SLL's All-Request Early Saturday Morning

Yeah, I didn't expect I would end up having things to do today, either. Sorry for the less than timely debut of SLL's All-Request Friday Night, wherein I review five matches as requested by YOU, the Segunda Caida reader. Next week's actually be up Friday night. Honest injun. If it's any consolation, at least this is only the second shittiest thing to happen in wrestling today. Now, onto the requests!

Kendall Windham & The Itallion Stallion vs. The Mod Squad (JCP, Summer 1987)
Requested by Victator

On the surface, this seems like an odd match to request, but when you dig a little deeper...it's still an odd match to request. Kendall is a guy I've liked more often than not, but still, this is a match with four guys who are pretty low on the pecking order in '87 Crockett. Then again, I've seen enough WWE Superstars to know that guys in that position can break out some great stuff when given the chance, and I went into this figuring I might see something like that. And well, I think I saw where it was supposed to happen, I'm just not convinced it actually did. This is a ten-minute time limit draw, and the idea as put forward on commentary by Tony Schiavone (who actually does a pretty solid job trying to get the match over...this match would've been great as a radio broadcast) is that these are four young guys who want to make a name for themselves, and the exposure they're getting on the Superstation means they'll be giving it their all to prove themselves to the fans and the top brass. But their all really isn't that much, and instead of coming off as guys ready to break through, they came off as guys who were still green or who had topped out at a low level. Match is laid out in a pretty traditional 80's US tag style: faces dominate the heels early, heels isolate one face and work him over, face fights back and gets the tag to the fresh man, house afire, breaking down in Center Stage. This isn't the worst version of that match I've ever seen. The Mod Squad are solid heel clubberers. Basher comes off of the apron and boots Stallion in the back after he had been thrown to the floor, which looked pretty cool, and I liked Spike's big overhand punches to Stallion's gut. They were fine in that part of the match. But it's hard not to think of the long list of teams that could've done it better. It's even harder not to think of the long list of teams that would've been more compelling than Windham and the Stallion, who were just deadly dull here. I mean, I don't mean to review the match I want to see instead of the match I am seeing, but formula's familiarity makes it hard not to think of all the times it's been done better. It's a great formula, but a formula doesn't do all the work for you. These guys didn't screw it up, but they definitely weren't afraid to coast on the formula, either.

Ricky Morton & Tommy Rich vs. The Midnight Express (NWA, 10/27/1990)
Requested by DylanWaco

Now this is how it's done. The Rock 'N' New Fabulous Ones high five each other at the top of the match, and then the MX and Cornette all high five each other, Stan Lane attempts (unsuccessfully) to high five referee Teddy Long, and then he and Bobby Eaton strut past each other to deliver a slick behind-the-back high five. The Midnight Express > you. Match proper starts with some basic exchanges between Eaton and Ricky Morton (who will wrestle practically the entire match for his team), before it starts breaking down when Eaton gets Morton in the corner and smacks him hard across the mouth. Irish whip into the opposite corner gets reversed, but Eaton tosses a mean back elbow when Morton charges in. Then we get a slick criss-cross sequence where Morton takes the upper hand and pulls out the circa 1990 hurricanrana, with Eaton tumbling into the face corner and taking a bionic elbow from Rich. The MX manage to control soon enough, though, and they are in full asskicker mode tonight. Lane gets a blind tag and catches Morton with essentially a really big snapmare off of a back body drop. This is also one of your better MX-era Lane performances, as signified by him following a superfluous springboard with the awesome clothesline takedown he did to George Takano nine years prior. Normally would complain about the superfluous springboard, but here, it felt like he was just doing it because he was an asshole, and it worked on that level. All of his redneck kung-fu stuff looked really good here as well. The MX double teaming is in full effect, including a drop toe hold followed by a nice Eaton elbow drop and a back body drop into what was basically a really big snapmare. But the real highlight here is Lane slamming Eaton on the entrance ramp, and then Eaton busting out the Rocket Launcher onto Morton on the ramp, which looked crazy as hell. Then Lane celebrates by cabbage patching in the ring. Seriously, he is like the dick of all dicks in this. It doesn't get the pin, though, so they wail on Morton some more, and Eaton hits the Alabama Jam, but asks the ref to count the knockout, which would probably look weird to some people, but the whole story of the match is that the MX are total jerks and that they are basically trying to kill Ricky Morton for the fun of it, so I can go along with that. But he makes it to his feet, and a whole lot of awesome punches get thrown before Morton blocks another Rocket Launcher with his knees and makes the rolling tag to Rich. He makes quick work of the Midnights, but Cornette and the racket come into play. It looks like it's curtains for or heroes, but then the Southern Boys hit the ring, both dressed as Jim Cornette, and Corny flips out, allowing Rich to grab the racket in the confusion and bop Stan Lane over the head with it for the win. I don't know where this ranks alongside the other classic R'n'Rs/MX encounters (and that is what this was, Rich was pretty much a non-entity here), but it was a great one, and not to be missed.

Mad Man Pondo vs. Super Ninja (UWF, 7/20/1991)
Requested by jaedmc

Damn, I did not realize how long Pondo has been at it. That's...that's a little sad, actually. Anyway, jaedmc requested this match because "not everything you watch should be good". Honestly, though, I didn't think this was a bad match. I mean, it wasn't good, and if nothing else, it's damn weird to see a professional wrestling match end with a guy shooting the half amateur-style and just keeping his opponent down for three. But Ninja - whoever he was - seemed pretty competent, and Pondo didn't really do anything outstandingly good or outstandingly bad. Aside from the finish, this match was unremarkable.

But who cares about the match when you have the commentary? We have Bruno Sammartino arbitrarily shitting on a Mad Man Pondo armdrag, a completely off his meds Captain Lou Albano, Vince Russo prototype Herb Abrams coming out to put himself over, and all three of them plus Craig DeGeorge struggling to call the nigh-unpronounceable name of "Pondo".

Tiger Jackson vs. Irish Leprechaun (WWC, 1980's)
Requested by Tim Evans

I woke up today to find that "Macho Man" Randy Savage, one of my personal favorite professional wrestlers of all time, was dead. Sadly, no one was on the ball enough to recommend a Savage match for me to review, but I can still honor his memory by reviewing a match featuring the Macho Midget himself, Tiger Jackson. It also features Irish Leprechaun (as opposed to Albanian Leprechaun?), who bears a more than striking resemblance to Hornswoggle, though I am told they are not the same person. I don't want to sound like a big racist or anything, but all these leprechauns look the same to me. Amusing comedy bit early on with Leprechaun trying to convince the ref that Jackson is pulling his beard, and Jackson eventually gets fed up and just does it. This is pretty lopsided in Jackson's favor, though Leprechaun gets to do a little bit of cool stuff on offense. Has a nasty headbutt, and he escapes a headscissors by standing up, pulling Jackson's legs off of him, and spinning him on his head like a top. But then Jackson gets the Leprechaun in a compromising position and...turns his feet around 180 degrees? And then the Leprechaun turns them back into place and scores the fluke win with a big splash! Eat that, Sid Vicious!

C.M. Punk vs. Chris Hero - 90 Minute Time Limit Best 2/3 Falls Match (IWA:M-S, 2/7/2003)
Requested by Wrestling_KO Mike

I've got a bit of multitasking to do as I write this, which means I probably shouldn't even be reviewing this match in the first place. But I've made dumber decisions than this and didn't back down from them, so this has no excuse. This match was pretty hyped back in the day because it's two indy darlings wrestling for 90 minutes. But it's also a match that's kinda been lost to time, and that few are interested in revisiting because...well, because it's two indy darlings wrestling for 90 minutes. Even at the time, I seem to recall the reception to this match being somewhat split. I, personally, liked it, but it's 2011, I'm kinda averse to indy darlings wrestling each other for 90 minutes, and it all begs the question, will I still like it? There's only one way to find out, and to make things easier on me, we're going to be doing this in five minute intervals, because passing judgment of all 90+ minutes of this in one go is just not going to happen, nor is me rewatching it immediately afterwords to make sure I got all the details right. Set the WABAC Machince for 2003, Sherman. We're going to Clarksville, Indiana....

C.M. Punk: "We might be here for a while."

Punk always carried himself like a star. We probably shouldn't be surprised that he became one. The opening minutes of the match see them take it to the mat, and the matwork is fine. I can't really complain about anything here so far. What I can say is that in 2003, I couldn't push a button and make a bajillion Negro Navarro matches instantly appear on my computer. If you were looking for quality matwork, your options were a little more limited then than they are now. If you were looking for quality matwork stateside, forget it. You had to wait three more years for Finlay to come out of retirement, or for the occasional Benoit/Regal match on Velocity. So this aspect of the match, while not bad by any stretch, probably isn't as big of a deal today as it was then.

Five minutes gone....

Next five minutes are pretty much the same story as the first. Can't complain, but can't say I'm blown away, either. But near the ten-minute mark, Hero had Punk in a seated hammerlock, and Punk turned his head back and nailed Hero with a short headbutt. Hero threw a nice one of his own in return, and now things are really starting to get interesting.

Ten minutes gone....

More headbutts from the hammerlock. Hero throws a hard chop, too. And then the pace starts to pick up a bit, as we get a few quick armdrag exchanges before Punk locks down Hero's arm. He does the move where he bars Hero's arm and then lifts him up vertically, which is pretty impressive looking on a guy as indy big as Hero.

Fifteen minutes gone....

If you're wondering how we could get fifteen minutes deep into this match when so little seems to be happening without me getting bored, I honestly don't have a definite answer. I think it might just be that they're milking everything they do for all it's worth. Whatever it is, it's surprisingly effective. This is the best five minutes of the match yet, as things go all Benoit/Regal with them still exchanging holds but also laying in some heinous chops and slaps and punches and headbutts while in the holds, including the requisite headbutt exchange while in a knucklelock. This is a blast. The minutes are just flying by.

Twenty minutes gone....

And we're back to simple, straightforward hold exchanges. Again, not bad, but after they kicked it into high gear the last five minutes, a little disappointing to see them dial it back in these. There is one really nice armdrag by Hero in this part, though.

Twenty-five minutes gone....

At least the hold exchanges are good. Hero works over Punk's arm really well, and then Punk turns it around with a rolling toehold. Hero escapes by almost Irish Leprechauning Punk's foot and turning it into an ankle lock.

Thirty-five minutes gone....

Yeah, I don't know where the other five minutes went, either, especially since the five minute intervals are being called out by Jim Fannin, and these last "five" didn't feel any longer than the five before it. The match takes another turn for the chippy here, as Hero attempts a German suplex, but Punk lands on his feet and stomps Hero's jaw in. That young Knockout Kid throws his first forearms of the night, as both guys start dropping bombs on one another.

Forty minutes gone....

Hero does a straightjacket choke cavernaria while biting Punk's nose.

Forty-five minutes gone....

Punk starts unloading on Hero. His urakens leave something to be desired, but otherwise it's pretty good. Then Hero comes back and uncorks the somewhat tubby man tornillo plancha, which ruled it.

Fifty minutes gone....

Fifty-three minutes in, and Punk finally scores the first fall of the match, and this is one of the more contentious parts of it. Punk goes for a shining wizard that was presumably supposed to take the fall, but overshoots it somewhat, and instead spins around and hits another kneelift to get the pin. On rewatch, the overshot isn't as bad as I remember. He doesn't hit it full on, but he gets enough of it that I don't think it really hurts the match that much. He fits two more full-on later in the match, they honestly don't look that much more devastating than the one he just grazed Hero with. What does hurt is that at this point in this match, this doesn't feel like something that merits a fall.

Fifty-five minutes gone....

It's around that both guys start to look a bit worn, and it's weird, because other than the simple fact that they've been wrestling a really damn long time, it doesn't feel like they've done a whole lot to each other. The entire first hour of this match is worked at a pretty even tempo. It has some highs and some lows, but it hasn't really built to anything. It made the first fall seem out of place, and it makes the current sense of desperation from both men seem somewhat unearned.

One hour gone....

Now they're earning it, as Hero takes over and gets some big nearfalls, including one off of the Hero's Welcome that had me briefly wondering if that was what tied up the match. Past the hour mark, they are developing a sense that Hero needs to score a fall soon, or he's going to fall too far behind Punk to overtake him.

Sixty-five minutes gone....

Punk breaks out the flying headscissors on the floor and an elbow suicida that lands him in the third row, but Hero comes back during a fight on the top rope and hits the Pepsi Plunge on Punk to take the second fall, and that genuinely did feel like a big moment, and a major dramatic turning point for the match.

Seventy minutes gone....

The finishing stretch begins in earnest, and what's interesting is that both guys are totally wiped out to the point that you buy the idea that any move could potentially win the match, even though you know without even looking at the results that this thing is going the full 90 minutes.

Seventy-five minutes gone....

I don't have anything really specific to say about this five minute block, so I guess this is as good a place to put this comment as any: this is a great match, but aside from the fact that the Punk/Hero feud was built around them having really long matches with each other, there is absolutely no reason the match needs to be this long. Not gonna knock the match for going this long, because this is the match I'm watching, and I'm reviewing the match I'm watching, not the one I want to watch. But 90 minutes is a long fucking time to spend watching a wrestling match, and there's nothing in this match that these guys couldn't have done in 30.

Eighty minutes gone....

Punk tenaciously works the sleeperhold, which seems like a really good idea in a match like this. Hero sells it really well, and then pays him back with a pair of backdrops and a snap Regalplex that knocked Punk even loopier than he already was.

Eighty-five minutes gone....

I've never run a marathon before, but I imagine that the end of one is kinda like the end of this match. It doesn't really matter what they're doing (though, for what it's worth, what they're doing is pretty good), it's just really cool and borderline miraculous that they even got to this point. And to a large extent, that was really the big appeal of this match - they could've done this in 30 or less and not lost anything, but they chose to do it in 90 just because they could, and that is pretty awesome. Hero hits a superbomb and crawls over to make the cover, draping one arm over Punk, but Punk does the same, and the ref counts the double pin as the time limit expires. But Ian Rotten comes out from the back and, in a rare moment of brevity, says fuck that shit and the match gets restarted.

Sudden death....

Both guys pull themselves to their feet, lay in some hard shots, and then Hero outmaneuvers Punk to lock in the Hangman's Clutch to finally put him away, and it feels like every bit as big of an accomplishment as they treat it as. I have seen many better matches than this, but it is still a great match, even with it's flaws, and on a meta level, what these guys pulled off here was unbelievable. I don't need to see anyone try to recreate it any time soon, but I'm glad it exists, and I'm glad that I've seen it.