Otto Wanz Upload Challenge 4: Bobby Duncum and Big Steele Man

Otto Wanz vs. Bobby Duncum 6/12/82

MD: Similiarites are starting to become clear, though they're almost ritualistic. This starts with the clean break game, then it has Wanz eat some cheapshots and fire back off the ropes. The first round ends with a resounding snap mare after that. We've seen this before but it's obviously what the fans want, so what are you going to do? That was just the first round though. Things settled in very differently after that with Duncum managing his best Hansen impression (as good as I've seen it probably) and taking it to Wanz more than anyone I've seen in these matches as of yet. Wanz was more giving than usual, not smothering him but instead setting up big moments of payoff: he fought back valiantly after taking a beating on the floor; he perfectly timed going up and over with the headscissors takeover again; he picked Duncum up out of a headlock, placed him over the ropes onto the apron, and then knocked him down to the floor. Duncum does come back and keeps on him until the finish and this was probably the first time in the footage where I had the feeling Wanz might actually be at risk. That made the big toss off the top rope and headlock takeover suplex for the win incredibly feel all the more celebratory. Duncum being the aggressor for a lot of this brought it to a higher level, but all of Wanz' offense looked great, especially his strikes. If I had to classify Wanz right now, he'd be a cross between Big Daddy and Jerry Lawler.

Otto Wanz vs. Big Steele Man 7/8/89

MD: I get the sense that when Tim wanted me to watch this stuff, this is more of what he had in mind. The years were not kind to poor Otto. He was far less mobile by this point, and 89 Big Steele Man was not 92 Typhoon (who was not 90 Earthquake, etc.). The similarities and differences to earlier in the decade are interesting. Far more minimalist. Lots of sitting in holds. When Ottman (as opposed to the Otto-man) was putting on a chinlock, it sort of worked with Wanz trying to engage the crowd by pulling apart the hands again and again. The fans were kind of with him. They wanted to sing and chant. It didn't have that same sort of electricity as when he teased breaking a hold years before especially considering he had to go back to this well a bit too often or stay in the hold without breaking it for a bit too long. When he was putting on holds, he at least kept varying things so the fans wouldn't get bored. About 2/3rd of what Big Steele Man did looked good. The other third did not. He got good color, though. At times, they went toe to toe with some big blows and that worked, certainly. Wanz' selling of pain and exhaustion was excellent but part of that was because he looked like he could die from heatstroke at any moment. There were some of the old favorites (early unclean breaks, some brawling on the outside, one rollover senton), but many things (piledriver, the up and over headscissors, throws, even elbow drops) seemed to be gone from his toolbox now. The crowd went up big for the finishing bodyslam, but some of the magic was certainly gone.

ER: I'm a big fan of minimalist super heavyweight wrestling, and it doesn't get more minimalist or super heavyweight than later era Wanz. Wanz isn't taking many bumps at this point, but his selling was still strong and he was good at making rest holds look like actual holds. This was two big dudes throwing heavy forearms at chests, and big thundering body blows. They built nicely to bigger moments, like Wanz dumping Steele over the top after hammering his chest, or Steele knocking Wanz off his feet with two standing clotheslines. Otto's rolling sentons still looked great, and I like how he doesn't hit them the same way each time. Here he set one up more traditionally, rolling across Steele's body, then later rolls into one from north-south. I think the best parts of the match were actually the slo-mo recaps shown in between rounds, which really put over the force behind some of the blows, and also made some big moments feel even bigger. Watching Steele's standing clotheslines that lead to Wanz timbering over felt even more epic in slo-mo, like a mastodon getting felled by neanderthals. That the whole long match built to one triumphant bodyslam was really cool, with the Graz crowd reacting to the bodyslam like it was the highspot of the year. 

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New Footage Friday: ANDRE, ANDRE, ANDRE (and Tom Magee)

Andre the Giant vs. Jerry Blackwell AWA 11/2/80

MD: I knew we had this JIP, but we had less of it than I thought. What we basically had before was Andre's last comeback and the finish. It stood out, however. Why? because in those few minutes we had 1980 Andre, far more agile than he would be a few years later but closer to the wide-as-well-as-tall giant physique than what he was a few years earlier, taking that back-body drop which is one of those life-changing wrestling spots you never, ever forget.

Blackwell's amazing. There are people who weren't born until after he died in 1995 that will see this match because of the Network and get some sense of it. That makes me happy. I was barely familiar with him until the DVDVR AWA set. He's this amazing mix of size, preternatural physical speed and prowess, and the wherewithal to balance his the threat of his size with comedic timing. He's both dangerous and hugely giving.

What we missed when we just had the back body drop and the slam was some really good wrestling, including the second most impressive and memorable spot in the match, when Blackwell held on to a top wristlock as Andre threw him over his shoulder. It's the sort of thing you'd see all the time in a Ricky Steamboat match and the familiarity helps give it meaning, but two guys this size working that sort of spot took something relatively simple though always cool, and pushed it way over the top.

After Andre took over (absolutely killing Blackwell with chops and headbutts, constantly forcing him out of the ring), I loved the urgency in which Blackwell would try to attack Andre on his his way back in. It gave everything an air of believable desperation.

As much as lore has it that Andre hated other giants, you have to wonder what he thought about Blackwell, being a guy who could work with him like this, that could bump for him like this. I can't imagine Andre, even 1980 Andre, would do a rope running spot with just anyone, and certainly that he would take that back-body drop for just anyone.

ER: I love stuff like this, a regular match but with a $5,000 bodyslam stipulation added in. You don't win the match by bodyslamming your opponent, but you win 5K which is nice incentive. It also means you don't get an entire match of two gigantic guys stuffing their hands into the other's taint, that's just added as sweet delicious icing. I really loved Roger Kent's commentary during the ring intros. When Blackwell is billed at 485 lb. he goes "Blackwell actually gained weight just for this match!" which is an excellent piece of psychology, knowing that Blackwell wolfed down extra buckets of fried chicken just to make himself harder to body slam. And about Andre he says "You might recognize Andre from his appearances on BJ and the Bear, or as Bigfoot." Like people watching at home somehow only knew of Andre as a furry Steve Austin foe. But this is great. Blackwell is good at working Andre over logically, going after his arm (which would conceivably be one of Andre's weak points) and working in some clever spots around Andre's status as unmovable object. My favorite was Andre getting up off the mat while Blackwell was charging in, unaware that Blackwell was charging in, only to see Blackwell run straight into Andre's butt and go recoiling backwards. It felt like Frank Drebin neutralizing a shooter by unknowingly opening a door into him. Andre's big shots look fantastic. His lean back straight right punch across face in the corner is arguably my favorite punch in wrestling. And I dug the few bodyslam teases, with Blackwell inevitably getting squished from falling under Andre. The finish was really cool as once Andre got the slam the fireworks really picked up, Blackwell knowing he could no longer win 5K so just unleashing a nothing to lose attack on him was great, but Andre turns it on him very quick, tosses Blackwell into the ringpost, and then just launches him over the top rope...for the loss!! Blackwell takes a huge bump to the floor, total avalanche. Love this.

PAS: This was a great battle of the giants I didn't know happened and was totally amped to see. Blackwell is basically shaped like a square, like not a human shape and is amazingly agile for a guy who looks like he should be stuck in a Rascal Scooter. That Andre backdrop was amazing, can't believe he got him up and he landed like that. Blackwell lifting Andre for the slam and getting engulfed was awesome, it looked like a ghost being eaten by Pac-Man. I thought some of the mat stuff was a bit slow, but still this delivered what you wanted it to.


Andre The Giant/Hulk Hogan vs. Bobby Heenan/Nick Bockwinkel/Bobby Duncum/Ken Patera AWA 11/7/82

MD: If you could only pick three matches to express to people exactly what the AWA was in the first half of the 80s, this could be one. You can see so clearly here some of the homesy elements that Hogan took with him to New York and that helped defined the entire era to come. Andre got in on the dance, basically being Dancing Andre during the times they were in charge. The fans were hot for everything they did and they were elated to shout weasel at Heenan. Bockwinkel was absolutely amazing just always being a presence in the match (the other guys were too but he stood out to me; there was one moment where he was on his way out of the ring after getting thumped by Andre where he tried this kick out nowhere to Andre's legs, just always so present in the match). There was double face-in-peril. The comeback was hot but maybe wore out its welcome a bit (not that the fans cared). I liked the structure, where the numbers game finally overwhelmed Andre though Hogan could take on one at a time in the meantime. Then, when Andre got worn down, they could work on Hogan a bit too, all til Heenan got over confident and dared to face Andre. The second FIP was focused on Hogan's previously-injured arm so everything made sense despite the feeling of constant over the top (and like I said, sometimes hokey in that charming AWA way) chaos. The most fun you'll have watching wrestling this week.

PAS: This was four great pinballs being bounced around by two of the greatest paddles in wrestling history. Loved all of the heels running right into Andre and Hogan and getting consistently repelled. When they finally get Andre on his back they swarm like ants on a leftover french fry, only to the have the Hulkster run wild on them. Heenan was a wild bumper as one would expect, and Bockwinkle was great at sneaking in a shot or two. Wholly satisfying wrestling, which sold a ticket to everyone in the arena for future permutations of this feud.

Andre The Giant vs. Big John Studd WWF 7/20/84

MD: As best as I can tell, next week will be the one year anniversary of us doing New Footage Fridays. We've done at least three matches every week for a year. There's a ton of new or very rare footage that has been uncovered in the last year that we haven't even gotten to yet. Let me put it this way, just from Japanese handhelds and some older years of Japanese TV alone, we could do this for another year; just with what we have right now.

This is all the writing I've done for the site this year and most of the wrestling I've watched this year, and it's one of the best experiences I've had in a couple of decades of interacting with other people online about wrestling. It's been a great time searching for footage, checking with people to see if it's new, scanning through it to see if it's worth talking about, and then seeing what Phil and Eric have to say about it too. With a lot of the non-network matches, we're not just reviewing but also highlighting so others can watch as well. I can't speak for the other two (though I bet I speak more for Eric than Phil on this one), but I love when we get comments and people tell us what they think about the matches we're dredging up. We don't get enough. Chime in. It's appreciated.

All that said, I'd like to introduce everyone to the hill I am going to die on this week: Big John Studd. Studd is, I think, one of the most wildly underrated wrestlers of all time. He's not a total package like Eric's Berzerker-era Nord. In fact, one element of his game is actually quite flawed and I'll get to that. It's more the case that he's one of the biggest victims in history of workrate primacy and the undervaluing of stalling and stooging that afflicted wrestling writing and thought for much of the last forty years.

Studd more often than not is the world's largest Larry Zbyszko. He's a heat-generating magnet, made all the more so by the fact he's so damn big and so damn powerful. He's a giant. Even facing another giant, there's massive dissonance in the idea that he's going to take five minutes walking around the ring jawing with fans or that he'll do everything he can to avoid a lock-up. That's part of what made it all so brilliant. This isn't base laziness. It's premeditated and effective.

This match is as perfect an example as you'll get. He absolutely takes his time getting in, making at least one full, languid, rotation of the ring, interacting with the fans, taunting Andre, drawing heat. The second he starts to get in, Andre is on top of him. This is a return match (though the return was a few months and other shows in the making) so everything was primed and the fans absolutely love Andre not letting Studd do what he wanted to do. That loops us right into the second half of the Memphis-equation, the stooging. If the stalling is the build, the stooging is the payoff. Studd sells everything happening in the ring as only a guy his size could, with massive limbs flailing and body bouncing all over the place, gigantic recoil. His robe ends up over his head. This never aired. It has no commentary. It was filmed to potentially air (much of this show ended up on TV or on videotapes) and they occasionally cut to members of the crowd looking absolutely delighted. As good as Andre was at being Andre, that's not him. That's all Studd.

When Studd takes a powder out to the floor and is surrounded by the crowd, the two cops come down to stand on either side of him. The visual is striking. Everyone's so much smaller than Studd and here he is, running away, in hostile territory, Gulliver in the land of the Lilliputians, and he needs these two tiny cops to protect him from all the other tiny people. People are most affected by things when there is a gap between their expectations and reality; that's John Studd in a nutshell and it works.

Where it falls apart, generally, is when he takes over on offense. Some of his stuff, the clubbering, some of the intensity with the choking, is really good, but it almost always settles down into a bearhug or a chinlock and Studd, while so good at giving and giving and giving, at delaying and delivering with his stooging, wasn't great at making his holds compelling when he was on top. Someone like Flair or Bockwinkel absolutely were, and even a guy like Zbyszko could take that first half of his act and pay it forward into the second part. Studd couldn't or wouldn't. That's half of the problem. It's what people remember. It's what stands out because it falls later in the match. Even so, the fans were completely into Andre's comeback (so much of that based on the heat that Studd had drawn previously in the match) and it all finished both definitively and well.

Like I said, the chinlock was half the problem. Only half. The other half is the workrate bit. We spent decades in a dark age where stalling was frowned upon as the opposite of everything wrestling should be. Why care about the acting in a movie when there are special effects to look at, right? They're flashier. They involve less thought and less nuance. People have turned the corner on wrestlers like Lawler and Zbyszko. Studd isn't on that same level. He's only half the act, but I feel like it's time he finally got proper credit for that half, which was truly exceptional. That's the hill I'm standing on. Shoot your arrows accordingly.

ER: I think I was more excited for Matt's review of this match, than I was about the match itself. I think I have had upwards of 5 different conversations with Matt about Big John Studd: Giant Stalling Stooge, and he's been absolutely dying to tell all of you about it at length, and I'm happy we finally got there. The match itself was short and fun, but Studd's stalling really was memorable. Look at his faces as he stalks the ring, watch the fans and his reactions to the fans as he retreats deep into the aisle. I also liked the twist on Andre getting trapped in the ropes, with Studd beating him into place instead of Andre falling and letting gravity trap him. But the real satisfaction comes when Andre unleashes his payback and splats him with his butt, crowd going even more nuts for an Andre comeback because of Studd being such a weenie for so much of the match. I really loved the optical illusion of these two hulking dudes battling in the corner, as it really looked like the ring posts were going to bend and collapse.

Bret Hart vs. Tom Magee WWF 10/7/86

ER: I finally got around to watching the mini doc on this match, and it was a fun little piece of history. WWE taking the time to film people talking about this match that only the nerdiest of wrestling nerds would know about really feels closer to Phil writing up every PWFG show or me writing up every Berzerker match than anything else WWE has ever done. Think of the man power they utilized and the quick turnaround time to get all of this filmed. The idea that they would bug Bret in 2019 to ask him to talk about a 4 minute match from over 30 years ago is such a joy. A 30 minute doc on a short match involving a guy who 99% of modern WWE fans have never even heard about who has no involvement in any way with pro wrestling since the 80s is like getting a 30 minute documentary about the cop's brutally bad fake mustache at the end of Sleepaway Camp. But I thought they did a really excellent job at highlighting this kind of lost footnote, thought Waltman had some nice insight, thought DBS Jr.'s Bret impression was tremendous, and was only disappointed that we didn't get any comments from Bret or Magee after we had seen the match. Magee came off down to earth, totally cool with the fact that wrestling wasn't for him, and I loved his note that they shielded him from all of that "next Hogan" talk. 

The match itself was the same kind of thing we saw Bret do for 25 years. It was very clear that Magee had no offense whatsoever outside of his dropkick (which Bret made look especially great during the spot in the corner where he took two, crashed hard into the mat and rolled to the floor to take off). It was amusing seeing Magee take extra long to pick Hart up off the mat, only to pause and just do an inside cradle or a small package. Hart was patient and polite while looking downright mean. When he puts the boots to Magee he's fully protecting him while looking like he's toeing him right in the eye. He even handles Magee not moving out of the way of a second rope elbow that was clearly supposed to miss, going right back on the attack and planning what the actual finish should be. You could see Magee's specific potential, see his freak athletic gifts, in the way he casually leapfrogs over Bret. I don't think I've ever seen a leapfrog look so effortless. It looked far more like Hong Kong wire fighting than Magee actually using his legs to leap over Bret, and his sunset flip was genuinely great, keeping a really tight roll so that the physics of it make sense. Bret's chest first bump into the corner is probably one of my top 3 favorite bumps in wrestling, always looking like his skeleton should be permanently wrecked each time. We knew this wasn't going to be any kind of classic, but not a single soul cared about that. The fact that we got to see this fun historical footnote while getting a neat story out of it was really special.

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New Footage Friday: Hogan, Bockwinkle, High Flyers, Blackwell, Hennig, Tito

The Network delivered a tidal wave of AWA this week, with a lot of new stuff, including a real gem.

High Flyers vs. Jerry Blackwell/Sheik Adnan Al-Kassie AWA 12/25/81

MD: This was basic and straightforward but just so well executed. Shine/Heat/Comeback/cheating heel finish. It's JIP so we lose some of the shine. If there was double heat on this, that'd probably where it would have been. It's hard to say. You get a complete picture here though. It's striking just how much stuff Gagne has a ton of stuff. If you need someone to control a heel's arm (even one as big as Blackwell), Greg's the guy to go with. Brunzell is more fiery than you'd think working the apron. The Flyers do feel like a big deal here, but that's not surprising. They always somehow do. All of this felt iconic, pure, distilled AWA.

PAS: Really solid main event tag team match. Blackwell and Adnan are a bruiser tag team, Kasie almost seems like too much of a bad ass to work as a heel manager. Blackwell has fists like hams, and a demolishing fat guy elbow. Greg was a great in this, I loved his wild punch combos to Blackwells body to make space for the hot tag, and he had some nice looking offense, including some nasty shots to the Shiek's knee. I totally buy a sneaky Blackwell splash ending anyone, that is a fat dude right there.

ER: I love Blackwell so much. He's the fattest version of Haley Joel Osment and is a guy I'll watch in anything. It feels like we've gotten a ton of fresh Blackwell in the past couple years, from Japan handhelds to stuff like this. And it's all great, I love how he moves, you get to see awesome elbowdrops and big fat guy bumps and painful avalanches and great missed splats on splashes, and after the match he lands an absolute curb stomp of a running stomp. Guy comes off like a total killer. Greg Gagne is a guy I like that really got a bum rap for years. He's a great babyface and always brings good determination, his blow up fired up punches are great and he's a good face in peril. I now get excited when new Greg Gagne footage shows up. Brunzell is a durable guy with a fantastic dropkick who can hang with bigger guys, and Adnan does amusing older guy heel stomps and reactions and backrakes. Plus we get some great regional folksiness on commentary, my favorite being "Greg Gagne just folded like a carpenter's rule." You picture James Stewart saying something like that in "Fools' Parade" and it sounds right. This is the kind of pro wrestling I like to watch.

Tito Santana/Hulk Hogan vs. Bobby Duncum/Ken Patera AWA 12/25/82

MD: There's a lot to really enjoy here. Hogan is an absolute bully, going out of his ways to poke Patera in the eyes when he doesn't have to, all of that. The fans love it. Santana works as rudo as I've ever seen him, faking the tags and cheating left and right. Tito Santana! Hogan's a bad influence. Patera really shines in this one. There's just real star power there. Everything he does has extra oomph and energy. It's patently ridiculous that this ends not in a double DQ but in Hogan getting DQ'd because he was getting in the way of the heels cheating. It might have been to set up Patera/Duncum as contenders but it just felt like punishing the fans for no reason.

PAS: Really fun to watch the two babyface icons of my early wrestling fandom team up. Hogan and Tito have barrels of charisma and I really enjoyed all of the babyface scheming early. Tito is a really good face in peril, and Hogan is an all time hot tag. Tito breaks out a Gibson leglock and takes a great semi flip bump on Duncum's lariat. I loved we got a couple of big Heenan bumps and didn't mind the double DQ as it had the kind of Katie Bar the Door finish you got a ton of in the 80s. This was a nostalgic match, so I dug the nostalgic finish.

Nick Bockwinkel vs. Mad Dog Vachon AWA 12/25/83

MD: Just watch Bockwinkel rush in for the attack. Always a game plan. Always a purpose. Mad Dog wasn't going to do any topes in 1983, but his stuff looked nasty and credible. He'd bite your nose off if you weren't careful. Or, in this case, he'd fishhook your mouth and all but suplex you with it. Bockwinkel stooges and feeds and makes this feel like a right and proper main event for an end of the year show. This had a pretty goofy Dusty finish but the pop on Mad Dog getting the apparent win is huge. It's a testament both to the AWA crowds and to Bockwinkel that you could put almost anyone up and down the roster in there, from Brunzell to Rheinghans to the Baron to Robinson and the crowd completely believed that the title change could happen and that they might witness history.

PAS: I really enjoyed this, classic wrestling trope of over as fuck babyface taking out a sneaky heel champ. The Crusher is accompanying Vachon as a counter to Heenan, and has an unlit cigar in his mouth and another two in his pocket. Vachon tears Bockwinkle up, bumping him all over the ring, with Bockwinkle only getting brief moments of offense, when he can sneak in a cheap shot. Vachon really comes off as a vicious tough guy and Bockwinkle sells his ass off. The ending was super dumb as the ref just stops counting to DQ Bockwinkle before Heenan does anything. We do get some fun postmatch with Heenan taking a classic insane Heenan bump to the floor, but I can see why this kind of booking BS eventually doomed the fed.

Nick Bockwinkel vs. Curt Hennig AWA 12/25/84

MD: Nick Bockwinkel vs Curt Hennig is one of the greatest feuds in wrestling history. Maybe before I'd say it was one of the greatest feuds of the 80s. Before we didn't have this match. It slots in so perfectly and it's one of those things that I don't know how we, as wrestling fans, ever lived without.

This was during the period where Martel, not Bockwinkel, was champion, where Hennig was coming into his own as a singles mid-carder and occasional contender. Remember, just two years earlier he was reffing the Christmas show. It would still be a couple of years, and the tag run where he was to make Scott Hall a star, before they'd feud in earnest. This match was full of sparks that would ignite years later.

People praise Bockwinkel for a lot of things, for his promos, for his matwork, for his bumps, for his presentation as the perfect heel champion, and I love all of those things. What I love the most, however, is that he is always absolutely in the moment. He is entirely in to every moment, not as a performer hitting spots, but as a method actor who's completely dropped into what he's doing. It's the little things. There's a moment early on after he took over with an unclean lock up off the ropes where Hennig bumps out of the corner, selling. Bockwinkel does this tiny, enthused pump of his arm. It's the smallest thing but there's not another wrestler out of a hundred that would have chosen to show that emotion in that moment and it is absolutely everything when it comes to immersion. Bockwinkel believes. You believe.

This shifts to a great King of the Mountain and subsequent revenge from a fiery Hennig after that (the transition being wholly logical and warranted as Bockwinkel decided to play to the crowd and mime having the belt once more; everything always makes sense with Nick Bockwinkel). From here it's back and forth with Bockwinkel able to bully his way to advantages and Hennig selling the damage tremendously. Ultimately, after a second sunset flip hope spot (one that Bockwinkel struggled on much more than the first), Nick goes after the leg, locking in a string of figure-fours until the Hennig, toughing it out, somehow rolls him up for the pin and the win. Post-match, Bockwinkel is behind himself and beats Hennig to a pulp, coming back in again and again with no one able to stop him. You can't watch this and not think about what would happen two years later when a frustrated Hennig would turn heel on Bockwinkel. This was great on its own it's all part of an even greater whole and it's a whole that we've got an clearer picture of today.

PAS: Getting a new Bockwinkel vs. Hennig is like getting a new Santo vs. Casas or Dundee vs. Lawler, another chance to see a legendary match up, with all time greats who are always going to give something different. It was neat to see this version of the rivalry with Bockwinkle so dominant and Hennig still a young boy. Bockwinkle is so vicious and dismissive, tossing Hennig to the floor,  and really kicking the shit out of him when Hennig tries to get back in, it is the ultimate in dismissiveness. This kid doesn't even belong in the ring with me, and I refuse to treat him like an equal. It is what makes the reversal of fortune so satisfying, with Hennig constantly knocking Bock to the floor. The figure fours looked great, and I loved how Bock snapped after Hennig gets the sneak pin. Brutal onslaught, and Bockwinkle does really come off unhinged, like he can see all of his glory slipping away and was going to hold on tight with both hands.

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Saturday Night 1/16/99

26 hours away from Souled Out from Charleston, West Virginia!!!

1. Barry Horowitz vs. Wrath

I forgot Wrath had the awesome "Running With the Devil" intro to his music. And I have no recollection of Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Wrath from Souled Out. Wrath looks like the most juiced out of his gourd Burt Reynolds from "White Lightning" here, like he's all hopped up on Joker's toxin from Arkham Asylum. This is more competitive than you may have guessed, and Horowitz gets to hit a cool leaping back elbow from the 2nd rope. Wrath alternates between selling Barry's offense and then completely ignoring it. Barry's kicks to the stomach looked way better than Wrath's.

Nitro Girls calendar ad! Who was regarded as the hottest Nitro Girl anyway? I assume not the one with the super gelled dyed blonde curls? Was Spice the hottest? What was the name of the redhead (I assume Fire or Fyre or Figher?)? Maybe Chai? Who was the least hot Nitro Girl? Whisper? Can we get a consensus 1-10 ranking?

2. David Sierra vs. Chad Fortune

Crowd goes absolutely bonkers for Fortune and I assume it's because he's a gigantic Aryan guy in pleather flame pants against an ethnic guy. In fairness to those ethnically-insensitive fans, David Sierra really does look like a background character from "Quest For Fire" here, and HOLY SHIT Fortune does an awesome delayed fist drop and I suddenly want a "Best of Chad Fortune" VHS. Fortune's pants and giant link necklace look horrible. I don't think he's that good. Here's a selection from the "Monster Truck" section of his Wikipedia page. You may have misread that, and to be clear, Chad Fortune has a "Monster Truck" section on his Wikipedia page:

"Based on his professional wrestling background, he decided to dye his hair black and later his look to match the character of Superman."

Clearly Chad Fortune is the Daniel Day Lewis of monster truck driving. Dude doesn't even talk to crew members unless they call him Clark.

3. Mike Tolbert vs. Meng

Tolbert attacks Meng with leg kicks but Meng has the ability to no sell gassed/tanned/oiled/ponytailed jobber offense and immediately locks on the Tongan Death Grip. This was like 20 seconds.

4. Jeff Warner vs. Disco Inferno

Now I think Wikipedia is lying to me. Here's an excerpt from Jeff Warner's Wikipedia:

"He formed a tag team with Art Barr (who was using a "Beetlejuice" gimmick) called "The Juice Patrol" with Warner going by the name "Big Juice"."

 Oh, come on! No way does a jacked 6' 4" white guy go by "Big Juice"! How hilarious would that make Warner?! Also, there is a whole subsection of his Wikipedia page titled "Max Muscle" and all it says is:

"Contrary to popular belief and information often posted on the internet, Jeff Warner DID NOT portray the WCW character Max Muscle/Maxx."

That seems like a weird thing to drum up controversy over. Did some kid ask him one time at c-level WrestleCon "Hey, are you Maxx Muscle or is his table over there?" and Warner was like "Well just so people aren't confused we better clear the air." So just in case you jerks were curious, Jeff Warner WAS NOT the guitar tech during Creed's "Take Me Higher 2002" tour. He WAS the guy who did a few lines of coke off a Staind jewel case with the DJ from Crazy Town that one time, though.

Some guy in the crowd has a laquered sign that says "Disco Inferno....THE MAN". Front row.

5. Chris Adams vs. Chip Minton

Adams comes out in a GI and this is fucking ONNNNN. This was during the Adams/Minton feud where they were feuding over who gets to use the nickname "World Class". Adams does all sorts of cool shoot-type stuff here, including rad single legs, stomping on Minton's calves, and throws some brutal elbow shots. Then he plants him with a vertical powerbomb and just levels Minton with a great superkick. To really show Minton who's boss he finishes the match with some weird Volk Han submission, using his legs to choke him out while also hyperextending Minton's arm. Looked real weird and nasty.

6. Scotty Riggs vs. Scott Putski

Well, this wasn't one that excited me out of the gates. Riggs is a pretty decent foil for Putski (who goes to a chinlock 40 seconds in) and Putski throws a decent elbow drop. Most of the match is Riggs working over Putski's knee with some pretty nasty knee work (high half crab, punching him right in the knee, bending and twisting his knee over the bottom rope). Putski does an admirable job of selling the knee on his comebacks and you start to BUY the INJURY! And then Riggs hits the 5 Arm for the win. This would have actually been good if Putski's comeback offense was better.

7. Bobby Eaton/Kenny Kaos vs. Bobby Duncum Jr./Mike Enos

These are two weirdo tag teams and on paper this looks like a bank full of money. I know the Kaos/Eaton team formed because Kaos needed a partner with Rage injured, so went to tag team legend Eaton to help him out and condescendingly asks him for help ("it's not like you've had much success doing anything else, Bobby") but I have no memory of a Duncum/Enos team. This match is kinda disappointing as it only goes a few minutes with all guys showing off by seeing who has the best powerslam (Enos) and who throws the best elbow drop (Eaton). You get some nice Eaton punches, and then the match ends awkwardly with a sloppy Duncum leg drop that saw Kaos kick out at 2, but the ref counted 3 anyway and then people kinda stood around awkwardly while we cut to Mean Gene. Oooookay.

[edit]

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Saturday Night 7/31/99

Only an hour for this week's episode, which is lame, but this episode took place almost exactly 12 YEARS AGO!

What were YOU doing 12 years ago!? I was mere months away from starting college, and I'm pretty sure this weekend 12 years ago I was actually at my future college doing a Summer Orientation weekend, staying in the dorms and having to attend lectures and gay skits put on by the drama club about shit like temperance and bullying and how it's cool to make friends and be different, and how it's insensitive and hurtful to say that things are gay. All 500 or so Orientation attendees were in Sonoma State University's big Pearson Theatre, and all the lights went out and it was pitch black...and then "Total Eclipse of the Heart" started playing REALLY loudly. One lone spotlight shone on the stage. A member of the SSU dance club was in a black leotard, and she did an interpretive dance to "Total Eclipse of the Heart", just flinging herself around the stage while the spotlight struggled to keep up.

That was the longest 6 minutes of my life.

It was the most uncomfortable and awkward I had ever been. I would rather watch my dad cry for 6 minutes, with our foreheads touching.

It was just me and 499 other future college students sitting in the dark, getting a little bit tired of listening to the sound of our tears. And I still ended up going to this school.

Disorderly Conduct vs. Jerry Flynn/Hugh Morrus

This was a real nice 4 minutes. This was right after the First Family had injured Finlay (when none of us expected Finlay to ever wrestle ever again, let alone return 6 years later to take back his title of best wrestler in the world), so I expected Regal and Taylor to be out for blood and do a violent run-in, possibly allowing DC to get a sneaky win. But it didn't happen. I think I've determined that Tough Tom is the better DC member...but every match I always forget which one is Tough Tom. They're always changing their hair slightly or changing facial hair. Though the guy that threw a great punch in this match had "Tuff" on his pants. DC get a nice long control section against Flynn and cut off the ring, which is more than I was expecting. Barbarian cheats from the floor (while holding the hardcore junkyard trophy!) though and Morrus splats one of them with the No Laughing Matter. And then Flynn locks on the worst looking armbar ever for the win.

Mike Enos vs. Van Hammer

This was alllll Enos for the first 2 minutes and he worked nice and stiff against Hammer (including just leveling VH with a shoulderblock), but then VH just cuts to his finishing run out of nowhere and looks bored doing it. Enos tried to make Hammer's offense look good, but VH didn't really care if it did or not.

Al Green vs. Curt Hennig

This was not great, and Hennig just looked sluggish and off in it. Green took a nice bump off a hotshot, and this just wasn't much. Hennig stumbled twice just trying to do the Perfect Plex. Crowd was into all the Rednecks, though, who were all grinning at ringside.

Kendall Windham/Bobby Duncum Jr. vs. Rey Misterio Jr./B.A.

Main event tag was an awesome 6 minutes. Kendall is the fucking greatest. His left hand seriously might be my favorite thing in recent wrestling that I've watched. Duncum has also aged really well in rewatch (his wrestling ability, not his "being alive" skills). He bumps really big and moves around with good purpose in the ring. Kendall and Duncum really bump around nicely for Rey, taking his offense in a way that does not look ridiculous (the way 6'6" dudes flying around for a 5'3" dude should look ridiculous). Eventually Barry and Hennig come in and beat Rey/B.A. down (Barry with the cowbell shot!) and then Swoll, Chase Tatum, and 4x4 (in his spaghetti strap camo tank top!!! I swear 4x4 is one of the most physically absurd guys I have ever seen. He's like 5'10" but 400 lbs., all in the arms and chest, and he always wears that damn tank top that looks like a tube top) chug down to the ring and the Rednecks bail. Awesome while it lasted. Kendall was seriously so damn good in '99, really carried himself like a total smug badass. Kendall, I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be, but you'll always be the boy who wanted me the way that I am.

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Saturday Night 6/26/99

Dave Burkhead vs. Van Hammer

God bless him, Burkhead and his "buff guy that got fat" body tried his damndest here, but Van Hammer. But, Van Hammer. A lot of men have tried, but, in the end, Van Hammer.

Al Greene vs. Barbarian

OK, this episode ain't starting off too hot. WCW had an odd habit of booking Al Green as a heel, then putting him against other heels. I like the Barbarian a lot, but he didn't look great here and Al Green looked better than I remember him being. TomK had a good story about a diner he goes to in New Orleans that has a wall of autographed celebrity photos, people like John Larroquette, James Gandolfini, Willard Scott...and Al Greene. I've always wondered where those pictures come from. Do the celebrities carry them around with them and hand them out to the restaurant when the owner asks? Or does the owner just have a large number of 8x10s of guys like The Dog Al Greene? I once was at the bad mall in my town, and saw Willie Nelson walking around. I went up to him and quickly found out it was NOT Willie Nelson, but it was Almost Willie, the world's #1 Willie Nelson impersonator. He had a bunch of 8x10s in his bag and signed one for me. So does The Dog Al Greene just carry a bunch of 8x10s around with him?

La Parka vs. Kenny Kaos

Well this was just too much fun, with Parka taking some crazy bumps for a bunch of Kaos clotheslines and actually getting in a whole bunch of offense (including punching Kaos right in the face a couple times). It's been beaten to death by everybody by now, but WCW really just did not know what they had with La Parka. Crowd is crazy hot for the guy in this match. He could have made them a whole bank full of money. Shoot, here we are 12 years after this episode aired and Park is currently my favorite wrestler in the world. Weird.

Barry Windham vs. Rey Misterio Jr.

Jeez, Barry Windham's SUUUUPER tight and SUUUUUPER short jean shorts are the most disgustingly distracting piece of wrestling attire I've ever seen. I would rather seen him in (technically smaller) trunks, as these awful denim shorts just looked like the most uncomfortably ball-strangling piece of clothing possible. Every time he moved or shifted I kept expecting a testicle to rupture. His whole outfit is completely preposterous, with the nut-strangling short-shorts (they were so short the pockets were sticking out the bottom!), cowboy boots, giant knee brace, tank top, and gardening gloves. WTF? Match was fun but ends prematurely as Kendall just runs in and starts beating Rey down, leading to K-Dawwwwg, Swoll, Chase Tatum all running down and getting their swell on and just kinda....looking like shitheads.

Bobby Blaze/Lenny Lane vs. Curt Hennig/Bobby Duncum Jr.

Hennig/Duncum were almost as awesome as the Kendall/Barry Rednecks duo. They just tore Lenny and Blaze apart. Duncum was decent in the ring, but his strengths appear to be his work outside the ring. His distraction spots from the floor or apron were done really great, and he does a bunch of cool stuff (stuff that seems to just not exist in modern wrestling) from the apron to keep the babyface on their toes (grabbing at them when they get close, yelling threats, being awesome). West Texas Rednecks stuff has really aged the best out of all the '99 WCW stuff.

Great exchange from Hudson/Tenay during the 2nd West Texas Rednecks match:

MT: You know, Larry Zbyszko loves this song [Rap is Crap]!
SH: Really? I wouldn't think Larry would listen to anything made past 1912.
MT: Well he told me during Thunder last week that his favorite music is Bob Seger!
SH: Larry Zbyszko loves Bob Seger!?
MT: Yep, BIG rock and roll fan. You'll have to start watching the Thunder broadcasts more often!
SH: Now why would I want to do that!?

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