Every Single Vader vs. Dustin Match (...that they had in WWF)

Two classic dance partners, who never got the chance to approach the greatness of their WCW work while in WWF. They had matches, including one on PPV, but they were never treated like a big deal. Let's take a look at all of them:

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 5/5/97

ER: This match is mostly worked as a backdrop to the upcoming Vader/Ken Shamrock No Holds Barred match, with Shamrock getting his own entrance after Vader/before Goldust, on commentary the whole match, and Vader semi-frequently taunting Shamrock from the ring. But the straight Vader/Goldust moments were, ahem, gold. Vader bullies him around with a collar and elbow, backs him in the corner, gets in his face...and then we get some great fired up babyface Goldust, and as you know there really aren't many better. He tackles Vader with a spear and starts wailing on him with punches - good ones too - big bombs from the mount and then hard quick ones in the corner. This was going to be a Vader showcase, so he plops down right on Goldust's collarbones to block a sunset flip, and he obviously pastes Goldust with a ton of meaty fists, open hand shots that lay Goldust out flat, and a kick right to the temple. But Goldust gets an awesome mini comeback when Vader hits him with an avalanche...except Goldust catches him, hitches him up over his shoulder, and powerslams the big man out of the corner. Loved that spot so much. A snatch slam and Vader Bomb finishes things a little too easily, but all the match we got was really good.

 

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 11/17/97

ER: This was not an actual match, as Goldust was just getting into his Leigh Bowery period, so he comes out wearing a short gold satin robe, gold slippers, black tights, and his face done up in really well done checkerboard paint with red edges. He claims he is injured, but takes a hammer out of his sling and pops Vader with it. I guess they were just setting up a singles match for two months later?

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Royal Rumble 1/18/98

ER: This is by far their longest -  and best - WWF match. They got 8 minutes to do their thing, and even when these two are not at their career best they can make great use of 8 minutes. Goldust wore one of his greatest freak outfits, a garish lime green and purple striped tights/singlet bodysuit, matching lime wig and face paint with dyed electric blue hair under the wig, bright yellow boots, Cesar Romero Joker colored gloves, and naturally, a thong. It's an incredible ensemble. I don't care what people say about Vader in his last WWF stretch, I thought he still had it. He was slower and didn't always have the same level of energy and aggression, but damn was he still fun. I love this man. Vader rattled Dustin's cage this whole match, throwing all sorts of hard punches, clotheslines, avalanche attacks, and big splashes. He missed a butt splash by inches when he quickly dropped to his seat, keeping Dustin moving and active, and it made it more satisfying when he sat that ass down on Goldust's chest down the finishing stretch. Dustin fired back with his own punches and diving lariats, and both took hard bumps into the ring steps. Who cares if they were older and fatter than their 1994 selves, because here's Goldust taking high backdrops and bumping high onto his shoulders for a back suplex and lariat. Vader stopped Goldust cold a couple times with punches, his running splash looked awesome, and Goldust hit him with a righteous nut shot during a Vader Bomb attempt. 

The finish is downright legendary, when Luna leaps on Vader's back to prevent a Vader Bomb, and Vader climbs up and delivers it anyway. Haters called Vader "lazy" on the blessed beautiful 1998 internet, but Vader does This One Little Trick that shows that this mastodon was the furthest thing in wrestling from lazy. You wanna know the guys who are lazy inside a wrestling ring? Watch the ones who don't go right to the middle rope when climbing to the top rope. If you take three steps to get to the top turnbuckle, you're not trying hard enough. It's 100% effective, proven correct every time. Going straight to the middle rope or vaulting straight to the top are only done by people fighting against the in-flight drag of their own gigantic pendulous balls, and you shouldn't respect any wrestler who doesn't respect themselves enough to get out of the Three Steps Club. Vader, with a bucking and kicking woman wrapped around his neck, climbs straight to the middle buckle, bounces three times, then flew into arguably his greatest ever Vader Bomb. Luna went nearly vertical on descent, barely avoiding being turned scorpion on the incredible impact, instead flying off like the fat kid hit the Blob at summer camp. Vader had been working with a receptive crowd before this finish, but they really recognized the severity of the stunt they were witnessing as it was happening. This, was a finish. 

Vader vs. Goldust WWF Raw 1/26/98

ER: This was a condensed, 3 minute version with the kinds of things that make them such great opponents, ending with a Kane run-in that meant the match never had to actually build to anything substantial. Goldust and Luna come out to Vader's theme, dressed as their own garish takes on Vader, each with Vader Mask face paint. Vader comes out to Vader's theme and the crowd loves him on sight, so he takes extra time doing shoulder shrugs and crab dancing on the entrance stage. We've all seen Vader on Boy Meets World, but they really missed the boat by not getting Vader drawn on Futurama. His movement could have easily been used to make him the largest toughest fighter on Decapod 10, in an episode where Dr. Zoidberg must return home to participate in a ritualistic battle against him. I'll settle for him mauling Goldust. Vader pummels him, hits a couple big avalanches, Dustin takes a really high backdrop, and there's a lot of movement and energy. Vader really leaps into a vertical suplex he's delivering and at one point lands a real wallop of a near-standing lariat, just a huge amount of impact from an almost flat-footed stance. Goldust didn't do a ton with his control but I liked his diving lariat and willingness to take both a hard Vader Powerbomb AND get crushed with a Vader Bomb, even though the match was ending with a Kane run-in. I get showing Vader clearly on his way to victory, but poor Dustin not getting that last 15 seconds shaved. I don't remember if I actually liked either of the Vader/Kane PPV matches but damn do I like Vader's outward facing Tombstone in the post-match.

Vader vs. Dustin Runnels WWF Raw Saturday Night 9/12/98

ER: This was a cool, short Vader/Dustin match - two guys who always have good matches together - played to a crowd that was dead silent all night. They did at least a couple of these taped-in-advance Raws per year, for shows that were going to be preempted by dog shows or tennis, and the crowd was always burnt out and the presentations always felt more like a collection of dark matches than an actual episode of Raw. This match also had to deal with Val Venis walking through the crowd carrying an "I Have Come" sign, which was making fun of Dustin's born again angle, which was supposedly just leading to a return of the Goldust gimmick. Also, I'm not positive whether Venis' sign was implying that he has ejaculated many times, or if he just has buckets of cum sitting around his place that he's trying to get rid of, the way someone might put a Firewood 4 Sale sign in their yard. Both are potentially true. 

This match was not treated like a big deal. The biggest crime may have been the cameras repeatedly cutting away from Vader's dancing. Vader really could have been a top dancing babyface wrestler. It would have been ridiculous, but seeing him dance during his entrances always brings me genuine glee. He does all these awesome shoulder shrugs and head movements, and he really runs out of the entrance curtain, acting more like Mojo Rawley than Vader. That's wonderful, because he still hits like Vader. The match is compact but high quality, while dealing with the match-long distraction of Venis advertising his hoarded containers of semen. Vader smacks Dustin around with big bear paws and then eye pokes him, backs him into the corner and tees off some more. Dustin is big enough to go toe to toe with Vader, and we get an awesome moment of Dustin running out of the corner and leveling him with a clothesline. A second clothesline sends Vader over the top to the floor, spilling out quickly and spectacularly. I love the way these two hit each other. Vader even gets tossed into the ring steps and almost takes out a completely unassuming camera guy. The finish is lame as Dustin gets back into the ring to...pray or something. But Vader mauls him with basically a low diving shoulder tackle to the back, more shots, and another lariat, then a Vader Bomb to finish.