WWF 305 Live: Boss Man vs. Barbarian!

Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian WWF Royal Rumble 1/19/91 - EPIC

ER: These two had at least 20 house show matches over the three months preceding this match, and you can tell they used that time to hone something special. Two big guys going 15 minutes, knowing exactly how and when to peak the crowd, keeping up an always-impressive pace the whole time. There's no way they could have been going this hard on house shows, hitting each other this hard, taking bumps this hard; but whatever they were doing in those 20 or so matches over 3 or so months, totally paid off. 

This fucking match was following the excellent Rockers/Orient Express opener! That tag is always talked about as one of the great PPV openers and it really does hold up as one of the best WWF tag matches of the 90s. That, and it was 20 minutes long. It was 20 minutes long, with a ton of action! Boss Man was leaner in 1991 than he'd ever been in wrestling, but it would have been crazy to have expected him and Barbarian to go out there right after and work another match with high action and fast pace. 

Speaking of fast pace, Barbarian stalls on the floor for well over a minute after the bell, a huge man in a He-Man fur loincloth and fur boots. His legs literally have the same shape as a He-Man figurine. His beard is grown as full as it has ever been grown. Son of Crom versus a Best Shape of His Life Corrections Officer is an episode of Deadliest Warrior that we never got to see, and it's worth the wait. Two behemoths stalling is always good, but two behemoths stalling and then beating the hell out of each other is among the greatest possible match types. Soon Barbarian is holding Boss Man by the collar and uppercutting him, before running into a the sole of his boot, and all is right.  

Boss Man is lean and his speed is incredible. When he clotheslines Barbarian to the floor, his impact is so fast and full that both fly to the floor too fast. Boss Man always carried a lot of "head of steam" speed at his heaviest -  a fat guy skiing down a mountain with his poles tucked to his sides - but whenever he leaned out he did every single movement with real speed. There's a spot I don't think I've ever seen him do, where he gets his leg stuck in the bottom and middle ropes so naturally that I had to rewind a few times to see just how he did it. It's either a lucky fluke or a tremendous magic trick, but there's a lot of evidence on his side that it was something he thought of and executed flawlessly. Fewer workers have been better at integrating the ropes into their matches. Here he got knocked to the apron with a strike and looked like he was just going to slow his descent by grabbing the ropes, settling on the apron to stop a bump to the floor. Instead, he managed to fall through to the apron while hooking his leg on the ropes in a way I haven't seen him do, perhaps feeling out a signature bump that would be a a new version of Andre getting his arms caught. Boss Man is truly one of the most rewarding wrestlers to reassess. I wonder why he doesn't get talked about to the same level as John Tenta by stock rising warm revisionists. Boss Man's work ages even better in every era, beyond just the incredible 1993 AJPW run. One of the true greatest wrestlers of the 90s. 

Barbarian's toolset was deepening by 1991, and he hung in with everything Boss Man wanted to do. When he repeatedly fell onto Boss Man with elbowdrops it always looked like a lot of weight hitting a lot of weight. They successfully gradually transition the match from fast paced big man war into big nearfall tiring fight: Boss Man throwing fatigued punches to come back, missing a hard chest-first charge into the corner, Barbarian's high bridge school boy an excellent close kickout nearfall. All of the nearfalls felt like plausible finishes. When Boss Man catches Barbarian in a delayed landing hot shot, the crowd clearly thinks it is the finish. Their shocked screams when Barbarian's foot barely finds the ropes is the reaction you hope to be in the middle of whenever you buy tickets to any wrestling show. The ending stretch is underwhelming when compared to the match as a whole, but it still managed to effectively convey a fight between weakening mammoths. When a primitive man in fur piledrives a humongous southern jailer, we forgive the sloppiness of the piledriver, and celebrate the danger involved in a 300 lb man dumping a 330 lb man upside down. The 1-2 punch of Orients/Rockers and this match stands high among any opening 1-2 punch of any WWF PPV. 

WWF 305 LIVE MASTER LIST

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Every Single Vader vs. Dustin Match (...that they had in WWF)

Two classic dance partners, who never got the chance to approach the greatness of their WCW work while in WWF. They had matches, including one on PPV, but they were never treated like a big deal. Let's take a look at all of them:

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 5/5/97

ER: This match is mostly worked as a backdrop to the upcoming Vader/Ken Shamrock No Holds Barred match, with Shamrock getting his own entrance after Vader/before Goldust, on commentary the whole match, and Vader semi-frequently taunting Shamrock from the ring. But the straight Vader/Goldust moments were, ahem, gold. Vader bullies him around with a collar and elbow, backs him in the corner, gets in his face...and then we get some great fired up babyface Goldust, and as you know there really aren't many better. He tackles Vader with a spear and starts wailing on him with punches - good ones too - big bombs from the mount and then hard quick ones in the corner. This was going to be a Vader showcase, so he plops down right on Goldust's collarbones to block a sunset flip, and he obviously pastes Goldust with a ton of meaty fists, open hand shots that lay Goldust out flat, and a kick right to the temple. But Goldust gets an awesome mini comeback when Vader hits him with an avalanche...except Goldust catches him, hitches him up over his shoulder, and powerslams the big man out of the corner. Loved that spot so much. A snatch slam and Vader Bomb finishes things a little too easily, but all the match we got was really good.

 

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 11/17/97

ER: This was not an actual match, as Goldust was just getting into his Leigh Bowery period, so he comes out wearing a short gold satin robe, gold slippers, black tights, and his face done up in really well done checkerboard paint with red edges. He claims he is injured, but takes a hammer out of his sling and pops Vader with it. I guess they were just setting up a singles match for two months later?

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Royal Rumble 1/18/98

ER: This is by far their longest -  and best - WWF match. They got 8 minutes to do their thing, and even when these two are not at their career best they can make great use of 8 minutes. Goldust wore one of his greatest freak outfits, a garish lime green and purple striped tights/singlet bodysuit, matching lime wig and face paint with dyed electric blue hair under the wig, bright yellow boots, Cesar Romero Joker colored gloves, and naturally, a thong. It's an incredible ensemble. I don't care what people say about Vader in his last WWF stretch, I thought he still had it. He was slower and didn't always have the same level of energy and aggression, but damn was he still fun. I love this man. Vader rattled Dustin's cage this whole match, throwing all sorts of hard punches, clotheslines, avalanche attacks, and big splashes. He missed a butt splash by inches when he quickly dropped to his seat, keeping Dustin moving and active, and it made it more satisfying when he sat that ass down on Goldust's chest down the finishing stretch. Dustin fired back with his own punches and diving lariats, and both took hard bumps into the ring steps. Who cares if they were older and fatter than their 1994 selves, because here's Goldust taking high backdrops and bumping high onto his shoulders for a back suplex and lariat. Vader stopped Goldust cold a couple times with punches, his running splash looked awesome, and Goldust hit him with a righteous nut shot during a Vader Bomb attempt. 

The finish is downright legendary, when Luna leaps on Vader's back to prevent a Vader Bomb, and Vader climbs up and delivers it anyway. Haters called Vader "lazy" on the blessed beautiful 1998 internet, but Vader does This One Little Trick that shows that this mastodon was the furthest thing in wrestling from lazy. You wanna know the guys who are lazy inside a wrestling ring? Watch the ones who don't go right to the middle rope when climbing to the top rope. If you take three steps to get to the top turnbuckle, you're not trying hard enough. It's 100% effective, proven correct every time. Going straight to the middle rope or vaulting straight to the top are only done by people fighting against the in-flight drag of their own gigantic pendulous balls, and you shouldn't respect any wrestler who doesn't respect themselves enough to get out of the Three Steps Club. Vader, with a bucking and kicking woman wrapped around his neck, climbs straight to the middle buckle, bounces three times, then flew into arguably his greatest ever Vader Bomb. Luna went nearly vertical on descent, barely avoiding being turned scorpion on the incredible impact, instead flying off like the fat kid hit the Blob at summer camp. Vader had been working with a receptive crowd before this finish, but they really recognized the severity of the stunt they were witnessing as it was happening. This, was a finish. 

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 1/26/98

ER: This was a condensed, 3 minute version with the kinds of things that make them such great opponents, ending with a Kane run-in that meant the match never had to actually build to anything substantial. Goldust and Luna come out to Vader's theme, dressed as their own garish takes on Vader, each with Vader Mask face paint. Vader comes out to Vader's theme and the crowd loves him on sight, so he takes extra time doing shoulder shrugs and crab dancing on the entrance stage. We've all seen Vader on Boy Meets World, but they really missed the boat by not getting Vader drawn on Futurama. His movement could have easily been used to make him the largest toughest fighter on Decapod 10, in an episode where Dr. Zoidberg must return home to participate in a ritualistic battle against him. I'll settle for him mauling Goldust. Vader pummels him, hits a couple big avalanches, Dustin takes a really high backdrop, and there's a lot of movement and energy. Vader really leaps into a vertical suplex he's delivering and at one point lands a real wallop of a near-standing lariat, just a huge amount of impact from an almost flat-footed stance. Goldust didn't do a ton with his control but I liked his diving lariat and willingness to take both a hard Vader Powerbomb AND get crushed with a Vader Bomb, even though the match was ending with a Kane run-in. I get showing Vader clearly on his way to victory, but poor Dustin not getting that last 15 seconds shaved. I don't remember if I actually liked either of the Vader/Kane PPV matches but damn do I like Vader's outward facing Tombstone in the post-match.

Vader vs. Dustin Runnels WWF Raw Saturday Night 9/12/98

ER: This was a cool, short Vader/Dustin match - two guys who always have good matches together - played to a crowd that was dead silent all night. They did at least a couple of these taped-in-advance Raws per year, for shows that were going to be preempted by dog shows or tennis, and the crowd was always burnt out and the presentations always felt more like a collection of dark matches than an actual episode of Raw. This match also had to deal with Val Venis walking through the crowd carrying an "I Have Come" sign, which was making fun of Dustin's born again angle, which was supposedly just leading to a return of the Goldust gimmick. Also, I'm not positive whether Venis' sign was implying that he has ejaculated many times, or if he just has buckets of cum sitting around his place that he's trying to get rid of, the way someone might put a Firewood 4 Sale sign in their yard. Both are potentially true. 

This match was not treated like a big deal. The biggest crime may have been the cameras repeatedly cutting away from Vader's dancing. Vader really could have been a top dancing babyface wrestler. It would have been ridiculous, but seeing him dance during his entrances always brings me genuine glee. He does all these awesome shoulder shrugs and head movements, and he really runs out of the entrance curtain, acting more like Mojo Rawley than Vader. That's wonderful, because he still hits like Vader. The match is compact but high quality, while dealing with the match-long distraction of Venis advertising his hoarded containers of semen. Vader smacks Dustin around with big bear paws and then eye pokes him, backs him into the corner and tees off some more. Dustin is big enough to go toe to toe with Vader, and we get an awesome moment of Dustin running out of the corner and leveling him with a clothesline. A second clothesline sends Vader over the top to the floor, spilling out quickly and spectacularly. I love the way these two hit each other. Vader even gets tossed into the ring steps and almost takes out a completely unassuming camera guy. The finish is lame as Dustin gets back into the ring to...pray or something. But Vader mauls him with basically a low diving shoulder tackle to the back, more shots, and another lariat, then a Vader Bomb to finish.

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The 2002 WWF Royal Rumble Match: A Great Royal Rumble Match

ER: I had not watched this Rumble since it originally aired, and I was surprised at just how many specific things I remembered. I have real goldfish brain these days and yet I somehow remembered more about this Rumble than almost any of the 20+ that have happened since. I watched this one specifically for the 2002 Boss Man content. Boss Man was good enough in 2002 that it's worth checking out a 70 minute match for what is no more than a few minutes of Boss Man action. This was his final PPV match appearance before spending the next few months working compelling matches on Heat. Going out like a legend. But this match had a lot more value than just a few minutes of Boss Man. This is one of my favorite Rumbles, one with nothing but great punches and ass kicking. Goldust/Rikishi was a great starting two for this Rumble. Honestly, Goldust making his WWE return and looking this damn good is something that should be brought up every time you talk about Dustin career highlights. He and Rikishi were pacesetters for this, focusing snug punches, fast near eliminations and hard bumps, and at least 15 guys in this Rumble focus on the same. Boss Man is actually the third guy in this whole thing, and in a Rumble where half the men involved made a case for having the best punches in WWF, Big Boss Man made the best case for #1. 

Based on this Rumble alone, the 10 best punchers of 2002 WWF were:

1. Big Boss Man

2. Matt Hardy

3. Val Venis

4. Goldust

5. Perry Saturn

6. Mr. Perfect

7. Chuck Palumbo

8. Christian

9. Scotty 2 Hotty

10. Steve Austin

Goldust/Rikishi/Boss Man makes for a really great fast paced three way, with all taking big bumps and throwing stiff strikes. Goldust gets crotched up top, Boss Man gets whipped into Goldust's groin, and Boss Man slips Rikishi ass over elbow with a running forearm shiver. During his few minutes in the Rumble Match, Boss Man threw upwards of 16 different precise punches to Rikishi's and Goldust's body and face. 

He made the most of his too brief time, then took a real tough elimination: He was the matches' lone Stink Face victim, and it was a particularly aggressive and lengthy, just buried. What were they doing out there. How were we a baby step away from a wrestler being allowed to put his balls in his opponent's mouth or something. Boss Man staggered into a big bump elimination, Rikishi blasting him with a fully extended superkick and a freight train clothesline over the top. I still can't believe how great Boss Man was in 2002. 

Goldust has some of the best in-ring timing of any wrestler of the last 20 years, but we get blessed with an unintentionally hilarious Rumble moment where Goldust starts a corner 10 count punch sequence on Bradshaw at almost the exact same time the countdown clock begins, so you have 13,000 people colliding on numbers with everyone going in different directions. 

Undertaker clearing the ring, laying waste to everyone - Goldust claiming best elimination with his chokeslam bump elimination - was really well done. Undertaker felt like a real force and everyone in 2002 moved like they were somehow injected with extra testosterone. But the best past of Undertaker eating waste was Matt Hardy and Lita beating the shit out of him, and it only got better when Jeff Hardy came in because then all three of them kicked the shit out of him. I wish we got more of that before Taker made his comeback, but I just love the Hardys. The Last Ride on Matt was huge, and Jeff got to distract Taker enough for Maven to make him look like a bug eyed idiot. But they got a lot of good mileage out of the Undertaker/Maven brawl, with Undertaker beating the shit out of the never-eliminated Maven and then walking down the aisle to punch Scott 2 Hotty in the face before just walking back to continue the beating. Maven bleeds and gets dragged into the concourse area, security guards having to actively shove fans out of the way as they crowd in. 

There's a lot of star power, and the guys who get less of a reaction all do stuff to make the crowd pay attention. Christian, DDP, Scotty, Chuck Palumbo, Godfather, Albert, all worked hard for their 1-10 minutes, everyone of them throwing hands and bumping big. DDP had this great tumbling backwards bumps through the ropes after a Scotty superkick; Christian, Palumbo, and Perry Saturn all have a face punching challenge and we are all winners, with Saturn and Chuck especially teeing off on each other. 

The match can be divided up 65/35 between the build to Austin charming the big crowd by running the ring, and the comedown when Austin has to share the ring with HHH. Even though the entire Rumble has good parts, it is top loaded and I like how everyone filled time before HHH was in there. Austin is a great battle royal worker. That's no secret. I love watching him fill time and I loved the gag of him eliminating everyone too quickly, so needing to punch everyone back into the ring to eliminate them again. Austin runs through several guys and it's a weird call to have Val Venis show up for the first time in 8 months and be the first guy in the match to ice down Austin. Turns out, it was a good call. I liked the Austin/Venis stretch so much that I immediately checked for any singles matches they had, and now I'm definitely going to watch their 1999 Smackdown match. I don't think HHH is bad in this Rumble per se, but he's so fucking serious and it kind of spoils all the fun. He's a scowling frowning buzzkill who glowers and sucks the fun out of exchanges, and spends a lot of time lying down and catching his breath. The first 70% of the match is kids having a blast at a sleepover, and the last 30% is like kids still having fun, but it's on a field trip while a teacher keeps telling them to be quiet. 

I really loved this match as Mr. Perfect's last big moment. Making the final three, swatting his gum into the crowd while Austin and HHH try to eliminate. What a guy. Does anyone else swat their gum like they're Mr. Perfect? I think I'd be too afraid of it getting stuck to my hand or whiffing. It takes high levels of confidence to pull Curt Hennig's gum swat success rate. Do you remember the little buzz after Perfect came back after almost a decade? I was on those message boards. I was talking about how great the Perfect/Tommy Dreamer match was on Heat. I didn't know he wouldn't even work 20 matches after that one. Is the Curt Hennig Puerto Rico any good? What about the XWF that he recorded right before returning to WWF? It probably is, and I'll probably watch that along with the Austin/Venis match. This Rumble has a lot of fallout. The push to the finish of the match was exciting enough. Big Show looked really good in the double strap Bundy singlet. Kane lifting, walking, and tossing Big Show over the ropes to eliminate him was legitimately impressive, Kurt Angle had a lot of enthusiasm, the Austin elimination was fairly shocking, and you're left with a 70 minutes match that did not at all feel 70 minutes long. I think that counts as high praise. 

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RIP Vince

Vince McMahon vs. Ric Flair WWF Royal Rumble 1/20/02

ER: With the news of Vince McMahon and the McMahon Family's swift and sudden death, I thought it would be a good time to write about Vince's best match. While I do remember this era, it's mostly stuff I haven't watched since it originally aired, so you'll have to forgive me that I didn't recall Vince - at his absolute MOST juiced - in a street fight feud with Ric Flair over the ownership of WWF. Flair bought Shane and Stephanie's stock? Sure, who wouldn't trust Ric Flair to provide capital in a transfer of stocks. Doesn't seem so bad in retrospect. It also really feels like leaving good money on the table for Flair to return to WWF for the first time in 10 years, his first appearance since the last ever episode of WCW, as a man who now owns HALF of Vince McMahon's company, bought out right from underneath him...and then two months into this they're already at "Street Fight". Flair's first match in WWF in a decade, is in a feud with the oldest man in the company, STARTING that feud with a Street Fight. Imagine the two of them instead in the Rumble Match itself. You have two 50-50 owners of the company, who are ALSO both former Royal Rumble winners. 

Had the 2002 Rumble match featured Vince McMahon and Ric Flair chasing after each other and not focusing on any other soul in the Royal Rumble, Undertaker and Austin eliminating everyone but getting a real kick out of seeing McMahon and Flair Andy Capp their way through the middle of it all, it could have been better than 1992. Just picture the looks Austin would be capable of giving as he considers whether he wants to eliminate McMahon himself, or let Flair hit him with a 10th chop in the corner. Neither of them had to win, you just could have had them chaotically interrupt the middle of it, and then have them drag each other to elimination. There's enough action going on around them that they would get to peak their interactions in between easily hidden rest breaks, when the attention goes back to Austin or Undertaker. We got robbed of several months of odd couple interaction before a big payoff with two genuine weirdos, because we just go right into a Street Fight challenge from Flair. It takes a bit of luster off your No Holds Barred match six months later when you start with a No Holds Barred match. 

But it turns out nothing actually matters because we got something better than all of that. This was a match that managed to play exactly how you would have expected it to play out, while also exceeding every possible expectation. Flair takes the first bump of the match bouncing across the ring as if Vince was Andre the Giant and, well, Vince *is* pumped full of an ungodly amount of horse testosterone and *does* look like a physical freak. More importantly, he hits Flair so hard with a shoulderblock that it looked like he was using Flair to jam his shoulder back into the socket. Some of their strikes look okay, others look way better than they should. Vince throws a kick to the stomach the way you would throw a kick to the balls, but it's actually a good stomach kick. Vince throws a way better chop than you'd think a partially trained man in his mid 50s should be able to throw, and when he sells several stiff Flair chops by crossing his arms across his chest and running in place on his tip toes, he looked like the world's most jacked John Tatum. 2002 Vince was all about making his offense look as real as possible by doing it real as possible. Vince hits a lariat so fucking hard, that it's like he was cosplaying as JBL vs. Guy Who JBL is Pretending Looked at Him in the Shower. 

The weapons stuff isn't as interesting as the actual stiff ring work, but the sign and chair shots are thrown with bad intentions and they make a nice vehicle for getting Flair bloodied. And once Flair is bloodied, that's when we get Vince throwing full Terry Funk right hands as hard as he can at Flair's forehead, AS Flair is leaning against the barricade. Vince McMahon is throwing full force punches maybe two feet away from some fan's head. That's a pro wrestling visual right there and if I was the owner of the company I would have those punches still in the Raw intro 20 years later. After getting his head punched right next to fans, Flair takes a painfully real bump into the ring steps right in front of his children, then gets body slammed in front of them the way Stan Hansen would bodyslam Rusher Kimura. And then, something unexpectedly amazing happens. 

Vince McMahon is a guy who is famous for being so far in the bubble that he is at minimum a decade behind popular trends, while also being forward thinking enough to build the biggest wrestling company in history. Here, Vince shows how ahead of the trends he can be, when - in 2002 - he takes a selfie with a bloodied Flair, stealing Reed's gigantic camera to take the selfie. This was a camera with all the accessories, like he was a ringside photographer, and this man leaned in for a selfie with a hemorrhaging Ric. Next level Vinsanity. 

Back in the ring, Vince has startlingly good form on his ankle locks, drops knees on Flair's ankle, and punches Flair back to the mat any time he sits up. Flair has not wrestled a match in almost a year at this point and he is getting punched in the face multiple times by his new boss. Wrestling is unexplainable to anyone who doesn't have some kind of mental disorder. McMahon takes so much of the match that you wonder if Flair is going to come back at all, or just win by total banana peel, but Flair's late comeback is great. He punches Vince in the balls and takes a ton of chops on the floor, and back to back it's easy to notice one problem with Vince's excellent crybaby John Tatum selling of Flair's chops: It really leaves him nowhere to go creatively when he actually does get hit in the balls. Vince went so big on the chops, but only sells the low blow by rolling to the floor holding his groin. The low blow would have been the time for a Vince bug-eyed gulp, a bit of a Sabado Gigante look right into the camera. Modern WWE matches are nothing but reaction shots, and we needed a big Vince reaction shot here. It's possible his selling was appropriate and he doesn't feel the same kind of pain in his chemically shriveled testicles that you or I would feel. It also turns out we don't need the ball selling, because Flair smacks Vince in the head with a TV monitor and Vince takes one of his greatest all time bumps, flying backward over the announce table ass over crown, legs in the air as he dropped. Flair beats his ass around ringside, gets his daughter to take a picture of the two bloodied old dogs, throws a great mule kick at Vince's crotch, and brains him with the steel pipe that lead to Vince's downfall, and does an applause worthy Flair strut before sinking in the figure 4. This was better than the best possible Flair/Vince match, the perfect clash of old man ego and carny showmanship. It's too bad both men are dead. 

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Regal is a Poor Twisted Child, So Ugly So Ugly

William Regal vs. Edge WWF Royal Rumble 1/20/02 - EPIC

ER: It's the way that Regal smugly waves to the Atlanta crowd on the way to the ring. The fine people of Atlanta should be as familiar with Regal as anyone, and this is literally his first match back in his old territory. Fittingly, this match is worked shockingly similar to Regal's WCW matches vs. Psychosis, and this one is somehow even better. It's nuts how many highspots they work into this match, but 2002 was a pretty insane in-ring year in WWE. The opener of this PPV saw Spike Dudley take eight big bumps off suplexes and getting generally thrown, and here you have two much bigger guys each taking bumps that rival Spike. 

Regal is great at selling Edge offense, but Edge lays it in more in this match than any match of his I can remember, so the selling works extra well. Regal is great at filling in blanks that most would have left blank, he takes a great backdrop bump, and really whips his forehead into the mat when Edge...well, whips Regal's forehead into the mat. You think you're getting into a match where Regal will stooge and cheat, and while there is cheating, there is also some real beating. Regal's running knee strike and short left elbow both looked finisher worthy, and his face lock looked like he was trying to crush Edge's jaw. He throws Edge with a half nelson suplex that almost spikes him, and instead Edge takes it right on his freaking nose. I had no memory of this match being this great. 

They keep adding interesting twists and new ways of doing things, like when Regal attempts a Tiger Driver and Edge blocks it, slowly powers up from it, and holds Regal in the air still locked together in that butterfly, before sending him over into a heavy landing northern lights variation. The way Edge's body landed on Regal's chest on the landing looked like something that would keep a man down, and looked more like something Tamon Honda would do, not Edge. Maybe the best part? We still get that release Tiger Driver, and it rules. They keep going, working in an apron DDT, a great Edge spinning heel kick off the top, a Regal German suplex that throws and folds Edge across the ring like Kawada, and some actual potato shots. I'm not sure I've seen Edge's forearm smashes look better than they do here, and he hits a falling clothesline that is so good, I honestly didn't think Edge had it in him. They even work in some slick submission stuff, with Edge doing a cool as hell drop toehold when Regal repositions him for a Regal stretch, and whatever stretch variation Edge briefly locks in turns Regals lips blue. Jesus. The finish is some fun bullshit with Nick Patrick being pulled in the path of a Spear and Regal laying Edge out cold with brass knux. An absolute unheralded gem. Why don't Edge fans ever point to this match when arguing their position? 

PAS: This was surprisingly great. The announcers are talking about how Edge broke Regal's nose, so Regal was coming in looking for a receipt and well, pissed off spud tosser Regal is the best Regal. It felt like he was pushing the pace and forcing Edge to either swim or drown, so Edge was landing some big shots as well. I really dug the dueling Regal Stretches, although I normally hate "the use my opponent's finisher" stuff, which was rife in early 2000s WWE. I loved Regal picking the ref's pocket to get back the knux. A fun BS finish for an otherwise nasty match.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE REGAL

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An Exhaustingly Exhaustive Review of WWF Royal Rumble 1/24/93, Pt. 2

Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

ER: Another great match. Perhaps too long, but still a great match. The first 75 minutes of the show is one of the best 75 minute stretches of wrestling you'll find in any era of WWF. A couple pieces could have been placed differently, and the crowd gets weirdly restless in the middle (maybe burned out by too many closely strung together nearfalls? I don't know). This starts with a great opening punch exchange, and Razor never got enough credit at the time for his punches. I'm not sure who else could even make the claim to a better whipping right hand in this era, or any era. Razor's punch doesn't allow much wiggle room and requires a lot of moving parts, and I don't know who threw a similar punch better. Also, Razor and Bret are both great stomp punchers. Razor throws those long rights, whips Bret hard into the turnbuckle, and Bret takes just a classic back first bump into them, making it look almost as violent as his classic chest first bump always looks.  

Hart takes over by working over Razor's leg, kicking it out from under him a few times while holding onto his other leg, slamming it into the ringpost, and it's the only part of the match that feels incomplete or misplaced. It never really leads anywhere, Razor doesn't sell the knee, and I don't think you really needed a leg work segment to set up the Sharpshooter finish 12 minutes later. You can just win with the Sharpshooter, you don't need leg work. Now Razor working over Bret's ribs is much more interesting, and it starts with Razor reversing an Irish whip by jamming a kitchen sink knee into things, then whips Hart low into the corner. Bret slides across the mat ribs first and gets wrapped around the ringpost, and the ribs give Razor a cool focal point for the rest of the match. We DO get Bret going hard chest first to the buckles and we realize, yes, the Bret chest first turnbuckle bump IS the definitive violent corner bump. This particular one is one of Bret's best versions, and think of how many matches that covers. I don't know how Bret's arms didn't go completely numb after hitting the buckles. He ran full speed into them like he couldn't see them and had no idea they were there, and then fell backwards, rigid, to the mat. Most match finishes do not look as nasty as Bret running into the buckles. 

We get a lot of Razor working on Bret with his abdominal stretch, stomps, a stiff shoulderblock, and his always nice fallaway slam. Bret's big comeback from all of that is big, with Razor taking a high  backdrop bump to the floor and then Hart nailing a full body tope (with a couple of sneaky mounted punches thrown in after the landing). They work in a lot of momentum shifts down the stretch, which were all handled well but might have benefitted from one or two of them being dropped. Still, it lead to some classics, including proof that Bret might be the only person who can make the jump off the middle buckle into someone's boot actually look damaging and not silly, and the way he crumbles after hitting it is an incredible sell. It also helps that he hits his Hitman elbow off the middle rope so actually has a reason to be leaping off it into a boot in the first place. The match really should have ended with Bret wriggling out of what surely would have been a match finishing Razor's Edge to trap Razor with a backslide. Nothing that came after was necessary, and the finishing itself came off a little clunky (even with Razor grabbing onto the ropes and Earl Hebner's pant leg to desperately stop the Sharpshooter. Pulling a backslide out of the jaws of a Razor's Edge would have kept Razor stronger, and the backslide looked like a finish (most of the crowd bit hard at the late kickout). Still, even with my criticisms this felt like the 2nd best match on a card with four strong matches. 

Lex Luger debuts as Narcissus in an awkward segment where really nothing at all works. They have the trifold mirror set up in the entrance way, but Luger's gear covers up a lot of his body so you can't even see what all the fuss is about. And there IS fuss. Luger poses to an obstructed view while Heenan lavishes such praise over his body that it nearly approaches Power and Glory workout video levels of uncomfortable. My favorite part was when Heenan drooled over Luger's thighs. "Yes! Look at yourself! Enjoy yourself, Narcissus! Look at his thighs!!!"

The Rumble Match

This is a really really good Rumble, with the only flaw being that it is TOO LONG. It has a great first half and almost felt like a love letter to fans of the territories, as it was front-loaded with several different world and regional champs and that early star power felt big. Within the first 10 entrants we had Flair, Backlund, Dibiase, Lawler, Tenryu and Perfect. Flair and Backlund start it off, and neither Monsoon or Heenan talk about what a historic showdown it legitimately was. When you think of early 80s WWF champ, you think Backlund; When you think of early 80s NWA champ, you think Flair. As best I know, this is the only recorded footage of these two facing each other. There was an early 80s "title unification" match at the Omni but I don't think footage of that was ever shown on TV. So you get a fairly decent chunk of a Flair/Backlund match, years later than you would have wanted it, but they work it like an actual match (as opposed to spending the time trying to lift a guy's leg over the ropes). Papa Shango interrupts as the 3rd entrant but gets disposed of immediately, so we get a 4 minute Backlund/Flair match, and that's pretty neat. Now, Backlund was in this Rumble for over an hour, but I thought he looked pretty bad during at least his first half hour, and 1993 Backlund had a ton of weird timing issues. It often felt like Backlund was purposely trying to throw off his opponents' timing during this run, but he doesn't seem the type to do that. 

The two major standouts of this Rumble are Flair and Lawler. They're each in for just 15-20 minutes but their activity and execution and sheer knowledge of how to work a great Rumble is unparalleled. Flair must have had a running bet to see how many eye pokes he could fit in to his run, as he cuts off every single spot with an eye poke and it's incredible. My favorite was right after Max Moon came in and hit a fiery babyface sequence, and Flair tapped him on the shoulder and poked him in the eyes before just walking off. Lawler looked amazing during his whole run, punching everyone in sight and selling even better, getting into battles with guys we never got to see him battle (like Lawler/Backlund, or Lawler/TENRYU! Just the idea of a Lawler/Tenryu singles match makes me angry that they were even in the same ring and it didn't happen). Lawler has an awesome moment with Max Moon, where Max hits his nice corner spinning heel kick on Lawler, goes for it again and eats a huge backdrop bump to the floor. Huge bumps to the floor were one of the great things about this Rumble as I'd say 2/3 of the eliminations were dangerous bumps or bad landings, and that's an insanely high percentage. Also, Lawler has these incredible lowrider car show screen printed tights. Perfect targets Flair and Lawler and anything those three do with and against each other is gold, and if you want to talk about disgusting eliminations then you have to talk about Lawler and Perfect. 

Lawler takes the highest elimination bump of the match, getting launched by Perfect, and then immediately cashes in that receipt. Dibiase and Koko start shoving Perfect over, and Lawler begins yanking him by the head, really making it look like Perfect was desperately trying to hold on to that bottom rope, turning it into a really violent elimination. Referees are trying to pull Lawler away, guys in the ring are shoving Perfect, and Perfect hangs on to the bottom rope as long as humanly possible. It's, ahem, perfect. Knobbs, Skinner, and Samu have really memorable 3 minute runs, and you need a few high end crash and burn guys to make a Rumble good. Knobbs got a huge crowd reaction and had a real fired up run, Skinner came in like a dangerous potato throwing asshole, and Samu came in throwing headbutts. They all took tremendous bumps to elimination, with Samu's maybe the most dangerous. Undertaker had come out midway through (hilariously right as Lawler was headed back through the curtain, and Lawler gives Undertaker a wide berth) and he eliminates Samu by setting him on the top rope and shoving him hard, Samu flipping onto the apron on his head before going to the floor. Berzerker was fun during his 5 minutes, but with a guy who can eat up that much of the ring you hope for more than 5 minutes. I loved how, when Berzerker entered the ring, he went around the ring literally hitting every single person in the match. He didn't focus on anyone (until following Backlund to the floor and hitting him with a chair) but instead just stomped and clubbed his way through everyone. Koko also had a good run, building off 10 year feuds by going after Lawler while gleefully hiking up his gigantic High Energy windbreaker pants. 

The halves of the match are really clearly divided, as the ring needs to be fully cleared so Giant Gonzalez can debut and attack the Undertaker. I liked the Gonzalez debut, even though they never actually learned how to film him. When a guy is *actually* 8 feet tall, you don't need to film him from the floor up. He's the tallest man in pro wrestling history! Show him from far away so you can see how much larger he is than anything else in the arena! When you shoot him ground up it just makes him look like a normal guy, albeit a normal guy wearing a fur and muscle suit.  The problem is, since you had to clear the ring for that angle, and you front loaded the Rumble with most of the best workers, you're left with IRS, Damien DeMento, and Backlund when the smoke clears. It takes quite awhile to build any of that lost momentum back, with even a Natural Disasters Explode moment feeling tepid. Earthquake went right after Typhoon with no explanation, eliminated him, and then it was never mentioned again (Earthquake was gone at the end of the month and worked WAR for the rest of the year). 

Carlos Colon comes out fairly late, but it's really weird because he clearly belonged in the first half of this when it felt like they were legitimately trying to bring in a ton of regional champs. What would Carlos Colon even mean to a 1993 WWF audience? Also, you better believe Monsoon referred to the 45 year old Colon as a youngster after both he and Heenan had spent the entire match using Backlund's age 43 as a negative against him.  I would love a show of hands at the Arco Arena to find out how many in attendance knew anything about Carlos Colon. They had him announced for the Rumble several weeks before the match, but had only showed a picture of him during Mean Gene's Rumble previews, no footage or anything. It would have been far more valuable to see Colon throwing punches and headbutts at Lawler, Tenryu, and Flair; instead we get to see a lot of Colon against Damien DeMento, which is weird! Tatanka was by far the most exciting worker of the 2nd half of this, and his chops in the corner were thrown with more force than any Flair chop. 

Bob Backlund is 28th elimination, going past the hour mark and getting the most mixed reaction of the match. For the first half hour the crowd audibly hated him, but the longer he stayed in the more the crowd seemed to be pulling for him. When he was eliminated I genuinely could not tell if the loud reaction was applause for him making it that far, or relief that Backlund was not going to be in the main event of WrestleMania. The finish run is Macho Man vs. Yokozuna, which was better than I remembered, but the execution of the finish is as bad as I remembered. They work a 5 minute singles match as the final two, and it's good. Savage gets Yokozuna reeling with axe handles, Yokozuna hits a great thrust kick, Savage fights back, and eventually hits the big elbow. And then Savage pins Yokozuna...in the Rumble...and Yoko kicks out, sending Savage over the top to the floor. I kinda get it, I guess? The pinfall attempt just looks stupid and makes Savage look like a total dweeb, but I guess I can buy that the two of them had been one on one so long at the end that Savage went into Singles Match Mode. But that elimination? One man just cannot press a man from his back, over the top rope, and make it look like anything other than a man jumping over the top rope. Savage does as well as possible in that situation, but surely we could have figured out a better way for Yokozuna to eliminate Macho Man. This Rumble is way too long and dips hard for a bit in the middle, but that first half has some of the best work in Royal Rumble Match history and that alone makes this one of the best Rumbles, warts and all. 

This feels like one of the best WWF PPVs and it's weird that it doesn't get discussed as such. I thought every match was a varying degree of great, with the Rumble Match itself being too long and having too much deadweight but still succeeding due to a lot of hard work from the entrants. Lawler, Flair, Perfect, Dibiase, and several guys who were only in for 3 minutes all had great showings, and it had some of the nastiest elimination bumps of any Rumble. The other 4 matches are great in their specific way, and I think it's important that they all accomplished something very different, all felt very different. The opening tag is one of the great WWF tags of the 90s, Michaels/Jannetty had a better match at a house show the day before (and a much better match a few months later on Raw) but still delivered here, the big boys fight was fast paced and fun, and Hart/Razor gave us a Bret singles match that we rarely saw (they had two PPV matches and to my knowledge no other singles matches that made tape). This was a great show. Every single match is recommended. 

Best Matches: 

1. Beverly Brothers vs. Steiners

2. Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

3. Big Boss Man vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

4. The Rumble Match

5. Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

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An Exhaustingly Exhaustive Review of WWF Royal Rumble 1/24/93, Pt. 1

I started reviewing Royal Rumble 1993 and thought it would be a quick little thing, but sometimes projects spiral and the words flow more than they should, and I was left with a behemoth of a show review. Part 1 comes today, Part 2 comes tomorrow: 

Beverly Brothers vs. The Steiner Brothers

When you see a Steiners/Beverlys match on paper, this is the match you hope it's going to be. It's 10 minutes and an excellent Beverlys performance. These guys all work snug, we get a great stretch of the Beverlys isolating Scott, and we build to Enos and Bloom betting annihilated on a Rick hot tag. Bloom and Enos are pure wrestling joy, mixing a cheapshit house style with the insane bumps and highspots of a big PPV tag. Bloom complains about hair and tight pulls after every huge biel and takedown he takes from Scott, but has no problem turning on a dime to whip Scott to the mat and then rock him with a gorgeous long uppercut when he gets to his feet. But Enos is so good on the apron while Bloom is doing his thing, and the match really gives us a look at how complementary they were as a team, not just their in-ring style but their personalities. Bloom was like the prep school shit with rich parents and no consequences, and Enos is his slightly less rich dumb jock friend. It's a great energy. 

When Enos tags in he does some incredible dumb jock stuff, shoving Rick on the apron one hand to the chest like a real idiot, and then running away! In a great moment that would get a huge reaction on any show, Rick tags in and immediately knocks Bloom off the apron as he jogs by. But just like Bloom, even as Enos is getting punked by Rick, he also gives it back big. Enos and Rick have some great stuff together, great timing. They really nail this one stretch where Enos hits this great high rotation powerslam, cuts low on a clothesline and really tries to take Rick's legs out with a dropdown, does a great leapfrog...but of course gets caught mid-air by Rick and dumped. Enos was something else in this one. He took some of the most dangerous bumps in WWF PPV history, just a crazy willingness to lean all the way into STEINER BROTHERS OFFENSE. He gets thrown by Scott with an overhead belly to belly that almost plants him squarely on the top of his head (and close enough that Gorilla and Heenan go momentarily silent), but this match is so good because Bloom runs right in and just WASTES Scott with a lariat. These teams are laying in and this match should really be talked about as one of the upper tier WWF tags of the decade. 

The Beverlys are really good at cutting Scott off from Rick, dropping backbreakers and ax handles and Bloom elbowdrops, quick tags, hard elbows, Enos choking Scott with the tag rope, all of it the kind of shit you want to see them doing to Scott Steiner. The crowd noise builds perfectly through all of it because these Sacramento fans know that Rick is going to blow this ring up, and there is a fantastic late cut off of a Scott tag attempt that quiets the crowd down so damn quick, just perfectly timed by Bloom. After the hot tag was denied, Heenan has a hilarious bit about how Rick didn't actually want the tag because he's "a known coward". Heenan had this great ongoing thing where he would matter of factly call someone a coward as if it's a thing everyone knows, and Gorilla reacts to it every single time, and I laugh my ass off every single time. 

The Rick hot tag is as good as expected, and Mike Enos really went through one of the most insane wrestling minutes I've seen. Enos takes a backdrop bump as high as any Rick Rude backdrop, then takes arguably the most disgusting German suplex in WWF history. The match's one flaw just might be that Enos is picked up for the next spot almost immediately by Rick, not giving *that* German suplex any time to settle in. If I saw a man the size of Enos take that suplex bump live, a match stoppage would have seemed appropriate. It's a crazy spot that - once they saw Enos was moving of his own accord - they should have shown a dozen times from every angle. The finish stretch is crazy, with Bloom wiping out on an awesome missed top rope clothesline and a great Scott victory roll for a near win. But Enos takes his legendary performance somehow one step further, and takes the match finishing Frankensteiner better than any man has ever taken the Frankensteiner. Enos goes vertical on it, sticking the landing in a way that made people immediately leap up, as if he hadn't just been thrown for the most disgusting suplex a minute earlier. Mike Enos is a goddamn lunatic and I genuinely don't know what 90s WWF tag matches you can genuinely put over this one. Total classic. 

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

ER: It's unfortunate, but Marty Jannetty's ring gear has to be the worst ring gear in my time as a wrestling fan. Right? I don't know. There are other, good contenders. Maybe it isn't actually the worst. But, if not the worst, then at minimum I can say that there has never been any other wrestling gear that makes me feel the vicarious embarrassment that Marty Jannetty's 1993 Royal Rumble gear makes me feel. Sure, maybe that's hypocritical of me, seeing as how I lose my mind any time a wrestler shows up covered in tassels. When Jerry Estrada takes that bump over the top and his ocean waves of tassel crash into the shore as his body crashes into the concrete, I'm in wrestling heaven. Marty Jannetty just takes it too far. Maybe that's a good thing. Marty Jannetty may have established a Tassel Barrier in this match, and that's an important thing. It's good to know how far we as humans can, or should, go. And Marty established that we should not go here. 

Marty's gear looks like a child tried to make their own Tron suit out of torn toilet paper. If you pause the screen at the right moments, his ring entrance looks like Max Moon being drawn into A-Ha's "Take On Me" video. It is a hideous ensemble, and I thought it was hideous before I realized it's a two piece. Who crafted this entrance-attire-only blouse? Who crafted this blouse that looks like the most toilet-papered tree on Halloween? Can you imagine Marty Jannetty trying on his new gear in a small tailor's shop, analyzing all the angles in a full frame trifold vanity mirror, while a slender hunched old Italian man marks his hems with chalk? Well, turns that trifold mirror was cursed, and that mirror cursed Jannetty for the rest of his career. If you ever wondered why Marty Jannetty shows up in 1998 WCW looking like Enuff Z'Nuff's rhythm guitarist, lost and scared in a strange new grunge world, that's why. That mirror is why.

The match itself is weird. It has an excellent layout which gets the crowd downright rabid for the finishing stretch, but it's also filled with weak offense and stunt bumping that doesn't correlate to that weak offense. Michaels pinballs for every single punch Jannetty throws, and they are ridiculous bumps for what Jannetty is putting out there. Michaels gets bumped to the floor off a kneelift and Jannetty hits a tope that winds up looking like a couple trying to hold each other up at the skating rink before both slip and fall. But things get downright silly when Jannetty hits a flying punch off the top to the floor, and Michaels does a triple salchow to sell it. Now, I love a good flying fist or an absurd fistdrop, but there comes a tipping point where it probably makes a lot more sense to use your body to attack an opponent than just your fist. Marty's entire body crashes and burns off to the side while his fist grazes past Michaels' hair, and Michaels spins to the mat like Bear Hugger. A crossbody block would have lead to a safer bump for both AND would have read much better to the crowd, but wrestler offense is a funny thing. This is not as bad as that piece of Marufuji offense where he would tap his opponents' head into the top turnbuckle while hurling his own body out over the ringpost to the floor - as if Mitch Williams had not just fallen off the mound after a delivery but also continued rolling and tumbling all the way to the dugout - but it was incredibly stupid. So of course Marty does it again and Michaels punches him out of the air. Now, don't get me wrong, if some lunatic did a fistdrop off the top rope to the floor I would praise them as a wrestling offense god, in the same way I will always flip out seeing El Samurai or Makoto Hashi doing diving headbutts off the top to the floor. So now, not only are my takes on tassels hypocritical, I am also a hypocrite about what offense I enjoy and what level of stupidity I expect and demand out of it. Perhaps there's a boomerang effect where a fistdrop can keep getting more and more complicated until it gets very stupid, before becoming incredible again: 

1. Any kind of fistdrop from a standing position falling onto your opponent = Great

2. Fistdrop leaping off the middle turnbuckle = Outstanding

3. Fistdrop leaping off the top rope into the ring = Seems unnecessarily risky to your knees but fuck yeah

4. Fistdrop off the top rope to a standing opponent on the floor = You fucking idiot

5. Fistdrop off the top rope to the floor while opponent is on his back = You goddamn genius

The stretch of Michaels working over Marty's arm is satisfying (including a rough posting), but even all of that just builds to another stupid spot, which is Michaels coming off the middle rope and landing, standing, face first into Jannetty's boot, with no indication of what kind of move he would have hit had Marty not gotten that boot up. See, the twists and turns and momentum shifts all happen at the exact right place, except half (or more?) of the offense looks like incomprehensible bullshit. It's a cool exercise in seeing how fired up a crowd can get when you're hitting all of the turns of a match this well, that you can really give them any slop offense and - as long as you're shifting momentum at the right time - they will be right there screaming. 

When people remember this as a great match (Meltzer gave it 4 stars, and if Jungle Boy and Rocky Romero worked this note for note exact same match with dog ball's worse offense, it's impossible to see him going less than 4 stars on it), they remember it from the moment Sherri slaps Shawn thru the series of close pinfalls. When Sherri slaps Shawn the ARCO Arena explodes, and Shawn does his best selling of the match. When Marty drags him back in Michaels immediately takes his craziest/best bump of the match, taking the HHH backwards corner bump faster than anyone should ever take that bump, and Marty drags him back in again. The crowd really thought they were seeing a title change, so every single nearfall plays huge, deservedly so. Shawn missing a superkick only to get put down hard by a Marty superkick really did feel like the finish, possibly because it was the only bump Michaels took that wasn't in three parts, just put him down on the mat. The shenanigans at the finish play out too quickly and a bit too ham-fisted, with Shawn throwing a wide elbow on a punch to take out the ref, and Sherri accidentally hitting Marty with her heel. Shawn hits a superkick, Marty takes a ridiculous flip bump that felt mostly disconnected from the kick, and that's it. It's a great match with an incredible amount of flaws: some of the most detached bumps and goofball offense choices, and yet a match that earned the big crowd reactions. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Big Boss Man

ER: This is a great three match series to start a PPV with, a great hour of pro wrestling, with three very different matches. The is a match that of course I was excited for, two of the biggest coolest shaped guys at some real in-ring peaks. 1993 was a great in-ring year for both of these guys, Bigelow an adventurous big man with a big gas tank, and Boss Man hitting a legendary peak with his post-WWF All Japan tours. 1993 Boss Man was the best combination of size and speed, slimmed way down from his 1989 biggest, but much bigger than his 1998 WWF return. 1993 was when Boss Man was shaped exactly like his Hasbro figure. Bam Bam Bigelow has the best shape in wrestling and Boss Man has night stick work that makes him look like a cool gigantic American King of Fighters character. They move fast and they hit hard, basking in the salad days of big fat men. 

There's a ton of movement and it always leads to a big crash, and a lot of this is worked at a super crazy pace for two guys this size to keep. There's fast rope running and fast spots, like Bigelow lifting Boss Man up for a huge back suplex, but then faceplanting hard on a missed falling headbutt when Boss Man sits up right after. Bam Bam has really high impact avalanches and starts the match story early when he starts throwing shots at Boss Man's back, with a fist to the back knocking Boss Man forward through the ropes. Right before them, Jannetty and Michaels thought of the bump they were going to do and then kept doing it regardless of the offense, but Bigelow and Boss Man really knock each other down and fall in some big ways. Bigelow drops Boss Man with a huge hot shot that looks like Boss Man is going to go crashing right into the camera; Boss Man has this great high speed clotheslines to knockdown Bigelow, and then at least 25 different punches to knock him around to different parts of the ring. Boss Man was a great puncher who isn't talked about enough as a great puncher. He has great uppercuts, great aim (he can pick a target on the chin and not show light), and can throw them close or long range. He slides to the floor for a big right hand, gives the fans a corner 10 count, throws hard mounted punches, all great. 

But it's not enough to work great through the fast paced sections, you also have to time out the cool down sections so the fast sections peak, and they do that really well. It's a great transition because it happens with a spectacular spot: Boss Man missing a charge and taking a fast, impressive bump to the floor, appearing to smash his back on the edge of the ring apron on the way down. Commentary picks up on it the second it happens and Bigelow immediately moves to focus entirely on Boss Man's back, as if everyone knew Boss Man was going to take a sick bump back first off the apron. Bigelow works the back with some real effective stuff, grabbing an awesome reverse waistlock bearhug and throwing headbutts to grind Boss Man down. Boss Man's comeback has some nice detail work, with a great spot where he is able to pull off a vertical suplex, but it's a messier suplex that wasn't as effective due to his back being weakened, so Bigelow beats him to his feet. It's such a great thread to put into a match: working a Too Convincing back injury on a suitably dangerous looking spot, like Chris Hamrick setting up knee work by violently tangling his knee in the ropes. The only weak point of the match is that it wraps up a little too easily and suddenly, the match almost disappointing by coming to its logical conclusion: Bigelow weakening Boss Man enough to slam him and hit the diving headbutt. It's where everything was heading, Boss Man was getting weaker, and then Bigelow put him down. I think one more Boss Man nearfall hope spot could have put this on a much higher level, but this was a great 10 minutes.  

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE

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Andre is Hit on The Head With A Frying Pan, Lives in A Garbage Can

Rumble Match WWF Royal Rumble 1/15/89 - GREAT

ER: Andre is in the Rumble for 15 minutes, but it's easily one of the best performances in the whole match. It's not news that Andre is an incredible presence in any battle royal he's in. There's a reason Andre in a battle royal was such a durable pro wrestling draw, but this is an Andre battle royal performance completely different than any other. This is 15 minutes of Andre as an aged mastodon, with Demolition, Mr. Perfect, Ronnie Garvin, Greg Valentine, and Jake Roberts as the cavemen trying to bring him down without getting stepped on or gored. Demolition started the Rumble, and Andre was the 3rd entrant, and the second Andre stepped into the ring Demolition were beating the hell out of him. It's so cool seeing Andre immediately reeling, and his wounded mastodon performance was incredible. He's taking constant kicks and punches, lashing out almost blindly, and when he connects it always does serious damage. Every new guy that enters the Rumble goes right after Andre, with Perfect coming in and immediately punching Andre in the face only to nearly get headbutted over the top. Garvin comes in and he, Ax, and Perfect tie Andre up in the ropes, leading to a great spot as the agonized giant kicks all three of them off. Perfect is great bumping around for Andre, with he and Garvin each trying to attack him while Andre is sitting on Ax in the corner. There are all these tiny moments of Andre's mounting anger getting interrupted, the giant reacting with gritted teeth, one second away from nuking someone before getting blindsided by someone else. Andre never knows who to focus on, so he just keeps absorbing shots until he gets his hands around someone's throat. 

Once Jake comes in, Andre puts his blinders on to everyone else, and just goes off on Roberts. Andre lets Roberts punch him a few times and gets a big grin on his face before clobbering him, then uses his singlet strap to strangle him. Valentine is hilarious the whole time Andre is smashing Jake, as he keeps running across the ring with huge swinging clubbing shots, and Andre completely ignores them until finally turning around and headbutting Valentine. Andre tosses Jake (and several others throughout his 15 minutes), and I'm sad to see his run end so quickly. Roberts runs back to the ring with Damien, and Andre nopes the hell out of there, eliminating himself. Andre running the hell out of the ring was a great spot, and a fine way to defeat Godzilla when conventional weapons weren't working. But I wish it happened way later in the match, would have been much more satisfying to have Jake come out 10 entrants later, give Andre a 30 minute run. Still, for 15 minutes, it was impossible for me to watch anyone but Andre, a man who knew how to fill battle royal time better than maybe anyone. 

Andre the Giant/Mighty Inoue vs. Cactus Jack/Texas Terminator Hoss AJPW 4/5/91 - FUN

ER: I love that we have these kind of oddball match-ups preserved, how we get a 25 year old Cactus Jack going up against a top 5 all time legend, and putting in one of his greatest early career performances. We do not get an Andre vs. Hoss match up, which is honestly probably for the best. Hoss is great at hitting big slams on Inoue, and while it would have been fun seeing him bump for the still much larger Andre, it probably protected both by having them not cross paths. Besides, Cactus vs. Andre was so damn fun that I didn't miss Andre vs. Hoss. Inoue takes a pounding but the crowd is hot for an Andre tag, and Andre - still  looking like a total mountain mover - punches Cactus right in the head and throws chops like Col. Steve Austin swinging a tree branch into a heavy. Andre looked like a gigantic Punch Out boss dwarfing Little Mac, and Cactus made Andre look like the legend he still was. Cactus took two big backdrops, one on the floor and one in the ring, Inoue hit two terrific rolling sentons on him (there is presently nobody who does a Mighty Inoue style standing rolling senton, and that's idiotic because it would be a solid add to anybody's moveset). Cactus runs valiantly into the middle turnbuckle in a Grade A bump, and then makes Andre's big boot in the corner look like a pipe to the face. Andre looking at Hoss on the apron with "Go ahead, break up this pin, motherfucker" eyes while he just falls on Cactus for the pin is some classic final years Andre presence.

PAS: Fun stuff, turns out Cactus and Andre are pretty perfect opponents. Late era Andre is going to stand there, be huge and have people bounce off of him, and Cactus is willing and able to bounce off of people. We get a crazy Cactus shoulder bump into a post and a backdrop on the concrete, and he absolutely gets flattened by an Andre elbow. That's really all you need to make something like this work. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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Berzerker's Tunic at the Rumble After Party Left the Crowd Speechless!

62. The Royal Rumble - 1/24/93

What a weird, sometimes fun/sometimes dreadfully boring Royal Rumble. It started out pretty awesome and almost felt like a love letter to fans of the territories, as all these different world and regional champs started off and the star power felt big. Within the first 10 we had Flair, Backlund, Dibiase, Lawler, Tenryu and Perfect. Flair and Backlund starts off, and none of the announcers talk about what a historic showdown it legitimately was. When you think of early 80s WWF champ, you think Backlund. When you think of early 80s NWA champ, you think Flair. As best I know, this is the only recorded footage of these two facing each other. There was an early 80s "title unification" match at the Omni but I don't think footage of that was ever shown on TV. So you get a fairly decent chunk of a Flair/Backlund match, later than you would have wanted it, but they work it like an actual match (as opposed to spending the time trying to lift a guy's leg over the ropes). Papa Shango interrupts as the 3rd entrant but gets disposed of immediately. So we get a 4 minute Backlund/Flair match, and that's pretty neat. But within that first 10 we get a couple other cool little showdowns, like Lawler/Backlund, or Lawler/TENRYU! Gosh, the prospects of a Lawler/Tenryu singles match just makes me angry that they were even in the same ring and it didn't happen. At one point, Carlos Colon is an entrant, which just REALLY feels like they legitimately were trying to bring in a bunch of regional champs. What would Carlos Colon mean to a 1993 WWF audience (and you better believe Monsoon referred to the mid-40s Colon as a youngster)? So we get cool, historic, unexpected match ups.

We get weird stand out performances from Virgil and Brian Knobbs (among the hardest I've seen Knobbs work, if only for 3 short minutes before elimination), nice moments like Max Moon's huge spinning heel kick on Lawler in the corner (and Lawler's lowrider car show screenprinted tights!!). But then there's just so much of this match that nobody could have wanted: Long runs from Damien Demento and IRS. A bunch of tag guys (though I liked Natural Disasters going at each other), an absurdly long Jerry Sags run, Repo Man in the final 5, Koko really really trying to get High Energy's pants over (though loved the part where Koko went after Lawler; again, the match had a lot of neat nods to older territory feuds both real and dream match), just a weird layout. Big peaks and low valleys. Berzerker's run was criminally short. He got to eliminate Virgil, but he was only in for a few minutes, mostly paired with Backlund (who he had a house show run against right before the Rumble). Best elimination was easily Lawler dragging Hennig to the floor after Hennig eliminated him. Lawler takes a great elimination bump (there were several of those, actually, from unexpected guys like Knobbs and Repo Man). But once Lawler goes to the floor, Dibiase and Koko start shoving Hennig over, and Lawler begins yanking him by the head, really making it look like Hennig was desperately trying to hold on to that bottom rope. A really violent elimination. The finish run is Macho vs. Yokozuna, which was better than I remembered, but the execution of the finish is as bad as I remembered. They work a fairly long singles match, and it's good. Savage eventually hits the elbow and then goes to pin him...in the Rumble...and Yoko kicks out, sending Savage over the top to the floor. I kinda get it. The pinfall attempt used to bother me because it's the Rumble match, but I can buy that they worked together so long at the end that Savage went into singles match mode. But that elimination? One man just cannot press a man from his back, over the top rope, and make it look like anything other than a man jumping over the top rope. What a strange - and long - Rumble.

63. 15 Man Battle Royal - WWF Raw 2/15/93 (taped 2/1/93)

Man what a bummer of a final appearance in WWF for Berzerker. He's always such a presence in battle royals, but this one doesn't have much to offer him. IMPORTANT: This project gifted us with TWO Damien Demento appearances in a row. So...kewl. We get a brief Iron Mike Sharpe sighting but Backlund gets him out of the way pretty quick. High Energy have my least favorite wrestling gear of all time, but both of them take pretty great elimination bumps, with Koko taking a high backdrop from Michaels, and Owen took Berzerker's finisher to get eliminated (you know, Berzerker picked him up and just tossed him to the floor). Sadly, Berzerker vanishes from WWF not long after, as he and Kamala square off (which was a match up I had been dying to see, for the sheer goofy spectacle of it all), and Berzerker takes his final backwards bump over the top off a Kamala dropkick. Svona er lifio.

COMPLETE & ACCURATE BERZERKER

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