Matches from AJPW 11/25/90: WALKING TALL DORY~! NO RESPECT DYNAMITE~! KIDNEY PUNISHING HANSEN/KAWADA~!

The Funks vs. Dynamite Kid/Johnny Smith AJPW 11/25/90

ER:  A pretty amazing match that I had never seen, with four standout performances. It's so hard hitting, and these new All Japan Classics episodes showcase that in the best way. The sound on these episodes is incredible, and it puts you right in the middle of this high impact style. I can't imagine what it was like sitting front row for such a physical style as All Japan - let alone be a participant in it! -  but this video makes it feel like I was there 35 years ago. It's one of five Tag League matches smack in the middle of the show, and they kill each other and treat it like a match with actual stakes. It's an awesome Dory match and more evidence that Dynamite Kid's Winter 1990 is him at one of his highest levels. Dory comes off like the tougher, harder hitting Funk, an actual Cool Dory match. The match peaks with the Bulldogs working over Terry's Not As Damaged 46 year old legs in ways that contributed to Terry's Old Knees while Terry scrambles in half a dozen of the greatest attempts at making a hot tag, a face in peril to his big brother's ass kicking tough guy. 

Johnny Smith is at his absolute beefiest; Dynamite is at his most bitter and dangerous, a little guy starting the most violent fights at the bar. It's a great team. Dynamite looks angry the entire match, on the apron, in the ring, and treats Terry like an old man to be put to pasture. Terry works lighter to come off as vulnerable to loss as possible, and is at perhaps his most sexy. Sexy Terry working as Pretty Ricky. Ponytail Terry with his little mustache and the best body of his career. I love Hot Ponytail Terry in his Body Glove tights, and here's Dory in his blue trunks working stiffer than anyone in the match,  maybe anyone on the show (Eric's Note: Kawada and Hansen kick each other so hard in the kidneys later on the card that Dory Funk would have died so let's leave it to saying he worked stiffer than anyone in this match). It adds up to a middle of the card tag match that was worked as a small show main event. 

Listen to how hard they're all smacking each other! Dory's contact on his collar and elbow tie-ups with Johnny were the sound of bodies used to taking hits. When Dory is in against Dynamite, he hits him with uppercuts that are so hard that I don't think Kid had to sell his limbs all going numb. He looked shocked that Dory was hitting him so hard. He tees off hard on Smith and really looks like a mat expert going after Smith's knee and ankle. Everyone worked this super honestly, but Dory's work was the most honest and well executed of all. And here's Dynamite, the by far smallest man in the match and the guy who I'd least want to confront about anything. He goes after Terry with no respect. Maybe my favorite spot in the match, is when Terry is hitting Johnny with headbutt after headbutt before they both go down. Johnny goes down, Terry spirals down after, and the second Terry hits the mat Dynamite's eyes go wide and he scrambles up to the top rope to hit a headbutt to Terry's stomach. He pulls it off so hastily, making it look like a snap impulse, and his knees land full weight one inch from Terry's face. It looked so dangerous and was only one of the things that made this match play so tough. Dynamite is so geared up when he's in against Terry, that they even do a spot where Dynamite presses Terry off him on a kickout and Terry flies several feet from it, like Dynamite was Yokozuna. Dynamite kills Terry with clotheslines to the back of the head, throws him to the floor with a back body drop, and - most incredibly - drags him into a standing stretch muffler that blew me away. Dynamite's body had to be in constant agony and as he locked in the muffler and stood to his feet, clasping his hands while the much larger Terry was hanging upside down in a headstand, his pain was as palpable as any I've seen.  

The Bulldogs working over Terry's knee was some excellent third act cutting off the ring. Dynamite wanted that knee all match, and when he got it he was like a dog with a chew toy. He was slamming Terry's calf over his knee and it looked like one of the most violent pieces of work I've seen. Terry's selling was incredible, crawling and leaping towards Dory while Smith and Dynamite had to keep tackling and blocking. There were some nearfalls that got the big crowd to bite, like one of the most well-used and well-executed rolling inside cradles. Dory pulled the cradle and Smith rolled it over and the movement was so good that Yokohama bought in. Terry's win over Smith was so well done, as Dynamite had totally drained Terry and suddenly one of the biggest stars in wrestling history looked like he could be beaten by Johnny Smith. He has to resort to scrambling on top of Smith during a pinfall exchange and just weigh his body down. The Bulldogs looked like a tough vital team against two legends, and The Funks looked legitimately at the top of their abilities. 

Andre the Giant/Giant Baba vs. The Land of Giants AJPW 11/25/90

ER: Phil and I wrote about this match 7 years ago and I don't think I appreciated it enough then. It seems funny to say that I didn't appreciate an Old Andre match enough, as I think every single review of any Old Andre match I've ever written is me appreciating and analyzing every step he takes. I love the 1990 Tag League old broken but still proud Giants, and we should all be thankful that we got to see them against the worst Fake Road Warriors team ever assembled in a respected promotion. I cannot and will not say it is a great match, because it is not. The Land of Giants - Skywalker Nitron especially, specifically - are total cornballs. Nitron is the goofiest of all, almost surely the goofiest wrestler All Japan used in 1990. You're off the hook Richard Charland and David Sammartino. But part of what makes the match great, is that Andre and Baba know that these two are cornballs, and the gift that brings us is a very active Andre match. 

Andre is old but not nearly as old as he'd look in 1992. He was in the ring a lot against both cornballs and had a bunch of great ideas and ways to attack both of them. He looked really strong, even if Nitron sold some of his offense with the goofy acting only seen from people reading stories to small children in libraries. Andre looked like he had a lot of fun beating these two goofs up. He had two different cantaloupe fist punches, one while holding Nitron in a headlock and the other just thrown to the face and followed up with a NOAH worthy headbutt. He grabbed Masters in a knuckle lock and made it look like he was crushing his hand. The camera had a zoom in on Andre interlacing his fingers with Butch and his fingers were so big they looked like they were forcing Masters' fingers to break apart. It looks like something that would and did drop Masters to a knee. The best part is when he broke the knuckle lock by rearing back and punching Masters in the fingers. 

This match has Andre the fucking Giant holding Rob Zombie's Michael Myers in a bearhug. Freddy vs. Jason is my least favorite Nightmare on Elm Street movie and my least favorite Friday the 13th movie, but Andre the Giant vs. Michael Myers is a horror movie showdown we needed to see and I would have paid money to. There's no way I would have gone into that movie and gotten Andre keeping his bearhug locked in by pulling on The Shape's rattail. Moustapha Akkad wouldn't have had the guts. 

Stan Hansen/Danny Spivey vs. Toshiaki Kawada/Mitsuharu Misawa AJPW 11/25/90

ER: The Funks vs. New Bulldogs was a hard hitting match. Every open hand on chest and back landed with a loud crack and Dory Funk threw in a last hurrah before his 50s with a great Walking Tall badass role. It's great. But then two matches later Kawada and Hansen took such righteous anger out of each other's kidneys that it made me think *I* was going to piss blood. This is some of the toughest wrestling you'll ever see. Hansen is in full force of nature mode and he hits Kawada like a kid in training camp. Every chair, every shoulder, every godforsaken kick, was felt thoroughly. Hansen is such a force of nature, that you're not expecting Kawada to take such a force so head on. Kawada kicks Hansen back even harder and cracks baseball bat shots off the old cowboy's torso. Kawada makes such wicked contact that Hansen's pancreas selling looks like the man is learning how to sell a bruised pancreas in real time. Hansen is the best Train Running Off the Rails impacter in wrestling and it was amazing to see Kawada throw his whole body at a moving train. The finish is incredible and features one of the greatest low bridges I've ever seen. Misawa flies over the top rope with such speed that I jumped in the same way I do in the movies when a car gets unexpectedly T-boned. Spivey's team with Hansen took his timing to a really high level. Misawa is there one second and gone the next and as he's flying one direction, Hansen runs the other and knocks Kawada into the sky with a western lariat. Later, Doc and Gordy try to hit harder clotheslines on Taue in the main event and make fine cases. Later still, Jumbo and Taue outdo them all with their clotheslines to Gordy. It's show-long clothesline oneupmanship I can support. And then Jumbo gives Gordy another. 

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1990 Andre Remains Undefeated, 1990 Hansen is Unmoved, 1990 Funk is Ponytail Terry

Andre the Giant/Terry Funk/Dory Funk Jr. vs. Stan Hansen/Joel Deaton/Dan Spivey AJPW 12/1/90 - EPIC

ER: I love this. It's 8 minutes long and every second is great. It has numerous peaks from all six men, efficiently mixing and maximizing several different pairings, playing perfectly into the natural hierarchy. You know this is going to end with Joel Deaton being pinned by somebody, you know the second Deaton is left in the ring that we are close to the end, but those facts do not diminish a single exchange because often what should happen happens for a reason. The match has everything, including my three favorite pro wrestlers all doing the things that make them my three favorite wrestlers. This is the only time my three favorite pro wrestlers ever were in a match together. Do not even try counting some West Texas battle royal from 50 years ago, this is the only match Andre, Funk, and Hansen ever had. Isn't that something?  

Terry Funk vs. Stan Hansen never had an exchange that wasn't worth watching, and here it's Ponytail Terry, taking a swing at Hansen on the apron, a swing to connect. I don't think Hansen sees it coming but his blurred vision instincts knew he had to duck quick and low with the speed Ponytail Terry was approaching him. Hansen chops Terry so hard, Terry punches Hansen like he does, and it's great...

but it's nothing like the smile on Andre's face as Hansen is backed into their corner and he tags in. I don't know if Andre entered a ring quicker over the rest of his life, and Hansen hops backward up onto the bottom buckle like a trapped animal. His instincts are correct. When he tries to lock up, Andre grabs pro wrestling's ultimate ass kicker by the fucking throat and backs him up all the way across the ring, dropping him with one punch to the chest while Mustache Joel Deaton runs for his life down the apron. Everyone got their own individual Andre Jump Scare spot. 

Andre uses his size and Sasquatch grabbing ability to herd all three big men into a corner and hold them there so the Funks can use him as a battering ram. Hansen is trapped below the pile and shows he's one of the best wounded animals in wrestling, only here it's his pride that's wounded and makes him advance on Andre with punches and chops. Hansen is an egotistical Great White Shark in a way that nobody else has ever captured. Hansen famously never stops advancing in his matches, and when Andre stops him dead in his tracks by grabbing his fucking throat, I wonder how many times it will take him to learn that this is the one man you cannot keep advancing on. Andre does not back Hansen up by the throat, this time, he punches him in the nose and tags out. 

Sometimes Dory looks at his opponent with those Sydney Sweeney eyes and upends them with two hard uppercuts, and it's the best 1990s Dory.

Andre looks like he's having the time of his life on the apron. Apron work is just one other thing that old Andre excelled at. When Dory reverses a whip and sends Deaton his way, Deaton hits the damn brakes while Andre nods and grins at him like crazed Willem Dafoe. This match sets up the idea of Joel Deaton getting whipped into Andre more than once and pays it off incredibly for the finish. Hansen and his goons all hit Dory hard on the floor far away from where Andre can reasonably get over to them, which is a great old Andre spot where heels take advantage of how there's no chance Andre will be able to even reach them. But they always eventually wind up too close. Spivey tries to get all cute back in the ring and rolls Dory up with an abdominal stretch cradle, but Andre reaches over the ropes and breaks up the pin by grabbing Spivey's entire mullet in his fist and not letting go! Spivey looks like a man actually considering whether he's fine with having his hair ripped out to escape. Andre is the best apron threat in wrestling history. 

You can see the moment Hansen knows he's not defeating Andre and you can see the moment one second later when it stops bothering him. Hansen had a pattern all match of using Joel Deaton as a projectile in his war against Andre. Deaton was used in two rocket launchers, and 1.5 of them connected. When Hansen got tired of getting throttled, he decided in one instant to whip Deaton as hard as he could in Andre's direction. Joel Deaton is a great pro wrestler and even though we all knew the entire match was building to his demise, he never once wrestles like he knows. When Hansen whips him toward Andre and starts heading for the showers before even seeing whether Deaton got caught or not, Deaton really thinks he is hitting a big time clothesline on Andre. He is not a man forced into running toward his own death, he isn't a guy running towards someone just to take a spot, he is a man doing his best to connect with that clothesline. 

It doesn't connect, Andre kills him. Hansen won't stick around to see the pin.  

You want to tell me old Andre's elbowdrop sucks? You're wrong. In this very match you can see an example of the most perfect elbow every dropped, that of Stan Hansen. There has never been a better elbowdrop than Hansen's. His form is perfect, his landings always directly on target, his impact incredible and something I wouldn't survive. You cannot throw a better elbowdrop. Andre's elbowdrop is ugly. Not just by comparison, it's just ugly. The form is terrible. He looks like an old dog who is taking five steps just to lie down. Legs down first, then the left arm to the elbow, then the right, slow roll to his side, off center on his favorite fur covered rug. But when the camera cuts in close and you see Andre lying across Deaton's chest, there is no way Deaton could get a shoulder up if his life depended on it. When old Andre pinned someone, it was a shoot. Andre lying on top of you cannot be kicked out of, so the delivery of Andre falling on top of you does not matter. Hansen's elbowdrop is about maximum targeted impact. Andre's is about finding the best way to get laterally onto his opponent. Impact is not created in form when you are Andre's size, it just Is.  

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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Andre's the Unknown Stuntman, Who Made Munson Such a Star

Killer Typhoon vs. Handsome Howard, Grand Olympic Auditorium, The Fall Guy "Ladies on the Ropes" 2/24/82 - FUN

ER: Lee Majors, TV superstar, had a lot of friends. This was most evident on his 112 episode 80s hit The Fall Guy, which boasted one of the most unique runs of guest stars and cameos in television history. This was towards the end of the Golden Age of character actor TV appearances, but Lee Majors was like Angela Lansbury in that he knew everybody and was able to get guests that no other show had. There were two different Fall Guy episodes with Roy Rogers storylines (each with multiple Sons of the Pioneers song interludes, naturally), and most notably there was an entire episode where Richard Burton guested. Most of the episode took place on a train, where Burton was in a room adjoining Colt Seavers' room, and somehow Burton wound up in as many scenes as Majors himself! Richard Burton was not an actor who did any TV, ever. He wasn't going to be showing up on next week's TJ Hooker, because he was Richard Fucking Burton. He didn't do any TV...except that episode of The Fall Guy. Lee Majors knew Guys and called in all the favors throughout the very fun run of The Fall Guy, including one large old friend.

In the middle of season one, he went back to a major guest star from his long Six Million Dollar Man run, bringing in Andre the Giant as uncredited professional wrestler Killer Typhoon. Lee didn't have enough pull to get Andre to don the Bigfoot makeup again - Andre wrestling as Bigfoot with 1982 Andre ability could have made this an even better guest role than Burton - but he got him to work actor Douglas Barr in the Grand Olympic. Andre wrestled Hulk Hogan at the Olympic. He wrestled Harley Race at the Olympic. Andre wrestled Ernie Ladd 2 out of 3 falls at the Olympic. Also, Andre wrestled Tiger Chung Lee, JC Dykes, and now Howie Munson at the Olympic. Andre is billed as the Killer Typhoon, 7 foot 5 inches tall, weighing 465 pounds. An old lady in the front row/a completely differently location than Andre the Giant yells, "You're a bum, Killer! You're an ugly bum!" Handsome Howard weighs in at 175 pounds, and I think they undersell his size. His Fantastics bowtie comes off but the sequined belt stays. 

This is billed at 2/3 falls just like the Ernie Ladd matches a decade prior. That's a big slice of cake for Howie to bite into. Typhoon throws a punch that decks him and you can't blame the handsome rookie for leaning out of Typhoon's big boot after. Typhoon misses a kneedrop, but when Howard locks in a front chancery - on instinct rather than on smarts - he gets lifted vertically into the air, soles of his feet aimed at the lights, thrown down to his feet and pulled back up in a Steamboat double choke. Howard actually goes for a full nelson on Andre, as the smallest man to fight Andre all year. Andre was facing Hulk Hogan and Killer Khan in Japan and Larry Blackwell all over the AWA circuit in 1982. Howie might have been larger than Perro Aguayo, but Perro had more life experience in his jagged forehead grooves than Munson had in his entire body. 

Howard flies back six feet when Andre responds to his full nelson attempt with a thrust of his ass, like an elephant shaking off a trainer and making him fly across the big top. Andre gives a press slam to Howard, not Howard's stunt man, but he falls like a man placed gently to the mat by a giant, not as a man getting thrown to the mat by a monster. Typhoon's atomic drop pitches Howard forward, but Typhoon misses the follow up splash and Howard forces his way through a Thesz Press. It doesn't much matter. Typhoon grabs this man's large actor-size head and swarms it entirely in hands. He lands three great headbutts, with the camera giving us a POV shot of a wide eyed and grinning Typhoon as his head headbutts towards the camera on his 2nd. Howard gets thrown into the front row with a press slam, Colt Seavers launched after him, Killer Typhoon bouncing on the bottom rope like a crazed chimpanzee. We'll see what kind of working boots he has on next year on his Greatest American Hero appearance. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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Andre the Giant Enforces Carpool Rules

Andre the Giant vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan WWF 5/21/88 - GREAT

ER: Heel Andre is one of the most perfect Jim Duggan opponents we ever got. Nobody is better prepared for Duggan's strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies. He is impossible to gobble up so there's no danger of Duggan lazily walking through the hits. Duggan wasn't really doing that in '88 anyway, but he certainly wasn't going to do that against Andre. Andre forced Duggan's selling to be at its best, and he paid off Duggan's selling with some incredible work of his own. All of Andre's work here is incredible. He puts on such a show. There is something so damn funny about the largest man in the country steadfastly, calmly refusing to wrestle if the referee doesn't remove Duggan's 2x4 from the ring. Andre acting as a lawyer is some of his best work. He's not losing his temper, he's just acting like a kid who is perfectly fine waiting at the dinner table if he can wait out his parents making him eating his vegetables. Andre is resigning himself to sitting at that table until bedtime if it means he doesn't have to eat them. He hears the threats and does not care. He has drawn the line and made up his mind and everyone in the Spectrum hates him for it.

Andre holding out his hands, palms down, to quiet down some of the threats is so fucking funny. I had to keep skipping back to watch him do it. Look at his face man, look at his face, turning over his right shoulder when one of his young twin sons verbally crosses a line during carpool. Andre's son just said the S-word and Andre is trying to get control of the situation. "Hey, Jace? We don't say that okay? Hey...we don't say that." Andre is riling up the Spectrum, a man who has just paused the movie for the 4th time so he can use the bathroom again. Nobody else has even gone once! 

Dick Graham, as really only Dick Graham can do, starts imagining what he thinks a typical Andre the Giant breakfast might consist of, but he's clearly speaking of some mythical Andre who has a specifically Philadelphian palate. "Imagine what this Giant might eat for breakfast. Couple pounds of bacon, couple dozen eggs, scrapple, pancakes, cinnamon milk..." I have never heard of cinnamon milk as a Philadelphia thing. I always assumed cinnamon milk was what homeless people made at the Starbucks straw and lid station without having to buy anything. No doubt it was also a treat Dick Graham's mother made him in the 30s and Dick assumed a French countryside giant also grew up drinking it. Dick Graham presumably thinks broccoli rabe is Andre's favorite side and that his mother made milk pie for dessert. 

My Scrapple Breakfast with Andre. 

The match is great. Andre beats the damn bricks off Duggan. His closing speed when he "starts" the match is the most imposing and unavoidable attack. He closes distance so fast and goes from not being next to Duggan to choking the life out of him in short seconds. He comes off like a lumbering ogre but that distance disappears quick man. But how about the way Andre responds to punches? How Andre sells punches? The way Andre takes a big right hand, wipes at his nose with the back of his hand multiple times to check for what has to be blood, taking another punch, finally throwing judo chops because he is tired of taking punches to the nose. Andre going to his bearhug sure shuts people in the Spectrum the fuck up. House shows are great places to work bearhugs, especially ones this good. Duggan is so good fighting through his various stages of pain and grief while in a Giant's grasp. His only chance is to go for nose. 

Andre shoves Duggan off and starts holding his nose and yelling at him through the pain. When Duggan fights back he starts targeting Andre's End of Level blinking red nose and the way Andre unsteadily staggers in response is wrestling. Andre keeps taking three point stance charges - FIVE of them! - and is walking uneasily while using the ropes for guidance, a giant walking on mousetraps out of the corner, the ropes acting as his guide and support. Duggan finally bumps Andre him by kicking the ogre's support ropes to send him flying, a tortoise flipped to his back. It's everything I want.

The only thing I did not want was The 2x4 Finish (pronounced "TUBA-four" by Dick Graham). This is one of the weaker Andre finishes of the 80s, sadly. Andre swinging a board into Duggan's back looked nowhere near as dangerous as any of the times Andre swung his arm at him. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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Found Footage Friday: NJPW 85~! DANCING ANDRE~! CAPTAIN REDNECK~! INOKI~! BACKLUND~! SHARPE~! ADONIS~! HIRO~!

NJPW 5/18/85

Masked Superstar vs. Kim Su Hong (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbKieuAaBEQ)

MD: Kim is a South Korean wrestler who shows up on these NJPW cards now and again. I can't say that he stands out much. I love Eadie, love him, one of my favorites, but in New Japan he is so often a gatekeeper, just an incredibly credible wall for people to push off against. He takes 90% of this. Still some neat small things like losing Kim early and then claiming he was oiled up. That sort of being alive within the match. All of his stuff looks mean and credible with both a killer neckbreaker and then a twisting drop down into a front facelock. He also whacks him with something outside of the ring to big effect. Kim does come back late and his stuff is middling, some good, some bad. Superstar drops down on him and nails him with a clothesline to end it.

ER: We don't have Hashimoto/Sano, or the Canek/Enrique Vera tag, but we have Masked Superstar throwing Finlay level clubs to Su Hong's chest and killer knees to the side of the head. I liked how Superstar held the ropes to block a single leg and just went right back to clubbing. Superstar kind of jams Su Hong up on his small pieces of offense, running too hard into dropkicks that really shouldn't have moved him but looked worse with how he treated them. His clothesline looked like a match finishing clothesline and there's a good chance I won't watch a Kim Su Hong match the rest of my life. 

Super Strong Machine vs. Tony St. Clair (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pADWavSmgM)

MD: Just a credible back and forth match. I wouldn't say any of the transitions were particularly interesting but everything looked good. SSM is a tank and St. Clair can hold his own. They traded advantages and holds. Machine had a nice leaping headbutt off the ropes and a killer clothesline. St. Clair turned a headlock into a backbreaker (by slipping out, not a Robinson backbreaker). Good finishing stretch where St. Clair got a nearfall on a sunset flip in but Machine was able to get a German for the win. Wakamatsu got involved pre-match even though Machine wanted nothing to do with him and then tried to attack SSM post match only to get thrashed for his trouble. Added a little spice to what would have otherwise been a meaty but straightforward midcard match.

ER: This crowd is so fired up for Super Strong Machine. He was getting clapping Misawa-type chants during his entrance. I wasn't expecting Tony St. Clair to look larger than Strong Machine. My mental pictures don't always give me accurate reads but both are 15-20 pounds in the opposite direction I picture them. Made it look good when Tony started hitting Machine. SSM can work real tough and St. Clair looked like he was moving him good with his back elbow and uppercut, sharp front chancery. His dropkick pushes up under the chin and he makes a whip into the buckles look like it made all his limbs go briefly numb. I like the way these two hit each other. St. Clair is great at leaning into lariats while selling how much he doesn't like taking them. Strong Machine has one of my favorite German suplexes. Both of them work exactly how Bret Hart would have worked New Japan in 1994. 

Kengo Kimura/Seiji Sakaguchi vs. Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bqyZdnuwVU)

MD: Honestly, this is yet another all time Murdoch performance, and on a house show too. Granted, the stuff I loved here was stuff Meltzer wouldn't have liked anyway but what are you going to do about it. For instance, there's a moment in the middle where Sakaguchi's on a rampage. He takes out Adonis and then goes to the apron to get Murdoch and Murdoch moves to the other side of the post and the crowd cracks up. It's great. But it's such a tiny little wrestling thing. His reactions are great throughout. The way he takes the Inazuma leg lariat by covering his face like he'd just lost his nose is amazing. Dick Murdoch. Captain Redneck, or as they call him in NJPW, the Super Rodeo Machine.

This had a great heat on Kimura where he kept almost coming back and Murdoch and Adonis would just make a quick tag. Eventually, instead of going for a hold, he threw a dropkick instead and made it to Sakaguchi. They did another bit of heat on Kimura and then a big hot comeback. Everything ended up thrown out. Post match they had both a great bit with a chair and being afraid of it and an even better one of double elbowing the ref. Great stuff.

ER: Great Dick Murdoch handheld matches are the best, because not only do you get to see Dick Murdoch being the greatest pro wrestler, but it makes me think of DEAN. To take us back at least 15 years, the moment I always remember from Segunda Caida Radio - something I am not sure exists online anymore, but was loved by all the real SC Heads - was DEAN making fun of Meltzer for thinking Dick Murdoch was a guy who only worked for the cameras. By then we had a lot of handheld footage and had all seen Murdoch wrestling exactly the same as in all of his great matches. DEAN had seen Murdoch live. We were all talking about how great Dick Murdoch was, but DEAN was the one who saw him live and knew how good he was off camera. I always think about DEAN doing a bit as Murdoch, where he's dogging it in Korakuen and does a Don Knotts reaction when he sees a Japanese guy in the crowd with a huge 1985 camcorder.  

This is the only match on this show that doesn't have a listed cagematch runtime, and I didn't realize it would be the longest match of the show. And in that time, Dick Murdoch kept putting on a performance that grew in elegance the longer they went, arguably peaking two minutes after the count out when he got cheers for beating up the referee and then running shenanigans around a chair swinging Kengo Kimura. The match goes long enough that we get several momentum shifts and each one peaks the action and story and Murdoch grows with the story. I think my favorite part was when he had been worked over for awhile and got to tag out, and he stayed in the ring shaking out and rubbing his arm after tagging in Adonis, not participating in but watching Adonis lay a beating on Kimura. The cattle branding looked like a wild rapids ride, his punches matched the energy at all times, and he sold Kimura's like they were the stiffest punches of the match. The fans treated him after the match like a charming folk hero. 

The Cobra (c) vs. Hiro Saito (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIud5l0HlGc)

 

MD: I am not at all a Cobra guy. I think some of his Rocco matches are really bad, for instance, as he tried to fill a post-Tiger Mask gap and ended up with the worst of two worlds. A lack of substance and not even all that much style. Action for the sake of action and the action tends to frankly just be okay. This was great though, and so much of that was on the contrast. Saito is the prototypical cruiserweight bully and he gave everything weight and heft as the two of them threw everything they had at each other.

 

That meant that when Cobra was going to do an unnecessary backflip charging at Saito in the corner, Saito would come back and take his head off with a lariat. Or if he'd get pushed off after a kick and do another backflip within the ring, Saito would dropkick him out and crush him with a dive. They worked it like a title match starting with holds and going back to them, building to big spots and exchanges, with meaningful momentum shifts usually based around a big reversal/mistake/missed move. As time went on they traded some really great pile drivers and the dives you'd expect. Saito got a German mid match but couldn't put away with it and down the stretch Cobra finally escalated to a Tiger Suplex for a win. Very good lost Jr. Heavyweight Title match.

ER: We don't really talk much about how cool Hiro Saito is, and for how long he was cool. He's cool in all the eras. He was cool when I started getting New Japan tapes in 2000, and he was a bleach blond black beard surf punk with a tight bod, punk groupies and surf licks. Cobra feels like a throwback in 1985 by comparison, and it's punk scum vs. Mil Mascaras. Cobra's Mil hits hard, and Saito keeps spiking Mil with martinetes. The crowd was real into Saito's grounded piledriver when Cobra tried standing out of a headscissors, and they kept coming alive when they see how tough and well worked. I knew it was really good when Cobra's cravat into a stump puller and how Saito slowly powers out of it by eventually digging into Cobra's mask and hitting a GREAT fistdrop. Direct, hard. His piledriver after is perfect. Two kids in the crowd invent TomK's famous Dueling Chant 15 years before he did while Saito takes a crazy bump getting dropkicked to the floor. Cobra's kip up to dropkick is as beautiful as anything by our most graceful lucha legends. Saito hits a massive tope that is what you want a tope to be. I was going to write about how Cobra's flying offense isn't as good as his matwork and hitting but then he hits a piledriver so good that I felt I shouldn't harp on his lesser offense. Hiro Saito is so good. He's such a hard bumper, and strong, and fast. His forceful kickout just after 3 is the exact right energy. 

Andre the Giant vs. King Kong Bundy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kntbQ5SjUs)

 

MD: I wasn't going to cover this one since it was already out there, but it's pretty remarkable. My gut says that this was during the period where Andre was really breaking down, before his surgery and the switch to the singlet, but also before he really figured out how to work his late era style. So he was left in there against Bundy not entirely sure what he could or couldn't do. And what he ended up doing was being as entertaining as humanly possible. Yes, they did the bit where Bundy walks up the ropes to try to escape a hold and gets dropped, but Andre's mannerisms and little dance moves in this one are all over the place. Little shuffle steps. Hand motions. Weird faces. Outright dancing. He doesn't do the Fargo Strut but basically everything else you can imagine. And the fans do respond to it. I mean, who knows. Maybe he was just ribbing, maybe he was drunk, but I've only ever seen him do one or two of these little crazy finger motions or screw around like this, not build a whole match around it.

ER: I think every single Andre match I write about has me talking about some little thing I've never seen Andre do before, and I always mean it. But this Andre is an entirely new Andre. This is a house show taped by some saint, and without it I'm not sure we ever get to see Andre as a dancing babyface. It's incredible. I've seen Andre do something that could be considered sassy before but never a full match of him working as Dusty Rhodes. It's incredible. It doesn't start right away, but when it starts it does not stop. It feels like it's going to be your standard great Andre performance, smothering the humongous Bundy, muscling him into corners, hooking him in heavy sleepers, and I was excited about how he was going to sell for Bundy's comebacks. But when things take a turn, they really take a turn. I certainly was not expecting Bundy to walk up the ropes like Bret when Andre had a sleeper locked on, a real Dig Up mentality, and when Andre just drops the big man flat the crowd erupts. 

That's when Quirky Andre comes out. He makes the cuckoo sign, twirling his finger around his ear, and then does a kind of soft shoe routine, a little tap dance with a hard final step, like he's letting everyone in on his bit. If he'd had a cane and top hat it only would have made more sense. He keeps it up. While holding Bundy in another standing choke, he floats some butterfly steps, skipping in place in a movement that I have not once seen Andre do. He becomes Dusty Rhodes, flip flopping and flying. Bundy himself seems confused, he doesn't seem to understand the timing of the dancing and the strikes, leaning out of Andre's first punch after a perfect dance, so Andre has to catch him even harder with a backhand. This is truly an Andre I've never seen. Bundy takes a huge bump over the top to the floor and eventually just leaves, but not before more Andre dancing. How does history's greatest wrestler keep raising his stock? You think you've seen everything the biggest spectacle in wrestling history has done, but he keeps bringing out new tricks. This is no different than if a dancing babyface Stan Hansen match had just been discovered. It's bizarre, it's great, it's nothing you've seen. It's Andre.   

Bob Backlund/Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Antonio Inoki/Tatsumi Fujinami (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsW8GclZnt4)

 

MD: Honestly, I was here for Backlund vs Inoki and we really don't get that. What we do get is very good though. A lot of it is Sharpe being as vocal as humanly possible in a ring but entertaining and credible. Most of the rest, though, is Fujinami vs Backland and of course they match up so well. They matched up well years earlier and they match up even better now that Fujinami is a credible heavyweight. Right place, right time, smooth, slick, imapctful. And yes, they do a great short arm scissors sequence leading to the Gotch lift, just like you'd want. I just wanted a little bit more Inoki in here though. 

ER: I went into this wanting the most Popeye noises ever heard in one wrestling match. This was our chance. I wanted to hear Backlund and Iron Mike Oh-Whoa-Whoa-Whoaing all over the ring in the only time these two ever tagged. But we didn't get that. Backlund ceded the constant vocals to Sharpe and Sharpe ran with them. Backlund was shockingly silent. 1985 Backlund is interesting. It's his first year at sea after his long reign on top. I wonder what drove him to wrestle that year, seeing how much he pulled back for several years after. He surely could have been working regular Japan schedules had he wanted to, so he clearly just didn't want to. He only worked this one short New Japan tour and now we have another small piece of it. Sharpe vs. Inoki is an amusing footnote. You look at this tag and you've never seen a more obvious Taking the Fall guy than Iron Mike. Backlund's matwork with Fujinami was something I could have seen a lot more of. The crowd was so into Backlund's slow powerful reversals, but most of this tag felt like it was just about to kick into gear and never really did.

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Andre the Giant Didn't Have to Treat Joel Deaton Seriously

Andre the Giant/Giant Baba vs. Dick Slater/Joel Deaton AJPW 11/15/90 - GREAT

ER: Just another 90s Andre gem, the kind of playful menace performance he never would been given credit for having against mustache Joel Deaton. Andre didn't need to have a fun match against Joel Deaton, ever. 1990 Joel Deaton looked like Eric Roberts in Star 80 with less success and was above maybe only Ricky Santana on the All Japan gaijin hierarchy. Andre didn't need to do a single thing with Joel Deaton in 1990. Instead he puts on a little show, playing the menace who cartoonishly thirsts after beating up Joel Deaton. He is security getting enjoyment from throwing Eric Roberts from the Playboy Mansion. 

Andre still had incredible presence in his first several 1990 tours with All Japan. The increasingly vulnerable and broken down Andre of 91-92 came fast and his work and acting changed with it. 1992 Andre was still unique and special to me. There was still major aura, but it wasn't a Powerful Giant aura, and he couldn't have worked this match this way against Joel Deaton in 1992. In 1990 Andre still had powerful confidence and aura; a man who could walk through attacks and grab you with unmatched strength. Every second Andre is on camera, he is picturing Joel Deaton as a steaming turkey dinner. 1990 Andre was special. His November 1990 All Japan tour is in all likelihood his Last Truly Great tour, the way March/April 1990 was the last Truly Great Grateful Dead tour. Touring Legends lumbering through Nagano and The Omni with playful menace before the fall. The only difference is that I love 91-92 Andre and I never listen to 92-95 Dead.  

Everybody is good in this match. Baba's worked fun stretches with Deaton and Slater and each came with little surprises. Baba works Deaton like he's a white trash rookie Taue. I am a big 1990 Baba fan. He's playful and adds in visual winks whenever he does a move that he knows looks more spry than any fan was expecting from him. He takes an incredible, layered bump in the corner late in this match after Jowl Fucking Deaton hits him with the best clothesline of the match. I'd have bet $20 on Deaton running into a size 15, and Baba sold it like he had already taken that bet. Baba in 1990 was still leaning into real clotheslines with his weird chest and taking big bumps into the corner. A guy surprising you with a big bump is always more interesting than a guy who bumps a lot. 

Dick Slater is a great opponent for 1990 Baba because Baba can still work stiff enough to justify gaijin over-bumping for him and gaijin bumping for Baba and his reactions to the bumps are one of my favorite little things in wrestling. Slater's 90s is extremely under-discussed for something so great. I need to start writing about Dick Slater's work when he was My Current Age and how great he was right up until his unfortunate back injury. The more we cover IWA-Japan Dick Slater, Puerto Rico, SMW, any year of 90s WCW, All Japan tour Dirty Dick Slater, all of them, the more he might seriously look like a top 50 worker of the 90s, maybe higher. He had Tully Blanchard Energy just when we needed it most. Rough 'n' Ready would be much more appreciated now than they were in 1996. We would have gotten a memorable late 90s ECW run. Anyway,

this is an Andre match. As great as 90s Dick Slater was, nobody was ever Andre. This is the beautiful kind of Andre gem where he has a competitive match against someone who shouldn't be competitive with Andre In His Current State. I love that Andre match. I love how Andre works every person. I want to see matches where he is old but unstoppable but letting Joel Deaton survive. His confidence and presence are unmatched. He is sporting incredible and absurd Capital J muttonchops, that I would make fun of on any ska gimmicked Chikara wrestler who had the same but here you're left with something so much deeper. It's weird to think about Andre styling one of his sideburns into a perfect capital J, so do you think it was just a weird accident? If it was, why would he leave it and not clean it up? Are we to think he has enough energy to shave at all but not enough to fix a coded message on one of his cheeks? The world's largest Prince in a dispute with his record label, signaling to the press with a coy wink that he's going back to his roots as Jean Ferre. That can't be an accident. 

Andre stands on the apron, visibly salivating. Fantasizing about how much he's going to mess Joel Deaton up. Deaton had tried to sneak a chop in on Andre after tagging in and Andre saw it coming a mile away. He doesn't take his eyes off Deaton again. Deaton is in the ring, tied up on his back by Baba's weight, and you can see Deaton staring not up at Baba, but staring wide-eyed directly into Andre's eyes on the apron. Staring right through his mustache. I can't imagine how scary that would have been in 1990. Andre has such a visible craving for Deaton that his entire body drifts down the apron toward him; a man not realizing he's going 85 as he subconsciously keeps up with a hotshot in another car. You've never seen his eyes more excited when he tags in and grabs Deaton by the throat the second Deaton throws a punch. He palms Deaton by the mustache and throws a hand across the bridge of his nose, holds him in a sleeper that looked like it would have strangled Deaton to death in seconds flat had that strike to the nose hadn't happened. This is not a physically broken man, this is a Strongman Giant. When he holds Slater and Deaton prone for Baba, it is clear that neither could have wriggled out of his clutches if they tried. Andre could project his unreal strength and physically overwhelm large men. He allows Deaton to catch a break on the elbowdrop. It looks worse when Old But Powerful Andre eases up on the elbow, but the man had already had his feast, no need to pick the bones. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE 

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Andre (Giant) vs. Abdullah (Butcher)

Andre the Giant vs. Abdullah the Butcher WWC 9/17/83 - GREAT

ER: We don't have much footage of Andre in Puerto Rico, so it's a joy to see him at a huge baseball stadium show with over 32,000 people in attendance. He was one of three main events underneath Ric Flair/Pedro Morales and a Carlos Colon/Harley Race hour long draw. The next month Blue Oyster Cult would headline a Halloween rock show at the stadium. There are men and women still living in this world who stood in a baseball stadium and saw Andre the Giant one month and Blue Oyster Cult the next. Imagine meeting a woman who had seen the most memorable living live attraction wrestle and also sang along to "Burnin' for You" at the same stadium, each time in the upper deck. How incredible would Andre look from the upper deck of a big 1970s concrete baseball stadium? His size is such, that it is more impressive the farther back you are, like flying over the water in a prop plane and seeing a Too Large dark shadow move below the surface. The farther back you are, the more you can see how large he is compared to his surroundings. This woman saw Andre the Giant and then, later, went back to see Blue Oyster Cult.  

She owned Secret Treaties on cassette and you still think about her. No matter how long it's been, it still hasn't been long enough to picture a time where you won't think about her. She checks in with you, mentally, every couple months while stuck in crosstown traffic. She remembers the parts that make her smile for 10 seconds or 2 minutes before something more presently important, a car braking short, brings her back into the moment. You knew her at her most beautiful, even though she would dispute that. You felt lucky to be sitting across from her in public, at a restaurant. Her confidence and tulip mouth could pull off any color lipstick. She chose her haircut at 34 and it looks just as good on her at 42. Only Hot Girls can pull off bangs this sustainably. A bun, a ponytail, down, long, thick. Her smile was working class in a way you loved, and she finally started getting real serious about her tooth care after an expensive dental bill that she never planned on paying. You loved hearing her talk about how small Abdullah the Butcher looked, dwarfed by Andre. She was good at talking. She loved to laugh and because of that had a perfect laugh. She remembers how big both men looked falling through the ropes to the floor; one falling through the ropes escaping an arm swinging Giant, one falling and rolling over the ropes like an accidental ballerina to wrest a fork away from a scarred fat man. The fork leads to pure chaos that gets consumed by every person with access to floor seating. You both know how real it was and neither of you had experienced it so real. The closure feels closer, but not yet guaranteed. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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Found Footage Friday: FUJIWARA~! ANDRE~! SAYAMA~! MAEDA~! KIDO~! HOSHINO~! KURISU~!

Tiger Mask/Osamu Kido vs. Kantaro Hoshino/Masanobu Kurisu NJPW 12/19/82

MD: I always get a little surprised when a new NJPW Tiger Mask HH comes up because I just assume they had a pro shot of it that they released on a twenty disc DVD set at some point. This does seem new though, and it's a great collection of talent. Overall, it's a little formless and exhbition-y, except for a stretch where Kido and Tiger Mask were working over Kurisu in the corner. That was my favorite part, by the way, as Tiger Mask was working like a flittering chickenshit heel to some degree, sneaking in shots that didn't do damage to distract him so Kido could hit more substantial cutoffs. Then when Kurisu rolled over to Hoshino finally, Tiger Mask got right out of the ring and tagged Kido back in. I think he was just having fun on an untelevised show for a bit though, hard to say.

In general, every exchange looked good and while they could change speeds and switch from strikes to holds to rope running, each pairing felt a little different. You could see it even in just how they moved. Kurisu found the path of least reistance with his takedowns, just a percussive series of thuds as he worked in tight or dropped a couple of knees. Tiger Mask was loose and fast to the point where sometimes he wasn't even hanging on to anything as he was spinning and you just had to sort of go with it. He came off like a movie fencer whipping the sword around wildly while Kurisu was an Olympic fencer, precise and with the smallest motion necessary. Kido and Hoshino were somewhere in the middle; Hoshino especially had to base for Tiger Mask and make it all somehow work. Sometimes things didn't feel resonant enough as they moved on to the next move. There was a pile driver from one side and a tombstone from the other in short order and I don't remember who took either. Tiger Mask pulled out his fairly rare slingshot 450 (that I only really remember Scorpio also using) for the win. It wasn't the sort of match that was ever going to come together but you can't really fault the action.

Yoshiaki Fujiwara/Osamu Kido vs. Super Tiger/Akira Maeda UWF 11/15/84 - EPIC

PAS: I can't believe we are still getting brand new incredible HH matches from 40 years ago. God bless the guy sneaking in a video camera. This is as great as it looks on paper, four all timers in their prime, having a hideously violent proto-shootstyle match. Kido is a bit dry, but a tremendous technician, kind of the Tim Duncan of the UWF, Maeda is one of the most charismatic offensive dynamos in wrestling history, although he played a bit of a supporting role here. The focus of this match is Fujiwara vs. Super Tiger, which is truly one of the all time great matchups ever. It is the incubatory version of Ishikawa vs. Ikeda, a brilliant tactician looking for every opening to take advantage of, against a hellacious violence dynamo trying to knock his opponents brains out of their ears. The Sayama kneedrop on Fujiwara is one of the most violent signature spots ever, I don't understand the magic, he lands so hard right on the temple, Fujiwara looks like he should have his skull flattened like when Christopher Lloyd got run over by the tractor in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Meanwhile Fujiwara is dishing out shots of his own, working Tiger's body in the corner like a heavy bag, drilling him with headbutts, yanking and pulling at his limbs. Every moment of it was special and we got a lot of them. The finish run is a bit clipped sadly (I imagine the HH guy was running out of film.) So we don't see every moment of Fujiwara maneuvering into submissions (which is a shame because he is the greatest small movement wrestler ever), but what we got was such a mitzvah.  

MD: Phil likens Super Tiger vs Fujiwara to Ishikawa and Ikeda and man, I don't know. It felt more like Buddy Rose vs Matt Borne during those few months where Buddy Rose was allegedly engaging in frequent acts of domestic violence against Borne's sister and they were trying to draw money off of it. Does Sayama have a sister? Because that's the level of violence he was rising to in the way he was beating on Fujiwara. In the NJPW tag below, Sayama wins with a crazy slingshot 450 that you don't see almost anyone do ever. The moment where Fujiwara starts to come back out of the corner and hit his headbutts and Sayama just clocks him in the jaw to cut him off just blows that out of the water when it comes to pro wrestling being amazing. Maeda and Kido do their part here too. I know Kido's dry, but he's dry like the desert. You can't get one over on him. He stretches for as far as the eye can see and you have to walk a thousand miles to endure all of his takedown attempts. Each of the pairings here were different and when he was in there against Super Tiger, he even tried to match him in stand up striking (he failed) which is not what you usually see out of Kido. Meanwhile, Maeda and Fujiwara contrasted with the dangerous explosiveness of the Sayama/Fujiwara pairing. It was all about positioning and little bits of leverage, constant hand motion, Maeda using his reach to press his hand upon Fujiwara's head and Fujiwara trying to slip around and lock something on. And yeah, when Fujiwara finally did get the chance to get revenge (which had previously been cut off with that Sayama punch) it's grisly, gripping stuff. The clipping's unfortunate but I figure the camcorder just couldn't handle much more of what it was seeing. It switches from wrestling found footage to a found footage snuff film, where we blink and Fujiwara's trying another attempt at the chicken wing, blink again and he's turning it into a headscissors. After all we just saw, it almost even worked in its own startling way.

Yoshiaki Fujiwara vs. Andre the Giant NJPW 5/27/86 - EPIC

MD: When you watch mid-80s New Japan, that month of the IWGP league when you get a bunch of weird singles matches alongside the usual tags is a treat. Granted, we didn't get to see most of these on the TV but that's the miracle of HHs still sneaking their way through (you get the same thing with the CC in AJPW where you'll suddenly get Misawa vs Cactus Jack or something, just like how with the tag league you'll get all the possible pairings if you're lucky). Therefore, seen minutes of Fujiwara vs Andre. It's only seven minutes, really only five given the entrances. You wish it was fourteen, but the taste that we do get is pretty much as iconic as you'd hope that it'd be.

Andre contains Fujiwara in the corner, tries to treat him like any other opponent he might manhandle, as if he was in there against 86 Kengo Kimura. Fujiwara constantly works his way to a neutral point causing Andre to shift holds repeatedly. He has the advantage, is able to shut Fujiwara down when he tries to headbutt, but is also forced to use escalating offense, including a mean shot to the gut off the ropes you rarely see Andre do. There a sense that if Andre lets up for one second Fujiwara is going to come back and cut him down to size. While Andre is unquestionably dominant and winning by points, Fujiwara through presence and motion, makes it seem closer than it ought to be. That leads Andre to take a risk, one that backfires, setting things up for Fujiwara's comeback headbutts. Andre's just too big though and is able to pull them both out and once out, Wakamatsu gets involved forcing the countout. You watch this and almost can imagine what a WrestleMania 3 match between these two might have looked like.

PAS: These two are 15 best wrestlers of all time (10 best? Maybe 5 best?) and while the version of this in my head is an all time great main event collision, this 6 minute undercard match is still pretty great. We get Fujiwara, an all time great pro-wrestling problem solver, tasked with lumbering Andre, an all time great wrestling problem. He prods and pokes looking for openings, and even makes the mistake of trying to hit Andre with a headbutt, which goes as well as one would expect. The match goes to a count out before Fujiwara finds a solution, which is a bit of buzzkill, I can imagine how amazing a UWF main event between these two would have been two years earlier or three years later, but it is amazing we got it at all.

ER: I actually think we're all being a bit too calm about this match. This is the literal only Andre the Giant/Yoshiaki Fujiwara match that ever happened. Andre the Giant and Yoshiaki Fujiwara, two guys who are even more than Top 5 Guys, they are two guys with a legitimate claim to #1. Andre the Giant is my #1 wrestler, and if not now I believe Fujiwara was Phil's #1 at some point. For me, expectations were out the window. The literal only singles match between two giants of my wrestling fandom, a match nobody could have reasonably expected would have ever shown up on tape after nearly 40 years, is suddenly in our hands and it looks, plays, and feels like Yoshiaki Fujiwara forcing Andre the Giant to wrestle shootstyle. 

Yes, I repeat, Yoshiaki Fujiwara prods Andre into wrestling shootstyle, and it is incredible. You want to watch the most fearless knee ripper in wrestling history force Andre to standing grapple for almost an entire match? I sure as hell did. I should have been shocked that Fujiwara walked straight up to Andre and tried to put him in a headlock. Did you see how huge Andre looked in this match? How was Andre the Giant even possible? You know supposedly the Big Show was physically larger than Andre? It makes no sense. Andre looks like a forest ogre forced into working double underhooks with a shooter, Big Show looks like a really big guy stocking shelves at Costco. Andre is shaped like the perfect Giant, the thick legs and comic book distended torso, a Popeye Goon fleshed out into a God. Have we ever seen anyone try to grapple with him as long as Fujiwara did here? 

That's at the core of why I think this match should be so celebrated. To me, this felt like one of the greatest examples of someone Lasting With Andre while taking the game directly to Andre. Fujiwara is perhaps the greatest worker of all time at biding his time for a winning shot, a thing he does against men his own size all the damn time, and here he is against the opponent who makes the literal most sense to avoid while remaining as coiled and prepared at all times to strike one cobra shot. Andre presents Fujiwara with the most logical opponent ever to work a classic Fujiwara lay in wait, and this All Time Motherfucker goes at Andre from go and works for fucking single legs against a Fujiwara size leg of a man. Fujiwara forces Andre to work shootstyle and grapple and be a Force against him for what feels like longer than I've seen anyone do in any other match. Looking at this match as a potential all timer cut short into a 6 minute taste, is not seeing how rare it was to get a six minute stretch in any Andre match where someone takes it to him the way Fujiwara pushed him here. 

Do you know how quick I scooted forward in my chair when Fujiwara looked like he was going to topple Andre onto his butt with that single leg? Can you imagine headbutting the Stay Puft marshmallow man in the stomach? Did you see Andre drop to a fucking knee to clothesline Fujiwara in the stomach? Have you ever seen something so cool? How does every single year of Andre have him doing things that nobody has ever been able to do as well as Andre the Giant? That drop to one knee clothesline I've never seen before leading to one of the all time greatest missed headbutt spots is one of thousands of Andre moments that illustrate his creative brilliance. Nobody has worked with their aging body more creatively than Andre, giving more than any other wrestler has ever physically given and finding new vaudeville acts when he no longer had the reflexes to juggle. He lugged that trunk to all parts of the globe. 

Imagine Andre the Giant navigating Japan during the worst most painful physical year of his life! Andre turned 40 years old as a man knowing he wasn't seeing 50, and a week later was forced to be the largest shootstyle wrestler we've ever gotten to see in a match we didn't know existed until now. This is two Number Ones strengthening their status as Number Ones in a way we haven't seen. The greatest wrestler of all time against the greatest wrestler of all time and every second felt like they understood each other's importance to pro wrestling. 

 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE YOSHIAKI FUJIWARA

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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WWF 305 Live: Andre vs. Studd Career vs. $15,000!

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd WWF WrestleMania 3/31/85 - FUN

ER: I really like gimmick matches where the gimmick is the thing that ends the match, and I also recognize that a lot of those matches tend to be worked in ways that don't quite seem like the guys in the match would have worked things any differently in absence of the gimmick. This is a match where you win by bodyslamming your opponent, and really does not feel like a match you can only win by bodyslamming your opponent. BUT, if Andre fails to bodyslam Studd, then he loses his CAREER!! Andre has to slam Studd, or else we will never hear from him again! But it is definitely a gimmick match where both men don't seem to know or care about the actual stipulations and instead just work 5 minutes that don't totally seem to build to much. It is a match that happens to end with a bodyslam, and before it ended the only way the match by rule was allowed to end, there had only been one brief bodyslam attempt. Since Andre never attempted a bodyslam until he hit the one slam that won the match, there was never any sense that he was specifically weakening Studd to make him easier to slam, as there was never any point in the match where he was having any kind of difficulty doing whatever he wanted to Studd. If this was a man who knew he was in danger of losing his career, then Andre sure chose to play it c-o-o-l. 

There were a lot of really great, interesting ways this match could have been worked. This could have been Studd hurting Andre early and wearing down Andre's back while attempting several bodyslams that each get a bit closer, or this could have been Studd - noted heel giant stooge earlier in his career - scrambling to avoid Andre as Andre dominates and keeps almost-slamming him. You could have Andre get frustrated by Studd's avoidance and make a mistake because of that frustration, allowing a surprise late match shift in momentum. Those are just three easy ways to work this, but there are a ton of other ways, and all of them are more interesting than what they chose to do. This is just Andre having no problem at all squeezing and kicking and punching Studd around the ring without even teasing that he was about to attempt to pick him up and was never once in danger for even two seconds. 

It's such a strange match when you think about it in context. Maybe they thought, "This is WrestleMania. This show will be seen by people who have perhaps never seen WWF before. We need a showcase for Andre. We need people to see this GIANT." But this was not an impressive example of Andre's skills. He punched, he ragdolled the hell out of Studd with a choke, and he held a bearhug. Andre's in-ring acting is the greatest in wrestling, and here there wasn't even an act. If you want a showcase of his offense, you need someone who is more interesting at taking offense, someone who would bump for a giant's punches; if you wanted to showcase Andre's selling and acting talents, then Studd was a big enough guy who could convincingly do offense that Andre would sell. This was just Andre being dominant, worked so that minute 5 of the match felt like minute 1. The long bearhug was supposed to sell that Andre was weakening Studd, but Studd didn't act that weakened and Andre never met resistance so the weakening seemed superfluous. Andre is in MSG and he just doesn't seem interested in making any of the match stipulations add to the match, and he shows none of the charisma or charm that he could show in his dominant performances. There's a moment where Studd tries to kick him, and Andre catches Studd's leg and start to laugh, lets it build...and then just throws a punch, which is a thing that he had been doing the whole match. Andre did have some cool leg kicks, but they were mainly fascinating from a "Andre usually doesn't lift his leg that way" stance. Andre doesn't usually kick a really tall guy in the thigh several times in a match, so it's just cool seeing Andre doing weird leg kicks. 

Andre decides to slam Studd and does so in a way that makes it look like he clearly could have done this 5 minutes ago, and he is awarded $15,000 that is being housed in a child's duffel bag. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE WWF 305 LIVE

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Found Footage Friday: ANDRE~! INOKI~! MAEDA~! CANEK~! CHOSHU~! RUSHER~!

El Canek vs. Riki Choshu UWA 12/19/79 

MD: Title match for the UWA World Heavyweight Title in Mexico City. We're lucky to have it more for Choshu being in the spot than anything else as it feels like we're much more apt to have Fujinami in a match like this. It went less than fourteen minutes over three falls. Choshu wasn't fully Choshu yet, but he was more than competent, hanging on to the arm for a lot of the first fall; it was about 60% of what we'd get from France just a few years earlier given such an exchange but 60% of that is still solid if you ask me. Canek was going through the motions of trying to escape but without some of the intensity we're used to. Canek took the early advantage when they picked up the pace, but Choshu caught him with a suplex and Scorpion Deathlock to end the first fall. Second was more back and forth with chippy strikes in between holds and Canek barely getting Choshu up with a press into a backbreaker. Tercera had some good nearfalls as they played into the title drama. Occasionally they were just a little off on some of their spots, but it was never anything that really took you out of the match. Finish was Canek tossing Choshu off the top and following it up with a flying body press. More enjoyable than great, but still a very complete match overall.

Antonio Inoki vs. Rusher Kimura NJPW 3/17/1982

MD: Kimura had come into New Japan to face Inoki late in 81 and they had a blowoff Lumberjack match in October. Kimura reemerged to menace Inoki at the end of his January 1982 series with Abdullah (which is all worth watching) and they were paired up in February and here in March. They come off as two alpha bulls of the 1970s, standing tall right around age 40. Kimura was a couple of years older than Inoki. The fans were into this and they almost got more reaction just standing, staring, posturing, or clapping to build anticipation than with the actual action. The holds were simple and hard-fought, straightforward grinding.

Midway through the match, Inoki, as he was want to do, became a complete jerk, starting a double knucklelock lock up and then just slapping Kimura, wrenching the arm into a pumphandle over the shoulder, and locking in a cross armbreaker. The fans loved it as they always did. Kimura came back with incredibly hard shots in the ropes and a massive running forearm, following it up with some brutality with a weapon on the outside (weapon shots were ok so long as they weren't in the ring in NJPW at this period). Inoki fought back hitting the enziguri to knock Rusher out and they brawled hard on the outside for the countout. Nothing was proven but the fans, so into this, got most of what they wanted to see, two big stars butt heads and egos with one another, and yeah, Inoki being a triumphant jerk. More heel-coded behavior that was wildly over for an ace babyface. Everyone loves a bully so long as he's your bully.

Andre the Giant/El Canek vs. Antonio Inoki/Akira Maeda NJPW 5/24/83

MD: Lots to see here. They had Maeda work almost all of this, likely because it wasn't taped. I haven't seen a ton of pre-UWF Maeda and it was strange to see him a little less confident than usual. Still, having Andre in the match will do that to anyone. The early minutes where Maeda had Canek in a standing toehold were interesting because Andre kept menacingly entering the ring. It ended up a bit like a pitcher who was thrown off by having to repeatedly look at the runner at first. I can't remember that same sort of feel in a lot of other matches, but that was the threat of Andre. They eventually did have Andre run in only to get single-legged himself and Inoki and Maeda locking in a modified version of the estella on Canek and Andre to a big pop.

Canek worked heel for the most part and had some good stuff (Neckbreaker drop, flying forearm, gutwrenching power slam, this great standing knee strike springing off the bottom rope like Abby's headbutt) though he was often working from underneath. Andre and Maeda really worked well together, surprising as that might be. Andre beat him around the ring, including the hugest chop. At times Maeda seemed unsure but Andre took his stuff, staggering for a dropkick and going all the way down for the spin wheel kick, the second time perfectly getting caught in the ropes. Brilliant Andre-in-Japan spots to end this. Inoki and Maeda kept tossing Canek into Andre as he was caught, so Andre, fed up, put his foot up to take out his own partner. Then Andre caught a massive Maeda dive only to help him over the rail for the DQ. I enjoyed this a lot even if it's not much of an Inoki tribute.

ER: Every new Andre match that shows up from any year only cements his status as the greatest wrestler of all time. Here we get Andre as a super active complainer, getting into and out of the ring a dozen times in a huff, threatening a walk out, it's all incredible stuff. This is a match where Inoki is hardly present, and Andre works the entire thing from his entrance to minutes after the bell. Andre moves as fast as anyone in the match, walking straight over the top rope and back the whole time, even exiting the ring like he was fucking Marty Jannetty or something. We get to see Andre as a Zbyszko stalling tactic guy, which is just what I wanted to see tonight without knowing it before watching it. This gigantic man just runs up and over the ropes and stamps his feet about Inoki being a sneaky opportunist and it rocks. His physical acting is the best in wrestling history. His apron work is incredible, but look at his in-ring selling. 

Watch Andre sell la estella better than any luchador I've seen; the way he howls and grabs at his hamstring and how Maeda goes right after the hamstring with kicks until Andre wedgies him like a little baby. Andre is a real showman, drawing boos from the fans while also drawing laughs, like when he does his throaty Giant Laugh while Maeda is crawling at his feet, then settles into working quick tags to cut Maeda off. I don't know why it's so funny seeing Andre work quick tags and keep stepping over the ropes just to come in and hit a punch. I love him. Maeda didn't always seem like he knew what to do with Andre, working a couple sequences uncharacteristically tentative. I guess I don't blame him for thinking twice about a sequence that ended with him taking one of the biggest chops ever. Maeda's comeback spinning heel kicks were fantastic. Andre took a big bump off the first and then got caught in the ropes on the second. Andre's bump over the top to the floor was amazing, just insane that he was taking bumps like that on shows that weren't being recorded. What a god. Him catching a Maeda pescado and trying to crush him over the guardrail, then chasing Inoki and Maeda all around the ring while yelling on the house mic, it's just great. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE

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Found Footage Friday: ANDRE~! JUMBO~! KI~! NECRO~! CORNETTE~! A FLAIR~! LAWLER~! BABA~! TAUE~! CHRISTOPHER~!

Andre the Giant/Giant Baba vs. Jumbo Tsuruta/Akira Taue AJPW RWTL 11/20/90 - EPIC

MD: Instead of reviewing this, I just want to list all the cool moments. At this point it'd been almost a year since Taue and Baba wrestled each other and Taue grew a lot in 90. He'd throw headbutts at Baba only to eat the brain chop. He'd come back with the palm strikes against the ropes and hit Baba with his own Russian Leg Sweep, only to piss Baba off so he hit him with one of his own. It had been a year (the last RWTL) since Jumbo fought Baba and the crowd buzzed huge when Jumbo tagged in. Early on, Jumbo put on the breaks so Baba couldn't get him with the big boot and Baba gave him a sort of "Aw, shucks" expression.

Then there was Andre, who only faced Jumbo or Taue a handful of times in his career. Taue tried to hit him with an enziguiri but could only get to the middle of his back. Jumbo tried to knock him over with a shoulder block and recoiled with as much over the top selling as I've ever seen out of him (it was warranted). Then Jumbo and Taue combined with a double jumping knee to trap Andre in the ropes but failed utterly to double suplex him. After the aforementioned Baba/Taue exchange, Taue was actually able to slam Baba, though he could have milked it more. Unfortunately, then Andre came in and manhandled him (being Taue!) like he was a child. Andre returned the favor from Jumbo's selling, recoiling from Tsuruta's punches and even going down (though he did toss him on the kick out), and then Taue ran into Andre's fist in the most glorious way possible. They finally got that double suplex, but on Baba, but he was able to ultimately survive the onslaught and tag Andre. Then Taue tried to waistlock him as he was going to German Suplex him and paid for it just like you'd expect.

See, all cool stuff. There was a pretty good match in there too, but that's a lot of cool stuff for a fifteen minute video and a ten minute match.

ER: Man this was awesome. This is the biggest bumping Andre performance of the 90s, and I'm not sure how far back into the 80s you'd have to go to find a match where he bumped more, but it's pretty far. It's amazing. To think, they aired the Andre/Baba RWTL '90 match against The Land of Giants, but their match against the Funks, this match, and the drool worthy Abdullah/Kimala II match all happened on house shows. This show was not officially taped, but was a house show the size of a TV taping, and obviously our intrepid cameraman saw how important this was. I'm so glad he did. I've gotten used to seeing inactive Andre performances, and seeing just how much he can add to a match with as little movement as possible, relying on body language and his incomparable selling and acting. There is so much to gleam from minimalist Andre, that seeing him get in and out of the ring multiple times and taking 4-5 bumps is downright shocking. When he and Baba entered the ring and I saw how Andre was pulling himself up onto the apron and climbing the turnbuckle rungs like a ladder to get the rest of his body upright, I assumed this was going to be a lot of Andre punching people from the ring apron. I've seen plenty of matches where just getting into the ring past the ring ropes looked like Andre pushing a boulder up a mountain, and I'm always excited to see how he can integrate his body's pain into a match. Instead, he made this into so much more. 

There were still great apron Andre moments, like the way he kicked at Taue's foot when Taue was breaking a submission, but I was surprised at how much Andre did in the ring. He worked really well with both Jumbo and Taue, and that first showdown with Jumbo felt special. I loved how Andre sold for Jumbo, how their first exchange went so much differently from their later showdown. When Andre squares off with Jumbo for the first time, Jumbo comes barreling in with a shoulderblock that hits a wall and sends Jumbo recoiling back into the ropes, and when he tries it against Andre just grabs him by the neck and face and squeezes, then blasts him with a headbutt. When a weaker Andre squares off with Jumbo late in the match, it's all about Andre's selling. I loved how Andre staggered around for Jumbo's hard elbow smashes. Andre is a man with somehow impeccable balance, who is able to sell as if he's a man with no center of gravity, always in danger of toppling over. Jumbo hits him with a couple elbows and sends Andre staggering, and Andre has to lunge for the ropes just to dodge Jumbo's big knee. The dodge does not deter Jumbo, and seeing that Andre is still staggered, he knocks him to the mat with a definitive elbow smash. It's wild to see Andre getting knocked down by a strike, and I couldn't even guess the last time it happened before this. 

Taue/Andre was fun in a different way, as Taue is the young punk (I like how a young punk in All Japan is someone who has wrestled almost 500 matches) who boldly fires off shots against the biggest man in Nagoya. I thought the Taue enziguiri looked great, catching Andre in the base of his neck (Andre sold it perfectly, like he just got punctured by a larger than average mosquito), then throwing a couple of jumping knees into Andre's torso before sending Andre careening backwards into the ropes with Jumbo's help. Andre had a great look of panic while stuck in the ropes, and was freed relatively quickly so that Jumbo and Taue could try an ill-advised tandem suplex. I loved how Andre dropped to his butt to block the suplex, as it made the suplex look that much more threatening. Andre did not frequently wind up on the mat during his All Japan run (he winds up on the mat more in this match than in several other available Andre AJ matches combined), so him willingly dropping to the mat only made it look like Jumbo and Taue were *that* close to suplexing him. 

I know I'm focusing a lot on Andre, but I thought this was a tremendous Baba match too. Really, it was a tremendous Everybody match, but I digress. Baba had some fun small stuff with Taue to start, giving Taue a great oldhead "okay, okay!" look after Taue backs him into the ropes and chops him. He does a slick armdrag takedown of Taue and works the headscissors, then later breaks out a rolling ankle pick on Jumbo, rolling down Jumbo's leg from a hammerlock to force Jumbo's momentum forward. It's always weird fun watching first couple years matches from guys like Taue or Tamon Honda, as they have 100% different movesets than during their peak years, and it's barely like watching an early version of the same wrestler, it's more like watching a completely different guy. Taue does Jumbo kneelifts instead of big running kicks, hits Baba with a bodyslam/elbowdrop/legdrop combo that he completely dropped, even throws a great lariat that I don't remember him using past 1992. I loved their dueling side Russian legsweeps (a move that always looks like it might cause Baba to shatter), and how Taue and Jumbo pulled off the tandem suplex on Baba, then took turns seeing who could hit him with a harder lariat (jury is out, both Taue and Jumbo really aimed to wreck their boss). Taue has Baba on the ropes and keeps that energy when Andre tags in, and it goes terribly for him. Taue chops away on Andre until Andre has had enough, then just shoves Taue into the corner and triumphantly squishes him over and over again, whips him into Baba's boot, and then drops that elbow. You can see Andre digging that elbow into Taue's chest as he presses down on his sternum with his palm, making sure the punk stays down. Another 90s Andre classic.

Jerry Lawler/Brian Christopher vs. David Flair/Jim Cornette 3/31/2002

MD: There's a moment in here where David has Lawler backed in the corner and lays in some punches. He'd developed pretty decent ones at some point and Lawler might be the best guy in the history of wrestling when it comes to sympathetically taking offense in the corner. I've seen him as an old man build matches over the last couple of years just around that. Anyway, afterwards, Flair goes over to Cornette and eagerly asks if he did good before getting nailed from behind and stooging. That, right there, was probably David's ceiling, but it was a very effective moment. David looking for fatherly acceptance from Russo or whatever obviously didn't work, but a couple of years and a number of matches later, with Cornette in that role? That might have had some legs.

Having Christopher in there (and I have to admit, he sort of felt like 80s Greg Gagne, after he'd already had some success, teaming with Verne) makes you think that David's best was sort of as a poor man's version of him. Where he stood out the most wasn't trying to be Ric Flair but the slightly off-kilter stooging, just how Christopher was best as an over-the-top stooge. Still, he had a pretty decent cut off punch and got some heat with pile drivers. He also took a neckbreaker in an ugly manner. Bumping just wasn't his strong suit. It didn't need to be here, though, since Cornette carried a ton of weight: with the pre-course promo, with the super padded trunks, by trying to coach instead of wrestle until Christopher tossed him in, by getting shaken up and tagging Lawler hilariously, by using the powder and getting believable shots in on the outside. This was pretty close to the whole Cornette experience and the Lawler family knew how to get the most out of it.

ER: This was great, and really there was only one reason to think this wasn't going to be great, but it's a pretty important reason. That said, this is probably the most complete I have ever seen David Flair look in a wrestling ring. Flair is a complete unnatural ("The Unnatural" would be a really funny gimmick for someone like Renegade or Flair to have worked), a guy who looks like he's never moved athletically in his life, who always took the weirdest bumps while having no idea what to do with his body on offense. Here, more than any other awful David Flair performance I've seen, he knew exactly what to do. Before the match, Cornette got on the mic and talked a lot of great hyperbolic BS about how "David Flair is going to be the best wrestler of the 21st century!" And, you know, I gotta say there are nothing but fascinating matches from the last 100 matches of Flair's career, so maybe he was onto something Has anyone here seen any of the Puerto Rico, All Japan, or even remember if the TNA stuff was any good? Any lucky souls get to see Regal/Flair in South Carolina, taped as a Velocity dark match? I hate how I'm talking myself into seeing more David Flair. 

My favorite part of this was how everyone got to show off their right hands, and honestly, every person in this match had a good right hand. Lawler having a good right hand won't surprise you, and he used it well here (including blindsiding Flair with a right before dropping to his knees with a fistdrop), and Cornette at this point is someone who is established as having a great right hand. But they aren't the ones who throw the most punches in this match. We get two actual punch outs between Christopher and Flair, and they were good! They each showed a bit of light on two of them, but the form of Flair was what stood out the most. This was a man who, just a couple years before, did not have good form on ANYthing. And here he is throwing actual punches to the chin and jaw, not cheating by trying to throw them past Christopher's head or doing that weird Abyss punch where he sands the top of their head. David Flair was throwing actual worked punches in 2002, and they were good. He has a nice gutwrench slam and an even better pair of piledrivers, and you can color me impressed. He still looked like he couldn't really bump, taking a neckbreaker like a baby wiggling in his high chair to avoid the mashed carrots. Also, I love how Cornette was the biggest bumper in the entire match. Every piece of Cornette shtick was great, like tagging out to Lawler after getting punched around by Christopher. Cornette even took a big bump to the floor, and all of his big back bumps to sell punches were perfect. I always love how good Cornette is at bumping despite looking like, well, a guy who would be filmed berating a Wendy's employee.  

Low-Ki vs. Necro Butcher JAPW 5/19/07 - EPIC

PAS: This is honestly one of the great all time match ups in wrestling history. I am not sure how I had no idea they wrestled in JAPW in addition to the two IWA-MS classics the year before and the fun brawl a few years later in IWA-EC. Having this show up is like finding a new Santo vs. Casas or Lawler vs. Dundee match. Necro is really the perfect opponent for Ki: he is willing to meet his recklessness and stiffness with recklessness and stiffness of his own. Ki throws full force kicks to his head, and Necro responds with hard shoot punches to the jaw, just sick stuff both ways. FUTEN shit. There is a moment where Ki lands a double stomp on Necro's back and you can see his spine invert. Necro punches his way out of the Warriors Way double stomp and hits a crazy looking top rope rana. They do the thumbtacks spot with Necro getting Irish whipped and stepping on them with his bare feet. It is an incredible spot the first time you see it, but Necro went back to the well a couple of times with it. Still that is a minor complaint for an otherwise hellacious monster of a match.

MD: This was as good of a brawl-with-plunder 2000s match as you'll find, really, two guys who just threw everything they had at each other and did everything they could to prevent the other from doing the same. Violence and struggle from beginning to end. What made this better was that it was at St. Joseph's gym, with a priest obviously holding the keys to letting JAPW run there and getting to do the ring introductions in turn. So, he got to introduce Necro with his "Choose Death" shirt. That's as pro wrestling as you get basically. You can almost imagine Fat Frank reassuring the guy it was okay because Ki was going over so it was a parable about good vs. evil, with good overcoming the excesses of evil...or something. I especially appreciated the fight out of the Warrior's Way set-up because Necro had previously sort of sat around draped on the top rope for the double stomp. It was a great double stomp, but that had seemed a bit off given the match they were having. The fact he refused to allow such a thing to happen again was great and pulled me right back in. It was the sort of a match where the announcers and the crowd would go just as nuts for Necro taking the Cactus Jack plunge through a table as they would for something like Ki hitting a power drive elbow on the floor. Agreed with Phil on the thumbtacks spot, though it obviously worked for the crowd on that night and they used it effectively in setting up the finish. Necro probably went to that well as often as he did because it protected him in a loss.

ER: Athletically, these two couldn't be much more different. Low Ki has maybe the best body control in American wrestling history (I used to say "in wrestling history" but all of our unearthed French Catch footage kind of popped that balloon) and Necro Butcher wrestles like the proverbial bull in a china shop. It's one of wrestling's great juxtapositions, and they meet in the middle with stiffness. Necro takes so many kicks in this match, all to the body and head, and no matter how many times he punches back at Ki and sticks digs his fingers into Ki's mouth, nose, and eyes, those kicks keep coming. I loved Ki kicking Necro right in the eye, causing Necro to get stuck in the ropes like a death match Andre. Necro has a lot of fun ways to fight back, seems like he was always punching while off balance, from his knees, from his back, even hanging upside down. But I thought what set this apart wasn't just the stiffness, it was the way they each sold strikes and how they each fought for offense. A Necro punch is always a great thing, but when Ki slips out of a powerbomb and gets decked right after, Ki - limp bodied - bounces and flops down to the mat while hitting every rope on the way down, and that's just wrestling perfection. When Necro tries to powerbomb Ki into a table, Ki tries to fight out, making Necro fight against physics to re-lift Ki and finally drop to his knees with a powerbomb. when Ki goes for the Warriors Way, he tries to keep Necro in the tree of woe by grinding his boot into Necro's kneecap, causing Necro to reflexively punch up at Ki until he breaks. Necro getting run barefoot through the thumbtacks is a great way to set up offense, distracting Necro long enough to shotgun dropkick him through a table. Their stiffness was often used as a means to distract, not as a means to an end, and I think that's something that really elevates their feud to all time status. Monsta Mack's screeching Chicken Lady impression over every single awesome part of the match couldn't hold this one back. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LAWLER

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LOW KI

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There's a Picture Opposite Me, of Andre's Primitive Ancestry

Andre the Giant/Haku vs. Demolition WWF 1/23/90  - GREAT 

ER: This was released on WWF's...um... Unreleased DVD, and just look at that body language Andre is giving off before the bell. I love how the man leans into the ropes, love how the cameras cut back to him during Demolition's entrance to clearly show him rolling his eyes with a "These fucking guys" expression. Haku and Demolition throw down, with body blows and bad punches and a great missed Haku headbutt right into the mat. Demolition starts frequently switching out of the match, not making tags, just being annoying. It leaves Andre in the amusing position of complaining to the referee to restore some order. I don't know why it's so entertaining seeing Andre having a very normal conversation with the referee, but the whole situation kills me. Demolition is running in and out of the ring battering Haku with axe handles, and the largest man anybody in the arena has ever seen is standing in the middle of the apron arguing with the ref like he's on the phone with Comcast asking a question about his bill. "Well I'm asking you what the charge is for. No, that's what I said, I'm asking you." 

If I go to the doctor's office and the largest human I have ever seen is having a plain boring disagreement with the receptionist, it might be the funniest thing I will ever witness. "Well they told me my appointment was at 11. It's 11:25 and I have somewhere I need to be at noon. Yes, I understand how you can't control how long each patient exam takes, but I was told to be here 15 minutes before my appointment...Yes, Yes I understand that, but...Okay well the interference and illegal tags are literally happening right behind you...No I am telling you that...you know what, fine. I'll just grab my little rope in the corner."

Demolition has a lot of phony tough guy offense, a lot of stomping to cover up that their strikes never look that good, but let me just say that ALL of Ax's stomping clubbing punches to Haku's neck looked great, and Haku finally creates some space by catching Smash deep under the chin with a superkick, finally leading to our actual Andre involvement. Andre's control is very brief, literally standing on Smash before falling to his butt on a missed sit down splash. Once Andre is prone on his back, that's when Demolition can run wild, beating on a gigantic man who can't seem to turn himself over, a 180 year old tortoise getting stomped and axe handled. Let me tell you, Ax choking Andre and bouncing him up and down on the bottom rope is one helluva visual, right hand wrapped around Andre's throat (choking Andre with just ONE HAND!), Andre's head and shoulders draped over the bottom rope. But it's dangerous just working offense on Andre without sticking and moving, and Ax finds that out when he hits an elbowdrop and Andre just rolls over and starts to smother him. Ax made the foolish decision to lie down directly next to the wounded bear, and was somehow surprised when that bear just rolled over and wouldn't let go. Old Andre on offense is great, as he drops down with that butt splash (holding onto the middle rope for easy plopping), and I love how his eyes go wide with excitement when Haku smashes Ax's head into Andre's gigantic head. 

The finish run has a couple of my favorite ever Andre moments. The first is when he's holding Ax in the corner, pressing in with his butt, and when Ax tries to worm away from the expected Haku charge Andre just grabs Ax by the straps and throws him back into the corner like he's tossing a backpack into his car. I don't know if I ever saw Demolition's Cruising straps used against them and here's Andre just throwing that man by them like it's nothing. Right after that we get an even more incredible Andre moment, one that showcases how much better his physical acting was than any other wrestler's: After throwing Ax by the straps, Andre immediately begins talking shit to Smash, rubbing it in that he and Haku were wasting the old man, without realizing that Haku missed the avalanche. When he notices this and sees Ax crawling away like an escaped lobster, he yells out Hey! the way a giant yells Hey! and then just kicks Ax in the ribs.

Demolition's hot tag is strong, starting with Haku running into a hard Ax back elbow and taking a high backdrop for Smash. Andre drops down into the ropes in a cool way off a Smash clothesline, and a Demolition tandem lariat staggers him and drops him to his butt. Sadly, the finish is a bad one, just Demolition taking the Colossal Connections' belts and using them as a weapon in full view of the ref, Andre getting the hell out of the arena without even considering retrieving that belt. The concierge service, you see, takes care of that. 

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT

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