WWF Summerslam 8/30/93

Ted Dibiase vs. Razor Ramon

ER: I have been watching through a lot of 1993 TV, really enjoying the 2+ month build to Summerslam, but when the show finally got here I wasn't actually sure what would open the PPV. I haven't seen this show in a couple decades (shout out for the millionth time to New Release Video and their excellent pro wrestling selection growing up), and I love how little I remember about the actual card. This makes sense as an opener when you look at everything else on the card that needs to take place, so starting with a popular guy like Razor makes sense, and when Razor comes out in his outstanding hot pink gear it's clear they made the correct choice.

Razor was one of the most over guys of 1993, but when you step back and look at his last 6 months it was kind of a miracle. 1. He has the most unnecessary WrestleMania match, short, and with Bob Backlund throwing off his timing. 2. He loses to the Kid, then loses 10 grand to the Kid, then gets made fun of by another heel for both losing and getting outsmarted out of money by the Kid (properly setting up this very match). 3. He loses in the first round at King of the Ring, and while it was a great match against the eventual winner, it's still Razor not on a PPV past the 20 minute mark. He got over by his sheer This Is Very Cool for 1993 charisma, and that is cool. So here he is again, opening a PPV. Dibiase isn't totally the best in ring match for Razor, but it gives him a larger opponent, and that means people are actually seeing his offense hit against someone with size. Dibiase lands heavy on bumps, so while Razor's offense looks cool when a smaller guy is bumping around the ring for him, here he got to look like he was muscling around someone substantial. It's a fun slugfest, and they ran into each other in satisfying ways. Dibiase took a big bump over the top from a lariat, and puts Razor down with a very convincing sleeper. Everything in this felt honest, but it wasn't quite the pace or explosiveness the crowd wanted to see. But it built to the finish the fans wanted to see, with Razor planting Dibiase with the Razor's Edge after Dibiase was run into the turnbuckle (after removing the pad himself). I really liked this Edge too, as Razor really had to work to get Dibiase up in a crucifix, and Dibiase was excellent at selling panic while getting hoisted. So even though it took Razor a bit to get him up there, Dibiase made it look like it was because he was struggling to get out of it, really made the finish. Three days later, Dibiase would win the All Japan tag titles with Stan Hansen, and a couple months after that he would be retired. 

Heavenly Bodies vs. Steiner Brothers

ER: This was the match I most remembered from my video store rental, a super exciting 1993 WWF tag match (a year not really known at all for WWF tag wrestling), featuring a team I was completely unfamiliar with. If you were not watching the TV right before Summerslam, the Bodies literally debuted just a few weeks prior, and barely got any real showcases while getting thrown immediately into a PPV title match. It really does not feel like a thing WWE would do with a team today, and that's cool. The match ages like something that felt really great in 1993, and still has a ton going for it. This match feels like a modern AEW match that would get a lot of stars, playing out as a 10 minute sprint with a ton of moves. A ton of the moves were cool, but there were also a ton of hitches and gaffes, guys going up for suplexes too early or getting crossed up but running through with a move anyway. So exactly like an AEW tag, really. Bodies jump the Steiners before the bell and run a cool stretch where they keep knocking Scott to the floor while double teaming Rick. The double teams all look vaguely dangerous, like everybody is too hopped up and the timing is slightly off. Rick leaps into a double vertical suplex before either Body is suplexing him, then they shoot him into the ropes for a double flapjack but he fights it the whole way down to make it a backdrop (instead it looks like a flapjack that splats him right on the shoulder). But Scott can't be kept on the floor for long and is soon back in, leading to Steiners throwing both Bodies around, and it's always fun when Steiners throw people around. Bodies roll to the floor after getting thrown, and upon reentering the ring they get completely worked over again. Prichard gets press slammed, Del Ray gets backdropped, both eat Steiner lines, both eat atomic drops, and this was really looking like it was going to be an easy Steiners win. 

I loved how the Bodies took control, with Del Ray leapfrogging Scott and Prichard nailing him with a bulldog once he ducked. It gave us a nice Bodies control segment on Scott (which really should have been longer), with Del Ray hitting a cannonball off the apron, then his 'round the world DDT and a superkick in ring. But almost immediately after, Scott launches Del Ray after another DDT attempt, launches Prichard with a double arm suplex, and then Rick is back hitting Steiner lines on everyone. Bodies took some real punishment in this match, with hardly any recovery time. Del Ray is out here taking the top rope bulldog, takes a wild powerslam from Rick (he took Scott's tilt a whirl slam earlier while looking like he knew he might die), then took the Frankensteiner at the finish. I'm not sure you can find a 1993 WWF match that contained more moves performed per minute, and that is the kind of thing that would stand out and get star ratings in 90s American wrestling. It would have really benefitted from some breath, as this was as go go go as you can get and was filled with moves you really weren't seeing from anyone else on TV. Now that every single popular indy and AEW tag match is formatted exactly like this match, it doesn't come off as special. I would have liked to see a follow up match on Raw, see how they worked a match that wasn't a sprint in front of the Steiners' hometown crowd. But if you're into seeing a ton of cool moves thrown out in an economic runtime, you can't really miss with this match. 

Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Champ enters first, which is something that always feels wrong to me, and it curses the first part of the match. Because this is a match with a mostly bad first half and a mostly great second half. I kinda hated the start of this, with a bunch of mapped out running exchanges that played too mapped out. A lot of leapfrogs and missed clotheslines and a couple of quick rope running moves where you couldn't really tell who was taking the move and who was delivering it. It looked like a couple of yarders doing a move for move reproduction of a better match they had seen. There was just too much disconnect and it felt too much like the horse shit Michaels wants to see from Adam Cole and Johnny Gargano. 

The match got good when Michaels started working over Perfect's back. Michaels dropped elbows and whipped Perfect into the turnbuckles a couple times, and Perfect took really painful violent looking bumps getting flung into those turnbuckles. It built to an exciting comeback (with Perfect's back perfect again, oh well) where Michaels' bumps felt much more connected to what Perfect was delivering. There was some nice timing on a big explosive Perfect dropkick that Michaels bumped on his shoulders, and he did a fun pirouette bump for an atomic drop. Michaels also had some strong super late kickouts, tricking the fans at least 3 different times that they were seeing a title change. The finish was pretty weak, as Perfect hits the Perfect Plex but Diesel just drags him out of the ring. Perfect actually lands punches and knocks Diesel's sunglasses off (Heenan: "Perfect is hitting a man with glasses!!"), and catches Michaels with a punch when he tries to get involved. Diesel had been around a long time as Shawn's heavy, and this was the first time anyone really landed a punch on him. But Perfect lost by a count out, which means that Earl Hebner somehow missed every single thing that happened over the prior 10 seconds, somehow counting Perfect out while also not noticing that he was in a fight with Diesel. That's just lazy and makes everyone look like an idiot. 

IRS vs. 1-2-3 Kid

ER: 1-2-3 Kid's eyebrows have finally grown back and he looks so much more normal. But this match is one of the most baffling decisions of 1993. This sounds like an extreme comparison, but just as the sudden Luger face turn really fucked up a ton of much better 1993 plans, having IRS beat Kid on his first PPV appearance feels insane to me. Who could have possibly thought this was a good decision? They had booked his arc perfectly up to this point, getting him real grassroots reactions and chants from crowds. This match felt like the exact 100% correct match to be having, right up until the moment that IRS quickly and easily pinned Kid. Kid got to do his crowd pleasing audience in front of his biggest crowd, against a large opponent, and it was going great. He hit a couple of different spin kicks and was good at avoiding IRS's offense...until getting knocked silly to the floor. IRS is good at knocking Kid down, and Kid is good at finding fun ways to come back. IRS hit a predictable chinlock and we all knew Kid would start to break it once the 1-2-3 chants started. Those started 10 seconds in, Kid fought out of it. Again, everything was going exactly as planned. 

Kid hits his moonsault press, which beat Razor Ramon, but IRS kicks out. Kid immediately ties him up with a majistral cradle, which beat Ted Dibiase, but IRS kicks out. Kid throws a spin kick, IRS catches it, and Kid throws his knee right into IRS's face. IRS kicks out of THAT! And then, they get up, IRS jumps over a dropdown, and then hits his big lariat for the cleanest possible victory. Of all people, they had IRS kick out of both moves that earned Kid his two big TV victories, withstanding more damage than any Kid opponent so far. And then he just gets up and hits his finish! Money Inc was over, Dibiase was gone, and they have Kid - the guy getting bigger and bigger organic reactions with every TV appearance - lose to IRS in his first PPV match. I am actually shocked. Kid beating IRS at Summerslam was literally the most easy to pick result on the entire card...and it didn't happen. I have absolutely zero clue why it did not happen. 

Bret Hart vs. Jerry The King Lawler/Doink

ER: This was a tremendous segment. Lawler comes out on crutches with his left knee heavily wrapped with a hot water bottle. He runs down Detroit's auto industry by talking about how beat up his rent-a-limo was due to the lackluster Detroit auto quality control, how he got into a bad accident and had to crawl through the flames, how he hopped on one leg to get to the arena to gallantly face Bret Hart. And there is nothing more IN THIS WORLD that Lawler wants, than to get into that ring and face down Bret Hart with just one leg. But these damn doctors refuse to clear him to compete, even though - again - there is nothing he wants more than to take Bret down a peg or two. Alas, as he cannot compete with this leg, no matter what his heart says. So, in his proxy, he has chosen Doink as Bret's new opponent. This was a really well done Memphis bait and switch, giving the babyface an opponent that he hasn't been preparing for. It was a great way to get Doink into a surprise spot on the PPV (along with Crush and Duggan, he would have felt like the biggest snub from the card), and it was the only look we ever got at the naturally great pairing of Bret and Doink. It's criminal we didn't actually get a TV feud between them

They have a great 10 minute match, Hart throwing some of his greatest worked strikes, and Doink putting in an excellent physical performance with some great cut off spots. It's a physical match and both guys are so good at a physical but theatrical style, throwing excellent worked punches and great stomps to the face. Doink comes out smoking a cigar, carrying a couple of buckets. He throws one bucket of confetti on some kids, trying to scare them like an evil Harlem Globetrotter. Then he throws an actual bucket of water on Bruce Hart (sitting ringside with Owen) and Bruce does a real great "hold me back" crazed fight eyes reaction. Doink turns right around into a great Bret right hand and then proceeds to stumble around ringside and the ring while taking punches and losing grease paint. He eats a big clothesline and gets crotched on the top rope, and he's really vicious when Lawler's distraction leads to his sneak attack takeover. He throws Hart into the ring steps and hits a knee breaker, rams his knee into the ringpost, even working Bret's leg over with a nasty stump puller. Doink lands ass to knees on a Whoopee Cushion and Hart goes into kill mode. Hart hits some of his best ever downward strike elbows, including a Bret highlight reel worthy 2nd rope version. Bret locks in the sharpshooter with his back perfectly turned to Lawler, and Lawler breaks one of his crutches over the back of Hart's head, hopping around on his perfectly fine knee. I really loved this era of Memphis style invading Vince's style. 

Now Lawler takes the match over for Doink, but the beaten down Bret surprises Lawler with awesome punches. Lawler soon cheats to transition, and works a great long stretch of sneaking nasty crutch shots into Bret's throat behind the ref's back. He works a long slow drama out of these crutch shots, with Bret staggering to all sides of the ring. And they kept cutting to Owen in the crowd reading these terrible lines like "Beat his behind, Bret!" in his screeching, cracked voice copy while wearing loose leather pants tucked into cowboy boots. Lawler soaks up boos while throwing the most disgusting crutch shots to Bret's throat. It's a great bunch of bullshit and a perfect way for a smug heel to work a match he was forced to participate in. The only weak portion of the entire half hour segment, was when Hart makes a comeback with a low mule kick. I don't really like the idea of Hart coming back with a kick to the balls, but even worse was the kick not connecting. Hart was offline and it came off clunky, clearly hitting Lawler in the leg. But the Hart offense it *lead* to was fantastic. Hart's punches rocked Lawler in the corner (Lawler is the best in wrestling history at selling punches in the corner, falling all over the ropes while using them to prop himself up), he hit a high backdrop and hard backbreaker, STUCK Lawler on a piledriver, and hit a middle rope elbowdrop as fine as any fistdrop Lawler threw in his career. The finish wraps things up a little too easily, with Bret basically just tapping him in the middle with a sharpshooter with no real fight. Now, we did get a great post-match twist, as Hart refused to break the sharpshooter and got his win reversed to a Lawler DQ win. I think that's a tremendous bit of horse shit, giving Lawler more trash to talk as he remains the true king of WWF. 

Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty

ER: There's a huge sign right on hard camera that says "Lardwig's Hate Section!" I honestly don't know how Borga could have made a big enough impact at this point to even HAVE a hate section. He had a handful of weekend squash matches, but no Raw matches. There were a couple of Borga vignettes that played on Raw, highlights from his squash matches played over the Finnish national anthem. On this very PPV he had a previously taped promo, walking around the rubble of a bad Michigan neighborhood while listing some reasons America is terrible, and none of his points were really wrong. But, he's got a hate section, and they think he's fat. Marty Jannetty is dressed like cocaine. 

And this is one of the most one-sided squash matches to ever make it onto PPV. Marty Jannetty went from winning the IC title three months earlier on Raw, to getting wrecked on PPV for 5 minutes and losing so definitively that you'd think Jannetty was being disappeared. Borga went right at Jannetty's ribs with body blows (with Jannetty doing these almost silly bunny hops that feel too disconnected from the punches "lifting him off his feet") and kept leveling him with stiff arm clotheslines, even tosses him WAY up into the air with a sky high flapjack, uppercutting Jannetty in the stomach on his way down. This is so completely one-sided that the crowd seems audibly confused, waiting for a Jannetty comeback that was never going to come. This is all about Borga punching Jannetty in the ribs, clubbing him in the back, and knocking him down with lariats. Borga misses a great avalanche (landing fast, chest first into the top buckle) to give Marty and opening, but then literally turns around and just lariats Jannetty coming back off the ropes. This had to be Vince punishing Jannetty, right? Jannetty's only real offense in the match looks great, two superkicks that Borga takes to the throat, excellently timed, and Borga sells like a dumb Bond villain henchman trying to let the table know he was choking (in other words, an excellent way to sell two superkicks to the throat). But he catches Jannetty's crossbody and drops him with a powerslam, then - gets this - lifts Jannetty off the match and finishes things EASILY with a nice torture rack. Brutal loss for Jannetty, no idea how you even begin to rehab your character after a loss like this. Even though it's not mentioned on commentary, I wonder if the Borga torture rack is being subtly used as a way for Borga to challenge Luger next (even though Luger hasn't really used the torture rack in WWF at this point in time).

The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

ER: I really do love that they spent literally 3 months hyping this match as a Rest In Peace match, without ever ONCE defining what a Rest In Peace match is. They hinted that they were going to, Mean Gene said we'd be finding out, but at no point in any of the build up to this match and at no point in the match itself do we ever find out what makes this a Rest In Peace match. 1993 still had a lot more connection to the carny days, and blindly billing a match as a Rest In Peace match is like a drive-in poster billing some shitty horror movie as "The bloodiest movie you will EVER see!" And I miss that carny connection that is in hindsight so much more wholesome than our current Modern Social Brand Discussing Their User Interactions. 

The Giant Gonzalez fur suit was a Great Thing. It was really off-putting when I was 12. Maybe it made every puberty-bound 12 year old watching at the time uncomfortable too and that's why everyone thought it was terrible. Except now the fur suit is so clearly the 100% correct choice for his ring gear that it's insane that the gear wasn't universally praised at the time. Wrestling needs freaks, and the tallest wrestler ever wearing a flesh colored muscle suit kicked insane amounts of ass. Big Show has spent his entire career looking like the Most Normal Giant, and it is an indisputable fact that Big Show - during literally any portion of his career - would have been better wearing this exact same fur suit. You cannot argue against that point. Instead we mostly got him cracking jokes while wearing Kirkland Signature jeans and comfortable white New Balance walkers. 

Also, WWF never understood how to film Gonzalez, the Easiest Pro Wrestler to Film. They ALWAYS film Gonzalez for underneath, the way they film guys to make them look bigger. They were so in their heads, so used to making 6'6" guys look 6'10" filming them underneath, that they flush the easiest slam dunk of Giant Gonzalez's run. The key to filming Gonzalez is simple: Just show him from far back. When you zoom in close on Gonzalez, it looks exactly like a zoomed up shot of me, a person 1/3 the size of Giant Gonzalez. You need to film him from far away, so viewers can see how large he is compared to every single thing around him. It's such an easy thing to understand, and they never understood it. You need to film him flat footed, dead on, to show how much taller he is than the tallest person near him, to show how tall his is when standing on the floor next to the ring. Once you see him towering over the crowd as he walks to the ring, it's a tough visual to forget. Stunning how not one person in the production truck ever figured this out. 

The Rest In Peace match was very similar, it turns out, to the other Undertaker/Giant Gonzalez matches, and it really showed that Gonzalez would have been an actual successful wrestling giant if he had just learned to throw decent downward clubbing arms. If you are an 8 foot tall man in a fight, you will be primarily throwing downward clubbing arms. Gonzalez never learned how to make his connect. If he learned to make a little sound with those clubbing arms it really would have added a lot to his limited offense. The size difference between Gonzalez and Undertaker will always be impressive to me, just dwarfing a very large man. The match is mostly Gonzalez clubbing and choking Undertaker until Paul Bearer makes his big return. The Bearer return is handled great, he runs through Wippleman with a clothesline and gets the urn back, and Undertaker regains his powers, hits several very soft clotheslines and a nice throat thrust, then wins with a clothesline off the top (because there was zero chance anybody was ever going to try to hit any kind of piledriver on Gonzalez). The fans reacted big for the Paul Bearer return and actually jumped to their feet when Gonzalez finally got knocked on his back, and that's really all you want from a big match like this. One of the all time great Rest In Peace matches we have on tape. 

Tatanka/Smoking Gunns vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/The Headshrinkers

ER: Great six man that really showed off the chemistry of the two pairings, and it's kind of crazy they didn't continue running this trios around the house show circuit. We have several Tatanka/Bam Bam matches and we know their chemistry is real, but this was a great use of all six guys. Bigelow has the best shape in wrestling history, and he looks big and awesome here. He works quick exchanges with Tatanka that are nearly identical to their house show exchanges, although the crowd here reacts quieter to them than on any of their house show matches (especially shocked at the quiet reaction for Bigelow cutting off the war dance with an enziguiri, which is a great spot). But the fans are into the match, really into Tatanka, and again everyone is used well. Gunns are able to come in and work either quick takedown spots (lariats or bulldogs) or leave the ring quickly (like a nice Bart pescado or Bigelow hitting a fucking BEAST of a lariat to break Billy's body over the top to the floor). Billy looked really good while using all his cool rodeo offense, like the hooking bulldog lariat or the guillotine takedown, and Fatu had the best possible timing on all of his thrust kicks, knowing exactly the right moment to stop an advancing Gunn. I also loved every single Head Shrinker headbutt, and the Gunns were excellent at whipping themselves into the mat at the exact right time to make them look devastating. The finish is fun, with the heels all nailing standing headbutts on Tatanka, but then missing on all three of their top rope headbutts, leaving Samu to be rolled up by Tatanka. Perfect kind of house show pleaser multiman. 

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

ER: This is a good match, sometimes a very good match, and briefly a great match. And it's a really interesting science experiment if you focus on the things fans are really reacting to. Because based on the reactions for the bulk of this match it is difficult to see the Proud American Lex Luger decision as anything but an early call disaster. Because the fans in Michigan react louder to all of Yokozuna's offense, and all of Yokozuna's missed offense, than almost anything Luger hits. Even more notably, the crowd is quiet on every single one of Luger's kickouts. There were several moments where it looked like Yokozuna would be walking away with this one, and the crowd just did not react to Luger NOT losing. Macho Man has been decked head to toe in the American flag for two months, Luger has been driving around the United States in an American flag bus for two months, and this crowd does not sound like a crowd who cares about Luger winning the title. Perhaps the most dire omen for Luger's Proud American run is that there isn't even a USA chant we're 15 minutes into the match. How insane is that?? This match has been built ENTIRELY on the fact that Lex Luger is an American and Yokozuna is, for all intents and purposes, not.

And this crowd couldn't even bother to chant USA until Luger was trapped in a nerve hold, DEEP into America's triumphant war with the Japanese. And it was pretty clear that a lot of that was because Luger didn't do anything to play up his babyface status. I will never understand WWF's strategy of suddenly turning Luger babyface, and then never having him wrestle as a babyface to get the crowd used to this sudden hero's mannerisms. They just did not react to Luger here, and it's weird to not hear a crowd get excited when Yokozuna's big belly to belly and legdrop gets kicked out of. 

When you think of literally EVERY other babyface on this roster, who was winning TV matches, and picture them in Lex Luger's exact same position, it's difficult to imagine ANY of them getting the quiet reaction Luger gets here. Duggan and Crush got sustained loud noise for the duration of their good matches against Yokozuna. There is no doubt either of them would have gotten even louder reactions challenging for the title on PPV. But Tatanka, Razor Ramon, Bret Hart, the Undertaker, all would have gotten the crowd more interested than Luger did here. I'm convinced Virgil could have gotten more noise, as Virgil new more tricks than Luger at getting good babyface reactions. Honestly, if they would have let 1-2-3 Kid beat IRS clean with an actual finisher instead of making the braindead decision to already beat Kid, they EASILY could have built to an excellent 1-2-3 Kid/Yokozuna title match at Survivor Series. 

They give Kid a good win over IRS, no schoolboy rollups, but let the fucking Kid beat the 2nd member of a tag team who isn't going to have any more matches together. He beats IRS with an earned finish, actually putting him down, and then in a few weeks you give him a strong Raw match against Bastion Booger. You show he can beat big guys. Then the next month you give him a good 10 minute Raw match against Doink and you have him beat Doink. You set up the WWF's "smallest" guy vs. Yokozuna, a real Rocky situation. Yet for some reason they instead treated Luger like HE was Rocky against Yokozuna! How idiotic is that? 1-2-3 Kid would have been an excellent Rocky, and him lasting against Yokozuna would be an actual feat that would grow his legend. But Luger is the man presented as having *the best chance* at beating Yokozuna! He's not Rocky, he's America's Greatest Hope. 

This match has to be considered one of the biggest failures of the 90s, a campaign that completely fucked up the trajectory of what had been an excellent and well-balance mix of over babyfaces and heels. Luger immediately clogged up the progression of everyone else. There was a natural way to turn Luger babyface, but it would have taken until 1994, and Vince panicked. 

The actual finish of this match is spectacular, a well peaked moment of excellent timing from several people, and the only time the match got the reaction it deserved. Fuji gets accidentally hit with the salt bucket, Cornette causes a distraction, Luger pulls off the protective arm band and wallops Yokozuna with a killer forearm, Yokozuna takes the incredible King Hippo bump through the ropes to the floor for the KO....and then Jim Cornette makes Luger look like the biggest dummy in the world by getting on the apron to stall for time and eat a punch (bumping big to the floor in the process), delaying Luger long enough to get Yokozuna counted out. Lex Luger not winning the title, and yet still getting an in-ring celebration COMPLETE WITH BALLOON DROP is one of the ultimate neutering moves in pro wrestling history. Having a balloon drop to celebrate winning the popular vote is about as cool as slipping in a massive pile of shit and then taking a victory lap around the block because you didn't tear your rotator cuff after everybody saw you fall into that pile of shit. 

It would go down as one of the strongest contenders for saddest and most pathetic ways for a babyface to finish a PPV...and it somehow only gets worse. After cutting to an incredibly long Lex Luger victory music video - which is really laying it on thick to an audience who is being goaded into celebrating a man who didn't complete his stated task IN HIS ONLY CHANCE - we cut to Luger celebrating backstage. Luger is celebrating with Randy Savage, the Steiners, and Tatanka (who all would have gotten the crowd more involved in their hypothetical main event PPV match against Yokozuna) and Luger proceeds to give the flattest concession speech. He really goes into "what an honor it was to perform for the great Michigan fans and represent his country" and manages to sound more and more like a loser the longer he speaks. 

And then Ludvig Borga shows up and immediately comes off like the coolest fucking gunslinger in this piece of shit town. Borga steps right up to Lex Luger's face, surrounded by Randy Savage, Tatanka, and the Steiners, and tells Luger what a fucking loser he is, tells him how shitty America is, and tells Luger he is going to destroy Luger until he represents the crumbling infrastructure of the shittiest parts of the Failed State of America. 

And nobody does a single fucking thing. Borga runs down their accomplishments, their upbringing, their country, and their identity, and then he walks out of the room with all of their dicks tucked into his jorts pocket. I can only assume the cameras cut away because Borga was seconds away from shitting on their couch while none of them made a single step toward stopping him. Luger did NOT win the title for America, in his only chance to do so. And then the most foreign man on the roster just waltzed into his locker room minutes later, proceeded to rub Luger's nose into every single one of his failures, and then just walked out without a scratch. 

I am not sure I have ever been more shocked by the finish of a PPV. Proud American Lex Luger had absolutely NO chance.

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WWF MSG House Show 6/12/93

 Full 6/12/93 Show

Tito Santana vs. Papa Shango

ER: Great reaction for Tito from the large MSG crowd, still a guy who was a great attraction on a card and should have had a chance to be on more through the 90s. He was a less heralded Bret of this year, a guy who could have a cool 10 minute match with any heel on the roster. And this was great, but also because House Show Papa Shango is a thing I always get a kick out of, because you have an evil voodoo priest working like a Memphis house show heel. He bumps into the ropes, misses elbowdrops, waves his arms to try to prevent going over on a sunset flip (and then coming up from the sunset flip with a big lariat). He buries kitchen sink knees into Tito's ribs and works like a Dogcatcher and it rules. Kids really react to Shango and he knows it, love him yelling at kids on the floor. He really needs to scare kids more, really go for the jugular and get close. Fans love the finish, when Tito finally reverses one of those kitchen sinks and flips over the leg to schoolboy him. Fun 10 minutes to start the show.

MD: Tito and Shango are not guys that I think of as being around this deep into 93. Tito would last another month or two and Shango a few more after that. Anyway, it's always a good time to comment on these shows with Eric because he and I are usually not too far off taste-wise. Watching Shango interact with the crowd was the most interesting thing here and while, in general, I'm glad he did it and did it so emotively, it came off as more braggart than voodoo monster. I'm not sure if that was because he was cycling towards the end of the gimmick or what. We didn't get as standard a Tito formula as usual here, no lengthy shine and a quick, slick roll up. My second favorite thing on this one was either Shango's cut-offs which for the most part felt huge, or Tito's neat little drop down elbow smash to the back of the head when Shango put his head down (which isn't something I remember him doing very often but had a very Matador feel to it).


Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

ER: This starts with Howard Finkel receiving a note that Shawn Michaels refuses to come out unless his music plays first, which is a fun pointless thing for a heel to do on a house show. Our cameraman gets a cool zoom out when Michaels first gets into the ring, strutting and fluffing his hair. It's a cool pull back shot to show the size of the crowd, framed really well. Razor Ramon gets a really loud, wild reaction, and starts the match by throwing his toothpick at Michaels' face, which Michaels of course sells as if he got slapped. And this was a great house show match, a match you could use to argue Michaels as the best on the roster in 1993. He looks like he loves nothing more than getting a heel reaction from the crowd, and making sure Razor gets the biggest reaction possible. Michaels has a huge bump night, really treating a match in the Garden as importantly as his King of the Ring match the next night against Crush. He flies far off punches, gets whipped hard into the turnbuckles multiple times, gets kicked off the top rope and takes a huge free fall bump to the floor, all while working these great cheating spots to transition to his bigger pieces of offense. He works a couple of eye pokes in at smart times, hits a big springboard lariat (which Razor bumps for, stands up, and does a great dangerous no-look backwards stagger out through the ropes). Both throw great punches, Michaels works a choke by flattening out his body over Razor, getting his feet hooked on the ropes multiple times for leverage and drawing heat with it. It all builds to a huge moment of Michaels actually taking the Razor's Edge to a huge crowd roar, but Diesel pulls him out before Razor can win the title. Nothing but action, a ton of effective work in under 10 minutes.

MD: In my head, watching this, it felt like 1993 Michaels was very intent to prove himself, as every Shawn Michaels iteration is. But in 1993, he still thought the way to do that was to make his opponent look amazing instead of making himself (and to a lesser degree, the match) look amazing. In other words, he was out to prove to management that he was a top heel in the company by making the babyfaces look like a million bucks while still having the fans care about him. Some of that was the pre-match shtick, some that he was carrying the belt, some of that he had Diesel with him, some that he escaped at the end. His offense had that manic Randy Savage sort of feel, flying this way and that at someone with stuff that wasn't too out of the norm, just hit from a higher angle and with more oomph. It all works and it makes it a shame that Michaels' goals shifted so much in the years to come.


Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

ER: This was so great. Hitman works a 30+ minute match with Backlund the literal night before he works a total of 60 minutes across 3 matches. Just an incredible weekend of work for Hart, and this Backlund match looks great when compared against those King of the Ring matches. I think it is clearly ahead of the Bam Bam match and could see an argument for being better than the Razor match. Either way, it's great, and completely different from any of the three PPV matches. This match is all about Backlund being presented as a serious competitor in 1993 WWF, in the venue this man sold out more than almost every other man. Before this he had mostly been fighting Mike Enos and Damien DeMento on house shows, he obviously wasn't working like a guy in any kind of upper card mix. Backlund had wrestled a couple of times at MSG since his return, but this was Backlund working a Bob Backlund Match in the Garden, and it really split the crowd in entertaining ways. It really felt like his true return to the Garden.

Bret Hart didn't really work as the heel, and he didn't need to. Backlund was treated as a serious threat, and the longer it went you had more and more believers shifting their allegiance from Hart to Backlund. There was really only one tiny minor heel story that was paid off by Hart, with Backlund being tentative to accept Hart's frequent handshake requests after breaks in grappling. Backlund treats each handshake like he suspect's Hart of having a joy buzzer, and the crowd doesn't quite know what to make of it...until they get the sense that Hart really DOES have something planned. There's no real reason for them to think that other than Backlund's unfounded suspicions...but they start to believe Hart is going to pull a fast one, and around the 15 minute mark Hart finally turns a handshake into a quick go behind. It doesn't really get him anywhere, but it confirms suspicions, and even though he doesn't do a single other underhanded thing in the match it gives the crowd every reason to root on a Backlund upset.

The grappling in the match is nice and tight, with Backlund working some tight headscissors spots, engaging slow build knucklelock spots, and some very cool leverage work around a Hart hammerlock. Backlund gets to work his classic main event slow burn minimalist matwork again in the Garden, and seeing the crowd slowly won over by the style as the pace quickens is really exciting. Backlund has a great attempt at the one arm lift, getting way down in a squat and getting Hart up, but Hart rolls him back into the hammerlock. When Backlund does finally get the one arm lift he places Hart on the top, Hart hits a big crossbody, Backlund kicks out and then deadlifts Hart into a back suplex. There's a great spot where Hart has his hammerlock and leverages Backlund into a pin, and Backlund reverses by going into a wild splits that made them look like they were playing Twister, eventually reversing Hart's leverage into his own pin. It looked like something that Timothy Thatcher should steal, and the crowd kept getting more and more into Backlund as he slammed into Hart with shoulderblocks. Once Hart nailed his backbreaker and especially the elbow off the middle rope, the crowd clearly thought that was the finish, and when Backlund kicked out there wasn't a bored fan in attendance. It's a great 30 minute build and the payoffs the match builds to are worth it.

In addition to a great match, we get a burgeoning stepdad/son or mother's boyfriend/son relationship between the guy recording this show and an 11 or 12 year old with a lot of questions. You can really hear the kid bonding with this videographer the longer this match goes as the kid shows genuine interest in taping video matches, the guy teaches him a couple of things, answers his questions about wrestling, and they both get involved in the match that neither of them thought could have gone on this long. The man explains some wrestling stuff to the kid, talks about what a big deal Bob Backlund used to be a decade before, and once the kid finds out this man is into Backlund then Backlund immediately becomes the kid's favorite wrestler. "I like Bret, but I like Bob more" is a thing that probably no other 11 year olds said in 1993, but this kid saw a resurgent Bob Backlund as his in, and it worked! Our videographer has an adult friend who tries to talk about Kobashi and Kawada and All Japan, but the kid knows how to shut that down by asking all the right questions about Backlund.

The man explains to the kid that Backlund used to have long matches all the time when he was champ, and they were great. "I have some of them on tape, they're really good." "I'd like to see those! Can we watch them together?" My heart melted. It's adorable. The match is laid out so well that you can hear both of them get really invested in a potential Backlund upset. The man even starts talking about Backlund working his way back into the main event ("Could you imagine Bob Backlund on Raw as champion? In 1993?") and the kid sincerely gets into Backlund's ring work. "He's really strong!" the kid says, after Backlund does his one arm power lift out of a Bret keylock. And the kid only gets more impressed with Backlund's strength as he sees the deadlift back suplex and the atomic drop with Bret held on his shoulder for 8 seconds. The man even teaches the kid some life lessons and is never dismissive with him, actually spending time explaining some things. The kid says some unintelligible insult and the man says "Yeah you shouldn't say that, you could offend somebody." "But I don't understand what's offensive about it." "I'll explain it more later but for now just don't say that." They even go through a routine that you can tell the kid loves, when the man is explaining that the security guard KNOWS he is recording the show, and he goes through a whole "he knows that I know that he knows that I have a camera" and they both keep adding on qualifiers like it's a Bugs Bunny cartoon. It's always a treat to hear kids bonding with father figures, but bonding over Bob Backlund in 1993 is extra special.

MD: I saw this one years back and knew it was something special, but it's been offline for a while so I'm glad it holds up. It definitely tends to be an underrepresented match. To point, my pals Marty and Pete just did a podcast where they went over their top 25 WWF matches of this era and while both talked about different Bret vs. Backlund matches, neither mentioned this one. There's no other WWF match like it from the 85-95 period, not with the time it gets, with the commitment to matwork, with the slow build. I'm not sure Bret has another match like this on tape. There's the extended Backlund headlock segment, in and out, Bret spending a lot of the match working the arm (and because he's Bret, it's not that he works the arm for a bit and then works another limb, even like Backlund, who later goes to the leg; he just keeps working that arm). It has such a build for Backlund's eventual deadlift out of the (rolling) short arm scissors, and yeah, all the while, you have this kid with his accent going from complaining about the long headlock to getting more and more into Backlund. My favorite bit here might be the handshakes, the first of which Backlund really milks accepting (and why wouldn't he accept a handshake from Bret?) and then the second with Bret getting a go behind from and Backlund outwrestling him before Bret goes to the arm. It didn't come off as heelish so much as aggressive and determined by Bret, which is a tricky line to walk but one that he could manage easily in front of that crowd. There were some boring chants early during the headlocks but they didn't seem to last to the end. It's a hell of a performance, a very unique Bret match that broadens his case in general, and yeah, super impressive he did it the night before KOTR 93.


The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

ER: God if I could have been a kid seeing Giant Gonzalez at a house show. I would have been one of those kids standing there mouth open, in awe. The freakshow aspect of pro wrestling always appealed to me. Seeing the very large Undertaker being completely dwarfed by Giant Gonzalez would have been incredible to me, and while I don't think there are any actual good matches between the two (I wonder what would even be considered the best Giant Gonzalez WWF match?) but it's a crazy spectacle that I will always love. It's mostly clubbing, and it's mostly clubbing that doesn't look great, but Gonzalez had an incredible wingspan and those arms look COOL when he is swinging them way over his head and dropping tree branches onto Undertaker's back. The fans love when Taker fights back with uppercuts, and there are a couple of very cool Gonzalez cut off spots. Gonzalez hits a double chop block into Undertaker's throat and Taker goes down hard, then does a nicely timed zombie sit up, and we get Gonzalez smashing him with a chair. Harvey Wippleman's involvement only adds to the excitement, and the finish is Taker grabbing the chloroform rag from Wippleman. Gonzalez used the chloroform on Undertaker at WrestleMania, and apparently TWO MONTHS later these guys were just killing each other's brain cells on the nightly. Wippleman is driving town to town with a huge bottle of chloroform, has a garbage bag full of rags, and two men totaling nearly 750 lbs. are trying to vaporize each other's nervous systems. It's incredible.

MD: Yeah, this was actually a pretty effective piece of business and it's a testament to WWF as an entity and the crowd as well that they could go from Bret and Backlund working holds for half an hour to this without even blinking. The visual of Undertaker punching up looked great to the point where I was disappointed we didn't get a good look at the last couple as Gonzalezes' body was in the way. The nervehold was fine because Taker worked it well from underneath and the crowd was into it. They kept it vaguely interesting around it too, with Gonzales moving fairly well with the kick and clothesline over the top and Taker creation motion with the whip into the stairs. The most unsettling thing was the extended angle of the nerve hold making me look more closely at the rear end of Gonzales' gear than I ever had before. Some baffling artistic choices there. The chloroform deal is pretty baffling given the size of these guys. That was the "Dr." Harvey Wippleman, bit, right? Somehow I feel like it would have worked better with Big Bully Busick if they worked a "Guy who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby" gimmick with him.


Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tatanka

ER: Great match, a real hidden gem. This would have been a memorably hot main event match on Raw, and the MSG crowd reacts loudly for both men. I find that even more impressive because this has been a card STACKED with good matches so far and this crowd is showing no signs of burnout. It's uncommon for crowds to get tired and react with low energy to a good match, and this crowd has already seen the biggest babyface in the company work a 30+ minute match. But Tatanka's crowd reactions in 1993 cannot be denied, and Bigelow makes sure they stay strong by constantly jawing with the crowd, keeping them involved. This whole match I kept thinking "man what a great Bigelow performance" but I enjoyed the match so much I went right back and watched it again. And then the whole time I kept thinking "man what a great Tatanka performance". Turns out it's just a great match and both add to that. Bigelow's offense looked really good, loved a series of headbutts Bigelow is really great at occupying himself selling for Tatanka's tomahawk chops, knows how to hold his head and stagger into place really well to give Tatanka time to surprise him with a crossbody or flatten him with a clothesline. Bigelow bumped big for Tatanka, but not too big. He would absorb several tomahawks and then go down hard for a clothesline, or take the chops and then take a bigger chop to fly backwards over the top to the floor incredibly fast (great way to set up the count out finish).

He made Tatanka look very powerful, but his cutoff spots kept people loudly engaged. There were three really REALLY great ones, all of which shut the Tatanka cheers off immediately, and all were so cool that the fans also reacted in the way that they knew they were seeing something cool. The three moments: 1) Bigelow taking chops and reeling while Tatanka ran into the ropes for a lariat, only to be stopped dead by a perfectly timed BBB dropkick. 2) Bigelow lifting Tatanka off the ground into a fireman's carry, and Tatanka wriggling out of it into a sunset flip that Bigelow sells perfectly off balance for a couple seconds...before just crushing Tatanka by sitting down hard on his chest. Bigelow looked so cool in this moment that I half expected the crowd to treat him like the babyface. 3) is expertly placed right after Tatanka started his war dance, hitting a couple chops and dancing around the perimeter of the ring, and Bigelow puts him down with one of his best timed enziguiris I've seen. He nailed Tatanka so well that not only did he come off like the coolest guy in the room (helps when you look, dress, and are shaped like Bam Bam Bigelow) but the crowd instantly seemed convinced that Tatanka was OUT. Great house show match, the kind of match that would be a memorable TV or PPV or Coliseum Video match had it aired there, and not merely recorded by a true saint.

MD: While it's another one I haven't seen in years, I remember being a fan of their Royal Rumble 1994 match, and this makes me think I was probably correct in that fandom. Everything hit here and the crowd was more than happy to come along for the ride. Eric covered this really well so I'm not sure what I can add on specifics. I mean, I primarily want to just talk about the sit out on the sunset flip and how the fans went completely nuts for it. I'll say that Bigelow stood out a little more to me than Tatanka, but that's primarily because he was in control of the match and probably because he was just a big looming presence. That was Eric's first impression too and I think if you're going to just give this one watch, what you'll note too. It wasn't just his offense which was so impactful, but the way he reacted to things, whether it be selling his head after cutting Tatanka off or the exasperation for Tatanka's comebacks after he thought he had him down in the stretch (like after that picture perfect timed enziguiri). 

There wasn't a moment that Bigelow wasn't completely invested in the match and the happy marriage of that investment and the larger than life presence of this monster of a man facing off against someone who obviously believed in himself and his character as thoroughly as Tatanka did made for a crowd that was just electric. You could nitpick that they maybe shouldn't have laid it out to come out of a chinlock after the Taker/Gonzales match did something similar with the nerve hold, but it worked so that's all that matters. Past the squash and the reaction it got, the other moment I loved was Tatanka's final comeback. I love monsters who resort to eyepokes to keep control (like Hansen was apt to do) because of the inherent dissonance of this huge heel having to cut off the babyface that way. The first time Bigelow did it, it worked, but the second time, later in the match, it led to the hulk up. That attention to detail is something they don't need to stick in their matches, but I can assure you that crowd remembered the first eyepoke with derision and when Tatanka no sold the second, they went absolutely nuts.


The Headshrinkers/Afa vs. Kamala/Smoking Gunns

ER: Another strong match, the exact way a trios with these guys should have been worked. It doesn't waste any time and doesn't go any longer than it needs to (just under 10 minutes) but gets great reactions the whole time (a running theme on this show). Things blow up quick and I loved seeing the Gunns and Kamala run wild on the Headshrinkers, with everyone all occupying the same space at once. Fans were very into babyface Kamala, and it was clear he had that same Hacksaw Duggan charisma. Duggan was the easiest to book man of the last 30+ years of wrestling, a perpetually over babyface regardless of his booking. Kamala could have easily been kept as a babyface getting great house show reactions through 1996 at least, and in matches like this he comes off as an actual major star. The crowd (and especially the kid sitting next to our director) is in love with every single movement of the Ugandan savage, and why shouldn't he be? 

The match settles down into the Headshrinkers taking apart Bart Gunn, and Bart can take a nice beating. He gets thrown to the floor and takes a nasty bump, hanging up in the ropes and hitting the apron on his way down. Later he takes a backdrop bump (getting tossed by both of them) that would make Rick Rude take notice. Afa is really great playing his part, choking Bart in the corner from the apron, and it all builds to a really satisfying babyface hot tag. Billy is a good hot tag, loved his reverse bulldog (basically the way you'd take down a calf at the county fair) and when it comes down to Kamala cleaning house and landing his big splash the crowd is losing their minds. I like the house show finish of Kamala getting the visual pin after the splash (pinned stomach down of course) and then getting schoolboyed after getting distracted by Afa. A Headshrinker winning a match with a schoolboy is a little silly, but when it's jungle savage vs. jungle savage you get out of there any way you can.

MD: I actually wish this was on Mania instead of a HH because while the crowd was great, I really wanted to see more of Kamala reacting on the apron and Afa in general. You could mainly spot Afa from his hair here. The Gunns must have been working the Headshrinkers a lot because some of Bart's exchanges (like the jumped over drop toe hold bit that led to a payoff of one later) were pretty sharp. The highlight here was probably when Kamala and the Gunns ran the heels off early and everyone went nuts for it. Afa was moving pretty well for a guy you rarely saw in this sort of situation by this point. I wonder how much Doink turning and becoming a harmless mid-card babyface act hurt Kamala in the long run. You could see him the next year as part of a Quebecers/Polo trio, for instance, or the year following in a mix scenario against the Bodydonnas and Sunny, and so on.

ER: I LOVED Bart hopping out of a drop toehold, glad Matt remembered to mention it. 


Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Another real treasure, and I sincerely think it is the best Narcissist Luger match we have. Narcissist Luger is really great, a criminally short 4 month run that was cut abruptly and foolishly short. WWF had so many hot acts in 1993 that there was really no reason other than post-Hogan fear to abruptly turn Luger. In hindsight it seems so easy to just keep Duggan/Savage/Yokozuna going through Summerslam, and have Luger beat Bret in the finals of King of the Ring. Duggan was insanely over in 1993 and deserved a reward main event, and a Summerslam match with Yokozuna would have been memorable. Hart still gets to have three great matches and KOTR, Luger obliterates Hart with a loaded forearm to win the crown, you go as far as you want with Hart's comeback match with Luger (Hart in a face mask is optional but Hart beats Luger at Summerslam), Luger gets to wear a crown a look impressed with himself in mirrors for two months, it all writes itself so easily. Their TV (and house shows from what we have) was filled with a ton of over acts, the hot acts were almost equally babyface/heel, the only way to stop this momentum was by suddenly turning any one of these naturally growing acts.

So here we get Luger in full Narcissist mode just 3 weeks before the bodyslam heard round the world, and it's a great coda. The pre-match is filled with great Luger moments, like him pointing out poses to Howard Finkel in the mirror, or his reactions when Finkel announced that Luger's forearm would have to be covered...unless he wanted to pay a $25,000 fine and face a 6 month suspension. Perfect has his own great pre-match moments, spitting his gum at least 10' across the ring at Luger, then getting into a quick nose to nose with Luger. Luger slaps him, Perfect attacks him with his unthrown hand towel, hitting a towel lariat. Luger is a great heel bumper, maximizes fast back bumps and takes them athletically without letting the bump get too flashy. He gets kicked around the edges of the ring by Perfect and takes versions of Perfect's signature rope flip bump without the flip. He's great at being chased around a ring, great at begging off, and we could have had at least 12-18 months of him as the King Narcissist before turning him.

Perfect bumps big for Luger's control, which sounds like an obvious thing to expect, but I think is made much more unexpected (and more impressive) by Perfect knowing he would be working three physical matches (including an arguable match of his career against Bret) the next night. So Perfect taking a huge bump getting through over the top to the floor or hard whipping bumps into turnbuckles felt like much more of a risk knowing he'd have to do it all night next night. Luger drops nice elbows and keeps simple offense snug, throwing an especially nice clothesline that Perfect bumped legs out. Luger is an all time great at late kickouts, and he consistently gets LOUD reactions for late kickouts, really getting people to bite with perfectly timed shoulder lifts, arm shooting upward. The match benefits from its distraction finish (it was going to be either that, a DQ, or a count out), as Shawn Michaels (with Diesel) is very good at being a distraction. Michaels comes out wearing white overalls and sunglasses and gets up on the apron, a genuine distraction that allows Luger to blaze into frame with a potential 25K elbow. Luger gets the pin and well...what might have been.

 
MD: There are a few little things I'd tweak here or there on almost all of these. I'd have Perfect's music hit as Luger was posing. I'd have Luger use some submission targeting the back instead of the chinlock again as he'd been focusing on it for a bit. I'd have Perfect take a few more bumps when Luger was in control. I'd have Perfect survive a forearm with the pad on, maybe. In general though, you judge the match you do get, and this one was a good match. Perfect still had to get revenge from Mania (as they hadn't been to MSG since then) and he came in hot with Luger kept on the run. Probably the best thing about 93 face Perfect is that he got his AWA offense back, and had three or four ways to hurt Luger's leg before locking in a deathlock. If he had a bit more time he would have been able to get the full foot-pressing-into-knee Gagnelock but Luger knocked him out of the ring first. The crowd was big for all of Perfect's comeback attempts, be it a punch on the floor or working out of the chinlock into a top wristlock attempt later, and when he did finally come back, it was beautiful stuff (the kneelift, the neck whip, an awesome leapfrog/turn around/dropkick spot). Michaels' distraction was built off of Fink announcing that they'd be wrestling in a cage on the next card (which we don't get, by the way: it's the elimination 6 man with Shawn/Diesel/Bam Bam vs. Perfect/Jannetty/Tatanka), but it was all timed really well as an excuse for Luger to hit the forearm. We really were robbed of a long Luger heel run in 93.

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WWF King of the Ring 1993

Since we're a day away from potentially getting a new forever king, I thought it would be fun to revisit a legendary monarchy based show. I haven't watched this show in at least 25 years, whenever it was that I rented it from New Release Video in Healdsburg. It's a really strong on paper kayfabe show. You look at the 8 guys who made the KOTR quarterfinals, and the choices are all strong and reflective of who was big at the time. Mr. Hughes is the one hindsight question mark, because looking back there are plenty of people who don't even remember his 4 month WWF run. But his inclusion made sense from a kayfabe perspective, as he had aligned himself with Giant Gonzalez and wrecked the Undertaker on TV. He felt like a big new threat, and stood out as physically imposing during a time there were some really large guys on the roster. 1993 Duggan feels past his expiration, but hardly anyone was getting as big a reactions as Duggan was getting in the first half of 1993. The non-tournament matches are just as logical, with Crush/Michaels the logical and anticipated title match stemming from their great double count out KOTR Qualifier, a tag scramble highlighting the top two heel and face teams, plus the big Yokozuna/Hogan rematch (that would have felt like a MUCH bigger deal had Hogan done more than what, ONE taped interview in the months between Mania and KOTR). On paper this is a real strong show, presenting all of the most popular guys in favorable pairings, and a show I remember really enjoying as a kid. Let's see how it holds up!


Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

ER: This was a great match, starting off this PPV better than any match on WrestleMania IX. Razor looks incredibly cool with his green gear, toothpick in mouth and one behind the ear, trying to be as unflappable as possible as the fans all chant 1-2-3. It's really impressive how quickly they got Kid over, and how smartly they played it. This stuff isn't difficult, but watching a simple angle like this over 25 years later - and seeing how they just don't have any kind of patience for this sort of thing now - it's even easier to appreciate. Kid beats him, then Razor demands a rematch while they barely even have Kid on TV for the next month, letting the crowd interest build for him and really building a strong underdog common man. At a certain point they just decided the most creative way to debut someone was to have them win a title on their first night in and then just kind of do nothing with them.

But anyway, the great match. Hart's shoulderblocks weren't effective to start, so he started playing a quickness game with Razor with some armdrags, and does some of that great Bret stuff like taking a bodyslam put not letting go of Razor's arm. Razor takes over with an eyepoke and sends Bret flying HARD into the ringpost, then acts like a real dick about it. He slaps Bret around the head, stomping on BOTH of his hands while Hart is trying to get up (love that), hits the fallaway slam, big running powerslam (that I don't really remember Razor doing), and my favorite thing Razor does all match is miss elbowdrops. Razor missed FOUR elbowdrops, and each miss looked great. The first miss was a big leaping elbow into an empty pool, and the three later in the match was total Elmer Fudd missing every shot he took at Bugs, dropping three in a row as Hart kept rolling out of the way. Every miss looked real painful. He wasn't just taking back bumps, he looked like he was really jamming his elbow right into the mat. The crowd was way into the match at this point, and were flipping out more with every missed elbow, getting really loud as Hart made his comeback with a backbreaker and Russian leg sweep (does anyone besides Bret and Brad Armstrong have a good Russian leg sweep? Who am I forgetting?). The match transitioned back and forth really well, both great at coming up with plausible ways to take over instead of just "my turn". Hart takes the sternum bump into the corner but flips through a Razor's Edge, fights for a backslide, and there is an insanely close 3 count on a Hart small package. Waaaaay too close and the crowd was losing their minds at this point (as was I). Now, the finish itself was only kind of a ding because it came immediately after that small package, and felt a little too similar. Razor was going for a suplex off the top and Hart fell on top of him for the 3. It felt like they needed one other thing in between Hart's surprise small package and him falling on Razor for a 3. I'm not sure what that is, but the near fall was such a huge moment that the fans really hadn't come down, and the very next thing ended the match. Does that make sense? Even so, the match ruled.


Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Mr. Hughes is wearing his pork pie hat and braces and looks like the most powerful ska trombonist in history. This is not only a battle of who advances in the King of the Ring, but a battle over who retains the title of "Mr.". This is also the first and last we see of  Mr. Hughes on WWF PPV, and maybe the last time he ever turned up on PPV anywhere, which is really weird, because look at him! This match was a super fun match up, with Perfect pushing a pace meaning we get fast Hughes, and both guys bump big for each other. Hughes working speed spots with Perfect is too good, as this also had to be the biggest Hughes got. He's really quick, takes a wild armdrag that crashes him into the ropes, flies into a hiptoss, and takes a huge backdrop. Perfect obviously tries to outbump him, flying over the top to the floor off a punch, and then taking super painful looking bumps off Irish whips. Hughes looked like he was really chucking him into the ropes and buckles, and if he wasn't, Perfect was certainly making Hughes look like Andre. Perfect and Hart were both good at making a whip into the buckle look like something that should get a nearfall, that PANK sound of a buckle that they're able to make before crumpling to the mat. This could have been something special, but that's not really what this match was. Hughes grabs the stolen urn and clocks Perfect with it for the DQ. It was directly in front of the ref, and they could have milked a really good match out of a long heat segment on Perfect after the urn shot, but this was a blast while it lasted.


Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

ER: Duggan had the sickest hair during this era: The perfect Johnny Ramone shag. This was the longest his hair ever got, and he had those perfect bangs. With his American flag singlet and kneepads, waving Old Glory, he looked like he should have been doing the best Freedom Rock commercials. I'm picturing him with that hair doing a rad boogie rock guitar solo, just choogling and making the dumbest guitar solo faces. JR and Macho Man say a bunch of platitudes about how Duggan isn't a quitter, and Heenan hilariously butts in "That's not what I heard. I heard this guy is a big quitter. He used to be known as the town wimp." There's value in knowing your limitations, and they work a nice 5 minute match within those limitations. Hacksaw Ramone is so damn over in 1993, far more than I remember, and he throws great big right hands to back Bigelow up. They run into each other, Bam Bam grabs him in a couple of bearhugs, Duggan fights out, simple but effective big man stuff. Bigelow sets up Duggan by missing a falling headbutt, and Duggan takes a really nice headfirst bump into the turnbuckle after missing a corner charge. The Bigelow headbutt off the top is a nice clean finish to a nice tidy match.


Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

ER: Love the smirk Luger wears on his face during his entire entrance, and I love how he jumps Tatanka the second Tatanka is through the ropes. And this match is the very definition of feast or famine, because we get a lot of Tatanka holding an armbar and Luger holding a chinlock, and the crowd is very silent during those portions. BUT, and this is an important but, the ultra hot sections where everyone is bumping and Luger is pistoning his arm up out of pinfalls at the very last possible second, those all came off great. This is overall a great match that happens to be burdened by a long armbar sequence and a shrug of a time limit draw. The time limit draw is a real dry hump in pro wrestling watching. It has its good sides, because Bam Bam Bigelow automatically goes to the finals, and I get why you don't want to have a big fat guy wrestling three times in the same night, and I think I am fine with a Bye due to time limit draw if it gets a cool fat guy heel into the finals. And it helps that Lex Luger makes Tatanka look like an absolute star here, taking hard back bumps on tomahawk chops and crossbody blocks, and a nice high backdrop bump. When Tatanka starts getting 2 counts on top rope chops and a tight schoolboy, Luger has such expert timing and I'm not sure I've seen very many high quality kickouts than the ones Luger provides here. Luger sets up Tatanka so well and is such a great bumping heel. The time limit draw is a bummer, but with a good end result. And I think Luger salvages it by grabbing the mic and DEMANDING 5 more minutes, because he came here to WIN the King of the Ring and he isn't going to let a time limit draw stop him from that. And after handing the microphone back to Finkel, he lays out Tatanka with a hard clothesline and puts the boots to him while laughing about it. I wish we got a finish, and Luger was working hard enough to deserve a good finish, but I get why they couldn't beat Luger. But a Luger DQ for using the metal plated elbow, leading to a DQ win for Tatanka, and a Bigelow/Tatanka semi final....that would have been a real great addition to an already good PPV.


Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: This is one of those consensus great matches, the kind of match with very few contrarian opinions. It's loved and respected by Meltzer types, 90s kids, and middle aged message board tape trader snobs. It has an easy claim as a top 5 WWF match of the 90s, the kind of match that gets cited as someone's favorite all time match. It wouldn't be controversial to call it Curt Hennig's greatest WWF performance, nor would it be to call it Bret's greatest. It's a legitimately great match and I don't think there's a misstep in the entire match. They keep an incredible pace and have the timing locked down on everything. The opening few minutes was these two showing how easily they could have instantly adapted to any style in the world. Picturing Hart working these same headlock takeover and dropdown exchanges with Negro Casas or Tatsumi Fujinami, and it's watching matches like these makes me realize just how much I love Bret Hart. It might not be a cool pick, but he's high up my personal list of best wrestlers. He and Perfect craft something special, an argument for WWF style, the best example of an extension from the Savage/Steamboat workrate. It's a nearly 20 minute match but there's no fat. The bumping is honest and tough from both men. Perfect wasn't a showoff, but instead landed hard on a backdrop, sold a knee injury through a long home stretch, fit his great ass over crown ropes bump in at the best time, and ate a huge superplex for a great nearfall. 

Hart was a perfect dancer partner for Perfect, and vice versa. Perfect got flung over by the neck a few times, and Hart plastered him with an uppercut. Jim Ross sounded downright flush and beside himself when Hart hit that uppercut. Hart moves through his offense well and blends it naturally into their movement. A great backbreaker drops Perfect, and Perfect does a twinkle toes Rick Rude sell on atomic drop, allowing Hart to get the Russian legsweep as Perfect duck walked. Hart made Perfect look like a killer, flying ridiculously hard chest first into the turnbuckle, and Perfect knocks Hart off the apron to send Hart flying really painfully into ringside gear and the guardrail. It was a painful bump that built the possibility of a count out win. When Perfect comes up limping, that's when Hart takes the chance to go after his leg, and they move around each other really instinctively. The fans sounded ready for a Perfect win as they got very excited (maybe it was a nervous buzz?) when Perfect locked on an excellent sleeper hold, dragging Hart to the mat like Bill Dundee. Both men were getting great reactions, and it was one of those matches where they got almost immediately into the pocket and knew exactly what kind of match to work. The finish was really great, with Perfect luring Bret into a small package by feinting the knee injury, and it's a great enough move that you buy the finish. But Bret reverses it and holds on for just a fraction of a second longer than Perfect was able to. Great match, a flagship match from the biggest wrestling promotion in history. It deserves the praise it gets. 

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

ER: It never gets talked about because it came directly after the excellent Hart/Perfect match, and because the uncool view of Hogan nostalgia, but just as Hart and Perfect had arguably their greatest WWF performance tonight, you could easily make a case for this being Yokozuna's greatest performance. And really, this is a great Hogan performance too. Outside of the absolutely silly and completely ridiculous finish. That finish is something that any tween with observation skills would have seen coming, just because of the comical costume and fake beard they decided to put Harvey Wippleman as the rogue photog. I can still remember my friend Dave - who saw the PPV - trying to relate exactly what happened to everyone at school the next day. "Before the match started they were showing a bunch of cameramen at ringside, and the camera lingered too long on this one guy..."

So we get a silly finish that closes the door on Hulk Hogan in WWF for nearly a decade, but even with that finish I'm not sure there are better 90s Hogan matches than this one. Shoot, even the silly finish included a fireball, so even when compared to other silly finishes it's still far better. Yokozuna turned in a tremendous brick wall performance, allowing short openings for Hogan only by missing moves (a charge into the corner, a missed big splash) but Hogan immediately gets shut down any time he tries to take fight to Yokozuna. He lands punches, then always goes for a bodyslam that ends in him getting smacked to the mat. I love the simplicity of it, with Hogan getting sliiiiightly further each time, so that when he manages to get Yoko on one leg it feels like a big deal. The crowd gets loud whenever Hogan starts to fire back, sensing his win, and cheer on as he gets some mounted corner punches and even bites Yoko's forehead. I loved Hogan fighting out of a strong bearhug by punching Yoko a dozen times in the head, crowd chanting along, but being unable to do more because of his back. 

Yokozuna just throws Hogan around, with the best moment coming off a fantastic belly to belly suplex. Yoko really flattens him and the crowd seems actually stunned by his kickout, but into the Hulking. He hits several big boots (a little weak looking, but Hogan appeared to be moving pretty gingerly throughout), and Yoko is great at selling them, great at selling the clotheslines without getting knocked over, and they spend enough time on Hogan trying to knock him down any way he can that by the time Yokozuna finally timberrrrs over it's a huge moment, leading to immediate genuine shock when he kicks out of the legdrop. Then we get the rogue cameraman, the fireball, and a big fat awesome Yoko legdrop to finish it. The postmatch destruction is the best, as Yoko drags Hogan's corpse around and hits the Banzai drop, and they do my absolute favorite thing by showing a bunch of super sad small children in the crowd. The best is that dweeb front row center dressed entirely like Hogan, looking like an outright maroon as he has to sit there and watch another man he chose to dress as get annihilated. Imagine that guy the rest of the show, walking sullenly to the bathroom, trudging to the parking lot, being approached by the dozenth person asking "What happened?"

I really do think this is the strongest WWF Hogan match of the 90s, and I'm not certain there are any WCW matches better. Had Hogan treated Vader with the level of awe he had here against Yokozuna, those matches could have been classics. Hogan wasn't as interested in letting someone play brick wall in WCW, he was far too insecure at that point. Yoko was allowed to have a monster performance, and he delivered arguably his greatest single match performance here. The timing was excellent, the build throughout was exactly what it should have been, and again, even the silly finish had a fireball to the face. This match gets roundly dumped on and I don't actually understand why. Yokozuna looked like an unstoppable killer, and looked cool doing it. The match long Hogan comeback teases were worked exactly as the should have been, and I honestly don't think they could have had a better match here. 

The Steiner Bros./The Smoking Gunns vs. Money Inc./The Headshrinkers

ER: This was too rushed which is a real shame, as I was really into what match we got. It gets over 6 minutes, but a match at minimum needs at least one minute per participant to be of much value. And it's clear from what they did in these 6 minutes that they had plenty of material to fill 15. Now, it's not a shock on a big show like this that some things probably ran long so some things may have been cut for time during this match. What we get really does smoke. Dibiase does some quick armdrags with Scott Steiner, and I am reminded that Dibiase is the same age here as I am now, and within a few months Dibiase would be retired from wrestling due to injuries. As I type this, back sore from last night's yoga, I am once again reminded of my mortality. There's a great early spot where Dibiase eats a Steinerline over the top to the floor, bumps around on the floor, gets back in the ring and immediately eats another Steinerline to the floor and bumps around again. Dibiase/Scott Steiner is such a fun pairing, and it is really weird that this match just isn't Steiners vs. Money Inc. for the belts. Bart Gunn gets separated from the pack and I like all of the ways Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers cut him off from the others, like a cool double backdrop and IRS leaping off the top rope with a punch. Bart gets a convincing sunset flip and makes a hot tag to Billy, and Billy comes in blazing with nice clotheslines. 

There is some absolutely hysterical commentary, as throughout this match Jim Ross is - as he'll do - running through every participant's college credentials, including a claim that Billy Gunn went to college on a rodeo scholarship. Finally Heenan blurts out "Do you know anyone who didn't go to school!?" I had to pause it I was laughing so hard. Dibiase hits an awesome hot shot on Gunn and then actually makes Gunn collapse with the million dollar dream. The finish is pretty lame, as Dibiase just lets Gunn collapse, brags to the crowd, and then gets small packaged. I have a lot of questions, don't know why they didn't just put the belts on the Steiners, don't know why they (presumably) cut a bunch of the match out, but I really liked what match we did get. 

Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

ER: This wasn't as great as their KOTR Qualifying sprint, was a little more bloated and had a finish that made Crush look like a doofus again, but it was more proof that the two of them have great chemistry. I'm going to have to watch the Demolition/Rockers tags and their Coliseum Video singles match to really see what they might have accomplished. They didn't have a ton of house show singles or tags, but there are a handful so maybe one is out there. Crush really comes off powerful and charismatic, and it's kind of wild that they kept him getting clowned why Doink for so long because the crowd responds to him so well. It helps when Michaels bounces all over the ring and ringside for him. Crush works sequences speed for speed with Michaels while still coming off heavy, trading leapfrogs and dropdowns while also brickwalling him with shoulderblocks. 

There's a great spot where Crush swings for the fences on a missed clothesline and his momentum makes him skid forward a bit too far, giving Michaels enough time to compose himself first and pop him with a jab. That jab gets him his ass kicked though, as Crush hits a couple big dropkicks to knock Michaels over the top to the floor, and obviously a clothesline on the floor because Michaels is going to bump to the floor. Michaels also takes a big muscled up backdrop bump and we get a cool press slam spot with Crush pressing him three times before tossing him onto the ropes! Michaels basically gets no offense until Diesel gets involved, but then he beats the back of Crush's head into the ringpost like 8 times, and the shots really looked like he was trying to crack open Crush's skull. It was a great way for a small guy to erase the size difference, and Crush sold it really well. Michaels' control segment goes a bit long, but maybe we paid for that with all of those Crush armdrags and leapfrog spots earlier. His comeback is good but I really wish we got a different finish than Two Doinks coming out to distract him AGAIN. The finish itself is strong, with Michaels hitting the superkick to the softened up back of Crush's head (a cool variation he never used) but Crush had to stand there staring at clowns for a lonnnng time. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Bret Hart

ER: On paper, this was the match I was most looking forward to on this show, but I thought it underwhelmed in certain ways and was the weakest of the three Bret matches. I shouldn't complain about such a fun Bigelow showcase - he's a guy I'm happy to see in main events - and this is maybe the most dominant main event of his career. It is very one sided for a long portion of the match, and Hart also comes into the match with a pronounced limp. So the fans get quiet for a lot of it and aren't nearly as loud for Bret's comeback as I expected them to be. The match went 18, but felt more like 24, and the fans in attendance added to that fatigue. Hart really gives a ton of time to Bam Bam, and adds to his own overall very impressive total ring time for the night. The Hart/Razor match was arguably the best match of Razor's WWE run, a top 5 contender at worst. The Hart/Perfect match is a strong contender for best WWE match of the 90s. This match is well regarded but overly long, unable to grab the fans in the same way the prior Hart matches had. 

But this doesn't mean the match isn't plenty fun, and an important match in keeping the opinion of fat guys high against the early internet "Fat Guys Are Bad" rhetoric. Bigelow works a long match and keeps up an agile pace, working methodically over Hart while also hitting more high leaping headbutts than I've ever seen him hit. Every time he took to the air I expected the empty pool landing, except he kept crushing Bret with every. single. one. He gets an incredible false finish with a top rope headbutt, a false finish that I had honestly completely forgotten about, so it played as shockingly as the one in the Juvy/Jericho mask vs. title match for me. Bigelow's work leading up to that pin makes his performance come off like one of the most dominant main events of that era. Hart was limping, and he cannot get anything at all going against Bigelow. BBB hits some of the gnarliest backdrop suplexes I've seen, lifting Hart up soooo high before cutting the elevator cable. Hart came in limping but the match became a compelling methodical back work match. It felt much more like a big WWF late 70s/early 80s main event than a 1993 main event, and that helps the match appeal. Hart gets whipped hard into the buckles several times, getting to show off his all time great corner bump, always making the turnbuckles look rib cage shifting. 

But I do think Bigelow's control goes on for far too long. As much as I love bearhugs, we probably could have dropped one of the four trips back to a bearhug variation. Or, you know what fuck it, this should have had even more bearhug variations. It's the finals of the first ever PPV King of the Ring, have Bigelow lock in half a dozen. His bearhugs do all look great, as crushing as the best Andre bearhugs. We even get a sick over the shoulder variation that Bret sells like a crucifixion. The Luna interference was well utilized and the surprise finish is indeed a surprise to this day. Also, the restart was used well and I like that we didn't get the typical match ending 30 seconds after the restart. We still got another full match once Bigelow's win was (ridiculously) reversed, and that makes this come off like the important main event that it should have. I do think Hart took too long a beating to make the comeback he made, but Bigelow took Hart's offense really well, and the victory roll finish is a believable way to take down a big man. Bigelow had one of his best WWF performances, and it made me want to go back and watch the Hart/Bigelow match on the Bret dvd and see if I still think it's better than this one. Hart worked three very different and all very good matches in one night, and it's the kind of night that solidifies him as one of my very favorite wrestlers. It's not a stylish pick, but I think it's an undeniable one. 

After the match Hart gets a nice coronation, until Lawler comes out and interrupts and absolutely trashes Hart. Lawler smashes the chair over Hart, really bouncing it off his body, and punches the new crown right off Hart's head. I really wish Lawler had been in the KOTR proper, and against all the more freakshow opponents. I think Lawler would have been the best WWF opponent for Giant Gonzalez, and Lawler vs. Mr. Hughes around this time would have been incredible. But the King was such an excellent TV character during this era of WWF, a constant presence while working a quarter the matches as everyone else. There are so many matches I wish Lawler had over his long WWF run, so I savor angles like these that are slices of Memphis inserted in WWF main event angles. 

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A Thorough Review of WrestleMania IX, 4/4/93

This is one of the more maligned WrestleManias in company history, but I'm not sure I've watched it with fresh eyes since renting the tape from the video store some time ago. Let's check it out?

It's great that this show was from Caesar's Palace in Vegas, and Vince just said, "Fuck it, make the ENTIRE SHOW themed after the venue that is hosting this show." Like they just went for it, even though there would have been no way of knowing it was hosted at Caesar's Palace other than them saying so. But it's great. The bright outdoor light is jarring and has the vibes of a mid-afternoon big arena county fair show. The seating arrangement was expertly set up so that 88% of the crowd had absolutely terrible sight lines, and the opening entrances were fantastic. There are a ton of large live animals, and having this many live animals (an elephant, a camel, llamas, birds, etc.) feels like the kind of insane risk that Vince would never take in 2020. Imagine a WrestleMania with the risk of an outdoor elephant rampage!! There are also huge jacked eunuchs (we can assume) carrying people out, and they're so big that I have no idea why any of them weren't recruited into wrestling (unless maybe they were unmarketable because they had no testicles). Caesar and Cleopatra come out, and nobody even talks about how stacked Cleopatra was. Randy Savage gets carried out by the same eunuchs while being fed grapes by vestal virgins, and also telling some dude through gritted teeth to get the fuck off of him when said dude won't let go of one of Macho Man's jacket tassels. Heenan comes out riding backwards on a camel, and does 3 solid minutes of high quality "guy uncomfortably dealing with an animal" comedy, doing a ton of great stumbling and physical comedy in getting off the camel. He gets his toga yanked up (to reveal his big blue Jockeys) and acts completely frazzled while bickering with Macho and Jim Ross. This is a great start.


Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

ER: I think this is the one match from this show that gets mentioned in kind terms, and nobody even talks about how - much like Cleopatra before her - how stacked Sherri is. And this IS a really good match, with a really bad finish. The match got actually great at one point, with Michaels' performance in the first half of this ranking among his best 10 minute performances. Michaels has a way of bringing a distinctly Texas heel vibe to his best matches from this era, with genuinely funny physical comedy worked smartly within a pro wrestling match framework. There are some really fun sequences early, like Michaels flying off the top into a Tatanka armdrag and feeding perfectly into another short armdrag right after. Michaels had a sequence of bumps that was so damn fun, truly one of my favorite stretches of any Michaels match, when he takes his super fast flipping corner bump and lands on the apron, turns around and takes a flipping bump off the apron to the mats to sell a Tatanka chop. But my favorite part of the match is right after, when Michaels tries to get back in the ring five different times and every time he gets on the apron he gets tomahawk chopped, causing him to bump to the apron and back to the floor. Michaels played this so professionally, actually factoring in the lousy sight lines and lack of screens at Caesar's Palace, so he runs to every side of the ring to try to get in, runs up the ring steps, really lets every crowd member get to see his ass get knocked to the apron and down to the ground. He finally makes it back in by eyepoking Tatanka before getting chopped.

We got a really good section of Tatanka working over Michaels' left shoulder, and I wish they would have gone further with it. It's a cool two minutes of the match, but doesn't really get followed up on (even though Savage attempts to keep it relevant on commentary). Still, it leads to some cool moments, and they built it really well until the match changed course. It started with Tatanka hitting a leaping tomahawk chop on Michael's shoulder, and escalated a short time later when Michaels threw a clothesline and immediately came up holding that shoulder, then took an insanely great bump into the corner ringpost. I rewound a couple of times to see what he did, because he ran into the corner at high speed, and the sound of the clank made it seem like his shoulder should have been splintered into his body. It was some excellent sleight of hand. And while they didn't necessarily play into his hurt shoulder the rest of the match, Michaels clearly began using his right arm for big offense (including a nice diving clothesline off the apron to the floor).

There was a little awkwardness before the great end run, with Michaels getting a little too clever and Tatanka not quite seeming on the same page, leading to a couple spots that took too long to pull off and didn't look great when they did get pulled off, most notably the weird headscissors/rolling armbar/victory roll (that they did their best to salvage). But the end run was what brought this back, as Tatanka looked like a guy who could win the IC Title, and the fans were clearly excited to see him win the title. Tatanka was really over at this point of '93, and every near fall got a bigger and bigger reaction. They really pulled the fans into this one, and Michaels couldn't have handled the big kickouts better, really nice timing to make it seem like he was narrowly escaping the loss. The finish was well set up, but the finish itself was so bad that it would have been impossible for anyone to make it work. We got the big Tatanka war dance, Michaels bumped all around for the tomahawk chops, fans were sensing the big win, and then Michaels did this great missed swan dive off the apron, crashing to the floor and almost into the ring steps. Ref Joey Marella counts him out and Michaels yanks him out of the ring to stop the count. But Marella never calls for the bell, so when Michaels gets back in and Tatanka hits the Papoose, we get the awkward moment of Marella waving the pin away, even though Marella was standing there in the ring while Tatanka hit the move. Fans are clearly confused, the announcers are confused, Marella went back into the ring way too early and should have either sold on the floor until Tatanka went for the pin, or called for the bell immediately. This was a terrible ending, handled terribly, a real set of two black eyes on what was otherwise an awesome PPV opener.

"What a bad ending to a great match" ~Macho Man Randy Savage, summing things up accurately


The Headshrinkers vs. The Steiner Brothers

ER: The Steiners' singlet game is incredible here, among the best of their Lisa Frank designs. Rick's especially is only missing acid dripping dolphins leaping out of purple waves against a neon blue sun. His singlet is all of the deepest, richest neon palm fronds. Scott's singlet looks more like a Trapper Keeper wearing Body Glove shorts, but that's only because Rick's is shining so brightly beside him. And this match also rules! It's a great match on paper, as Samu/Fatu are big guys who won't let the Steiners manhandle them, but the Steiners love manhandling big guys, so it's just the best kind of clash. All four of them had a bunch of cool stuff, and the match has one of the most career shortening deadly transitions I've seen. Fatu was really great at bumping for the Steiners (love the way he runs into a Steiner Line and bumps big but lands with heft), and Samu must have had some kind of bet going because I swear he does more back rake variations in this match than I've seen (at least in a match where they are actually delivered seriously and sold, I'm sure there's some yukfest indy match out there where someone does 70 back rakes before pretending to be eaten by an inflatable pool alligator). An island savage using his sharpened claws to deliver body rakes is awesome, and Samu's best were raking Rick from his clavicles down to his hips, raking hard down Scott's traps, and raking Scott across the eyes before popping him in the eye with a straight jab. So many spots I loved here, like Scott slamming Fatu's face into the mat only for Fatu to immediately pop up and hit a superkick (because duh, that head is impervious to slamming), or both Steiner's coming off the same top turnbuckle to hit tandem Steiner Lines that should have resulted in tandem torn ACL/MCL.

The spot of the match (and surely the spot of 1993 WWF, as not much will be able to top this) is when the Headshrinkers transition to control, and they are supposed to merely hotshot Scott. Instead, Fatu pulls down the top rope and Samu essentially launches Scott headfirst over the top rope straight down. We sadly don't get a camera angle from that side, but it's not the bump Scott prepares to take so the landing couldn't have been good. He clearly, somehow, wasn't injured from it, but both Steiners came off as invincible at this point so  - just as conventional weapons could not harm them - neither could the world's most dangerous hotshot. Headshrinkers were a fun control team and they must have really assumed Scott was cool after that hotshot because they also deliver a (much safer) Demolition Decapitation not long after! The Rick hot tag has the stiff clotheslines and big throws you'd want and expect, and the home stretch has a couple huge spots that didn't get executed 100%, but they're great spots. They really ramped the crazy when the Headshrinkers went for a Doomsday Device on Rick, but Rick caught Samu while sitting on Fatu's shoulders and fell to the mat with him for a powerslam. It didn't come off clean, but it's such a crazy spot that it really shouldn't come off clean. Samu also bumps a little too early for the Frankensteiner finish, doing a somersault bump a split second before Scott had snapped it over, so the finish doesn't come off as cool as it should. Still, the match was fun as hell and delivered on the on-paper potential.


Crush vs. Doink

ER: This one didn't really play like a WrestleMania match, but it played like a perfect Coliseum Video match, so even though it felt out of place on the card it was a style I liked. Matt Borne always had the best makeup fade as Doink, the perfect amount getting rubbed away to reveal his stubble, making him look like when Barney Gumble got hired to play Krusty. A big portion of this is Crush taking it out on Doink, kicking him around ringside, with Doink trying to stumble escape. It's a little sluggish, but Doink is a good stumbler so it works. A thing that does not work about the match is Savage on commentary. He was really on one and taking a long time to get to the point on every point he tried to make, and it got bad enough that Heenan kept having to jump in and talk over Savage just to save him. Savage was rambling on and on about how it's harder to perform on the big stage and he was taking an age to get there, so Heenan has to blurt out LOOK AT THAT! to just get him on another topic. That's the most noticeable moment, but it happens throughout the whole match. Doink goes on control by hitting a stunner over the top rope, Crush springing back nicely, and things then got really good. Doink was allowed to come alive a bit, smiling at the camera, all while hitting axe handles and punches off the top and middle ropes. His piledriver is fantastic and makes the match worthy on its own. It looks cool with the size difference, and Crush sells it well. I did wish it meant a little more to the overall match, but alas. This is the match where we get the infamous Two Doinks finish, with Steve Keirn smashing Crush in the face with a mannequin arm and doing mirror comedy with Borne. I do like how the ref was bumped, with Doink throwing a hard back elbow, hard enough that it made for a convincing knockdown. Your mileage may vary on the finish. I liked the idea but thought they could have done more with it. Using Keirn just to hit Crush with a prop isn't very creative, and WrestleMania would have been a cool time to show off Doink's more vicious side and really make the attack on Crush hurt. Overall, a fun match.


We get a brutal Talk to the Audience segment with Todd Pettengill, with the added bonus of racial Asian humor with a couple plants. Pettengill is right in the thick of the crowd, with one distractingly hot woman who looked sorta like Callie Thorne beside Pettengill the entire time, WOOOOING in a loop, while a guy next to her who looked like Fat Seinfeld kept literally trying to edge her out of frame. It didn't appear that they knew each other but it did appear that he had bad ideas about personal boundaries. Another man just uncomfortably shoves his way past Pettengill mid segment, looking like Weird Al if Al had become a copy clerk instead of a genius. Just shoved right past and walked in front of the camera with a slight shrug and look into the camera.


Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

ER: Tough dynamic in this one. Fans are way into Razor to start, but Backlund is a never give up babyface. Fans are even chanting RAZOR to start, but then his beatdown on Backlund goes for a couple minutes and Backlund can't help be draw underdog babyface comeback cheers. But there appears to be a constant mix up with every bit of offense Backlund delivers to Razor, as Razor does two real late rotations on hiptosses, Backlund falls short on a dropkick that wasn't supposed to fall short, a clothesline lands weird and Razor clunkily falls straight over, everything looked a full step off and I couldn't tell who was at fault. But it confused the hell out of the fans as they were about ready to start cheering Backlund, then the the messy comeback just made them not want to root for either. Backlund does a cool chickenwing suplex and his impressive long delay atomic drop, but even the atomic drop falls a little flat as Razor falls on the landing and takes Backlund down with him. So not only is the crowd kind of silent at what is going on and confused about who they should be cheering, but then Razor wins with a freaking small package! Razor, the Bad Guy, with 40 pounds and plenty of height on Backlund, ekes one out with a small package. I couldn't believe it. He jumps up likes it a triumphant victory, even though his victory felt like Bob Backlund getting a small package on Razor. It's like that was supposed to be the finish (it obviously wasn't) and someone just said "Eh keep the finish and just let the other guy do it."


Money Inc. vs. Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake

ER: This wasn't far off from being quite good, but it needed some things changed. It has a few fatal flaws, and it's a shame because it should have been an easy sell and a lot of the layout was smart. Hogan hadn't wrestled in a year, so his coming back was genuinely a big deal, and Beefcake had missed nearly three years with his face injury. I think the angle with Money Inc. immediately going after Beefcake's face was strong, and IRS's briefcase shot looked great. When you think of the kind of match build you get from WWE today, there's nothing that compares to the old school no brainer simplicity of this build. A huge star returning to the ring after a year, and - regardless of what you think of him as a wrestler - Beefcake coming back to the ring after a horrific injury. Heels immediately attack the injury, top guy returns, this is all slam dunk stuff. But the match ends up going way too long, a lot of smoke and mirrors, and another messy finish which was starting to be a problem on this show (up to this point nearly every single match has had a bad finish, whether poorly executed or indecisive).

This was a nearly 20 minute match that would have been far more successful edited down to 10. I thought Dibiase was strong throughout, especially his facial reactions to both Hogan and Beefcake. From the moment he walked to the ring in his resplendent white suit, he looked like a man who belonged, and I love how he was committed to being a heel and trying to purposely take shine away from the returning Hogan. Maybe my favorite part of the match was Dibiase jumping Hogan during Hogan's entrance, as Hogan was clearly going to soak everything up, but I liked Hogan's part of it too. Hogan basically worked this match like Jimmy Valiant, and that MAKES SENSE because Jimmy Valiant would know exactly how to work a match like this. So here's Hogan getting into the ring, dancing on the apron exactly like Valiant, and Dibiase puts a stop to it by jumping him. Now, of course, Hogan just runs him off and celebrates before the match anyway, and that's part of why I thought they were SO CLOSE to getting to something good. They clearly KNEW what they had to do, and yet they made some bad choices. 

The match goes on long enough that the announcers run out of things to talk about, and there are a lot of holds and a lot of moments with guys lying on the mat. This is not a good thing, especially with Heenan already trying to rein in Macho Man, and the match's stretches of inactivity lead to a Macho Man moment that is impossible to not laugh at. Ross and Heenan are in the middle of actually talking about something, and Savage just shouts out of nowhere "WHAT AN INCREDIBLE WRESTLEMANIA SOFAAAAAA" (he was saying "so far"). This match just didn't work, and this should have been the easiest match on the card to book. They must have known the finish was going to bum out the crowd, as after a bunch of clumsy stuff surrounding the briefcase (it looked like they couldn't decide to work Briefcase Blunder comedy spots or actually work stiff briefcase shots to the face), Hogan and Beefcake threw money to the crowd. This crowd is the first crowd in one year to see Hulk Hogan - still beloved by many - and you have to have him throw money to the crowd to get them to cheer? That is some desperation planning right there. And who would be happy with one of those "the guy I wanted to win lost but he's still celebrating like the loss isn't really a bad loss" finishes?


Todd Pettengill chats with Natalie Cole in the crowd while Real American blares and she puts over the money Hogan threw to the crowd as being real money. I don't know if she was working or not, and that's how you know Natalie Cole is legit. Was it real money? I mean probably. But why is IRS carrying around a briefcase filled with money? I just thought he had important documents in there. Why would he have needed money out there? For bribing Hogan? Pettengill also interviews the CEO of Caesar's Palace, who talks for a VERY long time about the frankly uninteresting sounding relationship between Caesar's Palace and the World Wrestling Federation. I wonder why Todd Pettengill hasn't cut him off, because the man just keeps talking, and as I'm wondering when and how the cutoff is going to happen, Pettengill puts the guy in a headlock. What the fuck! It's like Pettengill couldn't think of any other way to make him stop and just jumped on him like a friendly drunk guy after a playoff win. I'm picturing Vince screaming in his earpiece to stop this man at any cost, and Pettengill just decided the best way to do that was by jumping on the man. 


Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

ER: Lex Luger gets a great entrance, flanked by four women in bikini thongs, an outdoor arena filled with 10 year olds in disbelief that they're seeing butts. They hold his mirrors with sparklers on them, and it seems windy for that. Luger poses for a really long time, and heel posing Luger is so much better than face posing Luger. Perfect gets a loud reaction for his entrance music and Luger's girls are walking out as he's walking in, and he jumps out of the way of one of them while making an ewwwwww face. Perfect just working his own bit out here. And this match feels like it should have gotten a bigger reaction. Maybe it was half the crowd looking directly into the sun, or maybe they were burnt out from a day just spent out in the sun, or burnt out from the Hogan segment. But this is quiet. It is good, but feels like it should have been better, and there were some miscommunications that looked clunky. But it still should have gotten a louder reaction. Perfect is really smart and senses the silence, so starts playing to the crowd by working stiff and making some loud noise. He hits a super loud chop in the corner and laughs along with the crowds' louder reaction, so he goes back to that in a couple fun ways. He hits another chop for the crowds' approval, slaps Luger in the stomach off an Irish whip, and starts kicking him in the hamstring all around the ring.

Perfect's knee work was really cool, and it's a shame they didn't let that play into the rest of the match. Similarly, Luger's back work was really cool, and it's a shame they didn't let that play into the rest of the match. Each had nice powerslams, Perfect almost wrecked his leg on a missile dropkick, Luger knows hot to take a catapult into the turnbuckles really well, there's a really fast rope running exchange with a slick Perfect leapfrog, a fun match. The finish is another bad one, with this cursed luck that others have had in that it's a bad idea on paper, and a poorly executed idea in reality. It was supposed to be a battle over backslides (that's not the part that sounds bad, battles over backslides are almost always cool as hell), and Luger sets it up by swinging a full 360 on a missed clothesline. Except Perfect doesn't duck or anything, so Luger just spins in a circle and then they clumsily locked arms back to back. Luger gets one and Perfect's whole body is in the ropes, but Marella counts the 3 anyway and it stands. Marella has just been given the worst finishes possible, looking like a guy purposely trying to get fired for the duration of this PPV. We JUST HAD a match end where a ref ran out and reversed a decision, and then this happens. I guess no other refs wanted to take a killer over the top to the floor bump like Danny Davis did the match before. Oh yeah, Hogan fucking THREW a referee! I didn't mention that, and it surely didn't do Perfect any favors. Luger salvages things some by blasting Perfect with the forearm after the match. I loved that KO forearm as a killshot.


Giant Gonzalez vs. The Undertaker

ER: This is the kind of thing I'm here for. I'm always gonna be about the freaks. At first the cameras totally blow this by filming right next to Gonzalez as he walks out, taking away the sense of scale. Finally they cut to the wide shot so you can see how high he is walking among the sea of fans. It's a real good Patterson-Gimlin homage. And I like this match, but I'm a sucker for this kind of thing. Gonzalez has some impressive visuals and I like his offense. He is not, however, a good seller, with big comical Wuh oh Wuh oh bug eyed facials like he's doing Don Knotts. So I like the big Gonzalez control segment, with him throwing big clubbing forearms. The clubbing looks good just because of that wingspan. He hits a big boot to stop a Taker charge, and hits a nice clothesline running out of the corner. My favorite visual is when he throws Taker to the floor, then follows, and the dude just steps from the apron down to the floor like he was navigating a slightly higher than normal step. He throws Undertaker into the stairs a couple times and Taker really slams hard knees first into them. When Taker makes his big comeback he's throwing his nice uppercuts, but it loses a little oomph with Gonzalez's selling. 

They go to the chloroform finish right away, and I think it's a smart finish that unfortunately came on a show that has had literally nothing but poorly executed or iffy or bad finishes. You don't want Gonzalez taking a ton of punishment at this point, and I thought Savage, Heenan, and Ross put over the danger of the chloroform well enough that a 10 year old would buy into it. Heenan is the one who gets it, as he knows to sell the visual of a rag over the mouth. He's the first one to go "What's that smell? What is that?" and cues the other two. Another weakness of Gonzalez, is that he does not act like enough of a bigfoot. He's yelling at fans to shut up, moving too much like a human. He needed to be more beast than man, and I am someone who is a fan of the muscle fur suit. I think the look is there, would have loved to see an even wilder beard. Gonzalez should have looked like an 8 foot tall Bruiser Brody. But it's a great moment when Taker comes back out to attack Gonzalez after being taken out on a stretcher. The fans flip out and he knocks Gonzalez off his feet with three flying clotheslines, and I would have been losing my mind if I was in attendance. Also, there were a couple of biker goths in the crowd holding up a dot matrix banner that said "Rot in Peace Gonzalez" and they were yelling at the camera and looking pissed as Taker got stretchered out.


They do ANOTHER Todd Pettengill talk to the audience routine, and while I think he handles it well considering, it's just something that's always going to be death. He asks a kid where he's from and immediately yanks the mic away and makes fun of him for not answering, but then talks to two frat guys in Motel 6 togas for an eternity. He also pie faces a 10 year old kid out of the way while he was talking to the two doofs. This kid was just trying to get through and they clearly had nobody blocking off the camera, just had Todd out there in the wilds without a net. Always a bad idea. No chance for upside, nothing but constant chances for you to look like a clown. Too risky. Nobody wants to be put in the position of shoving a kid on camera.


Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

ER: I thought this was great, although I wish it would have had basically any other finish. This was a finely crafted match between two good characters: Hart the fighting champion and Yokozuna the monster who had hardly been off his feet. Both guys were so good here, but they always had strong matches against each other. Bret's running dropkick to knock Yoko into the corner was such a killer way to start, and I was continually amazed at how intense Bret was working while also being completely safe. Bret could have easily just worked more stiff to make up the size difference, but Hart is out here killing himself to work every move! It was really apparent when he hit his Hitman elbow off the middle rope and made it look great, but you could also tell that Yokozuna would have had no idea anyone had even touched him. This whole match was an exercise in Hart's impressive close up magic. Yokozuna's cut off spots were strong, with him just running full speed into Hart to send him flying, and later hitting a big lariat and a flattening legdrop. It was smart to set up a couple moments of Yokozuna steaming full speed into Hart, as those moments later in the match were used to stage Hart's comebacks, with Yoko missing a great chest first charge into the corner (a cool way of showing a man over twice Hart's size doing his signature bump) and later missing a flying hip attack the same way. The visual of Hart locking the Sharpshooter on Yokozuna's legs (legs that I can say with no hyperbole weigh more than I do) was so cool, and I wish we could have paid this off with a better finish. But instead we get salt in the eyes, quick pin, and you know what comes next.

I'm not going to defend the Hogan segment, because it sucks. I thought it sucked the first time I saw it (did not see this show when it aired, but later rented it from New Release Video in Healdsburg!) and it doesn't look any better now. The visual of a reeling and defeated Bret telling Hogan to take the shot was a bit too much. Hart was a real team player for even agreeing to do that and not rolling his eyes on camera. "Mr. Hogan, sir, I couldn't bring my wife to climax, please sir, could you make my wife cum while I go recharge with some Gatorade?" But the fans live exploded, every single person jumped out of their seat, and at least in the moment it felt like something that the live crowd really wanted. But I'm sure they would have leapt out of their seat had Hart pinned the monster himself, so I can't really give that reaction too much credit.


This show is much better than it has ever been given credit for. It 100% deserves criticism for a full night (afternoon?) of bad finishes. Every single match had a bad finish, whether that was intentional (making referees look like idiots in literally half of the matches in finishes that would disappoint any fan), or just poorly executed by the wrestlers, this was arguably the widest variety of terrible match finishes I have ever seen in one night of wrestling. You couldn't get this many bad finishes unless your goal was to run a card with the Most Bad Finishes record in your sights. But there was a lot of very fun wrestling on this show, and tons of memorable spectacle. And fun wrestling with memorable spectacle is never going to be something that I consider bad, let alone part of the worst WrestleMania of all time.


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