Segunda Caida: Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 22: The Cup Begins

TL: Would have really enjoyed a leadup episode of Bracketology into the Cueto Cup, where you could have brought on upstarts and underdogs and gave them some screen time. Get Vinnie Massaro to talk about how Sicily needs a big win and show off his favorite pizza recipes. Maybe have King Cuerno show off a trophy buck from his latest hunting excursion. Show Sexy Star training on how not to injure someone legit doing a cross-armbreaker. I would have gladly watched 45 minutes of that.

Instead, it’s probably the biggest brand made star in the company doing a walk on-screen return instead of being in the ring, flexing his healed arm and slinging catchphrases. Really odd way to bring Pentagon Dark back, especially given he’s basically one of a handful of folks who actually should have the title in the company at this point.

TL: Should also be mentioned that Vampiro is dressed like he just got done playing 18 holes at his retirement community’s muni course, complete with horizontal striped polo and horn-rimmed glasses. Now I need to go watch “Mr. Hole-In-One” Barry Darsow on some WCW syndicated TV.

1. Mala Suerte vs. The Mack

ER: This felt like a chubby version of a Nitro era lucha match, and that's a fine thing to be. And that's a good thing, I was in the mood for that kind of popcorn match, and the first round of a pretty silly tournament for an even sillier cup seems like the best place for it. I liked the opening armdrag exchanges, they felt like older exchanges you don't see a lot anymore, Cholo rolling off Mack's back, doing the drags low and quick. Mack is obviously going to be a guy advancing in the cup, so the finish was never in doubt, but considering that they threw out a couple more nearfalls than I expected. Suerte's senton is really over in the building (the one where he jumps off the top and runs across the ring to land it) and if you're going to have silly signature offense I'd rather watch a nice senton than the worm. Mack busts out some nice stuff, especially crazy is him catching Suerte and lifting him all up and around his body before hitting a driver. That's some Cobb strength right there, and Suerte isn't a small dude.

TL: I’m with Eric. I’m definitely here for portly lucha armdrag sequences. I am DEFINITELY not here for Matt Striker saying “Shades of Tenryu!” though. Suerte’s offense is really great, and I was half expecting that senton to be that splash that one Dragon Gate guy does where he leaps off the top rope, lands on his feet, and then leaps again to finish the splash, but this works, too. I’m also a big fan of a Crucifix Driver, as it looks absolutely devastating when thrown correctly. Still think it’s odd that with an offensive repetoire like Mack’s that he finishes with a stunner, but credit Cholo for bumping big on the offense, at least. Glad he got some offense in, too. Definitely fits in on the lucha Nitro matches, would be a fine WCW Pro main event, as well.

ER: I'm a big fan of cartoon CGI lightning, so Cage's lightning infused power glove gets the full point from me. I want him to punch through somebody's body with it.

TL: Think it’s awesome that Dario has a Glove Guy, and now that I’ve seen the lightning in action, they really should have gone full Infinity Gauntlet with it and have gems that make it do weird stuff.

2. Argenis vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: Dang this was good. This is easily the best Argenis performance (would you believe that if you've made it this far, you will have already seen 15 Argenis matches!?!?) and the first time Pentagon has looked interesting since the ninja battle episode. Argenis takes a bunch of great Psychosis bumps from leg kicks, really getting knocked around the ring by Pentagon. You think this is going to be a one sided annihilation, which would make sense. I just pointed out that we have seen 15 Argenis matches on LU and there's a good chance most of you couldn't name a favorite Argenis memory. So it's the opening round of the Cup, obviously Pentagon is going to advance, and you don't expect much from Argenis. But then he gets a nice rana and a nice moonsault to the floor. Pentagon is obviously too much for him, as he runs into too many kicks, gets suplexed violently into the turnbuckles, gets a decent nearfall off a big neckbreaker, basically justifies his appearances up to this point. I expected nothing from this match and Argenis made it mean a little something, and Pentagon actually came off cool for the first time in ages. I think now we actually have Pentagon Dark, and before we were getting Pentagon Baja Blast or Pentagon Gamer Fuel.

TL: Basically an extended squash for Pentagon, really throwing out all the kicks he can in his offensive repertoire and saving the really good offense for Reseda, I’m guessing. Argenis DOES get some neat stuff in, as the timing on the Asai Moonsault was fantastic and that convoluted hammerlock neckbreaker at least looked cool. Dark really has the Fear Factor down to a devastating degree, as he always makes it look nasty. Agree that it was a great Argenis performance in bumping, and the months off occurred when Dark started really making his rounds on the indy scene, so you could tell he came back looking and feeling more like a big deal and it showed.

3. Texano vs. Famous B

ER: Brenda keeps getting more and more "produced" every time she appears. I don't like it. It's like they keep having her do loud and poor Harley Quinn impressions and give her way too many scripted lines to shout. Texano's powerbomb looked good.

TL: Have a soft spot for Famous B, so him taking a big powerbomb in full “first time in Texas and this is what I bought at the first Western store I could find” regalia makes it in to the win column for me. Still don’t get what they’re trying to do with Texano at this point.

TL: Actually dug the take on Mysterio/Mundo 24/7 or what have you, complete with dude with heavy British accent doing the voiceover. Whoever made the final graphic needs to know how vectors work, though, and I totally buy Dario going into his budget to really push the match because he’s such a great promoter.

ER: Michael Schiavello is just about the biggest No Buys guy you can get with me. I think his commentary is genuinely terrible.

4. Drago vs. Aerostar

ER: This didn't really work. I don't care about the lizard people, but I do think working as a defined rudo is a better move for Drago, makes his stuff have some context. But this whole thing was just poorly constructed. Aerostar did some cool things, like Aerostar will do. He also looked like he flew into a brick wall on a dive, shooting right past Drago and hitting solidly into the front row. Vampiro covered admirably by saying that Drago caught and threw him. But damn that was a nasty ending to a dive. But moves in this match meant nothing. There was no rhyme or reason to who would recover faster, no transitions, just getting up and doing moves, several of which looked nice. But this was like me trying to rap, absolutely zero flow. Sometimes Drago would attack Aerostar while he was bouncing on the ropes, other times he would patiently wait in place for the move that came after the bouncing. It didn't add up to enough for me.

TL: The odd thing about this match to me is that it didn’t seem like they had any idea how to cohesively put things together. Striker puts over the “long pauses” as they’re hesitant to go after each other, but he and Vampiro were definitely covering a lot of general mistiming. And yeah, there wasn’t a part of this match that really got going. The Aerostar dive was very Blue Panther/Villano V-esque in its nastiness, but that was a misguided highlight. They need to make up their mind on whether Drago is a willing participant or someone who really has issues taking orders from Kobra Moon. Shades of grey in this particular scenario doesn’t work.

ER: Okay, you have to believe me here, but earlier in this review when I said, "I want [Cage] to punch through somebody's body with [the power glove]," you need to realize that I do not read spoilers for these shows. I have no idea what's going to happen, didn't know about the Sexy Star title win, none of this. I had zero clue 30 minutes later that Cage would literally punch a man's head to a pulp. And not just any man, but Lorenzo Lamas, TV's Renegade ("He was on fucking Falcon Crest!"~Phil Schneider). So now Cage is a murderer, and he seems mentally fine with being a murderer, which means there are several wrestlers I would like for him to murder and will now be confused if he ever loses a match again.

TL: I think the most unrealistic part of the epilogue was the big wig saying Cage got that big lifting weights and drinking protein shakes, when obviously the glove is a synonym for roid rage. Eric is way more prescient than I am, however, and Cage going full-on grindhouse on Lorenzo F’n Lamas makes me wonder what practical in-ring special effects we’re going to get with this glove. Can’t wait for his first Cueto Cup match, where he will most likely punch someone with the glove from the ring through Cueto’s office window thanks to an invisible harness of some kind. Or him hitting the Aztec symbol in the middle of the ring to make the lights in the arena flicker on and off or something. Is it in the budget for him to go full-on Attack on Titan and have him punching holes through people now that we’ve seen what he’s done to poor Lorenzo? Really wish I could have seen the look on Cage’s face when he found out this was going to be his story arc this season, because I don’t think there was anyone else in the company happier to hear what he or she was going to do than him. My favorite storyline LU has ever done and it’s not even close.

ER: I love Tim's idea to have somebody on wires getting punched by Cage and landing 20 feet away. If you're gonna go big and silly with it, go big and silly.