Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 34: Career Opportunities

ER: Slapbak is pretty much the house band at this point. Vampiro is trying to bang the girl in Slapbak, isn't he. Future Lucha Underground champion: Girl from Slapbak.

TL: Slapbak is no Tsunami Bomb, man. I’m all about Lucha Underground champion Emily Whitehurst, man. And then have Kristin McRory, mega-babyface, come after her for the belt. She can even be Agent M! This concludes our Petaluma, CA Phoenix Theater-based punk rock references for this review.

Drago vs. The Mack

ER: I thought Mack was really great in this. His armdrags and rollthroughs were really impressive, his throws look great, his demeanor is impressive. This is probably a really obvious observation, but this match just really opened my eyes to how underutilized Mack has been in LU. I know we've seen him used in higher profile spots, but we've mainly seen him as Sexy Star's best bud, and playing second fiddle to Sexy Star is just way below his level. The way he carried himself in this match made him feel bigger than most guys in the fed. I thought the ending was about as weak as you can get, though, with Drago hitting a dashed off kick combo and winning with his sloppiest ever rolling crucifix.

TL: A Mack showcase match that ends with seriously weak shenanigans to end the match leaves a sour taste in my mouth, no matter if he gets his heat back in the end. It’s obvious that he has basically found his niche as he has a true confidence to him that he didn’t have before. I have absolutely no idea how he hasn’t gotten any other ways to shine since the Johnny Mundo feud, and that’s one of the issues with such heavily pre-produced TV. You can’t really change things up midseason like that. Too bad. It’s almost like they have to wait until Season 4 to do something with him, and there, it might be too late.

Five-O Street Fight: Joey Ryan vs. Cortez Castro

ER: I'm already unexcited about this match, and almost immediately Striker has to turn it into a political statement, just wanting to make sure those boys in blue know that "some of us" really appreciate what they do for us. What a piece of shit. Vomiting all over a show with shoehorned references and blatantly overscripted jokes is one level of dogshit, but outing yourself as an All Lives Matter asshole is an even deeper ditch. I will just mute Striker for the rest of this. On mute these two do a pretty great job with a pretty goofy concept. I mean the idea that Dario just lets Castro still wrestle after finding out he is a cop trying to bring him down is just ridiculous. Dario has had far lesser people murdered just for not winning a wrestling match. But they make a body cavity spot more amusing than I would have thought, Joey breaks a riot shield with his head, Castro misses a crossbody and crashes through a riot squad guy, they do a well done missed sledgehammer shot into a cop car, Joey gets hot coffee dumped down his trunks, Castro smartly uses a riot shield to give him stronger shoulderblocks (I mean that really is a smart spot), a bunch of not-overly-clever moments. I actually think this was the best of the non-Muertes props fights in the series history, and I was NOT expecting that on paper.

TL: Cortez Castro being billed as from “The Streets” is laughably bad. Then Striker says his piece on respecting the police and I really want to reach through the TV and slap the taste out of his mouth. As the only one who watched this match with audio working, I can only add that the racial undertones of a Latino/Caucasian matchup surrounded by “police” on the outside was alluded to on commentary, and I’m ready to fast forward. Screw a mute. Vampiro asks Matt what he’d do in this match and I almost expect him to say, “Ask a cop to help.” Oh, wait. THEY HAVE SIRENS ON TOP OF THE RINGPOSTS. I’M LOSING IT. The setting for this match is such a damper on the match itself that it’s hard to really review it. Then Striker says he wishes folks would fight more in person than on Twitter and I’m out on this. Thankfully, we’re coming to the end of this one, and the match starts being louder than Striker on commentary. Lot of simple stuff looking really good. WHY DOES THE RAT COP WIN???? This was sure something else. I don’t know if I enjoyed it as much as Eric did on mute, which means I’m making terrible life choices.

The Rabbit Tribe vs. Matanza

ER: I would really love a London/Matanza singles match given 10-12 minutes. This was more messy than that made up match would have been, but that's to be expected in a 3 on 1 match where 3 of the people are on LSD. Cobb isn't really a bulldozer in the same way Andre was, so I don't think 3 on 1 is a situation that plays to his monster strengths. 1 on 1 throwing a guy around looks much cooler. He's already a shorter guy (though obviously stocky as hell) so 3 on 1 tends to dwarf him. I did really like the Tribe's rabid rapid rabbit dropkicks in the corner, just all running in on top of each other throwing dropkick after dropkick. It looked like a video of a bunch of bunnies just jumping all over each other in a pen. Still, I wish they gave London more of a platform to shine. After his quality big bumping miracle work in the year and a half long Cueto Cup, I think he's someone who could really shine when motivated. Give him goof off leash, and he'll take it and run. Treat him like an actual guy and he may still work big.

TL: Some cute stuff, but nothing overly great. I think it would have been cool to see this like a gauntlet like the Lotus stuff earlier in the season, but this should have had way more Matanza crazy power stuff to it. Instead, it was oddly more of a Rabbit Tribe showcase. If Festus can get off the craziness and go straight edge, Paul London can, too. Okay, maybe I wasn’t done making Phoenix Theater-related references in this review.

COMPLETE GUIDE TO LUCHA UNDERGROUND

Read more!

Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 18: Evil Rising

ER: So Matt had another baby because he's crazy, and now his wrestling viewing time is even more limited. For SOME reason he was having a tough time prioritizing season 3 of Lucha Underground. So great friend Tim Livingston will now step in as my THIRD LU writing partner, diving bravely into the middle of a top 3 season of the series. I am grateful.

ER: The romantic in me likes that Mil Muertes is not Catrina's true love. Like there's some guy out there who she was truly in love with but went for Mil because he could help her career/allow her to live for many millenia/give her access to transportive powers. But she lives with the regrets of not jumping off that scary cliff with that other guy, because she knew people would talk, and maybe they'd say he wasn't right for her, that Mil was more in line with her career needs. But this other guy...maybe he made her laugh...maybe they kissed like...really well...maybe they just clicked. And she lives with those regrets, every day.

TL: I see it more like Catrina went to an evil summer camp years ago and had her first kiss and hasn’t had one nearly as good as that one in her life and is destined to relive it over and over. Very much a Wet Hot American Summer type of vibe, but with evil stones and Power Gloves. Mil wondering how Puma didn’t die and finding out it was Vampiro who kept him alive makes this quite the unbelievable story arc. Then again, so does Jeremiah Crane getting with Catrina. Guessing the only thing that’s gonna make her love him is he goes to the vault and shows her his matches against Finlay. That’ll probably just make her love Finlay, though, so who could blame her?

TL: The house band having an electric violin only makes me want to see an electric banjo in a mariachi band.

1. Mariposa vs. Sexy Star

ER: What more can you really say about Sexy Star matches at this point? We've already seen her and Mariposa match up before, seen them team together, they had an I Quit match, and here we still are. Mariposa swinging Star's head into the announce table several times was one of my favorite things to happen in a Star match, but we got plenty of clunky moments as well. My favorite clunky moment was Star throwing a few strange out of position body shots at Mariposa, which Mariposa doesn't even realize she should be selling, and then Star just pauses and hip tosses her. The double stomp finish is a good one, though I don't think I would trust stumbly bumbly Star to not just full force on my spleen. Striker and Vampiro tried to put over the history of these two, but they went out and had a match like "hey, this is who they said I was wrestling tonight". I don't really understand the Moth turn on Mariposa. Is he going to feud with her? Who's the tecnico? Are they writing her out as what else is really left for her? I'd rather see Moth as a big bumping goon against people his own size.

TL: Damn it all, my first match reviewing Lucha Underground and it’s a Sexy Star match? This is quite the initiation process we have here at Segunda Caida. Really can’t wait for the pledging ceremony, where I’ll probably be forced to watch every Tiger Ali Singh/Antonio Inoki match. At least this match is with Mariposa, who is someone I’m betting Star can’t try and get unprofessional with. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve really heard Matt Striker commentary, but his overpronounciation of Spanish accents is extremely grating. Sexy actually throws a nice rana and does a pretty dang good tope con hilo through the middle ropes that Mariposa takes like a champ. Striker says Sexy has the “lucha advantage,” whatever that is. Sexy’s arm looks legit messed up, which means irony is absolutely the theme of this match. Mariposa’s ridiculous inverted Indian Deathlock while kicking Sexy in the head is amazing and someone needs to steal that. I love Cheerleader Melissa so much. Sexy finishes with an alright double stomp, but this match didn’t really have much to it. Marty then comes in afterwards and chokeslams his sister because this show doesn’t have enough male-on-female violence in the first place, I guess.

TL: The Rabbit Tribe gimmick is funny if only because I feel Paul London actually got told to do drugs before coming to the tapings. Would much rather watch Special K matches, though. Although now I’m thinking about watching Low Ki going crazy on Mala Suerte and I’m all about it. Gotta love Mascarita Sagrada curling literally more than his own bodyweight.

2. The Rabbit Tribe (Paul London/Mala Suerte/Saltador) vs. Drago/Pindar/Vibora

ER: This was a bunch of fun, mostly until Vibora got involved with his lizard Lance Hoyt vibes. I really love Pindar's mask, and Steve Pain is awesome. Love the Pindar/Suerte match-up. Cholo was one of the best things about the earlier seasons so it's nice to have him back, and that springboard headscissors was slick. Pindar hits a violent powerslam, but we can never get too far into overdrive as Vibora is always right there waiting to slow things down. Post match Aerostar/Fenix run-in was fun, but they're going to have to get pretty creative to work around luchasaurus. I hope they can find the right balance.

TL: Haven’t seen either Pinda (Steve Pain) or Vibora (Austin Matelson) before, although Striker sells Vibora as a 7-footer (he’s 6’5”) and now I wonder if I can book myself (at 6’3) as the 7-Foot Broadcaster. Lifts probably don’t help at the table. Vibora gets the “Luchasaurus” chant after Drago gets a short showcase spot or two, as he got forced into this match thanks to Kobra Moon’s insistence. The match has some Rabbit Tribe goofiness, although the reptiles do a cool double team big boot/Towerhacker Bomb (one of my favorite moves). Drago almost kills Saltador dead with a flipping neckbreaker to finish. Another match that kinda dragged through the steps towards a finish, mostly thanks to the big guy. I’m with Eric on Pain, though. Dude looked good. Drago gets saved post-match by Fenix and Aerostar, with Aerostar doing some ridiculous acrobatics as per usual, including an outside-in springboard into an assisted Codebreaker. I mean, if you’re gonna go big, at least go as big and ridiculous as possible.

ER: You need the lifts for when we walk out, then you need a phone book on you chair so that the 7' tag plays while sitting down. There you have it. 7 Feet of broadcasting fury!

TL: I’ve worked for two baseball teams in my life and for six years I’ve seen some absolutely ridiculously complex handshakes between teammates, which made the camera work on the handshake between Sexy and Mack look more overchoreographed than the handshake itself, an extremely difficult task. Someone really loves their jump cuts in the editing room.

3. Johnny Mundo vs. The Mack

ER: Fun match with a really poorly executed finish. And I'm not sure when Mack is going to completely tilt all the way into "Al Snow working 1999 WWE tribute spots at minor league baseball stadiums", but doing the stunner and people's elbow are probably way better for his body longterm than flying kicks and moonsaults. I thought this was supposed to be the title match, but instead we get a "winner picks the stipulation for the title match that will air in several months" match. This felt like whatever a touring match would be between these two. I liked Mack's sit out powerbombs, did not like Vampiro honing his Austin Power's impression during the match. That interference at the end took forever. Mack looked like a doofus.

TL: I find it really odd it took so long for Mundo to get the title considering he’s probably easily the most marketable talent they have on the show, but hey, what do I know? It’s not like he got a role on a hit Netflix show or anything. They REALLY play up the racial/socioeconomic difference on commentary and I get really uncomfortable for a moment as Vampiro sticks his foot in his mouth. I loved Mundo’s WWECW singles run, as he did well with the long TV matches, and this is very reminiscent of those. Pretty boy bully athleticism to play to his advantages (he stops himself on a springboard that was really nifty), gives Mack some big moments, and does some good transitions (liked the cat and mouse with the stuff under the ring). Agree with Eric on Mack’s sitout powerbomb, which looked sick and was very Spirit Bomb-esque. Really don’t get Marty Elias taking that much time looking outside the ring, but yeah, that finish took way too damn long. Was really hoping the “All Night Long” stip was a Lionel Richie karaoke contest.

ER: Loved Muertes beating the hell out of Vampiro, but really hoping it doesn't lead to any kind of feud. Still, Muertes needed a cool moment, and coming out just to rush Vampiro felt kinda cool.

TL: Even more than that finish, I REALLY don’t get how Vampiro couldn’t get out of the Flatliner while telling Puma “No!” but dug Muertes whooping up on him nonetheless. You’d think after dealing with Konnan that Puma would have learned his lesson messing with the carniest of luchadors, but man he’s really playing Lucha Sting here to a T. If Vampiro turns on him, he’s got nobody to blame but himself.

COMPLETE GUIDE TO LUCHA UNDERGROUND

Read more!

Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 12: Every Woman is Sexy, Every Woman is a Star

ER: We're back with the LU reviews!

MD: The delay on these were my fault. Even though I knew it was coming Sexy Star winning took enough air out of my sails that watching LU became a chore.

1. Rabbit Tribe (Paul London/Mala Suerte/Saltador) vs. Fenix/Aerostar/Drago

ER: Rabbit Tribe entrance is just trippy enough to work, and Cholo worked so damn hard in the early LU seasons that I want him to still have a job. That superkick on Fenix was perfectly timed, the no look cannonball got dangerously upside down, Suerte hit a huge plancha to the floor through everyone and a goofy cross-ring dropkick and then a gorgeous powerslam on Fenix. Cholo/Fenix is an awesome match up, good to have the guy back on TV. Fenix had a wild kung fu movie dropkick on Saltador in the corner, and I loved Aerostar arm dragging Fenix into a cannonball. Nice debut for the Tribe, nice defense for the fliers.

MD: After weeks of vignettes, this is maybe not how I'd debut the Rabbit Tribe? While it's good to have them look strong against the champs, a squash would have served better here. That's one of those things you get from LU a lot. They do a lot of things well but miss the basics now and again. There was a sense that any of the champs could overcome any of the Rabbits one on one, but that the Rabbits working together could take down any of the champs. Ultimately though, the champs working together > the rabbits working together (which again, isn't the best for a debut, even a heel one). The hierarchy is always weird in LU though. Everyone is just a little interchangeable. I could have used a bit more heel control to keep this from feeling like a normal weightless LU trios match and it was very weird that London didn't come off as the biggest, most focused upon, star of his group. Also, I didn't like Striker bringing up so much of his past because it doesn't quite sync with him being part of one of the ancient tribes. They need to bridge that gap if they're going to do that. In general, this was fun though. Lots of good spots well executed and a story that was loose but present enough to make this work for what it was. I can't wait to see these guys interact with Jack Evans (or Famous B/Brenda or Marty/Mariposa or Dario or a bunch of the other characters at the Temple). I thought the post match Kobra promo was nice and quick and kept the storylines moving.

ER: Boy they're really trying to make me buy this whole Sexy Star: Deserving Champion nonsense. I want her to get crushed.

2. Dante Fox vs. Killshot

ER: I liked this one until I didn't. They started off with well done sexy dance fighting and devolved into brainless head drop trading. I think things probably peaked with Fox hitting two big dives, and then getting kicked in the face on the third. From there we get a lot of things with complicated set-ups and dangerous landings. Fox is good at taking stuff on the side of his head, but it happens enough with him then hopping up to do his own offense, that it's a little tough to care about his head. They set up a ridiculous death valley driver from the top rope to the apron, then Killshot does his awful double stomp that always sees his feet land nowhere close to his opponent's body. Nearfall gets a major shock reaction from the believers, as they assumed that was it. Fox shows them how silly they were to get sucked into moves meaning something in a Fox/Killshot match by popping up and hitting his own finishers, which Striker already knew the names of. Favorite part was Striker saying "I'm not often at a loss for words but..." in the middle of talking non-stop for 10 minutes.

MD: I'm with Eric on this. I was giving this a pass early on despite the choreographed natured and the fact that Killshot, depsite being a precise military sharpshooter has to flip and roll about in the least disciplined way before he does every single move. I liked the match with Marty and the Matanza spin the wheel one, but he's got the worst habits of anyone on the show. That said, I was giving it a pass because they effectively portrayed the heavy choreography as the two wrestlers knowing each other so well. Then it just escalated more and more with less and less selling. Both guys were so into hitting their stuff that the crowd had no idea who to cheer for. I think they're doing a shades of grey sort of thing where Killshot might have really done Fox wrong and might be the bad guy but Fox came in seeming that way and both guys worked so spot-heavy that any sense of roles ended up completely out the window. After the DVD/Double Stomp kick out and the Storm Cradle Driver roll followed by consequence-shrugging-off rope running I was done. I checked out completely. What a mess. What shitty wrestlers who completely miss the point. Just terrible.

MD: Thankfully, we get some Dario talking segments after this. As always, I love how he's consistently wiping his nose. I got a kick out of the little bits of comedic music in the Mundo talk. I also like the obvious fact that the Triad sent enforcers to fix all of Black Lotuses screw ups but she's too thick to realize that and she thinks she's still in charge of the situation. That's how I'm reading it at least. I'll take what i can get between these two matches.

3. Sexy Star vs. Johnny Mundo

ER: Thank goodness Johnny had Taya planted in the crowd to help him beat the big bad Sexy Star. This stunk. Star has the least effective offense in the company, and they worked a straight match. Mundo tried literally carrying her at certain points, but it's too big a task. Luckily Mundo's flipping finisher never connects anyway, so he didn't have to worry about pulling, as all moves performed on Sexy Star must be pulled lest we break her brittle bird bones.

MD: Shoot, you know what? This wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. For one thing, Mundo is willing to bump around the ring for Star, making her stuff look passable when it really, really shouldn't. He did suprisingly well positioning her about during the matwork segments too. I think what impressed me the most were the transitions. Every time she ended back on offense it was either due to a miscue from Mundo or due to her taking advantage of his positioning with a quick trip or kicking out of the leg, something like that. It was believable and well put together. No, I don't think Mundo (or the structure) carried this to being actually good, but given the result I'd take "Not nearly as bad as I was expecting" at this point. The finish was a little anti climactic. It would have been better if Taya was banned from the arena and snuck in under a mask or something. But hey, Star had a one week reign, right? So whatever works.


COMPLETE GUIDE TO LUCHA UNDERGROUND

Read more!