Lucha Underground Season 4 Episode 6: Break the Machine

TL: Vampiro Fashion Update: Substitute teacher who heard you really liked Neil Degrasse-Tyson’s “Cosmos,” but also believes the world is flat.

Paul London vs. Dezmond X

ER: This was a good enough parkour thigh slap match, although I think it's odd they didn't do any kind of immediate follow up on London possibly killing Son of Havoc's best friend. I also thought it was silly to have London lose so easily to Xavier, even with Rabbit Tribe interfering. Savage LSD soaked murderers should get at least a little protection. London was really amusing in this, bumping around as fast as he ever has, none of his boy's interference working, missing hard leaping avalanches, leaning into jumping kicks from Xavier, always looking like he's struggling to keep up. Xavier was fine, but LU always has a few of him around, I would rather see more resurgent London.

TL: I was thinking about guys like Desmond X and a lot of it has to do with that his style is now the norm on the indies. Guys who are in that 150-200 pound range, have athleticism, maybe does one spot different than other guys of his ilk, but don’t have anything that stands out in a way that’s a cut above anyone like it. That seems really basic and obvious to some, but that’s kind of the issue I have: What’s the point of having that type of athleticism if everyone else has it? I’ve been hyping 205 Live all year long, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that the guys on that show have figured out how to co-exist in ways that don’t seem redundant to other folks on the show. Anyways, as I wrote this, we got to the finish where Desmond reverses a Dodon into a roll-up to win the medallion, but there wasn’t much that he did that made me feel like he made an impact. Also, how does London not come out with blood-stained clothes, man? Huge missed opportunity.

ER: The Papa Cueto stuff is suuuuuuuuuper garbage you guys. Any mic time from him is an automatic pass. BUT he gives us an impromptu battle royal with all the Gift of the Gods people, so I can't be all that grouchy. But the battle royal is only a couple minutes long and not much. Muertes press slammed Ivelisse onto Cuerno on the floor. All the eliminations came quick until we were left with Havoc and Mack, and Havoc eliminated himself with a tope con hilo, because he values friendship. That was pretty pointless, as there were many ways we could have gotten to the "somebody taken out of Gift of the Gods". Hopefully this puts Muertes into something more interesting than a scramble match.

TL: If Papa Cueto has been around for over 40 years like he said, you’d think he’d learn how to speak in a way that didn’t make me want to change the channel. Eric and I are calling a battle royal for the first time ever at PPW’s 4thanniversary show in November, and we are both as excited as you could expect considering Eric’s love for battle royals and my ability to win battle royal pools at his birthday parties, so anytime you get folks going over the top for anything, we’re gonna love it. The kitsch that Papa brings to the table was funny for maybe two shows or so, but seeing it every show for what will be like…what, 10 months’ worth of shows? Good lord. Like how Mil came off here: Got almost everyone out, and by doing so, was the odd man out because Mack didn’t think he could hang. Mil should be in the title picture anyways, so doing this match seemed a step below him, so I’m fine with this. Now let Mack win and strap him already!

Vibora vs. Johnny Mundo

ER: I went from not liking this, to kind of checking out on this, to enjoying it by the end. Vibora had a really great ring clearing run-in a couple weeks ago, looking the best he's looked on LU. Here he started off back to slow luchasaurus, working a plodding move for move match with Mundo that felt like it wasn't really going anywhere. Then Mundo hit an insane looking tumbleweed to the floor into Kobra Moon, crazy looking spot. That got my attention. But by this time more lizards were coming in and more Worldwide Underground were getting involved, it was feeling too Attitude Era, and Mundo overshot his twisting moonsault as he always does, and Vibora got an unexpected kickout. I don't know why I got more interested in the match then, but I did. It doesn't make sense to me, as I wasn't digging the match, so you'd think the match going longer would be bad news, but the kickout was well done and worked. Now, it was certainly weird that at this point the lizard clan were clearly the tecnicos, and seeing tecnico luchasaurus trying silly Burning Hammer variations, or take a reverse rana, or kick a chair out of Mundo's hand was fun, and Mundo's headkick parkour was working. I do wish Vibora showed some of the energy that he showed in his big moment a couple weeks ago, but he was definitely connecting with the crowd here. They won me over, wasn't expecting it.

TL: I’ve been all about Vibora’s extended offensive showing, so as long as he isn’t out here just doing the usual big guy offense, I’ll be into it. And sure enough, after Johnny’s good start, Vibora gains control and starts on offense and I’m digging it! Last season, Vibora was easily the most skippable guy probably in the entire fed, and now I’m out here digging what he brings to the table. Super strange, man. That Johnny dive was absolutely nutso, a no-look somersault plancha to his periphery. Really insane stuff, one of those spots to remind you Johnny is still amazingly athletic. The Worldwide Underground/Reptile Tribe stuff was okay, I guess, but I also was digging what happened leading up to it, so I didn’t feel like I needed to see it. Weird to have this type of chicanery-filled match when it isn’t the main event, too, but I have to hand it to them as they worked it rather well. Vibora got to show off his offense (He’s not a seven-footer, but that offense is nuts for a guy his size, still), and that finish was CHOICE. I’m a huge sucker for Akira Taue’s super nodowa, and here Johnny takes it off a damn springboard. I loved this showing from Vibora, what a damn turnaround for him.

ER: The XO Lishus Flashdance workout with Jack Evans spying his competition from around the corner clearly looked like something that Ted Cruz would have open in a tab, but Lishus really comes off like a potential star. The Ricky Mundo talking doll stuff is too try hard, but I liked his interaction with Evans.

TL: I don’t get why you feel the need to give someone a doll, but Jack Evans can make literally everything work, and XO’s got the stuff to really break out. I get this is a means to the end of Evans and Angelico rejoining, but still, too much goofiness here, even with Jack selling his ass off for Ricky's doll nonsense.

Cage vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: I wanted more out of this one, and that's always going to be the case in Pentagon matches now that he seemingly takes 75% of them. He's picked a lot of the worst offense to make up his repertoire, the slingblade and backcracker variations all need to disappear, and when he's up against someone with super cool offense like Cage it just doesn't play well. It feels like all the people I want to win this season are being used as cannon fodder for guys I don't like. The stuff around ringside was good, some rough falls on the temple steps and over the handrail, bumps into chairs and Cage thudding nicely when taking the slingblade. But in-ring it's mostly Pentagon, and not very interesting. The package piledriver was impressive, but this just isn't the horse I want to see backed.

TL: I can’t get over Pentagon, who is maybe 5’9” (listed at 5’11”, my ass), going basically eye to eye with Cage here. The mask tying part is really good stuff, but like Eric said, Penta getting so much offense seems a bit much considering who he’s up against. Cage has barely shown that even a guy lie Muertes can do much against him, but Penta going 50/50 with him, especially with how Cage is portrayed, seems too try hard. Never need to see a damn Canadian Destroyer again, but yeah, two of those and the Fear Factor seem about right to put Cage down, I guess? Super push for Penta is officially questionable now, especially when Cage gets to get his heat back afterwards, too. Penta already beat him clean in like seven minutes; what good does him being able to stop the arm breaking do? Should have stopped the pinfall from happening, man.


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Lucha Underground Season 4 Episode 4: Pain, Love and Sacrifice to the Gods

TL: Catrina trades in the dominatrix starter kit for the Jessica Rabbit dress sans sparkles thanks to a reverse Snow White? I mean, considering the magic threshold on this show, a wardrobe change seems like an odd way to show off your newly stolen lifeforce. Also, I’m sorry, but the dude’s LITERALLY NAMED FENIX. As in, HE RISES FROM THE DEAD. How are we not supposed to see him coming back from the dead after this? “Hey, Mark. We’re gonna call you Big Mac not because you’re super strong and your last name is McGwire, but because you’re a big fan of Burger King.” Zigging when they should zag, man.

Also, we get Striker saying Famous B might need a literal leg amputation due to what Jake Strong did to him two weeks ago, which is less believable than anything that happened with Catrina to open the show.

Big Bad Steve vs. Jake Strong

ER: Damn this was shaping up to be my favorite match of the new season, as it had the pacing of a cool big dude stiff fest (really looking forward to see what Google hits we get from "big dude stiff fest"), but then it kind of quickly flipped switch into full Jake Strong showcase squash. Strong and his flesh beard still come off a little mouth breath-y, but with Steve's bumping he came off pretty badass. Steve threw a couple of thee fucking best punches of 2018 in the middle of this, throwing one corker, and than a wrist bending shot right off Strong's forehead, staggering him. Strong had big shots to the gut, hard back elbows, stiff avalanche, wrestling tougher than I expected from his Impact run. After the match Strong hits a nasty powerbomb on the floor, Steve really getting planted. This was cool, really could have been awesome with a bit more time.

TL: Not gonna lie: Kinda want a shirt with the Big Bad Steve logo on it. The fact they actually made a logo for him is awesome considering a lot of folks in WWE can’t even get a damn shirt made. Steve has some great right hands as previously mentioned, as someone named Big Bad Steve should have, but they just look nasty as all hell, even with Strong’s stiff strikes going right back at him. Really shows how even the simplest of offense can make someone look good like that. We lost our boy Pindar due to beheading at the end of last season, so I’m definitely down to see Steve in his place as burly base with good looking offense. Strong squashes are necessity due to what they want him to be this season, but yeah, I wish this had more back and forth to it. Still, a good piece of business, as the kids say.

TL: As good as lucha masks and sweet suits are, lucha masks and cowboy hats are basically right there with them, and Cuerno makes it look good. Cage gets to flex and flex into a Muertes match next week and yeah, I am on board for that.

Daga/Kobra Moon vs. Johnny Mundo/Taya

ER: Really fun match, Mundo and Taya working full on babyface, and Taya looks to be having a blast with it, and it's kind of infectious. She really laid it in too, hitting some spirited back elbows and strikes, kicking Moon in the back of the head and hitting a sick curb stomp that bounced her forehead off the mat. Mundo hit his timing spots nicely, he and Taya actually come off tas the rare cool "shades of gray" characters, that can work either way one week to the next. Moon took a nice beating here, and Daga runs nicely into Mundo kicks. I liked this a lot more than I expected (just like Strong's performance, I must be in a real good mood, leaded instead of unleaded.

TL: I really want to like Daga because he’s got the athleticism and looks like a guy who can hang either as a tecnico or rudo, but he just doesn’t have charisma like you’d think. Taya was the standout here, doing a good lucha sequence with Daga and just bringing the stiffness with her strikes. That curbstomp was NASTY, as was PJ Black’s kick to set it up. Don’t know if I liked it as much as Eric, but it certainly didn’t suck.

ER: We're definitely into Leaded territory here because I dug that Vibora wrecking ball segment after the mixed tag. Vibora hitting goateed lizard cannonballs and big boots was apparently just what I needed.

TL: So Vibora goes off in the offseason and has some honest-to-god improved offense and looks like way better ring presence. Suffice to say, if this Vibora is the one we get this year, count me in.

Mr. Pectacular vs. Matanza

ER: I didn't feel like seeing Mr. Pectacular (although maybe in my good mood I'd like him in a gassed Power Plant trainee kind of way), and Matanza puts in a nice unlocked and unleashed squash. He hits a cool twisting back suplex after throwing Pecs into the corner, and then hits probably his greatest Wrath of the Gods, stopping, pivoting, feet leaving the mat to slam him the other way. A nice comeback for a person who murdered someone by ripping their face off a couple seasons ago.

TL: Pec just makes me miss Tino Sabbatelli (who, coincidentally has a pec injury right now), but he takes a great beating here. The Matanza body control points have been pointed out time and time again by us, but this was it at the top of its game. Everything had extra oomph to it, and sign me up for an unleashed Matanza, which was my favorite part of Season 2. This was a Mil Muertes-level squash here.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. King Cuerno

ER: Wasn't expecting the comeback of Chavo, and it's good to see him still. a guy who should get more credit for what he's done. Chavo can still put on a good show, limps out a tweaked knee, hits a heavy crossbody, bumps hard over the top the floor, eats a chairshot, do some nice balance beam fight work around the raised barrier (which Cuerno hits a great high crossbody off of); Chavo is like the better version of David Sierra, and that's a good thing. We do get an unfortunately messy teeter totter spot, with Chavo setting up way close to the ropes, but Cuerno got through the spot well, and hit his bullet dive right after, which was convenient timing. I thought both came off well overall, but Cuerno came off stronger and that's more important.

TL: It’s funny that Eric waxes strong on Chavo to begin this after what I said about Muertes in our last review. Totally agree that he’s underrated in a way, and that he’s done a lot in a career that’s basically a quarter century long. I think I might be higher on Cuerno than other people, as I always liked his offense, and he shows off some personality here, too, playing to the crowd and helping build to the big spots, like the aforementioned bullet tope (preceded by an awesome top rope sunset flip). Guerrero shtick never really gets old, and Chavo knows how to do little things in matches that stick out. Enjoyable stuff and yeah, a good ending to a good top-to-bottom episode. The further we are away from the season premiere, the more this is turning into a show I enjoy watching again.

ER: My favorite episode of the season so far, We got manageable length matches with big dudes doing cool spots, just a really fun quick moving show. Felt exciting and action packed.


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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 39 Ultima Lucha Tres Part 3

1. Last Luchadora Standing: Taya vs. Sexy Star

ER: So this worked better than it should have, and was probably Sexy Star's best actual performance. I think I've said in several other matches something along the lines of "This was probably the best possible match that _____ could have had with Sexy Star", and while I can't say she was actually good in it, for the most part, this felt like her best actual performance. All Sexy Star matches will always have that feeling of minding a toddler while he waddles around a playground: You're omnipresent and next to them at all times, but they don't really take your suggestions on what to do, and sometimes they'll stare at things overly long, and then they'll point and shout something unintelligible at something, and then they'll need help climbing steps, and they'll grab things that don't belong to them, and you don't really feel like you're needed there but need to be there constantly trying to catch them if they fall. Sexy Star kind of toddles around the Temple, and Taya follows her around, throwing herself through chairs and into grating and into tables and bleeding. For her part of things, Star slaps Taya with authority, lands a couple stomach kicks, and throws shots to the back of Taya's neck that actually look painful. They fall into a lot of things, chairs, the bleacher seats, a table, and it almost always looks good. I don't want to see Sexy Star wrestling anymore, but I appreciated that she tightened a couple things up in what should be her last LU match (unless season 4 is already planning on being the Season of Sexy!).

TL: Take a drink every time Striker says “war.” Seriously, it’s amazing. I remember saying it maybe a time or two too many during a recent PPW main event, but he’s in love with the word. Taya got one of my favorite Jeremiah Crane performances out of him in the Cueto Cup and so I am all in on her actually making a Sexy Star match good with her bumping and stooging. Taya even blades, which I am not surprised at in the least. God, hindsight is amazing here with Striker saying Sexy fights for what’s just and ethical. My favorite part about Eric’s toddler analogy is when I look up and see Sexy literally crawling around the ring as if she can’t find her favorite pacifier. They really do lay it in, at least, with the chops looking good even if the sound effects oversell their effectiveness. Sexy does lead Taya around by the nose everywhere; it’s amazing how much Taya is chasing her in this match. The garbage spots do look good, even if there’s a few times where things got telegraphed, but Taya really had a great performance here again. Now make sure there’s no more Sexy Star in Season 4. After the bullshit she pulled last year, she doesn’t deserve to be back, let alone get a push similar to what she got in Season 3.

2. Pindar/Vibora/Drago vs. The Mack/Killshot/Dante Fox

ER: I like this, very edgy subversive stuff here, an impressive Black Lives Matter allegory having every black member of the roster trying to save their America by waging global war against the Deep State Lizard People. It's some pretty revolutionary stuff here on hour 3 of Ultima Lucha Tres. And you know what? I really liked this as a title win for Mack/Killshot/Fox. The Lizard People have been really disappointing as champions, feels like they shouldn't need belts. But Mack's team winning felt like a great tecnico moment, and there aren't a ton of great tecnico moments in this fed that aren't immediately made bittersweet. I don't really know if the match was good, but it felt like a couple doors shutting that had been open for way too long. The Lizards haven't felt as big as they probably anticipated, so it's a good time to dial them back a bit, and the Fox/Killshot feud went on too long and I'd rather see their style as a team than as opponents. Mack came off - again - like a major star in the match, and they really messed up by not shoving him high up the card way quicker. It may get there eventually, but Mack is a guy they could make face of the company, and should. Although I can't believe that the cameras switched away and miss most of Vibora's bump off the Pounce. I don't think I've ever even seen Luchasaurus take a bump, so Mack making him fly off his feet feels like it should have been a big deal. Striker takes forever wrapping up a bootlace-as-secret-code story to just say that Fox and Killshot are working nicely together. I also really liked Pindar in this, he's been a great add to the roster, and I'd love for him to be repackaged. He is an awesome base, gets to show a little bit of personal lizard pride by refusing Kobra Moon's demand that he use a chain, and he's one of the few guys to opt to do a moonsault to sell a Stunner. Has anyone done a moonsault stunner bump? Rock would infamously handspring his way across the ring, but I don't know if I've seen a moonsault bump from it. Dante Fox's back still looks completely disgusting (his death match was filmed the day before!), and him doing a major flip dive over the buckles and just skidding on his back was gruesome. There was flayed skin hanging off. The match was okay, decent energy, but the actual moments and implications were the best.

TL: It wouldn’t be a professional wrestling match if all the available black guys in the fed didn’t wrestle in the same match together. Legit surprised Famous B didn’t come out with them. I’m all about the first few minutes of this match, where Fox and Killshot try their usual stuff but their injuries catch up and it becomes what I wanted most in this match: A Pindar showcase! He has a great little run here during the Lizard control segment, and then when Mack gets the hot tag and the tecnicos figure it out, it gets good. That shot of Fox’s back was absolutely disgusting. Pindar taking the fall was bleh because he looked the best in the match on the Lizard side, but he also made the finishing run look good. And yeah, it’s nice to see tecnicos do something cool without consequence. This was definitely a match where the moments were more important than the sum of its parts, but there was a good layout and everyone was used well. Surprised Drago didn’t get much of a showcase here. Fox is an insane person for going out there and doing his usual stuff with his back like that basically 24 hours after that match. Killshot was at least smart enough to take flip bumps onto his stomach most of the time.

3. Ladder Match: Son of Havoc vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: This isn't very good, and has some absolutely brutal prop set up. The only interesting moment of prop set up is when Pentagon starts throwing a bunch of ladders into the ring and Striker brings up the Public Enemy match. Vampiro compares this moment to when he was in FMW with Terry Funk, and I genuinely don't think that Funk and Vampiro were ever around each other before WCW. I don't think Vampiro ever wrestled in FMW, and I don't think Funk ever wrestled in WAR, really don't think they would have ever been on tour with a company together, before WCW. But then again he has already stated that he got to see Misawa/Kawada matches while on tour with All Japan and...that never happened. The match reaches peak crazy when Pentagon delivers a package piledriver through opened chairs. It didn't lead to a finish. Pentagon proceeds to slowly set up several ladders, and it's completely interminable because the whole time you knew it wasn't going to lead to anything nearly as cool as Crazy Crusher vs. Hell Storm. And for a guy who is I guess spreading the devil's message of violence, Pentagon never actually feels very comfortable setting up all these ladders and tables. It leads to this silly moment where there is a ladder resting on the middle rope and within the rungs of an opened ladder, and he and Havoc are brawling slowly on it because it's rickety and they don't want to fall...but it's like 2 1/2 feet off the mat. This is no Bill Dundee hanging off a scaffold, this is more a red panda hanging off a low branch, and he's trying to recover, but he's just got his panda strength to work with, and eventually he falls...but it's like a 1 foot drop. This didn't work for me.

TL: Dark is gonna have to show me something here because after so much time giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying he’d bring it in a big match, this is the type of situation where he needs to show up. Vampiro bringing up tours of Japan he never went on goes into the JBL Honorary Hall of Fame right alongside “Riki Tenryu” and his drugged showdown with an inflated dinosaur he calls Godzilla during a WWE tour of Japan. Also, not a single ladder hit Havoc when Dark threw them in there, so that wasn’t even close to the Funk ECW chair stuff. Striker also makes an Art Vandelay joke. With as much as I’m talking about commentary, it should tell you what I think of this match. It’s literally setup spot after setup spot. Something happens, weak transition spot (they tried the Randy Orton/Evan Bourne RKO spot and it didn’t look good at all), guy sets something up. Rinse and repeat. Dark literally wrestles as if he’s not getting paid enough for this shit, and since I’m not getting paid at all for it, I’ll care just as much. For a match between two ultraviolent characters where one of them came up as a real-life backyarder, this was as anti-violent and plodding as anything you’d see on this show, but set up much like you'd imagine a backyard ladder match would be. You saw how the first night ended. You saw how the second night ended. I understand if the feeling was that they couldn’t top any of that, but at least go out and try. It’s the blowoff show. Literally no reason to hold anything back here. This was a hastily put together match but could have been much better than it had any right to be. As far as Dark is concerned, I’m out on him.

TL: Man alive, are they telegraphing what’s gonna happen to Puma here. I mean, if you read this site, pretty sure you are up to speed on current pro wrestling news, so it’s no secret what’s going to happen to Puma. If I was watching this when it aired not knowing what was going to happen, it wouldn’t have made me change my mind on Vampiro obviously looking to screw over Puma. It’s another part of this that I had watched previously in highlight form so I’m foggy on specifics, but we’ll see if my feelings change watching the finale.

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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 24: Macho Madness

TL: I want to want something in my life as much as Catrina wants a giant cup with ribbons on it. Also, I’m 1000% certain Vampiro never pronounced Sergio Arau’s name right once in all the shows he played.

1. Veneno vs. Mil Muertes

ER: Man, actual Veneno would have been so much more interesting in LU than Ricky Reyes under a mask. You've seen more violent Muertes squashes. I wonder who designed the cool Veneno mask for a gimmick they don't use?

TL: Man, I’m such a huge fan of Muertes absolutely mauling folks. Yes, there are better squashes, but it’s still worth it to watch him squash folks. He absolutely destroys Veneno Reyes in a way that seems like a waste of three minutes to some, but for me, in the year 2017, our Year of the Sprint, would watch 100 times more. That chokeslam with a twist that he throws looked nasty, like a uranage by the throat, and segues right into the Flatliner. Very much here for Mil Muertes squash matches.

2. Paul London vs. Vibora

ER: "Luchasaurus" has an admittedly better ring to it than "Lucha Lance Hoyt" but the end result is the same. London is an absolute psycho in this, really working vintage death wish London. He plasters Vibora with a couple stiff baseball slide dropkicks, eventually does a bonkers trust fall dive that Vibora has no clue how to catch, so London just topes en reversa to all the way to the floor, almost braining himself on Melissa Santos' seat on the way down. Rabbit Tribe holding Vibora's legs to prevent him from getting back in the ring was a nice way to limit his one on one ring time, and London will be much more interesting in later rounds than Vibora.

TL: Man. I’m definitely not here for a Luchasaurus singles match. I’m also really not here for a Paul London comedy match. Then London is out here bumping big for Vibora and I’m at least enjoying this. The Trust Fall absolutely got me into it due to its nuttiness, and at least they got the booking right with the finish. Alright, I’ll take it. Definitely looking forward to seeing how crazy London is going to bump for Muertes, and Muertes is gonna absolutely maul London. Should be fun.

3. Taya vs. Joey Ryan

ER: Have they dropped the investigation into Dario? I haven't seen any really bad cop vignettes in who knows how many episodes. Have they been doing an Instagram-only storyline tracking all of the movements made against Cueto? This was a perfectly fine first round match, and I thought Taya was really good at aggressively going after Ryan. Her punch/chop combo in the corner looked really good, and I don't think it needed the extra sound sweetening they gave her. Ryan's superkick to knock her off the apron looked good too, and she was smart for going after him with double stomps. Good match, and this was one of the few matches in the first round where I wasn't sure who would advance, and I'd much rather see Taya in the 2nd round than Ryan.

TL: Should have known they would have gone intergender with Joey Ryan. Now, yeah, this is a fine match, but has there been a deep dive on referee Justin Borden? Dude has two AA’s, two BA’s, three Master’s and a Ph.D. And he’s a pro wrestling referee!!! I just finished my first and only Master’s and am finding it hard to get a job and this guy is out here with all of the degrees he can keep himself warm with (Man, College Dropout was really good). And Joey asks him to count faster??? He’s a terrible undercover cop for not knowing how smart Borden was that he’s deliberate in his count. Calling BS on Joey’s cop credentials. Maybe if he got a BA in criminal justice. Anyways, Joey knows how to play off the preconceived gender notions very well and this is at least entertaining. Finish is a bit clunky, but nice to see Taya move on.

ER: I think I'm the only one who thinks these "pure sports build" Rey/Mundo promos have been really lame. It's already fast forward material for me as I cannot stand Michael Schiavello, but I think this kind of "real sports" build is completely pointless in Lucha Underground. They've established a weird fantasy universe where several of their wrestlers have recently murdered people, some people are actual evil time traveling spirits, several people are not 100% human, that trying to do an MMA style tale of the tape build comes off entirely silly to me. But, I really liked Crane's locker room beatdown of Mil Muertes!

TL: Lucha masks and suits will never not be cool. The beatdown was good, but hearing Callahan say “She’s mine!” after what’s been alleged against him is, well, problematic to say the least. Real sport build really needed Cage with his power glove beating up the interviewer. Absolutely over this and I can’t believe I was into this two episodes ago.

4. Jeremiah Crane vs. Killshot

ER: I don't really know what to say about this match. I got a lot more time than every other first round match so far, and they certainly made it their business to do everything they could with that extra time. They did a lot. LU used that one SLAP sound effect they have probably 35 times. So you know guys were hitting each other, because the SLAP sound told us. The problem I had with most of this revolved around Killshot. He's clearly athletic, and can do things that I wouldn't ever be able to do, but his entire tone never changes. He works the first second of the match the same way he works the last second. He doesn't sell, he merely occasionally lets the other guy do moves. He's not having a conversation with his opponent, he's the guy waiting for his opponent to finish talking so it's his turn to talk again. So while it looks awesome when Crane runs all the way around the ring and plasters Killshot into the wall and through several chairs with a cannonball, you also know it's not going to do anything to slow Killshot down (unless it's during those moments where he merely goes into shutdown mode before being reactivated). If instead of making him an army sharpshooter they had made him into a Six Million Dollar Man rebuilt half-robot, then his style would make a lot more sense. Crane eventually gets the pin by dumping Killshot on his head with an underhook piledriver/powerbomb, but Killshot bounced off his head a few times in the match already, and took a few nasty kicks to the back of the head. I'm not sure why this particular shot hurt him any more than those other shots. And I still don't understand what his finisher is. He jumps off the top and lands with his feet on either side of his opponent. I just watched 15 minutes of him landing strikes and suplexes and things that looked much more painful and all somehow had the same SLAP sound effect, so I truly don't know what that move is supposed to be, or why it is somehow worse than the other two dozen moves he successfully landed.

TL: The first six minutes of this match take place entirely on the outside and is done in a way that never got me into the match. When you trade dives like that to the point where none of them mattered, I have no idea how you’re supposed to convince me anything else matters in the match. Really over any spit-based offense from Crane, too. He’s no Haruka Eigen, damn it. And yeah, after that Cannonball, how is Killshot even up and doing any offense with force behind it? And then all his athletic based offense? It’s just spots for spots worth. He sells no pain. They only sell until the next spot, then everything is all right. Both guys hit their stuff as crisp as ever with as much force behind it that they’re essentially superhuman. The crowd eats it up because it’s a bunch of cool looking stuff, but the match itself had zero substance and really played into the worst possible impulses of both guys. When Vampiro talks about Crane selling his jaw and then he basically just goes over and grabs a Dragon Sleeper with suddenness two seconds later, you’ve lost me. It’s amazing to think that Crane thinks he’s a top-flight wrestler at this point when he’s had the Finlay matches under his belt and decided to go seemingly the opposite way of what made those matches great. Yeah, a lot of that was due to Finlay, but man, at least there was attention to detail there. Here, there was none. Strickland didn’t sell a damn thing.

TL: Wait, why does Muertes get the lights out effect and you can’t even let Cage pound his damn Power Glove into the mat??? Unreal.

ER: I don't know who Son of Madness is, but I know an impressive beard when I see it, and the guy has a legendary beard. I REALLY hope we build to a Loser Shaves His Beard match. It writes itself.

TL: Okay, please forgive my ignorance, but it literally took me three seasons of this show to realize that with the Son of Havoc/Madness stuff and them being from the “Open Road” that it’s a play on Sons of Anarchy. Man I feel dumb.

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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 21: Sudden Death

TL: How can Rey see Vampiro? Why do people keep punching mirrors? How can Vampiro get out of his facepaint so quickly? Is that in the budget to just keep breaking mirrors? Why am I looking for logic so much? Is it a reflection on my own search for self-worth?

Nah.

1. Johnny Mundo vs. The Mack

ER: I was a huge fan of All Night Long...Again. The second it finished I immediately started this episode, and I don't think anything in LU has ever made me want to immediately watch another episode right away. I thought the timing of the finish was great and loved that Mundo retained with essentially one second left on the clock. Dario runs it back and makes it Anything Goes, and that was a nice layer to add to everything they went through the prior week. And these two made excellent use of their new stips. The match was filmed two weeks after the iron man and I thought they did a pretty great job of picking the intensity back up from where they left it. They spill to the floor pretty early after Mack catches a Mundo springboard into a stunner. Mack hits a big cannonball into the seats and I loved the visual of Mundo holding up broken chair pieces to shield himself from more attack. Mandel comes out to run interference and we get some nicely integrated parkour as Mundo scrambles up into the upper bleachers to get away from Mack. Sexy Star comes out to get rid of Mandel and she does...I mean...literally the worst double leg takedown anybody has ever seen. I don't even know how Mandel knew to fall down from it. But we get the friends out of the way and Mundo crashes down from the upper levels with a great dive. Finish is pretty sick with Mundo getting a Taya-assisted sunset flip powerbomb onto a bunch of chairs, and Mack falls short again. I like that Mundo keeps retaining, and they keep finding ways to keep the belt on him that seem worthy. I really dug this match, loved the series.

TL: Eric and Phil did a great job talking about the All Night Long match, one of the more surprising matches I can remember watching and definitely the best thing I ever saw Mundo in. I wasn’t a fan of the finish considering there was a couple minute left for Dario to do his explanation. (There’s me looking for logic again. I think I’m failing here.) That being said, I dig the Falls Count Anywhere add-on because that’s gonna guarantee some more Mundo crazy gymnastics and Mack doing something crazy with his size somehow. The match even starts out like I hoped, with both guys trying to end it early because they spent so much time against each other the week before. The Stunner counter in particular was inspired, as was Mack’s realization that even with Johnny rolling to the outside he still had a shot due to the stip. THIS is the type of stuff that made me like LU in the first place, and when they do these things right, it’s still special.

And right on cue, there’s Mack doing something crazy with his size by doing that flip dive into Mundo sitting on chairs. And as Mundo parkours out of trouble into the stands, he does an absolutely insane corkscrew plancha off the edge of the bleachers after some Ricky Mandel interference. Stretch run here was fantastic, as the nearfalls all made sense and weren’t complete overkill, and Taya making her return to help Johnny win plays into how Johnny won the title and was the natural counter to Mack being a better street fight-type guy. Another really well-done match between the two, and Mundo as champ works extremely well. Best thing I’ve seen from LU in a long time.

ER: I think Cueto could have done a *bit* better on that trophy. You can go understated without looking cheap. I expected him to go understated and simple, or big and garish. This cup with the banners or bunting just looked flimsy.

TL: The Cueto Cup seems like it should have horns on it, or dripping with blood, or filled with whiskey. Is also peak Cueto for him to turn on a dime on Matanza for looking weak and giving Rey the title shot against Mundo, but at the same time, if Matanza doesn’t whoop up on Cueto, what the hell are they doing?

2. Aerostar, Fenix & Drago vs. Pindar, Vibora & Kobra Moon

ER: Well, I guess this was what it was. The lizard stable doesn't do much for me, I do not care about their plight. Drago has been falling stock for two seasons now so maybe joining up with the evil lizards will make him more interesting again. I think Pindar/Pain is a great addition to LU as he's an impressive base and can bump big. There were some sloppy set up moments that were just lazy (Pindar on the top rope and the Aerostar just climbing up the ropes and getting onto Pain's shoulders to help with a move) but Aerostar moves like no other wrestler and Pindar is a great guy to have catching him. I really like Fenix and think LU has been his best environment. He matches up here with Vibora who is not someone I'm interested in seeing. Nobody was asking for a lucha Lance Hoyt. But, I enjoyed the sequence of Fenix kicking him off the apron. The trios division feels like it's on a downward trajectory.

TL: Aeorstar’s ridiculous acrobatic offense continues, as his pairing with Pindar showed off some tremendous timing and Pindar’s amazing ability as a base. Then the damn Luchasaurus comes in and, well, it all comes screeching to a halt. I still don’t get how it’s a lucha company and a martinete isn’t illegal, and then they one up it with the Drago re-turn, which had him literally tagging in on Team Reptile while tagging with Aerostar and Fenix. Again, I’m looking for logic and getting nowhere, which seems like I need to just curb that during these reviews.

ER: Mundo backstage segment felt like Mundo, Mandel and Taya were all filmed separately, came off really weird. Mandel would react to things wrong, they kept jumping back and forth from comedy to serious, it all came off odd. But, it was all saved by "There's no time for pants."

TL: To be fair, I don’t like wearing pants when I train either, so I’m squarely on Team Mundo here.

3. Boyle Heights Street Fight: Mil Muertes vs. Prince Puma

ER: These two have had plenty of big time fights, last in a Grave Consequences match. Striker built this as Puma perhaps finally beating Muertes (even though he already beat him earlier this season), but this kind of just continues LU's weird habit of not building to anything very well this season. If Striker is building up "local hero" Puma's final chance at besting Muertes, it's weird that it came as an unannounced match on a show where the big deal was clearly the resolution of Mack/Mundo. They had over a year to make the proper vignettes or do the proper build, this whole match was taped 13 months prior! And the best they can do is have fat zombie Vampiro glower at him occasionally. But whatever, the match was fun because you know these two match up nicely. Puma takes a rough bump through the chairs and gets speared through a table he set up (aint' that always the case?) and does plenty of amusing things, my favorite being hanging onto the stair handrail at its peak, with Muertes trying to throw him over. Puma has some nice comebacks, with a flat out awesome kick jumping off Dario's office wall. Puma always takes Muertes' big powerslams nice, and Muertes took enough damage to make a loss believable, taking a stiff 630 and then taking a freaking brick to the face to finish. I have no interest in where the Vampiro storyline can go, but in a vacuum this match was plenty fun.

TL: One of my favorite pairings in LU hook up again and my expectations are high, especially after Grave Consequences. Scariest part of the first few minutes was when they cut to Vampiro looking at the monitor enjoying the violence and you couldn’t see where his hands were. There is an issue here with doing a similar match to the opener because you have more crowd brawling and it’s getting into ECW territory with going to the well once too many times, but Puma using everything from signs to a shoe for a weapon was top notch. Cueto almost casually telling them to get out of his office was one of the better spots of the match. Striker is very much doing too much trying to get the story over here, and here I thought nobody was yelling in his ear about story points. Don’t know if Puma’s gonna be able to do the flipping Van Terminator on WWE TV as long as Shane-O-Mac is still on screen. Finish was interesting with Puma getting the 630, eating a stone shot, then taking the Vampiro brick and crushing Mil for the win. Just their chemistry alone makes it a good match, but at the same time, there probably wasn’t much else they could do for an encore after Grave Consequences. Obviously going to set up Puma getting another shot at Mundo/Rey because there really isn’t anyone else who could win the Cueto Cup (Plus the Rey title shot at the Cup finals), but at the same time, probably the best matchup that could be done at Ultima Lucha III.



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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 18: Evil Rising

ER: So Matt had another baby because he's crazy, and now his wrestling viewing time is even more limited. For SOME reason he was having a tough time prioritizing season 3 of Lucha Underground. So great friend Tim Livingston will now step in as my THIRD LU writing partner, diving bravely into the middle of a top 3 season of the series. I am grateful.

ER: The romantic in me likes that Mil Muertes is not Catrina's true love. Like there's some guy out there who she was truly in love with but went for Mil because he could help her career/allow her to live for many millenia/give her access to transportive powers. But she lives with the regrets of not jumping off that scary cliff with that other guy, because she knew people would talk, and maybe they'd say he wasn't right for her, that Mil was more in line with her career needs. But this other guy...maybe he made her laugh...maybe they kissed like...really well...maybe they just clicked. And she lives with those regrets, every day.

TL: I see it more like Catrina went to an evil summer camp years ago and had her first kiss and hasn’t had one nearly as good as that one in her life and is destined to relive it over and over. Very much a Wet Hot American Summer type of vibe, but with evil stones and Power Gloves. Mil wondering how Puma didn’t die and finding out it was Vampiro who kept him alive makes this quite the unbelievable story arc. Then again, so does Jeremiah Crane getting with Catrina. Guessing the only thing that’s gonna make her love him is he goes to the vault and shows her his matches against Finlay. That’ll probably just make her love Finlay, though, so who could blame her?

TL: The house band having an electric violin only makes me want to see an electric banjo in a mariachi band.

1. Mariposa vs. Sexy Star

ER: What more can you really say about Sexy Star matches at this point? We've already seen her and Mariposa match up before, seen them team together, they had an I Quit match, and here we still are. Mariposa swinging Star's head into the announce table several times was one of my favorite things to happen in a Star match, but we got plenty of clunky moments as well. My favorite clunky moment was Star throwing a few strange out of position body shots at Mariposa, which Mariposa doesn't even realize she should be selling, and then Star just pauses and hip tosses her. The double stomp finish is a good one, though I don't think I would trust stumbly bumbly Star to not just full force on my spleen. Striker and Vampiro tried to put over the history of these two, but they went out and had a match like "hey, this is who they said I was wrestling tonight". I don't really understand the Moth turn on Mariposa. Is he going to feud with her? Who's the tecnico? Are they writing her out as what else is really left for her? I'd rather see Moth as a big bumping goon against people his own size.

TL: Damn it all, my first match reviewing Lucha Underground and it’s a Sexy Star match? This is quite the initiation process we have here at Segunda Caida. Really can’t wait for the pledging ceremony, where I’ll probably be forced to watch every Tiger Ali Singh/Antonio Inoki match. At least this match is with Mariposa, who is someone I’m betting Star can’t try and get unprofessional with. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve really heard Matt Striker commentary, but his overpronounciation of Spanish accents is extremely grating. Sexy actually throws a nice rana and does a pretty dang good tope con hilo through the middle ropes that Mariposa takes like a champ. Striker says Sexy has the “lucha advantage,” whatever that is. Sexy’s arm looks legit messed up, which means irony is absolutely the theme of this match. Mariposa’s ridiculous inverted Indian Deathlock while kicking Sexy in the head is amazing and someone needs to steal that. I love Cheerleader Melissa so much. Sexy finishes with an alright double stomp, but this match didn’t really have much to it. Marty then comes in afterwards and chokeslams his sister because this show doesn’t have enough male-on-female violence in the first place, I guess.

TL: The Rabbit Tribe gimmick is funny if only because I feel Paul London actually got told to do drugs before coming to the tapings. Would much rather watch Special K matches, though. Although now I’m thinking about watching Low Ki going crazy on Mala Suerte and I’m all about it. Gotta love Mascarita Sagrada curling literally more than his own bodyweight.

2. The Rabbit Tribe (Paul London/Mala Suerte/Saltador) vs. Drago/Pindar/Vibora

ER: This was a bunch of fun, mostly until Vibora got involved with his lizard Lance Hoyt vibes. I really love Pindar's mask, and Steve Pain is awesome. Love the Pindar/Suerte match-up. Cholo was one of the best things about the earlier seasons so it's nice to have him back, and that springboard headscissors was slick. Pindar hits a violent powerslam, but we can never get too far into overdrive as Vibora is always right there waiting to slow things down. Post match Aerostar/Fenix run-in was fun, but they're going to have to get pretty creative to work around luchasaurus. I hope they can find the right balance.

TL: Haven’t seen either Pinda (Steve Pain) or Vibora (Austin Matelson) before, although Striker sells Vibora as a 7-footer (he’s 6’5”) and now I wonder if I can book myself (at 6’3) as the 7-Foot Broadcaster. Lifts probably don’t help at the table. Vibora gets the “Luchasaurus” chant after Drago gets a short showcase spot or two, as he got forced into this match thanks to Kobra Moon’s insistence. The match has some Rabbit Tribe goofiness, although the reptiles do a cool double team big boot/Towerhacker Bomb (one of my favorite moves). Drago almost kills Saltador dead with a flipping neckbreaker to finish. Another match that kinda dragged through the steps towards a finish, mostly thanks to the big guy. I’m with Eric on Pain, though. Dude looked good. Drago gets saved post-match by Fenix and Aerostar, with Aerostar doing some ridiculous acrobatics as per usual, including an outside-in springboard into an assisted Codebreaker. I mean, if you’re gonna go big, at least go as big and ridiculous as possible.

ER: You need the lifts for when we walk out, then you need a phone book on you chair so that the 7' tag plays while sitting down. There you have it. 7 Feet of broadcasting fury!

TL: I’ve worked for two baseball teams in my life and for six years I’ve seen some absolutely ridiculously complex handshakes between teammates, which made the camera work on the handshake between Sexy and Mack look more overchoreographed than the handshake itself, an extremely difficult task. Someone really loves their jump cuts in the editing room.

3. Johnny Mundo vs. The Mack

ER: Fun match with a really poorly executed finish. And I'm not sure when Mack is going to completely tilt all the way into "Al Snow working 1999 WWE tribute spots at minor league baseball stadiums", but doing the stunner and people's elbow are probably way better for his body longterm than flying kicks and moonsaults. I thought this was supposed to be the title match, but instead we get a "winner picks the stipulation for the title match that will air in several months" match. This felt like whatever a touring match would be between these two. I liked Mack's sit out powerbombs, did not like Vampiro honing his Austin Power's impression during the match. That interference at the end took forever. Mack looked like a doofus.

TL: I find it really odd it took so long for Mundo to get the title considering he’s probably easily the most marketable talent they have on the show, but hey, what do I know? It’s not like he got a role on a hit Netflix show or anything. They REALLY play up the racial/socioeconomic difference on commentary and I get really uncomfortable for a moment as Vampiro sticks his foot in his mouth. I loved Mundo’s WWECW singles run, as he did well with the long TV matches, and this is very reminiscent of those. Pretty boy bully athleticism to play to his advantages (he stops himself on a springboard that was really nifty), gives Mack some big moments, and does some good transitions (liked the cat and mouse with the stuff under the ring). Agree with Eric on Mack’s sitout powerbomb, which looked sick and was very Spirit Bomb-esque. Really don’t get Marty Elias taking that much time looking outside the ring, but yeah, that finish took way too damn long. Was really hoping the “All Night Long” stip was a Lionel Richie karaoke contest.

ER: Loved Muertes beating the hell out of Vampiro, but really hoping it doesn't lead to any kind of feud. Still, Muertes needed a cool moment, and coming out just to rush Vampiro felt kinda cool.

TL: Even more than that finish, I REALLY don’t get how Vampiro couldn’t get out of the Flatliner while telling Puma “No!” but dug Muertes whooping up on him nonetheless. You’d think after dealing with Konnan that Puma would have learned his lesson messing with the carniest of luchadors, but man he’s really playing Lucha Sting here to a T. If Vampiro turns on him, he’s got nobody to blame but himself.

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