Matches from AJPW 11/25/90: WALKING TALL DORY~! NO RESPECT DYNAMITE~! KIDNEY PUNISHING HANSEN/KAWADA~!

The Funks vs. Dynamite Kid/Johnny Smith AJPW 11/25/90

ER:  A pretty amazing match that I had never seen, with four standout performances. It's so hard hitting, and these new All Japan Classics episodes showcase that in the best way. The sound on these episodes is incredible, and it puts you right in the middle of this high impact style. I can't imagine what it was like sitting front row for such a physical style as All Japan - let alone be a participant in it! -  but this video makes it feel like I was there 35 years ago. It's one of five Tag League matches smack in the middle of the show, and they kill each other and treat it like a match with actual stakes. It's an awesome Dory match and more evidence that Dynamite Kid's Winter 1990 is him at one of his highest levels. Dory comes off like the tougher, harder hitting Funk, an actual Cool Dory match. The match peaks with the Bulldogs working over Terry's Not As Damaged 46 year old legs in ways that contributed to Terry's Old Knees while Terry scrambles in half a dozen of the greatest attempts at making a hot tag, a face in peril to his big brother's ass kicking tough guy. 

Johnny Smith is at his absolute beefiest; Dynamite is at his most bitter and dangerous, a little guy starting the most violent fights at the bar. It's a great team. Dynamite looks angry the entire match, on the apron, in the ring, and treats Terry like an old man to be put to pasture. Terry works lighter to come off as vulnerable to loss as possible, and is at perhaps his most sexy. Sexy Terry working as Pretty Ricky. Ponytail Terry with his little mustache and the best body of his career. I love Hot Ponytail Terry in his Body Glove tights, and here's Dory in his blue trunks working stiffer than anyone in the match,  maybe anyone on the show (Eric's Note: Kawada and Hansen kick each other so hard in the kidneys later on the card that Dory Funk would have died so let's leave it to saying he worked stiffer than anyone in this match). It adds up to a middle of the card tag match that was worked as a small show main event. 

Listen to how hard they're all smacking each other! Dory's contact on his collar and elbow tie-ups with Johnny were the sound of bodies used to taking hits. When Dory is in against Dynamite, he hits him with uppercuts that are so hard that I don't think Kid had to sell his limbs all going numb. He looked shocked that Dory was hitting him so hard. He tees off hard on Smith and really looks like a mat expert going after Smith's knee and ankle. Everyone worked this super honestly, but Dory's work was the most honest and well executed of all. And here's Dynamite, the by far smallest man in the match and the guy who I'd least want to confront about anything. He goes after Terry with no respect. Maybe my favorite spot in the match, is when Terry is hitting Johnny with headbutt after headbutt before they both go down. Johnny goes down, Terry spirals down after, and the second Terry hits the mat Dynamite's eyes go wide and he scrambles up to the top rope to hit a headbutt to Terry's stomach. He pulls it off so hastily, making it look like a snap impulse, and his knees land full weight one inch from Terry's face. It looked so dangerous and was only one of the things that made this match play so tough. Dynamite is so geared up when he's in against Terry, that they even do a spot where Dynamite presses Terry off him on a kickout and Terry flies several feet from it, like Dynamite was Yokozuna. Dynamite kills Terry with clotheslines to the back of the head, throws him to the floor with a back body drop, and - most incredibly - drags him into a standing stretch muffler that blew me away. Dynamite's body had to be in constant agony and as he locked in the muffler and stood to his feet, clasping his hands while the much larger Terry was hanging upside down in a headstand, his pain was as palpable as any I've seen.  

The Bulldogs working over Terry's knee was some excellent third act cutting off the ring. Dynamite wanted that knee all match, and when he got it he was like a dog with a chew toy. He was slamming Terry's calf over his knee and it looked like one of the most violent pieces of work I've seen. Terry's selling was incredible, crawling and leaping towards Dory while Smith and Dynamite had to keep tackling and blocking. There were some nearfalls that got the big crowd to bite, like one of the most well-used and well-executed rolling inside cradles. Dory pulled the cradle and Smith rolled it over and the movement was so good that Yokohama bought in. Terry's win over Smith was so well done, as Dynamite had totally drained Terry and suddenly one of the biggest stars in wrestling history looked like he could be beaten by Johnny Smith. He has to resort to scrambling on top of Smith during a pinfall exchange and just weigh his body down. The Bulldogs looked like a tough vital team against two legends, and The Funks looked legitimately at the top of their abilities. 

Andre the Giant/Giant Baba vs. The Land of Giants AJPW 11/25/90

ER: Phil and I wrote about this match 7 years ago and I don't think I appreciated it enough then. It seems funny to say that I didn't appreciate an Old Andre match enough, as I think every single review of any Old Andre match I've ever written is me appreciating and analyzing every step he takes. I love the 1990 Tag League old broken but still proud Giants, and we should all be thankful that we got to see them against the worst Fake Road Warriors team ever assembled in a respected promotion. I cannot and will not say it is a great match, because it is not. The Land of Giants - Skywalker Nitron especially, specifically - are total cornballs. Nitron is the goofiest of all, almost surely the goofiest wrestler All Japan used in 1990. You're off the hook Richard Charland and David Sammartino. But part of what makes the match great, is that Andre and Baba know that these two are cornballs, and the gift that brings us is a very active Andre match. 

Andre is old but not nearly as old as he'd look in 1992. He was in the ring a lot against both cornballs and had a bunch of great ideas and ways to attack both of them. He looked really strong, even if Nitron sold some of his offense with the goofy acting only seen from people reading stories to small children in libraries. Andre looked like he had a lot of fun beating these two goofs up. He had two different cantaloupe fist punches, one while holding Nitron in a headlock and the other just thrown to the face and followed up with a NOAH worthy headbutt. He grabbed Masters in a knuckle lock and made it look like he was crushing his hand. The camera had a zoom in on Andre interlacing his fingers with Butch and his fingers were so big they looked like they were forcing Masters' fingers to break apart. It looks like something that would and did drop Masters to a knee. The best part is when he broke the knuckle lock by rearing back and punching Masters in the fingers. 

This match has Andre the fucking Giant holding Rob Zombie's Michael Myers in a bearhug. Freddy vs. Jason is my least favorite Nightmare on Elm Street movie and my least favorite Friday the 13th movie, but Andre the Giant vs. Michael Myers is a horror movie showdown we needed to see and I would have paid money to. There's no way I would have gone into that movie and gotten Andre keeping his bearhug locked in by pulling on The Shape's rattail. Moustapha Akkad wouldn't have had the guts. 

Stan Hansen/Danny Spivey vs. Toshiaki Kawada/Mitsuharu Misawa AJPW 11/25/90

ER: The Funks vs. New Bulldogs was a hard hitting match. Every open hand on chest and back landed with a loud crack and Dory Funk threw in a last hurrah before his 50s with a great Walking Tall badass role. It's great. But then two matches later Kawada and Hansen took such righteous anger out of each other's kidneys that it made me think *I* was going to piss blood. This is some of the toughest wrestling you'll ever see. Hansen is in full force of nature mode and he hits Kawada like a kid in training camp. Every chair, every shoulder, every godforsaken kick, was felt thoroughly. Hansen is such a force of nature, that you're not expecting Kawada to take such a force so head on. Kawada kicks Hansen back even harder and cracks baseball bat shots off the old cowboy's torso. Kawada makes such wicked contact that Hansen's pancreas selling looks like the man is learning how to sell a bruised pancreas in real time. Hansen is the best Train Running Off the Rails impacter in wrestling and it was amazing to see Kawada throw his whole body at a moving train. The finish is incredible and features one of the greatest low bridges I've ever seen. Misawa flies over the top rope with such speed that I jumped in the same way I do in the movies when a car gets unexpectedly T-boned. Spivey's team with Hansen took his timing to a really high level. Misawa is there one second and gone the next and as he's flying one direction, Hansen runs the other and knocks Kawada into the sky with a western lariat. Later, Doc and Gordy try to hit harder clotheslines on Taue in the main event and make fine cases. Later still, Jumbo and Taue outdo them all with their clotheslines to Gordy. It's show-long clothesline oneupmanship I can support. And then Jumbo gives Gordy another. 

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Found Footage Friday: RESURGENT DYNAMITE~! YOUNG ROCCO~! GYPSY JOE~! WOLFIE D~! THE LAND OF GIANTS~!

Mark Rocco vs. Terry Jowett WoS 5/24/73

MD: Amazing historical find by Allan here. This has to be the earliest Rocco we have, and maybe even by a couple of years, right? He was only around 22 here, already a three year pro. And it's fascinating to see what he was doing at this age and how he was presented. Jowett had ten years experience on him and Rocco, despite winning out in the end with a near tilt a whirl slam off the ropes, was the underdog and it was ultimately an upset. 

Along the way, there was a ton of entertaining spots, though maybe not the exhausting (in a good way, in small doses) Rocco trademark I'd expect. All the explosiveness and dynamism in how he hit stuff and took stuff but not consistent, if that makes sense. Jowett was a great counter to his antics, and I'm personally sympathetic to his hairline (Rocco's was shaggy and he already had the trademark mustache).

There was a rough around the edges feel to this, that would, in years to come, conform into Rocco's edge of your seat style. We come in during the third here (and leave two rounds later with the finish) and there are lots of quick and deep pin attempts. After one escape where Rocco just sort of stumbled out to the crowd's amusement, he was quick to go for a joking handshake, great instincts in not losing his focus and in keeping the crowd engaged, in making it seem like they were seeing a show instead of making one of their own out of what they were watching. 

Some of the comedy spots were great, whether it be Jowett booting Rocco on a drop down, or criss crossing his own limbs and rolling about so Rocco couldn't get an advantage, or my favorite, when Rocco started his hyperactive roperunning only for Jowett to run in place instead, making Rocco out to be the fool. Very funny stuff. 

Rocco would get dirtier as the match went on. Interesting, after he started clubbering for the first time and drew a public warning, Walton chastised him for it, not for the cheating itself, but because he didn't earn much from the warning. He only took over really when he dropped a knee (legal apparently) on Jowett's throat, and then only until the end of the round as he leaned in on the arm while he could. Lots of imagination in both his offense and his bounding and bumping (one time fliping all the way over and sailing between the ropes) and towards the end, he had these cobra clutch ripcords I can't remember seeing much otherwise. 

Really just a great historical snapshot of one of the most dynamic wrestlers of all time early into his development. One of my favorite finds this year. 

ER: Remember how much we, as an online contingent of pro wrestling writers and historians of Noticers used to criticize Rollerball Rocco? He was the British embodiment of the same criticisms we held towards Kurt Angle, the all flash-no substance, looks cool-means nothing type of wrestler who fell out of favor with us. I don't think we could have anticipated the Kurt Angle/Dean Malenko style of constant movement detached from meaning would become the predominant pro wrestling style in every company in the world, so much so that things have looped back around. Now, watching even the "worst" era of Mark Rocco indulgence gives me new respect for his style and ability. 

The first British wrestling I was exposed to was a Johnny Saint/Rollerball Rocco match and that match was at least a decade after this one, and it is an entirely different Rocco. It should be, he's incredibly young and only three years into his career. As Matt says, he is the underdog in the match and commentary frequently talks about him like a baby who they impressed made it even this deep into a wrestling match. But he does not wrestle like a stupid little baby, he wrestles like tough guy with a real cool command of physics. His snapmares play like violent offense, his timing is impeccable, and his strikes always looked damaging. He was adept at comedy (Matt mentioned the very funny rope running spot where he ran back and forth as Jowett mocked him like Bugs Bunny) and really the only inexperience I saw was how he didn't always seem to know what to do next, never capitalizing on snapmares and kind of waiting around for Jowett to stand back up (which is another hilarious Kurt Angle parallel). I thought that actually worked for his young mustachioed punk character as it made him look like he was big timing the veteran Jowett. Rocco's bumping for the finish was excellent, a real rewind worthy moment where he back bumps and then handsprings back through the ropes feet first and takes another pratfall on the floor, a comedy bump that looked like either the greatest lucha rudo comedy bump or the payoff to a John Cleese bit.    

The Land of Giants (Skywalker Nitron/Butch Masters) vs. New Bulldogs (Dynamite Kid/Johnny Smith) AJPW 12/1/90

MD: I'm pretty well suited to know what's new and what's not new from 89-91 AJPW or so, and I'm pretty certain this classics drop is new. We're going to cover it anyway because that's what we do, cover Land of Giants matches. We get about six minutes out of the nine here, with a clip in the middle that annoying means we lost the transition to heel offense, but you can imagine it for the most part. 

And honestly, I liked this a lot. I have issues with late era Dynamite but this was one of the best performances I've seen out of him from 89-90. The most important thing is that he needs opponents he can't just chew up and you can't chew these guys up. They're huge. This started with Smith vs Nitron and I thought they actually matched up well, too well. Some of that was Nitron not working big enough but some of it was Smith not working small enough. He wasn't acting like he was in there with a giant. Even though Masters worked bigger, he'd still do the same thing against him later. 

Dynamite knew how to get the most of them though. When he came in, he had some awesome looking stuff, a fistdrop from an angle that you don't usually see it, a headbutt followed right by a jawbreaker. He was punching up and he was valiant for doing so and he wanted everyone in the crowd to know it. We get the clip then and come back to Masters working over the back, and it's honestly one of the best sells for a bearhug I've seen in a long time. I've criticized Omega's selling of his diverticulitis lately because while it's probably accurate, real to how he feels, it comes off as hokey. Dynamite knew what back pain felt like; he was probably feeling it there depending on how much he had chosen to dull it that night, but he was able to project it to the back row in the best of ways. Nitron's bearhug wasn't quite as good but the effect was still the same. 

The comeback was pretty huge as Dynamite fired up to the top as Masters was inexplicably headed up there to put him away and they did a huge superplex. Smith came in and cleaned house. Finally Smith slammed Masters and Dynamite came off the top with the headbutt much to the crowd's delight and they won as simple as could be. Not sure what was in those lost three minutes (when we came back in Masters was beating on Dynamite on the floor) but the six we got were pretty good. 

ER: This was probably the most entertaining Land of Giants match I've seen, and it was because of a more interesting and risky Butch Masters performance than I expected, and a downright fantastic "late era" Dynamite performance. This whole thing was totally worth it just to see Dynamite as a sincerely scary looking man going hard as fuck after Masters. Dynamite's face is scarred, his body is stiff, but the man feels like a threat at all times. Johnny Smith was at his beefiest in this era, so it actually works when he's throwing down with Nitron and Masters, but this is Dynamite's match. Dynamite hits an incredible fistdrop on Masters, a lunging fist torpedoed into Masters' throat, so perfect that I watched it half a dozen times. I would have said this match was incredible if everything else in it looked like dogshit. After that fistdrop he throws Masters to the floor so hard that it turns into what has to be the biggest bump of his career. Dynamite is great at running face first into boots and was good at drawing sympathy as both Giants take him to The Land of Bearhugs, but the big shock is him hitting a superplex on Masters. I have no idea what Butch was going to do up there, but whatever it was I wasn't expecting him to get suplexed off. When Smith tags in, Masters leans all the way into a stiff missile dropkick to his upper chest and gets wrecked by a Smith clothesline that I think hit harder than all of us expected, especially Masters. 

The icing on the cake was Dynamite hitting a flat out disgusting diving headbutt, smashing his forehead into Masters' teeth. You can see a knot already starting to form on the right side of Dynamite's head and Masters lies on the mat holding his face. Dynamite looked and wrestling like a pilled up psychopath, in the best way. That headbutt was one of the meanest things I've ever seen in a wrestling ring. Smith sets Masters up over halfway across the ring and Dynamite wants him there. He does a shoot headbutt to a man's face and Masters has no idea what hit him. It is Dynamite's head whipped into the entire side and mouth of Butch Masters, like a soccer hooligan leaping off the bleachers. 

Wolfie D/Steven Dunn vs. Gypsy Joe/Danny D Evansville 9/20/00

MD: I don't know. Sometimes you just want to see Wolfie D (here in full Slash mode) go up against Gypsy Joe? And there was some of the early, with a feeling out process and then the first (shorter) of a double heat after Wolfie took Joe down with a hairpull. Pretty simple control stuff with Danny getting drawn in to allow for the blind switches. Joe eventually made a comeback off of a whip reversed and teased a stinkface maybe, because it was 2000 after all. No punches here though. That's important because those were saved to the end.

Danny got leaned on for most of the rest of the match, and it made sense because even though Dunn was a pro and Wolfie a pro's pro I'm not sure you wanted them stooging for this lanky guy with dubious agility all that much. But it was a joy to watch Wolfie just destroy someone and they worked him into a few solid hope spots, including out of a bodyscissored full nelson. When Joe did make it back in (on a hot tag which was earned but not quite maximized re: the timing) the punches came out and they went into a pretty quick roll up win. You never quite know what you're going to get with the Bryan Turner uploads until you get there but this was pretty well worked overall.

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Found Footage Friday: MISAWA~! KAWADA~! THE LAND OF GIANTS~! CHRISTIAN~! JOE~! DYING DAYS IWE~!

Rusher Kimura vs. Carl Fergie IWE 6/6/81

MD: It's always fun to see a journeyman overachieve in another country. You can think of Jim Dillon in the Maritimes (not that we have that footage) or the Rock 'n' Roll RPMs in Puerto Rico (that we do have and it's fun). Here, it's Carl Fergie - fresh off a midcard run putting guys over in Mid-South and on his way to do the same in Crockett - in a main event with Rusher Kimura. I was going to say that he was well prepared for this one by wrestling Lawler, but he doesn't wrestle Lawler until 1982, so it was somehow the other way around.

You need somewhat similar skill sets against both, mainly being able to snap your head back at the sight of a great worked punch and take a back body drop. With Rusher, however, you also had to deal with nasty chops in the corner and headbutts.  That gave the match a more visceral feel; when Fergie snuck in a kick out of the corner and tried to assert himself, he was probably forcing a break for the sake of his forehead and poor chest. Rusher was in a hybrid phase here: not the wrestler he'd been in the 70s, not the comedy statesman he'd be a few years later. It meant he'd try for things like a stretch out of a Russian Leg Sweep or the bearhug into a butterfly submission he won with, but no longer had the flexibility he once did. This set up other matches on the tour as much as anything else, with Gypsy Joe interfering to mercifully (as he was trying out that first submission) cause the first fall. I thought Fergie looked like he belonged, for the most part. Some of that was the state of IWE, but enough of it was Fergie himself.

ER: King Carl Fergie the Wicked, wearing a Nazi helmet for his dying days IWE main event. King Carl Fergie, conqueror of Goro Tsurumi and Atsushi Onita, partner of Gypsy Joe. Rusher Kimura's takedowns look so impossible to stop. Rusher had lost some speed but this man moved and manipulated the larger Fergie like a real shooter. When he pins Fergie's arm and grapevines the leg, you can see him using all of his weight to effortlessly drop Fergie to the mat. It's the way Fergie keeps trying to push Rusher off him from his back, but Rusher won't let go of that boot for anything. The shoulderblocks hit hard and Fergie gets tossed immaculately by a backdrop, then gets punched directly in the face, taking a tremendous floundering back bump with windmilling arms that almost catches the back of his neck on the ropes. Fergie took that punch like he was a heavy getting knocked out by Rick Simon. This is really fucking good. Fergie walks right up to Rusher Kimura because he's the man, and he punches Rusher in the face and shakes his fist out angrily after punching him, and every man in Korakuen knows that Fergie is the man. His elbow strikes to Kimura's collarbones only reinforces that feeling.  

I loved every headlock in this match. 

Carl Fergie takes an even higher backdrop than he did earlier and Rusher locks him into a killer butterfly mid-squat bearhug like he was a Negro Navarro T-1000 sent back to send Carl Fergie back to Memphis. Who was the human (?) who, over 40 years ago, knew how important it would be to document the time crimes that were happening in the final three months of the 4th most popular wrestling promotion in Japan. 

Mitsuharu Misawa/Toshiaki Kawada vs. The Land of Giants AJPW 11/20/90

MD: Eric already covered the hugely entertaining 11/21/90 Land of the Giants vs Dory/Terry match (amazing Terry performance) so I'm poking at the guts of this thing instead. And on paper, it's kind of interesting. Misawa and Kawada had spent most of the last many months against Jumbo, Taue, Inoue, Fuchi, Doc, Gordy, Hansen and even occasionally stablemate Kobashi and Ace. Those are all guys you can do a lot against. Here, they were up against the sort of challenge rare to AJPW, two absolute lugs with size, no mobility, terrible clubbering strikes, little presence. That's the sort of thing you expect out of post-WWF talent 80s NJPW maybe, where they'd just trot out Mad Maxx and Super Maxx managed by Wakamatsu to face Fujinami and Kimura, but it's a lot less of an AJPW thing.

And, yeah, it goes ok. The real testament to Misawa, Kawada, and the crowd, was that there was a legitimately hot tag to Misawa towards the end and the crowd went up for it; I don't think it was entirely warranted, but they went with it anyway. After that, there was a great American tag moment of Misawa and Kawada whipping the giants into each other too. Otherwise, the big appeal here would be the Super Generation Army throwing really high kicks at really tall guys. Nitron took them pretty well too. That's about the nicest thing I'm going to say about Land of the Giants here, unfortunately. The blows didn't look great, crummy knees in the ropes, weak sweeping clubbering forearms, a couple of slams that didn't have much mustard behind them. There was stuff that worked in theory but not execution, like Nitron catching Kawada with a cheapshot clothesline from his spot on the apron to cut off a flurry. Their finish at this point was an assisted legdrop (from an atomic drop position) and Masters pumping his arm before going up with it was sort of entertaining. The finish worked too, with Kawada getting Nitron out of the ring so Misawa could throw some magic forearms and duck a clothesline to hit a pretty beautiful bridging German on a giant of a man. But like I said, that they got the crowd back was the most impressive thing here.

ER: Yeah, this wasn't great. It merely existed, and was worked surprisingly straight forward for being a couple of Faux Warriors vs. the two hottest young studs in the company. Misawa and Kawada didn't go after them any differently than they would have gone after Dynamite Kid and Johnny Smith, so that was kind of disappointing. I either wanted to see two giants with bad offense hold down two elites, or two elites absolutely lace into two bad giants, and we got something much less risky and much less interesting. What *is* important to note, is that the team of SKYWALKER NITRON and Butch Masters is not "Land of the Giants", which I suppose makes more sense than their actual name. No, their name is THE Land of Giants. Their team name makes sure to place the focus on the Land rather than the Giants who inhabit this Land, much like hit the hit Sid & Marty Krofft series The Land of Lost. 

In This Land of Giants, the Giants do not hit very hard. Of all the future X-Men, I imagine Misawa or Kawada could have worked a more compelling match with Kelsey Grammer or Alan Cumming. SKYWALKER NITRON throws two of the piddliest clotheslines, even though Kawada mostly saved one of them by just running neck first into it. Running into an actual clothesline in the backyard would have provided far more resistance that NITRON's long noodle of an arm. I do like how Misawa came in and kicked at him, actually liked his kicks more than Kawada's here. Lighter on form, harder on impact. Butch Masters is really good at stepping over the top rope, which is not a thing that every tall wrestler can say. SKYWALKER NITRON can't say it. But Butch steps over it straight, an optical illusion that makes it look like he's just stepping up onto a curb while he's actually clearing three ropes. NITRON meanwhile looks like he's trying to get into a ski boat from the water. Each man who hails from The Land of Giants did their own bearhug, and Misawa broke up SKYWALKER's by walking in and just elbowing him straight in the kidneys. Kawada hits a cool pescado into NITRON, and I do like the finisher of the team who hails from The Land of Giants, a man-assisted legdrop. What other Giants come from this Land? Were they sending their biggest and best Giants to the Aichi Prefectural Gymnasium? Was this merely a work placement program, or a study abroad kind of situation? What is the Giant Exchange Program in The Land? Are these two as good as Tall Rick or Thomas Big Boots? 

Christian vs. Samoa Joe NEW 4/21/07

MD: I love Christian's WWECW work. He was an amazing week to week TV wrestler, someone who could work his own spots and his opponent's spots into a match in clever, believable, varied, and interesting ways to deal with the grind of televised match after match after match. A sort of neo-Bret Hart for a different era with different demands. I've never really had any indication that he worked it out much before that though. Some of that is on me in that I didn't chase down his TNA run. Unfortunately, I do think some of it might be on him too.

It's a little off-putting how much of this match is rote heel champion vs. local dominant attraction house show fare, actually. It's not that the stalling isn't fun and the antics with the ref aren't good and the cheating isn't effective. It just doesn't stand out as special like you'd expect a Christian vs. Samoa Joe match to be. In fact, even though he hits some of his big offensive moves, it's the least "Joe" match I've ever seen. He's so submerged in the formula that he comes off as just another guy lacking his usual aura. Because it's such an aberration, I'm leaning towards Christian not quite being there yet and my gut says that this would have been a lot better a couple of years later or even right now. Again, there was nothing bad or wrong about it and the stuff that was good was very good; it just was less than the sum of its parts should have been. That's all.

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On Brand Segunda Caida: Early 90s Funk

Terry Funk/Dory Funk Jr. vs. The Land of Giants (Skywalker Nitron/Butch Masters) AJPW 11/12/90

ER: I was in the mood to watch some Terry Funk matches I had never seen, and this certainly fits that bill! We regularly get people asking why we don't have more SKYWALKER NITRON on the blog, so this buys us some time from those types. And it's true that while Terry Funk was in Road House, he has not ever been paid money to portray Michael Myers or Sabretooth, and that still means something to a lot of people. But my god what a Terry show this is. Terry is so great working both giants, running around them in amusing ways, mocking their "step over the top rope" ring entrances by stepping over the guardrail to get away from them, literally forcing two giants to angrily chase him. The way he sets up this big moment is so wonderful, testing the waters with failed shoulderblocks, feeling out Nitron, building to head faking his way into an ankle pick, flopping to the mat to grab a leg. It was incredible. Throw in Terry throwing stiff punch combos on hot tags, nice headbutts, and a pair of really big bumps over the top to the floor to put over the Giants, and it was all a weird kind of magic. Dory couldn't move them, so it kept setting up Terry to save the day and led to a ton of fun moments. 

The Giants are fine. This is probably the most cohesive I've seen them look, and I thought they mixed in their big boots nicely, thought Masters had a genuinely great bearhug on Dory, and I think a giant-assisted legdrop is a cool tandem finisher (that got a really awesome nearfall reaction, as I actually could have seen them do something crazy like let part-timer Terry lose to these guys). The finishing stretch nicely whips the crowd up, and while I was hoping for a finish a bit more interesting than Dory hitting a sloppy as hell Thesz Press, the Terry performance here alone made this a bank full of money. Terry is ALWAYS fun against weird opponents, and two 6'9" Faux Warriors are the perfect kind of weird.

Terry Funk vs. Road Warrior Hawk NWA Grandslam 4/17/93

ER: There really aren't a ton of Road Warrior/Funk interactions, and this was about as fun a singles match as one could have hoped for. This was a nice and full gymnasium for a big indy card, and here's Terry Funk coming out for the main event, screaming at fans, yelling at moms in baggy white sweatshirts, ripping his chaps off and threatening to swing on people, ranting and raving through the crowd before making his way back to the ring. When Hawk finally comes out, Funk leaves the ring and shoves Dennis Coralluzzo around, then waits until Hawk is distracted by greeting a disabled fan and jumps him. This whole thing is great, a tremendous Terry show. He buries Hawk under chairs, brawls through the crowd and, importantly, the crowd brawling is genuinely good, with Funk throwing stiff body shots and hard elbows to the back of Hawk's neck. Funk bounces a trash can off Hawk's head and then actually gives him a piledriver on the floor. The crowd is fully hot for this and the ring bell keeps ringing, which I think always adds to the chaotic feel of something like this. Things hit an impossible peak when they brawl up through the bleachers, Funk gets his head smashed into the wall at the top and then bumps backward, upside down, sliding down the bleachers. Amazing. Funk gets great color, bloody as hell on a Saturday night in Minnesota, getting press slammed by Hawk back in the ring, making damn sure those people got their money's worth. This was a card filled with talent, and this match is officially listed as going less than 2 minutes. If one single person in attendance complained that they only got a "2 minute match" from these two? Wrestling just might not be for them.

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Andre the Giant Will Race to the Bottom of a Glass

Geant Ferre vs. Scarface French Catch 1/1/68 - FUN

PAS: This might be the earliest Andre match available, and while it isn't the classic that Franz Van Buyten match is, any chance to see young Andre is a treat. This is basically a brawl, with Scarface being this cheap shot artist, who is always looking for an advantage, with babyface Andre fight back valiantly. I loved all three of them (including the ref) spilling out over the top rope, and there was some good clubbing by both guys. I really liked Scarface's almost cartoon selling, when he got clubbed on the head, it felt like the way Elmer Fudd might sell being hit by a frying pan.

ER: This was a real fun disjointed mess. Scarface is a real jerk who looks like a beefed up Mr. Bean, who was really aggressive about attacking Andre and tying him up with tough headlocks, even having the stones to grab a bearhug! Grabbing a bearhug ON Andre! Scarface has really great kicks to the stomach. He'd muscle Andre down by the arm, or in a headlock, ref would break it up (really the ref spent 20 minutes trying to break up everything. I was over it.), and Scarface would push kick Andre in the stomach as he was walking away. At one point Andre just picks Scarface up over his head while Scarface was holding a headlock, and the crowd shrieks as it looks like Andre is going to throw him into the 4th row. Andre was somehow turned into a sympathetic giant with how aggressive Scarface was being, and this whole thing peaked when both men (and the intrusive referee) tumbled over the top to the floor, and Andre and Scarface really started beating the tar out of each other, two big guys throwing big shots right next to people. 

It's fascinating to see this earliest Andre, so we can see Andre with actual terrible offense. He is still throwing amazing European uppercuts this early (and while it's cute that Scarface sells them by puffing his cheeks and exhaling, these looked like murder blows and really should have been treated as such), but Andre also has these really terrible overhand shots, and I'm not really sure what they're supposed to be. He lifts his arm up fast and violent, tucks his elbow like he's coming down with a Dusty elbow, but then kind of lightly extends his fist to barely bonk Scarface on the chest, and even makes his hand "explode" as if he just did a fist bump. They're really perplexing and bad strikes, and a few weeks later during his excellent match against Franz Van Buyten they are completely gone. Still, this was a fun look at the earliest Andre, and I believe our first time seeing old cranky Scarface.


Andre the Giant/Giant Baba vs. The Land of Giants AJPW 11/25/90 - FUN

ER: Sadly, I couldn't quite go EPIC on this one, even though I wanted to in my heart. While it's probably not among the best tags in All Japan history (and I'm sure there will be some out there that consider it the worst, which is not unfair), what they fail to note is that it is - in all likelihood - that it is probably the tallest tag match in All Japan history, and that still means something in this world. Andre the Giant Versus Skywalker Nitron sounds like a disappointing 50s sci fi flick with a great poster, or a bad down period Marvel comic, and the same things can be said for Giant Baba Versus Butch Masters. I know these words but that sentence makes no sense. So you have two tall white guys, one a future Michael Myers and X-Man, one a future Giant Warrior, against two broken Giants, and it's weird and amusing and then it ends. I give Skywalker Nitron credit for doing his best against our lovable old duo, both because he really knew when to ham it up properly, and also because I'm likely never going to get the chance to write the words "Skywalker Nitron" again. 

Nothing here will knock your wrestling socks off, but there are moments of joy to be had, like Skywalker Nitron being put into double arm breakers by Andre and Baba, and kind of jumping and yipping every time they bring his arms down over their shoulders; or, Andre working a really cool knucklelock spot that I've never seen, where he grabs Walker's hand in his literal Giant hand, squeezes it, and then rears back and punches Masters in the hand; or, the way Baba sold Skywalker Nitron's punches with disdain; or, Baba actually doing a drop toehold (well, we knew it was supposed to be a drop toehold) on Skywalker Nitron. Baba and Andre's finish is almost adorable, as Andre whips Masters into a big Baba boot, and then Andre unexpectedly drops an elbow. Now, the elbow was...basically Andre widening his legs until he was just about close enough to fall down onto Masters, but just seeing Andre hit the mat in any way was pretty unexpected at this point, and it was tough seeing him slowly pull himself up by putting a lot of weight on the referee's shoulders. But, Skywalker Nitron and Butch Masters were good sports, I still can't take my eyes off of barely mobile Andre, he's still somehow so utterly compelling. I like that this happened.

PAS:  I thought Nitron and Masters were pretty terrible, nothing they did looked like it had any impact at all. I can see why you wouldn't want to hit Baba hard (he really looked like he was made of porcelain at this point), but Andre was solid enough that you could make contact at least. I thought Andre looked pretty good. I love when he lurches his arm out to grab someone by the throat, and while that elbow drop wasn't graceful, it sure landed with a thud. Even in his last days he still had an aura about him. Honestly this was a pretty bad match, but as a spectacle it is definitely worth watching.


COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE

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