Monday Wargames: -PWX- Team Revolt vs. Team Xperience

Team Revolt (Harlem Bravado/Lancelot Bravado/Zane Riley/Jake Manning/Caleb Konley) vs. Team Xperience (CW Anderson/John Skyler/Gunner/Corey Hollis/Adam Page) PWX 3/13/16 - GREAT

PAS: PWX really set out to run an old school War Games match. They got the double rings, cut down on the highspots and had a bunch of good brawlers brawl. CW Anderson opening a War Games is what you want, and he and Manning threw some pretty thudding punches. Skyler was the star here, taking the biggest bumps, bleeding the most (not enough blood was my main complaint in this match, just a bit from Manning and a lot from Skyler at the end). They do a little booking at the end with Corino (managing the Xperience) jumping a Bravado and stopping him from joining as the 10th man, only for Corino to get run off by Ethan Case. I thought Zane Riley was a bit loosey goosey for the supposed hard hitter, but I dug Gunner as the heel powerhouse. There was a bit of a muddled focus at the end, which is to be expected with this many guys, but the actual finish of Skyler getting jabbed in the eye with a screwdriver was a War Games finish.


COMPLETE AND ACCURATE WARGAMES

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EVOLVE 58 4/1/16 Review

1. Drew Galloway & Johnny Gargano vs. Caleb Konley & Anthony Nese

ER: This is one of those tags where guys run in random directions for the sole purpose of setting up somebody's offense. After awhile you find yourself asking for the 10th time, "what was Konley's plan if Gargano hadn't been there to cut him off with a kick?" Galloway is wasted in stuff like this, which is a shame. Nese takes a nice bump to the floor and I love how he takes a DDT. But this match was victim to some poor move set up, with again, guys going where they shouldn't go just to take offense. On top of that the promotion appears to have totally lost their ring bell. I noticed it at the beginning when the ref called for the bell multiple times, and when it didn't come Gargano just started the match. Well the big finish comes and Konley taps and the Premier Athlete Brand is forced to break up...except there's no ring bell, and half the wrestlers don't know what's going on, and the crowd doesn't know what's going on. Galloway is confused, gets in and immediately repeats the finish and now he makes Konley tap. And the ref says the match is already over. But there's no ring bell. And the fans, being shitheads, all chant "This ref sucks" even though somehow a major promotion started a show with no ring bell. Really embarrassing stuff all around. Post-match Galloway does a decent job saving things by doing a reenactment of what the dramatic climactic finish was supposed to be like, calling in some bearded goober who's trying to ape the legendary style of Dylan Hales. Match wasn't good, but Galloway at least got the fans to stop being assholes.

2. Matt Riddle vs. Timothy Thatcher

ER: Awesome stuff from these two, which shouldn't be too surprising. There are some moments where you see a couple seams in their style with split seconds of waiting for one another, but I'm stunned that type of thing doesn't happen more with these guys. Thatcher dominated most of this and was really mean, throwing big strikes to Riddle's ribs and neck and ear, tossing him with gut wrenches, making his ankle bend at a disgusting angle with an ankle lock, locking on a brutal sub where he yanks Riddle's leg back while pushing into his knee with his boot. Damn that should be a finisher. Riddle doesn't overdo the selling, but he doesn't no sell either. Watch him lift his ankle after nailing Thatcher with a fisherman's buster. I'm sure many will hate the finish, which I get, but I liked Riddle hyperextending the arm after Thatcher thinks the ref broke the hold. It's a nice Gerard Gordeau dick move that adds another wrinkle to the Thatcher/Catch Point feud.

PAS: I really loved all of the infighting in this match, both guys laid in some vicious shot to the ribs and stomach and I am shocked that none of the shots to the ear popped an eardrum. Both guys come off as naturally tough dudes and parts of this felt like they took it a bit far. I thought the multiple arm bar reversals at the end might have been a bit much, although I did love how each guy found a different way to reverse and counter. Finish was pretty cool, although I think both the ref and Riddle needed to be a bit more demonstrative. I can totally see how it would have come off confusing to the crowd, Riddle need to wait a beat before torquing the arm, so it was obvious he wasn't breaking clean, and the ref really need to over emphasize that he needed to break the hold.

3. Fred Yehi vs. Marty Scurll

ER: Another awesome Yehi performance. Truly one of the must see workers today. This match had plenty of his weird, quick grappling and odd movements that you don't see from others. He finds cool ways to do spots we might not think much about. The way he slides into an ankle pick while Scurll is running, or grabs a single leg off a go behind, it's unexpected and almost foreign and so awesome. I loved all of Yehi's stomps here, loved him stomping hands Finlay style. And I love how him stomping Scurll's hands eventually leads to Scurll finally being villainous and going after Yehi's fingers. Yehi has shown he's a great salesman, and he puts over a finger break really excellently. And then Scurll finds amusing ways to work that hand and finger, even throwing in a thigh slap off a finger break, and then wedging Yehi's finger in between his boots before kicking. I love the trend in Yehi matches of limb work or body work not leading to the finish you expect, but instead leading to someone's focus being drawn away so that they don't see the real finish coming. Yehi is dealing with his hand injury which allows Scurll to leap on him for a nasty falcon arrow into chickenwing submission. Really cool stuff, really awesome finish.

PAS: I thought the beginning of this match was a bit formless. Scurll has never done much for me, his Villain stuff always felt like a big put on, more Chikara then Regal. Yehi is always going to be worth watching, and his weird stomps are some of my favorite things in wrestling. The last couple of minutes were truly excellent though, I loved all of the hand break spots and though Yehi's selling was awesome. I want to second Eric's observation about the coolness of the finish, loved how it came out of nowhere. Yehi really can do no wrong.

4. Ethan Page vs. Sami Callihan

ER: Not bad but below your standard Callihan match. Page isn't really defined enough as an opponent. He does a lot of big moves but tends to be better when he plays up his frat charisma more. This was odd as they seemed to skip several steps to get to the "we're in a war" moments, but they ran really hollow and undeserved once they got there. Callihan screams "QUITTTTT!" at Page, when up to that point it had been a very even match, and the announcers tried putting over the "what is it going to take to put him away!?" when really it was just 8 minutes into the match. I liked Callihan's powerbomb with him already grabbing Page's ankle to set up the stretch muffler, and thought Page's selling of the muffler was impressive. It was just strange and felt like 6 minutes had been clipped out of the middle, suddenly Callihan is lying on the mat begging off Page, one minute after screaming at him to quit. They kept jumping around like that, and everything up to that had essentially been move trading. This felt more like a thigh slap faux epic, even if parts were good.

5. TJ Perkins vs. Ricochet

ER: Sometimes guys like this do so much stuff that it's easy for me to get lost. I prefer Evolve to PWG as they have no problem having matches go 10 minutes. I think an excellent match can happen in 10 minutes. In many cases I think you're asking for trouble if you go too far past 10 for a singles match, as I don't think most workers are capable of filling that much time without things getting at least somewhat problematic. Ricochet is a super talented guy and I'm sure I'm in the minority when I say I don't care about the extraneous goofing around and mugging he does in his matches. It's always the reason I prefer him as Puma to just being himself. Just being himself always adds too much bullshit to matches, matches that I think would be tighter without the bullshit. And that's why I eventually liked this, because Ricochet did his bullshit, and TJP got pissed at the bullshit and wanted to kick his ass. He didn't play along and have a comedy circle jerk (though I guess with two guys it would just be a straight line jerk), he took offense at the jerking around and took it out on Ricochet. These guys both do super fast sequences effortlessly, impossible to keep up with as a viewer. But I loved how TJ kept going after that leg. And how it kept paying off. His grapevined heel hook is a really nasty sub and Ricochet set it up great by doing a show off missed moonsault, landing on his feet, and having that worked over knee buckle. It's a simple formula, take the legs out of the flier, but usually indy guys aren't good enough to pull it off, because they still want to get their shit in. But the match structure was tight enough that it allowed both guys to get their shit in, and still be truthful to the story they were telling. And I appreciate that. I appreciate your wrestling, TJP and Ricochet.

PAS: This was pretty solid, it got a little dancy at times, which is to be expected with these two guys. These are two of the most polished, athletic wrestlers in the world so if we have to watch a dance this is a pretty good dance. Ricochet has one of my favorite kip ups in wrestling, he flies up so fast it ends up looking barely human, like CGI or something. I enjoyed the knee work by TJP it did give the match some structure, although Ricochet really only sold it at the end.

6. Will Ospreay vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

ER: I went into this one expecting to not like it much, assuming that each man would bring out the worst in the other. BUT it actually turned out to be an awesome match (that went on a couple minutes too long). To me this felt like a cool modern twist on classic World of Sport, with both guys (especially Sabre) pulling from a bottomless bag of tricks with fast exchanges and updated WoS transitions. I loved all the slippery headlocks, with one going for a headlock and it seamlessly getting reversed into a wristlock and back into a headlock. We also had reversals based out of snapmares which is something directly lifted from WoS. They would often do a snapmare with a guy handspringing forward onto his feet, here we get Ospreay turning a snapmare into his own handspring elbow, and it was done quick enough that it looked great. Sabre was killer here, dropping Ospreay with a couple of rough suplexes, including a wheelbarrow roll through turned into a tiger suplex. Then he would come up with all sorts of ways to work over Ospreay's neck, legs, arms, whatever. Ospreay worked a lot of flying moves to counter and Sabre was often there to catch him with something. This was incredibly fun, incredibly quick counter based wrestling. It's something that doesn't work but damn did they make it work here. Where I wish it would have ended was when Sabre caught a triangle choke while Ospreay was going for a standing shooting star. Right before that Ospreay had kipped out of a tornado DDT which I think is an exceptionally stupid spot that athletic wrestlers do. All it does is show how a DDT is just rolling through at the right time. "See? My neck wasn't impacted at all! I was able to just hop out of it!" It's needless. But it would have been great if he had done that, tried his SSP and immediately met his doom in a triangle. Buuuuut we get a 80s WWF hulk up as his arm doesn't drop (since when does Evolve even do that spot? Don't they just call submissions as if they were MMA?), and we have to see some Ospreay tropes like trapping Sabre's head against the turnbuckle. The finishing sub by Sabre is absolutely vicious and almost made the match continuing worth it, as Sabre ends up sitting down on Ospreay's head and neck while yanking both of his arms up and behind his back. It's something Negro Navarro would be jealous of. Even with the extra pointless final two minutes, match was still awesome and a great representation of this style.

PAS: I was also not expecting to like this very much, and was looking forward to shitting on Eric for digging it, but I confess it won me over. A match like this is all about doing cool stuff and not wearing out your welcome, and they did a bunch of cool stuff and kept from dragging on. I loved Ospreys shooting star press, it a spot I haven't seen in a while and he added a cool tuck in the middle of it, I also liked a bunch of the quick counter which is something can bug me. Finishing submission was truly awesome, as was the Liger bomb that set it up. I am still not sold on Osprey, some of his stuff is still pretty stupid looking but I think I need to give up the ghost and embrace Sabre.

7. Chris Hero & Tommy End vs. Drew Gulak & Tracy Williams

ER: Great tag between two teams who complement each other wonderfully. Hero at this point is like the big fat king of the indy scene. He worked hard to get to the top, and some that want to dethrone him point to his cosmetic laziness, and so he gamely gets off the throne to demonstrate why it's still good to be the king. And Hero absolutely is king at this point. He and End are a great team and Hero especially makes it his point to pick on Williams as the weak link, as if he were the Kikuchi of Team Catch Point. And damn do they murderize him. I love End/Hero's spin kick/elbow smash double team, and after that at one point Hero is just toying with him; kicks, chops, elbows, and always capped off with his killer roundhouse pump kick. I loved little moments like Williams finally catching a Hero kick, only for Hero to laugh before dropping back and kicking Williams with his other leg. But Williams would keep coming back and fighting and it was awesome. The match was long and because of that they were allowed to stretch out and do some fun stuff. The opening lucha armdrag stuff with Hero and Gulak was a trip. Hero does a sweet 360 armdrag off the top and Gulak follows with a beautiful tilt-a-whirl variation. We get a couple nice cut off the ring sections with both teams, plenty of cool double teams on Williams (loved when Hero kicked him off the apron onto End's shoulders, and then kicked him again), and great apron performances from both Hero and Gulak. Hero was great rooting on End, Gulak was great pleading for Williams and sneaking in for saves when needed. Hero is cocky but he's smart with his cockiness, and it never came across like Catch Point was only making comebacks due to his own cockiness. Catch Point looked strong by making their own comebacks, on their own merit. And that's important. There was plenty here that you could trim and make it a tighter, better match. But you could trim out a good portion of the White Album, too. Part of the fun is in its bloat. And I'm glad we got the extra minutes of bloat.

PAS: I didn't like this as much as Eric, I love Hero and Catch Point, but I thought the bloat was a bit too much. The long section of Hero and End using Gulak and Williams against each other was a bit SATish. End is a guy who looks cool and has awesome looking strikes until they land, if he could hit his stuff cleanly more I would love him, but a lot of his shots look violent as hell on their way and gentle when they get there. I thought Gulak was awesome as usual, his lucha armdrag challenge against Hero was nifty, and I love his out of nowhere dragon sleeper. Still this lost me by then end, which kept it from being great.

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EVOLVE 60 Live Thoughts

I somehow convinced my pregnant wife to come with me to beautiful Joppa MD to watch an EVOLVE show.

Lio Rush v. Caleb Konley

Rush was the hometown boy and the crowd was super into him. Konley did a really nice job as the shithead redneck heel, at one point even calling Rush "Boy" which seemed to really piss off the crowd. Rush is a bunch of fun, he reminds of early 2000s Red, nice pop on his kicks and punches, great bumping and nifty highspots. Really good opener, and the match Chelsea liked the most.

Devastation Corporation v. Bravado Brothers

Didn't do a ton for me, Bravado's are pretty generic indy brother tag team, I don't remember if they did superkicks, but they felt like they did superkicks. Blaster McMassive was impressive, he had a really nice missed clothesline, that isn't something easy to do, he really looked like he was going to behead whatever Bravado. He also had a crazy over the ring post dive which was nutso considering how big he is. I would like to see what he could do outside of a comedy Chikara team.

Matt Riddle v. Anthony Neese

I really love Riddle, Neese is a generic indy flipper, kind of Jersey Davey Richards, not my kind of dude, but it was interesting to see how Riddle adjusted to that. One big thing I noticed about him is his crazy strength, all the other suplexes on this show you could see how the guy taking it would jump into the move, while Riddle is just hurling folks over with pure rawbone muscle. Not a great match, but Riddle is magnetic.

Marty Scrull v. Johnny Gargano

Chelsea on this match "I don't like this dancy stuff, it looks like they are dancing". This was indy wrestling as fuck, lots of applause break standoffs, leg slap kicks, long section of dramatic two counts. Chelsea hadn't seen any good heels before so she was amused by Scrull's act, although I thought it was super try hard. I did like Gargano grabbing his leg to block a superplex and Scrulls finger break spot (although doing it in every match lowers the effect a bunch) otherwise I wanted no part of this and what is represents.

Ethan Page v. Drew Galloway

This was preceded and succeeded by a bunch of nonsense with Galloway and Gargano arguing about the DIY ethics of the WWE deal. This is supposed to lead to some big angle tonight, but so far I deeply lack any fucks. Page is doing an emo fight for redemption which is totally hambone. At one point he yells "Johnny's my friend" and does this dramatic walkoff post match using a chair as a crutch (despite not taking much of a beating). Page needs to redeem how bad his kick to the stomach looked.

TJP/Fred Yehi v. Tracy Williams/Drew Gulak

I really dug this, Gulak and Williams are great at constant tags keeping up pressure. Yehi is a beast I loved all of throws and stomps, he did this takedown where he stomped on Williams heel before grabbing a single leg. TJP does different stuff then the other guys in this match lots of very cool takedowns and headscissors, it really reminds me of the stuff Alexander Otsuka would bring to BattlArts tags. Finished seemed a bit hinky live, although on tape it looked deliberate, less of a blown spot and more of partners not on the same page. Love Catch Point.

Chris Hero v. Zach Sabre Jr.

Hero comes out in a Duke jersey and Duke themed trunks which is an amazing douchebag troll move in Maryland. Sabre and Hero have a really great match structure, with Sabre trying to make small tears in Hero's joints and Hero trying to give Sabre CTE. This wasn't a completely douchey crowd, but Hero did a nice job engaging them, begging them to start new chants when he was beating Sabre's ass. This felt a bit long live (Chelsea was nodding) although might be paced better on tape. Still very good stuff in a match up which is consistently delivering. Surprised Hero got the win again, but man those piledrivers deserved a victory.

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WWN Supershow: Mercury Rising 4/2/16

PAS: My buddy Dylan Waco called this show the best show he has ever seen live, so I figured I would check it out. Lots of awesome on paper stuff here, hopefully it lives up to the hype.

ER: Last year's Evolve/WWN Mania weekend shows were far and away my favorite live wrestling experience of the year, and right up there with all time for me. Great atmosphere, great wrestling, tons of my buddies with me. Can't really go wrong. Watching these VOD might not feel as special, but I love a lot of the talent, and the venue itself has a killer vibe. All the faux storefronts and strung up hanging lights make for a cool visual as guys spill to the floor. I'm in.

1. Chris Hero vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

PAS: Man Chris Hero's throwback Golden State Warriors gear makes him my new favorite wrestler, that is so dope. Hero was awesome in this match, I think it is his best performance in year. He totally brutalizes ZSJ while delivering some sweet smack talk, at one point he calls Sabre sweetheart while begging him to hit him. I loved how Hero used typical indy counter stuff as a shit talking move, he would counter Sabre's stuff and use it to taunt him, nice use of something which can come off like applause pandering under other circumstances. Sabre is still a little unnatural to me, his KO selling and fired up faces seem pretty performative, it isn't nearly as bad as Davey Richards, but it is in that same phylum. This also goes a bit too long, no opener, no matter the back story or talent involved should go 30 minutes. Still I did love the finish run, with Hero getting more and more vicious and Sabre trying to pull out a flash submission, or roll up and just getting overwhelmed until he gets put to sleep. Great stuff, and I like ZSJ consistently falling short to Hero, it is going to make his big win really big.

ER: Hero's too-tight Golden State tank top and trunks make him look like he's wearing half of a kid's jammie set. Or like Hank Venture wearing his Aquaman PJs. Hero is one of my favorite guys in wrestling, one of those guys who I would go out of my way to watch wrestle anybody. And I loved his act here. He really had this cocky thing going, but not in a way that was brushing off Sabre, but more like a guy confident in his abilities who went out partying the night before. So he was out having a good time, and throwing some elbows and kicks on his way there. And I loved how this match progressed, with Sabre easily outpacing him to start, kicking him all around the ring, catching and blocking all of Hero's chops and elbows, and eventually Hero has enough of that and just straight punches him in the face. And from there the match settles into Hero kicking some ass, with Sabre being so damn squirmy and smart that he occasionally finds ways to reverse Hero, or make Hero's body or attitude work against him. Sabre always pulls out quirky reversals and here I flipped out when Hero went for a senton and Sabre kicked his legs up so Hero landed on the back of Sabre's thighs, right into an armbar. THAT was awesome. But Hero is too damn strong and while Sabre is good at blocking or catching some elbows, he can't catch them all, and those elbows that land, land HARD. And Hero starts punishing Sabre for his earlier reversals, planting him with a couple of authoritative sentons. Hero has arguably my favorite moveset in wrestling, and I love it against Sabre. Also love that Sabre hung in there the whole time, always looking for an opening. At one point Hero opens his arms for crowd adulation, and Sabre rushed into frame to grab Hero's outstretched arm. There was some punishing stuff throughout this one, all of that ankle/wrist/finger/elbow joint manipulation always makes me cringe, and I love Hero getting occasionally frustrated (him flipping out when Sabre wraps a chair around his arm, but then accidentally swinging his trapped arm into a ringpost was a great little moment) but never completely losing sight of beating down Sabre. It did go a little long, but I've seen tons of shorter indy matches that felt much longer. These two know how to fill time. This felt like maybe the greatest ever Hero performance, a perfect convergence of his ringwork and character.

2. Fred Yehi vs. Drew Gulak

ER: A year ago I thought Gulak was a step behind the best of the grappling sub guys, and at this point he may be my favorite of them. But then you have Yehi who at this point is must see against anybody. Guy is legit. And these two tear down for 9 hot minutes and it's great every step of the way. Both guys are constantly working to be one step ahead of the other, and you always end up seeing a reversal or transition that is totally new and totally fresh. I don't know how these two maintain their bearings with how fast they move in their scrambles. I imagine it would be like not knowing which direction is up while underwater, but they always look totally locked in. Too many cool things in this one to list them all, but I especially loved Gulak locking on a side headlock and running circles around Yehi, like he wanted to twist that head right off. I've seen Yehi sell a knee like he did here before, and it's an impressively real touch to this kind of grappling. Sweet Dee on Always Sunny does a real great fake gagging face, and I imagine doing a convincing knee buckle is as impressive a personal niche to a wrestler as a fake gag is to a physical comedienne. It lead to some real exciting momentum shifts as Yehi would come up swinging and plant on that leg, once sending him falling to his face, another time making him wobble hard. Both times Gulak smelled blood in the water and pounced. I like how the knee played into the finish, but not in a traditional "work the leg" kind of way. Instead it just slowed Yehi down and left openings for Gulak, which allowed him to roll through with his dragon sleeper choke, a chance he might not have gotten otherwise. I pretty much want to see every match these two have, against anyone.

PAS: I loved this, Yehi is one of my favorite new guys in wrestling and it is really fun to watch him match up with a true pro like Gulak. His offense always looks a little different then regular wrestling offense. The angles he throws suplexes, the parts of the body he stomps it is just a bit off. Gulak has a much more traditional wrestling base, but knows how to work interesting struggles around Yehi's weird stuff. I agree with Eric about Yehi's leg selling it was awesome , and I loved how aggressive Gulak was when he saw it, they way a great counter puncher will parry until he sees any opening.

3. Tracy Williams vs. Matt Riddle

ER: Team Catch Point explodes! Is Matt Riddle the most obvious wrestling Rookie of the Year since Akiyama? Sure feels like it. He's shown so much intuition in his first year that I have no idea what he can do to improve past his current level. But if he keep cranking out matches like this then I'll continue to be along for the ride. Williams is a guy I like but also a guy with a lot of ideas, and a need to squeeze all of those ideas into his matches. Riddle is a guy who can dish it and take it so match him with Williams and you're going to see Riddle taking some damage, maybe too much. There were some real oh shit moments here, with Riddle bouncing right on the top of his head on a vicious lariat, and later on off a top rope DDT leading to an immediate tap out finish. Williams has some harsh offense to unload on Riddle. His upkicks were gross, and his power offense is done sparsely enough that it really impacts when he breaks it out. Riddle is so much fun during these matches, suckering Hot Sauce into a ropes assisted arm bar, taking a wild bump over the top to the floor (no shoes!!! People who wrestle with no shoes are certifiable), hitting a couple of cool flying knee variations, breaking out the neat Alabama Slam/heel hook combo, and bumping like wild. I liked the story of two teammates pushing each other further in competition, as opposed to one of them just suddenly acting like a heel and everything being cool afterwards. I may need a Team Catch Point t-shirt...

PAS: Yeah this was a total blast, I think I liked their match earlier in the year a bit better, but these two just click. I am also totally all in on Matt Riddle. His jumping knee strikes to the torso are totally nasty here he looks like he is going blast Williams kidneys out the other side of his ribs. Riddle also takes some truly sick bumps, like Eric mentioned that top rope brainbuster/DDT bump looked totally neck fracturing. Williams is a really solid guy in this style, he doesn't have the flash of Yehi or Riddle, but he is a great workmanlike member of this stable.

4. Anything Goes: Ethan Page vs. Anthony Nese

PAS: This was a fine WWE style garbage match, with both guys finding lots of different ways to land nastily on chairs. I especially liked Neese smushing Page's head into a chair with an Asai moonsault. I haven't really cared for either guy previously but this was fine violent stuff, and was a nice balance for the rest of the show. Still both guys really killed each other in a midcard match with a lukewarm reaction, felt like that punishment should have meant more.

ER: Fun match, felt like the kind of thing that would be regarded as a classic if it had happened in ECW. And I really liked Nese in this, really using all of his athleticism to take lunatic damage. And I kinda liked Page here more than I have before. This match was kind of the perfect use of his bloaty detached douche character. There was some pretty brutal stuff in this and I assumed it would go way into overkill, and it never did. That quebrada onto Nese's head on a chair is an all time brutal spot. Rewound that one a couple times. And Nese was great at sending his forehead into ladder shots, then getting turned inside out on a vicious tornado ladder shot from Page. Good grief. I thought things really built nicely and the powerbomb onto chairs with a nice piledriver after was a great way to finish things. For a match I went in with pretty low hopes for, this far exceeded them. Good stuff all around and made me want to revisit Nese.

5. Taylor Made vs. Nicole Matthews

PAS: Not a great idea on a weekend which had so much pushed high end women's wrestling to put on a dud like this. There was a mix of potato shots with some offense that looked really weak. I liked some of the stiffness, but both ladies were pretty awkward. The gimmick of these Wrestlemania weekend indy shows is that the ring work is going to be better then the big shows, this wasn't as good as the Divas 10 man, and was way lesser quality then either the NXT or Wrestlemania ladies matches.

ER: I'd not seen either gal before, and this match certainly isn't going to send me scrambling to find more Shimmer or Shine shows. I thought Taylor was clearly the better of the two, and Matthews looked real bad at times. I liked some of Taylor's stomps and boot scrapes, but this was mostly formless as sloppy, with some shots landing hard and then a moment later the worst clothesline you remember seeing. Sometimes sloppiness can get harnessed into an overall positive, depending on the workers, but this was just aimless and bland. My favorite parts of the match were Andrea's two running kicks, and it's usually not a great sign when the best parts of a match are a couple moves done by a second.

6. Jason Cade vs. Gary Jay vs. Maxwell Chicago vs. Caleb Konley

ER: I had mixed feelings about this one. There were plenty of amusing moments in it. Maxwell Chicago is a comedy guy I haven't seen before and a lot of guys have funny schtick the first time you see it. At the same time it's a title match, so the FIP title looks a little silly getting its showcase in a match that had to completely stop multiple times for comedy. Cade is definitely a guy who seems like an Evolve undercarder: small, does flying moves, easily confused with a few other guys like this on the American indy scene. Jay was really fun and I'd like to see more of him. He seemed like a goofball but also backed that up with some stiff strikes. I'd like to see him in a short violent singles. This is probably the best I've seen Konley look, and he was smart to mostly stay out of the way of Chicago's comedy. Maxwell clearly stole the match and basically steamrolled everybody else. Even during other guys' big moments he would still be stooging and carrying on with an extended bump from a move that had happened well before. Konley played along on a couple of the spots but mostly let the other guys get steamrolled, putting himself in the position of the serious asskicker who keeps setting the match back on track. Konley down the home stretch was awesome, pretty much right from the moment he obliterates someone with a backfist. Match was fun and didn't overstay its welcome, and this is the kind of thing that definitely would play even better on a live show, especially coming out of a long intermission and a dull women's match.

PAS: I liked this less the Eric, I couldn't get passed all of Chicago's Chikarisms. It is fine to do shtick in a match, when it makes everyone stop wrestling and point out how fake everything is, I am out. His wacky "I am afraid of heights dive" made the three other guys wait for him for way too long and then sell the dive as brutal. Thought the other three guys were fine, although nothing outside of Konley's backfist made any impression on me.

7. Sami Callihan vs. Timothy Thatcher

ER: I felt bad for these two here, as at this point it had to have been a looooooong day of wrestling for fans and wrestlers alike, and it's almost like the previous match took the last bit of energy the crowd had. There were some strangely silent moments here that can only be explained by people being exhausted, considering the great reactions Evolve crowds usually have for everything. It made certain things come off a little flat in the match, things that usually sound killer, and then it made some of the legit violence come off across as in a vacuum, two sadists killing each other in silence. Things came off a little disjointed, with Thatcher doing a super convincing job selling his elbow the entire match, very much seeming like a legit injury, but with Callihan mostly staying away from the elbow. It's odd to see Callihan hit a stiff powerbomb on Thatcher, and then see Thatcher sell the elbow and none of the powerbomb, but Callihan then still going for KO blows instead of just ripping apart the elbow. That DOES come eventually, and it looked brutal, with Callihan locking on a top wristlock that I actually think should have gotten an immediate tap. Thatcher had been selling that thing before any actual lock up took place, and sold it as being in barely manageable pain the whole match, but then having that nasty wristlock locked on dead center of the ring didn't appear to make the elbow any worse. I don't think it's possible for these two to have a match I don't like, and I know I'm dumping on major parts of the match, but these guys have a much higher floor than most wrestlers. So while I think it was below what they're capable of, below average Thatcher/Callihan is still good eats.

PAS: I liked this more then Eric, these guys have this weird rhythm which I really dig but I could see how people could think was disjointed. Kind of feels like a boxing match with two power hitters pot shotting each other but not throwing combos. Loved the violence of each big shot, Callihan has some nasty stomps and kicks. I agree the arm stuff was a little weird, although that top wrist lock was a big near fall. My only real problem with the match is that the Thatcher headbutt KO didn't look great and certainly should have been way bigger to get a knockout. There were so many nasty shots in that match that you really need to kill a guy to get a KO.

8. Tommy End, Marty Scurll & Will Ospreay vs. TJP, Johnny Gargano & Kota Ibushi

ER: Man, this was not good. For a match clearly presented as "breathless weekend-closing epic" there sure was a lot of time where guys were awkwardly standing around waiting to be superkicked for the 8th time. Ospreay is a guy with a lot of kicks, and none of them look good. Scurll is a VILLAIN but doesn't do anything villainous.  Everybody here completely forgot how to naturally get into position to take moves, sometimes at several points of the match. There were many moments of guys politely waiting around to be Irish whipped. The way they all end up in the crowd at the end is absurd, all waiting around to be gently tossed one at a time over the barrier, before Ospreay does a dive that overshoots everyone. At one point all six men squared off in the ring over an embarrassingly choreographed bit of rope running and bad stomach kicks. For something so clearly choreographed, you'd think it would at least threaten to get good at some point. Everybody looked far too cautious about getting in somebody's way, and you always had guys checking to make sure somebody else was hitting their mark so they could begin their dance steps. Gargano and End probably looked the best of anybody here, but nobody was utilized very well. This was a pretty downer way to close out a very good show. The new trend in indie shows appears to be frontloading cards, as I've been on a run of really digging the first half of shows and then just waiting for the rest of the card to finish.

PAS: People really liked this match, including some people who's opinions I trust, and man I am saying no go. There were a handful of cool spots, I really liked the double military press ace crusher, and a nice dive or two, but mostly this was just a bunch of guys doing stuff. Stopping the match multiple times to watch Osprey and Ibushi lightly massage each others faces with forearms wasn't a great idea. The face off triple team stomach kicks was one of the worst spots I have seen in years. Six man indy spotfests are not my bag as a style, but come on yall you have seen MPRO, youv'e seen Nitro lucha, shit you have seen SAT's v. Divine Storm, this was not that.

ER: Overall this was a really good show, primarily for the first half. The first half stands up with some of the greatest pro wrestling of all time. THREE different matches from the show ended up landing on our 2016 Ongoing MOTY List, with Hero/Sabre and Gulak/Yehi landing the top two spots so far. Other matches weren't far off from being listworthy. This show would be well worth the time and people should go out of their way to see most of it.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 11/21/14 Review - THE FINAL EPISODE

The strains of Barry Manilow's "Looks Like We Made It" waft through the air. Yes, almost FOUR MONTHS have passed, and we have grown older, seen half a dozen Gangrel/Tyshaun Prince matches, watched the world change, watched autumn pass and winter begin, witnessed the birth and premature death of Paragon Pro Wrestling on Pop! TV, and seen an incredible number of commercials for fake logs that create rainbow colors while an adulterous couple fucks in front of a fireplace. It's been a real ride. When this crazy dream started I was merely 34 years old. Now, I'm a few months away from being 35. I've fully exhausted my supply of Wes Brisco rape jokes. And when that happens, the song is over, and it's time to say goodbye.

And of course for the final episode they have a debuting ring announcer. That's like a guy starting his new World Trade Center janitorial job on 9/10.

1. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Jessie Godderz

Godderz is a TNA guy, and he is juuuuuuuuiced. The announcers refers to Godderz as a "chiseled demi-god". Somebody has been listening to too much Kal Rudman commentary. And this was a weird match. Godderz works a gimmick where he doesn't want to get hit in the face, and so much of the match is spent with Right trying to hit him in the face, with Godderz trying to dodge. What's weird, is Godderz sells as if he's still being punched. So we have a strange sequence where Right is throwing jabs, and Godderz is throwing his head back as if he's being punched, except the jabs are literally over a foot away from his face....but he's selling like he's being hit in the face....Eric Right is a decent puncher, so this isn't on him. Godderz seems like a guy who is working a "not in the face!" gimmick....while also actually being scared about being hit in the face. Match eventually builds to Right decking him, but ends shortly after with a running falling clothesline from Godderz. He then does a gassed out of breath promo about his accomplishments, including being on Big Brother more than ANYbody, and winning an arm wrestling contest that one time.

2. The Hippies (Fruit Loops & Lemon Drop) vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

Oh, brother. The return of Fruit Loops, and now he has a partner. I am curious what Fruit Loops and the debuting Lemon Drop did to get a title shot in their first teaming. This was really a weird thing the promotion did: They would build certain wrestlers and teams to "big" title matches, while in the meantime giving title matches to literally every wrestler in the fed. Every week they would have 2-3 title matches. Why would anybody be invested in seeing Whirlwind Gentlemen get their 5th title shot, when we now established that two men teaming for the first time, one debuting, one having lost his only prior match, are also getting a title shot? Fruit Loops admittedly warms my heart by flashing a peace sign, and then doing an eyepoke with the peace sign. That's...actually an awesome spot. And this match - embarrassing "hippie" gimmick aside - is actually plenty of fun. H&C get to maul the Hippies, with Lemon Drop getting a fine surprise sunset flip for a good nearfall, Hammerstone dropping some decent elbows, and Lemon Drop getting obliterated with a match ending lariat.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Anthony Greene

Boy we certainly are debuting a bunch of guys on the last show. Greene is a guy who has popped up in Beyond, among several other east coast indies. And he has a fun debut here that won't go anywhere whatsoever. His quirky offense stands out here more than it does in Beyond, with neat little kip up dropkicks and strange (if questionable from a physics standpoint) Thesz press pins. He's tall and lanky and takes offense well, and he gets the surprise victory. Just building up them new stars on the final show.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco vs. Jessy Sorensen vs. Joey Ryan

I was hoping we'd go out with another Whirlwind Gentlemen/Hammerstone & Chamberlain title match, but it's okay because we got a world title multi man! It began as a 3 way without Ryan, which would have been a terrible match to go off the air with. I mean seriously, they were going to book a 3 way with two faces against a heel as their blowoff match. Terrible. But Joey Ryan came back from his two week mystery disappearance (for all the screen time devoted to "Where is new champ, Joey Ryan!?", I believe the explanation they used was that he was merely celebrating), they made it a 4 way, and that balanced things out pretty nicely. So at least you had two heels and two faces, and it totally worked! It was worked much more as a Texas Tornado match than as a traditional tag-in 4 way, and thank god for that. so you had two logical guys pairing off all throughout, two guys that should in theory dislike one another, and it was some of the strongest work in the fed from these guys. Sorensen in particular easily looked better here than in any other PPW match . He's shown bits and pieces in other matches, but here he was great at playing underdog babyface, and threw shockingly nice punches all throughout. This match could have been messy and chaotic, but instead was just chaotic and fun. I would have guessed the former every damn time. Ryan and Konley keep trying to cull the herd, and it was nice seeing some more smart working heels, and both were good at working together, while also shooting the other glances, with Ryan knowing Konley still would be a threat within the match, and Konley recognizing this. Sorensen was good leaning into the heels' stuff, and I especially liked a nice jumping knee by Konley to Sorensen's chin. Wes Brisco was okay here, although early in the match he threw maybe the worst punches I've seen in a month. He clearly wasn't talented enough to throw punches while keeping a fist, so all of his punch follow through just reveals a wide open fanned out hand. Just terrible looking. At least when Abyss missed his punches by over a foot, he kept his fist closed. Blucch. But, Brisco had moments and he certainly showed himself to be overall serviceable enough in this fed. I just cannot stand looking at him. There are few wrestlers in history who I have disliked looking at this much, and it's more than just the general ick factor. He just has a look of a guy who should NEVER be a babyface. And so of course, as he triumphantly wins the title here, by pinning Konley with a DVD (hate championship matches where the champ can lose the belt without being pinned) we then get our final moments of PPW, just closeup visuals of Brisco's meaty face and gray green murder eyes.

And with that chilling look of terror and sadism and the worst tattoo work you will thankfully never be faced with in real life, we're over.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 11/14/15 Review

We only got two of these babies left! That's only 21 weeks total. It feels like I've done more. Maybe after this I go back to NXT reviews, going ALL the way back to the beginning of what's on WWE Network. Yeah that will put me far behind everybody with zero chance to catch up, but I want to see how shit develops. But that's for the future, for now I'll remain barely focused on PPW.

1. Amerikan Gunz vs. Wes Brisco & Jessy Sorensen

This was a match. Jessy got jumped backstage the previous week. Or so they say. I have zero actual recollection of this happening. Apparently it was a mystery assailant. Something tells me this mystery won't be wrapped up by next week's final episode. So Sorensen works a knee injury the whole match, and he does a good enough job, limping all around and fighting the odds, you know. That stuff. Gunz alternate weeks looking forgettable one week and like the surest hands in the fed the next. This was somewhere in the middle. Possible that it depends on the opponents, but I've seen them look good against bums before. So yeah. This happened.

2. Chamberlain vs. The Man They Call Exile

Exile is wearing a duster on the way to the ring. Of fucking course Exile is wearing a duster. Just a duster, wifebeater and pleather pants. Good name for Exile's nemesis: "Network elects to not extend contract to Paragon Pro Wrestling - Effective Immediately". I just can't wrap my head around why a man is named Exile. It would be halfway amusing during a battle royal, if every time he eliminated somebody he told them that they were exiled from his ring, the ring of Exile. But his name cannot be more straightfaced than they're using it. "The Man They Call Exile". Who are They, and Why are They calling this man Exile? Is there a definition of the word that I don't know? Vocabulary isn't my strongest suit but it doesn't seem like a word that can be simply misunderstood. Did he just think the name sounded cool? Mysterious? Dangerous? If a friend was to get a new dog, and name them Exile, you can bet that most people who heard the dog's name would first respond by saying, "Exile??", as if they possibly misheard the name, to which the dog owner would reply "Exile," and the friend would then reply, "Oh," and then likely follow it up with, "Why?" or "What does that name refer to," or ,"Oh that's what I thought you said before, but I assumed I had heard wrong due to what a stupid name for anything needing a proper noun." But no, the announcers just call him Exile. They've even talked about other places where he has worked! But never mention if he was exiled from those places or not.  Chamberlain's strikes looked lousy. Exile just kinda lied there. A real cold fish. He hits a nice powerslam, so that's not nothing.

3. Hammerstone vs. Gangrel

 According to the announce crew, Hammerstone "lived up to his name" in the last match. I...have no clue what that could possibly mean. Hammerstone made Gangrel look really good in this match, planting himself on the Impaler, dumping himself on a German suplex, splatting on a bulldog. Gangrel is fairly slow now but Hammerstone made him look like he had effortless strength. This was oddly one of Hammerstone's better showings, although maybe it was a bit too generous of a performance. Remy Marcel interferes leading to Gangrel's win, meaning they're building to the FIFTH showdown between Whirlwind Gentlemen and Hammerstone/Chamberlain. Will we get that as our final match of the show's run? Seems only fitting.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

Brisco has the ribs taped up and is doing a halfway decent job of selling them. And this match is actually really good! Maybe the best singles match in PPW's long illustrious history. Konley goes after the ribs the whole time and Brisco is a curiously strong salesman. Kicks, punches, bearhugs, body vices, all targeting Brisco's ribs. Brisco has some nice moments of fighting back from his knees, desperately lashing out to try to stop the onslaught. The only explanation I can think of is that Brisco is a method actor, and he drew upon the expressions of all of his numerous victims, with their pained faces, bodies damaged in innumerable ways, making last gasp desperation attempts at escape from their knees, fighting back against a violent, creepy attacker.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 11/7/15 Review

1. Huggy Cub vs. Cowboy Kid Quick

"Two of the hottest athletes in the world today". That might be a wee bit hyperbolic there, announce crew. Huggy Cub is a mini pimp, Quick is a mini cowboy. Cub calls Quick "Brokeback Mountain". I actually liked the first half of this, basically up until the point where both guys gas hard. First couple minutes they do some fun suplexes, nice armdrags, quick bumps, violent dropkicks, really good stuff! Then they kind of hit a wall and noticeably slowed down, Quick went for an awkward springboard asai...something, and slipped, then got hung up in the ropes, then hung there by his arms for awhile...then just fell backwards into the ring. The announcer at one point dropped that this was an "absolutely incredible" match. 1) He cannot say "incredible" without qualifying it with an "absolutely", and 2) He thinks that every single match is absolutely incredible. Everybody must know this by now. Huggy covered up the Cowboy blown spot...well, really as best as anybody could cover up a midget dangling by his arms in the ropes after slipping off the ropes, but both guys were pretty tired at this point. They recognized this and went home a short while later, but the bloom was off the rose.

2. Ethan HD vs. Crash Test Cody

This was a perfect little WorldWide match. HD is a good worker with a bunch of different tightly delivered strikes, and Cody has energy, bumps big (really it would be a massive disappointment if a man working a Crash Test Dummy gimmick didn't bump moderately big), normally really good in his role. HD ambushes him with nice short jabs, great left hands, throws in a knee to the stomach, a liver kick, all nice things to back CTC into the corner. Cody fires back with decent jabs of his own, and some nice elbows. HD throws in some nice short suplexes, one with a nice floatover, and CTC peppers in his comebacks nicely. He knows how to lock in a nice crossface, and at least the announcers didn't get all clammy about saying the word "crossface" this time. Last time they danced awkwardly around it, as if they were afraid that saying it would invoke Benoit, Candyman style, who would then murder their loved ones. Good match.

3. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Darin Corbin

Not bad, but kind of ruined by a silly finish featuring interference while two chubby girls texted right in front of the interference. They were the two closest people to the action and they hilariously could not be bothered to even glance up. They looked like two people being held captive, half-assing an obligation. Huggy Cub comes out and steals the miracle tonic, leading to Right losing. But the match was fairly short so it kinda made Right look like a wimp needing to go to the tonic so early. Both guys looked good enough, match just didn't add up to much.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

This wasn't bad at all, even though it ended in a predictable double count out. Brisco usually has about 90 seconds of decent wrestling in him, and then a switch hits and everything he does after that 90 seconds looks comparably worse and worse. His mat stuff is actually fine enough, and he'd look a lot better if he just stuck with that. Konley had some pretty nice mat exchanges and I especially liked Konley bridging up on his neck, while Brisco then kind of swept his arm under Konley's body to knock him onto his shoulders. I also liked some of his arm work on Konley, like a legdrop to the arm and an armbar over the ropes (even though none of it goes anywhere, so it kind of comes off looking like "I saw somebody do this before and thought it looked kewl"). But then that 90 second marks and suddenly he's throwing wooden clotheslines and doing a real dumpy looking plancha to the floor. Konley takes a suplex on the floor in sick fashion, but once this went to the floor it was clear this match was not going to have a finish.

5. The Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

So by my count this is the Whirlwind Gentlemen's 4th shot at the tag titles. It actually feels like more. And this feels like a bad sign with a title match starting with just a couple minutes left in the show...and sure enough, less than two minutes into the match Hammerstone gets DQ'd for not breaking a 5 count. It wasn't like he was even choking him, just punching and kicking him in the corner. Maybe H&C paid off the refs!?!? Afterwards the whole roster empties out, making for a fun brawl that really just made me want to see more Sugar Brown punching dudes. Manley and Marcel do big running swan dives into the throng of Paragon, making for a great visual. But wait, didn't they do this exact same thing like...two weeks ago? Was I in some sort of sleepy/drunk haze where I imagined both members of WG doing a dive off the ramp onto the whole roster? I'm not crazy right?

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/24/15 Review

1. Espiritu vs. Remy Marcel

This worked as a fun 5 minute Marcel showcase, who normally just gets a scant amount of time as the Whirlwind Gentlemen hot tag. Espiritu doesn't really do tons here, locking on two separate chinlocks. For a guy who hasn't been on TV for 2 months you'd think he'd try to go out of his way to impress. I liked his missed senton? Anyway, the beginning was real cool with all their standing wristlock exchanges. I especially liked Espiritu rolling through the wristlock, but Marcel rolling with him at the same time so both ended up back on their feet where they started. Looked cool. Espiritu hits an okay vertical suplex, Marcel hits an okay crossbody, really liked Marcel's out of control frog splash. Marcel looked good in this, and that was the point.

2. Greg Romero vs. Jack Manley

Now Manley gets his 5 minute showcase, and it's also fine. Other WG showcase match was better, but this was good enough. The important thing is the fed is actually establishing hierarchy, showing two members of one of their top tag teams easily beating two guys who aren't on TV that much. That seems like a super obvious thing, but this fed is obsessed with presenting every worker as a very accomplished mat grappler who is one step away from the title! Romero works a Danny Zuko gimmick in 2015 which is...pretty annoying and very pointless. He's also not that good, throwing slo mo punches, attempting complicated roll-ups he saw on TV once, taking slow back bumps, just a pretty big bleh. Manley works better as a FIP and here he was more aggressor, but I like his back elbow so that's something. This was what it was.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Mikey O'Shea

It's weird that the fed pushes every single match as if it's going to be an incredible match. Seriously, before every match starts they'll say something like "this is going to be an incredible match", or one minute into a match they'll talk about what an amazing match we're experiencing. But they never ever put guys into position to actually have an "amazing match". Matches usually run 4-7 minutes, most of them are worked in a vacuum, and things usually just don't stand out. But they keep talking about how incredible the matches are, and they say it during almost every match. Here they talk about what an amazing match this 3 minute match was, and then talk about the main event which is "sure to be an incredible high stakes match". Everything is super important, everything is super incredible, it's just misguided and tiresome. O'Shea is morphing into a Bigelow rip-off, and Santiago tries bumping around for him but O'Shea just isn't that interesting. Incredible match though.

4. Tyshaun Prince & Caleb Konley vs. Gangrel & Exile

Hey, I liked this! It was probably the best I've seen Prince look. Gangrel matched up nicely with Konley, Prince was a good bully and did a good job trapping and punching Gangrel in the corner, the announcers kept referring to Exile as "mysterious" but really how mysterious can a guy wearing pleather pants be? Konley adds speed to the match that would have otherwise been completely absent. I kinda like Gangrel's short straight right hands, and Exile/Gangrel make a good team. This whole thing didn't really have the "high stakes" the announcers promised, and I am beyond tired of Prince matching up with Gangrel, but this worked.

And after the match we get a huge pull apart brawl with the boys from the back all separating Hammerston, Chamberlain and the Whirlwind Gentlemen. WG each do big running dives off the entranceway ramp into the big schmoz of people, and the far away shot of it looked really cool.

Also, Joey Ryan - new champion - is missing.

And I found out this show is getting bumped off Pop! in favor of TNA (blecch) so we'll just ride the rest of these shows out (4 more?) and then sit in satisfaction that I wrote up every PPW broadcast. Maybe we'll do some kind of rundown of the best matches or something? I don't know.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/10/15 Review

1. The Amerikan Gunz (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago), Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen, Gangrel & Mikey O'Shea

Well this is strange and/or pointless. This was set up as Amerikan Gunz (ugh. spelling.) vs. Whirlwind Gentlemen for the #1 sontendership to the tag titles, and then Hammerstone & Chamberlain run in, and then Gangrel and O'Shea, and the commissioner makes it an 8 man, still for the #1 contender spot on the line....but....the tag champs are now IN the match. Gangrel and O'Shea have teamed up one time, so I'm not really sure what place they have in a #1 contender match. Ethan HD has teamed with O'Shea as many times as Gangrel has. So right out of the gate this is a pretty terribly conceived idea for a match. You would think Ethan HD or Santiago would never tag out, as it wouldn't benefit them if H&C get the pin for their team. The only way to get the #1 contender is to get the pinfall so why would you tag someone who wasn't your partner? Match itself is basically good until it wasn't. It's hard for a match to be good when the general psychology of the whole thing makes no sense. Manley was a fine FIP, liked his comeback top rope clothesline and he hit a whip fast fivearm. Of course the announcers put over every Manley comeback as a "desperation move". I'd love an explanation on how a guy going to the top rope to do a clothesline is desperate in any way. Anyway, I was enjoying this with the heels cutting off the ring, but then they did that lame telegraphed ending where 6 guys all fall to the floor at the same time, guaranteeing the match will end moments later. So now we're going Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. H&C round 4. I really hope H&C continue to retain by cheating against stupid, stupid babyfaces.

2. Caleb Konley vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

I like how these two match up, and here we get an actual match where both guys aren't equally talented, we have Right fighting admirably until just plain getting beat. It's important to actually establish a hierarchy in this kind of weekly episodic TV. This was one of the more satisfying PPW matches they've aired, with some nice engaging mat stuff to start before Konley starts dishing some nice short elbows, and Right is a guy who's now shown he has no problems leaning into a beating. Right's comebacks are always good and I like his strikes too, and then lo and behold, Konley wins because he's better (and yeah there might have been a weapon involved, but thems the breaks). It's weird that such a result is shocking, but I'm so used to everybody in this fed treading water around each other that this felt like an important step (so I fully expect Right to just get a random unannounced title shot in like two weeks).

3. Kevin Kross vs. Mercurio Jr.

I really liked this too. Kross looked like a beast throughout, tossing Mercurio with a couple deadlift suplexes, doing nasty things like stomping Mercurio's calf and ankle, kicking him in the back of the neck while lying prone on the apron. Mercurio goes for an ill-advised Asai moonsault and Kross posts him for his troubles. Mercurio hits a tornado DDT on the floor that Kross doesn't really do justice to, taking it really gingerly. But he does threaten an old man by staring him down for way too long. The old man played along, but also deserved to be smacked. Back in and Kross catches a rana attempt and dishes more beating. I like Kross not caring about getting the pin over some scrub like Mercurio and instead locking a nasty can opener on him in the ropes until he gets DQ'd. This show hasn't been too shabby.

4. Joey Ryan vs. Jessy Sorensen

You'd be shocked to know, that both men are "excellent mat grapplers". Jessy holds a loose north-south choke and does some gator rolls, and that looks pretty silly. Joey takes it to the mat and that looks better. And this really doesn't go long, but that's for the best . Sorensen is just the blandest, while also not being good. A real double threat! Brisco is bad but at least he has the whole rapist without remorse vibe to set him apart. Ryan hits a great close fist hidden weapon punch on Sorensen and gets the pin as the announcers moan "Noooooo not like thisssssss". And we get an excited unexpected title change.....until the we get a second ref down to explain what happened so Jessy could retain his title. Maaaaan I hate second referees. It's such a lazy crutch.

But I still can't complain much as I liked Kross in his match, and liked Konley/Right. That's a decent episode of TV.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/26/15 Review

Tonight, we apparently have "Championship Action"...well, of course we do. This fed has multiple title matches on every single show.

1. Joey Ryan vs. Wes Brisco

Tons of Wes Brisco fans near the entrance ramp, all in the same handwriting. One of them is held by a sweet little girl who then has to be touched by Brisco due to her losing the "who gets to hold the Brisco sign" lottery. That girl will look back on this day as the day she was forced to prematurely grow up. I think Brisco somehow has more tattoos. Maybe he thinks that if he keeps getting more that he'll look like less of a nightmare? Maybe it's the same logic people use when they have a baby to save their marriage? Ewwww. Brisco does a flapjack and one of the announcers yells "put some syrup on him!" Wes Brisco: No stranger to putting syrup or some sort of jelly on men. Match wasn't much. Ryan controlled a lot with headlocks and a decent cravate. The problem with that is you're building babyface sympathy for a man who I believe is actually sponsored by Megan's Law. Brisco threw a decent spinebuster, so that's something. He wins with a schoolboy and then celebrates after like 123 Kid beating Razor Ramon. That's...weird.

2. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Darin Corbin

This is for Corbin's AMERICAN title, which Right won but then had the decision reversed as apparently a sleeperhold is an illegal choke. And here Corbin gets a clean win over Right. It's kind of strange to establish Corbin as a guy barely holding onto his title, only winning matches by cheating or fluke reverse decisions, and then have him dominate a rematch with the guy who previously beat him. Right got very little here, as it was mostly Corbin working over the leg, Right eventually fighting back and going to the miracle tonic, but then Corbin just slips out of the airplane spin and hits the Ginger Snap. No shenanigans, just put Right down.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Crash Test Cody

So many promotion-made signs in the crowd. Must have been a new set of tapings or something. And this was disappointing. I like these two more than most people in the fed, but they have a real short match, CTC does a spit take a full two seconds after taking an elbow, match is kind of oddly constructed with Santiago playing underdog face until Ethan HD interference, and it was just all disappointing. Nobody looked bad, just a weird structure and no time to do anything.

4. Caleb Konley vs. "The Man They Call" Exile

Eesh. Exile is a big tall shaved head guy ("completely stacked" according to the announcers), with one of the worst pro wrestling names I've heard. I don't understand it. Edge isn't a good name, but at least you can justify it with some sort of "he's on the..." or "he lives life on the...". Exile is just...I don't get it. Where is he exiled from? Was he a political criminal on the run? It would be like a member of a Border Patrol stable being just called "Deport". They say he is playing "judge, jury and executioner", but don't try and make any statements like "He just exiled Konley from the ring" when he tossed Konley to the floor, or "Konley has been exiled from his equilibrium". Nope, just talking about Exile as if his name was Scott or something. And Exile goes over Konley real clean here, with Konley only getting a tiny bit of offense. Exile didn't look bad, I liked his northern lights, his kick combos could use some work. But it's weird seeing Konley go down clean without much fight, as he's been previously established as a title contender. This was clearly a new set of tapings as a lot of guys have new gear, but it's weird that they've also seemed to treat them like a bit of a restart for the fed.

5. Tyshaun Prince vs. Gangrel

Kiiiiinda ready for this feud to just end. Prince is not good and somehow keeps getting long matches, the longest on the show. The longer his matches go the more things go wrong. Here he showed he has no clue how to take a bulldog, uncomfortably taking a back bump, so you get the hilarious visual of both men running and taking back bumps at the same time. Earlier there was a moment where Gangrel took a bump after running the ropes. Nothing happened to him. Not sure what was supposed to happen. But he ran into the ropes, took a couple steps and then just fell over. There...seemed to be some miscommunication throughout. Gangrel threw several nice right hands, cool straight shots to Prince's jaw. So that's something. Prince wins after Gangrel gets distracted by interference, meaning this feud probably will not end.

This fed is really, really bad about building feuds and setting up long term rivalries. Matches happen because matches happen. Gangrel and Prince feuded, they had a "pine box" match because...well apparently Tyshaun is deathly afraid of having a wooden lid shut on him. But here they are, two weeks later, back to fighting in regular singles matches. The way this fed builds matches is just...lazy.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/19/15 Review

1. Leather Strap Match: Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. American Gunz (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago)

Hey this is probably the best match in the fed so far! That's not meant to be a backhanded type of deal, I genuinely liked this and thought they had some cool violent strap spots. It was tornado style obviously so you had guys beating each other around the ring, choking each other out and most of it worked. Santiago was really good at little things, like wrapping his fist in the strap before throwing punches, or getting choked violently with the strap wrapped painfully over his nose or fishhooking his mouth. All of the guys eat rough strap shots, everybody somehow avoids getting in the way of the others. Ending kinda stinks as it's that same 4 corners strap ending where the heel is dragging one of the faces around while he touches the corners, unaware the face is also touching the corners. But aside from that this was really fun.

2. Kevin Kross vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

I like both of these guys and this was as good as expected, but it all lead to a pretty lame DQ finish. Kross has some of the best strikes in the fed, and knows how to do some cool throws, and Right knows how to work within his abilities and get a lot out of a smaller moveset. The match doesn't really have much time to flesh out, as Kross dominates him, Right gets a nice hope spot leaping onto Kross' back with his sleeper, and also almost gets to his tonic. I really appreciate how Right doesn't go for his miracle tonic every single match. He's really only gone for it a couple times during their TV run. It actually makes it work way better as a final desperation spot, establishes that he's confident in his abilities but understands when the situation is getting dire. Right gets the tonic and Kross barely gets it away from him, considers taking some himself, but opts to put it down in the corner. I like that. I like the sci fi element of him curious to try it, but nervous what would happen to him if he went down that path. Then Kross just gets DQ'd by hanging Right in the corner and kicking him a bunch. Lame.

Amusing Caleb Konley promo where he says he's gonna knock Crash Test Cody's good eye out of his head.

3. Crash Test Cody vs. Caleb Konley

It is humorous that they're now pushing Cody as a guy "with one good eye" as they've never mentioned that before, but I noticed weeks ago he had one weird eye. I dig it. And damn, maybe THIS is the best Paragon match they've done. Both guys kick the hell out of each other and it's awesome and relentless. No dull moments, just both guys going after each other with super stiff shots. CTC brought it and Konley responded in kind, hitting some real sick elbow shots. And that's the story of the match. Every move each guy did had some real stiffness and immediacy to it. Cody hits a mean cannonball in the corner, take a nasty throat first bump in the ropes, comes back with some cool wrenched in submissions (which one of the announcers refers to as the "Crippled Crossface". Eeeeeeeeesssh) and more nice strikes. Both guys looked really good here, and the whole thing was no bullshit. This fed loves doing bullshit finishes, so it's awesome that here we just get asskicking, with one guy winning decisively with his finisher. How about that? What a concept. So right now we have the fed's best and second best match, all on one show. Am I just having really great coffee this morning or am I crazy? (Shout out to Philz Coffee Jacobs Wonderbar dark roast. It's goooooood.)

I use the power of fast forward to skip allllll the way past Wes Brisco's heartfelt sit down talking about....well, whatever he was talking about. Whatever it was, I had zero interest in watching him say it. Even if he was confessing to all of his probable assault charges I would rather just read about that confession later.

4. No DQ: Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. Wes Brisco & Jessy Sorensen

The announcers inform us that "this match will get physical". I mean...I hope so. It would be weird if a pro wrestling match somehow avoided getting physical. It's probably the one actual guarantee when watching pro wrestling. And boy this match stunk. Talk about killing all my lovely positive lovey dovey feelings for this episode. This is a No DQ match, that is worked the entire time like a totally normal, boring tag match featuring four boring-to-bad wrestlers. Even the announcers are confused as one guy regularly comments on how he was expecting this to break down at any moment, or wondering why guys were still tagging in and out and why the teams weren't just going at it. All of his thoughts were all legit questions. It's like nobody involved with the match knew that it was No DQ. So as a No DQ match it couldn't have failed more. But as a normal tag match it also totally failed, just because it wasn't good. The ending was maybe the dumbest possible ending the promotion has done, and there have been some monumentally dumb endings in this fed. Let me lay this out for you: Hammerstone and Chamberlain control almost the entire match. Brisco gets dominated (not bad as then we don't have to see Brisco offense, but at the same time that means we have to see his FIP face which is just horrifying) and then as Sorensen tags in, Chamberlain lays out Brisco with a belt shot. This is a thing that has been established for the team of H&C. When things go poorly in their matches, they bail with a belt shot. So this makes sense, and since it's a No DQ, it's obviously expected. Why weren't they beating these chumps with their belts from the bell? But then, instead of pinning Brisco, Chamberlain demands to be DQ'd. The ref shrugs, Chamberlain gets rolled up by Sorensen. Yuck. None of this made sense, and not only did it not make sense, but they went far out of their way to actually try hard to make it nonsensical. This was bad, awful, visibly stupid pro wrestling right here.

Two really fun TV matches, followed by maybe the dumbest match in the fed's history. What an emotionally confusing episode of television.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/12/15 Review

1. Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. American Guns (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago)

Probably the best WG match, though I'm not sure what that says. A lot of Ethan HD in this, and he's a hard guy to nail down. One moment he throws this awesome lunging back elbow, followed immediately by kicks to the back so weak than Jack Manley didn't even notice them to sell them. Did he connect too hard with the elbow, making him tentative on the other stuff? No clue. Santiago looks much better. I dug him against Gangrel a couple weeks ago, and he clearly has the basics down. He knew how to cut off Manley and did a nasty catapult to him, snapping his chin under the turnbuckle. WG work a really boring version of the RnR formula, with Manley always getting beaten down until it's time for Marcel to tag in, and the matches almost always end less than a minute later, with Manley immediately shrugging off any of the beating he took while all four men go at it. Marcel hits a nice enough crossbody, but WG are just a really stale team. They've worked the same match every week, and they are featured a LOT. Also, the commentary crew pushed this weird angle for most of the match, where HD and Santiago used to team, hadn't teamed up in "years", but apparently talked on the phone last week and decided to team up again. A 3 second search shows that these guys are a regular Portland team. I have no idea how it hurts anybody to just tell the truth. Say they team up in Portland, came down to Vegas to make it on their own, it didn't work out, so they decided to team again. That makes tons of sense, and it's much better than "They haven't teamed for years, but talked on the phone last week and decided to team again." I...don't see the point.

2. Wes Brisco vs. Darin Corbin

Could Brisco be from any place other than Florida? I mean this guy just IS Florida. Somebody who never considers it a bad idea to have so many awful, distinguishing tattoos. I'm stunned he doesn't have his name across his forehead. I think the theme of these "American Title" matches is "horrendous finishes". We had the one finish where a sleeperhold was deemed an illegal choke. This week Corbin lightly tossed Brisco into the ref, and the ref called for an immediate DQ. I mean this ref barely got grazed. Some casual viewers may have even though the ref just accidentally got in the way. But wow this was one horrible finish. Match itself was okay. Better Brisco match than normal, but he's still bad. His gator roll was decent. Corbin sold it by screaming. Probably got too much time for what was actually accomplished.

3. Joey Ryan & Caleb Konley vs. Crash Test Cody & Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

The commentators call Cody and Right the "Crash & 'Stache Connection" which is...pretty excellent right there. And this was a good tag. Even the match ending interference by Lisa Marie was done well. Cody and Right make for a nice thrown together team, with Right breaking out underused offense that should be used more (like atomic drops) and even goofier old stuff like airplane spins (and Joey Ryan is at least a guy who knows how to sell an airplane spin to a casino crowd). Cody always has an intensity to his bumps and strikes, moves quickly; he and Konley had a nice forearm exchange with CTC landing a nice shot, and Konley dropping him with an even harder shot. It was so much more interesting than two guys jerking off and dishing out 7 or 8 back and forth elbows. There was another nice moment where Konley went for a Thesz press and Right countered with an atomic drop. Made sense, looked good. Lisa Marie grabs Right's leg as he runs into the ropes, and it looked so much more natural than the spot usually looks. So many times you see a guy noticeably look and switch the direction he's running, telegraphing the interference. Here Lisa was a non factor until Right got near her, perfect positioning from her, and it led directly to Ryan hitting the finishing superkick. Good tag. Crash & 'Stache should stick around. That's actually a marketably catchy gimmick.

4. Chamberlain vs. Jessy Sorensen

The number of title matches in this promotion is absurd. Every show has at minimum two titles being defended. The only time they've ever actually built somebody up to a title match was when they built Whirlwind Gentlemen's EPIC two week journey to a title shot. Everybody else just gets a match with no reason, no build, no prior week announcement. Chamberlain is here wrestling for the top singles title, despite never even been featured in a singles match. It makes no sense. This match was pretty lame. Lots o' headlocks, many of them not good. As they do, at the first sign of trouble, Hammerstone ran in to interfere and end the match in a DQ. What made no sense, is that he attacked Sorensen, meaning Sorensen won the match. Wouldn't it make more sense to come in, do a couple stomps to your partner, get him at least a DQ win? That way he could still claim that Sorensen didn't defeat him, he was the victim of unexpected interference, still deserved his title shot, etc. It makes no sense. It's all to set up what's sure to be a lousy tag match as Wes Brisco came out to save Sorensen, and also proceeded to throw some downright embarrassing right hands. They were slow, they were a foot shy of the mark, and he didn't even close his fists. These were bad. These were Chris Chetti working House of Hardcore reunion shows level bad. Yuck.




***And of course for the foreseeable future I'll still be running a fundraiser for a very good cause. I've already gotten a couple of donations and their requests will be fulfilled as soon as I get some time in front of a TV!***

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/29/15 Review

1. Tyshaun Prince vs. "The Gentleman Brawler" Eric Right

So Tyshaun Prince got a pretty long TV match, and it wasn't actually that bad! This felt like the best possible singles match to have against Prince. Right outruns him for a bit, and it actually gets good when Prince gets ahold of him. Prince threw some cool body shots in the corner, loved him holding up Right's arm before dealing a shot to the ribs. Then Prince does some elbow drops and while he doesn't drop the best elbow, he lands close to the body and that's at least half the look. He loses the point of the elbow as maybe he's scared of the landing or something, but it's a big body smashing into another body so it looks fine. Right fought out of a backbreaker with some knees to the side of the heard, and this was fine! It was fine. It was a long Tyshaun Prince match and it was fine.

2. Fruit Loops vs. Hammerstone

Ohhhhhhh boy we got Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops is a chubby masked guy in pajama pants and tie dye shirt, billed from the Haight Ashbury district. Ugh. But we can't just have a character named after a cereal, because REAL sports has to be integrated. Marvel as the announcers put over Fruit Loops' STRONG amateur wrestling background, and really Fruit Loops does not come off as somebody who has done anything athletic in his life. It's like when Jim Ross would talk about Rico Constantino being a cop. Who could possibly care? Are we trying to get a guy named Fruit Loops over as a game competitor? I'm not the one who decided to throw a chubster in tie dye. Your company is the ones who chose to use this character. It's like they did this and went "You know I'm getting worried people aren't going to take the guy with a handmade necklace made out of the cereal he's named after seriously enough...adding in some amateur credentials will surely make people realize that Hammerstone has his hands full." Hammerstone proceeded to have plenty of room on his hands. Match is notable for seeing Fruit Loops take a clothesline bump for the first time in his career (presumably. I hope that wasn't something he had actually practiced).

3. Mike Santiago vs. Gangrel

Surprisingly competitive match for (Portland area worker) Santiago's debut. The announcers talk about how Gangrel is "fangin' and bangin'" and how fangin' and bangin' is apparently a 24/7 lifestyle. Yeesh. Santiago doesn't bring anything noteworthy to the proceedings, but he has polish and knows where he needs to be in the ring and that goes a long way in this fed. Gangrel does his cool corkscrew elbow (including an even nicer bump for a missed one), and there's some satisfying little things in this like a nice back elbow from Santiago, and Santiago going up a bit early on the Impaler but Gangrel recognizing that and delaying a bit, making it looked like Santiago was really fighting it. The whole match they keep building to a casket match between Gangrel and Tyshaun, but WWE must own the rights to "casket match" as they have to call it a "Pine Box" match here. They said the words "Pine Box" so many damn times during this match.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Mikey O'Shea

O'Shea needs some fat guy offense. He's tall and fat (or "stacked" as the announcers refer to him. Yuck.) but always ends up working FIP during his matches, no matter the size of his opponent. I liked all of Konley's knees to work over O'Shea's back, liked O'Shea's missed somersault senton, but I just need more fat guy. I mean O'Shea won with a fucking schoolboy. A guy billed as 350 lb winning with a roll up? This is a problem. O'Shea needs to start working fat and stop working like babyface Torie Wilson.

5. Jessy Sorensen vs. Joey Ryan

I literally remember nothing about this. Watched it, remembered nothing writer afterwards. It was short. Jessy Sorensen was most likely one of the guys in it...that's the most information I can comfortably recollect.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/22/15 Review

1. Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. Mercurio Jr. & Ethan HD

H&C are now being called Murder By Muscle which I don't think they've been called before. The announcers are smartly and casually acting like that's always been their name. Man is this fed generous with title shots. Not really sure what Mercurio/HD did to earn a title shot, other than be a part of a fed who needs to have three title matches every episode. HD hits the cool old Erin O'Grady apron flip rana into the ring, and Chamberlain does a nice little SUWA bump off a Mercurio rana. Buuuuut this overall wasn't very good. It doesn't help the ending has some time standing still moments thanks to Mercurio. Hammerstone tries to save it the moment by just kneeing Mercurio in the balls. And I can't unsee H&C's weird matching/not matching trunks ever since Dean pointed them out.

2. Espiritu vs. Suede Thompson

This is Suede's debut and I dug him. He had a couple nice go behinds, some weird southpaw jabs, high cradles. He keeps things moving too and doesn't seem to get lost like some of these guys. Espiritu kinda stinks and is officially the worst and least subtle guy in the fed when it comes to getting into position for moves, but Suede drug this one out and made it work. I wouldn't mind seeing more of him.

3. Crash Test Cody vs. The Challenger

So, I'm not sure how good Cody is, but he's a guy I want to like. He's got a weird milky eye, looks like an old young guy, and his name is Cody. You'd think with the Crash Test moniker he would be a reckless bumper or something but you'd be a disappointed human if you thought that. Watch as he grabs a chinlock on the tubby masked Challenger. But CTC has nice running forearms and you just can't underestimate the character depth that one, weird, pigment-free milky eye brings to things. Challenger wins and will certainly challenge other challengers in the coming weeks. It's a shame his backdrop finisher is not called The Challenger Disaster*.

4. Tyshaun Prince, Caleb Konley, Kevin Kross vs. Gangrel, Gentleman Brawler Eric Right & Mikey O'Shea

This coulda been so much more, but I guess it didn't overstay its welcome. Kross is the guy I wanted to see most in the match, so naturally he didn't get any time in the ring. We're building more Tyshaun/Gangrel long term PLANS which does not excite me. Konley is a perfectly fine chest out/butt out modern indie worker and I like Right more every match I see him. He leans into things and bumps big and throws a couple nice punches. That'll get you far with me. O'Shea finally does one cool thing with his fat by doing a pensive-but-still-fat cannonball off the apron into everybody. Fat being fat is always a win.


*Feels like a joke I've used before. If so, apologies, and feel free to tinker around with some joke-in-progress where Challenger ducks a clothesline, and how together we can call it a Dodge Challenger.

Warmest Regards, Eric.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/15/15 Review

Magical Flames Rainbow Logs sure are a weird product. There are several commercials for them throughout an episode of Paragon, and I love the marketing. The first shot of the commercial is a couple about to fuck in front of a fireplace. They both start out of screen and then almost sit up into each other, man sitting up on the left, woman on the right, sitting up into view, sitting up into a kiss that gets cut off far too soon. You can only imagine what's happening underneath the camera, their legs entangled in some sort of epic kama sutra scissor, bodies entwined, pleasure soaring, the woman thinking "Not only am I 43 and having the best sex of my life, but the rainbow colors coming out of this guy's fireplace wood are fucking hypnotic."

I think a dad in the front row is wearing a shirt that says "Bear Jew".

1. "The Gentleman Brawler" Eric Right vs. Darin Corbin

You know we were gonna get some title matches on this show, and you KNOW you gotta get behind an AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH. Sorry, Mexicans! Man Corbin doesn't even get to hold this for one defense. After Corbin's loving promo to his American Championship last week I feel bad it's already in the hands of another man. That, slutty, slutty American Championship. Match wasn't much. I was kinda plagued by Right already doing death selling just a couple minutes into the match. Right throws decent punches and I like his sleeper. Corbin's cartoonish bumping kinda works for this fed. And somehow the sleeper hold is an illegal move in Paragon so the decision gets reversed and Corbin is still AMERICAN CHAMPION. Illegal sleeper? That's...weird. And also dumb.

2. Greg Romero vs. Azul Angel

Nothing timelier than a Grease gimmick in 2015. This is the TV debut of each guy. I was digging it until it ended with interference 2 minutes in. Azul had a couple cool things like catching a Romero punch in a t-shirt and armdragging him by it. It had a cool Finlay feel to it. Azul did throw some wimpy Mil Mascaras chop blocks and a silly backcracker, though. Romero has not been told that no human beings have sideburns anymore. When was the last time you remember seeing sideburns on anybody?

3. Joey Ryan vs. Gangrel

Gangrel comes out to a hip hop remix of his old WWE theme. It...kind of works. And this match also kind of works. It was worked faster than I anticipated, although Gangrel appears to work sloppier the faster he works. I get it. The math on that adds up. Gangrel still took an okay bump to the floor, threw out his nice corkscrew elbow drop, and matched Ryan's pace. Ryan tossed out a nice short arm clothesline and solid headbutt counter. We end in a DQ. Nothing is solved. We are all nothing.

4. The Shadow vs. Sugar Brown

Sugar Brown comes out in a baller letterman jacket with gold sleeves and "Mr. Kayo" on the back. The Shadow is some goober in all black under a black mask and comes out to the theme from Halloween. The announcers talk about his eerieness and how uneasy he makes them, but how eerie can a man in cargo pants really be? That is like calling a man in ankle socks "mysterious". And Sugar gets the motherfucking SQUASH WIN and I love it. Brown breaks out his completely awesome 360 corner clothesline and Shadow does a nice knee wobble after Brown's Kayo Blow. Fuck yeah. 'Bout time Brown picks up a win. Straight to the top baybay!

The announcer loves to add "Uhs" to proper names. He always says Paragon Pro Wres-uh-ling. Or Caleb Kon-uh-ley. I heard it once and now notice it constantly.

5. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco vs. Jessy Sorensen

I will give the fed some credit, they always keep me guessing as to who's going to come away with a title. I would not have guessed Konley winning the title here and Konley is clearly the best of these three, so I support this. The match was pretty pointless as it barely goes 5 minutes, 3 way spots always look goofy (they did one of those superplex/powerbomb spots and this one was extra gross as Brisco was the one doing the powerbomb portion so you had him and his gross legs just burying that face in CROTCH) and nobody could possibly like triple threat matches anymore. Without thinking too hard about it, if I could eliminate one thing from modern wrestling it would be triple threat matches. I've seen more indy matches get fucked up because of triple threat matches. Bring in a big name? Let's have him give the rub to TWO of your guys by setting up a three way! They just can't help themselves. PLEASE just ban the triple threat.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/8/15 Review

1. Joey Ryan vs. Jessy Sorensen

Leading off the show with a title match! This fed is kind of weird with title matches as guys defend the belts CONSTANTLY but they never really announce them the week before and sometimes there really isn't a reason for a guy to be getting a title shot. We just get title matches. I swear the might make up a new belt every single week to just give us more title matches. This one starts off good with the ref repeatedly tapping his earpiece and then wiggling it around and then giving a "it's not working!" hand signal to the back, which also happens to be stationed right behind the camera. This match got surprisingly good for awhile there, but in the end Sorensen really isn't good. I really liked Ryan in this though, thought he drug Sorensen nicely into position for things, he took a real fast bump to the unpadded floor, threw a variety of nice punches, looked real good. I really liked Ryan's scrambling around before locking up a pumphandle throw. It looked all quirky and Johnny Saint-ish, and was executed shockingly well. Sorensen threw some punches that tried really hard and aren't THAT far away from being decent, but they leave a bit too much light. His form is nice though, so they seem like they can be teachable. Ryan occasionally hilariously no sells them, as if he's never taken one of HHH's "Whip Your Hair and Say OOF" correspondence courses on how to take bad punches. Sorensen does throw a real great swinging neckbreaker so that counts for something. But he just looks bland and sorta lost in there.

2. "Big Money" Tyshaun Prince vs. Mikey O'Shea

Well, this was dull as dirt. Two big guys who don't know how to use their size, just gently clubbing each other for 6-7 minutes. O'Shea is so disappointing. He's a big fat guy with the softest fat guy offense you've seen. Baby soft shoulderblocks, sad corner clotheslines, confusing punches that constantly morph from left hooks to weird little forearms to the chest. Tyshaun is disappointing in a different way as he just slowwwwly stalks his opponents, has really bad missed offense (his missed elbow drops and clotheslines will never threaten to come near an opponent) and is just boring. O'Shea is probably more disappointing overall though. He throws southpaw punches which for whatever reason just ALWAYS look cool from a fat guy. Makes me think of a fat Memphis jobber with a bleached blonde bowl cut and pink tights. But his punches are just bleh. Again, though, oddly good form. Feels like a couple people in this fed are just a weekend lesson with Preston Quinn away from having great punches.

3. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

"A rematch we have waited one week for!" the announcer seriously states. A father lets Wes Brisco touch his young daughter's hands on his way to ring, showing the future custody courts recorded evidence of just how awful his parental instincts are.

But hey, I actually dug this match. They do some shockingly good stuff on the mat with both guys wrestling over a single leg in cool ways, and Brisco having a cool floatover from a pin at another point. Konley attempts to match Brisco's ick factor by slyly touching Brisco's buns a couple times while working the mat. Brisco also puts over Konley's leg work nicely, and I especially liked one moment where Brisco was on the mat and kept lunging forward on his belly trying to strike Konley in the stomach. Brisco is really bad at calling spots, you can constantly see him leaning in and whispering into Konley's ear. I have to assume this is just a bad habit carrying over from his home life, as he leans in to whisper in his victim's ear the next deviant sex act she's going to be subjected to.  Brisco manages to not break Konley's neck this week, the leg work was nice, I enjoyed myself. Then the awful figurehead of the promotion ruins my morning by setting up a triple threat next week with Brisco/Konley/Sorensen. That...will not be good.

Side note: This may have been the fattest wrestling audience I have ever seen. And this being pro wrestling, you know that covers some ground. Everybody in the crowd looked like a former Poison Idea bassist.

4. Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

Okay, so I'm kinda loving Hammerstone & Chamberlain immediately beating up the ref at the first sign of trouble. I was positive WG were going to win the titles here but I was realllllly hoping H&C would do the exact same thing they did in their first match against WG. I just want WG to keep getting title shots, H&C to keep cheating, and the fed to keep just shrugging. It's a problem in that there's not really any large babyface they can insert as the special guest ref to prevent them from attacking the ref, H&C are larger than every face in the fed. I kept expecting the figurehead to come out and announce some sort of stip match to give WG a fair shake, but he didn't. So I kinda just want this to keep happening every single H&C title match. This was probably WG's best showing so far, as they worked even but competently. Manley threw a nice low dropkick and Marcel has nice short rights. H&C can be a little too tentative and I really want them to play up their dickhead side more. I love the idea of them being among the biggest guys in the fed, who also cheat and bail at the first side of trouble, like meatheads who sign out of XBox Live when they start losing. More dickhead, less grunting-through-teeth.

This was probably the best show the fed has put on. Good work, gang!

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/1/15 Review

Looks like they're finally selling some ad time for this program. Every episode up until now had zero commercials. This one was filled with hair restoration products and "Rainbow Logs" which are yule logs that make your campfire various shades of green, blue, and purple. They even said "Build a lifetime of memories with Rainbow Logs". That would be the weirdest thing to have a memory about.

1. Darin Corbin vs. Mercurio Jr.

This match is for the "American Title" which....I have honestly no idea what that means. This is the inaugural match for the American Title, and it's between a guy who has only had one televised match so far (a loss to Gangrel) and another guy who is Mexican (or at least billed as a Mexican). There was no explanation of what the American Title is, or what being the American Champion will bring you. The announcers don't even really talk about the title during the match, just talk about how excited they are for the debut of Wes Brisco, and what an incredible athlete Mercurio is. Now, two things: 1. Nobody should be excited for the debut of Wes Brisco, and 2. Nothing Mercurio does in the ring will make you think he's a tremendous athlete. They are regularly putting over his speed, and his agility, but he always seems tentative and rarely moves quickly. No quicker than Darin Corbin, at least. Corbin fits into this fed nicely. He's good at showing personality to the crowd which counts a lot more than doing neat moves in front of a tiny crowd like this. He knows how to clown for Mercurio in a satisfying way, taking some goofy bumps that make Mercurio look pretty dangerous (loved his bump off a mule kick), and knows when to kill momentum by stooging on the floor. Mercurio throws a nice corner dropkick but that's about it. Still surprised to see Corbin go over clean here, since he's not been featured at all and Mercurio is a guy they always praise. I look forward to GREAT things during the ongoing battles of the illustrious AMERICAN TITLE.

2. Kevin Kross & The Challenger vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen

Challenger is a short chubby generic masked guy who appears to be doing a throwback to how Ray Traylor looked as War Machine (except he's only 5'9"). He looks like a classic Memphis worker doing a double shot on a TV taping. They push him as a man with size and strength who's an accomplished mat wrestler. I just hope they make Challenger disaster puns when he crashes and burns. Kross is awesome and maybe the best guy in the fed. He has a bunch of cool throws and knows how to land a kick, and does a bunch of stuff I dig like shake his fist out after big punches. This is three WG matches now where they get dominated the whole time, only to suddenly turn it on and win during their 30 seconds of offense. It's a weird strategy for the guys being booked as the faces of the tag division, to regularly get shown up by thrown together tag teams. Manley is an okays FIP, but we rarely get to see them on offense so I'm having a real hard time judging them. I want Kross to keep showing up on TV though.

Yuck. We get a horrible super rehearsed Wes Brisco sit down promo, where he describes his style of wrestling as "extreme sports style, laid back, bungee jumping, shark cage diving". I have zero fucking clue what that means. That reads WAY more like he set his Tinder profile to "generic surf douche". A blind person would have been able to guess that his hair was tied up in a bun.

3. Espiritu vs. Wes Brisco

Oh GOD the tattoos! Oh my lord those are horrible! Wes Brisco has so so so much of his body covered in horrible same-blue-color tattoos. I have no idea what any of this was supposed to be. Brisco blows up super early, he appears to be working heel even though Espiritu has always worked heel, Brisco seems to be out of position for every move he does, and then at the end he throws in a worked knee injury for no reason whatsoever. Brisco just looks like rape. During a post match promo he now starts selling his other knee. God these leg tattoos are one of the more horrifying things I've ever seen. They look just impossibly gross. He looks like an extra from the beach football scene in Point Break, whose scenes had to be removed because he icked out preview audiences.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

Oh god we get to double down on our Brisco matches. Brisco looks like Ray Wise's rapist alter ego from Twin Peaks, but like an early rough draft, before Lynch decided to scale back and not make Bob so blatantly rapey. "Bob's a horrible person, but if we make him look like this it's just too on the nose." We get 10 full minutes of Konley working over Brisco's knee, while Brisco is just the least sympathetic babyface in wrestling history. He's a sympathetic babyface the same way that a guy who doesn't show up to his child custody trial is a sympathetic babyface. So 10 minutes of leg work, then Brisco turns the tables with a flapjack miscommunication. Konley bumped it like a backdrop, so he must have been surprised midway through when Brisco slammed him to the mat in mid air. So Konley gets dumped on his head and folded in half. And then moments later Konley wins by holding the tights.

I cannot think of a less likable face than Brisco. And I mean that as both "not a likable babyface" and "his actual fucking face is horrible".

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