Found Footage Friday: 1993 WWF House Show Oakland 2/13/93

WWF House Show Oakland 2/13/93

MD: Richard Land (@maskedwrestlers on Twitter) has launched a new service releasing rarities twice a month. It's honestly more than we can easily keep track of, which is a great thing, but we'll feed stuff into Found Footage Friday as much as we can. Reach out to him for more information. This was a house show that neither Eric or I had ever seen from a period where we have both seen a lot of house shows. 

ER: This is an example of the kind of house show I would have been able to attend at age 12, had my parents not kept secret from me the entire existence of live pro wrestling. We lived about 60 miles north of Oakland/San Francisco. We went into the city regularly for Giants games, occasionally for A's games, once for a baseball card show at the Moscone center, and every Christmas season so my mom could see the big window displays at the downtown SF department stores. We would not have gone into the city to see professional wrestling, and I believe that my parents hid the existence of house shows from me with the same ferocity of Peggy Hill hiding the concept of Competitive Eating from Bobby. Newspaper pages were cut out, lies were told. This show happened just after my 12th birthday and this review should be filled with me sharing memories of that happy day when my father or poor mother took me to this show. But they were trying to raise me right. 

1. Tatanka vs. The Predator

MD: The Predator is Horace Boulder with face paint. We hit this JIP and it's kind of nuts how Tatanka sets the mood immediately. Super hard chops in the corner, everything looking crisp, including an atomic drop. I've gotten the sense in revisits that I didn't appreciate Tatanka enough when I was younger, but everything looked great. He missed an elbow drop which let Predator take over. You'll be happy to know that he had the family legdrop. They worked a pretty decent grounded chinlock with the crowd absolutely going up for Tatanka's hope spots. They were hot for the opener here, especially so when Tatanka started the war dance. He absolutely flattened Predator figuratively with one final chop and then literally with the Samoan Drop. There was a reason why it wasn't just Strongbow but Wahoo as well that gave him the headdress I guess. Nice brisk opener here. I vaguely wonder if there are some great indy Tatanka matches from the late 90s we should try to find. Vaguely.

ER: I am actually a pretty big Horace Boulder Guy. Over the last 25 years of my wrestling fandom I have tried to sell more than one person in my life on the Idea of Horace Boulder/Horace Hogan. How cool is it that there was a guy who out there who was related to the biggest star in pro wrestling and even had the exact same movement, height, and posture as that biggest star, and that he also wrestled exactly the same in a lot of ways. Except that he was Hulk Hogan Without Success. He wrestled like Hogan, if opponents didn't have to treat him like Hulk Hogan and crowds didn't react to his offense as if it were being delivered  by Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan Without Success would have been a really funny gimmick. A lot funnier than "The Predator". 

The Predator is a name that invokes the scariest unkillable cool alien presence when it's associated with Arnold's machine gun biceps and John McTiernan's late 80s action perfection dominance. The name "The Predator" invokes the worst possible other horrors when associated directly with pro wrestling, and the singular The implies that he is the worst of them. Begging and pleading with my dad to finally take me into the city to see a wrestling show and suddenly tasked with explaining to him why this man is Thee Predator, and me having no answer because The Predator was a House Show Exclusive over the Winter and Summer months of 1993 and I wouldn't have understood the negative connotations of the word Predator anyway. This would have been one of only three chances for me to see Horace Boulder live in the Bay Area, a fact I wouldn't have appreciated at the time. Imagine living in Colorado and getting to sit in attendance for a Velocity taping dark match of Horace Hogan & Bull Buchanan vs. Mark Henry & Mark Jindrak? God could you imagine. Also of note, in this match, Horace was shaped exactly the same as Gene Snitsky. Exact same build, size, and shape. 

2. Kamala vs. Kim Chee

MD: This show is full of stuff that I feel like we just never had on tape on any other house shows. Kamala was with Slick and didn't want to fight Kimchee at all. That let Kimchee get an early advantage until Kamala started to fight back. An errant Slick distraction allowed Kimchee to whack Kamala with something I couldn't make out given the VQ, but then he erred and went after Slick. Kamala chased him down, fought him off, and crushed him to the delight of the crowd. Post-match Slick put Kimchee's hat on Kamala, so that was fun. This was a lot of shtick in a very short period of time, but the crowd ate it up as well they should.

ER: I wonder if 1993 could be considered our best year of Steve Lombardi, in ring. I'm not sure this match would be the one for you to support that claim. In fact, it had to be a pretty great gig pulling lowest card heel duty against house show Kamala in 1993. You got to bullshit with the referee and fans for a couple of minutes, do some light cardio to get away from the former savage who you keep provoking, and then you settle in to sway your body in response to 1-3 Baba chops, stand still for the thrust kick, and run into the cross chop. Lombardi takes a really big bump over the top to the floor as Kamala exits him from the ring post match, and for something that is probably the most dangerous part of his day, he takes it in a way that would classify as a Memorable Royal Rumble Elimination on any given night. 

3. Terry Taylor vs. Typhoon

MD: Speaking of shtick, this was the second massive physical mismatch in a row and they leaned hard into it. 93 Taylor was, in some ways, at the height of his powers and this was an absolute stall fest. He was strutting, hiding in the ropes, threatening to walk to the back. Everyone in the crowd knew that if Typhoon got his hands on Taylor, he'd lift him up with an armbar or clamp on a headlock or run him over with a shoulder block. Taylor used the ref as cover to get in a throat shot and stayed on the throat until Typhoon started to fight up. Whereas, the crowd was very much behind Tatanka because they wanted to see him triumph, them clapping up Typhoon was more about seeing Taylor get his comeuppance. His cutoff went low instead of high however, and Typhoon even went up for an ill-advised belly to back for him. Taylor then went up and out on the cover attempt, stooging himself about fifteen feet on a kickout. Taylor hitting that suplex actually meant the transition spot of Typhoon reversing a standing vertical (and propelling Taylor across the ring again) was all the more effective though. Finish was Taylor getting some distance with an eyepoke only to leap off the second turnbuckle into a powerslam that was more of a Snow Plow as Typhoon didn't quite get him around. 

ER: 1993 might also be the best year of Terry Taylor, and it's hidden almost entirely on house shows. He has an out of nowhere great Raw match against Mr. Perfect in January and then after a couple more TV appearances he continued working months filling out house shows as the perfect version of himself: A heel Mark Harmon who rubbed people the wrong way with an insincere Nice Guy act. Aloof "Nice Guy" Terry Taylor is a persona that Taylor captures so well that it's one of those things clearly just already being answered by his shirt. I think I would love this match if it were just Terry airing any wrinkles out of his robe before handing it to a ringside attendant. Taylor plays this great fame of Avoid and Strut, never running from Typhoon but showing far too much confidence and acting like an idiot whenever caught. He starts a shoving match and storms the fuck out of the Coliseum, working with the kind of craft that makes 90s House Show Heel From The Territories look like the most fun job in the world. I would take Taylor's full extension slow bounce over from Typhoon's shoulderblock every damn day. Buddy Landel was never this good. 1993 Terry Taylor might be one of the greatest hidden years in wrestling. What looks like a contender for the best in-ring year of Taylor's career, happening in the biggest American company...but hidden almost entirely on house shows. 

Taylor convincingly kicks Typhoon's ass when he takes over. His punches are great, and he acts like a shithead in between every strike. But he also gets pressed through the ropes to the floor during a pin attempt and he makes the spot look as great as it can look, like a French Catch level of comedy and grace. He takes a high backdrop and yells when splatted by an avalanche. I loved the twist before the ending, where Typhoon was ramping up for the finish and Taylor shut it down with an eye poke. I actually got tricked into thinking they were icing things down for another minute or two, until I saw Terry climb to the top. Terry leaps right into a powerslam and then maybe the best part of his whole performance happens, as he just lies flattened and motionless for a hilariously long time, the entire time Typhoon was celebrating and shaking hands with fans after. When Taylor finally starts to stir, he continues making a 90s house show heel look like the most fun job in the whole world, going around the ring claiming that he got his shoulder up in time, before finally hopping to the floor and proceeding to injure his back, limping and openly grimacing, not hiding his pain from the laughter. Terry Taylor feels like a Top 5 guy in 1993 WWF, if we actually got to see more than a handful of matches.  

4. Doink vs. Bob Backlund

MD: I can't wait to read Eric's take on this one. That's true for the whole show, but especially this. It was, in my mind, exactly what you'd think a Backlund vs. Doink house show match would be. Just a perfect opening with Doink almost busting a lung falling over laughing at Backlund's handshake attempt followed by him hitting three measured takeovers before Backlund returned the favor with all three in quick succession. Beautiful stuff. They then took it straight to the mat just liked you want out of goofy Minnesotan wrestling machine and an evil clown, before switching over to extended holds and reversal attempts. When Backlund finally pried an arm away, he spent a good minute teasing a punch as the fans roared and the ref warned only to just go into an armbar instead; not just any, of course, as he made sure to wrench Doink up and over in the most painful manner possible. He just didn't punch him. That would have been unsportsmanlike. Not that he didn't keep teasing it. Doink, skilled harlequin that he was, turned Backlund over and started stretching him, going so far as to chucking him over the guardrail. Eventually Backlund came back and returned favor, hitting an atomic drop that sent Doink through the ropes. Both guys put absolutely everything they had into what they were doing. With Borne, it was what he had to do to get over. With Backlund, it was just who he was. Anyway, Doink was able to capitalize on being half out the ring to take out Backlund's eyes with something nefarious and he scored a quick, cheap pin. We're better off for having seen this.

ER: This is great. Historic even. It's a reason why handheld wrestling is the literal best wrestling. Handhelds capture moments that are manufactured for real people in the room that have a relaxed The Cameras Are Off vibe you would never see on TV. Doink/Backlund is a pairing that's remembered so fondly by those of us who remembered watching it as kids and seeing matwork and finding out what a fucking stump puller is. But there aren't actually that many Doink/Backlund matches, and the TV ones were under 5 minutes. This match was a different animal. This was a different animal because this was Doink working a Bob Backlund Madison Square Garden match. Bob Backlund was weird and awkward in 1993 WWF. He was like unfrozen territory babyface and it was like he had been in a Dead Zone coma for a decade and went right back to working 1983 territory wrestling babyface. And now he's doing it in Oakland, CA, which is hilarious to me. Bob Backlund is the whitest wrestler in history and here he is in Oakland, and it's the literal only time he's wrestled a match in Oakland. Doink is tasked with working a 20 minute match with a goofy 1980 white meat babyface in Oakland...and he succeeds by somehow working AS Bob Backlund. 

Doink the Clown works this match both as Doink, but also as 1980 Bob Backlund, were Backlund a heel and also wearing white grease paint to darken his complexion. Backlund also works as 1980 Backlund and Doink is his heel doppelgänger in the exact same style. This is a long form, mostly quiet match, that easily could have lost the crowd's attention at any point and yet they never did once. This crowd was invested in a recreation of a Bob Backlund/Buddy Rose match from a decade prior. Doink works slow strength spots and mugs whenever Backlund is unable to break the hold, Backlund works his long armbar while Doink takes big comical Backlund bumps. Doink bumps like a clown would bump, and it's perfect. When he finally makes the ropes after Backlund's armbar, Backlund pulls him back and Doink goes flying as if shot out of a cannon. Later he takes a big bump and lands right on his butt with his legs out, like a toddler learning to walk. When Backlund finally pulls off the big atomic drop, Doink springs forward through the ropes to the floor, all leading to him taking a weapon out of his jacket to jab Backlund with. Backlund gets the DQ win and literally runs through the crowd like a maniac, like a Bruiser Brody whose goal was to hurt zero people. 

5. Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna 

MD: This hit just right. Savage did the babyface version of the Taylor shtick to begin. He got on the mic just to go "Ohhh Yeahhh," which by 93 was probably more than enough. He spun around after Yoko started the sumo stomps. He got back on to start a USA chant. He was just late-era WWF Savage in the full body suit holding babyface court. The match itself was pretty straightforward. Yoko dominated with his size. He had these sort of downwards aimed punches that looked devastating. He tossed Savage out and slammed him into the rail. He dropped a leg on him. Savage would try to punch up but five or six punches equaled one of Yoko's. Finally Yoko missed a splash in the corner and Savage staggered him off the top rope before Fuji intervened with the flag, toppling him. Yoko hit a belly to belly for a quick pin. Post-match, he went for the Banzai Drop, missed, and got knocked out of the ring by Savage. There wasn't much to it. It didn't go wrong. They got as much value out of it as possible and I don't think the fans were at all disappointed for what they got.

ER: Matt pointed out that yes this is essentially babyface Terry Taylor vs. heel Typhoon (even though I don't think it's anywhere close to as good as our heel Taylor/face Typhoon match) although with less on the heel side and less on the face side. It's a lesser version of that, basically. Less. But also look how damn far Macho Man flew out of the ring when Yoko threw him to the floor! He didn't have to do that. He could have taken a much more sensible bump to the floor on a house show. I love how Savage punches to his feet, loved his punches to Yokozuna's face (and how Yoko would throw his head back for them) and I loved the way Savage crumpled when Yoko put him down with one return shot. I wish they had a couple extra beats before going right into the belly to belly finish, and I wish Savage had a piece of babyface offense that looked better than his top rope axe handle. It feels like a waste to go to the top rope and only come off with a weak axe handle that looks like spatchcocked hands. 

6. Tito Santana vs. Damien DeMento

MD: These two faced off twenty times between October 92 and the middle of 93. I would have sworn it was more. We have one of their PTW matches. DeMento more or did things right, but it didn't come off great. I'm not sure we needed another bit of early stalling after the Taylor match, even if he had the additional advantage of that special dissonance you get when a bigger guy does it with a smaller one. He took over by jamming Santana on a hip toss and hitting a clothesline. He cut him off with quick eye pokes (again dissonance). The grounded chinlock that made up a chunk of the heat worked in theory because you had someone as good as Santana fighting up out of it, but I'm not sure we needed to see it again this card. The finish was fine. Tito hit the flying forearm in the ropes. As a kid, I knew whenever he hit it and didn't get the win, which, after a certain chronological point was more often than not as his role shifted, he'd be losing. The shift to El Matador gave him El Pase de la Muerte, the shot to the back of the head, and that meant the ending of the match was more open to possibilities. Here though, DeMento landed on him on a suplex attempt back in. Maybe one too many heels going over in a row here? I probably would have liked this more in a bubble.

ER: I cans see Matt is setting me up here to be the Damien DeMento Guy, and maybe that guy is me. I am certainly more of a fan of DeMento's now than I ever have been from 1993-2021. What an odd guy to have basically existed in wrestling for only one year, the kind of guy with minimal ring experience who never would have been hired for this role in any other era. To hear DeMento tell his story, his "I had no experience but I trained with Johnny Rodz and then I worked worked 140 matches in 11 months in WWF and then retired" would sound like a whopper of a lie. "So yeah, there I was working Madison Square Garden with only 40 or so matches under my belt..." yeah sure okay bud. I don't know if DeMento was actually good, but he is a weirdo who came out of nowhere to work a full WWF schedule for a year and then returned to Pennsylvania and that's it, and that's cool. I love the energy he puts behind missed clotheslines, and his short lariat after blocking a hiptoss looked real good. I was impressed with his positioning near the ropes after taking Santana's flying forearm, and his dedication to making it look like he actually grabbed the top rope on his way back in the ring to shift his weight onto Santana. 

7. Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers 

MD: Unsurprisingly, this was very enjoyable. Here, the shtick worked on so many levels. Beau and Blake put so much energy and enthusiasm and verve into it. They'd try to buddy up with the ref, would hide behind a security guard, would bob in and out between the ropes at high speed. And with 2024 eyes, the anticipation was all about the huge bumps you know that they - the only guys willing to face the Steiners - would be taking. They were working so big that it wasn't even about the people in the last row seeing them; it was on the hope that Verne would see them all the way from Minnesota. And the Steiners obliged, dropping them on their skull for belly to belly suplexes, power slams, and of course the Frankensteiner at the end. Meanwhile, they really kept it moving. The Steiners were constantly fighting from underneath and often retaking the offense only for the Beverlys to have to go underhanded to stay in it and take back control. 

I get that in the years following this, Scott would become more and more listless in his matches and I would even say here that he wasn't necessarily working the crowd or working for the crowd, but he was entirely engaged with what his opponents were doing. You never got the sense that he wasn't trying to fight back, that he wasn't affected and incensed by everything that was happening to him, that he wasn't desperate to get revenge and to make it over to his brother for a tag. He was just laser focused on the Beverlys as opposed to channeling the crowd. It gave everything a more athletic, organic feel, and, after the hot tag, a more chaotic one with bodies flying around and timing perhaps being just a little bit off. It worked for the crowd, however, and it worked for me three decades later.

ER: I love the Beverlys/Steiners as a match. Their 1993 Rumble match might be the WWF MOTY, and Enos/Bloom should be in the discussion for Greatest Steiner Opponents. Enos and Bloom are big guys who bump huge for the Steiners, but in a way that makes it clear that these big bumps are being done by big guys. Mike Enos getting crazy height on a backdrop looked even crazier because it looked like a big man getting tossed up that high. But this is a gem because it's a Steiners/Beverlys match that we would never see on TV. Only on house shows do you get to see Scotty as face in peril, a match constructed much more around Beverlys cut off spots instead of Beverly bumps (those are still saved for the end). Mike Enos was always the praised member of the Beverlys, but Bloom is the one who shines brighter in a house show environment. He's the more expressive heel, the one better at drawing heat, the one better at arguing with the ref, the one who even goes and draws sympathy from a security guard in the aisle, and he also has better punches and stomps. The eventual hot tag was explosive and quick, the real time for Enos to shine. It's incredible to me that this is just the way Mike Enos took the frankensteiner. He wasn't just getting vertically spiked on PPV, he was doing it in front of a few thousand people, working towards that one dad in the crowd with a camcorder. Mike Enos taking the frankensteiner is one of our Great Bumps, a Minnesotan man in mustache and mullet and middle age spread doing the most complicated breakdancing head slide. It's incredible. How did the Beverlys never get a Hasbro? Enos should have had one with neck breaking action. 

8. Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

MD: Not entirely sure how to tackle this one. First and foremost, Sherri was at ringside as a "neutral observer" or some such. She unsurprisingly had the best offense in the match when she got to lay it in on Shawn. She was also really effective in the finish as Shawn was stalking her and she tripped over the ring steps backwards. It was generally a different match when she was involved, more visceral, more gripping. If I had never seen Michaels before, this would be my take: when he took offense early, he was bumping and stooging over the ring, but there was almost too much energy to him. It wasn't focused and channeled the way the Beverly's managed to do it. It felt much more like a guy playing a role. It was easy for him to be press slammed and otherwise tossed around by Crush and he went over the top for it when it was so inherently evident that maybe he didn't have to and it ended up subtracting from the overall effect. When he was on top, however, likely due to the fact that Crush was so much bigger and the effort did need to go into it, he was dogged and persistent and unyielding and his stuff ended up looking really good; it had to in order to be credible. He had no choice. Him putting the extra effort in there paid off whereas in the early stages, when he was stooging, it distracted. And there was nothing more real in the entire match than Michaels, irate, snatching the title belt and smashing Crush over the head to draw the DQ as he tried to check on Sherri. Nine times out of ten, a DQ like that would feel like them searching for a way out of the match. Here, it felt like an act of heated passion in the moment. 

ER: I love that there is one woman captured on camera who is fully into Shawn's entire routine, unafraid to publicly like what she likes. Crush is announced at 257 which must mean Crush was working a heel Buddy Rose act. 1993 was really the peak pro wrestling year for the fried fluffed out mullet, and appropriately we get a large portion of the match built around  the potential pulling and tugging of fluffy split end Rod Beck mullets. After Michaels complains immediately about a hair pull, they spend the next couple minutes with Crush holding him in a side headlock while Michaels' hand keeps drifting up towards that flowing cotton candy, the ref stopping his hand 2-3 dozen times on every side of the ring. Michaels going up for Crush's press slam is an awesome spot. Both men make it look so effortless, with the 257 lb. Crush walking Michaels and holding him up to a couple sides, more and more people getting to their feet the longer Crush has him up, dying to see Michaels thrown into the sun. I liked how Michaels' big bump to the floor focused more on the speed of getting there rather than something showy and athletic. The way he spilled made it look like a man who wasn't fully in control of the landing, even though he was. His selling for Sherri's slaps and kicks was excellent, like a man getting up from his blanket after one too many hornets makes his picnic an impossibility. 

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An Exhaustingly Exhaustive Review of WWF Royal Rumble 1/24/93, Pt. 1

I started reviewing Royal Rumble 1993 and thought it would be a quick little thing, but sometimes projects spiral and the words flow more than they should, and I was left with a behemoth of a show review. Part 1 comes today, Part 2 comes tomorrow: 

Beverly Brothers vs. The Steiner Brothers

When you see a Steiners/Beverlys match on paper, this is the match you hope it's going to be. It's 10 minutes and an excellent Beverlys performance. These guys all work snug, we get a great stretch of the Beverlys isolating Scott, and we build to Enos and Bloom betting annihilated on a Rick hot tag. Bloom and Enos are pure wrestling joy, mixing a cheapshit house style with the insane bumps and highspots of a big PPV tag. Bloom complains about hair and tight pulls after every huge biel and takedown he takes from Scott, but has no problem turning on a dime to whip Scott to the mat and then rock him with a gorgeous long uppercut when he gets to his feet. But Enos is so good on the apron while Bloom is doing his thing, and the match really gives us a look at how complementary they were as a team, not just their in-ring style but their personalities. Bloom was like the prep school shit with rich parents and no consequences, and Enos is his slightly less rich dumb jock friend. It's a great energy. 

When Enos tags in he does some incredible dumb jock stuff, shoving Rick on the apron one hand to the chest like a real idiot, and then running away! In a great moment that would get a huge reaction on any show, Rick tags in and immediately knocks Bloom off the apron as he jogs by. But just like Bloom, even as Enos is getting punked by Rick, he also gives it back big. Enos and Rick have some great stuff together, great timing. They really nail this one stretch where Enos hits this great high rotation powerslam, cuts low on a clothesline and really tries to take Rick's legs out with a dropdown, does a great leapfrog...but of course gets caught mid-air by Rick and dumped. Enos was something else in this one. He took some of the most dangerous bumps in WWF PPV history, just a crazy willingness to lean all the way into STEINER BROTHERS OFFENSE. He gets thrown by Scott with an overhead belly to belly that almost plants him squarely on the top of his head (and close enough that Gorilla and Heenan go momentarily silent), but this match is so good because Bloom runs right in and just WASTES Scott with a lariat. These teams are laying in and this match should really be talked about as one of the upper tier WWF tags of the decade. 

The Beverlys are really good at cutting Scott off from Rick, dropping backbreakers and ax handles and Bloom elbowdrops, quick tags, hard elbows, Enos choking Scott with the tag rope, all of it the kind of shit you want to see them doing to Scott Steiner. The crowd noise builds perfectly through all of it because these Sacramento fans know that Rick is going to blow this ring up, and there is a fantastic late cut off of a Scott tag attempt that quiets the crowd down so damn quick, just perfectly timed by Bloom. After the hot tag was denied, Heenan has a hilarious bit about how Rick didn't actually want the tag because he's "a known coward". Heenan had this great ongoing thing where he would matter of factly call someone a coward as if it's a thing everyone knows, and Gorilla reacts to it every single time, and I laugh my ass off every single time. 

The Rick hot tag is as good as expected, and Mike Enos really went through one of the most insane wrestling minutes I've seen. Enos takes a backdrop bump as high as any Rick Rude backdrop, then takes arguably the most disgusting German suplex in WWF history. The match's one flaw just might be that Enos is picked up for the next spot almost immediately by Rick, not giving *that* German suplex any time to settle in. If I saw a man the size of Enos take that suplex bump live, a match stoppage would have seemed appropriate. It's a crazy spot that - once they saw Enos was moving of his own accord - they should have shown a dozen times from every angle. The finish stretch is crazy, with Bloom wiping out on an awesome missed top rope clothesline and a great Scott victory roll for a near win. But Enos takes his legendary performance somehow one step further, and takes the match finishing Frankensteiner better than any man has ever taken the Frankensteiner. Enos goes vertical on it, sticking the landing in a way that made people immediately leap up, as if he hadn't just been thrown for the most disgusting suplex a minute earlier. Mike Enos is a goddamn lunatic and I genuinely don't know what 90s WWF tag matches you can genuinely put over this one. Total classic. 

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

ER: It's unfortunate, but Marty Jannetty's ring gear has to be the worst ring gear in my time as a wrestling fan. Right? I don't know. There are other, good contenders. Maybe it isn't actually the worst. But, if not the worst, then at minimum I can say that there has never been any other wrestling gear that makes me feel the vicarious embarrassment that Marty Jannetty's 1993 Royal Rumble gear makes me feel. Sure, maybe that's hypocritical of me, seeing as how I lose my mind any time a wrestler shows up covered in tassels. When Jerry Estrada takes that bump over the top and his ocean waves of tassel crash into the shore as his body crashes into the concrete, I'm in wrestling heaven. Marty Jannetty just takes it too far. Maybe that's a good thing. Marty Jannetty may have established a Tassel Barrier in this match, and that's an important thing. It's good to know how far we as humans can, or should, go. And Marty established that we should not go here. 

Marty's gear looks like a child tried to make their own Tron suit out of torn toilet paper. If you pause the screen at the right moments, his ring entrance looks like Max Moon being drawn into A-Ha's "Take On Me" video. It is a hideous ensemble, and I thought it was hideous before I realized it's a two piece. Who crafted this entrance-attire-only blouse? Who crafted this blouse that looks like the most toilet-papered tree on Halloween? Can you imagine Marty Jannetty trying on his new gear in a small tailor's shop, analyzing all the angles in a full frame trifold vanity mirror, while a slender hunched old Italian man marks his hems with chalk? Well, turns that trifold mirror was cursed, and that mirror cursed Jannetty for the rest of his career. If you ever wondered why Marty Jannetty shows up in 1998 WCW looking like Enuff Z'Nuff's rhythm guitarist, lost and scared in a strange new grunge world, that's why. That mirror is why.

The match itself is weird. It has an excellent layout which gets the crowd downright rabid for the finishing stretch, but it's also filled with weak offense and stunt bumping that doesn't correlate to that weak offense. Michaels pinballs for every single punch Jannetty throws, and they are ridiculous bumps for what Jannetty is putting out there. Michaels gets bumped to the floor off a kneelift and Jannetty hits a tope that winds up looking like a couple trying to hold each other up at the skating rink before both slip and fall. But things get downright silly when Jannetty hits a flying punch off the top to the floor, and Michaels does a triple salchow to sell it. Now, I love a good flying fist or an absurd fistdrop, but there comes a tipping point where it probably makes a lot more sense to use your body to attack an opponent than just your fist. Marty's entire body crashes and burns off to the side while his fist grazes past Michaels' hair, and Michaels spins to the mat like Bear Hugger. A crossbody block would have lead to a safer bump for both AND would have read much better to the crowd, but wrestler offense is a funny thing. This is not as bad as that piece of Marufuji offense where he would tap his opponents' head into the top turnbuckle while hurling his own body out over the ringpost to the floor - as if Mitch Williams had not just fallen off the mound after a delivery but also continued rolling and tumbling all the way to the dugout - but it was incredibly stupid. So of course Marty does it again and Michaels punches him out of the air. Now, don't get me wrong, if some lunatic did a fistdrop off the top rope to the floor I would praise them as a wrestling offense god, in the same way I will always flip out seeing El Samurai or Makoto Hashi doing diving headbutts off the top to the floor. So now, not only are my takes on tassels hypocritical, I am also a hypocrite about what offense I enjoy and what level of stupidity I expect and demand out of it. Perhaps there's a boomerang effect where a fistdrop can keep getting more and more complicated until it gets very stupid, before becoming incredible again: 

1. Any kind of fistdrop from a standing position falling onto your opponent = Great

2. Fistdrop leaping off the middle turnbuckle = Outstanding

3. Fistdrop leaping off the top rope into the ring = Seems unnecessarily risky to your knees but fuck yeah

4. Fistdrop off the top rope to a standing opponent on the floor = You fucking idiot

5. Fistdrop off the top rope to the floor while opponent is on his back = You goddamn genius

The stretch of Michaels working over Marty's arm is satisfying (including a rough posting), but even all of that just builds to another stupid spot, which is Michaels coming off the middle rope and landing, standing, face first into Jannetty's boot, with no indication of what kind of move he would have hit had Marty not gotten that boot up. See, the twists and turns and momentum shifts all happen at the exact right place, except half (or more?) of the offense looks like incomprehensible bullshit. It's a cool exercise in seeing how fired up a crowd can get when you're hitting all of the turns of a match this well, that you can really give them any slop offense and - as long as you're shifting momentum at the right time - they will be right there screaming. 

When people remember this as a great match (Meltzer gave it 4 stars, and if Jungle Boy and Rocky Romero worked this note for note exact same match with dog ball's worse offense, it's impossible to see him going less than 4 stars on it), they remember it from the moment Sherri slaps Shawn thru the series of close pinfalls. When Sherri slaps Shawn the ARCO Arena explodes, and Shawn does his best selling of the match. When Marty drags him back in Michaels immediately takes his craziest/best bump of the match, taking the HHH backwards corner bump faster than anyone should ever take that bump, and Marty drags him back in again. The crowd really thought they were seeing a title change, so every single nearfall plays huge, deservedly so. Shawn missing a superkick only to get put down hard by a Marty superkick really did feel like the finish, possibly because it was the only bump Michaels took that wasn't in three parts, just put him down on the mat. The shenanigans at the finish play out too quickly and a bit too ham-fisted, with Shawn throwing a wide elbow on a punch to take out the ref, and Sherri accidentally hitting Marty with her heel. Shawn hits a superkick, Marty takes a ridiculous flip bump that felt mostly disconnected from the kick, and that's it. It's a great match with an incredible amount of flaws: some of the most detached bumps and goofball offense choices, and yet a match that earned the big crowd reactions. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Big Boss Man

ER: This is a great three match series to start a PPV with, a great hour of pro wrestling, with three very different matches. The is a match that of course I was excited for, two of the biggest coolest shaped guys at some real in-ring peaks. 1993 was a great in-ring year for both of these guys, Bigelow an adventurous big man with a big gas tank, and Boss Man hitting a legendary peak with his post-WWF All Japan tours. 1993 Boss Man was the best combination of size and speed, slimmed way down from his 1989 biggest, but much bigger than his 1998 WWF return. 1993 was when Boss Man was shaped exactly like his Hasbro figure. Bam Bam Bigelow has the best shape in wrestling and Boss Man has night stick work that makes him look like a cool gigantic American King of Fighters character. They move fast and they hit hard, basking in the salad days of big fat men. 

There's a ton of movement and it always leads to a big crash, and a lot of this is worked at a super crazy pace for two guys this size to keep. There's fast rope running and fast spots, like Bigelow lifting Boss Man up for a huge back suplex, but then faceplanting hard on a missed falling headbutt when Boss Man sits up right after. Bam Bam has really high impact avalanches and starts the match story early when he starts throwing shots at Boss Man's back, with a fist to the back knocking Boss Man forward through the ropes. Right before them, Jannetty and Michaels thought of the bump they were going to do and then kept doing it regardless of the offense, but Bigelow and Boss Man really knock each other down and fall in some big ways. Bigelow drops Boss Man with a huge hot shot that looks like Boss Man is going to go crashing right into the camera; Boss Man has this great high speed clotheslines to knockdown Bigelow, and then at least 25 different punches to knock him around to different parts of the ring. Boss Man was a great puncher who isn't talked about enough as a great puncher. He has great uppercuts, great aim (he can pick a target on the chin and not show light), and can throw them close or long range. He slides to the floor for a big right hand, gives the fans a corner 10 count, throws hard mounted punches, all great. 

But it's not enough to work great through the fast paced sections, you also have to time out the cool down sections so the fast sections peak, and they do that really well. It's a great transition because it happens with a spectacular spot: Boss Man missing a charge and taking a fast, impressive bump to the floor, appearing to smash his back on the edge of the ring apron on the way down. Commentary picks up on it the second it happens and Bigelow immediately moves to focus entirely on Boss Man's back, as if everyone knew Boss Man was going to take a sick bump back first off the apron. Bigelow works the back with some real effective stuff, grabbing an awesome reverse waistlock bearhug and throwing headbutts to grind Boss Man down. Boss Man's comeback has some nice detail work, with a great spot where he is able to pull off a vertical suplex, but it's a messier suplex that wasn't as effective due to his back being weakened, so Bigelow beats him to his feet. It's such a great thread to put into a match: working a Too Convincing back injury on a suitably dangerous looking spot, like Chris Hamrick setting up knee work by violently tangling his knee in the ropes. The only weak point of the match is that it wraps up a little too easily and suddenly, the match almost disappointing by coming to its logical conclusion: Bigelow weakening Boss Man enough to slam him and hit the diving headbutt. It's where everything was heading, Boss Man was getting weaker, and then Bigelow put him down. I think one more Boss Man nearfall hope spot could have put this on a much higher level, but this was a great 10 minutes.  

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WWF Summerslam 8/30/93

Ted Dibiase vs. Razor Ramon

ER: I have been watching through a lot of 1993 TV, really enjoying the 2+ month build to Summerslam, but when the show finally got here I wasn't actually sure what would open the PPV. I haven't seen this show in a couple decades (shout out for the millionth time to New Release Video and their excellent pro wrestling selection growing up), and I love how little I remember about the actual card. This makes sense as an opener when you look at everything else on the card that needs to take place, so starting with a popular guy like Razor makes sense, and when Razor comes out in his outstanding hot pink gear it's clear they made the correct choice.

Razor was one of the most over guys of 1993, but when you step back and look at his last 6 months it was kind of a miracle. 1. He has the most unnecessary WrestleMania match, short, and with Bob Backlund throwing off his timing. 2. He loses to the Kid, then loses 10 grand to the Kid, then gets made fun of by another heel for both losing and getting outsmarted out of money by the Kid (properly setting up this very match). 3. He loses in the first round at King of the Ring, and while it was a great match against the eventual winner, it's still Razor not on a PPV past the 20 minute mark. He got over by his sheer This Is Very Cool for 1993 charisma, and that is cool. So here he is again, opening a PPV. Dibiase isn't totally the best in ring match for Razor, but it gives him a larger opponent, and that means people are actually seeing his offense hit against someone with size. Dibiase lands heavy on bumps, so while Razor's offense looks cool when a smaller guy is bumping around the ring for him, here he got to look like he was muscling around someone substantial. It's a fun slugfest, and they ran into each other in satisfying ways. Dibiase took a big bump over the top from a lariat, and puts Razor down with a very convincing sleeper. Everything in this felt honest, but it wasn't quite the pace or explosiveness the crowd wanted to see. But it built to the finish the fans wanted to see, with Razor planting Dibiase with the Razor's Edge after Dibiase was run into the turnbuckle (after removing the pad himself). I really liked this Edge too, as Razor really had to work to get Dibiase up in a crucifix, and Dibiase was excellent at selling panic while getting hoisted. So even though it took Razor a bit to get him up there, Dibiase made it look like it was because he was struggling to get out of it, really made the finish. Three days later, Dibiase would win the All Japan tag titles with Stan Hansen, and a couple months after that he would be retired. 

Heavenly Bodies vs. Steiner Brothers

ER: This was the match I most remembered from my video store rental, a super exciting 1993 WWF tag match (a year not really known at all for WWF tag wrestling), featuring a team I was completely unfamiliar with. If you were not watching the TV right before Summerslam, the Bodies literally debuted just a few weeks prior, and barely got any real showcases while getting thrown immediately into a PPV title match. It really does not feel like a thing WWE would do with a team today, and that's cool. The match ages like something that felt really great in 1993, and still has a ton going for it. This match feels like a modern AEW match that would get a lot of stars, playing out as a 10 minute sprint with a ton of moves. A ton of the moves were cool, but there were also a ton of hitches and gaffes, guys going up for suplexes too early or getting crossed up but running through with a move anyway. So exactly like an AEW tag, really. Bodies jump the Steiners before the bell and run a cool stretch where they keep knocking Scott to the floor while double teaming Rick. The double teams all look vaguely dangerous, like everybody is too hopped up and the timing is slightly off. Rick leaps into a double vertical suplex before either Body is suplexing him, then they shoot him into the ropes for a double flapjack but he fights it the whole way down to make it a backdrop (instead it looks like a flapjack that splats him right on the shoulder). But Scott can't be kept on the floor for long and is soon back in, leading to Steiners throwing both Bodies around, and it's always fun when Steiners throw people around. Bodies roll to the floor after getting thrown, and upon reentering the ring they get completely worked over again. Prichard gets press slammed, Del Ray gets backdropped, both eat Steiner lines, both eat atomic drops, and this was really looking like it was going to be an easy Steiners win. 

I loved how the Bodies took control, with Del Ray leapfrogging Scott and Prichard nailing him with a bulldog once he ducked. It gave us a nice Bodies control segment on Scott (which really should have been longer), with Del Ray hitting a cannonball off the apron, then his 'round the world DDT and a superkick in ring. But almost immediately after, Scott launches Del Ray after another DDT attempt, launches Prichard with a double arm suplex, and then Rick is back hitting Steiner lines on everyone. Bodies took some real punishment in this match, with hardly any recovery time. Del Ray is out here taking the top rope bulldog, takes a wild powerslam from Rick (he took Scott's tilt a whirl slam earlier while looking like he knew he might die), then took the Frankensteiner at the finish. I'm not sure you can find a 1993 WWF match that contained more moves performed per minute, and that is the kind of thing that would stand out and get star ratings in 90s American wrestling. It would have really benefitted from some breath, as this was as go go go as you can get and was filled with moves you really weren't seeing from anyone else on TV. Now that every single popular indy and AEW tag match is formatted exactly like this match, it doesn't come off as special. I would have liked to see a follow up match on Raw, see how they worked a match that wasn't a sprint in front of the Steiners' hometown crowd. But if you're into seeing a ton of cool moves thrown out in an economic runtime, you can't really miss with this match. 

Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Champ enters first, which is something that always feels wrong to me, and it curses the first part of the match. Because this is a match with a mostly bad first half and a mostly great second half. I kinda hated the start of this, with a bunch of mapped out running exchanges that played too mapped out. A lot of leapfrogs and missed clotheslines and a couple of quick rope running moves where you couldn't really tell who was taking the move and who was delivering it. It looked like a couple of yarders doing a move for move reproduction of a better match they had seen. There was just too much disconnect and it felt too much like the horse shit Michaels wants to see from Adam Cole and Johnny Gargano. 

The match got good when Michaels started working over Perfect's back. Michaels dropped elbows and whipped Perfect into the turnbuckles a couple times, and Perfect took really painful violent looking bumps getting flung into those turnbuckles. It built to an exciting comeback (with Perfect's back perfect again, oh well) where Michaels' bumps felt much more connected to what Perfect was delivering. There was some nice timing on a big explosive Perfect dropkick that Michaels bumped on his shoulders, and he did a fun pirouette bump for an atomic drop. Michaels also had some strong super late kickouts, tricking the fans at least 3 different times that they were seeing a title change. The finish was pretty weak, as Perfect hits the Perfect Plex but Diesel just drags him out of the ring. Perfect actually lands punches and knocks Diesel's sunglasses off (Heenan: "Perfect is hitting a man with glasses!!"), and catches Michaels with a punch when he tries to get involved. Diesel had been around a long time as Shawn's heavy, and this was the first time anyone really landed a punch on him. But Perfect lost by a count out, which means that Earl Hebner somehow missed every single thing that happened over the prior 10 seconds, somehow counting Perfect out while also not noticing that he was in a fight with Diesel. That's just lazy and makes everyone look like an idiot. 

IRS vs. 1-2-3 Kid

ER: 1-2-3 Kid's eyebrows have finally grown back and he looks so much more normal. But this match is one of the most baffling decisions of 1993. This sounds like an extreme comparison, but just as the sudden Luger face turn really fucked up a ton of much better 1993 plans, having IRS beat Kid on his first PPV appearance feels insane to me. Who could have possibly thought this was a good decision? They had booked his arc perfectly up to this point, getting him real grassroots reactions and chants from crowds. This match felt like the exact 100% correct match to be having, right up until the moment that IRS quickly and easily pinned Kid. Kid got to do his crowd pleasing audience in front of his biggest crowd, against a large opponent, and it was going great. He hit a couple of different spin kicks and was good at avoiding IRS's offense...until getting knocked silly to the floor. IRS is good at knocking Kid down, and Kid is good at finding fun ways to come back. IRS hit a predictable chinlock and we all knew Kid would start to break it once the 1-2-3 chants started. Those started 10 seconds in, Kid fought out of it. Again, everything was going exactly as planned. 

Kid hits his moonsault press, which beat Razor Ramon, but IRS kicks out. Kid immediately ties him up with a majistral cradle, which beat Ted Dibiase, but IRS kicks out. Kid throws a spin kick, IRS catches it, and Kid throws his knee right into IRS's face. IRS kicks out of THAT! And then, they get up, IRS jumps over a dropdown, and then hits his big lariat for the cleanest possible victory. Of all people, they had IRS kick out of both moves that earned Kid his two big TV victories, withstanding more damage than any Kid opponent so far. And then he just gets up and hits his finish! Money Inc was over, Dibiase was gone, and they have Kid - the guy getting bigger and bigger organic reactions with every TV appearance - lose to IRS in his first PPV match. I am actually shocked. Kid beating IRS at Summerslam was literally the most easy to pick result on the entire card...and it didn't happen. I have absolutely zero clue why it did not happen. 

Bret Hart vs. Jerry The King Lawler/Doink

ER: This was a tremendous segment. Lawler comes out on crutches with his left knee heavily wrapped with a hot water bottle. He runs down Detroit's auto industry by talking about how beat up his rent-a-limo was due to the lackluster Detroit auto quality control, how he got into a bad accident and had to crawl through the flames, how he hopped on one leg to get to the arena to gallantly face Bret Hart. And there is nothing more IN THIS WORLD that Lawler wants, than to get into that ring and face down Bret Hart with just one leg. But these damn doctors refuse to clear him to compete, even though - again - there is nothing he wants more than to take Bret down a peg or two. Alas, as he cannot compete with this leg, no matter what his heart says. So, in his proxy, he has chosen Doink as Bret's new opponent. This was a really well done Memphis bait and switch, giving the babyface an opponent that he hasn't been preparing for. It was a great way to get Doink into a surprise spot on the PPV (along with Crush and Duggan, he would have felt like the biggest snub from the card), and it was the only look we ever got at the naturally great pairing of Bret and Doink. It's criminal we didn't actually get a TV feud between them

They have a great 10 minute match, Hart throwing some of his greatest worked strikes, and Doink putting in an excellent physical performance with some great cut off spots. It's a physical match and both guys are so good at a physical but theatrical style, throwing excellent worked punches and great stomps to the face. Doink comes out smoking a cigar, carrying a couple of buckets. He throws one bucket of confetti on some kids, trying to scare them like an evil Harlem Globetrotter. Then he throws an actual bucket of water on Bruce Hart (sitting ringside with Owen) and Bruce does a real great "hold me back" crazed fight eyes reaction. Doink turns right around into a great Bret right hand and then proceeds to stumble around ringside and the ring while taking punches and losing grease paint. He eats a big clothesline and gets crotched on the top rope, and he's really vicious when Lawler's distraction leads to his sneak attack takeover. He throws Hart into the ring steps and hits a knee breaker, rams his knee into the ringpost, even working Bret's leg over with a nasty stump puller. Doink lands ass to knees on a Whoopee Cushion and Hart goes into kill mode. Hart hits some of his best ever downward strike elbows, including a Bret highlight reel worthy 2nd rope version. Bret locks in the sharpshooter with his back perfectly turned to Lawler, and Lawler breaks one of his crutches over the back of Hart's head, hopping around on his perfectly fine knee. I really loved this era of Memphis style invading Vince's style. 

Now Lawler takes the match over for Doink, but the beaten down Bret surprises Lawler with awesome punches. Lawler soon cheats to transition, and works a great long stretch of sneaking nasty crutch shots into Bret's throat behind the ref's back. He works a long slow drama out of these crutch shots, with Bret staggering to all sides of the ring. And they kept cutting to Owen in the crowd reading these terrible lines like "Beat his behind, Bret!" in his screeching, cracked voice copy while wearing loose leather pants tucked into cowboy boots. Lawler soaks up boos while throwing the most disgusting crutch shots to Bret's throat. It's a great bunch of bullshit and a perfect way for a smug heel to work a match he was forced to participate in. The only weak portion of the entire half hour segment, was when Hart makes a comeback with a low mule kick. I don't really like the idea of Hart coming back with a kick to the balls, but even worse was the kick not connecting. Hart was offline and it came off clunky, clearly hitting Lawler in the leg. But the Hart offense it *lead* to was fantastic. Hart's punches rocked Lawler in the corner (Lawler is the best in wrestling history at selling punches in the corner, falling all over the ropes while using them to prop himself up), he hit a high backdrop and hard backbreaker, STUCK Lawler on a piledriver, and hit a middle rope elbowdrop as fine as any fistdrop Lawler threw in his career. The finish wraps things up a little too easily, with Bret basically just tapping him in the middle with a sharpshooter with no real fight. Now, we did get a great post-match twist, as Hart refused to break the sharpshooter and got his win reversed to a Lawler DQ win. I think that's a tremendous bit of horse shit, giving Lawler more trash to talk as he remains the true king of WWF. 

Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty

ER: There's a huge sign right on hard camera that says "Lardwig's Hate Section!" I honestly don't know how Borga could have made a big enough impact at this point to even HAVE a hate section. He had a handful of weekend squash matches, but no Raw matches. There were a couple of Borga vignettes that played on Raw, highlights from his squash matches played over the Finnish national anthem. On this very PPV he had a previously taped promo, walking around the rubble of a bad Michigan neighborhood while listing some reasons America is terrible, and none of his points were really wrong. But, he's got a hate section, and they think he's fat. Marty Jannetty is dressed like cocaine. 

And this is one of the most one-sided squash matches to ever make it onto PPV. Marty Jannetty went from winning the IC title three months earlier on Raw, to getting wrecked on PPV for 5 minutes and losing so definitively that you'd think Jannetty was being disappeared. Borga went right at Jannetty's ribs with body blows (with Jannetty doing these almost silly bunny hops that feel too disconnected from the punches "lifting him off his feet") and kept leveling him with stiff arm clotheslines, even tosses him WAY up into the air with a sky high flapjack, uppercutting Jannetty in the stomach on his way down. This is so completely one-sided that the crowd seems audibly confused, waiting for a Jannetty comeback that was never going to come. This is all about Borga punching Jannetty in the ribs, clubbing him in the back, and knocking him down with lariats. Borga misses a great avalanche (landing fast, chest first into the top buckle) to give Marty and opening, but then literally turns around and just lariats Jannetty coming back off the ropes. This had to be Vince punishing Jannetty, right? Jannetty's only real offense in the match looks great, two superkicks that Borga takes to the throat, excellently timed, and Borga sells like a dumb Bond villain henchman trying to let the table know he was choking (in other words, an excellent way to sell two superkicks to the throat). But he catches Jannetty's crossbody and drops him with a powerslam, then - gets this - lifts Jannetty off the match and finishes things EASILY with a nice torture rack. Brutal loss for Jannetty, no idea how you even begin to rehab your character after a loss like this. Even though it's not mentioned on commentary, I wonder if the Borga torture rack is being subtly used as a way for Borga to challenge Luger next (even though Luger hasn't really used the torture rack in WWF at this point in time).

The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

ER: I really do love that they spent literally 3 months hyping this match as a Rest In Peace match, without ever ONCE defining what a Rest In Peace match is. They hinted that they were going to, Mean Gene said we'd be finding out, but at no point in any of the build up to this match and at no point in the match itself do we ever find out what makes this a Rest In Peace match. 1993 still had a lot more connection to the carny days, and blindly billing a match as a Rest In Peace match is like a drive-in poster billing some shitty horror movie as "The bloodiest movie you will EVER see!" And I miss that carny connection that is in hindsight so much more wholesome than our current Modern Social Brand Discussing Their User Interactions. 

The Giant Gonzalez fur suit was a Great Thing. It was really off-putting when I was 12. Maybe it made every puberty-bound 12 year old watching at the time uncomfortable too and that's why everyone thought it was terrible. Except now the fur suit is so clearly the 100% correct choice for his ring gear that it's insane that the gear wasn't universally praised at the time. Wrestling needs freaks, and the tallest wrestler ever wearing a flesh colored muscle suit kicked insane amounts of ass. Big Show has spent his entire career looking like the Most Normal Giant, and it is an indisputable fact that Big Show - during literally any portion of his career - would have been better wearing this exact same fur suit. You cannot argue against that point. Instead we mostly got him cracking jokes while wearing Kirkland Signature jeans and comfortable white New Balance walkers. 

Also, WWF never understood how to film Gonzalez, the Easiest Pro Wrestler to Film. They ALWAYS film Gonzalez for underneath, the way they film guys to make them look bigger. They were so in their heads, so used to making 6'6" guys look 6'10" filming them underneath, that they flush the easiest slam dunk of Giant Gonzalez's run. The key to filming Gonzalez is simple: Just show him from far back. When you zoom in close on Gonzalez, it looks exactly like a zoomed up shot of me, a person 1/3 the size of Giant Gonzalez. You need to film him from far away, so viewers can see how large he is compared to every single thing around him. It's such an easy thing to understand, and they never understood it. You need to film him flat footed, dead on, to show how much taller he is than the tallest person near him, to show how tall his is when standing on the floor next to the ring. Once you see him towering over the crowd as he walks to the ring, it's a tough visual to forget. Stunning how not one person in the production truck ever figured this out. 

The Rest In Peace match was very similar, it turns out, to the other Undertaker/Giant Gonzalez matches, and it really showed that Gonzalez would have been an actual successful wrestling giant if he had just learned to throw decent downward clubbing arms. If you are an 8 foot tall man in a fight, you will be primarily throwing downward clubbing arms. Gonzalez never learned how to make his connect. If he learned to make a little sound with those clubbing arms it really would have added a lot to his limited offense. The size difference between Gonzalez and Undertaker will always be impressive to me, just dwarfing a very large man. The match is mostly Gonzalez clubbing and choking Undertaker until Paul Bearer makes his big return. The Bearer return is handled great, he runs through Wippleman with a clothesline and gets the urn back, and Undertaker regains his powers, hits several very soft clotheslines and a nice throat thrust, then wins with a clothesline off the top (because there was zero chance anybody was ever going to try to hit any kind of piledriver on Gonzalez). The fans reacted big for the Paul Bearer return and actually jumped to their feet when Gonzalez finally got knocked on his back, and that's really all you want from a big match like this. One of the all time great Rest In Peace matches we have on tape. 

Tatanka/Smoking Gunns vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/The Headshrinkers

ER: Great six man that really showed off the chemistry of the two pairings, and it's kind of crazy they didn't continue running this trios around the house show circuit. We have several Tatanka/Bam Bam matches and we know their chemistry is real, but this was a great use of all six guys. Bigelow has the best shape in wrestling history, and he looks big and awesome here. He works quick exchanges with Tatanka that are nearly identical to their house show exchanges, although the crowd here reacts quieter to them than on any of their house show matches (especially shocked at the quiet reaction for Bigelow cutting off the war dance with an enziguiri, which is a great spot). But the fans are into the match, really into Tatanka, and again everyone is used well. Gunns are able to come in and work either quick takedown spots (lariats or bulldogs) or leave the ring quickly (like a nice Bart pescado or Bigelow hitting a fucking BEAST of a lariat to break Billy's body over the top to the floor). Billy looked really good while using all his cool rodeo offense, like the hooking bulldog lariat or the guillotine takedown, and Fatu had the best possible timing on all of his thrust kicks, knowing exactly the right moment to stop an advancing Gunn. I also loved every single Head Shrinker headbutt, and the Gunns were excellent at whipping themselves into the mat at the exact right time to make them look devastating. The finish is fun, with the heels all nailing standing headbutts on Tatanka, but then missing on all three of their top rope headbutts, leaving Samu to be rolled up by Tatanka. Perfect kind of house show pleaser multiman. 

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

ER: This is a good match, sometimes a very good match, and briefly a great match. And it's a really interesting science experiment if you focus on the things fans are really reacting to. Because based on the reactions for the bulk of this match it is difficult to see the Proud American Lex Luger decision as anything but an early call disaster. Because the fans in Michigan react louder to all of Yokozuna's offense, and all of Yokozuna's missed offense, than almost anything Luger hits. Even more notably, the crowd is quiet on every single one of Luger's kickouts. There were several moments where it looked like Yokozuna would be walking away with this one, and the crowd just did not react to Luger NOT losing. Macho Man has been decked head to toe in the American flag for two months, Luger has been driving around the United States in an American flag bus for two months, and this crowd does not sound like a crowd who cares about Luger winning the title. Perhaps the most dire omen for Luger's Proud American run is that there isn't even a USA chant we're 15 minutes into the match. How insane is that?? This match has been built ENTIRELY on the fact that Lex Luger is an American and Yokozuna is, for all intents and purposes, not.

And this crowd couldn't even bother to chant USA until Luger was trapped in a nerve hold, DEEP into America's triumphant war with the Japanese. And it was pretty clear that a lot of that was because Luger didn't do anything to play up his babyface status. I will never understand WWF's strategy of suddenly turning Luger babyface, and then never having him wrestle as a babyface to get the crowd used to this sudden hero's mannerisms. They just did not react to Luger here, and it's weird to not hear a crowd get excited when Yokozuna's big belly to belly and legdrop gets kicked out of. 

When you think of literally EVERY other babyface on this roster, who was winning TV matches, and picture them in Lex Luger's exact same position, it's difficult to imagine ANY of them getting the quiet reaction Luger gets here. Duggan and Crush got sustained loud noise for the duration of their good matches against Yokozuna. There is no doubt either of them would have gotten even louder reactions challenging for the title on PPV. But Tatanka, Razor Ramon, Bret Hart, the Undertaker, all would have gotten the crowd more interested than Luger did here. I'm convinced Virgil could have gotten more noise, as Virgil new more tricks than Luger at getting good babyface reactions. Honestly, if they would have let 1-2-3 Kid beat IRS clean with an actual finisher instead of making the braindead decision to already beat Kid, they EASILY could have built to an excellent 1-2-3 Kid/Yokozuna title match at Survivor Series. 

They give Kid a good win over IRS, no schoolboy rollups, but let the fucking Kid beat the 2nd member of a tag team who isn't going to have any more matches together. He beats IRS with an earned finish, actually putting him down, and then in a few weeks you give him a strong Raw match against Bastion Booger. You show he can beat big guys. Then the next month you give him a good 10 minute Raw match against Doink and you have him beat Doink. You set up the WWF's "smallest" guy vs. Yokozuna, a real Rocky situation. Yet for some reason they instead treated Luger like HE was Rocky against Yokozuna! How idiotic is that? 1-2-3 Kid would have been an excellent Rocky, and him lasting against Yokozuna would be an actual feat that would grow his legend. But Luger is the man presented as having *the best chance* at beating Yokozuna! He's not Rocky, he's America's Greatest Hope. 

This match has to be considered one of the biggest failures of the 90s, a campaign that completely fucked up the trajectory of what had been an excellent and well-balance mix of over babyfaces and heels. Luger immediately clogged up the progression of everyone else. There was a natural way to turn Luger babyface, but it would have taken until 1994, and Vince panicked. 

The actual finish of this match is spectacular, a well peaked moment of excellent timing from several people, and the only time the match got the reaction it deserved. Fuji gets accidentally hit with the salt bucket, Cornette causes a distraction, Luger pulls off the protective arm band and wallops Yokozuna with a killer forearm, Yokozuna takes the incredible King Hippo bump through the ropes to the floor for the KO....and then Jim Cornette makes Luger look like the biggest dummy in the world by getting on the apron to stall for time and eat a punch (bumping big to the floor in the process), delaying Luger long enough to get Yokozuna counted out. Lex Luger not winning the title, and yet still getting an in-ring celebration COMPLETE WITH BALLOON DROP is one of the ultimate neutering moves in pro wrestling history. Having a balloon drop to celebrate winning the popular vote is about as cool as slipping in a massive pile of shit and then taking a victory lap around the block because you didn't tear your rotator cuff after everybody saw you fall into that pile of shit. 

It would go down as one of the strongest contenders for saddest and most pathetic ways for a babyface to finish a PPV...and it somehow only gets worse. After cutting to an incredibly long Lex Luger victory music video - which is really laying it on thick to an audience who is being goaded into celebrating a man who didn't complete his stated task IN HIS ONLY CHANCE - we cut to Luger celebrating backstage. Luger is celebrating with Randy Savage, the Steiners, and Tatanka (who all would have gotten the crowd more involved in their hypothetical main event PPV match against Yokozuna) and Luger proceeds to give the flattest concession speech. He really goes into "what an honor it was to perform for the great Michigan fans and represent his country" and manages to sound more and more like a loser the longer he speaks. 

And then Ludvig Borga shows up and immediately comes off like the coolest fucking gunslinger in this piece of shit town. Borga steps right up to Lex Luger's face, surrounded by Randy Savage, Tatanka, and the Steiners, and tells Luger what a fucking loser he is, tells him how shitty America is, and tells Luger he is going to destroy Luger until he represents the crumbling infrastructure of the shittiest parts of the Failed State of America. 

And nobody does a single fucking thing. Borga runs down their accomplishments, their upbringing, their country, and their identity, and then he walks out of the room with all of their dicks tucked into his jorts pocket. I can only assume the cameras cut away because Borga was seconds away from shitting on their couch while none of them made a single step toward stopping him. Luger did NOT win the title for America, in his only chance to do so. And then the most foreign man on the roster just waltzed into his locker room minutes later, proceeded to rub Luger's nose into every single one of his failures, and then just walked out without a scratch. 

I am not sure I have ever been more shocked by the finish of a PPV. Proud American Lex Luger had absolutely NO chance.

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Cactus Knows There is Crack in Everything, That is How the Light Gets In

Cactus Jack Manson/Rick Ryder vs. Steiner Brothers NWA 1/20/90 - FUN

PAS: It's Steiner brother mauling a pair of jobbers which is always a blast. Cactus is starting to get a bit of a push, so he jumps Rick and gets a couple of shots in before the hammer is dropped. Rick hits a released belly to belly which folds Cactus in half. Ryder comes in a gets thrown around top rope belly to belly gut wrench, sick Frankensteiner, only for Cactus to beat him up post match, and hit the hipbuster. You wouldn't guess Cactus had such a stellar future ahead of him from this, but this role of punching bag who kills his partners post match was a lot of fun.

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher vs. Bill Kazmaier/Brian Pillman WCW10/12/91 - FUN

PAS: This didn't have the chaos that your best Cactus/Abby tag matches had, but had some nifty moments. I actually loved the big guy face offs between Abby and Kazmaier and I want to track down their singles match on WCWSN, Abby was a force in this, thrusting Pillman in his bad throat, knocking him off the apron with a running shoulder block, and he and Kazmaier freight train into each other. Cactus was a bit subdued, especially for 91. He is mostly on the defensive and would have ended up pinned by Kazmaier's incubatory FU at the end of the match if Abby didn't cut loose with the Kendo stick. Much more of a standard tag then a whirlwind, but plenty to like.

Cactus Jack/Larry Zbyszko vs. Abdullah the Butcher/Ron Simmons WCW 2/2/92 - FUN

PAS: Love this pair of WAR teams locking up on the Main Event. This was set up to tease the Omni Cactus vs. Abby cage match, and they did a nice job whetting the whistle but never really giving us a full taste. I actually dug the Abby vs. Larry Z interactions the most, with Zbyszko breaking out his spin kick to Abby's big guts, only to be met with some nasty karate thrusts and Abby curling his finger and trying to rip out Larry's eye (with a great bellowing sell by Zbyzko). They did a Simmons face in peril section which wasn't much, only to have him hot tag Abby, almost immediately tag back in and spinebuster and pin Cactus. Felt like wires might have been crossed there. We go right into a fun post match brawl which sees Cactus hit a hipbuster on Abby and smash him with a big rolled up piece of cage material. Release the Omni footage!!

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RIP Bobby Eaton Pt. 2

Bobby Eaton vs. Chris Champion NWA 1/23/88

ER: Cool TV match that I kept expecting to go the time limit, with Eaton working over Champion's good arm while Cornette berates Champion from ringside. Champion had really nice jabs and nice timing on his dropkick, and that's more than enough for Eaton to work with. I love Champion's Future Lost Boy haircut, and the idea that he was smart enough to travel 15 years back from the future but can't avoid a car accident. Eaton is great at running right into Champion's dropkick, his punches all sing, and the zig zags shaved into Champion's head give Eaton a perfect target for a wicked kneedrop. I love how Champion punched with his cast arm, while Bobby kept grinding away on the good arm, and we also get to hear Eaton talking trash while wrenching in hammerlocks. Cornette was great at ringside, bashing Champion with the racket, getting in Tommy Young's way, and getting right in Champion's face when Eaton had a submission near the ropes. Eaton took a nice backdrop bump on Champion's comeback, and Bobby's quick sharp running knee strike to Champion's spine was a cool thing to drop him with (as well as Cornette holding Champion's foot so no kickout). I knew there were several MX/New Breed tags but I didn't actually know we got a singles match between any of them, so this was a real treat. 

Bobby Eaton/Sting vs. Abdullah the Butcher/Cactus Jack WCW 10/26/91

ER: Fantastic Center Stage war that played with the same chaotic energy as all of their prior interactions. I loved how Bobby and Sting rushed to the ring after the heels' entrance. You never get to see fired up babyfaces charging into battle anymore, and how could fans not get behind two heroes who charge at their crazy foes with punches and kicks? Cactus was a real great Center Stage bumper, and here he takes a huge backdrop over the guardrail down a fire escape exit ramp, the kind of building location that you could tell he had been dying to incorporate into a big bump, and later he splats off the apron with a missed cannonball. Eaton is on fire throughout, but they're smart about how often he gets cut off and how quickly things turnaround, and those quick turnarounds really make a short match pack a wallop. His punches all look great, but those don't mean as much when Abdullah and Cactus are ripping at your face holes. There's a great spot where Abdullah blocks a Bobby monkey flip by holding in the corner (a monkey flip Bobby hit in their earlier singles match) and that's when the gouging starts. Abdullah has some incredibly nasty face work, really looked like he had two fingers dug into Bobby's right eye socket, ripped at his nose, Cactus comes in and rips at Eaton's mouth and kicks him in the head several times, and Bobby's selling and bumping for Abby's throat thrusts make them feel as deadly as they look. Eaton and Abby are really great opponents and all time legends, but that earlier singles and this tag are most of the available interactions we have between them. There is a Lethal Lottery Starrcade tag a month later, and that's it. We have been gifted with cool wrestling handhelds, but it's probably too much to ask for their two house show singles, or the holy grail of Bobby/Abby teaming up vs. Dustin/Windham. This tag and their singles match a month prior accomplish a ton of story in under 9 minutes total, and it's a shame this didn't go on for months. 

PAS:  What a wild, chaotic and satisfying match this was. Eaton is amazing as a fired up southern babyface, you could see how great he would have been if he and Ricky Morton Freaky Friday'd in that tag feud (Morton would have made an amazing Eaton too). This really made me want to go and watch every WCWSN and Worldwide Abby and Cactus tag, they felt like such a whirlwind of violence, which was Abby's real pro wrestling superpower. Cactus was fucking nuts, he took four insane bumps in a five minute tv match, and also had a great punch out with Bobby, throwing great looking jabs only to get caught with the left hook. I loved the call back spot with Abby blocking the monkey flip. It is probably something only I and Eric noticed, because we happened to watch both matches within a week, but I love that they were smart enough to put it in there for the obsessives. 

Bobby Eaton/Arn Anderson vs. Steiner Brothers WCW 3/28/92

PAS: This was a house show match designed to showcase the Steiners and get the crowd excited to see them do their thing. We get a bunch of fun stooging Arn moments, Rick biting him in the butt, him diving into an outstretched foot, classic clown show Arn. For a guy who had such a rep as a serious killer, he was a great stooge. Bobby eats most of the big shots from the Steiners, taking a real reckless looking Frankensteiner and some of the big Rick overhand rights. I thought all of the business in this match was great, but I wish we had gotten a longer heel on top section. It really only lasted about 90 seconds (although it did have Bobby land his incredible looking top rope knee drop) and you need to let it simmer a bit more than that to make the hot tag pop. Still. this was a great opportunity to see amazing performers, perform. 

ER: This was like the Steiners working a 90/10 match against Well Dunn, with Eaton and Arn as the world's greatest Well Dunn. Dangerous Alliance doesn't get a single piece of offense until about 8 minutes in, when Eaton lands a right hand on Rick that then gets him immediately clobbered. A huge chunk of this is Arn stooging around for the Steiners with stumbling clownshoe mannerisms, great Bugs Bunny shit like outsmarting your opponent and then turning around to find that you did not, in fact, outsmart your opponent. Eaton and Arn take several armdrags and hiptosses and hard Rick door knock right hands while Madusa does a great job on the floor running around and trying to get her boys to focus. Arn's bumping is so great here, even his silly spots that don't quite make sense end with whip crack bumps, like him boot after questionably attempting his axe handle to a downed Dogface. Eaton is great at taking dangerous Steiner offense (like Scott's Frankensteiner at the finish) but I LOVED a sequence he had with Rick. We already had the cool unexpected layout of Bobby being the aggressive guy on offense and Arn being more of the bumper, but Eaton ups it with this: He goes for a slingshot suplex on Rick, and on the bounce Rick shifts his weight and lands behind Bobby in a reverse waistlock. Eaton holds the ropes to buck Steiner off and block the O'Connor roll, only to turn around and get clotheslined to the floor before even knowing what's happening to him. Gorgeous sequence that looked naturally executed and not like a guy just playing reversals wrestling. 

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WWF King of the Ring 1993

Since we're a day away from potentially getting a new forever king, I thought it would be fun to revisit a legendary monarchy based show. I haven't watched this show in at least 25 years, whenever it was that I rented it from New Release Video in Healdsburg. It's a really strong on paper kayfabe show. You look at the 8 guys who made the KOTR quarterfinals, and the choices are all strong and reflective of who was big at the time. Mr. Hughes is the one hindsight question mark, because looking back there are plenty of people who don't even remember his 4 month WWF run. But his inclusion made sense from a kayfabe perspective, as he had aligned himself with Giant Gonzalez and wrecked the Undertaker on TV. He felt like a big new threat, and stood out as physically imposing during a time there were some really large guys on the roster. 1993 Duggan feels past his expiration, but hardly anyone was getting as big a reactions as Duggan was getting in the first half of 1993. The non-tournament matches are just as logical, with Crush/Michaels the logical and anticipated title match stemming from their great double count out KOTR Qualifier, a tag scramble highlighting the top two heel and face teams, plus the big Yokozuna/Hogan rematch (that would have felt like a MUCH bigger deal had Hogan done more than what, ONE taped interview in the months between Mania and KOTR). On paper this is a real strong show, presenting all of the most popular guys in favorable pairings, and a show I remember really enjoying as a kid. Let's see how it holds up!


Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

ER: This was a great match, starting off this PPV better than any match on WrestleMania IX. Razor looks incredibly cool with his green gear, toothpick in mouth and one behind the ear, trying to be as unflappable as possible as the fans all chant 1-2-3. It's really impressive how quickly they got Kid over, and how smartly they played it. This stuff isn't difficult, but watching a simple angle like this over 25 years later - and seeing how they just don't have any kind of patience for this sort of thing now - it's even easier to appreciate. Kid beats him, then Razor demands a rematch while they barely even have Kid on TV for the next month, letting the crowd interest build for him and really building a strong underdog common man. At a certain point they just decided the most creative way to debut someone was to have them win a title on their first night in and then just kind of do nothing with them.

But anyway, the great match. Hart's shoulderblocks weren't effective to start, so he started playing a quickness game with Razor with some armdrags, and does some of that great Bret stuff like taking a bodyslam put not letting go of Razor's arm. Razor takes over with an eyepoke and sends Bret flying HARD into the ringpost, then acts like a real dick about it. He slaps Bret around the head, stomping on BOTH of his hands while Hart is trying to get up (love that), hits the fallaway slam, big running powerslam (that I don't really remember Razor doing), and my favorite thing Razor does all match is miss elbowdrops. Razor missed FOUR elbowdrops, and each miss looked great. The first miss was a big leaping elbow into an empty pool, and the three later in the match was total Elmer Fudd missing every shot he took at Bugs, dropping three in a row as Hart kept rolling out of the way. Every miss looked real painful. He wasn't just taking back bumps, he looked like he was really jamming his elbow right into the mat. The crowd was way into the match at this point, and were flipping out more with every missed elbow, getting really loud as Hart made his comeback with a backbreaker and Russian leg sweep (does anyone besides Bret and Brad Armstrong have a good Russian leg sweep? Who am I forgetting?). The match transitioned back and forth really well, both great at coming up with plausible ways to take over instead of just "my turn". Hart takes the sternum bump into the corner but flips through a Razor's Edge, fights for a backslide, and there is an insanely close 3 count on a Hart small package. Waaaaay too close and the crowd was losing their minds at this point (as was I). Now, the finish itself was only kind of a ding because it came immediately after that small package, and felt a little too similar. Razor was going for a suplex off the top and Hart fell on top of him for the 3. It felt like they needed one other thing in between Hart's surprise small package and him falling on Razor for a 3. I'm not sure what that is, but the near fall was such a huge moment that the fans really hadn't come down, and the very next thing ended the match. Does that make sense? Even so, the match ruled.


Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Mr. Hughes is wearing his pork pie hat and braces and looks like the most powerful ska trombonist in history. This is not only a battle of who advances in the King of the Ring, but a battle over who retains the title of "Mr.". This is also the first and last we see of  Mr. Hughes on WWF PPV, and maybe the last time he ever turned up on PPV anywhere, which is really weird, because look at him! This match was a super fun match up, with Perfect pushing a pace meaning we get fast Hughes, and both guys bump big for each other. Hughes working speed spots with Perfect is too good, as this also had to be the biggest Hughes got. He's really quick, takes a wild armdrag that crashes him into the ropes, flies into a hiptoss, and takes a huge backdrop. Perfect obviously tries to outbump him, flying over the top to the floor off a punch, and then taking super painful looking bumps off Irish whips. Hughes looked like he was really chucking him into the ropes and buckles, and if he wasn't, Perfect was certainly making Hughes look like Andre. Perfect and Hart were both good at making a whip into the buckle look like something that should get a nearfall, that PANK sound of a buckle that they're able to make before crumpling to the mat. This could have been something special, but that's not really what this match was. Hughes grabs the stolen urn and clocks Perfect with it for the DQ. It was directly in front of the ref, and they could have milked a really good match out of a long heat segment on Perfect after the urn shot, but this was a blast while it lasted.


Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

ER: Duggan had the sickest hair during this era: The perfect Johnny Ramone shag. This was the longest his hair ever got, and he had those perfect bangs. With his American flag singlet and kneepads, waving Old Glory, he looked like he should have been doing the best Freedom Rock commercials. I'm picturing him with that hair doing a rad boogie rock guitar solo, just choogling and making the dumbest guitar solo faces. JR and Macho Man say a bunch of platitudes about how Duggan isn't a quitter, and Heenan hilariously butts in "That's not what I heard. I heard this guy is a big quitter. He used to be known as the town wimp." There's value in knowing your limitations, and they work a nice 5 minute match within those limitations. Hacksaw Ramone is so damn over in 1993, far more than I remember, and he throws great big right hands to back Bigelow up. They run into each other, Bam Bam grabs him in a couple of bearhugs, Duggan fights out, simple but effective big man stuff. Bigelow sets up Duggan by missing a falling headbutt, and Duggan takes a really nice headfirst bump into the turnbuckle after missing a corner charge. The Bigelow headbutt off the top is a nice clean finish to a nice tidy match.


Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

ER: Love the smirk Luger wears on his face during his entire entrance, and I love how he jumps Tatanka the second Tatanka is through the ropes. And this match is the very definition of feast or famine, because we get a lot of Tatanka holding an armbar and Luger holding a chinlock, and the crowd is very silent during those portions. BUT, and this is an important but, the ultra hot sections where everyone is bumping and Luger is pistoning his arm up out of pinfalls at the very last possible second, those all came off great. This is overall a great match that happens to be burdened by a long armbar sequence and a shrug of a time limit draw. The time limit draw is a real dry hump in pro wrestling watching. It has its good sides, because Bam Bam Bigelow automatically goes to the finals, and I get why you don't want to have a big fat guy wrestling three times in the same night, and I think I am fine with a Bye due to time limit draw if it gets a cool fat guy heel into the finals. And it helps that Lex Luger makes Tatanka look like an absolute star here, taking hard back bumps on tomahawk chops and crossbody blocks, and a nice high backdrop bump. When Tatanka starts getting 2 counts on top rope chops and a tight schoolboy, Luger has such expert timing and I'm not sure I've seen very many high quality kickouts than the ones Luger provides here. Luger sets up Tatanka so well and is such a great bumping heel. The time limit draw is a bummer, but with a good end result. And I think Luger salvages it by grabbing the mic and DEMANDING 5 more minutes, because he came here to WIN the King of the Ring and he isn't going to let a time limit draw stop him from that. And after handing the microphone back to Finkel, he lays out Tatanka with a hard clothesline and puts the boots to him while laughing about it. I wish we got a finish, and Luger was working hard enough to deserve a good finish, but I get why they couldn't beat Luger. But a Luger DQ for using the metal plated elbow, leading to a DQ win for Tatanka, and a Bigelow/Tatanka semi final....that would have been a real great addition to an already good PPV.


Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: This is one of those consensus great matches, the kind of match with very few contrarian opinions. It's loved and respected by Meltzer types, 90s kids, and middle aged message board tape trader snobs. It has an easy claim as a top 5 WWF match of the 90s, the kind of match that gets cited as someone's favorite all time match. It wouldn't be controversial to call it Curt Hennig's greatest WWF performance, nor would it be to call it Bret's greatest. It's a legitimately great match and I don't think there's a misstep in the entire match. They keep an incredible pace and have the timing locked down on everything. The opening few minutes was these two showing how easily they could have instantly adapted to any style in the world. Picturing Hart working these same headlock takeover and dropdown exchanges with Negro Casas or Tatsumi Fujinami, and it's watching matches like these makes me realize just how much I love Bret Hart. It might not be a cool pick, but he's high up my personal list of best wrestlers. He and Perfect craft something special, an argument for WWF style, the best example of an extension from the Savage/Steamboat workrate. It's a nearly 20 minute match but there's no fat. The bumping is honest and tough from both men. Perfect wasn't a showoff, but instead landed hard on a backdrop, sold a knee injury through a long home stretch, fit his great ass over crown ropes bump in at the best time, and ate a huge superplex for a great nearfall. 

Hart was a perfect dancer partner for Perfect, and vice versa. Perfect got flung over by the neck a few times, and Hart plastered him with an uppercut. Jim Ross sounded downright flush and beside himself when Hart hit that uppercut. Hart moves through his offense well and blends it naturally into their movement. A great backbreaker drops Perfect, and Perfect does a twinkle toes Rick Rude sell on atomic drop, allowing Hart to get the Russian legsweep as Perfect duck walked. Hart made Perfect look like a killer, flying ridiculously hard chest first into the turnbuckle, and Perfect knocks Hart off the apron to send Hart flying really painfully into ringside gear and the guardrail. It was a painful bump that built the possibility of a count out win. When Perfect comes up limping, that's when Hart takes the chance to go after his leg, and they move around each other really instinctively. The fans sounded ready for a Perfect win as they got very excited (maybe it was a nervous buzz?) when Perfect locked on an excellent sleeper hold, dragging Hart to the mat like Bill Dundee. Both men were getting great reactions, and it was one of those matches where they got almost immediately into the pocket and knew exactly what kind of match to work. The finish was really great, with Perfect luring Bret into a small package by feinting the knee injury, and it's a great enough move that you buy the finish. But Bret reverses it and holds on for just a fraction of a second longer than Perfect was able to. Great match, a flagship match from the biggest wrestling promotion in history. It deserves the praise it gets. 

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

ER: It never gets talked about because it came directly after the excellent Hart/Perfect match, and because the uncool view of Hogan nostalgia, but just as Hart and Perfect had arguably their greatest WWF performance tonight, you could easily make a case for this being Yokozuna's greatest performance. And really, this is a great Hogan performance too. Outside of the absolutely silly and completely ridiculous finish. That finish is something that any tween with observation skills would have seen coming, just because of the comical costume and fake beard they decided to put Harvey Wippleman as the rogue photog. I can still remember my friend Dave - who saw the PPV - trying to relate exactly what happened to everyone at school the next day. "Before the match started they were showing a bunch of cameramen at ringside, and the camera lingered too long on this one guy..."

So we get a silly finish that closes the door on Hulk Hogan in WWF for nearly a decade, but even with that finish I'm not sure there are better 90s Hogan matches than this one. Shoot, even the silly finish included a fireball, so even when compared to other silly finishes it's still far better. Yokozuna turned in a tremendous brick wall performance, allowing short openings for Hogan only by missing moves (a charge into the corner, a missed big splash) but Hogan immediately gets shut down any time he tries to take fight to Yokozuna. He lands punches, then always goes for a bodyslam that ends in him getting smacked to the mat. I love the simplicity of it, with Hogan getting sliiiiightly further each time, so that when he manages to get Yoko on one leg it feels like a big deal. The crowd gets loud whenever Hogan starts to fire back, sensing his win, and cheer on as he gets some mounted corner punches and even bites Yoko's forehead. I loved Hogan fighting out of a strong bearhug by punching Yoko a dozen times in the head, crowd chanting along, but being unable to do more because of his back. 

Yokozuna just throws Hogan around, with the best moment coming off a fantastic belly to belly suplex. Yoko really flattens him and the crowd seems actually stunned by his kickout, but into the Hulking. He hits several big boots (a little weak looking, but Hogan appeared to be moving pretty gingerly throughout), and Yoko is great at selling them, great at selling the clotheslines without getting knocked over, and they spend enough time on Hogan trying to knock him down any way he can that by the time Yokozuna finally timberrrrs over it's a huge moment, leading to immediate genuine shock when he kicks out of the legdrop. Then we get the rogue cameraman, the fireball, and a big fat awesome Yoko legdrop to finish it. The postmatch destruction is the best, as Yoko drags Hogan's corpse around and hits the Banzai drop, and they do my absolute favorite thing by showing a bunch of super sad small children in the crowd. The best is that dweeb front row center dressed entirely like Hogan, looking like an outright maroon as he has to sit there and watch another man he chose to dress as get annihilated. Imagine that guy the rest of the show, walking sullenly to the bathroom, trudging to the parking lot, being approached by the dozenth person asking "What happened?"

I really do think this is the strongest WWF Hogan match of the 90s, and I'm not certain there are any WCW matches better. Had Hogan treated Vader with the level of awe he had here against Yokozuna, those matches could have been classics. Hogan wasn't as interested in letting someone play brick wall in WCW, he was far too insecure at that point. Yoko was allowed to have a monster performance, and he delivered arguably his greatest single match performance here. The timing was excellent, the build throughout was exactly what it should have been, and again, even the silly finish had a fireball to the face. This match gets roundly dumped on and I don't actually understand why. Yokozuna looked like an unstoppable killer, and looked cool doing it. The match long Hogan comeback teases were worked exactly as the should have been, and I honestly don't think they could have had a better match here. 

The Steiner Bros./The Smoking Gunns vs. Money Inc./The Headshrinkers

ER: This was too rushed which is a real shame, as I was really into what match we got. It gets over 6 minutes, but a match at minimum needs at least one minute per participant to be of much value. And it's clear from what they did in these 6 minutes that they had plenty of material to fill 15. Now, it's not a shock on a big show like this that some things probably ran long so some things may have been cut for time during this match. What we get really does smoke. Dibiase does some quick armdrags with Scott Steiner, and I am reminded that Dibiase is the same age here as I am now, and within a few months Dibiase would be retired from wrestling due to injuries. As I type this, back sore from last night's yoga, I am once again reminded of my mortality. There's a great early spot where Dibiase eats a Steinerline over the top to the floor, bumps around on the floor, gets back in the ring and immediately eats another Steinerline to the floor and bumps around again. Dibiase/Scott Steiner is such a fun pairing, and it is really weird that this match just isn't Steiners vs. Money Inc. for the belts. Bart Gunn gets separated from the pack and I like all of the ways Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers cut him off from the others, like a cool double backdrop and IRS leaping off the top rope with a punch. Bart gets a convincing sunset flip and makes a hot tag to Billy, and Billy comes in blazing with nice clotheslines. 

There is some absolutely hysterical commentary, as throughout this match Jim Ross is - as he'll do - running through every participant's college credentials, including a claim that Billy Gunn went to college on a rodeo scholarship. Finally Heenan blurts out "Do you know anyone who didn't go to school!?" I had to pause it I was laughing so hard. Dibiase hits an awesome hot shot on Gunn and then actually makes Gunn collapse with the million dollar dream. The finish is pretty lame, as Dibiase just lets Gunn collapse, brags to the crowd, and then gets small packaged. I have a lot of questions, don't know why they didn't just put the belts on the Steiners, don't know why they (presumably) cut a bunch of the match out, but I really liked what match we did get. 

Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

ER: This wasn't as great as their KOTR Qualifying sprint, was a little more bloated and had a finish that made Crush look like a doofus again, but it was more proof that the two of them have great chemistry. I'm going to have to watch the Demolition/Rockers tags and their Coliseum Video singles match to really see what they might have accomplished. They didn't have a ton of house show singles or tags, but there are a handful so maybe one is out there. Crush really comes off powerful and charismatic, and it's kind of wild that they kept him getting clowned why Doink for so long because the crowd responds to him so well. It helps when Michaels bounces all over the ring and ringside for him. Crush works sequences speed for speed with Michaels while still coming off heavy, trading leapfrogs and dropdowns while also brickwalling him with shoulderblocks. 

There's a great spot where Crush swings for the fences on a missed clothesline and his momentum makes him skid forward a bit too far, giving Michaels enough time to compose himself first and pop him with a jab. That jab gets him his ass kicked though, as Crush hits a couple big dropkicks to knock Michaels over the top to the floor, and obviously a clothesline on the floor because Michaels is going to bump to the floor. Michaels also takes a big muscled up backdrop bump and we get a cool press slam spot with Crush pressing him three times before tossing him onto the ropes! Michaels basically gets no offense until Diesel gets involved, but then he beats the back of Crush's head into the ringpost like 8 times, and the shots really looked like he was trying to crack open Crush's skull. It was a great way for a small guy to erase the size difference, and Crush sold it really well. Michaels' control segment goes a bit long, but maybe we paid for that with all of those Crush armdrags and leapfrog spots earlier. His comeback is good but I really wish we got a different finish than Two Doinks coming out to distract him AGAIN. The finish itself is strong, with Michaels hitting the superkick to the softened up back of Crush's head (a cool variation he never used) but Crush had to stand there staring at clowns for a lonnnng time. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Bret Hart

ER: On paper, this was the match I was most looking forward to on this show, but I thought it underwhelmed in certain ways and was the weakest of the three Bret matches. I shouldn't complain about such a fun Bigelow showcase - he's a guy I'm happy to see in main events - and this is maybe the most dominant main event of his career. It is very one sided for a long portion of the match, and Hart also comes into the match with a pronounced limp. So the fans get quiet for a lot of it and aren't nearly as loud for Bret's comeback as I expected them to be. The match went 18, but felt more like 24, and the fans in attendance added to that fatigue. Hart really gives a ton of time to Bam Bam, and adds to his own overall very impressive total ring time for the night. The Hart/Razor match was arguably the best match of Razor's WWE run, a top 5 contender at worst. The Hart/Perfect match is a strong contender for best WWE match of the 90s. This match is well regarded but overly long, unable to grab the fans in the same way the prior Hart matches had. 

But this doesn't mean the match isn't plenty fun, and an important match in keeping the opinion of fat guys high against the early internet "Fat Guys Are Bad" rhetoric. Bigelow works a long match and keeps up an agile pace, working methodically over Hart while also hitting more high leaping headbutts than I've ever seen him hit. Every time he took to the air I expected the empty pool landing, except he kept crushing Bret with every. single. one. He gets an incredible false finish with a top rope headbutt, a false finish that I had honestly completely forgotten about, so it played as shockingly as the one in the Juvy/Jericho mask vs. title match for me. Bigelow's work leading up to that pin makes his performance come off like one of the most dominant main events of that era. Hart was limping, and he cannot get anything at all going against Bigelow. BBB hits some of the gnarliest backdrop suplexes I've seen, lifting Hart up soooo high before cutting the elevator cable. Hart came in limping but the match became a compelling methodical back work match. It felt much more like a big WWF late 70s/early 80s main event than a 1993 main event, and that helps the match appeal. Hart gets whipped hard into the buckles several times, getting to show off his all time great corner bump, always making the turnbuckles look rib cage shifting. 

But I do think Bigelow's control goes on for far too long. As much as I love bearhugs, we probably could have dropped one of the four trips back to a bearhug variation. Or, you know what fuck it, this should have had even more bearhug variations. It's the finals of the first ever PPV King of the Ring, have Bigelow lock in half a dozen. His bearhugs do all look great, as crushing as the best Andre bearhugs. We even get a sick over the shoulder variation that Bret sells like a crucifixion. The Luna interference was well utilized and the surprise finish is indeed a surprise to this day. Also, the restart was used well and I like that we didn't get the typical match ending 30 seconds after the restart. We still got another full match once Bigelow's win was (ridiculously) reversed, and that makes this come off like the important main event that it should have. I do think Hart took too long a beating to make the comeback he made, but Bigelow took Hart's offense really well, and the victory roll finish is a believable way to take down a big man. Bigelow had one of his best WWF performances, and it made me want to go back and watch the Hart/Bigelow match on the Bret dvd and see if I still think it's better than this one. Hart worked three very different and all very good matches in one night, and it's the kind of night that solidifies him as one of my very favorite wrestlers. It's not a stylish pick, but I think it's an undeniable one. 

After the match Hart gets a nice coronation, until Lawler comes out and interrupts and absolutely trashes Hart. Lawler smashes the chair over Hart, really bouncing it off his body, and punches the new crown right off Hart's head. I really wish Lawler had been in the KOTR proper, and against all the more freakshow opponents. I think Lawler would have been the best WWF opponent for Giant Gonzalez, and Lawler vs. Mr. Hughes around this time would have been incredible. But the King was such an excellent TV character during this era of WWF, a constant presence while working a quarter the matches as everyone else. There are so many matches I wish Lawler had over his long WWF run, so I savor angles like these that are slices of Memphis inserted in WWF main event angles. 

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