Wyatts are really great clubbers. After he makes the hot tag, we get an extended WWEDG finish run, with a bunch of dives for a house show. I really liked how they kept using surprise roll ups as near falls, that really sold the roll up finish when it happened. Roll ups make a lot of sense in a match like this, when you have a bunch of different guys to keep track of, it would be easy to get confused and loose sight of someone

ER: Man I loved this. This is also maybe the most cell phone-y thing I've ever watched. This was one step away from being that pulsing neon blob that your buddy says is video from the Daft Punk show he was at. This may be tough if it was a young lions black trunk match, but I know all the shapes and colors of these guys, and I don't know which Uso is which when watching in HD anyway. This was arguably my favorite WWE tag match of the year, which means it was arguably my favorite tag match of the year, which means who knows how many of these awesome stretched out house show matches are taking place every year that still aren't being documented in any way. WWE, you have a WHOLE NETWORK now. Do a single hard cam and record this shit NOW. So I think it can be stated at this point that house show Goldust is just the best. This was the Goldust show here. When I saw him a few years ago on a house show against Ziggler he knew how to milk the crowd for every single desired reaction. Here he breaks out all the awesome moves in his arsenal including his implausibly great rana off the top (though gets cut off in a smart save spot before he can hit his rolling senton off the apron) and then builds all the way up for Cody's hot tag which is really great with him hitting his rope walk spin kick in an awesome spot amongst other scrambly squirrely offense. WWE has conditioned me well as they did so many roll up finishes during the 2000s that I have a Pavlovian response to them now and they always work as a false finish for me. Harper seems like another guy made for house shows as everything he does really resonates, and thanks to him and Goldust's timing I think this match actually worked better as a 3 way than if it had been a tag between any combo of the teams. And that is not something I will often say. The timing in this was great and guys regularly found logical ways to not be in the ring and it all led to awesome saves and nearfalls. Seriously this was great. Go watch these colored blurry blobs and soak it in.


2014 MASTER LIST

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

38. Shield v. The Wyatt Family WWE House Show 3/7/14

PAS: This is a house show version of my favorite match up of the year, and had a bunch of the fun elements I loved in their more high profile stuff. We started out with a cool staredown and brawl which included Rollins doing a super fast, really crazy for a house show dive. Two long face in peril segments one with Rollins and one with Ambrose, Wyatt's were a really great bully trios team, cutting off the ring violently working over someone with a mix of simple violent slams and throws and some very quick high impact stuff. Ambrose was the star of the Shield team, he was at his best during their brief run as a face trios team, he had an awesome crazy man hot tag, and followed it up with a great Terry Funkish face in peril where he keep begging the Wyatts to hit him harder. They kept Reigns on the apron until the end where he unloaded all of his cool offense in the crazy bang bang finish. Such a bummer we never really got a big blowoff to this feud, as even in this format it was some of the best stuff all year.

ER: Fun match and really it's matches like these that made me not care about going to TV tapings when WWE rolls through town, only the house shows. House shows seem to bring out more excited screaming kids, less people trying to get over with their signs. And the crowds seem hotter because there's no down time for commercials or promos. Here the crowd was hot before the bell, as a "This is Awesome" chant started while the teams were just staring each other down. I could see that kind of thing annoying me most of the time, but here I was kinda with them as in my head I was like "*squeal* a Shield/Wyatts trios I haven't seen!" so I can only imagine how much I would be flipping out live. And, sure enough, this ended up being a Shield/Wyatts trios. We do lose a lot with the fancam aspect as these are all guys who add stuff with their facial expressions, so seeing just white blurs for faces isn't as engaging, but since it means we actually get to see this match instead of never seeing it then I'll obviously take it. There's still enough high end work in here that shines through without the mugging. I thought Harper looked fantastic here. The crowd seemed to respond to him more than any of the Wyatts, and his stuff with Ambrose was great. I loved them trading blows, Ambrose getting repeatedly knocked back into the ropes. All the strikes looked great, and Ambrose is such a house show pro because you know he was teasing the rebound clothesline every single time. Harper would uppercut him, Ambrose would stagger backwards into the ropes, the whole crowd expecting the rebound...and then he ends up hitting it several minutes later when people aren't expecting it. Bray was good with the house show crowd and he even added a new little wrinkle to the crab walk, flopping to his back for a couple of beats before springing up on all fours. It looked creepy and the crowd was delighted. It's weird seeing Wyatt in brown sweatpants instead of white slacks. He looked like Mick Foley at an autograph signing. The finishing run was really hot with a couple great saves and nearfalls, and all the guys seamlessly running in one after the other and believably cutting the others off. Wish I could have seen these teams live. At least we have this.


2014 MASTER LIST

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

The Shield v. The Wyatt Family WWE Raw 5/5

ER: Well, this is what we asked for and so far we're getting it. All of the Shield/Wyatt matches, given all of the time. We're 4 matches into their series and they keep finding cool new things to do and cool new approaches. This time we had Ambrose playing the FIP which usually goes to Rollins, but Ambrose was in a fun battle royal earlier in the evening that left him more susceptible to damage. As usual with these 6, I had a hard time deciding who my favorite was here. But damn does Rollins continue getting more star making spots, as I was initially afraid he would be buried if the group ever broke up. Here he gets to fly all over the ring and crash into both the Wyatts and Evolution with big dives. I especially liked earlier in the match when he kicked a charging Bray in the face from the apron. He also takes some major bumps, getting shoved off the top rope by Harper when attempting a springboard, spilling over the announce table, and slickly flipping out of the corner only to get immediately leveled by a Harper superkick. Even if there were no sort of storyline matches and they were just worked in a bubble, these matches would be really good just on quality of work alone. None of these guys half asses in these six mans, they all really work up to the time given them. Love these guys.

PAS: I really enjoy face Ambrose, it might be my favorite thing currently in wrestling. He has this awesome punch drunk Terry Funk selling, and he has these wild Piper style wild punches. I loved the double pulling down the ropes, to set up the hot tag. Rollins has some great hot tag spots and takes a bunch of crazy bumps. So cool to see how over and good Harper has gotten, I used to love his tag team with Necro Butcher (who would make an awesome Wyatt family member) but I never imagined him being as big a deal as he become. Reigns isn't in this much, but his one burst of offense was pretty electric, he isn't much of a singles wrestler, but he is great in trios.  This is a great match up, although not being part of a feud took some of the steam out of it, compared to the other three. I really hope we get another big run between these two teams once their feuds run their course.


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On Being a Time Traveling Smart Mark

Oftentimes I will watch pro wrestling matches, and I'll have thoughts on them.

Wyatt Family vs. John Cena, Sheamus & Big E, WWE Raw 4/7/14

I dug this 6 man from a week ago, with the crowd loud and smarky the whole way through. Booing the good guys, cheering the bad guys. It's New Orleans, Wyatts are billed from Louisiana, okay. Hearing them boo all of Sheamus' moves and cheer Rowan's comebacks was fun, and Sheamus got into it and let it fuel his beating. We had some loud "John Cena Sucks" sung to the tune of Cena's entrance music. Hot crowd. Smarky crowd.

But one guy.

One guy on hard camera side had a sign which read "Who Booked This Crap".

Yep. That guy.

The guy sitting in the middle of one of the hottest periods of WWE TV and matches of the last 8 years, just completely flustered by the product being presented to him. "Who Booked This Crap" feels like the most impossibly dated sign one could bring to a WWE show these days. I mean, I saw a car with a Kucinich bumper sticker the other week, but it's not like they'd show up to a WWE show with a scattering of "Other Channel Jackass" or "Be Fair to Flair" signs. Now in fairness to the guy with the Kucinich bumper sticker it's likely he wouldn't bring those signs to a WWE show because he'd be at home eating kale and catching up on the most recent Fresh Air and also would have zero interest in attending a live pro wrestling show.

But Who Booked This Crap? What the fuck MORE could a smart fan want out of current WWE!? I mean, sure, all of the best indy guys from the last decade are pushed high and get to have long great matches on a weekly basis, but Yoshi Tatsu never gets TV tiiiiiiiiiiime. Colt Cabana wasn't given a chaaaaaaance. Vince killed ECWWWWWW.

And then he hit me with an unexpected blow:

His next sign read "Save us Y2J".

My world was turned upside down. Either he is just reusing all of his signs from a WCW Thunder taping he attended in 1999, or he's working the most precise smart mark gimmick I've ever seen. He's ostensibly the guy who gets invited to an 80s party, and shows up wearing a precise recreation of what somebody may have looked like in May 1986, and gets pissed off the whole party about people mixing years and genres. "Look at that guy in the Hypercolor shirt. That was early 90s, asshole! And that guy over there is just wearing sunglasses!"

Who wouldn't want that guy sitting behind them during a wrestling show!? Since few of us had that privilege, I will use the powers of prose to insert probable soundbites you would have heard from that guy, throughout this match. Hopefully it will put you right there in the middle of the action, with him.


Sheamus and Rowan pair off in an awesome display of ginger on ginger violence that you just don't often see. I suppose it's because there aren't that many large gingers around who people would want to see clubbing each other (".....remember Blitzkrieg guys? That guy could could be working Em Oh Tee Whys every fucking night if they brought him in. But it would never happen because you know these idiots would just job him out to.....").  Big E does a triple backbreaker on Rowan which could not have been easy. Big E was straining and his hand was nestled deep in Rowan's ass to make it work, but it came off like the crazy feat of strength it was and the crowd was down (".....so then I was like but have you seen how sweaty Mark Henry gets!?....."). Harper gets to work Cena a bunch now and they really match up nicely ("...God but if they had the guts to bring in Taz he would fucking shoot on all of these guys. They wouldn't be able to stop it..."). Cena vs. Monster is one of the best match styles of the last decade and few guys currently are as beastly as Harper (".....Oh God what if Shane Douglas did a run in!? That guy don't give a FUCK. He'd call Cena out on alllll his phony shit....."). Sheamus does his sweet rolling torture rack senton to Harper, ONTO a prone Rowan, and Harper then bumps huge to the floor on a clothesline. Harper's bumping is awesome and his wild dive is one of the great spots of 2014 (".....so yeah, you bring him in, put him over everybody, and then boom. You have AJ Styles vs. Shawn Michaels main eventing Wrestlemania.....") And damn do I love the Bray Wyatt crab walk. Big E takes Sister Abigail right on the side of his head and makes it look killer (.....God these guys are so FAKE! I've seen wrestling from JAPAN.....").

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

2. The Shield v. Wyatt Family WWE Raw 3/3

ER: Holy lord. This shit was wild. "Wild" isn't really something that WWE does. They're very structured and very micro-managed, so even the wildest matches from the fed tend to have some sort of order and disconnect. But THIS. This match felt like no other WWE match I've ever seen. We start with The Shield doing dives, Rollins dropkicking dudes out of the ring, Rollins hitting a huge flip dive on Harper then sprinting back in to do one on Rowan, then getting launched sideways into the barrier by Harper. There's just so much wild reckless shit in this. People are flying around the whole time working their own angles and stories while other exchanges are happening. Again usually even wild WWE brawls are clearly structured and this one felt like the best kind of sloppy. It came off like all of those great short 80s set matches that always place really highly. It felt like it was constantly breaking down. Harper looks like a beast in this, flying all over the ring (take a manly bump into the timekeeper's pen), big booting everybody off the apron, dishing nasty clubbing strikes, hitting a dropkick that looked like it should have caved Ambrose' chest in. Love Rowan's fist-assisted head vice, and I love Ambrose escaping it by yanking HARD on Rowan's beard. As a man with a large beard, this is a daily fear of mine. Ambrose brings the Nigel rebound clothesline out of the mothballs and LEVELS Harper with it. Harper leans so damn hard into every move every match, he just might have a lumpy Takayama face under that beard by the end of the year. Wyatt hits a Mike Knox cross body (why the FUCK is Mike Knox not rehired in the Wyatt Family yet!?), and then gets planted with a nasty Ambrose DDT that he took basically vertical. Reigns hits arguably his best ever Superman punch (or maybe Harper is to thank for it...) with Harper's head whipping back while his body crumbles in front of him, like half of his momentum was going one way while Reigns knocked the other half the opposite way. Reigns spears Rowan over the announce table and both tumble wildly over it, while Harper kicks Ambrose asshole over elbow back in the ring. This whole thing was just fucking AWESOME and felt entirely unique in a WWE setting. I mean, it felt entirely unique when compared to the 2014 wrestling landscape, and I hate hate HATE that I don't get to watch these two teams feud for eternity, with new members and shifting face/heel dynamics. I still can't decide which match I liked more. The Chamber match had a cool longtime story, and this one was them pissed their own tactics worked against them and just bringing the fight to the Wyatts. My heart says this one...

PAS: I think the Chamber match was slightly better, I am going to take a match with a clean finish over something that is undergirding for an angle when all else is equal. Still this was damn close, the work was great. I love faceish Ambrose he is like a crazy ECW Terry Funk, everything he does is the right kind of intense and out of control. His Thez press looks like a guy on PCP flinging himself at a cop. I loved his bridged figure four, and Harper's double stomp to break it up was disgusting looking. Plus that rebound clothesline looked spectacular, loved when Nigel did it, love it from Ambrose. I liked the 2 on 3 dynamic of the finish, but was a bit iffy on Rollins motivation, and his acting. Felt like he hit his lines a bit hard. Still when your only complaint about a match is the vocal acting, it is pretty damn great


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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

The Shield v. The Wyatt Family WWE Elimination Chamber 2/23

ER: Fans are already chanting This Is Awesome before the match even starts, and I'm kinda right there with them. I've been excited for this one for weeks. And it's fucking great. We've seen a lot of great WWEDG sprints from these teams and here they get to have a long story driven match with elements the sprints didn't really have. My favorite was Luke Harper doing Bray's dirty work. Every time Harper would go manbeast on somebody (which happened a lot), Bray would be sleazily waiting there for the tag. It was never presented as a cowardly heel taking advantage of a situation, just a guy dutifully beating ass for his boss. Also loved all the teamwork of the Shield, from their early quick tags to their later saves and trying to have each others' backs. It was all so much fun and about 10 minutes in when Rollins hits a dive we never look back. Rollins can get overshadowed in other trios, but he really got to shine here, sticking and moving against all the Wyatts, ragdolling for all the power spots (loved him being sent flying from a Rowan fallaway slam). Harper has always been a big guy I really liked, but whereas I used to think he was a fun Necro Butcher tag partner, now I think he's one of the best workers in the world. He was an absolute monster in this. His big boot is one of my favorite current spots, although that may be because I love how Ambrose and Reigns each run into it. His suicide dive was massive (of course followed by Rollins folding him in half on a flip dive). Ambrose was so great in this, always flying into frame like a dirtbag on Cops who keeps breaking free of restraint. Him saving Rollins from a double chokeslam through a table was perfect, leading to Bray tackling him into the crowd and Rollins getting blasted through a table anyway. The Reigns/Rowan power spots were killer and they actually made me dig a double clothesline spot. This was just a beautiful match in terms of hierarchy and story and just great spots.

PAS: Super impressive match and a real testament to the WWE training program, no way Husky Harris/Thoruf/Brodie Lee v. Tyler  Black/Jon Moxley/Leakee would be anywhere close to this good. I really loved how the Wyatt's out Shielded the Shield, as for over a year the Shield would win by isolating people and picking off the weak link, and here the Wyatts did it to them. It was like watch a fast break basketball team run into a team who can out run them. Man did I love Ambrose here, he always kind of had a Piper feel in promos, but here he really was wrestling like peak Piper, an out of control lunatic who was always popping off and throwing wild hands. I think the RAW singles match showed it couldn't work in big doses, but the Bray v. Roman battle of the bulls was perfectly pulled off here. It is too bad they rushed this feud a bit, I would have loved to see this a hundred different ways, really the best heel v. heel match in US wrestling history, and the rematch wasn't far behind.


2014 MASTER LIST

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

6. Wyatt Family vs. Goldust/Cody Rhodes/Rey Mysterio WWE 2/18

ER: Another week, another high end WWEDG trios. Just set aside 11 minutes for any combo of these guys, and then let it fly. This was a nice coming out party for Rowan. He's always looked fine but this was probably his best performance, peaking with his great rag doll bear hug on Rey. Rey was king sized in this, maybe his best performance of the year too, with his awesome sliding splash on Harper and then getting folded sickly in half off a Harper big boot (good lord that was sick). Bray's uppercuts to the neck are so great. Goldust floating and stinging against Rowan was killer. And then the match just kicks up a level on the Goldust hot tag. Goldust's right hands may be the best in a company full of great right hands. He gets to run through all sorts of cool stuff like a top rope crossbody and his awesome powerslam (made to look even more nuts with how large the Wyatts are). Bray runs in and takes a giant bump over the top to the floor, Rey goes for a rana off the apron and Harper swings him hard into the barrier like Matthew McConaughey tossing Woody Harrelson into the back end of a truck, all followed by Cody hitting his out of control springboard onto Harper. Just bananas shit here. Goldust puts a nice exclamation point at the end, getting planted with Sister Abigail and leaving a makeup stain on the mat.

PAS: I watched this with my wife and described the Wyatt family as Reggie LaDoux and his crew cooking meth in the swamp with some dead children in the shack (fuck is True Detective awesome). It is crazy how old Goldust and Rey are for how great they still are.  I love Harper and Rey working together, after years of working the world's worst Rey imitators in Chikara it must be a treat getting to  hang and bang with the original. I love Wyatt's back elbow, it is such a simple spot and it just looks so violent. So great, and it's such a perfect TV wrestling staple to run one of these a show.

ER: I just noticed Phil and I each independently made a True Detective joke. Great minds and all that.


2014 MASTER LIST

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