Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 32: The Cueto Cup

Mask vs. Mask: Veneno vs. Sexy Star

ER: Is this an unannounced MASK MATCH!? I honestly don't remember. I guess it's possible they announced it, but it seems crazy to start off a random episode (an episode where it's not even the main focus! The episode is about the Cueto Cup!!) with a freaking mask match. Oops and it's Cortez Castro. It's Cortez Castro everybody. This mask was mercifully short and we're all thankful for it. Can't these two shitty cops just kill each other in an ineffective standoff?

TL: It was announced, but it was a Joey Ryan skit, so I can understand Eric forgetting it. Might be the best Sexy Star match in LU history because it lasted 45 seconds and barely had her involved in it at all. I’m trying to think of the worst cop standoffs in movie/TV history but I’m drawing a blank. This is way up there, though.

TL: Okay, so Johnny’s manager/agent/stooge, whose name I’ve already forgotten, tries a power play on a guy with multiple homicides under his watch. Smart move. Johnny threatens to take the belt elsewhere, which obviously means down the interstate to Reseda. To be frank, there have been worse title defenses there considering Elgin’s been a champ there. And Adam Cole.

Prince Puma vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: The stock has dropped pretty big for both of these guys, for me at least, so I had low expectations. The whole Cueto Cup tourney has been mostly disappointing filler programming (we need to pad out some episodes of a longer season...let's do a huge tournament!!) with a couple standouts, but a finals is a finals and there should be excitement over them. And if anything, this was a match that was totally made by the crowd. The crowd was in love every step of the way, even when things got completely stupid. If you watched this on mute, you would miss out on the unironic love that the Believers have for these two. The match itself was a lot of things that I don't like about modern wrestling, peaking with a dueling Mexican Destroyer spot. I thought Pentagon looked bad through half of this; it was very noticeable at the beginning how they were trying to hide his poor looking offense by switching off to gimmick camera angles, and later he would do annoying little things like charge into Puma's boot in the corner...and come about a foot shy of boot. But again, the crowd loves these two and this felt like the right match for the setting. I liked a couple of the little moments, like Puma rolling through with a nice armdrag after Pentagon went for his driver, and the camera angle to catch the winning 630, Puma's northern lights rolled through to a deadlift vertical suplex looked insane, and outside of that silly dueling destroyer moment we didn't get any overkill. "Right match for the audience" may sound condescending, but that's not my intention. It wasn't my bag, but it felt right in the moment.

TL: First thing I notice here is that Pentagon Dark, who has this presence that plays bigger than he actually is, is SHORTER than Puma, who’s listed at 5’10”. I know wrestlers are generally shorter these days, but I got a kick out of it. It’s billed as a match that was three years in the making (which is true) and yeah, the crowd is definitely into it. I did like that there was a fight for the Pentagon Driver (aforementioned armdrag was slick as all hell). That dueling Destroyer stuff killed me, too. Just, okay, I want to make this clear to today’s pro wrestlers: Just because you can trade moves to build up heat doesn’t mean ANY move will do. Yes, even your precious Canadian Destroyer. Yes, when Misawa traded neck-breaking Germans with Kawada or Kobashi or Akiyama 20 years ago, it was just as dumb. It makes NO sense. NONE. I’ll say this about Striker: He did EVERYTHING he could to put this thing over as more than it was. Presentation matters, folks. But this fell flat in so many ways for me. I’m glad the crowd found a way to enjoy it, but it’s just not my thing.

Rey Mysterio vs. Johnny Mundo

ER: This was a pretty wonderful match with some pretty historic levels of bullshit. My memory is spotty (as this show has somehow existed for a few years now) but I think this is the first time Dario has actually gotten physically involved in a match (I think he fought with Catrina but I don't think he got in the ring to alter an outcome), and I think this was the first time we had an appearance from Lucha Underground Security. The match itself was really fun, with Rey coming out fast as the aggressor and really pasting Mundo out of the ring and following to the floor with hard elbow shots. and Mundo was really great about using his body as a twisting, crashing weapon. Vampiro takes about 3 minutes and digs his heels in on a really terrible analogy about a jukebox, where I guess Mundo is a jukebox and Rey is a song on the jukebox and the analogy isn't working but he's convinced that the more he talks about the analogy the more the analogy might make sense, and it's the quietest we've ever heard Striker as he's completely letting Vampiro die on the vine and Vampiro just keeps rolling with it. The bullshit gets really fun, with Dario stopping a ref's count and then pie facing Mysterio. This has to be the first time he's gotten physical with a non-Matanzas wrestler, right? Rey sets up the 619 on him, but Mundo gets to Rey and splats him with his finisher that usually overshoots. We get big Dominic running out to double leg Mundo, then paste a member of Lucha Underground Security with a running elbow smash on the escape. Love it.

TL: Holy crap. Vampiro sets this one up as Rey as LeBron James, saying he’s “come home” to get back to his roots. That is a hell of a statement. And Vampiro’s made a lot of statements. Between that and the jukebox thing, along with Striker in the previous match, I’m looking to see if there’s a SAP feed. Rey plays his hits pretty well, with the face-first bump under the bottom rope and the slick baseball slide into the headscissors. He even pulls out the Dragonrana suicida he used to do with Eddie. It was not the pace I was expecting, to be honest. Was expecting more of a control segment from Johnny, but this being a 50/50 match was pretty good for me. I have no idea how there was a Rey Mysterio Canadian Destroyer in this match, but here we are. The worst security in the history of pro wrestling can’t even deal with Dominic. The Dario stuff was at least funny, and Johnny wins on a bullshit finish, which is 100% on brand. Definitely entertaining, definitely creative.


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