Found Footage Friday: WWE IN AUSTRALIA~! BABE FACE~! FANTASMA~! SUPER ASTRO~! SCORPIO~! SATANICO~! EMILIO~!

Super Astro/Fantasma vs. Babe Face/Scorpio WWA Olympic Auditorium 09/12/87

MD: This has been sitting in plain sight for a few years but was thankfully was brought to light by the Wrestling Playlists newsletter recently. It hits so many of the marks you'd want with four very talented wrestlers doing their thing in a slightly alien place for slightly alien promotion. Super Astro is this tightly contained ball of energy, a little shorter than his peers, a little stockier than you'd expect, but it's almost like there's a wick counting down on him and he's always ready to explode. It gives his roles and vaults and stylized tricks an extra bit of oomph. They're things that would be impressive regardless but with him it's all somehow supercharged, and Scorpio, bald and wide and spry took it all so well. He shoved Fantasma before the bell and Fantasma bounced back off the ropes and shoved him back, causing him to bump huge. That's just the sort of guy Scorpio was.

I wouldn't say this had a rudo ref so much as the rudo was holding the tecnicos to far higher standards. That meant they withheld tags in a way that you don't usually see in lucha (though the out of the ring rule was definitely in play) and it allowed the rudos to stay in charge in the primera. That built the pressure for the comeback, even through the end of the fall and a nice double takover onto Fantasma and subsequent submission. You can tell the pressure was up beacuse there was an upset Granny at ringside. 

It was interesting because they used the ref taking back/not allowing tags to build heat but the moment of comeback was wholly within the ring on a bit of rudo miscommunication. From there things went even with it looking like the tecnicos might get swept under again only to outquick and outslick the rudos, all building to Astro knocking Scorpio out and landing on him with a senton through the ropes to the floor. Brutal stuff and Scorpio either bladed or got bust open. Either way, he was a bloody mess. That was the equalizer as simultaneously Fantasma was doing a ridiculous submission in Tombstone position on Babe Face (who I have less to say about here but he was perfectly fine in his role).

The tercera was full of the sort of great exchanges you'd expect until Scorpio was able to go behind on Fantasma off the ropes, using his momentum to push him through the ropes and right into a waiting chairshot from Babe Face. From there it was an academic 2-on-1 with them picking up Astro repeatedly after having him beat. That sort of hubris didn't lead to comeuppance though as they finished him off after one of Babe Face's great off-center running sentons and a nasty legdrop from Scorpio. I'm sure this led to some phenomenal return match we don't have, but at least we have this.

ER: You show up for a match like this to see what Super Astro might do, but then you leave getting to see  stocky rudo toughness from Babe Face and Scorpio. Super Astro is must watch in any setting. You're always going to get something worth writing about. Imagine seeing this stocky little guy in LA doing a slingshot senton to the floor in 1987. It's great. But this is a match that makes you want to watch more Babe Face and Scorpio. Scorpio Sr.! I have not seen much Scorpio Sr. He is as ugly as his son in a completely different way, more hideous monster way. He also looks like the perfect wrestler. Wide, round, ugly, bald, cocky. He's got a fat buff guy or buff fat guy body squeezed into a red King Kong Bundy double strap that you wish could be pulled off as well in modern wrestling but everyone is shaped wrong. Babe Face, it turns out, also has a perfect pro wrestling physique. He is stocky and muscular and compact and powerful. He's Bill Dundee with 20 pounds of thick bulk. He is one of three of the smallest most powerful men, wrestling inside of the largest ring in wrestling history. You fill not believe how long it takes Super Astro to run ropes in this ring. It's incredible. 

We all love Super Astro and we love the way he is in a competition with himself to take higher back body drops. But this hits peaks whenever Babe Face or Scorpio are throwing punches and chops and headbutts. Babe Face headbutts Super Astro in the eye socket to force a tag out and I thought we were going to get a bloody mask hole Super Astro match. He is stocky rudo cocktease, pouncing Astro to the floor to interrupt a dive, cameras catching a great close up of Scorpio's mug before he overhand chops Astro out of his boots. Things build throughout to big Babe Face/Fantasma showdowns, until Babe Face fucking BRAINS Fantasma with an open folding chair to the top of the head while Fantasma was draped over the ropes. The announcers say something about Intrepidos Punks, so either they're describing these two stocky men of differing beauty, or they're advertising the late 80s movie of the same name and either way makes this great. Los Intrepidos Punks lay a fucking beating on Astro while Fantasma's corpse is under the ropes, slapping him back and forth, Babe Face hitting full weight sentons, kneeling on his chest and groin while Scorpio holds a legdrop like the most smug sideburn asshole.  

I liked Fantasma's aggressively pistoning 69 bearhug. 

Emilio Charles vs. Satanico [hair vs hair] CMLL 3/20/98? 

MD: Pretty unique hair match here though one that hits a lot of the right notes despite that and despite some goofiness. As best as I can tell, this is rudo vs. rudo though Charles is the clear crowd favorite. Satanico gets an early ambush and starts dismantling Charles like only he can. No one is better in the history of wrestling at orchestrating violence, including his own. The bump Charles takes into the third row, head over heels, is excellent. Charles starts to mount some comebacks (including one really nice Fujiwara armbar reversal out of a grounded abdominal stretch that's lucha loose but symbolically perfect) but the ref (who apparently he hit the week before?) seems to get in his way each time and Satanico finally gets the caida on a backslide with a fast count.

That causes Charles to start complaining to the commission. Rey Mendoza is out there and says that Charles has a stipulation in his contract that he can call for a change in ref so Babe Richard comes out to take over. Meanwhile, Charles is unloading on Satanico, including tossing him into the crowd. Satanico is able to sneak in a foul though and locks in the Satan's Knot. That seems like the end and the end to Charles' hair, but he gets lost in the moment and refuses to let go and the ref awards the caida to Charles. So it's a bit of an odd dynamic with the ref switch and Satanico basically winning the second fall only to have it overturned. It all gets paid off in the tercera with Charles getting a foul in of his own and everything building to another Satan's Knot only for Charles to fight his way out of it and lock in this great Gory Special (where he has to slowly bring his hands together) before dropping down with it into a pin. I wouldn't call this the most primal match or the quickest path between two points but these guys were so good and they made this work so well for what it was.

ER: The ugliest default babyface fighting dirty through getting punched in the forehead and thrown into the third row by the devil. Satan himself throwing short punches aimed to open up an ugly man's forehead and biting him. I love situations where Charles became the tecnico. He is good at working through tecnico stages of a three fall match, peaking the reactions in the tercera and getting bigger reactions with consecutive quebradoras while the crowd loudly hates Satanico for breaking holds with biting at men's thighs. The devil fights dirty when the devil's beautiful head of hair is at stake. Satanico is a great rudo because he also wrestlers through submissions like the tecnico, pulling each limb with celebratory swipes like he's an Olympic runner raising both arms through the finish line. It makes Charles' win, through a biased ref and the persistent devil himself, even more of an ugly man tecnico triumph. I thought the execution on Charles' tercera-winning Gory Special was so good for this specific match. A fought for Gary, Charles' hands clasped, drawing out the inescapable backslide. 

It didn't get as violent as I expected it would, for a match I knew nothing about. When you start with Satanico biting and punching at a cut you expect escalation and that violent escalation never comes. We also don't get the actual haircutting. Satanico knew that he looked like a totally different badass when he had his head shaved and I wanted to see what that looked like at 50.  

Batista/Chris Jericho/Chris Benoit vs. Triple H/Ric Flair/Edge WWE 4/8/05

MD: New Richard Land Handheld from Australia right after Wrestlemania 21. Some of those names should worry you for a 50 minute clip, maybe, but this is house show bullshit and that's the best bullshit there is. Plus it's about ten minutes of entrances and pre-match talking and ten minutes of them breaking down the ring. I thought I was going to be taking one for the team here but I had fun with this. The pre-match yapping was ridiculous with Triple H going on about how terrible Australia was and how in America they had an army that could kick their asses, the Salvation Army. Basically the most definitional Triple H stuff imaginable. Batista's retort was short and sweet (he had just won the title), and the crowd was hot for all of this really.

All of the early exchanges were fun. Benoit and Edge started. Benoit chopped Edge out of the corner. Edge went for a tag. Both Triple H and Flair dropped down to avoid it. Jericho came in and Batista and Benoit cheerlead the crowd in a Y2J chant. Flair came in, had a chop off with Jericho so the fans could chant woo and then walked into the babyface corner to eat a bunch of punches and take the first flop (of many) of the night. Jericho grabbed a sign and paraded around with it. Batista came in. Flair eyepoked him and chopped him. Batista no sold it. Flair begged off. Batista waggled his finger. Flair took his second back body drop. Triple H came in. The crowd went up for the idea of them going at it. Flair wooed at Batista from the corner repeatedly. Batista posed and the crowd went nuts. Triple H won on a shoulder block exchange and posed. They milked a test of strength for a while before doing it. Triple H kicked Batista, drove him down. Batista fought back up and clotheslined Triple H over the top and the crowd loved every second of all of this. Truly entertaining house show BS, what much, much more of wrestling should be and what a lot of the times it isn't in a world where these barely exist anymore.

Again, this had a ton of time and they worked double heat on it. Jericho was drawn into the heel corner and when he came back and made a hot tag, Benoit came in hot for a bit only to miss the diving headbutt. Eventually, Triple H had Benoit down in the corner but got distracted by Batista and leaped right into a foot, wherein he spent an entire minute (not a second less) standing there looking at the lights dazed before flopping. Only on a house show. I'm actually not sure that spot hit as well as it could have but points for committing to the bit certainly. That let Batista make it in finally, let everything break down, and let Edge eat the power bomb (thumbs down beforehand) to end the match. I don't know if I would have seen this same match around the loop but to see it one time was honestly a lot of fun. Just a totally different world that barely exists anymore. And we're talking 2005, not 1985 here.

ER: We've been doing - and Matt's been running entirely - Found Footage Friday for over a decade now. It's probably the most valuable thing we've done because it preserves at least 1-3 different takes on footage that none of us as fans had ever seen before. In many cases, we've written about matches that can get newly added into a Greatest Matches discussion, 40 years later. New narratives, new looks, new opportunities to have views changed. It's an incredible resource, constantly growing. This week alone we have a new apuestas match, new Babe Face...and now a new 30 minute match with SC stalwarts like HHH and Edge and Chris Benoit. 

People love our HHH writing, and this is the match for those people. This is an essential HHH match for HHH fans, because not only did all 30 minutes feel completely laid out by HHH, but all six men wrestle like HHH from different eras of his career. This is a match agented, produced, and then wrestled by six HHHs. Jericho wrestles like Terra Ryzing, Batista wrestles like HHH did when he came back gassed up after the quad tear, Benoit sells like HHH in a way that you know it won't lead anywhere, Flair is slowed down so he wrestles like HHH during that long era of bloated HHH aping Flair spots, Edge wrestles like the worst version of 1998 bad Opponents' Momentum offense HHH, and HHH wrestles like some unholy house show HHH amalgam that includes a long comedy spot that he doesn't know how to make resonate but he 100% would have gotten anyone else fired over.

This was a HHH match in every way, and it was good. There is so much wrestling I've never watched and so much wrestling I never will watch but I love Matt, and Matt got me to watch a 30 minute HHH/HHH/HHH vs. HHH/HHH/HHH in Australia, because HHH - with his meaty nose and heavy brow beadying his eyes - is like Bruno at MSG to Australians.  

Seeing Flair work the brunt of a long house show match was surprisingly fun. HHH could never connect his in-ring comedy to a crowd like this, and we get a literal example of that during what should have been the crowd noise peak. Flair's punches looked fantastic throughout, and even though he enters the match in control he's soon taking a back body drop and it leads to a fantastic Flair spot, where he rolls up in the babyface corner, eats a headbutt from Benoit and a punch from Batista, hops around like he's getting back into the fight, then flops. Flair takes another back body drop when Batista tags in, classically begging off before poking him in the eyes, but none of his chops have any affect and he's soon flopping and back dropping and leaving down the aisle. It's the kind of ass showing that HHH admires about Flair, but could never bring himself to actually look weak enough for the extended periods that make the stooging work, meaning it always came off like Stooging While Still in Control and never worked. After Benoit gets his hand smashed with a chair (nasty business smashing it against a ringpost) and gets cut off, the long heat segment builds to Benoit's hot tag, but the entire tag is iced out by HHH doing a full minute of Working On Material that sounds great on paper but gets no reaction live. 

HHH leaps off the middle buckle into Benoit's up-stretched boot and stands there on his feet, selling and swaying, for exactly one minute. You can picture Larry Sweeney doing this spot and burning the house down, knowing the exact moment to grind an entire match to a halt for one self-aggrandizing spot, and how much HHH would fucking BURY anyone else who did that spot, regardless of how well it got over. To see HHH pull out a 2006 Chikara spot on a house show and get no reaction for it is the wrestling equivalent to a gay bashing Republican getting caught in a rest stop bathroom, all secret unfulfilled urges and embarrassing missteps. It's as clear as day that HHH would brand anyone else who tried this much of a comedy overreach a mark who isn't serious about the business that he's devoted his life to. Six different HHHs in one match, and the real HHH is the one desperate to show his chops as a comedy worker that didn't understand punchlines

Great match. The kind of match you can put on after a Gene Snitsky/Shelton Benjamin title match.

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Found Footage Friday: EDDIE~! JANNETTY~! COLT~! GANG~! REY~! GERMANY~!

MD: Going to finish out last month's Richard Land Germany knowing we've got some 81 footage to go through too (Rudge vs. Bret Hart for one).

9/6/80

Axel Dieter vs. Kim Duk

MD: Just a clip. We come in JIP. We get no finish. It's almost entirely Duk chopping Dieter with karate strikes. Overhand shots. I've seen a lot of Duk between Germany and Puerto Rico and that one cool Korea match that came up last year. And he can be very good. He really can. And we get flashes of that here right at the end when he's scrapping with Dieter who's firing back. The chops are quicker. They hit harder. He's actually trying to cut a resurgent warrior off instead of just marking time. Usually though, I find him lacking and I did in the first bit here. He's relatively big and has a great look and a clear personality and he just does the bare minimum to limited effect a lot of the times. But when it is time to go, he goes hard. Not much here.

Sal Bellomo/Achim Chall vs. Jim Harris/Tom Shaft

MD: Something of a slight tag but another look at Shaft and another chance to see Pre-Kamala Harris. There was some tomfoolery early where neither Harris nor Shaft wanted to be in there (past one shaky bit at the start, Harris fed pretty well for early shine), but as you can imagine, Harris was able to take over fairly quickly. It was interesting to see him do the handshake with one hand behind is back on his knees deal, which led to the transition. He had a misunderstanding with the ref. Due to the nature of the rules, you have to connect a pin to your last move in some way shape or form. His big splash defied that and he had to make sure to get in an extra bodyslam and quick pin to win the fall. Shaft did not impress. He could grind someone down but whenever he tried to do anything more (like a butt butt where he barely got off the ground) it just lacked oomph and energy. 

Not much to say about the faces. Bellomo took massive back body drops here and Chall came in hot on the hot tag. Good strikes. Bellomo won the second fall with a body block but everything got thrown out, with the heels getting DQed for illegal double teaming early into the final fall. More educational than entertaining overall.

9/13/80

Chris Colt vs. Louis Lawrence

MD: I knew how great Chris Colt was. I've seen him in a bunch of different territories, right? But watching him in these German matches is a whole different beast. He's itchy. That's the word. He wrestles like he's seeing colors wherever he looks and it's wild. Everything he does is worth watching, whether it's strutting around the ring as he's being announced or pointing at the ref, paranoid, between rounds. At the end of one round he was trying to get out of a headlock with roll ups and lifts where he got taken over, and he just decided to lay there in the middle of the ring once the bell rang. Lawrence had to come over and pour water on him and then he freaked out. Constant motion, constant manic energy, just fascinating to watch.

Lawrence, unfortunately, was not fascinating to watch, but I guess he provided a sane baseline for everything going on around him. There was one point where he just put him in a cross toehold for a few minutes and Colt WAS entertaining in it but they could have been doing a hundred more entertaining things. Finish was pretty hilarious as Colt guided the ref to the ropes to look out so he could climb them to do an elbow drop off the top. But the ref only looked for a second. It clearly didn't work. Just a "Look over there" that was futile, but the ref let him get away with it anyway. Maybe it was legal there and he thought it wasn't? Who knows? Anyway every match we get with him here is well worth watching.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Marty Jannetty ECW Enter Sandman 5/13/95

ER: We only had this (already short) match in very clipped form, and now we have all six minutes. Eddie had wrestled a 30 minute draw earlier in the night against Malenko and who could say what could ever have happened in that one. Maybe someday we'll get to see any of the Malenko/Guerrero matches but for now I'll watch this unclipped match for the first time and...see why ECW originally clipped it so much. This isn't that great! That's unexpected! This is one of those times where I was really hoping for a hot go go go short match, two guys who can work some speed and never otherwise wrestled, and instead it's kind of slow and sleepy and structurally confused. Eddie seemed tired and Marty worked down to his sleepy foe. Eddie and Dean had jerked each other off for a half hour earlier but Joey Styles wasn't pushing Eddie being tired from an earlier match whatsoever on commentary, so I guess this was just a couple quick guys working at 75%. Eddie pokes Marty in the eyes and scrapes his boot across his face but otherwise does nothing else heelish. Heatless backslides, ramp up that doesn't ramp, never reaches drama. Eddie's snapped off huracanrana finish looked good. Great leg hooking. 

One Man Gang vs. Flash Flanagan WWF 2/3/98

MD: Gang dark match. He had dropped some weight from his peak and was up against Flash Flanagan. My big takeaway is that he had a lot to add to the company if they were to bring him in but that this match didn't necessarily serve him. He worked the crowd well. His clubbers looked great. He had pretty decent presence. He shouted out "Shut your hole" which popped everyone. He gave Flash a ton though, and while it was generally earned, it was probably too much and serving too many masters. I think the fans saw the two of them too differently and it didn't do Flash any favors. If he had to work from underneath even more and had to really scrape for every inch he got it would have done him better and I think it would have served the match (and Gang) too. Kind of weird what might have been here. You could see him all over the card, the lost member of DOA, an Oddity, or the third man in a Bossman/Shamrock Corporation trio?

ER: I love getting a look at these dark/tryout matches because some of them are good, some of them aren't, and some of them are weird. This one was kind of weird, as it was laid out almost like a double showcase. I"m not certain it did a good job of showcasing Gang, but it played like a Flash Flanagan babyface showcase while also playing as a "here are all of my various skills" showcase for Gang. By that, I mean it felt like Gang was showing every thing that he could possibly do, without necessarily putting that into a coherent match. Think of it like someone auditioning for SNL by doing a bunch of impressions rather than doing a tight set utilizing those impressions. This was slower than it should have been, because it felt like Gang showing his entire skillset, in order. You can see how he works a crowd or gets verbal with a ref, you see what offense he can do, then you see how good he is at taking and selling offense. Some of Gang's offense looked great: he drops a pair of sick elbowdrops that are, quite frankly, perfect, he gets his boot up in the corner right to Flanagan's chin and gets an audible OOF from the crowd, and his follow up clothesline following through to his knees looked great.  

But I don't think I expected, going into this, how much more valuable Gang would be at putting over a fired up babyface. He was fantastic at taking and selling Flash's offense. Part of it was that Flash Flanagan had great offense. His missile dropkick is strong (Gang hangs in the whole way and takes it to the chest), and he has a cool springboard dropkick that starts in the ring and gets aimed at Gang in the corner. He has several kinds of nice punches and is great at "punching up" to the much larger Gang. He even has a couple big back elbows that looked like they would indeed move a guy Gang's size. But I don't think Flash's offense works as well without a guy selling it as well as Gang. This wasn't just about bumping, it's about being a humongous man believably getting knocked around by a smaller heavyweight, and Gang was so good at getting punched around into place. But he topped it all with a ridiculous spot where he gets hung up across the corner ropes like Shawn Michaels and splashed repeatedly by Flash until falling to the mat. I loved it, never seen anything like it before. A man the size of One Man Gang using the rope corners like a hammock alone looked absurd, but every time Flash hit him his large body would get rearranged into a different hilarious position. Body sagging, legs propped up like legs that size never are, finally falling gracelessly to the mat. Ridiculous. 

I would have loved One Man Gang in 1998 WWF, even if he was just a guy working Sunday Night Heat. Reuniting the slimmed down Twin Towers would have been booking directly to me, and with Gang recently on the payroll it would have made them more likely to bring the Towers back as a triumphant patriotic babyface team at the end of 2001. 

 

Eddie Guerrero/Kurt Angle/Edge vs. Undertaker/Kane/Rey Mysterio WWE 7/2/05

MD: Enough of a lost Japan house show match to write about certainly. We miss a huge amount of it but we get the beginning and the end and there's plenty to see. For one thing, this might have been the best use of Kane ever. He was tagged in early when Guerrero and Angle were basically trying to throw Edge under the bus. They had dodged Rey and Edge thought he was going in to face him only to get Kane. Lots of goofing around and it's all entertaining as the characters crash up against each other. Best part might have been Eddie trying for a sneak attack only to run when Kane turned his head. When Eddy finally gets in there, the crowd tries to encourage him which is all very funny. 

For what actual action we see, we get a good Eddie and Rey exchange where Eddie bases all over the place for him and then Edge feeding and feeding for Undertaker and that's pretty much what he's best at so it all works for me. It's much preferable to things being the other way around. Then we come back for the finish where Eddie got to goof against all the babyfaces and the ref with a chair. House shows are the best sort of wrestling? Sure seems it.

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AEW Five Fingers of Death 12/4 - 12/10 Part 1

AEW Rampage 12/8/23

Bryan Danielson vs. Daniel Garcia

MD: This was a hell of a match. It's almost too much to keep track of, especially when you factor in Danielson's post match promo, when you factor in Garcia's tournament, his year, the feud they had last year. Sometimes it's tough to find an "in" to write about a match. Here, I have too many and I'm not sure how to keep track of all of them. Bear with me this one time with the bullet points. Wrestling at its best contains multitudes.

• This exists within the confines of the tournament. Danielson was a match behind everyone and lives in a world where Brody King is already up 6-0. Remember, as much as Kingston put on the line here, this tournament was created for Danielson as part of his last fully active year. He never made it to the G1 and this is his one shot. It means so much to him to compete on this level, and here he is banged up, broken with escalating injuries, with the finish line so close and so very far away.
• Meanwhile, you have Garcia, 0-2, with a string of big losses before that, a guy who likely got into the tournament by the skin of his teeth, a guy who was let down by the mentor he had given up everything for, who was forced into a world of contradiction by the people who helped drive him towards those decisions in the first place. He's trying to find his way, but despite opening up to what looked to be the path to success (or maybe was a get rich quick scheme enacted by someone who can't help but put in the work), he's worse off than he was a year ago.
• Then there's the relationship between them: Danielson is Garcia's idol, Garcia is someone who Danielson saw as a potential successor. Danielson has all of the baggage of being a parent. There's a moment when your kids are young that they want to be with you all the time. You're the center of their world. There are glimpses however, when you start to realize that you're only a few years away from them barricading themselves in their room and that ending. As someone who got to be in the house each and every day with his then three year old during the pandemic, I'm acutely aware of how special those years are. Throughout this, Garcia was seeing the idol who didn't shine bright enough for him to be a true north that would light his path and keep him from straying towards temptation and Danielson conflated Garcia with his own children, understanding how the youth may eventually see you as obsolete and abandon you. Neither of them had the respective wisdom and serenity to make it past their current anxiety and grief.
• And of course, at the heart of it all, you have Garcia trying to find himself. Here he came out as the Red Death, towel around his neck. When he beat Danielson last year, it wasn't clean. Tony Schiavone likens "Sports Entertainment" to "Systemic Cheating." I personally don't feel like they ever fully played it out to its logical conclusion: Sports Entertainment as a fighting style as much as BJJ or whatever else, channeling the reactions of the fans and the uniqueness of pro wrestling in a way that something like the People's Elbow or the Worm could be as devastating as the Busaiku Knee, or a way to reach some higher level of physical prowess not through meditation but through doing an electrifying dance that gets a giant pop. There was something there, and for Garcia's year to mean anything and to have been something other a waste of time bringing him just back to where he was in mid 2022, he has to find that middle ground, has to solve that riddle that no one else has been able to solve, not even Chris Jericho.
• That is to say, I don't think he would have won, even channeling all of his rage, even learning and growing throughout the tournament, even knowing his opponent so well. He's not Misawa. Danielson is not Jumbo. They're different. Early on, after Danielson's initial role as first the aggressor and then a goading troll as Garcia got upset with it, they were purely reactive. This is why Danielson sees a successor in Garcia. One offensive attempt flowed into the next. It almost felt like a sprint in the way they were able to keep the motion going. Garcia studied Danielson: he was able to throw the elbows, able to use a small package just as Danielson had for years, able to channel that same energy and kick his head off. And, of course, Danielson had an answer for all of it because that's who he is. At the same time, Garcia studied himself. He was ready to the Dragontamer to be countered and this time he did hit the pile driver. He had gotten close before but now he pulled it off, getting just a little closer every match.
• People are saying he lost because he made one mistake. He lost because he took a step backwards instead of fully moving forward. If there is a dark side and a light side, if there is Sports Entertainment and Pro Wrestling, Garcia's going to have to figure out the path through it. Only then will he be ascendant. Only then will he be able to defeat Bryan Danielson. He won't be the first to travel that road. Look at Fujiwara's comedy spots. Look at that one confounding Karl Gotch WWWF match we have. What they had that he does not, however, is that purity of vision and endless confidence in themselves. Red Death Daniel Garcia couldn't beat Bryan Danielson on his own. Dancing Danny Garcia couldn't beat Bryan Danielson on his own. Yet somewhere in there, there's someone who can. The JAS couldn't get him there. The BCC can't get him there. He's going to have to do it himself. He has until Wembley to figure it out. And no one wants him to and no one needs him to more than Bryan Danielson, even if he's just starting to come to that understanding.

AEW Dynamite 12/6/23

Christian Cage vs. Adam Copeland

MD: I still struggle with that fith Finger. Someone suggested Mark Briscoe and that was a good suggestion. I still gravitate towards Athena, RUSH, and Christian though. The problem with all of them is that a lot of what I'd have to say is repetitive. Athena has that mix of unpredictability and commitment and athleticism. RUSH is just a force of nature, an unrelenting tasmanian devil that sweeps up all in his path. And Christian, I'll get to in a second. We'll keep it open for now but I might drop any of them (or Briscoe, or anyone else that really makes sense) depending on what's going on in any week.

Here we had a big featured singles bout between Copeland and Edge, their first in many, many years, and it was a title match in Canada on top of that. Christian's a guy who I'm very high on. The one-two punch of instantly starting a family and the other thing that happened in June 2007 got me off regular wrestling watching for a couple of years. When I came back in 2009, the modern stuff that appealed to me the most was Christian's ace ECW champion run. He had the feud with Regal and his Ruthless Roundtable, but it was the week in and week out TV work that drew me in, especially given the freedoms that being on the C show let him have. It's not unlike Athena in ROH right now. People clamor for her to be featured on Dynamite but she'd not have the time and freedom to really stretch there that she has now.

There have been great TV workers over the years, be it Regal or Rey or even Orange Cassidy in the last 18 months, but what made Christian so special and so uniquely suited for that turn of the 2010s WWE period was his ability to work his opponents' offense into his matches in varied and interesting ways. It was almost a wrestling savant level of genius, especially when he had to wrestle multiple matches against the same opponent which wasn't at all uncommon for the time.

What makes him stand out in 2023, however, is that he's one of the only guys on the roster that gets real heat. Heat is a currency. A lot of things are currency. Legitimacy. Look. A winning streak. Athleticism. Heat's some of the most value though. Having a crowd that hates you (or at least are willing to go further along the lines of pretending to hate you than they will for just about anyone else) before the lock up means that the battle is already halfway won. He came into this match having turned his back on Copeland. Whether we want it to be or not, AEW is about friendship. It's about love. Copeland left a cushy gig "up north," to finish his career with his best friend. Cage turned his back on that and said he was going to break Copeland's neck. And on some level, can you blame him? This is a guy who spent his career in Copeland's shadow, the CLB, the guy who Vince wanted to put a bag on, someone who could only ever be an ace in a secondary promotion or on the C-show or when Edge had to retire (and even then, they didn't trust him to be the babyface lead, even if the fans wanted it; he could only be the guy who feuded with the guy). Now he's evolved into his final form, an outright Bond villain towering above his heel peers of trolls and scoundrels. Well, I don't blame him, but the fans sure do.

So even though he's not working the same opponents week in and week out, he's able to squeeze as much value as possible out of every motion and every moment because of the heat he generates. And he still works his opponent's offense into the match in creative, interesting ways. It's just usually without that familiarity and variety that you can only get from building sequences and counters from match to match that takes it over the top. With Copeland, however, that familiarity was baked in. He's as acutely aware of Adam's strengths and his weaknesses as anyone and they put together one of Copeland's best non-gimmicked singles matches ever.

Copeland rushed in from the start, beating Christian around the ringside area. Cage went for a low blow as soon as he could, trying to escape with a DQ but Copeland caught him and started working over the hand, proper punishment for his misdeeds. When Cage was able to get a slight edge on the outside, he tossed Copeland over the rail and immediately pulled the ref in to start the count. He wanted out. During the commercial break, he started in on Copeland's neck. He couldn't fully capitalize due to the damaged hand, however. That would be Copeland's wedge to come back in it. Cage would pose and preen, showing off his 50 year old muscles, but Copeland would bite at the hand.

In a lot of ways, this felt like the sort of match that could have existed in WWE, an added attraction to a night of pure AEW tournament action. What put it over the top was the freedom in violence though. Some of that was how viscerally Copeland's attack began, but a lot of it was in the few big spots they did choose to do after said hand biting, a Russian leg sweep off the second turnbuckle, a big power bomb out of the corner. Both of them were moves that Copeland wouldn't normally hit and both fit perfectly into the match. When it came to some of the oddball things that he did hit, that's where the familiarity came into play. Maybe not the clothesline off the top onto Cage on the apron that happened after the blocked pendulum kick, but certainly the Edge-o-Match which they slipped in as a killswitch counter, and the spear which came crashing headlong into Christian's own after a ducked belt shot (which itself was after the awesome moment where Christian low blowed the out of position ref). So while some of the big beats, like the finish, felt a little alien to AEW but all too familiar, the trappings, structural, detail-oriented, over-the-top in ways that might not be allowed elsewhere, made it all work. Cage is a wrestling savant and he's someone that is only ever stronger on the second or third try. I'd like to see them move on from this feud for now, but if they do go back to it, I know the next match will be even stronger for what they'll be able to build off of this one.

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AEW Five Fingers of Death (And Friends) 11/13 - 11/19, Part 3

AEW Full Gear 11/18/21

Eddie Kingston vs. Jay Lethal

MD: Variety is making Eddie's run fascinating and this was Eddie in 1983 AWA against the Heenan Family. That would make Lethal Ken Patera maybe? There's been a commonality about all of his title matches so far, that spirit of sportslike competition, no matter if he was facing Serpentico or Dalton Castle. Here, early, when Jay had to take a powder and was hiding behind Jarrett and Sonjay, you could see it in Eddie's bemused glare. He was very much in a world he didn't make and didn't want to be in. He'd been dragged into this through the loss to Jarrett. He still stood tall, still had Lethal scouted (blocking the Lethal Injection with suplexes twice), but he had to trudge through plenty of bullshit to get there.

One thing that makes this run enjoyable to me is that every match has an undertone of external narrative driving it, but the main thing is the title and the match. With Angelico, that meant Eddie's merciless (though businesslike) treatment of Serpentico and the idea that Eddie felt like Angelico was stepping to him just like everyone else. With Dalton, it was Castle thinking he'd be a more dynamic champion and Eddie feeling like they were doing it for Brodie. Even with Komander, it was the commentary-driven logic that Eddie might be particularly vulnerable to luchadores traditionally. That this was almost so overt, with so many moving parts relatively, made it almost less interesting on its own to me, but it still served well as part of a greater whole. I don't know how much longer this run is going to go given the upcoming tournament. Moreover, there's every chance Eddie is going to stumble back into a "fighting spirit" mode through it instead of this more agile and flexible ace mold we're seeing now (and a lot of the people who like him best would be overjoyed with that anyway so I'm shouting at the wind probably). Hopefully he finds a way through it all, though, because I'm not nearly done watching this particular version of Eddie Kingston.

Sting/Darby Allin/Adam Copeland vs. Christian/Luchasaurus/Nick Wayne

MD: Christian's the best guy on the roster, right? He's the best at putting together a sequence. He's the best at milking a moment. He's the best at working other people's stuff into something coherent and meaningful. I was blown away by his match with Trent on Rampage. I've been down on Trent lately. Maybe I've always been down on Trent. I like the idea of Trent but not the reality of him. He's a guy who does a lot of stuff, has it all look good and sharp and crisp, but it's too much, especially consummate to his place on the card and what he's asked to accomplish. Too much, too soon, why him, why then? Over and over again. It's a little like Lucy pulling the football away with me when it comes to him. But the Christian match, that I liked. It's true with a lot of the roster in AEW. There are a ton of guys that if paired up against the right (or wrong) opponent will either have a great match or a terrible one, lots of guys with great mechanics and a sense of abandon and even commitment, but that are prone to excesses and leaning towards sensation instead of sense. These are guys who will probably still frustrate me against someone like Danielson or Cassidy even if I'll find them way more frustrating if they're up against Page or Takeshita. But never will I be disappointed when they're up against Christian. I'll be outright amazed.

Everything he did in this match was great, from the entrance with the choir to staring off against Copeland until he tagged out to Luchasaurus to the great transition to control on Darby to the callback low blow on Flair to set up his final comeuppance and the rabbiting that followed. Narratively, wrestling lives and dies on a few things most of all: entry points, transitions, hope spots, cutoffs, the comeback (which is a transition, of course, with hope spots/cutoffs as false transitions), and the finish. What makes Christian a wrestling savant is how well he works his own stuff and his opponents' into these key moments, and then how he builds to them with the space between by using those tools at his disposal. He's the glue that holds everything together, spot after spot, sequence after sequence, match after match.

It helped that everyone else did their part here. Luchasaurus looked like as much of a force of nature as he ever has. Yes, it means he wrestles more like Kane or Lord Humongous than like a lucha dinosaur but we're all better off for it. Wayne based surprisingly well for Darby early and then ate everyone's offense as well he should. Copeland hit a press slam on Nick Wayne which is exactly what I want the giant Adam Copeland to be doing to the far smaller AEW roster. Sting knows exactly who he should be and can manifest that person better than anyone else in the world could. Add in a killer entrance and an emotionally resonant post-match and you get a nice, balanced, feel-good PPV opener.

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AEW Five Fingers of Death 11/6 - 11/12

AEW Dynamite 11/8/23

Darby Allin/Sting vs Outrunners

MD: This was a tight piece of business, obviously, a way to keep the Sting farewell tour feeling special, in front of a crowd that was chanting for him in the early going, and a nice way to throw a bone to the Outrunners who ape his early aesthetic, maybe by way of the Beverly Brothers. That meant they could lean on Darby coming off of injury and let the Outrunners play the numbers game early, sneak in the clever tag out of a suplex position that we saw Darby and Orange Cassidy use when they were teaming in the already-missed house show run, and give Sting his iconic moment of shrugging off the double back elbow. Small nitpick: maybe have him win with the Death Drop considering that a Scorpion Deathlock played into the finish of the previous match, but at the end of the day, let Sting be Sting too, you know? A fun match that lets everyone in the crowd who hadn't been watching wrestling in 89 say that they got to see Sting live.

Ring of Honor 11/9/23

Eddie Kingston vs Angelico

MD: Of all of Eddie's great quality, maybe the greatest is that every match he's in, no matter how little build or notice it gets, instantly becomes a grudge match. It's because the chip on his shoulder is so big that any contest, be it an enhancement match or a dream match, tumbles right into it. Just to stand across the ring from him unlocks all sorts of grievances. Heel, face, storyline or no, he takes it personal and he makes it personal. You look at him the wrong way and it's an insult. And there's no right way to look at him if you're his opponent. That gives us, as viewers, reason to care about each and every match. 

It can be a little exhausting too. It's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but you don't let go and relax when watching Eddie wrestle. He carries a weight and you carry it with him. That feels good. It has substance to it. When he walks a mile, you walk that mile with him, and you're better off for it, but it's hard. And sometimes, it leaves some possibilities on the table. An Eddie Kingston match is going to be a fight. This isn't Bryan Danielson who is endlessly adaptable and reactive. Eddie's a black hole and you can't escape his gravitational pull. Traditionally, if you're wrestling Eddie, it can only be about one thing, that chip, that insult, that grievance.

The belt kind of changes that though. Yes, sure, Eddie is going to see it in personal terms; you want to take away what he cares about, what he clawed and scraped for, what he fights for every day, something he cares about more than you ever could. But it's also business too. And more than that, it's wrestling, the grandeur of wrestling along with the blood, something that you might not think a guy like Eddie would understand. But he does, because he understands what it means to be an ace, to carry a weight upon his back that's not just the burden of life, to carry a company, the hopes and dreams of everyone in the back, the reputation of everything that came before. 

That means we get to see a little bit of a different side to Eddie in these matches. Yes, he took it personal when Angelico made the challenge, but that didn't define this match; it just provided some extra color to it. Eddie's used to charging forward with a certain sort of abandon. He's used to being a man with nothing to lose. Now he has something to protect. That meant he came at this different. Angelico's always dangerous so he started the match by switching from one hand to the next, and avoiding a lock up, cautious. But he's Eddie so he got goaded in and threw a shot that let Angelico start to twist and tear at his hand. But he's Eddie so he pushed through it and kept throwing those chops, relentless. 

In return, Angelico realized that he wasn't going to get a quick tap on Eddie, no matter how skillfully he tied him up. He started throwing low kicks, started throwing his body at Eddie with dives. Angelico could chip away at his arm or his leg, but he couldn't make a chip larger than that one already on Eddie's shoulder though. All it ever takes is one backfist to change the complexion of the match and that's what it did here. Still, they gave Angelico a kickout and then finished things with the Northern Lights Driver, a nice hierarchy decision that helps keep over one of Eddie's four viable finishers after the story with Claudio where he needed to escalate to the power bomb. The variety of opponents and the more ace-tinted approach to these matches has been a nice change of pace, especially knowing that Eddie can take things deep into a land of grudges whenever the situation calls for it.

AEW Collision 11/11/23

Adam Copeland/Sting/Darby Allin vs Vincent/Dutch/Lance Archer

MD: Very complete, very satisfying match given that it had two commercial breaks, a little less time than some other Collision main events, and a lot of personalities to highlight on the face side. We've seen some matches lately where they hold back Sting and you sort of would expect them to do that with Copeland too here but they cycled through all of the faces early on (teasing Darby being in trouble and having him smack Archer away and dart to the corner) and gave the crowd a taste of everyone before they leaned into the first commercial break not with the usual transition into heat but with chaos and everything breaking down. That gave us the great shot of Sting elatedly dragging Vincent around the ringside area. It wasn't until the end of the break that they had Dutch jump him to lead into the first face-in-peril. It's important to have a little bit of variety now and again.

I always see the commercial breaks as an opportunity. Someday when AEW's on a streaming service and people are going back through these the same way that we watch 1992 WCW or 95 All Japan or 84 Mid South or old Houston footage, we'll hopefully have the international feed to watch and not have to worry about picture and picture and it'll be a net positive overall. It stops the proclivity for pure action for the sake of action and forces interaction with the crowd and a doubling down with the story at hand. 

This was our second look at Copeland and while he was fine against Luchasaurus, he wrestled like someone with something to prove here, hitting a dive, asserting himself with clotheslines, hitting a double team with Sting which harkened back to his late 90s creativity with Christian, eating Dutch's Bossman Slam with wild momentum. He's such an interesting case in some ways, someone who great up as much of a fan of wrestling as could be, but that has spent the entirety of his time within a carefully controlled system. He's someone that excelled in gimmick matches, that had offense which maybe wouldn't have held up in a less produced environment. He can't compete with the conditioning of  a lot of the AEW talent, but relying on smoke and mirrors instead of sheer athleticism might make him stand out, especially if he leans into his height a bit more than he has in his career. A lot of his major WWE feuds were against his size or larger than him. I'm curious how he resets this last act; he's suggested an interest in facing a lot of the ex-WWE guys that he missed in the 2010s, the Samoa Joes and Andrades and Malakai Blacks of the world, and to port his WWE act over against new a generation he missed could be of some interest, but the real value would be if he took what made him special over the years and tried to figure out how to refine it in a world without corporate limits and monolithic preferences. That doesn't necessarily mean aping Sting's proclivity for crazy dives. It doesn't just mean blood and pile drivers and a freedom of speech either. I don't entirely know what it means. Were I Copeland, I'd be spending every second of this borrowed time that was an impossibility ten years ago trying to figure out the myriad possibilities before me though. For the first time in two and a half decades, he can be anything and do anything; for someone who loves pro wrestling, what could that possibly look like? 

Here, in this bizarre WAR six-man with Jake Roberts on the outside and very unlikely partners on the inside, it looked like a pretty good start actually.

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WWE Elimination Chamber 2/18/23 Live Blog

Do they not do Kickoff Show matches anymore? We really need a full hour of video packages and talking heads with no wrestling? Either way, I'm excited for how excited people are for this show. WWE hasn't felt like any kind of Hot Product in several years now, but people are downright buzzing about this show. That's pretty cool man. I haven't been watching the TV but I watched Rumble, and my boy Martin caught me up on the angles. I'm in, I can't pretend I have better things to do on a winter Saturday. 

1. Women's Chamber: Natalya vs. Liv Morgan vs. Asuka vs. Raquel Rodriguez vs. Carmella vs. Nikki Cross

ER: This is the best haircut Natalya has ever had, but it coincides with her face turning into a face that is more like Dana's Brooke's 2nd to 3rd face and it would have looked better with Natalya's own face. They got Raquel into the match took quick and all it lead to was Too Many Three Way Spots. I wanted Raquel killing individuals down the stretch. I can't be the only one who can't stand Nikki Cross acting like an annoying 7 year old's impression of an annoying 7 year old, right? Raquel's ring post bump looks good, Liv's bump into the pod looks better, but Liv makes a dumber face after the bump. Feels dumb to go to a big Nikki Crossbody spot wiping out everyone so early, because it just leads to everyone lying on the mat exhausted at like 6 minutes in. Carmella gets nearfalls on everyone who took a single crossbody block 4 minutes ago. Raquel is a wrestler who is great at saving matches like this. Maybe it's not that she has a track record of doing so, but she has the ability to force a long gimmick match into being something good in a way that Liv Morgan or Natalya will never have. When Raquel starts breaking out the big shit - running Nikki through a pod, pulling girls off the cage, taking a huge bump on a top rope sunset flip - the match finally comes alive. 

Raquel ramps up the crowd for two minutes, all leading to Asuka's big entrance, the perfect mood setter. Asuka knows how hot to come in, and Liv's missile dropkick to finally stop her looked great. Liv keeps getting bigger and bigger reactions the phonier her character seems. I thought people in Montreal had no time for phonies? I thought the people of Montreal were the kind of people to announce to the room "Are there any Fake People here? Because if you are, I respect your stance, but get the fuck out of my party"? Liv, you're fake. The run to the finish felt real quick, I think too quick. I'm seeing the words I'm typing and I see myself asking for more time from a Brand PPV WWE Gimmick Match, but this really did feel too short. The eliminations piled up too quick and all felt underdone. At the same time, I thought they actually did the complicated multi-man stuff and big bumps really well, and Asuka/Bianca is a match I would want to see much more than Bianca/Liv. Good match, but could have used a couple of better one on one showdowns. 

2. Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley 

Bobby Lashley's King Kong entrance is incredible. Think how much better it would be without a giant stupid PS2 graphic Bobby Lashley making a dead eye posing face. I'm excited for this match. I did a Royal Rumble live blog last month and was actually pissed when Lesnar got eliminated from the match so early. In response, now Brock tries to eliminate Lashley's shoulder socket by bouncing him across the ring with a belly to belly. I wish Lashley threw even more behind his spear, but the full nelson stuff was cool and the F5 power out was cool, but isn't it kind of weird how the F5 isn't a killshot? Like Lesnar is turning the F5 into Suplex City but without replacing it with anything more dangerous? I assume the reason he never brought back the stretch muffler was because he wound up shredding everyone's knee ligaments? Because bring that back. Finish was bunk, match pacing got tanked once they started spamming finishers and then Lashley didn't do enough with the full nelson to make it seem dire. Lesnar needed to be way more purple to seem like a man in real desperate danger, like 5 hours of terrible sex purple. 

Boy that Seth Rollins Joker stuff is just about the dorkiest shit around huh? Cowards couldn't even pay for the pedophile hockey arena song? 

3. Rhea Ripley/Finn Balor vs. Edge/Beth Phoenix 

ER: I should like a couple that looks like absolute shit, but I just cannot get into the couple of Edge and Beth Phoenix. I think they actually finally figured out the Beth Pompadour. They took the bulk out of the sides and slicked them down, makes the angles much better and avoids the Frankenstein wall of hair up top. This version works well. Edge still looks like shit though. I do think everyone's gear looks fantastic. Rhea's whole crew looks great, and the deep maroon/black/gold pattern is a very tasteful choice for Edge and Beth. I hate the moments of Beth Phoenix matches where she has to do acting. I love that Dominik is drawing heat in a real way. Rhea leans into Phoenix's nice running clothesline and takes a hard bump into the steps. Finn leans into Edge's running clothesline the same way as Rhea did, for team solidarity. The timing of everything in this has been great, it's all paced out so well. Dominik's heat keeps growing. The Phoenix superplex looked great, but the build hung Rhea out to dry a bit. Of course the second I type out the words "The timing of everything in this has been great" and then Beth Phoenix comes diving into frame a second too late for a pinfall save and then lies there on her stomach like Willie Mays Hays coming up a foot short on his slide. Rhea's brass knux punch to the side of Edge's head looked perfect. Old Man Edge is much better than Peak Edge in a lot of ways, and it's wild his spear looks this good now. Dominik should have leaned more into Edge's tope, but this was good. Rhea had an excellent performance here. 

4. Men's Chamber: Austin Theory vs. Montez Ford vs. Bronson Reed vs. Johnny Gargano vs. Damien Priest vs. Seth Rollins

ER: Oh damn this is a pretty bad looking match right? I don't think the gimmick much matters, you see these six names and that is going to look like a bad match. I don't get Austin Theory in similar ways that I don't get Ricky Starks. Did Bronson Reed come back in the last two weeks or something? How did he go from not being one of 30 men in the Royal Rumble, to one of 6 men in Elimination Chamber? I was hoping I'd get a callback to the dogshit Gargano/Rollins sequences at the Rumble, so lucky they're the two starting this. It still looks bad a month later. Okay seriously what is the deal with Austin Theory. How does any of this stand? What is that jumping stomp that he does? Vince used to fucking love Dr. Jerry Graham? What the fuck happened? Edge doesn't wrestle as much like Edge anymore, so I'm really happy we have 6'4 guys like Damien Priest to bring some spiritual Edge Offense into 2023. His running slingshot senton looked like it hurt but I think that's because he messed up the landing. Goddamn this sucks. Bronson Reed came back with a cartoon Bluto sneer and it would have been way better if they just brought him back dressed as Bluto. He has the black beard and heard and his torso is comic book large, make him a fucking dock worker. 

To Reed's credit, he has been the most interesting part of this terrible match, as at least he was just smashing people in between his body and surfaces, not doing a series of tumbles and spins. He takes the poison rana really vertical and his selling afterward was an actual good use of WWE dramatic selling. Ford's sheer drop looked great, just belly flopping stomach first over Balor's shoulder from like 20' up. The best part of the match is now gone. The Rollins/Gargano stuff on top of the pod took way too long for what it was, but that huracanrana off the top of the pod was a great spot. Rollins is the worst possible Matthew Justice but he's at least better when he tries to be like Justice. Remember when I said the Women's Chamber match felt like it needed more time? This match feels eternal. Montez Ford does look pretty great. Look at his gear! You look at his gear in Street Profits and then see these tights? Great pair of tights. The repeated flip dives into the cage looked good...but having him get pinned by Theory just tanked this whole thing. What a bad look. Anyone explain Theory to me. I'll listen. They should have had Omos come out dressed like El Gigante to carry Ford out of the cage to the back.  

5. Roman Reigns vs. Sami Zayn 

ER: I used to feel like the biggest Generico critic, a guy I liked so much less than anyone else I knew. But sometime in 2020 I really did a full 180 on Zayn and well, his last few years speak for themselves. The wife and kids at ringside! I always like when they make someone's kid watch their dad take a beating while surrounded by weird strangers with parasocial relationships who think they know them. And this match was good! I don't think it hit the heights everyone wanted it to hit, but I do think it hit several heights. This was going to be a hard match to stick the landing on, and admittedly the long drama segments don't always work for me. Maybe (probably?) they would work better had I actually been watching all of the storyline play out in real time. It felt like the match peaked too soon and then had to be carried by the drama, and I think drama carried by a match would have been a more interesting way to play this. Every week they do the drama, this is when they can do the match. Roman's cut offs were strong, and Sami's cut offs were stronger, as it should be. Roman is much better at dramatic kick outs than Sami, but Sami was great at making it look like he was done. The ref shenanigans weren't necessary and came off weak, Sami and Roman did a good job of recovering the match every time there was a storyline pause. I thought the family would be involved a lot more (Sami's family, which basically wasn't shown after Zayn kissed his wife midway through the match) and I thought the finishing stretch de-escalated the match too much. Working a match with this much downtime scattered throughout isn't easy, and they never lost the crowd for a second, which means a lot. A Sami win would have made the moment better, but I don't think it would have made the match better. 

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Regal is a Poor Twisted Child, So Ugly So Ugly

William Regal vs. Edge WWF Royal Rumble 1/20/02 - EPIC

ER: It's the way that Regal smugly waves to the Atlanta crowd on the way to the ring. The fine people of Atlanta should be as familiar with Regal as anyone, and this is literally his first match back in his old territory. Fittingly, this match is worked shockingly similar to Regal's WCW matches vs. Psychosis, and this one is somehow even better. It's nuts how many highspots they work into this match, but 2002 was a pretty insane in-ring year in WWE. The opener of this PPV saw Spike Dudley take eight big bumps off suplexes and getting generally thrown, and here you have two much bigger guys each taking bumps that rival Spike. 

Regal is great at selling Edge offense, but Edge lays it in more in this match than any match of his I can remember, so the selling works extra well. Regal is great at filling in blanks that most would have left blank, he takes a great backdrop bump, and really whips his forehead into the mat when Edge...well, whips Regal's forehead into the mat. You think you're getting into a match where Regal will stooge and cheat, and while there is cheating, there is also some real beating. Regal's running knee strike and short left elbow both looked finisher worthy, and his face lock looked like he was trying to crush Edge's jaw. He throws Edge with a half nelson suplex that almost spikes him, and instead Edge takes it right on his freaking nose. I had no memory of this match being this great. 

They keep adding interesting twists and new ways of doing things, like when Regal attempts a Tiger Driver and Edge blocks it, slowly powers up from it, and holds Regal in the air still locked together in that butterfly, before sending him over into a heavy landing northern lights variation. The way Edge's body landed on Regal's chest on the landing looked like something that would keep a man down, and looked more like something Tamon Honda would do, not Edge. Maybe the best part? We still get that release Tiger Driver, and it rules. They keep going, working in an apron DDT, a great Edge spinning heel kick off the top, a Regal German suplex that throws and folds Edge across the ring like Kawada, and some actual potato shots. I'm not sure I've seen Edge's forearm smashes look better than they do here, and he hits a falling clothesline that is so good, I honestly didn't think Edge had it in him. They even work in some slick submission stuff, with Edge doing a cool as hell drop toehold when Regal repositions him for a Regal stretch, and whatever stretch variation Edge briefly locks in turns Regals lips blue. Jesus. The finish is some fun bullshit with Nick Patrick being pulled in the path of a Spear and Regal laying Edge out cold with brass knux. An absolute unheralded gem. Why don't Edge fans ever point to this match when arguing their position? 

PAS: This was surprisingly great. The announcers are talking about how Edge broke Regal's nose, so Regal was coming in looking for a receipt and well, pissed off spud tosser Regal is the best Regal. It felt like he was pushing the pace and forcing Edge to either swim or drown, so Edge was landing some big shots as well. I really dug the dueling Regal Stretches, although I normally hate "the use my opponent's finisher" stuff, which was rife in early 2000s WWE. I loved Regal picking the ref's pocket to get back the knux. A fun BS finish for an otherwise nasty match.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE REGAL

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On Brand Segunda Caida: 2002 Big Boss Man

 Big Boss Man was brought back to WWF in late 2001 in what I can only assume was a classic WWF "Hey it's December and we probably need a couple more options to flesh out the Rumble in a month" move. After returning in a Smackdown feud against Steve Austin he was almost immediately relegated to the syndicated weekend shows. This would be how his final WWF run would play out (while being there just long enough to bridge the gap from WWF to WWE). Metal was on at 1 AM Saturday nights (right after WCW Worldwide at midnight) and it felt like I was the only person watching these shows. My college radio show was midnight to 2 AM, so I would record Metal and Worldwide, get Taco Bell on the way home, and soak in the syndicated wrestling while wolfing down double decker tacos. I had fond memories of this little 2002 Boss Man run and wanted to see how it held up.

Big Boss Man/Booker T vs. Steve Austin/The Rock WWF Raw 1/7/02

ER: Boss Man came back and was put immediately into a pretty high profile program opposite the two biggest stars in wrestling, but would be found exclusively on the weekend syndicated programs just a month later. And Boss Man is clearly the glue of this fast paced, crowd pleasing match. Now, a match with the two biggest stars in wrestling shouldn't really need much glue, and this packed MSG crowd would have been happy just having both of them out here saying catchphrases, Stunner, People's Elbow, middle fingers, Steveweisers, etc. Instead we get 8 super fun minutes where the winners were never in doubt and the winners took 80% of the match, while Boss Man worked to make sure the momentum didn't die down. When Booker came in, he was mostly doing exchanges with Rock; Boss Man was the one trying to tie everything together, taking all the big bumps (he ate a clothesline to the floor from Rock, got punched off the apron by Austin and did a tremendous sprinkler spit spray as he was falling, then got knocked down again when he tried to get up on the apron shortly after). 

2002 Boss Man was really great at credibly playing a big man getting his ass kicked. He went up for two different Austin spinebusters, flew hard into the Thesz press, went over on a heavy Austin backdrop, and had better timing than anyone in the match. I had forgotten how sloppy Rock was during this era, really hitting a lot of his moves at 50% and expecting his opponent to make it work (Booker has to belly to belly suplex himself and had to bump a crossbody that looked like Rock couldn't decide between clothesline or crossbody so just did a terrible version of both combined), but Booker and Boss Man were good at making it work! Boss Man was great at getting heat from a crowd who wanted only to cheer Austin and didn't so much care about heels, but Boss Man was good at making sure those face reactions were even louder. It's hard to work interesting Heel in Peril segments, but he did, and his punches on Rock in the corner were among my favorite parts of the match.

Big Boss Man vs. Edge WWF Smackdown 1/10/02

ER: This was so awesome, Boss Man was the master of 3 minute matches with unique structures during this era. This was a one sided massacre, Boss Man one step ahead of Edge, and it was a smart match. He launched Edge with two different beals, cut off every offense Edge tried (catching a nice crossbody and dropping him with a great backbreaker), bullies him around the ring with several perfect punches, throws in a kneelift and chokes Edge down to the mat. We get the cool as hell Boss Man slide, an impossibly perfect baseball slide for a 300 pounder, before belting Edge. I love the way Edge's comeback and win is set up, with Boss Man totally dominating and then going to the floor for his night stick. The timing on this next spot was so well done, as Boss Man gets back into the ring with the stick, Teddy Long reaches out to grab it, and while the baton is being held by both Long and Boss Man, Edge nails him with a spear. Boss Man is so smart about setting up those kind of timing spots, always nails the mark. Even better was how he gets knocked into the ropes, bouncing back into an Edge spinning heel kick. Boss Man gets knocked and bounces off the lower ropes, springing back in time to eat that kick. He doesn't always go to that low rope bump, but when he does it always makes sense for the move he's selling. He's able to make Edge's silly "I grab your head and pull you backwards" look plausible, and the Edgecution on the night stick is a neat twist on the finisher.

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WrestleMania 37 Night Two 4/11/21

Pretty hard shoes to fill after last night's show, and this lineup does a lot less for me on paper. Still, I'm excited for Asuka/Ripley and a couple others, but there is always the huge Fiend landmine bobbing around...and these waters also have a Hulk Hogan pirate promo which sounds like him hosting a shitty regional children's show. The Hogan calls the crowd scalawags and they go into this kind of gross routine of Titus playfully scolding Hogan for using bad words and Hogan doing a "Don't make me walk the plank!" bad wittle boy routine. So this is starting terribly. 

Randy Orton vs. The Fiend

ER: Oh man they're leading with Fiend. Has Orton always had full skull sleeves? I think I might have liked that Fiend entrance if I knew it wasn't leading to a Fiend match. It's probably much better for the crowd to get iced out in the first match, because then they can always get their energy back. Putting this on towards the end risks killing everybody's reaction and everyone wrestling in silence. This whole thing was really bad, but it went mercifully quick at least? They walk around slowly for awhile, and Fiend is moving slow enough that I'm not sure if that's part of his character or if Wyatt has two wooden legs. He was walking weird up on his jack in the box and he just moves so damn slow in the ring. The rope hang DDTs don't look great, the crowd chanting Holy Shit at Alexa Bliss's headgear leaking oil made me laugh, and I was happy to have this out of the way. 

Tamina/Natalya vs. Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax

ER: I'm weirdly excited for this one. The Baszler/Jax team was a slow starter but they've finally been jelling as a team the last month or so. Tamina has more momentum than she's ever had with a great short hoss fight with Nia a couple days prior, and Tamina also finally has a proper wrestling look. They had a great interaction in the Royal Rumble too, let's see what they do on the grandest stage! The early Tamina/Nia exchanges were good, thought the headbutt battle looked good and the off balance striking was a nice look. This got really good when Baszler and Nia were cutting Natalya off from Tamina. Baszler looks like she breaks Natalya's jaw with a knee lift, and Natalya's selling was really strong during the control segment, yelling and actually garnering sympathy while Shayna worked over her knee in painful ways. But Tamina is a beat late on a save and then whiffs the hot tag, Natalya makes dumb faces while waiting too long to catch a Tamina crossbody, and the match drifts on a little too long. It built nicely and kind of overshot the mark, but I also like that they were treating the title shot like a big deal. Tamina is still a little rigid in spots, but the energy is there and she actually does feel fresh out of nowhere. It's amazing what a new look will do to someone. Nia did a great job feeding and selling for her, Shayna came off punishing, and the match overall was perfectly fine. 

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

ER: Zayn has been really entertaining in ring the last several months, but this is a pairing we've seen a lot now. Not sure what they're going to have to do to make this iteration of the match interesting. And this match really didn't work for me. It felt like a condensed version of them at PWG, nothing but corner suplexes, apron brainbuster, drivers, more suplexes, moves dropped onto knees, all 2006 indy offense and no heart. This felt so cold and mechanical, just some big spots with no juice. Sami throwing short body blow punches in the corner made me hopeful it was taking a little left turn into something different, but we came back pretty quick. Sami has been working like a deranged Buck Robley the last year, and this was he and Owens going back and sleepwalking their way through one of their old singles. Logan Paul involvement was a total nothing, dude looked bored out their the entire time (although, to be fair to Paul, sure). He takes a great stunner, so I guess that's something. 

Sheamus vs. Matt Riddle

ER: So Matt Riddle has become a pretty unbearable personality huh? Sheamus has been awesome since coming back last summer, and I think he's been the most consisted in ring guy of 2021. Riddle's stock has never been lower. But if they beat the hell out of each other it wouldn't take much for this to be really good. And they DO beat the hell out of each other, but I thought they went too far into Riddle just kicking out of everything. The match had a lot of stiff strikes and big spots, but it felt a little uninspired and perfunctory. I'm always going to flip for spots like Riddle flipping over the ropes into a KO knee lift, but after the close Riddle kickouts down the stretch you could hear the crowd not into it, not buying what they were going for. I appreciate them going for a couple of big top that spots, actually thought Riddle was going to hit some crazy Candido style top rope powerbomb, but it's a shame Sheamus slipped off the ropes for what was surely the match finishing top rope White Noise. If that top rope kneedrop was an improv, it's a cool thing to throw into a match. I'm glad Sheamus got the title off Riddle, the guy deserves to have some belt, and I kind of think Riddle needs a retooling and some time away. 

Apollo Crews vs. Big E

ER: I'm already not into the Saba Simba-ing of Crews, but I cannot believe they actually have an entire Fela Kuti percussion section's instruments at ringside. Like what are we doing here? There are at least 9 conga drums at ringside, and not a single one of them get used in any way during this Nigerian Drum Match. It's just cane shots everyone. The stip really weakened the usual strong Big E singles match layout, and it took Crews taking a couple of Jeff Hardy level bumps to really make this pick up. Crews takes a uranage from the apron to the ring steps and misses a great frog splash through a table. But this all felt more underwhelming than it should have felt, like a Smackdown match with a hastily thought out gimmick that's not as good as the match they had on Smackdown already. Babatunde's debut would have been way better if they leaned further into having him be Giant Idi Amin (since it appears they're just treating African as its one large nebulous country). Babatunde's jacket didn't fit and his gear came off more Marching Band Leader than Ruthless Dictator. Still excited for Big E/Babatunde. 

Rhea Ripley vs. Asuka

ER: This match has an uphill battle trying to find the right tone, as nobody is going to root against Asuka, but Ripley isn't exactly a heel and even gets her full entrance song performed live by a woman who sounded like she couldn't hear where the 1 and 3 were coming in. So the fans don't really know how to react to Ripley while they cheer Asuka. This didn't really feel like the big Rhea match they wanted it to. be, and it wasn't the match I wanted it to be either. It wasn't bad, but Rhea's personality came off a little lethargic, and maybe she was having a tough time being the default heel in a Defining Babyface Moment. Tough spot to make work. Asuka looked great, and I loved that Ripley kick she caught and turned into sick heel hook, but again it came off more like a cool babyface catching a heel, and that's not what the finish wanted. Ripley's bump off the apron the Asuka's DDT was awesome, looked dangerous, but I wasn't into the finish. I don't think the moment was there, and I think Ripley losing wouldn't have been bad. Her challenge build felt rushed anyway and it wouldn't be difficult to build her more effectively into a rematch.  This didn't feel like it built well enough to its result. 

Daniel Bryan vs. Edge vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Edge is a somewhat compelling work around to have in a match in 2021, a real test for Bryan and Reigns, a difficult component of wrestling Dogme 95. "Work Edge into your heated feud as a third" is tougher than an all location shooting obstruction. And sadly, this match ain't it. Last night was a real upbeat, brisk show with a high floor. Night Two has been dragging a lot more and it's not because of "too much wrestling". The match pacing is different on Night Two and really only the women's tag match felt like it was worked with the right vibe. And now, I think we have to start talking about how Maybe There is a Problem With the Main Event Big Dog. Reigns newer Head of the Table work is starting to seem outright boring, and I don't think any of his slow paced show closers have landed with me. He's a guy who has been wrestling mostly on PPV, meaning his wrestling these days can only be judged on these over long slow main events. I actually think Edge was holding up his end of whatever this was, as if I am going to sit through an Edge match in 2021 the least he can do is make the stupidest faces of his stupid faced career, and absolutely stick Bryan with the spear. Check. Daniel Bryan was expectedly the glue to this one, and he did a really good job at it. He was better at integrating Edge and Reigns into things, and his sequences were the matches' high points. But it's a Bryan match wasted on something like this, which wasn't memorable and felt a level below for everyone involved. And that's kind of the story of Night Two, is that almost everything on the show - outside of the women's tag maybe - felt a level below everyone involved. 

This was not an insultingly bad night of wrestling, but this was a kind of boring night of wrestling. I don't think it had to be this boring, and while I was expecting it to be not good, I wasn't expecting boring. This one fell flat with me, and only a good-not-great women's tag saved this from being mostly a snooze. 

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WWE Royal Rumble 2021 Live Blog

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Asuka/Charlotte

ER: I thought Charlotte and Nia looked like a real mess throughout their whole Raw match earlier in the week, and they seem to have less chemistry a week later at the Rumble. I think it's pretty shocking how much Charlotte especially has regressed in the past couple years, and I wish they would hurry up and get Asuka away from her. I've mostly been a high voter on Jax but she's been noticeably slow and lazier in exchanges since coming back (ACL tears in both knees will do that to you). Things get clunky whenever Charlotte is in this one, and part of that is Baszler and Jax not being great at getting into position for Charlotte's offense, but a bigger part is Charlotte requiring people to too often be in specific position for offense that doesn't look great. She made a great diving save to break up a pin, but every one of her stomach kicks looked like she forgot what move she was supposed to be replicating. I'm also well beyond the point of needing to see Ric Flair on TV more than once or twice a year, and do not care about this angle with him and Lacey. I don't think this match ever came together as anything resembling a satisfying tag, the Asuka/Charlotte pairing does nothing for me, and the Baszler/Jax pairing has been very underwhelming. They need to separate all four of them and see if that helps freshen any of them. 

Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre

ER: I am here for MMA shorts Goldberg. Really, I am here for Goldberg, so. This didn't really have the same kind of impact or sustained heat of the other Goldberg comeback matches, and ended really flat. It had a lot of promising steps throughout, like the spear nearfall to start, or the spear through the barricade, and I fully bit on the jackhammer kickout. Once Goldberg hit it I actually thought they were giving us another Goldberg run. And while I liked Goldberg's missed spear chest first corner bump, McIntyre needs to find something a little more interesting to do than making dumb Edge faces in the corner for FAR too long while Goldberg sells damage. I know part of the modern WWF dogshit style is to make dumbshit faces in the corner for too long before hitting your finisher, but this felt way too long, and ended this on an unfortunate note. 

Carmella vs. Sasha Banks

ER: A lot of this match really was not hitting for me, until things picked up with the Reginald involvement. It felt like they kept skipping steps within the match, like there weren't any kind of transitions between offense, they just went right to moves. Except Carmella was doing the moves deliberately slow, because heel I guess, and then when Sasha took over she was already doing "frustrated by only a 2 count" faces. It all felt really underbaked. The Reginald involvement added something unique to the match, loved him catching Sasha and eating a headscissors, this guy rules. But he's quickly sent to the back and Carmella does a dive that lands her right on her face. It used to be Sasha's job to almost break her face on dives, so Carmella is trying to do the equivalent of stealing her rival's finisher. Ending felt abrupt and not set up super well, with Carmella getting a couple nice reversals of big Banks spots, but then just getting tapped anyway. This was not a strong title match, and there aren't any weaker Banks title matches coming to mind. Major disappointment. 

Women's Rumble Match

ER: Bayley/Naomi is a good way to start the Rumble, but MAN has Naomi been a complete afterthought for seemingly 2 years. Her whole career has felt like her having a big showing on one of the big WWF PPVs, then them mostly not doing anything with that. She really could have been a major star a few years ago and they just repeatedly stall out on her. This is the first time she's been in any kind of match for 5 months, but I'm not sure if there were injuries or just a lack of interest. This really should be Bianca Belair's match. It has to be. If they just pull the trigger on her, come on baby! How awesome is Belair, skipping to the ring and removing her earrings for a fight? I've really been enjoying Billie Kay's solo run. I thought she was sunk for sure, but she's done far more interesting things than Royce since the split. Still would like it more with them together again, but oh well. I don't love Shotzi coming in and just doing all of her offense, the way she would entering a tag match. Everyone running at her, one at a time, the way you would in a hot tag or in a ninja movie is just dumb. It's one of the main reasons there aren't many good battle royals anymore, because "working a battle royal" is not the way most wrestlers work battle royals now. I don't like regular match in my battle royal, I get that in regular matches, which are plentiful. Watch a Rumble match like '89 or '90, and it's all those guys just filling the time with fighting. It's all punches and clotheslines and choking with boots. Now it's offense and I don't think it's better. 

Jillian Hall seems to be doing a Judy Tenuta thing now, and I think it works? Maybe it's an indication how well Peyton Royce is doing post Iiconics that I had no idea who her entrance music was for, and the Titan Tron video took forever to say it was Royce. Ohhhhhhhh shit I've been typing about it this entire time and I just realized they might get the Iiconics back together for this and I fucking want that so bad. It's a good way for them to get back together. Let them eliminate a couple people together and it's a great way to organically show that they're better when they're together! It would actually be a smart way to freshen up the roster, get an interesting team into the lifeless Asuka/Charlotte and Jax/Baszler stuff. But, of course, they don't do any of that. Royce almost immediately blends into the background of the match, and Kay is eliminated a few minutes later. A fruitful storyline abandoned without mention. 

Not a fan of the early and tossed off Toni Storm elimination. I've kind of unexpectedly become a big Toni fan over the past year. I am not interested in this becoming The Charlotte Match. But it really feels like a dumb thing WWF would do. "Ric had what we've defined as the Greatest Rumble Performance so now we need to give Charlotte her Greatest Rumble Performance." Please don't give us that. Too many people have been entering with missile dropkicks. It is stupid that so many have entered the match by immediately climbing to the top rope, and nobody has been punished for climbing to the top rope in the Royal Rumble. The ring is FILLED with people, someone should knock this person off the top rope while they are voluntarily standing there! This is another reason why people cannot work battle royals. The handstand set up for it was dumb, but I did like Dana Brooke hanging off Ripley's neck in a headscissors while Ripley tried to shake her off from the apron. Brooke was memorable in elimination. The layout of this has been weak for long stretches, like a couple instances of someone getting eliminated right before a new entrant, losing any impact of the elimination. BAYLEY'S elimination happened DURING Mickie James's entrance!! Who fucked that up!! Bayley was clearly one of the favorites to win this match, and they moved on within three seconds!! They showed her elimination as a replay, because the cameras were on James and not the arguable biggest name in the match being eliminated. That's really really bad layout for a Rumble. 

WWF could use Alicia Fox back. She would be a fun NXT act at minimum. Give me a Foxy/Aliyah pairing, that would be great. Strong inside cradle on R-Truth to get the 24/7 title back from Fox, good weight on the back of the thighs. I love Dakota Kai, and goddamn did she get eliminated. Ripley just dumped her face first on the apron. Not happy seeing Mandy and Kai eliminated back to back. I'm jinxing the hell out of my personal favorites. They do ANOTHER elimination RIGHT BEFORE a new entrance!! It has to be intentional at this point, and that is so stupid! Nikki Cross gets eliminated one second before TAMINA comes out. Eliminations with zero fanfare are a battle royal curse. There is a way to make eliminations sink in and at least let the announcers talk about the implications a bit, no need to be doing all of these at the exact same time as a thing that everyone is more interested in. The Naomi/Bianca stuff was good, they need to focus more on how long both have been in and they've been a little background, but I like how they're getting more screen time the longer they're in. 

They're going to do dumb Alexa Bliss stuff, aren't they. Yep. But THAT is a good elimination by Ripley! Thank god they had at least some Rumble decency, to have a dozen people in the ring just watching someone go through a long "transformation" without doing anything about it. I am so happy we didn't have to spend more than a minute on that. Ember Moon is yet another person coming in and doing all of their offense like a a normal match, but she dropkicks Naomi right in the face in a way that didn't seem intentional. Ember Moon looked really bad on her elimination, with that slow motion "setting up a spot" run she did to get backdropped by Shayna. Loved Nia's "I can't, she's family" excuse to not go after Tamina, but her hockey fighting with Shayna after Tamina's elimination looked bad. I'm not into the Nia/Shayna thing, just doesn't feel like it's going anywhere and the journey to get there isn't interesting. Do I hate Natalya's new gear? My instinct says yes, but is there an element of it I'm underappreciating? Perhaps. I'll level with you, I did not know there was important emotional history with Natalya and Lana. Was that elimination effective? I could not tell you. I have not been closely following the Natalya/Lana relationship. Charlotte has felt like a complete non-factor the entire time she's been in the Rumble. She was not working to stand out at all, so I am fully not interested in her valiantly battling against two foes, and I also don't understand her treating her elimination like a drunk sorority girl getting thrown out of a bar that overserved. 

I'm a big fan of Bianca going to WrestleMania, it's a great choice and the most interesting direction to go. But I wished I enjoyed her and Ripley's final two. I thought a lot of it looked real bad, like them doing really slow reversal sequences and slow thrown missed strikes. Ripley was hanging on the ropes dangling, and Belair just stood there waiting instead of kicking at her hands, literally standing there waiting to do the spot that came next. Working battle royals as a normal match suuuuucks. So I thought their final two stretch was not good, but the end result was great, and they did a genuinely great job of making it look like either Belair OR Ripley had a chance. That's important. Bianca's winner's speech was the kind of thing that would have been nice to see in front of a live crowd. 

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

ER: This didn't hook me until they started fighting up into the "crowd", and I liked some of the stuff up there. Owens had all these nasty chairshots to Roman's knees. He was jabbing the edge of a chair into Roman's patella, then just bashing them from the side, all really nasty stuff that should be sold throughout a match. They looked really hobbling but Reigns didn't treat them as such a moment later, which is disappointing. Owens had a nice bump off the riser and a good moment of him beating the 10 count. But once they went backstage it just felt like the same kind of slow Shane McMahon prop show that they've been doing into the ground. This whole thing is going too long, and I am so tired of these slow epic brawls that always make 20 minutes feel like 30 and 30 minutes feel like 45. These matches are more "ideas" matches than interesting fights, but none of the ideas are as good as any of the homebrew shit cooked up in the Last Battle of Burke. Sitting through an endless 25 minutes with a handcuff spot at the end taking up over 10% of the match is such a punishing waste of time. Michael Cole was right when he described this thing as brutal. I thought it would never stop. 

 

Men's Rumble Match

ER: I have not been following the storyline here, and that is just cruel to start this thing with Edge/Orton. This feels like they're fucking with me. Edge is at least a more compelling character now that his gimmick is that his body could break at any minute. Sami Zayn is looking, dressing, and wrestling more and more like Buck Robley, and I think it could make him one of my favorites. Has Mustafa Ali had his first name back since joining Retribution? Is Retribution a stable where getting back your own name is important, and that's why most of them have names like their parents were "child can choose their own name" parents? Edge has a better spear now than he did 10 years ago. When I'm not too into a match, I usually don't find myself saying "You know I bet this thing could get better if Dolph Ziggler got involved." I want to see a run from super gassed Carlito!! He looked like peak 80s gas Jimmy Snuka with cool Dick Anthony Williams facial hair. 

These things kind of stink now that the moments are all planned in the exact same way. Guy comes in, does his signature offense while people run at him one by one, do pose to hard cam, storyline for next elimination starts once new entrant is done with his offense, elimination culminates with 10 seconds until next entrant. They have gone to that exact same pattern in this and the women's rumble, and it sucks. 

Kane comes out looking more like the local guy playing Kane on an Australian knock off indy. That other guy might look better in ring at this point though. I wish Otis would have been in the match longer, thought his discus clothesline and capture suplex looked really great, but at least his elimination bump was the nastiest of the men's rumble so far. Dominik got big height, and Hurricane would be a nice guy to have back somewhere, but this rumble is not great. There are no compelling stories here, and it's felt like it's been full of restarts. Christian return is cool, and here's a thing I cannot believe: When Christian, Riddle, Big E, and Bryan all teamed up to force Lashley over, that was literally the first time in EITHER rumble that a group decided to go after one person. It's been all these stupid paired of "stories" that aren't really interesting, instead of people actually thinking like someone IN a rumble. That moment actually felt like a rumble, like a few people suddenly remembered a rumble strategy. What I said earlier about Edge having a way better spear in 2021 than he did in 2010? Still holds, as his spear on Styles looked great. Victoria Beer, seen in the background of every lucha match I've been watching lately, is now sponsoring Royal Rumble entrants? Nobody else got sponsored? Kane and AJ Styles were in there, StopTheSteal didn't want to sponsor them? Christian and Sheamus always had great chemistry. I'd love to see a 2021 Christian/Sheamus match. 

Cesaro lifting and throwing Strowman over the top would have been far more interesting than Strowman eliminating Cesaro, and Sheamus deserved better. Bryan and Riddle really laced into each other during their portion, and Bryan would be my easy pick if asked "Who would you like to win this rumble?" This is the first time these two have had an exchange of any kind, and it all looked really great. What looks riduculous is every person still left in the match lying around the ring while Bryan and Riddle can just have a 4 minute match. Nobody should be lying on the mat for that long, let alone four people at the same time. I thought the finishing run was pretty bad, thought the Bryan elimination was a pretty big nail in the coffin. The Edge story is not something I can get too interested in, but all of his spears looked great in this match, and I could actually see him being a part of a good match now. I'm not expecting it, but he is slightly more interesting now than a decade ago. 

ER: Disappointing show top to bottom. Both Rumbles were really uninspired and badly laid out, the Last Man Standing match felt endless, the tag title match was bad, and the Sasha match was below her level. That's a bummer of a show right there. 

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