Sunday Reading: Dixie's Got the Yeyo

Dixie vs. Tony Lazaro JAPW 9/13/02 

ER: Jersey All Pro Tony Lazaro wrestled less than 25 matches in his career and died tragically young, which might make him the most obscure eventual member of Special K. This was before his brief Special K run, not yet one year into a career that didn't last two. Think of this match as Kikuchi trying to rise up against Kobashi, but if Kikuchi and Kobashi were 135 pounds soaking wet. Knowing how inexperienced Lazaro was, it's another great Dixie performance, highlighting how good he was at missing offense to create openings, and how advanced he was at fueling the innovation of others. His fast missed offense to set up an opponent's sequence - like his fast spinning heel kick - was something La Parka was really good at in the exact same way. I don't think Dixie was inspired by La Parka, he just has many qualities that great wrestlers have. He's able to highlight the strengths of Lazaro in cool ways, working familiar sequences in ways that include something unfamiliar. 

I loved the way they approached their mirror sequence, with them mirroring each other so well that they actually perfectly connect the soles of their feet during the mirror dropkick. I don't think I've ever seen that. Dixie works his brilliant fusion of southern wrestler and innovative joshi worker, throwing sharp punches and multiple kneedrop variations to glue together his attacks. The knee he shoves into the side of a crawling Lazaro's head is even better than his traditional vertically dropped knee. They don't overdo big spots which makes their high end basics stand out, and makes their biggest spots pop. Seeing them do a gorgeously executed Ocean Cyclone Suplex is cool because you get to see what it would look like performed by people smaller than Manami Toyota. 

There's a great moment that really captures the feel of this era of Jersey All Pro, when Lazaro hits Dixie with a stiff mule kick to the face from the apron then hits an Asai moonsault that smashes his shins across the guardrail. He earns his Holy Shit chant for the dangerous landing, while also earning his babyface cheers when he makes it back to the ring fired up from surviving his bad landing. JAPW fliers landing brutally and fighting through pain is one of the things that made the style so cool. It turns traditional wrestling selling on its ear because we witnessed them actually surviving violent crashes, their toughness eschewing the need for theatrical limping. 

Dixie is an innovative bumper without reinventing the bump, great at taking slamming offense on his face. His small frame was perfect for being whipped into the mat on pancakes and 2002 Staten Island playground wrestling full nelson clutch slams alike. He's also great at quickly setting up and executing extremely complicated offense. His match finishing Air Raid Crash delivered over his own knee rules in its full embodiment of the promotion's highly embellished style, but it's the way he gets Lazaro into position for it so quickly that makes it the style's equivalent to an Arn Anderson spinebuster. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE SPECIAL K

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We Need to Get Dixie on a DEAN~! Show

 

Dixie vs. Rainchild JAPW 7/13/02

ER: Why did Dixie beloved by me and all the Real Ones during the early 2000s? Who's to say but he starts this match with a long standing cravat in 2002 and proceeds to work mid 90s Jamie Dundee schtick in Seaside Heights while selling hiptosses and armdrags. He is the youngest man working rope scrapes across the eyes in 2002 wrestling and he knows how to shit talk during a chinlock as well as Tracy Smothers or Adam Pearce. Rainchild was so good for wrestling so few matches. He does "simple" offense well, like his beautiful dropkick, and aims high on his big offense. He might have bit off more than he can chew but I like his brand of go go go. A complicated DDT doesn't quite work? Whatever, he also does a shooting star press to the floor while a ferris wheel glows in the background. His offense is big, like his backpack stunner and his beautifully executed falcon arrow, and he is a dynamic bumper. His bumps are athletic, but in a way where he clearly leans into offense to force the bumps, not looking like he predetermined which athletic bump to take. It looks great because Dixie is someone who can force a mean bump. 

Dixie runs a knee into the side of Rainchild's head and hits increasingly violent back elbows, aimed at Rainchild's eye, and does single arm chops that hit as hard as Tenryu (once you scale the size accordingly). He keeps returning to that cravat he began with and hits snap suplexes with full Dynamite energy, building to his stiffest back elbow of the match. Dixie missed a kneedrop off the top that was so sweet it brought a tear to my eye. I love how Singlet Era Dixie always had the visual threat of a strap drop but he never used it as a regular spot, preferring to keep the straps secure in case the need for a strap drop arose. Finishing the match with an Alabama slam into a snug jackknife pin is a perfectly heel troll Dixie way to win a match that featured a shooting star press to the floor. 

After he's won the match, Dixie hits a fistdrop and doing that feels so on the nose for A Thing That Eric's Favorite Wrestler Would Do that it makes me believe slightly more in a Truman Show universe made just for me. I hate this world in its current state, so at what point did my show get canceled? Taking my girl out to a cheap happy hour now costs $60 but when I was 21 skinny east coast fliers were perfecting southern style and doing perfect fistdrops. The world was mine. 

Dixie vs. Azrieal  JAPW 8/10/02

ER: I don't know if wrestling gets better than Dixie wrestling in Seaside Heights. It's like a perfect Conner O'Malley bit. He's challenging guys to step over the rail, telling loudmouths exactly where they can find him outside after the show. He responds to Azrieal's side headlock takeovers like a guy who is wondering what this shit is all about. What's this Working Holds shit!? There are too many things I love about Dixie's wrestling. How was he this good? He isn't just a good bumper, he's a good bumper who can add comedy after the bump. He takes a huracanrana with 0.7 Juventud speed and turns it into a comedy bump as it's happening, taking the rana as if it quickly bumped him to the floor. It's like the comedy bumping of Chris Candido with the athletic speed of Juvy. His leaping kneedrop is something nobody in wrestling is doing right now. There's a wide open market for Best Drops because all forms of Drops are a dying breed. How strange is that? Fistdrops are barely around, kneedrops have been phased almost entirely out, even elbowdrops are nowhere near as common (or as good) as they were a couple decades ago. Think about how few elbowdrops there are in modern wrestling, and how everything is worse for it. Can you name any of the guys in the current discussion for best elbowdrop? No good ones come to my mind. 

Dixie is great at little individual aspects of wrestling, like fighting for the ropes. I like the levels of panic in which he fought for the ropes, like he has a 1-5 panic dial and knew when to start kick his legs to help him scoot faster when the dial hit 4. He is great at putting over the armbar of a man with the smallest arms on the roster. Azrieal does a wild swan dive cannonball into the aisle and Dixie catches as much of it as we can reasonably expect a small teenager to catch. I always loved how Jersey All Pro guys sold big offense that didn't fully hit. I thought it only added to the craziness of spots when one of them would stand up slowly but proudly, in pain after hitting as much concrete as man. They did the thing, they survived the impact, they'll deal with the bad joints in a decade. Dixie was great at using the Alabama slam as not just a finish, but as a move to set up the finish, and thinking about his own offense as multifaceted and not just a myopic "This is My Finish and it comes in This Order" was just one more thing he did that was a cut above the rest.  

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Matches from JAPW Halloween Hell 10/30/04

This show showed up on my internet, and it has a bunch of C+A guys in matches, and a opening salvo for my mini Homicide vs. Teddy Hart RIVALS C+A

H Effect (Dixie/Deranged) vs. The Solution (Havok/Papadon) - GREAT

ER: This is pretty much exactly the 7 minutes you would want out of these two teams. Solution are better than you remembered them being, like a more generous High Voltage. Havok is the slightly larger of the two and had a big fallaway slam, spinebuster, a couple big throws, but would also sell. Papadon dropped elbows and a nice kneedrop, and was also game to take Deranged's big flipping kicks. H Effect had such great energy and it's fun to watch them against a team that easily could have opted to steamroll them. Deranged really is deranged, flying to the floor with a freaking 450 legdrop while Dixie is also diving out onto a target right next to his. Dixie was so special because he was a great flyer and a great junior, but didn't skimp on things you usually don't expect from juniors. At the bell H Effect gets jumped and Dixie is immediately firing back with these great punches from his knees. Nobody pays any attention to making their punches from the knees, or elbows to the gut out of a headlock, look good. Dixie does. It makes his hot tags even better, as he comes in with his big speed but isn't just hitting weak flying forearms while pinballing between Solution, he's coming in throwing great punches. The finish is great as Deranged gets caught doing a rana off the apron to the floor, and eats a powerbomb into the ringpost, then gets tossed in the ring for a Blockbuster Doomsday Device. That's a finish and since it's Deranged of course he takes it as vertically as possible. But Dixie straight up almost died post match. The Solution bring in a chair and set it up, and give Dixie a tombstone onto the set up chair, starting with Papadon standing on top of the chair. So you had him jumping off the chair while dropping Dixie headfirst onto the chair, just looked insane and also looked like an incredibly stupid idea. Dixie never seemed like a guy to turn down a bad idea though, and it's why we love him.

PAS: I remember Havok being really fun in the Hard Hitters tag team with Monsta Mack, and he is really good here too big spinebuster and great looking diving elbows he looks like he is caving in Dixies chest, he seems like a lost big boy wrester of the 2000s. Dixie and Deranged are perfect pinballs for muscled up gym rats, the bump insanely and have some big spots, the Deranged flipping legdrop dive was great looking, and Dixie has such great execution on simple spots. The double team block buster and tombstone on the chair were both certifiable bumps. I could watch H Effect gets mauled everyday.

Low-Ki vs. CM Punk - GREAT

PAS: This was a nifty match which basically served to highlight Ki's shift from respectful martial arts Ki, to Strong Style Thug Ki. I am a big fan of heel Low-Ki and he was in full fuck you mode in this match, flipping off the crowd, constantly shit talking to Punk, and constantly breaking up Punk's momentum by thumbing him in the eye. Punk really didn't have the flexibility or athleticism to keep up with Ki in a showcase match, so something built around character work like this fits with his strengths. Ki was working really stiff as you might expect, including two super high double stomps which really pulverized Punk's toxin free liver.

ER: For two guys who I lump into the same East Coast Indy Revolution barrel, I certainly don't think of CM Punk as a Jersey All Pro guy, and wracking my brain I cannot actually think of a time I saw Punk match up with Ki. They were all wrestling the same guys during the same time period, so it had to have happened, I just don't recall seeing this match-up before in any form, before writing this entry. I was surprised that Low-Ki took so much of the match, and I wish we could have had a more interesting structure than Ki mostly dominating Punk for the first 80% before Punk just comes back full speed. I liked Punk's comeback, thought his long armed chops looked good, thought he had impressive pulling strength on an Irish whip, and he threw one of the best swinging neckbreakers. But it felt like he spent way too long getting his back and core worked over in brutal ways to come back so suddenly. Or maybe it was just that Ki looked that devastating on offense. Ki was great trash talking Punk, and making the fans clear space for him to throw Punk to the crowd, only for him to throw him to the ring, isn't something we see from Ki and I liked the Fuck You attitude as much as the expected silent warrior mode. I loved him taking apart Punk's core, dropping him on the guardrail, a really great gutbuster, a pair of double stomps with insane height (and another from the tree of woe that started with some clunkiness, which Punk recognized and totally saved it by punching back while getting put in woe), a really mean, targeted attack. Ki took Punk's stuff great (he's one of the best offense takers in wrestling history, and several guys who were JAPW regulars were also great at it) and I love him getting planted with that DDT earlier gave a nice reversal when Punk went to that DDT later. All in all it was a super fun contest, from an uncommon pairing.

Samoa Joe vs. Super Dragon - EPIC

PAS: These two guy had a pair of wars in PWG, but this war more of the touring indy version of this match. While this might not have been as epic in scope, they didn't tone down the violence even a little which makes it epic to me. The fact that Super Dragon throws such uncalled for shots really unleashes Joe's violent side. I have never seen a Muscle Buster look as spine damaging as it looked here, and he crushes SD with a death valley driver, and hits this jumping knee which looked like might have severed Dragon's head. Dragon of course unleashes nasty kicks and slaps and backhands, JAPW was and is a fed with potato chefs and these guys took it to a higher level.  I especially loved all of the leg sweeps, both guys where just flinging their legs recklessly at the ankles and knees of their respective opponents.

ER: This was really the peak of Super Dragon being king of all bump freaks. Indie wrestling was filled with tiny guys dying hot death (just look at H Effect earlier in the show) but Super Dragon was a heavyweight (still lean in 2004) that was just regularly taking moves on his neck. And if you were willing to eat a beating, this era Joe was a bad opponent for your body. I was surprised at how much this was dominated by Joe, but Dragon never felt out of it. Joe really was a beast here, that kneedrop Phil mentioned was one of the best I've seen Joe drop, and he had some absolutely devastating looking facewash kicks on the floor, plastering Dragon's head into the guardrail. Dragon had a great sell of one of them, seated in a chair, Joe lands the kick and Dragon just kind of slumps into the chair, holding his face. We build to a big dive where Dragon hits his insane tope, flipping through the ropes past the ringpost, and ends up falling on the back of his head due to the way he fell into Joe. Nasty. He hits a gorgeous springboard spinning heel kick to the back of Joe's head, and a nice double stomp/kneedrop off the top to the back of Joe's neck. But Joe is not a selfish man, and doesn't want to hog all that neck pain to himself, so he plants Dragon with a wayyyyy too snug death valley driver, and then yes, one of the nastiest muscle busters ever done. It's a shame we don't get Super Dragon the wrestler anymore, but after watching this 15 years later, it's kind of amazing we got him for as long as we did.

Homicide/B-Boy vs. Teddy Hart/Jack Evans - EPIC

PAS: This lived up to it's on paper promise. Teddy did lots of crazy flips, took a bunch of nutty bumps and clutched his knee a lot. Homicide chopped and punched people a lot and made crazy faces, Jack Evans did some wacko dives, including a moonsault to the floor bounding off of B-Boy in a fireman's carry. I loved the shooting star press version of Demolition Decapitation which the Matrats team pulled off, and Homicide just flapjacking Evans to the mat and flipping him right into a cop killer was nasty awesome stuff. Finish had some silly bullshit which JAPW would unfortunately fall victim to, the lights go out, and the Carnage Crew is in the ring (which has to be the most underwhelming, light go out guys in the history of wrestling), this is playing off of some early ROH locker room drama between Crew and Teddy, but then they have a swerve and the Crew turns on the SST and joins up with Teddy, big yawn, just end in a double DQ or something, this felt almost Russoish, and almost kept this match from EPIC status, still this is a magnetic match up and I can't wait to watch it all.

ER: I loved this. I think it's one of Hart's best performances. He absolutely dies so tragically on a few bumps that the crowd at the freaking Rahway Rec Center starts actively rooting for Teddy Hart and starts BOOING Homicide. B-Boy and Homicide came off like total assholes, and Evans/Hart have bodies that bend in ways that just shouldn't be possible. Hart and Evans get crumpled all over the ring and floor, Evans getting dumped by an Exploder, Hart getting launched into the crowd and taking out a fan and tumbling off the top to the apron and bouncing off the ring steps. It was crazy hearing the fans get so behind Teddy Hart, and Homicide/B-Boy were relentless. Evan's double stomping B-Boy and vaulting off of him into a moonsault was nuts, and that shooting star Demolition Decapitation was really breathtaking. There's no way that move should have looked that good and not seriously injured someone. It makes no sense. But a lot of stuff in this match looked like it would hurt like hell, like B-Boy's dropkick through the ropes or Evans getting folded in like 8 spots by the Cop Killah. This match also has an immaculately timed stupid spot that was timed so perfectly that it no longer looked anything like a stupid spot. Hart was setting up a shooting star press on B-Boy and as he starts it Homicide rushes in out of camera right and hits a perfect cutter. Those complicated precision timing spots usually just don't work. There are always seams. You see a guy frozen and waiting to hit his mark, because the window is so small. This was the most natural the spot could look, and really should have finished the match. We do get some match ending silliness, but I liked Homicide taunting Hart by locking on a sharpshooter, and Carnage Crew can NEVER be the most underwhelming lights go out in history because 1999 WCW gave us THE GIFT OF MIDNIGHT which will assuredly never not be the answer to that question. Hart cuts a hilariously 2004 post match promo about how Gabe Sapolsky thinks he's a piece of shit (because he did a bunch of flips or something and then pretended he had a concussion so didn't remember doing a bunch of flips) and then Devito says "Yeah but he's OUR piece of shit". This is gonna be great.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LOW-KI

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE SUPER DRAGON

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE DIXIE AND INSANE DRAGON

HOMICIDE VS. TEDDY HART RIVALS

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Dixie has Explosives Duct Taped to his Spine

Dixie v. Insane Dragon JAPW 11/8/02 - GREAT

PAS: This is a lumberjack straps match for the JAPW light heavyweight title and is the climax of a Dixie v. Insane Dragon feud I had no memory of existing. Total crazy sprint, with some awesome lumberjack work by the JAPW roster, most lumberjack matches have guys throw a weak forearm or two before they push someone into the ring, here every time either guy gets toss out they get stomped like a gang initiation. Outside breaks out into a wild violent brawl with the whole promotion, leading Insane Dragon to do a crazy dive on to the floor on the crowd. The ref gets caught up in the melee and bumped. Insane Dragon does a low angle springboard 450 (the Charity Hall ceilings are really low, so there is no height) where he lands his shin across Dixies face. Deranged grabs a ref shirt and counts the pin, only to turn on Insane Dragon and CTE him with some chairshots. Whole match was maybe six minutes, but it was a nutso six minutes.

ER: I have no memory of these two ever fighting each other in a singles (apparently it happened a couple times) but they go after each other just as hard as they go after everyone else. Izzy does his flipping kick right under Dixie's chin, Dixie makes Izzy bite the bottom rope and then kicks him in the back of the head. The action outside the ring is just as much fun as a bunch of big fat dudes throw stiff shots to the brothers and to each other, total chaos. Papadon and Mack slug it out, Magic and Suba look gigantic and throw bombs, EC Negro eats a punch, and tons of fat guys in XXXL football jerseys make up the fanbase. These two are nuts, always finding new ways to spike themselves on DDTs, making up weird moves out of botches (at one point Dragon goes for a springboard 450 and overshoots a bit, winds up dropping his shin over Dixie's throat), and bounce around like they're covered in flubber. More!


COMPLETE & ACCURATE DIXIE/INSANE DRAGON

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H Effect Are Losers and Users So Don't Need No Accusers

Wasted Youth (Insane Dragon/Deranged) vs. The SAT (Joel/Jose Maximo) vs. Rainchild/Jay Lethal JAPW 6/7/02 - EPIC

PAS: This is just what you want from a turn of the century skinny Jersey fliers match. Rainchild is a guy who wrestled for maybe six months, but he looked good here, especially early doing some nice fast arm drag and rana exchanges with Wasted Youth. Maximo's were working pretty stiff I don't remember them as Dynamite Kid/Beniot style juniors, but they were all about stiff chops snap suplexes and head drops. The match finishes up with a great dive train right next to the Bayonne wall, so lots of height but not a lot of distance, Lethal hits a tope where he basically piledrives his head into the concrete, but all the other dives were beautiful. Insane Dragon then gets finished off with some truly harrowing head drops, the kind of thing which you want to watch through your hands like a horror film.

ER: This was right in the middle of when I was most excited about indy wrestling, with tons of skinny hyper athletic freaks all competing to see who could take a more dangerous bump on their head, shoulder or neck, and everyone wins! I always like Rainchild, he was in an early match of the first JAPW tape I bought (against Ghost Shadow!) and I thought he was really good, was shocked to learn years later how little he actually worked. It's great seeing Lethal when he was working as a Waltman disciple, just a skinny guy dropping fast legs and dives with bad landings. I also didn't remember the SAT as Benoit disciples but I liked that here. I think they were better at dangerously dropping skinny guys with fast suplexes than working quick sequences with them. And for quick sequences you can't really do better than Wasted Youth. These guys were so fast and so damn clever, falling in ways you wouldn't expect and working sequences you had never seen before, adding new twists to familiar wrestling. I flipped when Izzy came off the topes with a double ballshot, then did a flipping dropkick (one guy for each foot) with no regard for his landing. And there were a dozen moments like that, like Rainchild doing cool dodges for Maximo clotheslines, or Izzy jumping and flipping backwards over guys to set up ranas, Deranged flipping himself onto his shoulder with a spinkick, these guys are all just fearless. The dive train is one for the ages, into the Bayonne wall as Phil said. Everyone tries to one-up and they were all a blast, even Rainchild's Space Flying Tiger Accidental Rope Bounce Tope en Reversa. Izzy not only has the best punches in the match, but also takes the nastiest bumps, getting absolutely dismantled by suplexes at the end. I can't wait to watch more of this stuff.

H Effect (Dixie/Insane Dragon/Deranged) vs. JAPW Legends (Magic/J-Lover/Skinhead Ivan) JAPW 11/12/16 - FUN

PAS: Insane Dragon comes out of a nearly decade long retirement to land an awesome looking tope con hilo and take a few crazy bumps. Dixie (who had come out of retirement on the last show) still has great execution, and took Magic's insane Tiger Driver 98 style finisher right on his neck, there was some goofy over bumping by Deranged and a not great section built around J-Lover's hard head, but it was really good to see all of these Wes Hatch comp tape legends back and doing their thing.

ER: This was the match that started the idea for a Dixie/Dragon C&A, seeing these two nutbars come back and still bring their specific brand of rich kid stoner crazy was so much fun, I called Phil and suggested we revisit their entire output. We were both fans of the early 2000s NE indy scene, and shoot one of our earliest interactions was me buying Phil's Low-Ki comp tape off him. It feels appropriate. Skinhead Ivan really should be wearing a khakis and a white polo these days, needs to be more in touch with his people (though their uniform hadn't changed at this point, so he gets at least a pass on the uniform, nothing else). Deranged hits a deranged flip dive that flings him hard into his opponent AND the guard rail, Magic is still a compact powerhouse, and Izzy and Dixie still know how to die. That Tiger Driver '98 was just an insane bump to be taking, and I'm glad these guys haven't changed.

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Complete and Accurate Special K

While watching the recent JAPW Anniversary show we were reminded how much we enjoyed these skinny bump freak lunatics. Through Youth Gone Wild, Special K and H Effect they were big parts of the indy wrestling revolution, but probably never cashed a three figure paycheck. They had some real moments of greatness and insanity, and this will give us and excuse to revisit and re-evaluate some of the bugnuts moments from turn of the century northeast indy wrestling. As always matches will be rated EPIC, GREAT, VERY GOOD, FUN and SKIPPABLE.

2002

Insane Dragon/Deranged vs. The SAT vs. Rainchild/Jay Lethal JAPW 6/7/02 - EPIC

Dixie vs. Rainchild JAPW 7/13/02 - GREAT

Dixie vs. Azrieal JAPW 8/10/02 - GREAT

Dixie vs. Tony Lazaro JAPW 9/13/02 - VERY GOOD

Deranged vs. Azrieal vs. Grim Reefer USA Pro 10/19/02 - GREAT

Deranged vs. Jay Lethal vs. Tony Lazaro JAPW 11/8/02 - VERY GOOD

Insane Dragon vs. Dixie JAPW 11/8/02 - FUN

Deranged vs. Homicide JAPW 12/13/02 - EPIC

2004

Dixie/Deranged vs. The Solution (Havok/Papadon)  JAPW 10/30/04 - GREAT

2016

Dixie/Insane Dragon/Deranged vs. Magic/J-Lover/Skinhead Ivan JAPW 11/12/16 - FUN

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Segunda Caida Classic: Phil and TomK's JAPW 10/13/01 Road Report

Beyond ran a rematch of this tag 14 years later, so I drug out this old school road report

ALLIGATOR JERKY! works stiffer then the HIT SQUAD! LAITHON! hits a RANA! MAFIA! is the meanest Puerto Rican JOHN TATUM! ever! SCHNEIDER! meets the cops of NEW JERSEY! and more stuff from the longest road trip ever.

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Jersey All Pro Wrestling (10/13/01)
PAS: Phil Schneider
TKG: Tom K

BACKSTORY
TKG: I meet Phil outside of subway station. When I get out of subway, I am met by college kids giving out free cans of tuna fish as part of some sort of promotional campaign. They shove the can into my hand. I meet Phil and throw the can away. And we’re off to Hackettstown.
PAS: I borrow the good Doctor’s car, and go swoop up Tom. I was up till about 4 a.m. DJing and disposing of a clinging college girl, so I was a bit fatigued, thus explaining the embankment.
TKG: Phil drives and eventually we get out of DC.
PAS: And drives, and drives and drives.
TKG: We talk and joke for a while. Phil nearly drives us up an embankment and we keep on going.
TKG: Note: driving up an embankment is a good way to get the car behind you to stop tailgating. He kept far far away from us after that.
PAS: Also almost driving up an embankment is a good way to wake your self up. The adrenaline rush was like doing a packet of mini-thins.
TKG: We drive some more miss an exit and end up driving past all the old ECW house show towns. We’re in a part of the map that’s covered with pictures of Skiers. The fall foliage and the mountains are pretty beautiful.
PAS: The exit was very unmarked and we end up driving into the Pocanos. I wanted to go stop and see a ventriloquist and meet a rich homely Jewish girl and fall in love, but we decide to go to the show instead.
TKG: At one point, I panic as the signs tell me we are near Scranton.
TKG: We decide to stop at worlds largest General Store which I think I saw on an episode of Road Rules or something.
PAS: I actually drove past this, and then hit a U-turn, figuring a visit would add some color. It in fact added quite a bit of color to my stomach.
TKG: The funnel cake is preposterously expensive. I try to find out if there is any wrestling at the Pumpkin Festival. I decide that if we can’t get to see JAPW I want to at minimum get to see Todd Morton vs. The Stro.
PAS: It seems to me that Julio Deniro would be working a pumpkin festival somewhere, although not this one.
TKG: Alligator Jerky~! The can of tuna would have been a far better choice.
PAS: Alligator Jerky has a very spicy initial taste, which is an attempt to mask the overall fishy flavor. That attempt is a failure.
TKG: This trip never ends.
PAS: No, no it doesn't
TKG: I am a passenger. And I ride and I ride and I ride. I watch the bright and hollow sky. You know it looks so good tonight.
TKG: Shockingly we make it to Hackettstown skating rink before bell time. Even more shockingly the show starts on time. An indy that actually starts at advertised time!!!!
PAS: No 10 minute intermission which goes 45, and no Crowbar gimmick table either.
TKG: Audience of about 60 people. Lots of young kids who are showing off their abilities to curse. Easily worst wrestling crowd I’ve been to a show with as they go for all the “smart” chants including “Your mic skills suck”, “RVD!”, waving dollar bills at the valet who is young enough to be even MY daughter ( we left show quickly before any paternity could be proved) and going to try to get Crowbars autograph while the main event was taking place.
PAS: Jersey fucking sucks, what a bunch of smarmy little pricks. I had to move my chair because I was about to pound some obese teenager, who spent the entire opening claiming he could wrestle better then Reil and Jobber, when it seemed unlikely he could even climb the ringsteps without puking on his shoes.
TKG: My favorite chant of night to a guy wearing tights that looked like Electro-Shock “NOVA RIP-OFF! NOVA RIP-OFF!” Nothing is as unintentionally funny as calling someone a Nova ripoff.
PAS: Someone also claimed that during Dixie’s, air raid crush variation. It might have been Donnie B.
TKG: Also preposterously low ceiling.
PAS: Which didn’t stop anyone from doing highspots, ahh the hubris of youth.

THE SHOW

TKG: The Hit Squad, their manager Johnny D, Dixie and Dixie’s valet Valentina come out for a promo. Monsta does pretty good comedy mic work while Mafia does the serious mic work. Johnny D mugs around the ring like your best friend’s really embarrassing uncle… which is a good thing. Dixie doesn't look old enough to shave. The same can be said of Valentina.
PAS: I really liked the Hit Squads mic work, although they were working against the role which they play the best. Hit Squad are scary motherfuckers, and making fun of the crowd - especially the way they worked the main event - plays against the type. It is nice to see diversity, but they should be working like twin Vaders not like the Heavenly Bodies.

Billy Reil vs. JT Jobber:

TKG: Reil tells ring announcer that he no longer wants to be introduced as Billy “Highlight” Reil. From now on he is to be known as Billy “Kiss My Ass” Reil.
TKG: JT Jobber works a Mickey Whipwreck circa 95 gimmick and is not good. Reil heels it up for most of the match and looks great. Reil does fun theatrical selling bumping twice in ring and then falling to floor for Jobber’s crappy tornado DDT.
PAS: I was really impressed by Reil. Jobber was pretty poor, but Reil did a very good job of making him look credible and passable. Great brainbuster - the best I have ever seen live. Plus a neat dive from one ringpost to the other end.

Skinhead Ivan vs. Judas Young vs. Chino Martinez

TKG: It’s a three way dance with elimination rules. I can’t identify Young’s entrance music and that pisses me off. Martinez is the face in this match and it’s a mess. No one punches well.
PAS: This match really sucked, I kind of liked Young last time I saw him, but he wasn’t good here. Chino had ridiculous pants, and was really green. Ivan seemed to be able to hit his spots crisply, but had some of the worst punches I have ever seen (which is a real business exposer for a guy with a skinhead gimmick) kind of like a crappy indy nazi Saturn.
TKG: Ivan might have some understanding of how to work a match and I would kind of like to see what Homicide was able to do with him. But so not good.

Insane Dragon vs. Dave Greco:

TKG: The match starts with a quick mirror sequence that ends with both guys even and a round of applause. I HATE THIS SPOT! DAMN YOU MALENKO/GUERRERO!!!!
TKG: Despite my hate of said spot Greco manages to keep up with the superfast Dragon which is pretty impressive. Greco works a nice sequence out of a knuckle lock. In general Greco looks a little too deliberate in ring like he is trying to give an instructional on how to put on octopus hold. I dig Greco and he tries to reel some of the match in. He isn’t quite successful but it’s a noble effort.
PAS: I thought Greco seemed pretty slow, especially compared to Insane Dragon. This match had some really nice stuff and some very poor stuff. Insane Dragon is really flashy, although flashy doesn't really do it for me so much in 2001.
TKG: Insane Dragon sells well and when he hits his highspots they look really impressive.
PAS: The finish was Insane Dragon trying a springboard 450 and landing ass first on Greco’s chest, which may have fractured his ribs. This was Matratsian.
TKG: Post match Dixie comes in to beat down Insane Dragon. Dixie does a air raid crush onto his knee which is the nastiest move I’ve seen live (next to THE OKLAHOMA ROLL). It’s an awesome move that someone should steal.
PAS: I imagine NOVA will invent it soon. Dixie’s match wasn’t very good, but his run-ins were great.

Laithon vs. Magic:

TKG: If you always wondered why the Zambouie Express never broke up to run the Elijah Akeem vs. Kareem Muhamed feud, this here is the answer.
TKG: Laithon is a tall and awkward but so so not Taue. He is better than Big John Studd in his prime. He tries a hurricanrana which looks really bad and amusing.
PAS: The hurricanrana was great, in a completely ill-advised way. Laithons chops were stiff. Magic hit a ludicrous dropkick.
TKG: Magic is Tony Starks dad. He left Starks' mom at a young age and is now trying to reconcile with his son by incorporating the Wu Tang pantheon/philosophy/orientation into his indy wrestling. It seems like a legit effort to reach out but is still sad and pathetic. It reminded me of that movie where the Allan Thick plays a dad who tries to study up on opera so he has something to talk about with his son who he kicked out of his house four years earlier for coming out. When the father tries to discuss opera, his son (Danny Pintauro) doesn't see the love that his father has put into this effort and angrily rejects him, “I may be queer, but I’m not a QUEEN!”. Stark has come to one or two shows but still won’t talk to his estranged father. It’s a touching story but it doesn't make for compelling wrestling.

Deranged vs. Ghost Shadow:

TKG: Deranged is not the Deranged from IWA-MS King of the Deathmatch. I am disappointed but in actuality this is a huge improvement.
PAS: I felt like I was going to hit the KOTD Deranged signature spot after eating the Alligator jerky.
TKG: Deranged works the crazy guy gimmick that has him giving himself a bunch of back bumps because he's crazy (like Crowbar). Axl Rotten would be disgusted.
TKG: They do several joshi spots which you don’t tend to see in US indy jrs matches. Ghost Shadow does a Kyoko Inoue style pendulum swing. The set up for this is really cool as it looks like hes going for a lucha submission and then pulls it into the pendulum swing. He swings Deranged against bottom turnbuckle which is cooler in concept than it looks in reality. Deranged does a series of Ito like double footstomps. I dig the joshi.
PAS: This was a basic trained together indy highspot match. Ghost Shadow did very little memorable, but Deranged has some very nice jawdropper spots, including ending the previously mentioned double stomp sequence with a standing shooting star press while starting on the guys chest. They also had a loony Shannon Moore/ Willowish roll up combo which looked really neat.

Dixie vs. Exploited Child:

TKG: Exploited Child I think maybe doing a huffing gimmick. He seems to laugh a lot and has that “Big sale on butane at Home Depot” look in his eyes. He does a bunch of comedy stuff.
PAS: Exploited Child was the least of the JAPW teen division. I think the guy who exploited him was the guy who took his money for training.
TKG: On the DVDVR 900, I’d put Exploited Child right underneath XPW’s Pogo.
TKG: Dixie sells really well and is able to make this into a match. He is the Matt to Dragon’s Jeff.
PAS: Match was not so good, although Dixie looked like a keeper.

Crowbar vs. Kid Kruel:

TKG: I never understood why Storm would keep his shitty Russo name after he left WCW, but he is way over with the kiddies.
PAS: The crowd was into this the most, cause Crowbar used to be on TV.
TKG: Kruel has a body that Meltz would like and looks to be a little old to be calling himself Kid.
PAS: Crowbar however seems to have replaced his polish with Polish Sausages.
TKG: I expect Crowbar to not take any bumps in this match but he takes a bunch including 4 suplexes. Phil decides to start counting types of suplexes.
PAS: Kid Kruel broke out four types of suplexes, including a high end side suplex. While Crowbar had a Northern lights and a German. If this was the 70’s Idol would be going apeshit.
TKG: There is this odd Battlarts section where Storm reverses a fujwara armbar into a lucha roll up and Kruel reverses something into a rolling knee bar.
PAS: A fitting tribute to the erstwhile worked shoot promotion on the day of its demise.
TKG: Crowbar hits a dvd on Kruel which Kruel pops right back up from. Crowbar then hits the finisher.
PAS: Damn you Kobashi

Low-Ki/ Homicide vs. Mafia/Monsta Mack:

TKG: This is the match we came to see. Half the crowd clears out to find Crowbar to get his autograph. The Hackettstown show was clearly a houseshow and so while we came expecting a preposterously stiff stiff match what we got was a really really fun house show match. It was stiff as hell but not what we expected at all.
PAS: Yeah I was figuring this was going to be stiffer then Hash vs. Corino, but instead it was a basic southern tag stuff. Which was well done and all, but not what I wanted to see from these four. This was kind of like the Tajiri vs. Minoru Tanaka match in Bat-Bat where they did all of that lucha, or those Lucha six man with Blue Panther on one side and El Dandy on the other, that don’t go to the mat and just get worked as brawls.
TKG: The Hit Squad come out and act like scared heels, which is somewhat tough to buy given that they look pretty legit. They go through all the Zbyzsco motions including walking to the back and then they work a southern tag match. With Low-Ki/Homicide as the stiffest Rock n Roll Express vs. the Hit Squad as the stiffest most willing to bump Jack Victory/John Tatum.
PAS: It strains credulity for the Hit Squad to do a chickenshit heel act, considering their size and demeanor. They did it well however.
TKG: Mafia works most of the match and does all kinds of goofy amusing John Tatum-esque selling. He hides in the ropes, crosses himself before taking a bump and makes me laugh. He takes most of the beatings as Low-Ki/Homicide do the stiff face kick double-teams (so much nastier than a double drop kick).
PAS: Low-Ki did most of the work in this match as well, as he was face in peril, which he did fine, but again Low-Ki as Ricky Morton is not the Low-Ki I drove 6 hours to see.
TKG: Monsta mostly comes in for offense, which is a weird reversal of the mic work at beginning of show where Monsta was all comedy and Mafia was all intensity.
TKG: They worked the face double teams early in the match
as opposed to saving the double drop kick for the end. This was a good variation as it told a different story than the cliché and built up well towards both Homicide’s “house a fire offense” and Low Ki’s finisher.
TKG: Homicide/Low-Ki can’t beat the Hit Squad with your traditional southern flash pin (double drop kick quick pin). The Hit Squad won’t allow for that. Double-teaming is used to weaken. But the Hit Squad can’t be beat by double-teaming. They are a team and the only way to beat them is to isolate one member one-on-one while keeping the other away. Of course this leaves the face one on one against the member of Hit Squad. This story makes all of the face teams non-double team offense seem far more important.
TKG: Ref Hanson does a good job of getting shoved around by both teams and never quite seeing what he shouldn’t see.
TKG: Low Ki works Ricky Morton and takes a great high back drop that legit puts him through a ceiling tile. Low-Ki goes for the hope offense before making the hot tag to Homicide. Low Ki is able to knock down both members of the Hit Squad independently in the hope offense section before the hot tag and I think this lessened the heat for Homicide coming in House-a-fire.
PAS: I am with the house of fire criticism, and it was the only artistic flaw in this match. They did a nice counter spot with Homicide breaking up a Mafia attempted burning hammer by putting him in the STF. Cool spot which did not get the reaction it deserved from the dogshit apathetic crowd. Fuck Hackettstown
TKG: There is a table spot post match and Low-Ki gets on the mic setting up the rematch for the belts.

EPILOGUE

PAS: Rat report card
Girl in the red shirt: B-
She had the chubby delinquent look down, and was continually absent during the show to go smoke, both of which are rat pluses. But she refused to blow Laithon to get to the back, which violates the rat code, no ass no backstage pass darling
Missy Hyatts aunt: A+ :
She had the 45 year old rough stripper look down pat. I expected Vince to put her on a Divas poster. Looks like she may have ratted for Unpredictable Johnny Rodz at one point
Loud Mouth Fat Kid C+:
Went to go get Magic's autograph during main event. Did not offer him head though. Did have appropriately large bosoms.
TKG: We leave Hackettstown and we drive and we drive. The jerky does its damage as we both realize that alligator jerky is not digestable. Our bodies continuously try to reject the jerky. The car odor becomes un-breathable.
PAS: Usually I like the smell of my own gas, but the Alligator jerky did bad bad things.
TKG: We try to find an open gas station, which is an adventure in and of itself.
PAS: New Jersey police are the nicest police in the world.
TKG: The partially digested fishy taste in my mouth becomes so bad that I decide to eat a Roy Rogers bacon cheeseburger to attempt to cover it.
PAS: While I spent much time ruminating over the evening in a Turnpike rest stop bathroom.
TKG: The trip home takes forever but at least we don’t get lost or drive into an embankment.
PAS: I believe I got into bed at 5:30 a.m.
TKG: I am the passenger and I ride and I ride I stay under glass. I look through the windows so bright I see the stars come out tonight. Fuck it I felt far less Iggy and more like Dave Dudley at this point. Unfortunately I can’t find any little white pills to keep my eyes open wide but we were going to make it home tonight.
TKG: Phil starts to hallucinate at one point. Unfortunately, I don’t. I take a big breath of the foul alligator jerky scented air hoping that I can join Phil on his “trip” but still nothing.
TKG: We get back to DC pretty delirious from the experience.
PAS: You got to love the wrestling.

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The Quest for the Whitest Match in History: Day 2

Izzy, Dixie, & Angel Dust vs. Austin Aries, Roderick Strong, & Jack Evans
ROH - 5/22/2004

This was the debut of the Generation Next gimmick, four guys who would go on to be guilty of extreme whiteness at various points in their careers - Aries co-opting stuff from tapes with no rhyme or reason, Jack Evans being a wigger, Roderick Strong being Paul Hamm, and Alex Shelley doing a tape-watching gimmick in TNA that evolved into a low-budget filmmaker gimmick somehow - but don't stand out as exceptionally white here. To pick up the slack, we have Special K, which, in fairness, was a pretty multi-ethnic group, but a stable of rich kid ravers is a pretty white concept. Also, let's not forget they have Dixie, who first gained notoriety as a white guy doing Southern chickenshit heel shtick against Puerto Ricans in northeast indies.

At this point, I felt that outside of Shelley, the GenNext guys kinda struggled in singles matches, but we were a lot of fun in multi-mans like this. They had enough cool spots and were competent enough heels that they could excel in this setting, but in singles matches, they tended to fall into their various bad habits. Special K were kinda similar in that regard, as aside from Dixie and Lethal, they were guys who really benefited from the team setting, as evidenced by the fact that they broke up, and now they're all gone from the company. Well, I guess we can't blame the team's break-up for Deranged stealing Teddy Hart's car, but you get the idea. Of course, this was a team that used the team gimmick to justify bad habits - which is still probably the most clever booking move Gabe Sapolsky ever pulled off - whereas GenNext used it to hide theirs. And this is a match where those bad habits become apparent - Angel Dust working the match with an injured neck, which he sells early, but forgets about while doing Manami Toyota's rolling pin thingy, which I imagine would be pretty traumatic for a dude with an injured neck, being the most glaring example - but GenNext have a lot of fun stuff to do to keep me interested. Jack Evans uncorks the reverse hurricanrana on a listless Izzy, Strong military presses Izzy back-first into the corner, and Aries spinning elbowdrop looks a lot better when he doesn't take an hour to set it up. They'd all do better stuff later, but this was a fine intro to the gimmick.

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