I Forgot WWE Money in the Bank Was Today Blog! 5/19/19

Got it in my head that this thing was happening next weekend, went on a nice jog during the breaks in the rain, hot shower, cozy pants, sitting down with coffee and Phil texts me if I'm gonna write up the PPV. Crap. I had been planning on watching a Death Wish sequel, a couple Beyond matches, and the Schitt's Creek finale I've been saving...but let's dive in blindly to Money in the Bank!

Daniel Bryan/Erick Rowan vs. The Usos

ER: Pretty genuinely surprised that this wound up on the pre-show. Now, I don't actually know what the rest of this card is (been only skimming through TV the past several weeks, and now that I'm watching it's more fun to just see what happens), so maybe it will knock my socks off! And this whole thing delivered the usually fun pre-show match quality, but with these guys it should have been way better than that. It was good, it was fun, but it really wasn't that much more fun than if we had gotten a Mojo Rawley/No Way Jose 8 minute match. The timing looked just slightly off throughout, things like one of the Usos leaping far out of the way to set up Bryan catching him in an armbar, or Bryan arriving at the edge of the ropes and having to wait a split second to be hit by the double superkick, Usos double splash finish looking ugly with both guys landing more on their feet than landing the splash, just felt like a lot of this was worked at 75%. There were cool moments - hard not to be with these guys - and Bryan pretty clearly looks like the best wrestler in the company right now. I liked Rowan catching both of the Usos on dives, thought each Uso took a nice big bump, but this underdelivered expectations from these four.

Naomi vs. Carmella vs. Nikki Cross vs. Mandy Rose vs. Ember Moon vs. Dana Brooke vs. Natalya vs. Bayley

ER: Everybody has new gear which is cool as I don't even remember people having notably cool new gear at Mania. Was their seamstress running behind? Naomi in the afro puffs and bumblebee look is fantastic, she pulls it off so well. I really, really love that gear and look on her. And Carmella is finally out of the Baywatch swimsuit and into a money two piece. This whole match is somewhat sloppy, a little disjointed, but they went for a ton of shit, tried out some cool new shit, and tried to be a little unique with the concept. Not all of the spots worked, some of them felt way too choreographed (stuff like Carmella holding the ladder too long waiting for Mandy to kick her knee out (and the extremely awkward aftermath of that spot, with Carmella weirdly shoving her away with one arm and saying "get away from meeeee" like they were two kids play fighting and one actually got hurt), or Dana Brooke reaching right over the briefcase to grab the rope because the spot was for her to swing from it, that stuff never looks good and I hate when we see the end of the sequence telegraphed by the process. But the painful stuff was painful and the cool stuff was cool. Mandy Rose took a couple big nasty bumps, one over the top to the apron to the floor, the other getting kicked off a ladder; Sonya Deville came in to fireman's carry Mandy up the ladder, and that looked awesome; Ember hit the Eclipse off a ladder into the ring, Nikki does a nice version of Finlay's ring skirt trap beatdown, Naomi took a painful as hell atomic drop bump on a ladder, Mandy ran up a set up ladder to hit a knee in the end, tons of cool stuff. Overall I thought it was too mapped out and a little messy, but it was an appropriate length, and fun! And Bayley could make for a fun title chaser.

Rey Mysterio vs. Samoa Joe

ER: Man are we ever gonna actually get a total badass match between these two? This is a genuine dream match and we've gotten a pointless Mania match, a rushed Raw match, and now an even more rushed PPV match. This was more angle than match, with Joe getting legit busted open by a shot and then getting pinned fairly quickly while his shoulder was nowhere close to the match. It's pretty lame to have them both wildly celebrating a late career Mysterio title win, while also getting thoughtful Michael Cole voice saying "You now Samoa Joe has a legitimate beef about that pin." This match needed Dominick to take a real shit kicking. Instead we got Cole saying weird things like "He's making Rey's teenage son watch his father get beat!" First, Mysterio's large ass adult son has to be in his 20s by now, old enough to foolishly run in to help his dad. We've had Miz's dad eat a beating, Dominick needs to get busted open. If you don't want to have Dominick eating a beating on the same show where that happened in a different feud, then what is the point of even debuting Dominick at this point? What we got of a match was fine, these two are nice dance partners, but we just didn't have the time to make it very interesting.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

ER: I really enjoyed their Mania match, thought the stunt spots were genuinely nutty and built too nicely. Having them fight in a cage kind of contains the stunt aspect more than I'd like, but they bring good energy to this. Shane is a fun stuntman, but here he shows that he's a fun cornered animal. I was fully expecting him to work a fully equal match, because for whatever reason Shane is always treated like an equal. But here he comes in playing desperate strategy, scrambling for escape any way he can. I do like the moments where he can't help himself but always pays for it, even if Miz catching him on the coast to coast was kind of awkward. Miz unleashing actual punishment was really good, with Cole calling him a sadist (which is a weird thing to have your announcer saying about your babyface who isn't doing a heel turn) as he beats Shane with a chair. I was hoping they'd end it like this, with Miz getting some revenge and dropping him face first on a chair. But they opted to go a pretty stupid route instead, as they apparently think the hot way to draw fans into this PPV is some refs making mistakes! The ref stops the match when Shane gets his foot on the ropes, even though it's a No DQ cage match. Two matches in a row where a ref mistake changes the outcome of a match is just stupid, uninteresting, and lazy. That Shane eventually wins the match by dropping to the floor, ensuring the feud continues, was not what I wanted. This started very promising but didn't go in a direction anybody could have wanted.

Tony Nese vs. Ariya Daivari

ER: Damn this feels like a couple deep cut guys on the roster to be getting PPV time. I don't really have the time to watch 205 Live, but damn what is the state of that program? Tony Nese really stinks. This whole thing is ice cold (possibly by design) and Nese doesn't help any one soul in the building get warm. His prepared combos are so sloppy and shitty looking, he runs through this awful high kick/kneelift, leg sweep, leg drop combo that is so slow, and manages to look shittier literally each step of the way through the combo. Daivari has a couple more interesting things than I remembered. I liked his jab and a couple of his cheapshots, but he doesn't have anything interesting enough to make the crowd care about Tony Nese. We do eventually get a Boring chant, and it's stupid but not undeserved. Nese doesn't deserve cheers for his shitty elbow exchanges and slow kicks, all delivered with absolutely zero personality. Nese is such a zilch. Fans at least make a little noise for his flip dive and 450, but I actually laughed when it got a kickout. These guys are going for This Is Awesome Please Don't Stop epic without earning one damn ounce of it. I hate it but I kind of love it. The finishing stretch was nonsensical and cut short right when they decided to do some silly kickouts. Really this whole thing showed that neither of these guys are anywhere close to deserving PPV time. This was outright bad.

Lacey Evans vs. Becky Lynch

ER: I really have not been into any of the Lacey Evans stuff we've gotten so far, so this is a decent chance for her to win me over. I think I'm still upset that we never got the culmination of this exact same run for Eva Marie. I wasn't expecting any good matches from that, but I got a genuine kick out of the Eva Maria stuff. And Lacey looks if not great, interesting. Her arm work was nice, whipping Becky's arm into the match, wrapping it around a post, stomping on the wrist, kneeing the elbow, all of those are cool things. She threw a hard elbowdrop to the stomach, overall a nice attack. The crowd doesn't really seem to buy into her game though, and it makes for some pretty quiet control segments. Perhaps worse, is that Lacey doesn't eat a babyface beating very well. She is really stiff - not in a cool strikes kind of way, stiff as in "kind of a lug" - who doesn't bump excitedly for explosive offense, kinda just clunks her way over on big dropkicks, and always seems just slightly out of position. The finishing sequence building to the Disarm-her was messy and unconvincing, with another bizarrely out of place ref leading to the sequence looking even uglier than it should have. Was this a case of "refs call it like a shoot and the shoulder wasn't down" or have they not been instructing the refs to act like it's a shoot for a decade? This whole PPV has felt both cursed and like a curse over the past hour.

Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

ER: This could be a nice way to turn our misfortune around. This overall feud has had some unfortunate detours and misdirections, and has been a disappointment, but it still has high ceiling potential and it's always a possibility one of the matches could reach that ceiling. It doesn't really get to that ceiling, and is also kind of a dull mess. There were also several moments where one of them intentionally or unintentionally flinched out of the way of important strikes, so you got a few moments of sold strikes that ate a ton of air, including the kick that literally ended the match. That stuff is ugly as hell and the wrestlers need to be given the confidence to call audibles more often. The match didn't work to any interesting peak moments, was not memorable, and then it ALSO turns out it's even more of an angle than a match, as we get the full fan requested Bayley run in complete with her cashing in the briefcase.

Charlotte vs. Bayley

ER: This was at least memorable for the fans' legit large pop for the quick Bayley win. It would be a real kick if Bayley suddenly got a groundswell of support the way fans suddenly took to Kofi. I would love if the end result of all of this fairly botched Becky/Charlotte feud is Bayley becoming as popular as Becky was a year ago. Bayley running through the crowd was a genuinely fun moment.

Elias vs. Roman Reigns

ER: You guys I really don't like this PPV and I definitely would rather be listening to the angular guitar synth sounds of Jimmy Page while Paul Kersey takes down a sect of LA new wave gutter punks. I am starting to resent the PPV a little at this point. "Big Dog" Commentary Count: 3

AJ Styles vs. Seth Rollins

ER: This was not the match I was hoping for, when I was hoping for my luck to turn around. AJ has been a noticeable step down over the past year, and Rollins is arguably my least favorite guy on the roster. This just wasn't the match I wanted. It's a match that I'm very tired of. We haven't really seen these two in a match, but that's not what I'm mean, I mean that I'm tired of these Seth Rollins style fitness routine epics. This stuff is such soulless junk, I always wind up totally zoned out 5 minutes in. There were things that looked cool: AJ sets up a nutso piledriver off the apron and Rollins drops hard to his escape, Rollins hits his dive a little more recklessly (not as daintily) as he can, stuff like that. We get an actually AWESOME reverse suplex off the top, with Rollins whipping Styles with a low arc, making it look like AJ bounced right off his face. It was great and infinitely cooler than any other piece of Rollins' offense. So naturally it was used as a mid-match nearfall surprise. The missed and hit superkick tradeoffs look as silly and overdone as they usually look, and "The Beast Slayer! Looking to burn it down!" is so cringe that I don't even know if Manowar could make that sound cool. It certainly doesn't sound cool when describing Seth Rollins. This may have been a good version of "this match". It didn't go anywhere deep into overkill, even if I thought the layout was boring and predictable. That makes it at least an above average version of this match, but I'm tired of this song.

Lucha House Party vs. Lars Sullivan

ER: Pretty sure this match was booked as a Vince dogwhistle to trump showing he fully supports the burgeoning market of white guys with questionable tweets pushed too far and taking the matter of getting rid of brown people into his own hands.

Kevin Owens vs. Kofi Kingston

ER: I'm not expecting to really enjoy the "not against Daniel Bryan" portions of Kofi's title run, but we'll see. I don't have much skin in either of these guys, so it's tough for me to get into this, but they do well with the time they're given. Owens superkicking Kofi out of the sky on a big plancha to the floor looked cool, Owens took a big double stomp on the apron, Owens takes a big upside down bump in the corner and drops on his his, and more. This does continue the unfortunate trend of the night of every single match having an absolute dogshit do si do reversal sequence that looks like slow mo play fighting. Those sequences are really bugging me tonight, so things weren't perfect here. But it's probably the best match on the show since the MITB women's match, and that wasn't a particularly high bar.

Baron Corbin vs. Finn Balor vs. Ricochet vs. Andrade vs. Ali vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Randy Orton

ER: Within the first two minutes of this, Andrade takes a gorgeous Jerry bump, Ali gets backdropped on a table, Balor gets backdropped on a table, Ricochet hits a springboard 450 to the floor, and Ricochet gets backdropped on a table. This match feels like it knows it can definitively be the best of the night. They do a lot of big things here, and it consistently looks good and painful. Ali and Ricochet both eat backdrops onto ladders, and Andrade spectacularly springboard dropkicks Orton off a ladder. This has been a night where agents have laid out some real clunkers, so guys stepping in and having one of those fun WWE Heavyweight X Division matches is going to come off even better. WWE has a decent history of being able to do a "many guys chaining together offense" multiman, and this played like one of the good ones. Andrade hitting a sunset flip powerbomb on Finn off a ladder through another ladder - Andrade landing on his feet and Finn recoiling like a skinny kid getting bounced off a trampoline by two fat kids - was one of the most spectacular WWE spots of the last decade. That was WWE stealing the brilliant insanity from the Crazy Crusher vs. Hell Storm Canadian backyard ladder match. Ali, Balor, and Ricochet really sacrificed their backs for some cool moments tonight, all of them taking multiple back bumps onto ladders, onto the floor, and onto unbudging tables. Ricochet taking a mammoth hip toss from McIntyre, from the ring through a ladder set up at ringside really made this feel like we were getting an ECW match with 3 Spike Dudleys. Corbin is pretty good as modern Justin Credible, pushed cartoon rat faced heel who has been shaving his head for hairline reasons since late 20s getting a ton of go away heat. I would have preferred an actual finish with the guys involved, since really everybody here absolutely busted their ass and someone deserved some credit for that. But I also love Brock more than most people so I can't deny that I think he's a fun guy to be running around threatening to cash in briefcase. What an absolutely scary monster in the closet, knowing that Lesnar could run out at any time to potentially concuss someone! This match played a lot more like something you'd see on a dirty indy show, everyone taking some impressive risks and the fans really getting into it. This show desperately needed to go out on an exciting note, and this match delivered that.

Read more!

Matches from WWE Super Show-Down 10/6/18

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

ER: Charlotte's boobs look weirdly inflated, but it's possible that crossing the equator does funny things. Becky is super aggressive in this and it's awesome. She attacks at the bell and kicks at Charlotte's legs, yanks her by the arm from the ring to the floor (great reckless looking tumbling bump from Charlotte) and Becky does a tornado armbar and starts bending at Charlotte's wrist and fingers. Charlotte has a spirited comeback, kneedropping Becky in the back of the leg, hitting a nice high kick, but damn does Charlotte have some of the ugliest chops in wrestling. Her arm looks like a wet noodle, and they look too dismissive. Shame she's probably required to do them. Charlotte hits a nice spear (and Lynch takes a nice spear), and I like the theme of Becky rushing her early and then basically trying to cheat from behind the rest of the way. Charlotte hits knees on a moonsault, and I like Becky cheating to get out of the match with her title. That's probably because I'm sick of Charlotte in the title picture and think she's a horrible babyface. I smiled when Lynch kicked her ass after getting her belt.

Iiconics vs. Asuka/Naomi

ER: I was fully expecting more of a reaction for the Iiconics, but it's clear the crowd either doesn't care about them, or doesn't want to boo Australians, or...look I have no idea what native Australian culture is like. This is short but has some cool stuff in it, Asuka had some nice throws, Naomi did some cool split legged offense and a plancha, Peyton had a ridiculous-but-fun house show only kind of sell off a Naomi kick, stumbling around while Naomi mocked her. WWE has people lose in their home town/country so often that it was weird seeing them win here, not only quickly and cleanly, but over two people who are clearly much higher than them on the hierarchy. Fans respond to the finish, but not much else.

28. Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles

ER: This feud is pretty dumb, completely stupid to involve family in a fed that doesn't allow blood, just makes the babyfaces look like idiots for going out and working for a MOTY instead of just gouging a fucker's eyes out for hitting on his wife. But I was intrigued by the No DQ/No Count Out stipulation of this one. The stips don't enforce themselves much at all for the first half, which is cool, as the stips just encourage them to work stiff with each other. The opening punch exchange was good, AJ throws some kicks with thump, Joe tosses AJ to the floor and AJ takes an awesome bump on his face, then eats a tope and turns so he flies face first into the barricade, and takes a shot into the steps. Joe is heavier, and really feels like he's landing heavy on everything, to the match's benefit: He rushes in with a hard back elbow and blasts AJ with a high speed falling lariat, AJ comes up with a bloody mouth, and Joe brings the Emerald Frosion out of mothballs for the Australian Misawa fans (they call themselves AMFs). All the striking has been good throughout, both guys peppering in shots in between bigger moves, Joe sneaking in headbutts, AJ mixing up height on his, all effective. When weapons and objects do finally get involved they all have cool, more violent, messy results. Styles goes through a chair on a STO slam, AJ hits an out of control fireman's carry through a table, driving Joe awkwardly through the table. There's nice attention to Joe's leg after, and cool moments like AJ kind of stumbling through a calf crusher application, so Joe attempts to turn it into the Kokina Clutch. I don't know if Joe recognized the application was taking longer than normal and went for it, but the reaction came off logical and more interesting than him lying there waiting. Both guys are turning in ramped up versions on signature offense, with AJ aiming to hit a 450 on Joe's leg, and Joe turning a Kokina Clutch into a sleeper suplex, and I love the moment where Joe suckers AJ in by buckling his knee, suckering AJ into a rolling prawn hold that Joe easily flips into a Kokina Clutch. But also like that he played himself and while he was using his own knee as bait, his knee actually was weakened, leading to an AJ calf crusher. I think this was pretty easily the best match of their unceasing feud.

PAS: I have been slacking on WWE this year, so this is the first Joe vs. AJ match I have seen since TNA days, and I thought this was easily as good as their most lauded matches earlier this century. They really laid into each other, and I loved how even stuff that wasn't clean landed with a thud. At one point Styles just lands a jumping forearm right into Joe's sternum, which looked like it sucked to take. Joe busts up Styles mouth, and while it wasn't a crimson mask, it did add a grittiness to the whole procedure. Joe hit a cracking clothesline which Styles took a big bump on, and crunched him with a great looking powerslam. I loved the knee work, Styles looked like he hurled himself through a table just to make Joe land weird, and Joe yelling to the ref that his knee popped was a great moment. The impact was so strange, that I almost bought a real injury, that is how knee injuries happen, landing awkward and weird with all of your weight. We had a weird heel in peril run, with the valiant heel fighting his way through an injury, while the vicious babyface tried to end his career, totally makes sense with all of the stuff about Joe stalking his family. I liked how Joe can still grab a choke from the ground, but was really unable to hit anything that required weight on his knee. Cool finish too, with all of Joe's tricks running out and getting caught in the calf crusher. I thought this was excellent.

Riott Squad vs. Bella Twins/Ronda Rousey

ER: Riott does something maybe no other worker on the roster does well, and it's a very important thing: Her facials are so strong that she actually comes off like she has a personal problem with her opponents. She looks like she wants to hurt them, and she looks pissed off whenever it doesn't work. All of the Riott Squad has their perks, Live throws underrated kicks and plays great at house shows, Logan comes in off a tag with an awesome running knee, Riott comes in with a low kick to Nikki's back, all of them are good at cutting Nikki off from her crew, and I like how Logan crumbles off Nikki's enziguiri, taking a heel right to the side of her head. Rousey is an absolutely undeniably fun hot tag, and of course everyone deserves credit for getting flipped fast on their tailbones, yanked over by the arm, eating her awesome Samoan drop variation, really all of Ronda's judo offense looks great. Morgan was awesome saving Logan from a sure death Rousey armbar, Morgan flying in towards camera with a hard elbow to the back of the head. I wish we had gotten one more save from the Riott Squad, but the Ronda double armbar finish is a really fun finish for this kind of show. This was worked exactly how I wanted to see it worked, with Brie kept mostly on the apron, Ronda on fire, and the Riott Squad getting to control things. So this easily checked all my boxes for what I was hoping for.

Cedric Alexander vs. Buddy Murphy

ER: You know I liked Buddy Murphy before it was cool (is it cool?), thinking he put up a strong showing at the first NXT show I went to. Amusingly, I have seen approximately zero of his 205 Live run. And indies junior Buddy is just not anywhere as interesting as house show stooge Buddy. I saw this getting talked up as one of the sprints of the year, and while it was a cool moment for Murphy, this thing felt like a couple dozen other uninteresting moves exchanges I've seen over the last couple years. Melodramatic faces, big driver variations, a flip dive hit, a flip dive overshot (the overshot tope con giro is of the UTMOST importance in having one of these matches), an empty strike exchange. Their faces can look spirited, but the matches seem so hollow. This is becoming default style now, and it's feeling like one guy fighting slightly off shadow variations of himself to eternity. However, I do like the hometown win.

ER: Well, I guess we'll never - ever - know if HHH/Taker was worthy of being on our 2018 Ongoing MOTY List, but Joe/AJ is an easy add, easily the best match they've had against each other in WWE.

Read more!

WWE Money in the Bank 2017 Not Live Blog

I was up at my folks' place swimming all day today (it's 108 degrees here right now) so got home as the PPV was finishing, still thought I would do a write up.

1. The Colons vs. Hype Bros.

ER: PPV Pre show delivers again, these guys all have that 8 minute pre show timing down. Colons are a really good team and I'm glad they stick around. Epico has chubbed up a bit and that just makes me love him more. They craft some nice stuff around taking apart Ryder's leg, I always like the ankle DDT spot. Mojo has a decent hot tag and things peak right at the finish, with Mojo hitting lariats and shoulderblocks and absolutely splatting one of the Colons, which lead to a nice last split second save. Ryder comes in limping and hits a nasty broski boot and gets crazy height on the rough ryder leg drop lariat. This was a fine opener.

2. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Carmella vs. Natalya

ER: Tamina has the least flattering ring gear possible. It looks like they took Viscera's old gear and hemmed it. Rachel thinks Charlotte needs to wear some sort of short skirt with her gear, as she finds Charlotte's lack of hips distracting. I'm digging the early parts of this, nice basic ladder stuff. Charlotte nastily bulldogs Tamina into a ladder, Becky and Natalya ram a ladder into her stomach, nice ladder as weapon stuff. Loved Carmella trapping Charlotte's leg in the ladder and lobbing back elbows. Becky climbs a ladder seemingly just to get rana'd off by Carmella. Carmella leans out of a Charlotte yakuza kick. Charlotte takes a sick bump off the ladder from a nice Tamina headbutt. That spear spot right after could not have been uglier. They don't go through, then take forever to continue unnaturally falling to the floor. Tamina takes a nice backwards bump over some ring steps. And my oh my that match finish is incredibly uninspired. "Women can do anything!" Except that one woman needs to help of the literal lowest man on the WWE totem pole to win. And the crowd was clearly expecting things to get reversed or the result thrown out, and it drug on for awhile, and it never got thrown out. This was not very good, that ending felt like it came way early. Even if they wanted this specific finish, they could have done it while making Carmella look better, have her ordering Ellsworth to run distraction for her while she climbs for the case. Something.

3. New Day vs. Usos

ER: Heel Usos are awesome, love Big E, and Kofi bumps his way crazily into my heart by going high and fast to the floor off an Uso low bridge, then gets leveled by an Uso lariat. Usos really ragdoll Kofi around and I have high hopes for this Big E hot tag (earlier he hit his awesome apron splash), and the Usos keep cutting that damn ring off. The hot tag itself was fun, E hits three big belly to bellys, and the spear to the floor is still nutso. Kofi and an Uso both go for kicks and get tangled up in kind of a fun way. The end run has a scary moment where E is supposed to catch Jey out of the air to do a powerslam but Jey falls past him and easily could have gone face first into the mat. They awkwardly do the spot as planned, which involves Jey climbing up onto E. But the pinfall save after they finally do the spot is excellent. Things heat up nicely after that, Usos with another big save, Kofi hits a sweet trust fall dive to the floor...and then Usos just leave with the belts and get counted out. Dude. These finishes are making me salty.

4. Naomi vs. Lana

ER: OOF Lana has some all time bad entrance music. It sounds like a song someone took minutes to make in Mario Paint, just a looped drum beat and sax riff. Lana's movements in the ring are somewhat clunky, but I think she's a total win as a sexy crowbar. Her snap suplexes into the ring ropes were killer, and her little crescent kick through the ropes as Naomi was pulling herself up was nice, and I think she's pretty good at occupying herself and selling during Naomi's wrist-held high kicks. I think the Carmella mid match entrance worked, as she's now just looming with the threat of the stupid briefcase, though I think they went to the finish too quick after that, no momentum was built back up. The finishing submission looked good, but the heat went down with the Carmella entrance. I liked Lana in this, think she looked better than Tamina has ever looked.

And Mike Bennett/Maria are now in WWE and get a debut on a PPV? Have they been in NXT or something? Maria as a character has never done a thing for me, but I'm mildly amused at Mike taking her last name. I'll give both of them credit for however they keep getting paid TV gigs, but I'm not too excited to see them work.

5. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: This all starts off good, both guys are working to not show light on strikes, Orton's stomps looked good, Jinder working as a great overpowering juiced up bully, taunting Orton Sr., throwing on a figure 4 in front of Flair; now I want him to do the Baron's claw and some high Gagne dropkicks. This whole thing progressed nicely and then hit a way-too-long Singh Bros. removal...but then we get Orton recklessly throwing them around again (slightly less reckless than last month), and in keeping with the bad finish theme of this show, that insanely long Singh Bros. interlude then leads to Orton losing the match the exact same way he lost the last match. I mean everything played out almost exactly the same. This match started quite good and then went the way of the others. This isn't that good of a show.

6. Breezango vs. Ascension

ER: Dude the Ascension are guys getting in on main show PPV matches!! What a truly unexpected match on this show. I watch Smackdown, have they even been on in the last month? Well, no matter, I actually like Vikto and he confirms my like by hitting a cool jumping knee to Breeze. Breeze takes offense really great, he'll lean up into an elbowdrop and take fast bumps to the floor, sell your resthold for you. Connor also wins me over by having huge muttonchops and hitting a fucking boss spinebuster. Weird match to show up on a PPV, but both teams looked good.

7. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs.  Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Big spots to start, Corbin working stiff, and I finally got invested when Dolph ran up a ladder to the ring apron to swipe AJ's legs in the middle of a springboard, like his own stupid ladder Hamburger Hill. I'm so sick of Zayn and Owens matching up, but Zayn at least will take a couple stupid bumps in a big (or small) match. Styles is out of this for too long as when he comes back in you suddenly realize that the energy of that match had been missing. Styles immediately makes the match more interesting, and Dolph awesomely climbs OVER Corbin on the ladder. And Dolph kind of continues worming his way back into my good graces by punching Zayn a bunch right in the fucking ear, while on the top of a ladder. And huge props to him for somehow taking the safest possible bump off a sunset flip powerbomb off said ladder. I mean that as a genuine compliment, the bump looked nasty but you could tell he took it right. It's a good skill. We somehow get a fucking nalf nelson suplex head drop ON THE RING APRON on a WWE PPV. WWE is now a 2001 Dateline NBC Backyard Wrestling highlight package. I now want them to do a tailbone shattering guillotine legdrop off Zayn's stepmom's house. I want Owens to give Zayn a burning hammer on a public park picnic table. Styles is really good at leaping off of ropes and crashing into people. He has precision "crash into stuff" skills. Styles leaping into that chokeslam was great, and Corbin plants him with one. Owens takes a Styles death valley driver off the apron through a set up ladder and holy shit all these guys are insane. This is a fucking amazing IWA Mid-South match right here. Dolph pulls the ladder out from AJ and AJ does all these great "hanging from the case" spots, trying to climb to his safety, trying to get over it for leverage to unhook the case, hanging from the case itself and scrambling to yank it down instead of unhook it; it felt like a bunch of cool tricks that Bill Dundee would work into a gimmick match. Nakamura finally comes back after being jumped pre-bell, and in a cool moment the fans continue singing his entrance music when it gets cut off, and he runs wild with a fresh man hot tag. He throws knees, boots Dolph in the face on a corner charge, kicks more face, knees Owens in the face, does enough in 1 minute to make me blow up. AJ and Nak get a cool little action movie stand off that made both seem like major guys, peering through the ladder at each other like Travolta and Cage in FaceOff. Great fistfight at the top of the ladder with those two...and then Baron Corbin wins it. Wow. Did not expect that...but I like it! Corbin coming out and taunting the champ with the case, playing mind games, would actually give him something to do instead of "This guy is in a bad mood!"

Overall the PPV wasn't a great one. It wasn't really even a good one. But that MITB match was really damn fun to me and felt like something I would see on a 2002 Jersey indy comp tape. And that makes me happy as hell. I wanted the buffering on my Network feed to fuck up so it would look like I was watching the match on a scratched 12th gen VHS dupe. And that ended things on an impossibly joy-filled mood, so thumbs up!

Read more!

WWE Elimination Chamber 2017 Live Blog

1. Curt Hawkins vs. Mojo Rawley

This was a surprisingly nicely structured opener between two of the most pointless guys on the roster. It had the feeling of a dark match where two guys were given a chance to do their thing, and it benefitted from that. These two have had minimal run-ins, no angle to speak of, and Hawkins was dead on arrival a few months ago. So they get 8 minutes to do their unadorned thing. This was the last sketch of the night on SNL, the last match of a SNME card, something with no expectations and minimal chance. And they benefit from all of that! Mojo looks leaner than usual, and moves quicker than I've seen him. Hawkins doesn't bring a whole lot to this, evading Mojo for the first couple, but once Mojo gets his hands on him things get fun. Mojo breaks out a big lariat, killer fireman's carry flapjack, and huge running forearm to the corner. Hawkins takes the abuse and picks his shots nicely, and this is the kind of match you hope fleshes out a good house show. A match you wouldn't have even noticed on paper, but keeps the good times going so the live show doesn't lag. Good work guys.

2. Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James

Was hoping James would have ditched the bell bottoms by now. That could really use an update. And I wasn't expecting this to get 12 minutes. But their must be something in my coffee tonight as I liked this match too. This is feeling like a really great house show so far, which is awesome. Becky talks about becoming the Arm Break Kid and so Mickie comes out and goes after that fucking arm. Crowd is cold and that's a shame as Mickie attacks the arm in cool ways, wrapping it grossly around ropes, and best of all wraps it around her legs and jumps to the mat. I loved the arm work, and she got a lot of time to show it off. James even has some really great mounted punches, which are the most difficult punches to throw. I don't remember her having great punches. Becky sells the arm nicely...except every single time she goes on offense, which is really annoying. I don't need her to do every move one-armed or anything, but at least acknowledge that you arm has gotten kicked in the last 10 minutes. But Becky is a good underdog in this, even takes a sick DDT on the side of her head. James looked kind of tired by the end, but unintentionally or not I dug it, as it makes sense for the returning veteran to have lost a step. Match ending could have used a bit more as the ending as is was lazy and somewhat unearned, but this was a satisfying 12 minutes, worked in a style that was a pleasant surprise.

3. Apollo Crews & Kalisto vs. Dolph Ziggler

When I saw this handicapped match listed, I thought it was a pretty dumb idea considering the participants. So I loved when Ziggler just jumped Kalisto during his entrance and took him out of the match. Dolph should be using smarts to win this stacked match at all odds, and that was the most logical start. Crews, Hawkins and Rawley are pretty low on the totem to be getting onto PPV, but I kind of love that it's a thing. Again, feels like a really fun house show. Might not be the best business plan, but I don't care at all about what benefits them. Ziggler as a cocky athletic asskicker is soooo much better as cocky babyface who bumps. And Ziggler was good, yanking on a nasty horizontal side headlock, grounding Crews and gassing him out by choking off his air supply. Crews showed a side I haven't really seen as I thought his selling was really engaging. I thought his exhaustion felt authentic, and Ziggler's smirks to the crowd and not just the camera while he picked apart Crews was great. The opening match jumping did its job, as off camera as Kalisto got to his feet the crowd noise started to swell. Ziggler did all Kalisto's sympathy build for him, as Kalisto got to lie around for 6 minutes and all his heat was built up for him. Nice idea. Crews gets an all time great enziguiri with his last gasp of strength, and Kalisto tags in for a springboard dropkick and a nice enziguiri of his own. Crews makes a blind tag and I love how he actually acknowledge the beating he took, not rushing in right away and instead grimacing hard as he forced himself through the ropes, then uses whatever restored strength he had to plant Ziggler with a killer high angle tossed powerbomb. This was another good one, and Ziggler pays him back by destroying Crews with a chair afterwards. Well done by all, a heel performance that Ziggler needed, and the first time I've actually "seen something" in Crews, beyond "athletic black man" spots.

4. Heath Slater & Rhyno vs. Breezango

I wish Breeze had gotten a better shake on the active roster. He is/was a favorite of mine in NXT, but some guys play the big stage, some need to fill out the small stage. Slater is a feel good story and an easy guy to get behind, and Rhyno is great at apron work. Fandango doesn't have tons to do so he makes up his time by hamming it up while not falling right away on a sunset flip, and tossing tons of fashion citations onto Slater. Slater throws a nice high kick and great Memphis overhand right to the forehead, and Breeze bumps properly around on for Slater's comeback. Could have been more, but we have 14 tag teams to get through.

5. Heath Slater & Rhyno vs. The Vaudevillains

Aiden English, like Tyler Breeze, was one of my favorite things in NXT. In other words, nobody in a position of authority should trust my taste in professional wrestling, and how it relates to making money. This is sadly short, but English got some nice moments, hitting a boss knee drop and taking Slater's match ending DDT incredibly. Slater lifted him into the air to deliver it, and English kicked his legs in a panic while falling. Gotch didn't manage to murder anyone during his brief time in, and I actually liked his little kick combo and rolling fireman's carry.

6. Heath Slater & Rhyno vs. The Usos

Okay each match has been shorter than the last. Hate where this is going. Jey hits an amazing pop-up Samoan drop, and the superkick finish made sense, but this was a steamrolling.

7. The Usos vs. American Alpha

Usos are getting easier to tell apart, now that Jimmy is chubbier. Usos get dumped with double Germans but from then on it's all Usos and they're pretty vicious taking Gable apart. The superkick to Gable's ribs while he was being held prone was nasty. Gable is a good underdog and the Usos as heels have been sadly wasted but good whenever given the chance. But I had a feeling the Usos aren't advancing here. Jordan's hot tag was good, one of his more fiery ones. But the ending felt too rushed and predictable. These teams are capable of having a great match, I'm sure of it, and we've gotten glimpses and teases and one really good TV bout, but damn they need to just given them 17 minutes and say "GO!"

8. American Alpha vs. The Ascension

The best thing about this was the best part, with Ascension hitting the Fall of Man with a spinning back elbow instead of a kick, and I liked the idea of a flash upset. But the rest of this didn't do much for me. After that opening flurry didn't work, the Ascension had no chance of winning the belts. Having them as the last team sucked out any kind of drama. Clearly AA was getting the belts. Crowd would have deflated had Ascension won after a long, hard fought contest. No way they would do that. It only would have worked if it happened 10 seconds in. After that they were just waiting around to die. This whole gauntlet was overall disappointing, as we all expected it would be.

9. Nikki Bella vs. Natalya

This is pretty dull for a grudge match. It's possible Natalya was grinding down Nikki with boring holds on purpose, to tease her for not being as good a wrestler, but Natalya doesn't do "subtle", so if she was trying to get that story across we would have heard a lot of "You're not stronger than me, Nikki! I'm a better wrestler than you!!" Since we did not, I have to imagine she was not. Nikki hits hard on her comeback, Natalya takes a nasty landing while delivering a superplex, and good lord Nikki genuinely looks like she's choking the life out of Natalya on BOTH STFs she does. The second one was especially gross as Natalya's tongue starts sticking out and her eyes get wide. Either Nikki delivers the best looking headlocks in the company, or she is just strangling people while Natalya is suddenly a great seller. Either way, the match finish blew, but the match was totally worth it for them chokes.

10. Randy Orton vs. Luke Harper

I do not like this nearly as much as the recent Wyatt/Harper house show singles match (review coming tomorrow!!), and I guess that had a better built in story. But it was also worked bigger, and was the match we were hoping it looked like on paper. Here Orton overpowers Harper to start, which is stupid. He just muscles Harper around and beats him up. Harper's the dude who should be overpowering EVERYone around. I like that he can sell, but this should have been Orton scrambling for his ass.That Harper/Wyatt match went barely 10 minutes, started big, caught its breath in the middle, and ended big. This has been 13 minutes of methodical. Admittedly, all that build made Harper's epic superkick feel that much more epic. I loathe when Orton pounds his fists on the mat, it looks so stupid. So I loved Harper blasting him with a superkick right when he stops Vipering or whatever the fuck that is. Vipers don't have fists. Gawd. But that kick was a lifesaver, and I thought for sure the follow up kick was getting the big win. AND THE CROWD GETS BEHIND HARPER!!! And fucccccccck they didn't let him kick out of the RKO. I'm telling you, if Harper kicks out of that motherfucker, we have a new babyface superstar. How killer and unexpected would that be? Harper shocking Orton by kicking out of the RKO and going on to win; Orton flips out and puts up his WM title shot if Harper will face him again; Harper wins the title shot and goes on to be featured in a singles match at WM; Wyatt tries to bring him back as a follower mid-match, and Harper gets one final moment against Bray, turning on him officially in front of the biggest live crowd of the year. He commits, and the fans get committed in his commitment. He wins the title from whomever has it (Cena?) and Harper is the new bearded World Champion babyface superstar and former tag team partner of Necro Butcher.

Is that so fucking difficult??

11. Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss

I love Alexa's cartoon villain facials. David Otunga sounds like a black Brett Gelman. But yes, Alexa Bliss cartoon facials. I especially like her snarl. Or when the ref admonishes her and she snaps "I know!" That kind of work goes a long way. Naomi is a good face with a great look, but sometimes she can get a little lost. The kick combos can get a little complicated, but her energy is good. Bliss did her a lot of favors in this, really flying into her stuff. The best is Alexa running fast into the rear view. I love the rear view as a part of Naomi's offense, but I don't always love the Irish whip set up. So Alexa running into it is the best. Alex comes back but then misses a great twisting body press into knees, real nasty. Then Naomi hits her own monsault, with her knees whipping right into Alexa's stomach. Yeesh that hurts. And I was NOT expecting a win for Naomi, that's kind of awesome. I think this is her first, and why not? They're switching the titles a lot, but I like that this makes it seem like ANY of these women can win the title on any given night.

Chamber hype video was AWESOME. They get older Chamber workers to come back and talk about what they loved and hated about it, they show a lot of grisly black and white footage of Chamber bumps, all good stuff. I'm hyped.

12. Elimination Chamber: Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin vs. The Miz vs. Bray Wyatt vs. AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Styles is GOD in this match so far. He has been bumping like wild for everything. Cena roughed him around, then Ambrose clotheslined him over the ropes, powerbombed him on the side plank, and then crashed into him with an awesome clothesline off the top of a pod. Cena hits a German on both of them at the same time, and Bray Wyatt comes in just as things are really getting good. And he feeds off that energy. Wyatt hits his crazy high/fast cross block, then gets knocked to the side plank by AJ and takes a wicked post shot. Moves look so damn unforgiving on these side panels. Cena and Styles do some of the best "fighting on top of a cage" that you've seen, and Cena takes the death plunge. Then Ambrose and Styles take turns seeing who can bank the others' head off a pod panel, and this is reminding me why I love the Elimination Chamber gimmick so much. Suplex powerbomb spots suck ass, look dangerous and never look "worth it", so that can get the hell out of my chamber match. Corbin comes in, and I finally notice how fucking lame it is to where a "lone wolf" t shirt when you're called the Lone Wolf. Like, Disco Stu don't advertise. Everybody is taking such full force bumps into the chain link parts, it's reading really well in HD. The structure seems unflinching so every bump into any part of it is coming off dangerous. And Ambrose gets plastered through a pod after eliminating Corbin, makes it look amazing. Miz wisely hides in his pod, knowing he will get his skin ripped off by Corbin if he reveals himself. Cena has some ridiculous strength and I'm glad his body allows him to display it sometimes, because him rolling through a Miz crossbody to stand up - holding a 225 lb. man! - to lift him to a fireman's carry, and THEN AA him?? That's epic as hell. AJ has the makings of a legendary Chamber performer. Rey Mysterio is the obvious king of the Chamber match. He invented these things. But AJ gets it. Some day when Rey comes back for a superstar glory tour, these two need to cross paths in a Chamber. Wyatt gets to pin Cena, which is and should be big, and Styles and the newly energized Wyatt are the finalists for the belt. And both guys sprint to the finish. AJ Styles hits his sliding elbow, and then a bonkers springboard 450. Holy cow. Styles toss out a strike combo and Wyatt spins into a huge lariat. Styles is great at taking lariats. And Styles gets caught going for his flying forearm, as Bray snags him and plants him with Sister Abigail. Super match, loved the order of entrants and the stories that unfolded. This is doing the most with what you are given.

Awesome night of wrestling, well worth the time spent. The show had a lot of undercard performers stepping up on a smaller show, while the headliners delivered strong performances. Really great stuff all around.

Read more!

WWE No Mercy 2016 Live Blog

ER: This show is happening not too far from me, Sac is under a 2 hour drive. But I was oddly in Sac last night seeing the band SURVIVE, and really had zero interest making that drive again like 12 hours later. I'll be seeing NXT in Sac in a couple weeks, which means I'll have made more trips to Sacramento this month than in all of the last 5 years.

ER: Boy that Curt Hawkins promo was pretty rough. What a strange person to bring back to TV. Give him a decade old Chuck Norris Facts gimmick, and let him cut a promo that sounded about as smooth as some of those early NXT "cut a promo about this random word" promos.

1. American Alpha vs. Hype Bros. vs. Vaudevillains vs. The Ascension

ER: This was fairly dull until the match closing car crash spots that all these guys are good at. Jamming this many guys into a short match means nobody gets much of a chance to shine. Some guys got some individual moments, thought English got some nice stuff. He's a lanky big guy who takes suplexes really well, so he's ideal to bump around for Jordan. Viktor is better than he usually gets to look, loved the timing on Konnor yanking Gable off the ring apron. I would have liked to see AA treated as a bigger deal in this match before getting the win, but they were mostly absent through the first 3/4 of this. Again, just a flaw in match structure/time allotted.

2. Dean Ambrose vs. John Cena vs. AJ Styles

ER: I usually dislike 3 ways but I think I always end up liking Cena in 3 ways. His selling and strength based spots always come off well in the broken structure. But so far this just doesn't seem that good. Flimsy springboard elbows are making people disappear until it's their turn to hit a flimsy springboard elbow. The 10 knuckle shuffle couldn't have been set up much worse, and couldn't have looked much worse. Guys go from selling death after *performing* a move, to then moments later doing a move of their own. I do like Cena blocking AJ's low superkick by swatting it away like my cat swatting away catnip tennis balls. And I love how over the calf crusher is. And suddenly the bell rings as AJ taps while taking a calf crusher and STFU simultaneously. I have zero clue what happened there because the match just keeps going. So AJ is still in the match because both guys got him to tap.....which means nobody actually beat him? My god this is colossally stupid, no matter how much the announcers try to explain that this is a totally normal call. And a chair gets used about 20 minutes into a match that they've been proclaiming is No DQ from the very beginning. My god this is so stupid. I cannot even imagine what the hell a live crowd would think after seeing this, with no announce crew explanation. They watched Styles tap, heard the bell, and then the match just continued. How confusing, and bad.

3. Nikki Bella vs. Carmella

ER: Boy this match is not good. Every move by both looks like it's landing a foot short. Nikki whiffs on dropkicks and hits a pillow soft "tackle", Carmella whiffs on a superkick. Carmella seemingly taking bumps way early does not help Nikki. As I'm typing that Nikki hits a really nice running elbow that spins Carmella into the mat, and Carmella's headscissor submission looks really great. And now it's over. Well that stunk.

4. Usos vs. Heath Slater & Rhyno

ER: Man heel Usos soooo goooood. Just what the doctor ordered. Face Usos were getting real stale, and this has really reinvigorated them. All their strikes look far more vicious, and I love all their double team strikes. One distracts, the other rushes with an uppercut; one holds a shoulderblock in the corner, the other jumps in with an elbow to the jaw. Also amusing that a lot of the heat is on Rhyno so far, which leads to a nice comeback spinebuster. Heath has a fun hot tag and that powerslam off the top was awesome. Usos do their great superkick to the knee and that Rhyno lariat while an Uso had the tequila sunrise looked sick. Nice, satisfying tag match. Between the lousy first couple matches and my Network freezing 5 times already, I needed a good one here.

5. Jack Swagger vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Fun short power match. Lariats hit well, Corbin got flung around for Swagger's slams. I don't have a whole lot of interesting stuff to add to this, but I enjoyed it. Corbin's swing dancing finisher is pretty silly though.

6. Career vs. Title! Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

ER: Surprised they didn't put this one last since you don't often get matches where someone's career is on the line. WWE isn't really a big stip match fed so this actually feels like a pretty big deal. And this whole thing was laid out pretty terrifically. I had minor issues with some of the offense, but you had to figure ahead of time that the offense wasn't going to be good from either guy. Early I liked how they used Dolph's nice dropkick as a way to surprise and cut off Miz offense, and the finishing stretch was awesome. The leg selling was hammier than a Cosctco recall, but right after he rolled through the skull crushing finale and reversed into his sleeper choke I was hooked. The Maryse spray spot was done great, and the Spirit Squad run in and toss out was timed perfectly, right at the end of the match so that everything blew up for Miz. Argue about the result all you want but the fans were dying for Dolph by the end.

7. Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi

ER: God Mauro is annoying. "Say, don't you think Alexa Bliss looks like Harley Quinn?" I wish JBL spent longer running him down for his pandering. "Inspired by the Last Dragon, there's another reference for you John." So he's clearly self aware that his references are constant, and dogshit. JBL vs. Mauro might build to the only interesting announcer vs. announcer match in history. Bliss throws a great forearm and is definitely one of the best heels in the fed when it comes to screaming at refs/her opponent. "You're not on my level Naomi. I don't even like you!" I was really liking this up until the really rushed flash finish. It really did a disservice to the rest of the match which could have built nicely. Unless they plan on having Bray/Orton go 45 (heaven help us) then there's really no reason we had to end things like they did.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

ER: None too excited for this one, and they aren't doing anything to make me more interested. They are definitely having a match you'd expect from Orton and Wyatt. Wyatt seems like he's only 3/4 committing on his moves, looks really sloppy. Like he starts the move and then Orton just has to finish it, even though it looks like there's nothing behind it. That apron DDT was the worst offender. He just kind hopped to the floor and Orton had to DDT himself. The missed senton on the steps looked nice though. Orton dropping him back first over the apron was a nice touch. But then Harper returns right as I'm getting into the whole thing. Still, Harper coming back should be great for Smackdown. He could and should really thrive there. (though I'd really like him not associated with Bray any longer)

Read more!

WWE Backlash 2016 Live Blog

ER: Found out a PPV was happening tonight, Phil said the card looked like junk but I had no idea what the card was, so he urged me to GO IN BLIND!! Smackdown has kind of overperformed since the draft so even with the card looking bleh on paper I'm hoping to maybe get surprised by it.

ER: Pre-show has some pretty great moments, like Lawler just completely shitting all over Dolph Ziggler, followed by Lita shitting all over Ziggler, followed by the table unanimously deciding that Dolph is a total failure.

And Slater/Rhyno were flat out great doing a Q&A. Rhyno had some great dry delivery, answering a "how have you been getting ready?" with "All sorts of things. Water aerobics at the community pool. No more community pool after tonight though." With Slater butting in, "That's right I'm getting my above ground after tonight." They played off each other soooo good and came off with a real nice natural, easy charisma. No overly scripted, unfunny "comedy", just them being themselves and being funny. Great segment.

1. Apollo Crews vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Didn't really care much for the opening of this, but once they started dropping big moves on each other and bumping all over the place, the final 3 minutes got pretty hot. Both guys have some fairly unlikely offense, but they both committed to the offense and made it work. Crews bumped big off Corbin's cool grounded chokeslam, the Crews' fallaway slam/samoan drop on the floor was sick, Corbin hit a massive spinning backdrop, and yeah, the big moves won me over. Still can't really get much of a feel for Corbin, and he's a guy I've now seen several times. It's weird.

2. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Carmella vs. Nikki Bella

ER: These matches always seem like a total mess. They're always a jumble, people always get crossed up, and then suddenly all the eliminations happen at once. And that's pretty much true of this. But it had some moments. It was easily the best I've seen Alexa Bliss look, and she showed more personality than any other gal in this. Usually I think she looks fairly inept but he backflip knees actually hit for once, she lobbed a great knee into Becky's face, nicely held onto the top rope to prevent the neckbreaker/powerbomb that eventually finished her. She was a bright spot I was not expecting. And then the eliminations flew fast and pointlessly. Natalya looked awkward as hell in all her exchanges with Naomi, like she was trying to make Naomi look bad, except Naomi looked fine against everyone else. Becky Lynch really does nothing for me. Nikki was mostly underused here. Carmella tried but needs more time (I liked her quick elimination on Nikki and her slapping Lynch though), and yeah this whole thing added up to not a whole lot.

3. The Usos vs. Hype Bros

ER: Usos were due for a heel turn, I like it. Ryder looks like he's making the most of his newfound 2016 PPV time, really busting ass this match. His slingshot splash was great, crazy missile dropkick off the apron, weird but painful looking bump off the apron to the floor. Loved Mojo's running all the way around the ring double shoulder block after the Ryder dropkick. But Usos on paper as a heel team sounds better than execution so far. I'm sure they'll get better at it. Their heat segment wasn't too compelling and they don't have tons of heel stuff to fill time yet. They've been working fired up babyface for like 6 years now, it'll take some adjusting. That flying superkick to the back of the knee is a sick finisher set up though. That move is nasty.

I feel guilty fast forwarding through Connor's Cure segments.

4. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

ER: Well this was really good. This is one of the best Miz performances I can recall ever seeing. Ziggler was kind of along for the ride, but Miz slayed here. Loved Ziggler owning him on the mat, always going for that sleeper choke, and I buy the sleeper from Ziggler. In fact I think the period I enjoyed Ziggler the most ('09 or '10) was when he regularly used that backpack sleeper as a near-finish. In my brain I'm picturing a series of matches he had with Kane of all people, where he really effectively employed the sleeper. So we get some rear chokes to start and then later came back to some great stuff with the sleeper. They were given a lot of time here, and made the most of it. Miz was super aggressive and broke out some stuff I've not seen him do. Those running corner dropkicks were devastating. Ziggler breaks out his great chest first bump in the corner. I dug Ziggler setting up the famouser by doing a little sliding shin kick, dug them fighting on the floor with Ziggler muscling up and lugging Miz back in the ring to avoid a countout. But I really wish they had just let Miz win clean instead of the normally out of the way Maryse interfering. The entire announce crew already tossed Ziggler under the bus before the show, and Miz is hotter than he's maybe ever been. Let the dude get a win. Still, really good match.

5. Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

ER: Of course it's Kane. And they tried and Wyatt busted his ass, and at least Wyatt was presented as Kane's equal the whole match, not as someone scared of the unstoppable monster. They went out and had probably the best match they could have had. Wyatt breaks him down with a chair, the senton through the announce table was awesome (even though Kane was the next one to go on offense), and I thought overall Wyatt came off good here. But really this was just a way to occupy Bray until Orton is healthy again. So whatever.

I have no clue who those two guys were who AJ talked to, but one of them looked exactly like current Rhyno, minus 100 pounds. Look at the nose, eyes, facial hair. That is Rhynito.

6. The Usos vs. Heath Slater & Rhyno

ER: Maybe the Usos just needed one match as heels under their belts to start catching on, because I already liked them more in this match. Slater gets predictably cut off from Rhyno, and I especially enjoyed one Uso choking Heath in the ropes while the other runs and uppercuts him from the floor. The match itself really wasn't much, but it went in the right direction. Heath has certainly earned a big moment over the last couple months, and the Usos are going to be far better served in the American Alpha feud. So Usos and AA will get to tear it down for a few months, while Slater gets a nice moment in the sun for a few months on top. Okay match, great result.

7. AJ Styles vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Styles as been an absolute king over the last few months, so I'm greatly curious to see what he can do here against I guy I loved for years, but who's stock has dropped more than maybe anyone over the last year. And Styles is really making it work. It's wisely worked with Dean doing minimal offense, as even at his indy match best he was never known for his offense, but the last year has seen him lob some of the flimsiest offense in WWE. So AJ - who has some great offense - works him over,  kills him with elbows (that diving one to a seated Dean was awesome), Dean flies wildly into a turnbuckle, AJ keeps at him, works him into some weird awesome calf/ankle crusher in the corner that leads to some nice leg moments (love AJ working a leg lock when Ambrose starts booting him in the face), with AJ rolling through into the awesome calf crusher. I miss that period when every WWE main event had a submission alternate finisher. That Brock Lock and Lasso from El Paso were the best. The calf crusher is a totally believable finish, and I did NOT see Dean just grabbing and bouncing AJ's head off the mat to break it. THAT is an awesome way to get out of a sub. God does AJ sell that catapult on the apron, just shoulder tackling that ringpost. And then things start to get wild. That vicious 450 with Styles practically over-rotating his face into the mat only made it look like he was whipping his body as hard as possible into Ambrose, and then AJ goes on a tear illustrating how he's made every single opponents' offense look amazing ever since arriving in WWE (well....except Jericho. He really couldn't salvage that offense). AJ gets booted to the floor and flies ass over elbow, then takes Dean's weak tope better than anybody else. Most people take Dean's tope and absorb it, which kind of highlights the lightness of it. AJ acts like it throws him off balance, which in this case sends him over the announce table. I realllllllly wish AJ had ducked that damned rebound lariat, but at least he bumped it big. And I love the kick to balls -> Styles Clash finish. It's a way to somehow win deservedly, while also being a royal asshole in winning. He could have likely just kicked him in the stomach and got to the same conclusion, but he went balls. Styles is awesome. Total ace.

Read more!

WWE Fastlane 2016 Live-ish Blog

1. 2/3 Falls: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

ER: Wow, the U.S. Title match is on the pre-show?? The main card is filled with such important stuff that the 2/3 falls match just can't squeeze in. That must mean the main card is stacked, right? I really haven't loved how these two have matched up in their previous 19 matches over the last month, but it's possible they'll turn it on when the lights are at their brightest (which is the pre-show of the PPV wedged in between their two important PPVs). But guess what, this completely rules. ADR went after the arm at the bell, Kalisto countered with leg kicks and tried to game him with fast roll-ups, and then ADR awesomely ended the 1st fall by braining Kalisto with a chair after taking a rana into the timekeeper's stall. I loved the psych, like Rude/Steamboat iron man of taking a step back to take a few forward. Right after getting DQ'd ADR just pounced on him and starting tossing him into every barrier, really punishing him before getting the inevitable 2nd fall. ADR hits his double stomp off the barrier into the ground and it looked really good, just stomping right through Kalisto. But Kalisto's little hope spots and headscissors were nice, loved ADR flinging himself into the mat on the short rana, loved him getting spiked on a tornado DDT, loved the snap on ADR's spinning backbreaker, loved little things like Kalisto able to roll to the floor to avoid potential pinfalls, just really thought they clicked in a way that I think has been missing from all of their many prior matches. Finish was cool with ADR setting up Kalisto for the stomp and Kalisto fighting back while on the buckles. It would have looked too ADR just lifting himself into the move) so I loved the direction they took, with him doing a lucha head drag to toss ADR into the buckles and then getting that flash pin he had been trying for early. Really fun stuff here.

2. Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch vs. Naomi & Tamina

ER: Wow Tamina is still really bad. How long has she been on the roster? 5 years? Stunned her last name has allowed her to last this long while still looking this terrible. Watch her whiff on a lariat, then admire her limp chinlock, then admire her awkwardly dragging Lynch away from the ropes to pin her even though Lynch wasn't near the ropes. You also are not shocked that she punches worse than Michael Shane. Everybody else looked really good though, but damn Tamina was in so much of this. Lynch takes a wild bump to the floor, really launching herself off a Tamina throw. I loved how they filmed Lynch trying to tag in Sasha, as at first it looked like Sasha jumped out of the way of the tag, before they revealed that Naomi had yanked her down. Loved the Sasha/Naomi segment as Naomi was great feeding Sasha, and they set up the Rear View perfectly with Sasha chasing Tamina around and back into the ring while Naomi laid in wait. Tamina for her part even hit a nice superkick down the stretch, so even she wasn't an entire waste. I really liked this, thought the ladies who normally looked good, looked good.

3. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: Ziggler's hair immediately makes me want to watch him take a stomping. Man what an asshole. Half-mast cornrows. Wow. Either go all the way and have tons of beads, or just turn heel already. This haircut would be majestic on a heel. Imagine Rush showing up at Arena Mexico with this haircut. It would be amazing. But a guy I'm supposed to be backing? Ehhhhhh. Owens does politely grant me my wish right out of the gate, by ambushing Ziggler with a thrust headbutt and commencing the beating. I dig all of Owens' sentons, with that one to a on-all-fours Ziggler being especially mean. Both guys see who can take a bump into the buckles better, and it's a tough call between Ziggler violently running shoulder first into it (looked so painful in slo-mo) or Owens flying into the post and crashing to the floor. Ziggler's comeback is hot and his jumping elbows looked so good. We eventually break down into big moves nearfall territory, but I actually kept digging it the whole way through. Ziggler's HBK tribute act is confusing and strange. But all their shit looked good, and even though Owens seems to have taken some shit online lately I thought he was good here. Crazy that his twisting superplex is not a finisher, but I loved him scrambling behind the ref to dodge the superkick,  dug the rana into the ring steps, loved Owens mocking a fan's "Ohio Hearts Ziggler" sign and ripping it out of his hands postmatch. Yeah this mostly devolved into overkill, but it never really bugged me. Sometimes overkill immediately makes me zone out, and other times it doesn't. I am an inconsistent, infuriating human being. But I liked this. 

4. The Wyatt Family vs. Big Show, Ryback & Kane

ER: If Kane has to be around, I'd rather have him lumped in a 6 man. And Ryback with a nice missile dropkick. That looked really cool. I liked Harper/Ryback (those Harper palm strikes!!!), actually liked Ryback/Braun as Braun looks dangerous in a slightly untrained way, but still threw some really nice kicks to the stomach....but then Kane/Rowan look several miles off during their exchanges. And I just noticed Saxton is just standing there behind the announce desk. What a shithead. There are no other chairs we can get this guy? Is this one of those jackoff punishments because Saxton took the large piece of chicken breast from catering? Ryback's "Big Guy" tights are really embarrassing. That's like something you'd see on a dog sweater, or a newborn baby onesie, or something you'd wear to leather night at the White Swallow. Rowan has the pinfall break-up of the night with a massive splash out of nowhere to crush Ryback, and Big Show does a killer press slam on Harper to the floor. Love press slams and that one was huge. Love Show's running shoulder tackle on Braun too. Even Kane looked good booting Bray, who went down like a shot. Holy shit this got good right before it ended. This is a really fun night of wrestling so far.

ER: What in the hell is this Vince MacMahon Legacy Award for Ultimate Big Dick Excellence nonsense? This can't be legit, right? Is it just something for HHH and Steph to trade wins on every year? I can picture JBL now "Mahgul you're looking at the 7 time Vince MacMahon Excellence of the Universe Award winner, the Game!!"

ER: Wow the WWE Photoshop department deserves HUGE credit for making Ric Flair look like a human being in the Charlotte/Brie pre-match graphic. I mean holy shit they made him look like a god! This is beyond blending in Shawn Michaels' hair tuft, they straight gave Flair an actual person face. You see him in the hype video and his face is a bloated, stretched, toothy plastic surgery mess. But in that graphic he's got warm steely eyes, a strong jaw, actual facial definition, lush and short fashionable haircut instead of that patchy constantly wet and slick mess he's been working with for many years. Good work team, all around.

5. Brie Bella vs. Charlotte

ER: Really getting sick of Ric at ringside for every Charlotte match. It's not doing her any favors at this point. Match was better than I expected it to be. Slow pace is probably the best to avoid anything blown, though even then both of them had some sketchy moments. I liked the Alabama Slam spot with Brie hanging on through a couple attempts, and the end run got good with that nice Brie dropkick to Charlotte on the apron. Dug the Yes Lock rolled into a really sick single leg crab. Submissions in Divas matches always look so killer because they're so bendy, but I thought they made it look good. I have a feeling Charlotte will be champion for fucking ever and I'm in for a lifetime of "RESPECT HER CHAMPION BLOOD" JBL horseshit.

6. Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles

ER: Man Byron Saxton is the worst, and that's with Michael Cole and JBL plopped around you. Oh yeah, Styles grew up admiring Jericho's Japan work? What Japan stuff is that Byron? I do like that they're pushing Styles as a teenager who tape traded for WAR tapes. If at any point your booking of any wrestler is to make them sound like teenage me, it means you fucked up. "Styles used to love tape trading and practicing the trombone and going over baseball stats on his bedroom floor!" And I'm not really sure how I feel about this match. Half of it felt like AJ slowing down his shit so Jericho could keep up. But sometimes Jericho's rustiness clicked with what Styles was doing. I loved Jericho's super quick bump over the turnbuckles to the floor, and then him catching Styles with a dropkick off a plancha right after was good enough to hold up in slo-mo. But then there was flat out painful stuff like Styles setting up the springboard spot for endless seconds as Jericho got in position, or Jericho kinda just falling off the ropes to do the Walls counter. We hilariously have the Styles Clash kicked out of, in what is like Styles third match in the company. If he kicked out of it, at least the match ended right after with the calf crusher, as I can buy using the last of your strength to kick out and having nothing left to defend the sub. Jericho on TV just doesn't work for me though. I really like old man workers, as there's this extra level of sympathy with them just being older and slower and more frail, and extra excitement when they make their comebacks. They're just easier to get behind. But Jericho doesn't work as sympathetic old man, he still works like move for move workrate star, except he's slow and sloppy. His whole thing just doesn't work for me.

ER: I saw an ad for the Edge/Christian show earlier in the program and in 20 seconds they managed to make me cringe twice with Edge comedy, so this New Day/E&C segment gets a no brainer fast forward from me. I think Christian has some comedy chops, but Edge is about as broad of a hack as you can get.

7. R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel

ER: Wow. This is on a PPV. 2/3 Falls match for the US Title? Oh that's on the pre-show. I mean, there's no real difference anymore between pre-show and PPV, except I'm still far more people still watch the PPV's and skip over the pre-shows. Maybe they're trying to get people to watch pre-shows, so they're putting title matches on there now? I don't know. Gotta advance those dead hour Raw angles I guess.

8. Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Well hot damn this was all hot damn. Wow. No bullshit, all mammoth spots and ass beating, really well laid out, just a great match. Brock is just the best. I could watch him murder dudes all damn day. Like just start up a Suplex City channel on the Network and post everything Brock has ever done, and I'm there. But the crazy thing about Brock just throwing dudes, is that Brock TAKING moves is maybe even better! I love how naturally he takes offense, how it's not just rapid fire flat back bumps, it's like a level of Kawada selling. When he gets blasted with the superman punch he just staggers back fast, drops quick spaghetti legged to a knee, rolls down to the floor. It's so much more layered than most selling, really shows how he fully understands who he is relative to his opponents. Watch him get speared by Reigns whole holding Ambrose and be impressed by him having the presence of mind to get speared, while tossing Ambrose's body PAST Reigns, instead of dangerous dropping him on Reigns' back and legs. Looked great AND was deceptively safe. The "Brock gets taken out" moments of his big matches are always big time, and I loved him getting plastered through a table and covered in the wreckage. It's a shame we usually don't get the visual of the monster emerging and roaring out of the collapsed building, but I like the surprise emergence of Brock no matter how it's shown. I liked the immediacy of Ambrose and Reigns once they had the monster buried, and I love how into Ambrose the crowd was. Ambrose going big time on everybody with a chair was great, and some of those chairshots looked gnarly. I was really hoping that Ambrose was just going to continue crushing everybody with chairshots until nobody had a chance of kicking out, but the finish still worked even if it created a match I have zero interest in seeing. But damn was this match every single thing I was hoping it would be. So damn good.


ER: Really fun show overall. I don't think I've enjoyed a WWE PPV more than this since we started doing live blogs for them. They always seem to end with BS finishes or just be plagued with bad matches, but I enjoyed almost all of the matches on this one, and fast forwarded through what I'm sure was a terrible comedy segment, and I was left overall feeling super glad I watched it. Really good show.

Read more!