The 2002 WWF Royal Rumble Match: A Great Royal Rumble Match

ER: I had not watched this Rumble since it originally aired, and I was surprised at just how many specific things I remembered. I have real goldfish brain these days and yet I somehow remembered more about this Rumble than almost any of the 20+ that have happened since. I watched this one specifically for the 2002 Boss Man content. Boss Man was good enough in 2002 that it's worth checking out a 70 minute match for what is no more than a few minutes of Boss Man action. This was his final PPV match appearance before spending the next few months working compelling matches on Heat. Going out like a legend. But this match had a lot more value than just a few minutes of Boss Man. This is one of my favorite Rumbles, one with nothing but great punches and ass kicking. Goldust/Rikishi was a great starting two for this Rumble. Honestly, Goldust making his WWE return and looking this damn good is something that should be brought up every time you talk about Dustin career highlights. He and Rikishi were pacesetters for this, focusing snug punches, fast near eliminations and hard bumps, and at least 15 guys in this Rumble focus on the same. Boss Man is actually the third guy in this whole thing, and in a Rumble where half the men involved made a case for having the best punches in WWF, Big Boss Man made the best case for #1. 

Based on this Rumble alone, the 10 best punchers of 2002 WWF were:

1. Big Boss Man

2. Matt Hardy

3. Val Venis

4. Goldust

5. Perry Saturn

6. Mr. Perfect

7. Chuck Palumbo

8. Christian

9. Scotty 2 Hotty

10. Steve Austin

Goldust/Rikishi/Boss Man makes for a really great fast paced three way, with all taking big bumps and throwing stiff strikes. Goldust gets crotched up top, Boss Man gets whipped into Goldust's groin, and Boss Man slips Rikishi ass over elbow with a running forearm shiver. During his few minutes in the Rumble Match, Boss Man threw upwards of 16 different precise punches to Rikishi's and Goldust's body and face. 

He made the most of his too brief time, then took a real tough elimination: He was the matches' lone Stink Face victim, and it was a particularly aggressive and lengthy, just buried. What were they doing out there. How were we a baby step away from a wrestler being allowed to put his balls in his opponent's mouth or something. Boss Man staggered into a big bump elimination, Rikishi blasting him with a fully extended superkick and a freight train clothesline over the top. I still can't believe how great Boss Man was in 2002. 

Goldust has some of the best in-ring timing of any wrestler of the last 20 years, but we get blessed with an unintentionally hilarious Rumble moment where Goldust starts a corner 10 count punch sequence on Bradshaw at almost the exact same time the countdown clock begins, so you have 13,000 people colliding on numbers with everyone going in different directions. 

Undertaker clearing the ring, laying waste to everyone - Goldust claiming best elimination with his chokeslam bump elimination - was really well done. Undertaker felt like a real force and everyone in 2002 moved like they were somehow injected with extra testosterone. But the best past of Undertaker eating waste was Matt Hardy and Lita beating the shit out of him, and it only got better when Jeff Hardy came in because then all three of them kicked the shit out of him. I wish we got more of that before Taker made his comeback, but I just love the Hardys. The Last Ride on Matt was huge, and Jeff got to distract Taker enough for Maven to make him look like a bug eyed idiot. But they got a lot of good mileage out of the Undertaker/Maven brawl, with Undertaker beating the shit out of the never-eliminated Maven and then walking down the aisle to punch Scott 2 Hotty in the face before just walking back to continue the beating. Maven bleeds and gets dragged into the concourse area, security guards having to actively shove fans out of the way as they crowd in. 

There's a lot of star power, and the guys who get less of a reaction all do stuff to make the crowd pay attention. Christian, DDP, Scotty, Chuck Palumbo, Godfather, Albert, all worked hard for their 1-10 minutes, everyone of them throwing hands and bumping big. DDP had this great tumbling backwards bumps through the ropes after a Scotty superkick; Christian, Palumbo, and Perry Saturn all have a face punching challenge and we are all winners, with Saturn and Chuck especially teeing off on each other. 

The match can be divided up 65/35 between the build to Austin charming the big crowd by running the ring, and the comedown when Austin has to share the ring with HHH. Even though the entire Rumble has good parts, it is top loaded and I like how everyone filled time before HHH was in there. Austin is a great battle royal worker. That's no secret. I love watching him fill time and I loved the gag of him eliminating everyone too quickly, so needing to punch everyone back into the ring to eliminate them again. Austin runs through several guys and it's a weird call to have Val Venis show up for the first time in 8 months and be the first guy in the match to ice down Austin. Turns out, it was a good call. I liked the Austin/Venis stretch so much that I immediately checked for any singles matches they had, and now I'm definitely going to watch their 1999 Smackdown match. I don't think HHH is bad in this Rumble per se, but he's so fucking serious and it kind of spoils all the fun. He's a scowling frowning buzzkill who glowers and sucks the fun out of exchanges, and spends a lot of time lying down and catching his breath. The first 70% of the match is kids having a blast at a sleepover, and the last 30% is like kids still having fun, but it's on a field trip while a teacher keeps telling them to be quiet. 

I really loved this match as Mr. Perfect's last big moment. Making the final three, swatting his gum into the crowd while Austin and HHH try to eliminate. What a guy. Does anyone else swat their gum like they're Mr. Perfect? I think I'd be too afraid of it getting stuck to my hand or whiffing. It takes high levels of confidence to pull Curt Hennig's gum swat success rate. Do you remember the little buzz after Perfect came back after almost a decade? I was on those message boards. I was talking about how great the Perfect/Tommy Dreamer match was on Heat. I didn't know he wouldn't even work 20 matches after that one. Is the Curt Hennig Puerto Rico any good? What about the XWF that he recorded right before returning to WWF? It probably is, and I'll probably watch that along with the Austin/Venis match. This Rumble has a lot of fallout. The push to the finish of the match was exciting enough. Big Show looked really good in the double strap Bundy singlet. Kane lifting, walking, and tossing Big Show over the ropes to eliminate him was legitimately impressive, Kurt Angle had a lot of enthusiasm, the Austin elimination was fairly shocking, and you're left with a 70 minutes match that did not at all feel 70 minutes long. I think that counts as high praise. 

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Heel Tommy Dreamer: Obviously, Somebody Took Offense To It

Tommy Dreamer vs. Scotty 2 Hotty WWF Metal 9/1/01

ER: Tommy Dreamer might have been trying to hit Kurt Angle with his car, or, he was merely pulling into a parking space. This is the technical beginning of Heel Tommy Dreamer, although no turn was yet official. He would have been the default heel here as the crowd was not going to be booing Scotty 2 Hotty, but he does a great turn at the end of the match anyway. Dreamer is good at missing offense to set up Scotty's, and he gets crotched TWICE. There is nothing Tommy Dreamer loves more than being dropped balls first onto a guardrail or rope or turnbuckle, and here he gets swollen balls from the ringside barricade AND top turnbuckle! Dreamer is aggressive and keeps missing until he hits, rolling to the floor off a superkick and then taking a hard bump to the floor after getting crotched on the barricade. But he's got great right hands that he throws from a far back wind up, elevating his punches by landing them from a reared back slot. I liked 2001 Dreamer's moveset a lot: nice neckbreaker, a great Sky High that gets set up like a spinebuster, great missed elbow bump off a Naniwa elbow. 

The best part of the match is the official Dreamer heel turn, because it's so logical and makes so much sense, and is just so easy. Dreamer gets crotched on the top buckle, staggers down to his feet, and as Scotty runs the ropes to set up the bulldog that sets up the Worm...Dreamer merely ducks. Dreamer ducks, then just spikes Scotty with a DDT. The fans absolutely hate it. The crowd noise that started with buzzed excitement as they saw Scotty setting up the Worm, that transitions to hate-filled boos as Dreamer dodges the Worm and then mocks them for loving the Worm, is sublime. Dreamer does a fantastic impression of how stupid Scotty looks when he's about to do the Worm, does the shittiest/perfect one legged hops, and while doing those hops Scotty gets up and plants him with the Bulldog. Even better, is that when Scotty does hit the Worm, he immediately finishes off Dreamer with a springboard DDT that I don't remember him regularly using. I appreciate when guys try to put unique twists on played out spots, and this was a great version of that. 

Tommy Dreamer vs. Tajiri WWF Heat 9/9/01

ER: A cool 4 minute match with a surprising, earned Tajiri win. This was an unexplored ECW TV bout, but we have a ton of fancam singles matches. This is their only WWF match, and it was a tight version of their ECW house show feud. Dreamer controls and bullies Tajiri around, and I have no real memory of any hierarchies during the short Invasion window so I have no clue where either of these guys ranked in comparison to each other. Tajiri was with Torrie Wilson, Dreamer had new pants with a barbed wire design down the leg. Who's to say. Dreamer works a cool bearhug where he lowers Tajiri's shoulders to the mat for a pinfall, Tajiri tries to pull a can opener, then get a guillotine, then just opts to bite Dreamer's nose to escape. As Dreamer is stumbling around holding his nose, screaming like a man who chose the worst possible time to tell a distasteful joke about Tongans, Tajiri flattens him with the most perfect crescent kick. Tajiri gets spiked nicely on a DDT, and the crowd got into Tajiri snapping and just hauling off on Dreamer with a flurry of punches and kicks. Dreamer jaws with leather pants Torrie Wilson and gets kicked in his hamstring for it, dropping his head enough to eat a buzzsaw right. They were 4-4 in their ECW singles matches, so Tajiri goes up in the corporate rubber match. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE HEEL TOMMY DREAMER

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NXT Arrival 2/27/14 Review

1. Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro

Awesome, awesome match. This is not news to most of you. These two match up so well, and this was just a wonderful match to start the big "introduction" event for NXT. There are great matches, and then there are matches that are not only great, but perfectly slot into their time and atmosphere. There were several nice callbacks to their 2/3 falls match from August, starting with Zayn going for his turnbuckle dive DDT and Cesaro lying in wait with a beastly uppercut. Cesaro just manhandles Zayn the entire time using his freak strength. We didn't get anything quite as freakish as the 2/3 falls finish, with Cesaro literally running around the ring holding Zayn above his head and then tossing him even higher, but there were still plenty of awesome freak moments. Everytime Zayn would leave his feet I'd wonder if it would end with Cesaro catching him in mid air and then tossing him painfully, and it often would. Cesaro leveled him a couple of times with uppercuts, the best being a brutal running corner charge. We also get Cesaro working all over Zayn's knee, wrenching it in some cool ways, doing his nasty double stomp to it (later we even get a double stomp literally to Zayn's face), and Zayn gamely plays up the knee injury throughout, showing that some moves take longer to set up because of the knee, and when he follows through with the move anyway it almost always backfires (like Cesaro catching his split legged moonsault and splatting him on the rampway). Zayn's flash roll-ups and pins are all convincing, and Cesaro is great at getting into position and launching himself into Zayn's hope spots (Cesaro taking the sunset flip powerbomb is a thing of perfection). The fans rightly flip out for this one and I was hanging on all of the nearfalls with them. I love that Cesaro never actually went full heel in the match. Crowd was into him and more into Zayn's comebacks, but Cesaro didn't outright cheat or work in an underhanded way, and he didn't need to. This was just a classic match with flawless execution and an awesome, unexpected build. I couldn't see wanting anything more.

2. CJ Parker vs. Mojo Rawley

Parker is clearly the creep that you do NOT buy molly from on the moe. Cruise. Never seen Rawley before and I like the energy, but he doesn't do tons with it. Parker confuses my brain as I hate looking at him, but at the same time that makes his character so much more effective. Sinister hippie patchouli scum is something I simultaneously hate...yet I also just strangely really like Parker. This is a problem. Short match, Rawley uses a kinda weak bombs away as his finish.

3. The Ascension vs. Too Cool

This is probably the most I've enjoyed an Ascension tag. This was a perfect WorldWide match. Ascension got to work over Sexay with some nice running charges, Scotty looked good on the hot tag and threw some nice rights, Viktor did a nice reversal to avoid taking the Worm, Konnor's falling lariat looked great, and none of this overstayed its welcome. Pretty much a best case scenario Ascension tag.

4. Emma vs. Paige

So here I am one episode after babbling how much I don't "get" Emma, and then NXT does an Emma highlight package that totally makes me like Emma in about 60 seconds. I'm an awful, difficult person. I think what makes her character worse is hearing guys like Byron Saxton explain WHY she's quirky or weird makes it terrible, like Michael Cole trying to put over Adam Rose as cool and fun loving. Just seeing one minute of Emma interviews is so much better than Saxton reading a script. Her ringwork, however, still leaves me wanting flat. The match got a lot of time, and Byron Saxton kept telling me it was unbelievable and incredible, but they just had a hard time finding the narrative. All of the Emma promos with her acting aloof went out the window here as she's stomping on Paige's throat and controlling the first half of the match. Paige's promos all came off as someone with a chip on her shoulder, but then she's immediately thrust into a babyface role, which kinda goes out the window once SHE goes to control, as she also works as a heel. It's all strange and kinda flops, no matter the This is Awesome chants. Neither really has the moveset to fill this much time. I liked the "scorpion crosslock" (Regal's term) finish that Paige used, but I was still left confused by who they wanted me to cheer for.

5. Xavier Woods vs. Tyler Breeze

Match doesn't happen as Rusev comes out and does a couple of nice power throws. In hindsight kind of surprising how they had him wreck two guys who eventually got called up to the roster, since NXT has no problem using jobbers. But maybe that made the segment stand out a bit more to have him wreck a couple "name" guys.

6. Ladder Match: Adrian Neville vs. Bo Dallas

Good match, avoided a lot of ladder match tropes like slow climbing, and focuses more on actually two guys having a match that has to end with climbing, rather than two guys building a match around climbing. I have only seen WWE Bo Dallas where his work has been...less than stellar. He was so much better here, more focused in his role, and it's one of many examples of how terrible WWE is about just bringing some of these guys up with minimal explanations about who they are. But Dallas looks good here, he had these cool short arm back elbows where he'd just reel Neville into them, keep a hold onto Neville's arm, and then pull him back for another one, ending with a short arm lariat. He does a nice job of putting over little ladder match details, such as pinching his fingers (seems like something I do every third time I use a ladder). Neville works his insane agility and balance into some nice spots, such as springboarding onto the set-up ladder, and taking massive bumps off of it into the ropes. The also do a good job of setting up ladder spots early in the match that come into play later, like a ladder wedged into the corner that Neville eventually gets run into. Finish is good, simple and smart, with Dallas getting slammed on a ladder and Neville hitting the Red Arrow roughly across Dallas' legs. Dallas rolls to the floor while Neville sets up the ladder, and Dallas sloppily scrambles back in too late to make the save. We didn't get goofy dual slow climbs, we got a guy who sold too long who then realized it and tried to correct it, but couldn't. Good end to a good show.


COLLECTED NXT REVIEWS

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