Segunda Caida

Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D, Sebastian, and other friends write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Saturday, September 04, 2021

On Brand Segunda Caida: Jamie Dundee

JC Ice vs. 1-2-3 Kid USWA 8/7/93

ER: This is more of an angle than an actual match (it is USWA TV, so) but it rules. PG-13 come out and start running down 123 Kid for being small. Jamie Dundee of all people calling people short is going to make for great TV, and he goes on this whole Showtime at the Apollo diss routine on Kid. "People say that we're small, you should see this small stick man in WWF right now! That kid is so small he can hula hoop with a Cheerio! Razor Ramon must have been drunk when he lost to him. This guy's parents named him after numbers!" Kid comes out, gets in the ring, Wolfie goes to fight him, but JC wants to teach this "little guy" a lesson. Dundee is the perfect kind guy to teach someone a lesson, because you know his ass is gonna get kicked. I died and rewound as JC runs into the ring and straight into a super high backdrop, has a great punch exchange with Kid (I love how Dundee throws punches), and my 12 yr old mind would have blown had I seen this, since I actually believed 123 Kid was the smallest wrestler imaginable. I imagine tons of fans have had a disappointing experience when meeting Waltman for the first time. "You were my favorite because you were small like me! Oh, you are not small at all." 

JC stooges around for Kid, great at standing there looking like a dummy while eating kick combos. He takes another backdrop but lands on his feet, showing off to the fans before getting kicked. Then Wolfie D makes this a tag match and comes in, even yelling "pick on someone your own size!" as he charges in. He gets the advantage for a bit, then Kid picks him apart with kicks and JC Ice runs back in to double team Kid. The match proper went maybe 2 minutes, Jeff Jarrett runs in for the save, and somehow we never get a PG-13 vs. Kid/Jarrett match (which would have the potential to be a legitimately great match). Why would you not run that match!? Anyway, this whole segment ruled. (Also stick around for Richard Lee's promo on Bert Prentice right after this, made me want to see him take the Moondogs against anyone and everyone).


PG-13 vs. Tony Falk/Tony Williams USWA 10/2/93

ER: I, personally, always expect a powerhouse team like the 2 Tonys to take over 90% of a match. PG-13 come out with Midget D, and practically the only offense they get the entire match is when D interferes from the floor. Most of the match is spent on Williams controlling PG-13 with armdrags, and Dundee is someone who is going to do a ton of funny things while getting frustrated by armdrags. Dundee takes two great backdrops and bumps to the floor off a clothesline, comforted and cradled on the floor by Midget D. Wolfie does some great stooging around athleticism, like doing a rope assisted backflip while caught in an armlock, only to get clotheslined once he lands; or, getting a hiptoss on Williams and trying to legdrop Williamses' arm, completely missing and hitting canvas instead. Now, why the mat hurt Wolfie D's buns because he missed, when it would have been the same landing has he hit the arm? I couldn't tell you, but I love it. Tommy Rich comes out and gives this great conversational ramble to Dave Brown, and eventually gets in the ring and starts kicking Tony Falk's ass, just to be a jerk.


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Sunday, August 15, 2021

WWF Summerslam 8/30/93

Ted Dibiase vs. Razor Ramon


ER: I have been watching through a lot of 1993 TV, really enjoying the 2+ month build to Summerslam, but when the show finally got here I wasn't actually sure what would open the PPV. I haven't seen this show in a couple decades (shout out for the millionth time to New Release Video and their excellent pro wrestling selection growing up), and I love how little I remember about the actual card. This makes sense as an opener when you look at everything else on the card that needs to take place, so starting with a popular guy like Razor makes sense, and when Razor comes out in his outstanding hot pink gear it's clear they made the correct choice.

Razor was one of the most over guys of 1993, but when you step back and look at his last 6 months it was kind of a miracle. 1. He has the most unnecessary WrestleMania match, short, and with Bob Backlund throwing off his timing. 2. He loses to the Kid, then loses 10 grand to the Kid, then gets made fun of by another heel for both losing and getting outsmarted out of money by the Kid (properly setting up this very match). 3. He loses in the first round at King of the Ring, and while it was a great match against the eventual winner, it's still Razor not on a PPV past the 20 minute mark. He got over by his sheer This Is Very Cool for 1993 charisma, and that is cool. So here he is again, opening a PPV. Dibiase isn't totally the best in ring match for Razor, but it gives him a larger opponent, and that means people are actually seeing his offense hit against someone with size. Dibiase lands heavy on bumps, so while Razor's offense looks cool when a smaller guy is bumping around the ring for him, here he got to look like he was muscling around someone substantial. It's a fun slugfest, and they ran into each other in satisfying ways. Dibiase took a big bump over the top from a lariat, and puts Razor down with a very convincing sleeper. Everything in this felt honest, but it wasn't quite the pace or explosiveness the crowd wanted to see. But it built to the finish the fans wanted to see, with Razor planting Dibiase with the Razor's Edge after Dibiase was run into the turnbuckle (after removing the pad himself). I really liked this Edge too, as Razor really had to work to get Dibiase up in a crucifix, and Dibiase was excellent at selling panic while getting hoisted. So even though it took Razor a bit to get him up there, Dibiase made it look like it was because he was struggling to get out of it, really made the finish. Three days later, Dibiase would win the All Japan tag titles with Stan Hansen, and a couple months after that he would be retired. 


Heavenly Bodies vs. Steiner Brothers

ER: This was the match I most remembered from my video store rental, a super exciting 1993 WWF tag match (a year not really known at all for WWF tag wrestling), featuring a team I was completely unfamiliar with. If you were not watching the TV right before Summerslam, the Bodies literally debuted just a few weeks prior, and barely got any real showcases while getting thrown immediately into a PPV title match. It really does not feel like a thing WWE would do with a team today, and that's cool. The match ages like something that felt really great in 1993, and still has a ton going for it. This match feels like a modern AEW match that would get a lot of stars, playing out as a 10 minute sprint with a ton of moves. A ton of the moves were cool, but there were also a ton of hitches and gaffes, guys going up for suplexes too early or getting crossed up but running through with a move anyway. So exactly like an AEW tag, really. Bodies jump the Steiners before the bell and run a cool stretch where they keep knocking Scott to the floor while double teaming Rick. The double teams all look vaguely dangerous, like everybody is too hopped up and the timing is slightly off. Rick leaps into a double vertical suplex before either Body is suplexing him, then they shoot him into the ropes for a double flapjack but he fights it the whole way down to make it a backdrop (instead it looks like a flapjack that splats him right on the shoulder). But Scott can't be kept on the floor for long and is soon back in, leading to Steiners throwing both Bodies around, and it's always fun when Steiners throw people around. Bodies roll to the floor after getting thrown, and upon reentering the ring they get completely worked over again. Prichard gets press slammed, Del Ray gets backdropped, both eat Steiner lines, both eat atomic drops, and this was really looking like it was going to be an easy Steiners win. 

I loved how the Bodies took control, with Del Ray leapfrogging Scott and Prichard nailing him with a bulldog once he ducked. It gave us a nice Bodies control segment on Scott (which really should have been longer), with Del Ray hitting a cannonball off the apron, then his 'round the world DDT and a superkick in ring. But almost immediately after, Scott launches Del Ray after another DDT attempt, launches Prichard with a double arm suplex, and then Rick is back hitting Steiner lines on everyone. Bodies took some real punishment in this match, with hardly any recovery time. Del Ray is out here taking the top rope bulldog, takes a wild powerslam from Rick (he took Scott's tilt a whirl slam earlier while looking like he knew he might die), then took the Frankensteiner at the finish. I'm not sure you can find a 1993 WWF match that contained more moves performed per minute, and that is the kind of thing that would stand out and get star ratings in 90s American wrestling. It would have really benefitted from some breath, as this was as go go go as you can get and was filled with moves you really weren't seeing from anyone else on TV. Now that every single popular indy and AEW tag match is formatted exactly like this match, it doesn't come off as special. I would have liked to see a follow up match on Raw, see how they worked a match that wasn't a sprint in front of the Steiners' hometown crowd. But if you're into seeing a ton of cool moves thrown out in an economic runtime, you can't really miss with this match. 


Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Champ enters first, which is something that always feels wrong to me, and it curses the first part of the match. Because this is a match with a mostly bad first half and a mostly great second half. I kinda hated the start of this, with a bunch of mapped out running exchanges that played too mapped out. A lot of leapfrogs and missed clotheslines and a couple of quick rope running moves where you couldn't really tell who was taking the move and who was delivering it. It looked like a couple of yarders doing a move for move reproduction of a better match they had seen. There was just too much disconnect and it felt too much like the horse shit Michaels wants to see from Adam Cole and Johnny Gargano. 

The match got good when Michaels started working over Perfect's back. Michaels dropped elbows and whipped Perfect into the turnbuckles a couple times, and Perfect took really painful violent looking bumps getting flung into those turnbuckles. It built to an exciting comeback (with Perfect's back perfect again, oh well) where Michaels' bumps felt much more connected to what Perfect was delivering. There was some nice timing on a big explosive Perfect dropkick that Michaels bumped on his shoulders, and he did a fun pirouette bump for an atomic drop. Michaels also had some strong super late kickouts, tricking the fans at least 3 different times that they were seeing a title change. The finish was pretty weak, as Perfect hits the Perfect Plex but Diesel just drags him out of the ring. Perfect actually lands punches and knocks Diesel's sunglasses off (Heenan: "Perfect is hitting a man with glasses!!"), and catches Michaels with a punch when he tries to get involved. Diesel had been around a long time as Shawn's heavy, and this was the first time anyone really landed a punch on him. But Perfect lost by a count out, which means that Earl Hebner somehow missed every single thing that happened over the prior 10 seconds, somehow counting Perfect out while also not noticing that he was in a fight with Diesel. That's just lazy and makes everyone look like an idiot. 


IRS vs. 1-2-3 Kid

ER: 1-2-3 Kid's eyebrows have finally grown back and he looks so much more normal. But this match is one of the most baffling decisions of 1993. This sounds like an extreme comparison, but just as the sudden Luger face turn really fucked up a ton of much better 1993 plans, having IRS beat Kid on his first PPV appearance feels insane to me. Who could have possibly thought this was a good decision? They had booked his arc perfectly up to this point, getting him real grassroots reactions and chants from crowds. This match felt like the exact 100% correct match to be having, right up until the moment that IRS quickly and easily pinned Kid. Kid got to do his crowd pleasing audience in front of his biggest crowd, against a large opponent, and it was going great. He hit a couple of different spin kicks and was good at avoiding IRS's offense...until getting knocked silly to the floor. IRS is good at knocking Kid down, and Kid is good at finding fun ways to come back. IRS hit a predictable chinlock and we all knew Kid would start to break it once the 1-2-3 chants started. Those started 10 seconds in, Kid fought out of it. Again, everything was going exactly as planned. 

Kid hits his moonsault press, which beat Razor Ramon, but IRS kicks out. Kid immediately ties him up with a majistral cradle, which beat Ted Dibiase, but IRS kicks out. Kid throws a spin kick, IRS catches it, and Kid throws his knee right into IRS's face. IRS kicks out of THAT! And then, they get up, IRS jumps over a dropdown, and then hits his big lariat for the cleanest possible victory. Of all people, they had IRS kick out of both moves that earned Kid his two big TV victories, withstanding more damage than any Kid opponent so far. And then he just gets up and hits his finish! Money Inc was over, Dibiase was gone, and they have Kid - the guy getting bigger and bigger organic reactions with every TV appearance - lose to IRS in his first PPV match. I am actually shocked. Kid beating IRS at Summerslam was literally the most easy to pick result on the entire card...and it didn't happen. I have absolutely zero clue why it did not happen. 


Bret Hart vs. Jerry The King Lawler/Doink

ER: This was a tremendous segment. Lawler comes out on crutches with his left knee heavily wrapped with a hot water bottle. He runs down Detroit's auto industry by talking about how beat up his rent-a-limo was due to the lackluster Detroit auto quality control, how he got into a bad accident and had to crawl through the flames, how he hopped on one leg to get to the arena to gallantly face Bret Hart. And there is nothing more IN THIS WORLD that Lawler wants, than to get into that ring and face down Bret Hart with just one leg. But these damn doctors refuse to clear him to compete, even though - again - there is nothing he wants more than to take Bret down a peg or two. Alas, as he cannot compete with this leg, no matter what his heart says. So, in his proxy, he has chosen Doink as Bret's new opponent. This was a really well done Memphis bait and switch, giving the babyface an opponent that he hasn't been preparing for. It was a great way to get Doink into a surprise spot on the PPV (along with Crush and Duggan, he would have felt like the biggest snub from the card), and it was the only look we ever got at the naturally great pairing of Bret and Doink. It's criminal we didn't actually get a TV feud between them

They have a great 10 minute match, Hart throwing some of his greatest worked strikes, and Doink putting in an excellent physical performance with some great cut off spots. It's a physical match and both guys are so good at a physical but theatrical style, throwing excellent worked punches and great stomps to the face. Doink comes out smoking a cigar, carrying a couple of buckets. He throws one bucket of confetti on some kids, trying to scare them like an evil Harlem Globetrotter. Then he throws an actual bucket of water on Bruce Hart (sitting ringside with Owen) and Bruce does a real great "hold me back" crazed fight eyes reaction. Doink turns right around into a great Bret right hand and then proceeds to stumble around ringside and the ring while taking punches and losing grease paint. He eats a big clothesline and gets crotched on the top rope, and he's really vicious when Lawler's distraction leads to his sneak attack takeover. He throws Hart into the ring steps and hits a knee breaker, rams his knee into the ringpost, even working Bret's leg over with a nasty stump puller. Doink lands ass to knees on a Whoopee Cushion and Hart goes into kill mode. Hart hits some of his best ever downward strike elbows, including a Bret highlight reel worthy 2nd rope version. Bret locks in the sharpshooter with his back perfectly turned to Lawler, and Lawler breaks one of his crutches over the back of Hart's head, hopping around on his perfectly fine knee. I really loved this era of Memphis style invading Vince's style. 

Now Lawler takes the match over for Doink, but the beaten down Bret surprises Lawler with awesome punches. Lawler soon cheats to transition, and works a great long stretch of sneaking nasty crutch shots into Bret's throat behind the ref's back. He works a long slow drama out of these crutch shots, with Bret staggering to all sides of the ring. And they kept cutting to Owen in the crowd reading these terrible lines like "Beat his behind, Bret!" in his screeching, cracked voice copy while wearing loose leather pants tucked into cowboy boots. Lawler soaks up boos while throwing the most disgusting crutch shots to Bret's throat. It's a great bunch of bullshit and a perfect way for a smug heel to work a match he was forced to participate in. The only weak portion of the entire half hour segment, was when Hart makes a comeback with a low mule kick. I don't really like the idea of Hart coming back with a kick to the balls, but even worse was the kick not connecting. Hart was offline and it came off clunky, clearly hitting Lawler in the leg. But the Hart offense it *lead* to was fantastic. Hart's punches rocked Lawler in the corner (Lawler is the best in wrestling history at selling punches in the corner, falling all over the ropes while using them to prop himself up), he hit a high backdrop and hard backbreaker, STUCK Lawler on a piledriver, and hit a middle rope elbowdrop as fine as any fistdrop Lawler threw in his career. The finish wraps things up a little too easily, with Bret basically just tapping him in the middle with a sharpshooter with no real fight. Now, we did get a great post-match twist, as Hart refused to break the sharpshooter and got his win reversed to a Lawler DQ win. I think that's a tremendous bit of horse shit, giving Lawler more trash to talk as he remains the true king of WWF. 


Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty

ER: There's a huge sign right on hard camera that says "Lardwig's Hate Section!" I honestly don't know how Borga could have made a big enough impact at this point to even HAVE a hate section. He had a handful of weekend squash matches, but no Raw matches. There were a couple of Borga vignettes that played on Raw, highlights from his squash matches played over the Finnish national anthem. On this very PPV he had a previously taped promo, walking around the rubble of a bad Michigan neighborhood while listing some reasons America is terrible, and none of his points were really wrong. But, he's got a hate section, and they think he's fat. Marty Jannetty is dressed like cocaine. 

And this is one of the most one-sided squash matches to ever make it onto PPV. Marty Jannetty went from winning the IC title three months earlier on Raw, to getting wrecked on PPV for 5 minutes and losing so definitively that you'd think Jannetty was being disappeared. Borga went right at Jannetty's ribs with body blows (with Jannetty doing these almost silly bunny hops that feel too disconnected from the punches "lifting him off his feet") and kept leveling him with stiff arm clotheslines, even tosses him WAY up into the air with a sky high flapjack, uppercutting Jannetty in the stomach on his way down. This is so completely one-sided that the crowd seems audibly confused, waiting for a Jannetty comeback that was never going to come. This is all about Borga punching Jannetty in the ribs, clubbing him in the back, and knocking him down with lariats. Borga misses a great avalanche (landing fast, chest first into the top buckle) to give Marty and opening, but then literally turns around and just lariats Jannetty coming back off the ropes. This had to be Vince punishing Jannetty, right? Jannetty's only real offense in the match looks great, two superkicks that Borga takes to the throat, excellently timed, and Borga sells like a dumb Bond villain henchman trying to let the table know he was choking (in other words, an excellent way to sell two superkicks to the throat). But he catches Jannetty's crossbody and drops him with a powerslam, then - gets this - lifts Jannetty off the match and finishes things EASILY with a nice torture rack. Brutal loss for Jannetty, no idea how you even begin to rehab your character after a loss like this. Even though it's not mentioned on commentary, I wonder if the Borga torture rack is being subtly used as a way for Borga to challenge Luger next (even though Luger hasn't really used the torture rack in WWF at this point in time).


The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

ER: I really do love that they spent literally 3 months hyping this match as a Rest In Peace match, without ever ONCE defining what a Rest In Peace match is. They hinted that they were going to, Mean Gene said we'd be finding out, but at no point in any of the build up to this match and at no point in the match itself do we ever find out what makes this a Rest In Peace match. 1993 still had a lot more connection to the carny days, and blindly billing a match as a Rest In Peace match is like a drive-in poster billing some shitty horror movie as "The bloodiest movie you will EVER see!" And I miss that carny connection that is in hindsight so much more wholesome than our current Modern Social Brand Discussing Their User Interactions. 

The Giant Gonzalez fur suit was a Great Thing. It was really off-putting when I was 12. Maybe it made every puberty-bound 12 year old watching at the time uncomfortable too and that's why everyone thought it was terrible. Except now the fur suit is so clearly the 100% correct choice for his ring gear that it's insane that the gear wasn't universally praised at the time. Wrestling needs freaks, and the tallest wrestler ever wearing a flesh colored muscle suit kicked insane amounts of ass. Big Show has spent his entire career looking like the Most Normal Giant, and it is an indisputable fact that Big Show - during literally any portion of his career - would have been better wearing this exact same fur suit. You cannot argue against that point. Instead we mostly got him cracking jokes while wearing Kirkland Signature jeans and comfortable white New Balance walkers. 

Also, WWF never understood how to film Gonzalez, the Easiest Pro Wrestler to Film. They ALWAYS film Gonzalez for underneath, the way they film guys to make them look bigger. They were so in their heads, so used to making 6'6" guys look 6'10" filming them underneath, that they flush the easiest slam dunk of Giant Gonzalez's run. The key to filming Gonzalez is simple: Just show him from far back. When you zoom in close on Gonzalez, it looks exactly like a zoomed up shot of me, a person 1/3 the size of Giant Gonzalez. You need to film him from far away, so viewers can see how large he is compared to every single thing around him. It's such an easy thing to understand, and they never understood it. You need to film him flat footed, dead on, to show how much taller he is than the tallest person near him, to show how tall his is when standing on the floor next to the ring. Once you see him towering over the crowd as he walks to the ring, it's a tough visual to forget. Stunning how not one person in the production truck ever figured this out. 

The Rest In Peace match was very similar, it turns out, to the other Undertaker/Giant Gonzalez matches, and it really showed that Gonzalez would have been an actual successful wrestling giant if he had just learned to throw decent downward clubbing arms. If you are an 8 foot tall man in a fight, you will be primarily throwing downward clubbing arms. Gonzalez never learned how to make his connect. If he learned to make a little sound with those clubbing arms it really would have added a lot to his limited offense. The size difference between Gonzalez and Undertaker will always be impressive to me, just dwarfing a very large man. The match is mostly Gonzalez clubbing and choking Undertaker until Paul Bearer makes his big return. The Bearer return is handled great, he runs through Wippleman with a clothesline and gets the urn back, and Undertaker regains his powers, hits several very soft clotheslines and a nice throat thrust, then wins with a clothesline off the top (because there was zero chance anybody was ever going to try to hit any kind of piledriver on Gonzalez). The fans reacted big for the Paul Bearer return and actually jumped to their feet when Gonzalez finally got knocked on his back, and that's really all you want from a big match like this. One of the all time great Rest In Peace matches we have on tape. 


Tatanka/Smoking Gunns vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/The Headshrinkers

ER: Great six man that really showed off the chemistry of the two pairings, and it's kind of crazy they didn't continue running this trios around the house show circuit. We have several Tatanka/Bam Bam matches and we know their chemistry is real, but this was a great use of all six guys. Bigelow has the best shape in wrestling history, and he looks big and awesome here. He works quick exchanges with Tatanka that are nearly identical to their house show exchanges, although the crowd here reacts quieter to them than on any of their house show matches (especially shocked at the quiet reaction for Bigelow cutting off the war dance with an enziguiri, which is a great spot). But the fans are into the match, really into Tatanka, and again everyone is used well. Gunns are able to come in and work either quick takedown spots (lariats or bulldogs) or leave the ring quickly (like a nice Bart pescado or Bigelow hitting a fucking BEAST of a lariat to break Billy's body over the top to the floor). Billy looked really good while using all his cool rodeo offense, like the hooking bulldog lariat or the guillotine takedown, and Fatu had the best possible timing on all of his thrust kicks, knowing exactly the right moment to stop an advancing Gunn. I also loved every single Head Shrinker headbutt, and the Gunns were excellent at whipping themselves into the mat at the exact right time to make them look devastating. The finish is fun, with the heels all nailing standing headbutts on Tatanka, but then missing on all three of their top rope headbutts, leaving Samu to be rolled up by Tatanka. Perfect kind of house show pleaser multiman. 


Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

ER: This is a good match, sometimes a very good match, and briefly a great match. And it's a really interesting science experiment if you focus on the things fans are really reacting to. Because based on the reactions for the bulk of this match it is difficult to see the Proud American Lex Luger decision as anything but an early call disaster. Because the fans in Michigan react louder to all of Yokozuna's offense, and all of Yokozuna's missed offense, than almost anything Luger hits. Even more notably, the crowd is quiet on every single one of Luger's kickouts. There were several moments where it looked like Yokozuna would be walking away with this one, and the crowd just did not react to Luger NOT losing. Macho Man has been decked head to toe in the American flag for two months, Luger has been driving around the United States in an American flag bus for two months, and this crowd does not sound like a crowd who cares about Luger winning the title. Perhaps the most dire omen for Luger's Proud American run is that there isn't even a USA chant we're 15 minutes into the match. How insane is that?? This match has been built ENTIRELY on the fact that Lex Luger is an American and Yokozuna is, for all intents and purposes, not.

And this crowd couldn't even bother to chant USA until Luger was trapped in a nerve hold, DEEP into America's triumphant war with the Japanese. And it was pretty clear that a lot of that was because Luger didn't do anything to play up his babyface status. I will never understand WWF's strategy of suddenly turning Luger babyface, and then never having him wrestle as a babyface to get the crowd used to this sudden hero's mannerisms. They just did not react to Luger here, and it's weird to not hear a crowd get excited when Yokozuna's big belly to belly and legdrop gets kicked out of. 

When you think of literally EVERY other babyface on this roster, who was winning TV matches, and picture them in Lex Luger's exact same position, it's difficult to imagine ANY of them getting the quiet reaction Luger gets here. Duggan and Crush got sustained loud noise for the duration of their good matches against Yokozuna. There is no doubt either of them would have gotten even louder reactions challenging for the title on PPV. But Tatanka, Razor Ramon, Bret Hart, the Undertaker, all would have gotten the crowd more interested than Luger did here. I'm convinced Virgil could have gotten more noise, as Virgil new more tricks than Luger at getting good babyface reactions. Honestly, if they would have let 1-2-3 Kid beat IRS clean with an actual finisher instead of making the braindead decision to already beat Kid, they EASILY could have built to an excellent 1-2-3 Kid/Yokozuna title match at Survivor Series. 

They give Kid a good win over IRS, no schoolboy rollups, but let the fucking Kid beat the 2nd member of a tag team who isn't going to have any more matches together. He beats IRS with an earned finish, actually putting him down, and then in a few weeks you give him a strong Raw match against Bastion Booger. You show he can beat big guys. Then the next month you give him a good 10 minute Raw match against Doink and you have him beat Doink. You set up the WWF's "smallest" guy vs. Yokozuna, a real Rocky situation. Yet for some reason they instead treated Luger like HE was Rocky against Yokozuna! How idiotic is that? 1-2-3 Kid would have been an excellent Rocky, and him lasting against Yokozuna would be an actual feat that would grow his legend. But Luger is the man presented as having *the best chance* at beating Yokozuna! He's not Rocky, he's America's Greatest Hope. 

This match has to be considered one of the biggest failures of the 90s, a campaign that completely fucked up the trajectory of what had been an excellent and well-balance mix of over babyfaces and heels. Luger immediately clogged up the progression of everyone else. There was a natural way to turn Luger babyface, but it would have taken until 1994, and Vince panicked. 

The actual finish of this match is spectacular, a well peaked moment of excellent timing from several people, and the only time the match got the reaction it deserved. Fuji gets accidentally hit with the salt bucket, Cornette causes a distraction, Luger pulls off the protective arm band and wallops Yokozuna with a killer forearm, Yokozuna takes the incredible King Hippo bump through the ropes to the floor for the KO....and then Jim Cornette makes Luger look like the biggest dummy in the world by getting on the apron to stall for time and eat a punch (bumping big to the floor in the process), delaying Luger long enough to get Yokozuna counted out. Lex Luger not winning the title, and yet still getting an in-ring celebration COMPLETE WITH BALLOON DROP is one of the ultimate neutering moves in pro wrestling history. Having a balloon drop to celebrate winning the popular vote is about as cool as slipping in a massive pile of shit and then taking a victory lap around the block because you didn't tear your rotator cuff after everybody saw you fall into that pile of shit. 

It would go down as one of the strongest contenders for saddest and most pathetic ways for a babyface to finish a PPV...and it somehow only gets worse. After cutting to an incredibly long Lex Luger victory music video - which is really laying it on thick to an audience who is being goaded into celebrating a man who didn't complete his stated task IN HIS ONLY CHANCE - we cut to Luger celebrating backstage. Luger is celebrating with Randy Savage, the Steiners, and Tatanka (who all would have gotten the crowd more involved in their hypothetical main event PPV match against Yokozuna) and Luger proceeds to give the flattest concession speech. He really goes into "what an honor it was to perform for the great Michigan fans and represent his country" and manages to sound more and more like a loser the longer he speaks. 

And then Ludvig Borga shows up and immediately comes off like the coolest fucking gunslinger in this piece of shit town. Borga steps right up to Lex Luger's face, surrounded by Randy Savage, Tatanka, and the Steiners, and tells Luger what a fucking loser he is, tells him how shitty America is, and tells Luger he is going to destroy Luger until he represents the crumbling infrastructure of the shittiest parts of the Failed State of America. 

And nobody does a single fucking thing. Borga runs down their accomplishments, their upbringing, their country, and their identity, and then he walks out of the room with all of their dicks tucked into his jorts pocket. I can only assume the cameras cut away because Borga was seconds away from shitting on their couch while none of them made a single step toward stopping him. Luger did NOT win the title for America, in his only chance to do so. And then the most foreign man on the roster just waltzed into his locker room minutes later, proceeded to rub Luger's nose into every single one of his failures, and then just walked out without a scratch. 

I am not sure I have ever been more shocked by the finish of a PPV. Proud American Lex Luger had absolutely NO chance.


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Friday, June 19, 2020

New Footage Friday: Waltman's Sampler

Lightning Kid/Jerry Lynn vs. Masa Saito/Brad Rheingans PWA 11/9/92

MD: What a weird match to exist. I don't have a great sense of Waltman's 1992, where he was done with Global early in the year and not into WWF until 93. There was one tryout match with Bob Cook in WCW and some shots in Japan. I could go back through old WONs but it doesn't seem worth it. If there were more PWA tags with Lynn, I'd be curious to see them. This was set up with Saito and Rheingans as monsters and Lynn and Kid as specialists, with the announcers really hammering the underdog status. Brad played de facto heel (and Saito more thorough heel) and it's such a great role for him. I've seen him on 90s undercards from Japan doing the same and he was very good at it. It almost makes you wish they paired him with Patera and Blackwell in early 80s AWA, but that was never going to happen.

PAS: Kid and Lynn were working as underdog blowjob babyfaces against a team of barrel chested murderers, and everyone played their role well. Rheingans hit a couple of big suplexes and a nasty powerbomb and Saito chucked Waltman with a Saito suplex. There was some nice moments of babyface fire, Waltman getting hyped up and throwing all of his karate at Saito was cool, and Saito sold it an appropriate amount. These makeshift teams worked well together and against each other and I would have been interested in a longer arena version of this TV tag.

ER: This felt like a syndicated WCW match in the very best way, with two teams that nobody realized had crossed paths all behaving the exact ways you'd expect them to behave. Rheingans and Saito are like stockier Steiners, and I loved the ways they tossed Kid and Lynn while also loving the believable ways Lynn and Kid fought their way into it. Saito is arguably the most brick house wrestler to ever walk, and I love how Kid goes off on him with cool kicks and Saito leans into every one of them looking like Thing deflecting bullets off his rock hide. Every time Kid or Lynn would hit the mat because of Saito, it looked and sounded like their skeletons were being rearranged. Saito hits a snap suplex on Lynn that should be a finisher, his dragon screw on Kid sent him most of the way across the ring, and his stiff arm lariats look savage. I love his Saito suplex on Kid, looking like one of those rollercoasters that keeps lifting you up higher and higher until the bottom drops out and you freefall. Kid's kick variations looked great, especially impressed at how damaging he made every dropkick look. Being vaulted into a dropkick is a tough spot to pull off, and not only did he do it several times here, but he used them to smartly set up Rheingans finally catching him and hitting a killer powerbomb. I really loved this, and would have loved a more fleshed out version of this pairing.


1-2-3 Kid vs. Diesel WWF 1/15/94

ER: This was worked how I expected, how I wanted, and most importantly how the fans in the building wanted. The whole match was Kid getting launched and tossed from high angles, big biel throws, gutbusting kneelifts, big sideslam, just picking Kid up by the neck and dropping him. Kid did not get a night off working Diesel, he was going to be taking some bumps, and he even took a doozy to the floor when Diesel pushed him away with a boot when Kid was going for his other leg. Kid bumps hard backwards into the ropes, flops around in them, then lands stomach first on the floor (luckily Diesel was cool enough to press slam him back into the ring). The moments where Kid took over were great, as there was no such thing as a wasted second. Kid attacked with speed, and legsweeps, and a ton of spinkicks. When Diesel would go down Kid would pounce immediately, attacking the leg by driving his knee into it. Kid worked like a guy who knew he was about to get caught, so he was just doing as much as he could until he got clobbered again. Growing up we would have a taco night every couple weeks, easy dinner, mom would make the taco meat on the stove and then we'd add our own fixings. Pretty normal family thing. One time I walked into the kitchen to see our cat Inky furiously eating as much taco meat off the stove as it could. She clearly knew she was going to get caught, but she just wanted to eat as much of that spicy taco meat as she could before getting caught. 1-2-3 Kid was just eating all that taco meat, before getting unceremoniously dumped over the top buckle with Snake Eyes. Inky did not have to take any kind of finisher.

MD: Diesel was a week away from his big Royal Rumble push and for Kid, this was during his week of getting to hold the tag titles with Jannetty. Quite the moment in time for these two. There was a lot to like here. Diesel was pretty giving, but not too giving, letting his legs get beat up but never in any real danger. Waltman bumped huge for him as you'd expect. They had some smart spots, like Kid losing the advantage because Diesel repositioned himself away from a top rope move; when Kid tried to follow up with a figure four instead, he got booted out of the ring; also, the big comeback spot of Diesel going for a second side slam off the ropes and Kid turning it into a headscissors take over. The crowd really appreciated it when Kid was on top here and got heavily behind him. Everyone loves an underdog but these two worked the match in a way that kept them engaged. Nice, short encounter that played to each's strength.

PAS: This was fun stuff, Waltman was such a crazy bumper for this era of WWF, and that bump he takes to the floor off of Nash's leg push was some Jerry Estrada level insanity. I thought Diesel was really good in this match too. He bumped and sold well for Waltman's moments of offense and when it came time to hurt him, he hurt him.


X-Pac vs. Bryan Danielson NWA 11/23/07

PAS: This was a real fun tournament match, which had a little more bite then a normal tourney match. I liked how it started almost genial with Waltman and Danielson exchanging armdrags and taunts, but then Danielson got pissed off and really beat the crap out Waltman, and then ended up brawling into the crowd. Finish run was a bit weak, I would have liked to see Waltman break out something a little bigger then an X-Factor, still this was good stuff and they matched up surprisingly well.

MD: This felt like a really good TV match to me, with Waltman really happy to be in there. The moment that will stick with you is when Danielson got the best of Waltman and did the crotch chop, because it's so out of character and because it cracked up Waltman (whether he knew it was coming or not). I think there are certain endemic issues about late 00s Waltman, whereas he's too trapped by the Syxx/X-Pac stuff and some of those moves and mannerisms. They tease and then pay off a bronco buster which really didn't fit the match or the character he was portraying but was sort of inescapable for anyone in the crowd who was more casual given how big a star X-Pac had been. One aspect of "TV matches," as a classification, is simplicity of a finishing stretch. Here, given the scope and the setting, they could have gone around once or twice more.

ER: I had never seen this pairing before (apparently they were on opposite sides of a big FIP elimination match, but seeing this distilled in a singles match is way more satisfying) and I loved how they matched up. I'm with Matt in that I wish Waltman didn't feel so locked into specific X-Pac mannerisms and moveset, though at the same time it lead to a couple of genuinely funny moments: X-Pac breaking an early test of strength to motion for Danielson to suck it, with Danielson doing something similar later in the match gave us the announcer - calling it like an actual sport - to say "and now a suck it from Danielson!" Also, when Waltman was bumping his crotch into Danielson's forehead, Danielson staggered back into the corner selling them like actual strikes, and I appreciate that. I did like the build up to the bronco buster, as it lead to moments of Waltman flying crotch first into the turnbuckles and lead to our finish of him getting boosted up onto the top buckle, but I liked Danielson beating him around the ring even more. X-Pac getting crotched on the guardrail and then clotheslined off looked real painful, as did Danielson's big bump that got them out of the floor to begin with. I love how many wrestlers were inspired by 1-2-3 Kid because they finally saw a smaller wrestler making it on a big stage, only to find out later how much larger Waltman was than they realized. Seeing how much Waltman towers over Danielson is a real sign of one thing wrestling has at least taken a step forward on in the past 15 years.


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Thursday, June 18, 2020

On Brand Segunda Caida: Heavenly Bodies!

Heavenly Bodies vs. Abdullah the Butcher/Giant Kimala AJPW 6/4/94

ER: I really wish more of the Heavenly Bodies' lone All Japan tour had made tape. The tour was filled with intriguing pairings, including several matches against Fuchi/Ogawa and The Fantastics, and a Holy Demon Army vs. Stan Hansen/Bodies match that has me drooling. They also had several matches against Abby/Kimala II, and one of those was taped for TV. It's JIP, and for the Bodies' sake I hope the early part of the match that we didn't see went better than the match we did see. Because this was a couple of big fat beasts absolutely decimating the Bods. And it's kind of great. It starts with Abdullah and Kimala working over Prichard's leg, and that leg gets worked OVER. I mean we get several minutes of these two chunks just falling directly onto that leg, with Prichard yelling "My leg! My leg!" the whole time. I love it. Abby is dropping his elbows on the leg, Kimala is dropping fat man Ernie Ladd legdrops on the leg, and my favorite part is that Kimala and Abby are both guys who take forever to stand back up. So one holds the leg, the other drops their piano body onto it, and then we see a lot of loose flapping body parts as they get up and do it all again. Kimala goes up top for an epic big splash. Giant Kimala is shorter than Kamala, but he is definitely fatter, and he doesn't even use the turnbuckle! Every single part of this splash looked hazardous as hell, and he just crushes Prichard with it, his giant godless savage momentum sending his body weight crashing forward and nearly making him faceplant. When Prichard is finally allowed to his feet, you better believe he was selling that damn knee. We get an incredible double team, where Kimala smooshes Prichard with a rewind worthy avalanche, and as he backs away Abdullah shoves him in the back to press him back into Prichard. Abdullah must have had awesome shoving strength, because Kimala really flies back into Prichard. Poor Prichard, just spending every second of his ring time getting flattened by these two.

Del Ray finally tags in, every bone in Prichard's leg turned to cornmeal at this point, and Del Ray goes right after Kimala. He drops Kimala with a nice DDT (Kimala takes a cool rolling bump off the side of his head), but Del Ray gets much too confident and splats hard on a missed moonsault. I like that aggression, and the DDT came off triumphant considering the completely one-sided beating that had taken place. After the DDT and missed moonsault, Del Ray only fares better in comparison to Prichard because his leg does not get pulverized into chalk dust. But Del Ray has no chance, as once he's laid out for Abby's running elbow, Prichard can't do a damn thing to stop it. The second Prichard gets in the ring, Kimala runs over and flattens him into his own corner. Prichard couldn't even make it past his corner. This is the kind of beating a team takes when they're moving on to a new territory, or a team is being punished, but you don't usually see these kind of one-sided matches in All Japan. I'm not sure what kind of deal they worked out to go on an AJ tour while they were in the middle of working WWF, but I can't imagine this is how WWF wanted them portrayed on TV. Doesn't bother me a lick, because this was nothing but two planet sized fatties crashing into two Heavenly Bodies.


Heavenly Bodies vs. 1-2-3 Kid/Bob Holly WWF Raw 1/16/95

ER: I started this episode of Raw for a different reason, but when I saw this match I clearly wasn't going to skip past it. It's a real hot showcase for the Bods, but I'm getting the sense that a ton of their tag matches were total showcases for them. I don't think it necessarily takes away from their opponents, but they seem to be filled with so many ideas that it's easy for opponents to get swallowed whole. Jimmy Del Ray usually feels like the standout in these matches, but this was more of a Prichard show. Del Ray had a great superkick, Prichard threw a cool gutwrench powerbomb, and the double teams always look great. Look at how damn hard Jimmy plants Prichard on the atomic legdrop, how precise the aim was; this could have easily been Prichard getting his tailbone slammed right into Holly's eye socket, instead it's a picture perfect brutal assisted legdrop. There are a couple things I don't like: It's a 5 minute match, structured with the Bodies mostly dominated the first 4.5, with the Kid hot tag signaling the near immediate end of things. So it felt like half a match. Also we had a spot I almost always dislike, one of those crossbody flipover reversals that just looked like Holly ate a full force crossbody...and then flipped over. It rarely looks like a guy is actually rolling through with the momentum of a move. The Bodies were so synced up though, a real treat to watch as a team. They have great tough guy spots, and great stooge spots. The best stooge spot in the match (and a great spot you don't see often past the territory days) was when The Bodies joined hands to run at Holly with a tandem lariat, only for Holly to dive onto their arms, which forces Tom and Jimmy to clonk heads. The best kind of spot to lead to a hot tag. Kid's hot tag is too cruelly short, a couple spinkicks (love how Prichard ricochets off the ropes after taking his) but the finish is MIGHTY inspired, a GREAT tag match finish. Bodies have Kid up for a tandem vertical suplex, and Holly spears one of them out of nowhere, allowing Kid to hit a fisherman's suplex variation. That's an awesome finish to a(nother) great Bodies showcase.


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Monday, February 24, 2020

WWF In Your House 2: The Lumberjacks 7/23/95

ER: This is straight outta Nashville and we get this sick Hank Jr. MNF theme ripoff that is fun as hell, the whole intro feels like way more of a WCW thing. 1995 WWF felt really WCW in a lot of ways, which is part of what makes it so appealing. And then it gets even better as we cut to Lawler and Vince ringside, and they're both dressed like city slicker cowboys! Black leather vests, Vince in a bolo tie (!), Lawler with a crown over his Clint Black stetson, just the kind of vibe that Vince would never even consider doing today. 1995 Vince is a real honest to god shill with a touch of desperation, and we won't get to see that level of scraping by Vince again. It's too bad, Huckster Vince was great.


1-2-3 Kid vs. The Roadie

ER: Roadie has quickly become one of my favorite workers to watch. A guy who just a few weeks ago had me whining about why he was even in the KOTR tournament, is clearly one of the best performers on the roster. And I think this is a really great roster, no matter what kind of business they were doing. Part of the great thing about this era WWF is that they had no "house style", everyone came off totally different and there was no same-y agenting for every single match, and there was a big southern wrestling influence. And I think Roadie is so much better than Road Dogg, because as Roadie he still hadn't fallen into any kind of formula. As Roadie he is always breaking out weird offense that feels like he's trying it on a whim, no formula and overly established locked in moveset. He engages the crowd and can stooge, and knows to do a lot of his goofy heel taunt dancing when the cameras cut away to something else (here they cut backstage to JJ rehearsing for his big PPV "With My Baby Tonight" debut). These two are great opponents who wouldn't cross paths again for a few years after this, but I love what we got here. Roadie was great at going down hard for Kid's big kicks, and Kid was bumping huge for everything Roadie did. As I said, Roadie keeps on surprising me, here he broke out a cool last minute powerslam (catching a charging Kid by surprise), and another incident that was the best combination of "was that on purpose or accidental, who cares it looked great!": During a rope running exchange, Roadie leapfrogged but Kid went into a forward roll and knocked one of Roadie's legs out from under him, faceplanting him. Roadie so immediately got up selling his face from the faceplant that it had to be how things were planned, but they were both so good at making it look like a great spot that came about organically. Kid takes two HUGE bumps, getting crazy air on a flapjack and a backdrop, but the craziest bump is saved for the finish: Roadie wins the match with a piledriver of the middle turnbuckle!! Not even a tombstone style piledriver, but a Memphis style sitout piledriver, off the freaking second turnbuckle! What a nutso move to attempt, what a nutso move to start a PPV with. Kid's body folds forward in a way that makes it look like his neck snapped, great disgusting visual for the finish. And after the match, ever the professional, Roadie makes sure to test all the equipment for JJ's upcoming performance.


Men on a Mission vs. Razor Ramon/Savio Vega

ER: I love the fan with the "All Hail King Savio" sign, still not ready to accept the results of the prior month's King of the Ring. And what a great tag match this was! It was an economical 10 minutes, and filled with big bumps, hard runs into the buckles, great stooging, simple but very relevant double teams, really worked at a pace that guaranteed the crowd would be into it the whole way. Mo is a really great slime here, but also a guy who is gonna give like he gets. Razor throws his toothpick in Mo's face and Mo responds by slapping Razor with the hardest strike of the match. And like that we're off, with Savio getting whipped hard into the buckles, Mabel missing a really hard charge into the buckles, and Savio eating what felt like a half dozen different body slams from Mabel. Mabel has really Finlay-esque bodyslams, lifting Savio high and really dropping him with force. And I actually laugh when Lawler calls him "Chevy Vega". That kind of thing feels like a vintage Heenan insult. The double teams look good, Mo running Mabel into Savio, doing classic combos like the drop toehold/legdrop combo. That kind of combo is so simple, but the participants make all the difference: Mo really strangles Savio's legs and Savio wipes out with a faceplant, and Mabel times it so he's dropping that big leg a split second after Savio hits the mat. Razor even adds to the chippiness by coming in and booting Mabel right in the back of the head to break up the pin. The big bumps really kick in, with Mo missing the Mo-sault and eating a Razor back suplex off the top, and even Mabel going off the top! Mo and Savio spill super fast to the floor off a big lariat, and we finally get the showdown between Mabel and Razor. It's a cool pairing, and you KNOW Mabel goes right after those injured ribs of Razor's and splats him with a great belly to belly. I loved this tag, thought they worked the perfect pace, MOM came off like real killers, bell to bell joy.

ER: Has anybody ever seen Dok Hendrix and Monterey Jack from Rescue Rangers in the same place? He hosts an interview with some of Diesel's lumberjacks, and Bam Bam kind of quiets the room by saying he's going to set Sid on fire. That interview leads us into Jeff Jarrett's first ever life performance of With My Baby Tonight, and it actually comes off much better than I was expecting? The best part was him cutting a promo before the song, as the live band plays a looping version of his theme in the background. Big Al on guitar picking lines while a lady fiddler gives us those high lonesome notes, J-E-Double F (ha ha ha) rubbing Nashville's noses right in it. After the performance, Todd Pettengill interviews fans at random for their thoughts on the performance, with a shocking amount of them admitting that Jarrett sounded quote, "pretty good".


Henry Godwinn vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

ER: This was so great. Everything on this show has been perfectly timed, knowing the exact amount of time to give to every segment. This goes 6 minutes and is an all out big boy sprint, and we're all the better for it. You don't get many matches involving men this size, that start with three straight backdrop suplexes. This is solid gold from go, with Bammer dropping Godwinn with those suplexes, then firing off a torpedo shoulderblock that sends Henry crashing fast backwards through the ropes to the floor. This was big bumping, hard hitting, heavy landing big man wrestling. Everything hit real hard: Bam Bam running chest first into the buckles, Godwinn hitting a lariat right after, Bam Bam flying fast over the top to the floor off a low bridge, Godwinn spiking himself on a DDT, Bigelow hitting a killer crossbody (like an even heavier version of the later Mike Knox running crossbody), Bigelow misses a nasty headbutt off the top (going down real top heavy), just constant crashing action. The finish was great and logical, with Godwinn missing a huge kneedrop off the top, and Bigelow getting the quick pinfall with a high hooked leg. There wasn't a single misstep in this match, even things like Godwinn choking Bam Bam over the ropes and a simple chinlock read really well, a real unheralded big man match.


Jeff Jarrett vs. Shawn Michaels

ER: This is a truly special wrestling match that earns its legendary status. This was Jarrett's most tour de force performance of his career, and one of Michael's best as well. This was pure Lawler/Dundee in a WWF ring, chock full of stooging and schtick, the kind of thing that Vince wouldn't even glimpse at today, let alone allow it in a 20 minute PPV title match. The whole thing is classically laid out, filled with a ton of Jarrett stalling and stooging, really felt like the most fully unleashed version of Jarrett that we ever saw on a main brand. They worked fast avoidance spots without ever coming off like modern fast dancing matches, milked simple jabs by having JJ roll to the floor and talk trash all around ringside, rolling in just enough to restart the count whenever needed. That's the kind of heel work that is sorely lacking in WWE today. Every heel act today is based around The Evil That Men Do and simple things like running out the clock or catching your breath for too long are somehow lost. It stinks. Jarrett was really on one here, match long, an incredible performance. Every sell was great, every attention to detail looked like he was pulling off the greatest hits of Lawler/Dundee, as if he was working a PPV in Nashville, TN and was representing the great wrestling style of Tennessee. I smiled broad every time he went down fast and came up holding his mouth, and cheered when he hit one of the absolute greatest dropkicks mine eyes have ever seen, floating high almost above Michael's head and landing with great force, an almost physics breaking dropkick.

All interference from Roadie was timed really well, Roadie jumping on the apron to help with interference or to get knocked off the apron by Michaels, and we got a great spot where Jarrett gets sent over the top to crash into Roadie on the floor. If you ever wanted to see Jeff Jarrett do a fantastic tope con giro into Road Dogg, you gotta watch this match to see it. Michaels hits a huge crossbody to the floor into both of them, and the whole thing continues to unroll in the best Memphis fashion. Both men milk slow crawls after big moves, Jarrett is a master of milking nearfalls (barely shooting up his shoulder inches away from potential loss), the whole thing is perfect. This match felt like Michaels working like Jeff Jarrett while Jarrett worked like heel Michaels, and to my knowledge it's literally the only match we have of them opposite each other. I am dying to see any of their house show interactions, any of their singles matches, any of their matches tagging with each other against Diesel/Razor, and the crown jewel of them all: A 1997 WWF house show IN Memphis, with a main event of Lawler/Jarrett vs. Michaels/HHH. Give me THAT on an Unreleased blu ray and WWE will have my money day one. This was a masterful match, fully deserving of all the praise it's gotten the past 25 years.


Yokozuna/Owen Hart vs. Lex Luger/British Bulldog

ER: Another good one on a show filled with them. This was probably the weakest of the bunch, if only for an uninventive too easy ending. They are really trying hard with the whole Allied Powers team, and it comes off lame. This feels like a gimmick for guys much lower on the card. When you stick two main event guys in a tag team whose entire identity is "This one is from the US, this other guy is from the UK". Like if Bob Backlund were still a babyface in 1995 WWF then I could actually see Backlund and Barry Horowitz with Luger's gear, American flag trunks with Olympic team puffy jackets. I assume they were just trying to tank Luger's value before he went to WCW. "Look at this goof still carrying on with the red white and blue routine two years after wasting everyone's time with the Lex Express!?" Lex is obviously not ever going to win, but man why were they dragging down the Bulldog with such a desperate babyface grab. This match also leads us to an amusing moment where Owen and Bulldog are both down for the count, and the crowd starts a USA chant. I guess they were probably getting excited for a Luger tag, but a USA chant in a match with a Canadian, a Brit, a fake Japanese guy, and one actual American. But the match was good. It had a bunch of fun moments, like Owen just slapping the hell out of Luger and then running to the ropes before Luger can retaliate, or a long exchange with Owen and Bulldog showing off a bunch of flashy World of Sport wristlock escape flourishes, or a huge double backdrop suplex where Luger and Bulldog drop Yoko and they make it look like the whole arena shook (how often did Yoko ever go up for suplexes? Feels like a cool rare moment). Owen took a super high bump off a backdrop where he never rotated, the Luger/Yoko sections all banged, and really the lazy finish was the only thing keeping this match as the weakest of the night. It was one of those finishes where Luger has the long visible tag over Yoko but instead of counting the pin, Hebner decides to chide Bulldog about something for an eternity, so Owen can fly off the top with an elbowdrop on Luger. They really needed to give Hebner a better reason to be distracted, and the timing of it all took too long. The rest of this was great tag wrestling, another hit.


Lumberjack Match: Sid vs. Diesel

ER: Wow, I loved this match. What a wonderful environment for a huge big man main event. This match had an atmosphere that I don't think WWE could recreate today. This whole show played in front of a super hot Nashville crowd, and they were molten for every single second of this exquisitely laid out match. The visuals of the match was perfect with the ringside area filled with 15 faces and 15 heels, and all 30 dudes at ringside doing an incredible job of rooting for their side. Any time WWE has tried to force group interaction the past (at least) decade, it comes off exactly that: forced. This was an excellent presentation of 15 dudes who wanted nothing more than to see Diesel win, standing across the ring from 15 dudes who were willing to cheat intensely to make sure that Sid won. They did an awesome job of making sure the babyfaces only ever threw Sid back into the ring, never took cheap shots; and of course every single time Diesel spilled to the floor he got 30 different boots stamped all over his body. The layout was so simple, so logical, so perfectly executed and timed, just an absolute classic example of somehow getting 32 different wrestlers to shine at once. The establishment and loyalty of the factions was so strong that it elevated this match for me to a ridiculous degree. Bam Bam Bigelow especially was a superstar from the floor, like a man who would rather his best pal Diesel win the belt than even himself. Every time Diesel would go on a run of offense, the babyfaces would all aggressively root him on from ringside, and not a second of it came off silly or cheesy. And the heels all worked together like the Really Rottens from Scooby's Laff-a-Lympics. All of them cheated gleefully, and they integrated build for the next program seamlessly, as Mabel smashed Diesel into the ringpost with an avalanche, hit a hard bodyslam on the floor, then dropped his big leg.

The in ring action was also simple, with Diesel throwing tighter elbows and strikes as it went on, and Sid throwing his style free boots and clotheslines. Sid moves like such a stiff - his lariat being simply a big man running towards you with a straight arm - and yet his character is so remarkably effective during this era that he is just so captivating to watch. Both he and Diesel take great bumps to the floor, Sid taking two fast ones early through the ropes, and then Diesel taking an even faster, more reckless one right after. All of the action that spilled to the floor was chaotic and exciting, with Diesel eating a beating every time he went down, so finally getting frustrated enough to hit a surprise pescado onto all of them and fight back! Shawn Michaels also flew off the top with insane stage dives two different times, diving into a crowd of heels the first time and then into Sid to set up the finish. We got a fun stretch run of a few heels not accepting defeat, with IRS charging into the ring when a Sid defeat seemed immininet...and then getting launched to the floor by Diesel, with a killer over the top to the floor bump from IRS. Diesel dispatches of a couple more and hits a big boot on Sid for the 3, and the arena exploded. We get an epic closing visual of babyfaces celebrating in the ring, so excited for their friend, hoisting the still-champ up onto their shoulders. This was classic, simple, good guys vs. bad guys story formula, the exact kind of thing WWE today feels is too simple. So they overcomplicate it and make it joyless. It was also jarring how much better the wrestling action was filmed in 1995, compared to today. Wrestling direction is making modern wrestling more and more impossible and ugly to watch, and a 25 year B-show PPV blows it out of the water.


ER: What a wonderful PPV, with the weakest match being a perfectly fine nice length TV tag match, and the other ranging from very good to downright epic. This is right up there with my favorite WWF PPVs of all time, just an incredibly fun and satisfying show, top to bottom. Plus we got two excellent additions to our 305 Live project. Godwinn/Bigelow is a match that has never been hyped but was the one on paper I was most excited for, and it was a crazy bumping sprint. Sid/Diesel was such a classic delivery of good vs. evil wrestling that I'm shocked it isn't mentioned more as a wrestling fan's most treasured childhood wrestling memory. What a great show.


COMPLETE AND ACCURATE 305 LIVE


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Saturday, December 21, 2019

On Brand Segunda Caida: Bob Cook in WWF, Part 1

Bob Cook vs. Bob Holly WWF Wrestling Challenge 2/19/95

ER: This was a brisk 3 minutes with a great long section of Cook totally outshining Holly. They were pushing Holly as a kickass young part of the New Generation, and Cook gave him a cool grizzled vet beating actually made Holly feel like a young upstart babyface (even though Holly looked like a freedom rock Walton Goggins). Cook buries a great low knee in Holly's gut, throws several great punches, drops a beautiful kneedrop, and just makes a snapmare look the way a snapmare is supposed to look. Holly hits a big elbow off the top for the win, but this was a cool showing for Cook.

Bob Cook vs. Man Mountain Rock WWF Superstars 2/25/95

ER: This is barely a minute, but it is a great minute. Cook's stretch of offense is a kick to the stomach and 5 punches, but they are 5 excellent punches perfectly thrown to the Rock's jaw. Rock is a huge guy, a guy whose offense correctly consisted of him running into and falling onto people. It's a damn shame he didn't get to mix it up with many people on the main roster. There were a lot of potential great big man matches, and the crowd was clearly into Rock squishing guys. He threw a heavy elbowdrop, big shoulderblocks, and landed and missed avalanches with big speed. Cook sidesteps him on a fast avalanche and just lobs the most perfect pro wrestling punches at his face. It would be tough to rank these 1-5, they're all keepers. God they could have done Cook vs. Lawler for 10 minutes and it would have been one of the great gems of 1995. Alas.

Bob Cook vs. Doink WWF Raw 2/27/95

ER: This was the final Doink, Ray Apollo, and Bob Cook did not get a lot of play versus Doink. Dink had some nice moments, running across Cook's stomach while he was in a sub and then hitting a rolling senton, bouncing on the bottom rope to liven up the crowd during some long Doink matwork. A lot of this was grounded, but I liked Apollo's amateur approach to a jobber squash. He was working hammerlocks and drop toeholds, and there was one brief competitive moment where Apollo got his own really great drop toehold - the kind where you really force your opponent somewhat slowly down to the mat once you scissor his legs - but Doink quickly reverses. Doink muscles through a cool gutwrench suplex and drops the Whoopie Cushion, but this was a missed opportunity. Cook is a guy who could work simple compelling mat sequences, but also work compelling sequences with a midget, but they wouldn't let him get too involved in either.

Bob Cook vs. 1-2-3 Kid WWF Superstars 3/4/95

ER: These two were natural opponents for each other, a guy with some whip fast kicks and big bumps against a guy with perfect bunches and a desire to bump fast for whip fast kicks. Kid throws out some nice ones, and we get a famous gif sequence of Cook wheeling around and punching Kid in the face right out of the corner. Sadly the only video of this online appears to be from a garbage YouTube account who zooms way in on their videos and intentionally adds glitches (for effect?). I'm unsure why some people take so much time to upload completely worthless files, but it's a thing.


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Friday, May 13, 2011

Dick Togo is Rondo on The Bongos When Give You His Convos

Dick Togo/Sho Funaki/Men's Teioh vs. TAKA Michinoku/Bradshaw WWF Over the Edge 5/31/98 - FUN 


PAS: All of the TAKA vs. Kaientai stuff was really good, especially any time Togo and TAKA matched up. Togo unloaded probably the fastest and most awesome powerslam in his long storied career of fast and awesome powerslams, and he just launched himself with the senton bomb. Bradshaw sold nothing and just ragdolled Kaientai like midget jobbers, and it wasn't even that nasty of a beating. It was a big mistake to have Kaientai wear street clothes, Togo looks fine in his Mikey Whipwreck shirt and jorts, but both Funaki and Teioh look like middle school kids in their hoodies and jeans. Togo and TAKA were cooking though, too bad they never really got a chance to have a long singles during this period. 

Dick Togo vs. HARASHIMA DDT 2/27/11 - GREAT 

PAS: Another off the charts Togo singles match, he is really on a hell of run having great and varied singles match, all with pretty limited guys. HARASHIMA is sort of a Chris Dickinson to Marifuji's Davey Richards, basically a slightly more tolerable tribute act to the intolerable original. Early part of the match is Togo working as Ric Flair. HARASHIMA misses a kick into the ringpost and Togo does a nice job working it over, including a fun Nature Boy style battle around a figure four. After that section we have a juniors near fall run, which normally isn't my thing. Togo however totally makes this with his facial selling and charisma. The look on his face when HARASHIMA kicks out of the pedigree/senton combo was great, and when HARASHIMA hits the KO kick, you buy that Dick got his lights snuffed. I loved the very end with Togo snatching HARASHIMA out of mid air with a crossface and battling to hold on to it, including when HARASHIMA breaks it whipping out a satellite headscissors right back into the crossface, and then shifting it into a choke with HARASHIMA's own arm, awesome ending, great carry job, don't go Dick Togo, don't go. 

Dick Togo/Great Sasuke/Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Arik Cannon/1-2-3 Kid/Darin Corbin CHIKARA 4/15/11 - SKIPPABLE 

PAS: Terrible match. There was a couple of entertaining Waltman vs. Shinzaki moments, Togo hit two nice sentons, and Sasuke did a flip dive onto concrete, but everything else stunk. The slow motion wrestling spot Corbin does is one of the most idiotic things I have ever seen in a wrestling match, and pretty much everything I hate about winking US indy comedy wrestling. Even worse is he breaks it out a second time in the middle of the end run of the match, killing any momentum they were trying to build. Cannon looked like refried shit in the match too, timing was off, moves looked bad, just completely lost. There was one moment where Sasuke hits a spin kick, where Cannon turns around, looks outside, and just jumps to the floor. It looked bad enough that I thought for a second it was his signature comedy bump. Corbin wrestles in slow motion, maybe Cannon awkwardly pauses before all of his bumps. Complete waste of the MPRO team and Waltman, and a huge disappointment. Really glad I didn't drive to Philly.


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