Found Footage Friday: ABBY~! KIMALA II~! RUSHER~! INOUE~! ORTON~! TAKER~! OMNI~!

Abdullah the Butcher/Giant Kimala II vs. Rusher Kimura/Mighty Inoue AJPW 12/1/90

MD: Big IWE stars vs. monsters energy here, even if Rusher and Inoue were up in the years. This overachieved from my expectations, which were set in part for seeing Abby in so many short, abruptly ending tags from this era and from seeing Rusher in so many comedy matches. I love those matches by the way, but that wasn't going to work here.

What we got instead was pretty gruesome actually. Rusher bled early and they worked over the wound with headbutts, chops, and Abby just sticking his finger in the wound awesome. When Inoue got in, he turned the tables, sitting up on Abby's shoulders and poking him repeatedly with the fork until he dropped back. Then he kept it going with a bunch of awesome headlock punches until Kimala broke it up. The kept things rolling with a couple of chairshots from the outside in. Pretty valiant stuff.

Even the finish had one or two more rotations than I was expecting as Abby hit his cool Angle Slam type suplex but Inoue survived it only to get crushed with the throat shot/elbow drop combo. Post-match, Abby and Kimala bowed to all four sides. Not a lost classic but I'd say still well worth your time.

ER: This was disgusting, extremely violent, not far off from Great. Matt said gruesome and that's a good word for it. This wasn't a Fork Stabbing Abby match, this was built around punching and bleeding and digging into cuts. The match is helped by the HD of these new episodes of AJ Classics, as the second Abby is stabbing his fingers into Rusher's head I knew they weren't going to hold back. Abdullah's stiff fingered thrusts and jabs looked so painful, and it is 50-50 whether or not he had some kind of blade in his finger tape, because Rusher's head bled quick and Abby's fingertips were soon soaked red. Kimura's blood ran in rivulets down his chest and Abby dug his fingers into Rusher's cuts and the rest of his face. It was disgusting and the cameras zoomed in close on it to show the savagery. 

But these IWE guys are tough, so when Rusher finally tags in Might Inoue, Inoue shoot punches Abby in the head a couple dozen times and it's incredible. Inoue enters the ring climbing onto Abby's shoulders and just punches and stabs away at his head. Did we know Inoue was hiding a sharp object that he was going to use to scrape and stab at Abby's head while throwing shoot hammerfists? Abdullah the Butcher doesn't stab a single soul in this match with a fork, but Mighty Inoue introduces a weapon with no warning? Maybe this match is actually greater than great. When they both go down, Inoue grabs him in a headlock and throws sick blood wet splat punches repeatedly as the camera is again right on top of these slasher movie visuals. Every time Inoue ran and flew at Abby with a headbutt, you could hear his head actually smacking into Butcher's chin! He hits one in the ropes to knock Abby to the floor, and more in the ring. Great spot. Inoue's flipping senton is always so cool. It hits with impact but has the flourish and showmanship of French Catch. Abby rolling just out of the way of a senton and leading to him massacring Inoue's throat was a great late match sudden turn. Abby's Angle Slam is a really great spot and I love when he breaks it out. Using his bulk to perform weight physics is an Abby we don't get to see as often as Stabbing Abby. 

Kimala II was the odd man out in this, and he usually is, which is why I always look forward to Kimala II matches. He is the weirdest All Japan regular during their extended run of high expectancy ring work. He is clumsy, he doesn't work anywhere near as stiff as the style demands, he falls weird on offense, and despite being in his mid 20s he moves about as well as Abdullah the Butcher. But he torpedoes into the action at fun times, including a big bump thrown through the ropes to the floor. He's probably the thing holding this match from being legitimately great, but you can't deny the crowd excitement when he started slapping his belly. 

Dustin Rhodes/Ricky Steamboat/Shane Douglas vs. Steve Austin/Brian Pillman/Barry Windham WCW 2/7/93

MD: We get the last eight minutes of this and then a big post-match brawl. On the one hand, it's a shame we lose out on the elimination match because it sounds amazing on paper, but we're better off for what we do get here than nothing at all. Part of that is because Steamboat looks like the best babyface in the world here. Some of it is the way this is shot with no commentary. It just feels closer up, right in the midst of the action, and Steamboat working from underneath here is just transcendent. The way he moves his body, expanding and contracting, hanging on to the ropes, finding strength within, expressing pain and writhing emotion, is just over the top great. 

And Austin, in his own way, is almost as good. He's put upon, frustrated, aggravated that Steamboat refuses to quite, that he paints himself as so sympathetic a figure, that he dares to appeal to his humanity. At one point, Steamboat ... it's not begging off, I wouldn't say he's begging off, but he does seem to call for some level of mercy, maybe just to get things back on a more even playing field, but Austin, framing it perfectly, timing it as dramatically as possible, cinematically in a way that would only work in footage like this, that would be overwrought or overproduced on TV, literally spits on the effort. That makes it all the more poignant when Steamboat, in the midst of his big comeback, blows a mist of spit himself later on. Just really primal stuff.

That stays through into the chaotic post-match, bodies flying and violence ebbing and flowing and ebbing again. Weirdly enough, Shane Douglas might have stood out the most here, as he came off as a real powerhouse. Still, this post match, as good as it was and with a real sense of consequence for matches to come, comes off a little like a consolation prize for the elimination match we didn't get. Still, what a look at Steamboat and Austin.

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker vs. Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry WWE 3/3/06

MD: House show match from the vault from Australia. I was expecting to see Henry assert himself. That was the draw, but really this was all about Randy Orton, especially but not only him reacting to Undertaker. It's a bit clipped and we come in after entrances with him preening in the corner only to turn around and find Taker there, going for a handshake before he gets rocked with punches. It's easy to joke about the Kyle Fletcher parallels but he was around 26 here and they're clearer here than at almost any other point of his career as best as I can remember.

This is not a version of Orton I remember well, but he was pretty effective even if I did see the strings at times. Plus it was a house show so they really played into it. There was a bit where he teased getting knocked into the crowd three or four times before finally landing on a fan's lap and thanking her after the fact. It was all pretty funny stuff. Plus he was flying around as a menace throughout, including dashing from one opportunistic pin to the next.

Angle was a bit of a non-factor overall, in part due to his current persona, I think, but just because Undertaker and Orton were taking up so much air. And then Henry just seemed there to cut people off at times. He did it effectively but his role could have been much more interesting. Still, this was fun for what it was, but it would have probably worked just as well as two singles matches. 

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Found Footage Friday: EDDIE~! JANNETTY~! COLT~! GANG~! REY~! GERMANY~!

MD: Going to finish out last month's Richard Land Germany knowing we've got some 81 footage to go through too (Rudge vs. Bret Hart for one).

9/6/80

Axel Dieter vs. Kim Duk

MD: Just a clip. We come in JIP. We get no finish. It's almost entirely Duk chopping Dieter with karate strikes. Overhand shots. I've seen a lot of Duk between Germany and Puerto Rico and that one cool Korea match that came up last year. And he can be very good. He really can. And we get flashes of that here right at the end when he's scrapping with Dieter who's firing back. The chops are quicker. They hit harder. He's actually trying to cut a resurgent warrior off instead of just marking time. Usually though, I find him lacking and I did in the first bit here. He's relatively big and has a great look and a clear personality and he just does the bare minimum to limited effect a lot of the times. But when it is time to go, he goes hard. Not much here.

Sal Bellomo/Achim Chall vs. Jim Harris/Tom Shaft

MD: Something of a slight tag but another look at Shaft and another chance to see Pre-Kamala Harris. There was some tomfoolery early where neither Harris nor Shaft wanted to be in there (past one shaky bit at the start, Harris fed pretty well for early shine), but as you can imagine, Harris was able to take over fairly quickly. It was interesting to see him do the handshake with one hand behind is back on his knees deal, which led to the transition. He had a misunderstanding with the ref. Due to the nature of the rules, you have to connect a pin to your last move in some way shape or form. His big splash defied that and he had to make sure to get in an extra bodyslam and quick pin to win the fall. Shaft did not impress. He could grind someone down but whenever he tried to do anything more (like a butt butt where he barely got off the ground) it just lacked oomph and energy. 

Not much to say about the faces. Bellomo took massive back body drops here and Chall came in hot on the hot tag. Good strikes. Bellomo won the second fall with a body block but everything got thrown out, with the heels getting DQed for illegal double teaming early into the final fall. More educational than entertaining overall.

9/13/80

Chris Colt vs. Louis Lawrence

MD: I knew how great Chris Colt was. I've seen him in a bunch of different territories, right? But watching him in these German matches is a whole different beast. He's itchy. That's the word. He wrestles like he's seeing colors wherever he looks and it's wild. Everything he does is worth watching, whether it's strutting around the ring as he's being announced or pointing at the ref, paranoid, between rounds. At the end of one round he was trying to get out of a headlock with roll ups and lifts where he got taken over, and he just decided to lay there in the middle of the ring once the bell rang. Lawrence had to come over and pour water on him and then he freaked out. Constant motion, constant manic energy, just fascinating to watch.

Lawrence, unfortunately, was not fascinating to watch, but I guess he provided a sane baseline for everything going on around him. There was one point where he just put him in a cross toehold for a few minutes and Colt WAS entertaining in it but they could have been doing a hundred more entertaining things. Finish was pretty hilarious as Colt guided the ref to the ropes to look out so he could climb them to do an elbow drop off the top. But the ref only looked for a second. It clearly didn't work. Just a "Look over there" that was futile, but the ref let him get away with it anyway. Maybe it was legal there and he thought it wasn't? Who knows? Anyway every match we get with him here is well worth watching.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Marty Jannetty ECW Enter Sandman 5/13/95

ER: We only had this (already short) match in very clipped form, and now we have all six minutes. Eddie had wrestled a 30 minute draw earlier in the night against Malenko and who could say what could ever have happened in that one. Maybe someday we'll get to see any of the Malenko/Guerrero matches but for now I'll watch this unclipped match for the first time and...see why ECW originally clipped it so much. This isn't that great! That's unexpected! This is one of those times where I was really hoping for a hot go go go short match, two guys who can work some speed and never otherwise wrestled, and instead it's kind of slow and sleepy and structurally confused. Eddie seemed tired and Marty worked down to his sleepy foe. Eddie and Dean had jerked each other off for a half hour earlier but Joey Styles wasn't pushing Eddie being tired from an earlier match whatsoever on commentary, so I guess this was just a couple quick guys working at 75%. Eddie pokes Marty in the eyes and scrapes his boot across his face but otherwise does nothing else heelish. Heatless backslides, ramp up that doesn't ramp, never reaches drama. Eddie's snapped off huracanrana finish looked good. Great leg hooking. 

One Man Gang vs. Flash Flanagan WWF 2/3/98

MD: Gang dark match. He had dropped some weight from his peak and was up against Flash Flanagan. My big takeaway is that he had a lot to add to the company if they were to bring him in but that this match didn't necessarily serve him. He worked the crowd well. His clubbers looked great. He had pretty decent presence. He shouted out "Shut your hole" which popped everyone. He gave Flash a ton though, and while it was generally earned, it was probably too much and serving too many masters. I think the fans saw the two of them too differently and it didn't do Flash any favors. If he had to work from underneath even more and had to really scrape for every inch he got it would have done him better and I think it would have served the match (and Gang) too. Kind of weird what might have been here. You could see him all over the card, the lost member of DOA, an Oddity, or the third man in a Bossman/Shamrock Corporation trio?

ER: I love getting a look at these dark/tryout matches because some of them are good, some of them aren't, and some of them are weird. This one was kind of weird, as it was laid out almost like a double showcase. I"m not certain it did a good job of showcasing Gang, but it played like a Flash Flanagan babyface showcase while also playing as a "here are all of my various skills" showcase for Gang. By that, I mean it felt like Gang was showing every thing that he could possibly do, without necessarily putting that into a coherent match. Think of it like someone auditioning for SNL by doing a bunch of impressions rather than doing a tight set utilizing those impressions. This was slower than it should have been, because it felt like Gang showing his entire skillset, in order. You can see how he works a crowd or gets verbal with a ref, you see what offense he can do, then you see how good he is at taking and selling offense. Some of Gang's offense looked great: he drops a pair of sick elbowdrops that are, quite frankly, perfect, he gets his boot up in the corner right to Flanagan's chin and gets an audible OOF from the crowd, and his follow up clothesline following through to his knees looked great.  

But I don't think I expected, going into this, how much more valuable Gang would be at putting over a fired up babyface. He was fantastic at taking and selling Flash's offense. Part of it was that Flash Flanagan had great offense. His missile dropkick is strong (Gang hangs in the whole way and takes it to the chest), and he has a cool springboard dropkick that starts in the ring and gets aimed at Gang in the corner. He has several kinds of nice punches and is great at "punching up" to the much larger Gang. He even has a couple big back elbows that looked like they would indeed move a guy Gang's size. But I don't think Flash's offense works as well without a guy selling it as well as Gang. This wasn't just about bumping, it's about being a humongous man believably getting knocked around by a smaller heavyweight, and Gang was so good at getting punched around into place. But he topped it all with a ridiculous spot where he gets hung up across the corner ropes like Shawn Michaels and splashed repeatedly by Flash until falling to the mat. I loved it, never seen anything like it before. A man the size of One Man Gang using the rope corners like a hammock alone looked absurd, but every time Flash hit him his large body would get rearranged into a different hilarious position. Body sagging, legs propped up like legs that size never are, finally falling gracelessly to the mat. Ridiculous. 

I would have loved One Man Gang in 1998 WWF, even if he was just a guy working Sunday Night Heat. Reuniting the slimmed down Twin Towers would have been booking directly to me, and with Gang recently on the payroll it would have made them more likely to bring the Towers back as a triumphant patriotic babyface team at the end of 2001. 

 

Eddie Guerrero/Kurt Angle/Edge vs. Undertaker/Kane/Rey Mysterio WWE 7/2/05

MD: Enough of a lost Japan house show match to write about certainly. We miss a huge amount of it but we get the beginning and the end and there's plenty to see. For one thing, this might have been the best use of Kane ever. He was tagged in early when Guerrero and Angle were basically trying to throw Edge under the bus. They had dodged Rey and Edge thought he was going in to face him only to get Kane. Lots of goofing around and it's all entertaining as the characters crash up against each other. Best part might have been Eddie trying for a sneak attack only to run when Kane turned his head. When Eddy finally gets in there, the crowd tries to encourage him which is all very funny. 

For what actual action we see, we get a good Eddie and Rey exchange where Eddie bases all over the place for him and then Edge feeding and feeding for Undertaker and that's pretty much what he's best at so it all works for me. It's much preferable to things being the other way around. Then we come back for the finish where Eddie got to goof against all the babyfaces and the ref with a chair. House shows are the best sort of wrestling? Sure seems it.

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The 2002 WWF Royal Rumble Match: A Great Royal Rumble Match

ER: I had not watched this Rumble since it originally aired, and I was surprised at just how many specific things I remembered. I have real goldfish brain these days and yet I somehow remembered more about this Rumble than almost any of the 20+ that have happened since. I watched this one specifically for the 2002 Boss Man content. Boss Man was good enough in 2002 that it's worth checking out a 70 minute match for what is no more than a few minutes of Boss Man action. This was his final PPV match appearance before spending the next few months working compelling matches on Heat. Going out like a legend. But this match had a lot more value than just a few minutes of Boss Man. This is one of my favorite Rumbles, one with nothing but great punches and ass kicking. Goldust/Rikishi was a great starting two for this Rumble. Honestly, Goldust making his WWE return and looking this damn good is something that should be brought up every time you talk about Dustin career highlights. He and Rikishi were pacesetters for this, focusing snug punches, fast near eliminations and hard bumps, and at least 15 guys in this Rumble focus on the same. Boss Man is actually the third guy in this whole thing, and in a Rumble where half the men involved made a case for having the best punches in WWF, Big Boss Man made the best case for #1. 

Based on this Rumble alone, the 10 best punchers of 2002 WWF were:

1. Big Boss Man

2. Matt Hardy

3. Val Venis

4. Goldust

5. Perry Saturn

6. Mr. Perfect

7. Chuck Palumbo

8. Christian

9. Scotty 2 Hotty

10. Steve Austin

Goldust/Rikishi/Boss Man makes for a really great fast paced three way, with all taking big bumps and throwing stiff strikes. Goldust gets crotched up top, Boss Man gets whipped into Goldust's groin, and Boss Man slips Rikishi ass over elbow with a running forearm shiver. During his few minutes in the Rumble Match, Boss Man threw upwards of 16 different precise punches to Rikishi's and Goldust's body and face. 

He made the most of his too brief time, then took a real tough elimination: He was the matches' lone Stink Face victim, and it was a particularly aggressive and lengthy, just buried. What were they doing out there. How were we a baby step away from a wrestler being allowed to put his balls in his opponent's mouth or something. Boss Man staggered into a big bump elimination, Rikishi blasting him with a fully extended superkick and a freight train clothesline over the top. I still can't believe how great Boss Man was in 2002. 

Goldust has some of the best in-ring timing of any wrestler of the last 20 years, but we get blessed with an unintentionally hilarious Rumble moment where Goldust starts a corner 10 count punch sequence on Bradshaw at almost the exact same time the countdown clock begins, so you have 13,000 people colliding on numbers with everyone going in different directions. 

Undertaker clearing the ring, laying waste to everyone - Goldust claiming best elimination with his chokeslam bump elimination - was really well done. Undertaker felt like a real force and everyone in 2002 moved like they were somehow injected with extra testosterone. But the best past of Undertaker eating waste was Matt Hardy and Lita beating the shit out of him, and it only got better when Jeff Hardy came in because then all three of them kicked the shit out of him. I wish we got more of that before Taker made his comeback, but I just love the Hardys. The Last Ride on Matt was huge, and Jeff got to distract Taker enough for Maven to make him look like a bug eyed idiot. But they got a lot of good mileage out of the Undertaker/Maven brawl, with Undertaker beating the shit out of the never-eliminated Maven and then walking down the aisle to punch Scott 2 Hotty in the face before just walking back to continue the beating. Maven bleeds and gets dragged into the concourse area, security guards having to actively shove fans out of the way as they crowd in. 

There's a lot of star power, and the guys who get less of a reaction all do stuff to make the crowd pay attention. Christian, DDP, Scotty, Chuck Palumbo, Godfather, Albert, all worked hard for their 1-10 minutes, everyone of them throwing hands and bumping big. DDP had this great tumbling backwards bumps through the ropes after a Scotty superkick; Christian, Palumbo, and Perry Saturn all have a face punching challenge and we are all winners, with Saturn and Chuck especially teeing off on each other. 

The match can be divided up 65/35 between the build to Austin charming the big crowd by running the ring, and the comedown when Austin has to share the ring with HHH. Even though the entire Rumble has good parts, it is top loaded and I like how everyone filled time before HHH was in there. Austin is a great battle royal worker. That's no secret. I love watching him fill time and I loved the gag of him eliminating everyone too quickly, so needing to punch everyone back into the ring to eliminate them again. Austin runs through several guys and it's a weird call to have Val Venis show up for the first time in 8 months and be the first guy in the match to ice down Austin. Turns out, it was a good call. I liked the Austin/Venis stretch so much that I immediately checked for any singles matches they had, and now I'm definitely going to watch their 1999 Smackdown match. I don't think HHH is bad in this Rumble per se, but he's so fucking serious and it kind of spoils all the fun. He's a scowling frowning buzzkill who glowers and sucks the fun out of exchanges, and spends a lot of time lying down and catching his breath. The first 70% of the match is kids having a blast at a sleepover, and the last 30% is like kids still having fun, but it's on a field trip while a teacher keeps telling them to be quiet. 

I really loved this match as Mr. Perfect's last big moment. Making the final three, swatting his gum into the crowd while Austin and HHH try to eliminate. What a guy. Does anyone else swat their gum like they're Mr. Perfect? I think I'd be too afraid of it getting stuck to my hand or whiffing. It takes high levels of confidence to pull Curt Hennig's gum swat success rate. Do you remember the little buzz after Perfect came back after almost a decade? I was on those message boards. I was talking about how great the Perfect/Tommy Dreamer match was on Heat. I didn't know he wouldn't even work 20 matches after that one. Is the Curt Hennig Puerto Rico any good? What about the XWF that he recorded right before returning to WWF? It probably is, and I'll probably watch that along with the Austin/Venis match. This Rumble has a lot of fallout. The push to the finish of the match was exciting enough. Big Show looked really good in the double strap Bundy singlet. Kane lifting, walking, and tossing Big Show over the ropes to eliminate him was legitimately impressive, Kurt Angle had a lot of enthusiasm, the Austin elimination was fairly shocking, and you're left with a 70 minutes match that did not at all feel 70 minutes long. I think that counts as high praise. 

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Found Footage Friday: WWE in Melbourne, Australia 8/29/04

8/29/04 Full Show


Funaki vs. Rene Dupree

MD: Fun opener that outside for one big German cut off to set up the finish, could have happened almost spot for spot fifteen years before. This followed Teddy Long opening the show by flubbing a half dozen lines, but the fans were happy to see him and to be getting a show in general. Funaki came out with a valet who immediately went to the back and I can't place what was going on there and the internet is no help. Early chain wrestling worked. Lots of little tricks like Dupree pointing to his hair to draw the ref off so he could do a hairpull himself, only to have Funaki hold on to the wristlock. Things like that. Dupree got a knee in off the ropes and took over with things very first match and simple, but the crowd was eager to cheer and especially eager to see Dupree hop around with his trademark comedy bit of the month. That let him get rolled up for a banana peel Funaki win. Simple, straightforward, effective. I think the blog's covered maybe two Rene Dupree matches ever so I have no idea what his 2010s in Japan are like but I'm sort of curious. Regardless, it's hard to tell with a crowd this eager to see wrestling, but he seemed to be over, down to kissing the hand of a woman on the way out and getting a big pop. 

ER: "Tajiri!!" some little kid near the camera yells excitedly. Sorry, that's the other guy. Hopefully the kid doesn't get the exact same letdown during the Kenzo Suzuki match later on. This match is clipped up a bit, but what we got was really good. Rene Dupree was an majorly under-appreciated act in WWE, and would make an interesting project for me to go back through searching for gems. He was a fully formed act in 2004 and you could see that better on house shows than on TV. He knew how to get heat from this crowd, who granted, were excited to give that heat. They're like the perfect crowd for everything Dupree does, and they seem in on the joke without being annoying about it. I am not familiar with Australian sports, so I am also not familiar with the rhythm of Australian wrestling chants, which do not follow the NEMA standard four syllable/five clap timing. 

Dupree has very funny body language and is good at getting reactions with just his movement, or just his posture. When he's flopping in funny ways to sell Funaki's wristlock, falling over himself when Funaki just won't let go, it's like classic Regal. It builds really nicely from wrist control into some tough Dupree offense. He hit a hard shoulderblock, backbreaker, and a knee lift, and he flat out levels Funaki with a hard clothesline after punching mat on a Funaki sunset flip. They took it further than I was expecting, because I was not expecting Dupree to bounce Funaki off his face with a huge release German suplex. And the finish is great, as Dupree saves the French Tickler dance for the very end, giving the crowd exactly what they wanted (somehow the section with our cameraman were the biggest French Tickler fans in Melbourne), and as Dupree is bouncing his bulge for each side of the ring, he falls victim to a Funaki schoolboy. The crowd loved seeing Rene Dupree lose, but most importantly: They loved seeing Rene Dupree. I think Australia might have been right. 

Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio

MD: A lot to like here too. Smart stuff right from the get go where Spike let Rey chase him around the ring so that he could ambush him on the inside, only to get a quick comeuppance and feed for a steady shine. That built to him taking a powder and threatening to leave only to really eat Rey's baseball slide on the way out and catch his flip dive over Charles Robinson, who had tried to stop him from diving a moment before. Real crowd-pleasing stuff. Nice transition where Spike jammed Rey off the ropes causing him to bump stomach first out of the ring. The heat was them working in and out of bodyscissors with the comeback just a foot up by Rey on a leap from the top by Spike. In the stretch it was all about wondering how Rey was going to position him for the 619, and he did manage it after kicking out of an Acid Drop, but by then the Dudleys had come out and one foot grab and roll up later (second roll up in two matches, so that's some iffy agenting), Spike's retained. They did a good job of making it seem like the fans might see a title change for a while there though.

ER: Heel era Spike was really great, and I was so excited to get another singles match from that run, let alone another Rey singles match. The only singles matches they had on TV was Spike's title win and Spike's title loss, so it's cool seeing the literal first singles match after the title win. Spike always had good offense but wasn't always in the role to show that offense. His heel run was his chance to show his bruiser side, the side he probably hadn't played since his Incredibly Strange Wrestling. This was the match I was most excited to see on this handheld, and while it probably wasn't as good as Rene Dupree vs. Funaki, it was still so good. The crowd was into heel Spike, and Spike is a great base for Rey's best. Spike takes a sick bump into the ringpost and later threatens to walk out, then walks back the hard way directly into a Rey baseball slide, then adeptly catches his slingshot senton. Spike is real precise worker on offense and defense, good at catching crossbodies and nailing his flying forearm and torpedo headbutt. His set ups are really strong, and Rey has precision as good or greater than Spike's so it's a super pairing of the two smallest guys on the roster. 

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

MD: I went and watched this. Might as well write it up. They had probably wrestled each other fifty times by this point, right? They had the act down. The fans clapped Torrie up while in the chinlocks but barely reacted at all to her spear and her actual comeback, which is always a sign that something isn't quite right. Korderas brought out a hankerchief for after he got rolled upon during the catfight bit and that was kind of funny, I guess. Prop comedy. They came back and did this exact same match up the following April and I'm vaguely curious to see what that would have looked like. I don't know. This was fine for what it was and Dawn Marie gets a few extra points for her post match selling, even if she lost a few for never leaving her feet on the catapult into the corner. I'd never seen someone take a catapult as an Irish Whip before. Torrie won with a DDT. Something on this card needed a clean finish so I guess this was as good as any.

ER: Maaaaan I think Matt is being a bit of a curmudgeon here. I was actually excited for this one, because Dawn Marie is a really great thing. I became a big fan of Dawn Marie since seeing her at the 1/3/03 WWF Cow Palace card, where she had a standout match on an absolutely stacked show. It was a Bra & Panties match against Gail Kim, where she worked arm based offense to weaken Kim's clothes-ripping abilities. Both women played into the story and it was definitely the most technical match I've seen worked around a Bra & Panties gimmick. Dawn Marie bringing arm work into a match for the sole purpose of delaying the panty payoff is the mark of a brilliant heel worker who knew exactly what she was doing, impossible for me to not be a fan for life. And I think this match a year and a half later was really good, painting the picture of a real strong house show worker. 

Dawn Marie's selling is strong, she throws hard forearms, and works really tight headlocks. She's honest on offense, making good contact and selling that impact. Look at the way she runs into and staggers out of Torrie Wilson's boot in the corner. I don't think she ever got enough credit for how well she took offense and excelled at the basics. I thought the Jimmy Korderas comedy spot worked really well toward the end of the match. It's not the kind of spot they were doing on television, and based on all of the people audible around our cameraman, this section was clearly familiar with all of the TV. You could tell by the big reaction and genuine laughs that the crowd hadn't seen two women steamrolling a bald ref with their cat fight, and it felt like a moment unique to a house show. Also, I loved how they set up the spot right after, where Torrie cut LOW on a clothesline that almost hit Korderas! Torrie threw that with more violent form than I would have expected, and I love a miss thrown like a HR swing. Dawn took the DDT right on her head, in the way that looked like a finish. I don't know man. I hate to say Matt is wrong but House Show Dawn Marie speaks for herself. 

Billy Gunn vs. Heidenreich

MD: So far, past a little blip here or there, this was a wrestling show in front of a crowd that wanted to see a wrestling show. Here, that meant Heyman came out and got some real cheap heat on the mic and Gunn came out and got just as cheap a pop. I spend a bunch of time watching 2022 Billy and he stands out in a way now that he didn't back then, but we probably didn't give him enough credit as a community for what he did do well. Not just the punches either. Here, he bumped like crazy to get over the transition (wiping out on the post on the outside) and then to put over the cutoffs. Heidenreich could lean on some simple armwork and wasn't asked to do too much. The finish was, again, straight out of 1989 with Heyman (who had just sold a crotch chop like death on the outside) up on the apron as Billy was going for his finish and he walked right into Heidenreich's kind of weak Boss Man Slam. Again, everything so far has just been hitting the right buttons for the crowd, just like a house show should. 

ER: I thought this was really good too. I must be in some kind of mood. Some of these house shows just really hum. The pacing on this show has been really good, and perhaps it's been helped out a bit by our cameraman's selective in-match editing. Everything has been 5-10 minutes and it's a reallll comfortable window for this roster to hit. I've had a lot of fun going through Big Boss Man's 2002 run, and I bet there are some unheralded gems in Billy Gunn's 2003-2004. Those Gunn/Holly vs. The Bashams matches probably look a lot better in 2022 than they felt in 2004. Shit I should probably do a Bashams C&A too. That one's been overdue.  

This match was a great Gunn showcase, but Heidenreich had a couple real high notes. He took a crazy fast bump over the top to the floor on a missed charge, then a big tumbling bump off the apron after getting up into a hard Gunn forearm smash. Their floor work was really inspired, with Heidenreich taking a big spill into the guardrail (in the days when there was still a big metal guardrail for a 270 lb. guy to sprint into) and Billy Gunn wrapping himself around the ringpost like 1983 Lawler in the Mid-South Coliseum. Heidenreich throws a nice running clothesline, and Gunn takes a real nice flipping bump from it, flipping from the contact and not before it. All of Gunn's punches looked great, from his early match jabs in the corner to his woozy stumbling rights to build to the finish. Heyman's theatrics are incredible house show bullshit, reacting to a Gunn crotch chop by getting literally hopping mad. If he had a hat he would have slammed it to the ground like Boss Hogg. He takes a really big bump off the apron when Gunn punches him off, and I actually thought Heidenreich's high side slam looked pretty good. It didn't have the impact of the Boss Man Slam, but it's not really controversial to say Heidenreich wasn't as good as the Big Boss Man. But the height was actually high, and his control through the move was really good. 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

MD: It's been a long time since I've revisited any of the Angle vs. Guerrero feud from earlier in 2004, but this was really good. I think it benefited from being a house show, from having lower stakes, from having more time to breathe, from being in the middle of the card. They started with more time on the mat than I remember Angle usually taking at this point in his career, competitive and scrappy. They moved into a headlock sequence with a big payoff then a top wristlock back and forth with all sorts of comedy that was actually funny, all capped off by Eddy pantsing Angle (which the crowd loved but it followed Gunn doing it to himself because it was his gimmick so again, agenting). When Angle finally got to throw a suplex, it meant something, because there was a place for the match to build to. He wasn't working like Mark Rocco but instead let things breathe and build. It all led up to a pretty exciting finishing stretch with one really great nearfall. These two might have had bigger matches earlier or later in the year, but I doubt they had a better one. It was one of the best, most balanced, most measured and meaningful WWE Angle matches I've seen.

Dudley Boyz vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman

MD: Another attempt at cheap heat to start with the crowd getting behind Kidman's Ralph Macchio delivery and overall solid sense of comedic timing. They got on Bubba and seemed to really enjoy chanting at D-Von later so who knows. They were just happy to be there. London worked the brunt of this until the hot tag and the finishing stretch, even most of the shine. D'Von fed for them but Bubba made them work for everything early. It made for a good combination since there was some gravitas due to the size differential while still letting them hit some of their flashier stuff. Heat was well set up with London getting a shot in on Bubba on the apron and then immediately paying for it. Finishing stretch called back to the Cruiserweight match earlier with Spike and then Rey coming out and it all ending with heel miscommunication, another DDT pin, and Spike taking the 619. Good piece of house show business overall.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kenzo Sukuzi

MD: You can't say that these two didn't match up well. They both had stupid, stylized offense, but in some ways that was better than only one of them having stupid, stylized offense. Both took one big bump too, Suzuki taking one from the top rope to the floor off a kick to the rear and RVD going hard into the steps to start the heat. Cutoffs were ok but the actual comeback move was just a kick out of nowhere and felt anti-climactic. As did the finishing stretch. Suzuki probably would have done better to stall more at the start. It was getting a reaction and he had Hiroko at ringside to help get heat. 

John Cena/Charlie Haas vs. Booker T/Luther Reigns

MD: Cena felt like the biggest, most electric star on the show so far, and that's saying something when Angle vs. Eddy was earlier in the night. When I'm watching a random house show tag like this, what I'm really looking for, as much as anything else, are the wrestlers interacting with one another. Cena brought that in a big way, pulling Jackie Gayda in to pose and clapping up Haas after the initial stalling. Delaying of gratification meant that the match started with Haas vs. Reigns instead of Booker vs. Cena, playing around with them post-match. You got the sense that Cena was trying to elevate them for the crowd. There was a bit of Booker hyping Reigns to start the match that was good too. We lose a chunk of this, most of the heat but Haas looked pretty good in there with Reigns for the minute or so we got. Booker exuded this oozing sliminess when he came in to work Haas over. Past that, it was a little paint by numbers in giving the fans what they wanted, but Cena made sure all the numbers were at least high and vibrant and it ended up feeling like a big celebration. 

JBL vs. Undertaker

MD: Really strong house show main event here. JBL cut a good, deluded promo trashing Australia and asking the fans to support him like he was 1983 Tommy Rich. I liked the early loop a lot where they bypassed the initial stalling, teased Old School, had JBL hit a great neckbreaker and Russian leg sweep, had Taker sit up, then did the stalling/leaving, and finished it with Taker dragging him back and actually hitting Old School. The match hinged upon JBL taking out Taker's leg and he really worked to get it early, first capitalizing on a missed knee in the corner by punching it out, then turning a Taker move on the stairs around, and finally tossing a chair into the ring to distract the ref so he could whack it with another chair. He had a nice (in theory though maybe not execution) Gagne-style deathlock on for a while and then they were able to use it to justify all of Taker's comebacks getting cut off. The finish was full of ref bumps and Dupree coming back to cause trouble before the groggy ref saw JBL use the belt for the DQ. Post match, Taker destroyed half the roster as the crowd chanted for Cena to come out to save him, but ultimately they were probably more than ok with what they got.

ER: I thought this was an excellent JBL outing and a kind of lacking Undertaker outing until all of the push to his big comeback, balancing out to a very good house show main. For the first 10 minutes of this long match, I swear Undertaker was throwing every single strike 3" short of his intended target. You could clearly see every JBL shot (and I do mean every kick, punch, chop, and elbow) land, and here's Undertaker throwing punches at a fly a few inches in front of JBL's forehead. JBL and Undertaker's star do the work of two men here, but JBL is the guy taking big bumps and attempting to lean into Taker's strikes, and it's just a great JBL match. I loved early when he wasn't budging Taker with shoulderblocks, then rushes in with even more steam only to get sidestepped, crashing over the top to the floor in a really big bump. JBL is good at bumping into the ring steps, but leg control JBL was a different kind of fun than I was expecting this match to be. When JBL dodges a Taker running boot in the corner and Taker's balls hit the buckles, that's JBL's time to work over that leg.

I love his kneebreaker, a really vicious move for a guy his size to do, trapping Taker's shin in his legs and jumping down to his knees. Taker has an amusingly loose set up for his own rolling kneebar, but JBL is good at dropping tons of elbows on Taker's knee, trapping it in his own legs, applying pressure to the actual knee, and recoiling from all of Taker's strikes to break that hold. Taker is very good at limping around and paying lip service to that knee, though seemed to be selling it better when his leather pant leg was hiked up his leg. JBL set up all of Taker's comeback offense really well, and leaned right into that Snake Eyes/Big Boot combo that a lot of fans bought as the finish. The crowd seemed genuinely surprised when Taker kicked out of the Clothesline from Hell, and I loved Rene Dupree's big bump off the apron when Taker kicked away his distraction. You can't have JBL - even as champ - pinning Taker on the main event of Melbourne's only show of the year, and I thought all the bullshit at the finish was more than enough to send a crowd home happy. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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WRESTLEMANIA 34 REPORT!!

Andre the Giant Battle Royal

ER: Love me a battle royal, hopefully that is not a secret at this point. Dolph Ziggler is being so obnoxious, spamming like 7 skin the cat spots in the first few minutes, really terrible battle royal schtick. BUT aside from Dolph we get a really full pool of a battle royal and a bunch of guys taking great elimination bumps. English flops big, Hawkins flops big, Sin Cara gets tossed onto a bunch of guys, Goldust is tearing it up - really the perfect battle royal worker that's not Finlay. His snap powerslam on Ziggler was flawless. Mojo has been great in this as well, pouncing Ryder out of the ring in a spectacular spot. Good on Ryder for taking that. Fandango takes a great bump to the floor. But MOJO takes the best elimination bump, getting launched into a flat back bump on the floor. Mojo is really fun and I was rooting for him to win again (once Goldust was eliminated). As battle royals go, this was cluttered as hell, but the eliminations made it a good one. A worthwhile battle royal.

Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

ER: This starts out okay, but they are moving weirdly slow through spots. That might read like a weird criticism. I guess I'm saying that they are getting to that point of "big move - both guys down selling" weirdly quick in the match. And there's some goofy "I'm gonna somersault towards you and then jump up and pull your face into the mat" Edge kind of offense. Then they take a long time setting up some top rope spot. BUT It picks up nicely with a big splat bump chest first to the floor from Ali (guy can bump, you heard it hear first) and a bunch of great kicks to the chest (during a commerical break for Ronda Rousey), and I was really rooting for Ali. His inverted 450 was great but Cedric gets his boot on the ropes. Didn't love the finish, really dislike when a guy takes the big finisher, and then basically both slowly stand up and the guy who just took a finisher does his own. It's lazy. Overall the match was fine.

Women's Battle Royal

ER: I'm really excited for this one. Team Rose all the way. Or Bianca. Bayley comes out dressed like 1996 Rocky Maivia. I kind of like them starting with a bunch of spots where a girl gets surrounded and jumped. I didn't want the whole thing to go that way, but it was a unique way to start. The NXT girls all had a nice showings, Peyton Royce got her head kicked in and dropped headfirst on the apron, it goes a little bit too briskly as everyone is gone all at once. Bianca hits the greatest hair whip, right to the stomach, loudest sound of the night so far. Love it. I like this finish with Naomi getting the surprise win, because Naomi is awesome.

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

ER: I can't stand Balor so then he rubs it in my face by being super accepting and pro equality and supportive of LGBT and I'm the guy going "This guy is the worst!" So I have to root for intolerance, or Balor. Really annoying. This has a lot of common 3 way problems like Rollins disappearing for awhile and guys waiting around, but they worked the right match for this crowd. The crowd kept getting hotter the longer it went, so they clearly did something right. We hit peak stupid with Balor taking a superplex and immediately getting a small package roll up, and then just up and fine 30 seconds later. That's really dumb. But the end run is hot as hell, with some great saves, Balor hitting a huge double stomp on Miz while Miz is covering Rollins (just before the 3 count), some big curb stomps, really made me interested in a match that I was really not interested in. Crowd wanted it, and they delivered.

Charlotte vs. Asuka

ER: This starts out hot and stays good. Damn good. they do a bunch of cool rope running and dropdowns, with Charlotte snagging her with a slick ankle pick using her own leg, all really fast work, really stiff. Charlotte hits a moonsault into a waiting triangle in a great moment, felt like Asuka could put it away early. But Charlotte slickly reverses to a Boston Crab. These two are really jelling. Asuka hits a vertical suplex off the apron to the floor, both taking the tumble, totally nuts. Charlotte is doing this great cry sell. Charlotte yells that she's the queen and Asuka cuts her off with a bunch of slaps. Charlotte returns the favor with some nasty chops to a seated on the top rope Asuka. Asuka kicks out of a wild Spanish Fly that went up vertically and landed hard, and later rolls Charlotte into a BRUTAL grounded octopus hold. Charlotte's neck was bent at a vicious angle, it looked so painful. The finish run is hot and I can't believe they gave Charlotte the tap. The figure 8 looked really great, Charlotte bridged up super high, leveraging it up with one arm, and Asuka taps clean. I don't think Charlotte winning was the right move at all, but the match was awesome.

PAS: This was really fun, Charlotte is a little awkward, but I really enjoy how she uses her height and length, that ankle pick was awesome. I loved how Asuka pointed out the bad shoulder and how she worked on it, that grounded octopus was a nasty bit of violence, as was that crazy verticle suplex. I could have done with out the Spanish Fly it looked like she almost lost Asuka on the way down and I am always worried that Charlotte is going to either kill herself or someone else on that. I did like that they ended with mat rolling, and the one arm figure 8 was a nice touch. Reminded me a lot of the finish to the NXT women's match the show before. Both ladies really delivered. I did think they would save Asuka streak for Ronda, but there is plenty of juice still in a Ronda vs. Asuka match up.

Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

ER: Jinder Mahal has a spectacular formal jacket. This match should be fun because it at least has an even number of participants, and my goodness the shape Rusev has gotten himself into. He hits a big cannonball off the apron onto everyone and announces THAT'S how you do Rusev Day. Fans are over the moon for him. Rusev gets dropped hard on barricade, really deserves more. We go on a fun trainwreck moment with Orton hitting RKOs on everyone, Mahal somehow getting the pin over Rusev which is BS. I like Mahal and think the guy has worked harder than some give him credit for, but Rusev has been busting butt and getting big reactions for so damn long now. This was at least worked at a quick pace and had a bunch of nice moments, Mahal leapt into a super snappy Roode spindebuster, huge slam from Mahal, nice selling from Orton, Rusev taking an RKO on his forehead, but man did I want a Rusev win.

HHH/Stephanie vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

ER: This also starts really great. Stephanie rarely gets her comeuppance, but she really is a wonderful heel, knowing just how to play all of this off. Angle has that classic old man amateur wrestling hunch, and Stephanie is fantastic at getting in cheap shots, choking Angle in the ropes, shoving him into the ring steps, all so great. The old man Angle/HHH exchanges are way more interesting than the younger athletic show off exchanges in 2000s Angle/HHH matches. HHH hits a big spinebuster and we get a nice moment of HHH almost punching Steph when Angle moved. Stephanie is fan-fucking-tastic in this match, like performance of the night levels. Steph breaks up an Angle tag by yanking Ronda down and prancing back to her corner. HHH takes his perfect Race bump over the corner to the floor, and we get a lonnnnnng and PERFECT slow Angle crawl to tag in Ronda. Steph is freaking out on the apron and can't do a thing about it, HHH is knocked out on the floor, and Rousey just SPRINTS at Steph and drags her into the ring. Rousey hits tons of cool stuff, a flipping lariat and a couple neat takedowns, rolls Steph into mount and it's all so great. Steph begs off and Ronda is just this looming presence over her, Steph rakes eyes and Rousey's eyes turn all pink from it. Holy shit. 

All of the Stephanie/Ronda stuff is perfection, Steph is the best heel worker in WWE. Ronda stops a Steph punt and hits a violent Angle Slam, leading to a great return of HHH, pulling ref Drake out of the ring. The timing in this match has been flawless. Angle takes a nutty table bump, getting tossing from one and skittering across another into the barricade. Finish is fucking great, Ronda goes full ham on HHH, buckles him with strikes in the corner, and STEPH comes in to save him!!! This whole match is improbably great. We get another nearfall with HHH getting a late kickout against Angle, people have been integrated so flawlessly in this, with people reappearing at just the right times, the match-ups have all been ordered great, just flawless match making. Ronda reverses a Pedigree and grabs the armbar on HHH and he's scrambling for the ropes. The layout for this match could not be better. Someone laid out a once in a lifetime gem. Steph gives an all time great gimmick match heel performance, HHH shows all of the ass against Ronda, Ronda gets her huge Steph tap, and the dragged out alllllllll of the best moments. The slow Angle tag, Ronda milking that final tapout, just great. I am so over the moon for this match. This was better than Mayweather/Big Show. This exceeded any expectation anybody had.

PAS: I was expecting this to be bad, and thought it might get to passable, and totally did not expect it to be great. Loved Stephanie as Memphis Jimmy Hart, and this might have been the best heel manager in a match performance in wrestling history. Is there a Cornette match as good as this? Heenan? She is so detestable and smirking and you are just begging for her to get her arm broken. Her actual offense looked pretty good too, which isn’t something I remember from her last run as a wrestler. Angle and Helmsley’s stuff was fine as needed time filler between the Rhonda parts, man the definition on Helmsley was nuts, it is good to have the corporate exception from wellness testing. I was really worried that Angle would stroke out though, he was turning purple during the german suplexes. Eric was right about the timing I loved every nearfall and save, and the finish was perfect. Stephanie smirking turning into fear was great emoting, and I loved the begging before getting her arm broken. I have been fast forwarding through her promos for 20 years now, so I can’t say if it was worth all of that to get to this point, but this was the ultimate comeuppance for her Ivanka Trump character, honestly we should never see her again and she would be going out like Jordan beating Utah. I do have a feeling we are going to be getting some Jordan Wizards years after this.

New Day vs. Usos vs. Bludgeon Brothers

ER: Fun match with a great Rowan performance, but this was shockingly short. Everybody looked good, but it was really short. Rowan and Harper look like beasts, Rowan takes a big double suplex on the floor, Usos bump big and toss in some well timed superkicks, but this probably underperformed what most people were expecting. I was certainly underwhelmed, but really it had no chance of coming anywhere close to the mixed tag, so who really cares. Bludgeon Brothers have been getting slow played so if this means they tag the ball and run then I'm cool.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

ER: I loved the stuff with Elias, the blackout lights with an Elias guitar strum breaking the silence was exactly how the play that. And we do get Undertaker, and we do get a 15 minute Taker entrance, and Taker really works hard in the 4 minutes that it lasted. Cena leans impossibly far out of a big boot, but he also does a wonderful pants shitting reaction when Taker sits up from the dead. Taker did his big spots and was moving quickly in short bursts. Cena put the man over and I'm SUPER happy that it was only a 4 minute match. We all know they should have run this match 5 years ago, and it would have ruled, but I'm so thankful this didn't go 26 minutes.

Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan vs. Kevin Steen/Sami Zayn

ER: The opening YES! video package is really cool, making it seem like an actual cool movement. Bryan is stupid and gets taken out of the match early with a freaking apron power bomb, and we get SO MANY Shane MMAcMahon and it's silly and hilarious and kind of adorable. We saw a Rousey match earlier and Shane is doing all these flowery punch combos, and even takes out Zayn with a Glacier-esque flying spinkick. Shane is FIP through most of this and it's not bad at all. Zayn is a great dickhead and heel Zayn throwing nice punches to taunt Shane is the best stuff in the match. Bryan IS knocked out cold for like 8 minutes, which seems like a pretty serious thing. Bryan gets back into the match with a great save. The do some cool things to build to the Bryan hot tag, really kicking things up and making this immediately work. Shane pulls himself to Bryan using the ring ropes, something he learned while on a WWE Corporate Retreat and thought "oooooooo I'm gonna fit that into a match!" Bryan goes on a killer hot tag tear and Zayn flies into EVERYTHING. Zayn flips inside out on a flying elbow, takes a missile dropkick right to the neck, eats unhinged corner dropkicks, and Bryan paid him back by eating a huge yakuza kick. Shane takes a superkick on the apron and takes a big backwards bump into the barricade. Shane is a good guy to be the guy not working a tag match. Zayn is having one of his best WWE performances in this match. His spit sell on the penultimate YES! kick was timed immaculately. All of Bryan's greatest hits are really great to see, and Zayn couldn't have been a better dance partner. No screwy stuff with Shane looking like cool red-faced gassed heel, just a nice simple comeback match. Good stuff.

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: I am so excited for this match. This is one of my favorite women's angles they've ever done. I really loved the moment where Nia and Alexa said I Love You. The Bliss insults came a bit too suddenly, but I am really excited for this. Nia crushes Mickie James before the bell and bounces her around ringside. Nia is throwing Mickie into the barricade by her hair, and her glare at Alexa is sooo good throughout. Nia gives a pick Samoan Drop on the floor and James does this awesome ragdoll sell of it. "Somebody get a shovel to scrape Mickie James off the floor."~Corey Graves. The Bliss/Jax faceoff was great with Nia screaming in anger and Bliss screaming in fear, loved that. Bliss takes a zillion hiptosses in a row and Bliss starts cheapshotting Nia after getting tossed to the floor. Once Bliss starts going after Nia's knee this gets great. Bliss jumps off the middle rope on Nia's knee in one of the more brutal moments of the night, and starts jumping on Nia and stepping on her back. The size difference is so vast, that Bliss standing on his next to the ropes looked like a guy posing on the dock after catching Jaws. But Nia is a great seller and is making all of Bliss' offense super credible, and Bliss is doing all her best material. Nia's comeback is fantastic with her just overwhelming Bliss with fast heavy offense. Bliss got bodyslammed, tossed multiple times, took a great avalanche, all of it came boom boom boom back to back and they ran through it all great. Bliss has these nasty comeback eye rakes and Nia just starts slamming her around the ring anyway. The ending is what it should have been, Nia crushes Bliss and makes sure she won't get up, hitting the (first time ever used by Nia?) Samoan Drop off the middle rope.

PAS: This was really good. I loved Jax just slaughtering Mickie James, the face beating up the heel manager to even the playing field is a great wrestling trope, but you rarely see it this big, that spot where she was ragdolling James into the barricade was nasty stuff. I also liked the eye poke as a turning point, especially how Nia sold it like she lost a contact. Tiny heel versus giant face is an odd match layout, but they do a nice job with it. Bliss is just hateful, her mock apologizing was just nasty, she really feels like a 17 year old who cyberbullied a girl into a suicide attempt. Nia has gotten really good at using her size to maul and much like the Ronda, you really want to see the mauling.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

ER: Nakamura is starting this by making so many funny dumb faces, and Styles is really great at playing into Nakamura's shit. He knows the timing of his goofy kicks, and Nak is throwing a lot of them. They're landing well, and pretty effective, especially a wild one legged missile dropkick that AJ took on the chin. Nak is generous back, taking an inverted driver on his forehead, and we go through a cool Nak legwork section. AJ is good at working a leg and Nak is selling nicely. I think the Calf Slicer is finisher worthy, so I love AJ locking it in, but we get some fun Nak reversals into a nice triangle. AJ is tough as hell and standing up out of the triangle with Nak and hits a nasty neck first death valley driver. Nak sells a missed knee by amusingly bunny hopping on one leg. Crowd is pretty damn quiet for this match, considering this would be the internet dream match main event. But this might be a problem with the build up to the match. This match was basically promoted as "This will be a good wrestling match" whereas something like Nia/Bliss was getting great reactions the whole way through because it had this throwback friend betrayal angle. This match is technically good, and they worked a quality match, but it didn't really connect like it could have and maybe should have. It was mechanically sound, but oddly vacant. Nak hits a crazy knee to the back of Styles' head which probably should have finished the match. But Styles gets the win in a perfectly fine match, that played to a tired crowd. Nak does a heel turn after the match with a sore loser beatdown that goes on a LONG time. They really let it play out. Nak doing his dances as a heel will actually be pretty great. Those will be so annoying.

Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Braun Strowman/Nicholas

ER: This is actually really great. Braun does this HUGE search for his mystery partner, and lands on a FUCKING PETRIFIED 10 year old child named Nicholas. THIS POOR CHILD. Nicholas is absolutely terrified standing on the apron the entire time. Nicholas stands on the apron shacking in TERROR the whole match. He never lets go of the ropes and looks like he's going to pass out the entire time, and he's already the most sympathetic worker in the Network era. Braun works the whole match and regularly dispatches The Bar. It gets infinitely more intriguing when Cesaro dropkicks Braun in the leg, and we suddenly realize that Nicholas MIGHT HAVE TO TAG IN. We get a great slow tag to Nicholas, and he REACHES FOR THE TAG! Good for fucking Nicholas. I really wanted Nicholas to put his shoe up on the top rope for Braun to throw Cesaro into, like he was in the Skyscrapers or something. Cesaro makes these great Snively Whiplash facials as he stands up to face Nicholas, and Nicholas tags immediately out (for awhile I was wondering if they were going to gimmick Nicholas and have him be a child gymnast who does moonsaults or something) and braun wrecks Cesaro. The Bar don't totally connect with me, seems lesser than I think they should be, so I didn't mind them dropping the straps to a child with progeria.

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: The Roman hate really gets pulled form the exact same sources, and everyone thinks they're the brave soul who is standing up against Roman. It's so unlike any other wrestling fan thing in history. This unsurprisingly goes big immediately, with Lesnar throwing bombs, Reigns throwing superman punches, and soon Brock is throwing suplexes on the floor. Roman eats two big overhead belly to bellys, one of them bouncing him off his head and shoulders. Reigns eats Suplex City in the ring, but we get a good moment of Roman shoving Brock into the ringpost. We've had a couple good ringpost spots tonight, and the LED screen shots make for a good spot. Reigns hits a couple big spears to target Lesnar's diverticulitis stricken intestines. Roman eats a couple F5s and starts cursing when Reigns kicks out of them. Lesnar is all purple and red and it really makes it look the babyface puts him through a real bitch of a time. So Brock casually destroys Roman, F5 through a table, F5 back in the ring, and the tiny wang fans all get so upset that Roman keeps kicking out. Brock punches Roman right in the head a whole bunch of punches to Roman's hairline, just mammoth meaty fists getting bounced off Roman's head. This is some damn color, really dripping out of Roman's head. Roman really gets no comeback at a certain point, he just takes punishment and drips blood. Pretty shocking to see Roman decimated like that to end a show, was not expecting that.

PAS: I really liked how this started out, Brock still has incredible explosion, there is nothing in wrestling like his first burst out of the block. Reigns really isn't afraid to take a huge beating to put over Brock too, he was eating belly to bellys like Necro Butcher right on his forehead. The long F5 section really killed the match though, it just was interminable and the same thing over and over again. I would have been fine with a long beatdown if there had been some variety, or a quicker beatdown, or even if the blood had come before the kickouts, but the layout of this killed the crowd, most of my interest in the match and probably Roman's career.

ER: This is easily the best Mania in years, nothing else close to it. This was front to back a seriously fun show with some great moments, and really felt like a classic spectacle show. All the big matches delivered or overdelivered, with both women's title matches being strong and the mixed tag defying anyone's expectations. Nobody should be dissatisfied with this show.


2018 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WWE Survivor Series 2017 Live Blog

"We were all picked essentially at random to be on the brand that we're on, and nobody talks about brand loyalty except for one month out of the year...but tonight, that brand loyalty MEANS SOMETHING for reasons."

1. Elias vs. Matt Hardy

ER: It's so strange to be running a match when the arena is maybe 20% full, feels like those opening card UFC fights where you're hearing individual voices from the crowd and everything is echoing. I think Matt Hardy matches that leave him to sell a specific limb almost always deliver, so I like Elias going after the arm, running the shoulder into the buckle, and breaking out an awesome leaping kneedrop to the arm. The crowd is sparse, but quietly getting into a Hardy comeback, and Elias' double underhook shoulderbreaker is pretty cool, but probably should have been treated as a bigger deal. This never really hits a new level, though. Hardy gets a comeback with the side effect on the apron, but Hardy is moving really slowly these days so even his comeback doesn't feel very exciting. I still like his injury selling, and he takes the post shot great, snaps over on Elias' fishermans suplex neckbrearker, but this was mostly an extended Elias squash.

2. Kalisto vs. Enzo Amore

ER: Crowd is still slowly filling in but my are they silent for this one. Enzo is at least good for a couple dumb bumps a match, and he really whips the back of his head into the mat on that code red, and Kalisto hits a cool rolling death valley driver that I don't think I've seen. Enzo's offense looks pretty bad, that falling boot offense almost always looks dumb. Kalisto gets yanked into the buckle really nicely, but this was nothing to blog home about.

3. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Breezango

ER: I don't follow the backstage news as much anymore, but I heard something about Owens and Zayn getting sent home from a tour, and here they are opposite Breezango on a pre-show. And the two of them really lock in those chinlocks. Breeze this rows a nice back elbow but he's mostly in there building to Fandango's hot tag, and his hot tag is good! I liked Fandango's hot jabs and his run up the buckles tornado DDT was nice. Owens finishes with a real nasty pop up powerbomb. He really planted Fandango with it. But this match also wasn't much.

4. The New Day vs. The Shield

ER: This is nuts to see the reunited Shield opening up the PPV, but it's cool to officially open things up with something big. Hey those halfsie Raw/Shield shirts look bad. And I'm into this, as I should be, because these teams should match up well. Kingston's offense looks all flimsy, but we build to Big E's big spear to the floor which always looks the greatest. Ambrose tags in Rollins with the most hilarious fake Ricky Morton hot tag ever, because he "leaps" to tag him, but he's literally standing right next to him. It had to be done to be silly. I think. Thankfully the rebound lariat gets reversed by a huge Big E tilt-a-whirl slam. The New Day stacked splash in the corner is a little silly, but then they shut my mouth by doing a truly silly leaping double DDT with Rollins and Ambrose stacked onto E's shoulders. This whole thing was pretty underwhelming. Roman's spear to Kingston looked nice, but the triple powerbomb somehow looked weaker than Owens' bomb on Fandango.

5. Becky Lynch/Carmella/Natalya/Tamina/Naomi vs. Alicia Fox/Bayley/Sasha Banks/Nia Jax/Asuka

ER: Not enough attention was paid to Lana's awesome Smackdown cocktail dress. Raw team really should run the boards, meaning instead they will just have Tamina eliminate everybody. Tamina has been on the roster for EIGHT YEARS!! She is still really really terrible at pro wrestling. The internet will be furious at the early Lynch elimination. And man they are really actually spending way too much time on Tamina. She is the clear #10 on the totem pole in that ring, and somehow she is being treated as the big star here. It's terrible. I don't so much care about her eliminating Bayley, they've already done the damage to Bayley. But having her treated as as big or bigger star than Nia, and man does Tamina throw some of the absolute worst headbutts I've seen. Tamina has a terrible look, and is really bad at wrestling, and you no longer owe anything to her father. Let the Tamina push DIE. Crowd gets lit up every time Asuka tags in, and her stuff against Carmella looks awesome. That flying hip attack looked near decapitation level. We really have Tamina sitting in the final 4. What have you done. Who wanted this. Sasha is really great at putting over Natalya's stuff, leaning into the 360 lariat and snapping her neck back getting run into the buckles. Boy we are really getting some Tamina Time. Asuka gets the final two eliminations, but man I am confused by sudden big deal in 2017 Tamina. A lot of this was handled pretty poorly. Even the final 2 on 1 was silly, because there wasn't any kind of attempt at a save. They just kind of let Asuka get the pins. This was bad.

6. The Miz vs. Baron Corbin

ER: Miz goes after Corbin's knee and I like how they handle it. Though I was really surprised that they basically had Miz wrecking Corbin the whole match, and had Dallas and Axel at ringside...but Corbin basically took a bunch of damage and then hit his loopy finisher on him to get the win. I have friends over so maybe I missed some of the nuances of this match, but it really felt like Miz worked really hard in this one to wind up with that finish.

7. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. The Usos

ER: The brand vs. brand has been kind of weird as we have a lot of heel champs right now, so we're getting a lot of heel on heel action, so the crowd is just picking guys as default faces. Which I guess is fine. The work in this is both really good, and also not really captivating. They're all doing good looking moves, they just aren't building in a very interesting way. The end run is really fun, but even then it felt like a sudden call to go home. But these guys are all total pros and hit their stuff really well, and they all have cool stuff to hit. The final Uso hot tag is great, with one of them tagging his brother while doing a running no hands dive over the top and into Cesaro. That's awesome.

8. Charlotte vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Really liked when this broke open with Alexa whipping Charlotte's shoulder into the floor off the apron. Her abdominal stretch was really great too, digging in her elbow into Charlotte's exposed sides, scratching at her. I love how tenacious Bliss is, loved that guillotine choke build. And both of them going after the other's lower jaw was awesome, just grabbing at jawbone to get to a standing position. Bliss eats knees spectacularly on her twisting moonsault, but leans way out of Charlotte's follow up yakuza kick. This was a fun one, probably the best match on the show so far.

9. AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: I'm not sure how well this will go for Styles fans, but I'm curious how they'll work this one. And as many of us assumed, this is an absolute mauling. Brock tosses AJ around like a total dead body, and AJ has some of the more spectacular German suplex bumps. AJ is flying around spectacularly, including a wild bump over the top to the floor. All of Lesnar's knees to the ribs look absolutely devastating. AJ comes back nicely and I always love Lesnar's missed knee bump in the corner. And then AJ gets probably the longest actual run of offense we've seen against Brock in probably 3 years. They flub that corner tornado DDT, but then Brock bumps around big for him, including an awesome moment where he gets run through the ring steps. AJ hits a bunch of big flying moves, and the big moment of AJ locking in the calf crusher was awesome. Lesnar was selling it great, and the size difference was completely erased in that moment. And then Lesnar just smashes AJ's head into the back of the mat a bunch, and it looks horror movie violent. Every time AJ went up for a flying move I got nervous that Brock would catch him, and sure enough, we got there. AJ takes the F5 super great, and this was really fun. I'm happy AJ did as well as he did.

10. Kurt Angle/Finn Balor/Samoa Joe/Braun Strowman/HHH vs. Shane McMahon/Randy Orton/Bobby Roode/Shinsuke Nakamura/John Cena

ER: I know we all want this to come down to HHH and Shane. I kind of want that. HHH looks really stiff...not in his strikes, but in his mobility. But I think overall this is handled pretty well, with everybody getting time to do their stuff.  But we knew where this was going, and it was awful. There were individual moments I liked, but as a whole none of it worked. When one of the things I wrote down as enjoying is "Angle grabbing an ankle lock when Cena was going to do a fistdrop", or "Shane really flew hard into the ring barrier on that dropkick"...that cool stuff is really minor compared to the blatantly awful longform storytelling once we got to Shane being the lone survivor. There was approximately 12 minutes of guys standing around silently making eye contact while breathing heavily. And thank goodness Raw has HHH on their team, so that he can outsmart venerable warrior Shane McMahon. He sacrificed Angle so he can claim the victory for RAW BRAND! Which comes with no actual reward whatsoever, other than bragging rights that not one single person actually cares about in any way. Braun barely gets any sort of comeuppance, gets to choke him down briefly, which will no doubt lead to a 25 minute WM match with a 10 minute HHH cosplay ring entrance. You knew where all of this was going, and knew it was going to be awful. It was. You could see the crowd actively not enjoying much of the last half. It never got to them chanting or singing or something stupid like that, but people just looked tired and bored and defeated. I can't really blame them.

ER: Underwhelming card. The bad stuff was bad, the elimination matches were the worst, and the good stuff was merely good. Nothing stood out as particularly great. These longer cards are almost always the pits, even the ones that look interesting on paper. The upside is that Brock/Styles exceeded expectations. That was a real high point.

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WWE TLC 2017 Live Blog

ER: So I'm going to at least start this one, but may not be able to finish it tonight. We're going to see Zombi and Author & Punisher in Oakland, and likely have to leave before the show has ended. BUT, I'm interested in seeing this thing live, curious if there are any other things they'll have to scramble around due to the meningitis outbreak.

1. Alicia Fox vs. Sasha Banks

ER: This starts pretty slow but I got into it once Fox started a John Tatum routine. Once she begs off, cries because of a fake hair pull, grabs her lip and screams after taking a dropkick to the face, I was in. The Network annoyingly cuts to commercial in the middle of all dark matches, so we miss more of her antics. I always like rudo Alicia, but her chinlocks could really use some work. She was really loosely holding Sasha two different times. Sasha is outbumping Alicia here, which I wasn't expecting, taking a nice spill off the top to the apron to the floor, and getting dumped by a powerslam to the floor. Fox takes headscissors better than most, long limbs flying everywhere, and I like each of their face kicks. Match fell short of what I think they are capable of. I think Sasha as a babyface works a little too similarly to Alicia Fox, so they might not be the best opponent for each other.

2. Emma vs. Asuka

ER: This starts right, with Emma mocking Asuka's entrance and Asuka violently taking her down and grabbing an arm and a leg at the same time. Emma does a good job vocally working heel and throwing out things that can be reversed by Asuka, though she does lean out of the first hip attack. Asuka is making all of Emma's stuff look good, bumping big to the floor and really face smashing the mat on a curb stomp. But really Emma hasn't been a threat to many people on the roster, she shouldn't be getting offense. The tree of woe work is nasty, and the low crossbody in the corner looked great, but at this point Emma has taken more of the match and it's just a weird WWE thing. Why bring in these dominant people with huge buzz and make them work like mid 80s Brad Armstrong. "Asuka may barely make it to a time limit draw with Jimmy Garvin!" But Asuka's comeback is awesome as she just starts stomping and kicking at assorted Emma limbs and hitting a big missile dropkick. Emma lands a sick elbow to the cerebellum and this match is good in a vacuum, but I don't know if it's the match they should be having. Asuka's ankle lock looks better than the ankle lock of anybody else on this card, and the trap leg German looked boss. As Asuka goes to bring Emma back in the ring, Emma throws her to the floor by her hair and Asuka takes a nice thudding bump. This is literally the biggest showcase match Emma has ever had on the main brand. I can't think of another match where she got this much control. But back in a head kick leads to the choke and win. Asuka looked really great, obviously has a killer look, and I think she'll be fine. They had a competitive match, but it would have been far worse if they just had a bad match. But this was good.

ER: Jason Jordan robs us of an Elias concert, wasting a bunch of fine looking farm fresh produce on him. Wasting fresh produce isn't going to get you over in my book, bub. Corey Graves actually says "We're in Minneapolis, couldn't we have gotten a Semisonic reunion concert instead of Elias?" Is that the Minneapolis band you miss the most? Drop a Lifter Puller or Babes in Toyland reference why don't you. Graves should at minimum like the Replacements, right? Shoot, Bob Mould actually wrote pro wrestling TV. But Semisonic is what we go with?

3. Brian Kendrick/Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander/Rich Swann

ER: Love the Gallagher/Kendrick team. They both lean into dropkicks and bump big, really the perfect opponents for these two. As I type that Kendrick leans chin first into a Cedric dropkick and flies to the floor. Kendrick is a guy who can really put over things we take for granted, like nice chops. Gallagher gets popped by a (nice) Swann punch from the apron, allowing Kendrick to yank Swann off the ropes and onto his face. Gallagher locks on a snug cravate, grabbing onto Swann's braids, and Nigel talks about his fine Burberry duds. Our heels do a fine job of cheating to cut off the ring, which ends when Kendrick charges Swann and takes a huge backdrop bump over the top to the floor. Kendrick not only yanks Cedric out of the ring to save Jack from a pin, but then catches a leaping Swann into a northern lights on the floor. Back in and Kendrick blasts Kendrick with a couple of great looking kicks and locks in the captains hook, which Swann breaks up with a freaking phoenix splash. Kendrick gets caught with a lumbar check and makes it look better than anybody but maybe Gallagher. I would've liked to see the heels get the win here, but we still got a quality tag, and probably Kendrick's best performance of the year.

4. Mickie James vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: Alexa starts taking apart the arm in cool ways, and that makes this pretty interesting from the bell. She drops a knee on the arm, stands on it while attacking her other arm, whips her arm into the mat from standing position, just being a real jerk. Slap fights are pretty played out in modern wrestling, but I really liked theirs. Even the quick jump direction finally told the cameras to stop cutting on impact once they saw the gals were really slapping. The double KO doesn't totally work as Mickie's kick looked great but Alexa's tornado elbow clearly fell short. But they get up and commence the fight, and this is starting to feel like a street fight (which is a good thing). I'm not sure why the fans are chanting for tables, but I liked how gritty it started to feel. It really felt like James wanted to win that title to set the title reigns record, and Bliss was game to take it to her. Finish looked really good with Bliss faking injury, yanking James by the worked over arm into the buckles, and hitting a sharp DDT. Nothing blowaway on the show so far, but everything has been quality.

ER: Elias sings again and Jordan throws more expensive produce at him wastefully. Quality chard or kale isn't cheap man. Kids are hungry out there. Graves saves himself by making a decent joke about "couldn't we have found a Replacements cover band or something?"

5. Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

ER: I still don't totally get Enzo, and the match is weird as his mic work is always babyface (one of those grating awful promos that some people somehow like) but he clearly works the match heel which seems to have confused the crowd (which has been really active up until this match). Kalisto takes a nice face first bump into the buckles and Enzo locks on a resthold that is not the worst we've seen on the card. I liked Enzo grabbing the ring skirt to slow down Kalisto dragging him back into the ring, and Enzo's cheap shot and pin were good. Enzo - for all his faults - always is really good on pinfalls. This pin looked like it would have been genuinely difficult for anyone to kick out of, really pinning Kalisto's knee to his own shoulder.

6. AJ Styles vs. Finn Balor

ER: Boy, things don't get a lot dumber than the black face demon. Few things in wrestling have confused me more in their popularity than this persona. Styles is two weeks removed from basically a miracle match, so we'll see how this goes. Styles lays it in nicely on kicks to the chest, hard elbows to the chin and shoulderblocks, really plants him with a backbreaker, really makes his moves count. Finn throws punches past his head, weak kicks to the stomach, you'd think a demon would be a little more ferocious. His flip dive is fine, but even then AJ set it up by bumping big to the floor and then fully catching the dive. Back in he hits a slingblade that barely grazes Styles, and I'm just overall confused by his character. Styles locks on the always cool calf crusher, and I liked Balor slamming AJ's head into the mat a bunch to break it. Styles bumps as if he were taking offense from Samoa Joe, flying off the apron after a blocked springboard, flinging himself wildly into the barrier after a so-so running dropkick. Styles picks him up in a double leg and takes a suicide mission sending both of them sprawling over the announce table in rough fashion. Balor hits a kind of flimsy lifting DDT, and I only know it's supposed to be a big deal because Cole acts like it's something that could end the match. Most of Balor's offense looks so piddly, with Styles have to way overcompensate by dumping himself on his head for a weak as hell falling lariat and then flying into the buckles off another so-so dropkick. At least Balor completely STICKS the double stomp finish. I mean he stuck that landing in a gross way. Styles should have went full on Invader III on that double stomp. Balor would have been made into a megastar and Styles would have looked determined as hell when he came back.

7. Elias vs. Jason Jordan

ER: This "Kurt Angle's son" thing really feels like one of those angles that should be dropped and never spoken about again. But as weak as that angle is, and as stupid as throwing chard at someone is, these two have a weirdly compelling match and unexpectedly good chemistry. Elias throws nice chops across the collarbones, locks in a nice side headlock and works some nice neck cranks and crucifix subs, with Jordan breaking free and dumping him with a cool amateur takedown. Jordan will also fling himself wildly into the turnbuckles (on his own shoulderblocks and to put over offense) and yeah this match totally works. Elias cuts low on missed strikes which will always win me over, and Jordan running around the ring slamming Elias into corners looks great, obviously his belly to belly suplexes look great, and I will always love his running shoulderblock to the gut until he has to get neck fusion surgery. Elias makes his thigh slap a bit too obvi, but the kneelift catching Jordan's jaw otherwise looked killer. Elias gets a nasty bodyslam into the bottom rope (a great spot that has mostly vanished) and the weight shift small package off a suplex left enough controversy for the return match. I had no hopes for the match and it was maybe my favorite of the night so far.

8. TLC Match: The Mz/Sheamus/Cesaro/Kane/Braun Strowman vs. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins/Kurt Angle

ER: I'll give them credit for using the PPV gimmick for only the main event. My memory tells me they've loaded up other cards with various chair or table matches. I don't remember the last Angle match I liked, but I do like him coming out as a fully dressed member of the Shield. I like the Shield overpowering Team Miz to start, and the attack on Braun was especially nasty. Everybody wailing on him with chairs, including a brutal Rollins shot to Braun's freaking chest (seriously, chairshot to the chest? Ouch). I thought the ladder spot would surely backfire, but they both crash through Kane/Braun, with Dean really smooshing Kane. I like how that sets up everybody else against Angle, as I'd rather see Angle actually selling damage for most of a match than doing offense. Sympathetic hobbled old guy is one of my favorite characters in wrestling, much more compelling than "old guys slowly doing their old spots". Angle taking a bunch of chair and ladder shots and THEN throwing Germans the moment their backs are turned, that's more interesting than Angle being treated as a returning guy who is still on par with the current roster. And it's smart to not have him get a whole lot of offense on Braun, rather have Braun crush him and powerslam him through a table. I think him suplexing Braun would have been incredibly dumb (but I guess the match isn't over yet...). The 5 on 2 heel beatdown is a nice one, and the crowd stays nice and hot throughout. Dean gets powerbombed on a table that doesn't break, so it leads to an amusing spot where Braun throws him through it and makes damn sure that it breaks.

OKAY! Zombi were great, but Author & Punisher totally slayed. I'd seen him once before in a tiny venue and it was awesome, but tonight was other level. He's replaced that Wolf Eyes throb in my ear canals. Wolf Eyes' last couple years has been more ambient less noise. I got into them because of that rhythmic throb, and A&P gives that same throb. That dude feels like he'd be playing the night shift at a seedy bar in a modern Eraserhead reboot. It's a pulse raising blend of industrial noise with metal screech and electronic throb.

So now I can go back to watching this 5 on 3 TLC trainwreck. A garbage truck gets involved, Kane turns on Braun (without siding with Shield, which is a nice touch they could have missed) and chokeslams him off the stage and then yanks a cord and drops part of the Chair display onto Braun's (never shown) body. But soon Braun RISES from that rubble (which is a moment I usually like) and he shoves everybody out of the way to go after Kane! And this match is off the rails but in a pretty fun way. Rollins takes an awesome DDT from Miz and the double team emerald flowsion and the both look match finishing but he gets saved! Angle makes his big return after getting mauled earlier by Braun, and it's gleefully stupid as he gets his entrance music! He tosses some guys with Angle Slams. Miz hits the skull crushing finale on Angle, and it's a real stupid looking finisher but they both played it up so damn well that it made for a great nearfall. Angle gets Miz in the ankle lock and Miz eventually kicks him off, with Angle taking a nasty bump onto his head to the apron and then the floor. This match is officially kicking ass. But Ambrose and Rollins corner Miz, and then Angle gets back in and Miz realizes it's 3 on 1. We get some finishers, and then they do the Shield triple powerbomb with Angle as Roman, and it's the first huge nostalgia finishing move moment in ages. This match felt like the best possible result for the competitors involved. I really didn't care when Angle was announced for the match, and thought he could ruin it more than help it, but he was used perfectly. His usage was minimal, but present in all the right spots, and he executed the role perfectly. The match felt like (what we thought was) high functioning, multiple story ECW main event, and made it work in 2017. Those match totally, unexpectedly delivered for me.

ER: So this was one of those super fun WWE PPVs that don't really seem too exciting on paper, kind of sneak up on you two weeks after another PPV, and then totally overdelivers. Enzo/Kalisto was the only poor match of the night, and even that had a real good - and correct - finish. This was a good PPV.

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Hey, This Happened: Rey Mysterio Wrestled Kurt Angle on a MMA/Boxing Card

"Angle has been taken out of his game by Riff Raff for god's sakes!!"~Jim Ross

That quote by Jim Ross could probably sum up the night of...fights that took place on the DEBUT FINAL SHOW from UR Fights on 3/20/16. The show had something for everybody! An MMA match, a grappling match between Chael Sonnen and Michael Bisping that even the biggest fans of grappling couldn't possible enjoy, a RIFF RAFF PERFORMANCE!!, Roy Jones Jr. continuing his (sorta awesome sorta weird) middle age carny tour of Russian arenas and American Indian casinos, and Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle in a 2/3 falls match.

And the Rey/Angle match was kinda fun. Resurgent Rey is pretty impressive, whereas 2016 Angle gets gassed really easily and then goes for chinlocks. They work a house show main event match, likely the exact match you can close your eyes and picture them having at any point in the last decade. It threatens to be something different and something special very early, as Angle rolls to the floor upset after taking a headscissors, starts throwing chairs, pulls Rey out of the ring and throws a stiff punch that sends Rey falling awkwardly through the strewn chairs. And I start to think "Oh shit, are they doing to go out of their way to stiff the hell out of each other to show an MMA crowd that they can hang?!" But the thing is, I don't think this was an MMA crowd. If anything, it seemed like a crowd here to see Rey, as he got better reactions than anything else on the show. And so they have a match you would expect Rey to have with Angle, and that wasn't too bad. Rampage Jackson on commentary talks about how he could probably outwrestle Angle, and Jim Ross does one of his best commentating jobs in recent memory, even slathering on some good ol' JR folksy bullshit artist charm when talking about Angle's "broken freaking neck" in the Olympics: "A broken neck! That's not pro wrestling hyper-bowl folks." Angle is on a pretty hard autopilot in this one, having the same basic Angle match you stopped watching a long time ago, only with less ankle lock reversals. Rey sets up 619s, does a couple sloppy splashes, and yeah, they have the match you would imagine them having on a house show. Best bump of the match is Brian Hebner getting caught with an Angle clothesline. He really got upended by it. With the ref down Angle kicks Rey in the balls and grabs a chair, which leads to Riff Raff taking the chair from Angle. Rampage asks if Riff Raff is going to help Rey ice down his balls, too.

This match happened. This card happened. Some people lost a large amount of money. Other people, who were promised money, will never see a cent of that money.

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TNAiMPACTwORKRATE rEPORT 12/21/06

WHAT WORKED: 

 STING ~!! Sting is a guy who has been wrestling for about twenty years at this point. Heavily pushed charismatic babyface for most of that time. But never really a guy known for his mic work. I can’t think of a single angle he was in, in all that time where he was asked to carry the bulk of the mic work. Surfer Sting could get over youthful enthusiasm on the mic and would cup his hands around his mouth and do a war whoop. Crow Sting was all about him being silent. So it’s really odd to watch how great Born Again Sting is at presenting conviction on the mic. Really Sting is single handedly carrying this Abyss storyline. It’s pretty clear that he’s writing his own stuff as his mic work is on such a different level from everyone else in this angle. Sting plays down the title stealing and concentrates on the possibility of saving Abyss. Sting reframes the whole “mystery” angle in Christian terms. Providing Abyss with a “different road” “Stop worrying about the past…the “Good News” is that you can change the future [through the power of Redeemer].” 

Sting vs. Serotonin was a fine squash match. If you’re only going to run matches that go under two minutes then having them be squashes makes more sense than having them be competitive two minute matches. 

James Storm’s sit down interview was good too, but why are they having ambient music playing during sit down interview? The Griot’s drum circle played during the interview trying to match Storm’s intensity and passion as the beats sped up and slowed down. Does the audience need background music to make it through an interview? 

Don West is great as he does nice job early in show putting over the ankle lock, talking about how he still has an extreme sprain but returned to work out of love for the job. Meanwhile Slick Johnson who was ankle locked on a staircase is bouncing around the ring like nothing happened. 

For some reason the idiot bookers decide to keep Angle face and turn Joe heel in their main event tag booking and West has to sell that he’s still behind Angle even though Angle attacked him. He does a commendable job talking about how he “can’t take the attack personally.” West is good at covering for shitty booking but that doesn’t make the booking any less shitty.  

WHAT DIDN'T WORK: 

And the booking was SHITTY. The non-Sting matches and booking weren’t any good. Ron Killing’s Christmas rap isn’t Santa Clause Goes Straight to the Ghetto or that David Banner Christmas rap but still better than a lot of Christmas rap, unfortunately Hoyt’s body waves make it difficult to say positive things about it. And what the fuck was up with the drug motifs throughout the show? Show opens with Serotonin match, Ron Killings raps about trying to quit smoking over Christmas, Nash makes steroids jokes, notorious drug abuser BG James and Kip James joke about how they are on the road with WWE only minus the “wellness program”, Lance Hoyt “dances” while stuck in a K-hole, and Shane Douglas talks about how his fathers death from lung cancer kept him from ever smoking. I guess someone should applaud the audacity of attempting to do a wrestling show as reflection on a theme. Russo got a hold of some art films from the video store and realized that narrative is passé and that cinema as essay is the future. “Hmm I suck at narrative anyway maybe I should try this visual exploration of a theme thing.” And well iMPACT has been about drugs from the beginning (http://board.deathvalleydriver.com/ index.php? showtopic=2964& hl= ) “ADRENALINE RUSH! ADRENALINE RUSH!" 

I mean I guess these are some interesting themes being explored: Serotonin vs. the meditative quality of Sting’s Christianity perhaps…as Sting doesn’t represent the speaking in tongues fevered Christianity that would share space with/or feel in competition with the power of serotonin but rather a reflective one; Killings is trying to end addiction to drug consumption over holiday built around consumption; The James Gang and Lance Hoyt are reflections on the lack of self awareness that drugs provide…as fun is had as the result of not worrying about how embarrassing your behavior actually appears—and that behavior is really shameful; and well Meltzer has implied that the Franchise made himself impotent during ECW period as result of drug use so the idea of Douglas as guy who turns down cigarettes but can’t turn down anything else is an interesting one. “Damnit Sandman, I’m trying to shoot some smack here and you’re second hand smoke is bothering me.” These are interesting themes but it is not enough just to throw a motif out there, you need to do something with it. Interesting theme unfortunately not really explored or presented in an interesting way. I guess we’ll have to wait for Chris Marker or Godard to take up wrestling booking before we can hope for booking wrestling as essay to supplant booking wrestling as narrative. 

The booking that didn't directly reference drugs (although probably still drug inspired) was shit too. The Dudleys beat the Naturals in under two minutes, in what was essentially a squash. Supposedly the Dudleys were humiliated by loosing in their own signature match and so wanted the rematch. So instead of doing this as a PPV match they do it as a throw away squash where Douglas post match ends the “Naturals experiment". They don’t even do a Naturals must disband stip. End this thing in a meaningless squash. Chase Stevens is one of the top ten guys in the fed and Russo can’t find a reason to push him? I’m sure he can do a prescription drug abuse gimmick. So they break up the Naturals and debut another ECW veteran  who manages a stable through tough love gimmick on same show. Konnan is a shitty Riley Freeman “Santa gonna pay”. Don’t Cubans and Puerto Ricans celebrate Three Kings Day instead? Spike is right there he will take a crazy bump on a Christmas tree filled with glass ornaments. but instead we get a weak beatdown. And why are LAX running from the comedy wrestlers in the PCS and Eric Young? 

Styles tried to save the main event tag a couple times and I always dig Styles the heel but that match was nothing and the booking is nonsensical. Why is Angle still a face, why is Joe on a heel team, I think they were trying to do a both tag teams don’t trust their partner thing at one point but you can’t squeeze all that in. 

Shit. And then there was the non-Sting portions of the Abyss angle. Hey Tomko has a DVD. Nice, I remember when Jarrett was lugging around a VHS tape a year ago. Glad to see that TNA has spent some money on moving to digital in their backstage skits. Tomko and Christian appear on video screen outside prison talking about Abyss’s old cell. Idiot Mike Tenay announces “That must mean that Abyss was in prison”. Hmm Christian and Tomko film outside a prison point to a room and refer to it as Abyss’s old room…and somehow Tenay is able to deduce that Abyss used to be in prison. Ok so I was wrong last week. Angle isn’t Cyril. Abyss is. Christian and Tomko as Timmy Kirk and Jazz Hoyt could be entertaining but at this point it isn’t. Sting is better than Luke Perry and James Mitchell is still useless. 

Really no one should be allowed to talk in this angle other than Sting. Everyone else really feels like they are doing amateur theatre. I mean there is some good amateur theatre, but this wasn't even fake Up With People in mental institution bad, not even Guys and Dolls in an old folks home or Macbeth in prison. This was shit. Amused that they ran something like three Christian vs. Abyss PPV matches already and they decide that the way to freshen that match up is to have Christian work heel and Abyss work tweener. 

Lance Hoyt freestyle dancing. FUCK!!! I mean I already mentioned it once but it needs to be mentioned again. Hoyt's dancing destroyed my mind. K-Fed started as a back up dancer. If K-Fed did that Lance Hoyt dance I would join the K-Fed greatest heel in wrestling today bandwagon. My guess is that Federline is too professional and has too much natural rhythm to ever be able to dance that badly. But still, K-Fed learns that dance and you can print money, he could main event Mania, he could solve NJ's problems, he could fill the Tokyo Dome.

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