Lucha Underground Season 4 Episode 18: Spiders and Skeletons

Matanza vs. Taya

ER: I liked how the mixed it up here, at least having Taya be maybe the only person who has not been sacrificed against Matanza this season. Worldwide Underground has been pretty absent from the last many shows, didn't think they'd show back up by the end of the run. Taya doesn't look great against Matanza, they overused the SFX, she threw two love tap kicks to the balls that really should have been made into a bigger deal; Matanza sold them like he didn't realize she had thrown a strike, Vampiro wasn't even sure she had kicked him low, and that's the kind of spot that could have provided actual drama. Has Matanza been kicked in the balls before? Do we know how he'd react? Does he possibly have no genitals? Was there an online graphic novel that explained that Matanza's genitals were burnt in a fire? I mean, so much time has gone by since the introduction of the Matanza character that it could have been the very first thing we learned about him. It's not hard to picture Dario yelling to the temple "Hees genitahls wur sacruficed...toothuh GODZZZ." But the spot is absolutely meaningless and could have been much more. Mundo makes his return and saves Taya from potential sacrifice, and then throws some of the worst grounded elbows mine eyes have seen. The man has murdered several people, you can lay in the elbows a bit.

TL: A match that had part of me thinking, "How are they going to book their way out of this corner by not killing Taya?" And that's how they did it, with her getting 2/3 of the match, kicking Matanza in the aforementioned questionable cajones, and then, somehow, someway, being in the best position to win the match? And then quickly, Matanza remembers, "Oh, right. I'm Matanza." Right in time for Johnny to kick and capoeira slide his way into the mount for those elbows. Look, Morrison has made a career out of making the flashy look good. There hasn't been a single non-flying strike I've seen him throw that makes me think, "Hey, let's have him lightly tap Matanza's mask with the point of his elbow. That'll make everyone look good." Do love the idea that we are going to see Matanza sacrifice them both at some point, sending Johnny back to Titan and Taya, er...elsewhere.

Mil Muertes/Fenix vs. Dragon Azteca Jr./The Mack

ER: This has to be the best LU match of the season. It clocked in just under 10, presented us a couple fresh match-ups, and had a real gem of a Fenix performance throughout. Also, the team of Muertes and Fenix is SO much more interesting than the played out Lucha Bros. team and it's cruel that this is the only time we've seen it. Power Guy/Flyer teams can't get too much more awesome than Muertes/Fenix, and Pentagon is just a lame Muertes who spends time doing stupid hand gestures to fill in the gaps while Muertes just fills space by punching people. Fenix breaks out some of his all time greatest rope work, bouncing from the top to the middle to the top to the middle to his back, working a fantastic sequence with Mack where Mack blocks a frankensteiner by taking out Fenix's legs, only for Fenix to keep blocking his block by hitting that middle rope and springing right back. Fenix also had a couple of killer saves, the best was him leaping into the ring and kicking Azteca right in the back of the head (but I do love him running in with a punt right across Mack's face), and he bases like mad for Azteca. Azteca hits one of his most awesome tornado DDTs, Fenix tossing him up into the air like a drunk uncle tossing a baby before getting wiped out on the way down. Muertes was a real wrecking ball, and he and Mack had a nice short punch exchange in the middle, Mack takes a couple big spills to the floor, and I just adore this speed and power combo of Fenix/Muertes. There were only a couple moments of the match I didn't care for: Mack really wedged his stunner into the match, and it's an unnecessary cheap pop minor league baseball stadium spot that he doesn't need to do, let alone several times in a match; and we got a weird moment that could have been awesome, when Fenix just leveled a ringside camera guy while swinging through the ropes, looked like he just clocked this guy with swinging legs. Camera guy goes down, dramatically rolls through, and springs back to his feet triumphantly. I...don't get it? Is that dude in some kind of angle? Or did they just not edit out a moment where a camera guy took a kick from arguably the most notable kicker in Lucha Underground, and immediately brushed it off. Vampiro handled it as well as possible ("Even our camera guys are bad ass!") but call an audible dude, stay down. For a fed that edits everything, it's really bizarre that this was left in, which makes me think it was left in for a reason....but why?

TL: Mauro gets a lot of righteous criticism, but holy shit, Matt Striker just made a Meek Mill pun for Mil Muertes and that has me on tilt. Azteca and Muertes are a good pairing, I like seeing what they do together, and after the Fenix/Mack pair off, this hits a different level. PWG has had a house tag style for a while that lends itself more to elaborate set pieces and spots that become more non-sensical as the match progresses, and while they do use that as a template for this match, they hit things much more crisp, they sell better, and the high spots are even more impressive. Azteca with an insane lifting tornado DDT, then, his dive gets one upped by Fenix. Then Mack is like, "Hey, 300 lbs. No hands." So the pace for this has picked up, but they aren't doing shit that defies the idea of what wrestling is and spits in its face, essentially. Muertes breaks up a pinfall attempt with a goddamn straight right hand. The best thing this match does is give you just enough of the pairings that are to come at Ultima Lucha, and then in the off-pairings, it's like they take it up another level. Fenix's rope running in this match is at the highest possible difficulty and he hits it all clean. And then we get a decisive finish to boot. I mean, look, that tag match really shouldn't have worked at all due to the layout, but they not only made it work, but they excelled in making the pairings that meant something stand out AND built awesome transitions in the process. I don't know if I liked it to the extent Eric did, but it's hard not to look at this match in the grand scheme of this season and wonder why it took 18 weeks for folks to look like they gave a damn. Then again, these are four of the most consistent guys on the roster and they got time to show out. Excited to see what they do in their singles matches.

Ricky Mundo vs. Famous B

ER: I thought this was a pretty terrific Ricky Mundo squash, and made me more interested in him than anything up to this point. He hits a big headbutt (that the camera foolishly shoots from above) and looked like he was really laying in shots. Famous B got to cut a funny return promo before the match, and bumped like a loon for Mundo. Mundo's match winning neckbreaker could have looked like the indiest shit ever, except B whipped the back of his head right into the mat. I had forgotten about the Mundo doll thing, and I'm not really feeling a Mundo/Taya blowoff, but I liked what they did here.

TL: Ricky gets to wrestle! So does Famous B! This was fine. Famous B knows how to bump like a goddamn crazy person, at least. I'd like to bring up the psychosexual pretenses of Ricky going after Johnny's wife, but then you have Ricky doing the goddamn crossface on Brenda while laying on top of B and it's like the pretense is right there out in the open for everyone. I guess I'm trying to say Ricky wants to both kill Johnny and have sex with him. There. I said it. Now I feel dirty.

Pentagon Dark vs. Reklusa

ER: I must be back on that LU hype train baby, because this was another really good match! This was also one of my favorite matches on the season, coming just 15 minutes after another Match of the Season contender. Two in one episode? Lucha Underground is the greatest! This match gets several things right that have been lacking this season, and they worked a cool match without any extra gimmicks. It helped that I think this was Pentagon's strongest performance of the season, and Reklusa may have been his most interesting opponent. Reklusa dove off the top during his entrance and proceeded to land grounded shots far harder than Johnny Mundo threw at Matanza earlier, and we get cool stuff on the floor like Reklusa going for a cannonball but getting caught and powerbomb tailbone first on the apron, and her selling Pentagon's leg kicks more effectively than anyone else has all year, really looking like she gets the nuance of a kick to the meat of the thigh. Pentagon based like hell here, catching a big rana from the top to the floor, and taking a tope/tornado DDT, both moves that could have easily flopped. He turned up the sadism, dropping Reklusa on the apron with a package piledriver, and Reklusa's bumping was really good throughout, taking some really tough spills and getting up each time. They even used the ball kick - the one I railed against earlier due to how sloppy and half-hearted it was used in the Matanza/Taya match - effectively here, making it look like Reklusa really could beat Pentagon. The match ending package piledriver was insane, genuinely looked like Pentagon's goal was to break the ring with Reklusa's head. This could be the best Lucha Underground match to feature someone who will only be in one Lucha Underground match.

TL: I actually haven't seen much of Chelsea's work, although I know she has a good presence and she's extremely athletic from the clips of hers I've seen. Love the plancha to start! You can also add, "Will recklessly take bumps on her tailbone on the apron" to that list. Dear God that's sick. Even when Pentagon goes on offense and he looks a bit more fired up than usual, Reklusa is selling like a QUEEN for him, glassy eyed, wobbly kneed, and actually making the sound effects seem worthwhile. And then she hits a goddamn rana from the top to the floor and follows up with Candice LeRae's tope con tornado DDT. This has been the Reklusa show and Penta is totally along for the ride, but I'll give him credit that he's at least bringing it more than he has in other matches this season. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that folks are kicking out of package piledrivers on the apron and Canadian Destroyers, but at least there was finality with the Fear Factor to finish. I now want to seek out more Chelsea Green, incredibly impressive stuff. Get her on NXT TV immediately. Dug the post-match angle, too, as Marty looked like he stepped out of a Creed video to absolve Penta of his sins. Absolutely wild how the intergender main events have killed it these last couple weeks. They've been the best part of the season by far to me. Somehow don't think Ricky/Taya will keep that run going.

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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 37: Ultima Lucha Tres Part 1

ER: Striker: *Makes a bunch of jokes and goofy statements, switches to Owen voice* "Folks, all joking aside, war is hell."

TL: He also did the squinty eyes, because he was concentrating really hard on being serious. That’s how you know it’s real.

Texano vs. Famous B/Dr. Wagner Jr.

ER: The usage of Wagner in LU has been so weird. He's never been treated like a big deal even though he's easily a bigger star than anybody in the fed other than Mysterio. And he's brought back here as a surprise partner after last being seen 9 months prior. Anyway, this match was shaping up to be surprisingly killer. B takes a ridiculous hip toss from practically halfway up the Temple steps, just a huge bump and they couldn't have filmed it better. Texano looked more motivated than in maybe any other LU match he's been in, really connecting on his enziguiri, dropping Wagner with a huge powerbomb, really looking fired up. But things end super prematurely with some Brenda interference, leading a doofus like Texano to be distracted and rolled up. Also of note, Vampiro said Brenda was giving him a migaine, and Striker let him know "there are pills for that". Vampiro probably doesn't need the rundown on taking pills.

TL: Have this feeling Wagner only got the call here because his booking fee was too expensive otherwise. Also, this is before he lost the mask and turned into The Most Interesting Wrestler in The World, but it’s also really weird that he is a tecnico being brought in as a rudo’s mercenary. Famous B knows how to bump; PWG highlight videos have shown me that, at least. Imagine being Texano and having the career he had and was the supposed future of AAA when LU started and then be told going into Season 3, “You’re gonna take a shit pinfall against a manager on the opener of our WrestleMania.” Incredible. Wagner being brought in for this? Hilarious.

Hell of War: Killshot vs. Dante Fox

ER: The match is a 3 part stip, with First Blood being the first stip, No DQ as the second, and third is a stretcher match. It's a big batch of match stips, although I don't like First Blood or stretcher matches, as the best brawls just get way better once blood is involved. This match could get around that as there are still two parts of the match after the bleeding starts, but First Blood is usually lame. The psychology is all over the map as you would think guys would just be scratching and clawing and throwing punches to try and get blood, but most of the time that doesn't happen. I'd like to see a bunch of knuckle punches thrown at eye sockets, but we get a fun spotfest instead. Fox hits his ringpost moonsault onto Killshot (who was on a ladder), we get a fun hot potato section with a chair thrown back and forth and caught/dodged, Fox hits one of the crazier spots in LU history when he leaps from the second level of crowd with a legdrop to the apron while Killshot was sandwiched between chairs. So things are pretty wild even though most of the things done would not ever draw blood. Fox brings out a glass panel and they fight around that for awhile before Killshot goes through it off the top rope, cutting open his back, arms, hands, etc. Pretty grisly stuff. The No DQ portion has some more wild stuff, all the glass still in the ring so both guys keep getting cut up with each bump. Fox hits a nasty 450 onto Killshot (on a ladder) and Fox later gets planted with a DDT off the top. I still have no idea what Killshot's finisher off the top is supposed to be, he just jumps off the top and lands with his feet next to Fox. Is it a bad Bombs Away that doesn't connect? Is it a stomp to the face that doesn't come close to the face? I genuinely don't know what it's supposed to be. I've never seen it hit his opponent, whatever it is. Fox kicks out at 1, which seems appropriate for a move that doesn't make contact.

We get a barbed wire board and Fox eats a powerbomb into it, and a Storm Cradle Driver into the glass. This is getting pretty crazy. Striker hasn't been nearly as wretched as he was during their first match, but in the third fall we get a "in the vein of John McCain" which...I guess Striker just can't help being fucking awful. It's his natural form. Fox eats a death valley driver off the top onto the stretcher, and a double stomp off the top of the crowd also through the stretcher. They brawl to the band stage and Fox gets hit with a bottle, falling off through a giant sheet of glass (apparently just set up there by Dario to be an ass). Well, these two sure went out of their way to have an insane match, pretty huge start to Ultima Lucha. If this is (basically) the first match of a show, I have no idea what the other matches are going to do to live up to this. We had several moves off the top to the floor, several bumps into and through glass, bumps into barbed wire. I would already be exhausted if I had been there live (though they likely filmed these in a different order). Crazy start to Ultima Lucha.

TL: This is one of two matches from this show that I had seen previous, with the other being the main event. I’ll say this: The story didn’t really add too much to get here, as this seemed like a program where the gimmick and the end of the road dictated everything else. Seeing it in a vacuum isn’t all that different from seeing it with everything leading up to it.

First fall with First Blood is worked oddly like Eric mentioned because they don’t go for the blood right away. Hell, they sexy dance fight for a bit to start it out! Once Fox gets his moonsault spot out of the way, things finally fall into place with the stipulation a little bit with the chair stuff. And then they both work apron spots. And THEN they do a double springboard into a Spanish Fly. Like…what is the idea behind this match? Why even make it a First Blood fall? Killshot is a CZW regular, and I’ve seen him do a dive off the top of the Cage of Death through some absolute bullshit, but that glass spot was just nasty looking due to the setting. The glass pieces sticking in his back on close-up is nasty as all hell. I don’t understand why we got the 10 minutes of wrestling we did before we got to that, but that’s a damn good way to get first blood, at least.

The second fall sees them up the crazy, and it was here where I realized that both of these guys are absolutely insane. Eric hit all the details on the specific spots, but I’m just gonna say that when I first saw this match, I remember seeing this fall and being absolutely floored that these two were having THIS match. And that there was an entire third fall waiting. Watching it a second time, this is going to sound insane, but the Dante Fox kickout at 1 after the Killstomp worked better here than almost any match where I’ve seen that spot in years. Considering what the hell is going on in this match, if you aren’t amped up on all the adrenaline your body can process, that’s how someone kicks out at 1. (Although Eric equating Killshot’s finish with that wussy-ass mushroom stomp from Son of Havoc makes me smile; welcome to the club!) Fox agreeing to take that Storm Cradle Driver on the broken glass right after taking that powerbomb is absolutely insane.

The third fall somehow builds to an even higher crescendo thanks to, of all things, a gurney. The DVD off the turnbuckles to the gurney on the floor (with the absolutely insane visual of a chunk of Fox’s back left behind) and then the Killstomp that looks like it crushed the damn thing just added to the craziness of this match. The finish to this match is insane. This whole match was insane. I don’t know so much about the wrestling part of it, or what the hell Striker was saying at points with him being able to verbally masturbate over it being a war in a wrestling ring, but this was as visceral a wrestling match as you’ll see. I’ve seen plenty of deathmatches in my day, but this is right up there with the outright nuttiest things I’ve seen. I thought for sure that Killshot was going to take the lion’s share of the bumps because of his CZW background, but Fox went above and beyond here. Nothing will top this over the next three shows.

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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 22: The Cup Begins

TL: Would have really enjoyed a leadup episode of Bracketology into the Cueto Cup, where you could have brought on upstarts and underdogs and gave them some screen time. Get Vinnie Massaro to talk about how Sicily needs a big win and show off his favorite pizza recipes. Maybe have King Cuerno show off a trophy buck from his latest hunting excursion. Show Sexy Star training on how not to injure someone legit doing a cross-armbreaker. I would have gladly watched 45 minutes of that.

Instead, it’s probably the biggest brand made star in the company doing a walk on-screen return instead of being in the ring, flexing his healed arm and slinging catchphrases. Really odd way to bring Pentagon Dark back, especially given he’s basically one of a handful of folks who actually should have the title in the company at this point.

TL: Should also be mentioned that Vampiro is dressed like he just got done playing 18 holes at his retirement community’s muni course, complete with horizontal striped polo and horn-rimmed glasses. Now I need to go watch “Mr. Hole-In-One” Barry Darsow on some WCW syndicated TV.

1. Mala Suerte vs. The Mack

ER: This felt like a chubby version of a Nitro era lucha match, and that's a fine thing to be. And that's a good thing, I was in the mood for that kind of popcorn match, and the first round of a pretty silly tournament for an even sillier cup seems like the best place for it. I liked the opening armdrag exchanges, they felt like older exchanges you don't see a lot anymore, Cholo rolling off Mack's back, doing the drags low and quick. Mack is obviously going to be a guy advancing in the cup, so the finish was never in doubt, but considering that they threw out a couple more nearfalls than I expected. Suerte's senton is really over in the building (the one where he jumps off the top and runs across the ring to land it) and if you're going to have silly signature offense I'd rather watch a nice senton than the worm. Mack busts out some nice stuff, especially crazy is him catching Suerte and lifting him all up and around his body before hitting a driver. That's some Cobb strength right there, and Suerte isn't a small dude.

TL: I’m with Eric. I’m definitely here for portly lucha armdrag sequences. I am DEFINITELY not here for Matt Striker saying “Shades of Tenryu!” though. Suerte’s offense is really great, and I was half expecting that senton to be that splash that one Dragon Gate guy does where he leaps off the top rope, lands on his feet, and then leaps again to finish the splash, but this works, too. I’m also a big fan of a Crucifix Driver, as it looks absolutely devastating when thrown correctly. Still think it’s odd that with an offensive repetoire like Mack’s that he finishes with a stunner, but credit Cholo for bumping big on the offense, at least. Glad he got some offense in, too. Definitely fits in on the lucha Nitro matches, would be a fine WCW Pro main event, as well.

ER: I'm a big fan of cartoon CGI lightning, so Cage's lightning infused power glove gets the full point from me. I want him to punch through somebody's body with it.

TL: Think it’s awesome that Dario has a Glove Guy, and now that I’ve seen the lightning in action, they really should have gone full Infinity Gauntlet with it and have gems that make it do weird stuff.

2. Argenis vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: Dang this was good. This is easily the best Argenis performance (would you believe that if you've made it this far, you will have already seen 15 Argenis matches!?!?) and the first time Pentagon has looked interesting since the ninja battle episode. Argenis takes a bunch of great Psychosis bumps from leg kicks, really getting knocked around the ring by Pentagon. You think this is going to be a one sided annihilation, which would make sense. I just pointed out that we have seen 15 Argenis matches on LU and there's a good chance most of you couldn't name a favorite Argenis memory. So it's the opening round of the Cup, obviously Pentagon is going to advance, and you don't expect much from Argenis. But then he gets a nice rana and a nice moonsault to the floor. Pentagon is obviously too much for him, as he runs into too many kicks, gets suplexed violently into the turnbuckles, gets a decent nearfall off a big neckbreaker, basically justifies his appearances up to this point. I expected nothing from this match and Argenis made it mean a little something, and Pentagon actually came off cool for the first time in ages. I think now we actually have Pentagon Dark, and before we were getting Pentagon Baja Blast or Pentagon Gamer Fuel.

TL: Basically an extended squash for Pentagon, really throwing out all the kicks he can in his offensive repertoire and saving the really good offense for Reseda, I’m guessing. Argenis DOES get some neat stuff in, as the timing on the Asai Moonsault was fantastic and that convoluted hammerlock neckbreaker at least looked cool. Dark really has the Fear Factor down to a devastating degree, as he always makes it look nasty. Agree that it was a great Argenis performance in bumping, and the months off occurred when Dark started really making his rounds on the indy scene, so you could tell he came back looking and feeling more like a big deal and it showed.

3. Texano vs. Famous B

ER: Brenda keeps getting more and more "produced" every time she appears. I don't like it. It's like they keep having her do loud and poor Harley Quinn impressions and give her way too many scripted lines to shout. Texano's powerbomb looked good.

TL: Have a soft spot for Famous B, so him taking a big powerbomb in full “first time in Texas and this is what I bought at the first Western store I could find” regalia makes it in to the win column for me. Still don’t get what they’re trying to do with Texano at this point.

TL: Actually dug the take on Mysterio/Mundo 24/7 or what have you, complete with dude with heavy British accent doing the voiceover. Whoever made the final graphic needs to know how vectors work, though, and I totally buy Dario going into his budget to really push the match because he’s such a great promoter.

ER: Michael Schiavello is just about the biggest No Buys guy you can get with me. I think his commentary is genuinely terrible.

4. Drago vs. Aerostar

ER: This didn't really work. I don't care about the lizard people, but I do think working as a defined rudo is a better move for Drago, makes his stuff have some context. But this whole thing was just poorly constructed. Aerostar did some cool things, like Aerostar will do. He also looked like he flew into a brick wall on a dive, shooting right past Drago and hitting solidly into the front row. Vampiro covered admirably by saying that Drago caught and threw him. But damn that was a nasty ending to a dive. But moves in this match meant nothing. There was no rhyme or reason to who would recover faster, no transitions, just getting up and doing moves, several of which looked nice. But this was like me trying to rap, absolutely zero flow. Sometimes Drago would attack Aerostar while he was bouncing on the ropes, other times he would patiently wait in place for the move that came after the bouncing. It didn't add up to enough for me.

TL: The odd thing about this match to me is that it didn’t seem like they had any idea how to cohesively put things together. Striker puts over the “long pauses” as they’re hesitant to go after each other, but he and Vampiro were definitely covering a lot of general mistiming. And yeah, there wasn’t a part of this match that really got going. The Aerostar dive was very Blue Panther/Villano V-esque in its nastiness, but that was a misguided highlight. They need to make up their mind on whether Drago is a willing participant or someone who really has issues taking orders from Kobra Moon. Shades of grey in this particular scenario doesn’t work.

ER: Okay, you have to believe me here, but earlier in this review when I said, "I want [Cage] to punch through somebody's body with [the power glove]," you need to realize that I do not read spoilers for these shows. I have no idea what's going to happen, didn't know about the Sexy Star title win, none of this. I had zero clue 30 minutes later that Cage would literally punch a man's head to a pulp. And not just any man, but Lorenzo Lamas, TV's Renegade ("He was on fucking Falcon Crest!"~Phil Schneider). So now Cage is a murderer, and he seems mentally fine with being a murderer, which means there are several wrestlers I would like for him to murder and will now be confused if he ever loses a match again.

TL: I think the most unrealistic part of the epilogue was the big wig saying Cage got that big lifting weights and drinking protein shakes, when obviously the glove is a synonym for roid rage. Eric is way more prescient than I am, however, and Cage going full-on grindhouse on Lorenzo F’n Lamas makes me wonder what practical in-ring special effects we’re going to get with this glove. Can’t wait for his first Cueto Cup match, where he will most likely punch someone with the glove from the ring through Cueto’s office window thanks to an invisible harness of some kind. Or him hitting the Aztec symbol in the middle of the ring to make the lights in the arena flicker on and off or something. Is it in the budget for him to go full-on Attack on Titan and have him punching holes through people now that we’ve seen what he’s done to poor Lorenzo? Really wish I could have seen the look on Cage’s face when he found out this was going to be his story arc this season, because I don’t think there was anyone else in the company happier to hear what he or she was going to do than him. My favorite storyline LU has ever done and it’s not even close.

ER: I love Tim's idea to have somebody on wires getting punched by Cage and landing 20 feet away. If you're gonna go big and silly with it, go big and silly.

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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 10: Ready for War

1. Believer's Backlash: Famous B vs. Mascarita Sagrada

ER: This was exactly what it should have been and very fun. Famous B put on a helluva show with pratfall bumps, weapons improv and amusing vain comedy. He took all of Mascarita's shots and made them look gold, bumping huge on a football helmet headbutt, tripping and falling into a giant bag of popcorm, really just doofing it up all around the temple. Brenda gets piefaced, Sagrada hits a big elbowdrop of a step ladder on the announce table, and this was as long as it should have been. I would have liked to see some more random fan weapons used. And I always wondered how that worked. Do fans really bring their own objects to use as weapons, or does the fed pass them out? It would be a hilarious visual to see a bunch of wrestling fans milling about the street all carrying makeshift clubs and frying pans. I assume we'll see pictures of fans waiting in line for this taping spread across InfoWars as PROOF of an unpatriotic liberal uprising.

MD: I'm sure it's been done before but this was the Let's Make a Deal version of the "Fans Bring the Weapons" match. I loved the guy with the football. I also really love B's Jimmy Hart style jacket for Wagner. In a promotion where they tout Chavo Guerrero Jr. as a lucha legend, the Arrogance can was the most self-aware thing they've ever done. It's telling that it was proclaiming an awareness for 1991 WWF TV as opposed to actual lucha libre. My favorite bit was the magic wand and hat though. I would have been perfectly happy if that was the finish. They went on after that but not really to the match's detriment. Anyway, this was hugely feel good, a season ending sort of thing. I'm curious what the follow up will be.

MD: I'm not sure if Eric caught it but Daga got killed off screen. This is a wrestling promotion where people get killed off screen by members of the reptile clan. Also embarrassing fart jokes, so there you go.

ER: I completely missed that. Just like I missed Ryck apparently being killed in a comic book. And the Jack Chick tract detailing Vampiro's dark arts propaganda.

2. Marty The Moth Martinez, Jeremiah Crane, The Mack, Ivelisse & Mariposa vs. Cage, Texano, Dante Fox, Killshot & Argenis

ER: This was fun until the faceplant finish. It's a shame it was only 6 minutes as 10 people could milk this for way more fun. Plus short match time + large amount of match participants = Striker feeling the need to talk louder and faster to get his hack jokes in. Crane made a nice debut, Cage looked killer and hit one of his best 360 lariats, Mack hits his giant fat guy dive, Striker reminds me I still have two Cage/Texano matches to watch, and everything is flowing wonderfully...and then we get an immediate rudo turn by Fox, at the exact same time we're getting an injury angle (?), with Ivelisse rolling to the floor holding her ankle going Not Again! Dante Fox hits one of the most improbable drivers possible to turn on Killshot, really moving through several points of dance just to go through the trouble of getting him on his shoulders. Grab an arm, now the other, cross them, extend them, curl them tight to the body, now lift! It took as long for me to type that as it did for Fox to physically go through the motions. It looked terrible. Killshot has only been tolerable when matched against a larger dude who he can bump for. Now he'll be matched with a guy the exact same size as him doing the exact same flips. Yuck. Fox's inverted cannonball to the floor was sick though.

MD: With the exception of Argenis, everyone here had some sort of purpose or issue. Some of that is Marty just being an all out scumbag who pisses off everyone, but in general it highlights the strength of the promotion. I'm with Eric on Killshot. I've liked him well enough in a cinematic brawl or in a mismatch but he's the last guy you want in one of these multiman flipfests. I thought Crane looked good in his first actual match though you ended up forgetting him in the morass. It probably wasn't the best way to introduce the crowd to his stuff. As disposable Lucha Underground wrestling goes, this was fun, sure.

3. Grave Consequences: Mil Muertes vs. Prince Puma

ER: They've had a lot of fun with this gimmick and this match was no different. The match wasn't as good as the first one, but probably better than the one with Matanza. Puma starts it off big by jumping Mil and leaping from the back of the temple down into the crowd. All of the spots with the casket are always super impressive. That thing looks heavy as hell so it adds a lot of realism to the stuff they're doing around it. And all the spots into that casket always look back breaking. Both men bounce off it in painful ways, but that's not enough as Puma decides it's best for him to go through several tables. The chokeslam off the top through tables looked nuts, the spear through a table was great (with a piece of table almost hanging in air before dropping across Muertes' head), and Puma even made "normal" moves look devastating, like the flatliner on the floor. Muertes' big gimmick stip matches are as close to a guarantee as you can get to a good match. Although, am I the only one who thought this match just kind of...happened? The build really didn't seem strong, it just felt like the time of the season dictated the match. "Well, a Grave Consequences match has taken place about 10 episodes into the other seasons, so it's time to do another one!" Felt much more like Hell in a Cell happening because it's the month that Hell in a Cell happens, much less like "this match NEEDS to be Grave Consequences!"

MD: I'd rank this one in the middle as well. I did like the callbacks to Konnan. I don't know if he's on the outs with LU at this point or what (I think Vampiro replaced him in AAA), but if he is (and wouldn't he be on TV if he wasn't?), they deserve all the more credit for referencing him for the sake of story despite that. I was more into the general build for this than Eric. Vampiro goading Puma into it happened over a span of weeks and it certainly seemed big enough. Part of that depends on where they go from here, though.

I think the familiarity helped relative to the first one with Fenix. We know these characters a lot better by now. They've presented Puma as a star from day one. It made sense that he'd be able to hang with Muertes, even as he bounced off him, and I thought Puma wrestled well as an Ace fighting a monster in his own match.

The set pieces more or less made this. The 630 onto the coffin was crazy. The ring hook was gnarly. The powerbomb onto the coffin earlier in the match almost made the long, long time that Muertes took to set things up forgivable. It's telling that Eric, without the two of us comparing notes, picked a few completely different moments to highlight. I don't think I've actively got excited for anything on this show quite like the handstand reversal out of the Flatliner, though. That's probably the spot of the season.

They gave it all gravitas at the end by not doing a skit after the match like they normally do. So, yeah, I thought this felt weightier than Eric, but a lot of it does depend on where things go from here.


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Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 6: The Open Road to Revenge

MD: The camera shot for all of Chavo's chairshots was pretty surreal. I get what they were going for but it felt like a video game cut scene. They should mock up some old grainy footage of Chavo, Sr. vs Dragon Azteca, Sr. The company can be such a weird mix of history and fiction sometimes. That's where Vampiro and Striker bringing in just a bit too much real history (like they'd do in the main with the WWE Cruiserweight Title) hurts things instead of helping. They're in a surreal alternate reality with life-prolonging magic rocks and Black Lotus ninja clans. Just run with it.

1. Famous B & Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Mascarita Sagrada & Son of Havoc

ER: My, Wagner and B certainly had to be mighty generous in this one. It's more than a little silly to have a star as big as Wagner come in and bump all over the ring from armdrags, headscissors and crossbodies from Sagrada. Sagrada is talented but his stuff is light even for a tiny guy. His crossbodies looked like when my cat got outside and I had to chase him down to bring him back in. He got up on a fence and then jumped off onto me. Now, I have a really big cat. He's a Maine coon and is close to 19 pounds. But it was still a 19 pound cat jumping onto a 160 pound me. It's not like Doc needs to be in every main event, we've been seeing him in main events for years and years. But his fees can't be too cheap, and it's odd seeing him work Sagrada in his first full match. Still I got so annoyed watching Sagrada run his game that I started reacting the same as when everybody has to be super gentle with Sexy Star, it made me turn against Sagrada.

MD: Boy, was Brenda super produced here, and that production was "Call him a baby repeatedly." There's a WWF match from January 92 or so where Dibiase was feuding with Santana (El Matador) for just a little bit and it's a Manager Cam match so the entirety of the match was focused on Sherri and not on the ring. It basically is Sherri shouting "Teddy Bear!" for ten minutes. Granted, it's Sherri so there are still moments of it working, like when she proclaims that she always liked Tito when he's menacing her and then immediately that she was lying and she always hated him when Ted cuts him off. But yeah, too much one-note Brenda. Wagner gave a lot but maybe not too much since spirtually, he was held back by being in there with Famous B, right? I still think they could have done more with Havoc after the end of last season. Anyway, this kept things building at least, with B cockily pinning Sagrada while checking his pulse. It'll be nice when he gets his comeuppance and Wagner's a definite step up from Blue Demon for the guy in that same sort of role in the company.

2. Jack Evans vs. Sexy Star

"[this match] should be nothing short of amazing!"~Matt Striker

ER: It was. It was a failure in just about every way. We get our second match in a row watching a person with implausible offense taking 2/3 of the match, they're still trying to push her history of abuse which is just uncomfortable as hell in a wrestling show context, and we have the continuing annoyance that nobody can beat Sexy Matanza. The only parts of the match that worked were when she would capitalize after Evans was goofing around. The best, most logical moment of the match, was Jack doing several handsprings into a corner eyepoke, but Sexy Star turning the tide and doing several turnbuckle aided corner sentons. That's the stuff we should be seeing more from Sexy Star, just some move spamming to downed opponents; instead we get her offense treated as not just equal, but usually MORE powerful. Evans bumped all over the place for her (I mean, it IS Evans) and she can't return the favor, because she's just not good. So it's that same neverending feeling of watching someone good have to reallllly overextend themselves to make Sexy Star look good, and there's just no satisfying payoff. She rarely encounters adversity on screen, and it all just makes me actively root for her failure. Which then makes me feel like a creep. I hate it.

MD: Sometimes the fact that Striker knows nothing about CMLL annoys me more than it should. I don't have the first idea the difference between a hilo and a giro and a tornillo but I know what Ultimo Guerrero's Senton De La Muerte is called. Good on Evans for getting the Star Destroyer name over. His blockbuster looked really nasty too, but that was probably more because Star couldn't physically take it and just crumpled instead. I thought all the BS at the end was effective and Evans bumped big for her and looked overall pretty good (though maybe the face puppeting was a bit too much for what this was). If they're building Sexy Star up for a title match, her going through all of Worldwide Underground isn't a bad way to do that. It's traditional and episodic. I just wish it wasn't her. Aerostar's dive was the highlight of all of this. The trust fall back headbutt thing is always insane to begin with but he really tucked himself up this time around.

3. Pentagon Dark vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Rey Mysterio

ER: Would have rather seen a singles match with any combo of these guys, but I say that almost every time. And this match was good enough, but it all leads to Chavo and Rey feuding. And I like Chavo in LU a lot more than most, but there are so many other Rey matches and feuds that I'd rather see at this point. At this point in Rey's career I want fresh matches. It feels like we're one bad landing from not getting Rey at this level of quality, so I'd rather not see him use his remaining bullets against a guy he's faced probably 50 times already. I also still don't think I understand Pentagon "Dark". He was definitely more vicious as just Pentagon Jr., now he's just way more hammy. I think I liked the Pentagon House Blend more. We do get some fun spots mixed in with the clunky 3 way moments, and I really liked the finish with Chavo yanking Rey's leg and then taking a nasty superkick off the apron, leading to Rey taking the package piledriver. But you still had Rey doing all sorts of kung fu earlier in the show in a segment with Chavo, and here he just tried to roll Chavo up a couple of times. Psychology goes out the window in these matches. And poor Dragon Azteca Jr. couldn't be much more dead in the water. Chavo dominates him last week and he only gets his shot at Pentagon because of interference, and on this show he's just silently taken out without even getting his singles match. Not that he would have fared well anyway, but that would have been better for Pentagon. That guy could use an actual singles match win over someone.

MD: For a three way, I liked this. Some of that was Chavo's personality (a hyena behind the lion, which is how Vampiro put it in the best bit of commentary on the show). Some of it was Rey being Rey, hitting stuff that he shouldn't be hitting at his age and physical state and making it all look awesome. Ok, look, I do know what a tornillo is and his was great. I'm not sure I've seen that dive look as good from him in a decade plus. Some of it was just how well it was laid out (there was just one moment towards the end where I thought Rey was gone from the match for too long). Pentagon and Chavo were different but both equally effective bases. I liked the double 619 attempt set up because that's Rey just being tactical. No one else in wrestling could pull that off. I'm with Eric that Pentagon's stuff can be too hammy now. He shouldn't have been banging on the chair to get the crowd into it. He should have been killing Chavo instead. This felt like a big win that Pentagon needed and I like the set up. Sure I'd rather see Rey vs other people but Rey coming in with a bad leg is good enough that I'll happily see it with Chavo once again.




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Lucha Underground Episode 25: The Way of the Drago Workrate Report

ER: Dario talking down to the Crew was great. "Do you know what a lay up is!? A 'gee-mee', if you will." And also apparently the caged beast is Dario's brother?

1. Fenix vs. Killshot

ER: Vamp trying to put Killshot over as versatile because he has "MMA style shorts". This match was probably the most you could hope for in a 7 minute Killshot singles, and what that means is a couple things look cool and many things did not look like a total abortion. Killshot...is not good. His facial selling is horrid. He sells a move with this wide eyed scream, like Chris Tucker selling a punchline. All of his offense involves spinning his opponent. He's always grabbing a guy by the shoulders, spinning them around, grabbing a guy's arm, spinning them around. He threw a nice spinning superkick here (probably his best looking thing in the match, so of course Fenix immediately does a kip up). I liked the opening rolling wristlock stuff. I'd always love when guys like Regal would grab a wrist and roll through with it. Killshot doesn't do it very well, but at least imitating Regal is better than imitating Ric Blade. I liked moments of this, like Fenix snapping and slapping the shit of Killshot, but most of this felt like one guy doing a finisher, kickout, other guy doing a finisher, until one of the finishers finished. Having a super competitive match with a guy like Killshot seems like a big step backward for Fenix. Killshot needs to be the first guy to have all 4 limbs broken by Pentagon.

PAS: Yeah this wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good. I have no idea why they would give Killshot a singles match (or employ him at all, but at least keep him to trios) and Fenix is far from the guy you want trying to carry someone. Lets hope he is the victim of a Dario scheme soon.

2. Famous B vs. Ricky Mandel vs. Vinny Massaro vs. Argenis

ER: Oh awesome!! I joked about them matching up all of Pentagon's victims, and my dream has come true! Oh, bummer, it was just a set up to put Texano over. Cheap trick, LU. I liked Vinny immediately going for a lariat but then holding his injured arm "oh shit that's right all of our arms are fucked!" Vinny also bumped better than the others for Texano. Really wanted to see this 4 way. I like when guys who have kinda been established as jobbers get a shot at moving up the ladder on each other. Like when Renegade would face Sick Boy on Saturday Night or something.

PAS: They should have had them all out there with casts on their arms like four 80's Bob Orton's. I thought Texano looked pretty violent, and I am looking forward to him brawling with Davari

ER: Marty "The Moth" Martinez? Ok. I liked Dario blowing off some weirdo fan.

PAS: This felt very Chikarish in a wink about wrestling kind of way. Keep that Colt Cabana shit far away from my lucha.

3. King Cuerno vs. Cage vs. Hernandez

ER: Match was going really fun until the poorly handled Marty the Moth run-in. I have no idea who the guy is (apparently was a guy I don't remember on Tough Enough) but the run in was lame. Cuerno annihilates him with his awesome dropkick, but it's the first move of the beatdown so the Moth has to keep popping up for other stuff. Then since it was just a quick run in he bumps to the floor and runs out swearing vengeance. Came off bad as the dude took Cuerno's awesome kick and some other stuff, but just acted angry as he went to the back (instead of like a goob who got his stomach kicked in, as he should have been). The match was a fun X-Division match with heavyweights. I thought Cuerno looked great through all of this. Cage seems to excel in multi-man matches which is kind of a unique skill. I always find myself disliking him in singles or tags, yet he somehow seems to thrive in triple threat or 4 ways. Triple threats especially seem difficult to thrive in, but he genuinely seems better at them. Everybody got some nice stuff, Hernandez made some questionable faces, Cuerno took about 12 bumps right on his shoulder, and this was rocking....until a run in that led immediately to the ending. Reallllly not loving how much Cuerno is just getting beat clean. This guy seems like he should be the top star in the fed.

PAS: Cuerno really seems to be floundering lately, don't see any reason for him to be in this match and they really should do something with him. I liked Cage v. Hernandez as a battle of high spot heavyweights, would like them teamed up as a kind of a roided Steiners team. Marty the Moth feels like he is quickly going to move on my Sexy Star/Killshot list of things I don't like.

4. Drago vs. Prince Puma

ER: This was really fun, both guys were on point and and hit all their complicated things really effortlessly. And these are two guys with a bunch of fun complicated stuff. I am starting to think the fed is really tossing out too many very serious stips lately without announcing them in advance. Having a loser leaves the fed and mask match are two things you can really build to. It seems like they're going too over the top with Dario manipulating outcomes, like they're doing it so often that it's all starting to feel like things are meaningless. Last week we have the culmination of a tournament that sees a surprise entrant after the tournament ends. If he wanted Angelico's team taken out that badly, there were tons of opportunities to do that instead of waiting until after they won. So now Drago is gone which is a real bummer, especially on the same show that Killshot got a featured match. Drago is one of the most consistent performers on here so if he is actually gone that's a real blow. This was a heck of a performance to go out on. I can hardly keep up with either guy here, and they blow through some neat submissions, each gets dumped on their head with some wild stuff (loved the reverse rana bump) and this was just really really fun.

PAS: Yeah this was a really good match, fun highspot wrestling with some very cool counters and an especially awesome rolling submission by Drago. I am with Eric about the booking though, I think we are forgiving a lot of horseshit because Dario is such a good actor and the production is cool. This is the second time in a month they have burned through cool heated gimmicks on face v. face matches with no build and no hate, just so Dario can smirk evilly. I was really sick of heel promoter before this fed, forgave it for a bit because I liked Dario, but now it is the same tired shit we have seen in wrestling for the last 20 years. For a fed with a lot of cool different ideas, it sucks that this is the one they are still clinging too

ER: And then after we get some weird dragon stuff...


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Lucha Underground Episode 13: Johnny Mundo vs. The Machine

1. Son of Havoc vs. Angelico

ER: They're doing a "loser" gimmick with Son of Havoc, which makes it only more amusing that his one LU victory was over Sexy Star. This match was fine I guess, but my eyes kind of glaze over at a certain point during these YouTube music video style matches. It didn't help that both guys were approaching Petey Williams syndrome, where you do things that look like they should hurt, but done in a way that doesn't look painful whatsoever. It's like both guys are too athletic for their own good. Both guys take some big bumps, but they just kind of bounce around a bit and land on their feet. Havoc especially would do high impact moves that looked like they wouldn't break through wet paper. I did like a lot of Angelico's knees, those looked awesome. He had a couple jumping ones and a big running one in the corner that looked great.

PAS: Angelico was so bad in his IWRG days, that I am pretty impressed he has gotten all the way to passible. I think I enjoyed this more then Eric. Angelico actually has some contact in his stuff which is nice. Havoc has some very cool spots, but it is hard to stand out doing dives in a fed with so many high flyers, his whole gimmick of biker on a losing streak who does tope fakes and shooting star presses makes no sense. They really should have given the Son of Havoc gimmick to Todd Morton or Damien Wayne and done something else with Matt Cross.

ER: Did Johnny Mundo just call some guy a hambone?

2. Famous B vs. Pentagon Jr.

ER: I dug the Pentagon Jr. video, as I'm a big fan of bad tournament fighting movies. This was a short, effective and fun squash. Famous B actually got to do a couple things before getting his arm snapped. I liked how B took the package piledriver, liked how he flopped around selling the arm.

PAS: This is what they should have been doing with Pentagon Jr. from the beginning, they had him come in as a guy moving at a million miles an hour in spot fests, but what he is great at is being a violent asskicker. Loved the arm break, so vicious looking, looking forward to see him really get unleashed in a nasty brawl.

ER: Ooooooo they're bringing back Dario's key! And it appears he's housing some sort of man dog, and has been for years, like Bob Hoskins in Unleashed. It's gonna be tough to bring in a guy as cool as my brain is picturing. "Chained up monster" is gonna be difficult to live up to. But I'm still excited.

PAS: It would be cool to have Jeff Cobb play Matanza, lunatic suplex machine as crazed caged monster would be great. If not someone should call up Kongo Kong who really has the body of a guy caged up in a basement. Whoever it is, it has gotten me excited.

3. Drago vs. Aerostar

ER: Really liked Aerostar's iridescent onesie, and overall this was a fun little sprint. Aerostar looked off on a couple spots but Drago recovered from them admirably. I liked both guy's dives, Aerostar's was really crazy as it would have been too easy to catch his foot on the ropes. Aerostar took a wild bump off a blockbuster, getting dumped right on his head. Still this was smart as both guys got to show off, but the better guy goes over definitively.

PAS: This was OK, too short to really mean much, more of a WCW Nitro lucha match then a WCWSN lucha match. Aeorstar is a crazy dude, and is getting over purely on spots in a fed where even the jobbers do insane dives.

4. Johnny Mundo vs. Cage

ER: I liked this fine, although it was a mixture of not really liking the first part of the match, but really liking the restart portions of it. Mundo is obviously an incredible athlete, but half the time his body goes through all of these amazing flips only to end with his toe grazing his opponent's head. His strikes looked better here than they have so far in LU, and I liked him mixing up his shots and going after Cage's kidneys a couple times. And really that's a smart strategy when you're up against a guy who will surely have kidney disease at some point. I loved Dario coming out and throwing Mundo's fight or die spirit in his face, his promo from the office restarting the match while giddy with blood lust was great. Still not really sure about Cage. His missed springboard moonsault was pretty impressive, but again doesn't really fit with who they push him as. And he doesn't really work stiff like Big Ryck. I like his discus clothesline, and him turning Mundo's flips into various backbreakers was smart, but I'm not really sold on him yet.

PAS: Yeah this was fun, but I agree with Eric's criticisms of both guys. Mundo really needs to lay it in more, his kidney shots looked OK, but the fired up comeback right hands were pretty bad. Cage's finisher looked cool, but seemed really awkward to set up. Like to see Dario back as a competent mastermind rather then a goof.

PAS: Alberto is a pretty big star and I am looking forward to seeing what he can do removed from the limitations of WWE structure. Neat intro.

ER: "…but you already knew that" and then winking, is one of the cooler ways to end a conversation, let alone an episode of television. I could see that becoming some sort of meme.


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Pro Wrestling Revolution Workrate Report 1/24/15

This match was from the 6/8/14 Watsonville show.

1. Virgil Flynn & Famous B vs. Willie Mack & Ultimo Panda vs. Brian Cage & Colt Stevens vs. Gallo Tapado Jr. & Orion

Seems like an odd resource allocation to bring in a bunch of talent and then just dump them all in to a 4 team tag match, but we'll see how it all goes. Virgil Flynn, who wrestles a lot all over the Bay Area (and even won the main event of the inaugural Phoenix Pro Wrestling show that I did commentary for) is billed only as "Virgil" here, and appears to always just go by Virgil on PWR shows. That's strange since he wrestles everywhere as Virgil Flynn, which makes me think that PWR is doing the world's most hilarious bait and switch, trying to lure Wrestling Superstar Virgil's biggest fan. And wrestling shows draw some weird people. People who aren't up on current names and could very well think they're seeing the same Virgil who they barely remember from two decades prior. We once saw three weird obese racist triplets in their 60s at a WWE show screaming at the black wrestlers. People are weird. I saw somebody rent War of the Worlds 2 at a Redbox because they loved Tom Cruise and didn't realize he had made a second one (he did not). People are dummies. But potentially using the name Virgil as a means to lure somebody is really something. This is a promotion who booked several Hijo de Rey Misterio matches, and while they never stated "WWE's own Rey Misterio", I''m positive that most kids and even many adults were expecting Rey Misterio based on the way they advertised him. But I mean, at least that's Rey Misterio. I'm endlessly tickled by the idea of trying to game unsuspecting ticket buyers with Virgil.

The match itself was plenty fun, although as I predicted there were too many guys so some stuff was rushed and the eliminations coming as quickly as they did was predictable and silly. Going through each of the guys, Flynn didn't get tons of time but looked good when in. He and Panda don't match up very well as Flynn is tiny and Panda is not very good. So those parts weren't the best. But he got to hit one of his awesome cannonballs into the corner on Gallo and hit a big somersault dive to the floor. Willie Mack always shines in multi man matches and this was no different as he has great looking offense that really fits a tag type setting. Cool flying offense for a big'un and at one point he took a nasty bump off a Cage clothesline. Always love seeing Mack. Panda was really in this too much. There's 8 guys, and even with the match spread across 7 other guys his act started wearing thin. A bunch of comedy spots with ref Sparky Ballard isn't my cup of tea, and Panda is just really clunky at times. Cage is humongous here compared to how he's looked recently on Lucha Underground (which was likely taped a couple months ago), and he always shows a bunch of ass in PWR. So far he's been a monster in LU, so it's weird seeing him selling Panda comedy one day and mowing through fliers the next. Colt Stevens wasn't really in enough to make an impression. Gallo Tapada is arguably the weirdest luchador to have gotten a few working dates in America. I don't know if I'd call him "good" but he always tries and that counts for something. I actually thought he was going to do a crazy dive onto everybody towards the end divetrain, but he kinda wisely pulled back and did more of a crossbody. But the guy leans into offense (didn't flinch while taking Virgil's nasty cannonball) so I never mind seeing him. Orion was your kind of workrate-y indy guy who did a couple nice things, but didn't make a huge impression on me.

Match was fun but had eliminations the way they always do in those ciberneticos: the match goes on for awhile with no eliminations, and then suddenly all of them happen within 2 minutes. I hate that, like they got the call to go home and are like "Crap nobody is eliminated! 'Sko!!" There was also a fun divetrain that was kinda sloppy, everybody was really bad at catching everybody else. Maybe I'm spoiled watching King Cuerno regularly demolish Drago, but it was kind of funny watching almost every dive end with a guy mostly missing a sea of bodies.

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Lucha Underground Episode 8: A Unique Opportunity Workrate Report

1. 10 Man 1 Fall to Finish

ER: Dug Cueto hiding his shiner behind a pair of big shades. So I thought this was a battle royal, but then they explained the rules that first pinfall wins it, so really it was more like a 10 man scramble. This match both worked for me and did not work for me. There were some really fun moments. I liked Havoc's stuff with Puma, dug Cuerno's flattening tope, Havoc had some crazy high speed Space Flying Tiger Something into a crowd of people, tons of fun spots and go go go. What I couldn't stand about it was that everybody was on a completely equal plane and there was no established hierarchy. In the first 7 weeks the show did a nice job of establishing a hierarchy. We knew the top of the food chain and the bottom. Here everybody was the same. Mariachi Loco got more showcase spots than King Cuerno. Sagrada worked equally with Big Ryck. The Sagrada shit is really starting to annoy me at this point. Not only does everybody in the fed now work equal to him, but he sells less than any worker in the fed.  He'll take a move that would put a larger worker down, but when he takes it he's already moving into position to hit his next spot. The novelty is still there for most of the crowd so I get the push, but the novelty is over for me and seeing him put over so strongly over more believable, capable workers is just strange to my eyes.

PAS: Lots of fun dives in this, but this would have been a below average ROH scramble, it really needed Dixie to give it some structure. I don't get what Son of Havoc's deal is, he was a thug biker who was getting humiliated, and now he is breaking out the craziest high flying spots of the match. If they wanted Matt Cross to do his stuff, give him a different gimmick. Individually fun stuff, and I liked the end run with Puma and Fenix, although I am not sure how that singles match is going to work.

ER: Another Cage promo. "I am not a man, I am a machine." A machine that manufactures triceps tears, I imagine.

2. Boyle Heights Battle Royal

ER: Okay this is the battle royal. So another 10 people but more traditional "feet touch the floor" rules. And for a battle royal it was okayish. I like how Sexy Star went after Chavo until she was eliminated, how she had the blinders on to the rest of things and just wanted his blood. Mundo did his standard "guy who can't be eliminated" schtick, always hanging on during potential eliminations. Vampiro made me laugh one of the times he hung on by dropping "If Fit Finlay were in this he would have kicked Mundo's lungs out through his chest right now." I'm not sure what it had to do with anything, but he's probably right, and I kind of would like a regular "What Would Finlay Do" updates during matches. Shoot, any wrestler ever could think WWFD and it would always make them a better wrestler. Last week Vampiro randomly brought up his Wrestle Society X match with X-Pac (the best match of that promotion's run), so who knows what other surprises lurk in his brain. The ending went on a little too long for me, felt like an endless series of Mundo getting almost tossed, then getting back in. Plus once it was down to Mundo and a couple others we got a bunch of really bad Mundo offense. Really bad knees from the clinch (a couple really whiffed by 2 feet), floppy kicks to nowhere, pretty flashy bunch of nothing.

PAS: I don't mind Mundo's goofy stuff, and the last three with Chavo, Mundo and Muertes was pretty neat. Chavo taking that German suplex like Kenta Kobashi was pretty crazy. Chavo has been so good in this fed so far, I really hope he gets something interesting to do. Still it was a battle royal, and had the flaws of a battle royal.

3. Mil Muertes vs. Fenix

ER: This match didn't do tons for me either. Dario's pre-match promo was kind of clunky, taking the scenic route to get to his announcement of AZTEC WARFARE, which is the most dangerous and extreme match EVER devised…and I suppose we'll find out what it actually is in a few weeks when they come back after the holidays. Fenix and Muertes didn't match up very well, with Muertes have to stand around for some silly offense (the worst offender being a dorky handspring into a diamond cutter). I just wasn't feeling this one.

PAS: Fenix gets really exposed in singles matches, and Muertes isn't a great opponent for him. Nothing much to see here.

PAS: I did love Dario backstage with the belt. "I know you like to break pretty things" is a pretty bad ass line, really looking forward to this surprise.


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Lucha Underground Episode 6: The Key Workrate Report

ER: Noticed Chris DeJoseph's name in the producer credits for the first time. So I was wrong when I said no former WWE writers/producers were involved. Apparently the guy who wrote himself onto TV as Big Dick Johnson was picked as the wrestling mind involved with this show. Can't say I actually ever saw one of his segments as Big Dick Johnson, because I have the magic powers of fast forward.

PAS: I liked the opening segment with Big Ryck and Dario, although Big Ryck probably shouldn't talk as his Island accent kind of goes against the character a bit.

ER: Yeah the island accent was totally jarring as I didn't remember what he sounded like in WWE. Although damn now I'm kinda bummed that they didn't tweak his gimmick a bit and make him more of an island thug, like Julius Harris in Live and Let Die.

ER: Pre-match Ivelisse says that "they didn't sign a 7 year contract to fight women and half men". Jesus, a 7 year contract handed out to Son of Havoc?! Clearly a guy the promotion probably could have afforded to go year-to-year on.

1. Son of Havoc vs. Pimpinela Escarlata

PAS: Fun match with Pimpi being as electric as I remembered him. His over hand chops are Ron Garvin great. Son of Havoc should have left that goofus gymnastics ring post splash back in his MadDogg20 days, it is a dumb spot when it is done by a guy who's gimmick is straight edge yarder, it is really dumb if he is supposed to be a masked biker. Match went a little off the rails when Pimpi torched his arm, although he is such a pro that he pretty seamlessly integrated it into the match.

ER: YES! It's great to see Pimpi back on my TV. It's been too long. Actually quite surprised that Cassandro wasn't signed up for this show now that I think about it. I loved this match. If this was something that had taken place on WCW Worldwide it would be legendary. Pimpi was great as ever, his chops were brutal (the ones to Havoc's back were Fassbender-esque), he always has a nice missile dropkick, and also broke out a crazy spinning heel kick off the apron. And of course the bumps. Here he takes a big one into the corner and another spilling to the floor off the apron in sick fashion. Now, that shoulder injury…I think he may just be really great at setting up a "I think that was real!" fall (the way Chris Hamrick used to do) and then is just good enough to make it look like he has a real shoulder injury. I remember seeing him do something similar to this years ago in AAA with a knee injury. I don't think this is quite like seeing KISS for a second time and being disappointed that Ace Frehley (Bruce Kulick?) knocks the SAME light fixture loose with his firework launching guitar. I think Pimpi is just real good at setting up unique match plots and then following them through (the only two tells for me were him holding the ropes to block the sunset flip, and the ref holding up the arm with the bad shoulder). I also though Havoc looked fine in this, and I kind of like the dorky ass flagpole elbow drop. Phil's right that it doesn't work at all for some sort of masked biker, but I like it as a CrossFit douchebag showoff spot. I hope it has a name like "The P90X-Factor".

2. Mil Muertes v. Famous B

PAS: I am over the Mil Murtes squash, I think they have established the guy enough over the last couple of weeks, hell they had him squash a guy pushed as an iconic legend in his first week, no need to have him squash a jobber in week six. He also needs a better finisher, there is nothing more played out then the flatliner. I like Mesias, I enjoyed the Drago match, I just am over this, and if anyone out there can hear me, GET HIM BETTER PANTS!!

ER: Good god those pants. How hard would it be to get some black tights with Aztec imagery? He's got the headdress already! That had to be way harder to obtain. Famous B did his job in this match, bumping around nicely for Muertes' Attitude Era offense. I look forward to seeing how Muerte's Roll the Dice or Play of the Day look.

PAS: I was asking for a Drago vignette and they delivered. I loved the little kid voice over, it sounded like it was the intro to a Wu-Tang track, like something off of a Killa Priest solo project.

3. King Cuerno v. Drago

PAS: These guys match up really well. Like their previous match Cuerno does a good job modulating speed, his gimmick of the deliberate hunter, stalking athletic pray works nicely in this kind of spot fest. He also has one of the best tope's in wrestling which can capture my heart. They mentioned that they are tied up one to one, so I hope the rubber match is in the main event time slot so it can get a little more time.

ER: Another fun sprint from these guys. I like how they're keeping track of wins and losses, always referencing who beat who and how they beat them. Striker can be insufferable ("how can I force in a Michael Dokes reference…") but he gets full credit for making near falls mean more by pointing out what move a guy beat another guy with, stuff like that. Drago's flip dive was crazy as about 5" farther would have sent his tailbone into the temple steps. Cuerno's dive though, is just a flawless tope. Highspeed, great follow through (doesn't just make contact and bail away from opponent) and just totally engulfs his opponent. Drago has huge balls to man up to it.

PAS: Nice set up to the 3-way ladder match, Cuerto has been a little too bumbling in the last couple of weeks so it is good to see him show a little cunning. I also am official intrigued by the key, there hasn't been a good mystery angle in wrestling in forever (ever? has there ever been a good mystery angle?)

ER: Boy at the same time I noticed Puma's right hands looking nice during this, I also noticed how shockingly bad Mundo's looked. It looked like he was running a Chris Chetti throwback gimmick. 3-way matches as a rule don't get me very excited, but last week this fed did a classic overbooked ECW garbage match and it was awesome, maybe they can work some magic with this format. Man, as for successful mystery angles….probably just Hogan joining the nWo? I wasn't really watching wrestling at the time so I couldn't say if it was actually shockingly to "insider" fans. Actually, and this may sound ridiculous, but Kurt Angle debuting with TNA was genuinely surprising, and the "what big star will debut" mystery was kept pretty secret if I remember right. I mean, I wasn't excited about watching Angle in TNA, but that was a mystery angle (harhar) with a satisfying and surprising reveal to a lot of fans. Which is possibly because most people assumed the debuting big star would be Jim Neidhart or something.

4. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Pentagon Jr. v. Sexy Star/Fenix

PAS: Tag matches are a much better place for Sexy Star then singles matches, she can hit and run and we don't have to watch her try to overpower a much bigger man one and one for an extended time. Liked the pacing of this too, as Chavo and Pentagon cut the ring off, and punish Fenix before the big wild finish. Not completely sold on Fenix, he has some flashy stuff, but his in between work isn't nearly as solid as most of the other pushed guys on this show. He is obviously being pushed big, and I am not sure he is ready for it. Not sure where Chavo goes from here, but he is clearly playing his role with gusto.

ER: I liked this match and especially dug the Chavo/Pentagon team. Fenix was a little exposed in an actual tag format, as he still has some spectacular looking spots but they work better when he's able to run through a bunch of them while a base gets into position for him. His stuff is harder to integrate in a hot tag situation, or when he has to, you know, sell. Still I love that flipping powerbomb rana, and his floppy dives are fun. Chavo looked really good here and I know people have complained about some "WWE style" stuff creeping into Lucha Underground, but when you see a match like this and Chavo is really the only one who knows how to do a convincing headlock to build heat, you kinda appreciate it.


LUCHA UNDERGROUND MASTER LIST

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Pro Wrestling Revolution Workrate Report 11/29/14

So it looks like this show was not on TV for a few weeks, and now it's back in a new Saturday AM timeslot, changed from their Saturday midnight timeslot (which I liked as I could watch it after watching Svengoolie). They've also just gone with the name of their fed as the show title, dropping that goofy Uprising: Lucha Libre, which is good since nothing about the show was an uprising in any way, and a lot of the wrestling couldn't really officially be classified as Lucha Libre. I mean Pro Wrestling Revolution is a pretty dorky name itself as there's nothing revolutionary about what they do. It's not like guys are fighting while standing on their hands or something. Revolutionary doesn't even have to be a good thing. MatRats was revolutionary. It wasn't very good, but it could be viewed as an actual alternative. PWR is really only revolutionary in that they run a lot of similar matches, so the actual act of revolving is appropriate. I'll give them credit for coming back with some new material, as this match was from the 5/24/14 show in Turlock.

1. Famous B vs. Super Mex Hernandez

Famous B is an entertaining guy who works the Bay Area a lot (I believe he's a SoCal guy) and whose name popped up on the Lucha Underground roster (still have not seen him debut on there though). Hernandez looks almost exactly the same as he did in TNA. I actually really dug this match, despite some ongoing annoyances courtesy of PWR (we'll get to those at the bottom). Famous B looked really good in this. He throws a nice right hand and was able to take logical advantage of Hernandez, all the twists and turns made tons of sense. They played up Hernandez' size advantage and he did a bunch of cool power offense including a nice press slam spot (really love press slam spots), some cool throws, big nasty senton, and other cool little things like blocking an armdrag. As in, Famous B leaned way in for an armdrag and Hernandez didn't budge (I love that kind of stuff, and this was even better as B used his speed to whip around and drag Hernandez by his other arm. Great spot). Every time Famous B would take over it was off of Hernandez power offense backfiring. Hernandez held a vertical suplex for about 10 seconds, which allowed Famous B to slip out the back. Another time Hernandez tried holding a different suplex for too long, allowing B to shift his weight and land on him, then hit a cool low superkick for a nice nearfall. B took all of Hernandez' stuff great, really flung himself on big moves and hip tosses, really mugged to the crowd. Hernandez looked as good as I've seen him, so hats off for him putting the work boots in Turlock, CA, a lousy little town. Good match, much better than I was expecting.

So now the bad. The editing on this show is just atrocious, and it's really annoying when they stretch a 13 minute match out to fill 30 minutes of programming. If you don't think you can fill a weekly 30 minutes, maybe you should reconsider paying for a timeslot. The way they fleshed out the time was by showing "Revolution Replays" which were literally just real time replays of stuff you had just seen. So we'd get a nice arm drag sequence followed by a big Famous B dropkick…and then we'd cut to a hot Revolution Replay which was just the exact same sequence repeated, only with a border around the screen and a bumper that said "Revolution Replay". They've done this a couple times before, and it was always when they were trying to stretch time to fill the half hour. So once they hit the Replay 2 minutes into the match I knew we were seeing just one match stretched out to over twice its length. Again, either you have matches to fill the time, or you should rethink paying money to air your program. This match ended at the 23 minute mark of a 30 minute show. The rest of the 7 minutes was taken up by commercials and Revolution Replays. That is just awful. There isn't anything else you had to fill up those 7 minutes? Promos? A music video featuring great moments from past matches? Or just entire parts of the match we just saw, repeated. Awful, awful use of time.

Also, for Pete's sake stop talking about referee Tom Castor so damn much during the matches. He is a referee, nothing more. We don't need to give him credit every time he counts a pinfall, breaks a hold. If both men are down recovering from a big move, you don't need to point out that Tom Castor is counting to 10. It's this weird bizarro world Guadalajara as instead of having matches built around the local heel/tecnico referees you have a very normal unassuming referee who is not in any way involved in angles, who is getting constantly played up by the announcers as being just as important as the match itself. It would be like constantly mentioning the ring announcer during a match. It's odd and confusing as you keep waiting for Tom Castor to do something other than be a normal referee and he never has.

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Uprising: Lucha Libre Workrate Report 8/9/14

More matches from the 5/18/14 show in Morgan Hill.

1. Los Campesinos vs. The Persian Dynasty (Kia and Cyrus)

I'm not sure I've seen either team here before (although I have seen Welsh indie pop band Los Campesinos before…), but I immediately appreciate that the show starts with the Persian Dynasty attacking Los Camps at the bell. No ring entrances, just brief intros. That's maximizing your short time! Good. Campesinos are called Numeros Uno y Dos. Not sure which Persian guy is which. One has a mask and the other doesn't. Camps wear full red and white body suits, and I think I've maybe seen the chubby one before. Match itself wasn't much to write about. It went about 6 minutes, nobody looked very good. The fed really pushes itself as lucha libre, obviously, but it's weird as most guys in the fed don't work anything close to a lucha style. It's pretty standard wrestling, only the guys wear masks most of the time. I mean…I guess Los Campesinos did dropkicks at one point, but they were kind of sloppy. Both teams were pretty sloppy in general. Persians controlled with bodyslams, Kia (I think) hit an ugly leg drop at one point, and some not good chops and wimpy elbows in the corner (but they kinda looked like the type of elbows that look really bad, but probably actually hurt the other guy). Kia hits a nice yakuza kick at one point. On the hot tag one of Los Camps does these goofy uppercut things, that I'm not actually sure what they were supposed to be, and the match ends shortly after with double sunset flips. Huh. This was not good.

2. Battle Royal!

Bunch of people coming out for this, with Ultimo Panda, Famous B, JR Kratos, both of the tag teams from above, Savanah Riley and another woman. Kratos immediately goes after a woman, which is a really odd thing for the biggest face in the match to do, considering there's at least a 120 lb. difference, and there are several actual males in the match. But yeah, good guy, you go grab that woman by the hair! The ring announcer also regularly states over the mic for parents to keep their children in their seats so they don't get hurt. Where would both the children and wrestlers be going during this battle royal that would involve children getting hurt!? This was a pretty standard battle royal (read: not interesting to live crowd or television viewers) with people wandering around until it was time for eliminations to take place. Pistolero tried bringing extra stuff to it by attacking women, and then women getting their revenge. Famous B also tried bringing some personality by hiding behind Savanah. Spot of the match was probably JR Kratos press slamming the other gal out of the ring onto one of Los Campesinos to eliminate her. So…I guess all the good spots involved men beating up women, which…yeah.

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Uprising: Lucha Libre Workrate Report 2/1/14

This is from the 1/27/13 show in Watsonville, CA, so we're at least getting stuff within a calendar year. So, I've done over 15 reports on this TV show. You readers that actually read the reports have probably noticed that I bitch and complain about how lousy (for the most part) this show has been. This is not hate-viewing on my part, I just really, really want this show to actually be good. They're a local fed with some workers that I like and it's rough watching them botch so many things in regards to the TV show and presentation. I don't think they're maximizing their opportunity. Over the last few episodes they've at least advertised the dates of their upcoming shows, which should have been a no-brainer from the beginning. They don't do any interviews or background on any of the wrestlers, the spend WAY too much time showing entrances (more on that in a bit), they often feature workers that haven't worked the fed in 2+ years, they put over the referees way too much during commentary. It's like the only lucha they've watched is Guadalajara, as it genuinely feels like the only episode-to-episode continuity they're building up is a potential Tom Castor vs. Sparky Ballard referees feud. There is no rhyme or reason to the matches they air. The dates of shows jump around wildly. The last three weeks have been one match each from one card in July 2012, the week before was some random matches from May 2010. One of the matches was not even particularly good. I'm unsure the benefits of showing almost 4 year old material, but there can't be many if the material in question isn't even good. "Hey, did you hear this Stone Temple Pilots album from 2010? It was horrible! But you should check out their new stuff!" Who are you? Why are you talking about a bad album from 4 years ago?  Why are you talking about STP? But then add to that the fact this is a PAID timeslot. They are paying to show this stuff. So if you're not showing your most recent stuff and making people want to see your current product, you'd likely want to showcase your best all-time matches. A mixture of both would make a lot of sense. "Here's some of our current roster, and here's a classic example of the kind of action you can expect LIVE!" It seems so simple. And yet...

1. El Mariachi, La Pantera & Ultimo Panda vs. Famous B, Fantasma de la Opera & Persian Prince

Over the last few weeks they've gone in a simple presentation direction, either as a way to focus more on specific guys, or (more realistically) as a way to milk their recorded footage to cover more airings. To do this they've been airing just one match per episode, regardless of match length. Thing is, I don't know if I've seen a match in the promotion go over 15 minutes, which means they have one short match stretched out over a full 1/2 hour of programming. It happened the other week with the Lady Apache match, and here we go again. We get FULL wrestler ring entrances and full announcer introduction. Each wrestler comes out separately. Slaps fives with the fans, walks all around the ring. We see ALL of this. We get to the 11 minute mark. Still entrances. We go to a commercial break. Long story long the first actual physical exchange does not happen until my DVR reads 16 minutes. 16 minutes!! Of a 30 minute show that you PAY TO AIR! How is this even possible!? Even then we get a lot of stalling to start, leading us into another commercial. So essentially most of the first 2/3 of their money was spent on guys walking to the ring, standing in the ring, and then doing "who can get this side of the crowd to cheer louder!?" spots. Good lord.

Match itself was fairly decent, as decent as a 9 minute match hacked by commercial breaks into 3 parts could be. La Pantera is not *THEE* Pantera, so pretty lame choice of name there. Panda is a smart gimmick by the promotion of putting a chubby not-very-good guy into a Kung Fu Panda costume. Doesn't matter that he's not good, the kids love it and it gets easy pops. Smart move. The rudos (team with Famous B) don't really get much offense, which is another thing that's really starting to grate on me about this promotion. Most of the matches are just extended tecnico squash matches. It's fine to have those on the card, give the kids something to cheer for, but 80% of the matches they air are tecnicos running wild on rudos, rudos rolling to the floor, and then tecnicos winning. Hardly any times in peril.

Why am I paying money to see these goofs live this weekend? Well, because they booked Timothy Thatcher and Super Crazy. But also...Rocky Romero Workrate Report coming this weekend!!!

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Uprising: Lucha Libre Workrate Report 1/11/14

According to Pro Wrestling Revolution's website, this 7/28/12 show from Watsonville, CA was a show "that Watsonville, CA will never forget!" So either Watsonville had their socks knocked on their ass by some awesome wrestling, or there was a horrible tragedy that will necessitate in memoriam t-shirts printed up so that they never forget that one horrible, tragic day in Watsonville.

1. Kafu & El Dinamita vs. Rik Luxury & Famous B

Man Kafu just brings nothing to the table. He's sorta big, he has no presence whatsoever, almost all of his moves are horrible 2008 Roderick Strong backbreaker variations (a chokeslam into an over-the-knee backbreaker is so fucking stupid that he deserves crippled arthritic knees in his late 30s. That is the most indy-riffic move I have seen in a looooong time. I'm surprised it wasn't a chokeslam into a backcracker), he throws some wimpy clotheslines, he constantly telegraphs his spots, etc. He's just a bad worker, and he's not only been working for over a decade, but he's been pushed as a top Bay Area indy guy for almost as long. He was signed to WWE developmental  and worked as a doofus Brody clone for awhile. He wore big fur boots and did every trademark Brody spot, and then hilariously claimed in an interview that he had never heard of Bruiser Brody. I wish I could find some Brian De Palma interview circa-"Body Double" where he claimed he had never heard of Hitchcock, never seen "Rear Window, only heard of "Vertigo" in reference to dizziness. It should be noted that I *LOVE* Brian De Palma, and have never enjoyed a Kafu match in the slightest, so any "Blow Out" fans out there don't get all worked up thinking I was making a direct De Palma/Kafu comparison.

Pro Wrestling Revolution seems really obsessed with getting over their referees. The announcers talk about them constantly, way more than they mention the workers by name during a match. Sparky Ballard and Tom Castor, Sparky Ballard and Tom Castor, Sparky Ballard and Tom Castor. Tom Castor is a hispanic referee who works like a totally normal referee, but the announcers talk about him so much during the match it comes off really strange. You would never even notice him as a referee if they weren't constantly talking about him. It's so bizarre. A tecnico will take a big move, kick out, and the announcers will praise Tom Castor for being in position to make the call. Can you imagine CM Punk kicking out of the RKO and hearing the announce team put over Mike Chioda for counting? WWE has fucking Scott Armstrong as a ref and he's only even been referred to by name a few times over the last 8 years on TV. You know why? Because nobody watching pro wrestling gives a flying fuck about who is refereeing the match, even if it's somebody fucking killer like Scott Armstrong. Refs are fucking wallpaper. Keep that shit in the background.

Tag match itself was pedestrian. Kafu stinks, and Dinamita is a slightly better Kafu clone (they look really similar, Dinamita seems more athletic). Match structure is kinda killed as Famous B/Luxury have to act like Kafu and Dinamita are giant monsters, but Kafu and Luxury are essentially the same size, so you get a lot of fear stooging, but Kafu doesn't have an ounce of fearsome presence so this is kinda dead on arrival.

Also, not one second of lucha libre in this (there was an armdrag, so...there you go). I may have to retitle these "Uprising Lucha Libre: Not Sure What They're Going For Here" since I find myself saying that outloud whenever I watch it.

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Uprising: Lucha Libre Workrate Report, 10/20/13

Alright, so with this episode (with more matches from the 5/11/13 show in Turlock), literally EVERY match on that card EXCEPT for the Santo match has now been aired. Does the match exist on tape? Did the match actually even happen?

1. Pantera/Famous B vs. Kafu/Dinamita

I realize fairly early that this is not the real Pantera, just some guy. Kafu and Dinamita are two Brody-ish clones (But look more like El Terrible a few weeks after losing a hair match). Match is structured really weird as Kafu is billed at 6'4" and 240, and Dinamita looks to be the same size or larger. But they're both working FIP to Famous B and Pantera who each look about 70 lbs smaller. None of the heel control segments worked well, as neither Pantera or Famous B seemed believable enough to control two significantly larger dudes. There was a real ugly Total Elimination where Pantera's weak leg sweep and Famous B's whiffed spin kick left Kafu just kinda windmilling his arms around before just softly bumping. Kafu is a guy who started in APW over a decade ago, and still does not look good at all in the ring. He had a WWE developmental deal at one point, but still looks tentative and soft in the ring. Real light clotheslines thrown at half speed, slow big boots, okayish knee drop. Leaves a LOT to be desired. Dinamita on the other hand looked like somebody I would want to see again. Everything Kafu did lousy, Dinamita made look good. Plus he busted out a real nice rana, big slingshot somersault senton, squashed Pantera with a back senton, etc. His offense didn't fit his look at all, as he's decked out like Brody but then does moves like a 170 lb indy undercarder (I'm gonna catch your bodypress off the top with a Diamondcutter!!!). Face-dominating tag matches are pretty pointless, especially when your two faces tower over the two "heels" (who didn't really attempt to be heels). Still, goofiness aside, I'd like to see more Dinamita. Preferably not with the other three. Also Sparky Ballard now appears to be working a heel ref gimmick but completely half-assed, as the only times you would notice it would be when he'd slow count Kafu or Dinamita, and then after the match he was pissed that they won. Other than that he was totally normal. I don't get it.

2. Cheerleader Melissa vs. Ivelisse Velez

Short match, just a few minutes. Ivelisse didn't really look that good. I have almost zero memory of her on Tough Enough, but she apparently hasn't learned tons since then. There really just isn't much that happens here. Melissa carries her through some sequences, Velez throws a weak kick to the stomach, Melissa ends up winning after a nasty curbstomp and a cool surfboard variation. Too short to be much of anything.

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