Lucha Worth Watching: TOMK on Sangre Chicana vs. Satanico

Sangre Chicana vs. Satanico 8/11

So I started seeing grainy cell phone clips of Sangre Chicana v Satanico from Sunday on my feed and went looking for the complete match. Took me a while and saw stuff from multiple angles in the process. Sangre Chicana and Satanico are two of the greatest luchadors of all time and both are now way past their prime in their late 60s. Satanico is the older but has stayed athletic and working for decades. Chicana has looked physically shot for a while but in his fifties still had superstar charisma a punch, one or two athletic moves, neat reversals, some bumps and the feel of unpredictable violent motherfucker who will stab you with a broken bottle at any moment. He’s now 67 and this is his retirement hair v hair match. You want to see both of these guys in their prime, but once you’ve become emotionally invested in them you can’t turn away from watching them at the end.

Chicana comes out in a shirt and the mask he lost in the 70s. And Satanico just beats on him relentlessly with Chicana completely unable to make a comeback, gets dragged into the ring and pinned in a minute. A part of Sangre Chicana match formula is that he will eat a beating one-sided beating, but he’s now 67 and so this feels like an old man getting beat up on bus. Satanico continues to punch him and kick and bang his head into chairs & ring posts and Chicana needs his kids to help him remove his mask and shirt. He kind of looks at this point like the halfway point between Mr Donnie and Larry Storch. He was still imposing in his early 60s, looked like a guy who would stab you over a game of euchere, but now he looks like an ex-hippy who wants to forget that he stabbed someone for stealing his nitrous tank. Lots of old luchadors look worn down from time, Sangre Chicana somehow looks genial. All of this means when he does finally throw a punch to mount a comeback it is completely unexpected, cause you didn’t think possible. And goes straight to chair throwing. Satanico bumping for Chicana punches is really impressive cool stuff. Post second fall Chicana follows Satanico to the floor and has a gleeful look as he leaps out of ring to floor and leaping to floor looks like an amazing physical accomplishment for a 67 year old. Third fall is two old men punching each other and exchanging deliberate submission reversals. When first watched described it as “feel of two grandpas fighting in state fair parking lot where everyone is uncomfortable by old man violence but no one going to call police to break up.” And it’s about 5 minutes and what you want from this match, 2 old men attacking each other in way that feels uncomfortable because it is two old men. 

Super athletic buff young ref leaping around to do the two count near falls is kind of preposterous but totally works here. I bet 84 Kevin Von Erich refereeing a Fritz v Bronko Lubich match would have gotten super heated reaction. 

Post-match they do speeches putting each other the fans and the sport over and these are all time great talkers in that position. The drama of the post-match and retirement feels like something a newbie might get and enjoy. Otherwise, it is a ten minute match that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone who isn’t already heavily emotionally invested in the last 40 years of these two. It’s pretty ridiculous to write up a niche match that is only for the people who were going to go out of their way to watch this as soon as they found out it exists…but yeah those people will dig.

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RETRO TOMK: TNA Workrate Report 3/9/07

WHAT WORKED:

-Hey its Hector Guerrero. Cool. I've recently watched his Mid South stuff where the Guerreros represent Spanish aristocracy and Hector throws hot sauce in the eye of working class Hispanic Jose Lothario. Dundee/Lothario/Brickhouse Brown vs. Landel/Guerreros is pretty sweet. Chavo and Hector buy Jim Cornette off with golden pesos to help them against the RnR Xpress. Somewhere I have a tape of the Robert Fuller/Gordon Solie post Continental fed where Hector turns on Todd Morton by throwing hot chile in his eye. The whole period of WCW Worlwide when they brought in Hector to work against their green US juniors is pretty sweet. Hector rules. It's ridiculous that this fed has Bob Backlund and Hector Guerrero available and isn't running Bob Backlund vs. Hector Guerrero. This whole show was built around trios matches. Not well worked trios matches but trios matches. Those trios could have used veteran anchors. The only two things that draw in America independents are nostalgia feds and lucha. Vince Russo is an idiot and doesn't realize that it's MidAtlantic/Memphis nostalgia that draws. Instead Russo's brought in Backlund and Johnny Rodz. I don't think 70s WWWF nostalgia is a draw anywhere. If it was a draw it would be in the old WWWF territory and not Florida/Detroit/St.Louis TNA locations. I remember when WCW was in I think either the Omni or Charlotte and Russo brought out wrestling "legends" Tito Santana, and George Steele to no pop. Russo is an idiot. Still Hector is a guy who actually worked both St Louis and Florida.My guess is we won't get Hector wrestling and only get this one bit of mic work. But still: Hector Guerrero on the mic~! I've always liked Hector Guerrero on the mic. He's going to be added to the Spanish announce team. His little bit in Spanish hypeing the show was pretty solid and he's going to be a nice addition. I wonder if they'll ever have him turn heel on Moody Jack by throwing hot sauce in Jack's eye. TNA's Hispanic Legacy Foundation maybe the most carny bullshit charity ever. I was disappointed that they didn't put up a PO Box for donations.


WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

-Hey remember when Cornette explaining the booking and match making of the main events used to be one of the show highlights? He'd come out in front of the live audience and act as this surrogate giving the fans the matches "that they want". Now he's filmed in a backstage skit filling out the undercard with one stupid gimmick match after another.

-Hey remember when I used to write about how TNA should go to an all trios format? TNA was consistently putting out good trios matches on free TV. 6-Man tag is a good way to hide weak wrestlers. There are a ton of 6 man tag formulas. Formulas that allow for clean finishes without hurting anyone. Well this week they ran an all trios show and all of the 6 man matches were bad, none of them helped any of the participants. All of these felt like joined in progress segunda caidas. Roode, Young, Storm v. Lethal, Dutt, and Williams was just a mess where they couldn't figure out how to pace the thing to move back and forth between the stalling and the work..and it just felt all over the place. The main event was built around a goofy bait and switch, which never made any sense either. Why run the bait and switch? Was that supposed to add drama? Main event again just collection of stuff happening a ridiculous run in by AJ Styles, and then a really shitty "Please Don't Stop" everyone does big moves finish leading to a Abyss DQ ending. Watching that match made me not want to see any of the possible singles matchups ever. I guess in defense of these matches, 6 man format feels like it keeps guys from completely exposing themselves the way they would in a three, four, five way etc. But still, And well really not much to say about VKM vs. Serotonin. I mean that was just a squash. Even in a squash there is no reason to have Billy Gunn do the bulk of work in a match. So Raven has decided to give all these guys gimmick names based on 90s New Jersey indy workers? Tenay: "Win, loose or draw they get post match caning.Win?? When have they won? And draw???""

-Abyss is Crazy He's Snapped!!!---you can't have your crazy character snap. His gimmick is that he's crazy. He's been snapped for three years now. It's no longer shocking. "Oh no the guy who was institutionalized and wears a mask is acting nutty." Man this show was all about exposing the problems with the Abyss character. Exposing the stupidity of his moves, the poor quality of his acting and the poor quality of the writing of his character.

SoCal Val takes a nice bump on the Black Hole slam but seeing her take it just served to remind you that it's essentially a swing dance move. She's pretty tanned for a swing dance revivalist, as those girls tend to be paler than the palest rockabilly goth. But still that green dress and that color of red hair and watch Abyss lift her and swing her. Abyss is too small to be believable as Vince Vaughan but yeah he might make a fine John Favreu. Repackaging Abyss as swing dance revivalist might not be a bad move. It would also explain his little Charleston shuffle across the ring thing. I don't know if you could explain away his arm crossing as jazz hands. He would need a better tailored vest, too.

Christian really captured the right tone talking to Abyss about the loss of a father figure but watching Abyss try to do his mime of various stages of grief, reflection and anger exposed both the shittyness of Abyss and the stupidity of the writing. So around 92-93 I took a class on 18th/19th century melodrama. I don't remember a ton about the class and I think I probably failed it. I do remember that there was a piece of critical writing built on "a physical handicap theory of theatre" where every theatric genre is built on a handicap.. Tragedy is represented by blindness, comedy by deafness, melodrama by muteness and I forgot what form of theatre dealt with cripples. I do remember that the theory was taken seriously enough that people wrote about how the interest in mental handicaps in the 20th Century changed the nature of the stories at the center of theater/cinema. Really I've seen Gilligan get hit with a coconut far too many times to be able to read serious scholarship on 20th Century social breakdowns manifested by fears of amnesia as represented in popular culture. So I remember that and I remember the stuff about how early melodrama was built around hiring pantomimes and acrobats to avoid actors unions (similar to development of reality programming to avoid writers unions). Melodrama historically developed from pantomime and the issues that melodrama does and does not address can be traced to issues that can and cannot be addressed in mime. Mime is concerned with verbs, not adjectives, adverbs or nouns or some such. . And so I read a bunch on the issues that mime cannot deal with. Mime of course deals with the physical not the psychological. Mime is about things in the present tense not reflections on the past. Deals in the concrete not abstract, etc. The reason I remember this point is because I spent the entire semester filling my notebooks up with doodles of Red Skelton and Marcel Marceau being tortured in Hell as S Clay Wilson style demons demanded that they mime things that are impossible to mime. Elaborate drawings of demons demanding "Mime "I used to be virtuous", mime Drawings of Skelton crying at his inability to perform task of performing "art is difficult" in mime. Demon Mime formerly my father was an ambitious man but now he's resigned to life of toil Mime  My mother gave me an example of devotion and self sacrifice . These are things that are impossible to express though mime. Concepts such as virtue, or complexity of art backstories about relatives or characters reflections on the lot of relatives really can't be pulled off.

Abyss isn't a good mime. He's a shitty mime. Every show he crosses his hands in front of his face and pushes against the invisible box that is holding him captured. Not once do I believe that either he's stuck in a box or that his character believes himself to be stuck in a box. He's an awful mime. He's such an awful mime that I think it has saved Russo from some of the criticism that Russo deserves. Russo has written a story built around Abyss having to be reflective about his past experiences with his father and his current loss of surrogate father. Even a good mime couldn't pull off the material Russo has given him.

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RETRO TOMK TNA Impact Workrate Report 3/25/07

WHAT WORKED:

-You almost took my eye out bro---Ok I actually dug Steve Borden's macho Steven Baldwin extreme sports Christianity mic work this week. It helps that he's actually now a death match worker. I should have mentioned it after last weeks show, but Holy SHIT King of The Death Match Sting is NUTS!!!!! Every post-PPV Impact, they show clips of Sting doing another insane garbage bump. He took a light bulb candelabra to the eye!!!! Light bulb not light tube. Bulbs with little wires and shit inside. Sting is nuts. I mean Flair owes alimony and money to IRS and is essentially an indentured servant at this point he can't turn down bookers when they tell him to work thumbtack spots and garbage matches. But Sting could turn this stuff down. He has no reason to be working death matches. It's a shame Sting is stuck in endless feud against such a shitty brawler. I imagine Sting v. Corino could be spectacular. I mean there are a ton of really great U.S. death match workers, while Sting is stuck working Abyss' poor man's XPW era Kronus. Maybe the poor man's XPW Kronus is harsh..I could see someone arguing that Ryder is a nastier garbage bump than Nicole Bass. So maybe not "poor man's". "Sting is stuck working the functional equivalent of XPW Kronus."is probably the fairer statement. Point is mediocre deathmatch worker like Supreme or Pogo the Clown would be better. Could Pogo achieve Christian redemption or are there some things beyond the possibility of redemption? Sting's parts of the main event tag match were really the only good parts of that too.

-The Miss Tennessee vs. Gail Kim pull apart brawl smoked all of the Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner pull aparts. Jackie is stiff as shit just walloping Gail Kim. Kim isn't really stiff at all but Jackie still sells big time for her. Jackie picks up tennis racket and nails Kim with it, Kim responds by hitting Jackie with a mouse pad. Chris Harris mic work is fine but real mistake to have him do "I almost lost my eye" in a worked angle mic work on the same show you have Sting do his shoot "I almost lost my eye" speech.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

-This show sucks and well these reports really don't capture the degree of suckitude because on some level it is more amusing to me to write the "what worked" part. Trying to find the one semi good thing that I can sort of give a backhanded compliment to is perhaps more damning than listing all the things wrong anyway. More amusing to find the one silver lining in the turd than it is to catalogue every single piece of feces. Still this show is a turd.

- I have mixed feelings about the Eric Young vs. Austin Starr match. Part of me was really tempted to put it on the top side. Essentially it was match that the announcers couldn't be bothered to pay attention to. Completely ignored until the run ins. And it was worked like a match that was going to be completely ignored. Basically worked like a match where one guy puts his opponent in headlock and sits in it waiting for run in finish. This is a fed filled with matches where the wrestlers are trying to squeeze in 20 storyline talking points into three minutes. Matches where guys are doing a million meaningless moves to pop crowd in a four minute match. And so it was kind of refreshing watching two guys just futz around doing nothing. I mean it wasn't like they were laying in a headlock, this was a workrate version of laying in a headlock (although that would have been more emotionally satisfying than average TNA match too) doing lots of stuff for the purpose of not getting pops. Starr did a second rope springboard back rake. Guys futzing around deliberately trying to keep the focus away from themselves. If this match was held anywhere else it would obviously go on the bottom side of the What worked/What didn't division, but in TNA it comes off more natural and meaningful than the rest of their shitty matches and junk.

- The show had a million and three sports entertainment and backstage segments and outside of the Sting, Chris Harris and Miss Tennessee v. Gail Kim ones they all sucked. They've repackaged AJ Styles as flabbergasted flustered Barney Fife, Jerry Lynn mutters endlessly, Bob Backlund brings in a urine sample as though anyone believes that TNA drug tests, 3D talk about their high school football days, Abyss mother shows up and Abyss sells "torn/conflicted man in need of direction" by grabbing at invisible balloons. The show opens with Angle on the mic while Rhino and Samoa Joe stand behind him in the role of Angle's muscle. Angle is the least mic worker of the three at this point and he's the guy on the mic!!! It should be pointed out that this is a fed that also gives Jerry Lynn and Raven extended mic segments but still. Regimmicking Rhino and Samoa Joe as Jindrak and Horshu is insane. Rhino doesn't have the ring skills of Jindrak and I like Joe on the mic but he's no Horshu. Angle does some sort of Voltron "three parts of machine" mic work and its one of those booking committee talking points where Tenay has to repeat "three parts of machine" again and again. The Team Angle v Serotonin match is a squash but it's a dull really unimpressive squash. Johnny Devine does a great eat of a gore but really shockingly unathletic, unintense looking squash match. Samoa Joe once did an interview explaining how Hashimoto explained that the most important part of wrestling is the eyes. Watching the squash, Angle's eyes look glazed over like he has no idea where he is, Rhino's eyes look confused like he's trying to remember where he left his keys, and Samoa Joe's eyes just look bored as he's struggling to stifle a yawn. Post match Raven tortures Serotonin in a backstage segment. They need to stop putting Raven on the mic. This week he directly rips off Florida era Kung Fu Billy Graham mic work and totally fucks it up. And then for some reason they have Raven torturing Serotonin with hot wax. He's been pasting them with cane shots for months and now he's using hot wax? This is completely backwards. You introduce hot wax before you start strapping her with canes and paddles. Whais he going to do next week? Lite spanking, gentle choke play? Completely backwards.

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RETRO TOMK TNA IMPACT REPORT 1/4/07

WHAT WORKED:




-Mexican Street Fight!!!! It’s a Mexican Street fight with no Mexicans. Spike and Homicide are two of the top five guys in this fed and this had some giant sick bumps and nice strikes (I really liked the really violent Dusty elbow that Spike threw). It was way too short. Too short to even be the tercera caida of a EMLL main event. For some reason they have Konan distract the ref. Isn’t this a No-DQ match? Why do you need to distract the ref? In last weeks nightstick on the pole match no one needed to distract the ref from the outside interference. But you need to distract the ref in a no-DQ Mexican Street Fight? This sets up LAX vs. Dudleys. Unfortunately Spike won’t be in that match, so far less appealing. Some indy fed that gives matches time needs to book the rematch.




-Hey this week it took three minutes for Brooks to come back to ring looking disheveled. Eric Young is building stamina. Way to go Eric!




WHAT DIDN”T WORK:




And we're back to the SUCKAGE.




-They tape these shows two at a time. Last week the second match ended in a top rope German suplex, when the big spot in the main event was a top rope superplex. This week they book Homicide and Spike in a violent street fight and then have Angle and Samoa Joe work a W*NG arena tour brawl. They are killing their main events. I mean for a W*NG arena tour brawl Samoa Joe v Angle was better than most Kuroda arena tour brawls, but not as good as the average Hido or Leatherface one. How hard would it have been to have the street fight last week and the Roode v Hoyt match this week? I mean this was a nothing arena tour but at least it would have some sense of novelty if there hadn't already been a street fight on the same show. So these two guys tear arena apart brawling and this leads to them booking an Iron Man match for the PPV. The payoff to two guys who want to rip each other apart is an Iron man match? Is this going to be an actual iron statue of a man on top of a pole match? Winner is first to bust opponent open with the iron statue? Cause otherwise this is stupid. Oh yeah Sting and Angle clear the ring of the heels at end of show, so I was right in predicting that Angle would be back to being face. He's heel only on the odd shows? The first hour of taping?




-Cornette also books Tomko to be banned from ringside for the PPV three way when only reason I'd want to see it is for the Tomko flying around stuff. Tomko is this ridiculously game guy for a real heavyweight. The one guy in the WWE who would always take a released dragon from Benoit. Meltzer would write about Benoit spot where Benoit shoot headbutts to draw blood that it was a spot Benoit only did with people he trusted. Those people seemed to be Regal, Eddy, Jericho, and Tomko. In the WWE does X division spot fests to build to the 2005 Money in the Bank Ladder match, Tomko consistently took the biggest bumps in every match. Matches with bumpers Christian, Benoit, Edge, and Shelton Benjamin. Tomko wasn't even a participant in most of those matches, still would take the nuttiest bumps. He's totally willing to be Adam Gooch in Tracy Smothers/Bobby Eaton street fight. (http://www.deathvalleydriver.com/dvdvr/dvdvr141.html). Tomko isn't as good a singles wrestler as Adam Gooch but no one in the three way title match is. Removing Tomko will really bring down the match quality. So two Cornette as match maker match making decisions that hurt the PPV. The Tomko one at least is defendable from a storytelling perspective (although has Tomko’s interference actually ever lead to Christian winning in TNA?). The rest of the time Cornette is still playing flustered comedy authority figure. Really if you’re going to book authority figure as inept bumbling figure they should go back to Zbysco. Cornette even when playing bumbling figure attempts to make his decisions sound reasonable. Zbysco said fuck it and was perfectly fine coming off arbitrary. Zbysco can actually do the type of inept Mr Furley trying to collect rent authority that Russo is writing for. And well TNA needs a Mr. Furley trying to deduce what’s going on in all the Russo “mystery angles” after mishearing Abyss and Tomko putting up a shower curtain. At least Samoa Joe had the decency to keep his pants on when harrasing Cornette.




-Why is Jeremy Borash on my TV? They already have a semi-competent backstage interviewer in Leticia. Do they really need two backstage interviewers? Eric Young is apparently so oblivious that he goes to Jeremy Borash for sex advice, “Borash is always helping girls shop he must know a lot about women”:

Eric Young “[I] needs our help, your help, you’re the love doctor”

Jeremy Borash: “ Here’s what you do Eric. Stick your finger in her butt and stimulate her prostate”

Three minutes Eric’s doubling his time week to week. He doesn’t need any advice. Traci Brooks comes over and tells Eric he has a week to find a condom. So he was only getting blown these last two weeks? That kills my prediction of a pregnancy angle. Unless its not condom he needs to get. He has a week to get some anal lube? Aww he was doing so well, he ain’t gonna last half a minute.




-Sting is a guy who has been wrestling for about twenty years at this point. Heavily pushed charismatic babyface for most of that time. But never really a guy known for his mic work. I can’t think of a single angle he was in, in all that time where he was asked to carry the bulk of the mic work. Heel Sting had Missy and Eddie Gilbert to carry the mic work. Surfer Sting could get over youthful enthusiasm on the mic and would cup his hands around his mouth and do a war whoop. Crow Sting was all about him being silent. So it’s really odd to watch how great Born Again Sting is at presenting conviction on the mic. Really Sting is single handedly carrying this Abyss storyline. It’s pretty clear that he’s writing his own stuff as his mic work is on such a different level from everyone else in this angle. For some reason this show had God awful James Mitchell sketch but no Sting mic work. Mitchell abuses Abyss infront of prison untill Abyss strikes back. Really hokey.




-James Storm tried to save the backstage Tenay/ Gail Kim interview. But no go. And what's with the tribal drums? Is Tenay scheduling his interviews when the Impact Zone is still the Universal Jungle Adventure show? Oh speaking of Tenay he was in rare form explaining the angles that the audience was watching. My favorite being when the Voodoo Kin Mafia announced thay were "going to Michael Hickenbottom's home town of San Antone". Tenay: "San Antone, that's what they call San Antonio where Michael Hickenbottom is from". Does the audience really need to be told that San Antone is San Antonio??




-and then there was the Voodoo Kin Mafia. Remember when the Voodoo Kin Mafia came out weeks ago, "shot"on "DX"and the crowd started a "DX Sucks chant"? Tonight the crowd is indifferent and the promotion had to edit in crowd noise. The crowd wants to chant hatefull shit about the WWE but this angle is about portraying TNA as fools and the crowd meets it with nothing.




Mike Tenay “What more do they[Voodoo Kin Mafia] need to do? [to get Mcmahon’s attention]”. Couple weeks back BG James talked about the Millionaire Ted skits and the shots at Jane Fonda “as tasteless” but “you don’t like it [Vince]when the shoe is on the other foot” Have the James Gang taken any shots that felt below the belt? Things that you go “ooh that’s got to smart”? Anything? The Billionaire Ted skits to whatever degree they worked, worked because they were preaching to the choir (WWE fans who felt like their favorite brand was in jeopardy) and because they were tasteless (the WWE choir went ooh that’s gotta hurt Ted to hear that). The kind of tasteless booking used to be Russo’s bread and butter. It’s not like it’s hard to book tasteless angle that takes shots at McMahon family.




Have Dutch Mantell lead a stable of brawling cowboy bounty hunters. Randy Culley has passed and don’t know if Black Bart still works but still plenty of veterans and youngsters who can work southern brawling rudo( Bunkhouse Buck, Todd Morton, Scotty Blaze, Mike Booth, Frank Parker, Otto Schwantz, Rob Mcbride, Doug Gilbert, Mack Truck Gary Stevens,Ryan Boz maybe Brad Attitude,etc.).




Dutch and 2 members of his gang attack the James Gang. Dutch gets on the mic and announces that “We are Stephanie’s Filthy Dirty Rotten Posse and Stephanie has sent us to invade TNA to find the real father of her child. We all know that Paul is too filled with roids to be the father and so we’re here to get some of your blood BG..and she thinks she may need some of your blood too Kip, she's got a whole list of possible fathers but we've come to get blood out of both of you”. This allows Kip and BG to make a lot of cracks about how it could be just about anyone. Allows Kip to lead crowd in "Stephanie's Posse Stinks" chants. Run lots of tag brawls and just when the James Gang have defeated two member of Mantell’s group they get blind sided by another three…leading Don West to exclaim “Damnit there’s another member in Steph’s Filthy Posse? Just how damn big is her Posse?” Tenay:” Damn her foul Posse.”

West: “Just when you think we’ve seen the last member to infest her disease ridden Posse, another three show up.”




It’s a one joke gimmick but I have confidence that Mantell, West, BG and Kip can stretch the joke out for at least five months. I mean there are a ton of things you can do with it.




Bring in Robert Fuller for a one shot appearance as “biggest member in Steph’s Posse”.




Dutch Mantell compliments Jay Lethals wrestling says "You're real good, we'd love to have you help us...you understand of course you'd only be helping. You can't be in Steph's Rotten Posse. Her husband won't let black members in her Posse."

Lethal: "What?

Dutch: “I’m sorry boy, she says that she won’t have a colored man in her posse"

Lethal attacks

Don West: "Stephany wouldn't have a black man in her Posse. And now he's tearing right through it;

He's just nailing her Posse with stiff rapid fire chops.

Man look at the welts Lethal has left on Steph's Posse".

Next week Mantell introduces Necro Butcher to deal with Lethal:

Dutch: “This is Dylan; the most dangerous, filthy, diseased, deformed member to ever be in Steph’s Dirty Posse”.

Put Lethal and Necro in a PPV singles match set up that way and you would make Lethal.




Kip James: Stephanie's Rotten Posse makes me sick.

Kurt Angle: Yeah that happened to me too. A little penicilin clears it right up.

By the end of six months you probably have completely run through the Angle v. Joe stuff and still need a couple more months to work out Karelin's visa issues, its fine place to side drain Angle. As six man’s with James Gang against quality brawlers would be a good way to keep from exposing Angle.

Dutch: We need blood samples from you too. Always figured there was a reason you wouldn't submit to the tests. I mean you don't do drugs there must have been something else you were hiding.

Angle : I have plenty of experiece making Steph's Posse submit.

West: Angle has beaten her Posse into submission.

Tenay:Angle and the James Gang have left Stephanie's Rotten Posse a bloody mess.




Pretty much with the right group of Southern rudos you can mix anyone in.

Shark Boy: “Well see I was working a dark match up north and…it happened. Leaving the arena this sea hag snatched me by my fin...and well the smell of chum was too much to resist. But still not my baby. I used protection. I wouldn't let my shark babies swim in anything that poluted”.

Mike Tenay:I want to talk about a true hero. Whatever you think of Shark Boys adolescent behavior in the past. I think we can say today that he is no SharkBoy but instead a real Sharkman".

Backstage Kip James: Wow knew she was a slut. But she went after the lil shark?

Angle: She loves animals

Christian: Jericho always worried about her puppy.




I mean you probably want to be careful with the bestiality jokes, as think the secret is to keep it simple. No Russo “swerve”, Hemme does not announce that she’s a hermaphrodite and might be the father or anything like that. Need to tell Russo no transexuals and no incest...yeah you probably don't do the bestiality joke either. Key is to hammer home the slut/whore premise and not get distracted with other fetishes.




By years end you have Mantell’s stable reach full on N.W. O. size (Bart, Frank Parker, Jimmy Golden, Tracy Smothers, Eddie Golden, Todd Morton, Mike Barton, Mike Booth, Scotty Blaze, Beau James, Rob Mcbride,Frank Murdoch, Ryan Boz, Otto Schwantz, Jack Victory, Scotty McKeever, George Hines, Mitch Ryder, Jerry Stubbs, Gary Stevens, Scott Powers, Chris Steele, KC Thunder, Briscoes, Dennis Stamp, etc.)

Don West: “That’s a whole lot of talent in Steph’s filthy Posse”

Tenay “Her Posse must be stretched to capacity”.

West “Biggest Posse in all of wrestling”.




I'm not a fan of this type of one joke angle, I got tired of the puns while writting this and at the point you bring in "Tulsa Tornado" Dennis Stamp the joke really has more than run its course. But you can mix anyone into it, it can go anywhere on the card and the angle gives you a ton of good matches that allow you to stretch the one joke out for a long time.




Most importantly the premise of the tasteless joke accomplishes several things: (1) The premise that TNA is being attacked by bounty hunters sent by WWE establishes that TNA is on the established fed (WWE)'s radar ; (2) The premise that Stephany is a slut/whore preaches to the choir of TNA fans ( as well if there is one thing I've learned in the years I've been following the sheets and the internet is that you can't do wrong appealing to wrestling fans misogyny), it even gives the TNA fans a hatefull thing about WWE to chant "Stephany's Pussy stinks!"; and (3) the premise of the joke is that Mcmahon's grandchild is a bastard of questionable parentage, that Helmsley is cuckolded, and that Stephany has a stinky snatch--it is a premise that feels tasteless enough that the audience will think “ooh that’s below the belt” (I doubt McMahon would be offended, but Helmsley is known to be overly sensitive, and Stephany is infamous for deciding to get breast enhancement after seing a audience poster that said she had "saggy" breasts).




Instead TNA has run an angle where (1) they’ve portrayed themselves as being so insignificant that they are beneath the established fed (WWE)’s radar. (2) Instead of preaching to the choir they have portrayed themselves as such buffoons that in tonight’s segment they had to pump in crowd noise. They had to pump in crowd noise in iMPACT zONE. The people in the iMPACT zONE will chant and cheer for anything and they were clearly forced to edit in crowd chants. And (3) not done anything tasteless enough for crowd to believe that WWE would be offended.




Mike Tenay “What more do they need to do? [to get Mcmahon’s attention]”. BG James “it’s been four weeks and no response. Vince you cannot solve a problem by simply ignoring it”. Stop ignoring us. We are not to be ignored. God these guys come across as sad and ineffectual. Tenay asks “what more do they need to do?”, I ask “what have they actually done?”. What exactly have BG James and Kip James done that would constitute a “problem”? Vincent McMahon is working a feud with Donald Trump, why should he care about these two goofs. Forget “why should the real Vincent McMahon care about these two goofs?” question and think “Why should storyline Vincent McMahon care about these two storyline goofs?”. What have they done that would bother him storyline wise? They’ve advertised WWE house shows, and egged a Target. They’re surprised that there has been “no response” ? By the iMPACT zONE’s silence it’s clear that the fans aren’t surprised at the lack of response. The crowd is as indiffferent as Vince McMahon. Shitty booking.




I don't particularly care for "shoot angles” where you make fun of the opposition in an effort to create fan loyalty. But that's the goal of this angle, and it fails horribly. The James Gang aren't the most talented guys out there but damn this really feels like a waste of their talents. They deserve better.

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RETRO Segunda Caida- TomK's Impact Workrate Report 2/1/07

Another classic Retro report from our late lamented friend Tomk


WHAT WORKED:




Miss Tennessee~!!!! Miss Texas forearming Gail Kim in the back of the head was the single best wrestling sequence on the entire show. You had to go back and watch that in slo-mo. Eveen if you ignore the wrestling goodness, Miss Texas pairing with James Storm is the best non-wrestling thing on the show. Drunken belligerent cowboy James Storm encourages Eric Young to get some tail followed by Miss Texas telling him to “BRAND THAT STEER!!” put a big smile on my face. It’s a shame that the James Storm/Miss Tennessee pairing are stuck on this poorly written show as you really get the sense that they could be a great anchor for a Porter or Corey Maclin booked fed.




Homicide on the mic! I love me some Homicide mic work. I dug violent knife wielding Homicide. Liked the cross-eyed angry Devon delivery too. The delivery by both guys was good.




WHAT DIDN’T WORK:




A Few Good Black Men?? Oh see the joke here is that black entertainment is just watered down second rate copies of the stuff that white people come up with. Did Patrice O Neal cuckold Russo when they both worked in the WWF? “HA, HA Blacks have no ideas of their own, they aren’t creative. See I’m creative that’s what I always explained to Vince”. So they have Ron Killings in a spoof of Maverick distributed direct to DVD black movies, where Ron Killings is riffing on Jack Nicholson in front of cheap graphics and the boom mic falls on him. “Ha Ha Black entertainment is second rate”. One can argue whether this is a good way for TNA to celebrate the beginning of Black History Month or not. But one can’t argue that it’s not a good idea to spoof cheap production values of Bad News Ballers when you had your announcers reading from scripts on camera last week. Nothing in Master Ps filmography is as poorly written as the Abyss prison story. You’re running Chris Sabin doing an old man impression and yet you’re doing spoof’s of bad movies. “Ha Ha that movie is bad, unlike this comedy bit where Chris Sabin is using a walker…see its funny because Jerry Lynn is old. I mean I don’t think people will get the joke so Chris Sabin will have to say ‘Hey I’m Jerry Lynn. I’m Jerry Lynn’ again and again so people get it but it’s still brilliant”. There’s nothing wrong with doing a comedy segment but doing a comedy segment mocking cheap second rate knocks-off’s when you are a cheap second rate knock off is a mistake. TNA isn’t even the “Orca”, to WWE’s “Jaws”. For a cheap knock-off“ Orca” showed far more creativity.




And well this show was all about advertising that "TNA is second rate". Tenay announces “Are you looking for a PPV quality main event?” and then promises one. Instead he delivers a two minute match with a run in DQ. AJ mugged his way through this and Samoa Joe seemed to be sleepwalking. But even if they were going at iton all cylinders, don’t promise a PPV main event and deliver a two minute match with a run in. That’s a TNA PPV quality match? Well shit I can’t see any reason to buy there PPVs. I can see better longer matches on youtube. Derrick King vs. Bill Dundee’s BamBam tribute match smoked this. Fucking Sean Waltman carrying Vampiro through a five minute WSX main event was better than this. Why would anyone want to buy a TNA PPV? Post match they have Angle eat a meaningless chair shot, lazy Russo books Samoa Joe to give Christian the double birds (jeezus is Joe as Austin going to be awful…write some new material you lazy hack) then Styles and Chirstian double team Joe. Where is Rhino? I thought Rhino runs out any time there is a Styles segment? Rhino was chasing him a minute ago.




And well the undercard? Again, you can watch indies on youtube with longer better matches than anything on Impact. I liked some of the early parts of the X-Division five way. Starr and Shelley work as a heel team working really basic offense against Jay Lethal. Lethal works face getting beat on, getting comebacks (including chopping Starr’s chest beat red), getting comebacks cut off and it really feels like the start of a good well paced tag match. Then Jerry Lynn is tagged in. And it's Jerry Lynn on fire doing "on fire" shouting and Lucky Pierre doublejerking handmotions. Lynn’s house of fire offense looks shitty, he attacks everyone face or heel and we move from the slow early build straight into a really shitty dive train. No midrange section to match, just early slow build and then shitty Jerry Lynn and dives. And well these were unimpressive dives too. Maan poor Robert Roode is stuck in an endless series with his former Team Canada partners. Petey Williams isn’t good at eating offense or selling but manages to be unobjectionable in the parts of the match where Roode was on offense, and Roode is good enough at eating ranas that the Williams multiple rana sections where ok. But really Petey Williams should stick to ranas, as everything else was cringe-worthy. I don’t know why people spend so much time mocking the Canadian Destroyer when his floatover to Russian legsweep, may not be as preposterous but looks far worse. At least with the Canadian Destroyer (like the rana), its move that a good opponent can make look ok. Moves where execution/set up matters more than the opponents’ bumps…uugh! Sometimes watching Williams wrestle is like watching a guy pretending to be a guy pretending to be a guy pretending to be a guy wrestling. Wrestling is two guys pretending to fight. Backyard wrestling is people pretending to be guys pretending to fight. So imagine a mime trying to mime “Backyard wrestling”, now imagine a kid whose first grade class went to see that mime. That kid taught Petey Williams how to execute a Russian leg sweep.




Abyss and James Mitchell chased down Sting’s ambulance and all that was left of Sting was his bat. They chased down the ambulance on foot? They’re shocked that he isn’t in it anymore? How bad do they think healthcare is in Florida? People just sit around in the back of ambulances waiting to be allowed into Hospitals. They’re surprised that his bat is left behind? What hospital lets a patient in with a bat? A middle aged burn victim shows up in tights with pantomime makeup on, I would hope they wouldn’t let him take his aluminum bat into the ER. Did they go to a hospital or just the First Aid Station at Universal Studios? This makes the Oz episode where they were unable to find Luke Perry’s corpse seem like good writing. And Christian asks Tomko to “Take one for the team”. Timmy Kirk doesn’t send Jaz Hoyt out to blow Manny Yarborough. That’s not how it works. Speaking of the workings of prison, James Mitchell does a meandering soliloquy setting up the Prison Yard match. Lots of lines reminding the audience that Abyss is a fat cow, some stuff about why it is that Mitchell isn’t pressing charges against Sting for kidnapping (they decide to have them explain why they aren’t pressing charges in one angle while doing a knife wielding assault in an other), and a bunch of stuff about the hard life of prisoners while an ominous monolith is lowered into the ring. The covering is pulled off the monolith and Mitchell reveals one of those racks for stacking your trays when you are done eating.

“In prison you have to buss your own trays!!!!” evil laugh…




So last week I suggested that Brother Ray/Brother Devon vs. LAX feud really was going to need more relatives: Brother Brother, Dances with Brother, Sign Guy Brother, Little Snot Brother, etc. Instead they introduce some random uncle who gets attacked by Homicide. Who is this guy? Favorite uncle? Uncle on which side? They’re brothers of a different mother and all. Is the uncle friends with Samoa Joe’s girlfriend? Hey what happened with Samoa Joe’s girlfriend? Introducing loved ones of wrestlers and then having them attacked in same episode is some hack writing. They didn’t actually even bother to introduce the loved one. One time where “explaining” Tenay was useful. Good storytelling shouldn’t need Tenay to explain it. Devon doesn’t usually do mic work because he’s cross-eyed and thus whatever he says comes across less menacing and more “slow”. Family feuds are the type of things that always rile up the most slow witted so it didn’t really hurt his micwork that much. He explains to LAX “When you go after family you go too far”. Wait didn’t this whole feud start when LAX went after Spike. The mic work from four weeks ago was about how they attacked Konan in retaliation for attack on Spike. Didn’t LAX already go “too far” by going after “family”?? I guess I’d rather see these two teams do week after week of Paparazzi productions where they retaliate and counter retaliate going after different relatives then see them in the ring again. LAX and Team 3D had a shitty PPV match where the road agents where furious with 3D for not selling anything for LAX. To make nice with the road agents 3D had another match with LAX where they promised to put them over. In that shitty match 3D sold nothing. So yeah rather watch the Paparazzi productions. Mustachioed uncle sells better than Devon.




Oh yeah and why are they doing this serious assault angle with Paparazzi productions? Paparazzi productions is comedy gimmick. Having Shelley supposedly filming this is stupid. Can’t Homicide get his own fenced camera? Comedy relief cameramen shouldn’t be filming you’re serious angle. While Alex Shelley is videotaping a serious assault, Sahadi is doing a serious deadpan video recap package for the Eric Young/Traci Brooks angle. This is a comedy angle!!! Why are they doing a serious video package? And if you are going to do a serious video package for this angle, where is the griot? The TNA Griot was made to narrate this type of coming of age story. C’mon TNA!!! If you’re going to do something this goofy, give me the TNA Griot telling me about “Eric Young’s quest to become a man”.




Back in November I talked about how much I dug the Sting promo where he talked about his personal battle to escape the temptations that come with wrestling and his dedication to the Truth of the Maker. I praised the promo and the whole direction they went with Sting. This week they do a “Fallen Angel” video promo with Christopher Daniels talking about how the wins and losses in wrestling have no meaning, Christopher Daniels questions “What’s the meaning of it all”, talks about how he is merely “treading water”, and that there “has to be a Higher Purpose”. And it just doesn’t work for me. Christopher Daniels Christian mic work just doesn’t come off as sincere as Sting’s, and you really need strong mic work to get over the Fallen Angel seeks Purpose/Redemption angle. I also don’t think it’s a good idea to have two wrestlers with the same gimmick. Two wrestlers grappling with the Truth of the Lord and the search for Higher Purpose? Just feels like one wrestler too many. I don’t think you can do two Christian faces. You can have one Christian face or you can have three who are actually one…but not two.




I’ve spent three months writing about how it is dumb to have the fans surrogates portrayed as bumbling incompetents. But FUCK!!!. Lance Hoyt tells me that disrespecting him is disrespecting the TNA’s fans. Wait he's supposed to be the fans surrogate? I’m no fan but I’d rather be thought of as a bumbling incompetent than a femme exotic dancer... Has Hoyt always had that chin piercing? I could make out a tongue one too. Guy with a tongue piercing announcing “You have no idea what I’ve done, professional wrestling is my life” made me cringe. Kip James explained that “If you want to go up in the biz, you first have to go down”..but don’t need to remind the audience of that in the angle with the mainstream celebrity. “ [Dale Torborg/] AJ Pierzynski] you want to cross that line, then cross it. Step into my ring and do what I do.” Do what you do? How many prison themed matches are they booking?

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RETRO Segunda Caida- DUSTIN OF THE DAY #19 Bunkhouse Buck v. Dustin Rhodes Slamboree 94

Eric is on a cruise with his parents and I am in a NYC hotel room with not great internet for streaming so I am posting a TOMK Dustin of the Day from back in the day

Dustin Rhodes vs. Bunkhouse Buck-Bullrope Match (Slamboree 94)

In the last Dustin vs. Buck match I reviewed, Buck won by DQ when Dustin was caught with the knucks. Parker gives Buck the knucks, Dustin atomic drops Buck, Buck drops the knuck, Dustin starts hitting Buck with knucks only for ref to see and Dustin to be Dqed. Pretty classic finish really well done as Dustin is really good at milking the crowd pop for “you guys want me to hit him with it???” before punching and Dustin instead of going to head just hits a bunch of really narsty looking bodyshots with the knuckledusters. The PPV Bunkhouse match before that had a knucks finish. Now we have a bullrope match where both wrestlers are tied together so that neither can bail and both share opportunity at same weapon, cowbell in the middle of ring.

Last time I reviewed a Buck vs. Dustin Rhodes match I talked a lot about Bunkhouse Buck's Darkness Muga and his great abdominal stretch work in the context of a brawl. There will not be any abdominal stretches here. This is a bullrope match and is about old style American lynching spots, ain't gonna be none of them Frenchified standing guillotines here.

Just as an aside, no one I’ve contacted who have the 1990 Dustin vs. Gary Young bullrope match from the Sportatorium listed has gotten back to me yet. So, if anyone has it, please, either contact me or put it up on the matches board. Thanks

This Bunkhouse Buck match is on the 94 Slamboree, Legends Reunion Show. The other really memorable things from this show was an opening match between Terry Funk and Tully Blanchard and the teasing of a possible Hogan vs. Flair match. The Funk vs. Tully match really has the feel of being Tully's ECW audition in front of a Philly crowd as the two work a real ECWish match with Blanchard channeling Kobashi (taking a DDT on the ring apron, among other places, multiple piledrivers both on chairs, floors, etc and keeps on coming).. The teased blonde wolrd champion turned out not to be Hogan but instead a really fat out of shape Barry Windham. If I was treated to a fat out of shape Windham, when I was expecting Hogan...I would have been stoked...but still it is a stupid booking and the crowd really turned hard on the bait and switch.

I am going to split this Bullrope match into four parts:

First part: the hot opening.

Dustin comes in with the bullrope attached to his hand. Buck, the heel of course wants no part of the bullrope. Dustin stands in the ring swinging the bullrope around his head, and buck comes in charging Dustin hoping not to get hit by rope. Bullrope knocks Buck to the outside and Dustin just wraps the thing around Bucks neck and they do a whole series of hanging and dragging by neck spots. Philly crowd thinking they're gonna be treated to a lynching is stoked. Dustin eventually straps the rope onto Buck's hand. and Dustin stays in control with a bunch of pulling the Buck into strikes spots (spots that otherwise might require opponent to run ropes). Buck still sells being out of it after escaping the hanging.

They do the big formula bullrope spots here early in the match. The face crotches heel with rope, the face smashes the cowbell on heel's penis, etc. I was talking about how good Dustin is at milking the crowd in the "should I do it???" spots and he does that really well here for the early formula bullrope spots.

Second part: Body part work.

Again, I wrote earlier about the knuckles exchange section in the Pro match between these two...Dustin instead of going to the head deviates from formula and took the knuckles to the body and it looks more violent than the normal formula.. Again he does that here as, we expect a bullrope match to have lots of cowbell shots to head...and instead Dustin uses cowbell to work over Buck's leg and it comes across like Dustin really wants to hurt Buck.

Dustin just starts slamming buck in the leg with the bell, grinds the edge into leg, and just really work the leg with the cowbell. 

Dustin goes to post Buck's leg and as seen in the Pro match, these two guys really know how to work a crotching opponent into post section. Here Buck sits up to prevent being crotched and they work a punch exchange to set up the posting. Dustin just pastes Buck in the face, and then can post leg. Buck sells the posting by swinging his upper body forward only to be pasted by Dustin with an uppercut and a right.... and then Dustin goes back to grinding the cowbell into the leg, dropping knee on leg etc. Buck is unsuccessful at breaking this up with eye rakes, etc.

Part three: Buck uses his knowledge of clothing to go back on offense.

Buck tried to escape the leg work by pulling on back of the hair and raking Dustin's eyes, but that didn't slow Dustin down much, so Buck grabs at the back of Dustin's shirt and pulls it over Dustin's head. Dustin has to stop to undo this so he can see. But before he can get the shirt off his face, Buck is back on offense punching the blinded Dustin from different angles. Buck than takes off his own belt and whips Dustin with the belt with one hand while using the other hand to smack the cowbell across Dustin's face.

The shirt, the belt, the cowbell...and Buck is in control and can take Dustin to the floor where he posts Dustin and then ties him to the ring post. Dustin is pinned to the post by the rope...no need for guillotine. With Dustin immobilized, Buck can kick and punch him at will. Then Buck takes off his suspenders and chokes Dustin with them. I really dig the clothing use to get back to offense section. Surprisingly he doesn't take off his boot, and disappointed that he didn't shove his kerchief in Dustin's mouth.

I'm used to Dustin trying to create distance so he can hit his strikes...instead here you have Dustin tied up trying to close distance, clinch to protect himself. With his movement limited, Dustin is able to trade some on the inside and any time these two trade punches it rules. Buck is getting the better of the punch exchange and eventually one of his punches drops the tied up Dustin. Dustin drops and low blows Buck on the way down.

Buck has this great stunned low blow sell where he just lays back dazed. Dustin is able to loosen the ropes a bit and hit a bionic elbow, loosens some more and hits a nasty heart punch with the bell..loosens some more and a series of bell shots to the heart. Dustin teases the bionic elbow to the bell on bucks head but instead just knocks Buck with the bell to head...This is Dustin's first use of the bell to the head in the match and gets a big pop...but this is Philly so that’s immediately followed by We want Blood chants..

Buck was really great selling during that whole section dazed from low blow enough to be rocked by elbow...rocked by elbow enough to be knocked back and out of breath by heart blows...and eventually knocked down by blow to head which allows Dustin enough time to completely unravel himself from post.

Part Four: Finish

So we're now building toward finish as both guys are really out on their feet at this point. Dustin had taken the long section of being tied up, Buck just ate the series of Dustin offense and his leg still ain't doing too well. Buck gets off first offensive move preceded by eye rake and tries to go for a big top rope move. But Buck's leg still taken pounding and Dustin punches buck on top rope, Buck falls seated crotching himself on top turnbuckle.

And we get your face punches heel on top rope while audience counts along section. I don't know if we've talked about how good Dustin is at this spot but he's really good. Its a spot that can often times look really shitty but Dustin punching a guy on top rope is something you always look forward too, as it always looks like his knuckles are connecting with either the forehead or the bridge of the nose. Here he does a bunch of shots to bridge of nose and ends the series with a really stiff flip flop and fly.

Buck is out but instinctively keeps climbing the ropes only to be gorilla pressed Falir style into the ring. Dustin is in control and goes for a bullrope assisted Irish whip and then pulls back on the rope. Nick Patrick is caught out of place and sandwiched between Buck and Dustin as we essentially have a triple collision spot.

It is a cool ref bump that also knocks both already weakened wrestlers loopy. Dustin while loopy goes for a vertical suplex that takes both wrestlers to the mat. Dustin is consistently good at playing a guy who is out of it doing things almost instinctively…he is the natural, naturally. His instinctive offense allows him to get of stuff while not being in control of match at all. .and this is real neat instinctive attempt at offense. 

The instinctive suplex doesn't scare off Col. Parker who sees the ref out and both wrestlers out..and Parker goes into the ring to get at Dustin...this is a mistake as Dustin is first to his feet and back Parker into the corner...this of course gives Buck enough time to get up and attack Dustin from behind. Buck puts Dustin in a full nelson, Parker gets out of corner and does this really cool "yeah now I'm gonna get my licks in" face and grabs the cowbell. 

Fuller is used to working Tennessee so the first thing he does when he has the cowbell is makes sure to wave it to get the metal sound...make sure the crowd knows that its real and not some aluminum bell. He does not really need to do that for this crowd because these are not stockyard workers who understand what being hit by a cowbell means. This is a Philly crowd who accept aluminum frying pan shots as long as it makes cool noise. It is unnecessary here but cool old school thing to do. Fuller again with his "ooh now I'm gonna get to hit you" smile while waving the bell in front of his pants and....

HOLY SHIT!!!

Miss. Sylvia always looked very comfortable handling that kendo stick. But NO WAY ...

HOLY SHIT!!!

I mean HOLY SHIT!

That has to be the cut of the pants.

Although I cannot imagine why you would put a rounded vertical twisting pleat on one side of white dress pants.

I mean DAMN!! 

Dustin Rhodes has one of the more infamous big schlongs in wrestling…

We have now reviewed more than thirty Dustin Rhodes matches and not mentioned it once cause it really has yet to distract from any of the matches. I mean, I wrote earlier in this review about how great Dustin's second rope punches to heel on top turnbuckle are. The point is that they are good enough punches that you overlook the fact that his hog leg appears to be pinning his opponent down and occasionally stabbing heel in the trachea during that spot. Punches are good enough that what you remember is the punch spot not the hog leg.

But God Damn,

The Robert Fuller tripod legitimately distracts from this match. Just imposible to get past the image. I don’t want to ever see the Tennessee Stud do the ten punches spot, I imagine Bullet wore the mask to keep Fuller’s gun from busting up his chin.

Fuller swings the bell at Dustin who jumps up in the full nelson hitting a Morton style seated drop kick while weight from kick and back elbow gets escape from full nelson. Cool spot not cool enough to make me forget…

Dustin with reckless cowbell swing for the pin and post match crazy Terry Funk attacks Dustin with the brandingiron and Buck, Fuller and Funk attack the rag doll like Dustin. Its sweet old school Tennessee keep the heat on heels booking where face gets the win, but heels leave face bloody and beaten. And well Dustin bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. The image of all the blood on the mat helps you to forget the other disturbing image in the match.

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Segunda Caida Classic: Phil and Tomk's JAPW Road Report

Beyond ran a rematch of this tag 14 years later, so I drug out this old school road report

ALLIGATOR JERKY! works stiffer then the HIT SQUAD! LAITHON! hits a RANA! MAFIA! is the meanest Puerto Rican JOHN TATUM! ever! SCHNEIDER! meets the cops of NEW JERSEY! and more stuff from the longest road trip ever. 

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Jersey All Pro Wrestling (10/13/01)
PAS: Phil Schneider
TKG: Tom K

BACKSTORY
TKG: I meet Phil outside of subway station. When I get out of subway, I am met by college kids giving out free cans of tuna fish as part of some sort of promotional campaign. They shove the can into my hand. I meet Phil and throw the can away. And we’re off to Hackettstown.
PAS: I borrow the good Doctor’s car, and go swoop up Tom. I was up till about 4 a.m. DJing and disposing of a clinging college girl, so I was a bit fatigued, thus explaining the embankment.
TKG: Phil drives and eventually we get out of DC.
PAS: And drives, and drives and drives.
TKG: We talk and joke for a while. Phil nearly drives us up an embankment and we keep on going.
TKG: Note: driving up an embankment is a good way to get the car behind you to stop tailgating. He kept far far away from us after that.
PAS: Also almost driving up an embankment is a good way to wake your self up. The adrenaline rush was like doing a packet of mini-thins.
TKG: We drive some more miss an exit and end up driving past all the old ECW house show towns. We’re in a part of the map that’s covered with pictures of Skiers. The fall foliage and the mountains are pretty beautiful.
PAS: The exit was very unmarked and we end up driving into the Pocanos. I wanted to go stop and see a ventriloquist and meet a rich homely Jewish girl and fall in love, but we decide to go to the show instead.
TKG: At one point, I panic as the signs tell me we are near Scranton.
TKG: We decide to stop at worlds largest General Store which I think I saw on an episode of Road Rules or something.
PAS: I actually drove past this, and then hit a U-turn, figuring a visit would add some color. It in fact added quite a bit of color to my stomach.
TKG: The funnel cake is preposterously expensive. I try to find out if there is any wrestling at the Pumpkin Festival. I decide that if we can’t get to see JAPW I want to at minimum get to see Todd Morton vs. The Stro.
PAS: It seems to me that Julio Deniro would be working a pumpkin festival somewhere, although not this one.
TKG: Alligator Jerky~! The can of tuna would have been a far better choice.
PAS: Alligator Jerky has a very spicy initial taste, which is an attempt to mask the overall fishy flavor. That attempt is a failure.
TKG: This trip never ends.
PAS: No, no it doesn't
TKG: I am a passenger. And I ride and I ride and I ride. I watch the bright and hollow sky. You know it looks so good tonight.
TKG: Shockingly we make it to Hackettstown skating rink before bell time. Even more shockingly the show starts on time. An indy that actually starts at advertised time!!!!
PAS: No 10 minute intermission which goes 45, and no Crowbar gimmick table either.
TKG: Audience of about 60 people. Lots of young kids who are showing off their abilities to curse. Easily worst wrestling crowd I’ve been to a show with as they go for all the “smart” chants including “Your mic skills suck”, “RVD!”, waving dollar bills at the valet who is young enough to be even MY daughter ( we left show quickly before any paternity could be proved) and going to try to get Crowbars autograph while the main event was taking place.
PAS: Jersey fucking sucks, what a bunch of smarmy little pricks. I had to move my chair because I was about to pound some obese teenager, who spent the entire opening claiming he could wrestle better then Reil and Jobber, when it seemed unlikely he could even climb the ringsteps without puking on his shoes.
TKG: My favorite chant of night to a guy wearing tights that looked like Electro-Shock “NOVA RIP-OFF! NOVA RIP-OFF!” Nothing is as unintentionally funny as calling someone a Nova ripoff.
PAS: Someone also claimed that during Dixie’s, air raid crush variation. It might have been Donnie B.
TKG: Also preposterously low ceiling.
PAS: Which didn’t stop anyone from doing highspots, ahh the hubris of youth.

THE SHOW

TKG: The Hit Squad, their manager Johnny D, Dixie and Dixie’s valet Valentina come out for a promo. Monsta does pretty good comedy mic work while Mafia does the serious mic work. Johnny D mugs around the ring like your best friend’s really embarrassing uncle… which is a good thing. Dixie doesn't look old enough to shave. The same can be said of Valentina.
PAS: I really liked the Hit Squads mic work, although they were working against the role which they play the best. Hit Squad are scary motherfuckers, and making fun of the crowd - especially the way they worked the main event - plays against the type. It is nice to see diversity, but they should be working like twin Vaders not like the Heavenly Bodies.

Billy Reil vs. JT Jobber:

TKG: Reil tells ring announcer that he no longer wants to be introduced as Billy “Highlight” Reil. From now on he is to be known as Billy “Kiss My Ass” Reil.
TKG: JT Jobber works a Mickey Whipwreck circa 95 gimmick and is not good. Reil heels it up for most of the match and looks great. Reil does fun theatrical selling bumping twice in ring and then falling to floor for Jobber’s crappy tornado DDT.
PAS: I was really impressed by Reil. Jobber was pretty poor, but Reil did a very good job of making him look credible and passable. Great brainbuster - the best I have ever seen live. Plus a neat dive from one ringpost to the other end.

Skinhead Ivan vs. Judas Young vs. Chino Martinez

TKG: It’s a three way dance with elimination rules. I can’t identify Young’s entrance music and that pisses me off. Martinez is the face in this match and it’s a mess. No one punches well.
PAS: This match really sucked, I kind of liked Young last time I saw him, but he wasn’t good here. Chino had ridiculous pants, and was really green. Ivan seemed to be able to hit his spots crisply, but had some of the worst punches I have ever seen (which is a real business exposer for a guy with a skinhead gimmick) kind of like a crappy indy nazi Saturn.
TKG: Ivan might have some understanding of how to work a match and I would kind of like to see what Homicide was able to do with him. But so not good.

Insane Dragon vs. Dave Greco:

TKG: The match starts with a quick mirror sequence that ends with both guys even and a round of applause. I HATE THIS SPOT! DAMN YOU MALENKO/GUERRERO!!!!
TKG: Despite my hate of said spot Greco manages to keep up with the superfast Dragon which is pretty impressive. Greco works a nice sequence out of a knuckle lock. In general Greco looks a little too deliberate in ring like he is trying to give an instructional on how to put on octopus hold. I dig Greco and he tries to reel some of the match in. He isn’t quite successful but it’s a noble effort.
PAS: I thought Greco seemed pretty slow, especially compared to Insane Dragon. This match had some really nice stuff and some very poor stuff. Insane Dragon is really flashy, although flashy doesn't really do it for me so much in 2001.
TKG: Insane Dragon sells well and when he hits his highspots they look really impressive.
PAS: The finish was Insane Dragon trying a springboard 450 and landing ass first on Greco’s chest, which may have fractured his ribs. This was Matratsian.
TKG: Post match Dixie comes in to beat down Insane Dragon. Dixie does a air raid crush onto his knee which is the nastiest move I’ve seen live (next to THE OKLAHOMA ROLL). It’s an awesome move that someone should steal.
PAS: I imagine NOVA will invent it soon. Dixie’s match wasn’t very good, but his run-ins were great.

Laithon vs. Magic:

TKG: If you always wondered why the Zambouie Express never broke up to run the Elijah Akeem vs. Kareem Muhamed feud, this here is the answer.
TKG: Laithon is a tall and awkward but so so not Taue. He is better than Big John Studd in his prime. He tries a hurricanrana which looks really bad and amusing.
PAS: The hurricanrana was great, in a completely ill-advised way. Laithons chops were stiff. Magic hit a ludicrous dropkick.
TKG: Magic is Tony Starks dad. He left Starks' mom at a young age and is now trying to reconcile with his son by incorporating the Wu Tang pantheon/philosophy/orientation into his indy wrestling. It seems like a legit effort to reach out but is still sad and pathetic. It reminded me of that movie where the Allan Thick plays a dad who tries to study up on opera so he has something to talk about with his son who he kicked out of his house four years earlier for coming out. When the father tries to discuss opera, his son (Danny Pintauro) doesn't see the love that his father has put into this effort and angrily rejects him, “I may be queer, but I’m not a QUEEN!”. Stark has come to one or two shows but still won’t talk to his estranged father. It’s a touching story but it doesn't make for compelling wrestling.

Deranged vs. Ghost Shadow:

TKG: Deranged is not the Deranged from IWA-MS King of the Deathmatch. I am disappointed but in actuality this is a huge improvement.
PAS: I felt like I was going to hit the KOTD Deranged signature spot after eating the Alligator jerky.
TKG: Deranged works the crazy guy gimmick that has him giving himself a bunch of back bumps because he's crazy (like Crowbar). Axl Rotten would be disgusted.
TKG: They do several joshi spots which you don’t tend to see in US indy jrs matches. Ghost Shadow does a Kyoko Inoue style pendulum swing. The set up for this is really cool as it looks like hes going for a lucha submission and then pulls it into the pendulum swing. He swings Deranged against bottom turnbuckle which is cooler in concept than it looks in reality. Deranged does a series of Ito like double footstomps. I dig the joshi.
PAS: This was a basic trained together indy highspot match. Ghost Shadow did very little memorable, but Deranged has some very nice jawdropper spots, including ending the previously mentioned double stomp sequence with a standing shooting star press while starting on the guys chest. They also had a loony Shannon Moore/ Willowish roll up combo which looked really neat.

Dixie vs. Exploited Child:

TKG: Exploited Child I think maybe doing a huffing gimmick. He seems to laugh a lot and has that “Big sale on butane at Home Depot” look in his eyes. He does a bunch of comedy stuff.
PAS: Exploited Child was the least of the JAPW teen division. I think the guy who exploited him was the guy who took his money for training.
TKG: On the DVDVR 900, I’d put Exploited Child right underneath XPW’s Pogo.
TKG: Dixie sells really well and is able to make this into a match. He is the Matt to Dragon’s Jeff.
PAS: Match was not so good, although Dixie looked like a keeper.

Crowbar vs. Kid Kruel:

TKG: I never understood why Storm would keep his shitty Russo name after he left WCW, but he is way over with the kiddies.
PAS: The crowd was into this the most, cause Crowbar used to be on TV.
TKG: Kruel has a body that Meltz would like and looks to be a little old to be calling himself Kid.
PAS: Crowbar however seems to have replaced his polish with Polish Sausages.
TKG: I expect Crowbar to not take any bumps in this match but he takes a bunch including 4 suplexes. Phil decides to start counting types of suplexes.
PAS: Kid Kruel broke out four types of suplexes, including a high end side suplex. While Crowbar had a Northern lights and a German. If this was the 70’s Idol would be going apeshit.
TKG: There is this odd Battlarts section where Storm reverses a fujwara armbar into a lucha roll up and Kruel reverses something into a rolling knee bar.
PAS: A fitting tribute to the erstwhile worked shoot promotion on the day of its demise.
TKG: Crowbar hits a dvd on Kruel which Kruel pops right back up from. Crowbar then hits the finisher.
PAS: Damn you Kobashi

Low-Ki/ Homicide vs. Mafia/Monsta Mack:

TKG: This is the match we came to see. Half the crowd clears out to find Crowbar to get his autograph. The Hackettstown show was clearly a houseshow and so while we came expecting a preposterously stiff stiff match what we got was a really really fun house show match. It was stiff as hell but not what we expected at all.
PAS: Yeah I was figuring this was going to be stiffer then Hash vs. Corino, but instead it was a basic southern tag stuff. Which was well done and all, but not what I wanted to see from these four. This was kind of like the Tajiri vs. Minoru Tanaka match in Bat-Bat where they did all of that lucha, or those Lucha six man with Blue Panther on one side and El Dandy on the other, that don’t go to the mat and just get worked as brawls.
TKG: The Hit Squad come out and act like scared heels, which is somewhat tough to buy given that they look pretty legit. They go through all the Zbyzsco motions including walking to the back and then they work a southern tag match. With Low-Ki/Homicide as the stiffest Rock n Roll Express vs. the Hit Squad as the stiffest most willing to bump Jack Victory/John Tatum.
PAS: It strains credulity for the Hit Squad to do a chickenshit heel act, considering their size and demeanor. They did it well however.
TKG: Mafia works most of the match and does all kinds of goofy amusing John Tatum-esque selling. He hides in the ropes, crosses himself before taking a bump and makes me laugh. He takes most of the beatings as Low-Ki/Homicide do the stiff face kick double-teams (so much nastier than a double drop kick).
PAS: Low-Ki did most of the work in this match as well, as he was face in peril, which he did fine, but again Low-Ki as Ricky Morton is not the Low-Ki I drove 6 hours to see.
TKG: Monsta mostly comes in for offense, which is a weird reversal of the mic work at beginning of show where Monsta was all comedy and Mafia was all intensity.
TKG: They worked the face double teams early in the match
as opposed to saving the double drop kick for the end. This was a good variation as it told a different story than the cliché and built up well towards both Homicide’s “house a fire offense” and Low Ki’s finisher.
TKG: Homicide/Low-Ki can’t beat the Hit Squad with your traditional southern flash pin (double drop kick quick pin). The Hit Squad won’t allow for that. Double-teaming is used to weaken. But the Hit Squad can’t be beat by double-teaming. They are a team and the only way to beat them is to isolate one member one-on-one while keeping the other away. Of course this leaves the face one on one against the member of Hit Squad. This story makes all of the face teams non-double team offense seem far more important.
TKG: Ref Hanson does a good job of getting shoved around by both teams and never quite seeing what he shouldn’t see.
TKG: Low Ki works Ricky Morton and takes a great high back drop that legit puts him through a ceiling tile. Low-Ki goes for the hope offense before making the hot tag to Homicide. Low Ki is able to knock down both members of the Hit Squad independently in the hope offense section before the hot tag and I think this lessened the heat for Homicide coming in House-a-fire.
PAS: I am with the house of fire criticism, and it was the only artistic flaw in this match. They did a nice counter spot with Homicide breaking up a Mafia attempted burning hammer by putting him in the STF. Cool spot which did not get the reaction it deserved from the dogshit apathetic crowd. Fuck Hackettstown
TKG: There is a table spot post match and Low-Ki gets on the mic setting up the rematch for the belts.

EPILOGUE

PAS: Rat report card
Girl in the red shirt: B-
She had the chubby delinquent look down, and was continually absent during the show to go smoke, both of which are rat pluses. But she refused to blow Laithon to get to the back, which violates the rat code, no ass no backstage pass darling
Missy Hyatts aunt: A+ :
She had the 45 year old rough stripper look down pat. I expected Vince to put her on a Divas poster. Looks like she may have ratted for Unpredictable Johnny Rodz at one point
Loud Mouth Fat Kid C+:
Went to go get Magic's autograph during main event. Did not offer him head though. Did have appropriately large bosoms.
TKG: We leave Hackettstown and we drive and we drive. The jerky does its damage as we both realize that alligator jerky is not digestable. Our bodies continuously try to reject the jerky. The car odor becomes un-breathable.
PAS: Usually I like the smell of my own gas, but the Alligator jerky did bad bad things.
TKG: We try to find an open gas station, which is an adventure in and of itself.
PAS: New Jersey police are the nicest police in the world.
TKG: The partially digested fishy taste in my mouth becomes so bad that I decide to eat a Roy Rogers bacon cheeseburger to attempt to cover it.
PAS: While I spent much time ruminating over the evening in a Turnpike rest stop bathroom.
TKG: The trip home takes forever but at least we don’t get lost or drive into an embankment.
PAS: I believe I got into bed at 5:30 a.m.
TKG: I am the passenger and I ride and I ride I stay under glass. I look through the windows so bright I see the stars come out tonight. Fuck it I felt far less Iggy and more like Dave Dudley at this point. Unfortunately I can’t find any little white pills to keep my eyes open wide but we were going to make it home tonight.
TKG: Phil starts to hallucinate at one point. Unfortunately, I don’t. I take a big breath of the foul alligator jerky scented air hoping that I can join Phil on his “trip” but still nothing.
TKG: We get back to DC pretty delirious from the experience.
PAS: You got to love the wrestling.

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CLASSIC PHIL and TOMK- NWA Wildside Hardcore Hell 2004 ROAD REPORT

Since I am looking back at NWA Wildside, I figure I will throw up the road report from our trip to the NCW Arena

NWA Wildside Hardcore Hell Road Report, Part 1
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
PAS: Phil Schneider
TKG: Tom Karro-Gassner
----------------------------------
PAS: We hit the airport and both get selected to go through extra security. That is what Tom gets for buying the tickets with his Hamas Master Card
TKG: DAMN! And I get “randomly selected” on the way back too. In 93 I was in Europe and had grown a red beard. After the third trip through airport security and the second barslut telling me I looked just like Jerry Adams…I decided to shave the beard. Irish Catholic girls aren’t Mormon girls so the airport hassle wasn’t worth it (if she won’t give up the ass, neither will I). But maybe its time I grow the beard back cause Irish terrorist may be a better look for traveling than swarthy Semitic at this point.

PAS: We meet up with Wes and head off to Abby's for some grub. Security guard in front sayd their was an electrical fire and redirects us to the mall where Abby has a food court booth. All Black Atlanta mall owns, with all the throwbacks, wigs and nubian sculpture you could want. Food was fucking off the hook, really great sides.

TKG: I was all worried that we were going to miss eating at Abby’s again. The security guy briefly mocks us asking if we know what Malls look like and then tells us “The mall has a lot of security, so you can ask them where Abby’s is”. The Mall has a lot of security…I LOVE me a Mall that feels the need to have a lot of security.

TKG: In the parking lot across from the Big Lots store there is a guy selling bootleg socks out of the back of a van. Yes, bootleg socks. All the looks of the Big Lots socks, but without the designer markups.

PAS: I really should have stopped and gotten some bootleg socks. That is my only regret from the trip.

TKG: The store across from the food court had the GREATEST ScarFace shirt Ever. It had the SF initials filled in with black and white shots from movie layed out so it looked like camo. Plus then it had Pacino holding gun done in the style of a slavery era silhouette on top.

TKG: Man were the sides great. The macaroni and the “hair” on the chick working at “The Dragon” would have made the whole trip worth it. Someone really needs to franchise Abbys. How a French Canadian and his Japanese wife, make such great soul food is a mystery. Wes plays us some Kilo “Here’s my finger, here’s my thumb…Everybody lets Donkey Kong!” , and we look for our motel. We pass an adult video store that advertises “We have latest Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys adult film”.

TKG: We find the motel which is adjacent to a Black strip club (shares the parking lot)… FUCK!!!! As neither me or Phil have enough money to spend for this trip. Damnit Ludacris introduces headstands to the Atlanta stripper move repertoire, we're right next to a strip club and have no money. Guaranteed this will be motel we stay in every time Juster runs Atlanta.

NWA Wildside

PAS: Wildside is held in a barn which looks like it should have a moonshine still. We were sitting in front of a goth guy in full makeup and leather outfit. Juggalos are a subgroup I just don't get at all.

TKG: Wes was telling us to stay away from restroom, but damn was it a nice restroom compared to JAPW one. Dusty was there for autographs but he appeared to be in disguise hiding in cowboy hat and sunglasses in a corner. We go across the street to buy soda and some guys in a pickup flash us some sort of Klan handsignals. I’m relieved that I look less Semitic at night than I do in the airport. Maybe I won’t grow the beard.

Skeeter Frost v. C. J. McManus v. Scott Hotshot

PAS: MacManus and Hotshot were guys who drove with folks and showed up with gear. Frost is a regular Wildside guy. This match was just a bad idea, as you had three guys who are green, have never worked each other and you throw them in a three way. Lots of awkward dangerous moves, that left you sure someone was going to Oro themselves. Frost was the only guy who looked trained.

TKG: The Wildside crowd sure isn’t a NE wrestling crowd. When the Wilside crowd doesn’t dig a match they’ll just sit on their hands as opposed to loudly shitting on it. And well, you could hear a pin drop during this match as crowd was silent. And well the match deserved that silent treatment. One of the three wrestlers was an albino. But he wasn’t working an albino gimmick. Its wrestling, if you’re an albino…you work an albino gimmick, come out in a bunny mask (stolen Evad's bunnyhop finisher) or get on mic and stall a lot complaining that you can’t work until they dim the lights some. The albino stunk in the ring too, but jeeze the least he could have done is have a Brother Ali verse written on his tights. At one point during the botched headdrop contest section of match it looked like one of the head drops knocked some color back into his face. But even that wasn’t saving this. Skeeter had nice tope and nice forearms (especially compared to “the icon’s” “forearms”) but no one looked good being stuck in this.

Mr. 630 Jerrelle Clark v. Fast Eddie

PAS: For the last year or so "Mr 630" Jerrelle Clark has been my default indy name when I needed an spot guy indy name to make a joke. FYI "This Liger v. Hashi match had clean execution, but was worked 50 yard line, like it was Mr. 630 v. Mr. 630" or "Low-Ki went from having great wrestling matches in the U.S. to wrestling like Mr. 630 in Zero One." So when I saw that the iconic Mr. 630 was working the TWA highspot blind guy, I was expecting a amusing clusterfuck. It was actually pretty dissapointing how much Mr. 630 ruled. He comes out to a signature Miami Bass tune "Mr. Six Thirtay," and his offense consisted of really great looking takedowns into arm bars. TWA highspot blind guy does a really nice job selling and this was a really good match. The 630 sure had a lot of twists, but was the least impressive thing he did in the match. I guess I have to pick a new indy name to mock Chaysn Raynce? Rob Eckos? J.V. Insanity?

TKG: There must be some Us indy worker named Saxxynn or something. Phil was Angry, ANGRY at loosing the ability to use Mr. 630 as a running joke anymore. Fuck all he needed to have was his own intro music and he ceased to be a goofy Florida indy name. Than he busts out nothing but Kendo Kashin spots. And does them really well. Fast Eddie is working heel here. A blind guy as heel? According to Phil Wildside is kayfabeing his blindness and covering it by having him work a dumb stooge fuckup heel gimmick. His heel finisher is a Russian Leg Sweep and damn does he have a nice Russian Leg sweep. Eddie sold arm well and the two of them worked really well on the mat together. And in a spot that the Midwest wrestlers need to steal for the next WORD show, Jarrelle Clark knocks Fast Eddie back first into the ropes. Clarke than 619s into crucifix.

Jason Cross v. Caprice Coleman

PAS: This started out really great, as it was a brawl with dives that really look like brawling dives. Fell apart in the middle a bit, but Coleman looks really star like. He had a bunch of nifty spots that involved him spinning around the ring pole, really should be jacked by Lita or Nidia.

TKG: Jason Cross facially looks alot like a young Robin Williams. He also sells alot like Mork which was kinda cool. Like Phil said, yeah this match started with a bunch of dives. And the dives were all paced like a brawl, strikes on the floor. It was odd as it kind of fell apart when they brought it back into ring as they didn't maintain that sense of intensity/hatred that the dive section involved. You wanted them to take it back out of the ring. I wanted them to take it back out of the ring , and thats me whose so not a dive freak. They did the mirror springboard double clothesline spot which is a spot I normally hate and made it look all hatefull. Both guys on apron look across ring at each other and were like yeah, C'mon motherfucker and hit it. I didn't get the Coleman looked like a star vibe. Coleman looked alot bigger than he did in Omega and has gotten really good at working babyface, communicating that he is babyface to the crowd, with the crowd, etc. but untill the botched finish I was more impressed by Patch Adams.

TKG: After this they did a mic segment between Onyx and Ray Gordy, which lead to a impromptu match between Onyx and Michael Adrian. Onyx impressed me here as Adrian absolutely stunk. Adrian was really tall and had a really funny painted on tan with full bright orange palms. How do you tan your palms darker than your arms? Adrian also was wearing the hilarious heel g string under track pants. Both of those were enough to amuse me but damn did his actual work stink. Connect with something.

PAS: The crowd cheer for Onyx by chanting his name World Series Darryl Stawberry style. OOOONYYYYYXXXX, OOOOONYYYYXXXX. It took a long time figuring out that he was actually a face.

Texas Death Club v. Murder One + Slim J

PAS: Murder One is someone I really liked, because he was old and actually looked like a guy who just got paroled and is working Wildside on work release. Slim J is a fun Ricky Morton in this as he takes a big beating and they time their hope spots well. My big problem with this match is that during the face in peril section Slim J was kicking out of alot of finishers. There is no need to do a spike piledriver for a two count in this kind of match, an elbow drop would work just as well.

TKG: I've dug Slim J in the past and have liked both memebers of TDS before. Plus TDS were both wearing sweet retro basketball shoes. But yeah Murder One stood out here. I'm also on the Murder-One bandwagon, as the neon green Gangsta tights with the neon green homicide outline are as Old School Gangsta as a Arabian Prince solo 12 inch. Murder-One was really fun on the apron getting over action in ring. Threw some of the best punches of anyone on the nights card. I aslo really enjoyed his fighting out of getting leg swept off the apron spot a ton. Texas Death have a bunch of great combo finishers but it really felt like they were just killing them here for two counts. You don't even need an elbow drop. I mean a bunch of stomps work well too.

Matt Sydal + Delirious v. Nitro Nick Halen + Jay Fury

TKG: Wow does Matt Sydal have rosey cheeks. I mean damn he has the face of a 12 year old. Delirious is really over with the crowd but did absolutely nothing for me here. Sydal though really looked really solid. Really nice strikes, nice SSP and both ate and sold offense really well. He looks like a guy that could be in a Super 8 in a couple years, On the other hand I kind of don't want to see him get bigger gigs, I don't want to read about Quinones pulling a gun on him, I don't want to see him with a TNA contract in a car stuck under Jeremy Borash while Russo licks his ear while proclaiming how he's so young and clean so it's not like it isn't Christian this time. Sydal needs to grow a beard, get some tatoos and paste on some back hair, otherwise its just uncomfortable.

PAS: Those rosey cheeks were ridiculous. It was like he was working a Raggedy Andy gimmick.

TKG: Nitro Nick Halen and Jay Fury both have enormous heads. I mean huge skulls. I kept on expecting them to do some headbutt based offense. I don't even need stereo topes, or any kind of fancy Araken headbutt offense but I was expecting some headbutts. Jay Fury had lots of good looking leg lariats but c'mon your leg is normal sized, your head is gigantic...hit em with the head.

PAS: Nitro Nick Halen looked and worked alot like Quiet Storm. It was like he was a guy who grew up watching Quiet Storm matches and emulated him. Way more QS in Halen then Dynamite in Beniot. For a guy who gets really pimped, Delirious did nothing for me. He was working a Willow the Whisp gimmick, with a lamer mask and weaker offense. I really dug the finish of this, as Fury does a Matrixish thing to avoid a leg lariet, he succesfully uses it early in the match, but when he tries it a second time, Delirious leg sweeps him, so Sydal can hit a springboard SSP. Really cool finish, and it amuses me how much flippy wrestling has evolved that Sydals springboard SSP barely brushes the top five of crazy in ring dives.

TKG: They start to announce womens match when Jeff Lewis comes out to do mic work about the masked Mr D. who keeps on ruining his matches. He implies that he knows that Mr D is Jacey North who had bought a ticket to watch the show ringside. End result is Jacey North is reinstated, jumps the rail and theres a real fun pull apart brawl. Then Jacey celbrates his reinstatement with the fans. This was fun angle. I was raised on the James Boys and all.

PAS: They had clearly been building this for a while, as
the pop for Jacey's reinstatement was the biggest of the night. Jacey had been driving down from New Orleans just to sit in the audience, that is freaking dedication.

TKG: And about this time I realize that Behrens really paces cards well as this felt like the perfect place for this angle. And well whether I liked the way any match was layed out or not they all seemed to be in the right place on the card. This is something I don't always find in many of the indies I go to where you feel like" why is this angle done after this match where both kill the other?". Often you feel like the angle sections of shows are seperate from the wrestling sections. The sense of flow is something I don't find in WWE shows alot where "hey they are running the same exact match one right after the other with the same finish". The Wildside Card has a real nice flow to it. Mr D's reinstatement is really satisfying angle and it felt emotionally satisfying within the card structure.

Daizee Haze v. Jenny Taylor v. Krissy Vain

TKG: This went too long. Been watching alot of WWE lately as doing these workrate reports and it amuses me how "WWE Divas" all seemed to have their make up applied by mysoginist drag queens. As they all are dressed and made up to look like what a queen thinks a DIVA should look like and so come accross as all harsh and hard and drag queen like. Kansai has softer features than Marlena at this point. Odd seeing Taylor and Vain here who looked like they know how to apply makeup properly, and well all three of these women are too feminine looking to be a WWE Diva. Daizee Haze has a really British looking face, and kind of wrestles British. Shes got this hippy Jamaican thing going, so I think she may be working Ari Up gimmick which rules. Taylor and Vain are from Carolina CWF but I had never noticed them before as was always distracted by the supermarkethoes.com hottness of Brandi Alexander. Vaine is introd as being from Saxs Fifth Ave. and is working a Lana Starr type gimmick. Not sure if shes as good on the mic as Lana but shes great at working the gimmick in the match as she sells stuff in this really great beauty queen screech as worried about breaking a nail and has fun schtick. The albino from the opener could really use to watch some Krissy Vain work...as well a little schtick, maybe that first match could have been watchable.

PAS: Yeah Taylor and Vain looked like runners up in local beauty contests, rather then coke addicted strippers with botched backroom boob jobs. The actual wrestling in this was Nitro Girl catfight level bad, but I really enjoyed the shtick. There was a hearing impared guy in the audience in an open shirt who was yelling obscenities at Vain then signing them at his friend . Really hate Hat Guyish fans, but you have to like the misogynist deaf guy "Urrr a hurrr, suuuk my caaak"

Christopher Daniels + Rainman + Azreal v. Gabriel + A.J. Styles + Alter Boy Luke

TKG: Ok when we were planning this trip to Atlanta I went looking for Atlanta indys that we could go to in addition to the lucha show. I really wanted to go to one of the Rocky King shows run in Atlanta elementary schools but couldn't find any info and don't know if they still run or not. And really really wanted to go to a Christian wrestling show. Looked to me that there were at least five Chrisitian feds in Georgia (don't know if they share talent , do they feud? are there factions?) and really wanted to go, as there is no equivalent in north east. Unfortunately I couldn't find any running this weekend, and even Nikita seemed to be out of town. Really dissapointed. So yeah I was stoked by this main event. Angel Gabriel, Altar Boy and the Born Again wrestler as faces vs. Daniels Azrael and Rainman. Awesome. You add Dusty in the faces corner, and Bailey in the heels and it was a thing of beauty. Damn does Bailey look like a swarthy Semite live. You don't notice that on TV but live he makes Fyvush Finkle look WASPY. I mean looking at him made me realize I could never get a job where I'd have to wear a suit, cause thats not a good look.

TKG: Wow when did Azrael get this good? I remember him being the better member of his tag and always thinking that it was weird that CZW brought in Gabriel instead...but don't remember him being this good. He looked really great here as he worked really tight and bumped well. He really felt like worker of the match. Daniels really surprised me here as one of my criticisms of Daniels is that I don't think he's particularly smart at working heel. Here he stooged big time for Altar Boy Luke rolling out of ring and doing lots of Austin Idol stretching and stalling to avoid hooking up with Luke. Daniels is actually good at doing the Idol spots, its a shame he doesn't do them more often as they did alot to get over the Altar Boy as legit and built heat. Altar Boy Luke pretty much stunk but he did have nice dives. Gabriel did most of the selling as face in peril, and was fine in that role...his face in peril stuff worked alot better than Slim J's earlier in the night since he was being hit with less complicated offense. He manages to tag out and they move to finisher section as heels fight to save each other and dueling refs and Dusty hits elbow on all the heels ringside and does the full flip flop and fly elbow on the heel ref after match and heel ref takes a giant jump up in the air floating verticle Cornette style bump. Really really satisfying main event, capping a satisfying card.

PAS: This was really great and I want to second the greatness of Azreal. I remember him being sort of a highflyingish guy, but he got really fat and good. He looks like he should be working a backwoods Militia gimmick with Hirotaka Yokoi. Rainman was a guy I wasn't feeling as he looked good when he brawled and did throws, but he was doing a bunch of kipups and junior shit, which he is too big to do well, and not big enough to be an impressive big guy doing kip ups. He really needs to simplify his offense. Styles and Daniels did mostly avoid doing their routine, but they did do a rope running section which was out of place. I do love heel stalling Daniels.

PAS: We head off to Applebee's after the show and it was quite odd. There was two dozen girls all wearing t-shirts which read "Got Crabs?." Before I realized they all worked at Joe's Crab shack I thought Georgia had really strict truth in advertising laws. I am all for girls advertising their diseases: "Manic Depressive" Baby Tees, "Chlmydia" Lapel Buttons, "What Would Jesus Do" Bracelets. The other thing was, when groups of girls go out in D.C., there is usual some vartiation, a fat girl, a Korean. All of these girls where identical, their wasn't even a brunette. I can imagine running game in this situation must be nearly impossible, you go to the bathroom and you can't tell which girls have already shot you down.

TKG: We get back to the motel and watch late night TV. There is some sort of religous power lifting show that is awesome as they rip phonebooks, put their head through ice blocks, break handcuffs, lift telephone pole, etc. It was neat as it was clear that they worked the crowd for alot of the stunts as they worked struggling till they got the crowd to clap and pray enough that they could complete the physical feat. The sermon the Samoan gave about Jesus and the parable of the guy punching a drug dealer to steal his drugs may be the oddest TV sermon I've ever heard.

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