WWE Royal Rumble 1/28/23 Live Blog

ER: Who's ready to read the opinions of a man who hasn't watched a current WWE match since last year's WrestleMania?? Who's ready to read the scratchings of a man who is only barely acquainted with the hierarchy of the current roster?? Who's ready to read the fumblings of a man who knows nothing of current storylines?? Well then you are in for a treat, because I have found such a man. I don't know who HARDY is but I'm going to assume it's a Kurt Sutter persona. 

Doesn't Pat McAfee work there? 

1. Men's Rumble Match

ER: So Gunther is a cool #1 right? Excited to see Keto Walter. Starting him with Sheamus is even better, but I don't think they did very much with their 90. Forearm exchanges and running into a chop, I expect more. Sheamus works more stiff with Miz than with Gunther. Nice of Kofi to come in to interrupt Gunther and Sheamus killing Miz only to hit a bunch of shitty looking offense. Too much rope running in modern Rumbles, and it's practically every damn entrance. The second the match deviates from guys walking around punching each other, it just looks like a series of 20 badly done hot tags. Luckily Xavier Woods comes in to play Bad Eliminators Offense with Kofi. The backsplash and elbowdrop at the end looked good. KARRION KROSS IS STILL HERE? Wild that the Dudley Dudley of Basham Bros. is still here. What's his thing now? Did they take Gable's first name away and then give it back, or did I just assume they were calling him Gable? Karrion Kross is Renegade. I want to root for Escobar but those were some real timing and placing issues during his entrance, does that thing I hate where he comes into a Rumble and just starts working stupid regular match offense. 

Has there not been any kind of roster churn whatsoever in the past year? This is the 2021 roster so far. Okay, Brock is the exact kind of energy this Rumble needed. Rumbles need more desperation and one Really Dangerous Guy in there. RIP Santos, sorry about your hip Chad, touch break on the neck Sheamus. A series of singles matches with not a single swarming dogpile. Are they going with Banger Bros? Rollins and Gargano do the dumbest series of reversals wrestling while Dominik makes his entrance. Dominik has great taste in tights. Did I hear right? Is Balor a Dominik underling? Man what has happened in the past year. A Sheamus/Drew vs. Dominik/Balor straight tag would be really good. 

Damn Booker looks in the exact same shape as he did a decade ago. Is there any old man Booker I need to see from Reality of Wrestling? What has been done to Gunther's back this match? We all love our boys who welt up good. Montez Ford looks huge compared to a year or two ago. He is larger than Dawkins. It doesn't matter how long it's been since I've seen any part of the product, Edge Returns somehow always find me. Maybe I'm an Edge guy now, I don't know. Beth Phoenix will never make the Bull Nakano Pillager haircut look good, it always just makes her look like a Psychlo from Battlefield Earth. Psychlo. I had to look that up. Stupid. I hate the pattern of close placements of current feuds in the Rumble Entrants. Everyone comes out in subsequent entrances, they do their angle, and then everything moves on in two minutes. It's all moments, none of them settle, none of them build. Introduction, Payoff. Sheamus and Drew are at least hitting guys for 45 minutes, everything else gets paid off in minutes. Hardly any elimination teases, which is missed. Braun almost going over actually felt like it had some suspense, just because hardly anyone had come close to being eliminated prior. Everything, or nothing. I love the idea of Logan Paul coming back for revenge on Roman. There are a shocking number of guys on this roster are not as good in the ring as Logan Paul. 

Looks like Cody took about the same amount of time away from WWE as I did. The Logan Paul/Ricochet springboard collision...now THAT'S a moment. That's a spot. Paul went full speed on that. They was a splat! How is Austin Theory even here? What an odd project. It's insane how much better Logan Paul understands what all of this is about. Just shows up ever few months and looks like an old pro. A real performer. Gunther/Cody worked up to a great final, with Gunther hammering on Cody's pec, welting him up good. Perhaps went on too long, but they peaked some moments nicely. The third act of this match was better than the first couple acts. End a 70 minute match strong is better than starting it strong. 

2. The Mountain Dew Pitch Black Match

ER: Boy, for Bray Wyatt is back in the ring for the first time in two years, and I'm hear to witness it? I can really choose 'em. It would be so undignified to take a choke bomb and land on your head surrounded by Spencer's gifts black light posters. Has that popcorn been out there the whole time just because it looks cool getting scattered under black light? Probably a good call. I heard Mountain Dew Pitch Black is citrus flavored which feels feels really incorrect. The market for a good grape soda is wide open. We have sugary citrus sodas. Perfect the grape. Bray looks like the worst worker in a Gringo Loco stable. This was a waste of everyone's time. Uncle Howdy lands 3' wide on the elbow to put a cherry on this shit sundae. 51,338 people all sitting in a dome watching that. 

3. Bianca Belair vs. Alexa Bliss

ER: I cannot believe Bray Wyatt has his hands in this many angles in 2023. How did anybody let this happen?? I like Alexa's kicks to the ribs, but the poorly timed combos offense doesn't play into that, and it makes the control come off cold and out of place. I couldn't believe how quiet the crowd was when Bianca was muscling Bliss around her body to suplex her. Too much of this feels like they're just getting into position for things, and the routine isn't smooth. These combos have no punch at all, no rhythm. This was bad. I don't think there was a single exchange that looked natural or didn't require one of them to hold still in a dumb position. 

4. Women's Rumble Match

ER: Is this match going to be filled with 2021 women in the same way the Men's Rumble was the exact damn same roster? They're still billing Dana Brooke as a strongwoman? She's smaller than Liv Morgan now. Man this is a sloppy mess. It's all half speed move exchanges and half of them look botched. I don't know Roxanne Perez, but she has better energy than anyone else in there right now. Although Rhea did wipe blood on her face. Dakota Kai runs and elbows Liv Morgan in the mouth in her first second in the ring. Man I get Natalya's return too? I am killing it. Natalya's new thinner nose makes her look like a Hemingway sister. I'm glad she didn't go back to the extensions. Are they getting away from extensions now? There's a lot of neon now too. Everything is really bright in that ring. 

Asuka looks incredible. The One mask, the face paint, dance fighting the camera with her body. Iyo Sky is doing a great job staying busy in the background during everyone's entrances. She's just standing over people wailing on them, which is what I want to see. I think I like Chelsea Green more than most but that's fucked. Is this one of those Good Soldier things? I don't know when Raquel went from Gonzalez to Rodriguez but I love her throwing clotheslines. 30 wrestlers who run into the ring and dodge strikes from four other wrestlers in succession. "She's wearing Uggs right now! And she's dealing European uppercuts!" Asuka working ankle locks in the corner on Niven. The Lacey Evans cobra clutch elimination was awesome, Vega just sank to elimination like a rock in a lake. Everyone is doing a lot of weird mute pantomime. Lacey Evans is the only one making sound. I thought the Nia stuff was great, can't believe she was gone for 16 months, but her attitude getting into the ring was perfect. Some of the choreographed stuff at the end, and a bunch of them were good at hanging by the ropes with swinging legs. Ripley was the best throughout, involved in a ton of sequences and showing how much they love winners coming out in the #1 spot. Match picked up down the stretch and I think would have come off stronger if it wasn't as messy in spots. 

5. Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

ER: The time in between matches is too much, but I have appreciated my snack and drink and stretch breaks. Fat elderly cats don't play with themselves. I'm really happy how excited everyone seems for the Sami Zayn angle. I was never an El Generico guy, but around 2020 he started turning into one of my absolute favorite in-ring guys in WWE. All it took was him working more Buck Robley into his style and he became the best. It's tough working a big main event after two 70 minute matches, but these two feel up to it. Owens has nice punches for this kind of match and both are taking the bumps for it. Owens' frog splashes off the apron and off the top landed flush, the cannonball had big impact, and he sold the first Superman punch like a PEZ dispenser. Owens falling off the top rope and landing on Roman's ribs is a happy accident. This was not that, but I miss guys working blown spots into their matches. Chris Hamrick and Juvy were great at it. They should have just played up that it was another attack on Roman's ribs. I never liked Reigns as a trash talker, but I think he's great as the stoic asskicker. The gray in his beard silent looks are a great vibe, and when he's flashing the dead eyes at his own boys it can be real cold. The beatdown went long but I liked it. The pop Sami got sounded great in a big stadium, and then the real hate Roman drew after. Long, but strong ending. 

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2022 Ongoing MOTY List: Doudrop vs. Becky

Doudrop vs. Becky Lynch WWE Royal Rumble 1/29

ER: I thought this was pretty great. It's my favorite Doudrop match, the closest we've gotten to her as a small Vader, or a large Dick Togo. Becky looks like a crazed version of Rose Byrne in Physical, wild curly hair and gold aerobics leotard only adding to her need to be in control of a match. I thought this did a lot of work towards making Doudrop look like a contender, as at the start of the match nobody in the house expected anything but a Lynch victory, and by the end they were reacting loud for Doudrop's Big Ending, thinking they might actually get an upset. I liked all of Doudrop's offense. She has, at times, the best current senton in wrestling, really making her feet banana peel out in front of her while landing flush with the senton, smooshing Becky with one on her back and a great one later that they showed in slow motion landing fully on Becky's rib cage. Doudrop keeps fully committing to her offense and it makes her misses even better, and her missing the cannonball into the ring steps was nasty enough that I actually thought we were going to get a count out or injury stoppage. 

Whenever Becky got too cocky or decided to run down Doudrop, she would always fire back harder, throwing Lynch with suplexes, hitting headbutts, even powering out of a sick cross armbreaker that I thought was going to be the finish (especially when Lynch started raining down boot heels to Doudrop's head. The powerbomb and running cannonball were when the fans started to believe in an upset, and I was there with them. As Doudrop kept powering out of offense and lasting longer than the arena thought possible, Becky started doing more Woody Allen nervous facials than I needed, but those reactions only made me want to see Doudrop headbutt her some more. The Rock Bottom off the middle rope looked good as a finish, landing Doudrop similarly to how she landed on that missed cannonball earlier. The Women's Rumble right before this was so brutally bad, impressively playing against the skills of almost 30 different women, that it was great to see two women craft a great match around their skills immediately after. 

2022 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WWE Royal Rumble 2021 Live Blog

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Asuka/Charlotte

ER: I thought Charlotte and Nia looked like a real mess throughout their whole Raw match earlier in the week, and they seem to have less chemistry a week later at the Rumble. I think it's pretty shocking how much Charlotte especially has regressed in the past couple years, and I wish they would hurry up and get Asuka away from her. I've mostly been a high voter on Jax but she's been noticeably slow and lazier in exchanges since coming back (ACL tears in both knees will do that to you). Things get clunky whenever Charlotte is in this one, and part of that is Baszler and Jax not being great at getting into position for Charlotte's offense, but a bigger part is Charlotte requiring people to too often be in specific position for offense that doesn't look great. She made a great diving save to break up a pin, but every one of her stomach kicks looked like she forgot what move she was supposed to be replicating. I'm also well beyond the point of needing to see Ric Flair on TV more than once or twice a year, and do not care about this angle with him and Lacey. I don't think this match ever came together as anything resembling a satisfying tag, the Asuka/Charlotte pairing does nothing for me, and the Baszler/Jax pairing has been very underwhelming. They need to separate all four of them and see if that helps freshen any of them. 

Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: I am here for MMA shorts Goldberg. Really, I am here for Goldberg, so. This didn't really have the same kind of impact or sustained heat of the other Goldberg comeback matches, and ended really flat. It had a lot of promising steps throughout, like the spear nearfall to start, or the spear through the barricade, and I fully bit on the jackhammer kickout. Once Goldberg hit it I actually thought they were giving us another Goldberg run. And while I liked Goldberg's missed spear chest first corner bump, McIntyre needs to find something a little more interesting to do than making dumb Edge faces in the corner for FAR too long while Goldberg sells damage. I know part of the modern WWF dogshit style is to make dumbshit faces in the corner for too long before hitting your finisher, but this felt way too long, and ended this on an unfortunate note. 

Carmella vs. Sasha Banks

ER: A lot of this match really was not hitting for me, until things picked up with the Reginald involvement. It felt like they kept skipping steps within the match, like there weren't any kind of transitions between offense, they just went right to moves. Except Carmella was doing the moves deliberately slow, because heel I guess, and then when Sasha took over she was already doing "frustrated by only a 2 count" faces. It all felt really underbaked. The Reginald involvement added something unique to the match, loved him catching Sasha and eating a headscissors, this guy rules. But he's quickly sent to the back and Carmella does a dive that lands her right on her face. It used to be Sasha's job to almost break her face on dives, so Carmella is trying to do the equivalent of stealing her rival's finisher. Ending felt abrupt and not set up super well, with Carmella getting a couple nice reversals of big Banks spots, but then just getting tapped anyway. This was not a strong title match, and there aren't any weaker Banks title matches coming to mind. Major disappointment. 

Women's Rumble Match

ER: Bayley/Naomi is a good way to start the Rumble, but MAN has Naomi been a complete afterthought for seemingly 2 years. Her whole career has felt like her having a big showing on one of the big WWF PPVs, then them mostly not doing anything with that. She really could have been a major star a few years ago and they just repeatedly stall out on her. This is the first time she's been in any kind of match for 5 months, but I'm not sure if there were injuries or just a lack of interest. This really should be Bianca Belair's match. It has to be. If they just pull the trigger on her, come on baby! How awesome is Belair, skipping to the ring and removing her earrings for a fight? I've really been enjoying Billie Kay's solo run. I thought she was sunk for sure, but she's done far more interesting things than Royce since the split. Still would like it more with them together again, but oh well. I don't love Shotzi coming in and just doing all of her offense, the way she would entering a tag match. Everyone running at her, one at a time, the way you would in a hot tag or in a ninja movie is just dumb. It's one of the main reasons there aren't many good battle royals anymore, because "working a battle royal" is not the way most wrestlers work battle royals now. I don't like regular match in my battle royal, I get that in regular matches, which are plentiful. Watch a Rumble match like '89 or '90, and it's all those guys just filling the time with fighting. It's all punches and clotheslines and choking with boots. Now it's offense and I don't think it's better. 

Jillian Hall seems to be doing a Judy Tenuta thing now, and I think it works? Maybe it's an indication how well Peyton Royce is doing post Iiconics that I had no idea who her entrance music was for, and the Titan Tron video took forever to say it was Royce. Ohhhhhhhh shit I've been typing about it this entire time and I just realized they might get the Iiconics back together for this and I fucking want that so bad. It's a good way for them to get back together. Let them eliminate a couple people together and it's a great way to organically show that they're better when they're together! It would actually be a smart way to freshen up the roster, get an interesting team into the lifeless Asuka/Charlotte and Jax/Baszler stuff. But, of course, they don't do any of that. Royce almost immediately blends into the background of the match, and Kay is eliminated a few minutes later. A fruitful storyline abandoned without mention. 

Not a fan of the early and tossed off Toni Storm elimination. I've kind of unexpectedly become a big Toni fan over the past year. I am not interested in this becoming The Charlotte Match. But it really feels like a dumb thing WWF would do. "Ric had what we've defined as the Greatest Rumble Performance so now we need to give Charlotte her Greatest Rumble Performance." Please don't give us that. Too many people have been entering with missile dropkicks. It is stupid that so many have entered the match by immediately climbing to the top rope, and nobody has been punished for climbing to the top rope in the Royal Rumble. The ring is FILLED with people, someone should knock this person off the top rope while they are voluntarily standing there! This is another reason why people cannot work battle royals. The handstand set up for it was dumb, but I did like Dana Brooke hanging off Ripley's neck in a headscissors while Ripley tried to shake her off from the apron. Brooke was memorable in elimination. The layout of this has been weak for long stretches, like a couple instances of someone getting eliminated right before a new entrant, losing any impact of the elimination. BAYLEY'S elimination happened DURING Mickie James's entrance!! Who fucked that up!! Bayley was clearly one of the favorites to win this match, and they moved on within three seconds!! They showed her elimination as a replay, because the cameras were on James and not the arguable biggest name in the match being eliminated. That's really really bad layout for a Rumble. 

WWF could use Alicia Fox back. She would be a fun NXT act at minimum. Give me a Foxy/Aliyah pairing, that would be great. Strong inside cradle on R-Truth to get the 24/7 title back from Fox, good weight on the back of the thighs. I love Dakota Kai, and goddamn did she get eliminated. Ripley just dumped her face first on the apron. Not happy seeing Mandy and Kai eliminated back to back. I'm jinxing the hell out of my personal favorites. They do ANOTHER elimination RIGHT BEFORE a new entrance!! It has to be intentional at this point, and that is so stupid! Nikki Cross gets eliminated one second before TAMINA comes out. Eliminations with zero fanfare are a battle royal curse. There is a way to make eliminations sink in and at least let the announcers talk about the implications a bit, no need to be doing all of these at the exact same time as a thing that everyone is more interested in. The Naomi/Bianca stuff was good, they need to focus more on how long both have been in and they've been a little background, but I like how they're getting more screen time the longer they're in. 

They're going to do dumb Alexa Bliss stuff, aren't they. Yep. But THAT is a good elimination by Ripley! Thank god they had at least some Rumble decency, to have a dozen people in the ring just watching someone go through a long "transformation" without doing anything about it. I am so happy we didn't have to spend more than a minute on that. Ember Moon is yet another person coming in and doing all of their offense like a a normal match, but she dropkicks Naomi right in the face in a way that didn't seem intentional. Ember Moon looked really bad on her elimination, with that slow motion "setting up a spot" run she did to get backdropped by Shayna. Loved Nia's "I can't, she's family" excuse to not go after Tamina, but her hockey fighting with Shayna after Tamina's elimination looked bad. I'm not into the Nia/Shayna thing, just doesn't feel like it's going anywhere and the journey to get there isn't interesting. Do I hate Natalya's new gear? My instinct says yes, but is there an element of it I'm underappreciating? Perhaps. I'll level with you, I did not know there was important emotional history with Natalya and Lana. Was that elimination effective? I could not tell you. I have not been closely following the Natalya/Lana relationship. Charlotte has felt like a complete non-factor the entire time she's been in the Rumble. She was not working to stand out at all, so I am fully not interested in her valiantly battling against two foes, and I also don't understand her treating her elimination like a drunk sorority girl getting thrown out of a bar that overserved. 

I'm a big fan of Bianca going to WrestleMania, it's a great choice and the most interesting direction to go. But I wished I enjoyed her and Ripley's final two. I thought a lot of it looked real bad, like them doing really slow reversal sequences and slow thrown missed strikes. Ripley was hanging on the ropes dangling, and Belair just stood there waiting instead of kicking at her hands, literally standing there waiting to do the spot that came next. Working battle royals as a normal match suuuuucks. So I thought their final two stretch was not good, but the end result was great, and they did a genuinely great job of making it look like either Belair OR Ripley had a chance. That's important. Bianca's winner's speech was the kind of thing that would have been nice to see in front of a live crowd. 

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

ER: This didn't hook me until they started fighting up into the "crowd", and I liked some of the stuff up there. Owens had all these nasty chairshots to Roman's knees. He was jabbing the edge of a chair into Roman's patella, then just bashing them from the side, all really nasty stuff that should be sold throughout a match. They looked really hobbling but Reigns didn't treat them as such a moment later, which is disappointing. Owens had a nice bump off the riser and a good moment of him beating the 10 count. But once they went backstage it just felt like the same kind of slow Shane McMahon prop show that they've been doing into the ground. This whole thing is going too long, and I am so tired of these slow epic brawls that always make 20 minutes feel like 30 and 30 minutes feel like 45. These matches are more "ideas" matches than interesting fights, but none of the ideas are as good as any of the homebrew shit cooked up in the Last Battle of Burke. Sitting through an endless 25 minutes with a handcuff spot at the end taking up over 10% of the match is such a punishing waste of time. Michael Cole was right when he described this thing as brutal. I thought it would never stop. 

 

Men's Rumble Match

ER: I have not been following the storyline here, and that is just cruel to start this thing with Edge/Orton. This feels like they're fucking with me. Edge is at least a more compelling character now that his gimmick is that his body could break at any minute. Sami Zayn is looking, dressing, and wrestling more and more like Buck Robley, and I think it could make him one of my favorites. Has Mustafa Ali had his first name back since joining Retribution? Is Retribution a stable where getting back your own name is important, and that's why most of them have names like their parents were "child can choose their own name" parents? Edge has a better spear now than he did 10 years ago. When I'm not too into a match, I usually don't find myself saying "You know I bet this thing could get better if Dolph Ziggler got involved." I want to see a run from super gassed Carlito!! He looked like peak 80s gas Jimmy Snuka with cool Dick Anthony Williams facial hair. 

These things kind of stink now that the moments are all planned in the exact same way. Guy comes in, does his signature offense while people run at him one by one, do pose to hard cam, storyline for next elimination starts once new entrant is done with his offense, elimination culminates with 10 seconds until next entrant. They have gone to that exact same pattern in this and the women's rumble, and it sucks. 

Kane comes out looking more like the local guy playing Kane on an Australian knock off indy. That other guy might look better in ring at this point though. I wish Otis would have been in the match longer, thought his discus clothesline and capture suplex looked really great, but at least his elimination bump was the nastiest of the men's rumble so far. Dominik got big height, and Hurricane would be a nice guy to have back somewhere, but this rumble is not great. There are no compelling stories here, and it's felt like it's been full of restarts. Christian return is cool, and here's a thing I cannot believe: When Christian, Riddle, Big E, and Bryan all teamed up to force Lashley over, that was literally the first time in EITHER rumble that a group decided to go after one person. It's been all these stupid paired of "stories" that aren't really interesting, instead of people actually thinking like someone IN a rumble. That moment actually felt like a rumble, like a few people suddenly remembered a rumble strategy. What I said earlier about Edge having a way better spear in 2021 than he did in 2010? Still holds, as his spear on Styles looked great. Victoria Beer, seen in the background of every lucha match I've been watching lately, is now sponsoring Royal Rumble entrants? Nobody else got sponsored? Kane and AJ Styles were in there, StopTheSteal didn't want to sponsor them? Christian and Sheamus always had great chemistry. I'd love to see a 2021 Christian/Sheamus match. 

Cesaro lifting and throwing Strowman over the top would have been far more interesting than Strowman eliminating Cesaro, and Sheamus deserved better. Bryan and Riddle really laced into each other during their portion, and Bryan would be my easy pick if asked "Who would you like to win this rumble?" This is the first time these two have had an exchange of any kind, and it all looked really great. What looks riduculous is every person still left in the match lying around the ring while Bryan and Riddle can just have a 4 minute match. Nobody should be lying on the mat for that long, let alone four people at the same time. I thought the finishing run was pretty bad, thought the Bryan elimination was a pretty big nail in the coffin. The Edge story is not something I can get too interested in, but all of his spears looked great in this match, and I could actually see him being a part of a good match now. I'm not expecting it, but he is slightly more interesting now than a decade ago. 

ER: Disappointing show top to bottom. Both Rumbles were really uninspired and badly laid out, the Last Man Standing match felt endless, the tag title match was bad, and the Sasha match was below her level. That's a bummer of a show right there. 

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WWE Royal Rumble 2020 Actually Kind of Live Blog

ER: These PPVs start HOW early and go HOW long!? This thing had already started by the time I got back from freaking brunch and will end hours into darkness. But I think the card looks good on paper, and the Rumble has traditionally been a favorite gimmick of mine. Admittedly, I do not get as excited for the Rumbles as I used to. Even when I end up liking them (I remember really liking the 2018 Men's Rumble, for example), they have still felt very same-y the past decade. I'm not sure what it will take to freshen it up a bit, whether the answer is to move the concept forward or backward, but I'm here for it.


Sheamus vs. Chad Gable

ER: Damn this feels like a pretty big match for the pre-show. Maybe it's just because I'm very excited for the on-paper potential of this match. I've been a high voter on Sheamus and I think higher than average on Gable, and the pairing seems natural. This is Sheamus' first TV match in over 9 months, and it's a tough spot to be in for your comeback match: 75 minutes before the actual PPV starts, while people are filing into a large baseball stadium. And Sheamus *does* look rusty for the first couple minutes of this, mainly in the way he perfunctorily went through standing exchanges; Sheamus is a good wrestler, he's not someone who sleepwalks through missed clotheslines and rope running, but he was clearly a guy finding his steps, looking a little careful. They even start talking about ring rust on commentary (and after the match) which sounded like they were smartly covering by just admitting. But Sheamus knocks Gable hard to the floor in a fun violent way and the tone shifted to more stiff and confident from there. Sheamus worked like a more WWE-style Timothy Thatcher, bending Gable by the hand and wrist, kneeling on his head, pushing on his face while stretching a limb, even busting open one of Gable's ears. He also aims to cave in Gable's chest with 20 or so clubbing forearms, really getting that filing in crowd going the more the match went on. Gable fought back in cool ways, tons of foot stomps and hard elbows, and ever harder overhand chops. He threw a couple different overhand chops that landed loud and left Sheamus in an almost stunned laughter, and then he would go right back to nasty stomps to the feet. Gable hit a nice dropkick to take out Sheamus' knee, and Sheamus is a compelling limb seller who works in some nice knee moments. I really liked him catching Gable off the top rope and buckling his knee, leading to Gable spiking him with a nice DDT. The nearfalls were exciting, Gable broke out a cool Chaos Theory and it looked plausible that Gable could actually beat Sheamus in the latter's big return match. I thought this played honestly and was a real nice return match delivery. This was a real good "first match" from these two, plenty of cool ideas I wasn't expecting, and a nice reminder of what Sheamus can bring.


Humberto Carrillo vs. Andrade

ER: This had a lot of ideas I liked and what I thought was a great Andrade performance, but also thought it was one of those matches where Carrillo oversteps. Carrillo has a lot of fun ideas with sometimes iffy execution, and his best matches tend to be when his dance flourishes get reigned in. He was pretty free to try things here and Andrade is a generous base, and I do think we got a few too many dance sequences muddying up things (for a guy who likes dance-y missed kick reversal sequences, Carrillo isn't always great at them). But there was a ton of match that wasn't those kind of things, and Andrade put fun twists on a couple familiar Carrillo spots. I liked the fight over a crucifix pin, like the way Andrade can insert some struggle into moves that could come off too smooth. Andrade has great small stuff, which adds to matches like these: hard stiff leg kick to the stomach, heavy back elbows, sharp forearms to the jaw (he had one early that really snapped Carrillo's head back). There were also good believable nearfalls in this one (a nice theme for the show) and the pairing is really good when Andrade is running the show. The match ending springboard rana reversal was cool and there probably aren't many guys in the fed (maybe Cesaro?) who could have taken it better. This match also benefitted from Zelina Vega's fun ringside presence, a loud, active manager with always amusing reaction shots.


Falls Count Anywhere: Roman Reigns vs. Baron Corbin

ER: This was one of those matches where I started the match into it all, and got less interested every passing minute. Before the match, Corbin was carried out to the ring in his meh throne, and Roman jumped him during the entrance and threw around the guys carrying him. I was into it. Turns out, that would be my peak moment of interest. The match didn't really land for me. Sometimes it literally didn't land, as early on Corbin seemed to be leaning way out of strikes. The brawling through the crowd felt sluggish, the concept of brawling around an entire baseball stadium was hurt by keeping most of the camera shots too close. They may as well have been brawling around a civic auditorium for over half of the brawl. By the time we got to the interference from Ziggler, Roode, and The Usos, my interest was waning. By the time we get a porta potty spot I was more than ready to get to the next match. You go to the extremely stupid lengths to set up a fake row of porta pottys, you need to go the lengths of making the spot as stupid or as dangerous as possible. Either Corbin comes out of that thing covered head to toe in fake shit, or he needs to take a stupid bump through a row of toilets. They did neither. The match goes 22 minutes which was so much more time than it needed, and the few big moments (and Uso dive off a high stack of equipment, some impressive bumps through tables) didn't sustain the match. "These two have been through hell and back," Michael Cole says unconvincingly. Nope.


Women's Rumble Match

ER: Alexa and Bianca is an opening combo I can get behind. Stadium entrances make Rumbles infinitely cool, and when Bianca's music hit I said "Man I hope Bianca skips all the way down the long damn entrance," and she did, and it was great. Great Big PPV Gear from Bianca, killer black/gold combo with 10/10 gold glitter boots. Alexa's faces as Bianca danced were also great, so I am firmly on the side of this match. And a Molly Holly appearance is clearly only ever going to be a plus. Let's do a Backlund moment and keep Molly in there for the match. Lana is genuinely terrible on the mic, has no originality, stumbles over words, and isn't quick on her toes...but she clearly puts energy into it and seems to enjoy the role, and she plays a good dummy who isn't as smart as she thinks. And that kind of saves the act. Mercedes Martinez is a nice surprise. The Lana/Liv pull apart brawl felt better than it should have been. Mandy looked good in her first two minutes, getting into it with Nikki Cross and stopping her with a shoulderblock, nice running knee, and a slap that echoed hard in the stadium.

And goddamn I am into the comical Mandy fake elimination. She gets casually tossed by Alexa in what seemed like an incredibly underwhelming elimination, almost a punishment to Rose. She was thrown to the far side of ring from camera, meaning we didn't see her hit the floor. And when when the camera shifts to her side we see she landed perfectly onto Otis, who was weirdly laying flat on the floor for some reason. Otis plays it like a fetish, coming off like the world's largest Jimmy Valiant under a glass table. The fans reacted bigger than I expected to it, made a really odd spot come off great. The involvement of Otis on both Mandy and Sonya's elimination was amusing, but Otis had just started being fun yelling ringside encouragement to Mandy, and I wanted the bit to continue longer.

We hit a boring little stretch where Dana Brooke and Mia Yim and Tamina do that annoying modern Rumble trend of coming in and just running through your offense on several people, just a stupid string of ninjas attacking once at a time for trademark spots. Older Rumbles felt like they had more small moments where a guy enters and quietly finds a the most advantageous dude to go after. Tamina has the worst ring gear in WWE women's history, a terrible look, a terrible run of offense, just a clumsy bull in a Houston china shop. Her elimination is thankfully quick, with her taking a stumbling bump to the floor like someone falling for the first time. Once Tamina was gone, things picked up. I liked the Bianca/Alexa hair tug of war on the apron, and Naomi came back after 6 months away and had her greatest look ever, an immediate contender for greatest wrestling hair of the decade, obviously Naomi paying respects to Mr. Niebla in a totally iconic look. And she gets a gimmick moment we've seen before, getting knocked from the apron but leaping to the side of the barricade like spider-man. But whether Intentionally or not, she lands VERY low on the wall. Her feet were just a few inches off the floor, giving her almost no wiggle room. It looked several times like she might just give up and let them hit the floor. Her crawling up to the top felt like a genuine dramatic moment, and I don't care how stupid that sounds. Beth Phoenix apparently suffers a massive head wound at some point, as suddenly there is a huge spreading dark red spot on the back of her head, and it somehow isn't getting nearly the attention it deserves from commentary. Super excited to see Shotzi in the Rumble. We were wondering if it would happen as I know they like to debut fairly new workers like that, and when her name came up I popped. Santina stuff felt dumb and more than a little out of place but they didn't linger on it, which has been a strength of the match. Shayna's entrance run is great, but let me tell you: Not interested in how easily Charlotte dispatched Shayna. That's just dumb. Charlotte was in this match as long as anyone, and made absolutely no impression. Overall I thought this was a good Rumble match, veering into great at times. Finish disappointed me though, and I'm bored watching Charlotte point at the Mania sign. Belair's elimination was disappointing and didn't come off like a big enough deal, and Naomi's long journey back to the ring felt was undercut by her getting eliminated immediately once back. A Naomi Rumble return leading to a big Mania match would work, disappointing they went with such a bland choice.


Bayley vs. Lacey Evans

ER: Not a match-up that's super intriguing to me, and I think most of that is I have not been into heel Bayley one bit. And I don't think I'm alone, as the match played real cold to the crowd. The crowd still seemed to like the Roman match that I didn't, but this match was quiet. This was a better match than Reigns/Corbin, but it did not connect. Stuff looked good, but it needed Sasha making noise at ringside or some other element than them just going out and having a match. This was worked without history and wouldn't feel out of place on an episode of Main Event, and played like a match that would be considered a good match for Main Event. But it felt light and unimportant here.


Strap Match: Daniel Bryan vs. The Fiend

ER: This was slow paced, and the crowd was quiet, and I have very very little interest in the Fiend gimmick or the Funhouse stuff, and there are dozens of guys on the roster that I would so much rather see Bryan face on a big PPV. But I was into this. Bryan comes hard with punches to the head, but before long we get long sets of Fiend slowly whipping Bryan over the back and chest, and Bryan getting a bunch of ugly welts. I thought they made a very compelling match based almost entirely around whipping each other. Both guys knew how to throw nice strap shots, and Bryan added big bumps at key moments. Getting eaten alive by a lariat on the floor and running into the Sister Abigail nearfall are things Bryan does better than most. But they lost me maybe 3/4 of the way through, started overstaying its welcome, and then hit us with some lame character aspects of the Fiend. Bryan really got made to look like a chump, and the Fiend's revolutionary gimmick of just walking through shots and clowning people, has absolutely zero legs. Bryan tried to get people into it postmatch, tried to pull those strings, clearly doing as much as possible to put some sort of dignity to this ending. But man I'm pretty positive the Fiend sucks.


Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

ER: This one felt like a big deal going into the match, but Lynch has a way of turning feuds with potential into kind of boring matches. I don't know why she doesn't seem to connect, but her run of matches during her long feeling title reign have consistently underwhelmed. This didn't get the crowd response it could have and should have been better. But it was not bad, and I thought Asuka brought a lot of color to it. She had my favorite moment of the match, when she splatted with a nasty belly flop bump to the floor off a front suplex from the apron. She threw nice thrust kicks into Becky's face and threw herself enthusiastically into her offense. It had a good finish too, with Becky landing a kick to Asuka's stomach right as Asuka was going to mist her, making cartoonishly mist herself. It's a spot I can see working all through the territories and I liked it here.


Men's Rumble Match

ER: I'm into the idea of a full match Brock run. I don't care. People are tired of Brock, but he's a total freak and I'd love to see him wreck dudes for 45 minutes. And I think he has the selling ability to actually provide some dramatic openings along the run. Right out of the gate, doesn't feel like a necessary move to throw Rowan to the wolves so quickly. At least give his comeback some kind of chance of success, this felt undercutting. But it also kind of makes sense, because Brock *should* run through these dudes. Elias, Roode, yeah, Brock should crush them. Roode shouldn't be hitting a spinebuster on Brock, so hell yeah, toss these men! I am into this idea and into the execution so for. I'm already excited for who will be the first entrant to last until the next entrant, who will finally last long enough to have someone else distract Brock for a bit, and who might be the first guy who Brock actually *isn't* excited to see? This is a different way to book the Rumble, and I am into it. The answer comes quick, as Rey enters while Kofi is still in the ring, and the star power feels bigger and it feels like a bigger moment to see Brock manhandling these two. And when we build to Big E, Kofi, and Rey all swarming Brock, it's a full great sequence of early Brock vulnerability. Trouble in Paradise, Big Ending, 619, Spear, and Brock is just so great at taking finishers. And with a finger snap he tosses Rey, jumps off Big E to hit a superman lariat through Kofi, lariats E to the floor, and disposes of Kofi. Brock as the Royal Rumble Ken Jennings is great pro wrestling for me. The pairings are well thought out: The Shelton Benjamin stuff was amusing, Nakamura hit a cool sneaky spin kick before getting tossed (would have liked a longer pairing here, as that's a 15 year old match I'd actually love to see re-run), MVP is a decent enough nostalgia return and takes super huge bump off the F5 for a guy pushing 50, and Brock keeps making things better with his reactions to Keith Lee at 13.

Keith Lee vs. Brock is a great dream match, and Brock is so good at getting run over by Lee. Lee doesn't hold back, both guys crash into each other like an airshow disaster, and I lost it when Braun was 14. Those 3 are a 305 Live dream, and all the interactions came off like a sequel to Rampage. The only problem is I wish we got way more. Let the three of them throw out the next 6 guys and have them absolutely ruin a city's infrastructure in between. And I was really into the idea of Brock going to the final 4 at least, but how pro was McIntyre's elimination of him? Brock leaned cheek first into that claymore kick, and Brock's big bump to the floor while Heyman flips out was classic. But Drew isn't done many favors as they kind of just have him do exactly what Bock had spent half the match doing. It's a big spot for Drew, but it almost did him no favors to have him be dominant. Plus he gets the bum luck of a few dud entrances, Ziggler and Karl Anderson, people aren't gonna be into that. The Edge return is obviously a gigantic moment for many in the crowd, and while there are few returns that could have been less exciting to me personally, he's a guy the fans filling out a Texas stadium clearly want to see. Edge felt like a major deal, people were flipping out like they were on an Oprah's Favorite Things. But we've fallen into a rut of people I'm not interested in (Gallows, Orton, ugh these are the Raw matches I skim through) and they eliminate Riddle in a minute. That pissed me off. I do NOT have interest in Randy Orton & Edge dancing their age old dance, and this thing is screeching to a halt for me. Is it the show that's too damn long? Or the participants that got less interesting? By the time Seth Rollins hits the ring, the ring is nearly entirely filled with men I do not want to see in a long WrestleMania title match. The final 8 really dragged for me, though it got a little better with the final 4. Edge hitting a spear on Roman came off big, and Drew really killer Roman with the claymore. If this is the big McIntyre push, I'm curious what a Brock match looks like. I could see fans getting into Drew with some momentum behind him, so let's see where this goes.


ER: The show had strengths but a big weakness in just being too long. A lot of the wrestling was good while rarely rising to great. The very first match of the night was my favorite, and that wasn't a match that is going to wind up super high on a MOTY list at the end of 2020. I liked both Rumbles, preferring the women's one overall due to less drag and down moments, but the first half of the men's match showed it could have hit greatness. We had a lot of good individual performances (Bryan, Andrade, Asuka) in so-so matches, which kept the floor of the show high but the ceiling low.

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2019 Ongoing MOTY List: Balor vs. Brock

1. Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar WWE Royal Rumble 1/27

ER: Talk about an overdelivery. Wow. No sensible person could have been excited for a Finn Balor match, and I saw no plausible way for Finn to look good against Lesnar. Finn has terrible offense and you need someone to lace it in to look like you can dent Brock. But they end up doing it. I didn't expect it to happen, but they did it. They actually have Brock sell his diverticulitis, and I love when they implement that into big Brock matches, and Brock shows what a wonderful salesman he still is. Balor laced in shots more than I've ever seen him do, and while they're not going to look like Ikeda, Balor DOES lay them in as much as possible. And Brock's pale wide body takes damage better than any other wrestler's, reading all shades of pink red and purple. And Balor stomps away at him hard and Brock purples up, and they do some great stuff like have Brock get run large intestine first into the corner of the announce table. Balor avoids the Suplex City trap by playing up his slipperiness instead of his bad offense, so while he ate one monster belly to belly (and it was a great one) he kept floating like a bee, even slipping right into giving Brock an F5. Brock was tremendous at selling his vulnerability, I mean it is amazing how much he made Balor feel legit here. I don't think Balor has looked better in any other match that I've seen, I mean he did everything he could and Brock took it the way only Brock can. Balor looks like he genuinely wants to destroy Brock's large intestine with that final Coup de Grace.....and Brock responds like a wounded python. Can't lift him, can't slam him,  SO JUST SMOTHER HIM WITH YOUR LAND MASS. All the camera angles of Brock taking that Coup de Grace and then smothering Balor with his body, eyes crazy like he was Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and the thought crossed your mind while Brock was bending that arm...."Brock might actually break this guy's arm...." Brock brings an aura into the ring that nobody else can, and Balor stepped up to that aura, and delivered more than I could have anticipated. This was great.

PAS: This was tremendous, Balor's career match by a huge margin over anything else I have seen him do. I liked the early flurry by Balor, the cut off by Lenser was big but not super overdone, and Lesnar running full speed kidney first into the corner of the announce table was one of the nastiest momentum changers I can remember seeing. Even without a history of intestine issues that would have been a hospital trip. After that bump everything Balor did looked like it could end a match, Lesnar caught his dives on his back instead of catching them, sold every suplex like he had hernia and that final double stomp off the top was just an awesome piece of violence. I loved the finish too, we hadn't seen the chicken wing hammerlock in a while and I loved Brock too busted up to lift and throw, so he just grabs the arm and tries to rip it off his body. That maniacal look on his face as he was cranking the arm was bone chilling, no one does crazy lunatic anymore convincing then Brcok, he looks like he wants to cripple his opponents, and totally could do, which makes him super scary.


2019 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WWE Royal Rumble 2018 Gently Behind Blog

1. Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. TJ Perkins/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

ER: This was fine but with guys like this you always know it could be so much more. And it's done so damn far ahead of the actual PPV start time that hardly anybody is there. The small crowd watching does give Gulak a nice "PowerPoint" chant. We get a triple moonsault spot that took way too long to set up, Metalik hit a nice elbow off the middle rope after Gallagher missed a splash off the middle (are they doing some kind of "Gallagher is unathletic doof" angle or something?), liked a bump Gulak took to the floor, but yeah this could have been much more than it was.

2. The Revival vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows

ER: The Revival are taking the WWE by storm! I liked Revival going after Anderson's knee, battering it with punches, dropping cool Indian deathlock snaps, cutting off the ring nicely. I liked how Anderson eventually got the hot tag, with Wilder almost stopping him but instead shoving him closer to Gallows. Gallows had a nice hot tag, big lariats, great standing splash, Dawson did an awesome spit take on an uppercut, Gallows took a great running bump into the ring post, loved the chop block to Anderson to take him out. This was quality tag wrestling, good match up.

3. Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

ER: I wasn't into Rawley when he first came into NXT, but I've really gotten into him the last several months. He's really busting ass and it's hard not to get into a guy who loves crashing into people. He gives me what I want by rolling to the floor after Roode and just plastering him into the barricade. Mojo gets guys up to great heights on slams and does cool little things more people should do (but don't) like grinding forearms across jaws during pinfalls. Roode has a decent spinebuster, but the ending could have been better. Rawley ran in for the punch, at boots, and then took a delayed DDT. I was hoping it would take a bit more to put down Mojo. Good enough match.

4. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

ER: I don't really like the concept of this handicap match for the title, though I've been liking Zayn as a shitty Owens stooge. He's good at letting his his boy get some rest while he locks in a nice chinlock with his knee grinding into Styles' back. And Styles has been really great fighting the odds. Owens misses the canonball into the corner in awesome fashion, and Owens has been a good shithead always tagging Zayn in whenever he gets into trouble. Zayn gets a good save on the calf crusher, and Owens hits the ringpost hard, and again scrambling Styles has been really great. Zayn is awesome throwing an extra rotation into the Blue Thunder Bomb and I thought that could have been it (since it followed an Owens superkick). Crowd is way behind Styles: Great Babyface. The end run is really good, hot stretch, loved Zayn fighting to tag Owens in, Zayn gets knocked to the floor and Owens runs in to hit the pop up powerbomb (which I assumed was happening) and Styles reversed it to a great roll up win. Styles really can't do much wrong at this point.

5. 2/3 Falls: Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable vs. The Usos

ER: We get a lot of knee work from Gable/Benjamin, and while the knee work in the Revival match was more vicious, it's something I can get behind in a big tag match. Just like in that match we get nice ring cut off spots, and Gable is a total Tasmania devil, loved him hitting this big diving axe handle while Benjamin had Jimmy's leg grapevined, and both of them knocking Jey off the apron. Benjamin brings nice mocking kicks and Jimmy fighting back with the bad wheel was good. Jey's hot tag was big time, huge lariat to knock Gable to the floor, big dives on Benjamin and then Gable, big crossbody on Gable, great house of fire stuff. 2/3 Falls matches aren't things that happen a lot in WWE, and it's weird as they're building this whole first fall the same way they build a normal tag match. Is this match going to go 45 minutes?? We've had as many false finishes and nearfalls as a typical single fall PPV tag, so the match has been at least as good as that. Benjamin powerbombing one of them into the other I thought for sure would get a fall, and Gable hitting that moonsault to the floor was huge (luckily there were only like 200 people in the crowd when the 205 guys hit their triple moonsault earlier). Seriously Usos just hit the big splash on Gable and that didn't get the pin! This is great. The timing on the superkick fall 1 finish was real good, with Gable ducking one only to be hit by the other, then getting sandwiched between two of them. Killer first fall. It is surprising how quickly Gable shrugs them off though, as he's up shortly after throwing punches on the floor. But it's worth it as the dispose of Jimmy with a powerbomb on the floor. Oh and then Benjamin just gets rolled up for fall 2. That's a bummer. This was well on its way to being an all time great PPV tag match, and then with that ending it would have just been better if it was a one fall match.

6. Men's Rumble Match

ER: Are they actually going with the Women's Rumble as the main event? Balor's ring entrance allows me to catch up several minutes, and we should all be happy we got Rusev #1 since that allowed us a proper English introduction. But I hope Balor being in early just means he's out early. Rhyno has been back for like a year and a half and Phil texts me to ask if Rhyno is a "surprise entrant". "...but people don't seem very surprised." We get a Finlay and Adam Pearce sighting during all the awesome chaos of Corbin's elimination. Corbin was awesome crushing Balor and Rusev, then blasting poor Slater with a lariat on his entrance. I always hate that there aren't more dudes getting leveled during their entrance. You often see eliminated guys walking past new entrants, I would be pissed if I had just gotten eliminated. You take those aggressions out, Corbin! Poor Slater gets kicked by Elias while he's down, and I eagerly await a future Rumble by the Numbers video saying there's only one man to enter the Rumble carrying a guitar. Sorry, Honky. Almas is a cool entrant and also puts the boots to Slater. I genuinely hope Slater gets a nice run late in the match because of this. Wyatt hits some nice meaty lariats on his entrance and Big E eats a nice high kick from Rusev. You heard it here first, Tye Dillinger will not win this Rumble. Awww, and the poor guy is getting jumped in the back. Now they keep cutting away from every new entrant beating down Heath Slater. Give the man his camera time! The match hasn't had a standout performer yet, but nobody has looked bad. AWWWWWW YEAHHHHHH we get some killer ginger on ginger violence with Slater giving Sheamus the Santino elimination, great moment. Overall nice use of Slater in this, he's my performer of the match so far. Woods has those Rumble-perfect hooked boots, really helps stop any potential Harley Race bumps to the floor. We're getting a pretty clogged ring at this point, and WAY too many guys just lying around on the apron. This is lazy guys. We need guys like Goldust and Finlay and Piper in these middle portions to keep guys working and active. Either his music was super loud, or the crowd was shockingly silent.

Apollo Crews takes a nice back bump elimination, and Rachel asks "Why didn't I even notice Crews out there?" which really has been the story of his WWE call up. Rollins has the shittiest flame tights. They are the Guy Fieri of tights. I genuinely look forward to the Kofi fake out elimination every year, it's the Shyamalan twist that everyone expects, even more than the Shyamalan twist, except these are always fun. Hurricane is a fun surprise entrant, last I saw in TNA he was still taking way bigger bumps than he should be. Surprised WWE hasn't reached out to bring him back over the last couple years, just for potential merch sales. Well, he was gone as I finished typing that. Aiden English has a hot entrance, throwing some really great punches on Cena, great left jab and a cool right uppercut. It's kind of wild to think that now when the Miz comes out during a Rumble, he seems like a guy who is a favorite to win, as opposed to feeling like a Max Moon entrance. Mysterio coming out is a huge shock, and he looks in great shape. Leaner than his main event run, and wearing TIGHTS because no knee braces!! Hopefully he's feeling much better, with all his surgeries it looked like he wouldn't be wrestling that much longer. I have never been impressed at all with Adam Cole, and him not seeming to know how to get headscissored over the top doesn't help with that. We do eventually get Goldust, but again they messed up not having him enter in the middle. You need a great old school worker to make the middle section interesting. What is on Ziggler's tights? Is it the landlord ghoul Markula from Aqua Teen? Orton was just a stupid choice for winner last year, so at least we don't have that nonsense. Balor is still entirely uninteresting. The final four has been pretty boring. Balor's offense looks really horrendous against all these guys. Those spinny slingblades are a contender for worst trademark offense right there. Very happy with his elimination into pancakes (who the hell hasn't cleaned up the pancakes yet?!). Surprised Nak got to eliminate Cena. I'm a fan but his main roster run has been underwhelming to say the least. Fans are into him and he has charisma, but has he been in even one really good match since call up? And WOW I honestly cannot believe Nakamura got the win. That's a true surprise. Holy crap. I liked the showdown with he and Roman, but wow. (Ed: Phil is telling me that Nakamura was the obvious choice to win, so it's very clear that I didn't pay any kind of attention to the build up for this thing)

7. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro/Sheamus

ER: This is a tough one as I would have liked to see a good Jordan FIP section, but that would build to a flimsy Rollins hot tag, so getting a Jordan hot tag is probably better. It makes for a kind of boring match though, and the crowd is burnt from the Rumble. Sheamus and Cesaro bump big at least, with Sheamus (always good at) taking a big ringpost bump and Cesaro going super quick to the floor. Fans sorta get behind Rollins' comeback, but the camera wisely cuts away fast from his low superkick. Jordan is now selling a ringpost shot longer than any man in history, I assume on purpose to lead to a turn? But either way it was way too much Rollins in this match. I was excited to see Jordan match up with Sheamus and Cesaro, so not what I was hoping for out of the match. Crowd is either tired or felt the same as me.

8. Braun Strowman vs. Kane vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Loved the start of this, and the Brock/Braun tradeoff was awesome. Braun knees Brock in the ear and Lesnar punches Braun in the ear. Yes please. Brock blasts Kane with a chair and Braun punches him through it, yes. Kane is a total choad in this one, just slowly getting in the way of fire, which is ironic due to his burn history. I do kind of like the chaos the match devolves into, the No DQ stip was at least smart for that. But it also hurts the momentum of things. Braun and Brock are both nutty bumpers, so of course we get some big table bumps. Loved the powerslams through tables, these guys are crazy. Match was good enough, but would have been better without Kane. Kane was obviously in there to eat the pin so my opinions aren't unique.

9. Women's Rumble Match

ER: We know everybody is rooting for surprise entrant Big Steph. True Champion of Women. Is there a weird "every woman needs a singlet" rule going around? They switched Carmella into that unflattering bathing suit with brown leggings, now Lynch is in one. Is this the new hair extensions? Three man booths are always terrible, and adding Steph to one has shockingly not changed that fact. She keeps coming into the conversation at the most awkward times. I want Mandy Rose to win this damn thing. Team Mandy all the damn way. A lot of the strikes in this match look flat out terrible. Sasha had the worst kicks in the corner, Lita's kicks looked as filmsy as they did a decade ago. Sane's spear look like it wouldn't break paper, but her sliding elbow looked great. Her flying elbows are always awesome. We all needed this big Tamina run. The world needed it. That Lita moonsault was always a potential neckbreaker when she was in her prime, and that certainly hasn't changed. It's amazing that she never leaps into them, she just kind of falls backwards. So dangerous looking. Brooke has sadly dropped the York outfit. They're keeping numbers down, which is smart, but they're going about it kind of lazily by having someone come in, go on a big run of offense while everyone lies around, then get eliminated. Torrie Wilson might look better now than during her wrestling "prime", though you might be shocked to know that in 10 years of inactivity her wrestling ability has not actually improved. Everybody knows anything post Rose elimination is bullshit anyway. But the Molly surprise was a nice one, always one of my favorites. And the Riott Squad jumping Lana was some of the first stuff in this match that's actually looked good. It's kind of shocking how so many of these surprise returns look almost exactly the same as their last appearances. They've all aged startlingly well. But it's a pretty stupid move to have McCool eliminate two members of the Riott Squad. Becky Lynch has been in this thing the entire time and has done nothing noteworthy. I think she may have thrown a nice uppercut like 20 minutes ago. Vickie is a nice surprise, but now that Kelly Kelly is out I will be pissed if we get no Layla. Layla never got enough respect. You'll be shocked to know that Kelly is not good at wrestling in 2017, but I liked her aggressively going after Nia. The stuff with Naomi avoiding letting her feet touch was fun, you could really see Jacqueline making damn sure to hold onto her foot to not let it touch. The Ember/Asuka stuff was probably the best in the match, wish it would've went a bit longer. It should be noted that - I know earlier I said Steph was awful on commentary, but - Michael Cole has been a flat out goober during the whole match. His scripted talking points could really not be delivered any flatter than he's done. The kicker was when Trish and Mickie squared off and he goes "Guys I just got goose bumps!" It's so bad. Nia shoulda run the damn boards on this thing. I definitely was not thinking we'd get a Bellas final 4. The Asuka/Nikki stuff is awesome, I'd love a singles match with these two. The single leg choke to drag Nikki to the apron was great, totally nasty looking.

ER: I liked Ronda's Piper gear a lot and Joan Jett entrance music is a nice get.

ER: There wasn't really anything blowaway great on this show, but for a really long show I thought it delivered. The Men's Rumble was easily one of the best Rumbles in recent memory, the Women's one was a fun experiment and putting it on as the main was an impressive gamble, the 2/3 falls tag was close to being special, Braun and Brock made me want to see more of them against each other, Styles continues his great run. It was a good show.

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2016 Ongoing MOTY List: Ambrose v. Owens Last Man Standing

1. Dean Ambrose v. Kevin Owens WWE Royal Rumble 1/24

ER: I haven't loved how these two have been matching up, but they finally got it right. This needed to be more of a war than their other matches, and LMS matches can tricky: You don't want to go to too big a spot too early, but you gotta have big spots to justify guys staying down for so long. Charles Robinson deserves some credit too for keeping the counts consistent. You establish a slow 10 count early and LMS matches just get dragged down with too much lying about. But most of the credit goes to Owens and Ambrose who went out and just had a super violent fight, right at the bell they pounced on each other and threw stiff phone booth fists and found a way to keep the violence constant for 20 minutes. Ambrose has been taking some deserved flak lately as his character is somewhat floundering, but the man can take a beating and that lead to some spectacular moments: Owens blasting him through the barricade with a cannonball, Steen catching a tope and driving Ambrose hard into the apron, a brutal fisherman's buster through a table, Ambrose flying through the ring steps; We had some really smartly laid out spots, like Owens unable to beat a 10 count, but rolling to the floor and landing on his feet. LOVED that spot. Also loved Owens setting up tables on the floor early in the match, and how those came out of nowhere to play into the finish. This was a real war with both guys dishing and both guys willing to take.

PAS: I liked the fight parts of this alot, Owens and Ambrose starting out with the hockey fight spot was really cool (of course Owens killed that spot dead by doing it with every guy entering the Rumble), and I loved Ambrose doing the Tenryu chop/punch with the chair wrapped around Owen's head. I also liked all the screaming at each other during the fight. Still I think bloodless Last Man Standing matches get a little too into construction mode, as this definitely had one table spot too many. Still loved the finish, and this was one of the better performances both men have had in a long while.


2016 MOTY MASTER LIST

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2015 Ongoing Match of the Year List

2. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins WWE Royal Rumble 1/25

ER: Well this match was completely bonkers, and I completely loved all of it. Total show saver right here. Usually I hate 3 ways but Brock may just be the answer to this type of match as his offense is so destructive that it makes sense for guys to be taken out of the match for minutes at a time. There was so much great stuff in this. Lesnar basically wrestles a match the way somebody would win at King of the Coliseum. Match starts, immediately just starts throwing people as far as he can. I love it that John Cena is still powerless against his Germans. Cena always takes the Germans really great and seeing Brock toss him violently never gets old. Then you add in Brock double suplexing Noble and Mercury, Rollins taking suplexes in the most painful ways possible (jeez one of the Germans had to have jammed his shoulder). Brock is just an incredible personality to watch. I never want him to go away. Then they go and spectacularly take Brock out of the match by Rollins leaping a million feet to elbow drop him through an announce table. Brock obviously has freakish strength and it was on full display throughout, but he's also always been an incredible bumper, and not just bumper but always makes stuff look great. I'm not sure I've seen anybody make Rollins' curb stomp look as good as Brock made it look. I also love Brock being the one guy to just sell the AA as a standard back bump and just get up from it. This whole thing was a ridiculously fun blur of large men getting dumped on their heads. There were a bunch of great saves in this with my favorite being Lesnar emerging from his table to do a mighty deadlift German on Rollins. Loved all of this.

PAS: Really fun match, one of the better 3-Ways I can remember seeing, Lesnar was just a killing machine in this, rampaging through the match like the Incredible Hulk. Didn't Mercury retire because of a bad neck? He is going to end up with a feeding tube if Rollins has any more matches with Lesnar. I have no problem with the crazy elbow putting Brock down for a while, but I was a bit bored with the Rollins v. Cena section, that match up already feels Cena v. Orton level stale, and it seemed like the non-Lesnar parts went on forever. I really hope Brock doesn't go back to UFC wrestling is much more fun with him around.


1. Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns WWE Fastlane 2/22

PAS: Man you forget how good Daniel Bryan is at wrestling. This was really excellent. Reigns is a guy with some impressive spots, and Bryan built a really cool match around those spots. The liver kick was an awesome looking counter and working around him being stunner, makes Bryan smacking around a bigger guy much more credible. I loved Reigns as Rampage Jackson beating his way out of submissions with nasty forearms. I would hope that we get a rematch if Reigns wins the title. The Memphis crowd acting like this was Bill Dundee v. Big Red Reese hurt this a bit, but I still think this was WWE Match of the Year.

ER: Yeah this was really good, although I didn't love the finish of Roman taking tons of abuse and hitting a flash Spear. Not really loving the idea of The Spear as a death move, and didn't love how Reigns not only got to kick out of the knee but acted like he was pretty okay afterwards. Those are my complaints, the rest of the match was awesome, easily the best singles match Reigns has been a part of, and an awesome return to form for Bryan. This had some great moments and an epic build. I loved Reigns getting caught in an armbar, and then it looked like Bryan lost it but it worked great kayfabe as it allowed him to maneuver naturally to the center of the ring and lock in a particularly nasty YES lock. Bryan really laced in with those kicks, and the sequence of Roman catching that last kick (and you knew Bryan was taking just a biiiit too long to throw it), leading to them throwing slaps was awesome. Also thought Reigns catching the second dive was great, as after the first dive I thought "That didn't have the same impact his dives normally do" so it was already in my head that it was blockable, and then bam, caught, nasty throw. Jeez then we had the one spear attempt countered into the small package!! Great match.


2015 MOTY MASTER LIST

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2015 WWE Royal Rumble Live Blog

ER: Well, this show doesn't look that good on paper, but Rumble has been my favorite "big" WWE match since I was a kid so I always go in with unrealistic hopes. I'll do my not-normally-necessary skim through of the kickoff show. I really love Renee Young's short haircut. Looks awesome. Byron Saxton looks like he's animated.

1. The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston w/ Xavier Woods) vs. Cesaro, Tyson Kidd

ER: Well this match would have been much more promising if they had dropped Rose and Kofi. But a 6 man is a pretty hard thing to mess up so we'll see. I haven't seen The New Day as a team before, but I like that their gear looks like a coordinated Christian rock band. I'd like to see promo photos of them on a beach, all facing different directions, one of them with arms lifted towards the heavens. Boy has anybody's stock dropped more than Cesaro's over the last calendar year? He's one of my favorites but teaming with Kidd and Rose (two guys who would be non-shocking future endeavors) on the pre-show is just brutal. And hey I just realized that the match is actually Cesaro/Kidd vs. Kofi/E. I'm gonna go ahead and edit that match description, but leave in my opening remarks so I sound like a doofus. This was a pretty forgettable match with a nice little finishing stretch. Cesaro threw some nice boots and hit a nice uppercut on Kofi leading to the pin, Big E got some nice moments with a massive belly to belly and his cool spear through the ropes. Kofi's offense still can't crack an egg. Crowd was actually really hot for this match, which is a good sign going into the show.

ER: I always actually dig the Royal Rumble by the numbers segment they introduced a few years ago. Though this year when it went "38: Number of participants who are WWE Hall of Famers" they showed a bunch of dead guys, so it made me wonder what the number of deceased participants all time.  Also a lot of dead guys when they were talking about the largest Rumble participants. Also made me remember that every year until I knew better I would always pick the fattest or largest guy to win. Stupid kid.

2. New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension

ER: I have not seen a whole lot of the Ascension, couple of squash matches. The look like a couple of goons from The Guild of Calamitous Intent. Viktor in particular could make a really convincing cosplay Monarch. Like he could probably get his picture on Buzzfeed or something. Viktor locks on a chin lock 2 minutes in, but then follows it up with a nice fist drop so my heart is torn but neutral. Road Dogg looks like he gassed pretty hard. Really the final stretch when Gunn tagged in was pretty fun. But this was 5 minutes and basically wouldn't even stand out on an episode of Raw. All that goodwill the crowd was giving the kickoff match appears to have dried up. Hmmmm.

ER: Annnnnd my feed cut out. "Error. Cannot play video at this time. Please try again later." I do not have a weak internet connection. But this has happened to me literally every PPV I've tried to watch on the Network.

3. Usos vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow

ER: Mizdow is really, really over which was something that I wouldn't have actually predicted. I also couldn't really get into this match. Maybe I'm in a grumpy mood or something. I just don't really care for the Mizdow tag team, and would rather see The Usos against practically any other team. The Mizdow stunt double spots don't really have much legs with me, especially in a match that could have actually been good. Miz also rarely interests me. I don't like much of his offense, and for the most part he also takes offense poorly. Miz set up a lot of Uso offense really lazily in this. Half the Usos moves seemed to be "foot gets caught, Uso spun around, ends up kicking Miz on the way back around." Pretty flat overall. This is looking like a horrible Sunday night decision so far. If I wanted to blow an evening I could at least watch The Doll Squad or something.

ER: I was amused by Jamie and Joey's poor read while playing WWE Immortals (is that like WoW but with WWE guys?).

4. Bella Twins vs. Paige & Natalya

ER: I really enjoyed the first 2-3 minutes of this. Things kind of went to hell when the crowd started singing and Brie blew a reverse somethingorother driver. I always enjoy Nikki Bella and think she's underrated as a worker. Always does nice kicks to the stomach, throws nasty back elbows, has surprisingly good timing a lot of the time. But yeah this was pretty much 3 good minutes and then 5 minutes of sputtering to a finish. I liked Brie's running Brie Mode knee, but Nattie wasn't a very engaging person to watch take a beating for half a match. And I'm still not sure what Paige is.

5. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

ER: Well this match was completely bonkers, and I completely loved all of it. Total show saver right here. Usually I hate 3 ways but Brock may just be the answer to this type of match as his offense is so destructive that it makes sense for guys to be out of the match for minutes at a time. There was so much great stuff in this. Lesnar basically wrestles a match the way somebody would win at King of the Coliseum. Match starts, immediately just starts throwing people as far as he can. I love it that John Cena is still powerless against his Germans. Cena always takes the Germans really great and seeing Brock toss him violently never gets old. Then you add in Brock double suplexing Noble and Mercury, Rollins taking suplexes in the most painful ways possible (jeez one of the Germans had to have jammed his shoulder). Brock is just an incredible personality to watch. I never want him to go away. Then they go and spectacularly take Brock out of the match by Rollins leaping a million feet to elbow drop him through an announce table. Brock obviously has freakish strength and it was on full display throughout, but he's also always been an incredible bumper, and not just bumper but always makes stuff look great. I'm not sure I've seen anybody make Rollins' curb stomp look as good as Brock made it look. I also love Brock being the one guy to just sell the AA as a standard back bump and just get up from it. This whole thing was a ridiculously fun blur of large men getting dumped on their heads. There were a bunch of great saves in this with my favorite being Lesnar emerging from his table to do a mighty deadlift German on Rollins. Loved all of this.

6. Royal Rumble Match

ER: Oh good, was hoping I would get to maximize my Miz viewing for the evening. R-Truth is #2. These two starting would lend creedence to somebody's "The Rumble is actually booked with guys drawing numbers out of a hat!" theory. If these two were main eventing Superstars it would seem like an off week. Bubba Ray Dudley is #3 and that's a fun surprise. Miz took the 3D nicely so I'll give him credit there. #4 is Luke Harper. Harper/Bubba Ray is a fun match up I never realized I wanted. BRD works a little light against Harper though so I am disappointed. He threw those Mick Foley punches where he kinda aims for above the forehead. #5 is Bray Wyatt. Miz, Truth and BRD are gone at this point. #6 is Curtis Axel and I can't imagine a quieter reaction. But apparently Rowan takes his spot which is very much better. #7 is The Boogeyman. Hey. How about that. One of the only men to not have a good match with Finlay. Wyatt stiffs him with a hard clothesline and is all alone. #8 is Sin Cara. I take back what I said about Axel's quiet elimination. Since Axel never made it to the ring does that mean he's still in this thing? Surprise finalist!!! #9 is Zack Ryder. Wow the WWE has a lot of guys I do not care about. #10 is Daniel Bryan so I do love he and Wyatt getting the ring to themselves.

#11 is Fandango. #12 is Tyson Kidd. Rachel points out the stupidity of Bryan putting Wyatt on the top rope to do a rana, instead of just pushing him off the top. #13 is Stardust. Crowd is pretty quiet even though Stardust comes in with a bunch of stiff shots. #14 is DDP who comes in throwing a bunch of Diamond Cutters. #15 is Rusev and I want him to go on a run. I dig Bryan doing his big dive as you really don't get many legal dives in the Rumble. And Bryan gets hilariously eliminated because HA! I guess they just really wanted Bryan chants the rest of the night. Even Rachel assumed Bryan was going all the way to the end, and she basically only watched Total Divas and doesn't know how booking works. #16 is Goldust. #17 is Kofi Kingston. Goldust looks awesome upon entering, hitting his powerslam on Rusev and getting into it with Cody. The Rumble is pretty much the only reason to keep Kofi around as it's basically the only time I find myself enjoying him. #18 is Adam Rose. Boy. This guy still has a job. Obama could use him as an example of just how much employment is on the rise. But his horribly named Rosebuds do get an awesome spot by catching Kofi's fall on a potential elimination. #19 is Roman Reigns. #20 is Big E. Rusev does his really fun cannonballs.

#21 is Mizdow. I do not care about their storyline. #22 is Jack Swagger. #23 is Ryback. #24 is Kane. #25 is Dean Ambrose. Good, we've had a bunch of people just milling about in there for a bit. #26 is Titus O'Neill. Looks like they were trying to do a "new quickest elimination" angle with Titus, but somebody botched something and Titus didn't go over cleanly, so they had to re-do it. Yeah, JBL immediately goes "Did he just break Santino's record!?" It would be amusing if Titus were booked to break it, and then accidentally/on purpose didn't go over properly. Getting eliminated in 4 seconds instead of the 1 he was booked for would be arguably the most amusing reason to get cut. #27 is Bad News Barrett. #28 is Cesaro. It makes me sad how audibly disappointed the crowd was when they figured out who it was. What did the poor guy do wrong? #29 is Big Show. #30 is Dolph Ziggler. I hope there was some dummy out there who wanted Rock. Are they really doing Reigns/Brock at Mania? They're doing Ambrose/Brock next month anyway, right? So that would be weird if Ambrose wins even though I would love that. Still time for Curtis Axel to make his triumphant return. Damn I wonder what cut Reign's mouth up. That's some good blood and nobody is really mentioning it. "Bullshit" chants starting, crowd is turning on Reigns to the shock of not one person. This is a horrible and totally predictable reaction to Reigns winning. And then Rock comes out and I'm pretty much not interested in Rock at this point. I would be interested in Rock/Rusev. That is about it. Wait Rusev is still in the match!? Oh. There he goes. Huh. Let's cut to the "Roman Reigns in the shot look at Wrestlemania sign" (they cut to that shot while I was in the middle of typing it). Man. Bryan didn't even get eliminated by any nefarious means or anything. Dude just wasn't good enough to hang.

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2014 Ongoing Match of the Year List

1. Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt WWE Royal Rumble 1/26

PAS: One of the more violent matches I can remember in the WWE, especially for a match without any weapon shots. Really a coming out for Wyatt who is a fun character, but hasn't had an in ring performance like this. Loved the stiffness in this match, the curb stomp by Bryan, the crazy DDT, the big kicks, he felt like he was trying to kill Wyatt even more the he did during the cage match. Meanwhile Wyatt was a brutal force, lots of credit to Bryan who was bumping huge on the clotheslines and elbows, but also Wyatt's ringpost smashes and headbuts felt like the kind of thing that would cause concussions. Plus that ending was truly nuts, felt like the right escalation of a move for this kind of match (alot of time the WWE super move thing comes off forced), and the smoothness of the catch into the barricade Sister Abgail was great, it looked like an organic counter a crazy man would come up with.

ER: Wow this was just an excellent match. WWE can botch characters pretty badly, but they've done a good job with Wyatt. Him working a match felt like a really big deal special attraction to me as he rarely works TV, and in 6 mans he's usually on the apron and only comes in for the finish or just hangs back the whole time. So him finally appearing solo and them wisely having Bryan take out Harper/Rowan at the beginning was smart. Both guys gave each other a lot here. Bryan bumped like a lunatic and made Wyatt look like he had the most crushing back elbows and clotheslines in the business. All the big moves and bumps fit really organically into the match without guys having to awkwardly get into position for stuff. You have the great dive spot set up by Bray talking to Harper, Wyatt chopping Bryan dangerously off the top rope, the masterful set up to Sister Abigail into the barrier (a real holy shit moment), Wyatt getting spiked with that insane tornado DDT to the floor, the nasty shoulder wringer into the apron. It's really rare to have a 20+ minute singles match and not feel at least a little overkill, but there's none of that here. Just a sustained attack from both guys that just keeps escalating and peaks perfectly. So far nothing else this year is even close to this match, and if we end up with even a couple better by the end of the year then it will have been a great year for wrestling. Also, if Wyatt can find a way to do the Exorcist crab walk as a bridge out of a pin, he's gonna be #1 on the 500.


5. Blue Panther vs. Negro Casas CMLL 1/21

PAS: A little disappointing, you want this match up to be an all time classic and instead we get a very fun brawl with a run in finish. Still this is Negro Casas and Blue Panther brawling and it is pretty damn great. The pace they set was pretty impressive for two guys in their 50s as they pretty much went after each other bell to bell. I love all of the headbuts, and the dueling limb work with Casas attacking the knee and Panther wrenching at the arm. Both submission finishes were very cool, and it felt like it was building to something great before the Felino kid run in. I do love the constant Casas singles matches we are getting in 2014, although he hasn't dropped a true gem yet.

ER: A match between two all-time maestros would never be able to live up to your own mental hype, and lucha is weird enough that there's equal enough chance for each of these guys to have an excellent match against Euforia or Maximo as they have against each other. So you see two of your all-time favorites against each other and you basically hope for a bunch of cool moments, and this had plenty of cool moments. All of the submission exchanges delivered (Panther violently twisting into the STF being my highlight) and the rampway brawling set a cool tone for the match. This was never going to live up to the hype, but for two guy who have been favorites of mine for as long as I've watched lucha, it's just fun seeing them do their thing.

2014 MOTY MASTER LIST

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