Fire Fundraiser: WCW Saturday Night Weirdness, Part II

Part II of our donor-requested WCW Saturday Night Weirdness:

~The Victory Lap, 9/4/99: This episode was notably weird because it featured one-time only appearances and appearances from wrestlers you had assumed were fired years earlier. Scott Putski worked his best of 70 series against Scotty Riggs, and NOBODY was thinking Scott Putski was on their payroll this late in 1999. Clearly an example of a guy who kept showing up for work so they kept using him, until Janice in Accounting realized "Wait a minute we haven't paid him since April 1998!" And speaking of that, this show also has a Disciple match. You know, The Disciple, Brutus Beefcake's short-lived gimmick as a Ultimate Warrior acolyte. For some reason he pops up on this show against the Cat, one full year after Warrior had left WCW. It's possible this match was taped a year earlier, but regardless we have a gimmick one year removed from storyline relevancy. Maybe WCW just wanted to give Disciple the sendoff he and the FANS DESERVED. A proper farewell to all of Disciple's fans, like the worst possible Derek Jeter thanks for the memories tour, Ed Leslie working round the horn with all the worst possible match-ups on the roster.

Perhaps MOST importantly, however, was that this episode featured the lone match of No Limit Soldier 4x4, the largest, fattest member of the NLS (even bigger than Swoll...I think!). I had no clue 4x4 even wrestled a match in WCW, but if I had to draw up a short list of "Worst Possible Opponent for Debuting 4x4" then #1 on that list would be Brian Knobbs. Now, specifically, that list was who the worst opponent FOR 4x4, the person. Knobbs was a great choice of opponent for me, the viewer. There are wrestlers who work stiff, like Finlay, but you rarely get the impression that Finlay is putting his opponent in danger by being unprofessional. Knobbs has the feeling of being unprofessional FAR more than he feels like a guy with his opponents' best interests in mind. So as 4x4, he of the mammoth prison yard weight routine body (all arms and chest, no ab work), wearing his absurd spaghetti strap camouflage tank top, as 4x4 rolls into the ring Knobbs immediately makes clear to everybody that 4x4 is not safe by stomping him in a really violent way. 4x4 stumbles to a corner and Knobbs throws some expectedly unprofessional stiff elbows. 4x4 clearly has no idea what to do in a ring and so therefore is reliant upon the guidance of his partner in, who - again - Knobbs would be the worst choice of somebody to guide a rookie gently through a match (maybe New Jack would possibly be worse). Knobbs actually does take a couple bumps for 4x4 (Knobbs at least usually had no problem taking violence in return, he would also just clearly take cheap shots where his opponent normally would not) and the First Family and No Limit Soldies eventually run in. 4x4 was just silly. He looked about 400 lb., but couldn't have been more than 5'10". His tiny tank top straps made it look like he was wearing a tube top. And these lucky fans were there to see it!

~Spyder Baby, 9/25/99: If you're ever looking for specific examples of late period WCW having too many guys on the payroll, they don't come much better than Spyder. Spyder was Art Flores, and before this the only thing he did in WCW was act as Eddie's bodyguard in the LWO. He was the non-wrestling member of the LWO. And yet here we are, 8 months AFTER the LWO has disbanded, with the only LWO member to never wrestle during the LWO's tenure, wrestling on television. Yes, here we are, months after the LWO disbanded, watching the least known member of the faction having a match. And it turns out that Spyder isn't very good at pro wrestling. His attempts at punches were almsot cute, and then he threw a clothesline at Disco Inferno's lower chest and Disco didn't actually know what move he was supposed to be taking. The confusion on Disco's face looked like the face a man would make in a sitcom, attempting to plug his electric razor into a Russian outlet. Glad they kept Spyder around 8 months for this 80 second match. Where have you gone, Art Flores?

~He's Coming Back!, 3/11/00: This episode featured a bumper announcing "Shark Boy returns to Saturday Night NEXT WEEK!" Weird, because I've never seen them announce ANYbody coming back who had been away, but preposterous because they chose to hype SHARK BOY as the person returning. And you know there was one kid out there asking his friend, mom, self "when is Shark Boy coming back" and that kid got really excited during that going-to-commercial bumper. And, as we all know, the ratings for the following week got a significant bump*.

*I did not look up the ratings for the following week

~Buncha Weirdos in a Pole Match, 4/1/00: The main event of this episode was a Hardcore 6 man for the Hardcore Title, with the Title on a Pole. And the participants were Brian Knobbs, Adrian Byrd, Dave Burkhead, Norman Smiley, Rick Fuller and The Dog. That's the main event. And it is 6 men who normally don't make it into main events, all beating each other with weapons. Sounds pretty basic for this era. Chairs, trash cans, assorted garbage, ladders, etc. all get used. But then something weird happens: Dave Burkhead becomes the sympathetic babyface that the crowd wants to see win the title. It can't be understated how shockingly over Smiley still was here, but at a certain point this became the Burkhead show. Burkhead took far more punishment than everybody else in the match. I picked up on it. Fans in the audience picked up on it. And we all willed Burkhead towards the 100% completely meaningless WCW Hardcore Championship. Burkhead takes a bunch of gross late 90s style unprotected chair shots, trash can shots, gets smacked in the back of the head with a ladder, takes a rough bump to the floor, gets a ladder thrown from the ring ONTO HIS FACE while he's lying on the floor after his bump, but there he was, on the turnbuckles, reaching for that title, championship gold literally at his fingertips.....eh but Knobbs hit him with a trash can and just grabbed it. This was the last match Dave Burkhead worked for WCW. Truly, it was his Waterloo.

First runner up for maybe the most impressive thing about this episode is, at the time of this writing, nobody featured on the episode is presently deceased. No small accomplishment, that, when watching 15+ year old pro wrestling. There were 32 workers on the 4/1/00 broadcast! ALL of them are still alive! (I admittedly am assuming that Adrian Byrd is still alive, which could backfire on me since at this point he would be a black man in his late 40s with a history of steroid use. Those right there are several checked boxes on the "Are You at Risk of Imminent Death?" questionnaire.)

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My Favorite Wrestling! WCW Saturday Night 2/13/99

Saturday Night 2/13/99

1. Bobby Blaze vs. Jerry Flynn

This was pretty awesome right here. Both guys threw big suplexes and big chops and this was a pretty great strike-based sprint. Flynn matches are always dependent on how much of a beating his opponents are willing to take, and Blaze is a pudgy guy who will take some kicks, throw some neat suplexes, and that all happens here. Flynn looked like a beast here and I especially loved his spinning kick in the corner. Blaze was a man and took is right on the chin. Loved how Flynn had a habit of just finishing guys with a tight armbar after throwing a suplex.

2. Johnny Swinger vs. Vincent

a 30 second Vince squash!? Swinger couldn't have felt great about himself after taking a 30 second loss to Vincent. That being said, Vincent has been a WCW B-Sides MVP contender on rewatch. I have no clue where he got good, but his late 90s WCW stuff has been killer. Here he uses a really cool single arm DDT into an Americana to get the quick tap.

3. Dave Burkhead vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

I may be the biggest Dave Burkhead fan online . I'm pretty sure he was never involved in any classics, and he didn't have a great look, but he did a lot of small things better than most guys. Here he really made me appreciate taking a drop toe hold as he seems genuinely surprised by it and just does a hard face plant. At first I thought Burkhead was just a lumpy jobber, but now that I've had the privilege of seeing more Burkhead matches than most human beings, I can officially be called a Dave Burkhead fan. Dude was rock solid and always threw cool stuff into his jobber matches. He's like the Barry Houston of the late 90s. I showed this match to my incredulous friends who thought I was lying to them about how awesome Burkhead was, and they were all way down with Burkhead by the end of the match. Dude knew how to put over offense (he took a German suplex and tornado DDT right on the dome).

4. Scotty Riggs vs. Kaz Hayashi

Man Kaz Hayashi is fucking awesome. I remember digging him in 1999, but this guy is looking top 20 in the world from everything I've re-watched so far. Everything he does looks gorgeous and it's so accurate. He does that gorgeous tumbling moonsault from the top rope into the ring, and also over the top to the floor and it looks super graceful. Guys also give Kaz tons of offense in his matches even though he almost always ends up losing. Kaz takes like 70% of this match and it's awesome. Finish was Kaz leaning way into the 5-arm and holy shit Kaz Hayashi was like top 5 in WCW at this point.

5. Lodi vs. Kidman

I...truthfully didn't have much opinion on Lodi before watching this match. I don't remember seeing him wrestle much before the whole Lenny/Lodi thing, and even then I don't remember if he was good, bad, horrendous, awesome, whatever, who knows. But he seemed pretty damn good here. He took a monster bump into the guardrail and threw a really great knee lift (which is a move that a lot of guys do terribly). There was a GREAT spot where Lodi was trying to load one of his gloves in the corner, dropped it, and when he bent down to pick it up Kidman ran up and caught him in his springboard bulldog move. It was one of the greatest examples I've ever seen of "guy occupying himself while other guy sets up convoluted offense". How many times do people just bend at the waist waiting to take a move (looking at YOU Booker T axe kick), and Lodi of all people makes taking a move look entirely logical and makes Kidman look WAY better in the process. Finlay is the best at logically getting into position for opponents' signature offense, but now I'm genuinely looking forward to more Lodi!

6. The Cat vs. Booker T

Booker has aged horribly on this rewatch. I remember really liking him and now I'm starting to think the time I actually really liked Booker was like 3 months at the very beginning of 1998. I remember loving the Martel and Saturn matches from Superbrawl and some of the Benoit series, and now I'm realizing that might be it as far as WCW Booker. Harlem Heat has been dreadful. It's all sorts of sloppy kicks and posing. Cat looks pretty clueless here as well. It's not as bad as it could have been and has some pretty inspired moments (Cat got leveled on a nice short arm lariat) but then it ends in a DQ and it's like Whhhhhhhhhy!?

7. Horace vs. Chris Benoit

So as well as being the biggest Dave Burkhead fan, I'm pretty sure I may be the biggest Horace fan as well. I really dig Horace and this was a pretty good late 90s WCW dream match for me. Horace has some nice stuff in this including a great yakuza kick, a big tope (to one of the guardrail sides of the ring, not even into the entrance ramp side!!), takes all of Benoit's suplexes really well for such a large guy (reacts great to the snap suplex as well, shaking his finger at Benoit afterwards). Matches ends with Vincent running in to break things up, and then Mongo runs out and get this - doesn't look very good.

8. Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Misterio Jr.

Classic late 90s cruiser action, and you really have to be a hardened asshole to hate on this kinda stuff. A lot of nerds nowadays will complain about "he should have sold _____ longer" and blah blah blah but whatever, this was two of the all time great cruiserweights doing tons of cool moves and reversals at a blindingly fast pace and it ruled. Cool flips and a rad Juvi springboard spinning heel kick and rad reversals and pre-shitty Rey tattoos and pre-weird Juvi stories about selling birdseed and gym bag-shitting and whatever. My girlfriend and I loved every second of this and it really brought me back to the days where I wouldn't give a shit about heavyweights and bought all my wrestling tapes based on all the rad cruiser matches on it. 90 stars.

9. Brian Adams/Vince vs. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

This was supposed to be Brian Adams vs. Dean Malenko, which sounds kinda shitty on paper. But it was changed pre-match to the tag you see above, which to me sounds completely AWESOME on paper and explains the earlier, shorter Vince match. Seriously, late 90s WCW Vincent is a revelation, just the perfect syndicated TV worker. Really knew how to cater his style to whatever guy he was working and he really may be the great lost late 90s superworker. His work against Malenko here was great, flying into his silly leaping flipping calf kick and once he goes on offense really begins the story of the match (working over Dean's back and building to the Benoit hot tag). He has all sorts of cool forearms and clubbing blows and an amazing elbow drop to Dean's back, with Adams then working it over with a nice tilt-a-whirl slam and just stretches Dean over his knee. Yeah it all gets no sold by the end of the match but the work by nWo was strong and you can't expect much more from a 6 minute Saturday Night tag that ends in a run-in. Personally, I thought Adams and Vince smoked the vanilla midgets in this match.

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Saturday Night 4/1/00

Jeremy Lopez/Tommy Rogers vs. Dandy/Silver King

Dandy/King are wearing their insanely awesome full body suits that I never realized they wore. King's is a full body suit that shows no skin whatsoever, and it is glittery silver and black. Dandy opts for gold and black, but his is sleeveless. King even works the stick to start the match, saying they are Latin America's most wanted men, and slicks his eyebrows down. Match itself was totally awesome. Lopez is a Malenko trainee who I *think* has worked Osaka Pro most of this decade, and would apparently be the worst road trip buddy ever (copied and pasted from his website, Favorite Bands: Creed, Kid Rock, 3rd Eye Blind, Uncle Cracker, STP. Live, Hootie And the Blowfish, 3Doors Down). Here he throws nice chops and gets punched by Dandy (Dandy throws like 4 awesome punches in this btw). I thought Tommy Rogers was ancient here but turns outs he was only 38. He was spry and also threw nice punches. Dandy Roll is incredibly quick and I have now seen 3 WCW matches where Dandy takes the fall!

Little Jeannie vs. Mona

Little Jeannie appears to be working some sort of gun moll gimmick, and Mona still has her awesome tear away evening gown. I don't think I could ever put down a Mona/Molly match. That's like putting down kittens or bunnies. Luckily the match is really fun with a bunch of cool mat-based stuff, and Mona winning with a neat inverted surfboard.

Kid Romeo vs. Allen Funk

This wasn't bad, but felt like two guys that were trying to throw out a whole bunch of cool moves. Funk looked better, though, throwing a big clothesline and a couple cool suplexes. Romeo came out dancing with glow sticks which I guess was an OK attempt to try and tap into a certain type of youth culture. It would have worked better had they had them work the mat and Romeo just couldn't stop rubbing on Funk.

Frankie Lancaster vs. Lash LeRoux

Frankie Lancaster is Bob Holly. I mean, especially in this match. They look like the same person, except Frankie had a mustache. Hmmmm. Same bleached hair, same balding pattern, same gassed physique, nice dropkick, same fucking face...This is also about the best I've seen Frankie look in ring, too, really playing to the crowd and working stiffer than normal. I really hate Lash LeRoux's hair. Frankie takes almost all the match before Lash hits his inevitable finish.

Steve Armstrong vs. Hugh Morrus

I never remember Steve wearing tie dye and blue jeans while he wrestled. I remember Brad worked as Buzzkill a few months before this, but why was Steve doing the same thing? Was there some sort of angle where Steve was making fun of his brother for ripping off one of their other brothers, as a wink wink within a nudge nudge? Because the announcers weren't putting any of that over. They didn't even mention that it might be odd for Steve to be working in jeans and a tie dye shirt, just business as usual. Anyway, Steve doesn't get much offense here. Morrus always takes 95% of his squash matches. He was more entertaining here than he can be (throwing some nice elbowdrops, nailing the No Laughing Matter, pulling Steve on top for the false 2.9), but it would be nice to see an actual match from him.

3 Count vs. Shark Boy/Frank Paris/Elix Skipper

3 Count was really good on a sliding scale. Helms looked really great here and threw nice strikes and was super quick, Moore took some big bumps and was also quick, and Karagias had very nice abs. 3 Count stooge around for a lot of Shark Boy biting offense, and good lord was Air Paris (Frank?) bigger than I remember. He was the biggest guy in this match! Pretty short match, would've liked to see more. A few women in their late 30s were really into the pre-match boy band singing and synchronized dancing.

Chris Harris vs. Chuck Palumbo

Harris blows a couple things and we cut to random kids in the crowd to cover it. Still, he moved quickly for a big guy and that helped. Palumbo still threw an awesome right hand, even this early on. And good gracious his two jungle kick superkicks here were brutal, the last one just blasting Harris under the chin. Palumbo wasn't as good here as he would get, but showed potential. When did he make the jump up to "really really good", like 2003?

Cassidy Riley vs. HAIL

I liked O'Reilly (Riley?) in TNA as one of the Hotshots, but here he doesn't get to do much. Announcers were putting over HAIL as a giant (6'9" 350 lb!!!) which is completely absurd since he was only slightly bigger than Chris Harris or Chuck Palumbo in the previous match. But to get over his size Hudson was pushing Cassidy as being 6'2" 220 lb. which is awesome. This match was not much, although HAIL's jumping piledriver looked really good. His finisher was called Hail's Bells, which is both awesome and horrible.

Kory Williams/Ashley Hudson vs. Vito/Johnny the Bull

Vito actually looked really good here, with the Mamalukes finisher being a Hart Attack but with Vito doing a yakuza kick (so he had to do a massive yakuza kick way over his head and it looked really great). Kory Williams threw some alright punches and some really high & pretty dropkicks. He also gets his head kicked in by Vito. Match was kinda boring when Ashley Hudson was in, which was most of it. Hudson looked a lot like Crowbar, but had a silhouette of Australia on his singlet, and came out wearing a boomerang. Since he didn't get any offense, though, it remains unknown whether or not he has Australian-named gimmick offense.

Brian Knobbs vs. Adrian Byrd vs. Dave Burkhead vs. Rick Fuller vs. Norman Smiley vs. The Dog*

Yeaahhhh! Hardcore main event 6 man, title on a pole match! Dog and Fuller disappear through large portions of this, and the star of the match is probably Dave Burkhead. This was basically 6 guys wandering around a ring filled with garbage, hitting each other with chairs and trash cans and trash can lids and ladders, all while trying to grab the title from the pole. Burkhead is always seemingly right in the way of plunder here, so he wins best in match. He takes chairshots, trash can shots, a ladder shot to the back of the head (then takes a huge running bump from the ring to the floor), then while lying on the floor gets a ladder thrown from the ring onto his face! It all made me root for him and when he climbed to the turnbuckle to reach for the title I was actually getting excited. "Will Burkhead win the title here!?" But no, Knobbs beats him with a trash can and grabs the belt : ( It was fun while it lasted.

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Saturday Night 6/26/99

Dave Burkhead vs. Van Hammer

God bless him, Burkhead and his "buff guy that got fat" body tried his damndest here, but Van Hammer. But, Van Hammer. A lot of men have tried, but, in the end, Van Hammer.

Al Greene vs. Barbarian

OK, this episode ain't starting off too hot. WCW had an odd habit of booking Al Green as a heel, then putting him against other heels. I like the Barbarian a lot, but he didn't look great here and Al Green looked better than I remember him being. TomK had a good story about a diner he goes to in New Orleans that has a wall of autographed celebrity photos, people like John Larroquette, James Gandolfini, Willard Scott...and Al Greene. I've always wondered where those pictures come from. Do the celebrities carry them around with them and hand them out to the restaurant when the owner asks? Or does the owner just have a large number of 8x10s of guys like The Dog Al Greene? I once was at the bad mall in my town, and saw Willie Nelson walking around. I went up to him and quickly found out it was NOT Willie Nelson, but it was Almost Willie, the world's #1 Willie Nelson impersonator. He had a bunch of 8x10s in his bag and signed one for me. So does The Dog Al Greene just carry a bunch of 8x10s around with him?

La Parka vs. Kenny Kaos

Well this was just too much fun, with Parka taking some crazy bumps for a bunch of Kaos clotheslines and actually getting in a whole bunch of offense (including punching Kaos right in the face a couple times). It's been beaten to death by everybody by now, but WCW really just did not know what they had with La Parka. Crowd is crazy hot for the guy in this match. He could have made them a whole bank full of money. Shoot, here we are 12 years after this episode aired and Park is currently my favorite wrestler in the world. Weird.

Barry Windham vs. Rey Misterio Jr.

Jeez, Barry Windham's SUUUUPER tight and SUUUUUPER short jean shorts are the most disgustingly distracting piece of wrestling attire I've ever seen. I would rather seen him in (technically smaller) trunks, as these awful denim shorts just looked like the most uncomfortably ball-strangling piece of clothing possible. Every time he moved or shifted I kept expecting a testicle to rupture. His whole outfit is completely preposterous, with the nut-strangling short-shorts (they were so short the pockets were sticking out the bottom!), cowboy boots, giant knee brace, tank top, and gardening gloves. WTF? Match was fun but ends prematurely as Kendall just runs in and starts beating Rey down, leading to K-Dawwwwg, Swoll, Chase Tatum all running down and getting their swell on and just kinda....looking like shitheads.

Bobby Blaze/Lenny Lane vs. Curt Hennig/Bobby Duncum Jr.

Hennig/Duncum were almost as awesome as the Kendall/Barry Rednecks duo. They just tore Lenny and Blaze apart. Duncum was decent in the ring, but his strengths appear to be his work outside the ring. His distraction spots from the floor or apron were done really great, and he does a bunch of cool stuff (stuff that seems to just not exist in modern wrestling) from the apron to keep the babyface on their toes (grabbing at them when they get close, yelling threats, being awesome). West Texas Rednecks stuff has really aged the best out of all the '99 WCW stuff.

Great exchange from Hudson/Tenay during the 2nd West Texas Rednecks match:

MT: You know, Larry Zbyszko loves this song [Rap is Crap]!
SH: Really? I wouldn't think Larry would listen to anything made past 1912.
MT: Well he told me during Thunder last week that his favorite music is Bob Seger!
SH: Larry Zbyszko loves Bob Seger!?
MT: Yep, BIG rock and roll fan. You'll have to start watching the Thunder broadcasts more often!
SH: Now why would I want to do that!?

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My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Worldwide 2/27 & 3/6/99

2/27/99

Damian vs. Norman Smiley

This was about as awesome as you can get in 200 seconds. Damian - just like the Hak match - got a lot of offense: big tope, some stiff kicks, where have these offense-heavy Damian matches been hiding? And holy lord I forgot how RIDICULOUSLY over the Big Wiggle was. A black man, in the south, simulating anal sex with another man, was by FAR the most over thing on this entire episode. Men in the crowd were jumping up and screaming and fist pumping every time he even TEASED butt sex. Touches his own chest intimately? Every dude in the building screaming. I don't think I could have ever predicted that if I were on the booking committee throwing out ideas.

Dave Burkhead vs. Jerry Flynn

This was fun because Burkhead is a guy doesn't have much offense, so it's nice seeing him against people with cool offense because he just kinda sits there and takes it with his out-of-shape Michael Chiklis body. Flynn is a guy who has a bunch of cool kicks, but his match quality gets better the lower on the totem pole his opponent is. Goldberg isn't going to take stiff kicks. Dave Burkhead though? Flynn laces into Burkhead for the bulk of the match and shows off all the cool kick variations. He hits a nasty spin kick right under Dave's chin, just FUTEN level brual and it was great.

Bobby Eaton vs. Brian Adams

This was allllllmost really good, but it had too much so-so Adams offense, and not enough Eaton. Eaton took some nice bumps and had a momentary comeback that was GREAT when Horace jumped onto the apron for interference and Eaton just whirled around and gave him the big right hand, Horace flew off the apron, but then Adams cut him off for the win.

3/6/99

Scott Armstrong vs. Kidman

This was all about Scott being awesome, and showcasing the two polar opposite sides of one Billy Kidman. Kidman has some of the lightest possible offense, like 0.7 Lance. But then Kidman takes three different awesome insane bumps. A great bumper will rank higher with me than somebody with great offense. But I challenge you to find a wrestler with better bumps, and worse offense. I think Kidman represents the largest gap between those two skills. The bumps are what saved this match, because every piece of offense looked like hot garbage. BUT the massive bump over the top to the floor was gorgeous. Scott was on fire here, trying to make Kidman's offense look credible (best take of the "can't powerbomb Kidman" reverse I've seen, really whipping his head and face right into the mat) so this was very close to being very good.

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