2025 Ongoing MOTY List: Maclin vs. Young Dog Collar

 

Steve Maclin vs. Eric Young TNA Impact 5/8/25

ER: After seeing DEAN~! Megastar Mad Dog Connelly work his modern day Cactus Jack magic live for the real sickos-slash-the Glendale, AZ outdoor mall Saturday night date crowds, I went seeking Dog Collar nirvana. Mad Dog has taken the dog collar art form to new levels, finding new ways to surprise despite cornering the market on the stipulation. TNA dared to run a dog collar match on TV (is TNA even on TV? Are they on Mark Cuban's cable internet?) the same month Mad Dog Connelly continues reinventing the genre, and I respect the endeavor. I especially respect that Maclin nor Young have ever worked a dog collar match before, anywhere. I think it's only fair to view this match with that in mind. It's two guys deciding to work the collar for the first time in their lives while simultaneously being about the same age as me. Stupidity, some would say. Great Pro Wrestling, the more cultured would say. 

Maclin, with Wesley Blake, was an NXT house show act that I loved watching. Wesley Blake was actually the name of a wrestler I used to enjoy watching! That's right, according to things I wrote in a blurry pre-pandemic world, I was a fan of Wesley Blake. I was writing glowing things about Jaxson Ryker (his politics, not his wrestling) and the Forgotten Sons and Steve Cutler/Maclin made an act I enjoyed even better. He was not as important to the group as Ryker or Blake - men whose 2018 work I would defend based on words I wrote in 2018 and have never revisited until now - but being a good Buddy Roberts to a weird MAGA coded NXT Freebirds stable that feels like it existed another lifetime ago is an odd cool role to have occupied. 

This very good dog collar match was entirely made by the buckets of blood bled by Steve Maclin. Maclin gets real good color early, that red paint The Harder They Come blood brushed across his face and arms and chest, covering a shocking amount of his body and a more shocking amount of the ringside mat surface in a short amount of time, dripping all over the place and pooling up in the lowland territories. You expect blood to dry up during a match like this, but Maclin keeps managing to look bloodier, redder, wetter, and the blood keeps looking fresher as it mats into his hair and runs down over every part of his body. It's dried and dispersed by the end of the match, but we get an excellent run of his blood painting his body and every surface he comes into contact with. Those surfaces include DEAN~! alums Sinner and Saint, who rub Maclin's blood all over themselves as Young's seconds, no shortage of Maclin's blood to disperse to anyone who wants color. Nobody else bleeds in this match, but everyone wears Maclin's blood. 

Eric Young, looking like Pitbull Anthony Durante's father, was good about wrapping the chain around Maclin's mouth and face and pulling it tight. He does a dragon sleeper with the chain tight around Maclin's throat, and he uses his corner rope flip as effectively as he's ever deployed it: flipping to the apron and dropping to the floor to pull the chain taut, yanking Maclin fast face first into the top rope. They both take hard bumps on the floor, Maclin spreading his blood as far and wide as possible, and the thuds add to the chain violence. Maclin's Thesz Press is great not because of the impact, but because he uses it like a man fully covered in blood flinging his body onto Young and banking on Young not wanting to catch him in his current messy state.

I was not as interested in the parts of the match where they wrestled a normal singles match, as if the chain was tied to their necks in theory and not actuality. Travis Williams is the idiot doing a handspring cutter during dog collar match interference, and I wish Maclin would have messed him up for even thinking of doing that. Maclin does hit a great Tree of Woe spear on Sinner and Saint that I'm not sure justified the set up time or lack of focus on beating someone with a chain, but was a good way to dispose of Young's seconds. Young is great at taking bumps on the chain, making the neck compression impact of the match finishing DDT look even more disgusting on a pile of chain. If this trend continues and it is revealed that Mad Dog Connelly set off a domino effect of more and more guys dipping their toe into the Collar, organically building up more and more challengers to the One True King, then wrestling will only get better. 

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RETRO TOMK TNA IMPACT REPORT 1/4/07

WHAT WORKED:




-Mexican Street Fight!!!! It’s a Mexican Street fight with no Mexicans. Spike and Homicide are two of the top five guys in this fed and this had some giant sick bumps and nice strikes (I really liked the really violent Dusty elbow that Spike threw). It was way too short. Too short to even be the tercera caida of a EMLL main event. For some reason they have Konan distract the ref. Isn’t this a No-DQ match? Why do you need to distract the ref? In last weeks nightstick on the pole match no one needed to distract the ref from the outside interference. But you need to distract the ref in a no-DQ Mexican Street Fight? This sets up LAX vs. Dudleys. Unfortunately Spike won’t be in that match, so far less appealing. Some indy fed that gives matches time needs to book the rematch.




-Hey this week it took three minutes for Brooks to come back to ring looking disheveled. Eric Young is building stamina. Way to go Eric!




WHAT DIDN”T WORK:




And we're back to the SUCKAGE.




-They tape these shows two at a time. Last week the second match ended in a top rope German suplex, when the big spot in the main event was a top rope superplex. This week they book Homicide and Spike in a violent street fight and then have Angle and Samoa Joe work a W*NG arena tour brawl. They are killing their main events. I mean for a W*NG arena tour brawl Samoa Joe v Angle was better than most Kuroda arena tour brawls, but not as good as the average Hido or Leatherface one. How hard would it have been to have the street fight last week and the Roode v Hoyt match this week? I mean this was a nothing arena tour but at least it would have some sense of novelty if there hadn't already been a street fight on the same show. So these two guys tear arena apart brawling and this leads to them booking an Iron Man match for the PPV. The payoff to two guys who want to rip each other apart is an Iron man match? Is this going to be an actual iron statue of a man on top of a pole match? Winner is first to bust opponent open with the iron statue? Cause otherwise this is stupid. Oh yeah Sting and Angle clear the ring of the heels at end of show, so I was right in predicting that Angle would be back to being face. He's heel only on the odd shows? The first hour of taping?




-Cornette also books Tomko to be banned from ringside for the PPV three way when only reason I'd want to see it is for the Tomko flying around stuff. Tomko is this ridiculously game guy for a real heavyweight. The one guy in the WWE who would always take a released dragon from Benoit. Meltzer would write about Benoit spot where Benoit shoot headbutts to draw blood that it was a spot Benoit only did with people he trusted. Those people seemed to be Regal, Eddy, Jericho, and Tomko. In the WWE does X division spot fests to build to the 2005 Money in the Bank Ladder match, Tomko consistently took the biggest bumps in every match. Matches with bumpers Christian, Benoit, Edge, and Shelton Benjamin. Tomko wasn't even a participant in most of those matches, still would take the nuttiest bumps. He's totally willing to be Adam Gooch in Tracy Smothers/Bobby Eaton street fight. (http://www.deathvalleydriver.com/dvdvr/dvdvr141.html). Tomko isn't as good a singles wrestler as Adam Gooch but no one in the three way title match is. Removing Tomko will really bring down the match quality. So two Cornette as match maker match making decisions that hurt the PPV. The Tomko one at least is defendable from a storytelling perspective (although has Tomko’s interference actually ever lead to Christian winning in TNA?). The rest of the time Cornette is still playing flustered comedy authority figure. Really if you’re going to book authority figure as inept bumbling figure they should go back to Zbysco. Cornette even when playing bumbling figure attempts to make his decisions sound reasonable. Zbysco said fuck it and was perfectly fine coming off arbitrary. Zbysco can actually do the type of inept Mr Furley trying to collect rent authority that Russo is writing for. And well TNA needs a Mr. Furley trying to deduce what’s going on in all the Russo “mystery angles” after mishearing Abyss and Tomko putting up a shower curtain. At least Samoa Joe had the decency to keep his pants on when harrasing Cornette.




-Why is Jeremy Borash on my TV? They already have a semi-competent backstage interviewer in Leticia. Do they really need two backstage interviewers? Eric Young is apparently so oblivious that he goes to Jeremy Borash for sex advice, “Borash is always helping girls shop he must know a lot about women”:

Eric Young “[I] needs our help, your help, you’re the love doctor”

Jeremy Borash: “ Here’s what you do Eric. Stick your finger in her butt and stimulate her prostate”

Three minutes Eric’s doubling his time week to week. He doesn’t need any advice. Traci Brooks comes over and tells Eric he has a week to find a condom. So he was only getting blown these last two weeks? That kills my prediction of a pregnancy angle. Unless its not condom he needs to get. He has a week to get some anal lube? Aww he was doing so well, he ain’t gonna last half a minute.




-Sting is a guy who has been wrestling for about twenty years at this point. Heavily pushed charismatic babyface for most of that time. But never really a guy known for his mic work. I can’t think of a single angle he was in, in all that time where he was asked to carry the bulk of the mic work. Heel Sting had Missy and Eddie Gilbert to carry the mic work. Surfer Sting could get over youthful enthusiasm on the mic and would cup his hands around his mouth and do a war whoop. Crow Sting was all about him being silent. So it’s really odd to watch how great Born Again Sting is at presenting conviction on the mic. Really Sting is single handedly carrying this Abyss storyline. It’s pretty clear that he’s writing his own stuff as his mic work is on such a different level from everyone else in this angle. For some reason this show had God awful James Mitchell sketch but no Sting mic work. Mitchell abuses Abyss infront of prison untill Abyss strikes back. Really hokey.




-James Storm tried to save the backstage Tenay/ Gail Kim interview. But no go. And what's with the tribal drums? Is Tenay scheduling his interviews when the Impact Zone is still the Universal Jungle Adventure show? Oh speaking of Tenay he was in rare form explaining the angles that the audience was watching. My favorite being when the Voodoo Kin Mafia announced thay were "going to Michael Hickenbottom's home town of San Antone". Tenay: "San Antone, that's what they call San Antonio where Michael Hickenbottom is from". Does the audience really need to be told that San Antone is San Antonio??




-and then there was the Voodoo Kin Mafia. Remember when the Voodoo Kin Mafia came out weeks ago, "shot"on "DX"and the crowd started a "DX Sucks chant"? Tonight the crowd is indifferent and the promotion had to edit in crowd noise. The crowd wants to chant hatefull shit about the WWE but this angle is about portraying TNA as fools and the crowd meets it with nothing.




Mike Tenay “What more do they[Voodoo Kin Mafia] need to do? [to get Mcmahon’s attention]”. Couple weeks back BG James talked about the Millionaire Ted skits and the shots at Jane Fonda “as tasteless” but “you don’t like it [Vince]when the shoe is on the other foot” Have the James Gang taken any shots that felt below the belt? Things that you go “ooh that’s got to smart”? Anything? The Billionaire Ted skits to whatever degree they worked, worked because they were preaching to the choir (WWE fans who felt like their favorite brand was in jeopardy) and because they were tasteless (the WWE choir went ooh that’s gotta hurt Ted to hear that). The kind of tasteless booking used to be Russo’s bread and butter. It’s not like it’s hard to book tasteless angle that takes shots at McMahon family.




Have Dutch Mantell lead a stable of brawling cowboy bounty hunters. Randy Culley has passed and don’t know if Black Bart still works but still plenty of veterans and youngsters who can work southern brawling rudo( Bunkhouse Buck, Todd Morton, Scotty Blaze, Mike Booth, Frank Parker, Otto Schwantz, Rob Mcbride, Doug Gilbert, Mack Truck Gary Stevens,Ryan Boz maybe Brad Attitude,etc.).




Dutch and 2 members of his gang attack the James Gang. Dutch gets on the mic and announces that “We are Stephanie’s Filthy Dirty Rotten Posse and Stephanie has sent us to invade TNA to find the real father of her child. We all know that Paul is too filled with roids to be the father and so we’re here to get some of your blood BG..and she thinks she may need some of your blood too Kip, she's got a whole list of possible fathers but we've come to get blood out of both of you”. This allows Kip and BG to make a lot of cracks about how it could be just about anyone. Allows Kip to lead crowd in "Stephanie's Posse Stinks" chants. Run lots of tag brawls and just when the James Gang have defeated two member of Mantell’s group they get blind sided by another three…leading Don West to exclaim “Damnit there’s another member in Steph’s Filthy Posse? Just how damn big is her Posse?” Tenay:” Damn her foul Posse.”

West: “Just when you think we’ve seen the last member to infest her disease ridden Posse, another three show up.”




It’s a one joke gimmick but I have confidence that Mantell, West, BG and Kip can stretch the joke out for at least five months. I mean there are a ton of things you can do with it.




Bring in Robert Fuller for a one shot appearance as “biggest member in Steph’s Posse”.




Dutch Mantell compliments Jay Lethals wrestling says "You're real good, we'd love to have you help us...you understand of course you'd only be helping. You can't be in Steph's Rotten Posse. Her husband won't let black members in her Posse."

Lethal: "What?

Dutch: “I’m sorry boy, she says that she won’t have a colored man in her posse"

Lethal attacks

Don West: "Stephany wouldn't have a black man in her Posse. And now he's tearing right through it;

He's just nailing her Posse with stiff rapid fire chops.

Man look at the welts Lethal has left on Steph's Posse".

Next week Mantell introduces Necro Butcher to deal with Lethal:

Dutch: “This is Dylan; the most dangerous, filthy, diseased, deformed member to ever be in Steph’s Dirty Posse”.

Put Lethal and Necro in a PPV singles match set up that way and you would make Lethal.




Kip James: Stephanie's Rotten Posse makes me sick.

Kurt Angle: Yeah that happened to me too. A little penicilin clears it right up.

By the end of six months you probably have completely run through the Angle v. Joe stuff and still need a couple more months to work out Karelin's visa issues, its fine place to side drain Angle. As six man’s with James Gang against quality brawlers would be a good way to keep from exposing Angle.

Dutch: We need blood samples from you too. Always figured there was a reason you wouldn't submit to the tests. I mean you don't do drugs there must have been something else you were hiding.

Angle : I have plenty of experiece making Steph's Posse submit.

West: Angle has beaten her Posse into submission.

Tenay:Angle and the James Gang have left Stephanie's Rotten Posse a bloody mess.




Pretty much with the right group of Southern rudos you can mix anyone in.

Shark Boy: “Well see I was working a dark match up north and…it happened. Leaving the arena this sea hag snatched me by my fin...and well the smell of chum was too much to resist. But still not my baby. I used protection. I wouldn't let my shark babies swim in anything that poluted”.

Mike Tenay:I want to talk about a true hero. Whatever you think of Shark Boys adolescent behavior in the past. I think we can say today that he is no SharkBoy but instead a real Sharkman".

Backstage Kip James: Wow knew she was a slut. But she went after the lil shark?

Angle: She loves animals

Christian: Jericho always worried about her puppy.




I mean you probably want to be careful with the bestiality jokes, as think the secret is to keep it simple. No Russo “swerve”, Hemme does not announce that she’s a hermaphrodite and might be the father or anything like that. Need to tell Russo no transexuals and no incest...yeah you probably don't do the bestiality joke either. Key is to hammer home the slut/whore premise and not get distracted with other fetishes.




By years end you have Mantell’s stable reach full on N.W. O. size (Bart, Frank Parker, Jimmy Golden, Tracy Smothers, Eddie Golden, Todd Morton, Mike Barton, Mike Booth, Scotty Blaze, Beau James, Rob Mcbride,Frank Murdoch, Ryan Boz, Otto Schwantz, Jack Victory, Scotty McKeever, George Hines, Mitch Ryder, Jerry Stubbs, Gary Stevens, Scott Powers, Chris Steele, KC Thunder, Briscoes, Dennis Stamp, etc.)

Don West: “That’s a whole lot of talent in Steph’s filthy Posse”

Tenay “Her Posse must be stretched to capacity”.

West “Biggest Posse in all of wrestling”.




I'm not a fan of this type of one joke angle, I got tired of the puns while writting this and at the point you bring in "Tulsa Tornado" Dennis Stamp the joke really has more than run its course. But you can mix anyone into it, it can go anywhere on the card and the angle gives you a ton of good matches that allow you to stretch the one joke out for a long time.




Most importantly the premise of the tasteless joke accomplishes several things: (1) The premise that TNA is being attacked by bounty hunters sent by WWE establishes that TNA is on the established fed (WWE)'s radar ; (2) The premise that Stephany is a slut/whore preaches to the choir of TNA fans ( as well if there is one thing I've learned in the years I've been following the sheets and the internet is that you can't do wrong appealing to wrestling fans misogyny), it even gives the TNA fans a hatefull thing about WWE to chant "Stephany's Pussy stinks!"; and (3) the premise of the joke is that Mcmahon's grandchild is a bastard of questionable parentage, that Helmsley is cuckolded, and that Stephany has a stinky snatch--it is a premise that feels tasteless enough that the audience will think “ooh that’s below the belt” (I doubt McMahon would be offended, but Helmsley is known to be overly sensitive, and Stephany is infamous for deciding to get breast enhancement after seing a audience poster that said she had "saggy" breasts).




Instead TNA has run an angle where (1) they’ve portrayed themselves as being so insignificant that they are beneath the established fed (WWE)’s radar. (2) Instead of preaching to the choir they have portrayed themselves as such buffoons that in tonight’s segment they had to pump in crowd noise. They had to pump in crowd noise in iMPACT zONE. The people in the iMPACT zONE will chant and cheer for anything and they were clearly forced to edit in crowd chants. And (3) not done anything tasteless enough for crowd to believe that WWE would be offended.




Mike Tenay “What more do they need to do? [to get Mcmahon’s attention]”. BG James “it’s been four weeks and no response. Vince you cannot solve a problem by simply ignoring it”. Stop ignoring us. We are not to be ignored. God these guys come across as sad and ineffectual. Tenay asks “what more do they need to do?”, I ask “what have they actually done?”. What exactly have BG James and Kip James done that would constitute a “problem”? Vincent McMahon is working a feud with Donald Trump, why should he care about these two goofs. Forget “why should the real Vincent McMahon care about these two goofs?” question and think “Why should storyline Vincent McMahon care about these two storyline goofs?”. What have they done that would bother him storyline wise? They’ve advertised WWE house shows, and egged a Target. They’re surprised that there has been “no response” ? By the iMPACT zONE’s silence it’s clear that the fans aren’t surprised at the lack of response. The crowd is as indiffferent as Vince McMahon. Shitty booking.




I don't particularly care for "shoot angles” where you make fun of the opposition in an effort to create fan loyalty. But that's the goal of this angle, and it fails horribly. The James Gang aren't the most talented guys out there but damn this really feels like a waste of their talents. They deserve better.

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2016 Ongoing MOTY List: Matt Hardy v. EC3

44. Matt Hardy v. EC3 TNA Impact 7/13 (Aired 7/28/16)

ER: Several years ago Matt Hardy was king of the 8-12 minute TV match, able to craft little stories in a short amount of time. Things happened, life happened, and then for several years he wasn't. But for whatever reason he has been back and creatively rejuvenated, and finally got a chance to show he can still craft a great 10 minute match. They fit a lot into the time and really go go go. Story is tight with Matt unhinged and bite-y but still plenty crafty, and Carter fighting through a leg injury. They fought close almost the entire match, not quite phone booth style but both guys were on each other practically the whole time. All the strikes looked good, Matt still knows how to throw a great punch and really nice elbows, and I loved the various times he would stop a Carter strike with biting. Carter lands funny on a missile dropkick and Matt goes after the leg, and Carter is shockingly adept at selling that leg. His limping and buckling was top notch, and even after hitting a plancha (after an awesome Hardy bump to the floor after Carter kicks him off) he pushes up on the leg and I LOVED the way he stumbled back and lost his balance afterward. Reby Sky gets in the action too with interference, then takes a great bump to the floor (being sure to make it look like she smacks her head on the apron on the way down). This was the most I've ever liked Carter, his selling was the best, his corner lariats looked real good, chops and strikes real nice. A nice tight 8 minute TV match is one of my favorite kinds of match,  and Matt Hardy is basically the modern Bill Dundee when it comes to crafting them. TNA needs to be having him work these every week with every member of the roster.

PAS: I was pretty skeptical when Eric told me to watch this, but it was fun stuff. Hardy is really great at adding a couple of interesting notes to otherwise basic TV matches like this. I loved all of the targeting of the ankle, with Hardy ripping off the boot and biting his instep. I haven't seen much Carter and what I have seen I didn't care for. This however was a nifty performance from him, he has a very 2000s WCWSN offense, but he seemed like a perfectly fine Johnny the Bull here. I enjoyed his clotheslines, punches and did a nice job selling the bad ankle. When Matt Hardy is having wrestling matches rather then outsider cinema he is still pretty great.


2016 ONGOING MOTY LIST

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Is TNA Not Entirely Terrible Now? A Small Sample Curiosity.

So last night (6/7) for reasons I cannot entirely explain, I watched an episode of TNA Impact. Maybe it was because we're in a TV programming lull, maybe it's because Rachel was working on something downstairs so I couldn't watch anything that we typically watch together, maybe I somehow haven't learned my lesson after 14 years (btw, TNA has existed for FOURTEEN YEARS!! When TNA started I couldn't vote. What the fuck, Time??). Probably some combination of all of those things, plus I saw on the episode guide that Matt Hardy was going to face Drew Galloway on the show, and based on my cursory knowledge of who is actually on their current roster, these two are really two of the only guys I would care to see in a TNA match. So I DVR'd it, and...


I ended up enjoying the entire show. Now, to be clear, by "entire show" I mean "I fast forwarded through any and all talking segments and paid attention to three of the matches while casually paying attention to the other three matches". So there was a lot of fast forwarding, but not nearly as much as there could have been. For a promotion who never has gotten the detail work right, this was a surprisingly well paced show (even fast forwarding through 75% of your average Impact episode would tell you whether or not the pacing was good) with a more professional look than I'm used to after 14 years of blunders and bush league presentation (I should remind you again that TNA has been around for FOURTEEN YEARS! When TNA started, Kanye West was known as "Producer of The Blueprint", or "Kanye West: Man with Fully Functioning Jaw"). I enjoyed the announce crew of Josh Matthews and Pope. For a totally insufferable human being, Matthews plays nicely off Pope, who in turn does color commentary like the best parts of Tazz and Booker T. They complement each other nicely, which I don't think I've been able to say about any TNA commentary crew ever.


The matches were surprisingly enjoyable as well. Even when TNA has had workers I enjoy, the company style always felt detrimental to match quality, and it always felt like it had that early MLW or 2000s Guadalajara (and possibly current Guadalajara?) vibe where wrestlers I like go to have matches I dislike. There was a TNA stink on even their best workers and matches, and last night I didn't smell any sort of TNA stink. The short and inoffensive matches were short and inoffensive, and the matches given time to be something more delivered.


I really enjoyed Eddie Edwards/Trevor Lee as an interference clustered cruiser match, with Lee really throwing himself into Edwards' offense, a big Lee bump where Edwards caught the apron punt and swept Lee's leg to make him faceplant on the apron, a big Edwards dive, nice Lee suplex, good nearfall based on interference, just a fun match. More noteworthy was a 10 man tag that was probably just 8 minutes, but really good. TNA throughout its history has been hilariously inept at large multiman matches. This in theory should be one of the easiest matches to lay out, as with 10 guys even the worst wrestlers should have one or two cool tricks they can do so nobody has to be exposed, and you can keep action moving with constant saves and tag ins. Yet somehow TNA multimans (specifically the always laugh out loud bad multiman cage matches where you'd end up with 80% of the guys lying around the ring breathing heavily after just a few minutes) always flopped, always turned into an awful mess, never felt like they had enough action. So here were 10 men - 5 of whom I had at least heard of before, 3 of whom I could at least pick out of a lineup - 10 men of varying abilities working a tight 7 minutes with no filler, some smart, simple spots, and a satisfying finish. Jessie Godderz had a couple nice press slams, there were a couple stocky little guys in striped tights who came in gunning low with elbows and nice aggression, Crazzy Steve seems like he might be good, even Abyss had a cool moment where he made a save by just grabbing a guy by the throat.


The main event of Matt Hardy vs. Drew Galloway was really good and with an actual conclusive finish I was already prepared to nominate it for our MOTY list. Hardy looks insane right now, like a methier and/or draggier Toecutter, which...well would actually work pretty well as a wrestling character. But these guys beat the hell out of each other, constantly lobbing nice punches and elbows, Hardy takes a backbreaker on the ring apron, Galloway takes a side effect on the ring steps, Galloway threw a big belly to belly, they found a nice way to set up some tree of woe stuff with a blocked superplex leading to some Hardy headbutts, and then when Hardy was taking too long to set something up I thought it was going to look silly when Drew took a move after hanging out for so long, but instead Drew was just playing possum and sprang up to launch Hardy across the ring. More big chops, more great Hardy punches, more great Galloway elbows to Hardy's weird head. Yeah we got a run in finish but this was a fine match, exactly what I was hoping for out of these guys.


So there I was, enjoying TNA, actually thinking about watching TNA one week from now, which is a thought I don't think I've ever had. Watching TNA has always been more of an accident, or something to throw on for a laugh when people are over and you remember it's on. I don't know if I've ever actively planned to watch TNA a week in advance. But this show won me over. There were still some silly moments, my favorite being their apparent heist of the WWE never-going-to-get-over name generator, - used here for Pepper Parks - who is now known as "Braxton Sutter". I recognize that it's entirely possible I just tuned in on the one competent week of programming they've had since joining Pop! I know I tuned in a couple of times when they were on Destination America and it was dreadful. So this could have been luck, or they may finally be onto something, 10 years too late.

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Giving TNA Credit Where Credit is Due

TNA is the Springfield tire fire of professional wrestling. It feels like it's been around forever and no reasonable person can justify its existence. At this point it just exists. It's there. It's stink can be smelled from many states away. It's useless. It's ugly. It somehow will not die.

But as the old saying goes, even a burning tire yard is right twice a day. And last week while watching TNA something happened to me that I'm not sure has ever happened to me while watching TNA: I was genuinely interested, engaged and excited about what was onscreen, for all of the reasons intended.

TNA has been around for a long time. I still lived with my parents when TNA began to exist. I own a home now. I was still in college when TNA began. I work for the government and have some gray hairs now. Beck came out with "Sea Change" around when TNA began. Now he just released "Morning Phase", which is his only other album that sounds a lot like Sea Change. Many of my friends have gotten married and had children since TNA's existence. Others have married and already divorced. My first pet, Inky the cat, did not live as long as TNA has lived. TNA has still not ever done anything as cool as Inky a) catching bats, b) catching a rabbit, c) learning how to turn on/off a light switch.

But they got me excited for 7 minutes. Last week the show started off with an Abyss/Eric Young brawl, and it was awesome. Abyss is clearly the worst worker in the world over the last decade. I'm sure there have been some individual performances that have been worse, but he has turned in a full 10+ years of shockingly horrible work. I'll save more Abyss talk for a future post dedicated to Abyss and nothing else. This "match" was all about EY and he looked killer. A lot of his shots really landed hard on Abyss, and TNA's stupid faux-NYPD Blue backstage camera work actually made this look, dare I say...cool? This felt like one of the most violent things in TNA history, culminating with EY getting choked out over the ropes with a chain. EY took nasty spills the whole match (including getting tossed face first into a chair) but good god his face was turning purple while getting choked. The whole thing actually felt unique and interesting, which is something TNA has NEVER felt like to me. It actually made me want to tune in the next week...

And they started the 3/27 Impact with 27 minutes of talking. Never change guys. We'll always have those 7 minutes on 3/20.

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TNAiMPACTwORKRATE rEPORT 12/21/06

WHAT WORKED: 

 STING ~!! Sting is a guy who has been wrestling for about twenty years at this point. Heavily pushed charismatic babyface for most of that time. But never really a guy known for his mic work. I can’t think of a single angle he was in, in all that time where he was asked to carry the bulk of the mic work. Surfer Sting could get over youthful enthusiasm on the mic and would cup his hands around his mouth and do a war whoop. Crow Sting was all about him being silent. So it’s really odd to watch how great Born Again Sting is at presenting conviction on the mic. Really Sting is single handedly carrying this Abyss storyline. It’s pretty clear that he’s writing his own stuff as his mic work is on such a different level from everyone else in this angle. Sting plays down the title stealing and concentrates on the possibility of saving Abyss. Sting reframes the whole “mystery” angle in Christian terms. Providing Abyss with a “different road” “Stop worrying about the past…the “Good News” is that you can change the future [through the power of Redeemer].” 

Sting vs. Serotonin was a fine squash match. If you’re only going to run matches that go under two minutes then having them be squashes makes more sense than having them be competitive two minute matches. 

James Storm’s sit down interview was good too, but why are they having ambient music playing during sit down interview? The Griot’s drum circle played during the interview trying to match Storm’s intensity and passion as the beats sped up and slowed down. Does the audience need background music to make it through an interview? 

Don West is great as he does nice job early in show putting over the ankle lock, talking about how he still has an extreme sprain but returned to work out of love for the job. Meanwhile Slick Johnson who was ankle locked on a staircase is bouncing around the ring like nothing happened. 

For some reason the idiot bookers decide to keep Angle face and turn Joe heel in their main event tag booking and West has to sell that he’s still behind Angle even though Angle attacked him. He does a commendable job talking about how he “can’t take the attack personally.” West is good at covering for shitty booking but that doesn’t make the booking any less shitty.  

WHAT DIDN'T WORK: 

And the booking was SHITTY. The non-Sting matches and booking weren’t any good. Ron Killing’s Christmas rap isn’t Santa Clause Goes Straight to the Ghetto or that David Banner Christmas rap but still better than a lot of Christmas rap, unfortunately Hoyt’s body waves make it difficult to say positive things about it. And what the fuck was up with the drug motifs throughout the show? Show opens with Serotonin match, Ron Killings raps about trying to quit smoking over Christmas, Nash makes steroids jokes, notorious drug abuser BG James and Kip James joke about how they are on the road with WWE only minus the “wellness program”, Lance Hoyt “dances” while stuck in a K-hole, and Shane Douglas talks about how his fathers death from lung cancer kept him from ever smoking. I guess someone should applaud the audacity of attempting to do a wrestling show as reflection on a theme. Russo got a hold of some art films from the video store and realized that narrative is passé and that cinema as essay is the future. “Hmm I suck at narrative anyway maybe I should try this visual exploration of a theme thing.” And well iMPACT has been about drugs from the beginning (http://board.deathvalleydriver.com/ index.php? showtopic=2964& hl= ) “ADRENALINE RUSH! ADRENALINE RUSH!" 

I mean I guess these are some interesting themes being explored: Serotonin vs. the meditative quality of Sting’s Christianity perhaps…as Sting doesn’t represent the speaking in tongues fevered Christianity that would share space with/or feel in competition with the power of serotonin but rather a reflective one; Killings is trying to end addiction to drug consumption over holiday built around consumption; The James Gang and Lance Hoyt are reflections on the lack of self awareness that drugs provide…as fun is had as the result of not worrying about how embarrassing your behavior actually appears—and that behavior is really shameful; and well Meltzer has implied that the Franchise made himself impotent during ECW period as result of drug use so the idea of Douglas as guy who turns down cigarettes but can’t turn down anything else is an interesting one. “Damnit Sandman, I’m trying to shoot some smack here and you’re second hand smoke is bothering me.” These are interesting themes but it is not enough just to throw a motif out there, you need to do something with it. Interesting theme unfortunately not really explored or presented in an interesting way. I guess we’ll have to wait for Chris Marker or Godard to take up wrestling booking before we can hope for booking wrestling as essay to supplant booking wrestling as narrative. 

The booking that didn't directly reference drugs (although probably still drug inspired) was shit too. The Dudleys beat the Naturals in under two minutes, in what was essentially a squash. Supposedly the Dudleys were humiliated by loosing in their own signature match and so wanted the rematch. So instead of doing this as a PPV match they do it as a throw away squash where Douglas post match ends the “Naturals experiment". They don’t even do a Naturals must disband stip. End this thing in a meaningless squash. Chase Stevens is one of the top ten guys in the fed and Russo can’t find a reason to push him? I’m sure he can do a prescription drug abuse gimmick. So they break up the Naturals and debut another ECW veteran  who manages a stable through tough love gimmick on same show. Konnan is a shitty Riley Freeman “Santa gonna pay”. Don’t Cubans and Puerto Ricans celebrate Three Kings Day instead? Spike is right there he will take a crazy bump on a Christmas tree filled with glass ornaments. but instead we get a weak beatdown. And why are LAX running from the comedy wrestlers in the PCS and Eric Young? 

Styles tried to save the main event tag a couple times and I always dig Styles the heel but that match was nothing and the booking is nonsensical. Why is Angle still a face, why is Joe on a heel team, I think they were trying to do a both tag teams don’t trust their partner thing at one point but you can’t squeeze all that in. 

Shit. And then there was the non-Sting portions of the Abyss angle. Hey Tomko has a DVD. Nice, I remember when Jarrett was lugging around a VHS tape a year ago. Glad to see that TNA has spent some money on moving to digital in their backstage skits. Tomko and Christian appear on video screen outside prison talking about Abyss’s old cell. Idiot Mike Tenay announces “That must mean that Abyss was in prison”. Hmm Christian and Tomko film outside a prison point to a room and refer to it as Abyss’s old room…and somehow Tenay is able to deduce that Abyss used to be in prison. Ok so I was wrong last week. Angle isn’t Cyril. Abyss is. Christian and Tomko as Timmy Kirk and Jazz Hoyt could be entertaining but at this point it isn’t. Sting is better than Luke Perry and James Mitchell is still useless. 

Really no one should be allowed to talk in this angle other than Sting. Everyone else really feels like they are doing amateur theatre. I mean there is some good amateur theatre, but this wasn't even fake Up With People in mental institution bad, not even Guys and Dolls in an old folks home or Macbeth in prison. This was shit. Amused that they ran something like three Christian vs. Abyss PPV matches already and they decide that the way to freshen that match up is to have Christian work heel and Abyss work tweener. 

Lance Hoyt freestyle dancing. FUCK!!! I mean I already mentioned it once but it needs to be mentioned again. Hoyt's dancing destroyed my mind. K-Fed started as a back up dancer. If K-Fed did that Lance Hoyt dance I would join the K-Fed greatest heel in wrestling today bandwagon. My guess is that Federline is too professional and has too much natural rhythm to ever be able to dance that badly. But still, K-Fed learns that dance and you can print money, he could main event Mania, he could solve NJ's problems, he could fill the Tokyo Dome.

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #50

Ah yes it is episode 50 and I think this project will stop here. I was originally planning on doing a full year of reviews. But fucked up in tivoing episode 51 and 52. If someone sends me the missing episodes I'll write something on them. Otherwise I think I'm done. I mean well the decision to bring back Russo and bring in Angle really feel like the kind of dumb desperate moves that one makes on their last legs. So part of me figures I should keep going since those hirings kind of suggest that the promotion may only have two more months of life and really should document their last grasps of life. Bringing in Russo at this point really feels like the functional equivalent of when your local indy decides to bring in Todd Gordon (indy kiss of death). And really have put in to much time not to watch the end...but

So here ya go Episode #50:

WHAT WORKED:

Most of the wrestling on this show was mediocre but passable. Kazarian/Bentley vs. AJ/Daniels was fine. Actually liked the opening even arm drag exchange between Kazarian and Daniels. They went to the face in peril section and for some reason chose to have Daniels work the in peril role and alot of the heel double team stuff wasn't pretty. And Slick Johnson can't work tag matches. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley wasn't as awful as your normal Chris Sabin match. Shelley led him through some mat work, got a watchable striking section out of Sabin and was able to get in some basic face v heel characterization. Match was ultra short, with dumb finish and dumb booking but...matches were all mediocre but passable.

I actually like the video packages building to Rhino vs. Christian. Rhino says "you ended friendship three weeks ago" and they show footage of heel Christian attacking and bloodying Rhino. Of course they don't show that the face threw the first punch...but video package put together better than the angle. Rhino: "once you turn on a friend that's the last thing you do". Also liked all of the footage of Christian and Rhino hanging out in their youth on the road and whatnot. The booking never really did anything to establish that these guys were once friends so the turn didn't mean anything. The friendship footage is airing way too late in the storyline but yeah nice video package filled with stuff they should have aired earlier and with stuff edited out that they never should have done.

-HOLY SHIT IT'S RON FULLER~!!! Smart booking to have Ron Fuller talking to Bobby Roode while sitting in a car. Two of them talking standing up would have made Roode look like a midget. Still you don't tease Ron Fuller and then not use him for something.

-LOVED the main event town meeting setting up the lumberjack strap match. Cornette as per usual is really good in role of guy explaining booking. Zbysco was just amazingly great in his buffoon role and Jarrett played his role of guy who hates the audience and is afraid of Samoa Joe really well. Whole angle is super old school and straight out of Dutch Mantell Puerto Rico(I think Dutch's Puerto Rican booking is really overrated by Meltzer as I'm not convinced that it's better or more succesfull than Chris Youngblood, Barnabas, Invader or Luke Williams Puerto Rico booking...still this was straight out of PR playbook). Cornette, Zbysco and Jarrett know how to play their traditional roles pretty perfectly. Surprisingly I was disappointed with Samoa Joe in this. In general Joe is really excellent on the mic working kind of this Nick Bockwinkle-ish smug character. Where his smirking smugness is part of his menace. Here he was booked to be Road Warrior Hawk. Monster face who tells the audience that he's going to beat the heel for the fans " Oh what a rush!" Samoa Joe came off more as Spencer for Hire Hawk than Road Warrior Hawk. Unfortunately, Spencer For Hire Hawk is really out of place in this angle. But right when Joe seemed like he was lost Zbysco came in and heeled it up and it all fell back into place. The thing with formula is that formula works. Really the whole use of Zbysco comedy and the build the whole way Cornette has been used, the Eric Young comedy...all felt very much like Dutch Mantell in Puerto Rico booking. Dutch does two things comedy booking and slow build stuff. One of the things that TNA has occasionally done right has been slow build. The build to 3LK breakup, the build to Steiner vs. Joe. None of these things really delivered but I'll take good old school build to shit over no build to shit anyday. As the build is entertaining and engaging. I assume bringing in Russo will push the Mantell comedy and you'll loose any sense of slow build as Russo is more concerned with finishes and immediate match stips that will never be followed through with. Who knows?


WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

-I guess part of the reason I was feeling generous with the undercard matches is that anything would look good next to the big showcase match. Abyss vs. Raven's "Hangman's Match" was just painful to watch. This was sub Flair vs, Piper from the last years of WCW. Raven losses balance and falls down trying to throw the first punch. Raven fucking collapses whenever he tries anything, punches, lariats whatever. Raven was working like the worlds shittiest Flair where the only thing he could do to get on offense was low blows. And he couldn't even execute the low blows well. Everything looked telegraphed. The two of them looked like they were wrestling in amber. This almost approached Sid vs. Nightstalker, Warrior vs. Disciple Ed Leslie million billion stars as I was laughing all the way through it. It never got to that so bad it's transcendent point. Although it approached it. Raven did take a nice bump for leg sweep on the barrier. And a couple things that were neat ideas. Really to be transcendently bad you can't have the one or two mediocre to good spots this had. Its possible if not for that leg sweep bump, I might have put this on top for how close it was to transcendence. I mean Ron Fuller is right there. He could have a better brawl in his sleep. Robert Parker vs. Madusa was more heated than this. I mean I guess you can't use Robert Fuller if you insist on billing Abyss as 6 ft 8...unless you start billing Fuller as 7 ft 2 or something. After watching Abyss and Raven stumble through a wrestling match...Spike Dudley comes out and attacks both of them. Spike's offense looks like Benoit after watching Ron Reiss vs Loch Ness. this makes the booking even sillier as Spike looks more athletic than his opponents, has better looking offense and yet is booked as ineffective little guy amongst monsters. I guess that's how you would book a Benoit, Ron Reiss, Loch Ness three way feud.. But c'mon the TNA versions of Loch Ness and Reiss are no more than four inches taller than their Benoit.

-So I went to see Jackass II the first weekend it came out. It's very different from the first movie. The Jackass guys do more gross out humor in the second. The first one had gross out humor. But who hasn't engaged in self destructive behavior for amusement in our youth? Who hasn't shot a bottle rocket out of their ass? Who hasn't had their friends push and crash them in a shopping cart? Who hasn't snorted wassabe or eaten urine flavored Italian ice? It was about a bunch of self destructive guys doing things that young groups of self destructive guys do to entertain each other. The first Jackass movie was really marked by the other pranks, the pranks done on the general public to get a reaction. Ingenious stuff like boxing in a store to see what the merchants will do, shitting in a hardware store to see how people react, and putting a toy car up their rectum to see how a doctor will react. While the prank is about the reaction shots, the pranks are still built on self destructive behavior: forcing yourself to shit in public, putting a car up your ass, and getting KO'd. The humor linking all the sections of the movie isn't about hurting others it's about the entertainment value of self harm/self destructive activity. The combination of stunts we've done with stuff we would never even think of was the key to Jackass' charm.

In the second Jackass movie all the gross out humor is ratcheted up a couple of notches. It was made four years later and is marked by how old everyone is. And so the ratcheting up of the gross makes sense. Anyone over 25 knows that if you go to a party where people propose playing truth or dare, you need to leave immediately. Because if you're still entertaining yourself that way when you get older, it's going to involve some scat. And well the key to JackAss II is that the humor is about aging. The best pranks built on tricking the man in the street are all done by cast members pretending to be old men or women (well there is a brilliant bit in Bangladesh but still)...these are pranks which are funny because of the age that the cast is pretending to be. The rest of the stuff is funny because of the actual age of the cast members. The first Jackass was great because it made me nostalgic for my youth; the second is poignant because it's a reflection on aging. These guys are too old to be still engaging in self destructive behavior for humor. And each one of them on some level seems aware of this.

This isn't young guys who feel like nothing can hurt them. These are guys very very aware of their own mortality. They are still willing to put their own bodies at risk to achieve a laugh. They know that self harm is their bread and butter but they are very aware of the physical consequences of everything they do. The cast is constantly negotiating the value of a joke vs. the personal consequences. Dave Englund nearly has a breakdown before agreeing to get shot. Bam Margera tries to negotiate his way out of getting hit in the balls by counter proposing that he'll instead take a dildo to his ass. Chris Pontius suggests drinking horse sperm so that he can get out of doing anything potentially "worse" later on. The recognition of mortality is the key to Jackass II. Young guys engaging in self destructive behavior for their own amusement is expected. Old guys doing it are poignant and it makes for much more biting humor.

Ideally if you were going to have wrestlers represent Jackass II, you'd have Rip Rogers, Chavo Sr. and Gypsy Joe. Well ideally you'd have Puppet and Iceberg attached to each other by a bungee cord but that's neither here nor there. Rip Rogers, Gypsy Joe, and Chavo are guys who know that wrestling is about destroying ones body for entertainment purposes and they know that they're old men in a young man's game. You run Chavo Sr. vs. Alex Shelley. Gypsy Joe talks a reluctant Rip Rogers into getting into a shopping cart and taking a gigantic bump to distract Shelley. That would make sense. You could do the same thing with Dutt, Lethal and Sabin. You wouldn't get to deal with aging but you could do the same guys engaging in high risk behavior to get results. Chris Sabin wrestles Alex Shelley. Jay Lethal talks a reluctant Sonjay Dutt into getting into a shopping cart.

But that's not what TNA did.

So let me get this straight. Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal apparently decided to kidnap Johnny Devine put him in a shopping cart and then crash the shopping cart into the ring post in order to distract Alex Shelley? This is supposed to have something to do with Jackass movies? How is hurting your opponent an example of high risk self destructive behavior? What the fuck are Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin and Jay Lethal doing? It's like someone watched them doing their robot dances during the cypher and decided they should repackage them as "a bunch of rich kid ravers living off their parents' money, they have all the talent in the world but they can't be serious. They're more concerned with getting high and having a good time than wrestling matches! "

The cultural milieu that Jackass represents isn't the cultural milieu Special K represented. Repackaging the X-division guys as Special K completely misses the point of the Jackass franchise. And only serves as a reminder that neither Chris Sabin nor Sonjay Dutt belong so much as lacing up Elax the Exploited Child's boots.

Whatever you want to say about WCW, they at least understood the Robocop concept.

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #49

WHAT WORKED:

THE MACK BROTHERS~!!! HOLY SHIT!!! Who are these guys??? Last weeks show I went into a long involved thing about this promotions poor use of jobbers and then they go and bring out these crazy fucks who take every single bump in the biggest most painful way possible. I've said again and again that I'm tired of squash matches but if you're going to run squashes you need to do them right. And this was doing a squash right. I need to see more of the fucking MACK BROTHERS!!!!

Hey the X Division guys are watching Jackass to train for their future matches. AWESOME!!! I mean they're going to fuck this up but the thing about Jackass is that those guys actually know how to sell big spots. Each skit/ match builds to one big spot, spot is sold as something that hurts and skit is over. None of the no-selling stringing of meaningless spots together that the X division guys tend to do. Big spots lead directly to finishes. You can see why Jerry Lynn doesn't understand this.

Speaking of comedy skits: TNA does the sports entertainment right!!! HOLY SHIT, when did TNA figure out how to do sports entertainment this well? the problem with allot of the McMahon/Russo sports entertainment philosophy was always pretty obvious. "No one wants to see long wrestling matches so we'll give them short wrestling matches and long skits" fails to recognize that most wrestlers can't pull off long skits. Hell most SNL professional comedians can't pull off long skits. End result was you had a lot of wrestling programming built around one joke skits stretched too long. That's painful enough on SNL but especially bad on show without professional actors. Somehow someone in TNA figured this out. And so this week was filled with quick two minute skits. You set up premise and deliver the punch line and then stop...skit over. The Slick Johnson skit was kept to a quick visual bit with no dialogue and Don West narration. Jeremy Borash never opened his mouth he just was guy holding the mic. Shane Douglas and Naturals stuff is dumb but kept quick and to the point. Bobby Heenan is completely washed up at this point but segment got point across quickly. The X division guys backstage watching Jackass got the point across and was over. All of the Jarrett and Eric Young segments were perfect as they just got the joke over and never tried to stretch the little bits out too long. The short spots all lead to the big piece at the end with Cornette doing matchmaking. Cornette is great in that role and the fan lumberjack match was sold well as you transitioned form the comedy into the danger. Jarrett and Young played their roles with him well. Just all the comedy/sports entertainment came off as really well done and efficient.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

While everything else was efficient, you couldn't have made that Raven/James Mitchell segment short enough not to be embarrasing. Both guys depend on meandering Dungeons and Dragons mic work...and the combo of both in same promotional package made me long for the Raven's mom angle.

Matches weren't really any good. James Gang/with Smiley and Shark Boy vs. AMW and Bentley/Kazarian was about two minutes long and still messy. The Christian vs. Killings match had some interesting ideas. Christian was really fun in role of guy in showcase matches on RAW. He played weak heel who did allot of Terry Funk shtick and bumping, had a nice Anaconda vice, and an over out of nowhere finisher. He came into TNA as a guy positioned on top and has never really figured out how to work from on top in TNA. Never figured out how to work as not-weak guy. Never figured out how to work as strong face. Here he's back to working as a heel. But instead of working as a weak heel he tried to work as strong one and he had some interesting ideas on how to pull it off, how much to give Killings and when to cut him off. the Tomakaze has always been an out of nowhere finisher. Finisher that you don't need to build to and it's a believable head dropping finisher. Here Christian builds all of his offense around working the upper body and neck attacks. Came back on offense through lariats, snapmares, neckbreakers, rope assisted sling blade, neck vises, etc. And you got the sense that he might be a guy who can figure out how to work heel from the top. Or he might make a great Tom Pritchard tag partner. After all that match is won with a spear and really the match was bad but you still got the impression that Christian is a guy who might potentially figure out how to be effective in TNA. Still match stank.

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #48

WHAT WORKED:

I liked Ron Killings' shirt. Killings tells Christian that he needs to stop making excuses. You win some, you loose some. So for those of you who haven't been following TNA since the beginning to recap: In 2002 Ron “The Truth” Killings was working the gimmick of being an "Uppity Negro" demanding an immediate end to racism and reparations for past crimes. He was so over with the Nashville crowd with that gimmick that the fed really had no choice but to give him the belt. He was booked as a heel. Over the next three years, Killings was booked as a babyface in a mid card trio. He kept his mouth shut and lets the lighter skin folk in his tag team do the talking for him and dances and smiles. He's now a singles allowed back on the mic as a happy go lucky wrestler "you win some, you loose some" " "WHAT'S UP WHAT'S UP!!" Ah I can't get up the energy to write about this as I really don't care about the way Killings has been used by this fed and anyways I just read the Aja Kong bio from the WON HOF issue where Meltzer comments on how she's surprisingly articulate. "she's known for being quick-witted and funny on camera, and the Japanese love the paradox of the monster who you think can't spell cat if you spot the "c" and "a" showing instead they have are smart"...Ahh you got to love the Japanese. I imagine they would also get a big kick out of the paradox of "Is fat back grissy?"... Still, it was a nice shirt.

The video packages setting up the "public execution" were awful. The Mike Tenay/Don West mic work pimping the "live public execution" later on the show was shit. But I really enjoyed the Jarrett mic work. As it was super old school and fun and the Cornette over phone stuff was even more old school and still fun. Man I haven't seen an over the phone conference on a wrestling show in two decades. As our society moves more and more in the direction of digital communication and tele conferencing. I want to see this make a comeback.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

This show sucked!!!!

Outside of the Jarrett/Cornette stuff there was no good mic work/sports entertainment stuff. Goofball overproduced video packages. Ooh spooky spiritual Sting video package...Ooh elaborate execution video packages. Just shitty. I've already mentioned the bad Christian v Killings mic work but I should also mention that Christian talking about how he's already beat down another wannabe rapper is dumb. Really mentioning that he once worked Cena makes everything seem even more budget. Show starts out with LAX continuing their Gangstas in SMW stuff. And while Homicide is worlds better than D-lo, and Hernandez is worlds better than Mustafa...Konan just isn't New Jack on the mic. New Jack knew how to work a heel promo when he was working heel and how to work a face promo when working face. New Jack came out in front of SMW and told them that the Gangstaas weren't fans of the audiences beloved old babyface minorities. "The JYD days are over, the dancing Too Cold Scorpio Days are over". New Jack didn't come out and tell the audience "When I beat Ricky Morton, I'll dedicate my win to Junkyard Dog who was always a great brawler but never got to hold a title because while he amused you white folks, you wanted him as a clown and kept him down. Dedicate it to Rufus R Jones, Burrhead Jones,Willy B Hurt and the rest of my brothers who were never given the respect they deserve." It's not an effective heel promo. Dedicating your matches to beloved babyfaces, even if you attach race baiting doesn't make for a heel promo. Konan dedicating his match to his mother, Mil, Jose Lothario, Tito Santana, Pedro Morales and the Guerreros makes for a shitty heel promo. Heel promor built around love for mama and beloved babyface wrestlers of the past???? And really they need to stop using Daniels as the mic worker for the face team...him challenging heels doesn't have the fire that Styles can get on the mic. "We have exercised our rematch clause!!"...He's an angry actuary.

While talking about the shitty SE elements of the show...I say this pretty regularly but Mike Tenay is awful in role of guy who feels need to explain all of the booking. Let the action speak for itself...no need to explain everything. Mike Tenay "I love that motion eric Young does with his eye. It's almost like he's saying he's "eye to eye" on the level with the TNA fans"... I imagine Tenay explaining "I love that move that Scott Hall does shaking his hand..It's as though he's mocking his opponent by pretending that he's so scared that his hand is shaking". "I love that motion that Austin does with his two hands, it's like by crossing both third fingers he's saying I'm not only flipping you off with one finger but with both hands and his full essence"..Stop explaining everything.

And well the matches stank too.

The Sabin/Lethal vs. Ki/Williams match was just a mess that did nothing to heat up the match they're trying to build. Williams starts the match up and can't figure out wether he's working face or heel and pretty much the bulk of match is built around Williams vs. Sabin's touring match. We've already seen that. It isn't good. come back from commercial break with Ki heelishly riding and humiliating Lethal while Sabin does the worlds shittiest pro forma partner on apron complaining to ref. It was like Sabin had never seen a tag match and only read about the partner on apron spots. but we get very little of the Lethal vs. Ki as we're back to Williams in the ring. On of the things about TNA is that they have alot of guys who I'd rather see anywhere else. Guys I'd rather see working real match than stuck doing exhibition meaningless X-division crap. Petey Williams isn't one of those guys as really you don't want to see him outside of xdivision crap. You don't want to see him actually build a real match...stick to spot spot spot...Well anyways here Williams goes for some attempts at matwork and well really you don't want to see it. Match ends with the same Williams reversal into Sabin reversal into Williams reversal into Sabin reversal of sic flip piledriver into cradle shock that we've seen a million times. Rather see that than Williams try anything else. But still.

This fed has no understanding of how to use their jobbers. Norman Smiley and Shark Boy aren't big bumping jobbers. They're guys who know how to lay out a basic match. Some mat work, some comedy spots..some structure. Ideal jobbers to work opposite guys like Williams or Dutt (guys with one or two hot moves but can't structure a match if his life depended on it). Instead TNA puts them in matches against Abyss in short squashes that demand big bump style jobbers. Eric Young is a guy who can bump big, structure a match, throw good punches and has a personality that's really over with the crowd. He needs a jobber that plays to his strengths...large jobber that plays to Young's status as over underdog. Young can act afraid and agitated in front of useless big guy, run and bump (doesn't even need to bump for offense just do comedy running bumping) hiding and eventually dominate with comedy and brawling. Ideally match him up with a guy like Hoyt or maybe an unmasked Abyss. Here they ran a match between Young and Shark boy??? Why run a cult fan favorite vs. cult fan favorite? The big thing Young has going for him is the crowd being really into him. Putting him up against another cult fan favorite totally undermines his strength. Shark boy takes 80% of the offense and then Young blows his ridiculous wheel barrow into ace crusher finisher. Stupid booking--and blown finisher makes for shitty match.

Hey I was just talking about useless big guy and here he is. Abyss vs. Spike stank as completely exposed Abyss. The commentators claim there is a 1 foot height difference. Spike has a great first run of offense but when Spike isn't on offense, Abyss is and well Abyss doesn't have good looking offense. A big portion of match is built around set up of two thumb tack covered tables that have nothing to do with the match finish. Yeah thats right they spend a big portion of match setting up a stacked table spot that never used in match. Why not just have the tables pre set up. James Mitchell is no Uncle Honky and is completely awkward trying to help set up tables. Raven comes in post match and has a set of really shitty exchanges with Abyss and then carries Spike away. Spike is being booked as Cassidey O Reilly??? Spike vs. Mad Man Pondo would have been a better match. By a lot. Who books a garbage match where you build a big contraption and then don't use it??

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #47

I missed 46.

Larry Zbysco " You know who should be fired? That idiot Slick Johnson" Are they trying to turn Larry face?

WHAT WORKED:

Naturals vs. Devine and Shelley was kind of disappointing. Naturals vs. Strong and Aries was one of better tag matches on Impact and this was a couple steps below it. Still a good match with faces looking crisp. Slick Johnson looked totally lost in this. Working a heels outsmart ref sections when ref is that out of place doesn't work. And I don't get the whole point of the Shane Douglas angle where he pimps the team then has them loose. Their are rumors of Ace getting fired so might want to save Shane for the Douglas/Ace/Tony Hawk vs. Wolfie D/Jamie Dundee/Duane Peters feud.

Main event street fight was pretty good too. Styles and Homicide are both really good at doing passionate brawling as their strikes look good, they bump big and they can get across anger well. Hernandez and Daniels aren't really that good at streetfights...neither can really project "angry brawl". You would expect that in a match like this you would pair off the good streetfight worker from each team with the weaker brawler on the opposite team (Homicide v. Daniels, Styles vs. Hernandez). They don't do that as for the most part they had Aj working Homicide and Hernandez working Daniels. This has its strengths and weaknesses. Strength is that the Homicide/AJ sections were fucking great and brutal. Weakness was when they showed the Daniels v Hernandez sections it just threw the match off. There were small parts where Aj worked Hernandez and Homicide worked Daniels and those were fun without being as balls out as the AJ v Homicide stuff. For whatever weaknesses Daniels has in this type of setting (coming to a street fight in dress slacks and a button down shirt doesn't help) he took some crazy bumps eating all the really brutal momentum turning spots right on the top of his head.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

You can tell Russo is no longer involved with this promotion: they ran two feuding brothers mic work segments with neither of them built around fighting for dibs over fucking their sister. Still even if it's supposed to be a motif if you run the same premise twice it weakens both segments. AMW were like brothers and now they are breaking apart: "You tell me what's going on brother?"...followed by later in the show where we discover that Christian and Rhino were like brothers who are now falling apart. Fuck that Christian Rhino segment made no sense. It may be the strongest Christian's come across on the mic in TNA, but I have no idea why that segment was supposed to make him a heel or what that segment was supposed to accomplish and it was all over the place. They seemingly introduce the whole Rhino and Christian as brothers' idea in this segment. I mean if you read the sheets you know they started out together but their has been no talk of it anytime before. Christian takes a couple minutes to book a Ring of Glory angle where "Sting you say your a man of God...I am God"...I have no problem with sacrilege angles but this came out of nowhere and went nowhere. They do the old face turning heel offers his back to other face. Way that segment usually happens is that the face doesn't hit the heel behind his back, then the heel blindsides the face. I guess that's so cliché that to do it would make the face look dumb and weak. Or who knows? But instead they have Rhino go "I don't need a chair to kick your ass!" Why does he want to kick Christian's ass? What's Rhino's motivation? The announcers say Christian took this too far? What are they talking about? Breaking from convention/cliché may make the face look strong...but it makes whole sequence nonsensical.

Another Abyss squash another waste of Cassidy Oreilly. I liked Abyss' punching of the thumbtacks as it's a nice crazy man visual. But the squash is waste of everyone's time. Hey it's Raven...they hint that he's telepathically controlling Brother Runt with his Jewish mind control powers. Shit.

Speaking of dumb shit: crazy Hebner, Slick Johnson as character and absolutely insane wannabe NIN video to promote Sting's retirement match were all just embarrassing. Earl Hebner is a crazy guy running in from out of nowhere to disrupt stuff because he has a secret that "he's going to tell the whole world". "What does he know? ". I can't believe that they're booking Earl Hebner as Jackie Gayda.

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #45

WHAT WORKED:

HOLY SHIT WHERE IS CHRISTY HEMME??? I mean how coked up would she have to be before they decided that she was in no condition to perform? This week they replaced her with a tractor pull "SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY" style voice-over announcer. I liked the contrast between him and the PPV pimping griot. They should get those two guys to replace Tenay.

Cornette's interactions with Eric Young were really fun. Did he do a program with Boo Radley?

Runt's attack on Abyss was pretty great. All the stuff around it goes below. But the dive and the bulldog both were really good looking.

Homicide vs. Daniels was worked the way it should be worked. Basic face/heel stuff was nice with the face controling the early exchanges till the chair leads heel to control..heel controls untill he spends to much time jawing with crowd and face has time to recover. Basic stuff well done. Homicide gets over his combo wrestler/thug character. Good match.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

And well then there is the rest of the matches: The six man had some moments. The Devine as heel in peril section was ok and the Lethal as face in peril section was really good. Nash's tan was hysterical and a six man like this is perfect role for him. Nash can get over his characer and not get overexposed. But some idiot decided to build this match around Sonjay Dutt runs of offense. As that really was the body of the match which is a mistake and kept this from making top side.Abyss squash was a shitty squash followed by mediocre Mitchell mic work. the attack by Runt was awesome. But did they need to do a squash and mic work to set it up? Does Abyss still need weekly squashes for people to take him seriously? Raven's shitty presence doesn't suggest good things either. And well less said about main event the better.

They're doing a bad job setting up this PPV. The set up for the three way with Rhino explaining the falls count anywhere concept never came acrsoss violent or out of control. The million video packages setting up the Sting v. Jarrett story were also especially cheese ball. Best part of the video package was watching Sting's black lipstick on lower lip grow into a goatee over course of his time in this promotion. But that doesn't make me want to buy a PPV.

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TNA IMPACT WORKRATE REPORT EPISODE #43

So I came into this show with kind of really positive feelings toward TNA. The previous episode delivered two fun matches and a fun Nash/Alex Shelley segment. Plus I went to the Edison, NJ ROH show this weekend. Looking around that show I noticed that about 2% of the audience was kids 10 and under lots of them wearing TNA Samoa Joe shirts. For whatever else is wrong with ROH fans, they aren’t WWE fans. WWE fans are angered by enthusiastic little kids ruining the “wrestling experience” for them. ROH fans understand that they’re a cult and recruiting youth is something that they want to encourage. Watching little kids respond to Dragon v. Joe made me really hope that TNA has further success. So I came into this episode of Impact with good, positive feelings and I get this:

WHAT WORKED:

Monte Brown had a nice shirt. I don’t know what the fabric was but it was a nice shirt.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

Wow this was shitty episode. So they run an angle where they split up team Canada. Result of the split is that there is at least one Team Canada member in every TV segment? This show sucked!!

I'm not sure which was worse the shitty sports entertainment/mic segments or the shitty matches.

Just one bad match after another:

-X-Division three ways are pretty much always bad…but 4 ways are normally at minimum watchable. Normally when TNA runs an X division 4 way, people are smart enough to work it like a face/heel tag. Give the thing some structure. This had none of that and was a complete mess that just went on forever. Neither Williams or Devine really worked heel. Was Williams making a face turn? I mean this may have been the worst of the Impact X division multi-person matches. It appeared like Shark Boy was the smartest worker in the ring as there was some sense and build to what he was trying to do. Everyone else was just doing random shit. The other thing was it wasn’t that they where doing fast random shit. I mean spotty fast exchanges are one thing but they were working medium speed. I really can’t do justice to how bad this was. This was worse than some of the Lance Hoyt singles matches.

-Who was the jokester that laid out the James Gang and Eric Young vs. A1 and AMW match. A1 and Kip James work wrestling exchanges, Eric Young does shtick, AMW do miscommunication spots and BG James throws a dropkick. Now there is nothing wrong with building a 6 man match around two guys pairing off to do exchanges, face shtick, heel miscommunication spots and a dropkick. You can build a 6 man around having only two guys pair off and do wrestling exchanges while everyone else essentially does characterization. But who decided that two guys to pair off would be A1 and Kip James??

-So when they were building Samoa Joe v. Rhino as BATTLE OF MACHINES…I was fully aware that it wasn’t going to be as good as Junji Hirata v. Yoji Anjo. Aware that I’d rather see Joe vs. Hirata. Aware that I’d rather see Joe vs. Anjo. I was shocked when it wasn’t as good as Bill Eadie v. Black Jack Mulligan. This was mess. Samoa Joe does nice job bumping around and selling. But that was his role here. Samoa Joe is at his best when in role of playing “THE MAN”. Even when he was in the ring with the likes of Sting, Jarrett, and Steiner..Joe played role of “the man”. Here he played role of “afterthought”. The big table bump in end looked as convoluted as you can get. And really three way dance between three face/tweener guys who crowd like really feels like a burial of everyone. I don’t really give a rat’s ass about Rhino or Brown, so them being stuck against each other doesn’t bother me. Joe on the other hand. I think Joe vs. 2006 Blackjack Mulligan would have been better match. I am sure that Joe vs. 2006 Bill Eadie would have smoked this.


And then there were the endless awful sports entertainment/mic segments:

-Borash is saddened by the idea that he might be loosing young Eric Young to the James Boys. “This wasn’t part of our plan”. JEREMY BORASH TANNING WATCH: Last time we did one of these Borash had turned golden, this week he was more of a honey color.

-Christian does a long endless in ring mic segment with a strobe light going on behind him. Sting says some stuff. Then they do a backstage interview with Jarret. Christian and Sting segment really got nothing across. Normally Jarrett is good at hitting all the points and getting the storylines accross but I don’t have any idea of what they’re trying to push here. I’m guessing this was twenty minutes of an hour show that just did nothing to heat up their main. Two long mic segments and a video package and all that I got out of them was the realization that Jarrett and Sting have two of the worst looking goatee’s I’ve ever seen. They should bring in David Faustino as celebrity ref.

- Who thought the way to give Chris Sabin personality was to give him a backstage segment with Jerry Lynn. I’d love to see the booking meeting “Hey maybe some of that Jerry Lynn charisma will rub off” .

- TNA is filled with a million unexplained angles/mysteries that I really don’t care about. Of the million unexplained mysteries in TNA…”what is the definition of ‘hippophit’?” ranks just above “what’s Jackie Gayda’s secret”and just below “what was in Ryan Shamrock’s envelope?”. So not like I’m excited that we get the reveal. But figure should acknowledge it. A “hipophit” turns out to be a creature that is half elephant and half hippopotamus. You’d think that would be called a hippophant or a elapotamus. But you’d be wrong. Monte Brown adds more layers to his character as he is no longer working self hating black man as face, but rather self hating black as tweener. He has internalized racism so much that while he feels that he belongs in the jungle, he wants to rebuild the jungle as a restricted community. “Hippophits don’t deserve to live in Monte Brown’s Serengeti”. Like Steiner, Brown doesn’t want to interact with half-breeds and there will be no products of miscegenation in his dream village. “Rhinoceroses don’t deserve to live in the Serengeti either”.. I’m guessing that’s due to their hook nose. I guess this is an interesting bit of characterization but still just a painfully awful mic segment that does nothing to heat up the match. It was a really nice shirt.

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